Episode Transcript
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(00:30):
The Jack Benny program Transcribe presented byLucky Strike, Happy Lucky, Happy Lucky
Lucky. I played a resolution friendicget more poking fun. I've put you
Miler Lucky right for nineteen fifty onering out the old ring in the New
(00:56):
Lucky Year movie for we don't findyour back a captain, Happy go Lucky,
Happy me, Happy Go Lucky Lucky. The Lucky Trike programs are Jack
(01:19):
Benny with Barry Levyson, Philhara's Contestand Never Saying, You're rolling on,
ladies and gentlemen. In a fewshort hours, it will be nineteen fifty
(01:42):
one and another year will have passedinto history. Yes, as the saying
goes, time and tide wait forno man. So now we bring you
a man who hasn't tried his luckwith tide, but who has licked time.
And here is Jack Benny. Thankyou, thank you, thank you
(02:07):
well again the Jack Benny talking.Now, don step away from the microphone.
Let Phil get on. But Jack, don, I said, step
away from the microphone and let fillon. But Jack, why do you
want to pill on sorely? Becausethis is New Year's Eve and if we
don't get him on fast, wemay not have him at all. Believe
me. I'll wait a minute,Jackson. I heard what you said,
(02:29):
and that may be true of theold Phil Harris Harris than the're do well,
But I want you to know thatthe leopard has changed his spots.
Really, Phil, Yes, Forthe year nineteen fifty one, I'm going
to be a new man. I'mgoing to spend more time around the house
to vote myself to guard. Andwho knows, someday my petunia bed may
(02:50):
be the envy of the entire tamilit tell there is nothing more soul satisfying
than planting a seed, watching thelittle path push its tender leaves through mother
Earth and blossom into a fragrant flowersoil. They let me look at something
(03:17):
there, a colorful bloom lifting itsdew kissed pebbles, or the warmth of
the morning sun. Nature All hangaway, fill, you've got a script
from life can be beautiful? Ohhere's our script? Well here I am
(03:40):
a bomber again? Yeah yeah,Jackson? Tonight or wait wait wait,
will I walk back to my microphone? Now? Cut that off? Musicians.
Yeah, they were whippling at me. Oh oh home Mary, hello
(04:01):
Jack, Happy New Year, Happynew You're married. Happy New Year,
don have you married? Happy NewYear? Phil, Phil, Jill?
What are you daydreaming about? Haveyou noticed the rich Crimson colors of the
Point Suffers this year? Well,poor Donald reccrift, what script? I'm
(04:23):
auditioned for a speed company right now. We have a very special sketch to
do tonight. Oh Jack, Igot a letter from Mamma this morning,
and she wants me to thank youfor the Christmas present you sent it.
Oh, good, good, yourmother. What does the Harriet Craig of
Plainfield have the same. I've gotit right here. I'll read it to
(04:44):
you. My darling daughter, Mary, get it to your line to let
you know that we had a wonderfulChristmas and hope you had the same.
Please thank Jack for the present hesent us. It's brightened up our whole
Christmas. What do you say tomarry a light bulb? Sixty was?
(05:09):
Tell Jack, we appreciate it verymuch. And it goes with a socket
he set us last year. Yeah, we had the whole family here for
dinner on Christmas Day, and yourcousin Martha came with her new husband,
who is quite famous. He oncewrote Lincoln S getty bird address on the
(05:31):
head of a pen. Well,I know a lot of people have done
it before, but he's the onlyone who ever did it with a typewriter.
Allow, that's ridict. What else, Mary, we've had a terrible
(05:51):
coat fell and it has been causinga lot of damage on the farm.
So the last few weeks we've beengetting nothing but broken eggs, broken egg
and the ground is so cold thehands are laying them standing up. Your
(06:12):
mother's really cooling that night. Noother news that We're closed now, wishing
you and Jack are very happy NewYear. You're loving mother, Mama,
stay married. Wait a minute,Jack is mark? Oh oh oh,
yes, Mary, I heard theprogram where you said grassreek instead of grease
rags. How could you make amistake like that? When your sister babe
(06:33):
runs one, you don't marry onething about your mother? Come in?
Well? Look who's here? Well? Hello, Denna? Do you mind
if I sing my song right away? I'm in a hurry, in a
hurry what for this New Year's eve? Bob, I gotta keep rolling when
(06:57):
I have a quick one with me? Phil Dinna sat a side kid NNAs
what come over? You hook herup live I'm gonna hang one on you,
Dennis. Dennis, what happened toyou? When I got off the
bus? I bump my head.Oh it feels so good. I hope
(07:21):
I can get the same bus goinghome. I hope. So it was
a fun set buds, Look love, Dennis. Once I did it on
the wheelchair bus? What I hangover? All right? All right, now
hold of Dennis. What did yousay when you first came in here?
