#391: Wife's Chore Requests, Forming Healthy Habits, Overcoming Specific Phobias

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This got the fuck up your relationships real fast. We've
done it three times.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
I'm gonna tell you to go fuck yourself. Fuck that
relationship right.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Up from fabulous Las Vegasmata. This is pot Therapy people,
real problems and real therapist. You can submit your functions
anonymously at pod therapy nets or email us at pod
therapy guys at gmail dot com. You get a little
bonus today because not only do you get to hear
this episode, but you get to hear the echo in
the room. Yeah, it's like hearing it twice. And now

(00:34):
broadcasting from sadly the last episode show. I'm nick time
for some pot therapy.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
It is sala v to show creator Studio.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
We have the honor for those of you just joining us.
We have the honor of being the last artistic thing
to ever.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
We're doing the show in here tonight. We're recording. It's
eight forty five in the evening right now tomorrow morning. Uh,
myself and a few other people.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
A Whitney.

Speaker 4 (00:56):
I think it's gonna come by and help out. We're
gonna load out the last bit.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Of the chart.

Speaker 5 (01:00):
Yeah, I'm the only one to come help.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
I know.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Jesus is gonna Nick is gonna come back.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
I will definitely swing by if I can.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
I've got I'm kidding, Nichol come by for lunch.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
I know you're kidding. I know you're kidding, but the
Midwestern y.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, really he's going to bring a castle. Yeah, eight
o'clock at night.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
He's like, oh, hey, I just was passing, kind of
thinking about showing up at seven and just seeing what
I can get done before everybody else gets here.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:31):
Boxed up, like, yeah, Jacob's cords.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
Are pulled right, just nails pulled out, everything else. I
can make some sandwiches here you go.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Guys, just some icy waters. Yeah, So this is it.
Show creator Studio has been good to us man eight
years in this place just about I mean, we started
the show in January of eighteen. We were at Level nine.
Then we briefly went for this January will be our
eighth year doing pod therapy. Oh but not all here,
well almost though, because that's what I was saying is like,

(02:03):
we started at level nine, we were there until the
summer of twenty eighteen. We went from January to the summer,
we got fired, and then we left Level nine because
we were broke.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
From our job.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
No, yeah, the line got broken into yeah, and there
was a slight disruption nine yeah. Yeah, yeah, they were fine. Yeah,
we got along with Scott but yeah, and then and
then we went to your house for a while, and
we went to my house for a while, and then
we started getting tighter with Jacob and I se s
and they invited us to come to scoop Fest and
we're like, we did scoop Fest.

Speaker 5 (02:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
And then right after scoop Fest we were like, hey, man,
can we you know, patch you in on this and
he's like, yeah, sure whatever.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
I do remember recording at my house because we made
soundproof tense Oh that's right, yeah, because we wanted to well,
but like I remember, like we have a picture in
one of our rooms where like we've got like a
broomstick that's holding up a blanket because we tried to
put a blanket.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Over we is not me in you, we as you
and Laura. No, no, I was not part of this. I
have a picture of you under a blanket. Are I
don't remember this?

Speaker 3 (03:09):
A yes?

Speaker 1 (03:10):
So we have a channel that sounds like something I
would say. I thought we bought little sound we did,
we did, but yeah, like we we.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
Got sound bouncing off the wall behind me, so it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Sound like something I would say. So if you do
have that photo, there's a channel in a discord called
History Museum and it's all old photos of the show.
And you know, I think I have the first photo
of Jacob on the show, and there all these other
like cool things. I need to go back and find
the first Whitney.

Speaker 5 (03:38):
And you got to do a last one today.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, oh that's right. We gotta take a last photo
at the good point Whitney. Yeah, we do. I saw
you take one.

Speaker 5 (03:45):
I took one, but good I'll do with all of us.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Remind me of do that.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Actually works out well for everyone.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
But the show is not being canceled as far as
we know. We are gonna be backpacking for a while
with Jacob. And then I think, well, we've got play
in the future, so the future will be announced when
it arrives. Fans are good, exciting stuff.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Several lands. Yeah, we have options, we have.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Several people in the discord were just sing ideas and
a very strong one was get an r V and
I said, yeah, Jacob and ironic that's on the tape.
Tried to pitch that.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
That is oh no, no, that is that is still
on the tape neotiation.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
That is still an option. It's not my top option, okay,
but it is number one. It was never number one, okay.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
But if if we can justify the r V for
other things, the trips, and then it becomes like for
s Jay's uh touring and everything. But like this summer,
we looked at her schedule and there were three dates
all this summer that the r V would be handy.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Okay, So like not that last summer, it would have
been great.

Speaker 4 (04:53):
Last summer she was she was driving all over the
place and doing like long uh long multi show trips.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
And this summer it's a to just fly in, do
a show and a fly back.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Right, it is the.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Most likely way we'll get to hobo cons.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
That is true.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
I design we'll probably just fall asleep in there one
day and wake up at home.

Speaker 5 (05:10):
We could take the train like you know, the rails,
the railroad, that's.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Right, the true hobo method of tra just.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Because anybody who knows us knows that we would survive. Well,
so well.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, yeah, we'll just sleep in the tunnels, you know,
wherever we end up, and then it'll be fine. Just
take cans of beans over a fire. I'm sure we'd
be just for survivors, that's right, for sure. So Show
Creators has been good to us sale of v Show Creators,
But what an honor to get to close this place down.
It's hosted a lot of important I think performances such

(05:43):
as ice Cream Social Penn Sunday School was nested here
for a very long time, so a prestigious background this
building has had, so it's exciting to bring it all
the way down to the ground.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Well, we've got some great questions for today's show. Want
to remind you can drop those questions at Patriot or
not Patreon at our email pod Therapy guys at gmail
dot com. And also, if you just open up this
episode's description in whatever app you're using, scroll on down.
We've got links to random things. There's a link in
there that says, hey, you got a question, here's our
Google form. It's completely anonymous. You're welcome to drop them

(06:16):
in there. In summertime, a lot of times our question
Q kind of slows down. A lot of people are traveling,
so we're just not getting as many people writing in
and so it's been a thin and out a little bit,
So get those questions in here because you're likely to
get heard a lot faster. There's an express lane, so
check it out. But a couple of questions for today.
First one understanding the urgency of my wife's requests from

(06:38):
anonymous Hello friends, my wife and I.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
Stick that finger in my butt now, okay, hurry, I
mean that is time sensitive.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
That's the worst, which is like, it is too late.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
You missed it.

Speaker 1 (06:53):
No, just get out now stop Now it's weird.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
That's a very narrow window.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
There's a very small window where you can antally penetrate
somebody and they're great with it, and they're happy you
did it. But man, it just expires like milk, so bad,
so fast. My wife and I have normal, meritable, meritable
marital squabbles, but the one that is the most confrontational
when it does happen, revolves around tasks that my wife

(07:19):
gives me to do. The script goes as follows. My
wife will ask me to do something around the house,
clean the kitchen, take out the trash, whatever, I'll say, sure,
no problem. The issue is in my mind, I interpret
the quest as do this when you feel like it.
I'm gonna pause right here.

Speaker 5 (07:36):
Yeah, I feel like.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
I think all the boys are on the same page
right now. Thought wrong with this writer, He's on the
right side.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
I don't even know what the problem is question I was.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Just as I was reading. I look up really quick
and just see Whitney staring daggers of nodding like this.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
I can't wait.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Here we go, We'll get deeper into this, sure, no problem.
My mind interprets this as do this whenever you feel
like it, but a few hours later or the next morning,
I haven't done it yet. She goes ahead and does
the task. Shit, I think I think I already answer that.
If Just for everybody that doesn't understand this, the writer

(08:26):
has subtext in his own letter in which he says,
oh shit, I think I already know the answer now
that I'm typing this out. My wife will then get
very frustrated with me that I didn't do the task
before her disconnect between her sense of urgency and mine.
What I would like is to be given a deadline,

(08:48):
because I'm a brain dead cave man, as it turns out,
to get the task done by as opposed to feeling
like I don't have direction to the direction on the expectations,
and then, of course, when she does the task before me,
she's left feeling like I don't take her seriously and
I'm frustrated that I wasn't given the latitude to handle

(09:09):
the task on my own, especially if the task is
an urgent. Is it unreasonable to ask for a deadline
when she tells me to do something? Or am I
just a bum which I am now realizing is more
likely the case? Love Anonymous ps extra golf question for
Nick since my question sucked. I cannot shoot under one

(09:29):
hundred to save my life. I've been playing for ten
years now. The last part of my game is chipping
and lob shots. I have a number of different wedges,
but have been told to just leave the fifty two
degree wedge in the bag, don't use anything else. Do
you agree? Thank you Anonymous.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Okay, I'm gonna set some time aside, yeah, to attack
that question, but I got some later.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah. Oh my god, both these questions I can.

Speaker 5 (09:56):
I want to hear y'alls first.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Okay, so the we're all laughing because we all kind
of understand, like, Okay, this is clearly she has an
expectation of like, hey, can you do the dishes?

Speaker 1 (10:08):
It's clearly as I think, is what we all. We
were all thinking, what a bit that doesn't mean by.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
By the fifteenth of this month. Can you do the
dishes that right now?

Speaker 1 (10:19):
If the recorder will please read back the transcript? Okay,
the date was not specified, so.

Speaker 3 (10:24):
There are some undertones as far as some expectations. Now,
I do think that, yes, obviously, you kind of learn
how your partner communicates, right, Like I know, like when
Laura says something. We've been together long enough now I
know that what she says and what she means are
different totally, and I need to operate off of what
she means. And sometimes I'm still wrong, right, And that's fine.

(10:47):
But as long as we continue to communicate that and
just be like okay, and I just like put that
in my memory bank and I'm like that means this.
I will remember that from for next time.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
But then also, it's not it's all sent to Nick.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
It's not. It's not all one person's fault in this.
There is there is a little bit of like, okay, communication,
like I see how you misinterpreted this. I'll try to
communicate this way, you know.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
I hope that's what you say. I see now how
you misstated what you wanted to say. I see now
how you poorly communicate how I see now not exactly
I know what you wanted to say.

Speaker 3 (11:27):
Now. It's been that way even for my communication to her,
where I will say something and like it's implied in
my mind.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Right, here's how I mean.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
What I say is what I mean. But then I
have to understand. Okay, well she didn't interpret it that way.
I can't just rely on her like you need to
understand what I mean. Now, I also have to work
on changing my communication. I see, there's two sides to
the street.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
It's fine saying both sides.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
Laura is wrong, yes, of course, of course what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Now. That being said, I've got like I I can
relate to this, not with any partner I've been with,
but with my boss, an old boss I had. Okay, okay,
uh it was a boss who you know you didn't
actually work for her, but we worked for the same organization. Okay.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Oprah Winfrey, what a bit, Oprah? Oh my god? And
just so much sexual assault.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
Always about doctor Phil wants God, but no, so this, uh,
this old supervisor of mine. Everything was an emergency.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
I remember this.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Remembers to tell me this.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
Everything was an emergency in her mind, which was detrimental
to all of the staff because if everything's an emergency,
that means nothing's an emergency. You don't have the The
staff didn't have the ability to identify that what is
a real emergency and what is not?

Speaker 4 (12:56):
I need to tell new people on tour, like new
uh heads, heads of department or whatever. On on show tours,
it was like every stop we go to, every city
that we're in, you get to yell at the local
crew one time. Okay, you get one good, pissed off yell,
and if you do it more than once, you're just
the guy that yells.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Now you're just yelling and nobody listens to you.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
If you are a reasonable person and you yell one time,
people take you seriously and you can move.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
No, you don't have to yell if nothing's going.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
Wrong, but you don't want to waste either. Wait, do
you get roll over yells?

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well no, it's like no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Okay, well then you're not gonna Well then I'm not
wasting the yell you've sized me. I'm going to use it.
I'm not going to waste I can't.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
It's like your patient's gem.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
I'm going to This is like coffee, like right right,
And the Andy Griffiths Show has got one bullet he
keeps in his shirt pocket if he ever needs ready
to one bullet, ready to go.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
No, but so wait, you just learned something like huh oh.

Speaker 3 (13:56):
I can't talk about it. I'm I'm thinking about doing
a spinoff podcast that's just the Andy Gris.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Do it.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Let's do.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
No, we only need one verse, so.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
We gotta finish now.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Anyway, I got left out. So here's the thing I
think with some of that, Like I get the frustration
with that because with with my old boss, because everything
was an emergency. If something happened.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
She wouldn't use the bathroom.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
Now, she wouldn't have this baby in nine months.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
She would she would know about it first and then
would have to deal with it first. And so it's
almost I And at one point I had this conversation
with her in her office. I said, look like we're
playing a doubles we're playing we're playing tennis. We're playing
it like a doubles match, and you're yelling at me
for not hitting the ball when you're right up at

(15:09):
the net, right and you're hitting every single thing, like,
go ahead if you want to play that way. But
you can't play that way.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
And be mad at me, right, yeah, because it doesn't
get that fall back to me.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
She said, watch me.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
That's a really good example.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
She said, I bet I can.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Now that's a really good example. Like the urgency in
that case. Obviously this person is like exaggerated, and therefore
you're looking and going, hey, this, You've got to kind
of pick your battles here. So Jacob hypothetical question. Yes,
you are sitting on your couch. You've got your dog
there on your lap, and have a nice cold beer
in your hand. Maybe you're watching the NBA finals. Okay,
I just just enjoying a nice evening to yourself. You

(15:51):
can hear your wife, lovely ladies, she's in the kitchen. She's,
you know, cleaning up some things, putting away some things.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
That doesn't sound like her.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
Okay, So then she.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
Sorry, hypothetical hypothetical.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
And she hollers out from the other rounds like her, babe, babe,
can you take out the trash?

Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay, what does that mean to you? Are you putting
the dog down and getting on right now.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
For the trash, for that specific request.

Speaker 4 (16:18):
That usually means I'm in the middle of something right now,
I need this bag of trash moved right now.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
So for that specific request. Because like what Nick was saying,
you know, you get to know each other, you know
the language.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Okay, So with trash, I know that if she calls
from another room and says, could you take the trash
out please, I know that whatever she's doing in that
other room, she needs that trash gone, okay pretty pretty immediately.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
That is a time sensitive request that the implication of
that is it's urgent.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
Yes, that's different than hey, the burner on the stove
isn't working. Could you take a look at that's right?

Speaker 1 (16:52):
Or are you going to knock out these dishes? Yea,
and yes, but I'm not going to stop watching this
live show for that.

Speaker 4 (16:58):
And so like yeah, like with the dishes, she might
say like, hey, there's some dishes in the sink. Like
if I'm off one night or something, Let's let's really
get creative with this.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Let's say that I have a free night.

Speaker 4 (17:10):
Yeah, So let's say that I'm off one night and
she says, hey, there are dishes in the sink. I'm
gonna go do a show if you could tackle these
dishes at some point. I know that what she means
by that is, hey, before we go to bed tonight. Okay,
if you could get these dishes knocked out, that'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
Here's what that means in my brain. If my wife
says that to me, that means if I get home
and these are still here, it is your ass. Well,
and so I like, yeah, the butt stuff we talked
about earlier, this stuff that I don't like, and I
want her to stop. I don't like it anymore. Jimmy

(17:49):
gets his chores done now I'm bugging around.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
Yeah, I guess it doesn't really mean until we and
before we go to bed. It means before we go
to bed, or please don't make these be in my
way when I get home.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (18:02):
It's almost like.

Speaker 4 (18:04):
Like she's gonna get home and just make a cup
of tea, then great, who cares if they're dishes in
the same Okay, But if she's gonna get home and
try to make like a late meal or something, right,
and those dishes are going to be in the way.

Speaker 5 (18:14):
Okay, Yeah, I almost hear it as like, hey, this
would mean a lot to me if you could do
these It's like I'm asking you, Yes, I could do them.
I could do them later, I could do them now.
But you know what I'm I have a lot on
my plate, you know, and you're kind of chilling.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
In my world. It's a warning in my world if
I'm being told, hey can you grab the can you
are you gonna do these dishes? Or hey can you
do this thing? Can you do this task? That is
and this is where I feel for the writer because
for me a lot of times it's like yeah, I
I I'll even say that, Yeah I don't Yep, I'll
do that. But for me, it's like I'm doing something
else right now. I and and like I want that

(18:53):
to be honored. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing.
And I think another layer that backs all this. Yeah exactly,
I'm furiously masturbating after the Andy Griffith Show. You know
that's my three PM, right.

Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah, But from her perspective, like when are you not well?

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Marriages, compromise that needs to get you're right. Compromise is important.
Another layer of this puzzle of socks. Yeah, they're standing
on their own looks like they pulled out of mannequins.
So another layer that makes it even more complex is
having kids.

Speaker 5 (19:27):
I was going to say this too, it.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Gets more, so yeah, here I go. So it gets
really complicated because as your kids are growing up, you
start delegating chores to them, not because they're that helpful,
that's part of them growing. They need to do it,
and it's frustrating because then of course your kids don't

(19:49):
do it or you're having to parent them, and a
lot of times you'll turn your angst on your partner
and you'll be like, are you going to take this trash?
I'd be like, no, that's our son's chore, Like, well,
I told him to do it, he didn't do it,
so are you gonna to do it? And it's like no,
that defeats the fucking point. You've got to go back
and do some parenting work, like or I'll go yell
at his ass. But then it's like you're just you're
you're gonna yell at him because you're lazy and you

(20:11):
just don't want to tell him to you know, you're
gonna tell him to do it because you don't want
to do it, and it's like, trust me, it's way
easier for me to bag up this ship and take
it out to the garage then to go march upstairs,
get my kid off his video games, explain to him
that he's taking me to.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
Take this plastic bag of trash outside than it is
to try to get a.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Parent, teenager or pretea.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Coll the fuck up. Trust me, I would rather do
the labor, but that adds a whole nother lab.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
Labor to try to get an adult to do it too.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, but it's funny because that's how Shelby should be, like, oh,
you know, and can you do this and do that
and do this by the time I get home or
something like that, And sometimes I'll be like yes, but
also I several of these things need to be done
by the child or one of our children. You get
home at the same time they do, and so I'm
not gonna do it. And that's not me being flipping
or definant. It's me looking at and going no, because

(20:58):
other shit needs to be part of this ecosystem. But
there is I also am absolutely guilty what the writer
talks about where it's just a delay right where it's like, hey,
can you do this thing, and I'm like, yes, but
for me, cleaning off the table, tidying up the kitchen,
doing some dishes or whatever, that all needs to be
done on my timeline, which is like before the next
time I want to use that stuff. Whereas for her,
if she's walking around and that shit is dirty around her, right,

(21:22):
that's emotionally hurtful. And so then she's looking around and
being like, I'm not going to be able to handle this.
I can't handle shit still on the kitchen table, I
can't handle the dishes here, So I'm going to stop
what I'm doing now and clean all the shit. And
I'm like, well you all you have to do is wait,
and she's like, but there's an emotional tax on asking
me to do that.

Speaker 5 (21:40):
It's mental clutter.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
That's fair. And the more I've learned that this goes
back to Nick's epiphany about like meaning versus words, the
more I've come to understand that it's not about asking
me to do the task, it's understanding the meaning behind
what effect does this have on her if it's not done,
and knowing her personally that she's like she'll get emotional
about it not being done. Then I feel a sense
of urgency to get it done, because I don't want

(22:03):
her to go through the units of suffering that go along.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
With Jay and I try We try hard in our
house too.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
If we need something immediately from the other person, we
try to just communicate that.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, we try to say that right through the surface
the butler.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
You tell the butler to.

Speaker 4 (22:18):
Tell Okay, yeah, sometimes with the intercom system, depending on
what we're in we carry your pigeons. Yeah, yeah, but yeah,
we try to do the like, hey, like if there's
if there.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Is a time limit in my mind on a thing
that I'm asking.

Speaker 5 (22:32):
S J to do, yeah, well, people are coming to visit.

Speaker 4 (22:35):
I'll try to tell her that, like, hey, this is happening,
could you try to get this taken care of before
before that?

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (22:43):
Right, yeah, no, that's fair. All right, well let us
have it. But I do ask her to And you've
just been sitting there just chewing on your pinky nail,
just like fuck, I'm going to fuck these dudes up.

Speaker 5 (22:54):
I think there's a perspective here. Jimmy did a good
job touching on some some topics. My kid angle was
a little different than what you said. And I hear
you and that's valid with teens, but I feel like
when kids are in those younger years and like they're
five and not able to take out the trash, what
happens is women are carrying the mental load of like

(23:15):
managing the children most of the time. And this is
obviously in like kind of stereotypical, but yeah, like one
partner will say, it tends to be the woman at
times is taking on this this mental load of like,
all right, I've got to get the kids dressed and
you know, up at during the day and all this stuff,
and that I'm gonna get them, get dinner ready and
like get them laid down at night, and to the

(23:36):
mental load of having to tell you another adult what
to do. It's like, look the fuck around, do anything.
You can do anything here, Like can you.

Speaker 4 (23:47):
Imagine, Whitney, can you imagine living with Jim Job He
don't make it.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
I have got brutal better. No, but Whitney. I love
this point. You're because the writer talks about getting direction right,
and I think this is where a lot of and
I'm guilty of this too. Yeah, a lot of men
get frustrated because we're like, well, that's not you didn't
tell me you didn't do this, well, you didn't tell
me to do this. Yeah, and I appreciate because I've
been in that male brain. I've said those exact ways,

(24:18):
and I know what my heart wants it to say
at that time, which is like your energy that you're
coming at me with implies that I've betrayed you somehow
because I didn't do something you've asked. I don't want
to pay that price when I wasn't asked to do it.
But then i've, after twenty years of marriage, understood the
feminine perspective, which is stereotypical, but often the other partner perspective,

(24:39):
which is we are both co equal adults. We both
live in this environment. It's not my job to give
you a chores list, like you're a teenage boy and
I'm your mom. You're just supposed to proactively look around
and complete the things that need to be completed. Yeah,
But then this turns into a couple's debate where sometimes
they'll say, okay, that's fair, a I should be all

(25:00):
to complete things the way I want to complete them,
which is a whole new conversation of like because I've
been I've been fired from doing dishes, I've been fired
from doing laundry. I've been fired from other chores because
I don't do it.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Dare you.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
I am a union laborer. We do great work.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
No, But I mean like it's tough because it's like, okay,
well I want you to do this. It's like okay,
I'll do it, and it's like, oh, you didn't do
it right, So then it's like okay. But there that's
a tough area too, because then it's like I'm trying.
And also like your standard might be unusually high, and
I don't need to go line up ten humans and
ask what the average is. I'm the other half. And
if I'm telling you, okay, I'll take on the task,

(25:41):
but it's going to be done Jimmy's way, that's it.
You know, we got to do it or you got
to talk to me through that.

Speaker 5 (25:47):
So yeah, I I what I wanted to start off
by saying is I used to be more on team, like, oh,
just tell your partner kind of what the writer is saying, like, hey,
can you take out the trash before we go to
bed tonight? Give them the like give that instruction. But
over time, having like met with clients, seeing things, you know,
on the internets and all this stuff, and again not

(26:09):
having the same experience as people with families have, Like
there's just a lot more going on in those ecosystems.
I am a little bit more on board with, Like, Okay,
in the beginning, tell me, give me instruction. We just
started dating, we just moved in together. You're feeling each
other out, like how you do a chore versus how
I do a chore, right, And that's fair to say

(26:33):
to try and say like, oh, well, this is how
I'm gonna do things or whatnot. I also maybe this
is just because this is what was modeled to me.
Like my stepmom has a very high standard of cleanliness
in her home, Okay, like maybe bordering on OCD, you know,
very very thorough. My dad has never been like a

(26:56):
sloppy guy or anything. He like lived on his own,
He cooked his own meal. Like he's self sufficient, like
between when my parents divorced and he met my stepmom,
so like he could take care of himself. But when
you talk about the level, right, but I watched him.
He'll even when they come to our house, we'll put
dishes in the sink and we love our dishwasher. I
will let that ship fill up, and I put everything

(27:16):
things I shouldn't. Don't judge me, like go in that
fucking dish wash cat, the sharp knives that I should
not be putting at at all. I don't care it
goes in there, like I mean just about everything.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
I have knives, knives.

Speaker 5 (27:31):
I know you're you're like chefs over there, so it's
not I know.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
It's not us.

Speaker 4 (27:38):
I have like knives that and I don't tell she
can't use them, but I just have knives that she
does not use.

Speaker 5 (27:44):
Yes, I was gonna say, I was like, and that's
very like. I know that I don't want these fucked
up these days over here, Like I appreciate that. So
like I will let the dishes fill up, Peter and
I both and then we put like whatever in the dishwasher.
My dad, when he comes to visit, my stepmom trained him. Yeah,
once we've like cooked meal, like before everything, before we

(28:05):
go to bed, before we're winding down, like right after
we've eaten, he's already he's in there. He's doing the dishes.
He's cleaning right away right away. There is not a
dish that's which.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
Is a great house guest to have, though, it is.

Speaker 5 (28:16):
It is. I still prefer to just put him in
the dish.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
They are busting the rhythm.

Speaker 5 (28:22):
Yeah, it's like out of my rhythm. And then now
they're sitting there and I have to put them away
right now because they died. I'm just like, no, let's
just have the the ten minutes of putting all the
dishes away. But anyway, so it can be time consuming,
but she has like he knows the expectation of what
pleases her. Okay, right, not to say he's not an
asshole in other area, my dad, but that is an

(28:44):
area I think he knows. Like, I know what she wants,
I know how she wants this tour done. I'm going
to do that. I know.

Speaker 4 (28:50):
Understanding how to please people and pleasing them are always
the same thing, right, going to like I understand how
to please my wife.

Speaker 5 (28:56):
Yeah, finger, so I guess that would be my question.
What keeps you from doing it the way she wants to?

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Like it? Over the years, I do so like now,
but like, yeah, this I usually come in first with
the idea of like, you know, you do have to negotiate.
So if you ask your husband, hey, I want you
to sweep the kitchen or mop the kitchen. I think
it's proper to show him like, this is the way
I do it, you know, I this is how I'm

(29:24):
hoping you do it. But if he's like, look, I
don't I don't like to use this special swift forer thingy.
I like to just use a mop in hot water
and some soap, and like that's how I'm gonna do it,
and I'll get it done my way. All right, They're
still at an impasse therapeutically. I'm usually going to come
in there and talk about, like, let's make room for
this because you don't want him to become your personal servant.
He's not your personal maid. Part of your beef is

(29:46):
the delegation. I don't like always delegating and directing, but
I think sometimes we get stuck where we're talking out
of both sides of our mouth on that where like
on one part of our brain we're like, you're a
fucking grown up. I shouldn't have to tell you how
to do it, and they're like, listen, fucking grown up,
do it exactly my way. It's like, hey, if that
wasn't your spouse, if that was just your friend or
your sibling, would you be talking to them that way,
or would you just kind of let it hang and

(30:07):
they're like, hey, you know, I cleaned up the kitchen
for you. If your mother in law comes over, she's like, hey,
I threw everything out, I took care of it. You
don't go, okay, I'll just have to re wash this dishes, right,
excuse me? Well, you just don't do it the way
I do it.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
People like a dinner parties and stuff washing dishes, and
that's not an uncommon day.

