December 3, 2025 • 25 mins
The art of conversation- listening and answering - is a learned experience. How do you respond to a putdown? When do you remain silent? If you regret not saying something how do you fix your resentment? If you remain silent during a venting are you the looser? These and many more examples are answered by Paulette Dale, PhD.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
You're listening to Evergreen Media Network. I am Cindy Schwartz
and this is our Veterans Waste Radio show with your host,
Ralph Nathan Olco.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello, everybody, in a very very happy holiday season. Think
about all the holidays you've got. Thanksgiving that we just celebrated.
Prior to that, we had Veterans Day, and now we
got Hanaka coming up, and then we have Christmas and
then we have New Year's. Kind of a cycle of
the sad the happy events in the cyclical calendar of events.
(00:44):
And I do want to share with you, by the way,
a few things. Number one, my heart and Cindy and
my speaking on your behalf, our heart mourn. We live
in Vero Beach and we've more for the Indian River
Sheriff Department and the city of Arab Beach in Indian
(01:06):
River County. In our taps portion where the honor roll
of those the season past seven to ten days, we
lost a couple of dear friends. And this is where
you know. This is a podcast and it's also heard
on iHeartRadio internationally, believe it or not. Second country other
(01:29):
than the United States that has the second largest audience
is Japan of course we have a large military presence there,
but we also have a wonderful, family friendly relationship with
the wonderful country and the wonderful people of Japan, and
they have their holidays too, so our heart. You know,
(01:50):
the Vero Beach is fifteen thousand people give or take
in the season twenty five to thirty thousand season being
Thanksgiving to give it take Easter. The tragedy is that
we lost a woman, a female deputy who at twenty
five year deputy whom I personally knew. And David that
(02:14):
is the Tiri, a Sergeant Terry, and then David Long,
the locksmith David Cindy. You knew David and probably maybe
longer than me, but I didn't met him because he
was the locksmith for our temple and he was a
locksmith for our gallery, the Highway and gallery. So it
kind of hits home when you're in a little town
(02:36):
of fifteen thousand people, either you know the people or
you know the people that know the people, and everybody mourns.
I was in the procession on us one on the
day of her funeral, and time stopped traffic stop. There
were flags everywhere. Sorry, I get emotional because it's it
(02:58):
hits home. So a couple of weeks ago, a few
give it taken about four weeks ago, we uh the
book worms. We reviewed a very very interesting book. It
can be considered provocative, educational fun. And when Cindy and
I got through with the book review, because Cindy read
(03:21):
it also, afterwards, we decided, you know, this is one
that I need to reach out to the author. So
with us today we have the author. So what's the
book the book was? Did you say something, Susan And
we'll discuss all that. So we reached out and I
(03:44):
on the phone. We have with us doctor Pallett Dale
and doctor Palett. We live. We're in Indian River County.
I believe that you're in what county? Is that the
Palm Beach County? And thank you very very much in
a very happy holiday season. Hopefully that you enjoyed the
festivities of the family and the friends. And you have
(04:07):
cultivated from what everything I hear about you, you've cultivated
quite a following of a family and friends. So you've
done something right.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Apparently right, yes, isn't That's what makes the success in life,
not the amount of money you earn, but your relationships, withe.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
The wealth of the relationships. I just heard a famous
Washington what's his name with the d the actor Washington,
Denzel Washington, Washington, and he was being interviewed and something
I didn't catch the question, but the answer was Denzel
(04:46):
respond by saying, you know, I've never seen a U
haul attached to the back of a hearse. You can't
take it with you, but once you have in your
heart stays forever, and every touch me. When I heard
there was just this morning. So by coincidence now and by
the way, I want to share what we call a mitzvah,
(05:08):
a good thing, a happy thing. Today's Saturday, December the twentieth, Well,
what's the big deal? On December twentieth, yours truly was eleven,
one month shy of being twelve, and I arrived in
the United States on December twentieth, nineteen fifty six. Wow,
(05:29):
my father wakes me up around six o'clock in the morning.
It's such a little sunshine, takes me out on the
deck and lo and behold, Lady Liberty is waving at me.