Oh? I said, can Ising my song? Now? I'm in
(07:41):
a hurry. Look kid, Iheard your song of rehearsal and the orchestra
was out of tune. All thescrewge holders, screw Look Jackson, you
can stop being sarcastic because in nineteenfifty one, I'm making a lot of
changes to approve the band. I'madding some new musicians, really yep.
Another pianist too, violinists the clarinetus to harpist, and a chiropodist.
(08:11):
A charopeteris yep. He was withGuy Lombarda for three years, two years
with Dwayne King, four years withka Ki fell Fell. A charopets is
someone who works on people's feeds.He is attorney, don't you ask questions,
Jackson. When a fellow tells youhe's Partrillo's cousin, we band leaders
(08:31):
don't pin him down, we'll fail. This new man will have a picnic
with your band. They never wearshoes anyway. How they can snap their
toes when they roll those dices beyondme. How do you do you know?
(09:01):
Boy? Well, these boys yoursare absolutely amazing. Lucky for you
the phone rang because I had threemore that were pimped. And hello,
hor mister Bay that's Rochester, Rochester. I didn't expect to hear from you.
(09:24):
I gave you New Year's DV off. Are you at home? No,
I'm just reporting it from Second Avenue. Oh, you've already started your
evening. I know where are younow? Well, right now I'm at
Disquiet Club. We've got a lotmore place to go before midnight, boy
nightclub. Yeah, you ought tosee it away with me and my friends.
Address top hat, white time,trash shoes, racks shoos. This
(09:46):
is New Year's EI. We can'twaste time in tamsit. Oh. We
came in this club so fast wespiked the door. Then, well,
Rochester, I hope you have areal good time tonight. Are you with
Susie. I'm with Eloise. Eloise, and she's a new one, doesn't
(10:07):
she Yeah? Oh you like her? Uh bud. When she smiles she
looks like a Los Angeles landlord Davyscience to control. Oh oh oh that's
living again. Hey, never mindthat I look Rochester. As I said
(10:33):
before, I want you to havea lot of fun tonight, but don't
overdo it. When do you thinkthis party will end? Well, there's
no set time, boss. Peoplejust go home as their birthdays come.
What Min's in June, So don'twait up for me. Oh no you
(10:54):
don't. You be back home tomorrowand that's final. Goodbye, good bye?
Oh say bos now while happy oyour Rochester. See Rochester is so
(11:15):
fort that New Year's and the dayoff come at the same time. And
now, ladies and gentlemen, sincethis is New Year's Eve, we are
going to revive an old customer presentenough for Jack, Yes, don be
for you to do the sketch.I think we ought to have a commercial.
A commercial by all means it isthe sports from Quartet here. Oh
yes, Jack, and they prepareda number that's quite appropriate for the New
Year. It's all about New year'sresolution. Well that's very clever. I
(11:37):
was afraid they have something about thefourth of July. Go ahead, boys,
let's hear it. We resolve andplaying golf to never September. We're
stopping Sunken County stroke. We promisedto remember. Be happy, done lucky,
be happy, Go lucky Tracy,Happy, go lucky, lucky type
(11:58):
to day. When my wife demandsa newber coat just like her cousin,
I light a lucky take of popand say let's buy a dozen. When
the phone awakens me some morning frommy slumber, I promise not to blow
my top and sorry, power number. Don't be happy, go lucky,
(12:18):
be happy, Go lucky, Thanky, Happy, go lucky, Go lucky.
Frank day, everyone is making resolutionsto reduce, but as for me,
I just can't see that. He'sput bee bush hues, be hippy
go lucky, be hippy, golucky, Thank be hippy go lucky a
lucky right day. One more yearhas come and called it penny feeling fine,
(12:45):
I get to pay is old andgreat. He'll tell be thirty nine.
Here's a resolus, and every oneof you can make a moty ball
up. Cheers throughout the year,and Van Perkinses say, don't be happy,
go lucky, be happy, golucky, Frank, happy, go
lucky, lucky. Right to dothat? Very good, Don, wonderful
(13:28):
and sportsman, Happy new Year,Happy new Year. Don done they talk?
They've talked. This is wonderful.Tay, come over here, fellas
marry say, happy new Year,do it happy New Year? By year
new Donna's a tenor gotten the wrongplace. Maybe we'll get it right next
(13:52):
year. And now, ladies andgentlemen, as I started to say,
since this is a New Year's Eve, we're I'm going to revive an old
custom and pretend our new Year's fantasyentitled the New Tenants or Goodbye fifty hellul
fifty one. I will play thepart of the old year nineteen fifty and
Don, you will be the world, Oh Jack. Every time you do
(14:15):
one of these fantasies, you makeme play the world. Just once.
