Nathan Robinson

We're thrilled to have a crucial piece of ODD, Nathan Robinson, get in front of the mic to share about dad life!

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a Bramble Jam podcast.Dad's right now, stop being stop trying
to be pop. I'm not tryingto tell you to be a jerk.
I'm not trying to tell you notto be kind. But there are people
who you're spending too much time tryingto convince to believe in you, like
you, join you, be apart of your life when the people who

(00:23):
actually want it are right there.They're just waiting to be invited into more.
Hey, Dad's well, another episodeof our Dad's Diary. Thanks so
much for tuning in. I hopeyour twenty twenty one is off to a

(00:46):
remarkable start, and today we havean amazing legendary history making guest Nathan Robertson.
That's a lot to live up to. I make no promises. Yeah.
Now, if you listened to thewrap up to twenty twenty, you
heard a little bit about Nathan rightthere. Because you have been behind the

(01:10):
scenes, behind the computer, behindthe controls since day one. Yep,
it's been pretty awesome. Yeah,and now you're in the hot seat.
That's all right. I'm literally actuallya guest. I'm legit. On Yeah,
you mean you did one one ofthe preliminary videos of Our Dad's ire
on YouTube. You're on one ofthose. That's true. Yep. We

(01:30):
talked about be continuously yeah, mbe terminally curious or permanently permanly terminally would
be. Yeah. I was toyingwith that, like the idea of terminal
velocity, like going getting to yourmaximum speed of curiosity. But then again,
terminal sounded, you know, likemorbid exactly, so yeah, permanently

(01:55):
curious. It was a good episode, for sure. I was wearing a
bucket at you you were, Yes, I do remember that as well.
Well, dads, you're gonna lovehearing from Nathan and chatting with him.
I'm excited to have him on thepodcast. It's always great to be able
to start something with somebody. AndNathan I started Our Dad's Diary together and
we're still doing it now, andwe believe in it, I would say

(02:17):
more than ever, especially after theguests, and the future is really bright
for sure. So Nathan, youknow these questions I do. I mean,
I think outside of my wife,no one else has had to hear
my voice more than you. Thatis absolutely true. Yeah, and my
wife doesn't have to edit me,you do. Yeah, So you know
these questions but I'm going to askhim as if you don't, and I'm

(02:38):
going to do my best to answerthem as if I haven't heard them before.
Yeah, and also probably to createless work for yourself, editing yourself,
although I did literally make notes youdo. You are the first guest
that brought a notebook, which it'sa very nice notebook by the way,
Yep, it's very nice. It'sgreat, all right. So Nathan,
let's just tell our listeners who youare a dad to you and a little

(03:00):
bit about your kids, all right. So I am a dad to four
kids. I have four girls,four beautiful girls under the eight well right
now, under the age of nine. But we're actually recording this in December,
So when's Jackson's bread? Jackson ismy oldest. She is eight right
now. She'll be nine on Decembertwenty six, twenty twenties. So her

(03:22):
boxing day about ye yep, boxingday. We're not Canadian, um,
but nevertheless, yes, boxing days, especially at our house for a different
reason. So my oldest is Jackson. She is your typical firstborn um.
She is a thinker and a reader, and she's a sensitive soul like I

(03:42):
am, um, which means sheyou know, she's in her head a
lot. Um, and so youknow, I sorry, Jackson, you're
a lot like your dad. Buthopefully, hopefully, since I've been down
that road, I can sort ofhelp you navigate the waters. Um,
really really special girl. Our secondborn is Avery. Avery is five,
and she is just a sweetheart.And then we have two more, right,

(04:09):
So, Logan is three, andshe came along and kind of rocked
our world. Our first two iskind of I don't want to say smooth
sandling. I mean, parenting isalways a challenge, but um, but
you know they're they're good kids.And Logan is a good kid. But
man, she's she's wide open.Yeah. Um, so she's the one

(04:29):
who pushes her sister's buttons. She'sthe one who introduced, you know,
a little more, a little moretension in the sister lead dynamic. Um.
But they have a triple bunk bed, all three of them. So
Jackson, Avery and Logan they um, you know, they hang out together.
They push each other's buttons, butthey're um, there's only sisters gouts,
right. And then finally we havea three again sitting here right now

(04:50):
in December, a three month old. Um. Our youngest is Levi and
um I told my wife when shewas expecting before before she delivered, and
I got up one dan, Isaid Susannah. Um I received the message
from Levi. She said, Oh, this's gonna be good, right,

(05:13):
I said. She told me thatshe's just here to help. That's right,
that's right, she's she's just hereto help, and so far that
that's exactly exactly what she'd been.She's a beautiful, healthy baby girl.
Um And Logan is in love withher baby sister. She loves to hold
her and be gentle with her,which is a big deal, if you
know Logan. So so we're reallyreally thankful for all four of our girls.

