Oliver Lollis

We're back with another episode of ODD! This week, Oliver Lollis joins us!

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a bramble jam podcast.No matter when you're listening to this right
now, it is a whole loteasier to dislike people and know who you're
against than know who you are andwho you're four and who you're four should
be everybody just at the end ofthe day, Parker, Man, I
want you to be for everyone.Doesn't mean you're gonna agree with everyone.

(00:25):
Doesn't even mean you're gonna like everyone. Hey, Dad's, welcome to another
episode of our Dad's Diary. Iam still bald, I'm still bearded,
and the jury's still out if I'mbeautiful, but I am here. My

(00:46):
name is Jonathan Parker. Thanks somuch for tuning in. Hopefully you've enjoyed
these episodes of Dad's talking about dadlife. You can't see me because you're
listening to the podcast. One dayyou'll see the video. But I'm wearing
my fishing hat. I love.I love the fishing hat, So I
gotta talk about the fishing hat realquick. I've been fly fishing five or
six times on um multiple nice rivers, and I would not allow myself to

(01:10):
buy a fishing hat until I actuallycaught a fish because I feel like it's
it's it's a it's a level ofintegrity. Yeah, you don't wear a
fishing hat, nil you catch afish. It's the Big Horn, Montana,
Montana. So I caught a fishon the Big Horn. Next day,
bought a hat. Dude, caughtanother fish. Best river I've ever
fished on, the Big Big Hornwas great. It was great. So
good. Were you on a boator I was flowing? Oh yeah?

(01:34):
And then the second fish I caughtwas I was just in the water with
shorts and the well of those thingscalled chocos, those chacos, chacos,
sandals, sandals, just sandals.But I bought chacos, and people are
like, you don't strike me asa choco guy. I was like,
but I was on the Big Horn. I'm not Hippian. Apparently not all
right? Dad, you were like, who is that other voice? And
it is our wonderful guest. Oliver'swith us. Oliver, thank you so

(01:57):
much for being here, Thank youfor having me. Grateful to be here.
It's gonna be a blast. Sowe're gonna talk about you in a
little bit. But the most importantthing we talk about is the fact that
you're a dad. So we gotto talk about who you're a dad too.
So before we talk about you,let's talk about your kids. Who
are you a dad too? Okay, so first of all, but my
kids are awesome, but I gotto talk about my wife first. She

(02:21):
is awesome. Her name's Alison.She's beautiful. She just like we were,
like, you know, wandering aroundin the world and there was like
a magnet that just like connected,you know. So we just um hooked
up and it was like connection andwe knew that it was going to be

(02:42):
something. How long have you knownAlison? How long have you been married?
Oh golly, we've been married forthree years, three or four years,
and then we've known each other forlike six or seven. So um.
But yeah, that was the beginning, right, and then the kids

(03:06):
came and then it was like,oh crap, you gotta figure out off
out, you know, like wegot to learn how to be like real
people. Yeah, there's no handbook. Even though people write books I'm parenting,
they've never parented your kids. Theyhave no concept of what your kids
like. And nobody wants to readthose books anyway, right, I mean
we say we do, oh,yeah, thank thanks, Yeah, what

(03:28):
do you expect what you're expecting.Thanks, yeah, thank you for that.
And then the advice comes from thatbook, right, and you're like
the unsolicited advice. Yes, youknow what you need to do. Uh
no, but I'm too tired toargue with you. Please just tell me
you read that book. I didnot have the time, Yeah, for
sure. I was too busy tryingto get other stuff done. Yeah,

(03:51):
like keep children alive. Sorry,I just like straight No, that's why
those little things are right there.Fantastic. They stop all forms of COVID
from coming out through for perfect.Yeah. Well it's a good Can I
say that Nathan's probably gonna edit thatjoke out. Yeah, that joke's going
out. So all right, Sothen we we we met Alison, and
then there were kids, so let'stalk about them. Yeah, so my

(04:14):
kids are awesome. Um, oneis four, one is three. Um,
so we had Irish twins. Wejust jumped into that and um my
oldest daughter, you know, wedidn't expect all the things that happened,
but she has spinal bifida. Um, and you just kind of it's something

(04:34):
that you learned to live with,you know, and doesn't change anything other
than like there's there's stuff that youthere's extra stuff, right, you know,
and um, like potty training likethat doesn't come as natural and you
just have to figure out what you'regonna do. And honestly, man like,

(04:55):
we're right in the throes of it, so I don't know how we're
going to handle it. Yeah,but we're trying to figure out how to
go to school, what school tosend her to, and you know,
it's like one of just one ofthose things that like it's just it's a
hard parenting decision because I don't wantto put her in public school because she'll

(05:16):
just get bullied if she has towear a naper. But um, she's
an awesome, smart girl, andI want to set her up to succeed.
Maybe that means putting her in monesstory or homeschooling or her I don't
we don't know the answers yet.Yeah, but we are very aware of

(05:41):
like the issues. Yeah, youknow, and did you know she was
going to have a span if awhile she was still in the womb or
did you find this out after delivery? Yeah? I mean, honestly,
man like, it's a god thingbecause in the womb, like it was
bad, like with the reports werebad. Um, and she came out

(06:02):
way better than we expect it andthat's all god right, um, and
so we're super happy about that,but you know, um, it still
is you know, an issue forsure. So she's four what's her name?
All these four and then you havea three year old what's her name?

(06:23):
Sophie? Okay, and and Sophiehad some issues, um with her
kidney. But she's like just this, I don't know, like she's a
force, right, and she'll like, she'll just she owns a room,
right, She'll walk in and peoplewill be like, this kid's beautiful,
yeah, you know, and andshe'll just own it, you know.

(06:46):
And so I'm like, I'm like, man, I got two beautiful daughters,
you know, and we've got ourissues, you know, like,
but it's all pretty good when youlevel it all out. Yeah. I
mean, And I got to meetyour girls that day outside the taco shop,
and they are they are beautiful whiteduck taco and we can talk.

