In this solo episode of Parenting Decolonized Podcast, I’m sharing my thoughts and reflections on the 2022 Rona, Racism, and Radical Parenting Conference. I also get very personal about my current mental health struggles and the moves I’m making to heal. Tune in to hear my genuine thoughts about organizing this conference, why I’m struggling to be a conscious parent right now, and the healing work I intend to do via the Parenting Decolonized Podcast.
If you’re struggling right now, know that you are in company. We’re not meant to do any of this alone, so stick with me and we will heal alongside one another.
Don't forget to share, rate, and let me know what you think of Parenting Decolonized Podcast on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/parentingdecolonized and Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized!
Read the TRANSCRIPT here: https://parentingdecolonized.com/episode-56-reflections-after-the-2022-rona-racism-and-radical-parenting-conference-a-solo-episode-with-yolanda
This episode of Parenting Decolonized is produced by Crys & Tiana.
If you’re struggling right now, know that you are in company. We’re not meant to do any of this alone, so stick with me and we will heal alongside one another.
Don't forget to share, rate, and let me know what you think of Parenting Decolonized Podcast on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/parentingdecolonized and Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized!
Read the TRANSCRIPT here: https://parentingdecolonized.com/episode-56-reflections-after-the-2022-rona-racism-and-radical-parenting-conference-a-solo-episode-with-yolanda
This episode of Parenting Decolonized is produced by Crys & Tiana.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:12):
Welcome to the Parenting Decolonized Podcast.I'm your host Elanda Williams, entrepreneur,
conscious parenting coach, and single momto one amazing tyler. I'm on a
mission to help shine the light onhow colonization has impacted the black family structure.
If you're a parent that wants tolearn how decolonize your parenting, You're
in the right place. Let's dothis. Welcome back to the Parents Decolonized
(00:36):
Podcast. I'm your host Landa Williams, and it is a few days after
the Rona Racism Radical Parenting Conference,the Remix. I just want to thank
everyone who joined me for the conference. It was three days of incredible,
transformative, beautiful community. All thespeakers, thank you so much. If
(00:58):
you're listening to this, thank youso so much for being there, for
extending yourself or giving your time andyour expertise to our community. And again
to anyone who showed up, whobought a ticket, who sponsored a ticket.
This is the community that we need, the community that we have to
be for each other, and soI just really want to thank you for
that. I also wanted to thankmy girl Kenisha so Friday, the first
(01:19):
day of the conference, after theconference, I was in a text group
chat with the ladies of BFF Blackfam Freedom Collective if you are new to
that term. I am farming anintentional community with eight other Black palms.
We are planning on purchasing land inGeorgia, living collectively, farming and raising
our children together. And so wewere on this chat because they saw me
(01:42):
struggling with being able to do thislive conference and parent Gee was there.
I didn't have a babysitter. Shewas pulling on me. She was one
of my attention and I'm in thislive conference for two and a half hours,
and they saw that struggle, andI believe it was Demari who was
like, why didn't we think tosend someone out there to support you?
Like, maybe we need to sendKenisha out. And when I tell you
(02:02):
that, I was able to geta ticket that night at like twelve midnight,
and the next morning, Keneisha wascoming off a plane at nine o'clock
in the morning, and the reliefI felt, y'all, all the anxiety
melted, all the doubt melted.I was really just like, am I
going to be able to pull thisoff without help? Community is so so
(02:23):
important. I'm so thankful to beingcommunity with such amazing women who saw a
need and helped me create a solution. Kenisha g and I spent four wonderful
days together, and it just remindedme of how important this mission of mine
and theirs is to build this village. So thank you for that. One
of the big things for me comingout of this conference was just how stressful
(02:46):
a time it was for me toplanet y'all. I was the most stressed
out I've been in a very,very long time. I was having anxiety
attacks. My biggest thing was thiswas the most expensive offering I've had,
at one hundred and fifty nine dollars. I think I had a six week
boot camp that was maybe one twentynine, but this three day conference with
twenty plus speakers, I priced itat one fifty nine. Because I pay
(03:09):
for the speakers out of my ownpocket. I never get corporate sponsors.
I also need consultants, like anevent manager. Shout out to my girl
Jasmine from Enjoy Events. I didn'thave an assistant. My girl Danielle was
working on her own mental health.I was trying to juggle things by myself,
and I was noticing that the ticketsales were just not at all what
(03:29):
I needed them to be for thisconference to remotely be any kind of financial
success for me. As much asI love y'all, this is not a
free business. From the podcast towebsite hosting to having to find childcare sometimes
pay for that the podcast, noneof it is free, okay. And
while I really appreciate all my patrons, it doesn't pay for half of what
(03:50):
I pay for out of pocket.So I do still have to earn a
living. I have to make money, and the conference is a way for
me to make a good amount ofmoney and be able to pay for things
like an assistant help with my emails, like tech support, and so that
was not happening. And to becompletely ane, hundred percent honest, it
didn't happen. After this conference.Adding everything up, paying all the commissions
(04:11):
and all the honorariums, paying forthe tech all that stuff, I did
not break even actually lost money.And I'm not saying this to shame anyone,
making anybody feel bad. This isjust me having a revelation that I
need to do something different. Andit's not even about the money per se.
