Episode Transcript
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(00:25):
M hm. Listen to the greatrhythms of Freddie Rich and his orchestra,
(00:49):
the swingy singing of Connie Haynes,and that lad whose message loud and clear
each Thursday rings into your ear.All right, Castella, Castella, come
(01:11):
me, you're of excited. Tome, you're all excited. What what's
that thing you've got there? Itlooks like a telegram? Where did you
get it? Oh, fellow ina long green underwear gave it to me.
A fellow in a long green underwear. Yeah, he was wearing a
Western Union suit. Yet, dummy, that was that was a message of
boy. And that's a telegram.What does it say? It don't say
not, nabit. I can'ts yourthink, dope. You haven't even opened
(01:32):
the envelope. Oh they have toopen it. I thought you were supposed
to peek through this little window inthe front. Give me that telegram.
I'll read it. Hey, hey, look, Castella, what it's from
your hometown? Partisan, New Jersey, Pederson, New Jersey. Oh,
boy, I didn't look it,says dear Lewis Costello. Oh yeah,
(01:55):
when they spell Louis, what doyou mean, Ello? Usc that's my
hometown. This telegram is from yourold grade school in Pattison Public School fifteen.
Oh boy, good old PS fifteen. My old arm a mattress And
no, you mean, alma mattera mattress is something you lie on.
(02:16):
I know I laid around that schoolfor ten years. What do they want
with me? Abbit? Well?The telegram goes on to say, let's
see. Now we are proud ofyou, mister Costello, and the whole
school would greatly on be honored ifyou would come to Patterson this Saturday night
and appear in our annual school play, signed by the principal, J.
Soyl Off wallpaper. How do youlike that? Abbit? For you?
(02:40):
Boy? I knew my old schoolwould send for me someday. Sure they
would. I was always the heroof my school. I'll never forget Coach
Abel Green. What do you mean? And those kids I played with Michael
Varrello? What else? What arekids? We had a real team and
that I was even the captain ofthe Tucker War team. Wait a minute,
what do you do on the Tugof War team? I was the
(03:01):
second jerk from the end. Yes, yes, but I cannot get that.
I don't either. Look, Ican't understand why that school would send
for you to appear in a play. What do you know about Gramma about?
What do you understand grama? No? Not since you got a new
false steed. Even drap pop can'tunderstand her. Now, Casselle, I'm
(03:23):
talking about dramatic acting. Did youever do anything dramatic in school? Oh?
Did? I? I used toget up and I used to excite
poetry. You did get a oldof this little chem which I wrote myself.
Let's hear have roses are red andviolet's hot. Purple sugar is sweet,
and so is maple surple. Comeon, maple surple rhymes? Don
that? Well? What about it? But mapel surfle? What is that?
(03:46):
What is maple sur is? Maplesur maple surple is the stuff you
put on planel kekels okay, lotI talk says now, if you're going
to Patterson, New Jersey, we'vegot to get down to the railroad station
right away. Come on, hey, come on, all right now,
(04:08):
Costella. Let's get our tickets forPatterson. We've got to find a comfortable
place to sleep on the train.Oh. I never have any trouble of
it. I got a system.I eat garlic before I get on a
train. What has garlic got todo with finding a place to sleep?
I just breathed in the conductor's spaceand he gives me a wide birth.
I oh, I'll be sensible.Well, here's the ticket window. I
beg your pardon, sir. We'regoing to Patterson. Could you tell us
(04:30):
how the trains run? Oh?Yes, there's a big black thing that
pulls them and it goes to toand whoa, this guy's been drinking too
much of that traveler's aid, Ilove you, love you better. Let
(04:50):
let me handle this, Costella.I think I better because I lost my
plain all right, never mind thatI love in order to say say lo,
I got all right, looked likeI'll take care of everything. Don't
worry about a thing. In orderto save money, I think we'd better
get a couple of upper birds.Oh but I don't want a number.
I want a lower. But Costella, do you realize that if you buy
(05:13):
a lower you'll find it's much higherthan a nupper? Oh? Sure,
I mean, after all, anywhat'd you say? I said that the
lower is higher than a number?The lower is higher than a number?
White, certainly, but what areyou doing running the trains? Upside down,
of course not. The lower ismore desirable. Bird. Therefore,
if you want to go lower,you'll have to go higher. If I
want to go lower, I'll haveto go higher. Yeah. Why should
(05:34):
I go higher when I want togo lower? Not simply because if you
want to go lower, you haveto go higher because the lower is higher
than the upper. And the reasonthe lower is higher than the upper is
because the upper is higher up thanthe lower. Oh, you mean that
the upper is lower than the lowerbecause the lower is higher than the yup.
Now you've got it. Now I'vegot it. I don't even know
(05:55):
what I'm talking about it, Costella. I'm trying to tell you they sell
the upper lower than the lower becausewhen you sleep in a knumber, you
have to get up to go tobed. I have to get up to
go to bed, that's right.Who's paying for my first? You are?
