Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:24):
Well, greetings everybody, Welcome backto old time radio comedy. Today we
hear from the Bob Hope Show withspecial guest Van Johnson. Charles Van Dell
Johnson was born August twenty fifth ofnineteen sixteen and he was an American film,
(00:47):
television, theater and radio actor.He was a major star at Metro
Golden Mayor Daring and after World WarTwo. He passed away December twelfth of
two thousand and eight. Sit backand enjoy this episode from Bob Hope with
guest Van Johnson, which aired Aprilfifteenth of nineteen forty seven. To right.
(01:18):
From Ontario, California, Leaver BrothersCompany presents The Pepsident Show starring Bob
Hope and the especial guest Van Johnson. Thank Joe, how do you do?
(01:46):
Ladies and gentlemen, This is Bobbroadcasting from Ontario, California for the
Ontario Use Fun in the California Chamberof Commerce. Hope telling you that if
you use Pepsident, you make nomistake. Everything will be jake and your
teeth will never be fake because theywon't break or even shake during the next
earthquake. There wasn't anything about theearthquake in the Los Angeles papers, accepting
(02:06):
in one of them at Joela DickTracy so hard he called hypo three months
before he was supposed to. Andreally, the Los Angeles papers are very
honest and truthful, and they allhad the earthquake in the headlines. It
said severe Florida explosion. Felt here, it didn't bother me. I thought
(02:30):
Sinatra dropped one of his muscles.Either that or Crosby dropped his wallet.
But I do want to Crosby wasin Pittsburgh day for the opening the Pirates
opening game. Cleveland opened. Imean, this season opens tomorrow, you
know. The baseball The baseball seasonopened the day, and last night I
(02:50):
had the craziest nightmare about it.I dreamt Happy Chandler was throwing out the
first ball in Brooklyn. What atough break for a guy. I liked
the roacher, wasting a whole yearwhen he doesn't even like to waste a
day. I watched the baseball gametoday in Hollywood with a bag of peanuts
(03:15):
in my pocket. Then Darthy Lamoresat down beside me. I can't tell
you what happened, but the restof afternoon I was eating peanut butters.
Naturally, I naturally I had abox, but some fresh kid kept kicking
it out from under me. WhenI come from a long line of ball
players. In fact, I wasmy father's first air. I made another
(03:38):
air today. I came down toOntario by bus with the members of the
band. Someone opened the window andlet some fresh air in, and four
a Desi's musicians had to be givenartificial respiration. I had to come up
here by bus my brother. Mybrother borrowed my car yesterday to go to
the bank, and he may begone for ten or twenty years. A
(04:01):
bus that's a cross between an automobileand a train. The way the one
we had looked like they both gotto the crossing at the same time.
Jasey's orchestra didn't have regular tickets.Every fifteen minutes, the driver would come
back and punch their to Molly's.And those reclining seats on the bus are
really something. I pressed the buttonon my head went back so far.
(04:23):
A woman behind me who was feedingher baby, wiped my chin off and
broke me before discovering wait, wait, I have more. A woman behind
me who was feeding her baby wipemy chin off and brokeny before discovering she
(04:44):
put the pablum in the wrong mouth. Myre faster. What a bus trip,
and we almost had a big aand then two big Trader trucks passed
us on both sides at the sametime. I won't say what happened,
but we sat single file the restof the way. I read the same
(05:09):
billboard three times before I realized itwas hanging on the radiator. And Jasey
on Nazi's musicians opened a bottle ofthat Mexican tequila and passed it around and
it region made the trip interesting.They arrived in Ontario before the bus did.
(05:34):
And then you're jingles into day Eieio, and we'll have brand new
chevrorat EEI io. There the Chevrolethere on Fridgerator. There here the rides
down rid right side for Chevalet.Then we seven III I O. What
a hall, What a hall forthose second week's winners, Chevrolet's frigidar,
(05:55):
coal walls and one hundred dollar bills. We announced the names later the night
on four more people who on brandnew Chevrolets and psidence exciting context. And
now ladies and gentlemen, our guestssingers evening a British gall who really knows
how to handle on American tone.We welcome back, miss Belle Davis.
(06:24):
Yes, it's a good day forsinging a song, and it's a good
day for moving along. Yes,it's a good day. How could anything
go wrong? A good day frommorning until my Yes, it's a good
day for shining issues, and it'sa good day for losing the blue for
(06:48):
everything to gain and nothing to lose. Because it's a good day from morn
until my I said to this song, good moment, time riding shine to
say, you know you gotta kidgoing, if you gotta make a tol,
you know you gotta sway. How'sit's a good day for paying your
(07:13):
bills, and it's a good dayfor curing your ls. So take a
d rist and throw away your film, cause it's a good day. From
Mormon until my I said to thistime, good morning, time riding shines
to say, if you know yougotta get going, if you're got to
(07:34):
make a man, you know yougot a ride away. How's it's a
good day for paying your bill Man, it's a good day for curing your
ls. So take a d withand throw away your feel tails It's a
good day. It's from moment untilI say it's a good time. Very
(08:18):
nice, don't anybody in hall?Very very nice? That was It's a
good Day, sung by Beryl Daviswith the assistance of Spike on As and
As Oliver Street Slickers. Right there, I just read it, don't you
know you did that song very beautifully, Beryl. In fact, that the
first time I ever saw a songand an audience rendered at the same time.
