#408: Virtue Signaling, Brain Zaps on SSRIs, Financial Secrets in Marriage

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And then the airport exit comes up and I just
take the exit.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yeah, quiet, uneventful.

Speaker 3 (00:07):
Thank you for not being an ass though I feel
like that. Nothing is so nice, condescending ass hulery.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
That's so well, you're gonna hate this episode from fabulous
Las Vegas Demata. This is pot therapy, real people, real problems,
and real therapists. You can sumit your questions anonymous little
pod therapy dot net or email. It's a pot therapy
guys at gmail dot com and now broadcasting from the
supple young nineteen year old studio. Jesus, that's whinny Nick,

(00:39):
who's playing for some pot therapy.

Speaker 4 (00:41):
You you cowards so many submitting these anonymous studios anonymously.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
The names.

Speaker 5 (00:49):
They're anonymous only because Nick is lazy, Yes, and they
won't studio studio. If you want to include your name
in the studio name, you have to put it in
the studio name, sir.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, because it wouldn't actually
make any sense.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
Well, welcome to Spooky Halloween episode.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
This is the one what's your costume gym? Right now?

Speaker 4 (01:11):
So we are doing Minecraft. So we are doing Uh,
did you guys see the Minecraft movie?

Speaker 2 (01:16):
This summer.

Speaker 4 (01:16):
Yeah, Jack Black is really good, so I'm gonna be
Jack Black obviously. So I've got the turquoise turtleneck thing.
I'm pretty excited for that. Had my like minecraft sword. Yeah,
I'm really it's it's my spirit animal. So I feel
like I'm good with this. My daughter is Jason Momo.
I was going to say, she's doing the pink jacket,
like the gloves and like the acid washed jeans and

(01:38):
the huge, obnoxious, fucking sunglasses.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
You're done.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
Yeah, and that's it. And my wife's gonna be whoever
that black lady was. So she's wearing like the jumper wow.
Yeah and black face.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah. Because we commit, we commit to the bit, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
Yeah, there will not be a question who she is yea, yeah, yeah,
it's very clear.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Wait, so when you do these like types of costumes,
are y'all in character? Are you in character? Or you're
just like hey, no, for.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
The photos, we will be like I'm sure that my daughter.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
We're gonna talk like them or no.

Speaker 4 (02:12):
We're not that committed to the it's just to walk around. Yeah,
that's just for I follow the NHL on.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Hardock. How many followers Whitney?

Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, how many how many real followers, and so they
always post, uh, the players and their wives dressing up
for Halloween.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
And so this morning I saw a post where they
did it was just Mark Andre Flurry and oh he's
so good over the years, different costumes.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
That really, I'm gonna go.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
You should google Mark Andre Flurry mclovin. Oh he nails.
It's exactly like mclovin from Super Bad.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Oh Bad. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
I love every year. I always look forward to that.
Whenever he was on the team. That was always a
really I'm part of Halloween was you'd always see the
Flurry ship. Well, happy Halloween, everybody. I assume I'm the
only one in the room who's actually dressing up.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
No, no, no, okay.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
All I put was Mark Andre Flurry costume and that's
the only thing that came out. I didn't even put
the Clevin.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
Yeah, whenever you've professed that's solid. Yeah, And they roll
one out every single week. Well happened Halloween to all
the listeners around the week is Halloween. This year Friday,
it's give Me on Friday, which is also Nevada Day,
which is exciting day cookies. It's always a big part
of it's nice like Nevada Day.

Speaker 5 (03:38):
I'll run shows that night, so I'll wear something silly
to run the shows. I want to do, like a
full costume.

Speaker 4 (03:43):
Let me know if you need anything. I have a
hot dog costume. I have a Leprechaun costume. No, no,
I won't wearing our costume. Okay, Okay, Well I keep
all mine, so I have several that that I'm ready
for at any given.

Speaker 5 (03:56):
I think last year, I just wore a uh, I
wore a black hoodie just to run the show in
you know, just wearing a black hoodie, but I left
it unzipped and had one of those T shirts on
that looked like you're like a big, fat, hairy guy.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
So I just had that. You know, that's about the
level I go to. Okay, you should go as an
ice officer. Oh that'll that'll be hilarious.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
Yeah, it's so funny because all over the internet it's like, hey,
get ready, everybody, because the worst person you know is
about to do this fucking bit and it's gonna be
all over Americas.

Speaker 5 (04:27):
With Honestly, like all groups of people, like your family
should all just go as sexy ice officers.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Okay, but if you do it. Commit to the sexy.

Speaker 5 (04:35):
Yeah, if everybody is sexy ICE officers, it's kind of great.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
You're taking away their power. Whole sorority houses dressed up
like yeah, the ICE.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
Officers do that, and I'm talking like bikinis, the whole
bit with the face fucking mask.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
How do you tell the sexy ICE officers from the
regular ice That's right, that's right. Yeah, there's that, well
a lot of them. Fus you.

Speaker 4 (05:05):
Happy Halloween, everybody looking forward to it. It's gonna be
a good time.

Speaker 5 (05:08):
I usually Russia, we also think this is unconstitution.

Speaker 4 (05:15):
Uh, make sure you subscribe to our socials in case
we do post any Halloween pictures. You want to check
it out. Our instagram is always the go to. It's
at pod therapy, guys.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
But we've got some great questions.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
It's good, lame lame, no cost. There's still Solomon with
no grab one.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
You should dress up as a nurse for how well
you take care of Peter?

Speaker 3 (05:35):
There go, Maybe that'll make me do it a little
bit better.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, hashtag seat All right, we're starting off the order
today with annoying virtue signaling. Dear people of pod therapy,
I'm already annoyed.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
My wife and I live in a politically purple state
that leans red. For those of you outside of the US,
be grateful if you don't understand what that means. We
became friends with another married couple in about twenty twenty
one and became very close to them over the next
three years.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
They were both always vocal about their passion for liberal
and progressive politics, which we were on board with. And
then the election of twenty twenty four happened and they
were not pleased with the outcome. To say the least.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
To be clear, neither were we, but we think their
reaction to the result was severely overblown. I recalled Jim's
solo episode in reaction to the election results, where he
discussed how to best respond to the results, and it
feels like this couple did the exact opposite. Within three
months of November twenty twenty four, they sold their house,

(06:39):
most of their belongings, left their family and friends behind,
and moved to a city twenty four hours drive away
to live in a more progressive state.

Speaker 5 (06:49):
I don't think this was about progressivism. I think they
thought the rapture was coming there. You know what, I think,
rapture people.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
You're trying to be safe.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
God won't look for us in Portland. That's right, that
God has abandoned Portland long ago.

Speaker 5 (07:03):
I think we've solved this already on the America You're welcome,
writer and moving on.

Speaker 4 (07:10):
Their sudden move really crushed my wife and I, since
the four of us had grown so close, and it
seemed to send the message to us at least, that
their politics were more important than our friendship or any
of the other relationships that they were leaving behind. Our
group conversations, which used to be nothing but banter and
immature slights, are now a near daily barrage of them

(07:33):
sending us Instagram posts like here is how city X
is helping the homeless, or this influencer is fighting for
trans writes and state why the two of them now
only seemed to be willing to talk about how progressive
their new city is and how the city where I
still live is a regressive hellhole.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
It it like.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
My wife and I I don't know, I like my
I don't know what the fuck it?

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Can anybody help me with this? I like my wife,
like my wave.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
And I only serve as outlets. Oh, it's like my
wife and I only serve as outlets for them to
virtue signal, and I'm sick of it.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
At a certain.

Speaker 4 (08:09):
Point, I'm worried that I'm going to blurt out, oh,
for fuck's sake, will you shut up? I get it,
you live in a progressive city. Well, you abandoned us
and could have worked at making our community better. Instead,
you ran away and are now throwing rocks from afar.
I don't know what to do here. I'm happy for them,
but their obsession with politics is insufferable, and I'm still

(08:30):
butt hurt that they moved away in such a reactive way,
leaving us in the dust. And to top it all off,
we feel like we're being mocked over and over for
staying in the city that we actually really like. Let
me know what y'all think, and guess who I voted for,
Love Billy, I'm gonna guess Bill. This is so relatable,

(08:57):
Like I mean, I don't know a lot of people
who did this, like the big move away thing, but like,
once you have made a choice like this, to leave
a city for greener pastures, it is so difficult not
to be a dick to all the people that are you.
You knew back there because you constantly want to like
reinforce why this new decision was great. Like I've had
people leave Nevada because it's a very transient place and

(09:17):
you stay in touch with them and when they get
to their new place, they're like, oh my god, it's
so green. Oh I just I could never go back there.
I just want to just you, like, why do we.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Have to do this, like becoming a vegan. Yeah, oh dude,
it is. It is. No, this is the same fucking
nerves political vegan.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
Yes, I get it, you're better than us, Like you're pretentious,
but like it sucks because.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Like I didn't say vegans were pretentious, that was you.
But did you, guys vegan.

Speaker 4 (09:43):
Listeners left your home states to come to Nevada When
I moved to Listeners?

Speaker 2 (09:49):
You know your protections, you know what you know. You
are wrong.

Speaker 4 (09:56):
You want to hang out and watch sports, have a
fucking chicken wing. But like all three of you left
your your home states at you know, elder ages or
at least mature ages, did you ever find yourself corresponding
with people back in that place and feeling a need
to sort of validate your choice a little bit? To contrast,
like when they're like, oh, but don't you ever miss
this place, You're kind of.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Like, nah, Dallas is pretty shitty.

Speaker 4 (10:18):
The traffic was fucking horrible, or yeah, no, the humidity
is kind of ape shit. I don't dig the swamp,
so I'm pretty happy here. Oh no, it's fucking snowy
in Iowa. Like I really don't miss it at all. Like,
is there a sense that you need to validate that choice.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
A little bit?

Speaker 1 (10:31):
For the first year that I lived in Nevada, I
would say, maybe not every day, but every other day
during the winter, I would text my sister and just
let her know what the weather was like.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
But that's totally fair. I just want to let you know.
But that's totally fair.

Speaker 5 (10:52):
I don't I don't think that's what Jim means, because
that is that's like that, that's banter.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Like I do that with my family too different times.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
By the way, they also do it back to me,
but it's August than one hundred and twenty five.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
But it's also shitty in Louisiana.

Speaker 5 (11:07):
They're like, well, the one hundred and twenty five, Yeah,
we go outside, we're not gonna die.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
But has everybody seen this phenomenon where people seem like
they have to commit and so they need to like
validate it externally to their old friends.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
I know what you mean a little bit.

Speaker 5 (11:23):
This is this one's a lot, though, and I think
the writer just kind of has the right of it.
I think I think Billy, you know, saying like I'm
just gonna pop and say these things, don't pop and
say it.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
I'm just say them. You know what. You don't have
to get angry and say these things.

