Dan Lian

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a Bramble Jam podcast.Just this past week we sat down at
the dinner dining room table and wetold you, hey, we've got to
sell the house. We've got tomake a transition. And thankfully we had
had multiple conversations with you so thatyou weren't shocked by it and Dad's this

(00:25):
is key like talk to your kidsin the middle of decision making processing.
Don't just drop it on them becausetheir life's going to be affected. Hey,

(00:45):
everybody, welcome to another episode ofOur Dad's Diary, Season two.
Nathan, we have yet to becanceled. We want to thank everyone who
has listened and left those reviews.Those means so much to us. If
you haven't done that yet, gohit those five stars, leave us a
root review. Also thanks to RambleJam Studios for having Our Dad's Diary back
for season two. And we're kickingthis off with a birthday. Boy.

(01:07):
Come on, we've got someone's birthday, but his birthdays is today and tomorrow.
Dan ly Anne is in the housefor our first ever offsite. Dan,
thanks for hanging out. Explain toour guests why it is that you're
gonna have two birthdays. One inMelbourne Australia. So technically my birthday is
today, but it is not thetwenty sixth of February until tomorrow in America.

(01:29):
So I get to enjoy forty eighthours of festivity. Forty And now,
what time were you up? Whatwas the first birthday call? I
was? It was? It startedabout two am, at two am last
night, and and it's good tofeel the love all the way through the
evening from my family and and goodfriends. But I'm a little dusty now,

(01:53):
little dusty was the first call?Parents, siblings, friends at friends,
friends. Yeah, so it's ait's a beautiful thing to be loved
and remembered. Just I'm getting tothat age where it's a hiring thing as
well. Well, we'll get alittle bit more about your story, but
we always like kicking it off withthe most important question, and that's who

(02:15):
your dad too? And tell usa little bit about your kids. I
am a dad to Caitlin who isseventeen years of age and Josiah, who
is fifteen. And they're the mosttender hearted, beautiful, spirit filled their
faith heroes of mine. So well, yeah, so a seventeen year old

(02:36):
girl and a fifteen year old boyso both driving, yet neither of them
are driving because I'm one of thosecontrols. In Australia, the culture is
there is you don't drive into theeighteen in Australia. It makes reasonable.
So we moved here a couple ofyears ago, and we could have accelerated
things along, but I just wasn'tmentally prepared yet. But my daughter actually

(02:58):
this Saturday goes for her license,and so, um, that'll be an
evolution in the lean household and sobut it's been fun. It's been fun
trying to teach Caitlin how to drive. I found that all the mistakes that
my father made I am making again. Um, I'm trying to hide myself

(03:19):
up and say be calm, becalm, be calm, but I'm squealing
and reaching for the steering wheel andyelling at her and crying and making a
push that it's it's like deja vu. But um, but she's going to
do great. So I didn't getmy license, so I was eighteen,
almost nineteen. Because when you havea license, people expect things of you

(03:40):
like pick me up ye parents,how to go to the grocery store,
pay for gas, your frugality andyour tightness basically held you back from Yeah,
I just part taking in the privilegeof driving. Yeah, I'll let
the egotistical, you know, otherpeople who want a car at sixteen drive
me around. Yeah. It wasso, when did your kids make the
transition to the States. Well,we all moved here in May twenty seventeen,

(04:02):
twenty seventeen, twenty seventeen. Wasthat a tough adjustment for them?
A massively difficult adjustment? Yeah?I think for me, who I've spent
the best part of two decades travelingfor a living and traveling and speaking and
still you know, prioritizing my homelife, but being on the road and

(04:27):
different cultures was my norm. Forthem to make their first really big move
at fourteen and twelve was really reallybig. And we didn't have middle school
in Australia. We have basically elementaryschool that goes from age five through to
eleven and then at twelve through theeighteen year in high school. And so

(04:50):
Kaitlin had just started high school,Josiah was still in elementary school, but
both of them were taken and droppedinto the middle of middle school, which
is a which is an experience.But and that's the reason why I say
that the faith here is of mine. I mean it because I saw the
two of them this process through andwork through something that was challenging for the

(05:15):
whole family, but especially for justa couple of kids, who would you
know, a really stable friendship circlestein to work out who they are,
you know, just enjoying their context, and to move from Melbourne, Australia,
a city of five point two million, to Anderson, South Carolina,
to a population of less than thatu was a real big challenge for him.