(08:39):
Seriously, Beryl, this is Ontari. You know how about driving back?
Would you like a little day tonight? Well, sorry, Bob,
I'm going out with Desni. You'retaking me to Romanov. Well I'll take
you to Romanov. What's very niceof you, Bob. But Desi's going
to take me inside. Whether youmust get a much smaller check if you
(09:01):
stay outside? You know, Wellanyway, Bob, I wouldn't want to
get you in trouble. And Daseysaid that if I ever had a date
with you, eat fire you.Oh really, that's the kind of routine
he uses. Huh, he fireme. He's getting so vicious. Later
they must be putting red heart inhis Tamali's You know that. Let's stick
(09:28):
around Beryl Professor Colona went to MetroGold and Mayor Studio to get our guest
star Van Johnson, and they shouldbe here at turn off that alarm clock.
Well, oh the phone, I'dforgotten what it sounds like. Hello,
got the omens, mister, Hopethe party call. You will have
to deposit five sans. Anyway,I fan here you are, Colona?
(09:50):
What's all that noise? Buffalo nikolall drug store? Well, Colonna,
I don't understand. How can youmake a long distance call while the strike
is on. I'm wearing a unionsuit. That's ridiculous. How is wearing
(10:16):
a union suit give you the rightto call long distance? This is an
emergency, that's all I'm wearing.I thought I told you to go to
MGM and get Van Johnson. WhenI'm at MGM now, Hope and thank
I just ran into my friend.Joe Smunk is the midget. Joe Schmunk
the midget at MGN. What's hedo there? You know when you see
an MGM picture, how it startsout with Leo the lion roaring yes,
(10:39):
Well, Joe's the little guy behindthe screen twisting Leo's tail. So you're
at MGMOL where are you on theset? Come again? Set? You
said it? You related? Listen, Colonna, I told you to find
(11:07):
Van Johnson. Did you look inhis dressing room? Yes, Hope,
the door was locked. But Ilooked all around the room and Van wasn't
there. That's ridiculous, Colone.How could you possibly look all around the
dressing room if the door was locked? Jock keyhole, long eyeballs, Colodna,
I suspect you tell me one thing. Whatever happened to your IQ?
(11:28):
I showed us to some doctor fora box of snickers? What did you
get the oars? I suspect youhaven't even tried to find Van Johnson.
Of course I've tried, Hope.I have been in mine, at Turna's
dressing room. We had Gosson's dressingroom, Catherine Hepberin's dressing room, Judy
Galland's dressing room. But Coloda,did you ask them where Van is?
(11:50):
I don't ask questions. I justhave coun col On to you, you'll
never find Van Johnson. Forget aboutit and come on out here, okay.
But before I leave, I thinkI'll go over look at the set
hair. What picture they making atthe beginning of the end and the atomic
(12:11):
bombs still hair Colonna. That picturehas been made, but stay away from
that bomb anyway, it might bedangerous. Horn on't be Shelley Horfe.
It's just a movie tops from KyBurdon Gloom Colona, Colona, what happened?
(12:31):
MGM pictures can now be seen everywhere. That's Professor Colona. What a
guy he is. But I don'tmind if he's still He just makes the
beautiful things on this show seem morebeautiful. Oh, it's very vague.
(12:56):
That's very vague, our budding wallflower. Well, well, let's hope I'm
blooming idiot daddy, Miss Vegue,I have a surprise for you. Van
Johnson is going to be on theprogram tonight. Oh, I'm just dying
to be in mister, they comehome, tell me, tell me,
(13:18):
tell me, get easy, MissVege. Someone's been spiking your oval Teiney.
It's vague. I hope you'll controlyourself and do you're best to make
a good impression on Van. Oh, I certainly will. Oh. I'd
love to be Vand's girlfriend, MissVague. You're old enough to be his
mother, all right, So I'llmake the best bee I can. You
(13:39):
just don't understand, mister Hoope.Confidentially, Van Johnson is my secret double
xtremely beamy paper movie stop. Reallyso you've finally given up on Francis X
Bushman. Huh, Lisa Howe,why don't you donate your head to Frank
Sinatra Here he's looking for a newpunching bag. I don't understand why you're
(14:01):
so excited about Van mis vague.I'm here every weekend after all. Take
away Van's freckles and what have yougot? I don't know, mister Hilbert,
whatever it is, if you canget some moments. Oh, don't
be silly. If anyone knew whatit was, Thrifty would have had it
in bottles a long time. Oh, we've got the owl and Thrifty.
