May 17, 2023 • 35 mins
Steven Seagal is one of the biggest action stars of the '90s, starring in some of the biggest action films of the decade. He ended up dropping off the radar completely in the early 2000s, being relegated to the Walmart bargain bins and truck stop DVD corners. Mainstream action fans all but forget his talents, but no longer.
The Kulturecast's Chris Stachiw and film critic Trevor Gumbel continue their downhill jog through the stoic world of everyone's favorite portly Aikido master with End of a Gun. Starring Steven Seagal and a whole host of random Eastern European baddies, he must work together with a woman to steal money from a drug lord.
For more episodes of On Seagal along with many more podcasts that are guaranteed to be your new favorite audio obsession, check out Weirding Way Media at weirdingwaymedia.com.
The Kulturecast's Chris Stachiw and film critic Trevor Gumbel continue their downhill jog through the stoic world of everyone's favorite portly Aikido master with End of a Gun. Starring Steven Seagal and a whole host of random Eastern European baddies, he must work together with a woman to steal money from a drug lord.
For more episodes of On Seagal along with many more podcasts that are guaranteed to be your new favorite audio obsession, check out Weirding Way Media at weirdingwaymedia.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:29):
Well there, I'm Chris dash Youand I'm Trevor Grumble, and we're the
host of On Seagal, a podcastwhere we talk about only Stephen Seagal movies
all the time. Not all thetime, but once a month. So
if you're here on this episode,you're going to be listening to us talk
about a little film that you probablyhave never heard of until today. Came
out in twenty sixteen, along withone, two, three other Stephen Seagal
(00:51):
films, which is, as youwill come to find out if you listen
to our show, not as surprisingas it may sound that Stephen Seagal releases
multiple films a year, given howmuch he's in them. And actually,
I'm gonna walk that comment back.Steven Sagal has one, two, three,
four, five, six seven moviesthat came out in twenty sixteen.
This is one of them. Thatmovie is end of a good in my
(01:14):
life. Nothing ever happens for thereasons you might think. When we come
back, that's trouble right there.Trouble always comes in a small black dress,
always long night. Huh. Myfriend the tenant said she used to
(01:38):
be a caught back in the States. Money had a lot of money stashed
away. Could you get it forme? What are you talking about?
Cash? They're bad people. Technicallyit's not stealing, it's kind of stealing.
I can make this happen. Youdon't have a plan, dear,
(01:59):
Yeah, my plans to go getthe money. Get down. We're rich,
Yeah, get my money one wayor another. Guess, sir.
I'm looking for a man and awoman. He looks like a cup she
(02:20):
looks like a stripper. I wantthe money, all right, so now
please help me. They're gonna killme. I got your back. You
(02:46):
think your should? Yeah? Couldthey have walked away with the money.
I'm not all about money. You'vegot balls, Thank you for noticing that.
(03:08):
So that film is directed by KeoniWaxman, who, yes, we
have talked about on this show beforetwice, I believe. Yeah. I'm
probably will be talking about him more, that's for sure. Oh yeah we
will. And it's stars one andonly mister Steven Seagal playing again a one
named character of Decker. And uh, what is Decker up to? Well,
(03:29):
he's a he's a federal agent andhe's hanging out with this woman.
I honestly had no idea what wasgoing on in this movie, did you?
I was one of the like therewere there, there were things happening,
And the dude from Cartels was inthis movie essentially playing the same character
from Cartels, that actor being FlorinPersick Junior, who I guess is we
(03:52):
should just refer to him as thatthat one very eastern European actor, evil
guy. Yeah, and he's playingthe most gen eric of generic villains.
Man, I mean he was playingthe most generic of generic villains in Cartels.
I think his character in that moviewas called l tiburon the Shark.
Well, I think it's more ofthe screenwriter's fault than his fault because they
wrote him just like buy the book, checklist, fucking drug cartel villain.
(04:15):
First of all, the credits startoff like the seventies cop show, right,
it's very strange. The whole movieis. The whole movie is tonally
very weird, the music that theyuse. So this is like this is
like a mid mid oughts action moviethat was on a red box. Like
it's a red box movie, Sojust take that into account. If you
see the cover of the movie,you know what kind of movie you're getting
(04:38):
into. And it opens with theleast generic of generic music. It makes
no sense. He's like driving around. I believe it's France, sure,
but it looks like Romania. Wellanyway, it's like Romania where they shot
the movie. He gets a phonecall. He gets a phone call from
those one decker I've been trying toreach you. I think they're trying to
(04:59):
make him like he's this like attractivesex symbol, like wanted, like all
the women want him and shit likethat. Anyway, he's uh, he's
in the city. He sees hiswoman getting like slapped around by her boyfriend.
Um, and of course, whatdoes the boyfriend do when interjects,
he tries to fight him. Howmany hits does he get on Segal?
(05:20):
Zero? What does Seagal do?Segal shoots him in the fucking kills this
guy in like broad daylight in themiddle of Paris, supposedly in something that
really kind of shocked me that they, you know, did they actually had
an investigator on that he was actuallystill there when the cops came. Usually
(05:40):
when he kills the guy in afilm, they just drives away and nothing
said of it. This time,he actually has to, you know,
a tone for his actions or whatever. So they're like, you know,
we you know, you need tocome down to this United to give your
statement. You have to sign thissaying blah blah blah blah. So I'm
not going to sign that. Ohboy, this is we're in full win
spur mode Segal in this Monte No, we're in whisper and he he goes
(06:03):
in and out of this like urbanaccent. I don't know, man,
what you're talking about. Man like, wax, I don't know what you
I don't know what you're talking about. Men Like, it's very weird New
Orleans street urban like it is whata robot thinks people of the streets talk
like. He's like, man,I don't I don't know what you're talking
(06:25):
about. Man Like, I don'tknow what you're talking But it's offensive.
It is what it is. It'sborderline. Yeah, it's borderline offense.
Yeah, I know. He goesin and out of it, though you
know what he's going for, andyeah that's not great. But he goes
in and out of the accent throughthe whole film. Yeah, but he's
not doing the accent. He's whispertalking, which is not intimidating, Like
(06:46):
what's weird? Is again Seagal isan intimidating guy. He's a I'm not
saying like he's a big guys.He's like a fat guy, which is,
you know, obvious the joke everybodyuses. But he's a big dude.
Like, he's still an intimidating guy. I don't understand why. Well
he carries himself. Yeah, hecare in it, except he's whispering.
It's come on, it's he's beenhe's been doing it this this whole time.
(07:10):
But when when he really dials itup, it's it's insufferable. It
really really well. So after hespeaks the cops, he meets up with
the he talks to the girl.The girl tells him that, um,
well, the car has been impoundedsince it's evidence. Basically, the girl
tells him I need to get thatcar back. There is two million in
cash hidden in the trunk. Ifyou help me get the car, I
(07:32):
will give you ten percent. Andshe the way she convinces him pussy yeah,
She's like, I'll suck your dickreal good. And he's like,
I don't know. And it's likeand there's a thankfully very short love scene.
Boy, that's part of my contractdude, I gotta share the screen
(07:53):
with Steven Seagal's naked body. Holdme closer, leather, daddy, like,
leather is in the color of hisskin is leather like. Thankfully they
don't show much. It's like abrief thing and then it's over and it's
it's something. It just sounds tome like this was a Seagal like I
have to have I gotta have alove scene with this woman to show how
much of a so much of aman I am, how desirable that I
(08:16):
am. It's very desirable. KeoniWaxman said that this is a very different
Steven Seagal movie than Killing Salazar,which was Cartel's the movie that we want
that we have watched and it's um. He said that Stephen and Suits being
chased by cool French bad guys likean elm Elmore Leonards store. Oh that's
sade. You and are a greatcrime film couple on a double crossing heist.
