Hykeng Paul

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a Bramble Jam podcast.Our kids want time with us. And
I think about this almost every daybecause I have to see my toe every
day. Like in eighteen years,I'm gonna have plenty of time, Not
even eighteen years. He's seven andeleven years, twelve years, I'm gonna

(00:23):
have plenty of time to sit drinkglass of wine in front of a fireplace.
I'm not gonna have the opportunity playping pong with my kid. Hey,
dads, welcome to another episode ofOur Dad's Diary. I'm your bald,

(00:46):
bearded and beautiful host Jonathan Parker.And if you're not enjoying the weather,
you're doing it wrong. The top'sbeen down on the jeep for ten
days, my hair not blowing inthe wind. But you need to be
outside. If you haven't taken yourkids outside to play yet, do it
right now, just like hit pause, Go find your kids and bring them
outside and let them play. Talkingabout another bald, bearded and beautiful man,

(01:11):
Hi King is in the house.Yeah, man, grateful to be
here, my friend. So wegot to we've met each other about two
years ago. Now, Ye downand Clemson. That's right, that's right,
man, it's a good time.So now we'll talk a little bit
more about you here in a minute. But thanks for being on the podcast.
Thank you for having But hi King, let's talk about the most important
question. Yes, sir, whoare you a dad too? And tell
us a little bit about your kids. Yeah, man, I'm a dad
to Prince and Ava. So Princesmy four year old son, and Ava

(01:37):
as my three year old daughter.So I need a lot of prayers and
encouragement. They're fifteen months apart andhonestly best friends. So man, I'm
so so blessed and so thankful tohave them as my kids. Yeah,
what's their personalities like? Princes andEva's man, Prince is very shy and
reserved and Ava is very outgoing,so was more like myself and Prince is

(02:00):
very much like his mom. Soit's awesome, man, to see the
differences and similarities between my wife andI in and three our kids. And
I know you've heard that multiple timesand you experience it with your own kids.
Yeah, man, it's awesome.Yeah, And I mean that fifteen
months apart. That's Titus and JudahI think are like eighteen months apart.

(02:22):
But Judah and Zion or fifteen monthsapart. So, I mean they're they've
never known life apart from each other, right, And yeah, it's chaos
and crazy those first two years.But they are thick as thieves and they
steal now too. I don't knowif they're at that age yet where Prince,
and they're gonna start stealing from you? But yeah, man, don't
don't wish it on me. Yeah, yeah, anyway, it's common though

(02:45):
it's coming. I mean, sohaving kids that close together, ye is
amazing. I want to so,Prince, that is a real unique name.
How did you decide on the namePrince for your son? Yeah?
Man, so my name is Hiking, which everyone heard on the podcast.
Most people spell it wrong in thesense of thinking that it's h A k
e E. M Okay, it'sh y k e n g right.

(03:07):
And of course with that, likeculturally, black people just name their kids
like so different, you know,um, and we have to laugh at
that. I think most people arelike want to ask the question, but
they don't know why. But historicallyit was the one piece of freedom that
black people did have in America toname their kids. And so with that,
my parents just decided to name mehiking. It's very unique. And

(03:30):
so with Prince, I didn't wantto name him Hiking Junior. I just
named him Prince. Not that Ithink that I'm a king, but culturally
it's just like a fun thing.So yeah, but I do want him
to know the king of kings inJesus of course, and so um,
yeah, we just decided to namehim Prince's awesome. Names are so important
and I know you'll tell your sonthat story right one day, right,

(03:53):
but I love and it didn't evendawnam me like, oh, rather than
Junior, right, Prince, AndI think that's awesome. Yeah, man,
thank you, And Eva, yourname is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous.
Okay, so let's talk to youa little bit about use our audience and
our dads can hear a little aboutyou. So, in addition to being
a dad, which obviously is fulltime job on our brain all the time,
what is it that you do andin your doing, what do you

(04:15):
want your kids to see in you? Yeah? Man, So I work
at New Spring Church and I'm theUnity director here, so essentially like a
diversity and inclusion role within the church, and so we desire to be a
multi ethnic church. We can youknow Martin Luther King said the most segregated
time of Sunday at eleven fifteen ison Sunday in the church. And so

(04:40):
you have your black church, yourwhite church, etc. But we want
to be a multi ethnic church.And so with that, being the Unity
Director here, I get to helpdrive a lot of the decisions for our
church and becoming more multi ethnic.And so with that, man, I
just want to see God's Kingdom onEarth through his local church. And so
when it comes to my kids,I want for them to know that Jesus