Speaker 5 (11:39):
You can just be like, hey, you know every time
you every time you do this, try to be in
a jerk.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, well I don't.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
I don't know if you have to like say it
like that, you're being a I think it's more job.
I know that's Jacob's version and take it if you
want life, Jacob, you know, doctor, life is great.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
You do whatever you want.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
I feel like some version of ship.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
By I mean test hunting, that's not man. Yeah, I
think they're I don't have any money, Billy.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
I think there's a version where you can share with
your friends. Hey, we really like our city still. I
would even this is my personal opinion. It sounds like
you're maybe in a similar vote. My thing is I
would rather be in either a purple or sometimes even
a red state because I feel like you can make change.

(12:36):
They're like, you can be the change you see in
the world whatever. But especially in Nevada, I'm like, your
votes matter a lot more here in my opinion, as
a purple state, like than it would in Texas or
or whatever.

Speaker 5 (12:50):
State if you're not from the US. If you here
about swing states, they're kind of synonymous.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
So I have the.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Same philosophy too, where it's like, yeah, because I joke
all the time about like, yeah, it'd be great to
live in another country and to just leave, which I
would want to kind of do anyway, not necessarily because
of political reasons.

Speaker 5 (13:11):
That's just flee the U S and go live there
because I'm leaving the US. I want to go live
other places because I want to.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Go live exactly the thought of me bother right, because
it's like because it's like I just.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
Want to be around people that think like me.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, well, it's like, well but why do I have
to leave? Like it's my country just as much as
anybody else's, you know. And I feel the same way
about like the American flag. I wish people on the
laughter the democrats of their progressives would take ownership of
any day.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
I just talked with a client about this this last week.
They're like, yeah, we want to start. Like I think
it was that one of the No Kings protests they
were talking about flying the American flag, so like this
is our flag too, like we're taking it back. I
was like, all right, you go, yeah, we have an
American plog right here in the supple nineteen year old studio,
and get it on the wall. Beautiful. I'm just.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
Looking at it. Everyone looking around the.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
Flag when you're coming here, like I am positive in here.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
I'm not like I thought you were a joking.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
I was looking for the I was like, there is
I've never noticed.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, that's my one thing. I'm going to live.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
As there should be.

Speaker 4 (14:34):
I'm going to play Devil's advocate on this a little
bit because like there's a part of me so like
the pretension thing. I get that, Like that's annoying and
and I feel like humans do that because they have
to validate a big decision. And I think we see
this even in your community, like if if you went
if you had a family that you were friends with
because your kids went to school together, and then that
family decides, hey, we're gonna pull our kids out of

(14:55):
this school. We don't like it anymore. We're gonna go
to this private school. And you stay in touch with
them because you kids still play soccer and stuff, and
you're like, so, how's the new school. There is this
huge inclination to like just highlight reel this shit and
be like it's wonderful.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
They have a great team, their principles so nice, and
it's like okay, and it just it feels like you're
shitting on the place that you exited or left. I
think that is a natural human phenomenon. I feel like
we all sort of bias in that direction, and you know,
I think it's some form of confirmation bias. But there's
another piece of this, especially in the getting real about
how politics has shifted in the last ten months since
the President Trump election. I also do want to show respect.

(15:29):
That doesn't sound like this is a deprivileged couple that
Billy's talking about, but imagine that they are. Imagine that
they are undocumented, they have families that are undocumented. Imagine
that they are thinking about having children, and they're like, look,
if I have to have a fucking abortion. I'm not
staying here like this may put me in jail, Like
I need to get the fuck out of here, you know,
and all the other many things that have happened. I

(15:51):
support that, Yeah, I mean, there's there's arguments to be
made for that. Or they work in the university system
and they're like, hey, you know, I want to be
part of universities and part of communities that are you
know whenever, or like California is going to war right
now with the federal government, and like they stood up
for you know, these progressive policies and stuff, and it's
not just a political wins thing, it's a felt reality thing.
There are some states that fight back against ice, and

(16:12):
there are some states that do not. There are some
states that repel the national guard being sent to them.
There are some states that do not. There's somebodies that
fucking send their national guard.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
So like, I get that.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
When I first recorded that in January, I was really
trying to caution people against these big fucking reactions because
it seems so big. But I think I want to
moderate my reaction to that because I think at the
time I had my nose in the air a little
bit and was sort of like, oh, come on, everybody,
deep breath. You know, the Republic's been around for two
hundred years, Like, let's not overthink it. But I've seen

(16:42):
a lot now, way more than I ever.

Speaker 3 (16:45):
Because you don't know, and at the time you can
only take the knowledge you have.

Speaker 4 (16:48):
Right, And I'm extremely privileged. I'm a Cis white male,
you know, like I just don't. I'm middle aged. I
don't have to think about a lot of this stuff.
But there are other people who really are, and there's
especially Hispanic families that are that are scared to go
to work. They read a story the other day, this
horrible story about a construction company that hired specifically undocumented
people to do this whole project. And when payday came,

(17:11):
they called ice.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
Oh fuck, they told them all to round up over
here to get their pay checks.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
They called ice and just had them all put in
a patty wagon and taken from their families. And they
just saved all that money. So it was theft of wages.
It's absolutely horrific. And and like there's stories of people
like these Hispanic families not going to churches, not going
to public carnivals. There was the Texas Fair that was
like abandoned because, like you know, people to color are
scared to go and like in their own country in peacetime,

(17:38):
these little kids being told not to go to school
because they're scared that people will compluct them out of school.
So I don't want to get on a soapbox about it,
but Billy, there's a part of me that looks at that,
and I assume these people are enjoying privilege and so
their stuff just kind of seems pretentious.

Speaker 5 (17:52):
But I can also appreciate families. And I don't think
we're talking about whether or not you need to make
a move. If somebody needs to make a move by
all means, then you need to make a move.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah, right, good point. Being a jerk about it after
you make the movie is the problem.

Speaker 5 (18:09):
It's the attitude on the back end of it, not
the not the need like if.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
There is a need for it.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
And I don't hear Billy saying you guys should also
like when I when I left Louisiana, I didn't leave
Louisiana because I hate Louisiana.

Speaker 2 (18:21):
Left because of the murder charges. I left because of
the murder charges.

Speaker 5 (18:24):
Also, there's a lot more entertainment work outside of Louisiana
than the inside.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
A lot few murder charges.

Speaker 5 (18:30):
So like, I mean, I I left my home state happily.
I'll probably never live there again full time, and at
least that I have no plans to if if I
guess things can change, uh in the extradition, sure, sure,
and I mean you know the the whatever the time,
you know enough. Yeah, the statute of limitations has passed now,

(18:51):
and as it turned out these days, it just doesn't.
It doesn't, white guy, I'm not going to I'm.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
Sure the statute of limitation for murder for a white
guy in Louisiana is that what two weeks?

Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, probably takes you longer to get a driver's left
if you can.

Speaker 4 (19:11):
You know, that's very quick too. If you can outrun
the cops for an hour, you might beat the rap.

Speaker 5 (19:17):
Do yourself a favor and look into why Jerry Lee Lewis,
the rock star.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
Was called the killer. Oh lord, oh.

Speaker 5 (19:25):
White guy from Louisiana.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
I have some thoughts on the being a jerk part.
I here's what I see working with clients, and I
work with some clients up in Organs, so I'm seeing,
you know, a whole range of people from different backgrounds,
political views or whatnot. And what I see people coming
into session sharing are this stress, especially if you are

(19:52):
privileged of like what do I do? And what I
see is social media is used as a platform to
say like I need to use my platform and my
privilege to share these things, and even if it's sending
things to my friends, like it's almost a compulsory thing
like see wee, hey, look this is not good that

(20:12):
you should care about this too, And you're saying, Billy,
I do care about these things. I just can't choose
to create, you know again from a privileged place or not,
Like I don't have the mental space to do that.
And actually I want to just be friends with you,
and you over sharing all of these things, right makes
it seem like you care more about politics and our friendship.

(20:35):
They may kick back and say, yeah, this is a
big deal. We need to care about this, and that's
where you find that bounce in your friendship and you
find answers. I guess I should say, Well, they might.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Come back and say like, yeah, I've never really liked you.
I'm just friends with you to tell you about this stuff.

Speaker 4 (20:48):
Yeah, Whnnie let me ask you about this, because some
of the vibe after you just shared that, I thought,
you know what this kind of reminds me of. It's
like whenever you're friends with a couple and then maybe
they have a kid or something, and now all they
want to do is send you stuff like oh my god,
look at this or And that's fine to an extent
because it's like, I'm so happy that you're enjoying your baby.
That's great, and I do take joy in your joy.

(21:09):
But then some of the joy your baby is just
a horrible phrase.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
Sure, I love pictures of your baby, I'm.

Speaker 4 (21:15):
Joy, this is great, but I could see where there
can be this little bit of an edginess to those
kinds of dynamics where it's like you're sending me all
this stuff about like women are happier when they have this,
and they have hormonal adjustments when they have this, and
everything's better when they have this, I've realized, and never
how I'm supposed to be that that anyone. And it's like, okay,

(21:35):
like this is does that ring like similar to this
letter a little bit where it's like a little bit
of that you're you're so excited about your choice and
and some of how you're talking about it sounds like
you're punching at me.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Yeah, so I think you pointed out like sharing pictures
of your baby or your your anymore, I love to
see it, send them all. I don't give a fuck.
Like you're happy, I'm happy great. It's when. Yeah, now
I'm sending you articles about gosh, I just feel so
great now that I've had my baby, Like my life
is more fulfilled. I'm happier. Like when you start sending
those things, those start feeling like you're hitting undercut, underhanded

(22:09):
jobs this article.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Just as women from the df W area are happier
if they have children.

Speaker 3 (22:14):
God, I know that's not true.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Bitches when they have I know that's not true. I
don't like you.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
People will send me ship that's like, oh did you
know Nevada's air quality is really bad or something that
I'm like, what are what are we doing right now?

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Like? What are you? Thank you? I don't like what? Yeah?
Should we just measure our dicks? No, that's what I'm
gonna start sending back. Just seven inches? What deal with that? Bitch?

Speaker 1 (22:39):
Bullshit? But no, I was actually kind of thinking this
same thing as far as like.

Speaker 4 (22:45):
It's win win for me. Motherfuckers. Either I have it
or you guys have to touch between. I'm fine with
either one.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Relationships. You have to measure it.

Speaker 4 (22:52):
Whitney, sure how this happened?

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Relationship science trying relationships between couple's friends.