(08:39):
Oh my god, Floren piercing Juniorfrom killing Salagar Salagar Salazar chasing after
them. Simple and cool story thistime around. You know what a give
Keone Waxman credit. He attempts tohype up his own movies. Is he
successful? No, the moment youstart the movie, you'll find the answer
out because this didn't anger me.It's not like offensively bad. It was
(09:03):
just kind of mediocre. It justwas like boiler It's like everything I could
tell, every twist or everything thatwas going to happen, is like so
predictable twist quote unquote. So let'stalk about the villain. Oh, let's
Floren Peersick Junior. Is this theonly way the man gets work is to
(09:24):
work with Keoni Waxman because he's justkind of He's not a very threatening villain
to me. You know what's insane? He shot this movie after he shot
Cartels, but this movie came outbefore that movie. Do they just shoot
these all in like one afternoon?They're just like, we've got a hotel
in Romania, all right, we'lldo that movie there. We've got what
(09:45):
are you doing Saturday? Yeah,the streets of Romania? All right,
we'll do the pickups of Stephen outin the world. His body double will
be the rest because oh yeah,by the way, once again, Steven
sigal body double through half of themovie. The other half of the movie,
he's fucking sitting down at a car. So as we've gone further backwards,
we have noticed that this is becomingmore apparent but lessened because the newer
(10:09):
movies have it really badly. Butwe're getting to the point in these movies
where Seagal is starting to sit downmore often than not. And it's just
it's so lazy. I mean,he doesn't He only has what one two
fight scenes in the whole film,if you want to call him fight scenes
again, it's if Red Litter mediais talking about Bruce willis doing it more
recently. Steven Seagal created the modelthrough which you could do this for over
(10:33):
two decades. He's been doing this, right, Amy, He's been doing
this for a long time. He'sbeen making these directive video movies with some
dude in Eastern Europe or wherever Iwas born and I was made. And
The Patriot is the first Seagal directivevideo movie. And that's like nineteen ninety
nine, yeah, nineteen yeah,I believe I remember seeing it, Like
(10:54):
I think we brought this up whenwe did The Understiege with Verne that I
remember seeing it in the video storeon VHS of all things. Yeah,
like he was doing shit in theVHS era. Yeah, that's my point.
And so like for them to belike, oh, I'm so surprised
Bruce Willis is doing it, Likeit's more surprising that it's Bruce Willis.
But similarly to Segal, he wasa nineties action star who has fallen.
(11:16):
His stock has fallen so hard.I mean, Seagal has fallen pretty hard.
Another difference, Yeah, Another differenceis is I can see Bruce Willis
making a comeback because we know BruceWillis can't give a good performance. I
would contend Steven Seagal can give agood performance too, with the right script
and the right director. Well,I mean Underseige, in under Siege,
and I mean, yeah, aris he amazing in those movies? And
(11:37):
we keep bringing it up. Ikeep bringing it up. He just needs
to have a sense of humor abouthimself. Well yeah, but that's good
luck. He needs to be ableto laugh. Well yeah, but he's
the same guy that wasn't in theExpendables. He is the guy who said
no to the Expendables. Of allthought him no. Segal was like,
well, if they asked me,I don't, I don't. I don't
(12:00):
work with funny people. It's like, okay, yeah, but he does
the Onion movie. What the fuck? Look, Steven Seagal zidiosyncratic guy,
clearly weird guy, guy who knowswhat he likes and what he doesn't like.
So good for him. Look atMachete. That was a fucking I
could argue that was kind of asatire. Yeah, but does he know
it's satire? I don't fucking know. That's he probably thought cock Puncher was
(12:22):
a real film. I mean whenyou look at something like this, which
is again essentially a made for TVmovie, I mean this could have shown
on you know those movies that showon sci Fi. This is the equivalent
of that for action movies. There'sno action movie channel. I don't remember
many like profanities in the film.What profanities? This movie's rated PG.
Essentially does this movie even have arating? Does it have to have a
(12:46):
rating if it's released on if it'sreleased on streaming, And that's a good
point to no, it doesn't.He could do whatever the fuck This is
the kind of movie that ends upon Pluto TV or two BTV. Like,
what's sad about this movie is thereis so little going on in this
movie that it has run into othermovies that we have talked about in plot,
(13:07):
like the fact that this movie hasFlorian Piersick Junior in it as the
villain, just like Cartels did.Like I'm not even sure if you played
Cartels an End of a Gun togetherin the same day, if you played
him for me and asked me tellme which movie this was in, I'm
not sure to be able to tellyou. Let's let's be Let's be this
movie in Cartels. It could havecould have been the same goddamn character.
(13:31):
Yeah, they're indistinguishable from each other. Playing himself he's played He played himself
in China Salesman. He himself inthis movie. He played himself in Cartels.
He's playing this guy who just can'tbe bothered to give a shit?
Is what? Unless unless you tellme what his character is, I will
just assume it's the same fucking characterfrom every other film he's done. A
(13:52):
former something that was really good atmartial arts, like former Gangster for FBI
agent, former DA agent. Imean shit, Even in Under Siege he's
you know, ex Navy seals orwhatever, but he's a cook now like
Understege. Look, he was havingfun with the role. I mean,
here's the thing. If you're gettingpaid most of the film's budget to sit
(14:16):
and do nothing, yeah, youreally have to enjoy yourself. Well,
here's the thing. He needs agood villain to playoff of. He's giving
him more credit than he deserves.I think Steven Seagal may genuinely just be
doing this for the money. Wellduh no, but like that, but
that's it. Like, I don'teven know if he cares about the artistic
integrity of the pieces or anymore whathe's trying to bring to the role.
(14:41):
I don't know. I don't know. He knows that he can put in
like less than five percent of ashit and still get his money and they're
still consider it good enough because that'sjust how it works. And he's the
bottom. He's the bottom of thiscurve of people. He I mean,
Bruce Willis is somewhere near the top, but like Steven Seagal is near the
bottom of these people. Like,I mean, I'm not saying Stallone and
(15:03):
Swartzinger are the best actors, buteven you know, wreck to DVD movies,
Yeah, but they actually give aperformance. Did you see that Schwartzenager
movie with Jackie Chan where he's init for like five minutes. What are
you talking about around the world inthe eighty days? No, the man
in the Iron Mask that came outlike two years ago. No, I
didn't. Right, Yeah, there'smy point, Like, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure actors we like aren'tabove it. It's just this is
(15:26):
just so. Yeah. But no, what I'm saying is that Schwartzenager actually
gives a little effort. He washe was in Terminator Dark Faith though.
Okay, now you just punch low, dude, punch low, But I'm
also punching true. Dude. Isaw that fucking thing in the theater and
I was pissed when they shot JohnConnor. Look, Steven Seagal is as
perfected the art of making red boxmovie and there must be people watching them
(15:50):
because there are people continuing to makethem. They won't make them unless you
rent them, unless you unless somebody'slaundering money. Well, let's not start
a conspiracy theory here. I mean, hey, look, when you when
you get to the point with thesemovies where you cannot tell them apart,
there is a problem. And theonly thing that I can remember it from
Cartels that sets it apart from Endof a Gun Is it has George Saint
(16:12):
Pierre but still has Florian Piersick Junioras the villain. When you watch a
film, usually you get a differentvibe from the film, a different feeling
from the film. When I watchthese films, I feel the same fucking
thing. I get the same fuckingvibe. They're the same movie in a
lot of ways, Like they lookthe same. They're probably shot in the
same city in Romania, like andlook, it's it's it's one thing to
(16:34):
try to fool the audience once,but trying to fool us over and over
again. That these movies are takingplace in an Eastern European city that's not
in like far eastern Europe. Thisdoesn't look like France. Does it even
matter to talk about what the filmis about, Well, it's the thing,
like, what is the movie about. It's about get another character trying
to get money and the other peoplethat are after him, right, and
(16:56):
it's there's nothing to it. LikeCartel's Cartels had more of a plot.
It was kind of a rip offof a smoke and aces right, yeah,
right, it was either they're inthe hotel and they're protecting this guy.
This movie is just they're coming afterSeagal because Seagal's going after money.
Okay, Like that's that's that's theentire plot. And then he gets double
crossed in the last five minutes andthat's where they're like, oh, by
(17:18):
the way, that's why this movieis what it's called, because we get
like a Steven Seagal narration at theend that's like, but if if life
is about the people that you loveand the loved ones and the and if
you if you don't remember that peoplematter, then you're gonna find your living
a good dude, And the narrationwas so inconsistent. They're trying to Okay,
one of the most guy one ofthe funniest slides in the film,
(17:41):
one of his first narrations is,you know, trouble always comes to me
with great legs and a black dress. I'm like, what do you what
do you think you're fucking noir?You? Yeah, what do you?