I'd like to be the little NewYear you played the part of them.
Louis has done. That's ridiculous,ridiculous. Why you wear a diaper?
Couldn't? I don you not onlycan't wear a diaper now, but there's
(14:35):
a great element of doubt in mymind that you ever could. So you'll
play the part of the world.Just come dress in your latitudes or it's
call where your longitude? Now let'ssee. Yeah, how come you're getting
most of the jokes in the programtoday? My writer did that instead of
(14:58):
buying me a Christmas present. Cheapguy. Now, Phil, you will
play the part of Uncle Sam andMary. You will be Uncle Sam's wife
Columbia. You and Uncle Sam haveforty eight children. Forty eight children?
Wait, allow us hears about thisZolia. Play Now, Dennis, I
have a very difficult part for you. We have Yes, you will be
(15:20):
several of the foreign countries in theUnited Nations, such as friends, we
leave England rather Mexico. Wait ifNachison your and Russia? How do you
do now? Dennis is a veryserious play. So let's get started.
(15:43):
As a curtain rises, the oldyear nineteen fifty is in his room packing
and Columbia is helping him curtains music. Oh, Columbia, Columbia, will
(16:04):
you come here and please? Ohwhat do you want? Nineteen fifty?
Give me a hand with my packing? Will you got to get out of
here by midnight and make room forthe new tenant. Oh yes, little
fifty wa will be here soon.Yep. As soon as I'm packed,
I'll be on my way. Sure, wish I could take that television set
with me. Why that's say Emerson, Why say Columbia? Where's your husband?
(16:32):
Uncle Sam? Like say goodbye tohim? Oh, he's meeting with
a un again. There's so manythings for him to straighten out these days.
Yeah, but Sam's been in alot of tough situations before and he's
always come out all right. Well, almost got the suitcase field. Let's
see what else? Oh? Yeah, I want to take some of these
(16:53):
music I ran good night, goodnight, good night, good night.
Yeah, gonna take that one withme. Freen don't want to go to
sleep white for scher Now let's seeyep, Yes, I got about everything,
(17:19):
a Hiah, What was that onone of them flying saucers? Now
let's see, Yes, Cherie,I guess I've packed about everything. Well,
look who's here, Uncle Sam?Hell? I was Sam Friday clubbed.
(17:41):
I just dropped in to say goodbyeto nineteen fifty right. Nice here
Sam coming to say goodbye to me, considering all the trouble I gave you.
Yep. You've sure been a roughyear. Well, I know I
made some mistakes, but mistakes rightoff the batta froze up my fron fordy
then your practical orn me with acoal of railroad strites. And brother,
(18:03):
what you've done to motor day?Now, don't be too hard on fifty
Sam, he did his best.Well, thanks, Columbia tried anyway.
Well, I better get going.They don't forget to say good bottom of
forty eight kids. I won't tellmy favorite little Hey. Wait a minute,
(18:27):
hey, Columbia, how come you'resitting there knitting? Oh? And
she told you told me what we'reexpecting Tomor Hawaii and Alaska were kind of
top knitting woman under wearing brass shirtat the same time. That's pretty good.
(18:52):
Hello everybody. Well, well,if it ain't the world Oho world,
O was the universe treatment? No, I don't know. Okay,
Well you don't look too happy.Well, I haven't been feeling so well
lately. You remember how sick Iwas from nineteen fourteen to nineteen eighteen.
Uh huh. Then I had arelapse from nineteen thirty nine to nineteen forty
(19:15):
five. Yep, I heard aboutit, but I thought you were all
over there. A few months ago. I suddenly developed a big pain around
my thirty eighth parallel, So well, why aren't ghost to a doctor.
I didn't need you what was wrongwith me? As soon as he took
my blood count too many red sounds. I talk you a lot better if
(19:41):
they get something accomplience down Disney.You in say they're happening to meeting there.
Now, let's open the door andlisten, Warrier Owyer, Let's have
a little longer for the next speaker. And that's a delegator. Get out.
Yeah, people of the world,gentlemen and comrades, we and blocked
Soviets wish for peace, and weare prepared to make a fair compromise.
(20:03):
All we asked the small buffer area. Of course, it would mean moving
the thirty eighth parallel slightly. Wewould like to move it somewhere around Alabama
and Mississippi. Now we would liketo hear I am when I finished with
(20:25):
my speech. Yet, since Iam here in America, I want to
tell you the table thing that Ihave seen with my own eyes. Peasants
are first to ride in automobiles inCalifornia. Some of the patents are even
first to ride with the top townand they are wearing dark classes or nobody
should see how much they are starrange. And tomorrow, tomorrow in the
(20:49):
concentration comes they called the road ball. One hundred thousand people will be forced
to huddle together to watch a footballgame. That is why I jail.
