#409: Learning to Study, Teaching Common Sense, Ending Self Pity

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I have to do the machines though, because if I
use the little dabber thing, did I get so stressed?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Like it is so hard to do? Yeah, I'm just
not gonna do that.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Yeah, I'll pay the extra for the fucking machine, Like
that's it's way too much. Do you want to do
the dobber kind of Yeah, I mean I would if
it's your first time.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yeah, if I gotta try it out first, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
You'll probably enjoy it, like it's just stress.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Whitney episode time.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yeah, right in stuff I should put on my listener.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, that spoiler. Sure. From Fabulous Las Vegas. That is
pod therapy and real people, real problems and real therapists.
You can submit your questions and manly pod therapy dot
net or email us at pod therapy guys at gmail
dot com. I'm now broadcasting from the yet to be
named studio. That's Jim, that's Whitney on next time for
some pod therapy.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
We are recording this one as a double in the past,
so we're recording this October twenty sixth, which means if
you have named our studio after this date, we didn't
have you in the queue, so we didn't name it
and if you've joined our Patreon, you will not be
thinking today but probably in the following episode.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
Be patient with us.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
We are trying our best because we had to record
in advance for Halloween, and as you're hearing this, we
are officially in November, and we are just weeks away
from Jim turning forty, and gentlemen, I'm going through a
full blown existential crisis right now.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
Tell us more.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
This lends itself to my question for you, Joe.

Speaker 4 (01:22):
Okay, because we didn't actually have to re retime this
podcast recording for Halloween, we had to redo this podcast
recording specifically because Jim has a family.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Picture that's right, your family photos.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
And I'm very curious as to how long Jim is
planning on these photographs.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Taking Oh my god, I was wondering that she was, because.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
Dude, when you have kids, it is the worst day,
like family picture day. You have dread it all year long.
And your kids are not they're.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Older, it's they're adult.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, kind of, it's a lot easier when taking the
pictures rather.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Photo it is still so much stress to make sure
everybody's got their stuff right. Everybody's got enough time to
get all the hair and things done and getting there
and just it's so much stress that like it's just
it's one of those days that like if I did
try to squeeze in recording a something would go wrong
and like there be a delay or something weird, or

(02:25):
I would just be a neurotic mess when.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
I show up, more so as opposed to yeah, yea
his usual calm sound.

Speaker 5 (02:31):
Yeah, yeah, my usual non neurotica hill lock that ship
down job. Yeah, that's right, as they all up on
the street, missileman.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
I have a question for Nick and Jacob. Do you'all
do like family photos? Couple's family?

Speaker 2 (02:52):
No?

Speaker 4 (02:53):
But am right around December twentieth s j announces that
we should take pictures and send out Christmas cards.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Oh yeah, like damn, I should do that first.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, we're not doing that. Yeah, and we'll not do it.
We will go on trips and I will forget to
take pictures of us, yes, okay, yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
I like here's something I have to say real quick
that I saw another couple friend of ours do and
I loved was they will schedule professional photographer. I almost
told you to do this in Paris. You book them
for like an hour or two and they'll take professional
photos and then you get beautiful photos that you can
frame in your home with like the Eiffel Tower behind
you or whatever. Yeah, so we did that in Italy.

(03:37):
It was awesome.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
So that's our last professional That is actually a really
really good idea.

Speaker 3 (03:42):
So that's my life hack for you couples out there.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
SCHU move ours become Christmas cards and so we try
to get them done in November or like late October.
But it's it's crazy because you always have like all
the same venues that you can take the photos apt
and we have now cycled through all of them. Like
it's Wetlands, it's Dry Lake Bed, it's Charleston, it's Red Rock.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Where you're going this year? God, we still don't even
know Crazy Horse.

Speaker 6 (04:08):
Yeah yea behind stage, I'm just saying, if you, your
wife and your two children, yeah, went and took pictures
in front of all of the strip clubs in town
or just a good handful of them, right, and sent.

Speaker 4 (04:24):
That out as your Christmas I would have this is real.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
I would have so much more respect for you. I
believe that.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
I believe because but I also think that's an interesting
way to phrase it because whenever you're already in the negatives,
it's like, oh yeah, more is more tracked one more respect.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
That positive and look at it that way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
So it's a very very stressful day in my house.
We're recording what Dick, we haven't picked it yet, and
so like that's yet another reason why this is gonna
be really really Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, we've blocked up. But like, yeah, knowing what what
location we're going to be at is like another thing.
We're going to meet you. Yeah, we have to figure
that out.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
I'm justs of this note. You're absolutely right, you're on
the right side.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Of the the I have a feeling his son knows, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
I just checking with my son. She's got an agenda written. Yeah, yeah,
I'll tell me all right.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yeah, I map requested this for you in Prince he's
got he's got your your outfits all.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Pick he's got picked out. This is iron well. Yeah,
we still have to go shopping and like, get off this, dude.
It is going to be doing it is going.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
To take back my my comment, my judgment. We did
need to reschedule, Yes, be rescheduled so much it's going
to be just right.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Move day of it is going to be an absolute
tragedy about.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
We did this one year when we rented an apartment
at Panorama Towers for a year and a half. We
just loved that place. That was like an experience in itself.
So we did photos like in the condo, like in
your home, which was really cool to.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
One of my favorite pictures to this day, one of
my favorite pictures of Laura and I is New Year's Eve.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
I love that photo of at that apartment, that apartment.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
And yeah, so we're up on the balcony and like
the strips in the background, fireworks are going off and everything.
That's a great view.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
We've done family photos in the house, but we did
it when the kids were babies, so it was like, yeah,
then it was nice because it's like, oh, here's there
original crib and like, you know some photos like that.
So but we do I mean, you know, I give credit,
like we we do this every single year and so
like we've got tons and tons of photos, which I'm
grateful for. It's one of the things that I always like,

(06:36):
am not looking forward to.

Speaker 4 (06:37):
It's so much stress. I've got the location, got it
go Neon Boneyard.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
That actually would be.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
Don't you have to like feal well, I mean you
can take photos, you can't take professional photos, like you
can't have a photography.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
There's the music is good?

Speaker 3 (06:57):
Is the music?

Speaker 4 (06:58):
Is it true for the museum and the boneyard because
there's the museum where they've done like.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
They've referbed everything. But then there's just the boat yards.
That's it.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
So there's no they've they've consolidated two different things anymore.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
No, it is. It's all like there's the reef. All
of the signs are together in one spot. They still
have like a warehouse where they've got some that aren't They.

Speaker 4 (07:22):
Used to have like just the straight up bone yard.
It was like just an outdoor lot and like these
signs were just stacked up out there.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah, it's it's I didn't.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
Have working lights or anything like that section with all
the stuff working.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well yeah, yeah, that's how it is now. Yeah. Because
Laura used to work there, Oh she did. She worked
in the office work she was a sign. Oh that
is the cool one of the coolest places in Vegas.
I love going there. I stand by station. It's a
solid one going For those of you who ever visit Vegas,

(07:57):
do it at night because you go here in the day.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
You gotta go at sunset because they turn the lights
on but there's still a little light out.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah. But if you go during the day, it's just
a self guided tour. Yeah. If you go at night,
the only way you can go is a guided tour.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh that's new. We went, They just slet us walk
through it.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah, No, do the guided tour because then they go
through and they tell you like, here's why this is significant,
and this is why this is really cool, and it's
really really interesting.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
I feel like when we went, they had a Tim
Burton exhibit.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Oh yeah, the Nightmare before Christmas. That might still be there.
Oh wow, it's they've had it for a while.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Solid suggestions everybody. Yeah, I need ideas because honestly I've
run out. So we will see. But thank you all
for conservatory. That's a that's a really.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
Good one to one.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Yeah, it's hard because there's a lot of other people
there are.

Speaker 3 (08:45):
But I also feel like if you went in the
morning for you get the really nice light less people
are there, and I feel like if you're with a
professional photographer, people back.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Off, people get out of your way.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
They'll be like, oh, give me a minute.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
You know, yeah, we we also really like candids, so
like we tend to go to places where we can
be walking and strolling around, talking, throwing leaves in the air,
just goofing off as a family, and like.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Those are the best little Darling's parking lot. Ye you both.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Here's Daddy going upside down on the pole.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Look at him. Go it's in the parking lot. Now
you're being silky reductionist, Jimothy. You're right.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
We've got some great questions for today's show, and we're
leading off the order with learning to study. Hello to
the therapists and life coach of the show, and a
big hello to Whitney giving some more laughs and advice
ya laughs.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Very celebrated for her time, So I am laugh haha.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
So I am studying for my law and ethics exam
in California, and I don't know how to study. I've
never been able to study and managed to wing it
my whole life. My friend is studying to be an
RN and is able to study with flashcards and notes,
but it feels weird encumbersome to me. I have the
Jerry Grossman set up on my tablet. I'm reading the

(09:58):
ethics book. I'm doing the practice tests, but what else
can I do? How do y'all learn to study? Also, Jim,
I am almost a decade older than you, and I love.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Your forty before forty interesting.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
I'm also a bit of a nerd who works Renaissance
fairs as a volunteer in California. The original Renaissance Fair
in your Irwindale is my home fair, but I also
go to the Northern California ren Fair on occasion signed anonymous?
Was ren Fair on my list?

Speaker 3 (10:28):
I was gonna say, we talked about Renfair almost tested
you on Sunday?

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Was that already happens? So I don't think I can
go to that anymore? So there's that.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
I still want to try LARPing. I signed up for
a thing that's I don't know if it'll be done
by December.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
But you could know if you actually signed up.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
I signed up. I sign up for the newsletter. I mean,
there we go. You gotta start somewhere, guys, you got
to get some invasion.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
I want.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, how did you guys learn to study?