(14:24):
Oh wait, it is Rex Soland we're clean a night. It is
me meeting Van Johnson, mister hEvery night I go to sleep and dream
about that. Oor I didn't No, no wonder you're anxious to meet him
in person? Is it's a fewthings I like to ask him about?
Last night? Oh, I'm soglad I've been taking golf lessons for my
(14:46):
figure. Well, golf should certainlyhelp, but playing golf all the time
is what put me in the shapeI'm in. Where do I go to
turn in my club? I gethitting about quitting, really, Alix,
I'm a very serious sault in,miss Hope. You know yesterday I sent
the whole day practicing how to holda caddy, Miss Vegue. You don't
(15:11):
hold the caddy in golf. MisterHope, you played your game and I'll
play mine. Well, you're playinggolfer, yes, a little bit.
Let me tell you the most extaticthing that happened yesterday. And I met
Dan Johnson on the course. Thisis how I was getting ready to put
and Van said, if I madea pie, he give me a kiss.
(15:31):
Van Thomas, the kiss if youmade pie? That's right. So
I hit the ball in the cup. Well, how many strokes did you
have? This one? But theyrevised me right away. Well, at
the end of the fifth nine holdsthe car was forty love, Miss vague.
Love is a scoring term used intennis. How could your golf score
(15:54):
be forty love? Well, Iknock a lot of balls into the woods.
Well, I can show you howto correct that, ms, due,
golf is no fun in the woods. What I said, I say
golf is no fun in the woods. Do you want to feed up a
(16:15):
clevekar fell down and I blow withthe reflection. It's Capitol recording arrangement of
Wyoming wild Wine? Did I haveearly wyoming? While? Did I ever
(16:37):
have whild whine? Did I awyom? And I here's a shadow?
Thank me looking for me? High? Give me? Thank my fatters and
wild games, rever hills and nicewomen have the same. West guys are
always blow around the cowboys on thesand. Then he and mother dad?
(17:03):
While why did I holli? While? Why why did I ever I handed
tony rang the coked duncan when theboman said, that's what's the rug I
should ride in my book, Iswung up on the paddels and I rickon
with my first The next thing Iremember they were taking up the first Why
(17:26):
did I have on the wild?Why? Why did I ever have to
go while wievery wild? Because itis the terripector looking so hard? Why
you dian, it's a lovely placesyou can ride along the row and strange
(17:47):
just east of ladder. Mean,that's the serras got me and that's why
I have to roam. You cutme working in the bang of naked pepers
home Worrow, while I have earlywil While, why did I have an
after ball wild? Why did Ihave very wild? Oh? There is
this Terri. In fact, they'relooking for me, Hi, Hi,
(18:14):
Hi? What I has got?Now? And now, ladies generally gives
(18:42):
me great pleasure to introduce a fellowwho got his start as Doctor Kildare's assistant
and has been America's leading high specialistsever since MGM's time school with secos.
The man who lives what I dreamis the Van Johnson right here. Thanks
(19:11):
for the one of Linnaducts, andBob, I certainly appreciate it. Well,
you know, Van, you're reallya surprise guest star. I didn't
tell anyone you were going to beon the program. Oh, Fin,
I appreciate that too. Hey,you don't make many radio brands as do
your Van. No, I getMike fight when I think that millions of
people may be listening in. Areyou fighting now? No, they told
me on this program I wouldn't haveto worry about that. You know,
(19:38):
you could easily be replaced by MickeyRooney in the ladder. You know that,
Doctor, I hope you know that. Well, Man, what do
you think of Ontario? Oh,it's pretty exciting. What crowds of people?
I was mob coming in here bythese chasy boys. Did you see
that pretty blond you threw her armsaround me and kissed me. He was
really enthusiastic. Yeah, she almostfell off a tricycle. Well, she
(20:02):
tried to get my bubble gum.Anyway, you know you're not the only
one who gets the shirt torn offhis back. Man, I have some
pretty wild fans myself. Your fanswant to pay your furt off. No,
but last week when I'm lean downand snap my guarters, Prosby has
worse double. His fans keep runningup and pulling the stoppers out of his
hot water bottle. Hey, what'syour latest picture? Van? I just
(20:23):
finished high Barbary. High Barbary soundslike Gary Cooper getting a haircut. Hi
high Barbary. That analysis in that, I hear that's very romantic. Tell
me more about it. Well,I played a part of a pot of
Who's been shot down on the Pacific, and I spend most of the picture
just sitting on a little rubber lifeboat. I usually do that after the picture.