(05:36):
When we found out we were expectingour fourth, you know, people's
oh, maybe maybe this will bemaybe this will be a boy, and
maybe you'll defy science right now,that was number our goal, Like our
our goal is to is to youknow, to have whatever kids, whatever
kids we end up with, andto celebrate them for who they are and

(05:56):
and whatnot. But so, no, we weren't trying. We weren't trying
for a boy. Um. Butfurthermore, I was like, of course
not, of course, it's nota boy. That's not what we do,
Isn't it strange? Though? Peoplethink you get kids like Amazon orders,
like, are you gonna try fora boy? Like? What?
Right? This isn't a Google search, right, this is I mean it's
a fifty fifty chance. But afterthree, yeah, you've got a track.

(06:18):
Yeah, you've got a track,right, because I mean with my
three boys, people are like,you're gonna try for a girl? And
I said that that it is nothow that works, right, you don't
try for It's not like girls happenon Tuesdays, right, Like, this
is not how it works well.And and girls, neither girls nor boys
are consolation prizes, right, youknow, they're they're beautiful people who are

(06:39):
here here for a reason. Andas I told you when we were you
know, off air, my boysgot your Christmas card and they just carry
around the Christmas card with the Robinsongirls just there. I mean, you
guys got to I mean they don'teven carry on pictures of me, right,
But your girls they have, theyhave survived the Christmas card list.

(06:59):
Everyone else just get stuck on afridge until January second, and then I
throw them all away. Yeah that'show it works. So we know about
your girls. Well, let's justlet's just go into who you are a
little bit. Okay, So thisis when you get to talk about all
the fun things you do so besidesdad life. Because I know you've got
four girls plus a wife, soit's five girls and you have all your

(07:21):
hair. It's really impressive. Imean it's it's I used to have more.
You have more than I do.Yeah, fair enough, fair enough,
But tell us a little bit aboutwhat you do and let our listeners
know a little bit more about you. Yeah. So I am. So
my main day job right now,I work at a charter school and I'm
a creative specialist there, so Iwork on our graphic design, our website,

(07:45):
or social media, enrollment and marketingcampaigns, that kind of that kind
of thing. So my background iseducation, but as I sort of grew
into my role as an educator,I started using more and more technology tools
for use with my classes, forthe classes that I taught and also for
the schools where I was. SoI've taught at a number of private schools
and now at a charter school.And when you're in that sort of scrappy

(08:07):
independent school charter school startup realm,there's always a need for someone to wear
multiple hats. So that's been aunique way that my career has grown,
is being plugged in as a teacheror as a technology coordinator or whatever my
role happened to be, but thendeveloping my skills in graphic design, in

(08:30):
media creation, in audio work andvideo editing, that kind of thing.
And so as a result, inaddition to my day jobs, created a
specialist. I take those skills andI am able to work on them with
clients, and so I have anumber of clients here locally. I've worked
with some folks remotely, and actually, as you mentioned sort of at the
top of the episode, I've hadthe chance to work with you on a

(08:52):
number of your projects, obviously thisproject is one of them, and also
working with you on some stuff yournonprofit and in different opportunities. So that
that's what I'm doing, and intwenty twenty one, I'm I'm excited about
seeing those opportunities expand and just doingcreative work with interesting people to you know,

(09:13):
make good and powerful and impactful thingsto put out into the world.
Yeah, it's awesome, and Ithink it would be appropriate here to say
that you and I originally met ina play. We don't have to dive
deep into that background, right,But we were in a play. We
were, and honestly, I mean, it's more embarrassing for me than it

(09:33):
is for you. You got tobe this rough and tumbled pirate with tattooed
and with Peter pan For the listeners, if you're wondering, that's right,
because what character did you play?Well? I played John age ten.
You did ten grade at twenty.Well, thank you. I appreciate that
I had much less beard at thetime. And um, yeah that was

(09:56):
that. But yeah, that's wherewe connected. Memories were made and made.
Maybe I should go back and Ican find the picture of you and
I send it next Jo boy,I hope you can. Oh, it's
it was taken and it was putin a photo ALU, right, go
find it. The question is whereand what photo album? Right, Well,
that's your job. But yeah,I mean, and we look much
better now than we did that.For the record, you're not wrong.

(10:16):
There there are very few men thatdon't benefit from the addition of a beard.
Yeah, that's my opinion. Andalso the beard hides my acne.
It's just what I tell people,like, why don't you shave your beard
because I still have acne, soit's just easier. Yeah, it's also
shaving every day or even like multipletimes a week. Well, I also

(10:37):
look like a Q ball when I'mtotally shoving. True, it's like I
belong on a pool, Jonathan.Is not a good look. No,
no, it's not. It's not. For a minute. For a minute,
you did the bald top and thenthe soul patch, so patch,
but it was long too. Iremember the soul patch was awesome. My
inspission was Halle Mandel. What wasthat show with the boxes? Uh the

(10:58):
suitcases? Anyway, he had asoul patch. It was great. Yikes.
So those were the days. Sothose were the days. Um,
okay, so we know a littlebit more about you. We know who
your dad too. But let's let'sgo back in time a little bit.
Yeah, talk about your relationship withyour dad. So now, looking back
now as an adult, looking back, how would you describe your relationship with

(11:20):
your dad when you were a kidin a teen Andrew, Sure, I
was thinking about this this afternoon,and I was looking for the right adjectives
for this. So so my so, first of all, the just to
get it out on the table.My relationship with my dad is terrific.
It's incredible. Um. You know, I love my dad, and you