Just what's wrong? Why is it, mister Russian delegate, that every time
we discuss the matter here you stolenthe light of debate for weeks and months,
so it never ends. Well,if you must know, the longer
I stay here, the last timeI have to spend in Russia falls the
(21:22):
door. Sam, I've heard enough. Well, Columbia's almost midnight. Better
get my bags together and say thenew year's coming. A few second journey,
What do you mean all timing?Look out the window. Here he
comes now, without the clothes on, just the cloth wrapped around him.
Hey, are you the new Year? No, I'm on my way home
(21:42):
from Santa Mina. Dog gone.I thought, sure that was him.
Well, let's see, I gotmy bags packed, got my hour glass.
I guess I'm hey, that mustbe him. Now come in.
(22:07):
Gone, there go that sorcery again. I didn't see anything near it at
all. Well, some people doand some don't. After first broke of
twelve, I wonder what's keeping thenew cannon. The little fellow should be
here by now. I'll worry he'llshow up now before I leave. Sam
(22:30):
here a little tit for you.Keep your shirt on, but your sleeves
rolled up and everything, and beall right. Don't worry, old timer.
They can push Uncle Sam just sofar. Then he starts pushing back.
I know, Sam, but you'regonna need a lot of things to
push with, so keep your factorycoming. He don't have to work a
(22:51):
little harder and do without a fewthings. But they did it before and
they can do it again. Well, time to flee. But I can't
leave to let little shaver gets here. That must be him now, Yeah,
come in, yep, it's alittle new year. Hello son,
(23:14):
Old timers. He cute? Yeah, I bet he don't weigh much more
than a sympty. I here,Sonny, I want you to meet Uncle
Sam and his wife Columbia. Whyno you? Hello, Sonny? Hi,
bob bet yourself the home, sayalmost forgot? This is the world.
(23:36):
Want you to meet him too?Hello? Son? Hello, so
he's the world. Huh, yes, sir, gosh, there's not no
money for everybody. Well, thereshould be, and yet oh I don't
quite understand it myself. Well,it's getting late now, have to be
(24:00):
molding the long sun. But thereare a few things you want to know.
What is it, old Hammer?Well, the most important thing I
want to remember is to take goodcare Uncle Sam. Here, you ain't
gonna have no picnic fifty one.We may get some complaints about high prices
and taxes. He ourt discards already. Oh, I wouldn't be too discouraged.
(24:23):
It looks bad, but some goodthings that are happening. Some people
are beginning to understand each other alittle better. A couple of weeks ago,
I'm called Ralph Bunch, grandson ofa slave, went to Stockholm to
pick up his Nobel Peace Award.Take good care of him, Sonny,
We need men like that, Iwill. Then there's some more fellas I
(24:47):
want you to take care of.You will hear about them, like Eisenhower
and Douglas McCarty. They've been helpingSam for a long time. There's some
others, do Sam will tell youwho they are, won't you, Sam?
Sure? Well, the reason Imentioned in this son is because I
want you to be a little morecareful than I was. See, I
(25:11):
lost some mighty good boys while Iwas here. One of them just recently,
a fellow named Walton Walker, wasa general, and the darned good
one too. And then there werethousands of others who weren't generals and weren't
even officers, just playing gi Butthey're all doing their job for Uncle Sam,
(25:33):
weren't they Sam? Yep, I'llnever forget them. Then there was
another fellow we lost during my time. Was he a soldier too, Well,
you could call them that sort ofa singing soldier, used to go
around entertaining everybody, singing songs andtelling jokes, making people happy. I
(25:59):
wish you to see him. Hewas good, huh good, my son.
When he'd get down on one kneeand sing him out a mammy that
people would stand up and cheer.And after he sang and sang and sang,
and you thought he would all through, he looked right at you and
say, you ain't heard nothing yet. There's the eleventh gun. Geez,
(26:30):
I fee old already. Well,you've got a big responsibility, son.
As soon as I go, it'sall yours. Well, I guess I'll
be on my way. Guy.I hate to go. There are so
many things I wanted to do,but you're young and strong, and I
(26:51):
guess I'm leaving it in good hands. Goodbye Son, good Bye, so
long Sam, go in Columbia.Joy I be hamming. Goodbye nineteen fifteen.
Salong world, Keep smiling back whenthe back is out Oahoma. The
(27:30):
first let's car care for the wayis good bye. A happy your party,
good night everybody, and a happyNew Year from all of us.
Happy and enjoying here, Dennis Dayand Day in the House of Dennispeh nineteen.
