February 16, 2024 • 46 mins
Welcome to the BTR Edition of NEWS FOR THE SOUL: Life Changing Talk Radio from the Uplifting to the Unexplained. NFTS was launched in January 1997 as a positive news newspaper in the Vancouver, B.C. area in January 1997 by journalist Nicole Whitney. Over the years, NFTS evolved into the NFTS RADIO NETWORK http://www.newsforthesoul.com/shows-page/listen-live-2/
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This is Nicole Whitney News for theSoul Life Changing Talk Radio from the uplifting
to the yet explained. Thanks tothe great honor to have you on the
show tonight. Welcome to you,facchus. Thank you. Yes, you
were listening to the News for theSoul Radio Network. News for your Soul
Life Changing broadcasts has sold around theworld since January nineteen ninety seven. You're
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all that's previously and broadcast at Newsfor the Sol online at newspthshol dot com.
And let's get back to the show. All right, we're back and
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we're live. I'm getting to doone of my favorite things. Introduce you
to new actually two new members ofthe New Soul Radio family. Actually one
of them many years ago. Well, she's back and the next level up
of what's going on with her workand her partner best Daniels and Gil are
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here. We're going to introduce themmomentarily. I'll just let you we start
with our famous first question no labelsup front Soul to Soul meeting, and
we unpeel the onion from there.But if you want to read ahead,
you can find their full bios andall the other information links et cetera on
newsforthsoul dot com just by clicking theirhosts or there. So let's welcome Beth
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and Gil on and start the fun. Welcome guys, Welcome to news for
the Soul Hiley. At the sametime, awesome, great time back here.
I think it's like eleven years.Eleven years. Wow, that's amazing.
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Well, you know with the timesthat we're in now, and you're
actually one of many who have returnedafter hiatuses because of the work that's meets
right now on the planet. Sonot shocked, but very happy to reconnect
and to meet you Gil and getto know both of you on the deeper
levels this hour. So I like, this is always tricky when we have
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two people at once. So wewill move forward with our famous question because
it's a place that connects us allas a community and a movement here on
the small list for what's really real, what's really possible, and that is
we've all had experiences with something outsidethe three D norm that's gotten our attention,
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woken us up, maybe even setus on our path. And I'm
curious about your earliest recollection, eachof you individually of something like that,
and also your most found. Sowho'd like to start? I think guil
does. Okay, so well,can you hear us? Okay, yep,
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perfectly, Okay, there's a littlebit of crackling. We just wanted
to make sure. Okay, allright, Yeah, I'll go for it.
You're here the new beyond the Black. Yeah. Interestingly enough, I
come from an agnostic background, andyou know, God really wasn't a big
part at all of my family's life. And so talk about an early kind
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of wooing that got had on myheart. It was back when I was
in you know, middle school andearly high school, and he just kept,
you know, whispering his voice tome that he loved me and didn't
hate me, and there was noguilt or shame associated with this, and
over time he just made himself reallyreally clear to me. So in college,
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I had done everything under the sun. I'd worked for or three fortune
five hundred companies. I had donethings. I'm like, you know,
played tennis to the highest levels inArizona. In high school, I was
the number one jazz saxophone player therein Arizona as well, and then I
took that to college with me.So there was just like things I was
doing you know, dating and drinkingand just doing all kinds of things to
kind of, you know, fillup my heart. And I realized that
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none of those were gonna do that, you know, that there was definitely
an empty space there. And thatspace for me, and I don't know
if it's like this for your listeners, but that space for me was every
night when I went to bed andlaid my head on a pillow. You
know, I got to play thetape back of that day and all the
things I had done and all theaccomplishments and all the kind of the report
cards that had come in and everythingI had done to fill my heart up,
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and that that time was my headon the pillow before I drifted off.
Was always thinking, there's got tobe more. You know, they're
just us. If I'm gonna youknow, walk on this planet for eighty
years, and I'm gonna go tobed every night no matter what I I've
done, no matter much how muchmoney I've made, no matter how many
accolades I have, whatever those successesare, and I was working, like
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you know, to the bone.There's just this just doesn't sound like a
planet I want to be on foreighty years and you know, God,
in his goodness just kept whispering tome. You know, I fill that
empty space. You know, youknow I'm the one who does that.
You know, you're you're These otherthings aren't bad things. They're not things
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that are anything to be you know, mad about or guilty about or feel
shame about. It was just thatthose things were never meant to be number
one. And so when I reallygot that, and that hit me in
college, and that was at thetime when I just kind of said back
to God, like I'm in.You know, I'm in. This isn't
doing it over here, So I'min with you. And it wasn't a
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trial basis. It wasn't like Isaid to God, like, yeah,
you better, you know, showup and here's the three things I need
you to do. He's not agenie in a bottle. But there was
stuff that piece where he came inlike a flood and liked, you know,
yeah, yeah, he just camein like a flood for me.
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And I think in those in thoseways, my mom and dad were going
through a nasty divorce. My momhad kicked my brother out of the home
because he invited my dad to graduation. I mean, it was a really
volatile home. I grew up inan abusive home, and so you know,
there was like how do I traversethis? You know, how do
I how do I live in wisdom? How do I clock in and check
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into my higher self? And thosethings were all God led down to the
smallest things, you know, likewhen I was sick and I was just
feeling absolutely horrible and I thought Iwas going to die, and I'd say,
okay, got I, I needyou to heal me, like is
there a way you can do that? And that healing piece then began to
happen. Sometimes it was in themoment, and sometimes it took many,
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many years, but those healings werealways there when I called to them,
you know. And God would alwayssay to me, do you want to
get well? Are you sure?My answer was yes, or are you
sure? Because if you're in,I'm in. But if you need to
go do whatever else, then goahead and try to find that healing somewhere
else. But when you come back, I'll still be here, you know.
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And so I always found myself droppingbreadcrumbs away from God and following them
back. And when I followed themback, you know, he was there,
and I have a million stories Ican tell about how that's happened,
and that's gone over and over.I've not been perfect in any way,
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shape or form, and in myimperfections, he has always been there with
his perfections. So yeah, I'vejust seen, you know, from here,
all around the world Afghanistan, youknow, building cities there, building
new towns all over the world,Poland and other places. I just he
just is there's not a place onthis planet that he hasn't met me.
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So my eighty years, man,I want to rock them, and my
eighty I want them to be thebest. Of course, you brought Beth
along, So that's a whole othermiracle story, all right. Just how
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you plucked me out of the mountainsand Beth out of the ocean and put
us in Prescott, Arizona and alittle dive hick cowboy bar called the Jersey
Lily in downtown Prescott, and howyou know just that perfect timing where we
intersected together. I mean, that'sjust a whole another miracle story. All
right. Well, where are wegoing to go next. Let's get your
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first, initial, earliest memory ofyour most profound experience with something outside the
three D norms. Yeah. Yeah, And I've talked about this before,
you know, when I sent youthe information recently, Nicole. And it's
probably not the earliest, but I'dsay the most profound because this has happened
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over and over since. And Ihad recently lost my grandfather and he was
eighty nine, and he had recentlydied. He was he was really probably
the most important person in my life. And he was just the most incredible,
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spiritual man I've ever known, andI've ever met since. And so
he had passed away, and itwas interesting because I had joy because I
knew he was amazingly good and hewas good, he was doing great,
So I wasn't. Everyone's like,man, you're really not crying about losing
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your grandpa. He's so important toyou. I can't. I don't.
I'm not. I don't have griefabout it. I just know how he
lived his life and I know he'scontinuing that on the other side and everything
is great. So I had youknow, he had crossed over probably I'm
not sure a year or two before, but one of his good friends,
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well my step grandma, I guesshis wife was still here and she's still
hung around with their great friends,David and Karen, and they were unfortunate.
There was an unfortunate accident where Davidfell and hid his head, and
my dad called me and told mewhat happened, and I could see in
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the moment my grandfather stretched out hisarms to welcome David, you know,
across the bridge, so to speak, so helped him to the other side.
He held out his arms, andI thought the minute my dad told
me what happened to David and Iand I saw my grandfather reaching out for
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him, and I knew he wasgoing to be the first person that he
saw, and that he wasn't comingback, you know, into this body
and into this life. He washe was moving on. And I felt
so much peace because I knew,you know, it's like, yeah,
David is there, he's he's withhis old friend. It's all going to
be good. And you know,they're, oh, he's gonna you know,
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he's going to rally and he's comingback. And you know, I
wasn't. I'm not saying anything.It was all really sacred, you know,
so I just I just knew.And then yeah, a couple of
days later, you know, thecall came that you know he had he
had transition. So that was thebeginning for me of seeing and not just
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seeing like diagnoses or physical problems formy clients, which I see every day
with chronic conditions, but seeing beyondthat and just being able to see what
was true and what was beautiful andhow the spirit moves and yeah, yeah,
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what what? What is really therefor us? Says so much that
we don't really know or you know, as humans, I think we don't
really even know how to process sometimes. So that was the first time where
I had a picture like that,and then that just happened continually after that.
