31 - Vandals part 1

Life is fragile. No matter how strong your career, your connections, the roof over your head. It only takes one vandal to tear it all down.

We’re bringing season three of this supernatural podcast home with an epic two-part horror story. A tale in which speaking truth and standing up for yourself are just as frightening as any paranormal entity. Well… almost. This an uncanny case where one woman goes on a journey and has to face her own anxieties and grievances head-on, but is also forced to take on the burden of someone else’s demons. And they have even bigger scores to settle.

Patrons help to keep this English gothic podcast going. If you'd like to become one, just visit https://www.patreon.com/newghoststories

Find more ghost story content on my Substack - https://newghoststories.substack.com/

Tags: Urban Horror, City Horror, Ghost Story, Modern Gothic, Urban Gothic, Malignant Spirit, British Horror, Real UK Ghost Stories, British Horror Podcast, Paranormal Podcast, Uncanny Podcast.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The story you're about to hear wastold to me in the strictest of confidence.
Certain names, dates, and locationshave been changed to protect that confidence.
Events that feature in this story maybe part of the public record.
If you believe you recognize any ofthe people, places, or events that
appear in this story, ask younot to reveal any information publicly out of
respect for the subject's right to remainanonymous. My name is David Paul Nixon,

(00:46):
and you're listening to the New GhostStories podcast, where we delve into
the New ghost Stories archive to hearwitness accounts of the supernatural stories that could
be delusions, lies, fantasies,or perhaps even the real thing. Just
don't make your mind up until you'velistened. Our lives are more fragile than

(01:11):
we'd like to admit. Even themost cautious of us, the most careful,
would become a shivering wreck at thethought of just how many different ways
our lives could fall apart each andevery day. About how an accident,
a mistake, a badly worded message, or an unexpected meeting with our manager

(01:36):
could send everything into a tailspin.And things are getting worse. It's an
anxious time of price rises and highinterest rates and enormous utility bills. People
can't afford the food they used tobuy to heat their homes comfortably. They
can't afford the rise and the costof their rent, the rise and the

(01:59):
cost of their mortgage. These slowburned crises are matched with bigger, oncoming
threats climate change and the Pandora's Boxof AI, which promises to cause everything
from a job apocalypse to an actualapocalypse. It wasn't always like this.

(02:21):
Do you remember when the future usedto be an optimistic place. We used
to take it for granted that overtime things would broadly improve, Not that
there would be no problems, obviously, but that the future would provide more
security, more progress, better technologyfor building a better standard of living.
Now the future is here, andwe're still fighting over the last century's problems,

(02:46):
even conflicts we thought we'd put tobed. Racism, homophobia, autocracy
has somehow grown in prominence again.How will we tackle the important challenges we
know are coming when we can't besure we can keep a roof over our
heads, put food on the table, or be allowed to vote, or

(03:06):
to simply exist. I remember,back when we were starting to move beyond
the pandemic, and I was feeling, all things considered pretty optimistic. I
was amongst the lucky. I didn'treally lose anything because of the pandemic.
In fact, I met my currentpartner, who I now share a home

(03:27):
with, just before the lockdown.Our relationship grew stronger through zoom calls and
later masked up sensibly distanced events.I felt so fortunate. I still do
in most ways. But dark cloudsare on the horizon. We are promised
a new roaring twenties, a hugeparty when the pandemic was over. Instead,

(03:51):
everything feels broken, our society ina state of decay. We know
that things can't go on this way, but it's also tiring, so hopeless,
so complicated, and depressing. Iwish I had something optimistic to say
at this point, but this isa ghost Stories podcast. It's about the

(04:14):
things we fear, the things wecannot and do not want to face.
And it's about how nothing lasts forever, and that everything good and bad,
right or wrong, is finite.It all comes to an end eventually.
I won't offer any platitudes. WhatI have, as always, is a

(04:34):
story, a two part epic toend our third season. And if there's
a message to be found at theend of this messy, traumatic and tragic
series of events, it's that someof the things we value most that drive
us and occupy our minds, maybethey just aren't worth it. That we

(04:57):
get worked up and wear ourselves downfor the most empty and foolish reasons,
and that we are so easily distractedfrom the things that really are important.
Like the last episode, this casetakes a little more time to build,
but when it gets there, itgets explosive. Sometimes things have to get
worse before they can get better.This is case number three hundred and ninety

(05:23):
and it's called Vandals, And youcan hear part one in full after these
messages. Greetings necro Stories podcast listeners. My presence as a come before you
today is of no such importance.I'm just a conduit front something much greater.

(05:48):
The purpose of these anonymous communions isfor you to relinquish your truth,
mister Accounts, to make an offering. I heard someone mumble my name.
It was so eerie. And asit's getting closer to the back about ten,
everything around us just seemed to growsilent. You know, we never
found out what the banging. Wasyou know? Was it someone trying to

(06:11):
tell me we needed to look upin the cross base, subscribe to the
offerings whenever you get your podcasts,it's coming lit it in record your sister
accounts rake in Offering. I justwant to say a quick thank you to
everyone who's taken the time to rateand review the podcast. We enjoyed a

(06:32):
bit of a spike and listenership overthe winter and start of spring, and
it's likely that these reviews played ahuge part in that, so I really
do appreciate the support. It absolutelydoes make a difference. And if you
haven't had chance yet and you areenjoying the show, please do rate it
on the Spotify app by visiting theshow page and hitting the three dot button,

(06:54):
all by reviewing it on Apple Podcastson any other platform. It really
helps me out and I really doappreciate it. And now back to the
story. Just a heads up tosay that the narrator of this story is
female. The accident was only thebeginning. I couldn't believe I'd done it,

(07:16):
just driven straight off the road intoa brick wall. It's just not
the sort of thing that I do. I never normally have been so reckless.
I've been on the road for overtwenty years and never even got a
single point on my license. Imaybe even had a speeding ticket, but
just my looker. Police car wasonly a few hundred yards behind me and

(07:40):
they saw the whole thing. Iwas sat frozen behind the wheel when they
tapped on my windscreen. When Isnapped out of my trance, they arrested
me on a dangerous driving charge.My solicitor suggested I go and see a
therapist, which wasn't really what Iwanted talking to some strange and paying them

(08:01):
for it, but I'm glad Iagreed to do it. That and my
impeccable driving record meant that the magistratedidn't go so hard on me. On
the one hand, I got tokeep my license, and thank god,
because I wouldn't have been able toget to work. I'd never have been
able to live it down. Butfor putting people's lives at risk, even

(08:22):
though no one was actually hurt,I was given forty hours of community service.
So humiliating, scrubbing graffiti off bridgesand alleyways with benefit cheats and pub
thugs and vandals. It was allmy sister's fault my damned sister. Life

(08:46):
was stressful enough before she came alongand upended everything. She'd split up from
her latest boyfriend and needed somewhere torun to, and I swore I'd never
let her do this to me again, but she had Liam to look after,
and I couldn't let her make hislife worse than it already was.
She knows this and uses it tomanipulate me, because that's what she does.

(09:11):
She uses people. This ass shejust split up from was checking her
emails and text messages and wanted toknow what she was doing all the time.
He was basically stalking her. Butthen they had got together while she
was going out with his best friends, so he had plenty of reasons not
to trust her and that relationship she'dgotten into by cheating on Liam's father.