Speaker 4 (30:22):
Win And we have and we have people come over
to the house and we'll we'll have dinner and everything,
and a lot of times one of our friends will
just make their way into the kitchen and stop out
and start cleaning up dishes. Yeah, And of course you
always do the uh the leave it, leave it, leave it.
We're gonna put all in the dish washer later. It's
not a big deal. And then ten minutes later it's
all just done. Yeah, And like nothing is where you

(30:43):
want it, right.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
But I feel like this is a really big hint
of how you think things are going to go when
we record at your house.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Oh yeah, he's so, I don't want to say this nicely.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yeah, it is expected then when people come over, that's.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
Right, right, the knives are.

Speaker 4 (31:02):
We get there, there will just be like vacuums and mops.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
There's a little cho.

Speaker 5 (31:10):
There's a picture book of how to do the show. No,
I want to say to the couples. I wonder if
you've experienced system the couples that I have dealt with
or talked through who have the most challenges. It seemed
to be when one partner has eighthd Yeah, and I'm like,
that's a whole other layer. But it's hard because they're

(31:31):
like I have told them so many times, or they're
like they said they would do it, and then they
got distracted and.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
Their heart's good, they want to help, and the other
person they're horrified that they keep dropping the ball.

Speaker 5 (31:40):
Yeah, they feel bad, but then they get frustrated because
they're like, now you're always nagony and like I just
I messed up and it's just like this difficult space.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
So which is part of how we diagnose eh, Yes, yeah,
apparently this is having a bad effect on your social
life exactly.

Speaker 5 (31:54):
No.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
I think we've you know, looked at this from every angle,
and you know, I agree with you. I I over
the years, I think you have to come to understand
what your partner wants because otherwise, when you do this,
they're going to be unhappy. And obviously at the end
of the day, you do want your partner to be happy.
And then you're you know, doing it more and more
their way, which I think has happened over the years.
Like your father, I've been trained over twenty years to
you know, kind of do it the way that she

(32:16):
wants it done. But we've also had to have hard
talks sometimes where it's like, hey, I'm not the kids,
you know, so like when you ask me to do something, hey,
you're right, you shouldn't have to ask, Like, you know,
I get my own chore list going on, and we
we have to do this. Like i'd say, about every year,
we end up reaching a boiling point. And she's a
school teacher, so it's kind of predictable when it's going

(32:36):
to happen. It's usually the same time of year. Everything's
come into a head. She's struggling at school and work
in the kids' lives, and it's just everything's boiling over.
She'll get predictively frustrated, and then we'll end up in
this conversation where she's like I just don't feel supported
by you, like you need to do more. And I'm
like okay, and I go full therapist mode, or I'm
like I want to do better, like and I get
out the list and I'm like, okay, this is the
list I currently do. These are the days that I

(32:57):
do that. You show me what I need to add
to this list, and then we get it on there
and then I try to like make that a felt
experience like that the next week you notice it's being
done and then you know that's that's hopefully making a
difference in a person's life. But we've also had to
have hard talks where it's like, look, you know, you
can't just come in here and rule on high or
say things like oh I told you to take out

(33:19):
the trash or whatever, I told you do this thing
like and it's like, yeah, you didn't tell me. When
it's like, well I shouldn't have to, it's like no,
you do, Like I'm sorry, but you do. Or sometimes
it's a test where it's like I told you, then
I walked away to see if you would do it,
and it's like no, don't. I'm a grown fucking man.
Don't do that do that to our children absolutely and
then reprimand them like a parent. I'm not your child,
you know, so like we're gonna have to deal with
this shit. But no, this is thorny shit, and a

(33:40):
lot of families just.

Speaker 4 (33:41):
Go full hog and get like the big adult sized
diaper and.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Just say, just be one of the kids. That's it.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
I'm just gonna be one of the kids. So Nick,
I think one time she'll cut all that shit out.
We've budgeted ninety seconds for you to explain how to
impress golf.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
You forget, I'm a coho. I'll take as long as
i want.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
Damn it.

Speaker 5 (34:02):
Here's the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
I'll talk through it.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
I don't care.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
They got to close this building down.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
Thing. We only have the building through the end of
the monster.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Here's here's what I would suggest writer. Okay, so you're
shooting to shoot under one hundred. Here's the thing. It's
it's gonna be one of two things that you're gonna
want to focus on. You focus on both ball striking
and targets. Course management. Okay, So when it comes to
course management, the idea is aim for Texas, not Rhode Island. Okay,

(34:36):
So when you're finding your targets. You have to aim
for spots that are going to be you're gonna be
allowed to miss. So, for example, I just played this
past weekend and there is several par four's, par fives
where I didn't take out driver. I took out a
four iron because where my driver would have landed is
the narrowest part of the fairway and there's some danger there,

(34:56):
so I lay up short of it. Okay. So that's
course management, just being able to understand where you're most
likely to miss and play to those. Ball striking is
the other one. So the things three things that you're
going to focus on. Okay, you're gonna want to focus
on hitting the ball in the center of the club face. Okay,
getting good at that. Okay, here's what you do. Go

(35:17):
to Walgreens, CBS, any pharmacy. Pick up some doctor Schoal's
foot powder spray. I'm serious, ok take this. Take it
with you when you go to the driving range. Spray
the club, the face of the club, and then as
you're hitting balls, you're gonna be able to look down
and you're gonna see where on the club face. Yeah,

(35:38):
it'll leave a mark, so you know where you're hitting
right now, So you want to get really good at
three things. One is hitting the center of the club face. Okay.
Second thing is ground contact. That's the second thing you
want to practice.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
You don't want to stub that.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Making sure, yeah, making sure that your divot is in
front of the ball, not behind it. So you're hitting
ball first, so you're hitting down.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
When he went to the bathroom just came we're talking
about obviously we went back to the butt stuff.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
Third thing. Third thing is learning club face control. Okay, okay,
learning to be able to keep no the ball. If
the ball starts always is if you're right handed, If
the ball starts right, it means your club face is open.
If it starts left, it means the club face is closed. Okay, okay.
So those three things ball first contact, shut up Whitney,

(36:29):
hitting the center of the club face, and ground contact.
Those are three things. Good advice you focus on that
because I'll be honest, there's some guys that I play
with in my league that I look at when they
when they swing and I'm like, Jesus Christ, how the
fuck are you even making contact with the ball? Okay,
Like God, they have a terrible ugly swing. But they're
good golfers, and it's because they've learned. Even though they've

(36:53):
developed all these bad habits, they've learned how to do
those three things. Okay, basics, they've managed those. Have you
seen that episode of Rick and Morty where Jerry.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Asks him to help him get a swing off. His
golf games keep and they keep making more to try
to help him, and they realize they should just kill him,
like his golf game will improve if he's.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Dead, which, by the way, I don't know when we're
planning on going to top Golf eventually, but I mentioned
after we get done tonight to my to my golf
and partners this weekend, uh, that that we're doing that.
You know that you think you can beat me at Topka,
And it was it was a it was actually, I mean.

Speaker 4 (37:37):
If anybody's willing to bet on both sides, that's fair,
somebody is it was we all got a really good
kick out of it.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
Well, your friends clearly don't know how successful I've been
out of my one top golf experience, So I was
very good. Sonic the Hedgehog got like all the coins
when I smacked the ball.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
I actually I did a recording here.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Oh, okay, play it into the microphone on. All right there,
there is no way, no way. I've heard you talk.
You sound good, A lot of good with a lot
of talking. You're not going to be nick.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
Who is this?

Speaker 5 (38:16):
That's the final say who is this?

Speaker 1 (38:18):
Asshole?

Speaker 5 (38:19):
I think that's Tiger Woods.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
That's my buddy Cola.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Oh ship, oh Cola?

Speaker 2 (38:23):
All right? That was O. J.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
Simpson golf O J. Simpson from the grave. All right, well,
well we will see what happens there, Tange. I'll make
Cola eat his words. We are going to take a
quick break and when we come back, we're talking about something.
We're all experts in pregnancy. You're listening to pod therapy.

Speaker 5 (38:43):
No one here.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
Today's episode has brought to you by s Mason Miller,
Test Miller, Biler, Team Paris, Team Monico, Oscar Swanrose, Canna, Marie,
Emma Kine and Myra. Would you like to sponsor the show?
Become a therap producer a Patreon dot com slash therapy.
All right, when was the last we all have seen
the movie Clueless?

Speaker 5 (39:03):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (39:05):
I watched when it was released?

Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yeah, thirty years old? Oh wow, yes, summer so it
went back in theater. So Laura and I and her
sister went to this movie today.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Oh, that's kind of so we saw it back.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
In the theater. I know that it's back around. I
knew that it was the anniversary of it.

Speaker 5 (39:23):
I think they're making a new one.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
I don't know, they might, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (39:26):
Go on there, say and I watched RuPaul's Drag Race
and they are in the middle of the season of
RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars right now, and they do
a whole challenge based around clueless because there's the anniversary. Yeah,
I do know that it's coming. I don't think I've
seen it since it's a theater released.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
In ninety five. But watching it again, like as an adult,
there's a lot more of the jokes that I got
than I did the first time. All right, let's go,
let's go Jacob.

Speaker 5 (39:54):
All right, Lucky Ducky.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
What high school does share attend?

Speaker 4 (39:59):
Oh if you would ask me what her name was,
I could approach your share options.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Yeah, options West Beverly High, Bronson all Caught High, Ridgemont High,
or Pacific Palisades Prep.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
Oh boy, let's go for the alliteration. Let's go Pacific
Palisades Prep.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
That feels good.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
No Bronson all caught?

Speaker 1 (40:22):
Oh man, I would I wouldn't have known that either.
The Ridge one felt like another movie.

Speaker 5 (40:28):
Isn't that fast time?

Speaker 1 (40:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (40:31):
Okay, Whitney. What is the name of the teacher share
plays matchmaker for the male teacher?

Speaker 5 (40:39):
Oh wait, it's a male teacher. Okay, sorry, yes, yes, yes,
it's the inconceivable guys.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yes, that doesn't even saw the actor. I don't know what.
I don't remembers at all.

Speaker 5 (40:57):
I remember the curly haird teacher to write. Anyways, what's
the options?

Speaker 3 (41:00):
I don't know his name, mister Hall, mister Elton, mister Wendell,
or mister Horowitz.

Speaker 5 (41:07):
I mean the last one kind of feeling no, share
Horowitz is her name, so I'm pretty sure yeah all
of the Yes, I know Elton is not a either
that's the guy she likes or is rich or whatever,
or that is ahole, you know. I feel like the
it's Hall and what was the other one, Wendell? One

(41:28):
of them is the lady's name that she tries to connect.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
I think.

Speaker 5 (41:35):
Hall.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Correct.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Yes, Jesus, we're fucked. We do not have a shot
in helse.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
I knew Share I.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
Didn't know that.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
The other day.

Speaker 5 (41:46):
Yeah, I feel like I got that far.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Okay, Uh, what is the band, Jim, what is the
band playing during the party in the valley?

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Give me the options, Green.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Day, Radiohead, No Doubt, Mighty Mighty Boss Tones.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
God damn it, it's not Blank. I want it to
be Mighty Boss Tones. But I feel like that wasn't
the vibe. I don't feel like they were trying that.
I don't think they were getting into ska. I think
it was so posh. That's a real band, Mighty Mighty Boston.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
Yeah, a ska band.

Speaker 4 (42:20):
What is this word you're saying, Scott Kaca, It's a
style of music, Whitney.

Speaker 5 (42:24):
Oh, I don't know this.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
It was like when punk had trumpets, like real big Fish.

Speaker 5 (42:30):
I'm gonna look this up.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Okay, you do that, infant, all right, So get rid
of Blink, get rid of real big Fish. My options
are real big Fish. Oh sorry, Mighty boss Tones. Okay,
and then that leaves me with what.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Real big fish.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
I feel like No Doubt really started blowing up right
around this time, but I don't know if they were
in the movie.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Give Me Radiohead, Steal it's gotta be no doubt.

Speaker 5 (42:56):
Yeah right, it's really good.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
No shit, I think it's got to be Bostones or
I thought for sure, like, oh, Gwen Stefani had to
have made a cameo.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
I mean she was huge right around that time. But
I think the movie just got there, got ahead of
her point.

Speaker 5 (43:16):
Okayre enough, Yeah, I think it's a lot of brain work.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
All right, we don't know what anything about. I'm winning, Yes, sure,
our buddy.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
Oh yeah, man, I don't even remember this question coming
through the pipeline.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
So let will be fun.

Speaker 1 (43:32):
Hey, y'all, I'm a twenty five year old female and
I'm currently pregnant. I've heard lots we.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
Had nothing to do with that, yeh yeah, yeah, yeah,
this is how we find out yours.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah, Scoopfest was nine months ago and somebody owes me child.
I've heard lots of stories of pregnant women having intense
emotions about situations that they later find laughable. For example,
I've had several friends say they had a tearful meltdown
because they had a specific craving that they couldn't get
in the middle of the night, or maybe their partner

(44:07):
ate something that they were planning on eating. I've had
my occasional moments of tears or anxieties, but I feel
like they're genuine concerns, yet other people don't seem to
be taking them seriously. I'll try talking to my husband
or to friends about things that I'm sad or worried about,
and I feel like I'm like that just because I'm pregnant.
It's always met with ha or boy. Hormones can be

(44:28):
pretty crazy when you're pregnant, and I don't feel like
I can actually address or my concerns actually get addressed.
To give some examples, I've tried talking about my fears
of loneliness during postpartum, concerns about being on the same
page as my husband and parenting, and current family drama.
Since people seem to respond by saying my feelings are
just a product of crazy pregnancy hormones. Now, when I

(44:49):
feel sad or anxious, I find myself essentially saying to myself, well,
I'm probably just feeling this way because of hormones, so
it's probably not a big deal, and then I just
don't deal with whatever I'm feeling. My question would be,
how can I tell if my feelings are valid or
possibly just overreacting because of my hormones. Does that even matter?
How do I address my emotions whether my emotions are

(45:10):
valid or even when maybe I am overreacting?