(20:47):
You know, Van, you knowthat a picture of mine has just
been released. You're in a newpicture. What's it called? This?
Kid on must go? Already havea Chevrolet jingle? Bob, I think
TURN want to give you more romanticroles. You could be the greatest heart
throught the screen has ever known.Oh, I wouldn't say that, I
know. Then why make me sayit? Then? You know when my
(21:15):
side of my career, a lotof my fans wore Bobby tats. But
I get to tell Bob, didn'tthe high fucking shoes cover them? They'll
be silly the kind of went forme didn't wear shoes. But I want
to tell you you certainly do havesomething. Man. I've watched you and
your love scenes, and it's amazingthe way you're leading ladies look up at
you. Your face seems to enchantthem and fascinate them. Oh, Bob,
(21:37):
they aren't shattered, are fascinated.They're just kind of freckles. Yet
I can't see why they so crazyabout them. After all, I could
have freckles like you too. Butwho wants to take a sunbath with a
coffee strainer over his nose? Hey, listen, vansam I mean let's die?
(21:59):
I mean John said, you know, I'm you remind me of a
kid I used to know back home. But I suppose there's a freckle faced
kid in every neighborhood. Well,that's the funny thing, Bob. He
remind me of a farmer boy Imet in the bus when I was coming
out of the Hollywood for the firsttime. Is that right? Uh?
Pardon me? Is this be taken? No, it's not taken, So
no thanks, stead of put myrooster in my other pocket, you've got
(22:22):
a rooster in your pocket? Yeah, I'm bringing him to Hollywood? What
for? He heard there's a lotof two chicks out there. Hey,
I like you. What's your handle? You did what I say? What's
your handle? Don't get funny?Oh, I didn't mean that one.
Hey, I have some sunflower seeds. Hey the sunflower seed. You're pretty
(22:48):
sophisticated. I did opened up amo owner. You're a pretty smartissuf.
What do you do? Oh?I'm a bull fiddle player. When I
ain't milking cows, you milk cowback home? A note twenty five pous
an ay does do with so muchmilk? Can interfere with your bull fiddle
playing? I can play three chorusesof Red River Valley and get a half
a ton of coffee cream at thesame time. What's that Bessie? I
(23:12):
couldn't bear to leave her, soI took her with me. You mean
you don't bring in a count ofhow I was so right? I bought
us some dark glasses, Say youin show business? Well, I'm musically
inclined a musician. Ah. Yeah, I used to play first paper and
comb with the North cuckamonga philharmonic.QUI I'll come. I couldn't have fell
(23:36):
forward to pay dues to Patilla whenthe Barbie's union full. Well, maybe
we could team up in a doubleact. First, I'll come out of
tell thirty or forty jokes, andI'll sing a song, then tell ten
more jokes, play a somh onmy fiddle. Then I'll sing another song,
and I'll tell twenty more jokes tosing a song. Hey, may,
what do I do in the act? Now? Listen to This act
won't work if you're gonna be handyeverybody out Hollywood and Vine. Why do
(23:57):
we have to get off here runningshort up pedestrians? Hey, ma'am,
Yeah, here's an agent's office.Gay ten percent for you, Colonne,
let's go in. What how's yourfire? Oh? How do you?
Ma'am? We want to get intothe show business. Sorry, already found
their sex for the season. Ohthat's all right, ma'am. We really
(24:19):
don't expect the start of the toplike that. You're kind of cute,
hier big boy Aska, that's myfamily name. What do you say?
I said? What do I do? Now? I'm scared? Well,
didn't your Paul ever tell you aboutthe birds and the bees? Yeah?
(24:41):
Yeah, but which one is this? Listen, ma'am, I want to
get in the movie sitches. I'vegot an impression. I've got talent.
I can help you. You're reallycooking? Well how about me? Sorry,
you're second to find out on thestorm? Sorry? Can we see
(25:04):
agents, Colonna? Yeah, takesa good a while. Oh hardy,
mister Clara, we're sure? Hamoney please a mesas dad, I'm a
nappna. What can I do foryour boy? But we want to get
into Western pictures. What's the pictureshere? You mean? Well? The
hero is ranning along the hot companytop pempery cop and the had one just
came over bah and there's a mangatyscreamed, and they're gonna say, say
up and get out. Who comethe hero? Take that and that?
(25:29):
I think, oh hero right away? Come and corin everybody happy. Fifteen
penty please, fifteen centy from eachof us. Why what do you want?