What do you think you're a MickeySpillane character? Yes, you, yes,
he does. What's wild? Youknow what's actually wild to me about
all of this stuff. The peoplethat write these movies don't even understand how
to make these movies fun like thisthis movie could be terrible, right,
(18:04):
but yeah, but at least couldbe fun. It's not even like this
is just a genuinely kind of boringmovie. Yeah it's not. It's not
offensively bad. No, it's justkind of we at least have something to
talk about. But this movie isjust fucking mediocre. It's honestly. What's
surprising to me is it what itfeels like more than anything else. It
feels like a bunch of other piecesof other movies that they just kind of
(18:26):
jammed into this. Are you thoughtlike a Godfrey ho film, Well,
it's like, oh, we've gota little Florian Pierscu. Florian Pierscue is
here where we're using him for cartels, you want to be in this movie,
and we'll just kind of make thismovie out of the parts of the
other movie. Like I don't knowit. Tell me that this movie and
End of Gun weren't shot at thesame time, and I'll be I can't
(18:47):
right. It feels like they werelike, all right, we're done for
the day on cartels, or we'redoing a week where it's End of Gun
and Cartels every other day, Like, tell me that wasn't happening. Yeah,
yeah, it's it's and that movieis better. Cartels is a much
better movie. And yeah, stillnot great ultimate, but at least it's
entertaining. At least I got someentertainment out of at this one. I
(19:07):
was just like, Yeah, they'replan this is so by the book man.
Yeah, it's shockingly boy, there'snothing new, there's nothing, there's
nothing surprising about it. We knowshe's gonna fucking double cross him in the
end, right, we know she'slike, we're gonna work with the villain
to get to him. We knowthat she's gonna fucking get it in the
end, and he's gonna go offwith them. When you do a different
(19:29):
place, like was it Key West? He wanted to go right when they
showed him in qy West. Hewent to Key West. And then they
showed a shot of him like drivinghis car with like the most stock looking
fucking palm trees in the background,and he's like in this little car and
there's like palm trees, and Iwas like, Oh, this is Key
West. Huh. I'm surprised.It wasn't a sign that he drove by
(19:51):
that said welcome to Key Welcome,to Key West. Helly, what the
most interesting person of the film wasthe guy he was working with that got
him to the tickets to Key West. Oh, I thought he was at
least somewhat interesting. We got thatactor's got a great name, Ovividu Nicolesque.
That's a that's a sexy name rightthere. He's worked in a lot
of well, he's worked on someSteven Seagal movies and a lot of other
(20:14):
films with Eastern European names, whichI will not attempt to pronounce. But
given his name is ovid you no, no Nuki Lescu, I can assume
you probably guess where he's from.What about Alexander and Wynn who's playing the
character Peewee an Asian man wearing himwearing a cowboy hat, which for no
other purpose, then to think it'squirky to have a character wearing a cowboy
(20:36):
hat, that's what's the fucking heat? Like, what the fuck? Yeah,
it's really it's really weird. Itreminds me of that scene in UHF
where um, one of the guysthat works at the station that RJ RJ
owns is wearing a cowboy hat withlike a raccoon tail. At the back
and um RJ tells him take thatridiculous thing off, and he just takes
off his mustache. This movie genuinelywent by like that, like I was
(21:00):
watching I was watching it and thenit was over. Do you know what
I mean? I was looking atthe time like our twenty six mess.
I'm thinking, yeah, that thattracks. Yeah. It has a great
line though. Steven the guy goes, you've got balls, and Stephen Sgal
goes, thanks for noticing that.My girl here she knows for a fact,
like, oh, the gross bro. I was like, I hope
(21:22):
he doesn't say something stupid like yeah, they were they were balls keeping your
girlfriend last night, right, Buthe pretty much did. But he pretty
much does. I'm like, he'snot gonna say it, is he and
he says something to that effect,of course. But I would expect Stegal
to day when he says you gotyou got big balls, I expect him
to saying, yeah, they werekeeping your girlfriend last night. I was
expecting to just go, I've gotballs, balls, balls, balls balls.
(21:45):
Wouldn't he make just the most fuckingboring Duke Nukeam is any kind of
Duke Nukeam esque in the person thathe is, yeah, but he's not
his Duke nukeamb without the charisma.Yeah. Basically he's like when he's just
walking and not pointing at somebody.He always holds a gun the same way
like this. He always holds himselflike that, and everything his hands in
(22:07):
front of him. Yeah, andthe guns like hidden. But I think
I think he thinks he's he's holdinghimself very stoically like yeah, oh yeah.
He thinks he looks he thinks helooks so fucking cool. He doesn't.
He looks like an idiot, buthe thinks he looks cool. He
thinks he looks really cool, whichis why he talks really low, which
is why he holds his hand thatway, and which is why this movie
(22:30):
is in the Walmart dollar because thatis where you would find this movie.
I can't even say that I hatethis movie because it's not really there's not
really anything to hate. What isthere to hate? It's it's such a
non movie. It is by thebooks, by paint by numbers, mediocre,
what you expect from a directive video. Shit, it is nothing like
(22:51):
like um he Keoni was expecting,like Elmore Leonard, for fuck's sake,
that you know what that strikes meup. That's like that Tommy Wise quote
where it's like with the power ofTennessee Williams like uh rd, dude,
and it's like, I'm like ElmoreLeonard, dude, get shorty. This
is not yeah any like this isthis is get shitty is what this is?
(23:14):
Oh there's a oh, now you'retalking about like Roger Ebert quotes,
now you're now, you're you're Igotta give one. I mean, come
on, all right, these thesemovies are so unfun that this is not
even fun. Like this movie isyeah, goddamn boring. And here's my
Joel Siegel esque review of the film, End of a Gun. You'd have
to put me at the end ofa gun and take you don't watch this
(23:34):
again. Yeah, this movie isthe first movie I can say without a
doubt that like, even even thoughI had my issue with China Salesman,
which you did, which is thefact, oh my god, three hours
long, at least he gave ashit to talk about. Yeah, like
this one's giving us nothing. Yeah, this movie is really this this movie.
You can skip this movie. Thismovie does not deserve to exist.
(23:57):
And the fact that it knows it'sbad. It's just it's just boring.
It's just it's just what didn't theysay in cartels that they needed to say
in this movie, because it feelslike this movie. In cartels exist at
the same time, but one ofthem doesn't need to exist. This one
is the one we're scheduled for,were for someone so much days of shooting,
Oh we finished early? Do youguys just want to make another one?
(24:18):
That's what it feels like like.It's such an At times, there
doesn't even feel like there is ascript. It feels like the screamwater has
just pounded this out within a dayor so. Yeah, this is so
fucking just or just like I said, cobbled together disparate parts of other scripts.
This is stitch work, man,This is pure stitch work. It's
not good of better films, ofmore original films, and it's not even
(24:41):
trying. And those those that youknow what, in a way that's kind
of the worst kind of film isthat it doesn't even try. Yeah,
no, it's it's it. Doesyou have all of this money to film
a movie? You have Steven Seagal, and this is the best that you
can do, and you rest onyour laurels thinking that this is good or
that this is enough. It's not. And it's unfortunate because just because it's
(25:02):
and this is the thing, justbecause it's direct to video or direct to
streaming doesn't mean it needs to bebad. We've seen plenty of direct to
streaming stuff now, which is theequivalent of direct to video in this day
and age, that are getting nominaOscars. There, you're nominated for Oscars
and winning and all kinds of stuff, and you're gonna tell me that you
can't be bothered to make something entertainingwith Stevenson. This is what I will
(25:25):
say about the pandemic. It's changedthe game. It's changed the game.
Streaming changed the game. Though Streamingmade stuff like this seems irrelevant, because
why are you making stuff this badwhen other people can make stuff much better
with a lesser budget. Dude,there are films nominated for Oscars this year
that we're streaming. Yeah, noBest Picture Oscars, Huh, I know,
(25:45):
I know, that's my point.Like, and then you have stuff
like this where it's like, what, I guess there is somebody out there
who wants and likes end of aGun, but I can't believe anybody would
sit down watch this movie and say, yeah, this was this was a
good movie. This is really bad, Like this is this is the movie
we were worried about watching. Ithink I can speak for both of us
(26:08):
in that respect, Like this iswhat we were worried about running into.