(09:37):
I don't even know what she wants. It's like she's always looking for something
better. She overinvests. Every timeshe meets some guy. He makes a
lot of promises and she totally buysit, goes full in, but when
it's not what it's cracked up tobe, she gets bored and then moves
on to someone else. She makesthe same mistake over and over again.

(10:01):
And let's be honest, she's abit of a slut. Too one drink
and she's easier to pull than apound land Christmas cracker. My house isn't
even that big, only two up, two down, and suddenly I've got
them moving into my study, sharingthe room between them. Claire thoughts she
was going to share my room withme, but I have to have some

(10:22):
space to keep my sanity. Isn'tas if she can organize herself, never
mind a seven year old Liam wasn'ta bad kid, but he knew he
couldn't rely on her. He's amix of needy and sulky. Sometimes he
was just withdrawn. His mum washappy to sit him down in front of
the TV and leave him with histablet. She's all for digital parenting.

(10:48):
I ended up having to look afterthem both. I couldn't help it.
I couldn't keep my life on trackwithout keeping them on track two otherwise they'd
wreck everything. I was making sureor Claire got into school in the morning
and picked him up at the righttime and was paying the childminder. I
was watching uniforms and helping him withhis homework. I was going on at

(11:09):
them both to tidy their things upall the time. All I got was
aggravation for it. Of course,no thanks for me either of them.
She was regressing too, going outlate and getting drunk. She was temping,
and all her work friends were justout of UNI or in their early
twenties. She was acting like she'sstill a teenager and up for anything,

(11:31):
finding excuses to dump Liam on meor his father. It was driving me
crazy, and I had so manyother things on my mind. A few
years before, I joined a startupas their new head of HR. It
was a risky move, but agood opportunity for me because it was my
chance to run my own team,not only allowing me to demonstrate greater managerial

(11:56):
skills, but also to innovate becauseI wouldn't have to be bogged down by
any legacy systems. I'd been therefor over two years, and a lot
of that time had been very positive. I brought stability to their organizational hierarchy
and what was already a rapidly changingenvironment. It was tough, but I
handled it and had a really goodteam to work with, at least for

(12:18):
a while. Things started to godownhill when one of my team came back
from maternity but couldn't do full time. I'd been using a temp who was
really good, but she didn't wantto go part time and job share with
Link, and the company wouldn't payto keep her full time. The solution
I got stuck with was the financedirector's niece, Georgia. I could have

(12:41):
her full time, but what wasthe use of that when she had no
experience and no qualifications and no brainseither. That left my team with a
weak link when the news came downthat we were going to have to lay
people off. The pattern with smallbusinesses is that they ride a wave of

(13:01):
fast growth, but they inevitably hita plateau when they reached the limits of
their original business model. Expansion becomesslower, but they need to pay debts
and make good returns. Doesn't goaway suddenly. The fast and loose early
days end and everyone is on abudget and everything's got to be lean and
mean. I've done redundancies before,but this was the first time I'd organized

(13:24):
the whole thing, and this wasa new company. The owners never thought
they'd have to do something like this, so they're twiddling their thumbs and stalling
and hiding in the bathroom. Someonehad to take control, for better or
worse, that was me. Weended up losing a lot of people who

(13:45):
were with the business a long time. It's a really bad couple of weeks.
Lots of anger, lots of frustration. The atmosphere when you came into
the office was just terrible. Iwas the axe woman. The leadership were
burying their heads in the sand.How to badger them to make decisions,
to send out coms, to reassurepeople, How to lecture that idiot Georgia

(14:09):
on confidentiality when she started tweeting aboutpeople crying in the office. I wouldn't
have chosen some of the people wholeft, but it wasn't my call.
I've been friends with some of them, but that was pretty much over.
Throughout all of this, my sisterwas acting out, doing what she likes,
coming and going, dropping Liam withme, his father, her friends.

(14:33):
She was making excuses that her exnever used to let her out,
so now she was letting her hairdown. But she wasn't awake to take
Liam to school. Some day shedidn't have his lunch ready, and she
was leaving me to help him withhis homework. I was getting to the
end of my tether with her.She couldn't even tied you up after herself.
It was bad enough not being ableto walk from one end of the

(14:56):
house to the other without stepping onlego, But when a grown up woman
can't even take care to hang herown clothes up and just leaves them lying
around the place, she's not supposedto be the child. Then came the
night of the accident. We endedthe last of the consultations, the lists
of redundancies and the terms were allfinalized. It had been very challenging,

(15:22):
and yet our boss had not saidanything to me on my team about the
work we put in. So Ithanked them myself, and then I drove
home tired and angry. All Iwanted to do was just go home and
drink myself into a coma. Iget there and I find all the lights
are on, the heating is on, the TV is on, the windows

(15:46):
are wide open, and nobody ishome. I was furious. Do you
ever get those moments in life whenyou look at what's happening to you and
think, how the hell did Iget here? This isn't what I wanted.
I didn't ask for this, workingall day to come home to this,

(16:07):
this total lack of fucking respect.She was living on my dime and
she couldn't even turn off the television. I gave us such a talking to
when she and Liam got home.I was taking out some of my work
anger on her, but I justdidn't care anymore. At least I get

(16:29):
to say what I think when I'mat home. That's all it's about for
you, isn't it. She saidto me, money, money, money,
I look after my money. That'show I can afford this house.
That's why you have somewhere to liveright now. She never takes responsibility for
anything. Yes, you're so perfectand you do everything right all the time.

(16:51):
Excuse me for not worrying too muchabout your precious pennies. Well,
I tried to get my son toschool when my whole life has been turned
upside down. Your life's upside down. You don't know what it's like to
want something real in your life.You might be happy to live here and
work all day you have nothing elsegoing on, But some of us we
just want to live a little whilewe can live a little. You're a

(17:17):
parent, You've got a child tolook after. You can't be going out
all night and getting hammered. Whatdo you know about parenting? You don't
even have any kids. I'm doingall the parenting. You know what your
problem is. It's all just aboutwork. That's why you're so damned bitter.
You never get out, you neverlet your hair down. You're not

(17:37):
even human. You're like a robot. You're so hateful and depressing. You
don't know anything about what's going onin my life. She was bringing on
the tears and I was about tolose it. But then Liam wandered in
and asked for his tablet charger.He's that used to his mum rowing with
people. He feels fine wandering inlike this is normal. I don't know,

(18:02):
sweetie, have you looked in yourbedroom? I'll let you borrow it,
remember, he sulked Claire. I'dbe happy to run in front of
Liam, but I couldn't do it. Suddenly the whole flat was being turned
over in the search for this stupidcable, and I'd only just tidied up.
Had to get out. I couldn'tstand to be with them. There
was no place at home where theycouldn't get to me. So I picked

(18:26):
up my car keys and slammed thedoor behind me. She drove me out
of my own home. She alwayswrecks everything. I had to be the
responsible one, and she has ago at me for not having a life.
If I wasn't there, where wouldshe be in some bedsit on the

(18:47):
street, handing Liam over to socialservices, giving blowjobs on street corners sixty
pound for a suck. She alwaysknows how to get under my skin.
I was doing every thing right,saving money, being smart, putting my
life together. But I was woundso tight. What good was owning a

(19:08):
house if you can't breathe, ifyou've no one good to share it with.
My mind was full of rage.I was thinking of all the things
I was going to say when Igot home, how I was going to
tell her she had just one monthto get the hell out, that I
was going to charge her rent,make her share the bills, drink all

(19:30):
her wine from the fridge. Andthen I drove into a wall. I
was so wrapped up in everything,all this stupid shit, I plane forgot
where I was and what I wasdoing. It's like I short circuited.
I could have killed myself or someoneelse, and for what that stupid cow
was humiliating turning up outside some oldcouncil out building on a Sunday morning at

(19:56):
eight am to do my time.We were the vandalism squad. We were
going to remove graffiti and pick litterand make scrubby places look less dirty and
disgusting. The people I was therewith there are a mixture of the living
dead and the living with parasites.We were all issued with a dirty reflective

(20:18):
vest. I tried not to lookany of them in the eye, although
I'm sure they were all wondering whaton earth someone like me was doing.
The supervisor was this overweight man wholooked like putty. He couldn't walk and
talk at the same time without havingto catch his breath. Once he checked
us all in, he drove usout and accounts on minibus and put us
to work. We were cleaning upthis nest of subways around a roundabout.

