Episode Transcript
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(00:29):
Hello everyone. I'm Chris Dashing andI'm Trevor Gumble, and we are those
of on Seagal once a month lookat Steven Seagal's filmography. If we could
call what we're talking about on thisepisode of the Show of Phil Or a
movie or an experience that anyone wouldwant to have other than watching it because
they have to talk. And that'sthe only reason I watched this. I
(00:52):
watched it twice just to make sureI didn't miss anything, because I'm going
to tell a story out of school, folks. I watch this film,
but I was admittedly distracted, soI wasn't sure if I caught everything.
So, like the dedicated host ofthe show that I am, that don't
want to disappoint you're come on,you're a professional, I am, I
restarted the film and watched it overagain, and I realized I didn't miss
(01:15):
a goddamn thing. Yeah. Soon that note, we are here to
talk about Contract to Kill Steven Seagalfilm that came out recently came out being
an interesting phrase. He's a batterone John Cia train the Premier Airline longer
(01:37):
I wanted took down the plane withtwo hundred and thirty eight innocent people on
board. Who is the target?So I guess you're back Islamic extremist.
These guys are attempting to form onthe holy alliance with the cartels that APPRENTI
in to me, there's someone tobe reckoned with the covered mission. I
want to pick my own team.I want my own gear and don't need
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a jet an elite team you mustbe John Harmon might have a job for
What do you propose we do?We interview folks. If we like them,
we give them a box of job. If we don't, we kill
listen our cartown. So then abig meeting fits my job to stop that
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at the elevators eight four gotcha?Eight two six on my account two one
game on a global threats on themove. Most can look him down.
I just can't let you come intoAmerica and activate themselves. Do you know
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that you've fed too much? Well, that's kind of how we do.
Or maybe I just call your bluffwhen all spade, I'm supposed to play
well to give my partner back adome, I think you do siment a
US city and seconds finish start StevenSeagal contract to kill the storm was coming.
(03:22):
It was limited release in the UnitedStates, but it was direct to
vide the most part. And itis a new Steven Seagal film that came
out in twenty sixteen. Yes,so it is directed by Keoni Waxman.
If you have been a listener ofours, Keoni Waxman will be a name
you have already heard and we'll hearagain. Yeah, and well when we
talked about cartels, and like Trevorsaid, it is a name you will
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hear many more times as we workour way back through Stephen Zeagal's filmography,
because he has directed a large portionof these direct to streaming or video on
demand films. In this film,Stephen Zeagale plays John harmon Man, who
is a ciage who's retired I believewho was retired, and they raid a
(04:05):
compound in Mexico and they find thatterrorists and cartel members are working together and
things happen. I he convinces theterrorists that the terrorists people that they're people
that the terrorists are working with,are actually trying to fuck the terrorists over.
I guess yeah. They Basically there'sthree there's three people and they and
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I forgot their names. Because that'show less of a shit I give about
this film Harmon played by Seagal,Matt Sharpe played by Russell Wong, and
Zarahayak played by Gemma Dallander. Yes, uh, well we'll get to her
and Seagal's relationship in a a ina second. Oh, if that's what
you want to call it, goodgod, Okay. So they what they
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do is they basically they find outthat the drug lords and the terrorists are
working with each other. The drugsares are working to get a terrorist over
the border into this as a sleepercell. As sleeper cell I believe,
into the state. It's um sostick All and his team are hired to
stop him. And what they dobasically is they pit the terrorists and the
drug leader against each other. Soit's a real thing that like they've worried
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about, right, have you heardabout this? Like this is a real
thing that they were worried about inthe mid two thousands about drug cartels helping
terrorists over the border. Yeah,this was like I do you remember do
you remember hearing about that in likethe mid two thousands, Like, oh,
the Mexican drug cartels are working withal Qaeda, you know, in
their health. It's like, man, like, what a fucking leap that
is. I think they're still talkingabout it in various like ultra right ring
(05:36):
like news outlets, which with givenwho's in this movie, kind of tracks.
It was funny. There's there's alittle diatribe at the end of the
movie that when we get to it, we'll get to it. It's really
something else. But this movie feelsa little um panicky, like it's it's
fearmongering a little bit. It's it'sit's placing. It's it's placing to us
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a problem that doesn't fucking exist.If it existed, we would know about
it. I mean, let's faceit, drug cartels are not the most
secretive organizations. No, they burnpeople in barrels and they hang dead bodies
off the side of freeways with theregularity. You think they're gonna hide trying
to sneak a terrorist over the border. Fuck now, Well, frankly,
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I think the reality is I don'tthink the drug cartels. The drug cartels
don't want to bring terrorists into theirmidst because if they terrorists into their midst,
that makes them now a target ofthe US government and the cartels aren't
a target of the US government rightnow. What's kind of insane is if
you think about the drug cartels,the drug cartels don't have a big presence
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in this country because if they did, they would become the problem of the
US government, who would then haveno reason not to make them a bigger
problem everywhere. And they don't wantto do that because yeah, it's I
mean, the war on drugs isthe war on drugs gets tied into the
cartels. Let's just put it thatway. The war on drugs has not
been a success. No, it'sbeen a colossal, fucking failure exactly,
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which is why I was glad inthis movie they weren't trying to stop drug
dealers. They were trying to stopterrorists. But the drug dealer in this
film, oh dear God, themain bad guy was the most clichde unoriginal
drug cartel leader that I've ever seenin my life. And it seemed like
every time he entered the film itwas in slow motion because they were trying
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to make him look dangerous and youknow, evil and cool or some shit
like that. Yeah, So thefilm, so Sigal gets recruited because he's
retired In my opinion, the mostinteresting scene of the film is the guy
explaining to Segal why he needs todo this and what the what he needs
to do and why he needs todo it. The guy playing the recruiter
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who's recruiting him back into the famouswas the most interesting part of the film.
And as soon as he was gone, I didn't give a shit.
You mean all those Eastern European actorsthat they were trying to play off as
Americans and Hispanish you could tell hisaccent was slipping like so many times.
What about the guy who plays themain drug dealer, who's like clearly Eastern
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European, Like, well, Ithink they again, I think this is
still in the Eastern Europe like filingin Romania like Cartel's was. I believe
probably a lot of these Koni WaxmanSeagal movies aren't look nothing wrong with filming
in Romania, but not at all. Here's the thing. You're gonna use
actors from Eastern Europe. They don'tmake sound like actors from anywhere else.
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They sound like Eastern European actor andmake them be from Eastern Europe exactly.
Don't try to doesn't have to beset in the United States. No,
I mean drug terrorism and drugs areare all over the world, so it's
not like it's a problem native tothis country. And to be fair,
most of this movie isn't set inthe United States. Most of it is
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set in Istanbul, which well becausenot just Romania. Because the man,
because the recruiter explains to Sagal thatthe FBI can't do it and the CIA
can't take care of it. Thatleaves was it the DA I believe he
said was like them. Wait,the DA is under the same administrations of
the CIA and the FBI. Arewhy are they the only ones who could
take care of the ship? Becausethey're drug enforcement agencies? I don't know
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this movie is trying. In thismovie, like the last two Present Days
of Golf films that we've watched,it's doing the same thing that those movies
did. It is using flashbacks toestablish what the movie is going for.
Flashbacks make no sense, and they'reinterchangeable too. You could put the flashbacks
from any of the other movies we'veseen in here and they would make just
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as much sense. Here's the thingI had semiokay hopes for this film because
Like we mentioned in the Cartel review, I enjoyed Cartels in a you know,
I kind of enjoyed cart I kindof you know, like what I
kind of like what they were doing. I thought, and I thought to
myself, maybe Kyote Waxman has somethingthat makes the films enjoyable. Maybe he
has a certain style. And Iwas proven very wrong in this film because
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it's just so uninteresting, boring allover the place, and just it's very
generic. It is it is so, it is generic as hell. Yeah,
it's unfortunate. This feels like Iwas talking about this with my lovely
wife earlier this week. You knowthe term shovelware for software, right,
Yeah, where they just throw itat a on a system and you can't
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get rid of it or something likethat. Yeah, or it's like software
that serves no purpose, like StevenSeagal's like these direct to video direct to
streaming videos, they remind me ofBig Rig Truckers, the computer game in
movie form. They are shovelware infilm form. I was watching I was
watching this film research for another projectcalled American Sage Paints the Sky, an
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American group, and when I waswatching that movie, it reminded me of
these movies. It's like, whothe hell is writing these movies? Who
is financing this movie? These movies? And who is watching these because I
can't tell, for the life ofme what who of any of these three
groups the people are and I reallydon't know their motivation. And with something
like this, is this like atax write off? Is this like a
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tax break? Are they funneling moneythrough a production company? Like I don't
understand who's watching these movies? IsKeoni Waxman trying to pad his resume?
Like trying to pad his resume?That's what I can't tell because looking at
this movie, there's nothing to offeranyone in this film. No, there
isn't because nothing really happens. Idon't feel any certain threat. I don't
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feel any sense of danger or excitement. I was bored. I was really
really bored. You know. It'sinteresting think about think about this with all
these Seagal movie. In any goodaction movie, the moment, the moment
the villain and the hero are inthe same room together should be a level
of tension of like who's going toget the upper hand. In all of
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these Seagal movies, at least theselater ones, when Seagal gets in the
room with the person, it's thefirst time, it's the only time.