(07:08):
White duck tacos are really delicious.We're not sponsored by them, but I
think we should be. We'd liketo be White Duck should sponsor because we
love white ducks. So so,Oliver, what would you say, I
mean, so there's a dad listeningright now, or even a mom listening
right now, and one of theirkids are sick, or one of their
children have an illness a disease thatthey're going to live with for the rest
of their lives, both as parentsas their children. What advice or insight

(07:32):
or just empathy would you be ableto give to a parent who's wrestling with
some of the same decisions you andyour wife are having to face, Like,
what would you say to that dadlistening right now who just doesn't know
how to process that their child sickand they can do nothing about it.
The most important thing you can doin the life as a human being,
and not just as a dad,not just as a mother, or not

(07:54):
as a son, daughter, whateveryou want to say, The most important
thing that you can do is ofsomeone else. And when you have a
child, that the walls that webuild up, all the pain, all
the bricks that we build up,you know, over the years, they're

(08:15):
all broken back down with children,you know. And um, I would
say love winds always. That's reallygreat. So and I think that it's
right. It's so simple to saylove wins always, but it's such a
profound reality to live out for yourkids. It's hard, yeah, just

(08:37):
because you know, those who areclosest to us. I mean, it's
the weird paradox those closest to usat times we are it's the hardest people
for us to love unconditionally and always. Yeah. And you know, even
today, I was at the house, Jessica was getting doing some client work,
and all three of my boys,separate from each other, just came
down just and from the playroom,and they said, we just want to

(09:00):
come say I love you. AndI was thinking about it afterwards. That's
my gold. Oh yeah, butI think I do believe that they wanted
to come down and say I loveyou. But I'm starting to get the
idea that they also need to bereaffirmed that my dad still loves me.
Yeah, not that anything happened,but I think it's this idea that children

(09:20):
just need that constant reminder, Yeah, you are loved by us, first,
foremost, and forever. Yeah.You know that kind of reminds me,
Well, it just happens today.Yeah, So my daughter, my
wife needed to get out of thehouse, so you know, you gotta

(09:41):
make space. Got to make spacefor that and Um, so my wife
left the house and you know,came back home. She's feeling good.
My daughter spilled her coconut drink.You know, we love this coconut drink.
So she's always wanting she spilled thedrink, and I was just like,

(10:03):
you know, it's okay, Likeyou spilled the drink. It's not
a big deal. We'll clean itup, right, you know. And
she was fine with it, Andbut her reaction to it was something different,
you know. It was like shewanted to like hold me, you
know, and like she wanted meto hold her, I think more than
anything, you know. And soI just picked her up, like put

(10:26):
her in my arms. And maybeshe felt ashamed of spilling the drink or
maybe she felt something, you knowthat whatever the reason was, but for
whatever reason, like she just wantedto be held, right, you know.
And I'm like, it's such agood picture of most human beings,

(10:48):
right, Like we just want tobe loved. I have a friend who
says he wished he wishes giants actuallyexisted so somebody could pick him up and
swaddle him and hold him a grownman. And I think it's not a
horrible thing, because you're right,that that hug, that touch, that
you're safe here. Yeah. Um. And even as a man of faith,

(11:09):
I know spiritually I can experience that, but to have that physical hug.
And that's why I'm a hugger.Anyone who knows me knows I love
to hug. It's because I thinkI think adults, right, you know,
I think it's just important for adultsto realize that we need that love
too. We need that Dad's right, you need a hug, Okay,
it is. It is actually amanly thing to do. Congratulations. Um,

(11:33):
you do need that physical touch.So I love that that, you
know, to that dad, tothat mom, to those parents right now
who have a child who's ill andmaybe forever or right now, one thing
that you can do, no matterthe situation is hug them, love on
them, express your love. Man. I would say, anybody that you

(11:54):
love, hug them because love doesn'tstop, right, Like, you know,
we're all spinning in our own worlds, but love doesn't stop. Yeah,
it goes with us. Yeah,it's good. That's really good.
Well, uh, well, we'lltalk a little bit more about your dad
life here in a little bit,but let's just talk about you. Let's

(12:15):
tell our listeners a little bit aboutyou. So, uh, being a
dad's a full time job. Alwayson her mind, always on her brain,
everything we're thinking about. It's whywe do what we do. But
we gotta pay bills. Lads gotto stay on And rumor has it we
need to go to White Duck futuresponsor of our Dead Sara, we gotta
go to White Duck eat some tacos. So what else is it that you
do? And let's hear a littlebit about you? Yes, So first
of all, I just have tosay that, um greeky yarro uh at,

(12:41):
why Duck the amazing I've not hadthe euro yet. Oh my gosh.
You have to try it. Igotta try it if you're if you're
down for lamb, like just wellI love White Duck lamb. Yeah,
it's amazing. Anyway, Um Sopast that, um yeah, I mean
I don't know where, I don'tknow that. I've got a bunch of

(13:05):
thoughts. Yeah, just go talklike what is it that you do and
what's a little bit of your story. So I've been in healthcare. My
dad started to healthcare business, umback in I think eighty nine, and
he's been through his own path throughfamily stuff that was dramatic and you know,

(13:28):
it is what it is. Andthen he built the business to what
it was. And then I workedfor that business for like twelve years or
thirteen years, um, but yeah, and then I was like, I
saw I identified a way to UMessentially create a business out of that business,

(13:52):
and I did, and so Istarted added Global. UM. We
help people stream line asurement of medicalsupplies or really whatever, right, Like
I mean I could literally get thisTV screen right yeah, you know,
like I know people, Yeah yougot you got a guy. Yeah,