Almost every time I'm working with someoneover the phone and I get pictures
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about things and they're they're beautiful andthey're deep, and I try to explain
them, you know, as aswe go. But yeah, that was
a that was a really profound momentfor me. Yes, well, being
able to just seeing, get insightand have to experience anything about you know,
death and beyond death is probably themost important thing we can And you
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know, I think what happens andI'm sorry to interrupt you, but I
think what happens is we spend somuch time in our heads, you know,
and we spend so much time andfor the people I work with who
typically have chronic health conditions and theyreally need help, and for them as
well, we spend so much timethinking about thinking about it and problems and
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focusing on them and maybe some onsolutions, but we just spend our time
with our nose to the grindstone orlike on this treadmill of life. And
this was like this moment of no, that is not where the truth is.
That is not where the truth is. Look up, look up,
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get your nose out of that treadmill, you know, look up and see
what's really there and what is thisexperience really about? And what is your
divine path really about? What areyou here for? What are you doing?
You're not here to be sick.So I think that whole scenario just
really helped me understand that better.And I try to work really hard to
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help people see that it and itjust changes everything for them. Beautiful.
I'm curious about the synchronistic story ofhow you two kids met. Well,
I think we should let the storytellertell us and then go ahead. If
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I'm missing anything, I'd like tohear your perspective. Yo. Well,
I I had come to a placein my life three or four years ago
where I was. I was ina place where you know, I was
divorced and a single dad, fourkids in high school, they're all teenagers.
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So it was really really challenging,and you know, I just hit
a wall with that. You know, I've been super super successful in raising
up you know, large large searchesand seeing really some really great things happen
out of Colorado, to change tochange towns and cities, and it was
really awesome. And and yet Iwas hitting the wall. You know,
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I had a lot of guilt andshame around that divorce piece, and you
know, I kind of had Ikind of had a movie in mind for
me, right, Like I knewwhat I wanted the movie to look like,
and it was actually turning out tobe a horror story. I wanted
to be Disney, you know,like let's roll with that, and uh,
but that wasn't what was happening.And you know, I kind of
did. I had a really reallytough time where I ended up with the
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Bottle as my as my best friend, and I grew up with a bunch
of alcoholics a matter of fact,generational alcoholism, and I was able to
keep that at bay for quite awhile, but I was not able to
keep it at bay in my midforties, and so it just became something
to soothe the pain of my life. You know. The movie was not
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churning out the way I really sawit fit to do, and so yeah,
I kind of wanted off the planetagain. You know. At that
point, I was like, youknow, how do I do that?
And kind of a Robin Williams kindof story, you know, in that
way of being in front of crowdsand being able to move people, having
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God really used me in that,and you know, thousands and thousands of
people, and and still I wasjust really frustrated with how things were going
with that. I had gotten ina car accident a few years before that
where my back was was a adrunk driver and my back was trashed,
and so drinking alcohol was a wayto calm that pain down. So there's
a lot of things around that thathad me end up in rehab. So
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I ended up there back in Goshtwenty eighteen in Prescot, Arizona, and
was just finishing up inpatient and doingreally well, and when I bumped into
Beth, my dad and her momfor friends, and they had never introduced
us, so there was an ifthere's you know, yeah, that's was
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married. I was singled for fourteenyears. But you know, best Best,
That's was married, But here shewasn't. She was, you know,
finally moving into singlehood. And soour folks decided to have us connect.
And That's was only in town fora little bit. I mean,
she lives in Hawaii and lives inHawaiian and doing her thing with that,
and so it was really providential thatnight to bumpaner. I was actually with
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someone else that night, was justa friend, but she was really struggling
with a lot of things, andso Best I was like, oh see,
I gotta really listen to that.But I really want to, you
know, connect with with this womanwho is so fascinating, you know,
especially around what she did. Sowhat she did and kind of what my
heart was were very very similar.We complimented each other well, and that
night, I mean, the wholethe whole place could have just gone away
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and we would have had this agreat time connecting over a lot of subjects.
So at the end of that Iain't I got best card, which
got stolen from me, and Iwas like, shoot, So I had
to do some work uh in Prescottto find her number, and I did,
because that's what tnacious people do whenthey run into someone that they fall
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in love with. So I gother number and I called her and I
said, let's set up a littletime. And we set up a time
to talk on the phone. Andbes was headed up to Seattle and she
forgot so I called and no onewas there. And being the tnacious guy
that I am, I'm like,well that had to be an honest stake.
It was, and you know,there had to be honest. There's
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no way, no way. Shewouldn't want to talk to me. I
just didn't. I did. Iwas like, okay, maybe maybe that,
but I'm going to keep going.So I called her again and you
answered that time, and I go, and I go, so did what
happened with our little phone date?And she was, I don't know what
(19:03):
you said that you got out ofthis. I was with my daughter.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,I had forgotten. But truth be told,
Nicole, I mean I was goingthrough a divorce and he thought I
thought that he had a girlfriend,so you know I had a girlfriend.
He showed up at this event,you know, with this girl. So
I was happy to find out hedidn't. But the truth of the matter
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is the part that Gil did notsay, which is I think awesome.
Is well, first of all,the second we met each other, it's
like we started talking about spiritual things. I mean, who does that?
So yeah, we connected immediately aboutreally deep things and about healing others and
how do you help other people healyet still set good boundaries, you know,
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for your own life. And wegot into all of this right away,
and how you know sensitive people burnout? Yeah, how sensitive healers
really are and how you need toprotect that. And I mean, we
were just getting into all these amazingtopics and then my mom's like, well,
we got to go over so Iwant to shoot the dog needs to
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eat. But so we left.But that was it was really awesome.
But the second one thing I haveto share, and I shared at our
wedding is when Gill walked in,I was sitting at a table with my
mom. It was kind of apre Christmas party at this young cowboy saloon
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literally, and I saw Gil fromthe back and I knew that my mom's
my mom's friend, Jerry's son wasgoing to be there, and I didn't
know who he was or what helooked like or anything. So I saw
him from the back first. Iwas sitting at a table and I saw
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how huge his heart was from theback. Who it was? It was
just again, it was like oneof those visions, right. I just
thought, and I'm like, wow, I wonder who that is. I
don't typically go around seeing the sizeof people's hearts, just so you know.
So it was just right there andI was like, I wonder who
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that is. And then he turnedaround and came over to the table and
I was like, whoa, thatmust be Jerry's son. So that was
really the entry into our connections.Yeah, and I saw Beth and I
thought, and God, really reminds, she's hot. That's that's what That's
what happens for me. So that'sreally deep. I just wanted to share
that it was really it was alightning bolt from heaven because she's blonde,
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so somehow anyway, there's a lotthere, but I won't unpack it.
But all I have to say isthat, Yeah, so we we connected
there and then we probably talked onthe phone for three or four hours a
night for a couple of months,and then Beth came back out to press
it and then we started to kindof point and what we could do.
So it's just yeah, just Ireally like what Beth said. Right.
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It's like and if any way ofyour listeners is a healer, they will
get this. Right. It's likewe we pour ourselves out continually and then
rarely is there a sponge. We'relike a sponge, right, and we're
looking for water somewhere to fill backup because we're gonna squeeze that. We're
gonna squeeze that sponge out on othersthat are hurting. And so we really
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connected over you know, what's yourwater source? You know what do you
what are you doing to fill backup your you know, the sponge of
your heart? Because lots of healersget taken out. You know, there's
there's I think there's a lot ofspiritual battle that occurs with people who step
out there to say I really wantto help I want to help others find
their purpose in life. I wantthem to find you know, themselves.
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I want that really help them takenext steps. And so you know,
we were able to come really quickto how burned out are you, you
know, and how burned out areyou? And you know, what what
are you doing with that? Becauseyou know, I didn't need to ask
Bet about her prolific healing life becauseall you have to do is sit down.
Was Best for about five minutes,and you'll understand just how I mean.
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She's the most powerful and gentle healerI've ever met. That's why she
has a global she has a globalreach. You know, she has people
all over the world that Colin hadtalk to her because her heartbeat is so
so locked in and and so eventoday, you know, we talked about
it last night. You know,we we look at each other and go,
how are you doing with all that? You know, how's it going?
When you know, when you justgot done with these five people today
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that were really really really really tough. I mean only to be honest,
only those who have basically been toldthey have no hope called Best and a
lot of times yeah, and Bestdoes. Man. She is like the
last house on the block for thesepeople. And and she's like this big
spiritual triage at the end of theblock that people bump into on their way
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to really complete helplessness. And andI would say even depression like that goes
deep and so bes gets. It'sthat group of people and best leans into
that amazingly. I love it.Yeah, I love it. I mean,
that's that's what I'm here to do. And and it's really wild because
most days at the end of theday, I have a lot more energy
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and I'm more invigorated than I wasin the morning by far, because it
invigorates me and excites me to helppeople change their life. You know,
I when I met you, Iwas going through a lot of personal hardship
and that really takes me down.The work that I do does the opposite.