We were worried about running into thefilm. That just is cliche to every
fucking step, cliche to what peoplebelieve these kinds of movies are. When
we say Seagal doesn't try anymore,this is the fucking kind of movie we're
talking about. Yeah, like thefucking the stereotype, the case zero.
(26:30):
This is what you would point to. Keone, Waxman just kind of massages
that in him, doesn't because helets him do whatever he fucking wants.
He's like, I have Segal,what am I going to do? Argue
with him? You know, helets him get away with it. Then
you lose your golden Then you loseyour golden goose. And KEIOI watchman like
Seagal's the only reason I'm getting amovie made. That That is the reality
(26:51):
here is these movies don't get madewithout someone like Seagal or Bruce Willis or
whoever whoever they are in the timethat they're making movies like these, the
people that are the soul star ofthe movie is the only reason these movies
are getting made. So in thenineties it was Armanda Sante and Jeff you
know, Jeff Fahey. Yeah,and now it's Seagal and Bruce Willis.
(27:14):
But look there, movies like thishave been made forever. They were being
made in the seventies and eighties andnineties. But when you see someone who
is making big movies beforehand making stufflike this, it's unfortunate. I mean,
even Nick Cage has made stuff likethis. I mean, nobody's above
it. But the thing with theSante and Fahey is that some of their
stuff is actually really good. Theyactually tried. We haven't watched all these
(27:34):
yet, we haven't watched all these. Well with Nick Cage is like he
kind of goes back and forth fromstreaming to two theatricals, does whatever the
fuck he wants, And I kindI kind of respect him for that because
I kind of like that about him. I've come around on Nick Cage.
But Nick Cage does I mean didmovies, has done movies just like the
stuff sagalls. I mean that leftBehind movie. Did you watch that?
(27:56):
Yeah, it's real bad. Iwatched parts waiting maybe I did see the
whole thing in parts and just don'tremember. It's real bad. It's it's
bad. It's it's bad the sameway this movie's bad. Like it's that
same kind of like who's making this, where's the money coming from? Who
wanted this? Who is making thesemovies? And who is watching them?
Like a sting? Are these talkabout this or I talk about this?
(28:18):
Or left Behind? I'm talking aboutthese kinds of movies? Oh yeah,
well, I mean left Behind basically, Um, Christian films make money.
Sure, Unfortunately this one didn't.Left Behind was was kind of a failure
at the box office. Do youthink these movies make money? Doesnt even
stook all films? Yeah, there'sgot to be someone watching them because they
keep making them. Would agree inlions Gate keeps fucking releasing them. Lions
(28:41):
Gate doesn't seem to have a toseem to have a gauge of good or
bad because they seem to release anythingthey kind of do. They release a
lot of really weird animate like reallyweird cgi stuff in the United States too.
They can release some of the besthorror films or whatever, and that
then they can release the biggest piecesof shit. Lions Gate is such a
juggling, such a like a cupgame trailer for a Pinocchio movie that's being
(29:07):
released by lions Gate, and polyShore is Pinocchio. And I'm just thinking
to myself, like, who wantsthis? Who lions Gate? Who?
Who has been asking for this?They just produce anything, They release anything.
I guess lions Gate's wild man,they will, they will just release
whatever. I got none against polyShore. I like poly Shore, what
is this saying about the Steven Seagalfilm that we're already talking about other shit.
I don't know what to tell you. This movie is really bad.
(29:30):
It's got nothing, man, it'sgot nothing. It gives us nothing.
That's what's another. That's another sadthing. It gives us nothing. Well,
that's my point. It's like noteven fun to talk about because it's
just not a fun movie. It'sjust no it's not a fun movie.
It's it's just fucking boring. It'swhite noise. You would be better off
watching literally anything else. This isthe first time I have watched a movie
(29:52):
where by the end of it,I went, I've seen this before.
You are better off like this again, Like I've already said, this movie
practically doesn't zist, given that there'sanother movie with the fucking villain played by
the same guy that's better than thisone, and it came out after this
one, Like that movie came outafter this one, but was shot before
this one. Because they mentioned inthe press for this movie that Florian Pierscu
(30:14):
Junior was Piersic Junior was in thatmovie, and yet they made this movie.
They made this movie and that moviewas already made. What that's insanity?
Think about that they made this movieafter having made cartels with at least
with the other films we watched,there was something that we were like,
there's something we could say, like, what the hell was that? Yeah,
that's there's nothing fun here. There'snothing to clown on. The only
(30:38):
thing you can the only thing youcan clown on is Steven Seagal's narration,
which we've already clowned on. AndJade Ewan's getting shot at the end of
the movie is so cgi shit.The sound she makes when they shoot her
in the head. Oh, Iknow, it's so whacked. This movie's
ending. You think, like ohmy god, like, oh, he's
gonna get his There was a partneractually laughed. There was a part in
(31:00):
the film where I actually laughed.It was the scene where he's he's going
against the guards at the impound lotto get the car and he just fucking
throws one off a legs. Yousee him fall. Yeah, yeah,
he gets up, He gets up. The guy's fine. Seven Sagal doesn't
kill people in these movies anymore,don't you remember? Oh good, that
was a thing for a while becausehe's a man of peace, remember,
(31:21):
until we get to Steven Seagal.Uh, what's it called Steven Seagale law
man? Yeah? This, um, you know, I'm gonna ask you
ponytail yes or ponytail no driver?But I think our answer is the same
here. This is a minus ponytail. No, this is actually but again
it's not even bad. It's justlike I don't understand. It's a point
of existing. There's a movie that'sjust it is fucking blah. Yep,
(31:42):
it's you know. I used tothink that Keoni Waxman had potential because the
first one we watched of his wasactually pretty decent as a sea golfin was
actually not bad. Actually, therewas some entertaining shit in it. I
thought, okay, maybe that's later. Keoni Waxman, he's technically gotten better.
Yeah, well, I mean heneeds to typically he's gotten better.
Thank god. I really want tosee a great Steven Seagal film. Well,
(32:05):
you got to watch those original ones, which is why we didn't do
the show with us just starting withthe original movies, because it would be
just us talking about how bad thesemovies are. Because I get the distinct
feeling we're not going to be Iget the distinct feeling there are going to
be more of these kinds of movies. But to be honest with you,
some of them. We've given positiveviews to some of his later films.
Yeah, Attrition was pretty good.M The only one that we really got
(32:30):
pissed about was China Salesman. Ohokay, m before we before we stopped
talking about the film. What thefuck was up with the head guy where
you never see his face and thein the in the voices obviously eighty yard
that's never that's never resolved. Wedon't know who the fuck he is?
Huh? Every time of Vargas,Yeah, where you never see his face
and the voice is clearly eighty yardand you and it's like, okay,
(32:52):
oh, this is this a mystery, but his face is going to be
it's gonna be like a twist.No, then he just ends. They
don't even mention Vargus again. I'mlike, we still have dark could still
come after him, but I don'tcare. I love it. It's just
it's so lazy. Even Doctor Clawehad resolution, So with both of us.
Ponytail Note, on the next episodeof On Sagle, we're gonna be
talking about nineteen ninety seven's final StevenSagal theatrical release of his initial theatrical kind
(33:15):
of career Fire down Below, wherehe plays an EPA agent in rural America,
and there's a lot of there's alot of country Western singers in that
movie, including the villain played byChris Chris Stofferson. It's a weird movie.
It's a good movie though, andit's got Harry Dean Stanton in it.
Here your thin It's always awesome.So yeah, So that's what'll be
(33:37):
talking about on the next episode.Until then, Where can people find you,
Trevor? You can find me onTwitter at bad Vertigo and Instagram at
the same. You can also findme from time to time on the Culture
Cat with michaelst Chris Stashu here andagain also from time time you can find
me on the Projection Booth with MikeWaits. So yeah, that's about all
(33:57):
you can find me now. Sochrist where can people find? You?