(14:15):
I got a guy for almost everything, you know. And it really comes
back to UM the support that Ihad as a child when I would I
showed up at the dinner table whenmy parents were like, hey, we're
gonna have a dinner discussion and uhand I was like, Hey, I'm
gonna go to Europe and I'm gonnatravel around and I'm gonna go see the

(14:37):
world. And they were like,you know you're not but what so just
listeners, how old were you whenyou told them that? Like fifteen,
right, okay, you know Iwas young. Yeah, And and they
were just like shocked, you know, because they're like, no, you
need to be in high school,you need to do that thing. And
and honestly, like I thought Iwas going to play sports, and then

(15:00):
when that kind of fell through,I was like, well, like what
is this, you know, likehow are we gonna? Like I looked
at myself and I was like,Okay, I could play sports, but
I would rather go see the world, you know. And so I figured
out a way to graduate high schoolearly. I graduated my junior year,

(15:24):
and then I moved to Europe fora year. I traveled all around.
I saw things that were like crazy, you know that you just can't replicate,
right, And and then I cameback and I learned like, hey,
there's this is a big world.These people like we're all connected.

(15:46):
And I think the message that Iwould send to anybody is that all of
this, like you know, youlook at you the pain in your life,
you look at the struggles that youface, You're not alone one,
and it's all connected to God.And what we define as God isn't some

(16:07):
man up in the sky. It'sthe It's in everything that we touch,
see, feel, you know,like the emotions that we you know,
right interact with. And so II think that God is just like way
bigger than anything. And you know, it is what it is, like

(16:30):
people will see it or they wantand those experience, those experiences obviously laid
you down quite a path. Yeahyou know, so I know, I
know a little bit. But youwent to Europe and then he came back.
So as as you think about whatyou do now, is that what
you set out to do? Oris this is this is something you figured

(16:51):
out you were good at and whatyou actually do is so much more.
Yeah. No, I had noidea. I had no idea. I
just kind of always like like justpursued what was in front of me and
attacked that. And um, whatI've learned from that is, um,

(17:11):
you know, like I've been marriedand divorced. That was hard, you
know, because you feel like afailure, like you failed something something big,
you know, And um, thecool thing is my wife and I,
you know, have been in thesame situation and when we met,
like it was a magnet, right, And so you you look at your

(17:34):
life and you say, okay,there were things that were out of my
control and things in my control.And I you know, like I'm no
perfect dude, right, Like Ihad my own my own fair share of
mess ups. Um, but youknow, you meet somebody that just like
you know, you connect with andit just leaves you've feeling a little bit

(18:00):
more whole than you've felt in yourlife. Yeah, you know, and
so and then you add kids ontop of that, and then you're just
like the bricks that I built upover the years have they're just like being
torn down. Yeah and so,yeah, I mean that's beautiful, that's
great what it is, you know. So dad's if you're fifteen year old

(18:25):
says, Hey, I'm going tofinish high school in three years so I
can travel to Europe. Don't saythat can't be done, because you're now
listening to a story of how itcan be done. So that's pretty amazing.
So we'll probably touch on some ofthat through some of these other questions.
But I kind of want to goback. We're gonna take a pause
from the present and kind of goback to the future or back to the
past, back to the future.Great movie, though he's the first one,

(18:47):
the first one, second one youcould wash, but the third one
was good. Let's give Christopher Lloydlike the credit that he deserves because not
only was he great in the movie. He's a great artist. Yeah,
he was wonderful. I didn't knowthat he was actually in a Star Trek
movie as a Klingon. Did youknow this? I didn't know that he

(19:07):
was in. I don't remember whichone, but I was watching this one
with my dad when I was homelast time. Of course, pops sleep
on the couch and he's a Klingon, and for all I was like,
wait, no, this can't be. Professor Brown is not a Klingon.
This is inaccurate, a horrible decision, like, but clearly he can't be.

(19:30):
He's not typecast. Apparently he canbe. He can be crazy crazy
doctor Brown or Grandam Klingon captain ofa ship. All right, so let's
go back to you. How wouldyou now, looking back, how would
you describe your relationship with your dadwhen you were a kid. I think
my dad tried like his like hedid a great job of like being involved,

(19:53):
you know, because you hear likeI grew up with kids that his
dad was like completely uninvolved, youknow. And my dad went out of
his way to like coach us insports and be part of our sporting development,
you know, And that's that wasawesome, you know, And I

(20:15):
even remember my greatest showing memories.This is this is gonna be funny.
It was like I was at atthe three point line, you know,
and so it was just like,you know, past the ball, right
yeah, yeah, you know,and I'm like, not gonna shoot.
And I remember he was right onthe sideline and he was like no,

(20:37):
no, no, no, don'tshoot that. Don't shoot that. I
was like, I'm shooting. Iwatched an MJ video. I'm going,
I know, this is this ismoney, you know. I got my
new shoes on, I was feelinggood. I'm just like I'm taking this
shot, you know. And Iremember him saying, uh, like from
the sideline, coaching our team,like, don't take that shot. Don't
take that shot. You know,took it, made it. And I

(21:03):
was just like, thumbs up out, just give him the luck. Yeah,
Like I was bawling. Yeah,And I looked, you know,
as an adult now, you know, as a child, I was like,
yeah in your face, you know, like I got this. You
know, as an adult, Ifeel like, you know, i'd see
it in different eyes, and Isee it that moment as a moment where

(21:32):
you know, obviously the risk iscalculator whatever, but like it was more
like a feeling that's like, Idon't want to feel that way about my
dad, you know, because nowhe's seventy something years old and it's not
in the prime that he was then, you know, and now it's like,

(21:56):
I'm the tables have turned a littlebit to where he's telling me what
to do or not to do,and to where like now I'm having to,
you know, take care of hima little bit. You know,
we're gonna keep this conversation going aboutdad life, but we're gonna take a
quick break. We'll be right.As you look back now with your relationship