And Steven Seagal often has the upperhand, even in the movies where he's
the villain, like General Commander,he has the upper hand on the hero.
What's funny is there's no tension inany of these action movies that we've
seen with Segal, these later ones. There's no tension because the moment he
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fights the villain is the end ofthe movie. They're never in the same
room together, they're never interacting.It's insane. And the only scene he
answered the villain less a few secondsbecause he just fucking shoots up. It's
it's insane to me. There's noYou can't have a movie with tension where
the villain and the hero are separatedthe entire film and the only time they're
ever face to face on screen oneof them, yeah, one of them
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is dead within the first thirty seconds. Because huck kuck kuck, Stephen Segal
can never afford to be upstaged byanyone. Well, We've said to so
many times on our podcast, thereis no threat to Seal in a Segal
film. Even if I'm being ledto believe and told to believe there is
I cannot be forced to believe thathe is under threat. No, um,
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because at this point we know itwill never be the case. I
haven't seen the movie yet where he'sbeen in threat for the most part.
What Tommy Lee Jones and under siegeis that? It? I mean,
come on, like, okay,Tommy Lee Jones and ever when we get
to an undersea two, is thatwhat it is like? No, he's
never It's not a man. It'snot like he's ever faced Dolph Lundgren level
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of physical imposing, at least withJean Claude Van Damn. There are hits
that are getting to him. Youknow, he's fast, he's a fast
guy. He's a fast, quickmark. But he's still he still takes
hits, doesn't ask yes of course, so does Arnold, so does Silver.
You can't you can't be an intriguingaction hero if you're invincible. Yeah,
exactly. You can't be brave ifyou're indestructible. To quote the film
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Angus, remember that speech that Grampagives Superman isn't brave. You can't be
brave if you're indestructible. It's true. You can't. And to be a
to be an action hero that youthat you connect with, there has to
be some vulnerability there. And Seagalis too up his own ass to give
him so any fucking vulnerability. Yeah, but I wonder if that's him or
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I wonder if that is just thesick of fans that he's surrounded him with
himself with that just tell him,Oh, this role is great. Oh
this is great. Oh this isgreat. Because that's the thing. You
don't keep making these movies if youthink they're bad. No. I mean,
obviously Seagal seems sees some merit init. Maybe he just sees the
paycheck. Who knows. Um.I will tell you if I read this
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script and I was making a decisionon whether or not I wanted to be
part of this project, it wouldprobably seem like a really, really easy
paycheck. Becayeah, you just notkid ourselves. Steven Seagal is not in
this movie a whole lot. Whenhe is, the major action sees of
him or him shooting, not fightingor sitting. He has a couple fight
scenes, but that's just about it. There's not much work for him to
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do. Most of the work isdone by his teammates Russell Wong and Jimmy
Dallinger. And that's it. Imean, and by the way, can
we talk about Russell Long the fuckingwhy is he in this movie to be
the guy who who controls the drones? No, that's that's what I'm asking.
I'm asking, like, why ishe in this movie? He's like
a known quantity and this is twentysixteen. Yeah, I mean, I
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mean, Russell Wong has been inlike some really good films. I mean,
he was in fucking The Mummy,he was in New Jack City,
he's been in West World. Uh, he's he's a he's a legit um
action actor, action actor. Whathe's doing in this film maybe he wants
to work with Seagal, who fuckingknows the drone thing I just thought was
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more funny than anything. And heblows up a cart the thing barely Yeah,
that's what I found funny. Islike, no, no, just
just stay here and lets him blowup whisper even lower because Steven Seagal is
barely audible in this movie. Onto everything else. He's just stay here,
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just stay here, let him blowup your car and the thing is
barely gold. You see the thingbarely holding onto the gun. Could you
see the gun shaking? Like?How did he even how did you even
hit the fucking target? I don'tknow, man, this movie looks really
cheap. It's it looks cheap fora movie made in twenty sixteen. And
the scene where the terrorists and thedrug dealers see the drone outside their fucking
window, what's that like? Washe trying to be found out or was
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he trying either way? It's sofucking stupid. Let me just let me
just have this drone up forty story. He's sitting invisible to the terrorist fucking
window. You know what, Youand I are not fans of cinema sins.
I hate that kind of shit.Oh fucking I do too. Oh
my god. I used to bea fan, but it got to like
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the same fu and it got nitpickyas fun, and I'm like, people,
I'm not listening to this anymore.It's people that are not engaged films.
They're not active film viewers. They'repassive film viewer. Don't look at
the screen and be like, Oh, that's fucking dumb. Why is that
like that? I'm pointing that outonly because while you might think the thing
that we're complaining about is a littleridiculous. If you were to watch the
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movie not advocating you do. Itis on two BTV, though, which
I've used a lot more in thelast couple of weeks than I ever have.
So little happens in this film.It is so little. It's so
disappointing because again, we've talked aboutthis before, We talked about this with
Verne. We talked about this somany times at this point. Yeah,
and I kept we know the Seagalcan act and could act if he wanted
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to, and it's just no heeven has he even has a little bit
of charm if he tries, ifhe tries, if he tries. Throughout
this film everything, the only thinggoing through my head was I don't care.
I do not care. And it'snot because they and it's because they
don't give you a reason to care. They don't. And can we briefly
talk about the relationship between Jim andDollener and Segal in this film that is
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forced as hell and they have avery unnecessary scene where they just do it
to show her tits for a fewminutes. It was so gratuitous, tit
it actually tit. It was sogratuitous. It actually just piss me off,
Like this feels like something Seagal askedfor. It felt, it really
did feel. The problem is,like Seagal, because I will give okay,
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I will give his more recent fairthis, they don't really try to
put him with a younger female.And I actually kind of gave him props
for that. But you know whatthe problem is, Trevor in the original
movies, it's not like we weresitting saying, oh my god, his
chemistry with Kelly LeBrock, Yeah,was so good. Like no, I
remember when we listit. When Iremember because I just edited that episode recently,
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what we talked about that we weretalking about how fucking weird that was.
So. As far as I'm concerned, Steven Seagal's movies don't need love
interest because anytime he has one,it's either ham fisted like this one,
or it feels gross also like thisone. It's just gross. Some about
him is gross on a wine.I can see why women found him attractive
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back in the early nighties. Nowhe's a sack of something. He just
has no charisma whatsoever, and hecan't get over the fact that his hair
is turning gray. Either. Heis his love interest in his films are
always himself. He's his own loveinterest because oh my god, and loves
himself. He's he's like mastatory variationvariations of loving. And it's wild,
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man, it's wild. How it'swild? How little like it's wild?
How gross that scene with him andJemma Dallander feels like, I'm it's not
even like explicit, No, it'sjust him like touching her. We've seen
two characters, two actors who haveno chemistry together, be forced into a
love scene. We've seen that inother movies. And it's not like physically
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revolting. Watching Seagal and Jemma Dallanderin this film for something, this was
it's just gross, right, LikeI mean him running his hands over her
and it's just like, you know, I want to know what Jemma Dallander
was thinking during that scene. Doesn'tmatter, It doesn't matter. She was
in that scene and it was awful, and it doesn't matter what she was
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thinking because it was not good.Okay, how about this? I edited
my question? How many drinks didit take her to do that scene?
Must know it was it was anaddition to her contractor that's the reason she's
in it is because they paid her. That's sadness. Nobody would agree to
be in that scene. There isno reason for that scene none, no
reason for them to be in arelationship in the film. And then he
starts fighting, gets into a sceneat the beginning where she's being disrespected by
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some local Eastern European man. Thatwasn't the same girl. That wasn't the
same girl. Oh sure, Iguess not. It doesn't It was a
it was just a waitress. Sure. The fact that the fact that I
couldn't tell should be about the film. Yeah, and this guy's like a
say, and it's like, ohgod, it's clearly eighty yard hey say
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and yes, kicks the shit outof him, but he's like, come
click, you need to see yourselfthe way we see you, which is
like this guy who's just hanging onto the last, last last straw of
not being a sixty eight year oldman, sixty nine year old man.
That's the I mean, that's thething. At least Roger Moore had the
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wherewithal during view to a kill tosay, Okay, it's not believable anymore
that I'm with the twenty year oldgirls. It's not believable anymore that I'm
doing the skiing and the jumping offof the Eiffel Tower, Like, it's
not believable. I'm taking myself outof the casting of this character. Stephen
Tall needs to get to that point. It's the Woody Allen, it's the
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Woody Allen complex or the Harrison Fordthing. Man Like, look at Harrison
Ford with the Dana Jones five.He's older than Seagal is and he is
going to be doing way more inthat movie. And again, it's to
this point where it's like there,I know that the industry is notorious for
having a hard time with casting olderact but an actresses and actress I'm talking
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actors, gender nonspecific. For mesitting here watching these Seagal movies, I
realize now that is the problem.And that's the problem that neither one of
us have really talked about. We'venever brought Steven Seagal's age, but watching
this movie for whatever reason, andlook, this movie is not as old
as even I guess this movie ismore. He was sixty four when he
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made the felt he was sixty fourolder in Attrition. He's older in Cartels,
and while Cartels has some of thesame problems that this movie does.
I believed that he could do thethings that he was doing in Attrition because
it was a lot less that hewas being asked to do. Yeah.