(11:45):
know, I look back and theolder I get, as I think it's
many people's experience, but the olderyou get really run. About age twenty
five is when I started noticing thesethings like kicking in, like these these
mannerisms, the way that I wouldbe, like literally the way I would
drive, like the way I holdthe steering wheel, and then I would

(12:05):
sort of watch myself and go,oh, I'm turning into him. Um.
But it wasn't. It wasn't anegative experience some people. For some
people, that's that's horrifying. Butum, I look at it and you
know, I'm just it reminds meof of of my childhood and watching him,
and I'm thankful. Um. So, my relationship with my dad was
was really strong. Um. ButI as I was thinking about this question,

(12:30):
I go back all the way tomy grandfather. So my dad's dad,
and so he started a burglar alarmcompany in Georgia, and so he
installed um home security systems and youknow, he started that company and my
um my uncles worked in the businesswith him a little bit. And then
My dad was never really in thebusiness, but every once in a while

(12:52):
there would be a job where hewould go in and help him sort of
install something. And I have thismemory going to some you know's house and
my grandfather was there and my dadwas there for some reason. I guess
he needed some helping. My dadwas helping him out, and he brought
me along, and I was watchingthe two of them work and just watching
the practical ingenuity to where, yeah, there's a way to install a system,

(13:16):
but then there's like these workarounds wherethe door jam isn't quite right or
the windows are of a weird angle, and just knowing that between the two
of them there was always a solution. And then I carry that into,
you know, remembering like home life. If there was if something broke,
or if something went kind of wonky, or if a window wasn't closing quite

(13:39):
right, there was always a waythat my dad would take, you know,
a wire coat hanger or you know, a wooden shim or something to
be able to fashion a solution thatwould solve the problem so that that pain
point was put out of out ofArmlinds for the rest of the family.
And so just watching my dad andhis his care for our family in those

(14:03):
really practical, tangible ways. Andwhen I was a kid, I didn't
really think about it. But nowwhat I've what I've realized. One of
the things I realize is when Ilook at problems, whether it is you
know, the you know, thetower rat and pulled out of the dry
wall, or you know what,or you know, whatever it is,
Um, I look at it andmy assumption is, of course there's a

(14:24):
solution. Of course there's a wayto fix this. Of course there's a
way to you know, find away forward that solves the pain point so
that we can all sort of getget along and looking back. And really
I'm really thankful for that. Butyou know, so that's kind of the
practical side. But also like whatmy dad did for me is he laid

(14:45):
this foundation, this this rock solidfoundation of love and stability and care and
faithfulness that you know that I doexpress to him, like I say these
things him, I'll send him atext or all, you know, we'll
we'll talk, you know or all. It's usually a text, right,

(15:07):
That's the easiest way to say likesensitive things to to your dad. Um,
But you know, I try toremind him of how much I appreciate
that. But but I really don'tsay it enough because when I look at
I look back at my childhood andhow much my dad cared for us in
the way that he you know,pursued his career that provided for us,

(15:28):
the way that we moved around fromstate to state, so he had different,
different job opportunities that came up where, um, different companies were really
actively pursuing him because of his youknow, his integrity, yeah, and
his skills and um, even whenit was hard for the family to move
a family from you know, wewe moved from you know, from Georgia

(15:48):
to Colorado to Florida and finally landinghere in South Carolina. And that's not
easy, especially when when you know, our last move when we were all
you know, teenagers and preteens,like taking that that family and taking on
the emotional burden of sort of uprootingyour whole life and moving across the country.

(16:10):
Um. But looking back, Ijust recognized the stability and the care
and knowing that he would always dowhatever whatever it took to provide for his
family. Um. And there wasone there's one story I don't know you've
got a question about stories later.Here there's one in terms of the way
that he cared. And I don'teven know if I've if I've shared this

(16:32):
back with him or with my momor with anyone since frankly since it happened.
But there was a there was aminute where I was we're living in
Colorado when I had these, um, I mean I was probably what would
that have been, fourth or fifthgrade, and so I had these,
Um, I remember it super vividly. I had these green like waffle knit.

(16:52):
It wasn't long John's, it wasn'tlike one piece, but it was
so it's two pieces. It was, you know, a shirt and pants
and them we called there you go. And uh So I don't know if
I had like outgrown them, orif it was we're transitioning to like from
you know, like winter to springor whatnot. But anyway, my mom

(17:15):
had taken them and convert like cutthe like the sleeves off and the legs
off and converted them to you know, to short sleeve and and to shorts.
And um, there's a minute likeshe had done that. I didn't
really think about it, and thenlike that night she'd done it that day
and then that night I was gettingchanged and like they were there in my
room and I saw him there andI just wasn't thinking about it, but

(17:40):
so I didn't grab them first.I grabbed some other like pjas and I
put them on, and um,so I'm getting ready for bed and you
know, telling my parents good night, and then my dad comes back.
He's not upset, but he comesback and he says, hey, your
mom worked on these free you,and you need to change it into these

(18:03):
because she worked on these for you, and it you need to change.
And at the moment, I waslike, I mean, okay, cool,
Like that's fine. So you know, I changed night and say good
night. And I don't even rememberthe first time it occurred to me to
think about that moment again. Butnow as a husband and as a dad,

(18:26):
like I know exactly, well notexactly, but like I can extrapolate,
yeah, right to go to yourkid and say because apparently it made
an impact to my mom and Idon't I don't know what it was.
If she felt like, you know, was disappointed or whatever whatever it was.