(05:03):
is for everyone racially different socio economicclass, but know that God is for
all people and not just some.And so with that, that's what I
want from my kids to know beforeand to experience in our home along with
the church. Yeah, so whatwould you say to a dad who's listening
right now? I mean, soyou said you're the unity director here right

(05:24):
your jobs to bring all different typesof people to a church, to the
conversation, to a table. Whatwould you say to a dad, whether
they're white, Hispanic, Asian,African, American, black, what do
you say to a dad about helpingexpose their kids? Yeah, to people
who don't look like them, whetheror not they go to church, you
know, but in their community,what advice would you give them, say,

(05:45):
hey, here's a good way tostart talking with them, here's a
good way to start interacting. Like, what's some advice you'd give to some
dads? Yeah, man, Iwould just encourage people of what do your
friendships look like? You know?I know oftentimes if we don't have a
friendship with someone who doesn't look likeus scifically tied to race in class,
then that's an opportunity for us.I see it as an opportunity that we

(06:05):
can change that because as we dothat, then our kids will see it
and then they'll take that in ofcourse, we know, like when you
have a dad, there are thingsthat you you take from your dad that
you didn't want to take from yourdad, whether you want it to or
not, right, So there arepositives and negatives to being a dad,
but also a child. So like, for instance, there are things that

(06:28):
my dad did that I hated,and I catch myself doing that now.
So back to your question, Ithink that's why it's important for us to
pursue friendships. So, like,what are what the people who come into
your home what do they look like? Do they look just like you?
Do they vote just like you?And yeah, and if if they do,
then that's where you have an opportunityto change that. So that's what

(06:50):
my wife and I try to modelreally well in our home and hopefully that
our kids experienced that same thing asthey grow older. Yeah, you know,
dads, that's so key. Ifyou want your kids to experience something
different than you, you have tostart experiencing something different yourself. So it
can't just be that you send yourkids to go hang out with people that
don't look like them. They needto see you hanging, talking, learning,

(07:12):
serving, just enjoying life with peoplewho don't look like you. I
mean with my boys. I mean, I don't know if this is correct,
but they just see young kids,whether they're whatever color they are,
They just see young kids who goplay with and I love that about them.
But they have to see that fosteredat the home too, not just
at the playground. Ye and Ilove when they invite people over. And

(07:34):
we've got all different types of friendsin our lives and you know, Dad's
it might make you uncomfortable, right, but what is what might make you
uncomfortable? Your kids are already verycomfortable with You'll make it uncomfortable for your
kids if you know, ten yearsdown the road, that's not part of
their life. So allow your kidsto lead you in this way, right,
Let them invite friends over, letthem engage with you on that.

(07:56):
I think it's awesome. And youknow obviously you've you know listeners, you've
heard go to New Spring. SoI'm super thankful for the role that you
play here. Thank you man,and what you're doing for this church,
that church, it's really amazing.Thank you so much. Man. All
Right, so let's go back intime. You want to go back in
time a little bit, I guess. So we don't have a we don't
have a back to the future car. Yeah, but we'll just use our
minds, hop in and go backto the future. Now, looking back

(08:18):
on your relationship with your dad,how would you describe your relationship with your
dad when you work? Yeah,honestly, man, I mean I'm a
transparent guy. You know that Iwas very afraid of my dad. My
dad was and is a karate instructor. He also looks like a bodybuilder,
and so my dad's also a perfectionistlike myself. Like, I know a

(08:41):
lot of people are into the indeagram, but I'm an Indeagram type one.
I think that's what my dad isas well. I don't know that for
sure, but in teaching karate,he was very strict and always about discipline,
which is a good thing. Butwhat he lacked a lot of was
showing how much he loved me throughhis affection for me, and more so

(09:03):
with his words as well. Sobecause he was so disciplinary, because his
dad was the same way, heput that in me. But it caused
a lot of fear, and soI didn't feel like I could approach my
dad specifically with things that I struggledwith. But as I grew older,
of course I started to understand alot more. Wow. So having a
dad as a karate teacher that alot of that discipline. Right. How

(09:28):
did you I mean you said itwas difficult to approach him, right,
So how did you approach him?How did you connect with your dad?
Did you do karid to yourself?I mean, how did that connection go?
Because I think a lot of dads, I mean, we've heard the
stories. Right, my dad wasa strong disciplinarian and I had a hard
time connecting with them, right,But you you had to connect with him
on some regard, right, Sowhat were the ways that you did that?
Honestly, a lot of my connectionwith my dad was doing the things

(09:50):
that he wanted me to do.Okay, And so of course I took
karate as well, which eventually Istarted to teach karate through that. But
it was a lot of it wasdoing the things that I felt like he
wanted me to do. And inreality, I don't think he felt the
freedom at the time to say,hey, you don't have to do this,