I mean, if that doesn't kind of hit you, because
that's what I remember. The first thing about the United
States and the other thing I've remember a few months before,
(05:51):
and while we're on the ship for two weeks from
Israel the United States, the Andrea Dorias sunk outside New
York Harbor where we were coming into So December twentieth
today is a very eventful day in my life. And
I think, literally think, and I just hurt Doctor Dale.
Forgive me for taking your time, but I think you'll appreciate.
(06:14):
And this is not a political statement, but President Reagan
was speaking at an event, and he was saying, you know,
when we American go to France, we are not French. Well,
we go to Turkey, we're not Turks. When we go
to English England, we're not English. But when anybody comes
to the United States and takes residency, they become Americans.
(06:39):
I became an American, and I thank God for it,
the great one of the greatest things that happened in
my life, thanks to the Constitution and thanks to the country,
the United States of America. So now let's talk about
d say something Susan. So, first of all, thanks for
taking the time. I am awfully curious. What is the
name Susan? Why not marry? Why not join a Jone
(07:02):
or whatever. How did you come up with Susan?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Well they liked The editors and the publisher initially liked
the alliteration of the named Susan. The essays, did you
say something susan? They thought that would be catchy.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Well, thank god you didn't use the word Karen.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
No exactly. Let me say Ralph and Cindy. First, let
me express my sincere condolences for the people you knew
in bureau Beach too recently pass and I know that
we are addressing a military audience, veterans, active military, et cetera.
And from the bottom of my heart, I thank you
(07:41):
for your service. My dad was in World War Two.
I've had friends and family in Vietnam. I know people
who had been in the Korean War. So again, thank
you so much all for your service.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I'm in Yeah, you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
So your title is Parallettdale. Now you have a doctorate.
You're not a medical doctor, is that correct?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
No? My doctorate is PhD. Not the kind that does
you any good when you get sick.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Oh, but you know this. To touch to six.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I have an advanced degree from the University of Florida
in speech communication and communication disorders.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Uh huh wow, and you've been doing this for a couple.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Of years now, right, yes, I have?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So what let you what prompted you to literally write
the book? And the book, I want to tell you
is phenomenal because I literally have a copy of the contents,
the tablet contents, and that's going to be the topics
I want to discuss with you for the book. But
how did you come up with the subject of you know,
you've helped people all those years and then you put
(08:54):
it into a book so the world to share it.
What prompted you to write it? This is a.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Book on assertive confident communications and how by communicating assertively
we gain more confidence and we feel empowered. And how
did I decide to write such a book. I was
a college professor for many years, and after years and
(09:19):
years of observing various women in particular in my life, friends, colleagues, relatives,
countless students, I realized that the vast majority are not
taken as seriously as they would like to be, and
they didn't know what to do about it. They were
timid about expressing their thoughts, they were afraid of sounding foolish,
(09:43):
They would not hesitate, They would not express displeasure with
sufficient services. They would not voice their opinions in a
group or ask questions without first apologizing for being a bother.
They're afraid to speak up for themselves when treated poorly
or wronged in some way. So I realized a down
(10:11):
to earth book that people could relate to to help
them overcome this reticence and fear of speaking up would
be very well received.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Are the people that have read your book and you've
had feedback where they've commented to you how the book
is affected positive and or negative their lives. What did
you get over all the consensus of the readers of
the book. Did they feel that the book was helpful
(10:47):
to them?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yes, Ralph, I still get emails from people. I have
had thousands of comments. The reviews of the verified reviews
on Amazon include such comments as, this book is a
game changer. This book changed my life. This book has
given me a confidence I never thought possible. This book
(11:12):
helped me prevented me from quitting my job. This book
has helped me earn the respect of others. It has
helped me set boundaries in a polite and respectful way.
So the comments, the comments have been overwhelmingly favorable. And
I'm very proud to say that most of the vast
(11:34):
majority of my reviews or five star, with a few
being four wonderful.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Now here's a funny question to you. How many male
respondents did you get?
Speaker 3 (11:46):
A handful? I do get some male respondents, very few.
It is mainly women.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And the reason I asked is because when I read
your book, I try to put myself in that woman's
You did a fantastic job with examples, you know, telling
people how to do, you know, telling a baseball player
how to bath, how to stand there to swing at
the ball is one thing. But to explain or video
or pictures to explain it is a big difference. So
(12:15):
let's take a break when we come back. I don't
know if you have the book in front of you.
I have the book in front of me, and I
have the uh, I don't know what do you call it.