Speaker 5 (45:13):
Thanks Anonymous, I feel like we had a very similar question.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
I'm almost confident we have literally had this this question. Yeah,
I where did you get this one?

Speaker 3 (45:26):
Because then the fucking Google forms thing that you.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
I didn't send you the Google forms to start going
through the Google forms. I sent you that so you
could see the most updated questions because you were asking
about it.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
I don't understand the updated questions. I just clicked the
link that was at the top.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Okay. So the way the Google forms work, thank you,
is when we get new questions, I dump them into
the question.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
No, that's what you used to do. You stop doing
it for some reason.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
That's always what I do. And then today we got
two new questions because we didn't have any new questions.
So like then, I got two more because I went
to this court today and I said, hey, everybody, we're
am to send them in. And then two came in
and that's why there's now questions onto that.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
One of the queues at the time.

Speaker 5 (46:06):
Do you want to find question?

Speaker 4 (46:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (46:08):
I mean go ahead, I mean please, please go in
and because it sounded familiar to me too, but this
was at the top of the Google Parks.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
New Question, New Question, Getting Habits to Stick? Yeah, And
then I've got a third one from the Que's fiddy
getting habits to stick? How do you get a habit
to stick? And I have things that I want to
make part of my routine, but it is difficult to
stay consistent. I may do it the first week, but
then I find myself struggling with follow through in the
following weeks. I already tend to stick to a daily,

(46:36):
weekly routine pretty well, such as meditating in the morning
and following up with lifting weights at the gym, so
it's confusing to me why I am not able to
add in additional habits to this existing routine. An example
would be that I want to add stretching to my routine.
I'll add it to my weekly planner that I create
on Sunday nights as stretch for one hour this week.

(46:57):
The thing is, I don't like to stretch, so when
I get to the gym, I will go play basketball
or do something I enjoy more than stretching to loosen
up Another example is reading. I enjoy reading and read
most nights before bed, but when I have a goal
of reading a specific self improvement book, I find myself
reading sci fi and fantasy books that I enjoy more.
How do I implement new habits that I don't enjoy

(47:20):
and but I know would be good for me? Thanks anonymous.

Speaker 5 (47:26):
Habits?

Speaker 1 (47:27):
I mean this goes right into personal training, right because,
like I mean, this is the fundamental greatest barrier I
think to entry because so many people, Yeah, like when
you tell people like, oh, you know, I do personal training.
I'm big into fitness. Everybody celebrates that. Everybody's like, oh,
that's fantastic, and almost everybody probably meets that with I
have really been meaning to do that. I have really

(47:48):
been meaning to do that any day now, or I've tried,
but then how like you tried twenty five times, and
like the consistency falls away, developing a positive habit to
do something that you've decided you've determined you want to do,
but you keep hitting that barrier of entry, or you
do something else. You're like, you know what, I'm gonna
send up for personal trainment, do this, I'm gonna go
to the gym.

Speaker 5 (48:07):
It feels productive.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
It was gonna go run instead, you know, like, and
you know what, I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna do
some yoga on YouTube. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna
do that, you know what. I'm just gonna. I'm just
gonna not eat as bad, you know, Like you just
keep negotiating, and I feel like that's so easy to
walk away from. Like the task you want to hold
yourself accountable.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
To, I mean a big part of it is putting
some skin in the game and being accountable to somebody else.
And this is something I've actually I actually was just
having a conversation with actually, funny enough, two different people
today about this exact topic, which is about kind of
my business model and how I've got it set up
because I don't plug it enough. But like the way

(48:49):
that I set up my in person personal training, so
I do in person personal training through my business, but
then I also do it for a gym here in
town if I've got clients from both, right, And the
thing that the big thing that's different for me is
that when I set up my business, I set it

(49:09):
up as almost kind of like a digital punch card
where you buy so many sessions and you just use them.

Speaker 1 (49:16):
Oh whenever, okay, and when you're out, you just buy
another Bible.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
And then you just buy another bundle and you just
use them, which I love because I love that. To me,
if I was the client, that's what I would want,
is I'd want some sort of like, yeah, I just
like I can spend these however I want. I like
having that free.

Speaker 5 (49:33):
I want to come twice this week before vacation, I
can then if I.

Speaker 3 (49:36):
Want to do three or I want to do one, whatever,
you know, and you don't feel like you're losing out.
On the gym that I work for, they do it
a little bit differently where they're selling it as a package.
So you can buy once a week personal training, twice
a week personal training, three times a week personal training,
and you're built bi weekly, so every two weeks you're

(49:56):
build for no matter what, two four or six sessions.
Now you don't lose those sessions. So if you only
do so, if I, yeah, if I sign up for
three times a week, but I only use two of them,
that just that extra one just stays in the bank.
But and I didn't really like that at first because

(50:17):
to me, it felt kind of like, I don't want
to say a money grab, but it kind of felt
like that a little bit. Yeah, but it's so much
more efficient and effective for reading meeting people's goals because like,
if you're paying for six sessions over two weeks, hey,
they're gonna they're there, right, and so you're paying for

(50:39):
them one way or the other, and so it forces
people to go to the gym on days that they're
not feeling it. It's like, shit, I've already paid for I.

Speaker 5 (50:47):
Don't have friends that say that, like, oh, I don't
want to pay like the cancelation fee or like cancelation
fee or something. So I'm going to go like they
too go And I.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
Do think that it makes a difference long term, and
I don't want to change my business model, but that's
something I've kind of been playing, yeah, because it's like, yeah,
what it forces people to go there and then they
get results. And at the end of the day, like,
if you're paying for something and you're not getting results,
you're not going to continue to do it, right, whether
that be therapy, golf lessons or whatever, personal training. If

(51:18):
you're not getting the results, you're not gonna You're not
gonna stick with it, and I think that my my
package that I've got it set up is at some
point maybe you stop seeing the results or you're not
seeing any results, and then you just you know, So
it's is that more a better business model?

Speaker 1 (51:34):
I don't think you know when people are so I
love that, by the way, I completely agree with that,
the psychology of that. And then whenever you've got like
specific challenges that you want people to do, and you're like,
like this person's say case, they're saying I need to
do more stretching, and like I could see a scenario
where you're you're telling your client this is what we
are agreeing that you need to do, like this is
the task, and then if they kind of just keep

(51:56):
struggling with doing that and they they divert, they keep
like I didn't stretch, but I played basketball, like I
ran some laps I did. It's like, okay, man, that's
not the agreement. Any advice on like how to incrementally
nudge in that direction or even work with it to say, okay,
let's roll with your resistance here, Like fine, you want
to play basketball, I want you to do like a

(52:17):
certain way of playing in which you just catch yourself
stretching as you know, the opponents are dribbling up the
court or whatever.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
Yeah, in that particular example, I'd say that's just not
gonna work. Like, if you're going to stretch, you gotta stretch,
you gotta do it right.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
You know.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
It's like there's no there's no middle ground in there
of like, yeah, I didn't I didn't stretch, but you
know when I was stopped at the stoplight, I kind
of pushed my foot hard. It doesn't know, that's not
the same thing. So there does have to be some
level of kind of commitment to like doing it. And
that's where I feel like having somebody there who's going

(52:49):
to hold you accountable to it is going to be
very important because there's no way to kind of half asset,
you know, and and still make it beneficial. The other
thing though, too, to think about.

Speaker 5 (52:59):
Is like.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
I'll do it because it's good for me. But if
it's something you absolutely hate and are not willing to do,
then maybe this just isn't for you, you know. I mean,
like the stretching thing, I think is very beneficial, and yes,
that's going to help you in the long term, and
you should definitely do that. But like when you're talking
about reading books, like I want to read self improvement books,
but I keep finding myself reading sci fi and fantasy?

(53:23):
How far? How hard do you want to force yourself
to read something you're not interested in reading, you know,
as opposed to I think going to the gym or
exercise or something like that is a little bit different
because you know, there are definite scientific, you know, advantages
or long term effects of doing that, but there are
also different ways in which you can do it, right,

(53:44):
There's only one way to.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Read a book.

Speaker 3 (53:46):
A couple of ways. I guess you can book on
audio books and stuff like that. But you know, like
if you're going to exercise, Okay, that doesn't necessarily have
to mean resistance training. It doesn't necessarily have to mean running,
it doesn't have to mean high intensity interval training. There's
different ways in which you're gonna do that, or it
can kind of play around and find different things, right,
So you have to find a different way of doing

(54:07):
it that's still going to be beneficial for you. So
I mean, that's what I would suggest, is kind of
finding those different ways or other other mechanis.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
I like that you're also granting permission to challenge the
question of like, hey, you know, you're forcing yourself to
take this medicine, but you seem to really not want
to do it, man, and like, at some point can
we kind of ask why are you forcing that?

Speaker 2 (54:26):
Right?

Speaker 1 (54:26):
Like, you're reading self help books because you think that
there's gonna be something on the other side of this,
or you want to check these off your self care list,
and okay, maybe self care was reading sci fi. You know,
maybe just yeah, zoning out and just being you know whatever.
It wasn't productive. Not everything has to be, and sometimes
there's like this hyper productivity culture, especially in the manisphere,
where it's like what did you do today? And like

(54:48):
it's David Goggins shit, where it's like what'd you do today?

Speaker 2 (54:49):
Bitch?

Speaker 1 (54:50):
Oh did you read a book? Was it a self
help book? Or was it a fucking space pirate sci fi?
And it's like, Jesus Hill the fuck out Royd, Like,
you know, like, let's just yes.

Speaker 4 (54:57):
You said David Goggins. I definitely heard Whilelton Goggins it
was very.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Confused at you that kind of stuff. He runs mile Wow.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
So I like the doors question that because I think
a lot of us there there's like especially that kind
of vibe. I'm also a big fan of changing the format.
So like for me, I refuse to read self out
books or anything psychology related. My argument is I did
a lot of that ship for tests. I'm done, and
like I keep up with papers and stuff like, but
I micro dose the disinformation when I read that is

(55:35):
for me and it is literally sci fi, like that
is what I need. But like I will download the
occasional like a lot of podcasts or a lot of
audible books, and then I kick it up to two speed.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
Or three speed.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
Three is insane, but like two and I'll just like
take that and like I'll grab as much information as
I can, or I'll do a lot of like articles
and I'll use chat gupt and I'll stump it in
there and be like summarize this and give me the
bullet right. Yeah, I'm learning from it and trying to
incorporate it, but not necessarily sitting there turning pages like
especially self help books, so much of it is just

(56:09):
fucking sawdust. It is just empty fucking fluff. Give little
message that you need to get from me. The message
is work really hard and forgive yourself sometimes now here's
ten stories of people doing this. Yes, really, it's like
I don't know, like you could reduce the whole thing
to the table of contents and just be fine with that.

Speaker 4 (56:31):
And most self help books, by the way they're laid
out like they could be a pamphlet, Yes they are
the epitome of this could have been an email.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Yes often. And I love AI because I now do that.
Like every time there's like a famous like self help book,
I just tell the it checks out, summarize this, give
me the bullets for each major point, give me the takeaways.
That's all I want.

Speaker 5 (56:52):
That's awesome. My go two thoughts behind this where if
you really try to incorporate a new habit that you
don't like, I think this is probably from atomic habit.
Speaking of celf phal books is like stacking it with
something you do like. So like with the reading, I
would say, if you're reading every night anyway, you know,

(57:14):
people normally say, like read ten pages. And if you're
just trying to get through a book like ten pages,
most of us could probably like get through ten pages.
If you're already reader, that would be like a breeze.
So like you go to lay down at night. Just
read ten pages of the book that you like have
to read, and then go read your Like your reward
is the sci fi fantasy act there you get to
read the Bible?

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Now, Ah, do that the ultimate reward?

Speaker 3 (57:39):
Okay? So I love that idea. And what I've noticed
for myself as far as reading, because I always once
I get into it, I typically enjoy it. It's just
it's hard for me to get motivated to do it.
But I've noticed I can't read in bed. I will
read two sentences and I'm asleep, Like I just I'm
with you. When I lay down in bed, I am asleep.

Speaker 5 (58:01):
Do you have like a reading nook reading corner? No?

Speaker 3 (58:04):
Actually, what has helped me a lot is like if
I want to read, I plan at night, I'm going
to go out. I'm going to have a glass of whiskey.
I'm going to have a cigar, okay, and I'm gonna
go out and I'm gonna read. Oh that sounds lovely,
And then it's like and then set yourself up and
then like then I could exactly I could read, you know,

(58:26):
I could read. I could be out there for a
couple of hours.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
Has no idea what Kavasier is no.

Speaker 1 (58:31):
I assume it's some kind of velvet fabric of some kind.

Speaker 3 (58:35):
It was a band.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
I believe it was a comedian on nineties.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Yeah, it's what the ladies man always drank, is what
it is, the ladies man. I'm just sitting here with
my laugh of Kavasier.

Speaker 5 (58:49):
The stretching is harder, gosh, because you're right Jimmy started
off like the physical fitness stuff like how do you
just get started? And it sounds like they kind of
put in like a specific goal of one hour a week,
but again, you got to tie that to something else
if you're again I guess if you're meditating, like could

(59:09):
it does it have to be like when you're at
the gym before you work out, or can it be
just like in the evenings while you watch a show
or I don't know.

Speaker 3 (59:17):
I mean that's the nice thing about stretching is like
it doesn't have.

Speaker 5 (59:19):
To be Yeah, you told me, like what's what?