(28:00):
The English land retail which follows immeditranscribed is the BBS for Columbia Broadcasting System
The Jack Benny program Transcribe presented byLucky Strike, Happy Lucky, Happy Lucky
Lucky. I played a resolution friendicget more poking fun. I've put you
Miler Lucky right for nineteen fifty onering out the old ring in the New
(00:56):
Lucky Year movie for we don't findyour back a captain, Happy go Lucky,
Happy me, Happy Go Lucky Lucky. The Lucky Trike programs are Jack
(01:19):
Benny with Barry Levyson, Philhara's Contestand Never Saying, You're rolling on,
ladies and gentlemen. In a fewshort hours, it will be nineteen fifty
(01:42):
one and another year will have passedinto history. Yes, as the saying
goes, time and tide wait forno man. So now we bring you
a man who hasn't tried his luckwith tide, but who has licked time.
And here is Jack Benny. Thankyou, thank you, thank you
(02:07):
well again the Jack Benny talking.Now, don step away from the microphone.
Let Phil get on. But Jack, don, I said, step
away from the microphone and let fillon. But Jack, why do you
want to pill on sorely? Becausethis is New Year's Eve and if we
don't get him on fast, wemay not have him at all. Believe
me. I'll wait a minute,Jackson. I heard what you said,
(02:29):
and that may be true of theold Phil Harris Harris than the're do well,
But I want you to know thatthe leopard has changed his spots.
Really, Phil, Yes, Forthe year nineteen fifty one, I'm going
to be a new man. I'mgoing to spend more time around the house
to vote myself to guard. Andwho knows, someday my petunia bed may
(02:50):
be the envy of the entire tamilit tell there is nothing more soul satisfying
than planting a seed, watching thelittle path push its tender leaves through mother
Earth and blossom into a fragrant flowersoil. They let me look at something
(03:17):
there, a colorful bloom lifting itsdew kissed pebbles, or the warmth of
the morning sun. Nature All hangaway, fill, you've got a script
from life can be beautiful? Ohhere's our script? Well here I am
(03:40):
a bomber again? Yeah yeah,Jackson? Tonight or wait wait wait,
will I walk back to my microphone? Now? Cut that off? Musicians.
Yeah, they were whippling at me. Oh oh home Mary, hello
(04:01):
Jack, Happy New Year, Happynew You're married. Happy New Year,
don have you married? Happy NewYear? Phil, Phil, Jill?
What are you daydreaming about? Haveyou noticed the rich Crimson colors of the
Point Suffers this year? Well,poor Donald reccrift, what script? I'm
(04:23):
auditioned for a speed company right now. We have a very special sketch to
do tonight. Oh Jack, Igot a letter from Mamma this morning,
and she wants me to thank youfor the Christmas present you sent it.
Oh, good, good, yourmother. What does the Harriet Craig of
Plainfield have the same. I've gotit right here. I'll read it to
(04:44):
you. My darling daughter, Mary, get it to your line to let
you know that we had a wonderfulChristmas and hope you had the same.
Please thank Jack for the present hesent us. It's brightened up our whole
Christmas. What do you say tomarry a light bulb? Sixty was?
(05:09):
Tell Jack, we appreciate it verymuch. And it goes with a socket
he set us last year. Yeah, we had the whole family here for
dinner on Christmas Day, and yourcousin Martha came with her new husband,
who is quite famous. He oncewrote Lincoln S getty bird address on the
(05:31):
head of a pen. Well,I know a lot of people have done
it before, but he's the onlyone who ever did it with a typewriter.
Allow, that's ridict. What else, Mary, we've had a terrible
(05:51):
coat fell and it has been causinga lot of damage on the farm.
So the last few weeks we've beengetting nothing but broken eggs, broken egg
and the ground is so cold thehands are laying them standing up. Your
(06:12):
mother's really cooling that night. Noother news that We're closed now, wishing
you and Jack are very happy NewYear. You're loving mother, Mama,
stay married. Wait a minute,Jack is mark? Oh oh oh,
yes, Mary, I heard theprogram where you said grassreek instead of grease
rags. How could you make amistake like that? When your sister babe
(06:33):
runs one, you don't marry onething about your mother? Come in?
Well? Look who's here? Well? Hello, Denna? Do you mind
if I sing my song right away? I'm in a hurry, in a
hurry what for this New Year's eve? Bob, I gotta keep rolling when
(06:57):
I have a quick one with me? Phil Dinna sat a side kid NNAs
what come over? You hook herup live I'm gonna hang one on you,
Dennis. Dennis, what happened toyou? When I got off the
bus? I bump my head.Oh it feels so good. I hope
(07:21):
I can get the same bus goinghome. I hope. So it was
a fun set buds, Look love, Dennis. Once I did it on
the wheelchair bus? What I hangover? All right? All right, now
hold of Dennis. What did yousay when you first came in here?