Find me at cstas dot com,cstac hiw dot com. That's my link
tree for all the stuff that Iwork on. So culture Cast Scary Stories,
we tell all that good stuff isthere as for this show. Find
us on Seagal and on Twitter andFacebook, but we don't really post there.
We just post a show because that'swhat we like doing, is talking
about the movies, not updating socialmedia. But you know, if there
(34:21):
was new Steven Seagal social media stuff, we might share it. But also
like, there's no new news otherthan semi embarrassing stuff that we would probably
rather not talk about. So yeah, So on that note, yeah,
make sure to check out the nextepisode
Well there, I'm Chris dash Youand I'm Trevor Grumble, and we're the
host of On Seagal, a podcastwhere we talk about only Stephen Seagal movies
all the time. Not all thetime, but once a month. So
if you're here on this episode,you're going to be listening to us talk
about a little film that you probablyhave never heard of until today. Came
out in twenty sixteen, along withone, two, three other Stephen Seagal
(00:51):
films, which is, as youwill come to find out if you listen
to our show, not as surprisingas it may sound that Stephen Seagal releases
multiple films a year, given howmuch he's in them. And actually,
I'm gonna walk that comment back.Steven Sagal has one, two, three,
four, five, six seven moviesthat came out in twenty sixteen.
This is one of them. Thatmovie is end of a good in my
(01:14):
life. Nothing ever happens for thereasons you might think. When we come
back, that's trouble right there.Trouble always comes in a small black dress,
always long night. Huh. Myfriend the tenant said she used to
(01:38):
be a caught back in the States. Money had a lot of money stashed
away. Could you get it forme? What are you talking about?
Cash? They're bad people. Technicallyit's not stealing, it's kind of stealing.
I can make this happen. Youdon't have a plan, dear,
(01:59):
Yeah, my plans to go getthe money. Get down. We're rich,
Yeah, get my money one wayor another. Guess, sir.
I'm looking for a man and awoman. He looks like a cup she
(02:20):
looks like a stripper. I wantthe money, all right, so now
please help me. They're gonna killme. I got your back. You
(02:46):
think your should? Yeah? Couldthey have walked away with the money.
I'm not all about money. You'vegot balls, Thank you for noticing that.
(03:08):
So that film is directed by KeoniWaxman, who, yes, we
have talked about on this show beforetwice, I believe. Yeah. I'm
probably will be talking about him more, that's for sure. Oh yeah we
will. And it's stars one andonly mister Steven Seagal playing again a one
named character of Decker. And uh, what is Decker up to? Well,
(03:29):
he's a he's a federal agent andhe's hanging out with this woman.
I honestly had no idea what wasgoing on in this movie, did you?
I was one of the like therewere there, there were things happening,
And the dude from Cartels was inthis movie essentially playing the same character
from Cartels, that actor being FlorinPersick Junior, who I guess is we
(03:52):
should just refer to him as thatthat one very eastern European actor, evil
guy. Yeah, and he's playingthe most gen eric of generic villains.
Man, I mean he was playingthe most generic of generic villains in Cartels.
I think his character in that moviewas called l tiburon the Shark.
Well, I think it's more ofthe screenwriter's fault than his fault because they
wrote him just like buy the book, checklist, fucking drug cartel villain.
(04:15):
First of all, the credits startoff like the seventies cop show, right,
it's very strange. The whole movieis. The whole movie is tonally
very weird, the music that theyuse. So this is like this is
like a mid mid oughts action moviethat was on a red box. Like
it's a red box movie, Sojust take that into account. If you
see the cover of the movie,you know what kind of movie you're getting
(04:38):
into. And it opens with theleast generic of generic music. It makes
no sense. He's like driving around. I believe it's France, sure,
but it looks like Romania. Wellanyway, it's like Romania where they shot
the movie. He gets a phonecall. He gets a phone call from
those one decker I've been trying toreach you. I think they're trying to
(04:59):
make him like he's this like attractivesex symbol, like wanted, like all
the women want him and shit likethat. Anyway, he's uh, he's
in the city. He sees hiswoman getting like slapped around by her boyfriend.
Um, and of course, whatdoes the boyfriend do when interjects,
he tries to fight him. Howmany hits does he get on Segal?
(05:20):
Zero? What does Seagal do?Segal shoots him in the fucking kills this
guy in like broad daylight in themiddle of Paris, supposedly in something that
really kind of shocked me that they, you know, did they actually had
an investigator on that he was actuallystill there when the cops came. Usually
(05:40):
when he kills the guy in afilm, they just drives away and nothing
said of it. This time,he actually has to, you know,
a tone for his actions or whatever. So they're like, you know,
we you know, you need tocome down to this United to give your
statement. You have to sign thissaying blah blah blah blah. So I'm
not going to sign that. Ohboy, this is we're in full win
spur mode Segal in this Monte No, we're in whisper and he he goes
(06:03):
in and out of this like urbanaccent. I don't know, man,
what you're talking about. Man like, wax, I don't know what you
I don't know what you're talking about. Men Like, it's very weird New
Orleans street urban like it is whata robot thinks people of the streets talk
like. He's like, man,I don't I don't know what you're talking
(06:25):
about. Man Like, I don'tknow what you're talking But it's offensive.
It is what it is. It'sborderline. Yeah, it's borderline offense.
Yeah, I know. He goesin and out of it, though you
know what he's going for, andyeah that's not great. But he goes
in and out of the accent throughthe whole film. Yeah, but he's
not doing the accent. He's whispertalking, which is not intimidating, Like
(06:46):
what's weird? Is again Seagal isan intimidating guy. He's a I'm not
saying like he's a big guys.He's like a fat guy, which is,
you know, obvious the joke everybodyuses. But he's a big dude.
Like, he's still an intimidating guy. I don't understand why. Well
he carries himself. Yeah, hecare in it, except he's whispering.
It's come on, it's he's beenhe's been doing it this this whole time.
(07:10):
But when when he really dials itup, it's it's insufferable. It
really really well. So after hespeaks the cops, he meets up with
the he talks to the girl.The girl tells him that, um,
well, the car has been impoundedsince it's evidence. Basically, the girl
tells him I need to get thatcar back. There is two million in
cash hidden in the trunk. Ifyou help me get the car, I
(07:32):
will give you ten percent. Andshe the way she convinces him pussy yeah,
She's like, I'll suck your dickreal good. And he's like,
I don't know. And it's likeand there's a thankfully very short love scene.
Boy, that's part of my contractdude, I gotta share the screen
(07:53):
with Steven Seagal's naked body. Holdme closer, leather, daddy, like,
leather is in the color of hisskin is leather like. Thankfully they
don't show much. It's like abrief thing and then it's over and it's
it's something. It just sounds tome like this was a Seagal like I
have to have I gotta have alove scene with this woman to show how
much of a so much of aman I am, how desirable that I
(08:16):
am. It's very desirable. KeoniWaxman said that this is a very different
Steven Seagal movie than Killing Salazar,which was Cartel's the movie that we want
that we have watched and it's um. He said that Stephen and Suits being
chased by cool French bad guys likean elm Elmore Leonards store. Oh that's
sade. You and are a greatcrime film couple on a double crossing heist.