(22:30):
with your dad, I mean healso let you go to Europe. Yes,
So what were some of those youknow, now looking back being able
to see life through the rear view, I mean, what were some of
the celebrations but also the challenges thathave kind of left you in this place
right now where it's a little undefined. Um, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

(22:53):
Okay, Yeah, sorry, I'msorry. There you're goin. Um
will you repeat that one? Yeah, of course. So I mean you
like, the tables have turned,you don't want to feel that way towards
your dad, and things have reversewhen you look back in a childhood,
for some dads letting their kid travelthe world, yeah, that's just not

(23:15):
happening, Like cram in high schooland not happening. So there was something
about your dad there that said,no, okay, if that's what you
want to do. There also seemsto be these levels of challenge that also
were present that Shane said, it'slike a hard thing because like, on
the one hand, I feel likemy dad was like like kind of like
the ideal southern dad, you know. He was like he taught you how

(23:41):
to be tough, but he alsohelped you out, you know. Yeah,
So it's like, you know,and I think when I like when
I was traveling the world, thiswas pre nine to eleven, right,
so you're looking at a different landscapeand you're looking at today. So he

(24:03):
was he was like, Okay,yeah, I guess if he wants to
do it, like once encouraging himand let him do this, you know,
and we'll help fund it, rightyeah, you know, um and
then um you know. But atthe same time, you know, dudes

(24:23):
have a hard time connecting to eachother, right, you know. And
he was the product of a lockkey kid. You know, so he
like he came home from school byhimself, you know, he let himself
in the house, He made himselflunch, you know, like he had

(24:45):
a different upbringing than I had,right, And so I can't like as
much as like, I love mydad and I want to be better than
my dad, But I also haveto have like a compassion for my dad
because his life has been different thanmy life, and he gave me opportunities

(25:07):
that I wouldn't have had if itweren't for him. And so I can't
expect him to understand my life experiencesas much as like I can't understand his
life experiences. But we can becompassionate with one another, and we can
like come back together and say,hey, you know your childhood was crazy,

(25:33):
you know, like, and youknow you've gave me the best life
that you could possibly give me,and that's what I want for my children
and I but I also want tobe better, right, you know.
And I think this is just Imean, we've touched on this with a
lot of our guests, but Ithink you're nailing it on the head.
The generation of our dads, Yeah, there's no comparison to the generation which

(25:59):
were being dad's right now, Yeah, I mean the way our dads grew
up, you know, like earlynineteen hundreds. You know, my dad's
seventy three, seventy four, Sowhat's that. I mean nineteen nineteen twenty,
No, nineteen forties, right,nineteen forties, some crazy crazy stuff

(26:22):
like my mom's mom grew up inthe depression. Graham was in the depression.
I mean, so what they hadto experience, this idea of a
lock key kid. I'm with mykids every morning for breakfast. I'm very
rarely not at the dinner table.And that's a privilege, right, And
that is exactly what it is.Okay, So this isn't some political statement.
It is an actual privilege that Iget to see my kids every morning

(26:45):
and gets to have dinner with mykids just about every night. And for
us to look and dads listen tothis, like, don't be so hard
on your own dad, who grewup in a significantly different time, with
significantly different environs, and say,well, that's not how I would do
it now. Well, he didn'tlive now, and maybe he would have
done it differently, but he gaveyou everything he could so that you could

(27:08):
be here now. So I'm notsaying you've got to be all in and
support everything that he did, yeah, but you need to respect and honor
the fact that it was a differenttime. Yeah. And I honestly man,
like that's I think. What like, let's just start with compassion,
right, And let's say, let'ssay I don't get it right because that

(27:32):
wasn't my life, you know,but it was someone else's life. Yeah,
And I don't care if it's yourdad or a Muslim that grew up
in Gaza being worst to think acertain way, or you know, whatever
it may be. Right, Like, we're human beings and we all have

(27:53):
a connection in that, you know, we're all connected, we're all alive,
we're all connected to the earth,and you know, we have greater
connections with some people. But wehave to find the compassion. And I
think that's what scares me about Likethe world today is like our lack of

(28:15):
compassion for even the people we love, right, Like, because you want
to hate your dad, you know, and for whatever reason, the only
reason that I really want to hatehim is because I love him, right,
you know, Like I don't hatehim, I just like I know
what I want for my family andI operate on that kind of premise,

(28:40):
but like the compassion, like that'swhere I feel like you learn how to
be a human being exactly. Youknow. So, as you look back,
is there one story about your dadthat sticks out in your mind that
you glean advice from even today thatyou would share with your kids, you
know, when they're old enough.Um. Honestly, it was his humility,

(29:04):
because he's always been like a bigwig, you know, like he's
been the big business guy and he'sthe entrepreneur and he's doing it. Yeah.
Yeah, And I remember, Um, I wrote a paper in like
fourth grade or fifth grade or whatever. Um, and he was like telling

(29:27):
me what he did. You know. I was like, oh, Dad,
what do you do? And He'slike, I'm an entrepreneur. I
was like, I don't know,how do you spell that? And UM.
I remember that conversation from like avery early age. And then I
always wanted us to like have abusiness together, you know, and um,

(29:48):
because I it just was something thatstuck in my mind, you know.
Um. But now I feel likejust recently he was like very humble
and he was like, hey,man, I would just want you to
be successful and I will do whateverI can do to back you up.