(18:48):
Now I'm looking at it through neweyes and going, oh, what
my dad was showing me was here'swhat it looks like to be sensitive towards
the feelings and the care of someoneclose to you, right right. He
came to me and said, he'san oportunity. He didn't say any these
words, here's an opportunity for youto show your mother that you appreciate her.

(19:10):
Correct, And it was important enoughfor him to like, like to
do this out of character thing tosay, like literally change your peach,
right, and that that really anyway, that that's been powerful in retrospect and
um, and yeah, again,I don't even think I've ever sort of
reflected on that with them, butthat's something I should bring up soon because

(19:32):
that was that really stuck with me. And what from that story? What
do you take away from that thatyou would impart to your kids? I
think what it what it opened myeyes to or what I absorbed passively that
now I'm I'm seeing more clearly,is every every moment in our relationship with
people is an opportunity to to apay attention to the way people are feeling

(19:56):
in the momentum, to be highlyattuned, especially to the people close to
you and that you care about,but really to anyone. And then once
you notice, then you're empowered todo something. You're empowered to either yourself
if it's within your power to goto them and say, say, or
do or be in a way thatyou know it would speak to them or

(20:18):
be powerful to them. But ifit's not within your power, maybe it's
in someone else's power and you cango to them and pull them aside and
say, hey, listen, Iknow you may not have noticed this,
but here's something I think you needto see. And so, yeah,
I think that's I hope that theway that my wife and I are raising

(20:40):
our girls, or the way thatI'm a husband to my wife that I'm
I'm continually relearning and also applying thatlesson. We're gonna keep this conversation going
about dad life, but we're gonnatake a quick break. We'll be right.

(21:00):
Is there looking back on your relationshipwith your dad? Is there another
story that kind of sticks out inyour mind? And from that story,
what advice would you give yourself andeven your girls? There is? Um,
yeah, there is so Growing up, we had you know, family
events, family birthdays and things,and there was one I'm I'm pretty sure

(21:22):
it was Easter and I was hanging. I mean, I was probably gosh,
I couldn't have been more than sixor seven, old enough to remember,
right, old enough to remember,but you know, it's still hazy.
It's still back there, but itstood out, um, and I
was run around with with one ofmy cousins as as you do, and

(21:47):
you know, we're there was anEaster eg hunt coming up in the backyard,
right and our I've everybody's got adifferent style of Easter eight hunt.
The style of this one was justsort of I think they just went out
and sort of through me to thegrass right for the little kids. Yeah,
so the grass is sort of fullof these Easter eggs and um.
But it hadn't started yet, andthe meal was going along. The grown

(22:10):
ups are talking to me, andmy cousins are running around and we find
under the deck for some reason,someone had left like um, had left
a cooler, you know, likeyou get done with the cooler, and
it was sort of it was araised deck, so it was under there,
but it was it was left upright, so it had gathered water and
like mud and rain and water andsludge and all this, and so we

(22:32):
go onto there and we're, oh, you know, it's it's very attractive
to a couple of seven or eightyear old boys and um or girls listen,
I mean I've got girls, exactlyright. So um. So we're
looking at it, sort of pokingit around, and I don't know,
I don't know if we said anythingabout it, or if if there was
a conversation or what. But atsome point the my cousin ended up tipping

(23:00):
being the cooler over and so thiscascade of muddy water and sludge and all
of this, you know, spillsout as you would expect, but it's
in the backyard and backyard at anangle an angle, so this this sludge
starts flowing down into the yard wherethe Easter eight Easter hunt is about to
happen. Right, So of coursewe notice that. Oh oh no,

(23:22):
so we split right, We runas good six year olds would exactly right.
Um And eventually it, you know, it gets back to the adults
and it's made a mess. I'mlike, looking back, it probably wasn't
a crazy mess, but like,it gets back to the adults, It
gets back to my dad, andit gets back to the too. You
know, my aunt and uncle,my cousin's parents, and my cousin's parents,

(23:47):
they sort of just brush it off. They're like, oh, okay.
And my dad, you know,he pulls me aside and and I
don't remember exactly. I don't evenknow if I if I officially got in
trouble per se, but we youknow, we had a talk like talk.
Yeah, we had a firm talkexactly right, the firm talk and
um and I remember distinctly, Iremember, you know, saying explaining,

(24:11):
hey, listen, I didn't tipit over, I didn't push the cooler
over. I didn't do it,which was true, right, And he
said something to the effect of,okay, I like he believed me right,
well, that he gave you all. He gave me the benefit of
the of the doubt, right inthe moment. He gave me the benefit

(24:33):
of the doubt. And he said, listen, in life, you are
responsible for the actions of the peopleyou're spending time around. And in the
moment, I was like, that'sno, what, No, that's completely
unjust. It can't be true.You know. Of course I didn't say

