Cary Schmidt

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a Bramble Jam podcast.If you listen to this podcast, you
know I'm a person of faith.You know that I'm a big fan of
Jesus, absolutely love him. ButI'm also a big fan of people and
hearing him from people and learning asmuch as I can. Hey, Dad's

(00:34):
Johnathan Parker. Here. I amyour bald, bearded and beautiful host,
hanging out again on another episode ofour Dad's Diary. Now you can't see
me right now, but Nathan,who we all know and love, told
me I looked like a monk today, and that's because I've got a solid
brown hoodie on. And when heput the hoodie up, which I'm doing
right now, even though you can'tsee it, I think it's monkish.

(00:54):
I agree, I agree it's it'smonkish. But I'm still wearing skinny jeans
because who does want to be uncomfortablefor the better part of their day.
But I'm really excited about our gueststoday, and I feel like I say
that every time I have a guest, so I probably shouldn't say it because
you should just assume I'm excited aboutthe guests, because if I'm not excited,
I wouldn't invite them on, buttightest to design. I want you

(01:17):
to pay really close attention because ourguest today is also one of your pastors.
Now you got to hear from Ryan, who's your pastor. But Pastor
Carrie Schmidt is a friend of mine, someone who I've learned for. But
he's also the pastor for No Noand Papa, and that means you will
go to his church, that youwill hear him speak. And we have

(01:38):
become great friends. So Carrie,thank you so much for being on our
dad's diary today. Oh it's greatto be with you, Jonathan. I
love you and your family, andI'm looking forward to our conversation. It
would be great. You're coming comingto us live from Newington, Connecticut,
the place of my birth. Yes, and it is gray and snowy and
rainy and probably just like you wereremember it in winter? I do now.

(02:00):
Y'all got here with that northeaster recently, right, Oh man, we
got at least twelve inches. Yeah, it was a good one. But
you're used to it now. Weare used to it. Man. I
am like a native now, Imean I am I am. When winter
shows up, I'm like bring it. Yeah. See, So you're a
native now of the cold New England, and I'm a native of South Carolina

(02:20):
at this point, and like whenit dips below fifty, I'm just done.
Okay, So, Kary, we'regonna hear a little bit more about
you in a little bit, butlet's talk about the most important thing,
and that is who you're a dad. To tell us a little bit about
your kids. Oh man, Iam blessed to be the dad to three
adults now, and I can't believehow quickly that happened, that transpired.

(02:43):
My oldest is Lance, he's twentynine. He married his childhood sweetheart.
They met when they were about inkindergarten, and they now have twins,
Chad and Charlie. So I'm notjust dad, I'm Papa. Then my
second is Larry, and he marriedMariah, his junior high sweetheart, and
they have two boys, Augie andBrady, and they are toddlers and infant,

(03:07):
and so we've got four grandkids.And then our third is Haley,
So Lance, Larry, and Haley. Haley is my only daughter. I
tease often and say she's my favoritekid. She is twenty and she is
engaged. She'll be getting married thissummer and she's finishing up her writing degree

(03:28):
from Liberty University. Wow, that'samazing. And now you also work with
your oldest Lance, Is that correct? Yeah? And there's a beautiful story
that I won't take the time totell, but Lance, as he was
finishing Bible College, we were transitioningto Connecticut, and he just by faith
came and got a job here inConnecticut worked an enterprise renting car and just

(03:49):
wanted to help. He just knewthat Emmanuel was undergoing a revitalization, believed
in what God would do here.And now today he's our worship leader and
leads our youth ministry and media ministryas well. Yeah, that's amazing.
So how is it working with yourson? I mean because at times your
dad, at times your pastor attimes your boss. You know, obviously

(04:10):
they're not always mutually exclusive. Buthow is it working with your son?
And then what advice would you giveto dads who are working with their son
and having, you know, maybenot a great working experience. So I'll
just tell you. For me,it's been a dream come true that I
never even bothered dreaming, Okay,just to be able to serve God with

(04:30):
my son, really with our wholefamily that lives in this area is a
remarkable, awesome experience. I feelbad often for him because he could really
go serve in a lot of places. So to choose to serve with dad,
I just I admire him for thatchoice. And I would say that
it takes real gospel grounding and relationalmaturity, probably more for him than me