Speaker 2 (23:05):
I was kind of thinking the same thing that Jim
was thinking, which is, like, you know, all of us,
if we think of a you know, couple's friend that
we have or multiple couples friends, you can think of
like what are the common denominators, Like what are the
things that we tend to focus most about? And usually
the friends that you're closest to. You you have.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
A number of different topics or different things that you
can that you have in common that you do together, activities, interests,
things like that, and what happens. I think kind of
like what Jim was the baby example is a good example,
like where something big chat happens for one of the friends, right,

(23:45):
and then it becomes their main focus. So since that's
their main focus and it was a common interest, then
it seems like that piece gets strengthened and the rest
of it doesn't. So if I was in that situation, Billy,
what I would do is I would just try to
figure out what are the other things that we have

(24:06):
in common and be able to redirect and to be
able to like, Okay, if if my friend is not
gonna bring up, you know, our other common interest of
Major League Baseball, Yeah, maybe I will bring that up.
Oh my god, you guys watched the World Series last night?
Well what do you think about?

Speaker 2 (24:22):
You know?

Speaker 6 (24:22):
Oh my god, there were so many Cubans, Billy, but yeah,
I mean, and then try to try to give make
way for conversations like that.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
The other thing, too, is like you can choose which
conversations you choose to reinforce in which ones you just ignore,
you know, if you're not giving, Like they send me
fifteen messages about one thing I'm not interested in, and
I don't reply to any of them, right, and then
they send me one text message about the World Series,
and I've replied to that, I'm I'm this is this

(24:56):
is a.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
You're reinforcing the behavior that you want to REI yeah, this.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
Is a behavioral conditioning. That's exactly what this is, you know,
And so I'm yeah, I am, I am teaching them, drool,
what I want our relationship to be.

Speaker 4 (25:09):
Like that's that's great advice. I really like that it's
starving the weeds, you know, watering the flowers. Yeah, I
think that is one of the best ways. I mean,
And I also like Jacob's theory of like it's okay
to be direct, it's okay to say, hey, I know
you do not mean any harm. I know that you're
my friend, but I need you to remember that I
care about my city, I care about my state.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
And I try to make it and I'm trying to
make a difference here.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm trying my best and I could flee. I don't
think less of you for fleeing. I hope you don't
think less of me for staying.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
Yeah, it is a I think back to the social
media thing too.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
There is a social it is a social disagreement in
some ways.

Speaker 5 (25:47):
It's happening right now, and it's been happening for I
think quite some time, and it's just what we're seeing
it occur in different ways now.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
And that is.

Speaker 5 (25:56):
People who think that posting on social media is is
posting on social media, and there is people that think
that posting on social media is taking an action. So
it is I want to do something about the circumstance
that my community, my town, my city, my country is in.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
The thing that I have landed on is.

Speaker 5 (26:19):
Post on social media, right, and I'm gonna I'm gonna
spread awareness, big quotes, I'm gonna spread awareness to use
my platform.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
By doing that.

Speaker 5 (26:27):
The more and more we look at these things, the
more we realize that these aren't platforms.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
That people who.

Speaker 5 (26:33):
Didn't have platforms before social media don't really have platforms
after social media. Your friend groups and you are as
influential in your friend group as you are without social.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
Media right or before this political.

Speaker 5 (26:50):
And so like, maybe don't try to make social changes
on social media because it doesn't it doesn't seem like
it's really doing.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
I agree. If I think we've.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
Given you some really good advice, Billy, and if all
of that fails, here's your fallback.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
Your fallback.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Next time they say something about how amazing it is
to live in their city, whatever city that is. Yeah,
it's obviously it's obvious, But twist tell them, tell them
just how proud you are of them, and how amazing
it is that they can just give up so easily,

(27:30):
and you wish that you could do that too.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
This is the girl move. You're such a I'm so
happy that I have a driving helper. Move ye yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
This.

Speaker 4 (27:40):
Before Like, Oh, I love that you can just wear anything,
you know. I just love that you would. I could
never leave the house if it like you just can
wear anything. I just you're so brave.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
I wish I could put on weight like you and
still look beautiful. God, oh my god, Jesus, Nick, that
glow you have when you look pregnant, but you're not. God,
you are a caddy bitch. I'm really glad. I'm terrified.

Speaker 4 (28:14):
I am terrified of menacing Nick. Like is passive aggressive?
I think I actually benefit from the fact that you've
always just been directly aggressive, never passive aggressive. When you
have notes for me, you're like, hey, man, stop doing this,
Like okay, Like, I'm really glad you're.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Not doing are good at being passive? My god?

Speaker 4 (28:33):
That would come me deep anyway, Billy, good luck with this.
We will send the paternity test results from Jacob to
your po box. Just send us that information. You also
have to get in line because there's a cue. So
I don't have any money, not because he never had
any money, but because you came late. Sorry, buddy, Hi,
We're going to take a quick break in when we

(28:53):
come back, we're talking about s S R.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Eyes. You're listening to pot Therapy.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Today's episode are brought to you by Jake Schneider, Luleiah,
Richard Mason, Sonny Boys, Under Cougar, Falcon Scoops, I Am
a fucker, Sander mcwafflella, Tommy Adam Warren, b Dad Crimes
and blip blop and if you like sponsor to show,
become a surpucer Patreon dot com slash please do again.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
I'm not going to say it because damn.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
It, we need to get that all right Halloween movie
trivia before, but we're going to do it again.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Here we go, fuck them up. Let's go when don't
you want to go first?

Speaker 3 (29:33):
Why not?

Speaker 1 (29:34):
In Halloween two nineteen eighty one?

Speaker 2 (29:37):
Ship? Where does most of the take place? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (29:40):
I was sorry it was lest part.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
Where does Halloween two take place? Where does most of
the movie take place?

Speaker 3 (29:45):
I'm just kid. Do you have a city or state?
I might have one saloon.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
You're gonna want options? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (29:55):
Is this what Jamie Lee?

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (29:56):
Options? Yes?

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Options, hadden Field High School, Smith's Grove Sanitarium, hadden Field
Memorial Hospital, or Laurie's home.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
Where there's sanitariums in the eighties. Yes, oh shit. Who's
the bad guy in Halloween two? Michael Myers?

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Is that the first?

Speaker 2 (30:15):
Is that the guy in the jumpsuit? Yeah, okay, jumpsuit
in the in the white mask and he stabs people?
Or is that Jason the first? This is hard hadden
Field High School. I think yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
I don't know about the second one.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
The first one at her sanitarium.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
I feel like he's more of an indoor killer guy.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah, it's either Be or D. I'm gonna go with uh.
The sanitarium makes my job super easy.

Speaker 4 (30:42):
When Whitney gets really quiet while she's thinking about the
answers to the trivia questions.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah, yeah, then you get to do love editing. No, sorry,
so b was out what she gets out? Okay, Be's
off the table the sanitarium right out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Do you guys want to take Gopher steals? Oh, we're
for still give you each a chance. It goes that way,
we'll go go to Jacob my next. Yep, I think
it's in the hospital.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
It is HyET is that I've never seen these movies
because they're too scary. My mom said, I wasn't allowed.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
The first ones in her home?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Right? Yeah? What the bad guys in her home? What
it's like her neighborhood.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
Baby sitting across the street at one?

Speaker 4 (31:20):
So what is the deal with this bad guy? The
Mike Myers? I thought he was Austin Powers.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yes he is, but that's later, all right, Jacob what
candy bar Brand famously refused to be featured in e
t the Extraterrestrial Pieces unexpected popularity?

Speaker 2 (31:41):
Correct?

Speaker 4 (31:42):
Wow, Eminem's pulled out. Yeah, unlike Ja they now has paternity.
Would not they would not allow it at all.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
Wow, Yeah, fuck you Eminem's.

Speaker 4 (31:52):
I heard that they're actually decreasing the amount of chocolate
they're putting in all their products right now, because cocoa
beans are like going through a thing, so they're like diversifying.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
It's exciting, all right.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
In the night here before Christmas, thank you for giving?
Does Jack not open in the forest?

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Well several? So which one does he not open? That's
literally the question?

Speaker 4 (32:13):
Okay, So he opens the Christmas one, he doesn't open
the Thanksgiving one Christmas, and then he doesn't open the
Easter one, and he doesn't open the the Saint Patrick's
Day one. Or you can get yes, let's not go
with Okay, so I remember him like staring, really, so

(32:36):
let's go with that. He doesn't open the Thanksgiving one.
God damn it. This game is fucking rigged for the steal.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
Easter.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
No, Oh, this is stupid. I would like options.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
Valentine's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving or Independence Day. Valentine's Day No
five points for.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
Doesn't So what was the answer?

Speaker 3 (33:00):
Thanksgiving the one?

Speaker 2 (33:00):
I just said Thanksgiving, but I said Thanksgiving, I said
Independence state.

Speaker 3 (33:04):
Jesus Christ, Oh I missed that.

Speaker 4 (33:07):
Yeah, good luck you. You yell at me for things.
But when he tells them to no, it's not just me.
They make me do stuff and away from There wasn't
even an Independence Day tree. This is fucking stupid.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
But that wasn't even a question. It was a door.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Oh what door? He didn't There wasn't one. I think
there might be there was.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
I watched this movie every year.

Speaker 4 (33:32):
There's Valentine's Day one, there's an Easter one, there's a
Thanksgiving one, there's the Saint Patrick's Day one. Because they
can get one symbol on the thing, and so it's
like a turkey.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
Is this what's that thing where called where you think
something existed, but.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Oh yeah, yeah, this could totally be happening. I do
this a lot. Also, I am on a lot of
acid right now. Entirely possible.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
All right, So I continue under protest. But I believe
Jacob's in the lead right now with two points.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
No, I in the lead with five points. Oh, continue
under protest s s R Eyes from Sammy.

Speaker 5 (34:07):
Hi, Jim Nick was looking at these pictures of screenshots
from the Nightmare before Christmas.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
Very obviously shows.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
And it depends thing.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
Is it American flag? That's kind of fucked up?

Speaker 3 (34:18):
What is American flag?

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Keeps firework?

Speaker 5 (34:21):
Firecracker? It's like a big red thing with yellow stars
on it.

Speaker 4 (34:24):
I guess, okay, fine, if it does exist, which I
still don't agree, but even if it does.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
I'm still right.

Speaker 4 (34:30):
He didn't open up the Thanksgiving one, so I feel
like I should get credit for Thank.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
You, Whitney.

Speaker 4 (34:34):
It just a bad question, Hi, Jim Nick, Whitney and Jacob.
I heard the call from Questions and I thought i'd
send this in h I sent this to Jim on
discord a while ago, So if it looks familiar, that's why.
Basically I was on serotonin for a few years to
help with p M d D. I went off of
it because I started using birth control that had the
bonus effect of stabilizing my mood. So under doctor's supervision,

(34:56):
I went off my SSR eyes She said, since I
on the lowest dose, I can just stop taking it.
A few days later, I started getting something that felt
like my brain was being zapped. When I could get
a hold of a doctor, they told me this was
common and it will go away with time.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
So I powered through.

Speaker 4 (35:13):
I mean, she was right, it went away after a month,
but it wasn't fun. My question is is this common?
Why isn't it talked about more? What causes it? Thinks
Lady Sammy scoop the SSRI brain zapps?