(08:39):
Oh my god, Floren piercing Juniorfrom killing Salagar Salagar Salazar chasing after
them. Simple and cool story thistime around. You know what a give
Keone Waxman credit. He attempts tohype up his own movies. Is he
successful? No, the moment youstart the movie, you'll find the answer
out because this didn't anger me.It's not like offensively bad. It was
(09:03):
just kind of mediocre. It justwas like boiler It's like everything I could
tell, every twist or everything thatwas going to happen, is like so
predictable twist quote unquote. So let'stalk about the villain. Oh, let's
Floren Peersick Junior. Is this theonly way the man gets work is to
(09:24):
work with Keoni Waxman because he's justkind of He's not a very threatening villain
to me. You know what's insane? He shot this movie after he shot
Cartels, but this movie came outbefore that movie. Do they just shoot
these all in like one afternoon?They're just like, we've got a hotel
in Romania, all right, we'lldo that movie there. We've got what
(09:45):
are you doing Saturday? Yeah,the streets of Romania? All right,
we'll do the pickups of Stephen outin the world. His body double will
be the rest because oh yeah,by the way, once again, Steven
sigal body double through half of themovie. The other half of the movie,
he's fucking sitting down at a car. So as we've gone further backwards,
we have noticed that this is becomingmore apparent but lessened because the newer
(10:09):
movies have it really badly. Butwe're getting to the point in these movies
where Seagal is starting to sit downmore often than not. And it's just
it's so lazy. I mean,he doesn't He only has what one two
fight scenes in the whole film,if you want to call him fight scenes
again, it's if Red Litter mediais talking about Bruce willis doing it more
recently. Steven Seagal created the modelthrough which you could do this for over
(10:33):
two decades. He's been doing this, right, Amy, He's been doing
this for a long time. He'sbeen making these directive video movies with some
dude in Eastern Europe or wherever Iwas born and I was made. And
The Patriot is the first Seagal directivevideo movie. And that's like nineteen ninety
nine, yeah, nineteen yeah,I believe I remember seeing it, Like
(10:54):
I think we brought this up whenwe did The Understiege with Verne that I
remember seeing it in the video storeon VHS of all things. Yeah,
like he was doing shit in theVHS era. Yeah, that's my point.
And so like for them to belike, oh, I'm so surprised
Bruce Willis is doing it, Likeit's more surprising that it's Bruce Willis.
But similarly to Segal, he wasa nineties action star who has fallen.
(11:16):
His stock has fallen so hard.I mean, Seagal has fallen pretty hard.
Another difference, Yeah, Another differenceis is I can see Bruce Willis
making a comeback because we know BruceWillis can't give a good performance. I
would contend Steven Seagal can give agood performance too, with the right script
and the right director. Well,I mean Underseige, in under Siege,
and I mean, yeah, aris he amazing in those movies? And
(11:37):
we keep bringing it up. Ikeep bringing it up. He just needs
to have a sense of humor abouthimself. Well yeah, but that's good
luck. He needs to be ableto laugh. Well yeah, but he's
the same guy that wasn't in theExpendables. He is the guy who said
no to the Expendables. Of allthought him no. Segal was like,
well, if they asked me,I don't, I don't. I don't
(12:00):
work with funny people. It's like, okay, yeah, but he does
the Onion movie. What the fuck? Look, Steven Seagal zidiosyncratic guy,
clearly weird guy, guy who knowswhat he likes and what he doesn't like.
So good for him. Look atMachete. That was a fucking I
could argue that was kind of asatire. Yeah, but does he know
it's satire? I don't fucking know. That's he probably thought cock Puncher was
(12:22):
a real film. I mean whenyou look at something like this, which
is again essentially a made for TVmovie, I mean this could have shown
on you know those movies that showon sci Fi. This is the equivalent
of that for action movies. There'sno action movie channel. I don't remember
many like profanities in the film.What profanities? This movie's rated PG.
Essentially does this movie even have arating? Does it have to have a
(12:46):
rating if it's released on if it'sreleased on streaming, And that's a good
point to no, it doesn't.He could do whatever the fuck This is
the kind of movie that ends upon Pluto TV or two BTV. Like,
what's sad about this movie is thereis so little going on in this
movie that it has run into othermovies that we have talked about in plot,
(13:07):
like the fact that this movie hasFlorian Piersick Junior in it as the
villain, just like Cartels did.Like I'm not even sure if you played
Cartels an End of a Gun togetherin the same day, if you played
him for me and asked me tellme which movie this was in, I'm
not sure to be able to tellyou. Let's let's be Let's be this
movie in Cartels. It could havecould have been the same goddamn character.
(13:31):
Yeah, they're indistinguishable from each other. Playing himself he's played He played himself
in China Salesman. He himself inthis movie. He played himself in Cartels.
He's playing this guy who just can'tbe bothered to give a shit?
Is what? Unless unless you tellme what his character is, I will
just assume it's the same fucking characterfrom every other film he's done. A
(13:52):
former something that was really good atmartial arts, like former Gangster for FBI
agent, former DA agent. Imean shit, Even in Under Siege he's
you know, ex Navy seals orwhatever, but he's a cook now like
Understege. Look, he was havingfun with the role. I mean,
here's the thing. If you're gettingpaid most of the film's budget to sit
(14:16):
and do nothing, yeah, youreally have to enjoy yourself. Well,
here's the thing. He needs agood villain to playoff of. He's giving
him more credit than he deserves.I think Steven Seagal may genuinely just be
doing this for the money. Wellduh no, but like that, but
that's it. Like, I don'teven know if he cares about the artistic
integrity of the pieces or anymore whathe's trying to bring to the role.
(14:41):
I don't know. I don't know. He knows that he can put in
like less than five percent of ashit and still get his money and they're
still consider it good enough because that'sjust how it works. And he's the
bottom. He's the bottom of thiscurve of people. He I mean,
Bruce Willis is somewhere near the top, but like Steven Seagal is near the
bottom of these people. Like,I mean, I'm not saying Stallone and
(15:03):
Swartzinger are the best actors, buteven you know, wreck to DVD movies,
Yeah, but they actually give aperformance. Did you see that Schwartzenager
movie with Jackie Chan where he's init for like five minutes. What are
you talking about around the world inthe eighty days? No, the man
in the Iron Mask that came outlike two years ago. No, I
didn't. Right, Yeah, there'smy point, Like, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure actors we like aren'tabove it. It's just this is
(15:26):
just so. Yeah. But no, what I'm saying is that Schwartzenager actually
gives a little effort. He washe was in Terminator Dark Faith though.
Okay, now you just punch low, dude, punch low, But I'm
also punching true. Dude. Isaw that fucking thing in the theater and
I was pissed when they shot JohnConnor. Look, Steven Seagal is as
perfected the art of making red boxmovie and there must be people watching them
(15:50):
because there are people continuing to makethem. They won't make them unless you
rent them, unless you unless somebody'slaundering money. Well, let's not start
a conspiracy theory here. I mean, hey, look, when you when
you get to the point with thesemovies where you cannot tell them apart,
there is a problem. And theonly thing that I can remember it from
Cartels that sets it apart from Endof a Gun Is it has George Saint
(16:12):
Pierre but still has Florian Piersick Junioras the villain. When you watch a
film, usually you get a differentvibe from the film, a different feeling
from the film. When I watchthese films, I feel the same fucking
thing. I get the same fuckingvibe. They're the same movie in a
lot of ways, Like they lookthe same. They're probably shot in the
same city in Romania, like andlook, it's it's it's one thing to
(16:34):
try to fool the audience once,but trying to fool us over and over
again. That these movies are takingplace in an Eastern European city that's not
in like far eastern Europe. Thisdoesn't look like France. Does it even
matter to talk about what the filmis about, Well, it's the thing,
like, what is the movie about. It's about get another character trying
to get money and the other peoplethat are after him, right, and
(16:56):
it's there's nothing to it. LikeCartel's Cartels had more of a plot.
It was kind of a rip offof a smoke and aces right, yeah,
right, it was either they're inthe hotel and they're protecting this guy.
This movie is just they're coming afterSeagal because Seagal's going after money.
Okay, Like that's that's that's theentire plot. And then he gets double
crossed in the last five minutes andthat's where they're like, oh, by
(17:18):
the way, that's why this movieis what it's called, because we get
like a Steven Seagal narration at theend that's like, but if if life
is about the people that you loveand the loved ones and the and if
you if you don't remember that peoplematter, then you're gonna find your living
a good dude, And the narrationwas so inconsistent. They're trying to Okay,
one of the most guy one ofthe funniest slides in the film,
(17:41):
one of his first narrations is,you know, trouble always comes to me
with great legs and a black dress. I'm like, what do you what
do you think you're fucking noir?You? Yeah, what do you?