Speaker 2 (10:54):
Because I feel like that is a whole experience. I
don't think I was ever good at this, and I
didn't realize I know how to study until I went
to college because the very yeah, my first uh, first
semester in college, guess what my gp A was negative?
I wish it was two points.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
Oh my god, Nicholas, I had like a one.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
I love this going on.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
It was so low. Oh that's comedy Whitney enjoy them.
Yeah I did not.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
I did not see that coming.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
Okay. No, So because it was so low that I
didn't even realize like what a normal GPA was. Because
when I was in high school, I never studied, Okay,
like I just got a's and b's and stuff, and
it was no big deals because the grades that you.

Speaker 3 (11:45):
Were getting back on your papers and tests, weren't you.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
I was looking at the letter grade. I was not
looking at a grade point average.

Speaker 3 (11:52):
Letter grade is low if you're getting a one point.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
No, okay, So in high school I was getting good grades.
I was getting a's and he was coasting in high school,
and I way attention to the ground. I was not
looking at the g p A. I was just looking
at my at the actual grades, right, So I didn't know,
like one point eighty four was really low.

Speaker 1 (12:13):
Oh so you never got okay, I get it. You
You would just look at the report card and you
would say he and you go great, cool, he said C.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
You were like great.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
But if I said, hey, what g P A number
goes with a C, you'd be like, oh, what does
that mean?

Speaker 2 (12:28):
I can't even fathom how stupid I am.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
No, just not can Okay, anxiety doesn't exist in your world.
Go on, that's what I'm hearing.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
So I got a NICK eight four whatever it was,
and I was like, that seems low.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
Oh my god, so fucking funny. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
One doesn't feel high. It doesn't.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
It's out of I've never heard.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Anybody bray about the number one is.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
So you didn't realize that was like a bad GPS.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
I mean I felt like, okay, it's bad, but I
didn't have a reference point.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
Of like this means I won't like pass my class.

Speaker 4 (13:07):
And like we should tell people to so in the US,
in this grading scale, an A is worth four points,
a B is worth three points, a C is worth
two points, a D is worth one point in F
is not worth anything. So one point five GPA is
roughly a CD average.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Which that means like one hundred is an A and
you know ninety one hundreds and a eighty to ninety
is a B right.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
Yeah, So you realized in college that you're an idiot
and the eel how to teach yourself.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
So then I had to I had to learn how
to study, and for.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Me, you had to learn what a GPA was.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
First, I had to learn what a GPS.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
Then I had to learn where my classes were being helped? Oh,
I never figured. Then I had to buy the books.
The next was where is the clitters.

Speaker 4 (13:50):
In college that I dropped having never gone to the classroom?
One of them I specifically remember. I couldn't find it
the first week or so. It was in a building
I wasn't familiar with. I was like, I'm just not
gonna go expected to overcome this obstacle. Y.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
Oh my god, you weren't like going early to find
the class.

Speaker 4 (14:11):
No, no, no, aarking spot in the lot that I
was dropping out of.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
That was a reason to not go to class. So
here's what I did in my undergrad What helps me
is first I would start with as much as I could,
try to read a chapter ahead, okay, so that when
I went to the lecture, it was a lecture on
stuff I had already read. Essially, Okay, I didn't do

(14:41):
very well with that, but that was my intent. So
then I remember a history course that I took as
US History pre eighteen fifty, I think is what it was.
And so what I would do is I would go
to class and I would take notes during the class,
and then after I had like an hour and a

(15:01):
half or two hours before my next class, so I'd
head over to the union and I would sit in
there and I would rewrite my notes. And I've heard
of people, yes, and rewriting of the notes is a
big deal, and I would color code them, so like
you have to do it when it's fresh, yes, yeah,
so you got to do it right after, so I would.
I would because my notes, I'm just trying to get

(15:22):
down as much information as i can. And then rewriting
was to clean it out and color code. And then
from there that class became super easy to do. Now
that that worked for undergrad When I was a graduate student,
what I realized is to be able to do a
study group and to teach other people in the group

(15:42):
what you read, because you have to. If you're going
to teach something, you kind of force yourself to have
to understand it. So that that's what helped for me
quite a bit.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
I had. I remember my very first college undergrad class
was psychology, like gen Psych. It was eight am on Monday,
like just day one.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
As a freshman class.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
Fun fact, Peter was in that class with me. I
did not notice some day one, but he was back
there something you his friend noticed me. Peter just happened
to be with him. So anyway, that Gen Psych class,
our professor was amazing. He was a neuroscientist, but he
and he was the dean of the department. But doctor

(16:26):
White shout out. He yeah. He would tell us from
day one He's like, here's how you're going to study
for being like psychology. He's like, you need to read
the chapter three times. Wow, every chapter you need to
read it three times. So like for doing chapters one, two,
and three or whatever, you need to read all those
three times. And that really stuck with me because I

(16:48):
agree with the color coding all that other stuff you said.
I think you're spot on, especially for me. I'm visual
colors help so much. Making like acronyms or whatever they're
called of things helped me so much. Monic devices, Yeah,
those sure mnemonic devices are like I mean, like where
you make letters out of stuff like please excuse my

(17:08):
dear aunt Sally. Oh okay, yeah that thing. So like
all those, I explain it more like what about my
very energetic that's smart mars. Okay, so those will help
me my very energy, very energetic, that's why I need

(17:32):
the device, good example. So yeah, those all help me.
Color coding help me, but really just repetition, like reading
something twice. At least that just helped me. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (17:43):
What I was never good at in studying was the
pairing down of it, Okay.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
Like what's important?

Speaker 2 (17:50):
That's it? Like figuring out what to put pages highlighted?

Speaker 4 (17:54):
Right, So like my and the reason I say I
was never a good studier is my method was always
learn all of it. If I couldn't if I couldn't
get the whole picture. Though, I was really bad at
figuring out what parts of the picture I needed to
focus on, right, So like if I didn't have time
or or whatever, if I just didn't do it for
whatever reason, if I didn't have time to learn, like

(18:15):
here's it's like history, for example, one of my degrees
was history, and.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
You have to know everything for that, but like it would.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Get to.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
What happened in this battle, right, And I couldn't tell
you what happened to that battle if I hadn't gotten
all of the lead up to.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
You need to understand it in context. That's it.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
I have to have the I have to have the
whole picture or I'm really bad at figuring out.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
That makes sense? Yeah for me.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
And it's interesting because like in the age of AI,
I mean, this has really changed. I was talking to
my high school child the other day and asking like, hey,
you know, to what extent are you using this?

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Like what you know? How does this go?

Speaker 1 (18:56):
And it was very interesting because he was like, so listen, dad, Like,
I'll basic use the AI to summarize the chapter, right,
and so like I'll get the information, I'll have it
synthesize it, I'll have it tell me all the high points.
Then I'll make sure I understand it, and I'll ask
questions of it about things I don't understand. So I'll say, hey,
this thing is a little bit confusing. Can I unpact
this a little bit further? Give me some examples. And

(19:16):
so instead of reading the textbook and just going with
whatever the textbook's got The AI is basically creating a
living textbook that can discuss all the points, and then
afterward he'll ask it to create study questions for him
or like quiz questions to see if he's got it,
and then he'll answer those questions to the AI and
then ask it if I got it wrong, explain where

(19:37):
my thinking was incorrect, and come back and teach business.
I'm like, Jesus, kid, like this is insane, Like we
didn't have that shit. We were using colored markers and
dumb ass does no.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
I just as my name, but I wouldn't have given
for colored markers. I didn't even make it.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
When I was I was just talking to one of
my neighbor's fifteen year old kids and he was like, oh, yeah,
class is easy because he goes like one of those
special schools in Vegas that are smart people stuff. And
I was like, oh, he's like yeah, I just cheat,
Like yeah, like.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
I mean asking him to do like seas and stuff
for the writer, you know, whenever I had to take
national exams. I think for me, my studying method is
outlining a chapter, so like I don't like to just
read the chapter because my reading comprehension is really bad.
Like I'll finish a page and forget what I just read.
So as I go I have to be outlining it
and covering all the key points, and like, do you know.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
What's the key point to Jacob's point earlier?

Speaker 2 (20:29):
Well, luckily I lived in an era where like we're
the book tells them what the key point book?

Speaker 1 (20:36):
Yeah, And so like I would just always try to
create an outline of the chapter because it usually would
break down cleanly into an outline format. This is the
big picture. This is the three big subheadings. Inside of here,
Here are the breakdown inside of each of those. Here
the vocabulary words, key concepts. So like, if I can
do that on a computer, I do a lot better
whenever I handwrite it out what is this thing saying?

(20:58):
And then for me for national examinations, outlining information and
flashcarding actually didn't help because the first time I took
a national exam, I didn't pass, and I had relied
on the method of like reading study prep books and
flash cards. But the way that the test was asking
And this might be true for you too, writer, since
you're kind of going into law like scenarios, they were

(21:20):
scenarios yeah, and so they were that. It had a
lot to do with you needed to think the way
the person who wrote this test was thinkage, but also
having a theory of the other mind was actually really
important because a lot of the answers were not objectively
yes or no, and if you sat down with ten people,
they could justify their answer in every direction. You needed

(21:40):
to know how this test writer or committee of test
writers was thinking. Yeah, and so for me the National
Exam that I took, there was a company that published
simulated tests where you could basically just go through, but
they were always updated based on who wrote the last
version of the exam, and they had paid those same
writers to write like emulations. That way, you could think

(22:02):
the way this current group of writers is thinking. And
once I did that, and I paid a big money
to take.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
That, I paid money for practice.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
It was worth every fucking penny because there was no
amount of books I could have read or flashcards I
could have drilled on that would have answered those questions correctly.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
I needed to know what they were wanting me to.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Say, I agree, I agree, practice tests or where it sacks,
then you can see, like why did I get that wrong?
Like this is why, and then you're like, oh, that's
shifting my brain and how I'm gonna look at And.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
I drilled on the sims like I took a one
practice one like a month or two before my actual
scheduled retake of the test. But then I thought, you
know what, I really want to be in that mindset
right when I sit down. So I think I had
like three or four more simulations in the docket, and
I took all of them like every day leading up
to the final like the real test. That way, it

(22:47):
was like every day I was just getting this thinking
process more in my head, and then passing the sims
as I was getting close to taking the real one,
and then walking in and being like, okay, I know
this person thinking right now.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
So that helped a lot.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
Yeah, I feel like your son gave the best advice.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Honestly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
In the age of AI, I don't even know how
to use AI.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
I know to ask this question, is.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
I'm using AI more and more now for kind of
the stuff that he's talking about.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Okay, teach me something, not even teach.