It's not page three. It's like the appendix in the beginning.
It's the normal Roman numeral three for the table of contents.
And that's my kind of a guideline. And this is
(12:37):
this is a conversation we're having in tribute to my
respect for our president Franklin Delan Roosevelt with his fire
fireside chats on Sunday nights, so everybody will be right back.
This is our Veterans Voice Radio and today the Bookworms
with Doctor Paulettdale.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
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Coast Dermatology, we believe in the prevention and early detection
of skin cancer. We are medical doctors and we focus
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sales pitch for botox, collagen or wrinkle creams. You needed
a doctor that cares about you and the health of
your skin. We feel by not trying to do too much,
(13:20):
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Speaker 1 (13:21):
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eight seven seven eight seven zero three three seven six.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
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Speaker 5 (13:35):
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It could almost says like being born all over again.
When I'm coming here is like coming home. Everyone was
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Are you ready to experience truly exceptional patient care.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
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our Florida High Woman? No what, there's a new high
Woman art gallery in Vero Beach. Really where eighteen seventy
two Commerce Avenue?
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
When's it open? Seven days a week called nine five
four five five seven six two two six for an
appointment any time? No kidding, Just call for your appointment
ninety five four five five seven six two two six
and then go to eighteen seventy two Commerce Avenue. Wow,
that's good news. A number of the ITEX training community.
Your IIGHT text dollars are welcome. Love that commercial very
(14:36):
can come true.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
It can happen to you.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
It can happen to you. Welcome back to Arbord and
sois radio show and Ralph Nathan Oko today it's the
book worms.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
And my compliment to Frank Sinatra he'd learned my song
so well. And by the way, you heard the commercial
for the Highwayman gallery with the phone number at one
of our sponsors, the fl the Eye Institute, is so
good that they don't even give you their phone number.
And I hasten to say I need to give it
(15:07):
to you, and it's very very easy. Seven seven to
two five hundred twenty twenty. How do you want to
remember it? Seven seven two is local for Vera Beach.
Five hundred you've got two eyes each one is five
hundred half of a thousand or half of two twenty twenty.
That's what Florida I wants to give you. Florida I,
(15:30):
thank you very much, and happy holiday to all the
professionals and the staff at Florida I, and of course
Treasure Coast Dermatology and doctor Aian Needes. So with us
we have doctor Dale, doctor Pullett Dale wrote the book.
As far as I'm concerned, you ought to give it
what it would that be the Pulitzer or the pullser Prize? Right,
(15:52):
it's called did you say something, Susan? How any woman
can gain confidence with assertive communication. So we have doctor
Dale on the phone in Palm Beach, and uh, really,
I decided to have this conversation using the contents. The
table of contents is kind of an outline of some
(16:13):
of the important factors of how doctor Dale was trying
to adjust or help people influence influence their own lives,
obviously for the better. So, uh, the Uh, the first.
The first one is making a commitment to change. What
do you mean by that, doctor.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Well, what that means is you have to really want
to change. If you've been a people pleaser your whole
life and you haven't been happy about it, yet you
do the same thing over and over, or some of
us we failed to set boundaries and and people don't
respect us, and we failed to speak up, and we
(16:57):
want to but we don't do it.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Well.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
We have to change, So we have to make that
commitment to do that and to start following some of
the recommended strategies. You mentioned President Roosevelt earlier. Well, one
of my favorite quotes regarding this is from Eleanor Roosevelt,
(17:21):
and we have to realize that she said, you gain strength, courage,
and confidence by every experience in which you really stop
to look fear in the face. You must do the
thing you think you cannot do. And once we embrace that,
we can start to change for the better and enrich
(17:43):
our lives and empower ourselves.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
And that's one of the most difficult things as a
human being to recognize. It's like a broken lamp. What
needs to we fix, what's not necessarily functioning properly? Why
are we not happy with ourselves? But what do we
do about it? This is what your book's all about, yep.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
And how to do it? I give I love you exciples.
Have people tell me it's like their Bible or Manual
of assert of communication. What to say, how to say it,
how to be assertive in a variety of personal and
professional situations. It's not theoretical, it's extremely practical.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, it goes back to are we happy? Are we sorry?
We've remaining silent? And probably one of the most difficult
about the two most difficult things to me is always
being able to say no, number one, and the other
is how to handle and confront a confrontational negative situation.