(30:11):
Wow, you know, and aslike as a guy growing up, especially
in like I don't know how itis all across the world, but I
would assume it's the same way.Like guys, we have this pressure on
us to like be successful, toprovide for our families, do the thing
right, you know, and forhim to just be like, hey man,

(30:33):
I just got your back. Youknow, like that was like pretty
cool. Did you feel that whenyou were a kid or do you see
that looking back? M that's agood question. Yeah, that's a good
question. I feel like I seeit looking back. Yeah, And I

(30:55):
think for a lot of dads,I mean we're roughly the same age for
a lot of dad's mid thirties,early forties. Yeah, we look back
and at times we have a wayto both over vilify and over celebrate the
past. Right, So it wasa lot worse than it actually was,
or it was a lot better.And that's a conversation for a different day.
But there is this element that Ithink is beautiful that you looking back,

(31:19):
even as a kid, you mightnot have felt it, but looking
back, you can come to anexample or come to a scenario or at
least a characteristic and say he washumble. He could have been a lot
more big wig and a lot moreprideful, but he was humble. And
looking back on it, I thinkfor us as dads, we have to

(31:40):
realize that are like the report cardof being a dad doesn't come out until
decades later. Yeah you know.So you now saying, hey, I
knew my dad had my back?Was he perfect? No? Was my
dad perfect? No? But Iknow the exact My dad always had my
back. Yeah, And looking backnow, I want my kids, you

(32:04):
know, when they're thirty six,I want them to look back and I
want them to be honest about myfaults as they should be. Yeah,
but I want them to know thereare certain things that were not negotiables for
me, and having their back isone of them. How do you how
do you address your faults with yourkids? Like, that's um one of
the questions that I'm I don't know. Oh I am super fast to apologize

(32:27):
and just name it very false,call it out like, hey, daddy
responded in anger, he yelled,and that was wrong. Please forgive me?
Like, could you say an examplebecause of my made me feel?
Yeah? Yeah? So oh man, if you listen to these podcasts.
I talk about my failures all thetime. So let's see the most recent

(32:51):
one. I won't give you thereally so because those are there, but
so right now, we've been outof our house for seventy seven days,
so eleven four weeks we've been outof our still out of your No,
we're back in. We got backin Sunday, thank God, right right,
yeah, oh yeah, people likeare you were you in church Sunday?
I was like, no, Iwas moving to my house. We've

(33:12):
been on house seven seven days,and in the grace, I was able
to show my kids in other people'shouses. Um was was a gift and
very intentional because I'm like, we'rein someone else's house, right, but
now we're back in our O.We're back in our house. But they're
still just crap everywhere, just boxesthat need to be undone, and they're
readjusting to our space, right,they're readjusting and we have new floors,

(33:37):
we have new carpets, we havenew stuff. They adjust on their own
level. So I was going totell this story as like the monologue thing,
but I'm just gonna tell it now. It's gonna be great. So
we had to have the sink removedfrom our bathroom so flooring can go down,
and we put the sink in thegarage. We rephrased, I didn't
put the stick in the garage.A plumbing company put the sink in the

(33:58):
garage, which is and it's apedestal snink like it's just there. It's
stayed there for weeks on end.So we're back in the house and we're
doing yard work outside and I'm like, kids, boys, do not go
into the garage. Just don't doit. Well. We'd been outside for

(34:19):
hours at that point, six sevenhours, just doing yardwork because our yard
was trashed too, and we hadneighbors coming by to make sure we were
still alive, and so I wasso forth. So I'm talking to one
of our neighbors and I'm not reallypaying attention to the kids, and all
of a sudden, we hear theloudest crash. Jessica's in the house,

(34:39):
I'm outside. The neighbors here.We run in because I don't know what
it is. And the look onmy three boys face because they're in the
garage, they they have pushed overthe porcelain whatever pedestal snink it shattered all
over our garage, just shattered home. And I've been doing a lot of
work on like sink calm and centeredand quiet, and I think, no,

(35:05):
no, no, I know Ihandled. I got real quiet,
and I said, just go inside, just go it, just go inside.
I can't wait for the rest ofthe story. And Jessica comes out
and she's trying to talk about,well, now the boys are not obeying,
they're not going inside. They're alltrying to justify that it was the
other brother's fault. And we haveneighbors just passing by, right, and

(35:30):
I start raising my voice, notin the sense of like raise your voice
to get into it, but likeyelling, like you just we are so
out of money, Like I don'teven have words for this, and I'm
I'm Jessica, okay, just andthey're inside. So I finally get them
inside, and we had to borrowsomeone's lawnmower, which not because we don't

(35:51):
have a lawnmower. We're just gonnaget to it because of all the juck
in our grudge. And Jessica comesback out and they're staying there, and
she says, the boys are soafraid. Oh, like as a dad
that. I mean, some dadsmay like that. Man, some jackass
dads may want their kids afraid ofthem. Okay, and like that just

(36:12):
needs to be said. You're ajackass if you want your kids to be
afraid of you. Did that hurtyou? Yeah, because I said,
that's not what I wanted. Ididn't know how to deal with it.
Yeah, But because it was amoney thing, it was an obedience thing,
it was a mess thing. Itwas like just another thing. Yeah,
And I said, Okay, Isaid, I'm gonna walk the lawn
mower back. I'm gonna walk thelawn more back to our neighbor's house.

(36:37):
Right, So I'm walking it backand and call it God, call it
presence, call it whatever, butwhatever. What came over my mind on
the way back was is the isthe sink more important than your kids?
Because how you respond when you gointo that house will demonstrate what's more important

(37:00):
in the sink or your kids.Yeah, it's very simple. And the
kids mines black and white. Eithermy dad thinks the sink is more important,
my dad thinks I'm more important.And they don't understand, right,
they don't understanding. They don't getthe money like even you try to teach
your kids about money. Yeah,it's like, well, they don't understand
until they're in it. Until they'rein it. So I come inside and

(37:20):
they're not in it. They comeinside, and Jessica said, hey,
just so you know, when whenyou were gone, they prayed the whole
time. So we pray a lotas a family and meditate his family,
and so they're praying, and shesaid, they prayed that God would give
you money for the sink. It'sawesome. And she said, so just
so you know. So I walkin and and and here's the deal,