It's just invigorating to watch people's liveschange, like over over a day
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or or longer depending. But yeah, it's no thank you Gil for seeing
that. Mmm. Well, yes, when you're on purpose, it's not
work, it's you know, whenyou're serving, it's very yeah, exactlyerful,
energizing. It feeds you, Yill. You know. I want to
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ask you this question because since allthis COVID crap, a lot of people
have been dealing with a lot ofstuff, including alcohol. Addiction has been
high, widely prevalent globally since allthe lockdowns and shutting down of you know,
spiritual centers in all entertainment industry andtravel and you know, so I'm
(25:25):
wondering what you did, how didyou overcome it? As far as getting
through COVID no, the alcohol addiction, I'm just okay, Yeah, I
love to talking about that. That'shis h Now I get to brag on
him for a second before he talks. Basically, the failure rate of people
(25:49):
that go through rehab is ninety ninepercent. Literally one percent make it and
hold it. So people that workwith him get to hold that healing and
not go back. So he isamazing in this. He will not say
(26:14):
that, So I'm gonna say thatbefore I let him talk about it,
because I've never seen such a thing. I've never seen such beauty come from
just these ashes of dark addiction andwhat he does to help people through that.
So I have to say that first. No, now you can text
yeah, well yeah, yeah,Well, I mean I think that the
(26:37):
number one thing. And I askevery guy this, you know, do
you have the gift of desperation?You know, if you don't have that
gift, that desperate soul, thatrebel soul, which is awesome, I
mean I have a rebel soul,and if I can set that into the
right channel, right, It's likeit's like if I can find the gulf
stream, you know, and Iget my. If I get my you
(27:02):
know, if I get aligned withthe gold stream, I'm gonna be in
great shape. Right if I mean, a straw can actually let the golf
stream go through it as long asthat straw is in alignment with the gold
stream. So most people are notin alignment with that, and so and
by the way, that's a gifttoo, because it can it'll get them
to the gift of desperation. Imean, I like what C. S.
Lewis said, right, like painis God's megaphone to rouse a hurting
(27:25):
world. And I think that thatis it's a great thing when someone says,
you know, man, I'm struggling, and so for me, it
was all or nothing. I meanthat like it was. I did not
have a point percentage when I dealtwith my alcoholism. That was saying I
think I can do this. I'veonly been beat by two things in my
life. I mean, I've beenbeat by up, but I mean I'm
talking about incredible hulk slammed in mylife, and that was a marriage that
(27:49):
I had that I was I mean, I out of everything I could do,
it was not gonna make it.And then and an alcohol So those
so those and I just tell peoplethat, right, I mean, I
got incredible hulk slammed by those twothings. And it's okay to say that,
you know. And I think Ihad to become comfortable with that to
(28:10):
say, you know what, thisis my path and I and I'm I'm
in with this and I'm also goingto go with this like gift of desperation
piece. So when I when Iwas there every day and I probably did,
I don't know, upferds of sevenhundred plus meetings with groups and sitting
down with some of the best spiritualdirectors in the world, and sitting down
(28:33):
and really picking up the Buddhist practiceof meditation, I mean really learning what
that means and how to do it. It's kind of like mental and spiritual
yoga. And being able to holdthose kind of spaces both in groups and
my own self where my inner voicebecame very very clear, where I realized
I boldoze some values that I heldnear and dear. You know, I
(28:56):
had this visit for my life andall this thing I wanted to be and
I buldozed some things that I reallycounted as sacred, and I was really
I really wanted to see that healedand I wanted to see that dealt with
because I was willing to go back. And it was really hard, but
I was really able to go backand walk through my childhood. And I
(29:19):
have a boy. His name isCad, and Caid is so tenderhearted.
He's like me, like we're reallyhighly sensitive people. And what helped me
so much was thinking if I wereto treat Caid the way I was treated,
I mean I just started weeping,like, you know, just to
(29:40):
be able to go back and holdthat kid that I was rather than look
at it like, well I couldn'tovercoming. I must suck. You know,
this is really bad. Yeah whatever, you know, it's like no
that that little boy back there andhe's held and that and I mean,
I know that sounds corny, andmaybe it sounds corny to some of your
listeners. What I'm telling you,it's true. When that boy can be
held by you, your own,you can go back and walk through that
(30:03):
childhood trauma in a really really healthyway. It's hard and there's a lot
of tears, and there's a lotof fighting with that, and there's a
lot of you know, even someanger and some bitterness and some resentment.
And and to be honest, Ihated as much as I hated my dad,
as much as I hated whatever,you know, my ex whatever it
would be that I've ever said,oh that was or whatever, I hated
myself even more. And that's wherethe that's where the real devastation and tragicness
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happens is when other people's voices thenbecome yours, and they're not healthy.
So I got to go back andunwrap all that. And I mean I'm
talking like with everything I had.I had a guy that sat next to
me during the meeting. He wasseventy two years old, and he was
with the Washington Post. He wasa journalist. And during one meeting and
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I'm like, I'm writing books.My journal is being packed out. I
think I was. You would thinkI was writing a Tom Clancy novel.
And this guy that's watching post guynext to me goes, you know,
Gil, I give anything to beable to read what you're writing. And
I said, really, anything could. But you know, I think that
(31:10):
that was my posture was really reallyI needed mercy and I needed help,
and and I ended up coming tothe place that I was able to ask
for it, which most people don't. So and now I help people through
it. And you know, anger, anxiety, and addiction. Those three,
(31:33):
most guys, I know, thosethree are tied together. And when
I see addiction, I don't meanjust alcoholism. I'm talking about isms,
workaholism, busyism, you name it. I mean it's not it's you know,
sportsism, whatever it is that you'rethrowing your heart into commute and numb
all that pain, that's an ism. And so I really help guys see
(32:00):
it as okay, it's normal.We live in a broken world. That's
okay, and that you know,I'm in it with you, and you
you know, before long, they'retelling me things that they've never told their
wives, and I think that's reallyreally important, or just any friends they've
ever had. And they're like long, because they're so waiting on the slap,
They're waiting on the youth suck,they're waiting on you get an f
They're waiting on the shame and guiltthat goes with this stuff. And I'm
(32:22):
like, Nope, and when theycan put down those really harsh weapons and
just come then then God starts todo his work, and then I just
walk him through all that. Andyou know, I have like, you
know, I don't know eight eightmodules that I just walk through, and
but really I do person by person. You know, everybody's got a distinct
(32:43):
story. Not everybody's the same,and so it's like anything else, it's
like, hey, I want towalk you through this, but I want
to walk it through in a uniqueway that's really you. Because we're gonna,
we're gonna mold this, and we'regonna, we're gonna shape this.
We're gonna, you know, you'regoing through an entire life remodeling right now.
So we're gonna, we're gonna,we're gonna go through that. And
it doesn't have to be very long, you know. I bet guys say
(33:07):
to me, man, I usedto you know, every night, coming
home, I you know, graba whiskey and sit down. Before long,
I was yelling at my wife andtelling my kids get out of my
face. And it's like, youknow, we're a month into this thing,
and they're like, it's weird.I go home now and it's like
I'm peaceful. You know what whathappened. And I'm like, well,
God, you're letting God remodel youryour soul because that needs to happen.
(33:28):
Your soul needs remodeled. And thatyou know, that takes work. We're
getting ready to sell our house rightnow out here in Hawaii, and we've
got people working on the roofs andthey're working all that and it's loud and
it's noisy, and it's and sometimesyou hear a guy that, you know,
let's not a shriek. I mean, this is like, come on,
you know, everybody's trying to getthis house up to speed with me
too, And it's the same kindof intensity. But it's also, man,
(33:52):
it's so great at the end ofthe day to be able to walk
outside and look at what happened inthe newness of it. And every day
these guys get to turn around andI help them turn around and look at
themselves. And every day, youknow, it's like today we got the
roof fixed. You know, nextweek it's the plumbing. You know,
the week after that, we're gonnabe building a new wing on your soul.
You know, all these things,and it's like and guys grasp that
(34:12):
and they see hoping that and theyget over that, and then man,
they shout it from the rooftops becauseyou know they did it, and I'm
so proud of them when they do. And these are high flying leaders,
you know, these are people thatare highly successful. And what happened is
they they just hit a bump inthe road and it became more than a
bump. It became a wall.And they can't get over it. And
they can't tell anybody because everybody seesthem as just a stud. Everybody goes
(34:36):
that person mans anybody. You know. It's like when I got a divorce,
I can't tell you how many peoplecame up to me and went,
well, what are we gonna do? Now? You are our hope?
You know you were our hope.And I'm like, wow, okay,
So these guys are walking through that. They're like, Gil, if I
ever admitted this, I don't knowwhat would happen. I'm like, well,
let's start here, let's start here, and how bad do you want
(34:57):
it? And man, it isit's I only just hit. It's actually
fun and it's fun for them becausethey get to see all the great things
that God will do, and Iget to be the one who's their tour
guide, and that's what I do. I'm just a tour guide and I
walk them through and they go,oh, look at that over there.