(10:11):
because it was it's what he experienced. And again he didn't understand biblically
that he could release something different throughthe spirit of God versus doing the same
things that he experienced. Does thatmake sense? And so now that that
same opportunity I have, I've learnedthrough scripture and biblically and being disciples that
I can change that in a way. So what kind of karate did your

(10:31):
dad teach? Yep? And whatbelt did you get? Yeah? Yeah,
yeah, So my dad teaches krectI said k He teaches Isshan route,
a style out of Japan and Americanfreestyle. So we do a lot
of point fighting sparring. Um didn'tdo any jiu jitsu. I wish I
would have, because that's the mostcommon question that I get. I got

(10:52):
my black belt at the age ofseven. Wow. So as crazy as
that is, back in the day, way back in the day, I
was the youngest in South Carolina.Wow. So it was a pretty cool
achievement. And of course I mademy dad proud and I was super excited
about it. But I felt likeI had to continue to do more to
make them proud, and that's whereit was like pretty bad. Yeah.

(11:13):
So yeah, you know, somy boys take karate now. Nice,
So they're doing they're at upstate karateya kempo ye and they love it.
That's awesome and it I mean,I didn't grow up with ki. I
grew up with a ball in myhand right like so or at my feet.
There was always a ball involved rightin my upbringing. But it is
it's fascinating to watch how the principlesthat my kids are learning karate play into

(11:37):
their everyday life. Right, notthat the basketball or soccer didn't, right,
but you had to work a littleharder yep. So I've actually found
tremendous like benefit from having kids inthe meal, if you don't mind me
asking, like, what's one ofthe things that you've seen your kids take
on in life due to karate?So when oh man, I'm gonna mess

(11:58):
this up. But so there's threethings that they do, like so ready,
when someone says ready, they sayself control, sir, attention,
respect, sir, bow, courtesysir. So it's self control, respect,
and courtesy. So we hear themsay that, and they they respect
their their instructors. Right, Sowe'll use that at the house like,

(12:22):
hey, was that courteous? Isthat self self control? And they're starting
to connect, so good to youthere, right. And one of the
stories I shared on the podcast inseason one was Titus was at the beach
last summer and a kid hit himlike in the chest and it was like

(12:43):
out of anger. It was alsoout of frustration because Titus was just better
at running in the sand, right, because Titus's legs are like forever long,
you know, So you know,Jessica goes up there and it's like,
is everything okay? And Titus wasyeah, And the kid you know,
went to his mom because his momsaw and Titis came over. I
said, Titis, are you Okay, I said, yeah. I said,

(13:03):
why didn't you hit him back?He said, I knew I could,
but I didn't have to, right, I mean that I didn't teach
him that because I grew up ItalianIrish households and hits you you just like
go around, right? But Isaid, who taught you that? And
he said, well, mister Steven, I don't always have to hit,
So I think that's part of whatthe martial arts has helped. That's really

(13:24):
well, how would you say yourconnection with your dad's right now? I
mean, if it's hard now,it was hard, then what's it like
now? Man, it's completely different, honestly because my dad met the Lord.
And when he did, I don'tknow how many of the audience is
Christian or not, but when hemet the Lord, everything changed. His
heart was softened and it led himto a place to where he not only

(13:46):
told me things, but he taughtme the why behind the thing and really
started to ask me questions to makesure that I understood. And so for
me personally, man, it changedthe game. It also changed the game
once I had kids, you know, once I had kids, to see
his love from my kids, itwas like, man, I wish I
had that amount of love when Iwas a kid, and so it also

(14:09):
teaches me now with my kids thatI can show that same love and so
I'll do what So for a dadwho's listening right now, who grew up
in a similar disciplinary, tight homeand now they have kids and they're a
little older and their dad's still intheir life, but they haven't been able
to bridge that connection. Right.So obviously you talked about when when your

(14:30):
father found a spiritual relationship, thatwas a huge indicator, but not all
dads are experiencing that, right,So what like practical tactical things did you
do to try to connect with yourdad? Yep, Um, honestly it
was for me with my dad,I started to just take him out to
lunch and just say like, hey, let's just have a conversation. As
small as that is, it wasa big move for me just to ask

(14:54):
him how life is going. Becauseas I started to ask him those questions,
I started to dig down deep tosee what was really going on as
in his life because I assumed alot of things, but once I asked
questions, I had the understanding ofthose things. So that was a big
key and you're asking about my dadspecifically, Yeah, your dad, Yeah,

(15:15):
yeah. I think the other thingis just quality time, Like we
now will even invite my parents overto the house a lot and just to
spend time with them. And theylove to, of course be around the
kids, but I cook food forthem and just to love the fellowship and
be around a meal. Like whodoesn't love food. So that's another practical
thing. And then I think theother thing is as small as and massive