I mean, Seagal right now issixty nine years old. Yeah, and
one of the odds we get anothermovie like this, Yeah, if not
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getting one in the next six months, I mean, the likelihood is he's
already worked on one and gotten onedone. Are they still? Is he
still trying to get out for Justicetwo made? I'm not sure if that
was real. Well, still inhis IMDb page, so sure go look
at Guierromo del Toro's I AMDB pagejust above the law too, I apologize
above the laws Stephen King's IMDb pagethat has a film called Project Kujo Canine
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Justice Unit or I'm not making Iknow, you're not. I know.
I think the stevens Agal age thingis something that needs to needs to really
have a pin put in it,because yo, dude, he has fighting
skills. But no one's question inthat. But the fact is, you
can't fake time, you can't beatit. You're gonna show your age.
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Man, it happens believably. Wecan't. I can't believe you anymore,
that you can't do the things thatyou are claiming and expecting us to believe
you can do. You cannot fakethat you're younger than you are at all.
Just fucking go with it. Anda sixty year old guy with like
an eighteen year old girl says,I'm nothing nothing wrong with that, So
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I'm not going to sit here andbe an agist. But no, no,
no, not at all in thismovie with this actor, these two
actors together, it is it isso, it is so just kind of
unpleasant a scene as one could imaginea pseudo sex scene was Steven Seagal in
twenty sixteen. And here's the thing. I'm not saying that older May December
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romances can't work in reality. No, it's possible. I mean, look
at you know, fucking look atHarrison Ford is dating. I think he's
still didating close to Flockhart if I'mnot mistaken. Yeah, they're married,
but they're like twenty thirty years apart. I think, yeah, it is
literally just in the context of thismovie. And fucking look at what was
her name from Twin Peaks, LauraFlynn Boyle. Wasn't she dating Jack Nicholson
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for a while. So I'm notsaying it can't work in terms of the
film. We go to films toescape, you know, we don't.
We go to films because we don'twant to see in reality, especially Seagal
making love to a woman who's likeforty years his junior. I don't want
to see Steven Seagal making love toanyone. I don't care who it is,
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I don't care what age it was. Here's the thing. At this
point, it's pretty clear to bothof us that it doesn't matter the age
of Seagal. He is the problem. He is not a believable love interest
for anyone. Exudes no sexual charisma. He's a good guy in the nineties.
He's a good no, he's he'she's a fine looking dude in the
nineties. I mean he like,you know, he was in good shape.
(25:08):
He had a decent looking face.He you know, it wasn't bad
looking. He I could see whythey you know, he had well.
Of course, in action films,you had to have a female love interest,
even if it served no purpose tothe plot whatsoever. It's like the
Bechdel test. Basically they failed itmiserably. And even one of the best
action movies ever made has a loveinterest in it, and it feels she
(25:30):
will which one Commando? That loveinterest in Commando's completely oh rd On Sean
about one. Yeah, she's completelyunnecessary. That movie is amazing with or
without her. She helps none.She helps a little bit during the car
chase, but like, she's gota present for us. But but you
don't see her until after he's obliteratedthat fucking island of terrorists. So look,
(25:52):
I understand and appreciate the need fora love interest in film, but
that only first off, love interestsare only import if you make them important.
I have never heard anyone say,well, he could have used a
love interest. Most of the timeit's the love interest isn't needed. So
if that seems to be the conversation, then maybe don't feel committed to put
a love interest in the film.Maybe we're past the age of love interest
(26:15):
for characters. Maybe there are storiesworth telling that don't rely on love interests.
I get that sometimes that they needstakes for the hero, but give
the love interest at least something likea personality or a plot device to put
her in the film and make hera reason to be in the film,
not just a set dressing. Yeah, like, look at Diehard. Die
(26:37):
Heart did it perfectly. I don't. Can you technically call Holly his love
interests because they were kind of inthe middle of a divorce. Yeah,
it love interest enough that they're thatthey're on screen time, as brief as
it is in the film, isbelievable. And they're back together in the
second film just where the story goes. Yes, she's his love it,
but she contributed to the plot ofthe film. She wasn't just a helpless
(26:59):
damsel in distress. She was notto say that there's anything wrong with damsels
in distress. I think the waythey did it was very well done in
die Hard, I agree, youknow, and let's you know, it's
well, that's why it makes itone of the greatest action films ever made.
Well that and that in the writingand a lot of other things.
But to your point, utilizing acharacter in that way is something that action
(27:22):
movies would attempt to copy. AndI mean, look, it's not like
die Hard was the first movie everto do it, No so, but
it made its mark. Yeah.Well, and that's the thing. I
mean, a lot of the earlySteven Seagal movies made their mark on the
action industry too. Under Siege,you know, created its own subgenre.
Well basically under Siege was die hardon a on a on a boat or
(27:45):
about a boat on an aircraft carrier. Yeah, and that on a vehicle
thing opened up the world a littlebit more for people to get a little
bit more creative with Under Siege twoSpeed you know, Speed Speed two.
But at the end of the day, Sagal has an impact on the industry
now in twenty sixteen, with thisfilm twenty twenty one, so five years
(28:07):
later, it's it's just really it'ssad because again, there are roles that
you can do as an older actionstar. Oh, absolutely, Pagers do
it. But this kind of stuffis this is not believable. And not
only is this not believable, itis so off putting that this is the
(28:30):
worst thing I think I've watched onthis podcast so far. I agree.
I am going to give you anexample of how you can do this.
Um Semester stallone, Um doing allthese Rambo and Rocky films, but you
know what he does with the characterin these more recent films. He ages
them and they actually age and theytake a backseat to everything else going exactly.
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They are they are broken down.They are old, not like old,
like senior, but they have theyhave had experiences. They you know,
they have gone through shit. Theyare very world warn and he shows
it. He doesn't pretend that Rambois still this you know, unbeatable,
you know, invincible god. Andwhen he made Rocky, Rocky's never been,
(29:15):
uh, the invincible, He's alwaysbeen the underdog, your root for
Rocky doesn't win in the first movieexactly, and that's what myself is impressive
and isn't. But you know,have you seen Rambo the latest, the
last two Rambo films. I sawthe one where he's in Cambodia. I
did not see the one where he'sbut didn't. Didn't you think it was
well done? How they made thecharacter world warn and just didn't want to
(29:37):
deal with this shiit anymore, whowants to just live in peace and is
forced back into it and is notan invincible. You see the bruises,
you see the scars, and hegets hit a couple of times. I
mean, look at look at somethinglike Wolverine. I don't even like that
move. You're one of the few. Yeah, that's okay, that's fine.
I saw The Man with No Namemovies before that movie. I mean,
(30:03):
it's a Western in everything, butnay, you want to hear something
weird. I still haven't seen Wolverine. It's okay, it's okay. It's
kind of like Joker. It's okay. Joker is so fucking overrated. I
just gotta say it. It's okay. It's just okay, Like it's okay.
Yeah, Like in Wolverine, youcan show a character with vulnerability that
is invincible, mind you, thatcharacter is, like you said, like
(30:25):
Superman, he's invincible. So youcan show a character have vulnerabilities. But
again, like you've said, andone percent agree, and I think that
is the thing that needs to beimpressed upon over and over again when you
have conversations about things like this.It's not that we have an issue with
actors who are old in action.It's that the movie refuses to acknowledge that
they are old. And that isjust insane because, like you said,
(30:49):
cannot convince us that father time isn'talways ticking forward, and we know that
Steven Seagal is older we know thathe's getting older. He dyes his hair
so that it doesn't look gray.It's okay, but you gotta be okay
with it being okay first before you'reeven going to attempt thinking about doing the
kinds of things that you're talking about. That Silvester Stallone is do you have
(31:11):
to get out of your own way? That's what you have to do.
Yeah, And I mean Seagal foryou know, the shift he's made is
very is actually a very good screenwriter. Yeah. I mean he wrote the
first Rocky And you know, youcan say what you want it. You
can make fun of Stallone all youwant with it, you know, the
impressions. But the fact remains thedude is a talented writer, a talented
(31:36):
actor, and he still makes goodfilms. Hey, suicide Squad movie is
better for having him in it.Oh is the Shark's Big? Yeah it
kind of, but oh of courseis it endearing? Yeah, it's very
it's stag. Is Stallone the onlyone of the big four that would do
it? Yeah? Yeah, becauseStallone has a self sense of humor about
(31:57):
himself. You know how I knowthat he wrote The Expendable. You don't
write those movies if you don't havea sense of humor about yourself. He
wrote The Expendables knowing that there wasa nostalgia for the eighties and nineties action
films. And I think sometimes peopledon't get that, they don't get the
they don't get the joke. Well, you have to. You have to
know that there's a joke to beginwith, to be able to understand,
to be able to get the joketo be that. I mean, come
(32:19):
on, there's a joke of TheExpendables too where Bruce Wilson and Arnod Schwarzenegger
switch lines. I know, butagain, if you if you cannot get
out of your own way, itdoesn't matter. And I mean, didn't
they try to get Si Golf foran Expendables film? I believe. I
believe they did. And I thinkhe said something to the effect of like,
I don't work with funny people.And it's like, well, that's
okay, you're not You're not funny, You're not funny anyways. Nobody thinks
(32:42):
you're funny, and they wouldn't askyou to be funny if they had a
gun to their fucking head. Soeven fucking right wing psycho Dick Wad Chuck
Norris had had, you know,sense of humor enough to appear in The
Expendables too. Didn't know, Ohyou didn't know that? Oh he is?