(18:43):
And some of the examples that you have. One of
the examples that you had was I don't remember. Maybe
you can prolificate more on that is the male MC
is kind of shooting down a woman. Guess who's going
(19:06):
to speak up or something, and he's using the feminine
negativity about women, which I took offense to, which happens
all the time unfortunately. And what you do you remember
which which example I'm talking about?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Are you talking about? When a guest at a dinner.
I was at heard I was writing a book on
assert of communication, and said, oh boy, that's just what
the world needs. Another bitch manual. Are you? Are you
speaking about that?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
No, he was talking about that. Forgive me, I'm trying
to be as politically correct and cautious. But our guests,
one of our speakers or whatever. Hopefully she's not the
wrong time of the month. And she had, Yes, it
was very offensive.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
That actually happened to a colleague of mine. She was
the CPA Certified Public Accountant, and she was president of
the Miami Dade County Association of Public Accountants. And she
was also the accountant for a health maintenance organization. And
(20:20):
she walked into a meeting and the CEO of the
company said to the group, oh, here is our billing girl.
And she laughed and said, I am the accountant for
the organization, not a billing girl. And the and she
said it very politely and respectfully, and the CEO said, oh,
(20:42):
forgive her highness, or forgive me your highness must be
your time of the month.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
How awful.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Inappropriate?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Now, how did she handle it?
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Well? This is she didn't handle it very well. And
this brings me to chapter two, which is to be
appealing to be unappealing to users and abusers. When you
don't speak up, when you don't call people out politely
and respectfully for making such misogynistic comments or or inappropriate
(21:16):
comments of any type, you leave yourself open for the
behavior to continue.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Correct.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
And she basically told me she was speechless, and this
is why she told me the story that she was
kicking herself for not having said anything and just suffering
in silence.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
And so what should have been her reply.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Well, a reply like you know, doctor Carlton, that sounded sarcastic.
Did you mean it that way?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Again not this is in public. You don't want to
criticize the CEO of the company. You don't want to
come across as being defensive, but you do want to
come across as being assertive.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Could you say something not to interrupt you? Could you
say something to the effect. This is why I thinking
when Ralph said that is I don't know what you mean, sir.
Today is Monday.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
That would be cindy priceless.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Okaying a little bit of you.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Gee, I'm not sure what you're speaking about.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
But today is Monday, it's our meeting day.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
It's our meeting day. That's wonderful. It just shows that's
that's that belongs in the book.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Okay, you know what. And I don't want to take over,
but I've done that sometimes a lot of times in
my life being that woman, you know, being the woman
that you're helping to pretend that I really didn't know
what they were talking about. But I knew, but I
pretended like, oh, yeah, I don't, I have no clue,
like duh.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
But you remain silent.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Well, either I remain silent or I would say something
like that, I don't know what you mean. Today's Monday.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
I might not on time. That's perfect. Yeah, and nobody
thought for a minute that you didn't know what was meant.
Yet it was not confrontative, and you asserted yourself. And
again you did it with humor and a comment that
would get a chuckle, and it gently puts the inappropriate
(23:22):
speaker on notice that I'd better think twice before I
speak like that to this person again. Unfortunately, you will
not cure them of being obnoxious and being aggressive. However,
they certainly will think twice before responding to you again.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That way, correct, right? Well, yeah, again, this is where
the assertiveness instead of silence comes into effect. Where you
stand up to bully, you may still get your touch
kicked in, but the bully will most of the time
respect you and quite often will back off and become
your friend. Possibly right, But if you don't speak up,
(24:02):
if you're not assertive, even I was taught as a kid,
don't wait for the second punch. If there's going to
be a confrontation, take the first punch, and then the
bully might react differently in a more positive way. Now
we're going to take the halftime break. We're winning the game. Everybody.
By the way, doctor Dale is the quarterback and she
(24:25):
is winning our game. We're going to win. So when
we come back, what I want to do is continue
with the content table contents about how do you prepare
for a confrontation and how do you want to say
yes or no? So we'll be right back everybody. This
is the bookworms, our veteran's voice. Happy holidays. We'll be
(24:46):
right back. Tom the Greatest Robs. The soundscape yond
You're listening to Evergreen Media Network. I am Cindy Schwartz
and this is our Veterans Waste Radio show with your host,
Ralph Nathan Olco.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hello, everybody, in a very very happy holiday season. Think
about all the holidays you've got. Thanksgiving that we just celebrated.