What do you think you're a MickeySpillane character? Yes, you, yes,
he does. What's wild? Youknow what's actually wild to me about
all of this stuff. The peoplethat write these movies don't even understand how
to make these movies fun like thisthis movie could be terrible, right,
(18:04):
but yeah, but at least couldbe fun. It's not even like this
is just a genuinely kind of boringmovie. Yeah it's not. It's not
offensively bad. No, it's justkind of we at least have something to
talk about. But this movie isjust fucking mediocre. It's honestly. What's
surprising to me is it what itfeels like more than anything else. It
feels like a bunch of other piecesof other movies that they just kind of
(18:26):
jammed into this. Are you thoughtlike a Godfrey ho film, Well,
it's like, oh, we've gota little Florian Pierscu. Florian Pierscue is
here where we're using him for cartels, you want to be in this movie,
and we'll just kind of make thismovie out of the parts of the
other movie. Like I don't knowit. Tell me that this movie and
End of Gun weren't shot at thesame time, and I'll be I can't
(18:47):
right. It feels like they werelike, all right, we're done for
the day on cartels, or we'redoing a week where it's End of Gun
and Cartels every other day, Like, tell me that wasn't happening. Yeah,
yeah, it's it's and that movieis better. Cartels is a much
better movie. And yeah, stillnot great ultimate, but at least it's
entertaining. At least I got someentertainment out of at this one. I
(19:07):
was just like, Yeah, they'replan this is so by the book man.
Yeah, it's shockingly boy, there'snothing new, there's nothing, there's
nothing surprising about it. We knowshe's gonna fucking double cross him in the
end, right, we know she'slike, we're gonna work with the villain
to get to him. We knowthat she's gonna fucking get it in the
end, and he's gonna go offwith them. When you do a different
(19:29):
place, like was it Key West? He wanted to go right when they
showed him in qy West. Hewent to Key West. And then they
showed a shot of him like drivinghis car with like the most stock looking
fucking palm trees in the background,and he's like in this little car and
there's like palm trees, and Iwas like, Oh, this is Key
West. Huh. I'm surprised.It wasn't a sign that he drove by
(19:51):
that said welcome to Key Welcome,to Key West. Helly, what the
most interesting person of the film wasthe guy he was working with that got
him to the tickets to Key West. Oh, I thought he was at
least somewhat interesting. We got thatactor's got a great name, Ovividu Nicolesque.
That's a that's a sexy name rightthere. He's worked in a lot
of well, he's worked on someSteven Seagal movies and a lot of other
(20:14):
films with Eastern European names, whichI will not attempt to pronounce. But
given his name is ovid you no, no Nuki Lescu, I can assume
you probably guess where he's from.What about Alexander and Wynn who's playing the
character Peewee an Asian man wearing himwearing a cowboy hat, which for no
other purpose, then to think it'squirky to have a character wearing a cowboy
(20:36):
hat, that's what's the fucking heat? Like, what the fuck? Yeah,
it's really it's really weird. Itreminds me of that scene in UHF
where um, one of the guysthat works at the station that RJ RJ
owns is wearing a cowboy hat withlike a raccoon tail. At the back
and um RJ tells him take thatridiculous thing off, and he just takes
off his mustache. This movie genuinelywent by like that, like I was
(21:00):
watching I was watching it and thenit was over. Do you know what
I mean? I was looking atthe time like our twenty six mess.
I'm thinking, yeah, that thattracks. Yeah. It has a great
line though. Steven the guy goes, you've got balls, and Stephen Sgal
goes, thanks for noticing that.My girl here she knows for a fact,
like, oh, the gross bro. I was like, I hope
(21:22):
he doesn't say something stupid like yeah, they were they were balls keeping your
girlfriend last night, right, Buthe pretty much did. But he pretty
much does. I'm like, he'snot gonna say it, is he and
he says something to that effect,of course. But I would expect Stegal
to day when he says you gotyou got big balls, I expect him
to saying, yeah, they werekeeping your girlfriend last night. I was
expecting to just go, I've gotballs, balls, balls, balls balls.
(21:45):
Wouldn't he make just the most fuckingboring Duke Nukeam is any kind of
Duke Nukeam esque in the person thathe is, yeah, but he's not
his Duke nukeamb without the charisma.Yeah. Basically he's like when he's just
walking and not pointing at somebody.He always holds a gun the same way
like this. He always holds himselflike that, and everything his hands in
(22:07):
front of him. Yeah, andthe guns like hidden. But I think
I think he thinks he's he's holdinghimself very stoically like yeah, oh yeah.
He thinks he looks he thinks helooks so fucking cool. He doesn't.
He looks like an idiot, buthe thinks he looks cool. He
thinks he looks really cool, whichis why he talks really low, which
is why he holds his hand thatway, and which is why this movie
(22:30):
is in the Walmart dollar because thatis where you would find this movie.
I can't even say that I hatethis movie because it's not really there's not
really anything to hate. What isthere to hate? It's it's such a
non movie. It is by thebooks, by paint by numbers, mediocre,
what you expect from a directive video. Shit, it is nothing like
(22:51):
like um he Keoni was expecting,like Elmore Leonard, for fuck's sake,
that you know what that strikes meup. That's like that Tommy Wise quote
where it's like with the power ofTennessee Williams like uh rd, dude,
and it's like, I'm like ElmoreLeonard, dude, get shorty. This
is not yeah any like this isthis is get shitty is what this is?
(23:14):
Oh there's a oh, now you'retalking about like Roger Ebert quotes,
now you're now, you're you're Igotta give one. I mean, come
on, all right, these thesemovies are so unfun that this is not
even fun. Like this movie isyeah, goddamn boring. And here's my
Joel Siegel esque review of the film, End of a Gun. You'd have
to put me at the end ofa gun and take you don't watch this
(23:34):
again. Yeah, this movie isthe first movie I can say without a
doubt that like, even even thoughI had my issue with China Salesman,
which you did, which is thefact, oh my god, three hours
long, at least he gave ashit to talk about. Yeah, like
this one's giving us nothing. Yeah, this movie is really this this movie.
You can skip this movie. Thismovie does not deserve to exist.
(23:57):
And the fact that it knows it'sbad. It's just it's just boring.
It's just it's just what didn't theysay in cartels that they needed to say
in this movie, because it feelslike this movie. In cartels exist at
the same time, but one ofthem doesn't need to exist. This one
is the one we're scheduled for,were for someone so much days of shooting,
Oh we finished early? Do youguys just want to make another one?
(24:18):
That's what it feels like like.It's such an At times, there
doesn't even feel like there is ascript. It feels like the screamwater has
just pounded this out within a dayor so. Yeah, this is so
fucking just or just like I said, cobbled together disparate parts of other scripts.
This is stitch work, man,This is pure stitch work. It's
not good of better films, ofmore original films, and it's not even
(24:41):
trying. And those those that youknow what, in a way that's kind
of the worst kind of film isthat it doesn't even try. Yeah,
no, it's it's it. Doesyou have all of this money to film
a movie? You have Steven Seagal, and this is the best that you
can do, and you rest onyour laurels thinking that this is good or
that this is enough. It's not. And it's unfortunate because just because it's
(25:02):
and this is the thing, justbecause it's direct to video or direct to
streaming doesn't mean it needs to bebad. We've seen plenty of direct to
streaming stuff now, which is theequivalent of direct to video in this day
and age, that are getting nominaOscars. There, you're nominated for Oscars
and winning and all kinds of stuff, and you're gonna tell me that you
can't be bothered to make something entertainingwith Stevenson. This is what I will
(25:25):
say about the pandemic. It's changedthe game. It's changed the game.
Streaming changed the game. Though Streamingmade stuff like this seems irrelevant, because
why are you making stuff this badwhen other people can make stuff much better
with a lesser budget. Dude,there are films nominated for Oscars this year
that we're streaming. Yeah, noBest Picture Oscars, Huh, I know,
(25:45):
I know, that's my point.Like, and then you have stuff
like this where it's like, what, I guess there is somebody out there
who wants and likes end of aGun, but I can't believe anybody would
sit down watch this movie and say, yeah, this was this was a
good movie. This is really bad, Like this is this is the movie
we were worried about watching. Ithink I can speak for both of us
(26:08):
in that respect, Like this iswhat we were worried about running into.
We were worried about running into thefilm. That just is cliche to every
fucking step, cliche to what peoplebelieve these kinds of movies are. When
we say Seagal doesn't try anymore,this is the fucking kind of movie we're
talking about. Yeah, like thefucking the stereotype, the case zero.