And there ain't gonna be anybody inwith me. No, then why
(06:15):
do I have to get up?Costall, Look, I've already explained it.
Unless you go higher for a lower, then you're stuck with a knuffer
and you'll have to get up whenyou go to bed, and you'll have
to get down when you want toget up? Abbit, what let me
smell your breath of Freddy Rinch playsa hip tune of today, but for
(06:51):
many of you it is also aheadof other years. Freddy revives sweet and
lovely. Well, here you are, Castello and good old Pattison new jeryzy.
(08:43):
Yeah. But and here's my oldschools fifteen. As I stand here
looking at this whole building, Ithink of the happy days I spent here
as a boy. How long doyou go to school, Castello? You
mean county kindergarten? Yes? Oneyear. Come on, let's find the
Prince office and see what time westart rehearsing for the school play tonight.
Hey, what do you mean whattime we start rehearsing? Not we me?
(09:05):
This is my old school, notyours. Happen What do you mean
I'm gonna do this play off bymyself. I don't need your help.
How can you say that, Costello? Haven't I always given you the best
of everything? My last last Sundaywhen we had a double date, I
gave you the best girl. Whata slick little number you had? Slick
number is right? I bent herback in my arms, and her hair
slid off all right, just cutthat out of Castello. Wait a minute,
(09:33):
I think this is the principal's officeright here. No, no,
no, not that room. Whatdo you mean? That room is where
they have the art class. Whatdo you mean that's where I learned to
draw? Ab it you did?I was a wonderful drawer. My kid
brought us a fashioners in there.Now he's studying to be a drawer too.
Well, that'll be nice. Justthink of it, the Costello brothers
a pair of drawers. Never mindthat. Where is the principal's office?
(09:56):
Oh? I don't quite remember,abbit, But look look here's my all
first grade room? First grade room. Yeah, well, why don't you
go in and say hello to yourold teacher. Oh I don't think miss
Sashweight would remember me. I wonderif sheess as fat as she used to
be? Why was she very fat? Hat? Every time she turned around
she used to erase the back blackboard. Yea, I said it. Oh,
(10:16):
well, go ahead and opened thedoor and see if she remembers you
have for all these years? Okay, boy, will she'd be surprised to
see me, Miss Sashway, Misssash Wait, Yes, don't you remember
me? I'm little Costello. Oh, and where were you all day?
Yesterday? Yesterday? I haven't beenhere for fifteen years. If you have
(10:41):
the one more day, you don'thave to bring a note from your mother.
Just a minute, miss Sashweight,I'm lu Costello. Don't you remember
how fifteen years ago I always usedto pester you by raising my hand.
Yes, well you can go nowShemus has Wait, she she's changed.
(11:07):
I remember when she used to keepme after school to spank herry races.
All right, look, come on, Costello. Here's the principal's office right
over here, and you'd better letme talk to him. He's a very
brilliant man. Ahead, how doyou do, sir? Are you Professor
Wallpaper the principal? Yeah? Oh, you can always tell a harvard Man
(11:28):
professor. I understand you want Costelloto appear in your school play tonight.
Yeah, just a minute, Igot the telephone tangled in my yo.
Yo. Now if you follow usa look onto reheisle of the play.
It's right in the next row.All right, Come on, Costello.
Oh, I love you, Darling, I love you too, Rodney,
(11:50):
kiss me my sweet? Oh hey, you to cut it out? Wait,
don't stop them Costello. That's wonderfulacting. They're not acting. That's
the janitor and the fourth great teacher. This is ridiculous. Can anybody tell
us where they're rehearsing the play?Please ride to the next room. Just
ask for the Anglish teacher. He'sin charge. Thanks. Oh, I
(12:11):
love you medicine to my darling,I love you to Rodney kid me,
my sweet, I have it.I've been doing that for fifteen years.
Why don't they get together? Well, she won't marry him when he's drunk,
and he won't marry her when he'ssober. Yeah, teacher, I
my dy said, So, don'ttell me that you're teaching in this school
(12:37):
too. Yeah, could be.You know, I'm devoting my whole life
to teaching the little kiddy is howto speak querfectly the King's Angles. Yes,
yes, I went to one ofthe most famous colleges in England eating,
Yeah, eating and drink camp.I had a wonderful time. I
(13:00):
was in London. Once I meta beautiful girl on the street one day
Piccadilly. I certainly did. Hecertainly did. I don't care it,
love Kitchel. I understand you're directingthe school play. Tonight. Yes,
sir, yeah, my friend.You know, my whole family was dramatic
(13:20):
coaches. My grandfather was a coach, My father was a coach. My
uncle was a coach. Oh,I come from a long line of coaches.
I want a you the caboose.Well, well, gentlemen, I'll
see you tonight at the play.Now I must get back to my pupils.