Prior to that, we had Veterans Day, and now we
got Hanaka coming up, and then we have Christmas and
then we have New Year's. Kind of a cycle of
the sad the happy events in the cyclical calendar of events.
(00:44):
And I do want to share with you, by the way,
a few things. Number one, my heart and Cindy and
my speaking on your behalf, our heart mourn. We live
in Vero Beach and we've more for the Indian River
Sheriff Department and the city of Arab Beach in Indian
(01:06):
River County. In our taps portion where the honor roll
of those the season past seven to ten days, we
lost a couple of dear friends. And this is where
you know. This is a podcast and it's also heard
on iHeartRadio internationally, believe it or not. Second country other
(01:29):
than the United States that has the second largest audience
is Japan of course we have a large military presence there,
but we also have a wonderful, family friendly relationship with
the wonderful country and the wonderful people of Japan, and
they have their holidays too, so our heart. You know,
(01:50):
the Vero Beach is fifteen thousand people give or take
in the season twenty five to thirty thousand season being
Thanksgiving to give it take Easter. The tragedy is that
we lost a woman, a female deputy who at twenty
five year deputy whom I personally knew. And David that
(02:14):
is the Tiri, a Sergeant Terry, and then David Long,
the locksmith David Cindy. You knew David and probably maybe
longer than me, but I didn't met him because he
was the locksmith for our temple and he was a
locksmith for our gallery, the Highway and gallery. So it
kind of hits home when you're in a little town
(02:36):
of fifteen thousand people, either you know the people or
you know the people that know the people, and everybody mourns.
I was in the procession on us one on the
day of her funeral, and time stopped traffic stop. There
were flags everywhere. Sorry, I get emotional because it's it
(02:58):
hits home. So a couple of weeks ago, a few
give it taken about four weeks ago, we uh the
book worms. We reviewed a very very interesting book. It
can be considered provocative, educational fun. And when Cindy and
I got through with the book review, because Cindy read
(03:21):
it also, afterwards, we decided, you know, this is one
that I need to reach out to the author. So
with us today we have the author. So what's the
book the book was? Did you say something, Susan And
we'll discuss all that. So we reached out and I
(03:44):
on the phone. We have with us doctor Pallett Dale
and doctor Palett. We live. We're in Indian River County.
I believe that you're in what county? Is that the
Palm Beach County? And thank you very very much in
a very happy holiday season. Hopefully that you enjoyed the
festivities of the family and the friends. And you have
(04:07):
cultivated from what everything I hear about you, you've cultivated
quite a following of a family and friends. So you've
done something right.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Apparently right, yes, isn't That's what makes the success in life,
not the amount of money you earn, but your relationships, withe.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
The wealth of the relationships. I just heard a famous
Washington what's his name with the d the actor Washington,
Denzel Washington, Washington, and he was being interviewed and something
I didn't catch the question, but the answer was Denzel
(04:46):
respond by saying, you know, I've never seen a U
haul attached to the back of a hearse. You can't
take it with you, but once you have in your
heart stays forever, and every touch me. When I heard
there was just this morning. So by coincidence now and by
the way, I want to share what we call a mitzvah,
(05:08):
a good thing, a happy thing. Today's Saturday, December the twentieth, Well,
what's the big deal? On December twentieth, yours truly was eleven,
one month shy of being twelve, and I arrived in
the United States on December twentieth, nineteen fifty six. Wow,
(05:29):
my father wakes me up around six o'clock in the morning.
It's such a little sunshine, takes me out on the
deck and lo and behold, Lady Liberty is waving at me.
I mean, if that doesn't kind of hit you, because
that's what I remember. The first thing about the United
States and the other thing I've remember a few months before,
(05:51):
and while we're on the ship for two weeks from
Israel the United States, the Andrea Dorias sunk outside New
York Harbor where we were coming into So December twentieth
today is a very eventful day in my life. And
I think, literally think, and I just hurt Doctor Dale.
Forgive me for taking your time, but I think you'll appreciate.