Speaker 4 (23:13):
Me something, but like summarize, aggregate all this all of
the data that I'm giving you yeah, give me. You know,
here is all the data. Organize this in a way
that I can.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Look at it. Okay, Okay, I have that type of thing.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
I had one of my clients this last week who
was talking about AI and they're in the computer science field,
and they were like, it's great. When I'm trying to
do stuff around my house, Like I have all these
things to do, can you make a to do list
for me? Like based on what needs to be done
or like time I was and she goes, and then
when I'm off of it, I'll just re enter it,
like all right, this is now what I have left?
How can I get it done? I was like okay,

(23:47):
I was like I could use that.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:49):
I used that for the whiskey barbecue prep this year.
Oh yeah, I use a lot of AI for the
whiskey barbecue prep. That's awesome just figuring out like that's
is like how much food generating, shopping lists generating, like
my to do this starting a couple of days prior.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
Like the prep.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
When do I need to do these things?

Speaker 4 (24:09):
That's that, Like when do I need to make sure
these like I've got these shaved down, I'm going to
put these on the smoker at this time, I'm like
all of those movie pieces. I definitely organized all that
with a with AI this year.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
So my my uh fitness business, fitness business in my
software that I've got for my app actually has AI.
And so like when I put in a workout, if
I'm building a workout for somebody, I can put in
parameters like here are the things that we want to

(24:42):
work on, here's the equipment that we have available, here's
the split that we want to have, here's their weaknesses,
and it'll yeah, and it'll put together an entire workout.
I will then go through and change some stuff because
there's a lot of stuff in there that they haven't
figured out. But yeah, it's incredible.

Speaker 4 (25:01):
And that's the thing is like, I don't even I'm
really kind of getting to a point now, and I
know we're straying off of the initial topic a little
bit here, but I don't even mind now, you know
Whitney saying like, oh, well, like I cheat at the
you know, I mean the school, and I'm using the
AI to cheat.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
I'm kind of.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
Not even seeing that totally is cheating anymore. It's the
same thing that happened when when I was a kid,
it was you have to learn how to do this
math equation because you're not always going to have a
calculator in your pocket. Right, That's the thing that my
teachers would say to me all the time, verbatim. You
won't always have a calculator in your pocket. Guess what
I always have in my pocket now, Like it's just done,

(25:37):
and so like part of learning is learning to use
the new technology part of it, Like you want to
get all that knowledge and everything as well, but you
do have to find that balance. And I don't think
that the older generation us now is I don't think
we are always good at figuring out where that balance
is going to be in the future. And I'm and
when I say that we're not always good at it,

(25:58):
I mean we're never good at it.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
We have never been to that.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
No older generation has ever been good as technology and
the next generation is going to be.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
That has been a point of irritation with me too,
is hearing older generations be like, oh, the kids, they
don't know how to write a letter and they can't
write in cursive. Yeah, and you don't know how to
drive a stage coach. How's your Stonemason?

Speaker 4 (26:20):
By the way, you still don't know how to program
a VCR and you did own.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
A vc shah, yeah, No, I mean teaching in college.
This has been a really interesting, you know, change that
we've all been, you know, kind of messing with. And
I'm on the side there's like, definitely technology.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
Does anybody else forget that? Jim has students I know, right, No,
they've met them.

Speaker 3 (26:40):
Yeah, they don't forget.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
But like a lot of technology now paper and figure
out like, oh, was the same agenated, which I don't like.
I feel like that's too too dangerous if we get
that wrong. I don't want to destroy this person's entire
academic career. But I know, for me, I'm getting away
from papers, and like, don't I don't want my students
to write papers. I make them give presentations. And I

(27:04):
do not mind if you used AI to aggregate that,
to teach yourself that, to design the slides, to get
it all up there. If you show up and you
read off the slide, that's your ass because like you
clearly have no masters, right, you're not.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Doing the job exactly.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
You need to be able to jump off script and
you can use this to guide you, but you need
to be able talk about it in a competent way,
and I'm going to sit there and ask you to
my presentation. You're you're kind of teaching that. I love
that so like, but I've seen people adapt to it
in that way. And but yeah, like the way my
son's using it, Like I completely agreed, he's like, no,
I definitely use this to skip having to read anything,
but like I'm getting it efficiently, and then I quiz

(27:40):
myself on it and I conversate with it to make
sure I get it so that when I take a test,
I can do that.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
For that, I don't really have a problem with that.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
I don't have a problem with your son saying and
your son is is what like twenty eight twenty nine
something like that. Yeah, yeah, So I don't have any
problem with him saying like this is how I get
this information and I avoid the side of it. All
I want on top of that is to say, like,
that's cool. Just know that you are cutting off a
part of what you could be learning here right like
you are by not taking it in, by not taking

(28:12):
this information in in the way that the initial author
or the person who wrote the information.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Down for whatever reason, their voice is kind of getting
lost on them.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
By taking that voice out, you are losing something.

Speaker 4 (28:24):
I think if you read a summary of Moby Dick,
it's not the same as reading Moby Dick well.

Speaker 1 (28:27):
And also though so many of us have had bad
experiences with professors, we're shitty, they weren't good at teaching
it and like you were really struggling with the content.
And I feel like AI has really bridged that gap
for a lot of learning where they can redesign that
they can do self learning right. They can have this
master educator teach them everything, no matter how bad they're
for people.

Speaker 4 (28:46):
What we would have called when we were kids, people
who have learning disabilities. For that, this must be a
game changer. And I bet it's remarkable. And there are
all these pieces of technology. Actually it's scop Fest. There
was a blind scoop at scoop Fest.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (29:03):
He had a pair of the AI glasses on the
metaed glasses with the cameras on the front, and he
was just having them explain to him what was in
front of him, front of me, and his glasses speakers
and everything on him. His glasses would just like explain

(29:23):
to him what he was looking at. Wow, Like, oh
there are three people staying in front of you. They
appear to be having conversations.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
I just imagine the AI glasses explain what's happening here
at scoop Fest. There's a guy bananas. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
Due to my licensing requirements, I am not allowed to
describe what I'm seeing for public safety information.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
Also, you should take eight steps directly back.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
You are you are in a splash zone. Do not
ask me what that means. I'll explain after you take
eight steps back. First, do what I say.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
So, writer, this is a really good question, you know,
I feel like getting to this place in your career
where you're taking these really really hard tests.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
At least.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
My advice from having to be in a similar seat
is that simulations are your best friend. Outlining of information,
making sure you've absorbed it is key. I like that
more than just brute forcing, you know, reading things. But
that's my learning style, and for some people it's that
you know, volume, kind of re experiencing it and then
it sticks. Every every layer is a new layer of paint,
and eventually it's you know you've got the right amount,

(30:25):
so finding your own method, but exploring with all of
this and not you know, making use of advanced technology
to shoot making that thing give your set.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
I would suggest doing is figure out what that method
is going to look like for you. Uh, don't don't
be married to that method because that you're gonna evolve
and change that method as you as you figure out
what you need for it.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
Right.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
But whatever you decide on at the beginning, whatever method
you U said, like if you're gonna do flash cards,
or if you're just gonna you know, if you're gonna
use chat GBT to to winnow it down and get
the main points in whatever that method that you decide
to start with, is go at that method on brute force. Yeah,
and then change it, you know, adapt it as you

(31:06):
need to.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, be afraid to cheat on the test. The last
thing I'll say, I did try to do some tricks,
like if I know I'm going to be taking the
exam at nine o'clock in the morning, I would try
to do all my studying at nine o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 4 (31:21):
Oh that's I would try to replicate as much of
the actual exam with the studying time, So studying the
same time of day for not.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
Knowing what gre ahead of your.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yeah, listen, it's my knowledge lack in some areas, but
I make he's the rain man pot there.

Speaker 3 (31:41):
It's fair.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
There's a lot going on.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
There, like oh, he's not that smart, But then you're like,
oh my god, he counts all the match.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Sticks as soon as they hit the floor, and you're like,
what the fuck.

Speaker 4 (31:49):
Nick just shows up and surprises you sometimes but wake
up in the same time, Cruise, I feel like that's true.

Speaker 2 (31:56):
That was his subtle way of sun. That's where I'm
going with this. You can't handle the truth rain Man.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
We're gonna take quick break and when we come back,
we're going to talk about teaching someone else basic skills.
You're listening to pod Therapy Today's episode Casa Carolyn Albert,
Samy Scoop, Sarah Smith, My Count, Darren Cunningham, Cody the
the loreng Guy, Brady Malachack, Maxigen, your Scoop and Elli

(32:24):
o'dair and you would like to sponsor the show.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Become a theraprazer Patreon dot com, slash therapy.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
I just rewatched that clip from a few good men,
you can't handle the Truth.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
I told you. I watched that on the plane, was like,
Oh that's I was like, Oh, that's not saying. I
was like, wait, is this from that movie?

Speaker 4 (32:43):
God, that's so funny Jack this movie.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
I was like, where you didn't get sued for this? Okay,
here we go our trivia this week. Let's start with Jim.
These are amazing accomplishment. Accomplishments before the age of forty?
Fuck Howell? Was Alexander the Great when he died having
conquered most of the known world?