It's just a minute, kitchl justa minute. Is my kid brother,
Sebastian in your English class. Heis dofly No, Sebastian, your
(13:43):
brother? Woo who see a brightlittle chappie. You know he is speaking
the best tangles from the whole school. Just a second, I'll call him
Sabastion. Hello, Sebastian, Hello, I just wanted to tell you how
proud I am of you. ProfessorKittel just told me that you're the best
(14:05):
English pupil in this whole class.Is that true? Coty lovely Connie Haynes
(14:31):
and a lovely song together to getlaugh Dad, ray to gather dang love
(14:58):
three to gather and pretin it wname one day to get to love a
(15:31):
sad to garthy god my oh,we will see to gea you're gone from
(16:03):
me, Bud in my waiting game. Good evening, members of the parents
(16:52):
and teachers class of Patterson and allyou dirty. My dear little kiddy,
we have a surprise for you tonight. One of our former pupils, Lou
Costello, has contended to bring aplay for that most If you remember Lou
Costello in his school day, hewas the head boy along this block and
(17:12):
that n't listen to this block,can Costello? Costello? The audience is
waiting for you. You've just beenintroduced. Open this door, uncle buy
Sebassian, what are you doing inyour brother's makeup and his costume? What
is the meaning of this? Louishas disappeared, disappeared, don't worry for
(17:33):
Bud. What do you mean.I'm going out on the stage. I'm
gonna take us place, and Yoniswill never know the difference. I put
on this big, big puddy nosethat I got and I put on my
nose, this big putty nose thatSebassian, You've got the puddy down over
the end of your nose. Howare you going to smell all right?
Unless they turn on the heat?Look, Sebassian, what are you going
to do? When you get outon that stage. Well, I'm gonna
(17:56):
tell the story about Romeo and Juliet. And it was written by William Shakespeare,
a very great ether Ether you meanauthor Ether puts people asleep, That's
what the story's gonna do. Hell, all right, as long as lewis
in here, I suppose you'll haveto do. Okay, come on,
hurry up, the curtain's going up. Come on. Hey, oh okay,
(18:19):
okay, okay, thank you,thank you, Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen. I'm about to tellyou the story of Romeo and Juliet.
Now, I don't want to anyinterruptions from you, Uncle Abbat. My
big brother told me how you interrupted. We'll go ahead, but don't interrupt
me. Well that story, don'tget me that. Go ahead, go
ahead, go ahead. I lostmy place like my big brother. Now
(18:42):
I am. I'm not kidding.What's upon a time? There was a
feller named Romeo? Romeo? Whatdid this Romeo look like? I got
out of that one? Well,all right, what of the what did
he look like? Molly? Hewas about? How do I know what
he looked like? I never metthe guy? Then? Why do you
tell stories about people you don't evenknow. No body knows Romeo. He's
(19:04):
just a guy in the story.He's an imaginary character. Oh you mean,
he's just a person in fancy infancyinfancy, was and fancy nothing.
That's a good way that catch cold. He look uncle. But if you
just shut up, I'll tell astory. All right, go ahead,
I won't say anymore. Okay,all right, go ahead. What's upon
a time? There was a fellownamed Romeo, and he was his father's
(19:25):
only son. Well, that's right, he was his father's hair. Is
what his father's hair? His fatherdidn't have any hair, He wasn't falheaded.
All right, go ahead, betto love me, all right,
go ahead. Now there's a girlin the story, and her name is
Juliette, and her father was givena big party, you know, to
kind of sort of shover into society. Oh yeah, you mean she was
(19:45):
making her debut. I don't knowif it was her debut or her night
view. Oh I know it washer first party, and a lot of
people was invited to see her andstuffings. Well, you see, the
folks are coming in to her comingout party. How can you come in
to come out? She was insidealready naturally she had to come in to
(20:06):
come out. What does she wantto come out for? She was inside?
This was an outdoor affairs, allright, all right, on,
this wasn't inside. I know thatyou told me that. All right,
people are gonna come in to comeout. There's no use of going out
to come in, all right?Why don't they stay? Hard buck,
Sebastian, You don't you don't understand, Sebastian. Lets you please? You
(20:27):
want me to tell your big brotheron you? Anybody got lost? Engears?
Listen? Please look, the partybrings her out. The party brings
her out, that's right. Whyshould the party bring her out? What
did the little girl do? No? No, no, no, no,
party didn't even start. Some guyright away watching to drag around alone,
now, Sebastian, it wasn't drinking, but cause, listen, Sebastian,
(20:51):
she has one pot now, Sebastian. Okay, all right, all
right again, all right, goon with the story. Well, look,
luck wasn't there. Look wasn't Romeoinvited to this party? Oh?
Longer? Look wasn't Romeo invited tothis party? Is what I want to
know? Wasn't he? Oh?Shure? No, you see Juliet Spotter,
(21:12):
Thank you, mister Bernard, Ineed him, Come on, said
Juliet. Spotta didn't like Romeo,so he had to put on a mask
and he borrowed another guy's clothes andhe went away. Oh, Romeo went
in disguise, Yeah, in thisguy's cloud. I sa you say your
(21:33):
cook. But Romeo and Juliet Spotter'swas enemies and they was fighting for fifteen
years. They didn't like each other, which Hamley brought on the feud.