Oh? I said, can Ising my song? Now? I'm in
(07:41):
a hurry. Look kid, Iheard your song of rehearsal and the orchestra
was out of tune. All thescrewge holders, screw Look Jackson, you
can stop being sarcastic because in nineteenfifty one, I'm making a lot of
changes to approve the band. I'madding some new musicians, really yep.
Another pianist too, violinists the clarinetus to harpist, and a chiropodist.
(08:11):
A charopeteris yep. He was withGuy Lombarda for three years, two years
with Dwayne King, four years withka Ki fell Fell. A charopets is
someone who works on people's feeds.He is attorney, don't you ask questions,
Jackson. When a fellow tells youhe's Partrillo's cousin, we band leaders
(08:31):
don't pin him down, we'll fail. This new man will have a picnic
with your band. They never wearshoes anyway. How they can snap their
toes when they roll those dices beyondme. How do you do you know?
(09:01):
Boy? Well, these boys yoursare absolutely amazing. Lucky for you
the phone rang because I had threemore that were pimped. And hello,
hor mister Bay that's Rochester, Rochester. I didn't expect to hear from you.
(09:24):
I gave you New Year's DV off. Are you at home? No,
I'm just reporting it from Second Avenue. Oh, you've already started your
evening. I know where are younow? Well, right now I'm at
Disquiet Club. We've got a lotmore place to go before midnight, boy
nightclub. Yeah, you ought tosee it away with me and my friends.
Address top hat, white time,trash shoes, racks shoos. This
(09:46):
is New Year's EI. We can'twaste time in tamsit. Oh. We
came in this club so fast wespiked the door. Then, well,
Rochester, I hope you have areal good time tonight. Are you with
Susie. I'm with Eloise. Eloise, and she's a new one, doesn't
(10:07):
she Yeah? Oh you like her? Uh bud. When she smiles she
looks like a Los Angeles landlord Davyscience to control. Oh oh oh that's
living again. Hey, never mindthat I look Rochester. As I said
(10:33):
before, I want you to havea lot of fun tonight, but don't
overdo it. When do you thinkthis party will end? Well, there's
no set time, boss. Peoplejust go home as their birthdays come.
What Min's in June, So don'twait up for me. Oh no you
(10:54):
don't. You be back home tomorrowand that's final. Goodbye, good bye?
Oh say bos now while happy oyour Rochester. See Rochester is so
(11:15):
fort that New Year's and the dayoff come at the same time. And
now, ladies and gentlemen, sincethis is New Year's Eve, we are
going to revive an old customer presentenough for Jack, Yes, don be
for you to do the sketch.I think we ought to have a commercial.
A commercial by all means it isthe sports from Quartet here. Oh
yes, Jack, and they prepareda number that's quite appropriate for the New
Year. It's all about New year'sresolution. Well that's very clever. I
(11:37):
was afraid they have something about thefourth of July. Go ahead, boys,
let's hear it. We resolve andplaying golf to never September. We're
stopping Sunken County stroke. We promisedto remember. Be happy, done lucky,
be happy, Go lucky Tracy,Happy, go lucky, lucky type
(11:58):
to day. When my wife demandsa newber coat just like her cousin,
I light a lucky take of popand say let's buy a dozen. When
the phone awakens me some morning frommy slumber, I promise not to blow
my top and sorry, power number. Don't be happy, go lucky,
(12:18):
be happy, Go lucky, Thanky, Happy, go lucky, Go lucky.
Frank day, everyone is making resolutionsto reduce, but as for me,
I just can't see that. He'sput bee bush hues, be hippy
go lucky, be hippy, golucky, Thank be hippy go lucky a
lucky right day. One more yearhas come and called it penny feeling fine,
(12:45):
I get to pay is old andgreat. He'll tell be thirty nine.
Here's a resolus, and every oneof you can make a moty ball
up. Cheers throughout the year,and Van Perkinses say, don't be happy,
go lucky, be happy, golucky, Frank, happy, go
lucky, lucky. Right to dothat? Very good, Don, wonderful
(13:28):
and sportsman, Happy new Year,Happy new Year. Don done they talk?
They've talked. This is wonderful.Tay, come over here, fellas
marry say, happy new Year,do it happy New Year? By year
new Donna's a tenor gotten the wrongplace. Maybe we'll get it right next
(13:52):
year. And now, ladies andgentlemen, as I started to say,
since this is a New Year's Eve, we're I'm going to revive an old
custom and pretend our new Year's fantasyentitled the New Tenants or Goodbye fifty hellul
fifty one. I will play thepart of the old year nineteen fifty and
Don, you will be the world, Oh Jack. Every time you do
(14:15):
one of these fantasies, you makeme play the world. Just once.