Yeah, what do you want todo with that? Do you want to
do with that? Do something withthat? You know? I think we
(35:19):
can make that into an incredible reccenter. You want to do that,
you know? I mean, solike we just kind of walk these things
through and it's it's it's just sogreat, you know, I don't know
what I mean, it's just reallyI don't you have anything else you want
to end? Matter? Well,I mean, it's it's it's the past
to success for people that are strugglingwith those things, yeah, because they
want to go home and have successthere too, and they're not, you
(35:40):
know, and then they're embarrassed becausethey're numbing it out and they don't want
anybody know. It might be pornography, it might be whatever, it would
be, right, but they're numbingit out. They're muting the world,
and they're like, I'm not likethis. I'm supposed toly, you know,
I'm supposed to be you know,braveheart. I'm William Wallace. What
are you talking about. It's like, well, how about we all just
be human and walk this through.So it's really and to get those those
(36:01):
highly successful people that come to theplace where they're willing to see their whole
lives be successful and they're willing todo whatever it hakes to do that.
Man, that's that's the lottery.Baby, that's beautiful. I'm so glad
you're bringing that forward and from yourown challenge trying to get into an important
service in the world. That's hugethat We'll get to the healing in a
(36:22):
minute, but I want to knowmore about the relationship work you're doing together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'sit's amazing. Well, you know,
before in your words, which Itotally agree with, before the COVID
crap, Before the COVID crap,we were starting to do in person retreats
(36:44):
on relationships, and the first onewe did was called hashtag why is Love
so Hard? We've both gone throughdivorce, we both have learned a lot.
We've worked together really hard on bringingwhat we each have brought, you
know, garbage to the table andworking things through and learning how to do
(37:04):
that. The way that we communicatewith each other through conflict I didn't know
it was even possible. So whenwe got together, we felt like,
you know, there's so many peopleagain that feel like Gil's talking about,
you know, shame or guilt ofyou know, Well, if I go
to a relationship retreat, you know, I don't want anybody to know I'm
(37:27):
here or you know, or tolook like I have a problem or admit
that I'm divorced. Well, everybodyat our last retreat I think was divorced
or heading in that direction anyway.So you know, I think we're taking
a different position other than you know, you hear about relationship retreats. Ours
is not the norm. It's whyis love so hard? And come and
(37:50):
bring all of your pain and Nancystories and everything you've gone through, and
we're going to help you walk throughthat. Not oh just you know read
together as a fan and everything's fine, and I'm not bashing that. But
we we come at things a littlemore edgy then than as I think mainstream,
because we know that that's really wherepeople are. They just put a
(38:13):
smooth veneer over it in public oryou know, when they're talking with others
or whatever. So we started todo that, you know, before the
COVID crap hit and then you know, we've we've tried to do some of
that online yet, and we're puttinga item in our shopping cout here soon
as well at Best Feeling Solutions dotcom and at Gylan Gillendest dot com.
(38:37):
That that is one of our retreatsthat we filmed, so that people can
still access that. But I'm reallyexcited about the relationship work, and we
we do that over the phone withpeople as well through you know, over
zoom or something similar, so youknow, that's that's another option that we
(38:58):
have. But yeah, I thinkyou know, and I was a psychologist
for years as well, and Ithink our approach to helping people with relationships
is really fresh and like I said, more edgy and real that it really
does help people. And the testimonialswe had from my retreat would would speak
to that. People just felt reallyprofound changes in their relationships and a lot
(39:22):
of times also with their relationship withthemselves of course, which then is helpful
in the big picture too. Soyeah, that's a little bit on that.
Beth. Can can you hear me? All right? Yes? Okay,
good? Can you describe the premiseyyou mentioned that the unique communication and
(39:42):
conflict solving. What what kind ofunique communication are we talking about? So
with Gil and I yeah, yeah, yeah, really well, and we
walked through people through this as wellthat we work with. It's how to
fight fair and forgive fast and youcan jump in here if I forget.
(40:04):
Gil is much better memory than I. But it's really walking people through that
and what that means. And thenlooking at okay, what are your conflict
styles? There are different conflict styles. Are you a turtle that goes into
your shell? Are you a skunkthat sprays people? You know? Looking
at okay, we we go throughwhat are conflicts styles? And then you
(40:28):
know or what's your major one?You can have several, So that's one
of the things we do. Andthen we talk about, you know,
what are within that? Then howdo you find a solution out of your
type of conflict style? And thenwe also talk about if you have a
(40:49):
certain conflict style, what does thatreally mean about you? In other words,
how did you get to that place? Like what what were the you
know, painful moments in your life? What led you to be this way?
And argument just doesn't happen by us, it's automatic programming. You know,
from your childhood and family issues andthings like that and what you've seen
and taken in. So we gothrough that and then how based on that
(41:14):
do you learn to resolve? Howdo you learn to resolve and walking through
those steps with people? Do youwant to jump in there? Yeah?
I think, Nicole, I thinkthe the big shift is this, in
our culture, we see the weddingday as the finish line, when actually
the wedding day is the starting line. And so even though we have singles
(41:37):
come to our retreats and they comeand they have a blast, and we
you know, help them be ableto navigate their next steps. For married
people, it's well, you know, well the culture said, and we
got married, like we all,you know, I threw my garter and
he you know, we smashed aglass and it was like everybody clap for
(41:58):
us. And then it's like allright, good luck. Right, Yeah,
we do all this pre marital counselingand then when the marriage's were like
okay, you're goodbye, and they'regoing I need some post marital and matter
of fact, with the with theCOVID thing, you know, divorce rates
are skyrocketing, not just you know, your addictive issues. When we were
talking about people that had to livetogether, that had never that had found
(42:21):
other ways to avoid. Most ofus are culture very much avoids, and
so they found ways to avoid.Well, when you're under the COVID deal,
right, it's like now you're yeah, you're in lockdown with these people.
It's like it's like the Purge,you know the movie. Right,
It's like, man, we gota lock down here for a night.
And for these guys who was lockingdown for what six eight twelve plus months
(42:42):
and they're and then they're like,Okay, Beth Gil, everything I was
hiding from is now come out.You know. It's like one thing I
liked about COVID was is that we'reall like a tuba toothpaste and COVID squeezed
us and we got to see whatcame out. That's the only way you
can tell what's in a tub oftoothpases is getting squeezed. And this last
(43:04):
year, all of us got squeezedand we got to see what came out
of our hearts. We got tosee it. And then and then it's
like, okay, what do youwant to do about that? I mean,
what a gift? Right, Likewhat a gift. Thank you COVID
and all the bs behind it.Thank you though, for the gift of
squeezing me so I can see what'sreally inside me. Because man, most
(43:24):
of us are image managers and we'rereally good at it. Yes, and
our culture has allowed that. Ourculture actually speaks into Okay, guys,
here, here's that you can keepdoing things, you know, still buying
our products without getting caught with this, you know. Like so so it's
like, you know, when peoplefinally go, okay, there I am,
and sometimes they get caught and thenthey go, well, my wife
(43:45):
told me to give you a callguilt because I didn't, you know,
she's out of here. But Ireally, I really liked what COVID did
because the starting point now is thewedding and people wedding day and people are
realizing that, Man, if Iwant this to last, I'm gonna have
to develop not just skills and bestthat. I'll give you tools for your
(44:08):
for your you know, toolkit,but really I want a new heart.
That's what I really want. Youknow, skills are one thing, and
again we can even hide behind those. How many people do you know that
are super knowledgeable? They have mastersand doctor degrees, and they're idiots a
lot because they never learned how todevelop their heart. They knew how to
(44:30):
get through classes and get good grades. But really on the other side of
that, there's just like major aholes and so and so. What we
want to do there is say,okay, there you are. That's good.
Good it got you got squeezed,that came out. Now let's go
and so Beth and I've actually foundit really really refreshing because we don't have
(44:51):
to sit there and have them say, you know and hide from us too.
They don't get to hide. Youknow, there it is, let's
deal with it, and then theydo. It's awesome. Well. And
one of the things I think adifferent way that we've looked at relationships and
other traditional relationship retreats is I'm gilledyou just triggered this when you were talking.
Is one of the main focus,major focus that we have is doing
(45:15):
your inner work. It's not justokay, do this as a couple,
do this as a couple. It'sdoing your inner work and cultivating that and
doing your inner like childhood trauma work, looking at yourself and like as an
objective observer, you know, learningto do that and watching yourself in relationship
(45:36):
and what your patterns are. Soreally a lot of it is looking inside
and working through things rather than justwell, this is what they do,
so you know, this is whatmy partner does, so now you know
that's what the focus is. Sonow we have to do this more as
a couple. It's not like it'sreally going in and doing inner work and
that's the answer. And then ifboth people are doing that at that's even
(46:00):
more of a beautiful answer. Indeed, well here's where we're at. We're
about, Oh my gosh, it'sthis funn
This is Nicole Whitney News for theSoul Life Changing Talk Radio from the uplifting
to the yet explained. Thanks tothe great honor to have you on the
show tonight. Welcome to you,facchus. Thank you. Yes, you
were listening to the News for theSoul Radio Network. News for your Soul
Life Changing broadcasts has sold around theworld since January nineteen ninety seven. You're
(00:42):
all that's previously and broadcast at Newsfor the Sol online at newspthshol dot com.