They both brought on the feud.But Romeo wouldn't need it. He was
slupshious. He kept getting in andtail. Oh I see he looked wan,
Oh yeah he What did you say? I said, he looked one.
(21:59):
Don't you know what one is?Yeah? One is the number before
two. One No, no,no, no, no. One means
peaked. Romeo was peaked. Yeah, sure he was peaked two to three.
Hold at Juliet, now, Sebastian, Well, if I was there?
Right to pet? Sebastian wanted toplay well anyway, Every night juliett
(22:22):
used to sit on the balcony.Why did she sit in the balcony because
she couldn't afford us sit in NewYork, all right, and she liked
us setting up out all right?Now, I don't know. Yes she
could smoke, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand, put her
feet on the rest. Yes,yes, go on, go ahead,
far for god, go ahead onenight. I hope I can hold out.
Juliet luffed her handkerchief and Romeo pickedit up and handed it to her.
(22:45):
And what did Juliet do when Romeohanded her the handkerchief? And she
don't like anybody else? What?What? What? Just what? You
wait? Do you know the story, don't you? Yes? Well,
what did Juliet do when Romeo handedher the handkerchief? You know? Like?
What did she do? She wi? Now, hey, did you
have to make me say? Allright? Never mind? I mean,
(23:07):
it's your lying, all right.But look, Sebastian, as I remember
the story, Romeo had a rivaland they fought a duel with glances.
Now, what I can't understand iswhy did the other fella kick Romeo when
Romeo dropped his lands because he caughtRomeo with his last. Stop. That's
enough, Sebastian, stop the play, stop it, I say, ladies
and gentlemen, the play is over. Bring down the crate hey, hey,
(23:30):
hey, what's the idea of stoppingthe play? Uncle Pard Sebastian,
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Not only have you disgraced your brother
lou, but you stand there andmake a monkey out of a great masterpiece.
You're ridicule Romeo and Juliet, thegreatest love story of whole time,
and you deliberately instilled the name ofWilliam Shakespeare. What do you do these
wicked things? Oh? I'm boy, yeah, I'll say here a bad
(23:53):
boy. I'm the kind of kidmy mother won't let me associate with you.
Certainly? Are I come here?Now? Where is your brother low?
I think he might be in thefourth grade classroom? Uncle buddy?
What makes you think that? BecauseI locked him in there before the show,
Sebassion unlocked that door and not yourbrother out. He's probably in there
crying his eyes out because he missedthe play. Go on, open that
(24:15):
door, okay, uncle bo goahead. I love you, Melicent,
my darling, I love you too, kiss me my twee. Costello Castello,
what are you doing making up witha fourth grade teacher? You know
she's the Janiss girl. You're tellingme of it, and I'm the new
Janitor, Sabott, but you missedthe whole play. Oh, don't worry
(24:40):
it. Milica and I are gonnaput on another plate tomorrow night. Another
play. Yeah, and I'm callingit the girl who we love with the
new Janitor or gone with the windowcleaner. I love my tweet, I
love you too, melicaned my sweetOh he's a baby why Adam Costello will
(25:06):
be back in a moment thanks tothe Angs of the Week Tonight, waste
alout Technical Sergeant George James H.S Logan of Luling, Texas, who
is one of only two men inthis war to receive both the Congressional Medal
of Honor and the Distinguished Service Cross. In your honor, Sergeant James M.
Logan, the makers of Camels aresending to our fighters overseas four hundred
(25:30):
thousand camel cigarettes. Each of thethree Camel radio shows honors a Yank of
the Week by sending free four hundredthousand camel cigarettes overseas a total of more
than a million camels sent free eachweek in this country. The camel caravans
traveling from camp to camp have thankedaudiences of more than four million Yanks with
(25:52):
free shows and free camels. Camelbroadcasts go out to the United States three
times a week are rebroadcast to ourmen overseas and to South America. Listen
tomorrow to Jimmy Duranty and Gary Moore, Monday to Bob Hawkin, thanks to
the Yanks, and next Thursday toAbit and Costello. And before we hear
from the boys, I'd like tosay the Merchant Marine needs more men to
(26:14):
man the supply lines to victory andto eligible men, it offers not only
a well paid and worthy present,but a splendid future in six months time.
Now you can make the progress itwould have taken you three years to
make before Pearl Harbor. Get allthe facts, go to any United States
Employment Service office or wire collect tothe United States Merchant Marine, Washington,
d C. Now here are Buddand Lou Costello with a final word thanks
(26:38):
Ken Buty's get anything a little late, so all we have time to say
is just good night, folks,good night to everybody. Good night by
bon bye Bonds, good night balls, Chase, good night neighbors, the
night neighbors. It's had a Tunein next week for another great habit In
(27:02):
Costello show. The Habit and CostelloShow for Cample Cigarettes will be back at
this very same time next week.Don't miss it. This is Ken Niles
in Hollywood, wishing you a pleasantgood night. This is the National Broadcasting Comany
M hm. Listen to the greatrhythms of Freddie Rich and his orchestra,
(00:49):
the swingy singing of Connie Haynes,and that lad whose message loud and clear
each Thursday rings into your ear.All right, Castella, Castella, come
(01:11):
me, you're of excited. Tome, you're all excited. What what's
that thing you've got there? Itlooks like a telegram? Where did you
get it? Oh, fellow ina long green underwear gave it to me.