I'd like to be the little NewYear you played the part of them.
Louis has done. That's ridiculous,ridiculous. Why you wear a diaper?
Couldn't? I don you not onlycan't wear a diaper now, but there's
(14:35):
a great element of doubt in mymind that you ever could. So you'll
play the part of the world.Just come dress in your latitudes or it's
call where your longitude? Now let'ssee. Yeah, how come you're getting
most of the jokes in the programtoday? My writer did that instead of
(14:58):
buying me a Christmas present. Cheapguy. Now, Phil, you will
play the part of Uncle Sam andMary. You will be Uncle Sam's wife
Columbia. You and Uncle Sam haveforty eight children. Forty eight children?
Wait, allow us hears about thisZolia. Play Now, Dennis, I
have a very difficult part for you. We have Yes, you will be
(15:20):
several of the foreign countries in theUnited Nations, such as friends, we
leave England rather Mexico. Wait ifNachison your and Russia? How do you
do now? Dennis is a veryserious play. So let's get started.
(15:43):
As a curtain rises, the oldyear nineteen fifty is in his room packing
and Columbia is helping him curtains music. Oh, Columbia, Columbia, will
(16:04):
you come here and please? Ohwhat do you want? Nineteen fifty?
Give me a hand with my packing? Will you got to get out of
here by midnight and make room forthe new tenant. Oh yes, little
fifty wa will be here soon.Yep. As soon as I'm packed,
I'll be on my way. Sure, wish I could take that television set
with me. Why that's say Emerson, Why say Columbia? Where's your husband?
(16:32):
Uncle Sam? Like say goodbye tohim? Oh, he's meeting with
a un again. There's so manythings for him to straighten out these days.
Yeah, but Sam's been in alot of tough situations before and he's
always come out all right. Well, almost got the suitcase field. Let's
see what else? Oh? Yeah, I want to take some of these
(16:53):
music I ran good night, goodnight, good night, good night.
Yeah, gonna take that one withme. Freen don't want to go to
sleep white for scher Now let's seeyep, Yes, I got about everything,
(17:19):
a Hiah, What was that onone of them flying saucers? Now
let's see, Yes, Cherie,I guess I've packed about everything. Well,
look who's here, Uncle Sam?Hell? I was Sam Friday clubbed.
(17:41):
I just dropped in to say goodbyeto nineteen fifty right. Nice here
Sam coming to say goodbye to me, considering all the trouble I gave you.
Yep. You've sure been a roughyear. Well, I know I
made some mistakes, but mistakes rightoff the batta froze up my fron fordy
then your practical orn me with acoal of railroad strites. And brother,
(18:03):
what you've done to motor day?Now, don't be too hard on fifty
Sam, he did his best.Well, thanks, Columbia tried anyway.
Well, I better get going.They don't forget to say good bottom of
forty eight kids. I won't tellmy favorite little Hey. Wait a minute,
(18:27):
hey, Columbia, how come you'resitting there knitting? Oh? And
she told you told me what we'reexpecting Tomor Hawaii and Alaska were kind of
top knitting woman under wearing brass shirtat the same time. That's pretty good.
(18:52):
Hello everybody. Well, well,if it ain't the world Oho world,
O was the universe treatment? No, I don't know. Okay,
Well you don't look too happy.Well, I haven't been feeling so well
lately. You remember how sick Iwas from nineteen fourteen to nineteen eighteen.
Uh huh. Then I had arelapse from nineteen thirty nine to nineteen forty
(19:15):
five. Yep, I heard aboutit, but I thought you were all
over there. A few months ago. I suddenly developed a big pain around
my thirty eighth parallel, So well, why aren't ghost to a doctor.
I didn't need you what was wrongwith me? As soon as he took
my blood count too many red sounds. I talk you a lot better if
(19:41):
they get something accomplience down Disney.You in say they're happening to meeting there.
Now, let's open the door andlisten, Warrier Owyer, Let's have
a little longer for the next speaker. And that's a delegator. Get out.
Yeah, people of the world,gentlemen and comrades, we and blocked
Soviets wish for peace, and weare prepared to make a fair compromise.
(20:03):
All we asked the small buffer area. Of course, it would mean moving
the thirty eighth parallel slightly. Wewould like to move it somewhere around Alabama
and Mississippi. Now we would liketo hear I am when I finished with
(20:25):
my speech. Yet, since Iam here in America, I want to
tell you the table thing that Ihave seen with my own eyes. Peasants
are first to ride in automobiles inCalifornia. Some of the patents are even
first to ride with the top townand they are wearing dark classes or nobody
should see how much they are starrange. And tomorrow, tomorrow in the
(20:49):
concentration comes they called the road ball. One hundred thousand people will be forced
to huddle together to watch a footballgame. That is why I jail.