(04:58):
because he's so familiar with all ofmy faults and failures as a dad.
But it's been awesome with bumps inthe road, I'll say it that way.
We work through the bumps and hehas sharpened and challenged me in a
lot of amazing ways. That's great. So for a dad right now working
with one of their children and it'snot going spectacular. You talked about the

(05:21):
bumps along the way. What advicewould you give that dad who wants to
connect with their child but also islike, how do we work out through
some of these work situations. Well, those those tensions are evident of a
maturing relationship, and so you've gotto work through them, and you've got
to objectify them. You have toset aside and work through the emotion.

(05:45):
I tend to think of him withthat, you know, rebellious fourteen year
old posture that doesn't exist anymore.He tends to hear me with that domineering
dad, you know, authoritarianism thathe varience says an eight year old or
whatever. And I'm not that guyeither. We've had to learn how to

(06:05):
set aside those aspects of our past, in our history and really forage a
new relationship as adult men and asfriends. And so that's where our conversations
have led, is that we aredad and son, and we are brothers
in Christ, and we are colaborers, but really, more than anything,

(06:27):
we're buddies. We're friends. Yeah, and you know Dad's if you've
listened to several of these podcasts,right, we've had a lot of dads
who are working with one or multipleof their children, and they all say
the same thing. Carrie said,it takes work, it takes effort,
but it's worth it. You know, as you heard him say, it's
a dream. He didn't know hewanted. Every dad you've heard that says,
you know, working with my childis hard, but it's worth it.

(06:49):
So if you're in that situation,stick with it, have conversations,
continue to work through it, becauseit is an amazing opportunity. So it's
a good segue into a little bitmore about you. So tell our listeners
carry a little bit more about you, a little bit of your story and
what you do besides being a fulltime dad and grandpa. Well, yeah,
I'm the husband of the greatest ladyin the world, Dana. We've

(07:13):
been married thirty one years, We'veserved the Lord for thirty one years together,
and I'm presently the senior pastor ofEmmanuel Baptist Church in Newington, Connecticut,
have been for eight and a halfyears after serving in a megachurch in
southern California of five thousand and battlingcancer for a year. God called us
quite off our script and out ofleft field. Really never imagine being a

(07:35):
senior pastor, especially in New England, and especially for a discouraged or a
hurting church. But ninety three peoplevoted us in and called us to be
the pastor and actually invited us intoa restoration work that they had long prayed
for. You know, typically youthink of a church kind of a lethargic

(07:56):
or a hurting church. You thinkof a group of people that maybe don't
want to change, but the peopleat Emmanuel were not only ready and willing
to change, but they wanted theirchurch to be revived and renewed in major
and wonderful ways. Now we didn'tknow. I didn't know how to do
that. I didn't have a formulaor recipe. But I knew the God
of the universe and the power ofthe Gospel, and so we just jumped

(08:20):
in. We were received by someof the best people in the world who
have loved us and prayed for us. And for the last eight and half
years, we've just seen a miracleof God unfold. And you know better
than I, Jonathan, it don'tthere's no way to describe it other than
only God could do what he's done. Yeah, I mean, as I
said in the intro that you know, this is the church I grew up
in church, or my faith wasestablished and all these things. And now

(08:43):
my parents know and Papa are stillthere, which is awesome for them to
be able to be at the churchwhere they spent so much time. And
you know, we connected right whenyou got in as the senior pastor and
chatted. And I'm grateful that forthese eight and a half years I've been
able to watch pray for you,chat with you about this revitalization of the
church which is just impacting hundreds andhundreds of people in New England, and

(09:07):
you've also helped other churches get startedand other people kind of launch out in
that surrounding area. Yeah, firstof all, going back to you,
boy, you reached out to meearly on when I didn't I didn't have
a single friend in New England thatI knew, and you just reached out
and said, I'm on your side, I'm cheering you on, I'm praying
for you. I love that churchso thankful you're going there. And I