A fellow in a long green underwear. Yeah, he was wearing a
Western Union suit. Yet, dummy, that was that was a message of
boy. And that's a telegram.What does it say? It don't say
not, nabit. I can'ts yourthink, dope. You haven't even opened
(01:32):
the envelope. Oh they have toopen it. I thought you were supposed
to peek through this little window inthe front. Give me that telegram.
I'll read it. Hey, hey, look, Castella, what it's from
your hometown? Partisan, New Jersey, Pederson, New Jersey. Oh,
boy, I didn't look it,says dear Lewis Costello. Oh yeah,
(01:55):
when they spell Louis, what doyou mean, Ello? Usc that's my
hometown. This telegram is from yourold grade school in Pattison Public School fifteen.
Oh boy, good old PS fifteen. My old arm a mattress And
no, you mean, alma mattera mattress is something you lie on.
(02:16):
I know I laid around that schoolfor ten years. What do they want
with me? Abbit? Well?The telegram goes on to say, let's
see. Now we are proud ofyou, mister Costello, and the whole
school would greatly on be honored ifyou would come to Patterson this Saturday night
and appear in our annual school play, signed by the principal, J.
Soyl Off wallpaper. How do youlike that? Abbit? For you?
(02:40):
Boy? I knew my old schoolwould send for me someday. Sure they
would. I was always the heroof my school. I'll never forget Coach
Abel Green. What do you mean? And those kids I played with Michael
Varrello? What else? What arekids? We had a real team and
that I was even the captain ofthe Tucker War team. Wait a minute,
what do you do on the Tugof War team? I was the
(03:01):
second jerk from the end. Yes, yes, but I cannot get that.
I don't either. Look, Ican't understand why that school would send
for you to appear in a play. What do you know about Gramma about?
What do you understand grama? No? Not since you got a new
false steed. Even drap pop can'tunderstand her. Now, Casselle, I'm
(03:23):
talking about dramatic acting. Did youever do anything dramatic in school? Oh?
Did? I? I used toget up and I used to excite
poetry. You did get a oldof this little chem which I wrote myself.
Let's hear have roses are red andviolet's hot. Purple sugar is sweet,
and so is maple surple. Comeon, maple surple rhymes? Don
that? Well? What about it? But mapel surfle? What is that?
(03:46):
What is maple sur is? Maplesur maple surple is the stuff you
put on planel kekels okay, lotI talk says now, if you're going
to Patterson, New Jersey, we'vegot to get down to the railroad station
right away. Come on, hey, come on, all right now,
(04:08):
Costella. Let's get our tickets forPatterson. We've got to find a comfortable
place to sleep on the train.Oh. I never have any trouble of
it. I got a system.I eat garlic before I get on a
train. What has garlic got todo with finding a place to sleep?
I just breathed in the conductor's spaceand he gives me a wide birth.
I oh, I'll be sensible.Well, here's the ticket window. I
beg your pardon, sir. We'regoing to Patterson. Could you tell us
(04:30):
how the trains run? Oh?Yes, there's a big black thing that
pulls them and it goes to toand whoa, this guy's been drinking too
much of that traveler's aid, Ilove you, love you better. Let
(04:50):
let me handle this, Costella.I think I better because I lost my
plain all right, never mind thatI love in order to say say lo,
I got all right, looked likeI'll take care of everything. Don't
worry about a thing. In orderto save money, I think we'd better
get a couple of upper birds.Oh but I don't want a number.
I want a lower. But Costella, do you realize that if you buy
(05:13):
a lower you'll find it's much higherthan a nupper? Oh? Sure,
I mean, after all, anywhat'd you say? I said that the
lower is higher than a number?The lower is higher than a number?
White, certainly, but what areyou doing running the trains? Upside down,
of course not. The lower ismore desirable. Bird. Therefore,
if you want to go lower,you'll have to go higher. If I
want to go lower, I'll haveto go higher. Yeah. Why should
(05:34):
I go higher when I want togo lower? Not simply because if you
want to go lower, you haveto go higher because the lower is higher
than the upper. And the reasonthe lower is higher than the upper is
because the upper is higher up thanthe lower. Oh, you mean that
the upper is lower than the lowerbecause the lower is higher than the yup.
Now you've got it. Now I'vegot it. I don't even know
(05:55):
what I'm talking about it, Costella. I'm trying to tell you they sell
the upper lower than the lower becausewhen you sleep in a knumber, you
have to get up to go tobed. I have to get up to
go to bed, that's right.Who's paying for my first? You are?