Speaker 1 (33:05):
Sorry, I'll take options, but he was super young?

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Thirty two, thirty five, thirty seven or forty? Oh shit,
he was in his thirties. I'm going to go thirty.

Speaker 3 (33:14):
Two corract Yeah I spelt right.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
Pretty good?

Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, Alexander the Good enough.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Marie Curry won her first Nobel Prize in physics before
turning forty true? How old was she?

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Options?

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Twenty eight, thirty four, thirty six or thirty nine? This
is you, Jacob? Oh oh yeah, we're all I.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
Thought it was. You didn't have to take options if
he didn't want to it Whitney as well, Okay, well.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
Now you have we needed options. No, he's going to
be like I wasn't listening to this because I thought
they were Whitney's. Okay.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
It was like, why is he going a Jacob twenty.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
Eight thirty four. I don't know where we're going this way?
I changed it up right, twenty eight, thirty four, thirty
six or thirty nine thirty four? No, thirty two? Would
you like twenty four for this deal?

Speaker 3 (34:08):
Eighteen thirty six was at.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
The seven and a half? Yeah, that was see.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
Yes, see yes.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Interesting about Marty Curry, is she died of radiation poisons?

Speaker 3 (34:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah, so her.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
Discovery cost her that well what she discovered.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Also, Alexander the Great died of you know, so that'll happen.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
Uh Whitney. Mark Zuckerberg became one of the youngest self
made billionaires in history. How old was he when Facebook
made him? Bill made him a billionaire?

Speaker 6 (34:41):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (34:41):
My gosh, a billionaire? Gosh, So he dropped out of college.
I'll just take options.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Nineteen twenty two, twenty five, twenty nine.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Wow, I'm upset about all those.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
That was the point of this.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Entire This is twenty five or twenty nine the record.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Alexander the Great did die from a sword wound. Oh,
I said, sword poisoning. So joke's on you.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
Sword poisoning. Yeah, is that like a bullet poisoning, similar
how Kennedy died. Yeah, I have lead poisoning, you idiot, howna.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
I feel like twenty five is abom say twenty nine
because my heart here is twenty five.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
No, wow, all right, it's gonna be twenty five. No,
oh no, which was just wrong? Or twenty two?

Speaker 3 (35:31):
Oh uh he developed it at nineteen two.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
It is twenty four.

Speaker 7 (35:36):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (35:37):
I don't want to keep going. I need to go somewhere.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Oh Jesus, okay, I need to go swim teaching someone
basic skills I did.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
I have been in the ocean.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
I got a call from an ex girlfriend of a
friend they broke up years ago. She described her twelve
year old son being approached by that friend on the
street by my friend and being frightened by him, and
a neighbor intervened, she said. She said she and her
neighbor went through their security camera footage over months and
found my friend around their house many times. The ex

(36:13):
girlfriend asked me to tell my friend to stay away,
or they'll get authorities involved. My friend already has a
criminal background, so getting police involved is even more dangerous
than it would be for others. When I confronted my
friend He said he had a note that he wanted
to give. He remembered fondly the times he was with
the family and wanted to assure the son that the

(36:34):
son was a good, kind hearted person who could grow
up to make significant effects on people's lives. My friend
included his phone number in case the boy ever needed him.
He said that he said he was around the house
and the neighborhood so that he could find out when
the boy might be around, but the ex girlfriend would not,
so he could deliver the note and a birthday gift.
I told my friend that continuously checking out someone's home

(36:56):
to determine their whereabouts could be considered stalking and the very
least it is creepy and weird. I told him that
I understood why he might be concerned for the child,
but as a society, we allow parents to have some
control over who their children interact with, and some random

(37:16):
person can't insert themselves into a relationship with a child
against the parents wishes. We do have things where the
state can intervene, like Child Protective Services, which is an
idea which in an ideal world would be a non
prejudicial party who could determine when to intervene, the race
of the people involved, makes calls to CPS, a dangers move.
All of this was something that my friend never considered.

(37:38):
He didn't connect his frequent visiting of his ex girlfriend
as stalking, but once pointed out to him, he could
recognize that others would see it that way. Okay, he
didn't think of the fact that he was trying to
usurp parental rights, but once pointed out, he could recognize
that concept. What are resources and tools that I could
use to help my friend to start to understand without

(38:00):
me pointing out each and everything that he is doing.
What behaviors to it adhere to social norms, electric fencing?
How do I get him to realize that a woman
has fear of violence from ex partners and that he
would behave that.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Behaving in a.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
Way like this would definitely stigmatize that fear. What is
available to help keep him so oblivious, To help keep
him so oblivious to how he might be seen by.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
Others, maybe keep him from being.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Yeah, I think that's it. From being so oblivious.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Wow, good lord, I that is rough.

Speaker 4 (38:35):
I would lie in to a friend of mine if
if if I got first of all, if I got
dragged into this from any of any of my friends, I'd.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Agree that I was being dragged into Sure, I would.

Speaker 4 (38:47):
I would immediately come into the situation pissed the fuck off.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
Right, I'm here, and I don't want to be exactly.

Speaker 4 (38:55):
I would be furious at my friend if I if
I got this call from like they X, Yeah, he said,
this is what's going on, and then I got this explanation. Yeah,
I would be so angry. I'd be like, I'm getting
dragged into this and you're a fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
And you look at your friend though, and they're just
actually befuddled, and you realize, like, man, you are nose blind,
So like, why this was wrong?

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Why this is awkward?

Speaker 1 (39:23):
You thought it was cool to like hang around this
house figuring out when the kid is available and the
parents are gone and you can give that kid.

Speaker 4 (39:31):
And you thought that explanation would be a sufficient explanation.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
You thought that the explanation made it worse.

Speaker 4 (39:37):
Yes, I'm hanging out my ex's house monitoring when her
kid is alone so that I can make contact with
that kid.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Give him my number.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
And if you say that behind his mother's sound, you
sound like Chris Hansen is waiting for you and that kid.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
And by the way, that's the way to say it. Yeah,
that is the correct way to say it. Objectively described
your intentions are.

Speaker 4 (40:01):
I mean, it does obviously matter what the attentions are, sure,
but like for what we're talking about.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
It does not. I've had Okay, that is what you're doing.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
This may surprise some of you, but I have had
moments where i have obliviously not this egregious, but I've
obliviously found myself saying something or suggesting something irony.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Of you being yeah, surprised nineteen year olds. Right.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
I can think of so many times in my life
where I've just like been sitting there enthusiastically talking about
something and then somebody looks at me and go, you
know that that what you just proposed is this thing?

Speaker 2 (40:34):
Right? And I'm like, oh shit, is that okay? That's
that's and like because I'm a bad boy, there it is.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
And like when I hear it said back to me,
the light bulb does like turn on, and I'm like, yep,
you're right, that sounded weird. I'm sorry, I'm just gonna
walk away right now. Your father's has been here. It
is there's there's.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
Been quite a few, I guess over the years.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Wonder, yeah, I've had that happen. But yeah, I remember
like when I was pretty young and newly married. I
think it was like twenty one, and we had made
a friend group two people that were part of a
couple that were also young, and we were all part
of the same church.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
We were hanging out.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
They had a kid, and we were just really getting
along with them all the time and hanging out. And
I had a lot more in common with the wife
than I did with the husband, and the husband had
a lot more in common with my wife. And so
here we are, We're all hanging out, getting along really great,
and we just keep making these references to things that
like the wife and I are laughing about or whatever,
and we're talking about the same books that we've read
or whatever's going on, and it's oblivious to our spouses

(41:29):
or whatever. And just in this moment we're all getting
along so well. And I said something like, one day
we should just go out. We're like I hang out
with her, you two hang out together, and like we
should like go to a museum or something like that,
because like our spouses wouldn't want to do that shit,
but like we should go do It'll be really fun.
And like immediately all three of them start cracking up,
and like, you know that you just invented swinging.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Right now, right, that's what you're doing.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
You're talking, and I'm like, oh shit, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
What have I done?

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Just so fucking sorry that you didn't think about it?
Yea saying it? Yeah, and then I like that you apologize.
So I was horrified, Like, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 4 (42:05):
I didn't mean to make it weird, and like, I
just I like museums, and so does she.

Speaker 8 (42:08):
I thought we should go to one. I like you say,
like your wife, I mean, you don't simper hin your wife,
I should like to. I just thought this would be
a win win for everybody, so I relate to.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
But so what was the outcome? Did they go for
that or no? They laughed about it, you know the
phone calls. We just couldn't seem to hang out with
them anymore. I kept trying to and they just were
not we're not into it. So yeah, so I guess
there's been times when.

Speaker 4 (42:37):
Any continue that friend relationship after you approach swinging.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
It turned down. Yeah, if no pun intended, But if
you do swing, you have to hit a home run.

Speaker 4 (42:50):
There's no half measures. Half measures avail you nothing. If
then your friendships, you're going to propose swinging all in
all in, no go grande or go casa. You can't
you get back down halfway and just say no, never.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
Mind, It'll be fine. There's no going back, and there wasn't.
We do not hang out those people anymore. They did
amazing blocked us on Facebook.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
So it's too bad.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
Yeah, it could have been a really cool friendship. Really
like the wife, she was really great.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
But yeah, it seems like the friend, once you pointed
it out to them, Uh, he could recognize that others
would see it that way, but he doesn't think of
it that way. Is that basically?

Speaker 1 (43:28):
I think that's it, and the friend is very amenable
to like had the light bulb turn on and went, oh, no,
you're right, that does sound bad.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
It is how you could look at that. When I
say it out loud, I get it. I think the
confusing part here is or the difficult part. The real
question is are there any preemptive measures you can take
to prevent it from happening again in the future? Right?

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Okay, go ahead, I'm sorry this randomly has jumped into
my mind. Why are we wondering what the other police
issue was that this friend?