(05:39):
So for a dad listening right now, obviously your transition with your kids
was global. But for a dadlistening right now who has an upcoming transition
or he's got to move his kids, whether because of the pandemic or a
job situation, what advice would yougive to a dad who has to be
a dad during a transition to theirkids. Your connection, your empathy,

(06:04):
your open door, your bent earin their direction has to move into hyperdrive.
And that was something which I thinkin every season in fatherhood that's important,
but in a season of transition,which is difficult for everyone right and

(06:28):
sometimes it's easily overlooked. Because itwas difficult for my wife because she's now
making a new home. It wasdifficult for me because I'm trying to do
a new job. It was easyto overlook the fact that it was profoundly
difficult for them as well. Andit's easy to underestimate it or undervalue it
because hey, they're just at schoolnow and they're going to get back into
their normal rhythm and they'll make afew new buddies and my son will get

(06:49):
back onto the Xbox and everything's goingto be okay. But for both of
them to talk about loneliness, forthem to talk about feeling just displaced.
They hadn't felt rejected for long fora long time because they had like really
established friendship groups. But now thisis the first time in years that they've

(07:13):
gone to make a friend, andthey thought they had a friend, but
maybe they weren't as good a friendas and so to be able to process
through all of that was absolutely imperativein that season. Yeah, you know,
Dad's we talked a lot about beingaccessible to your children. So when
you said, you know, anopen door, you know, Dad,
you should always have an open doorto your kids, like your kids should
never have to be fearful about comingand quote unquote interrupting you, but especially

(07:35):
during transition. We're in a transitionnow too with house and where we're living,
and we've just kept that door,those lines of communication open for our
boys so that they could ask thequestions because it's it's hard on us,
but our brains are developed, right, We've got the emotional que but for
teenagers and children, they're still processingthrough all of that. So that leads

(07:56):
to the next question. So,in addition to being a dad, what
is it that you that you doand as your kids watch you work,
what are you hoping they learn andtake away from watching you work? Yeah?
Well, I am a first andforemost a husband and a dad.
Like all of my social media platforms, that's my bio on my handle,
full time husband and dad, parttime gospel, Ninja Gospel. And I

(08:16):
really mean that, I really domean that. I think I was really
blessed when I came to faith inmy freshman year of college. I entered
into a discipleship relationship with the manwho led me to the Lord, and
he minted some things in my lifepretty early in the piece. And then
you always say to me, likeDan, like on your best day down
the track, you'll only ever beeighty percent sure that you're doing what you're

(08:39):
meant to do, but only yourworst, you know, one or percent
You're meant to be a great husbandand a great dad. And so that's
always kind of been ground zero forme. And then everything has worked from
there, and my work life hasthe threat of the years basically fit around
my family. And I have spentlike I said, twenty years as a

(09:01):
traveling speaker and just teach the Bible, preach the gospel. But yeah,
four years ago, coming up tofour years ago, made the transition to
and as the South Carolina work toserve as a teaching pastor here at New
Spring Church. And you know,the responsibility is to be a part of
the teaching team and teach on weekends, but also add a voice and creativity

(09:24):
to our teaching series. And aswell as that, I still have the
opportunity to do some not as muchtravel, but still a certain amount of
travel throughout the course of the year. So then I mean, as you
as your kids watch you make thetransition there, you know, now you're
in Anderson on the teaching team,but you also do travel. Now that
your kids are a little more observantas you know, middle school high schoolers,

(09:46):
when they look at you, whatare you hoping to model for them?
What example through your work are youhoping they pick up on that life
was meant to be an adventure,That life way too easily falls into a
life sapping rut where you blink youreyes, take a breath, wake up,

(10:07):
look in the mirror, see anold dude who wasted it. And
I spend a lot of time shepherdingand mentoring men who are wrestling with that,
with that soul wrestle man, Iget one life to live. I
don't think I'm living it. I'mmaking money, I'm building things, I'm
acquiring things, I'm even going places. But I just don't think I'm living

(10:31):
it. And that's the reason,and I say selfishly for for Krista and
I throughout an entire marriage, we'vemade it a decision to live life like
an adventure. And that means thereare going to be exciting God things that
we're going to get to do everysingle day. That means that as a

(10:54):
family, the things that we've donethroughout the years in ministering together and traveling
together and doing together and moving heretogether. I always say that My greatest
gift to my children will not bea college education. It will not be
a car in this sixteenth or seventeenthor eighteenth birthday. It will not be

(11:15):
a big inheritance. My gift,the greatest gift to my children will be
an adventurous spirit, believing that thespirit still blows today, and if they're
brave enough to pull up the sail, they'll go somewhere breathtaking. Dad's I
hope you picked up on that.You know, Dan just laid out all
the things that culture and books tellyou is what you should leave for your
kids. Are they got to havethe sweet sixteen birthday, they've got to