(20:42):
For the first day. I worea hoodie I borrowed from my sister to
cover my face in case anyone Iknew saw me. It was cold and
wet, and the cleaning solvents mademe queasy. Some of the walls were
covered top to bottom with graffiti.I don't know how anyone has the time

(21:02):
to do it. Sometimes it wouldjust come off. Sometimes it was so
bad you just had to paint overit with paint that was supposed to be
graffiti proof. There was evidence itdidn't work in many, many locations,
but I had to get through itfive sessions over five weekends. It was
just best to get it done andget it out of the way. I

(21:26):
kept all this secret from work.I didn't want anyone to know I was
doing this, and no one knewabout the crash or the therapy. I
was starting to hate me there now, after a second round of layoffs.
Getting a meeting invite with me waslike getting the results back from an STI
test. At best, you dodgeda bullet, but you knew you were
probably in trouble. Knowing I wasstanding in the cold cleaning the streets on

(21:51):
my weekends would have made a lotof people happy. I was tense all
the time now. That therapist Isaw told me I should speak to my
doctor about anxiety meds, but Ididn't want to start taking a bunch of
pills. I had enough to worryabout already. They thought I was too
controlling. If I wasn't in control. Everything in my life would fall apart.

(22:15):
I stopped going after the court ruling. The cast of Petty Criminals would
be different each week, a mixof holdovers and new cast members. The
characters for the first week were allfairly old, mostly middle aged, but
the second week we had some kidsjoin us. Had only been one other

(22:37):
woman in the squad. The firsttime I'd showed up, she looked so
emaciated she could barely hold up asponge once it was wetted. She was
gone by the second week, replacedwith a woman about my age. She
was the talkative type. She wastalking to some of the dregs about what
the whole procedure was, and Itried not to look in her direction.

(22:57):
I didn't really want to talk tosome go be northerner. But after signing
in with a supervisor, she walkedright up to me and said, God,
do you think we could sue thecounsel for poisoning us with fumes?
That man smells like a dead pigcovered in horseshit. I couldn't help it,
I burst out laughing. She didn'teven say it quietly. The guy

(23:19):
was only a few feet away.You can't say that I said, trying
to get it to be quiet.Why not? Everyone's thinking it. You
can get deodorant for less than aquid. All they have to do is
pop into Tesco and not head straightfor the pasties. Fat Kid Billy is
one of those people who honestly doesn'tcare who you are or where you come

(23:41):
from. She has no sense ofnorms or rules or protocols. How does
this work? Then? Once everyone'ssigned in, we get bust out to
today's site, somewhere that needs cleaningup. They've all got a crowd into
that bus. Give me a gasmask. I don't think I'm going to
survive it. And this was thebeginning of one of the most unexpected relationships

(24:06):
of my whole life. The thingwith Billy is that she says whatever comes
into her head at any given moment, and she doesn't really ever stop talking.
And you can resist, sure,you can try to ignore her,
but she carries on anyway. Youjust kind of get pulled in. How'd
you end up here? You don'tlook like any of these characters. Do

(24:29):
you get caught drunk driving or something? No, I don't really drink.
What was it? Then? Itwas like being harassed? Into conversation,
and because of the suddenness of it, her brazen upfrontness, I honestly couldn't
think of a lie or a story. It was like being forced into a
confession. I just straight up toldher something I'd been keeping secret from everyone

(24:51):
else. And though at first Iresisted, I soon felt rather liberated.
Whatever you said to her, itjust kind of rolled off her back.
It wasn't like talking to the therapist, who is going to pull apart and
judge what I was saying. Billyjust heard me, and that's all She
could be. Blunt, really blunt, but it was never vindictive. In

(25:15):
fact, it kind of put youon the back foot. She would question
you when there was kind of nowhereto hide. If you gave her bullshit,
it was simply exposed. Can younot just chuck her out? When
my boyfriend wouldn't leave, I justput his stuff outside and said, you'd
better come over and get it.Now. Looks like it's going to rain
this afternoon. I'd love to,but of course there's Liam. You don't

(25:38):
have to look after him. That'sher job. She can't have you doing
it for her. She's taking thepiss, not paying rent and working what's
she doing with her money? Shesays she's saving it. She has calmed
down a bit, She's not goingout as much as she was. Still
buys plenty of clothes, though,Well, yeah she can if she's staying

(26:00):
for free. I got her tosplit some of the bills at least.
That took a lot of asking.You shouldn't even be asking. She gets
so defensive when you go at her. She makes it really hard to just
ask her about anything. I wasmaking excuses for myself, of course,
Why is it so difficult with families? I don't have this trouble at work.

(26:23):
Conflict resolution was supposed to be partof my job. Billy invited me
for lunch and McDonald's. It wasn'tthe sort of place where I'd normally eat,
but I found myself just going alongwith it. Once we sat down,
I discovered it wasn't just that shewas nosy about other people's lives.
She could talk plenty about her owntoo. She had no filter. She

(26:47):
was a single mother as well.She'd left the boy's father because he became
an alcoholic who went on to becomeabusive, and she was the fighting back
kind. She'd left her most recentboyfriend six months ago. He was spending
all day sitting on his ass,happy to let me do all the work.
She just qualified to be a plumber. Before that, she'd been the

(27:08):
manager at a couple of chain restaurants, but one had closed and the other
had sacked her for getting angry withcustomers. She decided to change careers because
she didn't want to feel like punchingpeople in the face the whole time.
The crime that ended up with herlanding and the clean up squad was still
claiming benefits while starting a plumbing job. She thought she was allowed to do

(27:32):
that because her income wasn't steady yet, but the court didn't see it that
way, and I got the feelingsshe probably knew that it was dodgy.
She thought her ex partner had reportedher to get revenge. She'd got her
own back by pouring wood glue intothe petrol tank of his car. There
were some pretty noticeable parallels between herand my sister in her own ways.