(26:30):
This is what you would point to. Keone, Waxman just kind of massages
that in him, doesn't because helets him do whatever he fucking wants.
He's like, I have Segal,what am I going to do? Argue
with him? You know, helets him get away with it. Then
you lose your golden Then you loseyour golden goose. And KEIOI watchman like
Seagal's the only reason I'm getting amovie made. That That is the reality
(26:51):
here is these movies don't get madewithout someone like Seagal or Bruce Willis or
whoever whoever they are in the timethat they're making movies like these, the
people that are the soul star ofthe movie is the only reason these movies
are getting made. So in thenineties it was Armanda Sante and Jeff you
know, Jeff Fahey. Yeah,and now it's Seagal and Bruce Willis.
(27:14):
But look there, movies like thishave been made forever. They were being
made in the seventies and eighties andnineties. But when you see someone who
is making big movies beforehand making stufflike this, it's unfortunate. I mean,
even Nick Cage has made stuff likethis. I mean, nobody's above
it. But the thing with theSante and Fahey is that some of their
stuff is actually really good. Theyactually tried. We haven't watched all these
(27:34):
yet, we haven't watched all these. Well with Nick Cage is like he
kind of goes back and forth fromstreaming to two theatricals, does whatever the
fuck he wants, And I kindI kind of respect him for that because
I kind of like that about him. I've come around on Nick Cage.
But Nick Cage does I mean didmovies, has done movies just like the
stuff sagalls. I mean that leftBehind movie. Did you watch that?
(27:56):
Yeah, it's real bad. Iwatched parts waiting maybe I did see the
whole thing in parts and just don'tremember. It's real bad. It's it's
bad. It's it's bad the sameway this movie's bad. Like it's that
same kind of like who's making this, where's the money coming from? Who
wanted this? Who is making thesemovies? And who is watching them?
Like a sting? Are these talkabout this or I talk about this?
(28:18):
Or left Behind? I'm talking aboutthese kinds of movies? Oh yeah,
well, I mean left Behind basically, Um, Christian films make money.
Sure, Unfortunately this one didn't.Left Behind was was kind of a failure
at the box office. Do youthink these movies make money? Doesnt even
stook all films? Yeah, there'sgot to be someone watching them because they
keep making them. Would agree inlions Gate keeps fucking releasing them. Lions
(28:41):
Gate doesn't seem to have a toseem to have a gauge of good or
bad because they seem to release anythingthey kind of do. They release a
lot of really weird animate like reallyweird cgi stuff in the United States too.
They can release some of the besthorror films or whatever, and that
then they can release the biggest piecesof shit. Lions Gate is such a
juggling, such a like a cupgame trailer for a Pinocchio movie that's being
(29:07):
released by lions Gate, and polyShore is Pinocchio. And I'm just thinking
to myself, like, who wantsthis? Who lions Gate? Who?
Who has been asking for this?They just produce anything, They release anything.
I guess lions Gate's wild man,they will, they will just release
whatever. I got none against polyShore. I like poly Shore, what
is this saying about the Steven Seagalfilm that we're already talking about other shit.
I don't know what to tell you. This movie is really bad.
(29:30):
It's got nothing, man, it'sgot nothing. It gives us nothing.
That's what's another. That's another sadthing. It gives us nothing. Well,
that's my point. It's like noteven fun to talk about because it's
just not a fun movie. It'sjust no it's not a fun movie.
It's it's just fucking boring. It'swhite noise. You would be better off
watching literally anything else. This isthe first time I have watched a movie
(29:52):
where by the end of it,I went, I've seen this before.
You are better off like this again, Like I've already said, this movie
practically doesn't zist, given that there'sanother movie with the fucking villain played by
the same guy that's better than thisone, and it came out after this
one, Like that movie came outafter this one, but was shot before
this one. Because they mentioned inthe press for this movie that Florian Pierscu
(30:14):
Junior was Piersic Junior was in thatmovie, and yet they made this movie.
They made this movie and that moviewas already made. What that's insanity?
Think about that they made this movieafter having made cartels with at least
with the other films we watched,there was something that we were like,
there's something we could say, like, what the hell was that? Yeah,
that's there's nothing fun here. There'snothing to clown on. The only
(30:38):
thing you can the only thing youcan clown on is Steven Seagal's narration,
which we've already clowned on. AndJade Ewan's getting shot at the end of
the movie is so cgi shit.The sound she makes when they shoot her
in the head. Oh, Iknow, it's so whacked. This movie's
ending. You think, like ohmy god, like, oh, he's
gonna get his There was a partneractually laughed. There was a part in
(31:00):
the film where I actually laughed.It was the scene where he's he's going
against the guards at the impound lotto get the car and he just fucking
throws one off a legs. Yousee him fall. Yeah, yeah,
he gets up, He gets up. The guy's fine. Seven Sagal doesn't
kill people in these movies anymore,don't you remember? Oh good, that
was a thing for a while becausehe's a man of peace, remember,
(31:21):
until we get to Steven Seagal.Uh, what's it called Steven Seagale law
man? Yeah? This, um, you know, I'm gonna ask you
ponytail yes or ponytail no driver?But I think our answer is the same
here. This is a minus ponytail. No, this is actually but again
it's not even bad. It's justlike I don't understand. It's a point
of existing. There's a movie that'sjust it is fucking blah. Yep,
(31:42):
it's you know. I used tothink that Keoni Waxman had potential because the
first one we watched of his wasactually pretty decent as a sea golfin was
actually not bad. Actually, therewas some entertaining shit in it. I
thought, okay, maybe that's later. Keoni Waxman, he's technically gotten better.
Yeah, well, I mean heneeds to typically he's gotten better.
Thank god. I really want tosee a great Steven Seagal film. Well,
(32:05):
you got to watch those original ones, which is why we didn't do
the show with us just starting withthe original movies, because it would be
just us talking about how bad thesemovies are. Because I get the distinct
feeling we're not going to be Iget the distinct feeling there are going to
be more of these kinds of movies. But to be honest with you,
some of them. We've given positiveviews to some of his later films.
Yeah, Attrition was pretty good.M The only one that we really got
(32:30):
pissed about was China Salesman. Ohokay, m before we before we stopped
talking about the film. What thefuck was up with the head guy where
you never see his face and thein the in the voices obviously eighty yard
that's never that's never resolved. Wedon't know who the fuck he is?
Huh? Every time of Vargas,Yeah, where you never see his face
and the voice is clearly eighty yardand you and it's like, okay,
(32:52):
oh, this is this a mystery, but his face is going to be
it's gonna be like a twist.No, then he just ends. They
don't even mention Vargus again. I'mlike, we still have dark could still
come after him, but I don'tcare. I love it. It's just
it's so lazy. Even Doctor Clawehad resolution, So with both of us.
Ponytail Note, on the next episodeof On Sagle, we're gonna be
talking about nineteen ninety seven's final StevenSagal theatrical release of his initial theatrical kind
(33:15):
of career Fire down Below, wherehe plays an EPA agent in rural America,
and there's a lot of there's alot of country Western singers in that
movie, including the villain played byChris Chris Stofferson. It's a weird movie.
It's a good movie though, andit's got Harry Dean Stanton in it.
Here your thin It's always awesome.So yeah, So that's what'll be
(33:37):
talking about on the next episode.Until then, Where can people find you,
Trevor? You can find me onTwitter at bad Vertigo and Instagram at
the same. You can also findme from time to time on the Culture
Cat with michaelst Chris Stashu here andagain also from time time you can find
me on the Projection Booth with MikeWaits. So yeah, that's about all
(33:57):
you can find me now. Sochrist where can people find? You?
Find me at cstas dot com,cstac hiw dot com. That's my link
tree for all the stuff that Iwork on. So culture Cast Scary Stories,
we tell all that good stuff isthere as for this show. Find
us on Seagal and on Twitter andFacebook, but we don't really post there.
We just post a show because that'swhat we like doing, is talking
about the movies, not updating socialmedia. But you know, if there
(34:21):
was new Steven Seagal social media stuff, we might share it. But also
like, there's no new news otherthan semi embarrassing stuff that we would probably
rather not talk about. So yeah, So on that note, yeah,
make sure to check out the nextepisode
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