(06:14):
And this is not a political statement, but President Reagan
was speaking at an event, and he was saying, you know,
when we American go to France, we are not French. Well,
we go to Turkey, we're not Turks. When we go
to English England, we're not English. But when anybody comes
to the United States and takes residency, they become Americans.
(06:39):
I became an American, and I thank God for it,
the great one of the greatest things that happened in
my life, thanks to the Constitution and thanks to the country,
the United States of America. So now let's talk about
d say something Susan. So, first of all, thanks for
taking the time. I am awfully curious. What is the
name Susan? Why not marry? Why not join a Jone
(07:02):
or whatever. How did you come up with Susan?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Well they liked The editors and the publisher initially liked
the alliteration of the named Susan. The essays, did you
say something susan? They thought that would be catchy.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Well, thank god you didn't use the word Karen.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
No exactly. Let me say Ralph and Cindy. First, let
me express my sincere condolences for the people you knew
in bureau Beach too recently pass and I know that
we are addressing a military audience, veterans, active military, et cetera.
And from the bottom of my heart, I thank you
(07:41):
for your service. My dad was in World War Two.
I've had friends and family in Vietnam. I know people
who had been in the Korean War. So again, thank
you so much all for your service.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I'm in Yeah, you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
So your title is Parallettdale. Now you have a doctorate.
You're not a medical doctor, is that correct?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
No? My doctorate is PhD. Not the kind that does
you any good when you get sick.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Oh, but you know this. To touch to six.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I have an advanced degree from the University of Florida
in speech communication and communication disorders.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Uh huh wow, and you've been doing this for a couple.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Of years now, right, yes, I have?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So what let you what prompted you to literally write
the book? And the book, I want to tell you
is phenomenal because I literally have a copy of the contents,
the tablet contents, and that's going to be the topics
I want to discuss with you for the book. But
how did you come up with the subject of you know,
you've helped people all those years and then you put
(08:54):
it into a book so the world to share it.
What prompted you to write it? This is a.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Book on assertive confident communications and how by communicating assertively
we gain more confidence and we feel empowered. And how
did I decide to write such a book. I was
a college professor for many years, and after years and
(09:19):
years of observing various women in particular in my life, friends, colleagues, relatives,
countless students, I realized that the vast majority are not
taken as seriously as they would like to be, and
they didn't know what to do about it. They were
timid about expressing their thoughts, they were afraid of sounding foolish,
(09:43):
They would not hesitate, They would not express displeasure with
sufficient services. They would not voice their opinions in a
group or ask questions without first apologizing for being a bother.
They're afraid to speak up for themselves when treated poorly
or wronged in some way. So I realized a down
(10:11):
to earth book that people could relate to to help
them overcome this reticence and fear of speaking up would
be very well received.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Are the people that have read your book and you've
had feedback where they've commented to you how the book
is affected positive and or negative their lives. What did
you get over all the consensus of the readers of
the book. Did they feel that the book was helpful
(10:47):
to them?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yes, Ralph, I still get emails from people. I have
had thousands of comments. The reviews of the verified reviews
on Amazon include such comments as, this book is a
game changer. This book changed my life. This book has
given me a confidence I never thought possible. This book
(11:12):
helped me prevented me from quitting my job. This book
has helped me earn the respect of others. It has
helped me set boundaries in a polite and respectful way.
So the comments, the comments have been overwhelmingly favorable. And
I'm very proud to say that most of the vast
(11:34):
majority of my reviews or five star, with a few
being four wonderful.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Now here's a funny question to you. How many male
respondents did you get?
Speaker 3 (11:46):
A handful? I do get some male respondents, very few.
It is mainly women.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And the reason I asked is because when I read
your book, I try to put myself in that woman's
You did a fantastic job with examples, you know, telling
people how to do, you know, telling a baseball player
how to bath, how to stand there to swing at
the ball is one thing. But to explain or video
or pictures to explain it is a big difference. So
(12:15):
let's take a break when we come back. I don't
know if you have the book in front of you.
I have the book in front of me, and I
have the uh, I don't know what do you call it.
It's not page three. It's like the appendix in the beginning.
It's the normal Roman numeral three for the table of contents.
And that's my kind of a guideline. And this is
(12:37):
this is a conversation we're having in tribute to my
respect for our president Franklin Delan Roosevelt with his fire
fireside chats on Sunday nights, so everybody will be right back.