Speaker 1 (43:59):
Oh right, as a background, well, we could probably assume
this person has poor judgment.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Maybe they no, that's it. That's a great point. But
I think that's the challenging part is like I don't
know what you can do preemptively.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
You know, you've told him like that's what.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
You do, and then if if something else happens again,
then I think you have this conversation again, like I
don't know how you can. Yeah, let me tell you
how I do it? Please? Nick? Is how I do it? Yeah,
So there's been. I wasn't say this, but I was
gonna say, like I've I don't know what the answer is.
Otherwise I would have applied it, like to get Jim

(44:39):
to think before he says something. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
It hasn't worked, but there's been, but there's been.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
I can see why you would want that.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Over eight years, I have shown a lot of good
restraint where I message Nick first, he's kind of my filter,
and I'll be like, Hey, I have this great idea.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
I'm going to do this thing.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Sometimes I text him and go, I'm doing this thing.
I already had this great idea. And then I think
he looks at that and kind of goes, well, I'm
not going to slap him on the nose, you know, like,
just let him play it out and he'll eventually realize
this was a mistake.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Oh that just happened at scoops.

Speaker 4 (45:11):
Just we need four hundred dollars to his studio to
book a video and audio recording sessions that we now
do not have.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
We gave him four hundred dollars because.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
I was like, this is a great idea and we
didn't like that back.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
No, we by the way, we still have a credit
with them, so we should do like our end of
your show, and uh, we should do.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
This is how he's finding out. Yeah, I literally been
finding out right now. I thought that was reimbursed. I
thought we got that bad. No, no, no, that didn't.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
So, yeah, we have a credit, which is gonna be
I think we should do our end of your show there.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
I think it'd be really hard credit, which is.

Speaker 4 (45:44):
Just like, yeah, you're misunderstanding credit, like to have money,
that's basically what we have.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
Yeah, underpants profit, we got this. But yeah, no, so
this happens a lot. We're all come up with an
idea and I want to do some idea and be like, oh,
this would be really cool to do on the show,
or this is great, and like, mentally, I think Nick
will hear it, and then he'll he'll he's very gentle
with me, but he'll write back and be like, hey,
I think you actually had this idea two years ago.

(46:14):
Do you remember this, Like oh yeah, Like yeah, I
think you didn't end up liking that idea because of
this thing.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
I'm like, yeah, good point.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
So, like I would say, it's really helpful to have
a second brain to like bounce ideas off of in
lieu of not having a second brain.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
AI, Like I think AI.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Honestly, if you said the prompt is, hey, I want
you to scrutinize my proposal from different angles and tell
me how other people might hear this thinking, and like,
didn't just tell it what you're planning on doing.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
I'm going to hang out in front of this people's house,
in front of this eight year old's house. The other
thing just starts dialing finish, just stopp stop.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
I don't want to know.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
That's plausible deniability. So preventative.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
I don't know that there's a way to get people
to like hear the bad idea. I think life experience
helps because like there's some kind of sting in your
brain that goes, wait a minute, I've had this idea
before and it wasn't a good one.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
So that helps.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
But like I think you need that second brain, Like
I think you need community or using AI.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
Maybe that might.

Speaker 1 (47:18):
Those are my best suggestions for getting some kind of feedback, But.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
Then that all relies on the friends in advance realizing like.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
Oh, I I feel like in this situation when you say,
how do I get him to realize like there's a
fear behind this, this isn't he's kind of only seeing
it from his perspective. It's very self centered, that's very childlike,
and maybe there is something else going on there. But

(47:48):
I would say trying to find a way to share like, hey,
this isn't about you, like kind of calling out like
this isn't about what you think is right. This is
putting yourself in there in their space. This is what
I'm telling you their spaces, like as a woman being
afraid of somebody watching their home and their twelve year old,
you dated and things were great then, but she does

(48:09):
not see it that way anymore. Right, So this is
a fear basing you being here equals fear like just
really spelling it out. And if they still don't want
to understand, honestly, we can't protect our friends from everything
in the world.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Sometimes consequence is their best teacher.

Speaker 3 (48:24):
Yeap yah a hundred persons.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Sometimes you just create drop after drop after drop, and
it doesn't seem to In fact, sometimes.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
There was a drop. I have not said this supple
nineteen year old thing. That's simply not true. I only
say it when you guys play.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
She is a hot, supple nineteen year old that just
now no, And I think I was in my mouth.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
God damn it, that was an old one.

Speaker 4 (48:51):
We wouldn't have a show if this phenomenon, No one
would my inability to learn. All you could do is
just talk to him and be like, yeah, yeah, think
about what you're doing.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
And I think I like I like the writer's approach
in being able to understand, like, hey, I'm not you know,
I understand your intent, yeah, but also understanding that intent
doesn't always matter, right Like reality is a good thing,
but perceptions very important. So though I may understand and

(49:24):
you and I both know that you weren't trying to
do anything harmful, you need to understand what it looks
like from the outsideide.

Speaker 4 (49:31):
You know, if somebody turns on their ring camera and
sees that you've been hanging around their house for like
an hour and a half every day when you're not
around and and you know, watching their kids' movement patterns, like,
they're not gonna like that. Yeah, And you know they're
not going to like that. If you put yourself in
the parent shoes for a moment, you're.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Going to realize they've just told you listen to what
they're saying.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Yeah, that's everything. And when it comes to like actually
developing this skill people, because none of us have a
wikipedia amount of understanding about the world around us just
built in or really access to that.

Speaker 4 (50:08):
To me, the skill is we do have access to it,
we have a media. But like the skill is to
be able.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
To pause before you act right, So like before you
act entering into like making that part of your self
discipline where you're saying, okay, because I've gotten it wrong
so many times, I need to like stop and place
a twenty four hour hold on this action that I'm
all pumped up to do, and I'm so enthusiastic. I
think it's a great idea. I want to make sure
I feel this way in twenty four hours. I have

(50:35):
so many recordings that I have created for Patreon that
like the Blessing. The reason that nobody's ever had to
hear them is because I schedule them to be released
two weeks later or a week later, because we only
release on Mondays, and so like my turn is like
every other Monday. And so There's been so many recordings
that I've made where I've scheduled it out two Mondays away,

(50:56):
and I'm like, this is a slam dunk.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
This is a great idea.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
And then if I have time to think about it
before that thing gets released, and then like two or
three days later, I'll be like, well, let me just
listen to it again with a pair of fresh ears.
Let me just think about this again. And I'll listen
to it on double speed, and I'm like halfway through, like, Nope,
delete that ship right now, pull that the fuck down,
get rid of it. It's not a good idea. It's
not going to land the way you want it to.
Your heart was in the right place, but the delivery

(51:20):
is poor. Fucking delete. That has saved my ass so
many times. That's so like disciplining yourself to do that,
I think is the best move.

Speaker 4 (51:28):
If I don't throw it in the trash can immediately,
it's going out if I go back and listen to
it again later. But every one hundred of the time,
I'll finish up something and be like I didn't like that,
and I'll go back and listen to be like that
wasn't bad.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Putting that out goes the other way. Yeah. Yeah, Well
you and Jim are different characters. Yeah, we have different
different ways of thinking. Yeah, I would say, but I
wonder what happened to that deep dive you did on
women in the workforce. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah,
in the trash heap, you are welcome. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
Also, incredible restraint on your part that you never delete those.
You'll never look in there and go, I'm gonna save
him from himself.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
You're like, no, let me see what happens.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
Let him hang himself.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
This is fine, he's gotta learn exactly anyway.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Writer, So you are a noble friend for for helping
your buddy. But yeah, if you want to give them
any coaching. That's advice that I live by is like,
whatever idea I think is a great one in the moment,
I try to like sit on it for twenty four
to forty eight hours before acting on it in my enthusiasm,
and like, once the enthusiasm passes, like my reasonable brain

(52:32):
can kind of have a better shot at like walking
me through it and going, hey man, here's from three
other angles why that might not work? So that and AI,
I think you're your best bet for helping your friend
tough love tough love, rub his nose in it, kick
him in the balls. We're gonna take quick break in
when we come back, we're gonna talk about how do
I stop feeling self pity and move forward.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
You're listening to pod therapy. Today's episode has brought to
you by Carolyn Sam Scoop, Sarah Smith, Aron Cuttingham, Tody
Took the Lowering Guy, Max the Cheaper Scoop, and l E. O.
Dare And if you would like to watch the show,
become a patron dot.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
Com slash therapy, I'm in the lead.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Maybe can't be true. Jim Joan of ARC led the
French Army to victory at Orleans at what age? False?
I think I just had a little answer. Uh, give
me numbers fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, twenty, good.

Speaker 3 (53:31):
Lords, it's one of those your numbers, Jacoby.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
Fourteen, sixteen, seventeen or twenty Oh my god, Well this
is like a long time ago, right, and so like
in the Middle Ages. Sixteen is like Middle Ages?

Speaker 3 (53:44):
Your son? I mean, yeah, good, he.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Can pretty Yeah? Could your son lead the French army?
His French is not great? I mean it's the French army.
How hard could it be? Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
True, you're the bravest one of the French army. As
a sixteen year old girl. That kind of checks out.
I'll take sixteen.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
Is he right, Jacob? I don't think so. He is
not right? No? Oh, no, is it?

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Jacob goes to you.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
I think it's fourteen. No, I'm sorry, Jacob, You're right. Oh,
I know what.

Speaker 3 (54:15):
Is it? The options it was fourteen seventeen.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Fourteen, sixteen seventeen or twenty seventeen. It's got to be
seventy yes, wow, Jacob. Serena Williams had already won how
many Grand Slam Singles titles before she turned thirty? Oh?

Speaker 4 (54:33):
My oh shit, options ten thirteen, fifteen eighteen?