(09:28):
suddenly felt like I had a friend, you know, like in the desert
wilderness. God just he really ministeredto me through you more than you know.
And then, you know, asthe church has come back to health,
God's given us a vision and apassion and a heart to help the
next generation of leaders. So westarted a ministry called in the Gospel Leading
in the Gospel. It's a podcastand we do regular events, and we've

(09:52):
planted some other churches or helped toplant some other churches in the in the
region. And we've just developed agreat group of friends that connect with us
through the podcast. And you know, I guess maybe this happens to everybody
in their late forties and fifties inministry. You just have been at it
long enough that you want to helpsomebody who's getting their start. And so

(10:13):
that's what we're really focused on,is especially building a building gospel shaped leaders.
You know, what does the gospelcreate when it comes to being a
dad, being a pastor being aleader of any kind. How does the
gospel play out in those roles?Yeah, that's really awesome. I love
watching it from Afar, and everytime I get to go home, I

(10:35):
always like our times together and seeingwhat's happening there. So we'll get back
to present reality here in a littlebit, but let's just jump to your
past a little bit. So nowas you look back, how would you
describe the relationship you had with yourdad when you were a kid and a
teenager. I was exceptionally and amexceptionally blessed. My dad is a great

(10:58):
dad. Here's a there's a longbackstory, and it's quite unusual, quite
unlikely. Maybe this will bless yourlisteners. And I don't think my dad
would mind me sharing this. Hewas away from the Lord, he got
saved as a kid, got awayfrom God and started playing rock music in

(11:18):
nightclubs that he wasn't even old enoughto be in, and he started dating
my mom, who was five yearsolder than him. And as they were
dating in their relationship, well,I came along. I was on the
way, and you know, mydad, at that point in his journey,
had a real important decision. DoI stay with this woman and raise

(11:39):
this son, do I get married, or do I, you know,
run for the hills. And welive in this culture today that you know,
it's like you don't have to takeany responsibility for anything. But I'm
so glad I had a seventeen yearold dad who said I'm going to marry
this woman and I'm going to bea husband and a father. And this

(12:01):
was really before he even came backto the Lord. So I never knew
a lot of this story until Iwas an adult. But they stayed together.
They got married before I was born, and and then it wasn't long
before there were three boys in thefamily. I have two younger brothers,
and by the time I was aboutseven, my younger brothers were five and
three or maybe four and three.My mom and dad really started to realize

(12:28):
this work of a marriage and afamily takes my mom was not a Christian,
takes a lot more than we have. It takes something big. And
they began to seek for help andfor God really, and my dad had
enough grounding in his childhood in faithand in the Gospel that he began to

(12:48):
turn back to Jesus. And sowhen I was seven years old, we
found our way into a church innorth north of Atlanta, in Roswell,
Georgia, where we heard the gospel. My mom trusted Christ, I trusted
Christ, and we became a Christianfamily. Followers of Jesus is really the
better way to say it. Probably, you know, Christian means a lot

(13:11):
of things to a lot of people, Biblical followers of Jesus. And from
that point forward, my dad andmom really became students of what does it
mean to have a healthy marriage andwhat does it mean to grow a healthy
family. And so I've had sincethen a dad who loved God, loved

(13:31):
his word, and did nothing butpoint me to God and build my life
on his words. That's amazing.So how old was your mom when she
was pregnant with you? Twenty two? So your dad was younger obviously than
your mind. Dad was seventeen whenI was conceived, my mom was twenty

(13:52):
two, and he got married afew months he was I think he was
seventeen when he got married in eighteenwhen I was born. Wow, So
was the in law situation, likeI mean, obviously your dad's parents,
your grandparents on either side, howwas that negotiated? Was their tension or
lost relationship or were they just notinvolved? Well by the time I understood
this story, let me just sayit explained a lot of family tension that

(14:16):
I never even really understood as akid. See what helpful they went a
little earlier maybe with the story justso, Yeah, my dad's parents were
godly Christian people that while he waswandering, they kind of returned to the
Lord, and so they were prayingearly that my family would come back to
the Lord. I wouldn't know theLord if it weren't for for the prayers

(14:37):
of my grandparents. On my dad'sside. My mom's parents were not so
religious. They were more blue collarBaltimore. They loved me deeply authentically,
but very different in terms of theirfaith structure and system, And there was
a little tension. I think Ithink as the years went by that tension