Speaker 1 (59:22):
But I kind of agree with your point earlier that
you almost need that accountability if it can be done,
because I realized not everything is just throwing money at
it and make it better, like but a personal accountability
partner or something that you're doing this with.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
There was actually a couple places. I know, there's a
couple of places in Vegas where it's like a gym membership,
except all it is stretching.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
Oh I've seen, I've seen, and they stretch you. It's
it's like a physical training.

Speaker 3 (59:46):
I would I've actually considered doing that myself because my
hips are incredibly tight and.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Gym I love except don't lie.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
So yeah, so this is a very relatable thing writer,
and you know, I definitely just want to normalize it.
But at the same time, I love this advice of
just personal accountability by attaching yourself to obligations I think
goes a long way, and also what Nick said about
like okay, but also allowing yourself to challenge some of
these responsibilities. Do you have to Yeah, yeah, because I

(01:00:20):
think a lot of times we just get sucked into
like the social media sphere and it just says, no,
this is what you need to do, and then you
feel shame and guilt when you're not doing it. And
a lot of times I'm like, you know, what, did
fuck that?

Speaker 5 (01:00:28):
Yeah, And you're doing other things that sound great, You're
going to the gym, you're meditating. That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Yeah, you know, do it do it a poorly too much?

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Yeah, exactly, and stretch you'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
Stretch it out, you'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Or you can get to where you really like I
really enjoy the stretching. Do you stretching?

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
Are you a stretcher?

Speaker 4 (01:00:46):
I am stretch like I will stretch, I will, I
will like uh in the evenings when I'm winding down
for the night, like I'll just I'll just stretch and
kind of get the day out of me a little
bit like that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
And it's it's really low.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
It does feel great when you get into it. You're
always like, this is the best. Yeah, just this was lovely.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Do you like listen to music or like the TV
maybe listen to music or whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:01:09):
Okay, but I usually just do it in the living
room and just kind of as the night is winding down,
maybe I'm getting ready for bed, or maybe I'm gonna
sit down and like watch a show with the wife
or something.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
But like whatever it is, like I do like fifteen
twenty minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
You have a little bit of a routine or is
it just kind of whatever I'm feeling.

Speaker 4 (01:01:24):
It's a little bit of a routine, but it's kind
of just developed and you know, little stretches that I've
picked up from different physical therapists over the years for
different little things that bother me here and there and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Move you know that kind of thing.

Speaker 5 (01:01:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
God, physical therapists out they really know that shit. Yeah,
that was an area that was so ignorant about and
then eventually discovered how much they know. And I remember
somebody had this advice on the internet. It was like,
just schedule an appointment with a physical therapist and just
ask for homework, ask for exercises, like give them a
basic understanding of where you struggle. They have so much
that you just think like, wouldn't that just be on

(01:01:58):
lines Like No, they will show you how to.

Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
Do literally, Like I'll talk to a physical therapist and
I'll be like, this part of my back hurts. I
usually do this stretch for the kind of that area
of my back and that doesn't seem to be helping.
And they'll be like, oh no, no, don't do that,
do this, and they'll just show me a completely different
move and I'll go like oh and I'll try it,
but holy shit, that just works.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Yeah, that just did it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:20):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (01:02:20):
They know what they're doing.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
Oh it's amazing.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
All this talk of stretching is really getting me achy
right now. Stretch kind of get it out there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Yeah. Also, we have one of those inversion tables and
the show. I love that.

Speaker 4 (01:02:41):
I'll try to spend a couple of minutes a day
just like hanging there ups anyhow, like literally like.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
A minute or two.

Speaker 4 (01:02:48):
Yeah, and it just stretches my back out and it
just elongates my spine a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Yeah. We also have trapezes at work, so I can
go hang for the trap. That's exciting.

Speaker 1 (01:02:59):
I always forget you work at that weird sex place,
and it's just you know, there's a lot of useful ship.

Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
I mean they call it a sex swing, but I
call it a trapez Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
Well yeah, I had the beat because I trapped people
in it with ease, with ease anyway, writer, good luck,
hopefully we gave you some feedback on it. We are
going to take a quick break and when we come.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Back, get there. They ride donkeys.

Speaker 4 (01:03:20):
There.

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
It is we're going to talk about, is working to
overcome certain fears even worth it. You're listening to pod Therapy.

Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
Today's episode is brought to you Vice Mason, Miller, Test Miller, Piler, T,
Paris t Monico, Oscar Swanros Hannah, Marie, Emma Kine and
Myra and if you would like to sponnor the show,
become a therap producer Patreon dot.

Speaker 4 (01:03:44):
Com slash they all right, since the last break, I
have read this AI document that describes all of clueless.

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
Okay, good, that's all.

Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
You're ready to go?

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
Now AI document that I got this s all right?
Uh let's see here what phrase to share? Yous when
she disagrees with someone.

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
Go fund yourself in the ad. That's what it was.

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
That was. I think that's what Obviously, you shut the
hell up. Nobody wants your opinion.

Speaker 5 (01:04:19):
You know this, Jacob?

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
Is she as if? Did she say as if?

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
She does?

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Like you got this one?

Speaker 3 (01:04:27):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
I like genuinely tried to steal.

Speaker 5 (01:04:33):
Then you deserve that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
Shark with blood water, soft ballants.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
And Jacob takes the lead. Yeah, god damn it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
All right, Whitney, what subject is Scher's father a lawyer in.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
Oh my god, wow, I know he's really rich.

Speaker 5 (01:04:56):
Oh my gosh. He has her help with highlighting phone calls.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (01:05:01):
Okay, I need options as if.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
Criminal defense, environmental law, litigation, corporate law.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
Least answer answers yeah, lower one or lawyer to Apparently
they did not have a writing intern available to flesh
out the dad's career a little bit.

Speaker 3 (01:05:27):
I feel, I mean, it kind of makes sense. I
just watched I just watched the movie today, so like
it makes sense given a lot of their conversations and
then her behavior in school, negotiating her grades and all
of that, and so there's like, ah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 5 (01:05:47):
Yes, not it's not environmental, it's the other ones where
criminal litigation.

Speaker 3 (01:05:51):
And what corporate law?

Speaker 5 (01:05:53):
Oh litigation?

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
Correct? Is it at all litigation? Okay? So I just
went to.

Speaker 3 (01:06:05):
Like, it's more of a thing.

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
I'm not making fun of you. I'm making fun of
the question.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
I get it, I get it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
I can.

Speaker 5 (01:06:10):
Yeah, I'm tied with Jacob.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
And I'm still zero.

Speaker 1 (01:06:16):
Oh I didn't get a question this round.

Speaker 3 (01:06:17):
No you haven't. Okay, what does Tie call share after
they're falling out at the mall?

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
Cutlet that's a good gues that's it?

Speaker 3 (01:06:31):
A cut wallet, A a snob, B A virgin? Oh see,
a selfish brat or d a fashion disaster.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
Oh damn it. It's probably the virgin thing, because then
doesn't she fuck her brother or something?

Speaker 2 (01:06:49):
Yeah, give me virgin.

Speaker 3 (01:06:51):
I don't want to give away that.

Speaker 5 (01:06:52):
I don't give anything else away.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
After thirty years, they can all go fuck themselves. Give
me virgin.

Speaker 3 (01:06:57):
Correct.

Speaker 1 (01:06:58):
Yeah, then her brother who is a man, stepbrother?

Speaker 2 (01:07:04):
Idiot?

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
Okay, so Paul Rud played there.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
Because they mentioned that, Paul Ruddy. I wonder how often
that happens. How often.

Speaker 3 (01:07:17):
Have sex? No, but like like actually in a relationship,
not just have sex, but like a stepbrother because they
were step siblings for sounds like a short period of time.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
Have you never heard of porn hub? Because I feel
like you've never heard of pornhub? Because what Okay, Yeah,
I need to show you some things because it's actually
very common. It turns out that's almost all that's happening.

Speaker 5 (01:07:40):
They're obviously reship.

Speaker 1 (01:07:42):
I don't even think existed.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
I think it's always at person.

Speaker 3 (01:07:49):
I mean a lot of this is algorithms, so it
kind of depends on what you know. It can't possibly
be true, not at all, trust me, bro, it's all
a will be and wacks just.

Speaker 2 (01:08:03):
Officationations.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Yeah, it's really getting dirty out there, So I got
a point for that, right, So I have one and
it's two to two.

Speaker 3 (01:08:11):
All right. Fuck, I'm gonna what it's worth?

Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
All right?

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
I emailed you all this question, by the way, is
working to overcome certain fears even worth it?

Speaker 3 (01:08:19):
Hello?

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
First of all, thank you for the pod. I look
forward to listening every week and have been for a year.
I heard the call for questions, and we'll try to
make this one short and sweet. I live in a
flat landlocked state and I am very afraid of both
heights and fish. Yes, fish, I would say it's a
pretty big spellfish specifically terrified. I would say it's a

(01:08:47):
pretty big fear, but never impacts my day to day
because of where I live. However, I would love to
be able to experience the same fun things others are.
I missed out on snorkeling and paragliding on my last
vacation due to it, and I will not swim in
natural water or do things like roller coasters. I do
wish I could do these things, but being but doing

(01:09:08):
it only comes up, Being that it only comes up
once a year, is it worth it to even go
through the process of overcoming it? If so, what is
the best way for me to get past these fears.
I know exposure therapy is a thing, but I would
really feel silly going through therapy for fears that don't
come up in my life very often. Thanks for your

(01:09:29):
advice and the show, Signed Landlocked Lady.

Speaker 3 (01:09:33):
Okay, did I completely understand this? Ladies of Fish has
kept her off roller coasters.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
No, there's several things. So she won't swim in natural.

Speaker 2 (01:09:50):
Yeah, very tall fish.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
I don't want to ride very tall fish.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
That if giraffe and fish ever have babies together. Yeah yeah,
yeah's this listener is going to be just.

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
Are the scariest possible thing to her?

Speaker 5 (01:10:05):
Yeah, heids and fish like most flat landers.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
You know, how did you overcome your fears?

Speaker 3 (01:10:11):
So that's what's really interesting is like kind of I
was kind of afraid of heights. I don't think I
had anything to do with living in Iowa, but like
going I remember in boy Scouts we would go rock
climbing and stuff like that, and I feel like I
kind of got over it. Like it, I had a
fear of it, but it didn't stop me necessarily from

(01:10:33):
doing things. I would just kind of work through it,
you know, But I still the thing that still bothers
me to this day is like if I go to
Allegiant Stadium and I go right up to the very top,
looking down, never bothers me.

Speaker 1 (01:10:51):
Oh really, oh my god, I give it bothers me.

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
Looking up is very scary.

Speaker 1 (01:10:57):
Because of your shame toward God. He's watching makes a
lot of sense. It's something Lutheran guilt.

Speaker 3 (01:11:04):
You know what it is is It's like looking down,
I can see what's down there, like I know some
place high, I know I am safe. I can see
the railing and see all this stuff. But when I
look up any place, okay, any place where I'm near
a ledge, it's like looking up now because I can't

(01:11:24):
visually see the danger. So I've lost track of.

Speaker 5 (01:11:29):
The aainst a window.

Speaker 3 (01:11:31):
How do you do exactly like that?

Speaker 2 (01:11:34):
Can you go up?

Speaker 3 (01:11:35):
I've forgotten I haven't.

Speaker 5 (01:11:36):
There's been a guy out there staring at I'm looking
at you.

Speaker 3 (01:11:40):
Why you masturbate?

Speaker 2 (01:11:43):
We all know.

Speaker 4 (01:11:45):
No.

Speaker 3 (01:11:45):
Ladders don't bother me so much. But again, like if
I'm climbing a ladder and I'm looking down, I'm fine.
But if I'm climbing a ladder and I look up,
then that bothers me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
All right, so heaven if you had to overcome a
fear like you got. And I appreciate what the under
singer because I kind of agree, like there's some shit
in my life that have cided. Yes, that's going to
perpetually be a problem, but it's so rarely matters. I
will swim with the dolphins.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
I do, haven't.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
I've been in the ocean.

Speaker 5 (01:12:12):
He avoided getting on a plane that he did a
steak ation. Yeah, without staying it out.

Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
There were good reasons for this.

Speaker 4 (01:12:23):
I'm not getting closer to the forty before for I
guess technically I did a staycation this afternoon.

Speaker 1 (01:12:28):
Yeah, people go on stak ass. Have any of you
overcome some kind of like, you know, stubborn fear that
you know? In this case, it's like okay, But it
wasn't something I had to face all the time. But
at some point it just annoyed me enough that I
was like, all right, you know, I'm gonna overcome this.

Speaker 5 (01:12:46):
I mean, my go to is usually flying, like I
had a hole. I think I've said this before. I
had a whole moment when I was like a senior
in high school where I took a short flight but
all of a sudden, it was just like an overwhelming
fear came out of nowhere. I've flown since I as
a child, that like I had done it, never thought
a thing about it, just something felt different and I

(01:13:06):
was like hyperventilating. Somehow made it home. I don't know,
I guess I flew back home. But after that, like
I missed one of my cousins wedding. She bought me
a plane tick. I did not go wow, okay, and
I made other reasons that weren't like just excuses, but
like they were mostly excuses to not not get on
a plane again for some time after that, for probably
like a year or two. But I think there was

(01:13:29):
a point where I was like, am I gonna let
this stop me from like flying overseas or seeing like
I don't know, just new cultures all of that. And
then it was scary the first time I flew overseas,
like that's a whole weird mental you know, there's just
a nocean there. Great, and then you realize it doesn't matter.
Once you're in there for like two hours, You're like

(01:13:50):
it's fine. But I don't know. I think in those
moments it was definitely like putting yourself in those situations
using calming techniques like just deep thinking, different thoughts, like
all of that does help until finally your body just
exhausts itself. It can't stay in a state of anxiety
for forever. Yeah, it just stops. You know, it might

(01:14:11):
restart again after some time, but it kind of does.