Am I acting surprised though he's anevangelical Mike Huckabee. No, no,
(33:04):
no, I'm not saying that.I'm saying he's one of those right
wing evangelical nut jobs that make usChristians look terrible. Sure, okay,
the prascolatas in type. He islike Kevin Sorbo Cool, my favorite actor,
my favorite hercules. I can seethat. I can, I can.
I know what you're doing there,and he's poking the bear over there.
(33:25):
At least Sugar, at least ChuckNorris, you know, new to
make fun of himself and The Expendablestoo. I mean again, having a
having a sense of humor about yourselfkind of eliminates all problems in a lot.
I mean, if you can jokeabout yourself, everybody, if you
can joke with people, you're you'retaking the you're taking the wind out.
You're not saying they even get anopportunity. And I'm not saying make your
(33:45):
self parody, don't parody or anything. Just have a just take yourself,
not too seriously and enjoy and takesome enjoyment in the fact that you're making
some times ridiculous films. Take itfrom me, a fat man. The
easiest way to take the piss outof someone, take the piss out of
yourself, is to take the bed. Take the piss out of yourself.
(34:05):
The easiest person to take the pissout of is yourself. Exactly if you
do it, other people can.So there you go. That's how you
beat people that don't think you haveanything to offer, is you just hang
a lantern on it and move forward, and then they can't say it because
you've already acknowledged so. And that'sagain, that's this whole thing about you
know, acting your age, oralso you know, having the wherewithal to
(34:27):
joke about yourself and laugh at yourselfand understand that action movies are ridiculous if
you think about what they actually are. It's a movie about someone killing thousands
of people for our entertainment. Thatis fucking insane that that could be your
job. But yet people have doneit for a living and that's wild and
crazy And isn't that funny? No, isn't that serious? Like, no,
come on, dude, come andthe kills well, going back to
(34:51):
the sum the kills in the silmare just not that interesting. It's typical
two hits from sigal and the guyis dapting bullshit. And can we talk
about the villains with the most clichdename for a Mexican drug lord, Jose
Rivera played by an Eastern European whiteman. Yeah, I was looking at
the guys who've played him and JoseRivera played by Marcia dram And And by
(35:15):
the way, the guy who playedthe terrorist was just a terrible actor.
He was bad. He was reallybad. Look, there's nothing good about
this movie. There's nothing. Anabsolute waste of time. And it was
a waste of five million dollars.It was five million dollars for this fucking
thing. I hope somebody made agood chunk of change. I hope stevens
are all paid whoever off with it, because there's there's no way that this
(35:38):
movie wasn't a money laundering scheme forsomething I don't know. I hope Sall
made his car payments. Yeah,they were like six different fucking production companies
before the movie even started. ActionHouse Pictures, Dress Film Distribution, and
yet it's on to be so yeah, to be home of home of things
(35:59):
like this, that's what to beis right. Yeah, but Tobi also
has good like quality films eyes.Yeah, but I'm not talking about those
movies. We're talking about the shitfilms, right, I'm talking about I'm
not gonna say shit. I'm gonnasay shovel where it's like, we gotta
fill our app with yeah, yeah, we gotta fire a lapp with something.
Yeah, let's see what's cheap?Those movies in those bins at Walmart
(36:20):
have to be streaming somewhere. Well, I mean, streaming services have to
pay to put a film on theirservice, and it was probably cheap enough
their like, and they're probably cheapenough. They're like, yeah, I
put it on there. I betthere's gonna be something. You know what
I bet it is. I betthey just owned the rights to it.
They probably do. It's not likethe film. It's not like the film
is going through like rights, differentissues. I bet you know you know
(36:42):
what I bet it is. Ibet if not for something like to be,
there would be nowhere to see them. And you know what, as
bad as this movie is, Iam perfectly okay, with you having the
ability to watch it. As faras I'm concerned, if you didn't have
the ability to watch it, theworld would be a little bit of a
less bright place because we're able tohave access to stuff like this is good
for a laugh, This isn't particularlyso bad. This doesn't go into so
(37:06):
bad it's good territory. Much asI lament the death of the video store,
streaming services have made it possible formore little known films to get fighter
audience viewership. I know how manypeople have watched this film this year on
Toby Trevor, but it may bewe may be in a small handful of
people who have seen this film inthe last year. Let alone fights,
(37:30):
Well, there are still people whowill see a film with the name Segal
alone by just names. You knowhis name alone? How many times you
have to get burned before you stopdoing I don't know, man, people
who watch these films because do peoplewho watch these films because they like Stephen
Seagal actually feel satisfied at the conclusionof these films? Because I can't imagine
that they do. But maybe I'mwrong. I'm gonna need it on this
(37:53):
a lot, but this has alsobeen China Salesman level of just in name
bullshit. It is not as badas Child Salesman, but it's right below
it. It is right below it'sthe worst thing we've watched. It has
to be worse than China sales Idon't know if it's worse than China Salesman
because I didn't really find it.It didn't make me if we're saying that
this is the worst thing we've watched, it has if it's not, it's
(38:15):
if it's not a little below it, it's on par it is bad.
Yeah, Chin Salman at least keptme interested with how bad it was.
It. This one didn't even dothat. Yeah, but at least this
movie is not three hours long.No, it isn't. It's ninety minutes
and it but it doesn't feel likeit feels like a slog. Dude,
it is a slog. Honestly,I didn't like. I didn't find the
(38:37):
length of this movie to be theissue. While it is boring and very
little happens, I didn't walk awayfrom this movie going and it was too
long. I just said, nothinghappens and it kind of is just a
general waste of time. Can Iposit a question to you, if you
had switched the character from Cartels andthe character from this would have made it
a difference. Trevor, You're gonnaask this every time we watch a new
(38:58):
new Sagal movie because I feel likeyou're have to if I answer it now,
Yes, it wouldn't have mattered,And I don't think it would have
mattered if it had been General thecharacter from General Commander either or frankly,
I don't think it could have.I don't think it would have been any
different if it had been Louder fromChina Salesman or even you could even go
as far as to say that thecharacter in this movie, you know,
(39:20):
he retires and becomes the character fromAttrition. Didn't he do that in the
last film Retiring come Back? Yeah? Some shit, Well he retired in
this movie and then came back becausehe's Yeah, but didn't he retire and
come back in Cartels? Probably?No, No, in Cartels he was
well, yeah, I get no. Man doesn't matter, No, not
really. It's it's a disappointing movie, but at least it's only an hour
(39:44):
and a half, so maybe ChinaSalesman is worse, just based on the
fact that there's an hour more ofit. But something about this movie just
rubs me the wrong. Oh god, it just it's at sexy. I
think it's the amount of bad Cigalin this movie. Like China Salesman's bad,
but he's China Salesman because of StevenSeagal. No, No, because
he's barely fucking in it. He'sprobably the better part of that movie.
(40:05):
I think if you listen to ourepisode, you would probably come to the
same conclusion. Well, yeah,this one, he wasn't even he's the
reason this movie's bad. He's oneof the reasons he's out. There's a
difference between being passively bad and activelybad. He is actively bad in this
movie and actively lazy sitting in acar. There's body doubles a bunch of
times. I don't know if younoticed all the body doubles they use for
(40:27):
Steven Seagal. I, like Isaid, I wasn't paying enough attention or
caring to even see it. It'sa lot of like shots of people walking
out of locations. It's a dudethat's much taller and much more well kempt
from the back than Seagal. Somuch fucking ad r I mean no ponytail.
Huh, ponytail pail minus one ponytail, no pail, it is five
(40:47):
ponytail minus fives. I mean theStay Away. If you see it on
two by, maybe look for anotherone of these movies, because you know
what, I get a sinking feeling, Trevor. There's probably more on t
B, TB or not to Be. We will be finding out very quickly.
Yeah, where can people find you? Well, you can find me
on Twitter at bad Vertigo, Instagramat mad Vero, and occasionally you can
(41:12):
find me once a month on theCulture Cast hosted by my friend and yours,
Chris stash You Chris, Where canpeople find you? C stacchiw dot
com. That's the link the linktree to all the things that I work
on, which it's a lot ofpodcasts. So yeah, that's where you
can find the shows that I workon, and the links to socials.
Ask for this show on sigal dotcom is where you can find the show,
(41:36):
like us on iTunes. Favorable revieweither way would be helpful. But
hey, you know what, thisis a niche podcast for a very niche
audience, and if and we lovethis niche audience, and we love this
niche audience. We're part of thisniche audience. But I totally get it
if you don't want to interact withus, but if you do, you
know how to find us. Andas always, Trevor Simby. Tail is
sent to one end buyer of SissonSteven single arm radio m
Hello everyone. I'm Chris Dashing andI'm Trevor Gumble, and we are those
of on Seagal once a month lookat Steven Seagal's filmography. If we could
call what we're talking about on thisepisode of the Show of Phil Or a
movie or an experience that anyone wouldwant to have other than watching it because
they have to talk. And that'sthe only reason I watched this. I
(00:52):
watched it twice just to make sureI didn't miss anything, because I'm going
to tell a story out of school, folks. I watch this film,
but I was admittedly distracted, soI wasn't sure if I caught everything.