(37:43):
Like Dad's I get it. Youwant to lash out. You have to
do something like that. You youwant to just screaming you out because you
want to teach a lesson, right, teach a lesson or just feel better
for a moment, just like letthe stress go. So I'm talking Jessica,
and I go over there and sittingon about I'm stupid. So you
asked the question. So and Ijust said, hey, hey, boys,

(38:05):
I need you to know something.You're more important than a sink.
Dude, You're more important than athink. I said, I love you,
and here and this is what Idid. How did I I said,
Daddy got angry. Yeah, andthat's not right. And I yelled.
I said, you know, raisingyour voices okay when I'm but I

(38:27):
yelled at you and that wasn't right. Yeah, And I want will you
forgive me? And they said,and they're all crying and I'll sloppy.
They're yeah, we forgive you,We forgive you. And I said,
but we do have to talk aboutwhat happened. Yeah, And we kind
of plushed that out and and andand when I mess up, I have
one or two options. I caneither demonstrate what I teach my boys or

(38:52):
just hope that they ignore my teachingthrough how I live and just do what
I say. And we know thatjust doesn't happen. So for me,
it's I'm fast to apologize. Iname it directly. But this is what
I always tell them. It's nowdone. Yeah, it's now in the
past. Yeah, we're not gonnatalk about the sink anymore. If forgiveness
is true, it's done. Yeah. So for me, that's how I

(39:15):
handle it. But what I needmy boys to know is my boys are
more important than than the sink.My boys are more important than the new
flooring we have My boys are newmore important than whatever, right, My
boys are important than other physical,tangible stuff that money can buy. And

(39:35):
I think that's like, I mean, that's what scares me, is like
you know, um, with kids, is that they see what you do,
yeah, you know, much morethan they listen to what I say.
So how do we how do weas men step up? You know,

(40:00):
because I think that there's been thislike projection of men you know that
says, hey, this is whatyou need to be, this is how
you need to act, this iswhat you need to do, and then
you know, then we're just thrownout into the world, right yep.
Well, the reality is that there'sa lot of people in the world that

(40:24):
are hurting, that are struggling,that are feeling pain, you know,
not like I mean crazy pain,you know, like stuff we can't even
imagine. And here we are tryingto be leaders, you know. And
I think that I think that,you know, it starts with our children,

(40:49):
because that's what teaches you how tolove, you know, and well
and your wife, like my wifeis teaching me how to love every day.
And um, but it like itstarts with this court group of love,
you know, and then it expandsout from that, And so I

(41:14):
think that, Like when I lookat the world today, I think about,
how do we help people start thelove? Yeah, you know it's
gonna then expand the love. Andif we can do that, like,
that's what will make magic. Right, Like, that's where the world should

(41:35):
be. And you know, Ilook at at stuff like, yeah,
the election and all this craziness happeningin our country, and I just want
to say, like, it's notabout anything other than love. And if
we can't, if we can't,like if our pride is too much to

(42:02):
accept love, then you're doomed.Right. You know, we're gonna keep
this conversation going about dad life,but we're gonna take a quick break.
We'll be right back. Like,let me ask you a question, sure,

(42:28):
do you want your kids to dobetter than you? Yeah? One
of my favorite quotes, and I'mgoing to misquote it, is fatherhood is
nothing more than trying to create peoplebetter than yourself. And and at the
end of the day, that's whatwe're striving to do. Right, That's
what my parents wanted. They wantedkids better than not just have better things,

(42:49):
but be better, do better.Right, That's what they wanted,
and that's what I want for mykids. And I think that's what parents
should strive for, that they're producing, cultivated, raising people better than themselves.
Yeah, I mean that's what Iwant. Yeah, it's pretty simple,
like I want my kids to bebetter than me. Yeah, and

(43:12):
we have all of our failures andsuccesses, Like I'm not downing successes.
How do you do that? How? I mean, how do you like,
how do you like get to thetruth and just say, like,
raise better? Well, I thinkit's just being honest. I mean it
took well, so Titus is seven, so I mean transparently. I think

(43:37):
it was probably when he was three, probably when we had three kids under
four? It was what am Idoing this whole thing for? What's the
purpose of it? And you know, my kids don't play sports like I
did. Like I was a balljunkie. My dad's big boy. I

(43:59):
mean you should play, I shouldplay. Yeah, like my dad had
a ball or my dad's philosophy wasthere's ball in your hand, you'll stay
out of trouble. And he wasexactly right. Yeah, But for me,
my kids never like picking up abasketball. Picking up up football is
not a thing. Yeah, ifyour dad says, if you have a

(44:20):
ball in your hand, you willsay out of trouble? What else?
Like, yeah, that may betrue, but what are you missing if
you have a ball in your hand? Well, but but again, in
a small town in Connecticut, Yeah, I was with my friends playing soccer
and then or wait fall fall issoccer, right, So I was at
the same group of playing soccer,and then we went to basketball, and

(44:43):
then we went to baseball, andthen we did swim team and work like
That's kind of how I grew up. Yeah, and my dad was at
every practice, in every game thathe that he could me. I don't
think he missed much at all.Like from that standpoint, I don't think
I missed much. But now now, if I want to put my kids
in basketball, I mean, it'slike four nights a week and then it's

(45:05):
it's either over competitive or like,no, we don't keep score. We
don't want to hurt people's feelings.I was like, what, No,
I don't I don't get that.So my bent would be forced my kids
to play basketball and soccer because that'swhat I was good at. But you
know, it's great for them rightnow as martial arts, so we're doing
martials. I have no idea aboutmartial arts. Ye, in this day
and age, you need to defendyourself. Yeah, right, exactly,

(45:28):
So there at least learning that.But they're growing so much in martial arts
at the karate Um studio out thereat that's awesome that But so it's it's
it is allowing my childhood to bendand not force my childhood experiences on them.