(27:55):
Both seemed pretty impulsive and not goodat thinking things. But Billy at least
dealt with her problems herself. Clairejust led everything snowball and made her problems
everyone else's problems. We weren't muchalike, but I would have taken Billy
over Claire for a sister any day. I'd have gladly had Billy helped me

(28:17):
poor Woodgloe into the tanker my boss'sBMW. After a cinnamon slice each we
went back to our duties. Itwas a miserable day. Every time we
did the cleanup, I was visitingparts of town I'd never even seen before,
places I wouldn't want to walk homealone through. Some of the graffiti

(28:37):
was pretty impressive, even though itwas pretty ugly. It must have taken
hours to do. I remember thinkingit was a shame that people with this
kind of talent couldn't find something betterto do with it. Kids would walk
past and stare at us. It'sprobably just the usual malevolence you'd give to
people who worked for the council.It was uncomfortable or for all I knew,

(29:00):
we were the ones destroying their work. At the end of the shift,
I said goodbye to Billy. Sheconfirmed she'd be back next week,
and I was happy to hear it. She was heading off to visit a
customer whose boiler she'd fixed but whohad yet to pay her. I would
not want to swap places with thatman. Liam normally spent Saturday with his

(29:22):
father on commencing community service. Thishad suddenly switched to Sunday. I could
only imagine this was so that Clairecould make sure she wasn't home when I
got back. It was one ofher smarter moves. All I wanted to
do was sit in a bath andsoak away the cold and the smell and
the dirt. Try my best torelax so I'd be fresh for work tomorrow.

(29:48):
And as we didn't have an event'steam, it's my gang that gets
to organize the company's annual conference.There had been some talk about whether to
even have it because of the layoffs. They decided they needed to get the
team together for morale what there wasof it, and to build confidence for
the next financial year. It wasa refreshing change from the layoffs, but

(30:11):
it was more pressure, and Iwas pretty sure Ali, my only capable
full timer, was looking for anotherjob. Her leaving would really screw things
up. Lyn was great, butonly there for three days. The idea
of being stuck alone with only Georgiato help for two days a week was

(30:32):
chilling. I couldn't even get herto put a phone down for five minutes.
You know, looking back, itseemed so silly that I was getting
worked up about such petty shit.I really had no idea how bad things
would get. I had no ideaof the things I'd end up doing.

(30:53):
I might have been losing my Sundaysto the community, but secretly I was
enjoying the time I was spending withBilly. It was cathartic. I could
say whatever I liked and it didn'tmatter, and she would always listen.
I could rant about Claire and workand she'd just listened. She was too

(31:14):
good at spotting the bullshit. Though. I'd be complaining about something and she'd
say, why don't you do this? And why didn't you say that?
And I didn't really have any answerwhy. It was the third week of
us meeting, my second to lastsession in the squad, and we'd started
to talk about the graffiti. Bynow we were recognizing some of the tags

(31:38):
and designs that were appearing in manydifferent locations. We wondered whether kids were
marking their territory or just practicing randomlywherever there was room and they thought they
wouldn't be seen. Do you thinkif they do it in pink, it
means they're gay, Billy asked.The pink Bosco tag came up a few
times. The design was very nice. Teas Fresh Prince of bel Air.

(32:01):
I don't know if local gangs aremuch into LGBTQ representation. Billy doesn't really
know when you're joking. At mykid's school, the kids still call each
other gay to be nasty to eachother. When the tea is here.
They get right on the phone towarn you that your child might be a
homophobe. But I said to them, he's six. He doesn't know homophobia

(32:22):
from a hippopotamus. Some of thegraffiti was enormous. They had to be
spending hours on it, and theplaces they painted it we couldn't even paint
over it without an extension poll.It was amazing how they got it up
there. I couldn't imagine them carryinga step ladder with them. And why
go to all the trouble? Whydo it in a subway or under a

(32:45):
bridge? I guess because it washidden and easier to do without being caught.
But if you wanted to paint ordraw, why would you do it
here? Why not join an artclub or something. Some of the tags
were unreadable. Some used a kindof east untinged Italic that was hard to
follow. Some use letters that wereso big and bloated you couldn't naturally make

(33:06):
them out anymore. We couldn't evensee the point of that. Billy's favorite
one said Gabe, with wings drawnon the G ANDB and a halo sketched
on the top. My favorite wasKingly, which was written in fat blue
letters, all curling around each otherlike they were fighting for space. But

(33:27):
the spray paint used for that oneturned out to be really tough to scrub
off, so I fell out oflove with it pretty quickly. Neither of
us paid much attention to the SMUstag. It wasn't big or showy,
but it came up quite a lot. It was only black letters, piercingly
straight, and not very flashy.It started big and got smaller to the

(33:52):
end. It was either getting louderlike the words coming out of a megaphone,
or getting quieter, as if itwas trailing off at the end.
The alleys we were scrubbing that daywere part of a network of paths that
ran around a junction of dual carriagewaysand roundabouts, connecting them with the roads
and pavements that ran beneath. Wewere on a descending path that joined a

(34:15):
footbridge to the street below. Wewere washing down a thick concrete wall that
propped up the road. Behind wasa chain link fence separating us from what
was presumably the car park of alocal business. At some point, while
I was cleaning, I noticed someonewatching us. A kid was stood in

(34:37):
the car park giving us the eye. I might not have cared much about
it, but he stood watching usfor a really long time, and who
knows how long he'd been there beforeI noticed him. He was wearing tracksuit
bottoms with a cheap leather jacket anda hoodie underneath. I try not to
look directly at him. He lookedpretty young, but also you mean.

(35:00):
I wondered if we were destroying hiswork. Billy was busy talking about the
kids shows she used to watch andhow all the shows her boy watched today
were weird. I mentioned the staringkid to her, so she started to
wave at him and shout alowe.The supervisor didn't like us interacting with the
public, and he told us tocut it out. If the kids saw

(35:23):
her. He didn't seem to doanything. He disappeared shortly afterwards. We
didn't actually see him leave. Wefinished at four. Billy offered to buy
me a drink with the money she'dbullied out of her unpaying client by showing
up at his house every day.I said no, but regretted it when

(35:43):
I found Claire at home. WhenI returned, she was drinking wine in
the afternoon and scrolling Facebook on aphone with the TV on. I asked
in as casual way as possible,why she was home early. Apparently Paul,
Liam's father had an early shift,so he needed to get to sleep

(36:04):
early. Liam told a different story. He was hiding where he knew i'd
find him. He was upstairs,took down the side of my bed with
his head buried in his tablet.He said that we were supposed to go
on a ride, but Dad didn'twant to because it was raining. We
were going to play fortnight instead,but him and Mum were fighting. I
played myself, then we came back. There was a time when Liam loved

(36:28):
sports and playing outside, but sincehe'd stopped living with his dad, he
was more and more on his tabletor on one of his consoles. I
interrogated him gently. What were theyarguing about? She wanted him to pay
more money or something? Did shesay what for? She said it was
to buy me things, but shenever buys me anything. I didn't want

(36:51):
to push poor thing was stuck inthe middle of enough rouse. But if
Claire was pushing Poor for money,what did it mean. Perhaps she really
was trying to get out and findsomewhere else to live, or she'd spent
too much on something stupid. Iwondered if there was a way I could
ask her that wouldn't end with ushaving a fight. The weather will be

(37:14):
nice soon, you'll be able togo out. He ignored me and kept
staring at his screen. Did youdo your homework yet? He still didn't
answer, Liam, Did you doyour homework? I'm doing it after dinner.
Make sure you do. I needyou to go to your room now.
Auntie Abbey has to change. It'snot my room, it's her room.

(37:36):
Well, I've got to get outof these clothes. He stamped his
feet to the door. I knewhow he felt. There was no good
place to be when Claire was aboutI closed the door behind him and got
ready for my bath. Later,I cut myself something decent to eat,
and Eaves dropped on him and Clairedoing his homework to make sure it went

(37:57):
okay. That night, as Iwas getting ready for bed, I went
to draw the curtains and I thoughtI saw someone down in the streets staring
up at me. I jumped backa little at first, but when I
looked closer, whoever it was hadstarted walking away from the house. I
thought I'd just been mistaken and justcaught the eye of someone who just happened

(38:22):
to be walking past. The nextmorning, there was all the usual chaos.
I always got up before those twoso I wouldn't have to fight for
the bathroom. I left the housewhile Claire was still trying to get Liam
to finish his breakfast. I wentto my car. I went to open
the door. I saw there wasgraffiti on the front of my house.