Speaker 3 (35:27):
All right, first pmd.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
DE, Yeah, tell them what that is.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
Yeah, pre monstrul dysphoric disorder a bit. Yeah, it's a
really extreme form of PMS pre monstrul syndrome. Yeah, it
can have some really serious yeah, sentomology to it. And
it's not something I've had many clients come to me

(35:50):
for it. Okay, maybe one that I can think of.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Dealing with that.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
I feel it's underdiagnosed.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
It probably I agree with that. Yeah, actually I do
agree with that. But yeah, the SSR I take. I mean,
I'm that is not my specialty, you know, mets like that.
But as far as just dealing with those symptoms for PMDD,
I'm really sorry that you're going through that caset. It
sucks to be a woman some time. I was just
lamenting to my my friends this last week. I was like,

(36:17):
can I just not have a period anymore? That would
be great because one of our friends has had like
a partial hysterectomy for medical reasons, and I was like,
can I just do that?

Speaker 2 (36:25):
But elective hysterectomy so you don't have a period.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
Yeah, right, and like your your you needed yours, but
can I just opt for that? But it is a mess,
like trying to figure out birth control that works for
you with your body, and then as you change, Like
I was on a certain birth control when I was younger,
and then like tried it again later and it did
not interact the same way it did when I was younger.
It's like you're always trying to experiment and there's physical

(36:50):
side effects, there's emotional mental side effects. Probably the worst
one when we're talking about uh, just like birth control
in general, I do not recommend this. Definitely talk to
your doctor. But I didn't have insurance at the time
years ago, and uh so I had my sister in
law bring over uh yeahs, which is the type of news. Yes,

(37:16):
I did not know this because it's so long ago.
So she's it was from Taiwan too, so she was
living in Taiwan. She brought it over. It's all in
you know, symbols and not words except for yeahs. So
I was like, oh, yeah, no, biggie, I'll just take
this till I can like get a doctor appointment or
like figure it out for a couple months. I'm not kidding.
Within I think it was two three days of taking it.

(37:39):
Within that first week, I literally had thoughts of just
not wanting to be here. Wow, And it was so
fucking scary. I was just crying randomly. I'd have these thoughts.
I've never in my life had thoughts like that. Oh
thank God. But it was like so bizarre to experience that,
like out of nowhere, and it freaked me the fuck out.
And at the time I wasn't thinking of that as

(38:01):
different because I've been on birth control before, so I
didn't feel like something noticeably. You know when you start
a new med you're like, oh, let me pay attention.
I wasn't really paying attention because I was like, wow,
it's just another another pill which is more the same
and more the same. So it took me probably a
day or two to really sit and think. I'm like,
what am I doing? What's been different? And I was
like that fucking pill. So I stopped taking it within
three days. Good never again. Experience that, and it really

(38:23):
opened my eyes to just I had a lot of things,
depressive symptoms, and on one hand, I was actually really
grateful to have that experience because it helped me be
more empathetic.

Speaker 4 (38:33):
Well, it's a very effective birth control because you don't
want to fuck because you're so sad. Well, and see,
like that's what they don't tell you is it works
in that way, so it was doing its job. You
shame on you for not reading Taiwanese.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
You can't be pregnant if you're you're too sad.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
I don't want to have sex. Oh my god, it's working.

Speaker 3 (38:51):
I didn't say it didn't work. Yeah, yeah, that's like
a little side quest. But I just feel like, gosh,
being a woman is hard.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
So yeah, yeah, I don't think she is a hot
nineteen years. It is.

Speaker 4 (39:02):
We don't talk enough about like hormonal like pieces of
mental health. And I think some of it's because it's taboo,
some of it because it feels outside of our direct control.
And even with psychiatry, they're like, I don't know, you know,
but like it, Like PMDD is such an interesting one.
I've actually had several cases over the years that are PMDD,
but a lot of times they come to you undiagnosed,

(39:22):
you know, because they think people think it's borderline and
think it's like bipolar and be like, oh my god,
she's having some kind of cycling right, and she like
drops into massive depression. Then she'll come out of it
and sho have all this energy, and it's like, you know,
they mistake it for bipolar, and they'll often be like
prescribed antipsychotics or mood stabilizers, which maybe is helpful, I
don't know, But more often I notice that whenever they
start getting more into the weeds with their gynecologist about

(39:45):
like birth control, medicine and hormonal regulation, that seems to
solve it. And like that's so fascinating that whenever they
start controlling their period and like having a little bit
more of that, like hormonal balance, everything's better. But like
it's like you said, it's a roll of the dice
to know like which medicines are gonna affect you which ways.
There's so many different options. It's it's so bewildering, Like

(40:05):
obviously he's a male therapist, Like I just have no
lived experience in that realm, so I just try to
be really curious. But like PMDD man, I just I'm
really glad we get questions like this because it's one
of those things that people just have never even heard
of and they don't even know is a real thing.
And this is where I think we have a lot
of benefits of AI now because a lot of people
are typing in symptoms and the AI is like, hey
have you thought about this? You're like, the fuck is that?

(40:27):
Like no, like what is it?

Speaker 3 (40:29):
Like?

Speaker 4 (40:29):
Yeah, a lot of what you're describing seems to really
match this, like doctor your doctor about it, and but
it's still one of those things that's really hard to medicate.
And in Sammy's case, it sounds like started with SSRIs
try to manage these symptoms, but birth control ultimately did
solve the PMDD, so it was time to go ahead
and get off of them. And then when you're getting
off of the SSRIs brains apps. Yeah, and so some

(40:50):
people will talk about brains apps.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
I don't see.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
I should describe that to the listener who man doesn't
know what that means. Also, hyster direct me, that's when
the doctor surgically removes your history.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
Yes, yeah, you've had a history. That's a hys direct
internal that's all it is. Yeah, gotcha, yeah, yeah, right, Yeah,
it's very easy to perform. Actually it's in and out,
so it's not good. But women still pitching. I was
gonna make it some big as you look.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
At us, but no.

Speaker 4 (41:23):
So the brains apps, I mean, I've I've been on
SSRIs in my history, and when I've come off of them,
I've never had what I would describe as the zapps.
I've had other people talk about it. There is a
fogginess sometimes getting on as SRIS and coming back off
of them, like people will experience like just this little

(41:43):
bit of a disconnection, Like it feels like your reaction
time is a little bit slowed. You feel a little dull,
You feel like it's a little bit harder to focus,
and like there's a cloudiness. I feel like that's a
very common experience. It's a little bit of cloudiness. Sometimes
it feels like cognitive fatigue. It's just you're not able
to like la to what's going on. You almost feel
like you're passively observing. It's maybe a slight, like one

(42:05):
percent dissociative experience where you just feel like you're watching
the world kind of go by and you don't feel
the need to engage with it, which is actually part
of the magic of SSRIs. When you're feeling depressed or anxious,
is a detachment from a reality that was hurting you
and so like, to some extent, I think that's actually helpful.
But brains apps are something I've definitely read about. I've
occasionally had patients talk about it where I mean kind

(42:28):
of like going back to how Sammy describes it here,
feeling like my brain was being zapped.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, I mean just.

Speaker 4 (42:34):
Like the sense of like zings, and I don't know
that it's a physical pain. It's like it's like your
brain is maybe trying to like wake up all of
a sudden, and it's like this sense of like alertness
and so I don't know. I mean, that's the best
like that I've ever heard it described. But I've never experienced.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
Client like mentioned this being a side effect if they're
going on or off of SRUS.

Speaker 4 (42:54):
Very rarely, very very rarely I've had people because usually
so like in Sammy's case, her doctor said, look, you're
at a very low dose of your SSRI, so I
don't want to wean you off. But the usual tight
trading schedule off of SSRIs is something like, Okay, you're
gonna take it on Monday, skip Tuesday, take it on
Wednesday skip, or they'll say cut them in half if

(43:15):
you can cut them in half, and then like slowly
tight traded out of your system, because this is soris
are a build up medicine, not a daily meta or
in the sense that like the half life takes time
like a week to dissipate in your system.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
So that's usually the case.

Speaker 4 (43:28):
But like I've met Sammy, Sammy is petite and like
giving you know, Sammy a very low dose and be like, well,
you're on the lowest dose for adults. It's like, homie,
she is the lowest kind of adult, Like she's not
much bigger.

Speaker 3 (43:40):
She could probably shop in.

Speaker 4 (43:41):
The kids area, Like, I don't know that you should
just be going off of the milligrams, like you know,
So I think that your doctor may have like I
don't know, I don't like to you know, a psychiatrist,
but yeah, I think that they may have gotten the
titration plan a little off and said, look, you can
just rip the band aid off. And to your doctor's credit,
I would say a percentage of the time, at least

(44:01):
in my lived experience, nothing comes of that, you know,
like maybe a little bit of like fatigue, maybe a
little bit of abdominal adjustment, and then yeah, two or
three days usually, But for Sammy to be like dude,
for like a month I was getting his apps, Like
that's something that.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
Is due to her size, like you said, just it
being an abrupt change to her system.

Speaker 4 (44:19):
Yeah, and it could have something to do with like
the withdrawal of serotonin the system, because like it's so
fascinating what we've learned about SSRIs and like what serotonin
ultimately does. So we talk about this periodically for the listeners,
but when you think about what SSRIs do, they're selective
serotonin reuptake inhibitors. So serotonin's one of the like neuro
juices that your brain makes. And basically this medicine just

(44:40):
kind of like a sink. Is that gonna be a
goddamn drop? Episode title Fuck the Brain. This medicine kind
of puts little scraps of tissue paper into the sink
and into the drain, and so your your brain keeps
dripping this this serotonin into your brain, but instead of
it going down the sink, you're the SSRI medice and
clogs that out. That's the reuptake inhibition. So what's happening

(45:04):
is you're basically getting to live with more of your
serotonin in your brain. And serotonin has a lot of
interesting effects. One of them is neurogenesis. And so like
the dendritic forest of your brain tree, all those little
neurons that are reaching out touching each other, that gets
denser whenever you're on ssrise. It also gets denser, by
the way, when you exercise or whenever you're doing lots
of novel experiences, your brain is being asked to do

(45:26):
new things and it will do the same thing. So
exercise plus srise is a huge winning combination for antidepression.
But I could see the opposite effect happening where you
suddenly remove the serotonin, it starts draining from your body
at a kind of a rapid rate, you know, in
the sense that you had a high volume of it,
and now the little tissue papers dissolve in the drain.

(45:47):
The drain sucks down the serotonin, and all those little
trees are kind of like naked now they're not being
fertilized by that serotonin. And that my postulate would be
that that's related to what the zapps are, is that
somehow the dendrites are like not aided in this you know,
seratonin bath anymore and sort of experiencing something like a
mental shiver. And I'm sure that there's a psychiatrists listening
to this right now. That's like, that is zero fucking

(46:09):
percent what happened. Yeah, we'd love to have also.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I guarantee there's no psychiatrists listening to the show.