So, like the dedicated host ofthe show that I am, that don't
want to disappoint you're come on,you're a professional, I am, I
restarted the film and watched it overagain, and I realized I didn't miss
(01:15):
a goddamn thing. Yeah. Soon that note, we are here to
talk about Contract to Kill Steven Seagalfilm that came out recently came out being
an interesting phrase. He's a batterone John Cia train the Premier Airline longer
(01:37):
I wanted took down the plane withtwo hundred and thirty eight innocent people on
board. Who is the target?So I guess you're back Islamic extremist.
These guys are attempting to form onthe holy alliance with the cartels that APPRENTI
in to me, there's someone tobe reckoned with the covered mission. I
want to pick my own team.I want my own gear and don't need
(02:00):
a jet an elite team you mustbe John Harmon might have a job for
What do you propose we do?We interview folks. If we like them,
we give them a box of job. If we don't, we kill
listen our cartown. So then abig meeting fits my job to stop that
(02:22):
at the elevators eight four gotcha?Eight two six on my account two one
game on a global threats on themove. Most can look him down.
I just can't let you come intoAmerica and activate themselves. Do you know
(02:46):
that you've fed too much? Well, that's kind of how we do.
Or maybe I just call your bluffwhen all spade, I'm supposed to play
well to give my partner back adome, I think you do siment a
US city and seconds finish start StevenSeagal contract to kill the storm was coming.
(03:22):
It was limited release in the UnitedStates, but it was direct to
vide the most part. And itis a new Steven Seagal film that came
out in twenty sixteen. Yes,so it is directed by Keoni Waxman.
If you have been a listener ofours, Keoni Waxman will be a name
you have already heard and we'll hearagain. Yeah, and well when we
talked about cartels, and like Trevorsaid, it is a name you will
(03:44):
hear many more times as we workour way back through Stephen Zeagal's filmography,
because he has directed a large portionof these direct to streaming or video on
demand films. In this film,Stephen Zeagale plays John harmon Man, who
is a ciage who's retired I believewho was retired, and they raid a
(04:05):
compound in Mexico and they find thatterrorists and cartel members are working together and
things happen. I he convinces theterrorists that the terrorists people that they're people
that the terrorists are working with,are actually trying to fuck the terrorists over.
I guess yeah. They Basically there'sthree there's three people and they and
(04:26):
I forgot their names. Because that'show less of a shit I give about
this film Harmon played by Seagal,Matt Sharpe played by Russell Wong, and
Zarahayak played by Gemma Dallander. Yes, uh, well we'll get to her
and Seagal's relationship in a a ina second. Oh, if that's what
you want to call it, goodgod, Okay. So they what they
(04:47):
do is they basically they find outthat the drug lords and the terrorists are
working with each other. The drugsares are working to get a terrorist over
the border into this as a sleepercell. As sleeper cell I believe,
into the state. It's um sostick All and his team are hired to
stop him. And what they dobasically is they pit the terrorists and the
drug leader against each other. Soit's a real thing that like they've worried
(05:12):
about, right, have you heardabout this? Like this is a real
thing that they were worried about inthe mid two thousands about drug cartels helping
terrorists over the border. Yeah,this was like I do you remember do
you remember hearing about that in likethe mid two thousands, Like, oh,
the Mexican drug cartels are working withal Qaeda, you know, in
their health. It's like, man, like, what a fucking leap that
is. I think they're still talkingabout it in various like ultra right ring
(05:36):
like news outlets, which with givenwho's in this movie, kind of tracks.
It was funny. There's there's alittle diatribe at the end of the
movie that when we get to it, we'll get to it. It's really
something else. But this movie feelsa little um panicky, like it's it's
fearmongering a little bit. It's it'sit's placing. It's it's placing to us
(06:00):
a problem that doesn't fucking exist.If it existed, we would know about
it. I mean, let's faceit, drug cartels are not the most
secretive organizations. No, they burnpeople in barrels and they hang dead bodies
off the side of freeways with theregularity. You think they're gonna hide trying
to sneak a terrorist over the border. Fuck now, Well, frankly,
(06:21):
I think the reality is I don'tthink the drug cartels. The drug cartels
don't want to bring terrorists into theirmidst because if they terrorists into their midst,
that makes them now a target ofthe US government and the cartels aren't
a target of the US government rightnow. What's kind of insane is if
you think about the drug cartels,the drug cartels don't have a big presence
(06:43):
in this country because if they did, they would become the problem of the
US government, who would then haveno reason not to make them a bigger
problem everywhere. And they don't wantto do that because yeah, it's I
mean, the war on drugs isthe war on drugs gets tied into the
cartels. Let's just put it thatway. The war on drugs has not
been a success. No, it'sbeen a colossal, fucking failure exactly,
(07:03):
which is why I was glad inthis movie they weren't trying to stop drug
dealers. They were trying to stopterrorists. But the drug dealer in this
film, oh dear God, themain bad guy was the most clichde unoriginal
drug cartel leader that I've ever seenin my life. And it seemed like
every time he entered the film itwas in slow motion because they were trying
(07:24):
to make him look dangerous and youknow, evil and cool or some shit
like that. Yeah, So thefilm, so Sigal gets recruited because he's
retired In my opinion, the mostinteresting scene of the film is the guy
explaining to Segal why he needs todo this and what the what he needs
to do and why he needs todo it. The guy playing the recruiter
(07:46):
who's recruiting him back into the famouswas the most interesting part of the film.
And as soon as he was gone, I didn't give a shit.
You mean all those Eastern European actorsthat they were trying to play off as
Americans and Hispanish you could tell hisaccent was slipping like so many times.
What about the guy who plays themain drug dealer, who's like clearly Eastern
(08:07):
European, Like, well, Ithink they again, I think this is
still in the Eastern Europe like filingin Romania like Cartel's was. I believe
probably a lot of these Koni WaxmanSeagal movies aren't look nothing wrong with filming
in Romania, but not at all. Here's the thing. You're gonna use
actors from Eastern Europe. They don'tmake sound like actors from anywhere else.
(08:28):
They sound like Eastern European actor andmake them be from Eastern Europe exactly.
Don't try to doesn't have to beset in the United States. No,
I mean drug terrorism and drugs areare all over the world, so it's
not like it's a problem native tothis country. And to be fair,
most of this movie isn't set inthe United States. Most of it is
(08:48):
set in Istanbul, which well becausenot just Romania. Because the man,
because the recruiter explains to Sagal thatthe FBI can't do it and the CIA
can't take care of it. Thatleaves was it the DA I believe he
said was like them. Wait,the DA is under the same administrations of
the CIA and the FBI. Arewhy are they the only ones who could
take care of the ship? Becausethey're drug enforcement agencies? I don't know
(09:11):
this movie is trying. In thismovie, like the last two Present Days
of Golf films that we've watched,it's doing the same thing that those movies
did. It is using flashbacks toestablish what the movie is going for.
Flashbacks make no sense, and they'reinterchangeable too. You could put the flashbacks
from any of the other movies we'veseen in here and they would make just
(09:33):
as much sense. Here's the thingI had semiokay hopes for this film because
Like we mentioned in the Cartel review, I enjoyed Cartels in a you know,
I kind of enjoyed cart I kindof you know, like what I
kind of like what they were doing. I thought, and I thought to
myself, maybe Kyote Waxman has somethingthat makes the films enjoyable. Maybe he
has a certain style. And Iwas proven very wrong in this film because
(09:56):
it's just so uninteresting, boring allover the place, and just it's very
generic. It is it is so, it is generic as hell. Yeah,
it's unfortunate. This feels like Iwas talking about this with my lovely
wife earlier this week. You knowthe term shovelware for software, right,
Yeah, where they just throw itat a on a system and you can't
(10:18):
get rid of it or something likethat. Yeah, or it's like software
that serves no purpose, like StevenSeagal's like these direct to video direct to
streaming videos, they remind me ofBig Rig Truckers, the computer game in
movie form. They are shovelware infilm form. I was watching I was
watching this film research for another projectcalled American Sage Paints the Sky, an
(10:43):
American group, and when I waswatching that movie, it reminded me of
these movies. It's like, whothe hell is writing these movies? Who
is financing this movie? These movies? And who is watching these because I
can't tell, for the life ofme what who of any of these three
groups the people are and I reallydon't know their motivation. And with something
like this, is this like atax write off? Is this like a
(11:05):
tax break? Are they funneling moneythrough a production company? Like I don't
understand who's watching these movies? IsKeoni Waxman trying to pad his resume?
Like trying to pad his resume?That's what I can't tell because looking at
this movie, there's nothing to offeranyone in this film. No, there
isn't because nothing really happens. Idon't feel any certain threat. I don't
(11:26):
feel any sense of danger or excitement. I was bored. I was really
really bored. You know. It'sinteresting think about think about this with all
these Seagal movie. In any goodaction movie, the moment, the moment
the villain and the hero are inthe same room together should be a level
of tension of like who's going toget the upper hand. In all of
(11:48):
these Seagal movies, at least theselater ones, when Seagal gets in the
room with the person, it's thefirst time, it's the only time.