(15:01):
was more and more resolved. Butone you know, I think I was
out on a twenty twenty two whenI started figuring out the math and you
know, brought it up to mydad and he told me the story and
I'm like, okay, now,now that brings a lot of things into
clarity. But then, you knowwhat I did. I thanked him,
Dad, thank you for staying andfor you know, and boy with tears.
He and I were driving around Baltimorethat day and he was telling me

(15:24):
the story and we both wept atthe grace of God and how he took
those early mistakes and wrote such abeautiful story from them. Yeah, that's
incredible when you know, for someof our listeners right now, you know,
maybe they haven't shared their whole storywith their children and they're hesitant because
it's a hard part of the story, or you know, they've kept it

(15:46):
quiet for so long they they're concernedat how their children might react, because
some some people might have heard thatstory carry and not responded, like you
get angry, felt lied to.So to a dad listening right now,
who hasn't you know, opened upor kept something quiet from his children,
but knows that, Hey, youknow what, as they get to adulthold,
they need to hear some of this. What advice or encouragement would you

(16:07):
give to them that you saw inyour dad, you know, as he
explained the story to you. Well, I think giving our children a gospel
foundation. The Gospel is God's expressionof grace and love and mercy to us,
and it is a healing, goodnews, reconciliation, redemption story.

(16:27):
And the Gospel teaches us that theheart of God is to take our mistakes
and redeem them and turn them intogood things. And so that really was
the foundation of me understanding my parents'mistakes, was seeing the good things that
God had written through them and fromthem. In terms of sharing their story,

(16:48):
I would say, pray for wisdom, and pray for the right time
at the right age, but don'tput it off indefinitely, because you don't
want your children to feel deceived ordeliberately hurtfully misled. There is a time
and there is a sense, there'sa context in which to unpack that story

(17:08):
and sharing our honest brokenness with ourkids. But then in the light of
that sharing God's radical grace and lovein the shadow of God's amazing love,
our brokenness that has redeeming qualities,and our stories. I think the relationships

(17:32):
can grow much stronger as those storiesare worked through together as a family.
We're gonna keep this conversation going aboutdad life, but we're gonna take a
quick break. We'll be right.And looking back on your relationship with your

(17:52):
dad, it sounds like you hadsome amazing times, amazing stories, and
hearing the story when you're twenty twoprobably only added levels of intimacy with him.
So is there one story though,that pops out in your mind about
your dad? And then from thatstory, what advice do you you take
from that that you would share withour dads. I would say it's a
quality more than a story, becauseit's a quality that unfolded into hundreds of

(18:17):
stories. And it's this. Mydad never grew up. He was always
a kid. He always loved toplay. And now here's what's interesting.
He had a sales job. Mostof my life. He was traveling weeks
at a time working his sales territory, which at one season of my life

(18:38):
was Georgia and Florida. Another seasonof my life was the Pacific Northwest and
a sales job. You know,Jonathan, the calls never end, you
know, the commissions never end.You're always trying to trying to meet the
next you know, the next bonuscategory or the next level or so.
A sales job can eat you alive. A sales job can be twenty four

(19:00):
to seven if you let it.So maybe this is evolving into two qualities.
The first quality that probably is themost enduring is that when he became
a follower of Jesus, my dadput up boundaries around his work. And
he said, I'm going to protectmy family time and I'm going to protect
my God's worship time. I'm takingmy family to church on Sunday. I'm

(19:22):
i'm gonna follow Jesus, and iam going to spend enough time with my
wife and kids and then work canfind its place. So he put up
fences around those important values, neverlet his work become his idol and eat
us alive. Okay. And andin light of this is a great part

(19:45):
of that story. He became likethe number one salesman in his industry.
He became a legend. And whenI said to him, Dad, how
did that happen? Like what happened. He said, carry, I just
put God first and God did therest. And there's some great stories to
how God provided. It's amazing whatGod will do when we really put him
first. But in protecting that familytime, I would just tell you my

(20:06):
dad just loved to play with us, whether it was tag football, whether
it was skiing on the mountains ofthe West Coast when we became teenagers,
whether it was a theme park,a disney World or a Disneyland, he
just always made a way to playand we had a great time together.
Yeah, I love the boundaries andthe play. You know Dad's You've heard

(20:30):
me talk about it, You've heardother guests talk about it. Setting up
boundaries is such a crucial part offatherhood, putting up the boundaries for your
time, for your family, foryour faith to be able to play.
Because if you don't set up thoseboundaries, the people who are going to
be pushed all the way to thesides are your kids, are your family,
are the things in your life thatyou need to spend time on.