It's a different mindset. I wastrying to figure out a way to
afford all of these things and paymyself a little bit of money and then
(04:35):
be able to hire out I finallyhave a team. When that didn't come
to fruition, I was filled alot of anxiety around it. That's where
the anxiety was coming from, becauseI was trying to figure out, like,
how am I going to do this? I'm gonna pay everyone if people
aren't buying tickets to this conference.Now the conference is over and I've been
taking a few days off. Ihaven't written any emails to y'all. I
haven't even posted on social media.I just really need to clear my mind.
(04:58):
And I really just needed to getsilent and get quiet. And I
realized that what I need right nowis not another break like I took back
in April or May. What Ineed is to take care of myself.
What I need is to shift myown mindset. I'm a conscious parenting coach,
and I am struggling immensely with consciousparenting, and not because of GIA,
(05:20):
but because of all the stuff thathas yet to be healed, all
the wounds that I put band aidsover. I've been covering up and masking
so long and it's become part ofmy personality, It's become my way of
life, and it just band aidswork as a band aid. Dissociation is
a band aid, Masking is aband aid. It's like I'm finally pilling
(05:43):
back a lot of layers and realizingthat I am in an immense amount of
emotional turmoil and pain, and Iam always afraid, like I live in
fear. I try to mask thatbecause I've had to for so long,
but now it's painful, like it'sa man of physically, and it's manifesting
in the way that I'm able tocare for my daughter. What this conference
(06:04):
and the speakers helped bring out ofme, and what I hope that they
help to bring out of some ofyou, is that this process of healing
is so messy and jumbled up.Sometime it's not linear. It's definitely like
ebbs and flows and peaks and valleys. It could be incredibly hard to continue,
especially as you're going through it.You're reliving grief and heartache that you
(06:28):
have long wanted to bury. Butbearing it is not serving me anymore.
And I want to be a personwho practices what she teaches. I want
to be a person of integrity andof honesty, and I don't feel like
I've been honest. I feel likeI've been able to speak with such passion
to you all on social media becauseI have a passion for this. I
feel strongly about child liberation. Ifeel strongly about black liberation. Those two
(06:50):
things for me are intertwined because I'ma black parent with a black child.
I feel strongly about womanism. Ifeel strongly about everyone. None of us
can be free until all of usare free. I really feel strongly about
that. So I'm able to speakpassionately about it. But I'm not doing
my own work and it's starting toshow. And so what I decided to
do because every time I share withy'all that I'm struggling, you tell me
(07:13):
that it deeply resonates because that imperfectionhelps you feel seen. It helps me
feel human, It helps me havecompassion for myself. And I think y'all
for that feedback. So what Iam going to be doing in a series
of podcasts is doing some healing stuff, working through some things. Be a
podcast kind of bearing my soul andbeing truthful self interrogation. I hope that
(07:38):
in me doing this when it comesto communication and conflict resolution, I'm not
that courageous. That's one of thethings that I'm going to be working through.
It's very very difficult for me assomeone who grew up feeling silent,
very hard for me, and thenbeing in romantic relationships where I was pretty
much punished. When I did speakup I was it was met with violence
and manipulation. So that's very verydifficult. That's one of the things that
(08:01):
we're working on. So this isgonna help me be more courageous. It
is going to help me be morevulnerable, and I'm hoping that it helps
you do the same, because sometimeswe just need a model. I remember
being in one of my own workshopsasking people like, was there an adult
in your life that was a modelfor you and that helped you through things
I don't have that I never hadit. I can't think of one adult
(08:22):
that was just like, let metake you under my way and let me
teach you some things. Let meshow you some stuff, let me impart
some wisdom. Everything that I've everlearned has been self taught or by default,
or from books or from my friends. Now, my amazing group of
friends who are also on healing journeys, mostly who are parent coaches who are
also very open and vulnerable about theirstruggles as parents. Y'all are my models
(08:45):
now, and I thank you forit because we all need a model.
We are not meant to do anyof this stuff alone, and so I
hope to be that for some ofyou who also want to figure out where
do I get started. I'm gonnabe doing that work be a podcast.
I don't know how long it's goingto be. I don't know what the
series is going to look like.This is me, honestly on this drive,
just thinking and trying to figure outwhat it will look like. I
don't know, but what I doknow is that it will be something that
(09:09):
I hope transforms from the inside out. I'm tired of being in pain,
tired of feeling like my heart isbroken. I am tired of feeling like
I'm always wearing a mask. I'mready for this mask to come off.