And Steven Seagal often has the upperhand, even in the movies where he's
the villain, like General Commander,he has the upper hand on the hero.
What's funny is there's no tension inany of these action movies that we've
seen with Segal, these later ones. There's no tension because the moment he
(12:11):
fights the villain is the end ofthe movie. They're never in the same
room together, they're never interacting.It's insane. And the only scene he
answered the villain less a few secondsbecause he just fucking shoots up. It's
it's insane to me. There's noYou can't have a movie with tension where
the villain and the hero are separatedthe entire film and the only time they're
ever face to face on screen oneof them, yeah, one of them
(12:35):
is dead within the first thirty seconds. Because huck kuck kuck, Stephen Segal
can never afford to be upstaged byanyone. Well, We've said to so
many times on our podcast, thereis no threat to Seal in a Segal
film. Even if I'm being ledto believe and told to believe there is
I cannot be forced to believe thathe is under threat. No, um,
(12:56):
because at this point we know itwill never be the case. I
haven't seen the movie yet where he'sbeen in threat for the most part.
What Tommy Lee Jones and under siegeis that? It? I mean,
come on, like, okay,Tommy Lee Jones and ever when we get
to an undersea two, is thatwhat it is like? No, he's
never It's not a man. It'snot like he's ever faced Dolph Lundgren level
(13:18):
of physical imposing, at least withJean Claude Van Damn. There are hits
that are getting to him. Youknow, he's fast, he's a fast
guy. He's a fast, quickmark. But he's still he still takes
hits, doesn't ask yes of course, so does Arnold, so does Silver.
You can't you can't be an intriguingaction hero if you're invincible. Yeah,
exactly. You can't be brave ifyou're indestructible. To quote the film
(13:41):
Angus, remember that speech that Grampagives Superman isn't brave. You can't be
brave if you're indestructible. It's true. You can't. And to be a
to be an action hero that youthat you connect with, there has to
be some vulnerability there. And Seagalis too up his own ass to give
him so any fucking vulnerability. Yeah, but I wonder if that's him or
(14:03):
I wonder if that is just thesick of fans that he's surrounded him with
himself with that just tell him,Oh, this role is great. Oh
this is great. Oh this isgreat. Because that's the thing. You
don't keep making these movies if youthink they're bad. No. I mean,
obviously Seagal seems sees some merit init. Maybe he just sees the
paycheck. Who knows. Um.I will tell you if I read this
(14:26):
script and I was making a decisionon whether or not I wanted to be
part of this project, it wouldprobably seem like a really, really easy
paycheck. Becayeah, you just notkid ourselves. Steven Seagal is not in
this movie a whole lot. Whenhe is, the major action sees of
him or him shooting, not fightingor sitting. He has a couple fight
scenes, but that's just about it. There's not much work for him to
(14:46):
do. Most of the work isdone by his teammates Russell Wong and Jimmy
Dallinger. And that's it. Imean, and by the way, can
we talk about Russell Long the fuckingwhy is he in this movie to be
the guy who who controls the drones? No, that's that's what I'm asking.
I'm asking, like, why ishe in this movie? He's like
a known quantity and this is twentysixteen. Yeah, I mean, I
(15:09):
mean, Russell Wong has been inlike some really good films. I mean,
he was in fucking The Mummy,he was in New Jack City,
he's been in West World. Uh, he's he's a he's a legit um
action actor, action actor. Whathe's doing in this film maybe he wants
to work with Seagal, who fuckingknows the drone thing I just thought was
(15:31):
more funny than anything. And heblows up a cart the thing barely Yeah,
that's what I found funny. Islike, no, no, just
just stay here and lets him blowup whisper even lower because Steven Seagal is
barely audible in this movie. Onto everything else. He's just stay here,
(15:52):
just stay here, let him blowup your car and the thing is
barely gold. You see the thingbarely holding onto the gun. Could you
see the gun shaking? Like?How did he even how did you even
hit the fucking target? I don'tknow, man, this movie looks really
cheap. It's it looks cheap fora movie made in twenty sixteen. And
the scene where the terrorists and thedrug dealers see the drone outside their fucking
window, what's that like? Washe trying to be found out or was
(16:18):
he trying either way? It's sofucking stupid. Let me just let me
just have this drone up forty story. He's sitting invisible to the terrorist fucking
window. You know what, Youand I are not fans of cinema sins.
I hate that kind of shit.Oh fucking I do too. Oh
my god. I used to bea fan, but it got to like
(16:38):
the same fu and it got nitpickyas fun, and I'm like, people,
I'm not listening to this anymore.It's people that are not engaged films.
They're not active film viewers. They'repassive film viewer. Don't look at
the screen and be like, Oh, that's fucking dumb. Why is that
like that? I'm pointing that outonly because while you might think the thing
that we're complaining about is a littleridiculous. If you were to watch the
(17:00):
movie not advocating you do. Itis on two BTV, though, which
I've used a lot more in thelast couple of weeks than I ever have.
So little happens in this film.It is so little. It's so
disappointing because again, we've talked aboutthis before, We talked about this with
Verne. We talked about this somany times at this point. Yeah,
and I kept we know the Seagalcan act and could act if he wanted
(17:22):
to, and it's just no heeven has he even has a little bit
of charm if he tries, ifhe tries, if he tries. Throughout
this film everything, the only thinggoing through my head was I don't care.
I do not care. And it'snot because they and it's because they
don't give you a reason to care. They don't. And can we briefly
talk about the relationship between Jim andDollener and Segal in this film that is
(17:45):
forced as hell and they have avery unnecessary scene where they just do it
to show her tits for a fewminutes. It was so gratuitous, tit
it actually tit. It was sogratuitous. It actually just piss me off,
Like this feels like something Seagal askedfor. It felt, it really
did feel. The problem is,like Seagal, because I will give okay,
(18:07):
I will give his more recent fairthis, they don't really try to
put him with a younger female.And I actually kind of gave him props
for that. But you know whatthe problem is, Trevor in the original
movies, it's not like we weresitting saying, oh my god, his
chemistry with Kelly LeBrock, Yeah,was so good. Like no, I
remember when we listit. When Iremember because I just edited that episode recently,
(18:30):
what we talked about that we weretalking about how fucking weird that was.
So. As far as I'm concerned, Steven Seagal's movies don't need love
interest because anytime he has one,it's either ham fisted like this one,
or it feels gross also like thisone. It's just gross. Some about
him is gross on a wine.I can see why women found him attractive
(18:52):
back in the early nighties. Nowhe's a sack of something. He just
has no charisma whatsoever, and hecan't get over the fact that his hair
is turning gray. Either. Heis his love interest in his films are
always himself. He's his own loveinterest because oh my god, and loves
himself. He's he's like mastatory variationvariations of loving. And it's wild,
(19:17):
man, it's wild. How it'swild? How little like it's wild?
How gross that scene with him andJemma Dallander feels like, I'm it's not
even like explicit, No, it'sjust him like touching her. We've seen
two characters, two actors who haveno chemistry together, be forced into a
love scene. We've seen that inother movies. And it's not like physically
(19:38):
revolting. Watching Seagal and Jemma Dallanderin this film for something, this was
it's just gross, right, LikeI mean him running his hands over her
and it's just like, you know, I want to know what Jemma Dallander
was thinking during that scene. Doesn'tmatter, It doesn't matter. She was
in that scene and it was awful, and it doesn't matter what she was
(20:00):
thinking because it was not good.Okay, how about this? I edited
my question? How many drinks didit take her to do that scene?
Must know it was it was anaddition to her contractor that's the reason she's
in it is because they paid her. That's sadness. Nobody would agree to
be in that scene. There isno reason for that scene none, no
reason for them to be in arelationship in the film. And then he
starts fighting, gets into a sceneat the beginning where she's being disrespected by
(20:23):
some local Eastern European man. Thatwasn't the same girl. That wasn't the
same girl. Oh sure, Iguess not. It doesn't It was a
it was just a waitress. Sure. The fact that the fact that I
couldn't tell should be about the film. Yeah, and this guy's like a
say, and it's like, ohgod, it's clearly eighty yard hey say
(20:44):
and yes, kicks the shit outof him, but he's like, come
click, you need to see yourselfthe way we see you, which is
like this guy who's just hanging onto the last, last last straw of
not being a sixty eight year oldman, sixty nine year old man.
That's the I mean, that's thething. At least Roger Moore had the
(21:06):
wherewithal during view to a kill tosay, Okay, it's not believable anymore
that I'm with the twenty year oldgirls. It's not believable anymore that I'm
doing the skiing and the jumping offof the Eiffel Tower, Like, it's
not believable. I'm taking myself outof the casting of this character. Stephen
Tall needs to get to that point. It's the Woody Allen, it's the
(21:27):
Woody Allen complex or the Harrison Fordthing. Man Like, look at Harrison
Ford with the Dana Jones five.He's older than Seagal is and he is
going to be doing way more inthat movie. And again, it's to
this point where it's like there,I know that the industry is notorious for
having a hard time with casting olderact but an actresses and actress I'm talking
(21:48):
actors, gender nonspecific. For mesitting here watching these Seagal movies, I
realize now that is the problem.And that's the problem that neither one of
us have really talked about. We'venever brought Steven Seagal's age, but watching
this movie for whatever reason, andlook, this movie is not as old
as even I guess this movie ismore. He was sixty four when he
(22:11):
made the felt he was sixty fourolder in Attrition. He's older in Cartels,
and while Cartels has some of thesame problems that this movie does.