(45:49):
Yeah, talk about that more becauseI feel like that's the How do
you not take your negative experiences andplug that into your children? Right like
you want to. You want thebest for your children, and so how
do you give them the best?Okay, So then I'm gonna I'm gonna
answer it. Then you have toanswer that one. Okay, I'm gonna

(46:12):
say this. I've just really learnedthis, or I will say this.
I just have language for this nowover the last year that I didn't have
before. But I have to releaseall the negativity of my past because they
can't do anything about it. Yeah, it's done. I just have to
let it go. I have to. I have to. And if I
haven't addressed it, I haven't facedit. You have to face it,

(46:34):
like internally, you have to faceit and say, here's the emotion,
and then you have to realize,face the emotion, face the scenario,
and then you have to release it, relax and then move on, do
you I mean honestly, and we'retalking like man to man here, Yeah,
Um, that's hard to do,right, Like, oh yeah,

(46:55):
I mean I think every man hasthat kind of you know, yeah,
hard point where it's like you haveto decide who you're going to be,
right, you know, and um, but yeah, how do you do
it? Yeah? For me,it's like I have to step back from

(47:21):
the craziness of the day to dayand I have to go to what I
love, right, Like I lovemy wife, I love my kids,
I like where our life is pointed. Yeah, and therefore I have to
embrace that, you know, andeverything else that's just noise, you know,

(47:43):
even even external family members, youknow, they're they're just noise.
And so if I focus on theimmediate, yeah, the present, the
present moment. Yeah, the presentmoment, which is all that really matters,
everything else becomes kind of just honestly, it's actually become congruent. Yeah,

(48:13):
you know, with what we wantas a Yeah, that's good.
Yep. That's really great. Sonow I mean in that vein, so
as you're thinking about that, whatis the biggest lessons your kids have taught
you right now? Humility and compassion? I would say, how have they

(48:35):
taught you that? Um? Youknow when they It's such a long story,
but yeah, I mean, Um, before my kids, I was
a selfish piece of shit. Butthank God for my children because I'm learning

(49:08):
that I'm a selfless You're you're learningthe reality I'm learning and the very hardware.
Um. But they're just beautiful littlepeople, you know, and you
don't you don't know until you likehave this child that's like looking at you

(49:34):
like, teach me, right,you know, And when you're looking back
into their eyes and you're like,it's my responsibility to teach them, you
know, not just the ABC's butlike life shit. Yeah, you know.
Um, that's what like blows mymind. And I'll be honest with

(49:54):
you, like that's what makes me. You know, I've had my struggles
with I feel like I've wrestled withGod multiple times. And when I look
into my children's eyes, I seeGod. Yeah, and I I can't

(50:15):
really explain that, you know,but it's there's something. When I look
in my children's eyes, they're lookingback at me, and I feel a
connection that something really big. Yeah, And I just want the world if
I could. If I have onemessage for the world, it's God's real.

(50:38):
You know, God is real.You can say what you want,
you can do what you want,whatever doesn't change the fact God is real.
And I see it in my children'seyes, and I think they see
it in my eyes. And sowhen we're talking about like fathers and sons,
you know, like there's always sometension. But when I look in

(51:07):
my dad's eyes, now I seeGod and it's not always pretty, but
it's life. It's God, youknow, like it's existence. You know,

(51:27):
we can't explain all this stuff,right, you know, Yeah,
it's beautiful. So then from yourperspective, your opinion, your experience,
what's the best part about being adad? Ah, dude, cuddle time
in we have like family cuddle time, cuddle time, epic love that we'll

(51:47):
just get in the bed and everybodylike pals on each other. That's so
good, just like family love,you know. Yeah, And so it's
cool like how things develop because like, you know, I didn't grow up
like that. I grew up verymuch like this is how you act as

(52:08):
a human being, you know,and you need to get into sports and
you need to do this, andyou need to do that or whatever.
And with you know, my family, Um, it's all about love,
you know, and we want tolove love, love, love love.
So we just jump on each otherand pile on the love, you know,

(52:31):
and like we have family, youknow, just love. Such sessions
that I didn't have when I wasa kid, right, But I don't
know what that's gonna make our kids, yeah, you know, like I
don't want them to be weak,but I want them know they're they're loved
exactly. Cuddle time is great.Our boys do the same thing. I

(52:51):
used to think before kids that havingmy kids interrupt me in the morning,
like waking me up and jumping inbed would be a nuisance. But it's
actually really great. It's awesome.It's really great because I'm typically up before
them, so the few times,which is typically at a Saturday or Sunday,
they'll jump in and it's really great. And Titus is getting old enough
for now he wakes up, he'sseven, he wakes up, he can

(53:12):
do his own thing. Um,so those special moments when he jumps in
for a couple time. It's prettygreat. Yeah, you fret you accept
it because like I mean, likethere's been times where like I've been like
sound asleep, you know, justlike and my wife, we try to
trade off like days where we cansleep. You know, Hey, you
need a day to sleep in,like jump in on Saturday. I got

(53:36):
the kids. You can sleep aslate as you want, all as good,
you know, and so um.But you know that, you know,
like I'll wake up to a kidpull it on my hand and be
like, Daddy, we need you. Yeah, exactly like we got we
got a you know whatever, astory they've built, right, you know

(54:00):
that they'd like need me for yeand they're just like pull me up out
of my sleep, and you wakeup thinking like man, like there's way
worse ways to wake up exactly,you know, and it would be like
as much as you want to belike oh go away, like I want
to go back and sleep, youalso are kind of overwhelmed with the grace

(54:28):
to be in that situation exactly.You know that the kids would like want
you, right, you know,Like that's I mean, and I think
that's what like the messages it's likelove, love, love, love love,
you know, Like it doesn't takea form of this, It could