Speaker 4 (46:14):
We had one once, we've had them right in and
I don't know years, I'm sure they left for the reason.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
Yeah, probably all the nineteen year old talk.

Speaker 4 (46:22):
What there's not all the nineteen year olds like there was,
and you fucking captured it.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
I still don't know where it came.

Speaker 2 (46:27):
From I mean it's still happening right now.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
Okay, but because the studio is named I mean I
should say that's why the psychiatrist is not coming back.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
Maybe that's not why they left.

Speaker 4 (46:39):
Anyway, that's my two cents. Anybody have anything else throw
on that one?

Speaker 3 (46:42):
No, I'm not as well versed on med side effects.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Like, yeah, I get it, it's a new one. I'd
say do like Whitney and uh take drugs that your.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
Friends have, yeah from Taiwan especially Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
mystery drugs.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Don't ask questions, no easy as, and.

Speaker 3 (46:58):
Then pay attention to how you feel.

Speaker 4 (47:00):
Rested the fuck episode title? Anyway, Sammy, I'm really glad
that you got through the PMDD. I'm glad for questions
like this because it gives us a chance to just
teach the public about things like PMDD, to teach them
about SSRIs, to teach about side effects while also right
sizing that so that it doesn't scare anybody away. And
even though that was uncomfortable for you, you had solved
depression another way in your life.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
If you had not, we.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
Would have wanted you on those SSRIs, even with a
risk of brains apps, right, because like, they don't happen
while you're on them, they happen when you're getting off
of them. So the tie trading schedule was probably what
was to blame there. And I'm surprised the doctor just
said rip the band aid off. But usually they'll be like, look,
there's no harm to going slow, cut the rest of
your dose in half or whatever. But also we do
not give medical advice. Always listen to your doctor. They're

(47:42):
always right. I'm always wrong. Anyway, we're gonna take a
quick break, and when we come back, we're talking about
sharing finances. You're listening to pod therapy.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Today's episode has brought to you by Jake Schneier, Movie,
Richard macy Sonny Boy, Thunder, Truvi, your Falcon Shoops. Let
me tell you Motherfunder, Sarah mclaughlen, Adam Warren B Gay
do crimes and whip blop and if you would like
to spots the show, become a therap producer.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Dot com slash there. But the shine from my Man
is like dulling but not abortion. Let me see it.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
Took a picture while I was there.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
I like it.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
Yeah, it's black with sparkles.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
I dig it all right, Shitney thanks nice, agreed, I
like Shitney, that was your high school man.

Speaker 3 (48:28):
There's a lot of options, are.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
Okay? In Donnie Darko two.

Speaker 3 (48:34):
Thousand, I haven't seen that so long.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
I've only seen it one.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
Yeah, me too once, like a decade or more.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
What is the name of the man in the creepy
rabbit costume?

Speaker 3 (48:45):
I need options? I don't know Donnie, and I'm just
kidding me.

Speaker 4 (48:48):
What's the miss it was dark Ore?

Speaker 1 (48:53):
Your options are Frank, Harvey, Ralph or Daniel.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
Jesus, it's not Harvey. That's the other bunny rabbit where
he's invisible that old movie. Oh yeah, our friend is
obsessed with that movie. I know that one was that
is it called Harvey?

Speaker 2 (49:10):
Might be?

Speaker 3 (49:11):
I want to hear out anyway. So it's not Harvey,
you said Fred.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Frank, Ralph or Daniel.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
I feel like it's Frank or Ralph, Frank, Frank it
is Oh stop in my storage compartment of.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
I really thought it was Donnie Darko.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
I was thinking, like, oh, you should have taken the
two like it probably is Donny Darko and so I
was doctor Smith.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Yes what. Nineteen eighties horror anthology film features a Halloween
segment directed by George A. Romero and written by Stephen King.
Oh mythology, say that again? What?

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Nineteen eighties horror anthology film Any features a Halloween segment
directed by George A. Ro Marrow and written by Stephen King. Okay,
give me the options. Tales from the Dark Side, the
movie Cats, creep Show or body Bags.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
I think it's creep creepshow too. It is. We both
got I.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
Didn't understand a single word, and that.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Maybe like I helped, but whatever, I affirmed your choice.
I was riding shotgun the whole time. But now you
don't want to put the bro.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
He shoved you out.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
Jesus, Uh Jim Uh, mister Jim in the Crow nineteen ninety.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
Four, another good one.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
What holiday is taking place on the night Eric Draven
and his fiance are murdered?

Speaker 6 (50:45):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (50:45):
No, Arbor Day. I hope not enough movies about Give
me options. The trees have guns?

Speaker 3 (51:02):
That Mark Wahlberg. Maybe the happening where.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Comes out running from the mist.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
This time they're the lumber Jet, Halloween, Devil's Night, All
Saints Day or the Winter Solstice.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
Oh Jesus, all right, it's not gonna be All Saints
Day because that's Boondocks, Saints Uh, Halloween's these have done
the same thing. Ever, Yeah, no, that's not right. And
that's also that's just not true. There's the second ones
called All Saints Day.

Speaker 5 (51:31):
That came out I believe after the crow did is
called All Saints Day, and therefore it it cannot be
the same.

Speaker 4 (51:36):
Okay, so redcon off of Halloween, off of All Saints Day?

Speaker 2 (51:42):
What were my other two options?

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Devil's Night and the Winter Solstice?

Speaker 2 (51:46):
Give me Devil's Night. That feels like a premise. It is.

Speaker 4 (51:52):
Everybody, everybody wins sharing finances from still ahead idiot.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
Actually, yeah, yeah, I know. I just need one.

Speaker 4 (52:06):
Hello you amazing human beings. I'm writing with a six
stomach full of anxiety, the type in which you can't eat.
I'm spiraling and currently looking for therapists. The situation that
has me scared is I'm afraid I've discovered something that
might end my relationship with my wife. Years ago, when
we first started dating and got to a serious point

(52:27):
and started having the finances talk where I share my
information and she shares hers, I sheepishly went into the
topic because I was scared that she would see my debt.
She was very understanding and was reassuring that we'd make
a plan to get rid of it. It made me
feel great. When it came time for her to open
up about her finances, it was quickly shut down. The

(52:47):
reason being that since her mom and her her mom
and her own a business together, her mom's money is
intertwined with my wife's money, and she promised her mom
she would never share their information with anyone. I was
instantly taken aback, not knowing that this is what I'd hear.
I mean, I just exposed the very personal side of
me and she wasn't willing to do this herself. I

(53:09):
don't know, it just feels very unfair. Again, this happened
three years ago. I was not comfortable but push those
feelings aside. Fast forward to present time. Her and I
were watching White Lotus together and in season two it
censored around cheating. I have a lot of hurt when
it comes to being cheated on in my past, and
I didn't know that this would trigger me. I didn't

(53:31):
feel triggered when we were watching, but later on my
daughter woke up in the middle of the night as
she was very young, and so I helped her. I
went to lay back down again, and my stupid mind
couldn't escape the start of a spiral. I remembered our
past conversation about finances, and for some reason got really worried.
What if my absolutely amazing wife was hiding something from me?

(53:53):
What if she still has a joint account with her
ex husband? Stupid thought, I know, but I figured next day,
why not just a right If it's nothing, I'll walk away.
Knowing I'm a spiral, I'm a spiraling idiot, knowing that
I have to do work with my anxieties. I own it,
I admit it. I struggle with the thought of losing
my everything, my wife, happiness and family. I asked her

(54:14):
the next day for proof of the joint account. I
know this is wrong of me. I shouldn't have to
rely on her subduing my spiraling, but I thought she'd help.
But no, she was very defensive, saying again and again,
you know why, it's my mom's information, etc. I told her, right, okay,
I'm not asking to see numbers, which I do believe
I do have the right to know as her common

(54:35):
law husband. Plus, we have kids and live together. We're
also gearing up to move out of the country together.
To her home country. But no, I'm not asking to
see the numbers because that is an invasion of her
mother's privacy. I'd feel awful and sick if I knew
something so intimate about her family, whom I love. So
I asked, can you just show me statement or a
statement or something a pdf zoomed in so I won't

(54:57):
see the numbers, but your name's together. I don't know,
but something like help me out out here? Yeah, help
me out dude. I'd whip out my phone so fast
to show my wife there's absolutely nothing to worry about
her hide well. She left for work after putting up
a very big fight. I sat confused as to why
she is acting so defensive. Okay, right, she wants to
protect her mom's info, but I'm not asking for it.

(55:21):
I'm asking for proof in which she had trusted, she
had me trust for years. I'm having a weak moment
and want you to prove to me that I'm.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Being an idiot.

Speaker 4 (55:30):
The only thing she says is quote, you have to
trust me. You just have to trust me. But like
I want to, But how your acting is giving me
more anxiety At this point, it's tense. Her mom called
me then her mom came over unexpectedly. I had to
inform her there's absolutely no way I want to know
the numbers, just proof that she is saying what she

(55:52):
has been saying is correct. It ended with her mom
giving me the advice of don't overthink it. Fast forward,
my wife comes home. It's very ten vent. I ask
her again and she's just yelling to drop it. We're
both yelling. It's ugly.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
I hate this.

Speaker 4 (56:06):
We go to bed, mad, wake up, fight some more.
She says fine, that she'll look at the statement, but
then says she needs to go to another room, won't
let me see her getting to the statement, et cetera.
Acting very odd, like she's hiding something. She ends up
finding something. Takes a screenshot of a zoomed in part
of the photo that says mother's name is an authorized

(56:28):
user on the account that that's the only evidence I get.
I feel like I deserve the respect that I showed her,
but I'm not even asking for all of that. I
showed her everything. She knows everything about me and I
know most but nothing about her finances. I want to say,
I know I escalated the issue. I'm not proud of
how I handled myself. I know there's work for me

(56:50):
to be done in therapy, and I can't wait to start.
I'm still spiraling. I still don't have proof of anything.
She is stating that this is taking too much energy
from me, her that she's too tired to give more
to me when her cup is empty. We have two kids,
work opposite schedules, and have only a few hours together
a week, if not a month. We have practically no

(57:10):
time together just for us. We're both exhausted, and she's
threatening to leave because I can't trust her and she
can't give me the reassurance I need. Am I asking
for too much? I know nothing about my wife's account
other than that they have money tied together. Am I
going crazy? Or is this fair to know? As her
life partner that has exposed everything of mine the father

(57:33):
of her children. As we're gearing up to move, I
feel like I've stumbled onto something she is willing to
end our relationship over. I would absolutely do anything to
not let anything come between us, to vanquish and the
trust issues she might have, Yet she won't do the
same for me in return. Help me understand this? Can
you right size it? Thank you so much from a spiraling,

(57:56):
scared idiot.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
This is there's a lot of layers.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
I went back and forth fee a lot of different
thoughts on this one.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
First is the the feeling of being vulnerable but it
not being reciprocated. It's like early on in relationship, when
you like you've kind of committed to somebody, You're like, Okay,
we're gonna try to see this, you know, through, and
then you share like how many people you've slept with,
and you asked that person like, I'm gonna keep that private,
like we.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
What you.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
Let me see your accounts?