Speaker 2 (54:40):
What ten was?

Speaker 3 (54:41):
Slams?

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Yeah? Yeah, it was a lot.

Speaker 4 (54:45):
I'll say thirteen oh thirteen, all right, thirteen? Good lord, okay, Whitney,
Steve was very good at tennis. I want to just
say that, point blank, very very good at tennis. Know
how many grands wagon before it fills up? WI excellent

(55:05):
Cenis player. Steve Jobs co founded Apple ink at age.
What options nineteen, twenty one, twenty three or twenty five?

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Steve Wating?

Speaker 3 (55:22):
Oh the other Steah here he lives in. It was
not I'm gonna say nineteen.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Sorry I started reading a head to other ones.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
Uh no, damn, I'm gonna take twenty five. No, uh
has b been taken?

Speaker 7 (55:41):
It has not b Yes, that next kind of GPA
twenty one?

Speaker 3 (55:53):
There you are, twenty one.

Speaker 2 (55:56):
Okay, I'm still in the league.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
The options and what other people were guessing and still
got it right.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Wow, that's how you study. Let me teach you my ways.
How do I stop feeling self pity and move forward?
From Alex? Hey everyone, hope you're all doing well. I've
asked a few questions in the past, so thanks for answering. Them,
and hopefully this one to give some context. I'm just
not where I want to be in life. I've recently

(56:24):
moved to a new city searching for a job as
a software engineer after getting laid off earlier this year,
and currently working part time at a local grocery store.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
I've not made.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Any friends here yet, though, to be honest, I've not
tried very hard. I mostly stay at my apartment unless
I get to go out for food or work, and
I'm not having much luck on dating apps. The few
friends I have are people I play games with online
and aren't the type of friends I feel comfortable talking
about my life with in any serious way. The last
time I did that, I just became the unemployed one

(56:54):
of the group. I've been working with a therapist since
a few months before the layoff, so I have them
as a support and they've been great. But in the
last few months, it's felt like every week we meet
and all I do is vent and complain about how
unhappy or alone I feel, how disappointed in myself that
I can't get a decent job or a few friends,

(57:15):
and about feeling guilty and shame for not having much
motivation to spend time actively searching for that new job.
Sure there's some small wins here and there, but it
never feels like enough. I've also got some hobbies or
goals that I've wanted to get into for a while,
like learning to make video games or get into music production,
but it seems like all I end up doing is

(57:37):
watching tutorial videos and these hobbies and daydreaming about myself
doing them. When I actually try to start working on
one of these hobbies or try to learn something, I
feel physically exhausted and discouraged and end up spiraling into
feeling hopeless. I'm tired of the cycle of complaining without
any meaningful action, but I don't seem to be able
to flip whatever switch I need to in order to

(57:59):
actually move forward and make change in my life. Do
you have any tips on what I can do or
some explanation of why I might be stuck in this
lethargic self pity zone.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Thanks again, Alex. Pronouns are he and him?

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Does sound like you're maybe kind of in a little
bit of a depressive state, I'll call it. You know,
sometimes those can be triggered by life events and it
sort of bleeds over into things like yeah, I have
ideas of wanting to start these hobbies or these new things,
but then once I start, I'm just the lethard lethargy.
There we go, or fatigue kind of kicks in, and

(58:39):
that can be part of like kind of a light.
I'm gonna call it a depression light. You know, where
where it's out of your norm. You know, normally, if
these would be things you'd be really active and engaged in,
or like, yeah, I'm starting a new hobby, I go
all in. And now when you're starting the new hobby,
you're just like, ugh, is just exhausting me. I have

(59:02):
energy for it. There could be something like that going on.
What I would usually suggest in moments like that are
usually bringing it back to basics. So with certain clients
that work with I might call this basic bitch therapy
where yep, I.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Sense some a pumpkin spice lato.

Speaker 3 (59:26):
Yes, no that's white girl. Yeah, different vibe, different therapy vibe. No,
but things like just accomplishing the minimal, like getting outside
if you live in a place like Las Vegas where
it's eighty degrees today and sunny, getting outside, you know, sunlight, sleep,
if you can of some limitation on electronic devices sometimes

(59:50):
kind of like grounding yourself. Maybe don't try a new hobby.
Do you have an older hobby, like just reading fantasy
novels or whatever, something it feels comfortable, that's easy, like
make the barrier easier than a new hobby that takes
a lot of effort and our brain has to adjust.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
To I one hundred percent agree, and I'll agree with that,
but then also go just one step together. Please, you
can do the same thing with new hobbies. Because here's
how I think that's hard brain. It definitely is. But
it's because it's because we have a mechanism for doing
things that we've already done before that we don't utilize

(01:00:29):
for doing new things. Okay, so when okay, So if
you were going to do a hobby that you always do,
which is I'm kicking puppies, I imagine that's one of
the things that.

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
You well you're in the realm.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Jooard, she kicks puppies. Hobbies, you know, whatever it is
that hobby that you do, if it's something you've been
doing for a long time but you don't need.

Speaker 3 (01:00:59):
Let's do good. It's like you've looked this up or something,
or like experience.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
But everybody, you don't need to plan. You don't need
a detailed plan to do that, okay, Right, it's just autopilot,
like you just kick in and you just go do it.
I think one of the problems that people run into
when they're creating new hobbies and they've got goals is like, okay,
so one of the goals that the writer talked about
is creating video games. All right, there's a huge disconnect

(01:01:32):
between your starting point and where that is, and if
you don't fill in the gaps with these easily measurable steps,
you just get stuck watching YouTube tatorial videos. So and
this is where actually, what Jim is probably going to
say is utilizing GPS, chat GBT, since that has been

(01:01:53):
the answer to every questions so far today the name
of this, Yeah, I think what you can do is
create a detailed process to get from your starting point
to your end goal, but with really simple things. So
maybe today I'm gonna watch some YouTube tutorial videos. Tomorrow

(01:02:14):
I'm going to make a list of supplies that they
need to buy. The day after that, I'm going to
figure out a budget for how much I have to
spend on these supplies. The day after that, then I'm
gonna so like you create daily a daily list. But
they are things that are really really easy. Because here's
the other thing too that I think would be beneficial

(01:02:36):
is if you're able to start accomplishing some of these
really small things, then you can start to pat yourself
on the back. You've got something that you can say, oh,
I did a good job with this. Okay, Okay, your
your face is saying so much right now. But about it?

Speaker 9 (01:03:00):
So saying museum Whitney like museums. I don't think it's weird.
Two friends can platonically go to a museum hang out.

(01:03:21):
I was thinking the erotic heritage museum.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
It's all one place to hang out.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
The largest orgy, although this is just an orgy.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Tell me what you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
Read I guess I'm thinking of in I don't know,
I'm I'm going into thinking about like clients have worked
with where they just those all start to feel like roadblocks.
And I I hear what you're saying, and I think
probably that is helpful for some people, But I just
also want to say, like, I don't know, sometimes doing

(01:03:53):
the easier things and feeling contentment in that sometimes and
I don't know where this writer, Alex, where your head's
at exactly. But if there's any version of like pressure perfectionism,
which when you mentioned you're an engineer, I just assume
like probably other things are also going on there.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
You're driving trains, you have to really be precise or
running trains. That's right. Precision is important. You gotta nail it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
So yeah, I feel like just doing the one step
after another if you're very regimented like that. Some some
clients I've worked with are like, yeah, if it's on
my calendar, I'll do it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
So those people I kind of like that, like here's
your your thing, and your therapist says, I'm going to
check in next week, this is your one task to
do or whatnot? Then sure that could help. That has
helped with clients I've worked with. I think sometimes I
have clients that are just like that's just not enough,
Like I'm still not good enough because I don't have
the job, because I don't have whatever. So it's almost
like shifting that mindset, and that's way more than we

(01:05:00):
can answer on this show. That takes a lot of
work with your therapist, but shifting that mindset into trying
to kind of accept where you're at first, and that
will help you break through to like growth later. But
I don't know, so it's both. It just depends on
what where else is coming from. So I do think
you're right in some aspects. I've seen that specific thing
that you just describe worked really well with some clients.

(01:05:22):
But sometimes if they're really deep in it and that
kind of perfection is a mindset that can be hard.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:29):
Yeah, we have a great Patreon recording of you breaking
down smart goals, which I think are really really useful.
It's in our archives our library patreon dot com slash therapy.
If you go to the very first post, it's just says, hey,
start here, and it's just all of our things that
we've ever created, for the most part, in categories, listed
out with links that we can just touch the link

(01:05:49):
and go straight to it, so that there is a
great piece in there about smart goals. But I really
like the idea of micro accomplishments, right, like breaking it
into the atomic scale where it's like we can start
succeeding with those wins. What's hard about some goals where
the goal is a learning curve that's difficult, like that
where the writer's saying like, oh man, I want to
learn like music production, and it's like okay, or designing videos.

Speaker 3 (01:06:12):
Have you produce music before no Night?

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
And it's like it's so much different than if you said,
like I want to do like more fitness or something
like that. It's like, Okay, that is very approachable in
the sense that you don't have to learn a lot.
You can hire somebody who knows that and then just obey,
you know, like show up. Your trainer will teach you. Your
job is to show up and do it. And like
that's a different form of motivation. But to like muster
mental energy, to use mental rigor to learn something is

(01:06:37):
really difficult. If you were going to use AI, I
could see you doing something where you're asking it Okay,
my goal is to learn how to do music production.
I want you to create a whole bunch of items
that would be small learning milestones along the way so
that I can gamify this and make it interesting for myself, Like, okay,
I need to this week. My goal is to learn
how to you know, fade out the music in the

(01:07:01):
thing or whatever. Okay, great, I'm gonna use my little
program and figure that out. Great, I did it check
and like give yourself a point or whatever, Like it
takes some kind of like atomic level, you know, like
scripting to I think, get to a place. But it's
hard because I feel like anytime that the task or
the objective requires mental labor, it's a mental effort. It's
an emotional effort. You have to like summon yourself to

(01:07:23):
like do that I have. It's so many things in
life where like, oh, I really wish I knew this thing,
like guitar, Like I really wish I could play better guitar.
And it's like I want that. The absence of that
bothers me. I would enjoy that, but I want the
result more than I enjoy the wyah. And so then
it's like Okay, when I sit down, I'm like, okay,
I need to understand music theory better. Let me try
to use this learning tool. Let me watch this video.