A double feature? What're your boy? Shoo? We sing and give
gay recitation. Yeah, we'll doan audition for you. Ready, Van
Okay, hardy, hardy, myloving you manfarn Harry m hmm. How
(26:02):
they got headache? That's very muchthat Principe didn't bode that. Ladies got
with Herbert Harshl, Marc couch Hers, International Broadcasting, Tony
Well, greetings everybody, Welcome backto old time radio comedy. Today we
hear from the Bob Hope Show withspecial guest Van Johnson. Charles Van Dell
Johnson was born August twenty fifth ofnineteen sixteen and he was an American film,
(00:47):
television, theater and radio actor.He was a major star at Metro
Golden Mayor Daring and after World WarTwo. He passed away December twelfth of
two thousand and eight. Sit backand enjoy this episode from Bob Hope with
guest Van Johnson, which aired Aprilfifteenth of nineteen forty seven. To right.
(01:18):
From Ontario, California, Leaver BrothersCompany presents The Pepsident Show starring Bob
Hope and the especial guest Van Johnson. Thank Joe, how do you do?
(01:46):
Ladies and gentlemen, This is Bobbroadcasting from Ontario, California for the
Ontario Use Fun in the California Chamberof Commerce. Hope telling you that if
you use Pepsident, you make nomistake. Everything will be jake and your
teeth will never be fake because theywon't break or even shake during the next
earthquake. There wasn't anything about theearthquake in the Los Angeles papers, accepting
(02:06):
in one of them at Joela DickTracy so hard he called hypo three months
before he was supposed to. Andreally, the Los Angeles papers are very
honest and truthful, and they allhad the earthquake in the headlines. It
said severe Florida explosion. Felt here, it didn't bother me. I thought
(02:30):
Sinatra dropped one of his muscles.Either that or Crosby dropped his wallet.
But I do want to Crosby wasin Pittsburgh day for the opening the Pirates
opening game. Cleveland opened. Imean, this season opens tomorrow, you
know. The baseball The baseball seasonopened the day, and last night I
(02:50):
had the craziest nightmare about it.I dreamt Happy Chandler was throwing out the
first ball in Brooklyn. What atough break for a guy. I liked
the roacher, wasting a whole yearwhen he doesn't even like to waste a
day. I watched the baseball gametoday in Hollywood with a bag of peanuts
(03:15):
in my pocket. Then Darthy Lamoresat down beside me. I can't tell
you what happened, but the restof afternoon I was eating peanut butters.
Naturally, I naturally I had abox, but some fresh kid kept kicking
it out from under me. WhenI come from a long line of ball
players. In fact, I wasmy father's first air. I made another
(03:38):
air today. I came down toOntario by bus with the members of the
band. Someone opened the window andlet some fresh air in, and four
a Desi's musicians had to be givenartificial respiration. I had to come up
here by bus my brother. Mybrother borrowed my car yesterday to go to
the bank, and he may begone for ten or twenty years. A
(04:01):
bus that's a cross between an automobileand a train. The way the one
we had looked like they both gotto the crossing at the same time.
Jasey's orchestra didn't have regular tickets.Every fifteen minutes, the driver would come
back and punch their to Molly's.And those reclining seats on the bus are
really something. I pressed the buttonon my head went back so far.
(04:23):
A woman behind me who was feedingher baby, wiped my chin off and
broke me before discovering wait, wait, I have more. A woman behind
me who was feeding her baby wipemy chin off and brokeny before discovering she
(04:44):
put the pablum in the wrong mouth. Myre faster. What a bus trip,
and we almost had a big aand then two big Trader trucks passed
us on both sides at the sametime. I won't say what happened,
but we sat single file the restof the way. I read the same
(05:09):
billboard three times before I realized itwas hanging on the radiator. And Jasey
on Nazi's musicians opened a bottle ofthat Mexican tequila and passed it around and
it region made the trip interesting.They arrived in Ontario before the bus did.
(05:34):
And then you're jingles into day Eieio, and we'll have brand new
chevrorat EEI io. There the Chevrolethere on Fridgerator. There here the rides
down rid right side for Chevalet.Then we seven III I O. What
a hall, What a hall forthose second week's winners, Chevrolet's frigidar,
(05:55):
coal walls and one hundred dollar bills. We announced the names later the night
on four more people who on brandnew Chevrolets and psidence exciting context. And
now ladies and gentlemen, our guestssingers evening a British gall who really knows
how to handle on American tone.We welcome back, miss Belle Davis.
(06:24):
Yes, it's a good day forsinging a song, and it's a good
day for moving along. Yes,it's a good day. How could anything
go wrong? A good day frommorning until my Yes, it's a good
day for shining issues, and it'sa good day for losing the blue for
(06:48):
everything to gain and nothing to lose. Because it's a good day from morn
until my I said to this song, good moment, time riding shine to
say, you know you gotta kidgoing, if you gotta make a tol,
you know you gotta sway. How'sit's a good day for paying your
(07:13):
bills, and it's a good dayfor curing your ls. So take a
d rist and throw away your film, cause it's a good day. From
Mormon until my I said to thistime, good morning, time riding shines
to say, if you know yougotta get going, if you're got to
(07:34):
make a man, you know yougot a ride away. How's it's a
good day for paying your bill Man, it's a good day for curing your
ls. So take a d withand throw away your feel tails It's a
good day. It's from moment untilI say it's a good time. Very
(08:18):
nice, don't anybody in hall?Very very nice? That was It's a
good Day, sung by Beryl Daviswith the assistance of Spike on As and
As Oliver Street Slickers. Right there, I just read it, don't you
know you did that song very beautifully, Beryl. In fact, that the
first time I ever saw a songand an audience rendered at the same time.