(11:37):
have the newest iPhone. But whatyou just said their, Dad's what that
requires of you is time, compassion, energy. Your kids want you more
than any of the stuff you couldever give them. So I love that
idea of an adventure, and Ithink everyone I don't think there is a
dad that doesn't amen it right anddoesn't, like you know, in a
quiet moment, agree with it.But knowing something and then doing anything about

(12:01):
it, that's a whole other deal. What's one tactical step you would give
dads in that regard to say,hey, let's give my kids an adventurous
spirit, Like, what's one thingdads could implement. It sounds silly,
but a part of being adventurous andspontaneous is being very ordered and organized.
And I make it a point everysingle week I have a date night with

(12:24):
my son, I have a dateafternoon with my daughter, as I spend
time with my wife consistently throughout theweek as well. But it is to
take them and to talk about everyaspect of life. And it's wild to
see how my fifteen year old son, who's talling me now, is becoming
a man before my very eyes.And I can't believe the honor I get

(12:48):
to process through the things that Iwish I had someone around to process with
me when I was fifteen years old, and for my daughter as well.
Yeah. Um, and then there'sthe spontaneity. Um. I make it
a point and wherever I go,I travel with somebody and and they know

(13:09):
that the call will be made.Caitlin, sweetheart, I'm taking out of
school early on Friday, and we'regoing to San Francisco together, and Daddy's
teaching on Friday night and Saturday morning, and we're gonna go shopping and and
she'll do the long haul to theWest coast. My son gets taken to
the to the less exotic locations becausehe's a much much easier to please.

(13:31):
And so son, we're going toDelaware together, and we're gonna we're gonna
be sitting in the nicest motel inthis little corner of Dover and day he's
doing a camp and you're gonna sitthere and you're gonna smile. And um.
But I've been very intentional with myscheduling, but also very consistent in

(13:54):
making sure um that. And itsounds silly and it sounds vain, but
I just know that these kids aregoing to be talking about me one day
in a public forum exactly, andI'm like, going, I want them
to say stuff like Dad always tookus on an adventure, right. I
hear stories about, oh, mydad never ever missed a sporting practice and

(14:15):
that kind of stuff. Neither ofmy kids play sport. My son's signed
to run track now, so Ican't. I don't have that test.
So my testimony will be Dad draggedme all over the world and wow,
we sat in many an airport,you know, waiting for delayed flight,
that time together, that time together. Yeah, it's you'll never get time
back, guys, You'll never getanother date. You know. We call

(14:37):
it the mandate mandate. You know, in the Parker household, we take
mandates because it's a mandate it.You know, dads, we have to
do that. So we're gonna comeback to you in your dad life.
But let's circle back a little bitto your past. So thinking back now
and your relationship with your dad,how would you describe your relationship when you
were a kid with your dad Andwhat's one of your favorite stories or lessons
you've learned from your dad. Myfather, who is my pre eminent hero

(15:03):
in my life. He was bornand raised in Malaysia and he never had
a dad himself, and well,he had a dad, but he discovered
at a young age that his fatheralso had two other families at the same
time. And my father's family wasthe first family to be left. So

(15:24):
my father was raised with four brothersone sister, but my father being the
second oldest, basically he and hisolder brother had to become dads I think
at fourteen and sixteen, so basicallyhad to go to work and support my
grandmother. My father's mother and thefamily. And because of that, he
became incredibly hard working at a youngage, incredibly resilient, like just a

(15:50):
tough little dude, like five threebald headed Chinese accountant, you got to
picture it. But he was resilientand and just worked hard. And as
a young immigrant in Australia, that'smy only memory of my dad just working
and working to provide for his family, because that's all he knew. Because

(16:12):
of that, obviously our time togetherwas was relatively limited. The one thing
we connected on was sport. Myfather was a national level table tennis player,
a ping pong player, so cool, yeah, And so from a
young age I played ping pong andI went to a private boys' school throughout
my high school years and there wasa table tennis team. And so when

(16:33):
I was in the seventh grade,obviously playing with my dad all these years
and all these kids who kind oflike just socially slapped the ball around,
I'm I've been playing with a guywho was a champion in Malaysia. And
so in the seventh grade, Ibasically went to a senior team. So
I played some I'm twelve years oldplaying against like seventeen and eighteen year olds,
and my dad was so proud.And that was probably about the only

(16:56):
real season of connection with my father, probably at the three or four year
window I can really recall, untilI was about thirty. Wow. And
so he's a good man and tothe best of his and I think a
lot of people listening to this nowhave the same kind of experience, guys
who just didn't know any better.This is all I got taught from my
dad. Just work hard, keepyour mouth shut, build a big house,