Speaker 3 (01:14:13):
I mean I also had a fear of flying, and
I like my parents like they would use that to
like manipulate me into good behavior because it would be
like like like if I if I was not acting
out there, just like all right, we're gonna get on
a plane. We're gonna go. And they'd like d.

Speaker 2 (01:14:33):
No, no, no no, and it's like final, do whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:14:35):
I'll do whatever you want. I want to go to doll,
don't get me on a plane. Some part of that
was because, like I remember at a very young age
watching la bamba.

Speaker 2 (01:14:45):
Also like.

Speaker 1 (01:14:50):
To get ruined by LaBamba take action.

Speaker 3 (01:14:56):
But I mean I also grew up twenty minutes from
this sight of the crash.

Speaker 1 (01:15:03):
And they left all the bodies there.

Speaker 3 (01:15:09):
I should do the bomb trivia anyway. Yeah, I could
do a whole trivia just on that crash anyway. But yeah,
so like I had a big fear of that. I
think what worked out for me and everybody is different,
Like for for you Whitney, it was kind of like
just nowhere.

Speaker 5 (01:15:27):
For me, it was like rationalizing, Yeah, like planes are
safer than like cars. Number one.

Speaker 3 (01:15:36):
And the other thing too, is like understanding that like
any kind of bump or anything that would happen would
just cause me anxiety. Yeah you know, but then just
watch the flight attendant. I do that too, Yeah, because
like look crashing, They're not going to be like, oh
it's cool, like they're going to be anybody else, right,

(01:15:59):
But there the experts on that plane, Like that's what
they do for eight, nine, ten hours a day, every
single day, you know. And so like if they're just
walking around no big deal, then that's an indicator to
me of how my behavior should also be.

Speaker 2 (01:16:12):
I it.

Speaker 3 (01:16:13):
Yeah. The other thing too that I remember, I remember
a trip to Costa Rica where I don't know how
I thought of this, but like we were we rented
a car and we were driving around Costa Rica and
like every single bump in the road, like it was
just a really bumpy road in this car had no
shocks or whatever. And then I remember on the flight back,

(01:16:33):
thinking like, this flight is so much smoother, yeah, than
the road we were just driving on. And then I
started thinking about it, like almost every flight I'm on
is smoother than every road I drive off, right, you know.
It's like and when you think about it that way,
it's like, oh, so, why are all these little bumps
on a plane causing me anxiety when these bumps in

(01:16:55):
a car don't. Yeah, And I don't know. So for me,
it's a lot of rationalization.

Speaker 1 (01:17:00):
I think it's a really tricky thing to slice through because,
like for me, one of my big fears, surprising nobody
was yeah, yeah, but them, I'm still yeah, those two
throw that in there. I don't like them at all,
though I have killed.

Speaker 2 (01:17:14):
Them literally anything that's not in this room.

Speaker 1 (01:17:18):
Yeah yeah, No, Honestly, Jacob's kind of things in the
room too, I'm really uncomfortable with. Mine was swallowing medication.

Speaker 2 (01:17:27):
Yeah yeah, I'm not afraid of it, but I'm bad
at it.

Speaker 1 (01:17:31):
I was very afraid. So like I I actually do
to this day, I actually have a very real phobia
of choking. So as much as we joked about auto
erotic affiliation porn, which I do enjoy as much as
the next person. I can't pronounce it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:46):
That's outer things that I can't pronounce.

Speaker 1 (01:17:49):
So, like I I choked on several things as a
child and had some really close calls you welcome, Yeah,
there it is, uh and so like it was scary stuff,
and so I was old enough to like really traumatized
by it. There it is and uh. So later when
it was like, okay, you need medicine. As a kid,
I would take the chewables, right, so, I'm would give
you the liquid one, the alligator thing, or give you

(01:18:10):
the chewbles right. Well, then when I got old enough,
it was like, hey, when you need it, when you
had a headache or something was going on, you were
offered the liquid caps or the yeah, you got to
swallow the actual pill. And I could not do it.
Oh it was tough, man. I'd have this like physical
reaction where like my throat would close because yeah, I

(01:18:30):
mean I'm scared, obviously traumatic reaction. So it was one
of these things where it was like I thought, you
know what, fuck this, I could probably just like the writer,
I could probably go the rest of my life and
just occasionally this will be a bad afternoon, but I'll
always be able to go and find a children's version
of this medicine and take extra dose of it or
a chewable or something.

Speaker 3 (01:18:49):
And like suppositories.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
Of course I was fine with that, and I preferred that, Yeah,
I would. I tried to take all the things.

Speaker 2 (01:18:55):
It was much faster.

Speaker 1 (01:18:57):
It is faster acting, so it was really really and
I remember my older cousin had to help me at this.
We were at an airport back before nine to eleven.
So this back when you'd hang out the airport, like
to drop off family members and stuff. So you get
there two hours early and somebody's just like walk right
through security and just hanging out, saying goo by to Grandma.
And we were there and I said a monster headache,

(01:19:17):
and uh, my aunt gave me whatever, an advil, liquidgel
or whatever I need to swallow, and I desperately wanted
to feel better, and I was really struggling. I was
like I remember, I was like I was a teenager
at the time, and I remember like coming to tears
because I was like, fuck, this sucks, Like I just
want to feel better. Everybody can take fucking medicine. Why
can I not take medicine? Like this is ridiculous like

(01:19:39):
and my older cousin was there and he was just
like really kind, just like coaching me through it, and
he's like, all right, buddy, like let's just try to
like fill up a whole fucking cup of water and
just like throw this pill in there and just start
chugging the fuck out of this wall and just like
don't even try to detect the pill. Just guzzled, right,
And so like ultimately I failed that multiple times somehow, but.

Speaker 4 (01:20:02):
I putting the pills in the water and then just
sinking to the bottom and then chugging the entire cup
of water.

Speaker 1 (01:20:08):
That's what happened, and they just stick to the bottom
of the Eventually they would just hit my lips because
my lips would like purse, Like really, I just like
sit there like trying. Yeah, exactly. You couldn't get a
pee through that bitch. Yeah, But eventually this happened. So
writer like, for me, there's there's a part of me
that says, you've got to learn to challenge these things
even though they are intermittent. But then there's another part

(01:20:30):
of me that says, I don't know about this culture,
that says everything needs to be challenges because you just
like it. I don't like to ride roller coasters. When
I was a kid, I just liked it because I
was fearful of them. Then I rode plenty of them,
and I went through a phase, as you know a
young person in middle school. In high school, I was like, oh,
thing over. And then became an adult and I was like,
this fucking sucks. Like I always a headache on these

(01:20:51):
things I heard, I get inner ear problems, like a
fuck this, I'm good. I will have a better time
not writing this ship.

Speaker 3 (01:20:57):
Okay, So when it comes to roller coasters, because I
did have a fear for roller coasters, I would not
get on a roller coaster. Even through high school. I
didn't like.

Speaker 4 (01:21:05):
It.

Speaker 3 (01:21:05):
Wasn't until college that I finally did. And what worked
for me again is like no, learning to swallow pills,
that's what worked. No, But what worked for me is
just imagining that I'm in control of it. Okay, If
I just imagine that I'm driving this roller coaster, then

(01:21:27):
it was fucking amazing. Like I had a black n
roller coasters because.

Speaker 2 (01:21:32):
Because honestly, because yeah, that's what it is.

Speaker 1 (01:21:34):
I just see him in the front wearing a little
Napoleon hat and he's like to the right.

Speaker 3 (01:21:38):
I mean I remember Imber. I remember making this joke
when I was in college, just like with my fear
of planes, Like if if the pilot came on and
it's like, hey, sorry, this plane is going to crash,
that would be devastating for me. But if they just said, like, so,
we're just gonna let Nick fly it until it's done,

(01:21:59):
I'd be fine with it. Interest like, if it's going
to crash, let me be the one to do it. Okay,
I see, because it's the lack of control, Like if
I have control of it, then it's like Okay, then
I feel like, yeah, even though I've got zero flight
experience whatsoever, I feel like I can do a better job.

Speaker 5 (01:22:19):
Nick, you're not into like the roller coasters in the dark, Like,
isn't that.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
Mountain space mountain fucking sock.

Speaker 3 (01:22:25):
I don't think I've ever done a roller idiot, dude,
there's it's the worst a.

Speaker 5 (01:22:29):
I love it. That's my favorite thing about roller coaster
and like anything like I'm not in control.

Speaker 1 (01:22:35):
Yeah, no, I don't think I like them with Nick
on this, that thing's garbage. I hate roller coaster, especially
not knowing where the fu you're going, that's dumb. There's
one in Texas that goes backwards.

Speaker 5 (01:22:46):
Stream or something or scream does that too?

Speaker 1 (01:22:48):
Yeah, it sucked terrible, take me back. So my point there,
writer is that not everything needs to be challenged merely
because you find yourself phobic of it or scared of it,
and like, I don't know, Like to me, it's like
fox theciety. What people say is entertaining ire out.

Speaker 2 (01:23:07):
Things like swallowing a pill is something that you need
to figure out. I'll tell you what.

Speaker 4 (01:23:12):
Like I have a i have a terrible gag reflex.
I'm a very sensitive gag reflex. Like getting X rays
at the dentist that sets them off. Yeah, yeah, and
the dentist actually helped.

Speaker 2 (01:23:22):
Me fix it. One.

Speaker 3 (01:23:24):
You brush your teeth.

Speaker 2 (01:23:27):
When I brush my teeth is.

Speaker 4 (01:23:29):
Fine, but like the big, the big plate thing that
they have to start stuff in your mouth for X rays.
That's and then like a big pill like that, I
have hard time swallowing, big.

Speaker 3 (01:23:37):
Time of brushing my teeth. And hear it just like
she's like, you don't have to stick it back down.

Speaker 2 (01:23:50):
That's what I say too.

Speaker 3 (01:23:51):
It was like, yes, that's got it.

Speaker 1 (01:23:53):
Here's the vibrating and she hears you doing it, but
you know you're not in the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (01:23:58):
What's going on? Did you get over it?

Speaker 5 (01:24:01):
Well?

Speaker 4 (01:24:02):
Like the dentist, one of my dentists actually helped me
with that, and she was like, when you're when we're
putting the thing in your mouth for the X rays,
and this works for swallowing big pills for me to
wiggle your toes. Oh, because it just gives you something
else to concentrate on that is physical that you can
just do. And now, like even like if I'm in
my bathroom and have you know a big I think

(01:24:22):
you know big, a big vitamin capsule thing. Yeah, every day, yeah,
and like if sometimes still I have trump, like I'll
kind of hack it up or something sometimes like and.

Speaker 5 (01:24:33):
Like what do you do?

Speaker 3 (01:24:34):
See, I've gotten to the point now where I can
just swallow pills without any water.

Speaker 4 (01:24:39):
Oh my god, small ones, yeah, like an advil or something.

Speaker 3 (01:24:44):
I don't I mean, I don't prefer to do it. No,
I don't like to make that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
I don't seek it out.

Speaker 3 (01:24:48):
But if I've got a headache or something and I've
got some ex and I don't have any water, like yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:24:57):
Yeah, but Nick's out on the golf course where there's
no water available except for the pond, or I'll.

Speaker 3 (01:25:01):
Just urinate in my hand. I just need a little bit, like.

Speaker 2 (01:25:07):
Three times though you have to, and then you have
to just pee it out. Yeah yeah, yeah you can't.
You can't just keep doing that.

Speaker 1 (01:25:11):
I like that of distracting, though I do that with
the bottomist Like whenever I get blood drawn, oh stuff,
I have to like have my like YouTube on like
my phone, and they'll be like, okay, so do you
need anything, And I'm like, what you need to know
is stop talking to me. Just to just do this
without any prep. Don't warn me.

Speaker 4 (01:25:26):
When I'm getting blood drawn, I really enjoy watching the
blood like flow out of me and fill up a
little while.

Speaker 1 (01:25:33):
Absolutely I don't think I like that.

Speaker 4 (01:25:35):
But now the writer said something about the fish. So
I had an experience one the first time I guess
I went to Hawaii. We were out snorkeling way out
at sea, like we had gone out to uh I
forget why we were out there, but we had.

Speaker 2 (01:25:48):
We had gone like well away from the island.

Speaker 4 (01:25:50):
So we were really out at sea and we were
snorkeling right over an ocean.

Speaker 2 (01:25:56):
Land shelf.

Speaker 4 (01:25:57):
Yes, yes, And so the area that we were in
it was probably sixty to ninety feet deep somewhere somewhere
in that neighborhood. But then just over to the side
of us there was a drop off and just the dark,
dark darkness down there. And to the writer, I have

(01:26:18):
no trouble swimming in open water. I've never had any
kind of phobia with that. It simply doesn't bother me
in that water.

Speaker 2 (01:26:28):
In that moment.

Speaker 4 (01:26:30):
And looking over that ledge, something in the back part
of that ancient lizard brain, just your alarm bell started
going off. Ye, And I was like, this is not
I'm not at the top of the food chain here, No,
I am well down the food chain from where I
am used to being right now, and don't I didn't

(01:26:51):
get out.

Speaker 5 (01:26:52):
You know, it wasn't enough away from that ledge.

Speaker 4 (01:26:54):
It wasn't enough to make me change any practice that
I was doing. Like I was still just doing my
thing out there and having a nice time. But that
was I was aware that that alarm bell was going off,
and I was able to go through it and it
was fine, but I was very aware and like my
pulse increased everything, you know, all of the little nervous
reactions just happened, and then I got much calmer when

(01:27:17):
I got out of the water.

Speaker 3 (01:27:18):
That was the survival part of your brain saying, dude,
you are a Broadway show sound guy.