(08:39):
Seriously, Beryl, this is Ontari. You know how about driving back?
Would you like a little day tonight? Well, sorry, Bob,
I'm going out with Desni. You'retaking me to Romanov. Well I'll take
you to Romanov. What's very niceof you, Bob. But Desi's going
to take me inside. Whether youmust get a much smaller check if you
(09:01):
stay outside? You know, Wellanyway, Bob, I wouldn't want to
get you in trouble. And Daseysaid that if I ever had a date
with you, eat fire you.Oh really, that's the kind of routine
he uses. Huh, he fireme. He's getting so vicious. Later
they must be putting red heart inhis Tamali's You know that. Let's stick
(09:28):
around Beryl Professor Colona went to MetroGold and Mayor Studio to get our guest
star Van Johnson, and they shouldbe here at turn off that alarm clock.
Well, oh the phone, I'dforgotten what it sounds like. Hello,
got the omens, mister, Hopethe party call. You will have
to deposit five sans. Anyway,I fan here you are, Colona?
(09:50):
What's all that noise? Buffalo nikolall drug store? Well, Colonna,
I don't understand. How can youmake a long distance call while the strike
is on. I'm wearing a unionsuit. That's ridiculous. How is wearing
(10:16):
a union suit give you the rightto call long distance? This is an
emergency, that's all I'm wearing.I thought I told you to go to
MGM and get Van Johnson. WhenI'm at MGM now, Hope and thank
I just ran into my friend.Joe Smunk is the midget. Joe Schmunk
the midget at MGN. What's hedo there? You know when you see
an MGM picture, how it startsout with Leo the lion roaring yes,
(10:39):
Well, Joe's the little guy behindthe screen twisting Leo's tail. So you're
at MGMOL where are you on theset? Come again? Set? You
said it? You related? Listen, Colonna, I told you to find
(11:07):
Van Johnson. Did you look inhis dressing room? Yes, Hope,
the door was locked. But Ilooked all around the room and Van wasn't
there. That's ridiculous, Colone.How could you possibly look all around the
dressing room if the door was locked? Jock keyhole, long eyeballs, Colodna,
I suspect you tell me one thing. Whatever happened to your IQ?
(11:28):
I showed us to some doctor fora box of snickers? What did you
get the oars? I suspect youhaven't even tried to find Van Johnson.
Of course I've tried, Hope.I have been in mine, at Turna's
dressing room. We had Gosson's dressingroom, Catherine Hepberin's dressing room, Judy
Galland's dressing room. But Coloda,did you ask them where Van is?
(11:50):
I don't ask questions. I justhave coun col On to you, you'll
never find Van Johnson. Forget aboutit and come on out here, okay.
But before I leave, I thinkI'll go over look at the set
hair. What picture they making atthe beginning of the end and the atomic
(12:11):
bombs still hair Colonna. That picturehas been made, but stay away from
that bomb anyway, it might bedangerous. Horn on't be Shelley Horfe.
It's just a movie tops from KyBurdon Gloom Colona, Colona, what happened?
(12:31):
MGM pictures can now be seen everywhere. That's Professor Colona. What a
guy he is. But I don'tmind if he's still He just makes the
beautiful things on this show seem morebeautiful. Oh, it's very vague.
(12:56):
That's very vague, our budding wallflower. Well, well, let's hope I'm
blooming idiot daddy, Miss Vegue,I have a surprise for you. Van
Johnson is going to be on theprogram tonight. Oh, I'm just dying
to be in mister, they comehome, tell me, tell me,
(13:18):
tell me, get easy, MissVege. Someone's been spiking your oval Teiney.
It's vague. I hope you'll controlyourself and do you're best to make
a good impression on Van. Oh, I certainly will. Oh. I'd
love to be Vand's girlfriend, MissVague. You're old enough to be his
mother, all right, So I'llmake the best bee I can. You
(13:39):
just don't understand, mister Hoope.Confidentially, Van Johnson is my secret double
xtremely beamy paper movie stop. Reallyso you've finally given up on Francis X
Bushman. Huh, Lisa Howe,why don't you donate your head to Frank
Sinatra Here he's looking for a newpunching bag. I don't understand why you're
(14:01):
so excited about Van mis vague.I'm here every weekend after all. Take
away Van's freckles and what have yougot? I don't know, mister Hilbert,
whatever it is, if you canget some moments. Oh, don't
be silly. If anyone knew whatit was, Thrifty would have had it
in bottles a long time. Oh, we've got the owl and Thrifty.