(38:45):
Under my living room bay window.Someone had sprayed smush, the same tag
I'd scrubbed away maybe a dozen timeson my Sundays. I was creeped out.
More than that, I was disturbed. This couldn't be a coincidence,

(39:07):
could it. I lived in apretty decent neighborhood, not one of the
rougher parts of the city, milesaway from the streets I was cleaning.
Kids just didn't go around writing onpeople's houses. This wasn't an anonymous wall.
This was a targeted personal attack.The fact that it was this graffiti
that I'd been cleaning off walls onlythe day before suggested it was vindictive.

(39:30):
This was a threat, an actof intimidation, and someone had followed me
all the way home to do it. Claire breathed out of the house without
noticing the tag, not until shesaw me and followed my eyeline. Why'd
someone do a thing like that?I don't know. That's so weird,

(39:52):
she said, before bundling Liam inher car and leaving me to deal with
it. As I drove to work, I wondered whether to call the police
or not. It was an actof vandalism. Someone had broken the law,
but would they care. I couldn'timagine they'd investigate it. What was
there there to investigate unless they knewwho the vandal was. It being a

(40:15):
vindictive act, though, did pointto revenge. Maybe that was worth reporting
in case it escalated. I startedto think about the kid who spent all
that time watching us. Then Irealized I hadn't walked home from the site
that day. There was no wayhe could have followed me home, not
on foot. He looked a bityoung for a driver. It was hard

(40:37):
to pay attention at work and talkseating plans because no one knew about my
community service. I couldn't say anythingabout what had happened. But while ling
was talking invitations, I remembered thefigure I'd seen before I went to bed.
I hadn't seen them with any spraycans, but they could well have

(40:57):
been the perpetrator. Whoever it was. Somehow they knew where I lived,
and it made me very uncomfortable,more than a little afraid. I decided
to clean the graffiti away that night. I'd do it straight away to show
I wasn't intimidated and that it wasno big deal. But it told forever

(41:21):
nothing I used was as good asthe toxic cleaning fluids from the council.
Liam watched me and asked me whatSMUs meant. When I couldn't tell him,
he spent ten minutes running around thegarden, turning the sound into a
kind of song, complete with beatboxing. I had a gut feeling that wasn't

(41:43):
going to be the end of it. I kept peering out of my bedroom
window that night and the nights thatfollowed. Liam promised to be on Watch
two, even though he had tobe in bed before nine. It happened
again on Thursday. I went outin the morning and smug had returned,

(42:04):
and it had grown. It waswritten across the whole window, now impossible
to miss. It was bigger andlouder, a very clear escalation. It
made me shiver. Someone was playinggames with me, and they were letting
me know this wasn't over. EvenClaire was concerned. Why would someone do

(42:24):
this raise the stakes and for whatreason? I did call the police this
time. I took photographs and spoketo a policewoman the following afternoon. I
told her about the kid I saw, but she didn't seem very convinced by
it, and I couldn't easily describewhat the kid looked like beyond these clothes.

(42:44):
She basically admitted there wasn't anything theycould do about it unless someone was
caught in the act. She saidto call back if it happened again.
I cleaned it off on Saturday.It took up most of the afternoon.
My neighbors were shooting me suspicious looksas they went by, as if to
ask, what have you been gettingmixed up with? That? Sunday at

(43:07):
least was something to look forward to, my last day of community service for
a refreshing change. There was norain and the sun came out. We
were cleaning up the paths and alleysaround in a state of brutalist council tower
blocks. It was a really roughneighborhood. I had told Billy about the

(43:28):
graffiti at my house. I triedto keep the story quiet so as not
to bother any of the zombies.But quiet isn't just not a Billy thing.
What do you think someone followed you? How else would they know where
I lived? But we're just doingour jobs. We have to be here
and do this. Do you thinkthey know what community service is? Pretty

(43:49):
sure they'd know whoever they are.They're taking it pretty personally. She noticed
me looking around. Do you thinkthey're still watching you? I don't know.
Set up a camera you could catchthem doing it. Even better,
they've got these new ones that connectup to your phone. You get a
notification if someone's about. It's probablynot going to happen again, and I

(44:10):
don't want to go spending money oncameras. It'd go off every time a
fox went by. But if someone'sfollowing you about what if this sick fuck
has got other things on his mind, he's going to look after you if
he shows up with more than justhis spray paint. I'm sure it's nothing
like that, I said, Andwhen I said it, I knew I
wasn't sure, And now Billy hadput a whole new set of terrifying ideas

(44:36):
in my head. I'm just saying, you got to protect yourself. I
have a cricket about by my frontdoor. You never know who's about.
My ex is bad enough. Wefound a new smoosure around the next corner.
Billy saw me hesitate and stepped infront of me to take care of
it for me without saying a word. When the day was over, I

(44:58):
was trying to taunt myself into ourasking for her number so he could maybe
meet up again. But I don'tknow. For some reason, it was
kind of hard to do, andthinking about it, I just couldn't think
how it would work out. SoI couldn't really think how we'd be friends,
what we'd do or how we'd meetup. We weren't really not alike,

(45:19):
we probably wouldn't like doing the samethings. I bottled it in the
end, and she was just socasual. She just went by and said,
you look after yourself. Yeah,it's been nice knowing you, and
off she went. They left mefeeling pretty depressed, actually going officer casually.
I felt deflated. Those few weekshad meant something to me, obviously

(45:45):
more to me than to her.Some people are lucky they can just bounce
from one thing to another and notlet it bother them. I was so
jealous of her. When I gotback to my car, I felt a
sudden feeling of trepidation. I tooka long look around. There was no
one else in the car park.Everything was quiet save the sound of the

(46:08):
road. As they pulled out ofthe car park, I was careful to
check my rear view mirror or anyvehicle that might pull out and come after
me. I could see no signin me being followed, but then again,
they already knew where I lived.I was so relieved to find there
was no graffiti on my house.But this was the one time I wouldn't

(46:30):
have minded some company when I gothome, the whole place felt so empty.
Maybe the camera would be a goodidea, or just a security light.
An empty house can be so noisywhen you're on your own. I
was glad when those two got back, even if they were squabbling about some
school trip. Liam wanted to goon, but Claire wasn't sure she could

(46:52):
afford, and lent her the twentyquid to shut them both up. I
slept uneasily. I woke up severaltimes and kept checking the window to make
sure no one was hanging around outside, and myself already missing Billy. I
was tired and miserable when I awoke, but I was grateful that there was

(47:14):
no new graffiti. That day,I was visiting the local Marriott hotel where
we'd decided to hold the company conference. We'd held it there for the past
two years, but it had beenan open question as to whether we'd do
it there again. The reason we'dheld it there before is because the event's
manager was married to one of oursenior developers, so she'd arranged a good

(47:36):
package, but he'd been let go, so that made things a bit awkward.
One of her managers, however,was keen not to lose the business.
They'd offered us a deal on thesmaller conference room and had us working
with a different member of their team. Mu and Ling went to meet with
them to talk facilities and see theevents space. But all we really wanted

(47:57):
to do is get our hands onthe taste of menu. Who was sitting
in the restaurant, enjoying buffet foodand complaining about Georgia when I noticed the
same kid as before was outside andwatching us. He was standing on the
hotel terrace. This space wasn't opento the general public. You couldn't just
wander in there. This scruffy kidwho was glaring at me. He couldn't

(48:21):
just have spotted me by chance.This couldn't be a coincidence. He'd somehow
followed me all the way here frommy home. He looked so young.
Close up, the whites of hiseyes were so bright. I could feel
his gaze on me. He wasso still, it was freakish. Ling
saw that there was something wrong withme. I couldn't eat with him watching.