(24:55):
any of those things, but Iwas like, but but I didn't do
it. I didn't do it,um right. And then fast forward two
years later and I look back andI go, oh, oh, I
get it, because you know inthat moment, So here's here's the advice,
right that, And I've told mykids this story as well. Right
my dad wasn't saying don't spend timewith your cousin necessarily, but what he

(25:19):
was saying, and what I youknow, try to express my kids like
you, in that moment when whensomething starts to take a turn, you
still have agency, you still havea choice, and that's what you're responsible
for. So I'm not actually responsiblefor my cousin doing something you shouldn't have
done, but I am responsible forsticking around for it to happen, or

(25:45):
for not seeking the help that couldhave prevented it, or for not reaching
out and saying, hey, listen, this isn't something we should be doing,
or just getting out of there.Right, that's the actual choice that
I'm responsible for. And in thatregard, I look back and go,
oh, yeah, I absolutely am. And then in that moment, I

(26:07):
can choose either to spend more andmore time with people who will continue to
put me in these situations, orI can make a different choice. And
that's the responsibility that I have.So anyway, that's now you know,
that is nothing critical of my sevenyear old cousins actions at the time,
But that's the story that stands out, and then that I have said to

(26:30):
my kids. I've I've relayed thatthat story to my kids a couple of
times. Well, and I thinkthat is true for the dads listening helping
their kids understand. You might nothave done it, but who you choose
to hang around you are now apart of it through association. Right.
And I don't know if I lovethe phrase guilty by association, but there

(26:52):
is this element where the more youlearn and the more you grow, the
more discernment you need to say,well, I want to spend time around
these people, not these people.And helping your kids work through that,
and even just helping your kids workthrough what discernment looks like and how to
help their peers make better choices isso pivotal for a dad to do.

(27:15):
Yeah, it's not so much guiltby association, but it is responsibility for
association. Yeah. I think that'sa great line. You're responsible for your
associations, meaning if you're not associatedwith them, you don't have the responsibility,
right, So you're trying to ifyou're a dad of a teenager right
now, and your teenager, likeI'm tired of getting in trouble, then

(27:40):
associate differently and keep moving that way. And I don't looking back on I
think I got in trouble with otherpeople. Most of my trouble just came
from by myself. But one ofthe things my dad always emphasized was you
always have way. His word wasinfluenced. You have influence over the people

(28:03):
you're with, So can you influencethem to do what is right? Can
you do that? And you mightnow look at a six year old,
seven year old, thirteen year old, seventeen year old and go, oh,
they can, But actually it doesn'ttake much to influence the direction one
way or the other. And youknow that that's a good point, I

(28:25):
think because with kids, they arestill developing. I mean, frankly,
the brain is still developing through asage twenty five something crazy, right,
The prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, you know, the decision making functioner
in there. It's been fully developeduntil well into what we consider adulthood.
And yet we look at thirteen yearolds and eight year olds and five year

(28:48):
olds to three year olds, youknow, for logan, and we still
want to model and prescribe for themthe ways in which they do have influence,
like your dad said or sway.But one of the things my wife
and I tell our kids is ifthey get into a situation where they where
they can't do something, or theyyou know, or they feel the emotions

(29:10):
rising up in their little bodies andthey can't control it, that when that
happens and you no longer have control, come and ask for help. Yeah.
Right. And so it's not fairto say to an eight year old
you have to be perfect end decisionmaking, but it's perfectly reasonable to say,

(29:30):
exert the influence that you can.And then when you get to the
end of your capacity into your ability, come to me, and I will
help you. And I'm not goingto judge you. I'm not going to
punish you. I'm not going tobe upset at you. I'm going to
help you. Yeah, exactly.And that's so at the end of it,
even when you reach the end ofyour capacity to make the quote unquote

(29:52):
right choice for whatever it is,then you go, okay, but I
can look for help. It's good. That's really good. So now,
kind of jumping back to your dadlife, right now, you do you've
you've been in schools, and thenyou have some side businesses that you're working
on. So we know that allof those intersect dad life at different points.

(30:14):
So what are some of the celebrationsand challenges when the intersection of your
work life meets your dad life.So the challenge with work and life is
one that every parent feels, right, and that's the challenge of time away
and you know feeling that. Imean now, granted, sometimes going to

(30:36):
work is a lot easier than stayinghome with the kids, right, So
so that that's true, But nevertheless, there's there's a pull. And there
was a moment where with our firstborn, my wife was on maternity leave and
I had gone back to work atthat time, and you know, we're
adjusting, we were trying to figurethings out, and I don't remember exactly
how the conversation went, but youknow, my wife was, you know,

(30:57):
she was tired, and she wasfiguring this whole thing out and all
of that. The first child,everything is listening, yeah, yeah,
and you know, and there's amoment where I was able to express to
her, listen, every every timeI get up in the morning, I

(31:21):
have to leave you and our daughter, and yes, on a day to
day basis, it's still easier forme. Right when I go to work
and I do that, and thenI come home like she's the one who's
with the kid, and she's theone she's nursing, she's doing all that,
like she's got the harder job.But but at the same time,

(31:41):
it's still when I have to toget up and you know, changes ever,
you know, help out and whateverI can, but then get up
and leave, Like that's that isa part of me that I'm having to
tear away from and to go anddo this thing. And that has not
gotten easier the more kids that Ihave and the older that they get,
In fact, quite the opposite,Like it's not as if you get better

(32:05):
at it, Um, it's that'sstill the hardest thing. And again that's
not novel. That's many many parents, But that's that's one of the one
of the biggest challenges. Um.But I would say one of the celebrations
with with my work, Um,the work that I do at the school,
I'm at a I've got I'm veryblessed, I'm very fortunate. I
am at a scaled position at theat my sort of full time job.