(14:24):
Oh wait, it is Rex Soland we're clean a night. It is
me meeting Van Johnson, mister hEvery night I go to sleep and dream
about that. Oor I didn't No, no wonder you're anxious to meet him
in person? Is it's a fewthings I like to ask him about?
Last night? Oh, I'm soglad I've been taking golf lessons for my
(14:46):
figure. Well, golf should certainlyhelp, but playing golf all the time
is what put me in the shapeI'm in. Where do I go to
turn in my club? I gethitting about quitting, really, Alix,
I'm a very serious sault in,miss Hope. You know yesterday I sent
the whole day practicing how to holda caddy, Miss Vegue. You don't
(15:11):
hold the caddy in golf. MisterHope, you played your game and I'll
play mine. Well, you're playinggolfer, yes, a little bit.
Let me tell you the most extaticthing that happened yesterday. And I met
Dan Johnson on the course. Thisis how I was getting ready to put
and Van said, if I madea pie, he give me a kiss.
(15:31):
Van Thomas, the kiss if youmade pie? That's right. So
I hit the ball in the cup. Well, how many strokes did you
have? This one? But theyrevised me right away. Well, at
the end of the fifth nine holdsthe car was forty love, Miss vague.
Love is a scoring term used intennis. How could your golf score
(15:54):
be forty love? Well, Iknock a lot of balls into the woods.
Well, I can show you howto correct that, ms, due,
golf is no fun in the woods. What I said, I say
golf is no fun in the woods. Do you want to feed up a
(16:15):
clevekar fell down and I blow withthe reflection. It's Capitol recording arrangement of
Wyoming wild Wine? Did I haveearly wyoming? While? Did I ever
(16:37):
have whild whine? Did I awyom? And I here's a shadow?
Thank me looking for me? High? Give me? Thank my fatters and
wild games, rever hills and nicewomen have the same. West guys are
always blow around the cowboys on thesand. Then he and mother dad?
(17:03):
While why did I holli? While? Why why did I ever I handed
tony rang the coked duncan when theboman said, that's what's the rug I
should ride in my book, Iswung up on the paddels and I rickon
with my first The next thing Iremember they were taking up the first Why
(17:26):
did I have on the wild?Why? Why did I ever have to
go while wievery wild? Because itis the terripector looking so hard? Why
you dian, it's a lovely placesyou can ride along the row and strange
(17:47):
just east of ladder. Mean,that's the serras got me and that's why
I have to roam. You cutme working in the bang of naked pepers
home Worrow, while I have earlywil While, why did I have an
after ball wild? Why did Ihave very wild? Oh? There is
this Terri. In fact, they'relooking for me, Hi, Hi,
(18:14):
Hi? What I has got?Now? And now, ladies generally gives
(18:42):
me great pleasure to introduce a fellowwho got his start as Doctor Kildare's assistant
and has been America's leading high specialistsever since MGM's time school with secos.
The man who lives what I dreamis the Van Johnson right here. Thanks
(19:11):
for the one of Linnaducts, andBob, I certainly appreciate it. Well,
you know, Van, you're reallya surprise guest star. I didn't
tell anyone you were going to beon the program. Oh, Fin,
I appreciate that too. Hey,you don't make many radio brands as do
your Van. No, I getMike fight when I think that millions of
people may be listening in. Areyou fighting now? No, they told
me on this program I wouldn't haveto worry about that. You know,
(19:38):
you could easily be replaced by MickeyRooney in the ladder. You know that,
Doctor, I hope you know that. Well, Man, what do
you think of Ontario? Oh,it's pretty exciting. What crowds of people?
I was mob coming in here bythese chasy boys. Did you see
that pretty blond you threw her armsaround me and kissed me. He was
really enthusiastic. Yeah, she almostfell off a tricycle. Well, she
(20:02):
tried to get my bubble gum.Anyway, you know you're not the only
one who gets the shirt torn offhis back. Man, I have some
pretty wild fans myself. Your fanswant to pay your furt off. No,
but last week when I'm lean downand snap my guarters, Prosby has
worse double. His fans keep runningup and pulling the stoppers out of his
hot water bottle. Hey, what'syour latest picture? Van? I just
(20:23):
finished high Barbary. High Barbary soundslike Gary Cooper getting a haircut. Hi
high Barbary. That analysis in that, I hear that's very romantic. Tell
me more about it. Well,I played a part of a pot of
Who's been shot down on the Pacific, and I spend most of the picture
just sitting on a little rubber lifeboat. I usually do that after the picture.