This is our Veterans Voice Radio and today the Bookworms
with Doctor Paulettdale.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
I'm doctor Tim Iinitas a Treasure Coast Dermatology. At Treasure
Coast Dermatology, we believe in the prevention and early detection
of skin cancer. We are medical doctors and we focus
on the medical aspects of dermatology. You don't need a
sales pitch for botox, collagen or wrinkle creams. You needed
a doctor that cares about you and the health of
your skin. We feel by not trying to do too much,
(13:20):
we can do more for our patients.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Call Tolfree eight seven seven eight seven zero dirm that's
eight seven seven eight seven zero three three seven six.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Meet Henry Bach, patient of Florida I Institute.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
After having the cataracts removed, it was a whole new
world for me. The colors were brilliant, It was painless.
It could almost says like being born all over again.
When I'm coming here is like coming home. Everyone was
so friendly and nice. It's just a wonderful experience.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Are you ready to experience truly exceptional patient care.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Florida I Institute. Hey did you hear the latest about
our Florida High Woman? No what, there's a new high
Woman art gallery in Vero Beach. Really where eighteen seventy
two Commerce Avenue?
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
When's it open? Seven days a week called nine five
four five five seven six two two six for an
appointment any time? No kidding, Just call for your appointment
ninety five four five five seven six two two six
and then go to eighteen seventy two Commerce Avenue. Wow,
that's good news. A number of the ITEX training community.
Your IIGHT text dollars are welcome. Love that commercial very
(14:36):
can come true.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
It can happen to you.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
It can happen to you. Welcome back to Arbord and
sois radio show and Ralph Nathan Oko today it's the
book worms.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
And my compliment to Frank Sinatra he'd learned my song
so well. And by the way, you heard the commercial
for the Highwayman gallery with the phone number at one
of our sponsors, the fl the Eye Institute, is so
good that they don't even give you their phone number.
And I hasten to say I need to give it
(15:07):
to you, and it's very very easy. Seven seven to
two five hundred twenty twenty. How do you want to
remember it? Seven seven two is local for Vera Beach.
Five hundred you've got two eyes each one is five
hundred half of a thousand or half of two twenty twenty.
That's what Florida I wants to give you. Florida I,
(15:30):
thank you very much, and happy holiday to all the
professionals and the staff at Florida I, and of course
Treasure Coast Dermatology and doctor Aian Needes. So with us
we have doctor Dale, doctor Pullett Dale wrote the book.
As far as I'm concerned, you ought to give it
what it would that be the Pulitzer or the pullser Prize? Right,
(15:52):
it's called did you say something, Susan? How any woman
can gain confidence with assertive communication. So we have doctor
Dale on the phone in Palm Beach, and uh, really,
I decided to have this conversation using the contents. The
table of contents is kind of an outline of some
(16:13):
of the important factors of how doctor Dale was trying
to adjust or help people influence influence their own lives,
obviously for the better. So, uh, the Uh, the first.
The first one is making a commitment to change. What
do you mean by that, doctor.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Well, what that means is you have to really want
to change. If you've been a people pleaser your whole
life and you haven't been happy about it, yet you
do the same thing over and over, or some of
us we failed to set boundaries and and people don't
respect us, and we failed to speak up, and we
(16:57):
want to but we don't do it.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Well.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
We have to change, So we have to make that
commitment to do that and to start following some of
the recommended strategies. You mentioned President Roosevelt earlier. Well, one
of my favorite quotes regarding this is from Eleanor Roosevelt,
(17:21):
and we have to realize that she said, you gain strength, courage,
and confidence by every experience in which you really stop
to look fear in the face. You must do the
thing you think you cannot do. And once we embrace that,
we can start to change for the better and enrich
(17:43):
our lives and empower ourselves.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
And that's one of the most difficult things as a
human being to recognize. It's like a broken lamp. What
needs to we fix, what's not necessarily functioning properly? Why
are we not happy with ourselves? But what do we
do about it? This is what your book's all about, yep.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
And how to do it? I give I love you exciples.
Have people tell me it's like their Bible or Manual
of assert of communication. What to say, how to say it,
how to be assertive in a variety of personal and
professional situations. It's not theoretical, it's extremely practical.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, it goes back to are we happy? Are we sorry?