(48:44):
I was terrified. Worse, Iwas sure Ling couldn't see him.
She must have seen me looking athim. He was the only person outside.
But Ling didn't seem to notice athing, she would have said something.
She would have too. I knewnow that this was really something beyond
normal. I didn't want to risksaying something to ling in case I'd gone

(49:07):
insane. I hoped she would justsee him. I was silently praying to
God she'd just mentioned him and lookin his direction. But the long as
she talked without seeing him, themore I was convinced that she couldn't.
I didn't want her to know thatI was losing it. I tried to
keep the conversation on business and liedwhen she asked if I was okay,

(49:30):
I ate quickly and went to thetoilet, where I stayed for nearly ten
minutes, afraid to go back outinto the restaurant. When I returned,
I kept my back to the window. I told lying I thought I'd eaten
something I was allergic to. Iwasn't sure, but I wanted to go
to my car to get some allergytablets. She said she'd wrap up the

(49:51):
rest of the business, and Ileft quickly, not looking to see if
I was followed. There was nosign of the kid as I walked back
to my car, but he'd alreadybeen there from the other side of the
car park. I could see histag scrawled across the passenger side door.
Smush. What did it even mean? I looked around the car park for

(50:13):
him. All I saw or thepeople wondering why I was looking at them.
I drove home very slowly. Carswere beeping their horns at me.
But the last time I was distressed, I wasn't going to take any chances.
The house was empty when I gothome. Claire and Liam wouldn't be
back for hours. I didn't knowwhat to do with myself. I wanted

(50:37):
to clean the paint off my carso no one would see it. But
I didn't want to go outside either. It didn't feel safe unless it was
all in my head and I wasgoing mad. I didn't have time to
be mad. The timing couldn't havebeen worse. I went up to my
bedroom in the place where I couldsee the furthest up the street. I

(50:59):
sat on the end of my bedand looked out the window. I was
there for a long time, morethan a couple of hours. Somehow I
knew he would turn up, andhe did. Starting to go dark,
I watched him walk slowly down thestreet, hands in his pockets and up

(51:21):
to my driveway. There was atouch of swagger to him. Now he
stopped and lifted his head to lookup to my window. He froze.
Maybe he couldn't see me, butI could see him. And I sat
and I watched him, and hewatched me. I don't know how long

(51:42):
we stared at each other. Iwas expecting something to happen, and it
didn't. I wondered whether to saysomething, whether I should shout out of
the window at him, or evengo to him outside. I felt strangely
fixed to the spot, entranced,was already under his spell. It was

(52:04):
only broken when Claire got home.I saw her car pull into the driveway,
passing the kid and missing him byinches. The fact she hadn't seen
him didn't It didn't surprise me atall anymore. I knew he was only
visible to me, and I confirmedthis when Claire came into the room to
see me. She asked if Iwas all right, and I asked her

(52:25):
what she could see out of thewindow. She said, just your car.
You don't see anyone standing there,she said she couldn't. I was
weirding her out. Liam came in, asking if she knew where his football
boots were. She went to helphim, closing the door behind her,

(52:45):
saying, Auntie, Abby just needssome time to herself. I sat there
and kept staring at him. EventuallyI must have fallen out of the trance
and sunk into sleep. I wokeup in the middle of the night.
I was lying on my bed andwas staring at the ceiling, still fully
dressed. When I pushed myself upand walked to the window, I saw

(53:09):
he was gone. I wondered whattime it was and how long we've been
staring at each other. I wasstrangely calm, but there was somewhere in
the back of my head a voicethat was telling me all was not well.
An alarm going off, but itwouldn't break through. It slipped from

(53:32):
my attention as I wandered around inmy days, trying to think where I
was and when I was supposed tobe doing. I could get undressed,
get into bed, try to getsome sleep, but none of that seemed
very important. I became aware ofa knocking. It got a little louder
as I listened to it. Ifelt no need to react or do anything

(53:53):
about it, until it became distincttoo loud to ignore. I stepped out
into the hall, trying to followits source. My first thought was that
Liam was messing around because he couldn'tget to sleep. I tapped gently on
their bedroom door and whispered his name. There was no answer. I heard

(54:16):
the knocking again. It was gettinglouder. It was clearly coming from downstairs.
Walked slowly down the stairs. Bythe time I got to the last
few steps, I could see downthe halls of the front door. I
could make out a figure behind theglass, a dark shadow. It knocked

(54:36):
on the door and started to laugh. It was a deep, throaty laugh,
cruel and hateful. I felt myselfpanic, snapping out of my trents.
I ran back upstairs and into mybedroom. Someone closed the door behind
me. I spun around and hewas there. The kid reached out,
grabbed me by my hair, andpulled me to him. Before I could

(55:00):
scream, he raised a knife andhe plunged it into my shoulder. I
threw myself out of bed and ranacross the landing to the bathroom. After
being sick in the toilet, Ifall back onto the floor. I sit
with my back against the door.I take deep breaths. I'm still shaking
uncontrollably. I feel sweat gathering onmy forehead and all over my body.

(55:24):
I was in my bedclothes at somepoint the night before. I must have
put myself to bed, but Ijust couldn't remember. When the vomit left
an acid taste in my mouth,I got back on my feet and went
to drink from the tap. Afterrinsing out my mouth and washing the sweat
off my face, I looked atmyself in the mirror. I was colorless

(55:49):
and clammy. The trembling had startedto fade, but hidden behind all the
shaking was a terrible, throbbing painin my shoulder. I thought of the
dream and the knife. I movedmy hands slowly under the strap of my
top and I pulled it down overmy arm. I hadn't been stabbed.

(56:10):
There was no blood or wound.There was a tattoo smush marked on my
flesh in clear black ink, afew inches across, written exactly as the
graffiti was written. I tried towash it off. I tried soap and
then shower gel, and then Iwent at it with the scour I keep
under the sink. It wouldn't comeoff. I scrubbed the skin raw,

(56:36):
it wouldn't come off. I wasmarked, permanently marked. I heard Liam
knocking, asking for the toilet.I covered the tattoo, opened the door,
and ran straight past him into myroom. I couldn't handle it.
I didn't know what was happening.Had I been dreaming, had I been

(56:57):
attacked? What was this thing onme? What was it for? What
did it mean? The thought ofit made my skin crawl. I started
crying, weeping head down into mytuve. After a few minutes of uncontrollable
tears, one of my alarms wentoff. I was going to be late
for work. I didn't know whatI was going to do about this tattoo

(57:19):
and my nightmares, but I didknow I had to get to work.
I didn't have time for all this. I got myself in gear, I
got myself dressed. I had tonsto do at the office. I didn't
need all that piling up on meas well. I didn't need to make
things worse. I skipped breakfast andmanaged to get out of the house without
seeing and speaking to Liam or Claire. I drove to the office with my