(01:07:44):
And then like my heart quickly loses interest.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
Do you ever because I totally understand this? Have you
ever set like a I don't want to say a goal,
just like an informal thought really of like okay, I'm
gonna play guitar. I'm gonna spend ten minutes just working
on scales and then I'm gonna go do whatever I
want to do kind of.

Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
So what ended up having with me is like I
tried to better myself with guitar by learning scales and
use it. But back when I was trying to learn,
it was very workbook driven. So you go to the
music store, you buy the workbook, you try to self
teach from that, and that I really struggled with that.
For whatever reason, I could not and I still to
this day, music theory evades me, like I can't cognitively

(01:08:32):
get it. And my kids are both musicians. One plays violin,
one plays guitar. They're both really good, and like they'll
sit down with me and they're trying to explain like
the letters and how the letters make sounds, and like
how those letters can also be sharp or flat and
here's what that means. And like they're trying to show
me acronyms and like they draw it on a line
and they're like, hey, dad, watch this, it's going up,

(01:08:54):
and I'm like, I don't fucking.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Get it, you know, like none of this makes anything.
Don't read music at all.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
No, I don't understand and it I do not under I.

Speaker 4 (01:09:02):
Think you have to read music first before understanding music theory.
You probably I agree with You're you're jumping to running.

Speaker 1 (01:09:08):
I've tried to have YouTube explain it. I've tried anyway.
So like to your question of like, have you ever
tried an incremental strategy where you say, Okay, I'm just
going to do these drills. Yeah, So, like on a guitar,
I can sit there and just drill.

Speaker 2 (01:09:21):
This is where you put your finger to make these sounds.
And if you see these necessary in the future.

Speaker 1 (01:09:26):
This is guitar, and on a person and on women,
make them make sounds, play them like a fiddle. But yeah,
so I've done that incrementally, but not with like enormous success.
It's like the way that I taught myself guitar was
learning chords and then finding songs that I wanted to play,
and then just enjoying that, like yeah, enjoying the fun

(01:09:46):
part of it, and then doing that enough times that
I had learned all chords possible because I needed them
at some point.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
So, uh, to flip this over to golf, as I
always I was worried.

Speaker 3 (01:09:57):
We were take a drink way too long.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
Really several episodes, I yah sat of self restraint, No,
but like learning things. So I've a lot of golf
instructors have said something like this too, where like, if
you're practicing a skill and you're going to go to
the driving range and you're going to practice this skill,
set a goal of how many balls you're going to

(01:10:20):
hit with doing this one drill, and then once you're
done with that, do something fun, okay, like create a
game of you know, doing something else. But don't just
go there and for two hours do this one drill okay,
because you'll just get tired of it, you'll start to
resent it. You're not going to focus on it. Your
your first few swings are going to be very focused,

(01:10:41):
and then after that you're unfocused and now you're just
practicing a bad movement.

Speaker 1 (01:10:47):
Because you're just trying to get through it. Yeah, you're
not enjoying it.

Speaker 4 (01:10:49):
So yeah, I want to because a lot of a
lot of like making yourself a forty forty list and
then trying.

Speaker 2 (01:10:55):
To cheat your way through it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
Exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:10:56):
It's exactly like that joy list. It defeats the purpose.
It's the same as like I've got so okay, do it.

Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
Nobody will be happier than I.

Speaker 3 (01:11:07):
Will is such an ADHD response, like a plenty of
time to get there.

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
No, but like I don't think you're going to do
a single additional one guitar playing, go eat Indian food,
guitar playing, and golf. A lot of it is muscle memory, okay, Right,
So if you're not focused when you're learning it, and
you're completely unfocused, all you're going to do is you're
practicing a movement that you're going to have to fix
later because you're learning bad habits. So you know, like

(01:11:35):
if if it was just scales or something like that,
I'm just going to commit ten minutes to practicing this
one thing and then I'm going to go do something fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:44):
I also think like if you're learning music, like you're
learning how to produce music professionally, kind of like what
Jacob can do. I feel like it's a lot more
fun when as you learn things, you now get to
go do something with that new lesson you've learned. It's like,
now you know how to do this.

Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
That's always true.

Speaker 1 (01:11:59):
You read something like have some fun with that. Like
for me, every time I learned a new chord, I'd
get excited to look up a song and be like, oh,
now I know the A chord. I can play this song. Now,
let me try. And like that was fun, you know,
like I got to apply it and that made it
more of a game or made it enjoyable.

Speaker 4 (01:12:14):
That like that just means that you're like, I don't know,
is that about teaching Jim how to do music theory?

Speaker 2 (01:12:19):
But it is weird that you've like because you've done
most of the steps. Yeah, that's the thing. You just
haven't done all of them, and you haven't done them
in any kind of order.

Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
I don't know why anything that I do works. But
if you give me a song.

Speaker 4 (01:12:34):
But if I show you a music staff and there's
a there's a note on that music staff, can you
tell me what note that is?

Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
No, you couldn't. You couldn't point at that and be like,
that's an E.

Speaker 4 (01:12:43):
No, that that is a trouble claft a trouble clough uh,
and that that marking notes And.

Speaker 1 (01:12:48):
Not only do I not know that that's an E.
If you said, explain the concept of E in music,
I don't know what that means. Okay, Okay, yeah, this
is weird. It's pretty empty.

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
This this is odd. If you pointed to a piano
a key and you said this is an H sharp.
I don't think he would you just go with it?

Speaker 1 (01:13:10):
Well, I know that sharps mean like they're half something
above the other thing. But you and probably the one
to the left of the H sharp is an H.
But then I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:13:20):
Maybe the one one more left is maybe an H
flat or maybe it's the black is it? The black one?

Speaker 4 (01:13:28):
Was like?

Speaker 3 (01:13:28):
What age?

Speaker 1 (01:13:29):
So like the H is the middle one and then
you go up to the black one. That's exactly yea
to go to the left sage if H were a note.
Oh it's not that is the case.

Speaker 3 (01:13:38):
I was just going to say, how many.

Speaker 2 (01:13:42):
D e f G.

Speaker 4 (01:13:44):
How silly of me to think it was one more
letter than the one you stopped at. I'm the idiot,
you music theory.

Speaker 3 (01:13:52):
This is basically an elementary music class.

Speaker 1 (01:13:56):
Xylophones and elementary music music theory.

Speaker 3 (01:14:00):
Says me as a choir class.

Speaker 1 (01:14:02):
Yeah for not knowing that it stops on one letter
not the other thing. Oh boy, yes you're no, that
is correct. You are the asshole false anyway, writer A
good luck. I feel like when there's a rigorous, like
cognitive learning curve on something though it is really hard.

Speaker 3 (01:14:18):
I just wanted to say super duper quick that your
therapist talk to them about this too, that you're like, hey,
I feel like I'm coming in here inventing all the time.
Because as a therapist, sometimes there will be clients have
that come and invent. Sometimes I will push back and
like try and give helpful advice, and sometimes they push
back and it's like there's a push pull where they

(01:14:39):
don't they want to come in and just spent. But
sometimes I'll let clients do that, and then I'll have
every once in a while to be like, hey, I
feel like we've kind of like we show up, we
do our thing, but we've gotten off of our goals
or like even if we haven't hit our ninety days
or whatever where we review our treatment plan, I promise
I do this. So after that it's it's like I

(01:15:00):
just think that they will tell me usually, and that
can be a little hard. Honestly, as a therapist, I'm like,
oh gosh, was I not doing my job right? But really,
when I'm working with my client, that's my own personal response.
Really deep down, I'm like, oh no, this is good.
That means they're wanting to work on something they're comfortable
telling me, I get pissy.

Speaker 1 (01:15:17):
I kind of get defensive because, like to me, when
you get the stages of change and somebody comes in
and they're like, I'm in preparation, I want to start
goal setting. I really want to attack this, and I
want you as a therapist to hold me accountable. To
some extent, I can, but I cannot care about this
more than you. I cannot throw you on my shoulders
and carry you up the mountain. So when you come
in week after week and you're like, I'm spiraling in
shame and guilt, I feel like I'm under accomplished. Okay,

(01:15:40):
that becomes my mental health issue that I need to
be dealing with and de escalating in your life because
those are not tools. You can't build anything with shame
or guilt. So I have to address that now. And
then a month later you're like, I just don't feel
like you push me. You beat the shit out of yourself.
So there is no opportunity for me to quote unquote
hold you accountable. You're doing some kind of transference where

(01:16:00):
you want me to be your father or you want
me to be like your coach, and like, to some extent,
I can't do those things for you, because if you're
gonna keep coming in and like falling short of these things,
I have to help you like stave off depression and
like deal with that, and I need to be an
unrelenting positive influence on you. And also life's doing plenty
to motivate you. You want these things done, you're feeling
the absence of those things, just like with alcoholics, they're like,

(01:16:22):
why haven't you stopped me from drinking yet? That's not
how this works, Champ. When you're ready to stop drinking,
I can show you the way. But if you show
up and you're not ready yet, I can't scream or
cry or beg or you know, like hold your hand.
I have to let you go back into life, let
life kick you in the balls again, and then you'll
come back and go, hey, bad things keep happening when
I drink and I go, okay, are you ready? I

(01:16:44):
think I am great. We're going to go as far
as your will will allow you to go, and we're
gonna keep working on this project incrementally. Same thing happens
with goals, and so sometimes like it frustrates me because
like you'll have patients that come in and you're like, well,
I told you these goals, like you're not pushing me
toward them. And it's like, I'm with.