We've remaining silent? And probably one of the most difficult
about the two most difficult things to me is always
being able to say no, number one, and the other
is how to handle and confront a confrontational negative situation.
(18:43):
And some of the examples that you have. One of
the examples that you had was I don't remember. Maybe
you can prolificate more on that is the male MC
is kind of shooting down a woman. Guess who's going
(19:06):
to speak up or something, and he's using the feminine
negativity about women, which I took offense to, which happens
all the time unfortunately. And what you do you remember
which which example I'm talking about?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Are you talking about? When a guest at a dinner.
I was at heard I was writing a book on
assert of communication, and said, oh boy, that's just what
the world needs. Another bitch manual. Are you? Are you
speaking about that?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
No, he was talking about that. Forgive me, I'm trying
to be as politically correct and cautious. But our guests,
one of our speakers or whatever. Hopefully she's not the
wrong time of the month. And she had, Yes, it
was very offensive.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
That actually happened to a colleague of mine. She was
the CPA Certified Public Accountant, and she was president of
the Miami Dade County Association of Public Accountants. And she
was also the accountant for a health maintenance organization. And
(20:20):
she walked into a meeting and the CEO of the
company said to the group, oh, here is our billing girl.
And she laughed and said, I am the accountant for
the organization, not a billing girl. And the and she
said it very politely and respectfully, and the CEO said, oh,
(20:42):
forgive her highness, or forgive me your highness must be
your time of the month.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
How awful.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Inappropriate?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Now, how did she handle it?
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Well? This is she didn't handle it very well. And
this brings me to chapter two, which is to be
appealing to be unappealing to users and abusers. When you
don't speak up, when you don't call people out politely
and respectfully for making such misogynistic comments or or inappropriate
(21:16):
comments of any type, you leave yourself open for the
behavior to continue.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Correct.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
And she basically told me she was speechless, and this
is why she told me the story that she was
kicking herself for not having said anything and just suffering
in silence.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
And so what should have been her reply.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Well, a reply like you know, doctor Carlton, that sounded sarcastic.
Did you mean it that way?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Again not this is in public. You don't want to
criticize the CEO of the company. You don't want to
come across as being defensive, but you do want to
come across as being assertive.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Could you say something not to interrupt you? Could you
say something to the effect. This is why I thinking
when Ralph said that is I don't know what you mean, sir.
Today is Monday.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
That would be cindy priceless.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Okaying a little bit of you.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Gee, I'm not sure what you're speaking about.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
But today is Monday, it's our meeting day.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
It's our meeting day. That's wonderful. It just shows that's
that's that belongs in the book.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Okay, you know what. And I don't want to take over,
but I've done that sometimes a lot of times in
my life being that woman, you know, being the woman
that you're helping to pretend that I really didn't know
what they were talking about. But I knew, but I
pretended like, oh, yeah, I don't, I have no clue,
like duh.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
But you remain silent.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Well, either I remain silent or I would say something
like that, I don't know what you mean. Today's Monday.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
I might not on time. That's perfect. Yeah, and nobody
thought for a minute that you didn't know what was meant.
Yet it was not confrontative, and you asserted yourself. And
again you did it with humor and a comment that
would get a chuckle, and it gently puts the inappropriate
(23:22):
speaker on notice that I'd better think twice before I
speak like that to this person again. Unfortunately, you will
not cure them of being obnoxious and being aggressive. However,
they certainly will think twice before responding to you again.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That way, correct, right? Well, yeah, again, this is where
the assertiveness instead of silence comes into effect. Where you
stand up to bully, you may still get your touch
kicked in, but the bully will most of the time
respect you and quite often will back off and become
your friend. Possibly right, But if you don't speak up,
(24:02):
if you're not assertive, even I was taught as a kid,
don't wait for the second punch. If there's going to
be a confrontation, take the first punch, and then the
bully might react differently in a more positive way. Now
we're going to take the halftime break. We're winning the game. Everybody.
By the way, doctor Dale is the quarterback and she
(24:25):
is winning our game. We're going to win. So when
we come back, what I want to do is continue
with the content table contents about how do you prepare
for a confrontation and how do you want to say
yes or no? So we'll be right back everybody. This
is the bookworms, our veteran's voice. Happy holidays. We'll be
(24:46):
right back. Tom the Greatest Robs. The soundscape yond
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