I believed that he could do thethings that he was doing in Attrition because
it was a lot less that hewas being asked to do. Yeah.
I mean, Seagal right now issixty nine years old. Yeah, and
one of the odds we get anothermovie like this, Yeah, if not
(22:34):
getting one in the next six months, I mean, the likelihood is he's
already worked on one and gotten onedone. Are they still? Is he
still trying to get out for Justicetwo made? I'm not sure if that
was real. Well, still inhis IMDb page, so sure go look
at Guierromo del Toro's I AMDB pagejust above the law too, I apologize
above the laws Stephen King's IMDb pagethat has a film called Project Kujo Canine
(22:59):
Justice Unit or I'm not making Iknow, you're not. I know.
I think the stevens Agal age thingis something that needs to needs to really
have a pin put in it,because yo, dude, he has fighting
skills. But no one's question inthat. But the fact is, you
can't fake time, you can't beatit. You're gonna show your age.
(23:21):
Man, it happens believably. Wecan't. I can't believe you anymore,
that you can't do the things thatyou are claiming and expecting us to believe
you can do. You cannot fakethat you're younger than you are at all.
Just fucking go with it. Anda sixty year old guy with like
an eighteen year old girl says,I'm nothing nothing wrong with that, So
(23:44):
I'm not going to sit here andbe an agist. But no, no,
no, not at all in thismovie with this actor, these two
actors together, it is it isso, it is so just kind of
unpleasant a scene as one could imaginea pseudo sex scene was Steven Seagal in
twenty sixteen. And here's the thing. I'm not saying that older May December
(24:04):
romances can't work in reality. No, it's possible. I mean, look
at you know, fucking look atHarrison Ford is dating. I think he's
still didating close to Flockhart if I'mnot mistaken. Yeah, they're married,
but they're like twenty thirty years apart. I think, yeah, it is
literally just in the context of thismovie. And fucking look at what was
her name from Twin Peaks, LauraFlynn Boyle. Wasn't she dating Jack Nicholson
(24:26):
for a while. So I'm notsaying it can't work in terms of the
film. We go to films toescape, you know, we don't.
We go to films because we don'twant to see in reality, especially Seagal
making love to a woman who's likeforty years his junior. I don't want
to see Steven Seagal making love toanyone. I don't care who it is,
(24:47):
I don't care what age it was. Here's the thing. At this
point, it's pretty clear to bothof us that it doesn't matter the age
of Seagal. He is the problem. He is not a believable love interest
for anyone. Exudes no sexual charisma. He's a good guy in the nineties.
He's a good no, he's he'she's a fine looking dude in the
nineties. I mean he like,you know, he was in good shape.
(25:08):
He had a decent looking face.He you know, it wasn't bad
looking. He I could see whythey you know, he had well.
Of course, in action films,you had to have a female love interest,
even if it served no purpose tothe plot whatsoever. It's like the
Bechdel test. Basically they failed itmiserably. And even one of the best
action movies ever made has a loveinterest in it, and it feels she
(25:30):
will which one Commando? That loveinterest in Commando's completely oh rd On Sean
about one. Yeah, she's completelyunnecessary. That movie is amazing with or
without her. She helps none.She helps a little bit during the car
chase, but like, she's gota present for us. But but you
don't see her until after he's obliteratedthat fucking island of terrorists. So look,
(25:52):
I understand and appreciate the need fora love interest in film, but
that only first off, love interestsare only import if you make them important.
I have never heard anyone say,well, he could have used a
love interest. Most of the timeit's the love interest isn't needed. So
if that seems to be the conversation, then maybe don't feel committed to put
a love interest in the film.Maybe we're past the age of love interest
(26:15):
for characters. Maybe there are storiesworth telling that don't rely on love interests.
I get that sometimes that they needstakes for the hero, but give
the love interest at least something likea personality or a plot device to put
her in the film and make hera reason to be in the film,
not just a set dressing. Yeah, like, look at Diehard. Die
(26:37):
Heart did it perfectly. I don't. Can you technically call Holly his love
interests because they were kind of inthe middle of a divorce. Yeah,
it love interest enough that they're thatthey're on screen time, as brief as
it is in the film, isbelievable. And they're back together in the
second film just where the story goes. Yes, she's his love it,
but she contributed to the plot ofthe film. She wasn't just a helpless
(26:59):
damsel in distress. She was notto say that there's anything wrong with damsels
in distress. I think the waythey did it was very well done in
die Hard, I agree, youknow, and let's you know, it's
well, that's why it makes itone of the greatest action films ever made.
Well that and that in the writingand a lot of other things.
But to your point, utilizing acharacter in that way is something that action
(27:22):
movies would attempt to copy. AndI mean, look, it's not like
die Hard was the first movie everto do it, No so, but
it made its mark. Yeah.Well, and that's the thing. I
mean, a lot of the earlySteven Seagal movies made their mark on the
action industry too. Under Siege,you know, created its own subgenre.
Well basically under Siege was die hardon a on a on a boat or
(27:45):
about a boat on an aircraft carrier. Yeah, and that on a vehicle
thing opened up the world a littlebit more for people to get a little
bit more creative with Under Siege twoSpeed you know, Speed Speed two.
But at the end of the day, Sagal has an impact on the industry
now in twenty sixteen, with thisfilm twenty twenty one, so five years
(28:07):
later, it's it's just really it'ssad because again, there are roles that
you can do as an older actionstar. Oh, absolutely, Pagers do
it. But this kind of stuffis this is not believable. And not
only is this not believable, itis so off putting that this is the
(28:30):
worst thing I think I've watched onthis podcast so far. I agree.
I am going to give you anexample of how you can do this.
Um Semester stallone, Um doing allthese Rambo and Rocky films, but you
know what he does with the characterin these more recent films. He ages
them and they actually age and theytake a backseat to everything else going exactly.
(28:51):
They are they are broken down.They are old, not like old,
like senior, but they have theyhave had experiences. They you know,
they have gone through shit. Theyare very world warn and he shows
it. He doesn't pretend that Rambois still this you know, unbeatable,
you know, invincible god. Andwhen he made Rocky, Rocky's never been,
(29:15):
uh, the invincible, He's alwaysbeen the underdog, your root for
Rocky doesn't win in the first movieexactly, and that's what myself is impressive
and isn't. But you know,have you seen Rambo the latest, the
last two Rambo films. I sawthe one where he's in Cambodia. I
did not see the one where he'sbut didn't. Didn't you think it was
well done? How they made thecharacter world warn and just didn't want to
(29:37):
deal with this shiit anymore, whowants to just live in peace and is
forced back into it and is notan invincible. You see the bruises,
you see the scars, and hegets hit a couple of times. I
mean, look at look at somethinglike Wolverine. I don't even like that
move. You're one of the few. Yeah, that's okay, that's fine.
I saw The Man with No Namemovies before that movie. I mean,
(30:03):
it's a Western in everything, butnay, you want to hear something
weird. I still haven't seen Wolverine. It's okay, it's okay. It's
kind of like Joker. It's okay. Joker is so fucking overrated. I
just gotta say it. It's okay. It's just okay, Like it's okay.
Yeah, Like in Wolverine, youcan show a character with vulnerability that
is invincible, mind you, thatcharacter is, like you said, like
(30:25):
Superman, he's invincible. So youcan show a character have vulnerabilities. But
again, like you've said, andone percent agree, and I think that
is the thing that needs to beimpressed upon over and over again when you
have conversations about things like this.It's not that we have an issue with
actors who are old in action.It's that the movie refuses to acknowledge that
they are old. And that isjust insane because, like you said,
(30:49):
cannot convince us that father time isn'talways ticking forward, and we know that
Steven Seagal is older we know thathe's getting older. He dyes his hair
so that it doesn't look gray.It's okay, but you gotta be okay
with it being okay first before you'reeven going to attempt thinking about doing the
kinds of things that you're talking about. That Silvester Stallone is do you have
(31:11):
to get out of your own way? That's what you have to do.
Yeah, And I mean Seagal foryou know, the shift he's made is
very is actually a very good screenwriter. Yeah. I mean he wrote the
first Rocky And you know, youcan say what you want it. You
can make fun of Stallone all youwant with it, you know, the
impressions. But the fact remains thedude is a talented writer, a talented
(31:36):
actor, and he still makes goodfilms. Hey, suicide Squad movie is
better for having him in it.Oh is the Shark's Big? Yeah it
kind of, but oh of courseis it endearing? Yeah, it's very
it's stag. Is Stallone the onlyone of the big four that would do
it? Yeah? Yeah, becauseStallone has a self sense of humor about
(31:57):
himself. You know how I knowthat he wrote The Expendable. You don't
write those movies if you don't havea sense of humor about yourself. He
wrote The Expendables knowing that there wasa nostalgia for the eighties and nineties action
films. And I think sometimes peopledon't get that, they don't get the
they don't get the joke. Well, you have to. You have to
know that there's a joke to beginwith, to be able to understand,
to be able to get the joketo be that. I mean, come
(32:19):
on, there's a joke of TheExpendables too where Bruce Wilson and Arnod Schwarzenegger
switch lines. I know, butagain, if you if you cannot get
out of your own way, itdoesn't matter. And I mean, didn't
they try to get Si Golf foran Expendables film? I believe. I
believe they did. And I thinkhe said something to the effect of like,
I don't work with funny people.And it's like, well, that's
okay, you're not You're not funny, You're not funny anyways. Nobody thinks
(32:42):
you're funny, and they wouldn't askyou to be funny if they had a
gun to their fucking head. Soeven fucking right wing psycho Dick Wad Chuck
Norris had had, you know,sense of humor enough to appear in The
Expendables too. Didn't know, Ohyou didn't know that? Oh he is?