(17:18):
give your mother things, and you'vedone a great job as a dad.
And that's what that's that's the playthat my father ran. And so
because of that, never really connectedon an emotional level with my dad,
especially through my you know, myteenage and early twenty years. But in

(17:41):
having my own children, like youknow, my late twenties, early thirties,
our relationship changed. And but thatdefinitely was my experience of being fathered
when I was younger. So whendid your dad move from Malaysia to Australia?
Were you alive? My father moved. He migrated to Australia to study
economics in nineteen seventy four, andhe had to be in nineteen seventy six,

(18:03):
so he um, um, youknow, took advantage of the free
education being offered by the Australian governmentat that stage and came and studied and
then started a business and h andthen had me somewhere in that process.
So, I mean you mentioned thisabout your dad and now it's even part
of your story. So being animmigrant to Australia, if your dad and
now you living over here in theStates, how how did that affect the

(18:26):
parenting? Because I mean there's probablycultural norms in Malaysia and then moving to
Australia, how did that and thencultural norms for being a dad with kids
being here over in the States,how how did that impact your dad life
and your relationship with your father?Yeah? Well my and again like um,
my father is off the scale withintegrity off the scale when it comes
to um effort. But you reallydon't know what you don't know and if

(18:52):
your entire life both you know implicitlyand explicitly explain to you that far in
Asia culture, a father is silent, a father is honored, A father
works hard. A father, ifhe is successful, makes lots of money
so the family can never do without, and my father never really having that

(19:15):
in his own dad, but knowingculturally that was what was expected. That's
what he pushed his whole life into. But then I'm being raised in Australia.
So I'm born and raised in Australia, and it's a little bit of
a different culture there. And I'vegot myself a blondhead, blue wife,
wife who expects something different from adad. And so I'm starting to live

(19:36):
my life differently, and I'm startinga father differently. And my dad saw
me interact with Caitlyn and Josiah whenthey were young, and I could see
the wheels turning in my dad's head. And there was many a golf round
where I'd be walking around this littlegolf course that sat between the two of
our houses, and we'd have theseconversations and my dad would, to the

(20:00):
best of his ability. Still tothis day, he's never said sorry to
Still to this day, I'm fortyfive today, he has never said I
love you. Never, but tothe best of his absolute ability, with
every ounce and fiber of his strength, he's trying to explain, Son,
I just I just didn't know,right, And I'm you know, I

(20:22):
love the way that you do thingswith Josiah and Caitlin, and they're incredible
and you can see, but thosewords have never come off his tongue,
right, And I find it verynatural. Um. I was, like
I said, discipled and mentored byby very um different kinds of dads.
And so that kind of came intomy In fact, I say to my
son all the time, Son,as soon as he gets weird that that

(20:45):
I'm telling you I love you allthe time, and You've got to tell
me like I don't you know,I want you to feel loved, but
I want you to be the likeyou know that that freaky kid and um
and and so I have kind oflike shot in the other direction, right.
Um. But my dad has definitelygrown past his cultural limitation, right.

(21:08):
Uh. You know, are theygonna make a heartwarming sitcom about him
anytime soon about a transformed older dad. No, but but he has moved,
um, like just miles from wherehe was when I was growing up.
So we've had, I would say, several dads on who have never
heard I Love you from their dad. And one of the things I always

(21:30):
asked to guess at that point ishow what advice would you give to a
dad listening who says I don't getemotional connection with my dad and my dad
hasn't says he loves me where it'sbeen decades hot, What counsel would you
give them? Us say to themokay, And it's and it's the most
There isn't a thing that you willUm, there's nothing harder to say.

(21:55):
Then I love you to a manwho you know loves you. But those
words have never formed in their mouthand been expressed in your direction. And
um, and it and it startswith and I worked. I had to
basically like kind of go from likeum, cool water and move more and

(22:15):
more into the freezing cold. Itwas more like kind of love you,
like a very strong ya, youknow. And and then if my mother
is in the in the FaceTime calllove you guys. It kind of like
just gets you there to the pointwhere now like I love your bups before

(22:36):
before I say goodbye, and uhand he'll and he'll still do this yeah
yeah, and but every little yep, I'm telling you, I'm hearing um.
You know, a seventy year oldguy who has so many father wounds
of his own, um, umtry his best to express I'm proud.