Speaker 5 (58:29):
No, I'm not going to show you my accounts. That's
a that's a that's a move. I mean, so I
guess from that sense, I.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
Would love that move already.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
Well, I think it makes a difference to like who
asked for that information. If the writer volunteered and said, hey,
here's my finances just so you know, this is how
we're at, uh, and she just didn't feel the same. Fine,
I don't love it right. It doesn't feel right. But
it's especially worse when it's one person. If one person

(58:57):
asks let me see yours and then.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
I'm and it seems like there was at least a discussion.

Speaker 4 (59:02):
But but I the assumption that I made from the
from the email is there was at least a discussion like, hey,
let's break out the finances and and share them and
start intertwining our lives a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (59:13):
And it seems like the writer did that and then
the partner.

Speaker 5 (59:19):
Not exactly backed out, but kind of maybe it felt
like they kind of backed out a little bit. Yeah,
And it didn't like my mind didn't immediately go to
like where the writers there's like, oh, is this a
shared account with her?

Speaker 2 (59:31):
Ax?

Speaker 1 (59:32):
Yeah, because that would my mind would never go there
because like.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
Why would they do their life? So maybe there was
a concern there before or something.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Yeah, but no, my mind went to like.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
She's rich, got how much money is in there? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Also patreon dot com slash there Yeah yeah yeah take
her side that if that increases, the week can be bought.
Yeah oh yeah yeah, much less than what you think. Yeah,
as it turns out.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
I mean, you get join for a dollar. We're pretty
excited about.

Speaker 5 (01:00:01):
But I will say, this problem goes away if you
empty that account into our Patreon, right, that's it. This
problem goes away immediately.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
Hod Therapy Saving Marriages.

Speaker 5 (01:00:14):
Other problems that may develop, but this particular problem goes away.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
So my first read on this, just like you were
just saying, Nick, I was thinking, Oh, I'll bet you wife,
and then you know, we know that wife was married
once before, has a history, and maybe has experienced like
a sense of vulnerability. I've had a lot of women
over the years talk about like they're afraid to trust
the man in their life with finances because they've been
left high and dry at some point, and so like

(01:00:41):
having joint finances with your mother instead and like that's
a shared account and we have a business or whatever.
I've seen men and women actually do that exact move
where they're sharing finances with mom because Mom will never
betray them, and like that protects them. So like if
you divorce me, all the money's moms, you know, like
you can't steal my bank account that was never mine,

(01:01:03):
take my name off and I don't own that money
that was always mom's money and you can't steal from her.
And so like I've seen people do this as like
divorce defense, and it's shitty because like if you're if
you're the scared idiot in this scenario, sorry that you
picked that name, buddy, I get it where you're like,
oh okay, yeah, yeah, Like I don't deserve to be
treated like this. You're preemptively defending your money from me.

(01:01:25):
You're keeping it all secret. Maybe you're rich or maybe
it's modest, but like you don't want me to see
it because you don't want me to ever have the
chance to go after it if we ever divorced, or
we weren't common lawed. And like, that's not fair because
that defensive posture assumes the worst in me, and I
can appreciate that the writer's scared about.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
It doesn't feel good.

Speaker 5 (01:01:43):
Yeah, if you're if you're the partner, If you if
you are committed to that partner and it doesn't feel
like they are as committed back to you, that's not
going to be a good feeling.

Speaker 4 (01:01:55):
But this is where I'm trying to talk writer down
a little bit, because one positive potential reframe that we
could do here is that it's not a question of
whether I love you as your wife. It's not a
question of whether I'm committed to you as your wife,
or that this is real or genuine. It's a question
of I've been burned in the past, and I need
to protect my finances so that I am always safe,

(01:02:15):
But this sounds to me.

Speaker 3 (01:02:16):
So more emotional than finances.

Speaker 5 (01:02:19):
Is this going to be able to go away for
the writer without getting this information now at this.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
Point, so that I kind of had to go back
and look at it again because it started off saying
this was years ago, and then here we are fast
forwarding again. So it sounds like they pushed the feelings
aside maybe for some years, three years.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
And that's what the writer said.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
Yeah, but it's like if they pushed it aside, it's
coming back up. Did they really or I don't know.
It wasn't resolved, I guess. So this white Lotus stuff brought.
It brought feelings of insecurity, like cheating, ideas like kind
of those more extreme things Jim was talking about where
oh do or maybe Nick was like do they have
an account with the X whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:03:01):
I'm just glad it's these feelings that White Lotus brought
up in you writer, he and not the have sex
with your siblings feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
It could have been a whole different set of feelings.
That's the next letter though. Oh yeah, sorry, I'm just
depen on it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
It love Whit Lotus Yeah, so I think that the
the thoughts, I don't know. It's kind of interesting because
the thoughts around insecurity, around cheating or what is getting
brought up, and it's like she's hiding something. I didn't
think about this un till y'all mentioned it. That it
probably is like a large amount of money or something

(01:03:34):
she's maybe it's family money, maybe it's whatever that she
doesn't want to be open and vulnerable about. She's willing
to split over it. That's like, I mean, yeah, it's
probably a large amount.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
And there's a cultural component because right visit her home country. Yeah,
move to her, and you know, we have no idea
what that is.

Speaker 4 (01:03:52):
But like I have seen some cultures where this is
very essential to who they are as people that we like,
I've seen people that come from India that or seeks
and that religion who will say, like, look, we own
businesses as a family. We structure it so that it's
always family money. And like we are extremely firewall defensive

(01:04:14):
about this, and you're like, what the fuck, why don't
you love me? And it's like I do love you,
but what you're asking is for me to fundamentally betray
an agreement with my family that I've always had and
always will have, and that you're surprised that you just
touch this electric wire that is so powerful. But like
to my people where we come from and how I
was raised, you don't fuck with this. Yeah, you can't

(01:04:36):
touch this. I'm sorry. Like this is family wealth and
this will always be family wealth, and if you join it,
you have access to it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
But that's it, right, or a kid will, but you won't.
I'm I wonder. Okay, there's two things. One, it sounds
like y'all are fighting and turning to like a defensive point.
I think really sticking with the emotional aspect, like this
is how it is affecting me emotionally. I want to
remind you I have this history and maybe even I

(01:05:03):
know she hasn't encourage vulnerability because you're feeling kind of
like taken advantage of here, but trying your best to
be as vulnerable as you can with your own feelings.
You know this is I have been cheated on the past.
My mind's going to some crazy places like I don't
think that's true, but it's I need to know more
or what's going on.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
I need you to help me out here.

Speaker 3 (01:05:24):
Yes, and maybe even bringing up you mentioned like wife,
but then also common law marriage, so it makes me
think you may not.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
Be like legally the implication sounds like we're not legally.

Speaker 3 (01:05:35):
There, which I still think you get in our time.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
Why not?

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
But if that's something that would maybe be helpful, like
looking into a prenup or let her know that you're
open to those things, because I am a big supporter
of especially if one person has a lot of wealth
or family wealth. Prenups are not saying I don't trust
you or I think we're going to get a divorce.
I want to normalize prenups for a minute. Yes, can
we do that? To do it, I feel like there's

(01:06:01):
so both.

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
My kids to get prenups and I'm trying to normalize
it now.

Speaker 1 (01:06:04):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (01:06:05):
I want them to mentally know, like this is not
a weird thing to ask for. It's not a ding
on the marriage doesn't mean you don't love this person.

Speaker 5 (01:06:11):
I just signed one last week, smart, Well you do that.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:06:17):
Every time he gets a gambling when like, oh shit,
I just want a grand Hey baby, I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Just gonna send you a PDF and I got a
free coffee.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
They spends a fortune on attorney fees, it cheap, but
it'll pay off.

Speaker 3 (01:06:34):
Better Defensive, Yes, I think prenups should be a little
more normalized and you can even put stipulations and they're like, okay,
we make it ten fifteen years, then yeah, we're all
blended or whatever, like you don't have to say you
never get any of my wealth, you spent eighty years
with me and you're fucked or something like. It's not
like that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
So I think it's nice. I mean the prenup idea.
The thing that I like.

Speaker 1 (01:06:55):
About it, or the approach that I would have towards it,
would be that the this isn't anything about the relationship.
We're not making a statement about the relationship. What we're
saying is is that if for any reason we were
to split, it's going to be emotionally painful for one
or both of us. Yes, And the last thing that
we want to have to deal with at that time
is how everything gets Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (01:07:17):
You will spend years and all those lawyer fews at Jacob's.

Speaker 4 (01:07:19):
Yeah, and so let's just where why I don't have
money for my kids right.

Speaker 3 (01:07:25):
Well? And I think lawyers bring out all those accounts
and she like it or not. I think that's a
whole different thing. Like, hey, look, I'm trying to get
us on the same page. Let's let's bring someone else
into it that can make it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
Or or a couple's therapists. I think that there's room
for that too.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
Oh yeah, I think the other thing here too, with
this from the writer's perspective, like kind of what you
were talking about Whitney, where he was like, I understand
that these are my anxieties, and my anxieties could easily
be settled by just this one simple request. But now
that this thing that I thought was so simple is
being pushed back on now that just like my anxiety

(01:08:04):
was for the roof, yeah, we're just yeah exactly.

Speaker 5 (01:08:07):
When asking like so, I don't know if this is
something that the writer can move on from at this point.

Speaker 1 (01:08:12):
Well, yeah, And I think here's the thing is, like
you have to understand that what the writer identifies as
a simple request, right, may not be as simple as
the writer thinks it is right.

Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
In the same sense.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
Yeah, Like you know, if if I'd been cheated on
in the past, if I said to my wife and
said hey, or my girlfriend or your fiance or whatever,
said hey, I just need to all of them, I
just need to look at your phone. From my perspective,
I'm like, oh, that's a simple request.

Speaker 2 (01:08:43):
It's simple. It's really easy. When they say no and you're.

Speaker 5 (01:08:45):
Like, but that's not a simple, easy request for a
lot of people.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
And that doesn't mean that something's wrong. It doesn't mean
they're doing anything wrong. It just means that, like, well, no,
that's a boundary.

Speaker 3 (01:08:57):
I just watched an SNL skit the other day. It
was these couple or like these friends group out of
dinner and they're like, oh, let's look at her Instagram
history or the for you page because you know page
on distagmings. That's like, boy, you've been looking at the
three guys at the tables. No, no, just baking. Look

(01:09:17):
at these puppy dogs, but cheers. One guy throws it
in the soup. I think I left mine in the car.
The best part is like, what if it's like naked girls,
we don't care. It ends up being like this older woman.
It's Maya Rudolph, like this older woman. It's like just
this weird kink thing. I don't even know. It's so

(01:09:39):
fucking funny because it's not weird.