Am I acting surprised though he's anevangelical Mike Huckabee. No, no,
(33:04):
no, I'm not saying that.I'm saying he's one of those right
wing evangelical nut jobs that make usChristians look terrible. Sure, okay,
the prascolatas in type. He islike Kevin Sorbo Cool, my favorite actor,
my favorite hercules. I can seethat. I can, I can.
I know what you're doing there,and he's poking the bear over there.
(33:25):
At least Sugar, at least ChuckNorris, you know, new to
make fun of himself and The Expendablestoo. I mean again, having a
having a sense of humor about yourselfkind of eliminates all problems in a lot.
I mean, if you can jokeabout yourself, everybody, if you
can joke with people, you're you'retaking the you're taking the wind out.
You're not saying they even get anopportunity. And I'm not saying make your
(33:45):
self parody, don't parody or anything. Just have a just take yourself,
not too seriously and enjoy and takesome enjoyment in the fact that you're making
some times ridiculous films. Take itfrom me, a fat man. The
easiest way to take the piss outof someone, take the piss out of
yourself, is to take the bed. Take the piss out of yourself.
(34:05):
The easiest person to take the pissout of is yourself. Exactly if you
do it, other people can.So there you go. That's how you
beat people that don't think you haveanything to offer, is you just hang
a lantern on it and move forward, and then they can't say it because
you've already acknowledged so. And that'sagain, that's this whole thing about you
know, acting your age, oralso you know, having the wherewithal to
(34:27):
joke about yourself and laugh at yourselfand understand that action movies are ridiculous if
you think about what they actually are. It's a movie about someone killing thousands
of people for our entertainment. Thatis fucking insane that that could be your
job. But yet people have doneit for a living and that's wild and
crazy And isn't that funny? No, isn't that serious? Like, no,
come on, dude, come andthe kills well, going back to
(34:51):
the sum the kills in the silmare just not that interesting. It's typical
two hits from sigal and the guyis dapting bullshit. And can we talk
about the villains with the most clichdename for a Mexican drug lord, Jose
Rivera played by an Eastern European whiteman. Yeah, I was looking at
the guys who've played him and JoseRivera played by Marcia dram And And by
(35:15):
the way, the guy who playedthe terrorist was just a terrible actor.
He was bad. He was reallybad. Look, there's nothing good about
this movie. There's nothing. Anabsolute waste of time. And it was
a waste of five million dollars.It was five million dollars for this fucking
thing. I hope somebody made agood chunk of change. I hope stevens
are all paid whoever off with it, because there's there's no way that this
(35:38):
movie wasn't a money laundering scheme forsomething I don't know. I hope Sall
made his car payments. Yeah,they were like six different fucking production companies
before the movie even started. ActionHouse Pictures, Dress Film Distribution, and
yet it's on to be so yeah, to be home of home of things
(35:59):
like this, that's what to beis right. Yeah, but Tobi also
has good like quality films eyes.Yeah, but I'm not talking about those
movies. We're talking about the shitfilms, right, I'm talking about I'm
not gonna say shit. I'm gonnasay shovel where it's like, we gotta
fill our app with yeah, yeah, we gotta fire a lapp with something.
Yeah, let's see what's cheap?Those movies in those bins at Walmart
(36:20):
have to be streaming somewhere. Well, I mean, streaming services have to
pay to put a film on theirservice, and it was probably cheap enough
their like, and they're probably cheapenough. They're like, yeah, I
put it on there. I betthere's gonna be something. You know what
I bet it is. I betthey just owned the rights to it.
They probably do. It's not likethe film. It's not like the film
is going through like rights, differentissues. I bet you know you know
(36:42):
what I bet it is. Ibet if not for something like to be,
there would be nowhere to see them. And you know what, as
bad as this movie is, Iam perfectly okay, with you having the
ability to watch it. As faras I'm concerned, if you didn't have
the ability to watch it, theworld would be a little bit of a
less bright place because we're able tohave access to stuff like this is good
for a laugh, This isn't particularlyso bad. This doesn't go into so
(37:06):
bad it's good territory. Much asI lament the death of the video store,
streaming services have made it possible formore little known films to get fighter
audience viewership. I know how manypeople have watched this film this year on
Toby Trevor, but it may bewe may be in a small handful of
people who have seen this film inthe last year. Let alone fights,
(37:30):
Well, there are still people whowill see a film with the name Segal
alone by just names. You knowhis name alone? How many times you
have to get burned before you stopdoing I don't know, man, people
who watch these films because do peoplewho watch these films because they like Stephen
Seagal actually feel satisfied at the conclusionof these films? Because I can't imagine
that they do. But maybe I'mwrong. I'm gonna need it on this
(37:53):
a lot, but this has alsobeen China Salesman level of just in name
bullshit. It is not as badas Child Salesman, but it's right below
it. It is right below it'sthe worst thing we've watched. It has
to be worse than China sales Idon't know if it's worse than China Salesman
because I didn't really find it.It didn't make me if we're saying that
this is the worst thing we've watched, it has if it's not, it's
(38:15):
if it's not a little below it, it's on par it is bad.
Yeah, Chin Salman at least keptme interested with how bad it was.
It. This one didn't even dothat. Yeah, but at least this
movie is not three hours long.No, it isn't. It's ninety minutes
and it but it doesn't feel likeit feels like a slog. Dude,
it is a slog. Honestly,I didn't like. I didn't find the
(38:37):
length of this movie to be theissue. While it is boring and very
little happens, I didn't walk awayfrom this movie going and it was too
long. I just said, nothinghappens and it kind of is just a
general waste of time. Can Iposit a question to you, if you
had switched the character from Cartels andthe character from this would have made it
a difference. Trevor, You're gonnaask this every time we watch a new
(38:58):
new Sagal movie because I feel likeyou're have to if I answer it now,
Yes, it wouldn't have mattered,And I don't think it would have
mattered if it had been General thecharacter from General Commander either or frankly,
I don't think it could have.I don't think it would have been any
different if it had been Louder fromChina Salesman or even you could even go
as far as to say that thecharacter in this movie, you know,
(39:20):
he retires and becomes the character fromAttrition. Didn't he do that in the
last film Retiring come Back? Yeah? Some shit, Well he retired in
this movie and then came back becausehe's Yeah, but didn't he retire and
come back in Cartels? Probably?No, No, in Cartels he was
well, yeah, I get no. Man doesn't matter, No, not
really. It's it's a disappointing movie, but at least it's only an hour
(39:44):
and a half, so maybe ChinaSalesman is worse, just based on the
fact that there's an hour more ofit. But something about this movie just
rubs me the wrong. Oh god, it just it's at sexy. I
think it's the amount of bad Cigalin this movie. Like China Salesman's bad,
but he's China Salesman because of StevenSeagal. No, No, because
he's barely fucking in it. He'sprobably the better part of that movie.
(40:05):
I think if you listen to ourepisode, you would probably come to the
same conclusion. Well, yeah,this one, he wasn't even he's the
reason this movie's bad. He's oneof the reasons he's out. There's a
difference between being passively bad and activelybad. He is actively bad in this
movie and actively lazy sitting in acar. There's body doubles a bunch of
times. I don't know if younoticed all the body doubles they use for
(40:27):
Steven Seagal. I, like Isaid, I wasn't paying enough attention or
caring to even see it. It'sa lot of like shots of people walking
out of locations. It's a dudethat's much taller and much more well kempt
from the back than Seagal. Somuch fucking ad r I mean no ponytail.
Huh, ponytail pail minus one ponytail, no pail, it is five
(40:47):
ponytail minus fives. I mean theStay Away. If you see it on
two by, maybe look for anotherone of these movies, because you know
what, I get a sinking feeling, Trevor. There's probably more on t
B, TB or not to Be. We will be finding out very quickly.
Yeah, where can people find you? Well, you can find me
on Twitter at bad Vertigo, Instagramat mad Vero, and occasionally you can
(41:12):
find me once a month on theCulture Cast hosted by my friend and yours,
Chris stash You Chris, Where canpeople find you? C stacchiw dot
com. That's the link the linktree to all the things that I work
on, which it's a lot ofpodcasts. So yeah, that's where you
can find the shows that I workon, and the links to socials.
Ask for this show on sigal dotcom is where you can find the show,
(41:36):
like us on iTunes. Favorable revieweither way would be helpful. But
hey, you know what, thisis a niche podcast for a very niche
audience, and if and we lovethis niche audience, and we love this
niche audience. We're part of thisniche audience. But I totally get it
if you don't want to interact withus, but if you do, you
know how to find us. Andas always, Trevor Simby. Tail is
sent to one end buyer of SissonSteven single arm radio m
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It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.