(23:00):
I'm proud of you. You've donea great job son. Right, So
we're gonna keep this conversation going aboutdad life, but we're gonna take a
quick break. We'll be right back. You know, Dad, if you're
listening right now and you have arelationship with your father similar to what Dan
just pointed out, I think whatDan's doing is he's taking the first step

(23:22):
towards his dad. Yeah, he'snot waiting for his dad to say what
Dan is trying to model for himto see with his kids. So maybe
you're waiting for your dad who didn'tknow what he didn't know. Right.
Sometimes we say, oh my dadwas arrogant, where it was more ignorance.
Right, he just in this culture, this is what he did.
So Dad's if you're listening to thisright now, and you have the opportunity
to take a step and tell yourdad you love him, you care for

(23:44):
him, tell me your story.I want to learn more about you.
You have the power to make thatstep. Don't wait for him. Go
call your dad, Text your dad, take him out for coffee, listen
and tell him you love him andlet him hear, let him hear your
heart Before you demand his heart foryou. So let's let's just drop back
now to your dad life. Whathas been the biggest challenges for you as

(24:06):
a dad? Um. The biggestchallenge is I've seen so many times in
my pastoring and my um my shepherdinglife of um. You know, men
always either being a replica, areplica of, or a reaction to their
dad. And I have I've beenreally deliberate in trying to not repeat the

(24:33):
things that I know robbed me ofconfidence, um, you know, shattered
my sense of self worth. UM. But I find some of that creeping
into my game, just just instinctivelyand intuitively. And so probably one of
the greatest challenges of being a dadis, um, knowing that I speak

(24:55):
for a living and my words cutum. And I know that words cut
me um, UM, my fatherand my mother you know in many ways
just hey, they didn't mean anythingby it, but WHOA that one cut
deep? And to be so guardedwith my words when I'm feeling frustration because

(25:17):
they just come out so quick andUM. So that's that that that's been
a that's been a genuine challenge,UM. And then trying to work out
how you know, my son andmy daughter are hardwired. They really are
just there. And my daughter justhear things and feels things very differently than
my son. Right, And tobe present and to become an expert communicator

(25:44):
to both of them in their ownway has been a challenge. Can you
talk a little bit about how youcan't parent the same way to all the
kids because they are different? Oh? Yeah, and I think any um,
I think any parent who pays attentionknows that. And I'm not trying
to throw shade, but um,if if you feel like there is some
kind of um, you know,framework or set of rules that everyone's going

(26:07):
to live by, and you know, Chip and Joanna Gains put it in
a cool little you know, weatherboardthing that we hang on the living these
are the seven laws of this family. And yeah, it's it's it's nice
for HGTV. But in real life, UM, you got to work out
that my daughter is incredibly sensitive,incredibly artistic. Um, she is incredibly

(26:34):
private, um, and in manyways she's she's much more like me,
um, growing up just keeping toherself and being in her own head and
then me just you know, pryingand prying and prying isn't love and me
being ready when she wants to talkabout something that's love. My son is

(26:57):
different. My son is flipped andhe is in he's sensitive as well,
but incredibly affectionate and he's and heloves time like he like. We have
an open field across the road fromwhere I live, and he loves nothing

(27:18):
more than just to stand in thatfield and we'll just throw a ball.
We're trying to learn how to throwan American football because we're embracing all things
American and the gleeful noises this fifteenyear old kid still makes because he knows,
because I know that's that's what justtickles his soul. Um. But
but but it's within the grass ofany dad to stop and to just to

(27:41):
reflect on the unique creature that Godmade that's your child, and how best
can you communicate love, affection andvalue to them? Yeah, And you
know that different to parenting styles isseeing not in just actions, but also
in the words. As you said, I mean, how I talk to
Judah is much different than how Italk to Design because of how they're made,

(28:04):
because of how they process my words. You know, Titus is one
way. I mean, so Dad'sI know it takes work. But it's
the best job you have to bea dad. Yeah, So if you're
gonna give yourself to your work,do this one. Do the hard work
here to make sure that you're you'reraising your kids, molding your kids,
being an example to your kids ina way that will connect most with them.

(28:26):
So then okay, So if that'sthe challenge, what are some of
the biggest wins you've had as adad? Sometimes dad have a hard time
talking about what they did, right, But what are some big wins that
you've had as a dad? Ithink full my son, it's not it's

(28:47):
not if it's when we as men, I'm gonna come across material on the
internet that really isn't great for yoursoul, right, And when you have
a fifteen year old son who willbreak down in tears after church and want
to talk to you about it.No one's getting busted, no one's getting

(29:10):
caught, No one's like leaving apage open by accident. It's literally,
the Holy Spirit is talking to myheart and and I need to talk to
my dad, and and you're goingand it's not and it's not me.
I was like, I'm grateful forother father who somehow created such a tender

(29:33):
boy whom a lot of kids inhis situation would just double down, hide
and go through that life sapping cycleof fall, feel bad, numb yourself,
wait till you feel okay again,do it again. And it's just