Speaker 1 (01:27:27):
Have you ever met you? You've been out in like
a deep like lake or like the ocean, like you're
swimming and then you kind of go a little too
deep down and you feel that icy water.

Speaker 2 (01:27:37):
Oh yeah, yeah, just the cold water, and you're.

Speaker 5 (01:27:39):
Like, oh, oh no, I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:27:44):
Monsters, like I should not be near this.

Speaker 3 (01:27:46):
That's where your territory, that's where you But I definitely
agree with that because I remember, like, uh, I went
to Discovery Cove once in Florida, and that was my
first time like snorkeling with fish, and it was like,
I mean, you're in a giant aquarium, like you're not
out in the open water. But I remember just I

(01:28:07):
never really thought much about it, but it was freaky
just being and like swimming and seeing a school of
fish come right at you and just go right around you.

Speaker 4 (01:28:16):
And it was just because they're all these animals, you know,
out in the ocean especially, they're all of these animals
that just they literally don't care about you at all.

Speaker 2 (01:28:26):
You are a zero on their attention meter, Like.

Speaker 5 (01:28:31):
We were anxiety.

Speaker 2 (01:28:34):
Exactly. Like we were in.

Speaker 4 (01:28:36):
Bermuda for the Scoop cruise years ago and we were
I was snorkeling out there, and they have this species
of parrotfish, but parrotfish or a fish that they take
bites out of the reef. Yeah, and I've read I
don't know how true this is. I believe there's some
grain of truth to this. Most of the beaches in

(01:28:58):
the world are the result of parrotfish eating coral reef.

Speaker 2 (01:29:02):
Ye poop. Yeah, it's all just pulverized coral reef.

Speaker 1 (01:29:05):
Yeah, very cool.

Speaker 2 (01:29:07):
Yeah, it's kind of interesting.

Speaker 4 (01:29:08):
But I remember we were out there, and so they
in Bermuda they have this species of parrotfish. Usually they're
like a few inches long, you know, they're like six
to eight inches long and not very big at all. Yeah,
they have them there. They are very very large, very
flat fish, and they have like a beak they do.
They have like they have a hard beak to break

(01:29:29):
off the coral. And like we were swimming around these things,
and you could tell that they had seen people before
and just didn't care. Yeah, like as long as you didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:29:39):
Fuck with them.

Speaker 4 (01:29:40):
Yeah, and if you did fuck with them, they just
gave you a dirty look and swam away.

Speaker 1 (01:29:45):
Because they're going to move eight thousand times faster than you.

Speaker 5 (01:29:48):
And yeah, who gives you entire that shelf drop off feeling.
When we were in the Maldives, I had that experience
because it's like very shallow. You could stand up and
be high tideed, be like at my chest but low
tide like my waist, and you'd be like swimming around,
snorkeling around, and we would see all kinds of wildlife
swimming around, like a little mini sharks and all kinds
of stuff. But we like took the snorkel out, like

(01:30:10):
not that far, but you're far enough. You're starting to
get a little nervous. But seeing that shelf, that internal
dread of like it feels like a ledge you're going
to drop off, like I'll just sink.

Speaker 4 (01:30:21):
For some reason, That's what I felt like, because definitely
what I picture was something coming out of it.

Speaker 2 (01:30:26):
See I didn't, I didn't bother me to be over
then when.

Speaker 3 (01:30:31):
You talked about it, what what Whitney's talking about is
what I thought.

Speaker 4 (01:30:36):
I definitely pictured like a mountain like that, I definitely
just picture a an animal that is much much bigger
than anything that I'm saying coming out of that gulf.

Speaker 1 (01:30:46):
Also, can we just take.

Speaker 3 (01:30:47):
A minute to appreciate the way that Whitney just had
to one up me.

Speaker 5 (01:30:51):
I did. I know you're going to call sto.

Speaker 3 (01:30:56):
Very similar experience.

Speaker 5 (01:30:57):
It was a very I also did not necessary you know,
it was very scary.

Speaker 2 (01:31:04):
I've never been to Discovery. When I was in the
mall was nice.

Speaker 1 (01:31:08):
I had a very similar experience to nicket wet and wild.
I was in the French ra.

Speaker 5 (01:31:14):
I actually had a funny story to tie that because
I'm out there in this same moment, I'm like, oh
my gosh, this is dreadful, like kind of looking over
this edge. A tiny part of me was almost like
I want to tickle that fear a little bit, Like
the fucked up part of me is like I kind
of want to go swim near it just to like
see how scared I get, or.

Speaker 1 (01:31:31):
I don't know, I want to encounter it. Yeah, So
I'm over.

Speaker 5 (01:31:34):
There doing that and then I kind of like hear
something from Peter because I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:31:38):
Sorry, I'm just confused. This is in Discovery Cove, the
mall boots.

Speaker 1 (01:31:41):
Oh yeah, yeah, that it's important to clarify. Cove is
a nice How expensive was this experience? Because I mean,
if I'm spending good money, I'm tickling my fear.

Speaker 5 (01:31:53):
I got a really good COVID.

Speaker 1 (01:31:54):
You just have to pay extra for this.

Speaker 4 (01:31:55):
I already felt bad that I had listened off Hawaii
and Bribina like.

Speaker 5 (01:31:59):
Jacob's listening ship. No, it was funny to me because this.

Speaker 2 (01:32:03):
Is too applicable stores.

Speaker 3 (01:32:05):
Definitely, the McDonald's, the dining.

Speaker 1 (01:32:08):
Experiences, buddy, I'll always be here to be under you.
I'm good. I'm not trying to compete in this game
at all. I'm fine with the fact that I'm uncomfortable
with the public pool. It's a little there, Yeah, the
hotel pool at like the fucking mod We totally understand
what you guys are saying. When I was in my
above ground was a little deep, a little.

Speaker 2 (01:32:33):
More than Yeah, a lot of water was colder.

Speaker 1 (01:32:37):
It was you guys are gun underwaters like pressure. You
guys are felt like that pressure if you dropped like
a penny.

Speaker 5 (01:32:45):
Picking up No, y'all, here's the different minds. Peter and
I live and then we talked like we're about to
get in the water to do this snorkeling venture, and
so we're stepping in. Peter's like, oh yeah, telling me later,
I had this whole thought process. I need to wear
red swim shorts just in case, you know, we get
sucked out to see they'll be able to find me
and all this stuff. And I'm sitting there listening to.

Speaker 1 (01:33:05):
How does this work for you?

Speaker 5 (01:33:06):
I was like, it must be exhausting living in to me.
He goes it is.

Speaker 2 (01:33:13):
He's not wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:33:14):
I not red red's gonnattract sharks.

Speaker 4 (01:33:17):
No, I think red yellow, you go bright yell cartoon
bulls from Loony Tunes.

Speaker 1 (01:33:25):
Okay, it was going crazy every time of my knowledge. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 5 (01:33:29):
So then then the next thing this little ship does.
I'm over there tickling my fears over this ledge and
I see, like Peter, I don't know, he's doing something different.
So I like poke up and he's like, oh, like
making this sound like what? And I like pull my
little goggles off to look at him, and he's like
a shark. I'm swimming back and like what. Then I'm
terrified And I got back and like I didn't even
see are you sure you saw a shark. I don't

(01:33:50):
even trust you.

Speaker 3 (01:33:51):
I was like, oh, there was this We're getting well,
I don't even remember what the questions. There was a
scar across an Instagram reel of this diver and she
was talking about what you do if you're swimming and
you come across a shark and like the way that
she came across and like explaining, like, don't worry, it's
really simple.

Speaker 5 (01:34:12):
All you have to do is like push their nose
or something.

Speaker 2 (01:34:16):
You just push your head.

Speaker 3 (01:34:22):
Like that was exactly the first thing I'm gonna do.
I mean, I have no idea what the second, third,
or fourth thing.

Speaker 5 (01:34:31):
Is going to be, but I know what the person
wants forgive me.

Speaker 4 (01:34:36):
A lot of confrontations with a lot of different animals
and people.

Speaker 2 (01:34:39):
By shooting myself. It works anyway, right, but you're just
taking yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:34:47):
Not all fears need to be challenged, right, and your
pants gets you out of a lot of issues.

Speaker 1 (01:34:53):
It ends a lot of conversations.

Speaker 3 (01:34:56):
Pick up the bill.

Speaker 1 (01:34:58):
Yeah, we're done right there, guess. Not the worst experience
of Denny's ever, not the worst, just a regular Saturday
at the waffle house. It depends on much part of
the country you're in.

Speaker 3 (01:35:16):
Sometimes No.

Speaker 5 (01:35:19):
My opinion was they said they didn't want to spend
like money and time on exposure therapy, but you can
kind of do that.

Speaker 1 (01:35:27):
I don't need to hire a therapist for this. You
need to get a best friending.

Speaker 4 (01:35:31):
I mean, it sounds like, honestly right, it sounds like
it's bothering you. So I would work on it because
it's bothering you. I wouldn't work on it because it's
a practical need. You don't have a need to go
out and swim in the ocean where swallowing pills was.

Speaker 3 (01:35:44):
If there's anything, if there's anything you could do, one
of the things you could do is research grounding techniques.
Look up some grounding techniques and start practicing those. And
when you start to notice your anxiety levels start to
go up, practice a technique. Then let it go down
and learn to get control over your anxiety levels.

Speaker 2 (01:36:04):
Right like be able to situation. Yeah, let it go
up to a five and.

Speaker 3 (01:36:08):
Feel comfortable with a five, knowing that you're confident that
you can bring it back down to a two, and
just keep practicing that. And then now all of a sudden,
a six is no longer as scary as it used to.

Speaker 2 (01:36:18):
Be, right.

Speaker 1 (01:36:19):
Yeah, And the thing about roller coasters or some of
these like abrupt experiences is like, obviously a lot of
the pain and suffering is like beforehand with the anticipation,
but then when you're done, there's the sense of like, Okay,
I overcame, I did it. It's done, I ripped the
band aid off. How do I feel afterward? And taking
that personal inventory, checking in with yourself and asking where
am I at? That's where I landed with Okay, I

(01:36:39):
did it. I've proven I can do it.

Speaker 2 (01:36:41):
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 (01:36:42):
Fuck it, I don't I'm not going to do it again.
I just don't care. Like okay, I have nothing to
do to anybody. I just don't want to do it.

Speaker 3 (01:36:48):
My mom's a great example of this. Absolutely has a
terrible fear of flying. Also does not like to drive
at night, also does not like to drive during the day.

Speaker 2 (01:36:58):
Okay, so like it also does like.

Speaker 3 (01:37:04):
It's like, is she going to come down to visit? No,
and she seems perfectly fine with it.

Speaker 1 (01:37:08):
Yeah, away for you.

Speaker 4 (01:37:11):
My dad. My dad is very afraid of heights, and
it has gotten worse as he has gotten older.

Speaker 3 (01:37:16):
Ye, get worse probably, so that makes sense.

Speaker 4 (01:37:19):
But like like he can he lives in a in
a condo and so he has a little balcony on
his condo and he can stand on the balcony perfectly.

Speaker 2 (01:37:27):
Fine. You know, it's a couple of stories up, no
big deal.

Speaker 4 (01:37:31):
But like a few years ago, he and his wife
were here and we were down at Hoover Dam and
his wife wanted to walk across the bridge and look
at Hoover Dam from the bridge, and my dad took
a few steps out onto the bridge, which is a
wonderful walkway with a very wide it's very wide, and
there's a guard rail like a solid wall next to
you that is I mean, it's close to like chest height.

Speaker 2 (01:37:53):
It's probably like five feet.

Speaker 1 (01:37:55):
You're not accident.

Speaker 3 (01:37:57):
It would be hard to get over it, and.

Speaker 4 (01:37:58):
You would have to climb over it actively to get
Like it's built for the cars going back and forth
across this bridge to be able to run into and
not you know, fall off into the castle.

Speaker 5 (01:38:09):
See it.

Speaker 1 (01:38:09):
You've got to lift that kid up exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:38:11):
Yeah, and yeah, Like he got out like twenty feet
onto the bridge and he was like, you know what,
fuck this, you guys, go on out take your pictures.

Speaker 2 (01:38:21):
Do do whatever you want to do, right, I'm going
to be right here. Yep, see you when you get back.
I love that. And and you know, he's just decided.
I am good.

Speaker 4 (01:38:29):
The times in my life that I am high up
enough on a thing that this bothers me, I can
avoid most, if not all, of those things.

Speaker 2 (01:38:38):
Yeah, you know, I'm an older man. I'm doing my thing.
I'm fine, I'm fine.

Speaker 3 (01:38:43):
I'm with him on it.

Speaker 4 (01:38:44):
And so like a writer, honestly, if you feel like
you can just get through it and get through the
rest of your life and just be like, I'm not
going to swim in the ocean, I'm going to be
a person who doesn't swim in the ocean.

Speaker 2 (01:38:52):
Cool.

Speaker 3 (01:38:53):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:38:53):
Yeah, if you feel like that's okay, Cool.

Speaker 4 (01:38:56):
If it bothers you and you're you're thinking about it
all the time, even though you're not trying to swim
with the old all the time, then maybe work on
it a little bit.

Speaker 1 (01:39:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:39:03):
I feel like our advice for all three questions has
been to tell the person it's not really a problem.

Speaker 5 (01:39:07):
Yeah, you're fine, you don't need any you're.

Speaker 1 (01:39:12):
Over thinking it, don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (01:39:15):
Problems we have to move out tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (01:39:17):
Yeah, real shit.