(15:39):
as it is, really is invitingthem into like the sporting events with our
kids, Like it means so muchto my dad, and again it allows
me to see a whole other sideof him, because when I was competing,
he was so aggressive, and nowthat my kids are competing, he's
like, I want to be aggressive. And my Dad's like, hey,
don't don't yell at him, Likea where was this guy? It's twenty

(16:02):
years ago, Like wait a second, now I experienced you yelling at me.
All right, so I catch myself, But it's it's honestly a fun
thing for us. Now that's awesome. We're gonna keep this conversation going about
dad life, but we're gonna takea quick break. We'll be right,

(16:26):
if you've listened to this podcast atall, dads or even moms listening,
we talked about this regularly. Everyevery dad we've had on the show that
didn't have a great connection or theconnection was difficult growing up and now want
one, they always had to takethe first step, you know, dad's
if you're waiting for your dad totaste realized. Generationally, they don't get
that. Yep, it's true theydon't. It's not that they're not trying

(16:49):
to be kind, ye, theyjust don't get the idea of like calling
my son and asking what a lunch? Like that's something we do now,
right, But that's not how theygrew up. So dad, moms,
any listener, take the first step. That's if you want to have connections
with your parents, you have totake the first as simple as saying,
let's grab lunch, as simple aslike come on over. Because food is

(17:10):
the great equal it is, man, what do you cook? I grill
a lot. I love to throwsome steaks on the grill. I'm a
big meat eater, some burgers,and I let my wife do the sides.
So now charcoal, yeah, soI have a green egg. Oh,
the game has been elevating. Peoplelove the green eggs. It's crazy.

(17:30):
I got it as a housewarming gift. I can't afford as who is
that? Can I? I wantto meet who gives green eggs? As
I would tell you, but youwould go after it for sure. Yeah,
that's yeah. You gotta keep thatone quiet. Have you done pizza
yet on it? I haven't,man, And I hear that a lot.
I just haven't tried it. Ihaven't had any either. People tell

(17:51):
me it's tasty. Come on,man, Okay. So still talking about
your relationship with your dad. Whenyou look back, is there a favorite
story you have about your dad orabout you and your dad? Um?
Favorite story? Yeah, I wouldsay so. I had this citizenship award
that I won in my elementary schooland where I had an opportunity to go
down and you know, meet thegovernor at the time, and you know,

(18:14):
go to the state House, etc. And it was a lot of
fun. But I remember before weleft, my dad had called me outside,
locked me in the eyes and itwas the first time that he told
me he loved me. And atthe same time, hey, you're gonna
get me emotional to him, bro, But he just asked the question,
do you know that I'm proud ofyou? And so that meant so much
to me, man, because Ihad this approval thing in my life where

(18:37):
I felt like I had to gethis approval and it was like that day
I felt like I accomplished it.I was twelve. Wow, So that's
a long time to go. Man, what was that moment? Like,
I mean, all this other stuffgoing around, and man, it was
the greatest, one of the greatestmoments of my life. For sure.
It was a highlight of my lifebecause, like I said, I hadn't

(18:59):
experienced it until that point, andso on that day, I still remember
it was in our backyard and thenbefore we left and it was just he
and I and I was just sograteful. Yeah. So yeah, man,
Wow, yep, yep, that'sawesome. Yes, sir. So
does your dad tell you he lovesyou more now? Yeah? Every time
I'm on the phone with him,man, he's telling me, and it's
it's one of the coolest things aboutmy life. Yeah, to see that

(19:22):
transformation in his life, that's awesome. Yeah, so cool. Well,
let's jump back to your dad life. Okay, all right, now we're
back to you. We've returned fromthe future yep, or the past returned
from the past. Let's let's talkabout your dad life. What are some
of the biggest challenges that you faceas a dad. Yeah, some of
the biggest challenges I think. Iso I'm very critical of myself anyways.