(29:55):
a it's a spiral. And forhim to say, hey, dad,
um, this is what I didand this is how I feel right now,
and then to be able to talkto him right, Um. You
know since then that's been something whichit's got nothing to do with me,
but really it is. It's like, you know, I'll take credit for

(30:18):
the fact that you know consistently andyou know, this is the stuff that
as someone who has college age youngmen in my small group and we talk
about openly with it, and he'sbeen around these kinds of conversations as I've
encouraged guys to, um, tolive free. And freedom isn't doing whatever
you want to do. Freedom isunderstanding the paths of life and knowing that

(30:40):
the spirit empowers you to walk them. And and so it definitely Josies picked
that up. Um, but thatwas a pretty cool, you know dad
moment. And and for my daughter, Um, we do twenty one days
of prayer as a church every yearand Caitlyn I did twenty one days together.
That's just a two. My mywife wasn't getting out of bed.
She so I'm going to pray inthe bed and my son is like out,

(31:04):
but me and my daughter for twentyone days. We we did that.
We did the pray together, andthe drive to and from church.
Those nine minutes two and back weresome of the richest and most beautiful minutes.
As I saw a young lady whohas seen a dad prey and seen

(31:26):
a mom prey and and she's pickedit up. Yeah, Wow, that's
that's beautiful. And you know,for our listeners you've noticed, you know,
as we started season two, westarted to ask some different questions.
And it's because you know, afterdoing twenty four of these interviews, you
know, people would say, oh, I want to hear Dad talk about
this. I want to hear Dadtalk about this. And one of the
biggest ones for Dad's was, youknow, our wins. We don't talk

(31:48):
about what we do well. Imean, some of that is neurological.
So we have sixty thousand thoughts thatrun through our head every day. Two
thirds of them forty thousand of themare negative or false. So we have
to emphasize that of their twenty thousandthoughts in order to maintain some level positivity.
And this is really where this nextquestion comes from. What is it
about you you're wiring and how you'vemade decisions that you believe makes you a

(32:12):
good dad? And I think thisis important for dads to identifying themselves,
well, this is what I'm reallygood That question again, but but I
absolutely believe it. Giving glory toGod for the good things He's done in
our life is a massive part ofour spiritual formation, right. And it's
not pride, it's not arrogance,it's not basically being pompous. Is just
celebrating God's activity inside of you.And that's the most God glorifying thing you

(32:36):
can do. So recognizing that,you know what, I take a few
licks, but you know, atthe end of the day, I've got
a couple of dubs you. Secondly, as men, we have to learn
how to look each other in theeye and say you are doing an incredible
job, right. And I sawthe way that you hugged your daughter.
I see the way you speak toyour son. I saw you guys sitting

(32:59):
together on Sunday morning and you worshipedas your son watched you. Yeah,
And I think men need to hearfrom other men more because God knows work
isn't doing worker isn't doing it forumscorrect. God knows that media isn't a
doing forum. And unfortunately sometimes withinour marriages they're not hearing it there,

(33:20):
right, And I think, um, just letting men know that you're listening
to this. You're asking questions abouthow to do this most pivotal job better.
You're giving it a try. You'remessing up every now and then,
but you're getting up. Doesn't itYou are killing it right because you're making
that effort. So shoo with thatquestion against So what do you What do

(33:42):
you think makes you a good dad? I mean you've talked about the consistency
and making time because there some decisionyou've made or something internal about you that
you're like, Man, this isthis is really where I shine as a
dad. Honestly. It's it's thefact that I if you ask me who
I am in my very core,inject me with some truth, serum,

(34:07):
get me to drink half a beer, which basically gets me to spinning the
truth. All Right, I'll tellyou this, in the last fifteen years
of my life, the Holy Spirithas convinced me that first and foremost I'm
a love child of God and onlyjust a love child. I'm like one
of his favorites. Yeah, Godloves you. God loves me, but
I'm like one of his favorites.He loves you too, but he likes

(34:28):
me then more than you. Ireally believe in my head like for some
reason God has just some special affectionfor this Chinese guy with big arms,
Like in my head, I justknow that deep in my heart. Right.
Secondly, I absolutely know that thatone day I'll stand before Jesus and

(34:49):
he does, and he won't askabout how many times I preach, how
many people raise their hands, howmany books? All who ask First and
foremost is how'd you go with mydaughter? I trust stood to you as
your wife, so my love forKrista, and honestly, just behind that,
how did you raise those kids madein God's image and give them their

(35:14):
best opportunity to follow Jesus as well? And so honestly what makes me a
good dad is I can God onus truth tell you that that work,
that things, that money, status, fame, all of those things are
inconsequential compared to what I know I'mgoing to give account for one day,