Just what's wrong? Why is it, mister Russian delegate, that every time
we discuss the matter here you stolenthe light of debate for weeks and months,
so it never ends. Well,if you must know, the longer
I stay here, the last timeI have to spend in Russia falls the
(21:22):
door. Sam, I've heard enough. Well, Columbia's almost midnight. Better
get my bags together and say thenew year's coming. A few second journey,
What do you mean all timing?Look out the window. Here he
comes now, without the clothes on, just the cloth wrapped around him.
Hey, are you the new Year? No, I'm on my way home
(21:42):
from Santa Mina. Dog gone.I thought, sure that was him.
Well, let's see, I gotmy bags packed, got my hour glass.
I guess I'm hey, that mustbe him. Now come in.
(22:07):
Gone, there go that sorcery again. I didn't see anything near it at
all. Well, some people doand some don't. After first broke of
twelve, I wonder what's keeping thenew cannon. The little fellow should be
here by now. I'll worry he'llshow up now before I leave. Sam
(22:30):
here a little tit for you.Keep your shirt on, but your sleeves
rolled up and everything, and beall right. Don't worry, old timer.
They can push Uncle Sam just sofar. Then he starts pushing back.
I know, Sam, but you'regonna need a lot of things to
push with, so keep your factorycoming. He don't have to work a
(22:51):
little harder and do without a fewthings. But they did it before and
they can do it again. Well, time to flee. But I can't
leave to let little shaver gets here. That must be him now, Yeah,
come in, yep, it's alittle new year. Hello son,
(23:14):
Old timers. He cute? Yeah, I bet he don't weigh much more
than a sympty. I here,Sonny, I want you to meet Uncle
Sam and his wife Columbia. Whyno you? Hello, Sonny? Hi,
bob bet yourself the home, sayalmost forgot? This is the world.
(23:36):
Want you to meet him too?Hello? Son? Hello, so
he's the world. Huh, yes, sir, gosh, there's not no
money for everybody. Well, thereshould be, and yet oh I don't
quite understand it myself. Well,it's getting late now, have to be
(24:00):
molding the long sun. But thereare a few things you want to know.
What is it, old Hammer?Well, the most important thing I
want to remember is to take goodcare Uncle Sam. Here, you ain't
gonna have no picnic fifty one.We may get some complaints about high prices
and taxes. He ourt discards already. Oh, I wouldn't be too discouraged.
(24:23):
It looks bad, but some goodthings that are happening. Some people
are beginning to understand each other alittle better. A couple of weeks ago,
I'm called Ralph Bunch, grandson ofa slave, went to Stockholm to
pick up his Nobel Peace Award.Take good care of him, Sonny,
We need men like that, Iwill. Then there's some more fellas I
(24:47):
want you to take care of.You will hear about them, like Eisenhower
and Douglas McCarty. They've been helpingSam for a long time. There's some
others, do Sam will tell youwho they are, won't you, Sam?
Sure? Well, the reason Imentioned in this son is because I
want you to be a little morecareful than I was. See, I
(25:11):
lost some mighty good boys while Iwas here. One of them just recently,
a fellow named Walton Walker, wasa general, and the darned good
one too. And then there werethousands of others who weren't generals and weren't
even officers, just playing gi Butthey're all doing their job for Uncle Sam,
(25:33):
weren't they Sam? Yep, I'llnever forget them. Then there was
another fellow we lost during my time. Was he a soldier too, Well,
you could call them that sort ofa singing soldier, used to go
around entertaining everybody, singing songs andtelling jokes, making people happy. I
(25:59):
wish you to see him. Hewas good, huh good, my son.
When he'd get down on one kneeand sing him out a mammy that
people would stand up and cheer.And after he sang and sang and sang,
and you thought he would all through, he looked right at you and
say, you ain't heard nothing yet. There's the eleventh gun. Geez,
(26:30):
I fee old already. Well,you've got a big responsibility, son.
As soon as I go, it'sall yours. Well, I guess I'll
be on my way. Guy.I hate to go. There are so
many things I wanted to do,but you're young and strong, and I
(26:51):
guess I'm leaving it in good hands. Goodbye Son, good Bye, so
long Sam, go in Columbia.Joy I be hamming. Goodbye nineteen fifteen.
Salong world, Keep smiling back whenthe back is out Oahoma. The
(27:30):
first let's car care for the wayis good bye. A happy your party,
good night everybody, and a happyNew Year from all of us.
Happy and enjoying here, Dennis Dayand Day in the House of Dennispeh nineteen.
(28:00):
The English land retail which follows immeditranscribed is the BBS for Columbia Broadcasting System
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