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
Yeah, why are you.

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
It was awesome. I was like, this is legit, Like
men are not trying to hide naked, women are like,
you know, dirty thing. It's just like this weird little
thing to like, Oh, she validates me, she encourages me,
Like no, yes, pretty much. It was so because it's
not you think.

Speaker 4 (01:10:00):
But it's like there's a lot of shame about it
for the writer too. One thing I want to shine
a light on is the very the writer is really
going through hell right now, and I really want to
shine a light on that that lived experience of living
with really tremendous anxiety in this very provoking experience. And
I have identified in the show lots of times that
I have gad and I've been in these kinds of situations.

(01:10:24):
At least I can relate to the feeling where I
think it's a very difficult game of chicken where you
are the person who has anxiety, so you are so
disadvantaged in negotiating with other parties, and sometimes it's really
hard to assert yourself in a situation where you need

(01:10:44):
to be firm and you need to have a boundary.
And I'm not wrong, but like the other person pushes
back and it's an I feel like disadvantaged because my
anxiety is going to kick up. They don't have that
mental disability, so they are just like they can be
reckless and be like nope, and I'll fucking divorce you.
And they know that I'll back down first because I'm
the scaredy cat, right And so then I'm spiraling. Oh no,

(01:11:07):
am I causing the end of my family?

Speaker 2 (01:11:08):
Am I?

Speaker 4 (01:11:08):
This guy just said, Oh, that's gonna leave me. She's
gonna go back to her home country. She's gonna take
my kids away from me. What's gonna happen?

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
You know?

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:11:14):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:11:14):
Did I cause all this pain when I didn't need to?

Speaker 4 (01:11:16):
Am I overreacting? And like, but then again, is she
cheating on me? And I'm being a chump and like
she's she's doing this whole shady outfit thing and like
she's keeping all this money from me or acting really
weird and like I'm not standing up for myself and
I'm just gonna end up having all this resentment and
regret like I do from the last time this happened
three years ago, because this was not resolved and if
I just pull the covers back over my head, as

(01:11:37):
the mother in law is saying I should and just
forget about it and let it go. I feel in
some ways that I am being exploited because I'm the
guy with the anxiety disorder, and it's easy to get
me to do that, because for me to stand up
for myself and to channel any of the emotions I'm
feeling is inherently causing me to suffer the entire fucking time.

(01:11:58):
So I would love to stop this. I but loves
to pull the wool back over my own eyes. But
then I feel like I'm hurting myself if I do that,
and I'm giving into my mental illness.

Speaker 1 (01:12:07):
But I think that even just what you what you
just said, I think was a little telling because there
was a there was a judgment in there, or a
a belief system in there that maybe isn't completely supported
by evidence, right, which is just this idea that if

(01:12:28):
I don't give in, or if I if I give
in to this, then I'm being walked over.

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
Okay, yeah, well, or what else could that be?

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
Right? That doesn't necessarily that that is, that's a belief,
but that's not reality. That's a narrative. So so I
mean it could also be that, like because I'm looking
at this, and I'm kind of thinking if I was
in this situation and it was causing me a lot
of anxiety, what I would try to do is I
would really ask myself some questions like.

Speaker 2 (01:12:56):
Okay, do I love this person? Right? Do I truly
trust person?

Speaker 1 (01:13:01):
And if so, what are all of the things that
are going right in this relationship? What are all the
things in what ways do we show that we trust
each other?

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:13:11):
And maybe if it's just this one thing about finances,
and the story makes sense that this is like mars on.

Speaker 3 (01:13:17):
Board, that is a little bit of a blague to me,
Like mom is saying, hey, this is an account, it's
not with her, like right, So.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
If yeah, Mom's not going to cover up a cheating relationship, hopefully,
I know. I mean so, like, there's a lot of
things that tell me that, yeah, this sounds like this
is probably just a legit financial thing that's going on,
and so maybe I need to focus on all of
the other positive things in this relationship and realize that, yeah,
this is probably maybe I can I can kind of

(01:13:47):
learn to lot.

Speaker 4 (01:13:48):
Well, you bring up a good point that and this
is where I think the writer is saying, Guys, my
anxiety makes it. My vision is so blurry. I can't
know what's right and wrong, and I'm the one who's
chickening out here. But at the same time, I did
that three years ago and I regret this, and like
common wisdom tells me something is going on. There is
a blinking light on this dashboard. If if you line
up ten people and tell them my story, almost to

(01:14:10):
a person, they're all gonna raise their eyebrows a little
bit and go, this is odd. And I get why, Like,
as somebody who lives with anxiety, just sometimes you can
feel like disadvantaged in your in a lot of relationships,
not just romantic ones, but like in business relationships. Yeah,
in friendships, you can feel disadvantaged that you're not allowed
to assert yourself because you'll always lose in a game

(01:14:32):
of chicken. Like I've had fights with friends in the
past where like we never fight, right, I don't like conflict,
And then but like they were acting out incorrectly and
I needed to assert myself and be like, hey, this
is this is not okay, this doesn't work for me.
But instead of being rational or friendly toward me, they
escalated it and like immediately pulled out the nuclear bomb
options of like then we'll never fucking talk again, and

(01:14:53):
then I chicken out and I'm like, no want that,
never mind, you can just keep treating.

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
Me like shit.

Speaker 4 (01:14:56):
And it's like, I just feel for the writer in
that situation, because I feel like we you have that diagnosis,
like you just feel disadvantaged a lot, and then it
just feels like, so, I guess I'm just gonna give
in again. I guess that's always the answer, isn't it
is that because of my anxiety, I'm always wrong. How
what percentage of the time I being gas lit?

Speaker 2 (01:15:13):
You know?

Speaker 4 (01:15:13):
And like, fuck, I never get to get to the
bottom of this because I'm always the one who's gonna
veer off the road first and take.

Speaker 2 (01:15:18):
The l Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:15:19):
I validate what you say. However, I'm gonna push back
on one more thing, fuck you, which is that?

Speaker 2 (01:15:25):
And you're gonna take it?

Speaker 3 (01:15:26):
Yeah, you're gonna give in or else you were not
friends anymore? And the podcast that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
I don't want any trouble.

Speaker 1 (01:15:33):
I think the challenge becomes when you label it as
chickening out. Yeah, right, because then that's very telling of
what you like, how you feel about it, But you
have to be able to identify the difference. And this
is where it becomes complicated, the difference between chickening out
an acceptance.

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
Okay, right, because.

Speaker 1 (01:15:54):
You can the writer, you know, if the writer decides,
you know, follows my advice, my advice only if.

Speaker 2 (01:16:02):
The writer is smart and follows Nick's advice.

Speaker 1 (01:16:04):
Yes, if the writer does what I had suggested, which
is just okay. Asking those difficult questions, do I love
this person? Do I trust this person? In what ways?
Do a does our relationship demonstrate and prove that there's
trust and really focusing on that, is that chickening out?
I don't think so. I think that is reframing it

(01:16:26):
and looking at it from a different perspective. Now, for
someone with anxiety disorder and you feel like you've had
a history of chickening out, then that may feel like
chickening out. And I think that's the difficult part. Is
I agree with you, I don't think. I don't think
you should be held hostage in situations like that, But
it does become difficult to distinguish between those two.

Speaker 4 (01:16:49):
Yeah, it's but that's I think it's just such a
tricky situation because like this is where I agree with
the idea of a third party, right, like a lawyer.
Lawyers are way expensive at a therapist, right this work,
couples therapist can come and go, let's talk through the
feelings that are going with this. And it also gives
the spouse a chance to sort of in a de
escalated way, calmly explain some of the blind spots. I

(01:17:11):
know what I am doing to you is abnormal. I
realize it is not common.

Speaker 3 (01:17:16):
Instead of fighting with him, just saying, hey, I get
I'm doing like right, kind of a fucked up thing here, Like.

Speaker 4 (01:17:21):
A validation is important here, And maybe the couple's counselor
can also say, can you tell me more about your
family history? Can you tell me more about your financial history?
Have you been wounded financially in the past, you have
financial trauma? Why are you keeping the secret? I mean
I have a situation a story from many, many many
years ago where there was a couple in a very

(01:17:42):
similar situation where one member of the couple was not
revealing finances and it was driving the other member crazy
and they were heading toward marriage and they were like,
I need to know what's going on?

Speaker 3 (01:17:53):
What am I getting into? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:17:54):
And they were not being forthcoming about this and very
much just having a drop it mentality, and it was
driving them crazy. They were having this issue among many
many others and in couples therapy as we worked through it.
It took us a while, but it finally got to
a place where the withholder basically said, I am involved
in very dangerous things that are If I tell you

(01:18:18):
anything about it, I am putting you at risk. And
I love you and that's why I am like force
fielding this information. I don't want you to know about
it because it would it's something that if you knew
about it to be problematic in your life. I'm you know,
I have my own misgivings about this would kill you.
I want to protect myself.

Speaker 2 (01:18:38):
I will, but I will murder you. Yeah, you don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:18:45):
I am the dangerous I'm the one who knocks anyway,
is dealing meth.

Speaker 2 (01:18:55):
I think that's the so, but I get this problem.

Speaker 4 (01:18:58):
I would really strongly courage family counseling, couples counseling, especially
if you're starting to threaten divorce. If they're starting to
threaten divorce, you're talking about moving. Okay, yep, you've hit
the zone where the next call you make is to
a couple's counselor zone where there is you at a minimum,
couples counselor, we need to be de escalated and sort
through this.

Speaker 5 (01:19:17):
What you want to do right now is slow all
of this down right and start figuring out like actual
answers that matter.

Speaker 2 (01:19:25):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:19:25):
And when I say that is like you got to
figure out with yourself and you know, talking with your
talking with your your spouse, and talking with the couples
counselor might help you figure this out. Like what the
actual answers are you need here? You you need some assurance.
That's that's very clear. Is the assurance that you need
all the details from this account? Or is it just

(01:19:47):
the assurance of like, no, no, no, this is all fine,
this is square, this is what you're being told. There's
not a huge mountain of money here. Also, there's not
a huge mountain of debt here. You know, this is
a this is a normal bank account.

Speaker 2 (01:20:01):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (01:20:01):
And your spouse is just telling you the truth about it,
and it's private for the reasons they're telling you it's private.
But I mean, you still want some kind of assurance
and that's and that's also reasonable.

Speaker 2 (01:20:12):
I think the move here is the plan of heist.
I think that's what you do.

Speaker 3 (01:20:15):
Okay, they won't show you get ten of your.

Speaker 2 (01:20:17):
Friends and you just you figure out her maiden name, okay,
and you just you hack into this first. That's what's up.
You get that phone, you get the fingerprint scan, the
retinal scan.

Speaker 4 (01:20:27):
Yep, definitely, there's there's ways to do this guy, you know.
And then what's she going to do about it? You
know nothing she got.