(35:37):
and we think that we don't thinkwe will because we think that God is
like us. See, we compartmentalizethings. We have this. Human beings
have an ability to say, youknow what I'm smoking in this, I'm
killing this. I'm like, lookhow much money I made this year,
and how much business I've grown,and how many franchises I've expanded that.
And we think that we've done sowell in this life that we can in

(36:00):
other areas of our life and somehowit's all kind of evened out and we're
gonna, you know, get throughwith a four point zero um. But
God can't compartmentalize because he's God.See, he's omnipresent and omniscient, or
in other words, he can't helpbut know everything at the same time.
So when he looks at my lifehere, he looks at my ministry,

(36:20):
yeah, he looks at my preaching, yeah, he looks at my influence.
But equally he looks at me asa husband and a dad, right,
And I know that so deep withinmy core, I live every day
with that awareness that UM, beforeI'll excel anything. I'll excel it being
a husband and a dad. We'regonna keep this conversation going about dad life,

(36:45):
but we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right. What is
your favorite part about being a dad? My favorite part of being a dad?
Um, I love the responsibility.Good. I love the responsibility.

(37:13):
Um. That's been a portion tome by God. UM to shape people
who who God has so much loveand value for. And I'm just weird
that way. I just there aresome people who get weighted down by responsibility.
I kind of it might be justmy Asian upbringing. I kind of

(37:36):
see it as a badge of honorthat you would trust me with this,
and UM, and I do,I just do. I love it.
I love I love the fact that, Um, we're gonna have an opportunity.
We always do a family birthday.I always have like a big birthday
and have people, you know,our friends and family and um, you
know, people around to hang outand celebrate. But Mum, we have

(38:00):
always made it a point that justthe four of us, we'll go somewhere
and eat where we want to eat, and we will tell stories and we
will laugh, and we'll videotape itand um, and that is the best
part you know of being a dad'sAnd you've touched on this also. What

(38:21):
has been the biggest lesson your kidshave taught you? Um? Um,
both of them have taught me genuineresilience. That's good. Um, it
was really hard to move here.Um. You come from um a country
that Australia is Like Australia was basicallya penal colony. Like people who stole

(38:45):
bread in England, filled up thejails, put on one boat, send
them to Australia to basically an islandsurrounded by beach. You know what I'm
saying with with with fruit right,and it is the most chilled and laid
back environment and and we love that, that rhythm of life. And now
you're moved to the opposite, theopposite, and it's just not chill.

(39:09):
It's not chill. It's not chilllike vacation. Here is driving ten hours
down the road to Disney World,where you will walk forty seven thousand steps
a day to ride adventure rides.For that's it. That's that's there's nothing
chill, no chill. And you'reworth a bunch of unchilled people too.

(39:29):
Yeah, And so it's been it'sbeen such a culture shock. But to
see the two of them individually,imagine this. Imagine you're fourteen years old
and you're being torn away from peopleyou finally feel your friends and now you
have no friends and you sound weird. Just imagine you're really you're a really
smart girl. You're fourteen years old, you've only been the top of the

(39:52):
class. You've never been told off, and you get told off on your
first day of school because you're beingasked by a teacher that the whole class
is doing orientation. Put your handup if you're from another state, and
you and you put your hand up, and then you get asked what state
you're from, the state of Victoria, and you're being told it's not a
state. And then she's going,here's to state. I'm from Australia and

(40:12):
she goes, no, no,no, it's a state, a state.
And my daughter is basically being laughedat now by a class because a
teacher can't work out there are statesthat exist outside of America. And then
you have the picture coming home andshe's in tears because she's never been told
off in her life. Let melaughed at for being dumb and you brought
her here, and I brought herhere, and to see her that night

(40:37):
carry that around and then talk throughthat with her and see her come to
a resolution that if Jesus brought ushere, I'll be okay. And to
see that with my own eyes andto be a part of those conversations have
taught me. Then why are youafraid of, you know, an angry

(41:00):
email of someone who feels like itthis way? You're that way, right?
Why why do you get so knockedback with you know, an individual
who doesn't get your heart and doesn'treally know your character. Right, If
a fourteen year old girl, youryour daughter can handle it, Dan,
you better you know, you know, sip a little bit of concrete and
hot enough because your girl is showingyou how to be resilient. Ye,

(41:23):
dads, I think we forget howresilient our kids are. They have to
go with every decision we make,right, they could argue with us or
celebrate us, but they are resilientto do all that. What a beautiful
story about how your daughters overcome that. Well, Dan, we've come to
the end of our dad's diary,but there's always one question. We asked