(54:49):
take a form of patience in amoment that says, you spilled your drink
and I'm not going to be upsetwith you. I'm gonna hug you and
say it's okay, try not todo that again. Yeah, like a
simple thing, you know, likewho cares I spill a drink, right,

(55:12):
right? But kids spill drinks rightand then then they dirty up your
floor that you work so hard tokeep clean, right, and then or
your house, you know, likemy kids. If you look at the
walls in my house, there's ballmarks all over the place from us throwing
the tennis ball to our dirty dog. Yeah exactly, you know, like

(55:36):
and we we could repaint the house, or we gonna getting their dogs,
right. But at the end ofthe day, like you have to accept
the love and it comes with mess, right, and the mess is what
makes it love essentially, because youknow, we we can't change the fact

(56:00):
that my dog's gonna want to chasethe ball right, right. I can't
change the fact that my girls aregonna spill their drink, right. You
know. What I can handle ishow I treat them when it happens,
you know, like when the messhappens, you know, how do I

(56:20):
how do? How am I right? You know? And I just want
to be a good person. Iwant to like love people. I want
to I want to take the worldfrom being shitty to being awesome by love,
right. You know. I don'tcare if you're a Muslim. I
don't care if you're Christian, Muslim, you know, Hindu, whatever,
Buddhists like, We'll love you,you know. And it's all good man,

(56:46):
Yeah, in cuddle time with thekids. All right, this conversation
has been absolutely amazing. But we'reat our last question now, okay,
and uh, this is called ourDad's diary, And the reality of it
is that we're not guaranteed the ridehome. We have no guarantee. And

(57:07):
so I'm doing our Dad's diary toleave a diary to my boys. But
now I'm going to give you anopportunity to leave a diary to your girls.
So if this was the last thingthat you ever recorded for your kids,
for your two girls, and youwanted to leave them with something,
you're gonna look in that camera rightthere, and now you're not talking to

(57:29):
me and not even our listeners.Our listeners are getting to read your diary,
and I want you to talk directlyto your girls and leave a diary
entry for them. I would say, there's nothing more important than you.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

(57:50):
And if anyone can hear this,and we'll hear this, if you're
breathing breath, you are loved sofar beyond what you comprehend. You're connected
to a world and a universe thatis so immaculate and perfect, and you

(58:17):
have the opportunity to live a life, live it. If I can help
you, I will help you.If I can't, I won't. But
this life is too good to ignore. And so the struggles that you have,

(58:37):
the pain that you felt, theall the walls that you've built up
in your heart, break them down, break them down and let the love
win, because the love that's whatwins. Love wins. It's awesome.

(58:59):
Well, young ladies, you havean amazing dad who loves you very much,
and Alison, I think he's apreaty big fan of you two based
on all this. So Oliver,thank you so much for being on our
dad's diary and sharing about your dadlife. I really appreciate it. Thank
you for having me. Love youguys. This is great. You know,

(59:21):
one of the things, Parkerman,that is probably the most difficult for
you to do is to be independentin a world that wants you to be
uniformed. You know, we homeschoolyou right now, We're not We're not
saying homeschool is better than public schoolor private school or charter school. I'm
not here to make that defense.I'm just saying we're homeschooling you because we

(59:43):
are working diligently to allow you tobe the individuals that you are. So
Titus, you are a personality,and you are an individual. Jud To
you are a personality and individual Zionyour personality and an individual, and we're
we're looking to foster and cultivate inyou individuality in a world that wants to
put you in a box and saythis is how you have to be.

(01:00:04):
And in that box, not onlyare they telling you who you're supposed to
be, they're telling you who you'renot supposed to like and who you're not
supposed to be. And we don'twant you to grow that way. And
culturally speaking, environmentally speaking, inthe world speaking, no matter when you're
listening to this, Parkerman, andfor the people listening right now, no

(01:00:28):
matter when you're listening to this rightnow, it is a whole lot easier
to dislike people and know who you'reagainst than know who you are and who
you're for and who you're four shouldbe everybody. It just at the end
of the day, Parker Man,I want you to be for everyone.
Doesn't mean you're gonna agree with everyone, doesn't even mean you're gonna like everyone.
But here's the deal. More damageis done by dislike and hate than

(01:00:51):
loving people and being kind to people. And there is this idea that we're
trying to instill in you that asan individual and as a personality and as
just being who you were created tobe. And yes, we believe you
were created by a divine creator whohas a really specific purpose for you.
But that that's our faith. Webelieve that, so we want to foster

(01:01:13):
that in you. So tightis shoedesign. Whenever you're listening to this podcast,
know this. You don't have togo with the flow. You don't
have to go with the stream,you don't have to go with the majority.
You can say I am who Iam and I know I was created
for a specific purpose, but aboveall of that, I was created to
love and be kind to all people. And if that's the case, then

(01:01:36):
your mom and dad are gonna beproud of you. We're gonna proud of
you. If you go the otherway, we're just gonna probably look at
ourselves and say, what could wehave done better? So tis shoe design.
And if you're listening to this rightnow, the cost of hate is
high, the cost of dislike ishigh, the cost of being unkind is
high. But showing love and beingkind and being open and being accepting this

(01:02:00):
was crazy. It's actually really freeand it's really beautiful. So tightness shoe
design. Your dad loves you verymuch, and he's not perfect, so
be better. But tyesshue design.Love people way above what you think is
right, because with that love andwith that kindness, you will go against
the grain. And by going againstthe grain, we'll actually change this world.

(01:02:22):
So Parker Man, I always remember, be kind, give to others,
show respect, love your mother,and never forget your dad is really
proud of you. Our Dad's Diaries, a Bramble Jam podcast, can be
found ad free by joining bramblejamplus dotcom is hosted by Jonathan Parker, produced

(01:02:44):
by Brendan Gray. You can findus on social media by going to at
our Dad's Diary and clicking that followbutton. See you next week.