(19:48):
Um and like I said earlier,I can naturally be a perfectionist. So
if I make a mistake in raisingmy voice at my child, I feel
like my life is ruined. It'slike, oh, garden for life.
I can't make a mistake. Sohonestly, one of the biggest hurdles and
being a dad for me is afighting against making mistakes as a dad because

(20:12):
I don't want for them to beafraid of me. And there are days
where I'm frustrated, you know,it's been a long day at work and
or you know, I may wakeup in the wrong mood. We've all
been there, Yeah, And soI may raise my voice. And when
I say raise my voice, it'snot that I'm yelling at them, but
I'm just so cautious of raising myvoice and my kids because they're already tender

(20:33):
like myself. So that's a challenge. And I think the other thing that
I would say, is honestly justbeing present. So, like, one
of the things that I fight foris to put my phone down when I
come into the house for a coupleof hours, because I can just be
on my phone. You know howit is that you have emails, you

(20:56):
have text messages, and people alwayswant something out of you, right,
And it's like, Man, ifI can get in the house, put
my phone down, I can bepresent with my kids because again, I
want for everyone to think that Ihave it all together. So I'll respond
to every text message that I can. But at the end of the day,
my kids are gonna remember that versusthe quality time that I spend with

(21:18):
them. So that's why I wantto fight for that intentionality. Yeah,
that idea of I mean, yourphone is you carrying you and me and
almost carrying around challenges with us,right, because the challenge of if there's
an email or if there's a question, you know, So why would you
carry around a challenge when you canleave it at the door exactly? And

(21:40):
I think it's I mean, Ihave gotten into the practice where my phone's
on airplane mode most of time whenI'm home and my kids don't see it,
and that actually started with me becausethey started to walk around with like
square toys, calling it their phone, wow, wanting to be like you
want to be like me and justlike always had to have it. And
I said, uh, right right, nope, that is at seven five

(22:03):
and four. So I think that'sI think it's important for Dad's realized,
like leave the challenges at the door, right, and one of the easiest
way to do is just leave yourphone there. So good. And I
think the last challenge that I wouldsay is um fighting to just to go
out and play with them, todo what the things that they want to
do. So of course I grewup playing sports, so it's easy for

(22:25):
me to play sports with my son. It's very hard for me to just
say with my daughter, like,hey, what do you want to do?
What can Daddy do with you?Uh, That's been a challenge,
but I'm working towards it. Yeah. So Ava's four, Yep, she's
three, she's just three, princessfor her. Ye. What's Ava's favorite
thing to do with daddy? Man? Honestly to color and a coloring book,

(22:45):
like that's her thing. Um.And she didn't really play with too
many dolls, thankfully, but sheloves to get you know, play out
in the sandbox. And now wejust got another trampoline. We have one
last year but the tornado took itand so we just bought another one this
week. And now that's their thing, so we do it together. You

(23:07):
get on the tramp Oh. Absolutely, I can't just word you're not as
young. I know. I meanyou're still looking like bodybuilder like, but
your net can't rebound as well.Hey, I will cut some flips.
That's you know. You mentioned thisthat you're very hard on yourself at times,
very like critical I think was theword to use. But I think
this is such an important question becauseI think most dads are really hard on

(23:30):
themselves. Ye. So what wouldyou say are some of the biggest wins
you've had as a dad? Man? That's a great question. Honestly,
I think being consistent, not givingup. I've you know, over the
years of being in ministry, I'veseen so many dads who have given up
because of issues with you know,the child's a mom, if they're not

(23:52):
married, etc. And honestly,just being consistent for me has been a
big win us. As small asthat is, it's also massive because I
know that my kids will remember that. I think the other thing is,
just like I said, being intentionalwith telling my kids how much I love
them, because I do that prettyoften. One of the rules that I

(24:14):
have is if you think it,say it. And so there are times
that I look at my kids andI'm like, man, I really love
them. So I'll just say,hey, buddy, do you know that
daddy loves you? And of coursemy daughter's like no, of course,
daughter is just poking yeah, manevery single time. But I want to
make sure that if I'm thinking it, I say it. And so I
think that's a massive win for mein my house. That's such a great

(24:37):
like real practical tactical idea. Let'sjust chat about that. So when something
comes to your mind about your kids, I mean, I'm sure it's for
other things too, but to stayon kid, but something pops in your
mind about your kid, you sayit right away, right. How has
that helped your connection with your kids? Massive? Yea? Because the other
thing is, you know, mykids are so silly, specifically my daughter,

(25:00):
like, she makes us laugh allthe time, but it's like,
ava, do you know how funnyyou are? And then she'll you know,
of course, say it back likeyeah or whatever, and sometimes she's
like no, and then she's evenmore silly. Yeah, but those are
practical things that I do. Likesometimes when we're sitting on the couch,
I'll say that, or I'll sayto Prince like, buddy, you are

(25:22):
really handsome, Like do you knowthat you look just like your daddy?
Yeah, that's also a compliment foryourself. Yeah, man, but no,
I want for him to know howhow handsome he is. And of
course I say the same thing toAva how beautiful she is. So speaking
life over them versus making them feelcursed. Yeah, you know, Dad's
this is I mean, such asimple way. If you're having a difficult