(41:43):
So I started this to leave diaryentries for my kids so that at the
end of my life they could lookback and they could have hopefully hundreds,
if not thousands, of diary entriesfrom from their dad. But also we
want to give dads an opportunity toleave a diary entry for their kids.
So now you're not talking to listeners, you're not talking to me. This
was your last entry for your kids, the last thing your kids would ever
hear you here or here you sayor write in a diary. Talk to

(42:07):
your kids right now and leave thema diary entry from you their dad.
Sweet girl, buddy boy, Ihope that in all of your days you'll
never experience the kind of love thatyour father here on earth has for you,
except for your father in heaven.That's awesome. You got a great

(42:29):
dad. Thanks so much for takingthe time, Dan. I think you
are one of the most dynamic andinspiring speakers I've ever heard, so having
your on the podcast is a greathonor for me. Where can dads and
moms who are listening, Where candad's find some of your content? Listen
to you speak anywhere online? Justnew Spring dot CC. My stuff is
on there. As well YouTube DAN L I A N. You can

(42:50):
see a bunch of sermons there andall that kind of stuff. But man,
it's been a place of talking toyou, It really has. This
has been blast, you know,Parker Man, I get to bring you
here to this church on a basisand Dan is one of the people who
teach you and teach your mom anddad. And it's men like this,
it's dad's like this who are suchan amazing example. So Parker Man,
always remember, be kind, giveto others, show respect, love your

(43:13):
mother, never forget your dad isreally proud of them, you know,
Parker Man, after listening to thisepisode and dads and moms who are listening,
you'll totally get this transition is oneof the hardest. I would say
it's one of the most hardest ormaybe most difficult parts of life. And

(43:34):
not just in living life. Imean, we all know we've been to
an award show, or we've beento a fundraiser, or we've been to
dinner, and the transition between onething to another huge train wreck. And
transitions are really important and how youhandle transitions are weekually important. And you
heard Dan talk about a massive transitiona transition from one country to another country.

(43:55):
You heard of a transition for hiskids from one style of schooling and
one style of friendships to a totallydifferent style of schooling and style of friendships
and style of living. I thoughthis part about we went from some place
that their motto was chill to aplace where our motto is like anti chill,
be more hustling. And this ideaof transition. You heard how Dan

(44:17):
and his wife helped to make thattransition. And right now the Parker family's
in a massive transition. You've heardme talk about Jessica's allergy reaction to our
house, and we've been out ofour house for what will be six months
soon, and it got to theplace where we just had to sell the
house. The amount of money wewould put into potentially hoping to solve the

(44:40):
problem, one we just don't haveand two just wouldn't be financially wise.
And Parkerman just this past week wesat down at the dining room table and
we told you, hey, we'vegot to sell the house. We've got
to make a transition. And thankfullywe had had multiple conversations with you so
that you weren't shocked by it,and dads. This is key, Like

(45:04):
talk to your kids in the middleof decision making processing. Don't just drop
it on them because their life's goingto be affected. Talk with them,
bring them in the process. Andyou know, Zion, you were super
cute. After a bunch of peopleasked or after a bunch of you ask
questions, Zion, you looked atme and you said, well, dadd
I gotta tell you one thing.It's okay, Bud, what's that?
He said, Well, just makesure next time you don't buy a house
that makes mama sick. I psyche. Yeah, Bud, that's like that's

(45:28):
like priority one right there. ButI appreciate the encouragement. And that's the
thing. We're in a time oftransition. But how we parent you through
transition is totally on us. Everything'suncertain where we're gonna live, what type
of house we're gonna have, whatwe're gonna do in them too, It
all that's uncertain. But what iscertain, what can be certain is how
I'm a dad to you during themiddle of transition. And I haven't done

(45:51):
it right the whole time, butI do think I've done it well.
And I don't know what's on theother side of this transition. But I
know that during this transition it's goingto be adventure. We call him our
adventure home. I thought that wasso cool that Dan brought that up,
that he wanted adventure spirit. We'retalking about the adventure we're on and the
adventure homes that we're going to bein. I hope you feel like it's
an adventure. I hope you don'tfeel like we frustrated you. But I

(46:14):
want you to know we're in themiddle of a transition. And dad's if
you're in the middle of a transitionright now, will not encourage you enough
to bring your kids and the conversationand helping them you can on social media
by going to whatever this transition is, getting diary, clicking that follow up.
Dads, no matter where you findyourself right now a transition, you're

(46:34):
either in a transition or at somepoint you're gonna have to make a transition.
And how you parent, how youare a dad to your kids during
that transition will either make that transitionan adventure or a nightmare. And that
is totally up to you.