And let's get back to the show. All right, we're back and
(01:03):
we're live. I'm getting to doone of my favorite things. Introduce you
to new actually two new members ofthe New Soul Radio family. Actually one
of them many years ago. Well, she's back and the next level up
of what's going on with her workand her partner best Daniels and Gil are
(01:23):
here. We're going to introduce themmomentarily. I'll just let you we start
with our famous first question no labelsup front Soul to Soul meeting, and
we unpeel the onion from there.But if you want to read ahead,
you can find their full bios andall the other information links et cetera on
newsforthsoul dot com just by clicking theirhosts or there. So let's welcome Beth
(01:45):
and Gil on and start the fun. Welcome guys, Welcome to news for
the Soul Hiley. At the sametime, awesome, great time back here.
I think it's like eleven years.Eleven years. Wow, that's amazing.
(02:07):
Well, you know with the timesthat we're in now, and you're
actually one of many who have returnedafter hiatuses because of the work that's meets
right now on the planet. Sonot shocked, but very happy to reconnect
and to meet you Gil and getto know both of you on the deeper
levels this hour. So I like, this is always tricky when we have
(02:30):
two people at once. So wewill move forward with our famous question because
it's a place that connects us allas a community and a movement here on
the small list for what's really real, what's really possible, and that is
we've all had experiences with something outsidethe three D norm that's gotten our attention,
(02:50):
woken us up, maybe even setus on our path. And I'm
curious about your earliest recollection, eachof you individually of something like that,
and also your most found. Sowho'd like to start? I think guil
does. Okay, so well,can you hear us? Okay, yep,
(03:12):
perfectly, Okay, there's a littlebit of crackling. We just wanted
to make sure. Okay, allright, Yeah, I'll go for it.
You're here the new beyond the Black. Yeah. Interestingly enough, I
come from an agnostic background, andyou know, God really wasn't a big
part at all of my family's life. And so talk about an early kind
(03:34):
of wooing that got had on myheart. It was back when I was
in you know, middle school andearly high school, and he just kept,
you know, whispering his voice tome that he loved me and didn't
hate me, and there was noguilt or shame associated with this, and
over time he just made himself reallyreally clear to me. So in college,
(03:57):
I had done everything under the sun. I'd worked for or three fortune
five hundred companies. I had donethings. I'm like, you know,
played tennis to the highest levels inArizona. In high school, I was
the number one jazz saxophone player therein Arizona as well, and then I
took that to college with me.So there was just like things I was
doing you know, dating and drinkingand just doing all kinds of things to
kind of, you know, fillup my heart. And I realized that
(04:20):
none of those were gonna do that, you know, that there was definitely
an empty space there. And thatspace for me, and I don't know
if it's like this for your listeners, but that space for me was every
night when I went to bed andlaid my head on a pillow. You
know, I got to play thetape back of that day and all the
things I had done and all theaccomplishments and all the kind of the report
cards that had come in and everythingI had done to fill my heart up,
(04:44):
and that that time was my headon the pillow before I drifted off.
Was always thinking, there's got tobe more. You know, they're
just us. If I'm gonna youknow, walk on this planet for eighty
years, and I'm gonna go tobed every night no matter what I I've
done, no matter much how muchmoney I've made, no matter how many
accolades I have, whatever those successesare, and I was working, like
(05:05):
you know, to the bone.There's just this just doesn't sound like a
planet I want to be on foreighty years and you know, God,
in his goodness just kept whispering tome. You know, I fill that
empty space. You know, youknow I'm the one who does that.
You know, you're you're These otherthings aren't bad things. They're not things
(05:29):
that are anything to be you know, mad about or guilty about or feel
shame about. It was just thatthose things were never meant to be number
one. And so when I reallygot that, and that hit me in
college, and that was at thetime when I just kind of said back
to God, like I'm in.You know, I'm in. This isn't
doing it over here, So I'min with you. And it wasn't a
(05:50):
trial basis. It wasn't like Isaid to God, like, yeah,
you better, you know, showup and here's the three things I need
you to do. He's not agenie in a bottle. But there was
stuff that piece where he came inlike a flood and liked, you know,
yeah, yeah, he just camein like a flood for me.
(06:14):
And I think in those in thoseways, my mom and dad were going
through a nasty divorce. My momhad kicked my brother out of the home
because he invited my dad to graduation. I mean, it was a really
volatile home. I grew up inan abusive home, and so you know,
there was like how do I traversethis? You know, how do
I how do I live in wisdom? How do I clock in and check
(06:35):
into my higher self? And thosethings were all God led down to the
smallest things, you know, likewhen I was sick and I was just
feeling absolutely horrible and I thought Iwas going to die, and I'd say,
okay, got I, I needyou to heal me, like is
there a way you can do that? And that healing piece then began to
happen. Sometimes it was in themoment, and sometimes it took many,
(06:56):
many years, but those healings werealways there when I called to them,
you know. And God would alwayssay to me, do you want to
get well? Are you sure?My answer was yes, or are you
sure? Because if you're in,I'm in. But if you need to
go do whatever else, then goahead and try to find that healing somewhere
else. But when you come back, I'll still be here, you know.
(07:18):
And so I always found myself droppingbreadcrumbs away from God and following them
back. And when I followed themback, you know, he was there,
and I have a million stories Ican tell about how that's happened,
and that's gone over and over.I've not been perfect in any way,
(07:39):
shape or form, and in myimperfections, he has always been there with
his perfections. So yeah, I'vejust seen, you know, from here,
all around the world Afghanistan, youknow, building cities there, building
new towns all over the world,Poland and other places. I just he
just is there's not a place onthis planet that he hasn't met me.
(08:01):
So my eighty years, man,I want to rock them, and my
eighty I want them to be thebest. Of course, you brought Beth
along, So that's a whole othermiracle story, all right. Just how
(08:22):
you plucked me out of the mountainsand Beth out of the ocean and put
us in Prescott, Arizona and alittle dive hick cowboy bar called the Jersey
Lily in downtown Prescott, and howyou know just that perfect timing where we
intersected together. I mean, that'sjust a whole another miracle story. All
right. Well, where are wegoing to go next. Let's get your
(08:43):
first, initial, earliest memory ofyour most profound experience with something outside the
three D norms. Yeah. Yeah, And I've talked about this before,
you know, when I sent youthe information recently, Nicole. And it's
probably not the earliest, but I'dsay the most profound because this has happened
(09:09):
over and over since. And Ihad recently lost my grandfather and he was
eighty nine, and he had recentlydied. He was he was really probably
the most important person in my life. And he was just the most incredible,
(09:31):
spiritual man I've ever known, andI've ever met since. And so
he had passed away, and itwas interesting because I had joy because I
knew he was amazingly good and hewas good, he was doing great,
So I wasn't. Everyone's like,man, you're really not crying about losing
(09:54):
your grandpa. He's so important toyou. I can't. I don't.
I'm not. I don't have griefabout it. I just know how he
lived his life and I know he'scontinuing that on the other side and everything
is great. So I had youknow, he had crossed over probably I'm
not sure a year or two before, but one of his good friends,
(10:18):
well my step grandma, I guesshis wife was still here and she's still
hung around with their great friends,David and Karen, and they were unfortunate.
There was an unfortunate accident where Davidfell and hid his head, and
my dad called me and told mewhat happened, and I could see in
(10:39):
the moment my grandfather stretched out hisarms to welcome David, you know,
across the bridge, so to speak, so helped him to the other side.
He held out his arms, andI thought the minute my dad told
me what happened to David and Iand I saw my grandfather reaching out for
(11:00):
him, and I knew he wasgoing to be the first person that he
saw, and that he wasn't comingback, you know, into this body
and into this life. He washe was moving on. And I felt
so much peace because I knew,you know, it's like, yeah,
David is there, he's he's withhis old friend. It's all going to
be good. And you know,they're, oh, he's gonna you know,
(11:24):
he's going to rally and he's comingback. And you know, I
wasn't. I'm not saying anything.It was all really sacred, you know,
so I just I just knew.And then yeah, a couple of
days later, you know, thecall came that you know he had he
had transition. So that was thebeginning for me of seeing and not just
(11:48):
seeing like diagnoses or physical problems formy clients, which I see every day
with chronic conditions, but seeing beyondthat and just being able to see what
was true and what was beautiful andhow the spirit moves and yeah, yeah,
(12:11):
what what? What is really therefor us? Says so much that
we don't really know or you know, as humans, I think we don't
really even know how to process sometimes. So that was the first time where
I had a picture like that,and then that just happened continually after that.