And there ain't gonna be anybody inwith me. No, then why
(06:15):
do I have to get up?Costall, Look, I've already explained it.
Unless you go higher for a lower, then you're stuck with a knuffer
and you'll have to get up whenyou go to bed, and you'll have
to get down when you want toget up? Abbit, what let me
smell your breath of Freddy Rinch playsa hip tune of today, but for
(06:51):
many of you it is also aheadof other years. Freddy revives sweet and
lovely. Well, here you are, Castello and good old Pattison new jeryzy.
(08:43):
Yeah. But and here's my oldschools fifteen. As I stand here
looking at this whole building, Ithink of the happy days I spent here
as a boy. How long doyou go to school, Castello? You
mean county kindergarten? Yes? Oneyear. Come on, let's find the
Prince office and see what time westart rehearsing for the school play tonight.
Hey, what do you mean whattime we start rehearsing? Not we me?
(09:05):
This is my old school, notyours. Happen What do you mean
I'm gonna do this play off bymyself. I don't need your help.
How can you say that, Costello? Haven't I always given you the best
of everything? My last last Sundaywhen we had a double date, I
gave you the best girl. Whata slick little number you had? Slick
number is right? I bent herback in my arms, and her hair
slid off all right, just cutthat out of Castello. Wait a minute,
(09:33):
I think this is the principal's officeright here. No, no,
no, not that room. Whatdo you mean? That room is where
they have the art class. Whatdo you mean that's where I learned to
draw? Ab it you did?I was a wonderful drawer. My kid
brought us a fashioners in there.Now he's studying to be a drawer too.
Well, that'll be nice. Justthink of it, the Costello brothers
a pair of drawers. Never mindthat. Where is the principal's office?
(09:56):
Oh? I don't quite remember,abbit, But look look here's my all
first grade room? First grade room. Yeah, well, why don't you
go in and say hello to yourold teacher. Oh I don't think miss
Sashweight would remember me. I wonderif sheess as fat as she used to
be? Why was she very fat? Hat? Every time she turned around
she used to erase the back blackboard. Yea, I said it. Oh,
(10:16):
well, go ahead and opened thedoor and see if she remembers you
have for all these years? Okay, boy, will she'd be surprised to
see me, Miss Sashway, Misssash Wait, Yes, don't you remember
me? I'm little Costello. Oh, and where were you all day?
Yesterday? Yesterday? I haven't beenhere for fifteen years. If you have
(10:41):
the one more day, you don'thave to bring a note from your mother.
Just a minute, miss Sashweight,I'm lu Costello. Don't you remember
how fifteen years ago I always usedto pester you by raising my hand.
Yes, well you can go nowShemus has Wait, she she's changed.
(11:07):
I remember when she used to keepme after school to spank herry races.
All right, look, come on, Costello. Here's the principal's office right
over here, and you'd better letme talk to him. He's a very
brilliant man. Ahead, how doyou do, sir? Are you Professor
Wallpaper the principal? Yeah? Oh, you can always tell a harvard Man
(11:28):
professor. I understand you want Costelloto appear in your school play tonight.
Yeah, just a minute, Igot the telephone tangled in my yo.
Yo. Now if you follow usa look onto reheisle of the play.
It's right in the next row.All right, Come on, Costello.
Oh, I love you, Darling, I love you too, Rodney,
(11:50):
kiss me my sweet? Oh hey, you to cut it out? Wait,
don't stop them Costello. That's wonderfulacting. They're not acting. That's
the janitor and the fourth great teacher. This is ridiculous. Can anybody tell
us where they're rehearsing the play?Please ride to the next room. Just
ask for the Anglish teacher. He'sin charge. Thanks. Oh, I
(12:11):
love you medicine to my darling,I love you to Rodney kid me,
my sweet, I have it.I've been doing that for fifteen years.
Why don't they get together? Well, she won't marry him when he's drunk,
and he won't marry her when he'ssober. Yeah, teacher, I
my dy said, So, don'ttell me that you're teaching in this school
(12:37):
too. Yeah, could be.You know, I'm devoting my whole life
to teaching the little kiddy is howto speak querfectly the King's Angles. Yes,
yes, I went to one ofthe most famous colleges in England eating,
Yeah, eating and drink camp.I had a wonderful time. I
(13:00):
was in London. Once I meta beautiful girl on the street one day
Piccadilly. I certainly did. Hecertainly did. I don't care it,
love Kitchel. I understand you're directingthe school play. Tonight. Yes,
sir, yeah, my friend.You know, my whole family was dramatic
(13:20):
coaches. My grandfather was a coach, My father was a coach. My
uncle was a coach. Oh,I come from a long line of coaches.
I want a you the caboose.Well, well, gentlemen, I'll
see you tonight at the play.Now I must get back to my pupils.