Speaker 2 (01:20:34):
Eleven taught us anything, that's right, So you need to
get most of my life. You need a circus performer
that's really small. Yeah, a little Chinese.

Speaker 3 (01:20:42):
Reason every attle Chinese.

Speaker 2 (01:20:45):
Absolutely, I know a little Chinese yeh yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:20:47):
Yeah, we'll hook you up with that little Chinese guy
for a fee.

Speaker 2 (01:20:52):
What I'm thinking of, it's just a little he's a
small Chinese man. Yeah. You also know little Ukrainian guys.
There's a bunch of it.

Speaker 4 (01:20:59):
We're on discriminatory on pot therapy. We will sell any
of these people to you for it, but we got
to get.

Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
Our beak wet. I mean there's services.

Speaker 4 (01:21:08):
Yeah, services, it's not our business what you do. You're
just two consenting adults. After that we just broke it.
It's service track trafficking, that is what it's.

Speaker 2 (01:21:19):
It's not human trafficking.

Speaker 4 (01:21:20):
That's silly. They just do tasks. It's a service monkey.
I don't know, writer, I it's tough.

Speaker 2 (01:21:27):
It is a really tough one.

Speaker 3 (01:21:29):
Yeah, that's why when we're going through it, I was like, wow,
I kind of oscillated on this one back and forth,
and like, on one hand, I see how you could
kind of leave it alone if you trust them, but
mostly we're just not.

Speaker 2 (01:21:42):
Leave it alone.

Speaker 4 (01:21:42):
Yeah, if this was a second marriage for me, If
I was in a second marriage, I feel like I
would be much more cagy with finances. I feel like
if I were getting into a new serious relationship, I would.

Speaker 2 (01:21:52):
Be like any comment, Yeah, I feel like I would.

Speaker 4 (01:21:54):
Be more especially have kids and stuff, so I think
i'd be like, look, I have assets, I have kids
that money's for them, but like in our relationship, everything
will be shared and paid for. Here's where I'm going
to take care of bills, and that's all you kind
of need to know. And like if I have a
trust or something like yeah, like I just feel like
I don't know. I feel like i'd be cagy. I

(01:22:16):
feel like I could totally understand a spouse being like
that doesn't work for me. The concept of marriage doesn't
work that way for me, And then there'd be a
part of me it's like, this is not our first rodeo,
this is our second marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:22:27):
I think we just need to enjoy what we have
and this is our relationship. Let's celebrate all that's good
and like it's the first marriage. Part of this time problem,
you know what you signed up for.

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
Part of this too, I think is like you said, cultural,
not necessarily just just from another country, but just family
of origin.

Speaker 2 (01:22:44):
And how you handle that.

Speaker 1 (01:22:44):
I think that's because like for me, we keep our
finances separate. We have a shared account that we spend
for you know, things that we do together or housing
expenses or stuff like that, but then we each have
our own account. Yeah, so if I want to go golfing,
it's fine. I don't have to clear that with anybody.

(01:23:05):
It's coming out of my account as long as it's
as we both feel like it's fair and it's contributing.

Speaker 2 (01:23:10):
But there are other.

Speaker 1 (01:23:10):
People who have talked to, who have told about this,
that were just like, no, that's weird. Now all money
goes into one account and then we discuss expenses together,
you know. Yeah, and like that just the idea of
not doing that just seems completely foreign.

Speaker 4 (01:23:26):
So I don't know, I mean, I've seen that exact situation. Now,
I think we're getting into new questions the writer to ask,
but like, I've seen that exact situation where there's a
huge income gap and one partner actually is like doing
they're wealthy and the other and they're like, but let's
keep it separate. And they're like okay, and they're like,
and so each of us will just you know, enjoy
the things in life that we can afford. And it's like,

(01:23:48):
fuck you, Like you're going on like you know, these
amazing like trips to Europe with your bros.

Speaker 2 (01:23:53):
And like, I can't afford to do that.

Speaker 4 (01:23:56):
So like and then when we do that, it comes
out of the joint account, it's like what the fuck?

Speaker 1 (01:24:00):
Yeah no, And I think I mean, and that's where
like you can still keep your finances separate, but be
open about financing, right, you know, like so you know,
Laura knows how much I make. I know how much
Laura makes. So it's not a secret, it's not a secret.
R And then so if if one of us is
making more than that person could contributes a larger percentage
to the house account, you know, and.

Speaker 2 (01:24:19):
So wow, that's a very liberal tax policy that you guys.

Speaker 4 (01:24:22):
I don't know that I agree with that, you know what,
I think that we don't need to well, but i've
I've I've created loophole progressive taxing.

Speaker 2 (01:24:29):
Okay, I'm not that it's.

Speaker 1 (01:24:31):
Fine though, because I I wrote in loopholes and so ye,
way less than I think thirteen month.

Speaker 4 (01:24:40):
My favorite thing about the separate accounts thing is the
opportunity to use that for sexual favors.

Speaker 2 (01:24:44):
I just that would instantly.

Speaker 4 (01:24:46):
It would be the monkeys in the zoo experiment that
they did when they gave the monkeys grapes and they
immediately started using the grapes to bang the female monkeys,
just for giving them the grapes and just banging all
the monkeys.

Speaker 2 (01:24:55):
That would immediately be the best.

Speaker 5 (01:24:59):
I think of nothing else from this letter. We've learned
that Jim's wife withhold sex from him.

Speaker 2 (01:25:04):
Yeah, because we have some funds. I have no mechanism of.

Speaker 4 (01:25:07):
Action until he gets her some fucking great if she
needed to, like, you know, get a little loan.

Speaker 2 (01:25:11):
If she was like, ah, man, I really want this thing,
I'm like, well, tough shit. You don't make enough, bitch,
but I do. I've got some money. Maybe we make
a deal.

Speaker 4 (01:25:17):
All right, it works out for everybody. You get your grapes,
I get laid. Everybody's happy on the zoo. Anyway, writer,
the whole point is you should probably go to hell.

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
We're gonna take quick break and when we come back,
we're wrapping up the show. You're listening to pod Therapy.

Speaker 1 (01:25:31):
Today's episode is brought to you by Jake Scheiner, Molia,
Richard Made, Mason's sunny Boy, thunder Taper, Falcons, Shoop Surpa,
mother Fucker, Sander mc pafall, Elena Gabriella, Domi, Adam Warren Vige,
Dude Crime, and Blake Pop and if you would like
to sponsor the show, but come up there pretty patreon
dot com slash therapy.

Speaker 4 (01:25:49):
All right, as we wrap up the show, we want
to remind you you could sign up at patreon dot
com slash therapy and get our extended show ad free
a day early, as well as enjoy our live chat
discord community in our weekly Deep Dive. Not weekly, but
intermittent deep dives, interviews, skill shares, research, randoms, and rants.
As you're hearing this Halloween week, on Monday, a new
drop came out that is the exploration of the Supreme

(01:26:11):
Court case that's currently considering whether conversion therapy bands are
legal and whether that can continue. There are so many
ramifications of this, and I do a quick history recap
of how we got here and all the different possibilities
that could happen. So check it out. If you're at
the five dollars level or higher, you get access to
all those extra drops.

Speaker 2 (01:26:31):
At the dollar level, you get access to our extended
show every week and it comes out a day earlier.
So check it out.

Speaker 4 (01:26:35):
Patreon dot com, slash therapy and I don't think we
have any new people to add to the list this week,
not a single person.

Speaker 3 (01:26:42):
Well thanks, that's.

Speaker 2 (01:26:44):
Fine, we didn't. We didn't earn it next week.

Speaker 4 (01:26:49):
Hey, look, we want them grapes, baby, We'll do whatever
we have to do to get them grapes.

Speaker 3 (01:26:58):
Is the internet?

Speaker 4 (01:27:00):
Yeah, that's right, that's my mama gets some grapes. Somebody
is going to send us grapes.

Speaker 2 (01:27:09):
That's going. I think you missed her point.

Speaker 3 (01:27:11):
What the internet uses instead of.

Speaker 1 (01:27:14):
Grape because they can't say one word.

Speaker 2 (01:27:21):
Oh Jesus, that got dark. Yeah, we need to stop
talking about grapes. Yeah, all right, Whitney the grapist.

Speaker 3 (01:27:29):
There, Okay, all right, we're gonna therapists.

Speaker 4 (01:27:34):
Can dangle things in front of me. We'd like to
think the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly pro therapy diehards
who love you all so much they give till it
hurts our therapy partner pick it. And we want to
thank our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati members of
the fan Club that their producers thank you. Jake Schneider, Myra,
Robert Brownie, Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard Fucking Macy, Judy Schneider,
Malia Leon, Carol and Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tesse Miller, Dan Martin,

(01:27:57):
Sammy Scoops, Slipkai motherfucker. Fuck you, Slurpy, You're probably gonna
beat me this week. Ben Stanley slapping your face, Sarah Smith,
Adam Hathaway, Builer Tea, Mike helm Oscar swanros Paris, Sonny Boy,
Darren Cunningham, Lib Sandra mcwaffle, Team Monaco Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Heyo, Hannah,
Marie Andrew Langmead, Emma Tonka and Pony Soprano Alina Cody,

(01:28:18):
The Lourian Guy, Brady Malaychick Chick Filtio, Gabrielle Adame, Sean Sutherland,
Max the Ginger, Scoop, Chad mag Adam Warren, Incle of Prince,
Sam Cone, Bigay, Do Crimes, eli Odare and Rep Blap.

Speaker 1 (01:28:30):
If you would like to hear this episode uncut and
unedited and why with you and enjoy our spontaneous side projects,
go to patreon dot com slash therapy and thank you
for supporting mental health.

Speaker 2 (01:28:39):
That's all the time I got for this week session.

Speaker 4 (01:28:40):
I want to think our landlord's uh the supple nineteen
year old studios And thanks to those of you who
contributed to our show today, we really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (01:28:49):
Remember pot Therapy is and something to keep all to yourself.
Show the episode of World Tagus on the socials. When
you do it's at pot.

Speaker 4 (01:28:55):
Therapy, Guys on Instagram, preds and Twitter, slash pot therapy
and Facebook and Blue Sky, and don't forget all the
extra goodies at Patreon dot com slash Therapy.

Speaker 1 (01:29:03):
You want some of the questions of the show, you
can ask anonymously a plot therapy time not emails at
POT Therapy guys at gmail dot com, or click the
link in the episode of description to be taken to
our anonymous Google form. I'm Nick Tangimin, I'm Jim. Thanks
and we'll see you for your appointment next week.

Speaker 2 (01:29:18):
Bouchou bounce.

Speaker 4 (01:29:21):
Somebody get on the discord and tell Nick he's an
idiot for that nightmare for Christmas question.

Speaker 2 (01:29:25):
I need to be vindicated by the people. Mm okay,
the masses speak. Goodbye.

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