(32:29):
I'm at like a point eight salaryscale, which means I have a little
more flexibility in my leaving time inthe morning, and so I'm able to
Last year I took my oldest.I would drive my oldest to school every
morning, um, drop her off, and then and then come into work,
you know, a few minutes aftersome of the other staff do you

(32:50):
um. And now actually, insideof twenty twenty, my oldest is in
virtual school at home, and I'mtaking my second oldest to school. UM,
so able to you know, totake her and then depending on the
afternoon, sometimes I'll go and pickher up. In the afternoon, I'll
be able to leave work a littleearlier than some of the some of the
other staff, so that I canpick up pick up from school, or

(33:13):
or be home a little early incase we've got something going on UM,
or spend that time doing you know, some client work and things like that.
So one of the celebrations of workand life is just being very fortunate
to have a flexible schedule to takethat time to have a special moment with
an individual kid in the cars I'mdriving her to school or picking her up.

(33:37):
Yeah, I think those what dad'szone. Let's say it this way.
I think one of the things thatdads don't fully grasp and take advantage
of are the few five minutes thatthey might have in the car or the
few moments in the morning. Andif you have the opportunity to drive your
kids to school, like, don'ttake the phone call, don't turn the

(33:59):
radio on, just talk to yourkid, just chat with them. My
boys love talking to me in thecar. Now they'll pick their favorite song
because they want to sing to it. But that card time is so important.
And for some dads who work crazyhours, or some dads who have
kind of the opportunity to be flexible, like Nathan and I, don't miss

(34:22):
those small minutes of opportunity just becauseto you they're inconsequential. But to your
kids it could be huge. Yeah, it could be actually huge. There's
one one example. I'll just I'vegot a lot of kids, so exactly,
but I'll just speak one about aboutLogan. So she Logan is a

(34:45):
coffee drinker, so she'll um,she'll ask me, can I have saffie
with milk and sugar? Yes?And so at first I was like,
she's not gonna like this, SoI give her, you know, a
tablespoon of coffee, half a teaspoonor sugar and h and you know the
rest of it with milk, right, and um, you know, it

(35:05):
depends on the day. Sometimes she'snot she's not about it. But some
days, you know, we'll sitthere together in the you know, five
or ten minutes together and she's sittingthere stirring her tiny little coffee cup and
and drinking that coffee and you know, just having that moment, not hanging
out on my phone, not youknow, setting her up and then going
going in doing my thing, butbut finding that moment to say like this

(35:27):
is just five or six minutes,but um, but this is this is
powerful. And I've you know,and I have those with with each of
my kids. With the youngest obviously, it's mostly just holding her and trying
to make her laugh and um,you know, change your diaper. Like
the small moments, but trying tobe present in them, um, even
if the rest of the day isreally packed. Yeah. And I had

(35:49):
an older guy say to me once, what's what is short to you is
long to your kids, And what'slong to you is more than is what's
long to you is all your kidswant. They just they just want all
of you all the time. Soeven though it feels short to you,
it's the five minute coffee, it'sthe three minute car ride. It feels

(36:12):
long to them, and then whenthey get a long time with you,
it's like all they want, Theyjust want your time. So, Dad's
if you're listening to this right nowand you drive your kids to school,
don't let the talk radio just shutoff for some time, don't put the
music on, talk to your kids, have coffee with your kids, cook
breakfast if you can, and justenjoy those moments. We're gonna keep this
conversation going about dad life, butwe're gonna take a quick break. We'll

(36:37):
be right back. So, Nathan, what would you say? And now
you got four girls, I meanone's kind of new yep. But out
of the four girls right now,what are some of the biggest lessons they've
taught you? So one of thethings that we've been sharing, especially with

(37:00):
with the older three now right,Um, So, like I said,
my oldest she's a lot like me. So I was a pretty I was
a pretty scared kid when it cameto nighttime. And that's probably a whole
whole different podcast episode. Right,we could dissect um. But like,
I don't I don't remember nighttime beingbeing very RESTful as a kid. Not.