(20:53):
So here I just want to Imean, you brought it up. I
want to hit a little bit moreabout the site of boundaries. How have
you incorporated boundaries in your life becausepodcast speaker author, which we'll get to
later. You know, Dad,grandpa, pastor, hundreds of people,
I mean staff school, so schoolhe runs at Christian school, y'all.
So like, how do you setup boundaries to protect your family time,

(21:17):
your personal faith, time with yourkids when everything else is going on.
Well, that's a that's a greatquestion. Daniel in Babylon drew a line
he said, you can change myname, you can change my language,
you can change my dress, youcan you can change my home, but
you can't take God away from me. I can't eat the King's meat.

(21:38):
So what I would say is itstarts in principle with I'm going to honor
God, and I'm going to trustGod to meet my needs and honor every
every promise he's made to me.Okay. And I can't ignore my wife,
neglect my kids, and ignore worshipingGod and then say that I'm honoring

(22:00):
him, okay. And there sothere's this principle that Daniel unfolded, that
that he was going to honor Godeven if it, even if it many
lost his life. Well. Versenine of Daniel chapter one says, after
Daniel purpose in his heart. Versenine says, now God brought Daniel into
favor with the Prince of the eunuchs. So God, in response to Daniel's

(22:23):
honor, gave Daniel favor. Andso I would say, the first thought
is recognized that the one who gaveyou the job you have, the one
who gives you the ability to work, the one who gives you the capacity
to earn, is God. Andso you honor him. You see him
as your provider. And then youhonor the principles he's put, and you

(22:47):
honor the priorities he's put in yourlife. Now the way I differentiate the
priorities, I'm going to use ametaphor or a little story. Dana and
I were at we were at theboardwalk at Disney World a few years back,
and we were taking a walk.It was evening, beautiful evening,
and there was this entertainer they hadhired there doing a little magic show for
the kids. They were all seatedaround families and kids, and this guy

(23:11):
was doing this routine where he wasspinning plates. So he had ten or
twelve plates on polls that are spinningand what's happening. It's kind of a
comedy routine. One plate on oneend is about to drop while he's spinning
the other end, and the kidsare pointing to the plate that's about to
fall. So he runs back andhe spins the plates and it's this funny
routine that unfolds, and towards theend of the routine, he deliberately lets

(23:36):
one of the plates fall, youknow, and the whole crowd is really
on edge. This plate is aboutto fall, and you're expecting it to
shatter, but when it falls,it bounces, and what you realize is
and the whole audience realizes these platesare plastic, they're not glass. And
he picks it up and he tapsit and he pounds it on his head
and everybody's laughing at him. It'sreally a funny thing. But that illustration,

(24:00):
that moment stuck with me because ithit me that we've all been given
plates to spin in life. We'veall been given multiple hats to wear,
multiple responsibilities to carry. But someof our plates are plastic and some of
them are glass, and we haveto differentiate the glass plates from the plastic

(24:22):
plates. The plastic plates will bounceback, they're easily repaired or restored.
They're they're replaceable. The glass plates. If they fall, they shatter.
We know, it's really hard toput them back together. They're never quite
the same if they shatter. SoI was teaching a group of men this
metaphor a few weeks ago, andone of the men's we then started asking

(24:44):
the question, what are the glassplates in your life? What are the
plastic plates. The first guy thattalks said, well, surely my job
would be a glass plate. AndI said, now, I'm sorry,
but your job is a plastic plate. And he was surprised. I said,
well, I said, if Godis your provider, then your job
is a plastic plate. But ifyour job is your provider, then you're

(25:07):
undoubtedly going to see it as aas a glass plate. But I said,
now, God can give you abetter job. Your job can bounce
back, that's easily replaceable. Yourmarriage, your kids, your core calling
in life, your God. Thoseare glass plates. You've got to keep
those in priorities. So that's forme, It's been a matter of prioritizing

(25:29):
what God gives me to prioritize andthen trust him to bless the rest.
Yeah, that is an amazing analogy. And Dad's what a simple tactical opportunity
for you. Just sit down onenight at your table and two categories,
you know, glass plates plastic plates, and put those down and then take
an honest look and see if we'vegot some things confused and carry it.