(25:44):
time connect with your kids, oryou have these thoughts and you don't know
how to say it, just sayit. That's it man. It doesn't
have to be perfect. Your kidsjust want to hear their dad affirm them,
speak life over them, and empowerthem with hey you're silly, Hey
you're beautiful, Hey you're loved.Right, I'm grateful for you. I
mean, if you think it aboutyour kids, say it so that you
can speak encouragement exactly. And evenif there's something you don't like that they're

(26:08):
doing. It'd be much better tokindly mention that then let it build out,
exactly right. I mean one ofthe books I'm reading right now,
twelve Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. One of his rules for life is
don't don't let your kids do anythingthat upsets you or bothers you. And
he says it's because it's a socialnorm and the sense of it bothers you,

(26:30):
it will probably bother somebody else.He said, So, just if
something is starting to bother you,just talk to them about it. It's
true, you know, So Ithink it goes both ways. Hey,
if you've got something affirming to say, say it. But if there's something
small that's bothering you appropriately talk tothem about it, right, so you
don't bottle up those negative feelings.That's exactly right, man. I love
that. I love that phrase.So it was if you think it,

(26:52):
say say it. That's it.That's really great. So what is it
that you think makes you a gooddad? And all of us have unique
character traits, and especially for men, especially for dads, we have a
hard time affirming ourselves, right,But I think it's really important, right,
So what are some of the thingsthat you believe makes you a good
dad. Honestly, I think whatmakes me a good dad is that I'm

(27:15):
silly. It's the one place athome where I'm I don't take myself too
seriously. And I'm trying to translatethat out of my home. But it's
a problem, you know. Butmy kids always love when I'm just being
silly listening to music and I dance. They absolutely love it. It's their
favorite thing. Man. So we'llplay some music while we're eating dinner,

(27:38):
and they love for me to justbeat goofy and do some dance moves.
So wait, wait when you sayyou dance or like like my kind of
dancing where I'm just silly goofing around, like moving around, or like you
actually know how to dance. Iknow how to dance, but sometimes I
make it silly so that I geta better lad nice what kind of so
kind of dancing? Well, Idon't know how to describe it. Just

(28:00):
I have I have rhythm. Ido not have m Okay, well,
that's that's where you got to start. That's where you got start. And
if you have rhythm, that youcan make it laughable or you can be
really good at it, So Ikind of mix it up. You know.
That's great, Yeah, dancing withyour kids, being silly with your
kids, Yeah, other wins,Um, I don't know. It kind

(28:22):
of goes back into what I saidearlier being consistent, But I think to
just um, I'm also not passive, like I'll speaking to specific things that
I see. So just like whereyou're saying, what we were talking about
earlier is if I see it,if I think it, I say it,
um. But if I notice anissue something they need to be disciplined

(28:42):
on, I am still very disciplinaryum and don't allow things to slide because
if I don't say it, thenthey don't know and they will continue to
live in that same pattern. Iwould say that's a win. Yeah.
So from your perspective, what's thebest part about being a dad? Well,
the best part about being a dadman, I think I have the

(29:03):
opportunity to really allow my kids toflourish and be who God has designed them
to be. So I look atparenting as stewardship. Scripture is very clear
on what stewardship is. If Godgives you something, then you take what
He's placed in your hands to thebest of that ability to make it flourish.

(29:25):
And so I see that with mykids. I don't just look at
that until they're to the age ofeighteen to where they graduate in go off
to college, but for all oftheir life, for their future spouse,
hopefully God willing, and ultimately Ihope to lead them to Jesus. So
that's the biggest thing that I want. Yeah, you know, that's such

(29:45):
a fun part about being a dadis realizing that the investment you make today,
that's stewardship investment. You actually won'tknow what the return is. That's
exactly right for a long time.So that consistent daily investment into your kids
is what will produce the return.Right. You can't wait till their eighteen,
right and try to download eighteen yearsof you know what's that almost four

(30:10):
thousand, no more, six thousanddays of information? Right, That consistent
daily investment will produce that return.I think that's the one thing too with
as you're talking about a win,I'm also really good I would say at
saying I'm sorry. I of courseif I make a mistake, if I'm

(30:30):
stressed about something in life where atwork, I'm quick to say, hey,
buddy, Daddy raised his voice atyou and I'm so sorry. Yeah,
like daddy was thinking about something elseand I didn't give you what I
needed to or I didn't give youmy attention because I was thinking about something
else and I'm sorry. So yeah, quick apologies to your kids and Matt.