Almost every time I'm working with someoneover the phone and I get pictures
(12:35):
about things and they're they're beautiful andthey're deep, and I try to explain
them, you know, as aswe go. But yeah, that was
a that was a really profound momentfor me. Yes, well, being
able to just seeing, get insightand have to experience anything about you know,
death and beyond death is probably themost important thing we can And you
(13:03):
know, I think what happens andI'm sorry to interrupt you, but I
think what happens is we spend somuch time in our heads, you know,
and we spend so much time andfor the people I work with who
typically have chronic health conditions and theyreally need help, and for them as
well, we spend so much timethinking about thinking about it and problems and
(13:26):
focusing on them and maybe some onsolutions, but we just spend our time
with our nose to the grindstone orlike on this treadmill of life. And
this was like this moment of no, that is not where the truth is.
That is not where the truth is. Look up, look up,
(13:46):
get your nose out of that treadmill, you know, look up and see
what's really there and what is thisexperience really about? And what is your
divine path really about? What areyou here for? What are you doing?
You're not here to be sick.So I think that whole scenario just
really helped me understand that better.And I try to work really hard to
(14:09):
help people see that it and itjust changes everything for them. Beautiful.
I'm curious about the synchronistic story ofhow you two kids met. Well,
I think we should let the storytellertell us and then go ahead. If
(14:31):
I'm missing anything, I'd like tohear your perspective. Yo. Well,
I I had come to a placein my life three or four years ago
where I was. I was ina place where you know, I was
divorced and a single dad, fourkids in high school, they're all teenagers.
(14:52):
So it was really really challenging,and you know, I just hit
a wall with that. You know, I've been super super successful in raising
up you know, large large searchesand seeing really some really great things happen
out of Colorado, to change tochange towns and cities, and it was
really awesome. And and yet Iwas hitting the wall. You know,
(15:15):
I had a lot of guilt andshame around that divorce piece, and you
know, I kind of had Ikind of had a movie in mind for
me, right, Like I knewwhat I wanted the movie to look like,
and it was actually turning out tobe a horror story. I wanted
to be Disney, you know,like let's roll with that, and uh,
but that wasn't what was happening.And you know, I kind of
did. I had a really reallytough time where I ended up with the
(15:39):
Bottle as my as my best friend, and I grew up with a bunch
of alcoholics a matter of fact,generational alcoholism, and I was able to
keep that at bay for quite awhile, but I was not able to
keep it at bay in my midforties, and so it just became something
to soothe the pain of my life. You know. The movie was not
(16:00):
churning out the way I really sawit fit to do, and so yeah,
I kind of wanted off the planetagain. You know. At that
point, I was like, youknow, how do I do that?
And kind of a Robin Williams kindof story, you know, in that
way of being in front of crowdsand being able to move people, having
(16:21):
God really used me in that,and you know, thousands and thousands of
people, and and still I wasjust really frustrated with how things were going
with that. I had gotten ina car accident a few years before that
where my back was was a adrunk driver and my back was trashed,
and so drinking alcohol was a wayto calm that pain down. So there's
a lot of things around that thathad me end up in rehab. So
(16:45):
I ended up there back in Goshtwenty eighteen in Prescot, Arizona, and
was just finishing up inpatient and doingreally well, and when I bumped into
Beth, my dad and her momfor friends, and they had never introduced
us, so there was an ifthere's you know, yeah, that's was
(17:06):
married. I was singled for fourteenyears. But you know, best Best,
That's was married, But here shewasn't. She was, you know,
finally moving into singlehood. And soour folks decided to have us connect.
And That's was only in town fora little bit. I mean,
she lives in Hawaii and lives inHawaiian and doing her thing with that,
and so it was really providential thatnight to bumpaner. I was actually with
(17:29):
someone else that night, was justa friend, but she was really struggling
with a lot of things, andso Best I was like, oh see,
I gotta really listen to that.But I really want to, you
know, connect with with this womanwho is so fascinating, you know,
especially around what she did. Sowhat she did and kind of what my
heart was were very very similar.We complimented each other well, and that
night, I mean, the wholethe whole place could have just gone away
(17:53):
and we would have had this agreat time connecting over a lot of subjects.
So at the end of that Iain't I got best card, which
got stolen from me, and Iwas like, shoot, So I had
to do some work uh in Prescottto find her number, and I did,
because that's what tnacious people do whenthey run into someone that they fall
(18:18):
in love with. So I gother number and I called her and I
said, let's set up a littletime. And we set up a time
to talk on the phone. Andbes was headed up to Seattle and she
forgot so I called and no onewas there. And being the tnacious guy
that I am, I'm like,well that had to be an honest stake.
It was, and you know,there had to be honest. There's
(18:41):
no way, no way. Shewouldn't want to talk to me. I
just didn't. I did. Iwas like, okay, maybe maybe that,
but I'm going to keep going.So I called her again and you
answered that time, and I go, and I go, so did what
happened with our little phone date?And she was, I don't know what
(19:03):
you said that you got out ofthis. I was with my daughter.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,I had forgotten. But truth be told,
Nicole, I mean I was goingthrough a divorce and he thought I
thought that he had a girlfriend,so you know I had a girlfriend.
He showed up at this event,you know, with this girl. So
I was happy to find out hedidn't. But the truth of the matter
(19:26):
is the part that Gil did notsay, which is I think awesome.
Is well, first of all,the second we met each other, it's
like we started talking about spiritual things. I mean, who does that?
So yeah, we connected immediately aboutreally deep things and about healing others and
how do you help other people healyet still set good boundaries, you know,
(19:51):
for your own life. And wegot into all of this right away,
and how you know sensitive people burnout? Yeah, how sensitive healers
really are and how you need toprotect that. And I mean, we
were just getting into all these amazingtopics and then my mom's like, well,
we got to go over so Iwant to shoot the dog needs to
(20:11):
eat. But so we left.But that was it was really awesome.
But the second one thing I haveto share, and I shared at our
wedding is when Gill walked in,I was sitting at a table with my
mom. It was kind of apre Christmas party at this young cowboy saloon
(20:32):
literally, and I saw Gil fromthe back and I knew that my mom's
my mom's friend, Jerry's son wasgoing to be there, and I didn't
know who he was or what helooked like or anything. So I saw
him from the back first. Iwas sitting at a table and I saw
(20:56):
how huge his heart was from theback. Who it was? It was
just again, it was like oneof those visions, right. I just
thought, and I'm like, wow, I wonder who that is. I
don't typically go around seeing the sizeof people's hearts, just so you know.
So it was just right there andI was like, I wonder who
(21:17):
that is. And then he turnedaround and came over to the table and
I was like, whoa, thatmust be Jerry's son. So that was
really the entry into our connections.Yeah, and I saw Beth and I
thought, and God, really reminds, she's hot. That's that's what That's
what happens for me. So that'sreally deep. I just wanted to share
that it was really it was alightning bolt from heaven because she's blonde,
(21:42):
so somehow anyway, there's a lotthere, but I won't unpack it.
But all I have to say isthat, Yeah, so we we connected
there and then we probably talked onthe phone for three or four hours a
night for a couple of months,and then Beth came back out to press
it and then we started to kindof point and what we could do.
So it's just yeah, just Ireally like what Beth said. Right.
(22:04):
It's like and if any way ofyour listeners is a healer, they will
get this. Right. It's likewe we pour ourselves out continually and then
rarely is there a sponge. We'relike a sponge, right, and we're
looking for water somewhere to fill backup because we're gonna squeeze that. We're
gonna squeeze that sponge out on othersthat are hurting. And so we really
(22:26):
connected over you know, what's yourwater source? You know what do you
what are you doing to fill backup your you know, the sponge of
your heart? Because lots of healersget taken out. You know, there's
there's I think there's a lot ofspiritual battle that occurs with people who step
out there to say I really wantto help I want to help others find
their purpose in life. I wantthem to find you know, themselves.
(22:47):
I want that really help them takenext steps. And so you know,
we were able to come really quickto how burned out are you, you
know, and how burned out areyou? And you know, what what
are you doing with that? Becauseyou know, I didn't need to ask
Bet about her prolific healing life becauseall you have to do is sit down.
Was Best for about five minutes,and you'll understand just how I mean.
(23:10):
She's the most powerful and gentle healerI've ever met. That's why she
has a global she has a globalreach. You know, she has people
all over the world that Colin hadtalk to her because her heartbeat is so
so locked in and and so eventoday, you know, we talked about
it last night. You know,we we look at each other and go,
how are you doing with all that? You know, how's it going?
When you know, when you justgot done with these five people today
(23:33):
that were really really really really tough. I mean only to be honest,
only those who have basically been toldthey have no hope called Best and a
lot of times yeah, and Bestdoes. Man. She is like the
last house on the block for thesepeople. And and she's like this big
spiritual triage at the end of theblock that people bump into on their way
(23:56):
to really complete helplessness. And andI would say even depression like that goes
deep and so bes gets. It'sthat group of people and best leans into
that amazingly. I love it.Yeah, I love it. I mean,
that's that's what I'm here to do. And and it's really wild because
most days at the end of theday, I have a lot more energy
(24:18):
and I'm more invigorated than I wasin the morning by far, because it
invigorates me and excites me to helppeople change their life. You know,
I when I met you, Iwas going through a lot of personal hardship
and that really takes me down.The work that I do does the opposite.