It's just a minute, kitchl justa minute. Is my kid brother,
Sebastian in your English class. Heis dofly No, Sebastian, your
(13:43):
brother? Woo who see a brightlittle chappie. You know he is speaking
the best tangles from the whole school. Just a second, I'll call him
Sabastion. Hello, Sebastian, Hello, I just wanted to tell you how
proud I am of you. ProfessorKittel just told me that you're the best
(14:05):
English pupil in this whole class.Is that true? Coty lovely Connie Haynes
(14:31):
and a lovely song together to getlaugh Dad, ray to gather dang love
(14:58):
three to gather and pretin it wname one day to get to love a
(15:31):
sad to garthy god my oh,we will see to gea you're gone from
(16:03):
me, Bud in my waiting game. Good evening, members of the parents
(16:52):
and teachers class of Patterson and allyou dirty. My dear little kiddy,
we have a surprise for you tonight. One of our former pupils, Lou
Costello, has contended to bring aplay for that most If you remember Lou
Costello in his school day, hewas the head boy along this block and
(17:12):
that n't listen to this block,can Costello? Costello? The audience is
waiting for you. You've just beenintroduced. Open this door, uncle buy
Sebassian, what are you doing inyour brother's makeup and his costume? What
is the meaning of this? Louishas disappeared, disappeared, don't worry for
(17:33):
Bud. What do you mean.I'm going out on the stage. I'm
gonna take us place, and Yoniswill never know the difference. I put
on this big, big puddy nosethat I got and I put on my
nose, this big putty nose thatSebassian, You've got the puddy down over
the end of your nose. Howare you going to smell all right?
Unless they turn on the heat?Look, Sebassian, what are you going
to do? When you get outon that stage. Well, I'm gonna
(17:56):
tell the story about Romeo and Juliet. And it was written by William Shakespeare,
a very great ether Ether you meanauthor Ether puts people asleep, That's
what the story's gonna do. Hell, all right, as long as lewis
in here, I suppose you'll haveto do. Okay, come on,
hurry up, the curtain's going up. Come on. Hey, oh okay,
(18:19):
okay, okay, thank you,thank you, Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen. I'm about to tellyou the story of Romeo and Juliet.
Now, I don't want to anyinterruptions from you, Uncle Abbat. My
big brother told me how you interrupted. We'll go ahead, but don't interrupt
me. Well that story, don'tget me that. Go ahead, go
ahead, go ahead. I lostmy place like my big brother. Now
(18:42):
I am. I'm not kidding.What's upon a time? There was a
feller named Romeo? Romeo? Whatdid this Romeo look like? I got
out of that one? Well,all right, what of the what did
he look like? Molly? Hewas about? How do I know what
he looked like? I never metthe guy? Then? Why do you
tell stories about people you don't evenknow. No body knows Romeo. He's
(19:04):
just a guy in the story.He's an imaginary character. Oh you mean,
he's just a person in fancy infancyinfancy, was and fancy nothing.
That's a good way that catch cold. He look uncle. But if you
just shut up, I'll tell astory. All right, go ahead,
I won't say anymore. Okay,all right, go ahead. What's upon
a time? There was a fellownamed Romeo, and he was his father's
(19:25):
only son. Well, that's right, he was his father's hair. Is
what his father's hair? His fatherdidn't have any hair, He wasn't falheaded.
All right, go ahead, betto love me, all right,
go ahead. Now there's a girlin the story, and her name is
Juliette, and her father was givena big party, you know, to
kind of sort of shover into society. Oh yeah, you mean she was
(19:45):
making her debut. I don't knowif it was her debut or her night
view. Oh I know it washer first party, and a lot of
people was invited to see her andstuffings. Well, you see, the
folks are coming in to her comingout party. How can you come in
to come out? She was insidealready naturally she had to come in to
(20:06):
come out. What does she wantto come out for? She was inside?
This was an outdoor affairs, allright, all right, on,
this wasn't inside. I know thatyou told me that. All right,
people are gonna come in to comeout. There's no use of going out
to come in, all right?Why don't they stay? Hard buck,
Sebastian, You don't you don't understand, Sebastian. Lets you please? You
(20:27):
want me to tell your big brotheron you? Anybody got lost? Engears?
Listen? Please look, the partybrings her out. The party brings
her out, that's right. Whyshould the party bring her out? What
did the little girl do? No? No, no, no, no,
party didn't even start. Some guyright away watching to drag around alone,
now, Sebastian, it wasn't drinking, but cause, listen, Sebastian,
(20:51):
she has one pot now, Sebastian. Okay, all right, all
right again, all right, goon with the story. Well, look,
luck wasn't there. Look wasn't Romeoinvited to this party? Oh?
Longer? Look wasn't Romeo invited tothis party? Is what I want to
know? Wasn't he? Oh?Shure? No, you see Juliet Spotter,
(21:12):
Thank you, mister Bernard, Ineed him, Come on, said
Juliet. Spotta didn't like Romeo,so he had to put on a mask
and he borrowed another guy's clothes andhe went away. Oh, Romeo went
in disguise, Yeah, in thisguy's cloud. I sa you say your
(21:33):
cook. But Romeo and Juliet Spotter'swas enemies and they was fighting for fifteen
years. They didn't like each other, which Hamley brought on the feud.