(30:51):
They're so quick to forgive, andI there's probably other things saying I
love you, saying I'm proud ofyou, but I think your kids.
You get more cred when you apologizeto your kids because they have an opportunity
to forgive you and welcome you backin. It is one of the most
powerful things that dad can do.In my opinion, I agree that is

(31:11):
to apologize your kid when they've beenwrong. Ye um, because we've both
been in a situation again, likeour dads have never met, but they
were probably very similar. They didn'tapologize much. Right, you're exactly right,
And I remember knowing, like feelinglike you know you're wrong and you
want me to say sorry when I'mwrong? Right? Can you please?

(31:34):
Can you help? And again,it just wasn't how they were raised,
right, So I think breaking thatcycle, you know, telling our kids
when we were wrong, Hey,you know what, I'm sorry? Do
you forgive me and frankly hearing yourlittle kids say, oh Daddy, I
forgive you, right, I mean, there's nothing like it. There's nothing
like that, nothing like it.We're gonna keep this conversation going about dad
life, but we're gonna take aquick break. We'll be right. So

(32:07):
talking about that, the idea ofour kids offering forgiveness. What is one
of the other lessons your kids orlessons your kids have taught you? Um?
I think dependence. Um I didn'treally recognize the importance of dependence because
my kids, I mean, ifI'm if I'm away, like, they
are so sad like they want tobe around me all the time. But

(32:30):
it's really they've taught me how todepend on God. And again, I
know that some of the audience maynot, you know, be Christian,
and that's that's fine, But specificallyfor those who are Christian, I'm sure
that everyone can relate to what I'msaying in that because there are things that
I missed out on that has taughtme how to relate to my heavenly Father

(32:52):
and be dependent on him versus justthinking that I can do this on my
own. So I would say that'sthe biggest as far as what they've taught
me. I think again, likeI was alluded to a little bit earlier,
just to have fun. Like kids, man, they just have such
an innocence about them and they justlove life because they don't know what they

(33:15):
don't know that. It's like,man, life is meant to be enjoyed.
Like, you know, I wantto go out and have fun today,
So I take life away too serioussometimes and they teach me how to
humble myself and enjoy life. Yeah. You know, I've heard people say,
well, you know, having kidsmake you old, and I actually
think having kids can keep you young. That's right. I agree, And

(33:37):
I mean I got more gray hairin my beard now because the kids.
But I think it's a choice toget old having kids, because kids are
right, they want to play,they want to have fun, they want
to go out. So maybe,dads, if you're feeling old today,
put some sneakers on to go outsideand play with your kids, sit man,
especially if you can. I mean, of course it varies with age

(33:58):
groups, but my kids are attheir the right age right now where we're
doing everything together and it's fun.So that's awesome. Yeah. Well,
hiking We're coming to the end ofthe conversation, which is always sad because
I feel like we could talk aboutDad's stuff, and I mean for our
listeners. Hi King and I havetalked for hours about just about everything before,
so we definitely could keep chatting.But this is the part in the
show, probably one of the mostimportant parts, most powerful parts. You

(34:22):
know. It's called Our Dad's Diary, where the concept is I'm leaving a
diary entry for my kids. Everyepisode's diarycry for our kids. But one
of the things we ask every guestis if this was the last diary entry
that your kids ever heard from you, what would you say to your kids?
What would you want your kids toknow? What lesson, what principle

(34:44):
would you want them to know.So, now you're not talking to the
audience, you're not talking to me, right, the camera's right there.
I want you to talk to Princeand Eva and leave them a diary entry
from their dad. Dang, bro, what kind of question is that?
Uh No, that's amazing. Man. If I were to talk to to
Prince Dava, I would of coursestart by telling them how much I love

(35:07):
him, and that love that Ihave for them doesn't compare it to the
love that our heavenly Father has forus because of what he's done through his
son Jesus and my hope, andeverything that I've done as a dad is
to point them to him, becauseif, if, if they will look

(35:29):
to him and follow him everything inlife. I won't say, be the
greatest thing in the sense of experience, but it'll be the greatest joy because
he'll help guide you along the wayin every step of the way. The
other thing that I will say isto fight to please him and not man,

(35:49):
because there are going to be timesin life where you continuously want to
find approval from people and you're justnever You're never gonna make people happy.
And so that's what initially comes toMama. Man, that's what's in my
heart. I'm not a quick thinker. I'm an emotional processor. Thankful to
counseling. He's my counselor has helpedme understand that. But that's initially what

(36:15):
I would say, because I believeif they could hold on to this,
that they'll lean into loving other peoplearound them. So ye, prisonating,
I got a dad who obviously lovesyou very much and thinks about you a
lot. I King, thanks somuch for being on our dad's diary.
This has been really amazing, ParkerMan. It's so important to meet people,