It's just invigorating to watch people's liveschange, like over over a day
(24:41):
or or longer depending. But yeah, it's no thank you Gil for seeing
that. Mmm. Well, yes, when you're on purpose, it's not
work, it's you know, whenyou're serving, it's very yeah, exactlyerful,
energizing. It feeds you, Yill. You know. I want to
(25:02):
ask you this question because since allthis COVID crap, a lot of people
have been dealing with a lot ofstuff, including alcohol. Addiction has been
high, widely prevalent globally since allthe lockdowns and shutting down of you know,
spiritual centers in all entertainment industry andtravel and you know, so I'm
(25:25):
wondering what you did, how didyou overcome it? As far as getting
through COVID no, the alcohol addiction, I'm just okay, Yeah, I
love to talking about that. That'shis h Now I get to brag on
him for a second before he talks. Basically, the failure rate of people
(25:49):
that go through rehab is ninety ninepercent. Literally one percent make it and
hold it. So people that workwith him get to hold that healing and
not go back. So he isamazing in this. He will not say
(26:14):
that, So I'm gonna say thatbefore I let him talk about it,
because I've never seen such a thing. I've never seen such beauty come from
just these ashes of dark addiction andwhat he does to help people through that.
So I have to say that first. No, now you can text
yeah, well yeah, yeah,Well, I mean I think that the
(26:37):
number one thing. And I askevery guy this, you know, do
you have the gift of desperation?You know, if you don't have that
gift, that desperate soul, thatrebel soul, which is awesome, I
mean I have a rebel soul,and if I can set that into the
right channel, right, It's likeit's like if I can find the gulf
stream, you know, and Iget my. If I get my you
(27:02):
know, if I get aligned withthe gold stream, I'm gonna be in
great shape. Right if I mean, a straw can actually let the golf
stream go through it as long asthat straw is in alignment with the gold
stream. So most people are notin alignment with that, and so and
by the way, that's a gifttoo, because it can it'll get them
to the gift of desperation. Imean, I like what C. S.
Lewis said, right, like painis God's megaphone to rouse a hurting
(27:25):
world. And I think that thatis it's a great thing when someone says,
you know, man, I'm struggling, and so for me, it
was all or nothing. I meanthat like it was. I did not
have a point percentage when I dealtwith my alcoholism. That was saying I
think I can do this. I'veonly been beat by two things in my
life. I mean, I've beenbeat by up, but I mean I'm
talking about incredible hulk slammed in mylife, and that was a marriage that
(27:49):
I had that I was I mean, I out of everything I could do,
it was not gonna make it.And then and an alcohol So those
so those and I just tell peoplethat, right, I mean, I
got incredible hulk slammed by those twothings. And it's okay to say that,
you know. And I think Ihad to become comfortable with that to
(28:10):
say, you know what, thisis my path and I and I'm I'm
in with this and I'm also goingto go with this like gift of desperation
piece. So when I when Iwas there every day and I probably did,
I don't know, upferds of sevenhundred plus meetings with groups and sitting
down with some of the best spiritualdirectors in the world, and sitting down
(28:33):
and really picking up the Buddhist practiceof meditation, I mean really learning what
that means and how to do it. It's kind of like mental and spiritual
yoga. And being able to holdthose kind of spaces both in groups and
my own self where my inner voicebecame very very clear, where I realized
I boldoze some values that I heldnear and dear. You know, I
(28:56):
had this visit for my life andall this thing I wanted to be and
I buldozed some things that I reallycounted as sacred, and I was really
I really wanted to see that healedand I wanted to see that dealt with
because I was willing to go back. And it was really hard, but
I was really able to go backand walk through my childhood. And I
(29:19):
have a boy. His name isCad, and Caid is so tenderhearted.
He's like me, like we're reallyhighly sensitive people. And what helped me
so much was thinking if I wereto treat Caid the way I was treated,
I mean I just started weeping,like, you know, just to
(29:40):
be able to go back and holdthat kid that I was rather than look
at it like, well I couldn'tovercoming. I must suck. You know,
this is really bad. Yeah whatever, you know, it's like no
that that little boy back there andhe's held and that and I mean,
I know that sounds corny, andmaybe it sounds corny to some of your
listeners. What I'm telling you,it's true. When that boy can be
held by you, your own,you can go back and walk through that
(30:03):
childhood trauma in a really really healthyway. It's hard and there's a lot
of tears, and there's a lotof fighting with that, and there's a
lot of you know, even someanger and some bitterness and some resentment.
And and to be honest, Ihated as much as I hated my dad,
as much as I hated whatever,you know, my ex whatever it
would be that I've ever said,oh that was or whatever, I hated
myself even more. And that's wherethe that's where the real devastation and tragicness
(30:27):
happens is when other people's voices thenbecome yours, and they're not healthy.
So I got to go back andunwrap all that. And I mean I'm
talking like with everything I had.I had a guy that sat next to
me during the meeting. He wasseventy two years old, and he was
with the Washington Post. He wasa journalist. And during one meeting and
(30:48):
I'm like, I'm writing books.My journal is being packed out. I
think I was. You would thinkI was writing a Tom Clancy novel.
And this guy that's watching post guynext to me goes, you know,
Gil, I give anything to beable to read what you're writing. And
I said, really, anything could. But you know, I think that
(31:10):
that was my posture was really reallyI needed mercy and I needed help,
and and I ended up coming tothe place that I was able to ask
for it, which most people don't. So and now I help people through
it. And you know, anger, anxiety, and addiction. Those three,
(31:33):
most guys, I know, thosethree are tied together. And when
I see addiction, I don't meanjust alcoholism. I'm talking about isms,
workaholism, busyism, you name it. I mean it's not it's you know,
sportsism, whatever it is that you'rethrowing your heart into commute and numb
all that pain, that's an ism. And so I really help guys see
(32:00):
it as okay, it's normal.We live in a broken world. That's
okay, and that you know,I'm in it with you, and you
you know, before long, they'retelling me things that they've never told their
wives, and I think that's reallyreally important, or just any friends they've
ever had. And they're like long, because they're so waiting on the slap,
They're waiting on the youth suck,they're waiting on you get an f
They're waiting on the shame and guiltthat goes with this stuff. And I'm
(32:22):
like, Nope, and when theycan put down those really harsh weapons and
just come then then God starts todo his work, and then I just
walk him through all that. Andyou know, I have like, you
know, I don't know eight eightmodules that I just walk through, and
but really I do person by person. You know, everybody's got a distinct
(32:43):
story. Not everybody's the same,and so it's like anything else, it's
like, hey, I want towalk you through this, but I want
to walk it through in a uniqueway that's really you. Because we're gonna,
we're gonna mold this, and we'regonna, we're gonna shape this.
We're gonna, you know, you'regoing through an entire life remodeling right now.
So we're gonna, we're gonna,we're gonna go through that. And
it doesn't have to be very long, you know. I bet guys say
(33:07):
to me, man, I usedto you know, every night, coming
home, I you know, graba whiskey and sit down. Before long,
I was yelling at my wife andtelling my kids get out of my
face. And it's like, youknow, we're a month into this thing,
and they're like, it's weird.I go home now and it's like
I'm peaceful. You know what whathappened. And I'm like, well,
God, you're letting God remodel youryour soul because that needs to happen.
(33:28):
Your soul needs remodeled. And thatyou know, that takes work. We're
getting ready to sell our house rightnow out here in Hawaii, and we've
got people working on the roofs andthey're working all that and it's loud and
it's noisy, and it's and sometimesyou hear a guy that, you know,
let's not a shriek. I mean, this is like, come on,
you know, everybody's trying to getthis house up to speed with me
too, And it's the same kindof intensity. But it's also, man,
(33:52):
it's so great at the end ofthe day to be able to walk
outside and look at what happened inthe newness of it. And every day
these guys get to turn around andI help them turn around and look at
themselves. And every day, youknow, it's like today we got the
roof fixed. You know, nextweek it's the plumbing. You know,
the week after that, we're gonnabe building a new wing on your soul.
You know, all these things,and it's like and guys grasp that
(34:12):
and they see hoping that and theyget over that, and then man,
they shout it from the rooftops becauseyou know they did it, and I'm
so proud of them when they do. And these are high flying leaders,
you know, these are people thatare highly successful. And what happened is
they they just hit a bump inthe road and it became more than a
bump. It became a wall.And they can't get over it. And
they can't tell anybody because everybody seesthem as just a stud. Everybody goes
(34:36):
that person mans anybody. You know. It's like when I got a divorce,
I can't tell you how many peoplecame up to me and went,
well, what are we gonna do? Now? You are our hope?
You know you were our hope.And I'm like, wow, okay,
So these guys are walking through that. They're like, Gil, if I
ever admitted this, I don't knowwhat would happen. I'm like, well,
let's start here, let's start here, and how bad do you want
(34:57):
it? And man, it isit's I only just hit. It's actually
fun and it's fun for them becausethey get to see all the great things
that God will do, and Iget to be the one who's their tour
guide, and that's what I do. I'm just a tour guide and I
walk them through and they go,oh, look at that over there.