(20:47):
You know, Van, you knowthat a picture of mine has just
been released. You're in a newpicture. What's it called? This?
Kid on must go? Already havea Chevrolet jingle? Bob, I think
TURN want to give you more romanticroles. You could be the greatest heart
throught the screen has ever known.Oh, I wouldn't say that, I
know. Then why make me sayit? Then? You know when my
(21:15):
side of my career, a lotof my fans wore Bobby tats. But
I get to tell Bob, didn'tthe high fucking shoes cover them? They'll
be silly the kind of went forme didn't wear shoes. But I want
to tell you you certainly do havesomething. Man. I've watched you and
your love scenes, and it's amazingthe way you're leading ladies look up at
you. Your face seems to enchantthem and fascinate them. Oh, Bob,
(21:37):
they aren't shattered, are fascinated.They're just kind of freckles. Yet
I can't see why they so crazyabout them. After all, I could
have freckles like you too. Butwho wants to take a sunbath with a
coffee strainer over his nose? Hey, listen, vansam I mean let's die?
(21:59):
I mean John said, you know, I'm you remind me of a
kid I used to know back home. But I suppose there's a freckle faced
kid in every neighborhood. Well,that's the funny thing, Bob. He
remind me of a farmer boy Imet in the bus when I was coming
out of the Hollywood for the firsttime. Is that right? Uh?
Pardon me? Is this be taken? No, it's not taken, So
no thanks, stead of put myrooster in my other pocket, you've got
(22:22):
a rooster in your pocket? Yeah, I'm bringing him to Hollywood? What
for? He heard there's a lotof two chicks out there. Hey,
I like you. What's your handle? You did what I say? What's
your handle? Don't get funny?Oh, I didn't mean that one.
Hey, I have some sunflower seeds. Hey the sunflower seed. You're pretty
(22:48):
sophisticated. I did opened up amo owner. You're a pretty smartissuf.
What do you do? Oh?I'm a bull fiddle player. When I
ain't milking cows, you milk cowback home? A note twenty five pous
an ay does do with so muchmilk? Can interfere with your bull fiddle
playing? I can play three chorusesof Red River Valley and get a half
a ton of coffee cream at thesame time. What's that Bessie? I
(23:12):
couldn't bear to leave her, soI took her with me. You mean
you don't bring in a count ofhow I was so right? I bought
us some dark glasses, Say youin show business? Well, I'm musically
inclined a musician. Ah. Yeah, I used to play first paper and
comb with the North cuckamonga philharmonic.QUI I'll come. I couldn't have fell
(23:36):
forward to pay dues to Patilla whenthe Barbie's union full. Well, maybe
we could team up in a doubleact. First, I'll come out of
tell thirty or forty jokes, andI'll sing a song, then tell ten
more jokes, play a somh onmy fiddle. Then I'll sing another song,
and I'll tell twenty more jokes tosing a song. Hey, may,
what do I do in the act? Now? Listen to This act
won't work if you're gonna be handyeverybody out Hollywood and Vine. Why do
(23:57):
we have to get off here runningshort up pedestrians? Hey, ma'am,
Yeah, here's an agent's office.Gay ten percent for you, Colonne,
let's go in. What how's yourfire? Oh? How do you?
Ma'am? We want to get intothe show business. Sorry, already found
their sex for the season. Ohthat's all right, ma'am. We really
(24:19):
don't expect the start of the toplike that. You're kind of cute,
hier big boy Aska, that's myfamily name. What do you say?
I said? What do I do? Now? I'm scared? Well,
didn't your Paul ever tell you aboutthe birds and the bees? Yeah?
(24:41):
Yeah, but which one is this? Listen, ma'am, I want to
get in the movie sitches. I'vegot an impression. I've got talent.
I can help you. You're reallycooking? Well how about me? Sorry,
you're second to find out on thestorm? Sorry? Can we see
(25:04):
agents, Colonna? Yeah, takesa good a while. Oh hardy,
mister Clara, we're sure? Hamoney please a mesas dad, I'm a
nappna. What can I do foryour boy? But we want to get
into Western pictures. What's the pictureshere? You mean? Well? The
hero is ranning along the hot companytop pempery cop and the had one just
came over bah and there's a mangatyscreamed, and they're gonna say, say
up and get out. Who comethe hero? Take that and that?
(25:29):
I think, oh hero right away? Come and corin everybody happy. Fifteen
penty please, fifteen centy from eachof us. Why what do you want?
A double feature? What're your boy? Shoo? We sing and give
gay recitation. Yeah, we'll doan audition for you. Ready, Van
Okay, hardy, hardy, myloving you manfarn Harry m hmm. How
(26:02):
they got headache? That's very muchthat Principe didn't bode that. Ladies got
with Herbert Harshl, Marc couch Hers, International Broadcasting, Tony
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