(36:36):
talk with people, take opportunities tosit down and have conversation. So
hiking this conversation, I've already learnedso much, especially that idea of if
you think it, say it,that's it. Man. I think that's
super powerful. And Parker Man,always remember be kind, give to others,
show respect, love your mother,and never forget your dad is really
proud of you. You know,dads, every once in a while we

(37:01):
do something that leaves a mark thatis a constant reminder to our action.
And when we were at the lakehouse, as you've heard, our family
has been kind of displaced. Wewere at a lake house. And while
we're at the lake house, Titustook a great deal of fondness, I

(37:22):
would say to ping pong. Hereally decided to start wind play ping pong.
And at the in the garage ofthis house we were up, they
ad a ping pong table, verynice ping pong table, and I was
playing ping pong with them just aboutevery day. But on this this real
specific Sunday, and Sunday is justa day of rest for our family.

(37:45):
Jessica and I had spent some timetogether. The boys had done their own
thing, and I was getting readyto have a fire in the fireplace and
have a glass of wine with Jessica. And that's all I wanted to do.
But tight us, all you wantedDaddy to do was play ping pong.
Now, for the record, ourgames ping pong did not last very
long. But what I wanted todo in that moment was not play ping

(38:06):
pong and just do what I wantedto do. Now, that's not wrong
to do what you want to dowhen it's appropriate. But all I wanted
to do was sit by the fireplace, drink my glass wine, and frankly
be left alone. And all youkept asking was Daddy poy ping pong?
And I kept saying later and later, and then you would say, well,
when's later, when's later? AndI said, you know what,

(38:28):
I'm just gonna let you play pingpong by yourself. I said, when
Daddy had a ping pong table growingup, it would like collapse on itself,
like it would fold up and wouldcollapse on itself. I said,
I'm gonna fold up one side andyou're gonna be able to hit it back
and forth. It's way ping pongby yourself. You didn't like that idea,
but I was like, I'm gonnado this because I don't want to
play ping pong. So I godownstairs. I look underneath, and I

(38:52):
thought I saw a hinge. SoI get to the other side of the
ping pong table and I started liftingit up, lifting it up, waiting
for the hinge to click. Itdoes not click because there is no hinge,
and the ping pong table starts fallingstraight to the ground with me holding
onto it. And I'm not surehow I did not get impaled by multiple

(39:14):
pieces of underneath, but the pingpong table landed directly on my big toe.
Blood. I won't go into alldetails. I mean, by the
end, I mean, I'm onall fours, in a total amount of
pain, blood yelling up to Jessica. She comes down, she checks everything
out. I've got to elevate myfoot. My toe is all busted up.

(39:37):
I've got bruising already all the wayup my side. And we get
it all situated, and thirty minuteslater, I'm sitting there with my foot
up, blood sore, uncomfortable,can't enjoy my glass of wine, can't
enjoy being in fire, and can'tplay ping pong with Titus or do anything
for the next several days. Andmy toe, as you would imagine,

(39:59):
it's still I can blue and notreally trying to and I see it every
day. And this is I tellthat very long story to say this,
that black and blue toenail reminds meto go play with my kids when they
ask, because the ping pong gamewould have taken ten minutes. Frankly,
if I told Titis, I'm gonnaset a timer, I'm gonna play with

(40:19):
you for five minutes, he wouldhave been thrilled for that five minutes.
Dad, our kids want time withus. And I think about this almost
every day because I have to seemy toe every day. Like in eighteen
years, I'm gonna have plenty oftime, not even eighteen years. He's
seven and eleven years, twelve years, I'm gonna have plenty of time to
sit drink glass of wine in frontof a fireplace. I'm not gonna have

(40:40):
the opportunity to play ping pong withmy kid. So, Dad, sometimes
we do stuff and it leaves amark, physical mark and emotional mark,
psychological Mark, I don't beat myselfup. I'm not hard on myself.
I don't feel guilt. I don'tfeel shame that I didn't play ping pong
with Titus that day. I hadto let that go. I have to
live in the present moment. Butby living in the present moment, when

(41:01):
my kids want to play, Iplay with them. I spend the time,
even if I have said a timer, because all my son wanted to
do is play ping pong, andI let selfishness. I allowed self centeredness
to get in that way of playingping pong, and I paid a pretty
significant price for not just going toplay ping pong. But the most important

(41:23):
thing that I take away from thestory is we don't have a lot of
time. You'll have plenty of timein twenty years to do what you want
to do. You only have avery short time to do what your kids.
Our Dad's Dires a bramble Jam podcastcan be found ad free by joining
bramble jamplus dot com. Is hostedby Jonathan Parker, produced by Brennan Gray.

(41:47):
You can find us on social mediaby going to at to Our Dad's
Diary and clicking that follow button.See you next week