Speaker 1 (01:39:19):
Yeah, But I like this argument that you don't have
to preemptively go out and expose yourself to all these
things so that one day you can enjoy it fluidly.
I think that the day will come whenever you confront this,
and it might be on a vacation and you're like,
oh wow, I haven't gone to the beach in seven years,
but like today's the day I'm here and now I
feel uncomfortable. It's like great first day of a vacation.
I know what you're going to do, and I have
to wait out in the water and like deal with
it now. So that's the right way to do it.

(01:39:41):
But anyway, writer, good question. Thank you for sending this in,
especially on a slow news night where we put out
the call if you're wondering what this writer's talking about
when they say like, hey, I heard you all need questions.
We have a very active relationship with our discord friends,
everybody that supports us at patreon dot com, slash therapy.
We talk all the yeah, except for taking we talk

(01:40:01):
to them all the time. We share photos of our
pets with them and tell about our adventures, constantly sharing
inside jokes and just like a lot of fun banter
discussion on the questions. We're getting a lots of feedback,
and there's currently a discussion of creating a happy hour
on there and enjoying some of the fun games that
are actually built into discording, to play poker on there
and the culture cool stuff. So yeah, I mean again,

(01:40:23):
Patreon dot com slash therapy. I know, we pitch it
all the time and if you're a.

Speaker 4 (01:40:26):
Patreon you get free access to that that discord conversation
and I joke about not being on there when I
am on there. It is delightful, great, It is so
great every time. The interactions are always so great.

Speaker 2 (01:40:37):
People tag me and things and so I get notifications.

Speaker 1 (01:40:40):
I guess what's going on with this going on with them?

Speaker 2 (01:40:43):
Yeah, it's so great.

Speaker 4 (01:40:44):
It's worth being a Patreon number just to have access
to that discord.

Speaker 2 (01:40:47):
And there's a weird amount of of stuff that's kind
of useful.

Speaker 4 (01:40:53):
Yeah discord as well, like if you have an issue
with something, you just type something.

Speaker 2 (01:40:56):
Good and yes, different people and give you feedback. Hey
here's what you're can do.

Speaker 1 (01:41:00):
It's awesome. We had a student.

Speaker 2 (01:41:02):
It could be anything.

Speaker 1 (01:41:03):
Oh yeah, well we have student. Yeah, that's very helpful.
We had a student recently that jumped in and said, Hey,
I need to interview somebody for a class. I have
a paper to write. It needs to be somebody with
a diverse background. Can anybody help me out? And so, yep,
the whole server jumped in and said, great, here's my background,
here's my background. People from all over the world saying
here's you know, would this work for you? We got
this kid paired up with somebody boom, they're writing their essay.

(01:41:25):
What a great community. So just love that stuff. Patreon
dot com, slash therapy. Come be a part of it.

Speaker 3 (01:41:30):
Why not?

Speaker 1 (01:41:31):
Maybe you check on it once a week and you're like, yeah, whatever.
You know, it's one more area of the Internet that
I bump into really nice people that like mental health
stuff and they're very kind and funny and good humored.
And that's.

Speaker 5 (01:41:41):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:41:42):
Yeah, well not intentionally, you know, but it's really funny
because I think one of the things that's awesome about
our community is that we are simultaneously super mental health advocates,
super mental health focus, very kind, very encouraging people, and
also really just like good sense of humor, give each
other shit, constantly teasing goods, you know, just like everybody's
on the joke, and that's very hard to find. Like

(01:42:02):
usually if you find the mental health people, they're like
made of glass, you know, and nothing is a joke.
Everything is fucking serious. And then you find the people
that are joking, Oh, you.

Speaker 4 (01:42:10):
Shouldn't joke about that because so and so and so
and so and so and so and so and is happening.
And you go like, yeah, that is, it's all true,
but fuck you.

Speaker 1 (01:42:16):
Yeah, and then you find the people with a good
sense of humor and they take it too far and
they're unkind, and you're just like, god, damn, this sucks.
It's very hard to find communities, you know, like us,
like like a ice cream social that really blend those
things together. So check us out patreon dot com. Slash
Therapy can be a part of it. You get the
show ad free a day earlier. You get the extended
show we always record thirty forty minutes before the show
that you hear here on the main threads, and you

(01:42:38):
just get this pumped right to your regular app that
you're using right now. You get a little code sent
your email, you copy paste it into your settings. Boom,
Now you got that. Now you're getting that every Wednesday.
It's awesome. You also get access to our deep dives, interviews,
skill shares, reseharts, and research roundups and rants. I'm doing
a series right now on artificial intelligence and psychology and
kind of exploring the present and the future. Sure of

(01:43:00):
that as it's related to mental health in ways that
we might have to interact with this technology and use
this technology and the wey may displace some of our
realities and how that's going to affect mental health.

Speaker 3 (01:43:10):
Did you have some if you happen to write in
about pregnancy and we completely dismissed.

Speaker 1 (01:43:16):
Your question, please let us Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm
pretty sure we answered that.

Speaker 3 (01:43:21):
I feel like we did too, but I'm always really working.

Speaker 1 (01:43:24):
Now your texts make a lot more sense on the
way here. Your text was confusing me because I thought
you're asking about the email thread. But now I realize
you're asking about the link I sent you.

Speaker 2 (01:43:30):
So that's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:43:31):
We're on the sand page. It'll all wor get. I'm
sure that person will still be pregnant next week. We
could just answer that question again. It'll be sure.

Speaker 3 (01:43:39):
Yeah, yeah, we'll get a round to it.

Speaker 1 (01:43:41):
Anyway, We've got some new friends at patroon dot com
Slash Therapy. Who's new to the party there?

Speaker 3 (01:43:46):
We got a brand new therapy pod.

Speaker 1 (01:43:47):
Welcome to the party, Brandy Campbell.

Speaker 2 (01:43:52):
Was that the only one that's it?

Speaker 3 (01:43:53):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:43:53):
We need some support friends page On Thatt comes outs
therapy every month of the first week of the month.
We like to think everybody by name that sports therapod
level and higher. So thank you the dark Lord himself.
Jim's Fasha University, Jeff Robert Paulson, Linda Brandmeyer, Scoops or Not,
Joseph Pengrazio, Corey Owens, Christine Phillips, Gavin Pristout, Bristow, Carrie Terr,

(01:44:14):
Hark Kiwi Fruit Scoop, Take It Evy Podcast, James K. Craig, Little,
Don Door, Jim Hunter, Scoopatron, Todd Canfield, Felicia Butler, David Sorensen,
Shayla Bulock, Lauren is O, Katie Chiwakowski, Adam Petanouzo, Matt's Lenegren,
Lee Popsicle, Scoop itter Is sending Ian Soto, That Josh
Guy Mom and Ninja Scoop, James Dawson, Sarah Olow, Grumpy Lake,
Mead Park Ranger, Sam Buck, Karen McCulloch, What Weekend, Lila

(01:44:38):
be Gay, do Crimes, Kelly Gagner, Nippy, Brian Emra, Matthew Johnson,
Alec Lancaster, j D Congan, Julius Kappel, Stacey A literal Pickle,
Matthias vander Brandt, Ken Tinsley, protect and Scoop Smells Funny,
Matthew Cubick, Duffy The Slowly Getting Their Therapist Bear, Joel McMillan,
Chad Chad, the Safety lad Walker, Fluke, Kirka Grim, Philip Guiten,
Tim Mystery Almost Doctor Nurse Joey, Melissa l. Geisler, Christopher

(01:45:02):
de Gercy, Tricia Ortiz, Kirsten Johnson, Frey A Lawson.

Speaker 2 (01:45:06):
D J.

Speaker 1 (01:45:06):
Sewart, Mississippi Hippie List Scott A, Paddy glad Fife, Anthony Camarado,
Heather w Kyle, David Williams. Williams nailed it, Kate Police, Trontastic,
Buddy Dobbins, Eric Dibert, D Dyer nailed it, Curnel, Pillar,
Glitch Scoop, Nathan Mook, Nate nappin, you know what fuck it?
Nathan Mooky I like that better, but nuts I believe

(01:45:27):
it's mokey Stephen Landon, Aletta Balaize, Kenneth Wong, John Finlayson,
Mysterious Analyid, Adam bellaz K, Pizzle Dizzle, Robert Cole, Persephonie Hazzard,
Carmen Perry, k J Mister Pothson's i TM Temporary Reality,
Jeff Darnell, Jammy B Jacob hurt Ray, J Shark, Silka
Daniels Recreated What does Scoop Mean? Jacob Billingsley, Alex Jardine,

(01:45:49):
Dylan Collopye, I'm gonna go with Colin Oscoby, it feels better,
wolf E O Five, Chris Courtney, Dale, The King, Cedar Hayden,
Adam Goff, Jesse Miller, Livy, Kevin try linus Hakausan Terrible Tay, Oh, thanks,
Terrible Terrible Tay was the student who asked us that question.
By the way, nice, we're able to pair up Terrible
Tay with somebody to do the paper on grace Any

(01:46:10):
Bitty Chicken Farmer, Yagan Keeley, Sam K Matthew's Chill Food,
John Coveratas, Zachary W Fish, bum Fish, J. W. Reynolds,
Michael F. Foxy Sally Cloudy Pies, Ty Evans, Neck Pubes,
Matthew Connor, John as Winter, Scoop and drag Us City Committee,
Fun Crapper, and Brandy Campbell.

Speaker 3 (01:46:31):
Yeah. So there's a lot of these in here. I
try to correct them when I find them. Sometimes I
miss him. But like when I copy and paste it over,
it doesn't paste over the right letters. Some of them
have like the copy copy and like it's yeah, it's
wingdings basically, Yeah, it kind of looks so when you
hear Jim just break into like digital static, that's what

(01:46:52):
it's definitely not because he can't pronounce stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:46:54):
Now, It's because.

Speaker 3 (01:46:56):
I know how to say the time you type out reservoir.

Speaker 1 (01:46:59):
It's just this comes off really weird on micro Auto
Chris Microsoft's I can't be expected to pronounce wing.

Speaker 2 (01:47:07):
Dings, all right.

Speaker 5 (01:47:09):
We also have our their doctors Ice Blue Scoop, Brian Lahman,
Andrea Anderson, Lori Elsroth Ci, Shawnagan Scoopy Scoopy, just Ess,
Okie Scoop, Dank Butta brooks Lyle, Adam Ritchik Lovely Spark,
Sir Is Just Fine, Jim and Monnu, The Offices of
Counselor and counselor, Manuel Cavassos A crusty, quithant smug Mochi

(01:47:32):
ice Cream, Nora Monico, RTee, Momy Damte, Mike j. Nilsen,
b B. Hermit I nice.

Speaker 1 (01:47:41):
And we'd like to think the benevolent Revere Jay, generous
and flagrantly pro therapy dieheards who love you all so
much they give till it hurts that their partner's dirty
bee and picket. They want to especially think our bosses,
the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati members of the fan Club,
that they're producers. Thank you, Jake Schneider, rob Or Myra,
Robert Browni, Junior Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard Fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia,

(01:48:04):
Leon Cassab, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlin, Tess Miller, Dan Martin,
Sammy Scoop, Slurpi Kai Motherfucker, Ben Stanley, slapping your face,
Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Biler t, Mike helm oscar swanros
Paris A sunny Boy, Darren Cunningham, Lib Sandra mcwoffle Team Monaco,
Thunder Cougar, Falcon, Scoop Hey Yo, Hannah, Marie Andrew Ling Mead,

(01:48:26):
Emma and Tonka and Pony Soprano Alina Cody, The Lorian Guy,
Brady Malay, Chick Chick, Filatio Gabriel Dame, Sean Sutherland, Max
the Ginger Scoop, Chad mag and Adam Warren.

Speaker 3 (01:48:38):
If you'd like to do this episode uncut and unedited
and enjoy spontaneous side projects, go to pictureon dot com
slash therapy and thank you for supporting mental health.

Speaker 1 (01:48:47):
Well that's all the time we got for this week's session.
If you want to hear some awesome improv comedy from
our buddy Matt, you can check that out the Bucket Show.
It's gonna be at the Majestic Repertoire Theatre on July fifth,
Saturday at eight pm. We want to think for the last.

Speaker 2 (01:49:05):
Math it's Matt, Paul and UH and a couple of.

Speaker 1 (01:49:09):
Holy shit. Go check that out. So we have a
lot of fun show dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:49:13):
Bucket Show dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:49:14):
That's awesome.

Speaker 4 (01:49:14):
No, No, that's that's our You don't have to do anything.
You just show up Majestic Repertory Theater, eight pm show
on July the fifth, No tickets necessary. How the Matt
and Mattingly as well as people from whose line is
in any way, and Wayne Brady and and all that
kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:49:29):
And I'll be there too, ye, So it'll be fun
to hang out with you. And of course we want
to think our landlord's been so generous these past eight
years Matt Mattingley's ice Cream Social Podcast and to those
of you contributed to our show today, we really do
appreciate it. Remember, pop therapy isn't something that you should
keep all to yourself. Share the episode with the world,
tag us on the socials when you do. It's at

(01:49:49):
pot therapy guys on Instagram, threads and Twitter, slash pod
therapy and Facebook of Blues Guide, and don't forget about
all the extra coodies at patreon dot com slash therapy.

Speaker 3 (01:49:58):
Do you want to submit a question to the s
know you can ask anonymously pod therapy dot net or
emails and plot Therapy guys at gmail dot com, or
click the link in the episode description to be taken
to our anonymous Google Google form page.

Speaker 1 (01:50:10):
I'm Nick Tanjamin, I'm Lak, I'm Jim.

Speaker 3 (01:50:13):
Thanks and good night from Show Creators Studios. Thank you
Show creators.

Speaker 2 (01:50:22):
Did I win? I think I won? I won, Siah

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#391: Wife's Chore Requests, Forming Healthy Habits, Overcoming Specific Phobias

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#391: Wife's Chore Requests, Forming Healthy Habits, Overcoming Specific Phobias

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