(57:42):
whole body feeling like I don't knowlike it was jelly. It was as
if I was the inside of alava lamp. I felt these strange shifts
and changes in my body and thisburning, manic energy. Sitting still for
the duration of the dry was astonishinglyhard. I had to park the car

(58:04):
far from the office. It stillhad the graffiti on the side, but
the walks seemed to take no timeat all. I had such energy the
whole world around me passed by likea blur. I barely heard people as
I walked through the office, onlyjust about heard ling when she started talking
to me. As I swooped pasther. I told her to do what

(58:27):
she thought was best. I couldn'tthink straight. It was like being drunk,
except that I could see straight,walk straight, but everything else inside
and he was spinning around and turningupside down. Trying to work like this
was ridiculous. The words on myscreen all blurred together. They seemed to
shift like the surface of water.Trying to think about anything made me feel

(58:49):
like my mind was slushing around inmy head kept standing up and making myself
sit back down again. I thoughtI should call a doctor, I tell
them. I checked to see ifthe tattoo was still there. It was
bold, black and clear. Whatkind of stupid word was smersh? Anyway,

(59:10):
I didn't dare leave my office.I canceled all my meetings. I
stayed there for hours, trying andfailing to do any work. Besides,
I'd better go home sick. Butthen there was a knock at the door.
I sat as straight and calm inmy chair as I could. As
Lyn came in. I tried tofocus on her face so I wouldn't be

(59:34):
distracted. I could tell from aposture, though, that something was wrong.
It triggered an alarm bell in me. My attention was suddenly raised a
sharp and focused abby. Something reallybad has happened. I found it hard
to speak. I managed to say, well what. I don't know how
she did it or why she didit. But I asked Georgia to send

(59:57):
the seating plan over to the hotel. Okay, I said, but goodness
knows why she sent them the employeecosts spreadsheet. Instead, by mistake,
she sent everyone's salary details to JohnRobbie's wife. Do you remember me saying
that the partner of our old seniordeveloper worked at the Marriot. Georgia had

(01:00:22):
sent highly confidential information, not justto someone outside the business, but to
someone who had every reason to hateus and to want to damage us.
This was a total disaster, andone of my team was responsible. Have

(01:00:46):
you ever heard someone say the activewithout thinking? I was out of my
chair and out of my office withoutthinking. If a wall had been in
my way, I'd have gone straightthrough it. Georgia saw me marching towards
her. She apologized to me,quickly, making a big show of looking
upset. She fluttered her eyelashes,and it didn't work. Even if I

(01:01:10):
hadn't seen her hide her phone thesecond she saw me, I wasn't capable
of listening. I swung my armand I wiped everything off her desk,
and I said. What I saidwas what the Jesus fuck is wrong with

(01:01:30):
you? You fucking dimwit idiot.You are the stupidest human moron who has
ever woreborn. I thought no onecould be as dumb as you look,
But Jesus Christ, you are atonce in a lifetime imbecile. You sloppy,

(01:01:50):
slack George Gormless, worthless, useless, brainless, fucking cunt. I
had no control, no restraint,and no barriers I continued, what kind
of retard passes out confidential information likeshe passes out hand jobs? What the

(01:02:15):
fuck is wrong with you? Lyinghad to restrain me. She thought I
was going to hit Georgia. Thewhole office watched us aghast. No one
could believe it, me of allpeople, the boring old maid. The
finance director came out of his office. He was the one who forced Georgia

(01:02:37):
on us. I went ballistic onhim too. I shoved Lying out of
the way and called him a fat, useless shower of shit. I blamed
him for all the company's financial problems. I scream about the thousands spent on
restaurants and hotel rooms where he spentnights fucking his old pa, on the

(01:02:59):
company his dime. I reveal atfull volume how we had to pay her
off so he wouldn't be taken tocourt for harassment. Then I go off
on how lazy he is, howhe starts later than everyone else in the
office and never really understands the numbersuntil someone explains then to him like a
toddler. I tell him he's soobese and so ugly that he turned his

(01:03:20):
wife to stone. Then I spatin his face, and I stormed out
of the building in a way.It makes me kind of laugh. Now,
who doesn't dream of telling their bossor some other idiot what you really
think of them. I blew everythingup in one crazy moment, and it
felt good. It was an exciting, crazy ride, but only for a

(01:03:46):
moment. As I stormed back tomy car, the horror started to creep
up on me. Anger dominated allmy emotions until I was about halfway home.
Then panic took over. I hadto pull my car into the hard
shoulder. I put my fist inmy mouth and started to howl. I

(01:04:09):
banged my head against the steering wheel. It was like mourning someone's death when
you get that sudden, uncontrollable outpouringof emotion. I had just destroyed my
life. It was a long timebefore I could try to get my head
together. What could I do tomake this right? I thought about it

(01:04:31):
frantically. What excuses and reasons couldI give for what just happened? For
all the ideas going through my mind, the best one I had was to
have myself committed admit I'd gone crazy, because clearly I'd gone out of my
mind. I was seeing things andhaving these messed up dreams. Maybe I

(01:04:56):
was schizophrenic. The dreams, thefeeling of being watched. These could be
warning signs, the manifestation of allthat was going wrong in my head.
The scary kid, the tattoo.They were symbols of my disintegration, messages
from my subconscious. Had to drivevery slowly. My mind was racing through

(01:05:18):
the last few months. What werethe other signs? The accident, for
sure, that must have been thefirst real symptom. I short circuited the
first warning sign because of all thepressures of work and home. I could
make these pieces fit together. Icould make this justification work, and they'd

(01:05:40):
have to listen. Because mental healthand the workplace is such an issue today.
Maybe I could at least get arespectable reference from them. I wasn't
paying attention, of course, toevidence that didn't fit, just like how
many other people had seen the graffiti, or how Billy had seen the bay
the first day I saw him watchingme. They were already missed calls from

(01:06:04):
the office on my phone. Iignored them. When I got home,
I started to research how to commitmyself. Where I had to go,
what I had to do, whatit would mean and whether to get Claire
to drive me or to take acab. I couldn't drive again. I
was too dangerous. If someone cutme off and tried to overtake, I
might go ballistic. The accident couldbe so much worse as time. What

(01:06:29):
was I going to tell Claire?She's going to love this, the chance
to watch me fuck up and falldown for a change. She was going
to be delighted. She could stayat my home for as long as she
wanted. Now I was off tothe ship Creep motel for a long stay
in a padded suite. I couldhear that laughter, that horrible, cruel

(01:06:49):
laughter again. I looked around.There was no one outside the window,
no one in the house. Icouldn't hear where it was coming from.
I started to scream for it tostop. I heard keys in the door.
I sprung off the sofa, aboutto yell who's there? But I
heard the sound of Liam and Clairesquabbling. I thought I was going to

(01:07:12):
pass out. This was too much. Liam ran down the hall, insisting
he was first to use the toilet. Claire breathed into the living room,
saying hello without looking at me,reaching to a plug socket to charge her
phone. I didn't say anything.I didn't know how I was going to
tell her. I didn't even knowhow i'd behave saying it. If my

(01:07:32):
emotions got extreme, I might endup in a wreck screaming and pounding my
fist into the wall. Claire shoutedupstairs to tell Liam to get out of
the bathroom. I took deep breaths, hoping I could calm myself down.
I saw Claire's phone light up witha notification. I walked over and took

(01:07:56):
a look at it. The messagesaid, ordered the t shirts fifteen each,
Send it us when you got asec Yours is medium, right.
I knew her pascode and swiped intoher phone. A Facebook page appeared.
It was an invite page for ahendu in Prague. One of her friends