I want to know me. Iwant to come home to myself, and
I know that's what a lot ofyou want as well. That's what I'm
going to be doing. I amopen to feedback as far as like books
(09:31):
that you might recommend people that youmay be following that I don't follow yet.
It's drop an email and let meknow. If there's someone you feel
like I should be listening to,please make them a black, Indigenous person
of color. I think you knowwhy. Thank y'all for being so supportive
of me all the time and alwayscaring about me, like caring about my
(09:52):
mental health, caring about me feelingstressed or anxious or sick. I really,
really, really love of this community. I love y'all.
Welcome to the Parenting Decolonized Podcast.I'm your host Elanda Williams, entrepreneur,
conscious parenting coach, and single momto one amazing tyler. I'm on a
mission to help shine the light onhow colonization has impacted the black family structure.
If you're a parent that wants tolearn how decolonize your parenting, You're
in the right place. Let's dothis. Welcome back to the Parents Decolonized
(00:36):
Podcast. I'm your host Landa Williams, and it is a few days after
the Rona Racism Radical Parenting Conference,the Remix. I just want to thank
everyone who joined me for the conference. It was three days of incredible,
transformative, beautiful community. All thespeakers, thank you so much. If
(00:58):
you're listening to this, thank youso so much for being there, for
extending yourself or giving your time andyour expertise to our community. And again
to anyone who showed up, whobought a ticket, who sponsored a ticket.
This is the community that we need, the community that we have to
be for each other, and soI just really want to thank you for
that. I also wanted to thankmy girl Kenisha so Friday, the first
(01:19):
day of the conference, after theconference, I was in a text group
chat with the ladies of BFF Blackfam Freedom Collective if you are new to
that term. I am farming anintentional community with eight other Black palms.
We are planning on purchasing land inGeorgia, living collectively, farming and raising
our children together. And so wewere on this chat because they saw me
(01:42):
struggling with being able to do thislive conference and parent Gee was there.
I didn't have a babysitter. Shewas pulling on me. She was one
of my attention and I'm in thislive conference for two and a half hours,
and they saw that struggle, andI believe it was Demari who was
like, why didn't we think tosend someone out there to support you?
Like, maybe we need to sendKenisha out. And when I tell you
(02:02):
that, I was able to geta ticket that night at like twelve midnight,
and the next morning, Keneisha wascoming off a plane at nine o'clock
in the morning, and the reliefI felt, y'all, all the anxiety
melted, all the doubt melted.I was really just like, am I
going to be able to pull thisoff without help? Community is so so
(02:23):
important. I'm so thankful to beingcommunity with such amazing women who saw a
need and helped me create a solution. Kenisha g and I spent four wonderful
days together, and it just remindedme of how important this mission of mine
and theirs is to build this village. So thank you for that. One
of the big things for me comingout of this conference was just how stressful
(02:46):
a time it was for me toplanet y'all. I was the most stressed
out I've been in a very,very long time. I was having anxiety
attacks. My biggest thing was thiswas the most expensive offering I've had,
at one hundred and fifty nine dollars. I think I had a six week
boot camp that was maybe one twentynine, but this three day conference with
twenty plus speakers, I priced itat one fifty nine. Because I pay
(03:09):
for the speakers out of my ownpocket. I never get corporate sponsors.
I also need consultants, like anevent manager. Shout out to my girl
Jasmine from Enjoy Events. I didn'thave an assistant. My girl Danielle was
working on her own mental health.I was trying to juggle things by myself,
and I was noticing that the ticketsales were just not at all what
(03:29):
I needed them to be for thisconference to remotely be any kind of financial
success for me. As much asI love y'all, this is not a
free business. From the podcast towebsite hosting to having to find childcare sometimes
pay for that the podcast, noneof it is free, okay. And
while I really appreciate all my patrons, it doesn't pay for half of what
(03:50):
I pay for out of pocket.So I do still have to earn a
living. I have to make money, and the conference is a way for
me to make a good amount ofmoney and be able to pay for things
like an assistant help with my emails, like tech support, and so that
was not happening. And to becompletely ane, hundred percent honest, it
didn't happen. After this conference.Adding everything up, paying all the commissions
(04:11):
and all the honorariums, paying forthe tech all that stuff, I did
not break even actually lost money.And I'm not saying this to shame anyone,
making anybody feel bad. This isjust me having a revelation that I
need to do something different. Andit's not even about the money per se.