(37:22):
You know, I had a roomby myself. You know, I
had two older siblings and they wereboth sisters, So I had a room
by myself. So you know,it was pretty tough. I had a
really active imagination and you know,just just a lot of a lot of
anxiety sort of bound up in that. And so I see a lot of
a lot of those things in JacksonUm. And she's a champ. She's

(37:44):
she's doing well, she's doing betterthan than I was doing. UM.
But you know, invariably she'll she'llhave some anxiety with going to bed,
or some of some of her sisterswill or you know, they'll be they'll
hurt themselves. They'll get a littlescrape for a bruise or something will happen.
So whatever it is, and whatI've been trying to teach them is

(38:08):
I'm a little scared, but I'mokay. I feel fear, but I'm
okay. I this hurt me andthat's okay, but I'm okay. And
just giving them those those sort ofanchors and then teaching them breathing techniques,

(38:30):
some things that I've been learning myself. Right, take take a deep breath
in through your nose then out again. Right. And so in that moment
like doing those things and then modelingthose things to them, and you know,
thinking in the moment, well,like I think this is a good
advice, but like, who,I don't know if it's landing. They're
so upset. But then watching youknow, even when I thought, wow,

(38:53):
this probably isn't landing, but I'llgo ahead and say it anyway,
And then watching them have these difficultiesor get a scrape or something happens and
them say either to themselves or toeach other, it's hurt a little bit,
but I'm okay. Or like whenI, like just the other day,

(39:15):
like I kept I accidentally kept myself, you know, and doing something
in the house and um, youknow, logan saying saying something like,
oh are you okay? I said, yeah, yeah, I kind of
hurt myself. I'll get I'll geta band aid. Oh it hurts,
but you're okay. And so watchingit, so I say that to say,
the question was what have I learnedfrom my kids? And so the

(39:37):
answers is that I'm getting at isyou know, I'm pouring into them,
but what I get back is watchingtruth, watching health, watching life,
watching love take root in them andthen grow and seeing them take ownership does

(39:58):
something in me. Yeah, itfeeds my heart and it you know,
it makes me a better person becausenot because they're doing what I said,
but because they're finding their way toa healthier version of themselves. They're finding
a way to being healthy. Andwhat that does for me is, oh,

(40:20):
I can do that too, right. So I'm so, is this
reciprocal thing where I'm trying to teachthem something to cope sometimes having very little
faith in whether it's landing, andthen it does land just a little bit,
And when I see it, Igo, oh, that's what I
can also do. And then Ican model it more to them, and

(40:44):
then they model it to themselves.And that's a really powerful loop. And
I think that right. So weteach our kids the things that we need
to and then we watch our kidsdo it, and then they teach us.
Yea, because if a nine yearold can do it, if a
seven year old and do it well, then a thirty six year old we
able to pull this off and Ithink that's what's fun about parenting. You're

(41:06):
raising your kids to be a betterversion of you, or not even a
better version of you. You're raisingyour kids to be better than you and
who they are exactly. So you'reteaching them what you want them to learn,
and then you watch them do itand you're like, oh wait,
I can learn from them, right, And that I think is I mean,
what all not patting the backs thewrong word, but what a like,

(41:27):
Okay, good, this parenting thingsworking because I'm learning from my own
parenting techniques right right, practice whatyou preach. If you teach your kids
that and then you learn from it, it's working. So then, in
your opinion, Dada four girls,what's the best part about being a dad?
I've got a quick answer, butI want to sit with it because

(41:50):
it even as I like it comesto my head like it feels knee jerk,
it feels like an automatic, likeright response. But I want to
sit with it because the best partof me being a dad is love.
And you know, I've heard differentmetaphors to describe it, right, I

(42:13):
forget I don't know who said it, right, but like, becoming a
parent is like having your heart splitand then your whole, your heart living
outside your body within within the bodyof your child. And that's it,

(42:35):
man, And that is both huge. It makes you hugely vulnerable, but
it makes you so much bigger thanwho you ever thought you could be.
That's true because to be to bea part of love in that way to
say like, you're you're my baby, your your mind, but also even

(42:55):
as I like exult and glory andenjoy this moment of your mind, you're
my baby, I also look atyou and go. But you're your own
person and you are loved by love, and your creator exults in you and

(43:15):
has empowered you so your mind.But you're also bigger than mine, which
means my connection to you, mylove to you, also expands beyond both
of us into infinity. Right andagain, regardless of what your sort of
faith tradition is, like that powerof love, when you glimpse it,

(43:36):
you get to see it in parenthoodand my experience, you get to see
it in parenthood more powerfully than inany other relationship. Yeah, that that
idea of love. When we've talkedabout it a lot, that idea of
the best part about being a dadis love showing love, receiving love,

(43:57):
being love, introducing them to love. I think it's just wonderful. And
I don't have girls, and Ido think at this age, girls and
boys process love differently, and Ithink you being able to identify that is
just really remarkable. It's really amazing. And for all of us dads,

(44:20):
I mean, you've heard it alot over the last few episodes. You
can never overcommunicate how much you loveyour kids. You just can't over communicate
it. So every chance you get, let them know you love them,
show him that you love him,hug him, cuddle them, be with
them, tell them and point themto it. I think it's just so
important. So Nathan, you know, I mean you've heard all of the

(44:44):
diary entry, so you knew thiswas coming. Most of the other guests
they're a little thrown off, Butyou got four girls. You happen to
know where where your camera is andknow our dad's diaries. An opportunity for
their dad to sleep a diarrhantry fortheir kids. So you're four lovely,

(45:04):
wonderful, awesome, amazing girls.Here's your opportunity to leave a diaryantry for
them. As if this was thelast thing they'd ever hear from you who
So I knew this was coming,but it's not. It's not it's not
an easy task. Jackson, Avery, Logan, and Levi. I love