Yeah, what do you want todo with that? Do you want to
do with that? Do something withthat? You know? I think we
(35:19):
can make that into an incredible reccenter. You want to do that,
you know? I mean, solike we just kind of walk these things
through and it's it's it's just sogreat, you know, I don't know
what I mean, it's just reallyI don't you have anything else you want
to end? Matter? Well,I mean, it's it's it's the past
to success for people that are strugglingwith those things, yeah, because they
want to go home and have successthere too, and they're not, you
(35:40):
know, and then they're embarrassed becausethey're numbing it out and they don't want
anybody know. It might be pornography, it might be whatever, it would
be, right, but they're numbingit out. They're muting the world,
and they're like, I'm not likethis. I'm supposed toly, you know,
I'm supposed to be you know,braveheart. I'm William Wallace. What
are you talking about. It's like, well, how about we all just
be human and walk this through.So it's really and to get those those
(36:01):
highly successful people that come to theplace where they're willing to see their whole
lives be successful and they're willing todo whatever it hakes to do that.
Man, that's that's the lottery.Baby, that's beautiful. I'm so glad
you're bringing that forward and from yourown challenge trying to get into an important
service in the world. That's hugethat We'll get to the healing in a
(36:22):
minute, but I want to knowmore about the relationship work you're doing together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'sit's amazing. Well, you know,
before in your words, which Itotally agree with, before the COVID
crap, Before the COVID crap,we were starting to do in person retreats
(36:44):
on relationships, and the first onewe did was called hashtag why is Love
so Hard? We've both gone throughdivorce, we both have learned a lot.
We've worked together really hard on bringingwhat we each have brought, you
know, garbage to the table andworking things through and learning how to do
(37:04):
that. The way that we communicatewith each other through conflict I didn't know
it was even possible. So whenwe got together, we felt like,
you know, there's so many peopleagain that feel like Gil's talking about,
you know, shame or guilt ofyou know, Well, if I go
to a relationship retreat, you know, I don't want anybody to know I'm
(37:27):
here or you know, or tolook like I have a problem or admit
that I'm divorced. Well, everybodyat our last retreat I think was divorced
or heading in that direction anyway.So you know, I think we're taking
a different position other than you know, you hear about relationship retreats. Ours
is not the norm. It's whyis love so hard? And come and
(37:50):
bring all of your pain and Nancystories and everything you've gone through, and
we're going to help you walk throughthat. Not oh just you know read
together as a fan and everything's fine, and I'm not bashing that. But
we we come at things a littlemore edgy then than as I think mainstream,
because we know that that's really wherepeople are. They just put a
(38:13):
smooth veneer over it in public oryou know, when they're talking with others
or whatever. So we started todo that, you know, before the
COVID crap hit and then you know, we've we've tried to do some of
that online yet, and we're puttinga item in our shopping cout here soon
as well at Best Feeling Solutions dotcom and at Gylan Gillendest dot com.
(38:37):
That that is one of our retreatsthat we filmed, so that people can
still access that. But I'm reallyexcited about the relationship work, and we
we do that over the phone withpeople as well through you know, over
zoom or something similar, so youknow, that's that's another option that we
(38:58):
have. But yeah, I thinkyou know, and I was a psychologist
for years as well, and Ithink our approach to helping people with relationships
is really fresh and like I said, more edgy and real that it really
does help people. And the testimonialswe had from my retreat would would speak
to that. People just felt reallyprofound changes in their relationships and a lot
(39:22):
of times also with their relationship withthemselves of course, which then is helpful
in the big picture too. Soyeah, that's a little bit on that.
Beth. Can can you hear me? All right? Yes? Okay,
good? Can you describe the premiseyyou mentioned that the unique communication and
(39:42):
conflict solving. What what kind ofunique communication are we talking about? So
with Gil and I yeah, yeah, yeah, really well, and we
walked through people through this as wellthat we work with. It's how to
fight fair and forgive fast and youcan jump in here if I forget.
(40:04):
Gil is much better memory than I. But it's really walking people through that
and what that means. And thenlooking at okay, what are your conflict
styles? There are different conflict styles. Are you a turtle that goes into
your shell? Are you a skunkthat sprays people? You know? Looking
at okay, we we go throughwhat are conflicts styles? And then you
(40:28):
know or what's your major one?You can have several, So that's one
of the things we do. Andthen we talk about, you know,
what are within that? Then howdo you find a solution out of your
type of conflict style? And thenwe also talk about if you have a
(40:49):
certain conflict style, what does thatreally mean about you? In other words,
how did you get to that place? Like what what were the you
know, painful moments in your life? What led you to be this way?
And argument just doesn't happen by us, it's automatic programming. You know,
from your childhood and family issues andthings like that and what you've seen
and taken in. So we gothrough that and then how based on that
(41:14):
do you learn to resolve? Howdo you learn to resolve and walking through
those steps with people? Do youwant to jump in there? Yeah?
I think, Nicole, I thinkthe the big shift is this, in
our culture, we see the weddingday as the finish line, when actually
the wedding day is the starting line. And so even though we have singles
(41:37):
come to our retreats and they comeand they have a blast, and we
you know, help them be ableto navigate their next steps. For married
people, it's well, you know, well the culture said, and we
got married, like we all,you know, I threw my garter and
he you know, we smashed aglass and it was like everybody clap for
(41:58):
us. And then it's like allright, good luck. Right, Yeah,
we do all this pre marital counselingand then when the marriage's were like
okay, you're goodbye, and they'regoing I need some post marital and matter
of fact, with the with theCOVID thing, you know, divorce rates
are skyrocketing, not just you know, your addictive issues. When we were
talking about people that had to livetogether, that had never that had found
(42:21):
other ways to avoid. Most ofus are culture very much avoids, and
so they found ways to avoid.Well, when you're under the COVID deal,
right, it's like now you're yeah, you're in lockdown with these people.
It's like it's like the Purge,you know the movie. Right,
It's like, man, we gota lock down here for a night.
And for these guys who was lockingdown for what six eight twelve plus months
(42:42):
and they're and then they're like,Okay, Beth Gil, everything I was
hiding from is now come out.You know. It's like one thing I
liked about COVID was is that we'reall like a tuba toothpaste and COVID squeezed
us and we got to see whatcame out. That's the only way you
can tell what's in a tub oftoothpases is getting squeezed. And this last
(43:04):
year, all of us got squeezedand we got to see what came out
of our hearts. We got tosee it. And then and then it's
like, okay, what do youwant to do about that? I mean,
what a gift? Right, Likewhat a gift. Thank you COVID
and all the bs behind it.Thank you though, for the gift of
squeezing me so I can see what'sreally inside me. Because man, most
(43:24):
of us are image managers and we'rereally good at it. Yes, and
our culture has allowed that. Ourculture actually speaks into Okay, guys,
here, here's that you can keepdoing things, you know, still buying
our products without getting caught with this, you know. Like so so it's
like, you know, when peoplefinally go, okay, there I am,
and sometimes they get caught and thenthey go, well, my wife
(43:45):
told me to give you a callguilt because I didn't, you know,
she's out of here. But Ireally, I really liked what COVID did
because the starting point now is thewedding and people wedding day and people are
realizing that, Man, if Iwant this to last, I'm gonna have
to develop not just skills and bestthat. I'll give you tools for your
(44:08):
for your you know, toolkit,but really I want a new heart.
That's what I really want. Youknow, skills are one thing, and
again we can even hide behind those. How many people do you know that
are super knowledgeable? They have mastersand doctor degrees, and they're idiots a
lot because they never learned how todevelop their heart. They knew how to
(44:30):
get through classes and get good grades. But really on the other side of
that, there's just like major aholes and so and so. What we
want to do there is say,okay, there you are. That's good.
Good it got you got squeezed,that came out. Now let's go
and so Beth and I've actually foundit really really refreshing because we don't have
(44:51):
to sit there and have them say, you know and hide from us too.
They don't get to hide. Youknow, there it is, let's
deal with it, and then theydo. It's awesome. Well. And
one of the things I think adifferent way that we've looked at relationships and
other traditional relationship retreats is I'm gilledyou just triggered this when you were talking.
Is one of the main focus,major focus that we have is doing
(45:15):
your inner work. It's not justokay, do this as a couple,
do this as a couple. It'sdoing your inner work and cultivating that and
doing your inner like childhood trauma work, looking at yourself and like as an
objective observer, you know, learningto do that and watching yourself in relationship
(45:36):
and what your patterns are. Soreally a lot of it is looking inside
and working through things rather than justwell, this is what they do,
so you know, this is whatmy partner does, so now you know
that's what the focus is. Sonow we have to do this more as
a couple. It's not like it'sreally going in and doing inner work and
that's the answer. And then ifboth people are doing that at that's even
(46:00):
more of a beautiful answer. Indeed, well here's where we're at. We're
about, Oh my gosh, it'sthis funn
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