It's a different mindset. I wastrying to figure out a way to
afford all of these things and paymyself a little bit of money and then
(04:35):
be able to hire out I finallyhave a team. When that didn't come
to fruition, I was filled alot of anxiety around it. That's where
the anxiety was coming from, becauseI was trying to figure out, like,
how am I going to do this? I'm gonna pay everyone if people
aren't buying tickets to this conference.Now the conference is over and I've been
taking a few days off. Ihaven't written any emails to y'all. I
haven't even posted on social media.I just really need to clear my mind.
(04:58):
And I really just needed to getsilent and get quiet. And I
realized that what I need right nowis not another break like I took back
in April or May. What Ineed is to take care of myself.
What I need is to shift myown mindset. I'm a conscious parenting coach,
and I am struggling immensely with consciousparenting, and not because of GIA,
(05:20):
but because of all the stuff thathas yet to be healed, all
the wounds that I put band aidsover. I've been covering up and masking
so long and it's become part ofmy personality, It's become my way of
life, and it just band aidswork as a band aid. Dissociation is
a band aid, Masking is aband aid. It's like I'm finally pilling
(05:43):
back a lot of layers and realizingthat I am in an immense amount of
emotional turmoil and pain, and Iam always afraid, like I live in
fear. I try to mask thatbecause I've had to for so long,
but now it's painful, like it'sa man of physically, and it's manifesting
in the way that I'm able tocare for my daughter. What this conference
(06:04):
and the speakers helped bring out ofme, and what I hope that they
help to bring out of some ofyou, is that this process of healing
is so messy and jumbled up.Sometime it's not linear. It's definitely like
ebbs and flows and peaks and valleys. It could be incredibly hard to continue,
especially as you're going through it.You're reliving grief and heartache that you
(06:28):
have long wanted to bury. Butbearing it is not serving me anymore.
And I want to be a personwho practices what she teaches. I want
to be a person of integrity andof honesty, and I don't feel like
I've been honest. I feel likeI've been able to speak with such passion
to you all on social media becauseI have a passion for this. I
feel strongly about child liberation. Ifeel strongly about black liberation. Those two
(06:50):
things for me are intertwined because I'ma black parent with a black child.
I feel strongly about womanism. Ifeel strongly about everyone. None of us
can be free until all of usare free. I really feel strongly about
that. So I'm able to speakpassionately about it. But I'm not doing
my own work and it's starting toshow. And so what I decided to
do because every time I share withy'all that I'm struggling, you tell me
(07:13):
that it deeply resonates because that imperfectionhelps you feel seen. It helps me
feel human, It helps me havecompassion for myself. And I think y'all
for that feedback. So what Iam going to be doing in a series
of podcasts is doing some healing stuff, working through some things. Be a
podcast kind of bearing my soul andbeing truthful self interrogation. I hope that
(07:38):
in me doing this when it comesto communication and conflict resolution, I'm not
that courageous. That's one of thethings that I'm going to be working through.
It's very very difficult for me assomeone who grew up feeling silent,
very hard for me, and thenbeing in romantic relationships where I was pretty
much punished. When I did speakup I was it was met with violence
and manipulation. So that's very verydifficult. That's one of the things that
(08:01):
we're working on. So this isgonna help me be more courageous. It
is going to help me be morevulnerable, and I'm hoping that it helps
you do the same, because sometimeswe just need a model. I remember
being in one of my own workshopsasking people like, was there an adult
in your life that was a modelfor you and that helped you through things
I don't have that I never hadit. I can't think of one adult
(08:22):
that was just like, let metake you under my way and let me
teach you some things. Let meshow you some stuff, let me impart
some wisdom. Everything that I've everlearned has been self taught or by default,
or from books or from my friends. Now, my amazing group of
friends who are also on healing journeys, mostly who are parent coaches who are
also very open and vulnerable about theirstruggles as parents. Y'all are my models
(08:45):
now, and I thank you forit because we all need a model.
We are not meant to do anyof this stuff alone, and so I
hope to be that for some ofyou who also want to figure out where
do I get started. I'm gonnabe doing that work be a podcast.
I don't know how long it's goingto be. I don't know what the
series is going to look like.This is me, honestly on this drive,
just thinking and trying to figure outwhat it will look like. I
don't know, but what I doknow is that it will be something that
(09:09):
I hope transforms from the inside out. I'm tired of being in pain,
tired of feeling like my heart isbroken. I am tired of feeling like
I'm always wearing a mask. I'mready for this mask to come off.
I want to know me. Iwant to come home to myself, and
I know that's what a lot ofyou want as well. That's what I'm
going to be doing. I amopen to feedback as far as like books
(09:31):
that you might recommend people that youmay be following that I don't follow yet.
It's drop an email and let meknow. If there's someone you feel
like I should be listening to,please make them a black, Indigenous person
of color. I think you knowwhy. Thank y'all for being so supportive
of me all the time and alwayscaring about me, like caring about my
(09:52):
mental health, caring about me feelingstressed or anxious or sick. I really,
really, really love of this community. I love y'all.
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