(25:52):
I mean, what also jumped tomy mind is putting time next to you.
How much time do I spend onplastic plates versus glass plates? I
mean, where you spend time hasto be an indicator of the priorities of
what you think is glass verus plasticright, yeah, yeah, And it
really boils down to courage, Jonathan, because the plastic plates call and demand
and scream for our attention and priority. The glass plates are usually quieter in

(26:17):
our lives. I read a bookyears ago. I'd recommend you or your
listeners read it Stephen Covey. Firstthings first, it's a book about having
the courage to prioritize the things thatare important in your life, high value
things, and one of the skillshe talked about that has served me well
the last really the last thirty yearsof leading my family. He just encourages

(26:40):
the reader to have a moment everyweek, ten fifteen twenty minutes a week
where you take your glass plates andyou look at them objectively, and you
ask yourself, how did I do? Life rolls is what he's talking about.
How did I do last week?Dad's thanks so much for listening and
parkament. Always remember, be kind, give to others, show of respect,

(27:00):
love your mother. Never forget yourdad is really proud of you.
So early on in the intro youheard that I'm dressed like a monk.
So the hood's going back on onceagain. Can't really tell, but because
you can't see through a podcast,is that right, Nathan, We haven't.

(27:22):
We haven't been able to figure thatout yet. You can't can't visualize
a podcast. But I think it'sactually appropriate, unintentional, but appropriate that
I dressed like a monk today becausethis episode dealt with faith a lot and
Carrie, who's a good friend ofmine. He's a pastor follower of Jesus
Pastorate of Baptist Christian Church, andwe talked a lot about faith and tightest

(27:42):
you design faith for your mom andI is a really big deal. Spirituality
for us is a really big deal. We talk about it a lot,
We pray a lot, we singsongs a lot, and you know,
Dad, maybe you're listening and faithis also really huge for you, And
maybe faith isn't huge for you,but this episode had some amazing takeaways.

(28:06):
I mean, make sure you listen. If you skipped over, go back
and find it. Make sure youlisten to the plastic plates versus glass plates
analogy. It's absolutely brilliant. ButI think one of the things that came
out so clearly for me is howimportant faith is to a person. If
you listen to this podcast, youknow I'm a person of faith. You
know that I'm a big fan ofJesus, absolutely love him. But I'm

(28:27):
also a big fan of people andhearing them from people and learning as much
as I can entitles to design.We are raising you going to church,
you know, we do that,and we raise you with singing songs that
celebrate and worship God. We dothat, and faith and our belief system

(28:48):
is the groundwork for everything we do. And what I loved about Carrie is
that one of the things you heardis that everything he does comes from a
deep sense of belief. This isn'tjust an idea for him, It is
a grounding principle and tities you design. I desire and hope that you believe
like your mom and I, andI hope that you build off that,

(29:11):
and I hope you learn from otherthought leaders and other practices because one of
the things we know is we cancontinue to learn and be well rounded.
So ties design this episode. Thispodcast is about the faith in which your
mom and I are raising you in. And we are grateful for people like

(29:32):
Pastor Cary who wake up every daythinking about this and living it out in
really tangible ways. And Dad's I'mtelling you there are some great takeaways here.
No matter where you fall on yourfaith journey, Parker Man, always
remember this. Your behaviors can neverbe separated from your beliefs, So know
what you believe. Our Dad's Freeby Journey Bramble jamplus dot com is hosted

(30:00):
Jonathan Parker, produced by Brendan Gray. You can find us on social media
by going to act to Our Dad'sDiary clicking that follow button. See you
next week,