(01:08:19):
was getting married. The phone fellfrom my hands, so that was what
all the money she was saving wasfor. She was planning a holiday with
friends, a great, big party. I became a passenger in my own
body. I thundered into the kitchenin a smooth fury. She was there

(01:08:44):
with Liam about to make a peanutbutter sandwich. She asked if I was
feeling better. I punched her inthe face. She fell against the counter
before she could speak. I grabbedher by the collar at its shaking her.
Her weight was nothing. I couldhave thrown her like a bag of
laundry. You fucking lying bitch.Got money for holidays, you can afford

(01:09:11):
to swan fucking off. Why lookafter all your shit, Take responsibility for
you. Make sure you've a roofover your head. I threw her against
the fridge, you selfish twat.She collapsed to the floor. She'd been
too shocked to say a word.Now she started to scream, Shut the
fuck up. I bent down,yelling, spitting in her face. Shut

(01:09:36):
the fuck up, you miserable cunt. Or I'll kill you. I will
fucking kill you, and I meantit. If i'd seen a knife,
I might have picked it up andstabbed her to death. I could have
done it, and I might haveif Liam hadn't jumped on my back,
punching and kicking at me and shoutingfor me to leave her alone. I

(01:09:59):
swatted him off. He landed onthe floor, and I spun around,
ready to kick him across the kitchen. I could have sent him through the
wall, but my mind kicked backin nothing in the world can make me
harm li him. I froze andthen backed into a corner. No.
I started to scream. I fellto my knees, clutching the sides of

(01:10:19):
my head. I screamed hysterically.They both stared at me, too frightened
to say or do anything. Igot up and I ran. I ran
out the house and pelted it downthe road. I didn't know where I
was going. I could hear thatlaughter again, coming from nowhere, rattling

(01:10:40):
around in my head. Iran formore than a mile. I stopped on
a bench by a bus stop fora long cry. People avoided me,
and I got worried I'd be recognized, but only I knew somewhere to hide.
I started to wander into town.It was a few miles walk,
but I had nowhere else to go, and I didn't want to think too

(01:11:01):
hard about where I would end up. The crippling despair was turning into waves
of sorrow. I was grieving formy life, which I just set on
fire and was going up in smoke. I'd almost beaten a child. I
decided to go where no one wouldbother me or notice me. The local

(01:11:24):
weatherspoons, the bar staff were quickenough not to set me off. I
sat in a corner, staring atthe bubbles in my cider. That was
what it really felt like under myskin, energy bubbling up, ready to
pop, ready to burst, readyto explode. How many years does it

(01:11:44):
take to build a life, tobuild a career. It doesn't happen overnight,
but it can all be lost ina moment. Work would never let
me back in the building again.There was no excuse for my conduct to
could be at the police station rightnow, telling the cops I'd assaulted her,
harmed her little boy. I wasreaching a state of numbness. I

(01:12:11):
could feel the energy still breathing underthe surface, but it was contained.
The enormity of everything was too muchto process. What had I done?
Who was I now? What wasthe cure? Controlled? Uptight? Me
of all people I was capable ofharm, of flying off the handle?

(01:12:34):
Me who was so controlled and balanced, life's designated driver. It was really
hard to think straight. But whatwas weird, among so many other things,
was that no matter how much Ithought I should be sorry, I
wasn't. Not really I was.I was in mourning for the destruction of

(01:12:58):
my life. I didn't really careso much about what exactly I'd done,
except for hurting Liam, but I'dstop myself from doing that. On some
level, I'd meant everything else,of course I did. Georgia was an
idiot, Our finance director was aslimy piece of shit. Claire is a

(01:13:19):
selfish twat Most of the time,it felt like an alien to myself.
What I'd done was not okay.I never thought I was capable of this
kind of hate or violence. Icouldn't even believe this version of me could
ever exist. Christ I was abasket case. I couldn't control myself.

(01:13:44):
Returned to my original idea of gettingcommitted. I could call the Madhouse,
tell them to expect me and booka cab there, or maybe get dropped
off nearby. I didn't want thetaxi driver to be scared of taking me.
I was in no rush. Staredat the bubbles some more, and
then I saw him watching me froma row of booths, the kid with

(01:14:08):
bright white eyes. He stared andhis mouth opened wide in a big,
knowing grin. He looked so pleased. My instinct was to run to him,
scream and demand why why are youdoing this to me? But as
I stood I heard a racket fromthe other end of the bar, people

(01:14:29):
shouting and yelling, someone kicking upa fuss. That someone was pushing their
way to the front of the bar. People tried to stop her. She
was shoving them, pushing them awayaggressively, swearing and yelling back at them.
The voice was familiar, you canall fuck off and having my pint,
get me a foster's piss off.It was Billy. Two bouncers in

(01:14:51):
reflective jackets are trying to take holdof her. She wasn't having any of
it. She slipped from their gripand pushed them back. I saw two
policemen arrive. The bouncers got moreaggressive, forcing her up against the bar
and trying to lock their arms aroundher. She responded by punching one in
the head, catching him hard againstthe ear. The other yanked her away,

(01:15:14):
putting her blows out of range.With her stumbling, the bruised bouncer
reached down and grabbed her leg.With the help of the two policemen,
they took a limb each. Theylifted her up off the ground. She
screamed and struggled as they carried herout into the street. The punters loved
it. There was applause and wolfwhistles and laughter. I thought for a

(01:15:34):
moment to help her, but Ithought better of it. I wouldn't have
been able to take them, atleast I didn't think so. I wasn't
sure what I was capable of now. But this changed everything. It wasn't
just me. It'd had her too, and of course it did. We
were both scrubbing the graffiti away.This thing had taken us both. I

(01:16:00):
felt relief. I wasn't crazy,at least I wasn't crazy alone. This
was something else, like an infection. She must have the tattoo too.
I looked back to the kid,but he was gone. I heard the
click of a door closing. Afire exit snapped shut just a few tables

(01:16:20):
away. I went after him.The fire exit led into a wide alley.
Right on the brick wall in frontof me was an enormous smash tag,
the biggest I'd seen yet. Istared at the graffiti for a little
time. This wasn't chance. Therewas a message or a clue here.

(01:16:43):
God knows what or why. Thiskid wanted something out of me. He
needed me to do something. Thiswas tim that was supposed to see him,
hear him leave and run into thisbig sign. Did he want me
to follow him? What if allthese tags were a trail, I've already
seen them all over town. Whatif I followed them? Where would it

(01:17:09):
take me? I still didn't knowwhat it meant, but I wasn't going
to play the game of calling thismadness or schizophrenia anymore. Something was doing
this to me, to both ofus, and it needed to find out
why and how to stop it.Thank you for listening to the New Ghost

(01:17:33):
Stories podcast. If you've enjoyed thepodcast and would like to support what I
do, please consider leaving a reviewon any platform and subscribing to her future
releases. You also become a patronand enjoy some bonus content by signing up
a Patreon dot com slash New ghostStories. This podcast is written, presented,

(01:17:54):
and produced by David Paul Nixon.If you'd like to find out more
about New ghost Stories, visit mywebsite Nego Stories dot substack dot com,
and to get all the latest fromme, follow me on Twitter, Instagram,
and mastered on at newgo Stories.Next time on the Newgo Stories podcast
at Terrifying Crime Inspires a shocking actof revenge,