They both brought on the feud.But Romeo wouldn't need it. He was
slupshious. He kept getting in andtail. Oh I see he looked wan,
Oh yeah he What did you say? I said, he looked one.
(21:59):
Don't you know what one is?Yeah? One is the number before
two. One No, no,no, no, no. One means
peaked. Romeo was peaked. Yeah, sure he was peaked two to three.
Hold at Juliet, now, Sebastian, Well, if I was there?
Right to pet? Sebastian wanted toplay well anyway, Every night juliett
(22:22):
used to sit on the balcony.Why did she sit in the balcony because
she couldn't afford us sit in NewYork, all right, and she liked
us setting up out all right?Now, I don't know. Yes she
could smoke, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand, put her
feet on the rest. Yes,yes, go on, go ahead,
far for god, go ahead onenight. I hope I can hold out.
Juliet luffed her handkerchief and Romeo pickedit up and handed it to her.
(22:45):
And what did Juliet do when Romeohanded her the handkerchief? And she
don't like anybody else? What?What? What? Just what? You
wait? Do you know the story, don't you? Yes? Well,
what did Juliet do when Romeo handedher the handkerchief? You know? Like?
What did she do? She wi? Now, hey, did you
have to make me say? Allright? Never mind? I mean,
(23:07):
it's your lying, all right.But look, Sebastian, as I remember
the story, Romeo had a rivaland they fought a duel with glances.
Now, what I can't understand iswhy did the other fella kick Romeo when
Romeo dropped his lands because he caughtRomeo with his last. Stop. That's
enough, Sebastian, stop the play, stop it, I say, ladies
and gentlemen, the play is over. Bring down the crate hey, hey,
(23:30):
hey, what's the idea of stoppingthe play? Uncle Pard Sebastian,
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Not only have you disgraced your brother
lou, but you stand there andmake a monkey out of a great masterpiece.
You're ridicule Romeo and Juliet, thegreatest love story of whole time,
and you deliberately instilled the name ofWilliam Shakespeare. What do you do these
wicked things? Oh? I'm boy, yeah, I'll say here a bad
(23:53):
boy. I'm the kind of kidmy mother won't let me associate with you.
Certainly? Are I come here?Now? Where is your brother low?
I think he might be in thefourth grade classroom? Uncle buddy?
What makes you think that? BecauseI locked him in there before the show,
Sebassion unlocked that door and not yourbrother out. He's probably in there
crying his eyes out because he missedthe play. Go on, open that
(24:15):
door, okay, uncle bo goahead. I love you, Melicent,
my darling, I love you too, kiss me my twee. Costello Castello,
what are you doing making up witha fourth grade teacher? You know
she's the Janiss girl. You're tellingme of it, and I'm the new
Janitor, Sabott, but you missedthe whole play. Oh, don't worry
(24:40):
it. Milica and I are gonnaput on another plate tomorrow night. Another
play. Yeah, and I'm callingit the girl who we love with the
new Janitor or gone with the windowcleaner. I love my tweet, I
love you too, melicaned my sweetOh he's a baby why Adam Costello will
(25:06):
be back in a moment thanks tothe Angs of the Week Tonight, waste
alout Technical Sergeant George James H.S Logan of Luling, Texas, who
is one of only two men inthis war to receive both the Congressional Medal
of Honor and the Distinguished Service Cross. In your honor, Sergeant James M.
Logan, the makers of Camels aresending to our fighters overseas four hundred
(25:30):
thousand camel cigarettes. Each of thethree Camel radio shows honors a Yank of
the Week by sending free four hundredthousand camel cigarettes overseas a total of more
than a million camels sent free eachweek in this country. The camel caravans
traveling from camp to camp have thankedaudiences of more than four million Yanks with
(25:52):
free shows and free camels. Camelbroadcasts go out to the United States three
times a week are rebroadcast to ourmen overseas and to South America. Listen
tomorrow to Jimmy Duranty and Gary Moore, Monday to Bob Hawkin, thanks to
the Yanks, and next Thursday toAbit and Costello. And before we hear
from the boys, I'd like tosay the Merchant Marine needs more men to
(26:14):
man the supply lines to victory andto eligible men, it offers not only
a well paid and worthy present,but a splendid future in six months time.
Now you can make the progress itwould have taken you three years to
make before Pearl Harbor. Get allthe facts, go to any United States
Employment Service office or wire collect tothe United States Merchant Marine, Washington,
d C. Now here are Buddand Lou Costello with a final word thanks
(26:38):
Ken Buty's get anything a little late, so all we have time to say
is just good night, folks,good night to everybody. Good night by
bon bye Bonds, good night balls, Chase, good night neighbors, the
night neighbors. It's had a Tunein next week for another great habit In
(27:02):
Costello show. The Habit and CostelloShow for Cample Cigarettes will be back at
this very same time next week.Don't miss it. This is Ken Niles
in Hollywood, wishing you a pleasantgood night. This is the National Broadcasting Comany
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