(45:30):
you always. I loved you beforeyou showed up on the scene. Um,
there's always a moment in the deliveryroom and happened with with each of
the four of you, where youknow the stress and the chaos of deliveries

(45:52):
happening, and I'm there. I'msupporting your mom and she's the champ,
she's doing all the work, justalong for the But there's a moment when
you come into this world and I'mnever ready for it, because there's a

(46:13):
minute when I see for the firsttime, and everything in me stops in
that moment Jackson, from the firsttime it happened with you, to Avery,
to Logan to Levi, that momentis just as special and unique for
every one of you. And whatit unlocks in me and shows is,

(46:35):
Oh, this was here all along. This didn't suddenly manufacture itself. This
love, this connection that I've hadto you has always been true, from
eternity past to eternity future. Sowhen I say I love you always,

(46:55):
I don't mean I will love youforever. I mean, there's not a
reality in this world where my lovefor you doesn't exist. And what we
believe about love is that love isGod and because of that, we have

(47:19):
been involved in that love, andwe will be involved in that love forever.
And that's what I hold for you. You are made by love,
You are made to love, Youare freed to love, and because of
that, you are also equipped tolove. You have everything you need to
be women of love and good works. Care for yourselves, care for each

(47:46):
other, love those within your reach. You are powerful, You matter,
You belong, so love already,be curious, learn more, do good,

(48:06):
and grow forever. I love himwell, Ladies, you have a
wonderful dad. I'm grateful to callhim my friend and brother and also partner
in this crazy thing we call life. So Nathan, thanks so much for
all you do for our dad's diary, for all of our listeners, for
all the people who gain so muchvalue from the content we put out.

(48:30):
It wouldn't be possible about you.But also thanks for being on the podcast
today. Good times Perkommand it's alwaysmore fun to do projects with people you
like. That's true, right,It's a big deal. So when you
find one, lock arms with them, treat well, treat them well,
enjoy life with them, and doamazing things. And Jackson, Avery,

(48:54):
Logan and Levi you are going todo incredible, awesome things way beyond anything
your dad and mom probably even cansee right now. So we support you.
We champion you were for you,you know, park Man, I'm
so glad you got to hear fromNathan today and that you got a moment

(49:19):
to hear a man, from afather, from an entrepreneur, from an
artist who I value in respect,and really, all the things you've seen
me do, heard me do,we'll see pictures of me doing would not
be possible without Nathan. It justwouldn't have happened. And when you get
to find someone who believes in youand you believe in them, that's a

(49:44):
powerful thing. But this is whatI want to touch on right now,
and Dad's some of you need tohear this right now. We spend way
too much time trying to convince peopleto believe in us, when the people
who are believing in us are standingright there just waiting for an invitation to
to join. Like, we spendso much energy trying to make people like
us, when the people who actuallylike us are right there, and the

(50:07):
ones who actually like us and believein us, they're not going to beg
for that because they see you spendingtime, wasting time in essence, trying
to convince people who won't ever believeor ever actually get behind you. You
spend time with them because you thinkyou need their affirmation, but really,
the greatest gift you can get,or maybe one of the greatest gifts you

(50:30):
can get, is that someone willbelieve in you and you will believe in
them, and then you get togo to war every day together. So
ties to you as iron I don'tactually care if you're popular. It's way
overrated, and popular probably means you'vespent too much time trying to make everybody
happy. And Dad's right now,stop stop trying to be popular. I'm

(50:52):
not trying to tell you to bea jerk, not trying to tell you
not to be kind. But thereare people who you're spending too much time
I'm trying to convince to believe inyou, like you, join you be
a part of your life, whenthe people who actually want it are right
there. They're just waiting to beinvited into more. So you heard from
Nathan today and in two and seventeeneighteen, we just connected, reconnected,

(51:17):
and we've started doing little projects together. Now we're doing a podcast together.
And we believe in each other.Nathan believes in me, I believe in
him. We push each other,we challenge each other, We have great
conversations. Spending time with Nathan iseasy, it's fun, it's awesome.
So why would I waste it tryingto give in somebody else to like me.

(51:37):
Don't waste your time like that.Ty to shoot, design and be
kind to everybody, but don't seekeverybody's approval, and definitely don't think you're
going to be as close with everybody. Find the people who believe in you,
Find the people you believe in,lock arms with them, support one
another, encourage one another, celebrateone another, sorrow with one another.

(52:01):
And for the people that you connectwith, go out and change the world.
Stop wasting your time trying to convinceother people that you're a worthy cause.
And for you dads out there,give up the popular vote. Just
stop it. Stop trying to bethe cool dad. Just be the dad
that stars for your kids, andfind other dads like that lock arms with

(52:23):
them and let's be dads who carefor one another, not care about what
other people think about us. ParkerMan, always remember be kind, give
to others, show respect, loveyour mother. Never forget your dad is
really proud of you. Our Dad'sDiary is a bramble Jam podcast, can

(52:45):
be found ad free by joining bramblejamplus dot com. Is hosted by Jonathan
Parker, produced by Brendan Gray.You can find us on social media by
going to at to Our Dad's Diaryand clicking that follow button. See you
next week.