Speaker 3 (01:16:59):
You on that. Is you important?

Speaker 1 (01:17:02):
Yeah, I'm not going to debate you on it because
that will hurt our alliance. But in the back of
my mind, I'm thinking you fundamentally are misunderstanding what my
role is. You want somebody, you want to just hire
a profession It's like going to Nick as a personal trainer.
Like I came to you and said that I wanted to,
you know, get buff, and you know what I've I've been.
I've hired you for three months and I am not

(01:17:22):
buff yet. And it's like, yeah, you don't do any
of the things I tell you to do, and then
you come in every other time, you come with an
excuse every other time not to show up. You do
not do the exercises I ask you to do at home,
and you're yelling at me because you're hoping that I
was going to yell at you or hold you accountable
or something like that. But if I did that, it'd
only push you further away from your goals. So I'm sorry, Like,

(01:17:42):
I have things in my pocket that I can help
you with but at the end of the day, this
is your journey.

Speaker 2 (01:17:46):
So I don't know, it's amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:17:47):
I agree, but I think that would be good for
the client to talk to the therapist about because agains
it is the therapist an opportunity to kind of touch
base and like because they know this writer better than
we do. So it's like, yeah, if that is what's happening.

Speaker 1 (01:18:00):
Definitely bring it up, yeah and say, yeah, I feel
underwhelmed with my progress and can we orient on that?

Speaker 3 (01:18:05):
Like that's fine, that's because yeah, sometimes as a therapist,
like well, if that keeps coming up, like I would
rather focus on that, like what makes you want to
go towards your goal?

Speaker 1 (01:18:12):
Well, it opens up a solution focused conversation and therapy
where we can say, okay, great, let's talk about when
you've had any success, what were we doing differently and
when we're not making it what and so like I'd
love to study the problem with you and help you
get out of your own way. And that is great work,
Like that is great therapy, it's great coaching. That's what
you need from me. But sometimes people get so frustrated
their own install that they look at the therapists like, well,

(01:18:32):
I need somebody to blame here, and so I think
it's work. Yeah, And it's like you set the agenda
for us. You come in and we go on whatever's
going on in your life. And if you're like, oh,
you let me bitch for fifty minutes about my relationship
or my sense of loneliness instead of pushing me toward
my dating objectives. And it's like, if we do not
deal with your loneliness and your emotional frustration with you know,

(01:18:54):
whatever's happening, we can't push you towards your dating objectives.

Speaker 2 (01:18:58):
So this is front burner shit.

Speaker 1 (01:18:59):
We have to with it, like and so like sometimes
that's frost. Anyway, writer, I'm defending your therapist and changing
you in the right direction.

Speaker 2 (01:19:09):
Good luck.

Speaker 1 (01:19:10):
We are going to take a quick break and then
we're going to wrap up the show and we're gonna
call out all the names of the people that support
us on patreon dot com slash therapy. You're listening to
pod therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:19:20):
Today's episode has brought to you by Juni Schneier, Leon
Carolyn Albert, Sami Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike now Bearn, Cuttingham, Tody,
The Dolorence Road Guy Brady, Malaychack, Max, the Ginger, Scoop
and Elly odare and if you would like to sponse
to the show, you can become a therap fuster at
patreon dot com slash therapy.

Speaker 3 (01:19:36):
Any new patriot no more.

Speaker 4 (01:19:39):
So.

Speaker 1 (01:19:39):
We are recording this October twenty sixth, and so if
you have joined our support network at Patreon dot com
slash therapy since the twenty six we will thank you
in a future episode. You won't hear your name on
this one. At the beginning of every month, we like
to thank all the therapods. There are dactyls, their producers
who make our show possible. And I'm gonna read off
our therapods. Thank you, Universe. Jeff Robert, Paulson, Richard Bruins,

(01:20:02):
Linda Brandmeyer, Scoop Surenot, Joseph Pengrazzio, Corey Owens, Christine Phillips,
Gavin Bristow, Carrie Terrhart, Kiwi Fruit, Scoop, Take an Evy Podcast,
Craig Little, Jim Hunter, Scoop, Atron to Hot Canfield, David
Swords and Felicia Butler, Shla Bullock, Lauren is O, Katie Chiwakowski,
Adam Petanouzo, Matt's Lenigren Lee Popsicle, Scoop Itter, Ascending That,
Josh Guy we Weekend, Julius Kappel, Mamma, Ninja Scoop, James Dawson,

(01:20:26):
Grumpy Lake, Mead Park Ranger, Sarah Olo, Sam Buck, Karen McCulloch, Chemist, Lyla,
Kelly Gagner, Nippy, Brian Emmera, Matthew Johnson, Aleck Lancaster, j
D Congen a Literal Pickle, Matthias Vanda Brampt Death Death,
Drew Hellig Aka, Death to his Enemies, Fredy, hen Tinsley,
Flndy Smells Funny, Joel McMillan, Matthew Cubic, Chad Chad the

(01:20:48):
Safety Lad Walker, Fluke Almost Doctor Nurse, Joey Duffy, The
AMFT Therapist, Bear, Philip Guidon, Tim Mystery, Kristin Robbins, Frya,
Freya lah Sin Yes, Christopher Gercy Kirka Grim, Tricia Ortiz,
dj Sewert, Melissa Lgeisler, Mississippi, Hippie scott A, Patty Glad Fife,

(01:21:10):
Heather W. Kyle, Trontastic, Anthony Camarado, David Williams, Williams Nailed It,
Kate Polease, Eric Dyer, Curonel Pillar, Buddy Dobbins, Glitch, Scoop,
Nathan Mookie, bug Nuts and Stephen Landon, Aletta Blaze, Adam Blaze,
No relation, Persephonie Hazard I did John Finlayson, K, Pizzle Dizzle,
Kenneth Wong, Robert Cole, Cole call Yes, Carmen Perry, k

(01:21:34):
J Mister Poth, Jeff Darnell, Sinsidium, jimmybe Jacob Hurt Ray,
j Shark, What does scoop mean? Silca Daniels Recreated, Ben Sherman,
Jacob Billingsley, Alex Jardine, K Trauma, Sherri Hare, Dylan Collopye
Wolfio five, Chris Courtney Dale, The King, Adam goff Asling Ashling, Carlton,

(01:21:56):
thank you for that, Parenthesy Cedar, Hayden, Livy n is Hakasan,
Kevin s Tribe, Terrible, Tay Grace Anybitty Chicken Farmer, Sam
Chill Food, John Coveradas Cover Carve Vadas K, Mappy's Zachary
w Fish, Bumfish, Almanda, Almanda, Nora charm City Therapist, Emily Cope, Jareva,

(01:22:20):
Nate Walk Scoop, Bucky Squabby, the listiciousin What's Titician, Foxy
Sally's Zelsa, Ray Skywalker, Claudy Pies, Hunter McCrae, Hannam Amaya,
Joshua Schultz, Matthew Connor, Neck, Pubes, Winter, Scoop, Andreas s,
Mike Lush, The Wintle, Shitty Titty Kitty, Kyle Sharton, Renee

(01:22:44):
g Matt and Joseph Wagner.

Speaker 3 (01:22:47):
We also have our Theradactyls Scoop, Brady Ice Blue Scoop,
Brian Lehman, Andre Anderson, Frozen Cusser, Lori ls Roth, Polygon, Say,
Shaunagan Scoopy Scoopy, just Ess, Okie Scoop, Dank Butda brooks Lyle,
Adam Ribchik, Lovely Spark, Sir is just Fine. Jim and
Manu the Offices of Counselor and Counselor, a qusty Quillant,

(01:23:10):
Casey Mentor, Fuck Yeah, Bitch, Melkboy and Mommy Da Mate.

Speaker 2 (01:23:15):
Oh, by the way, we got a scoop baby.

Speaker 1 (01:23:18):
Yeah, the new baby. Jim and Manu have officially pro created, hooray,
and baby is doing great And if you want updates,
our discord is filled with fun updates and pictures, and
mommy is doing fun.

Speaker 2 (01:23:34):
So cute, so we are very very happy.

Speaker 1 (01:23:36):
Yes, and they did, as per the agreement of the
Patreon named the baby after me. But I appreciated and Jim,
I'm also sorry for but Prima Nocta, you know, and them.

Speaker 2 (01:23:48):
Job and Jeans.

Speaker 1 (01:23:49):
They they are just gonna break right through the visectomy
and they did, so congratulations and do not call me
fri any.

Speaker 2 (01:23:55):
This is this is that part where we talk about
like he like you have to think how other people
may Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:24:03):
Probably yeah, okay, now that I'm hearing it back, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I could see where they would be like, hey, don't
putend like you had sex with Manu. We don't appreciate that. Yeah, okay, yeah,
that's good call. Yeah, maybe just celebrate the baby leave
it there. Okay, yeah, good call, good call. We'd like
to thank the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrant actually there
be die Hard all so much they give till it

(01:24:26):
hurts that their partner pick it hanging. And we'd like
to thank our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati, members
of the fan club, the their producers. Thank you, Jake Schneider, Meira,
Robert Brownie, Junior, Mint Smitty Scoop, Richard Fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia,
Leon Cassab, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller, Dan Martin,
Stamy Scoop, Slurpi Kai Motherfucker, Ben Stanley's Lapping Your Face,

(01:24:46):
Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Biler Team, Mike helm Usker, Swanros
paris A, Sonny Boy, Darren Cunningham, Libs Center, Mcwaffle Team, Monico,
Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Hey O Hanna, Marie Andrew Ling Meat,
Emma Tonka and Pony Soprano Elena cord To the Lori Guy,
Brady Malay, Chick Chick fil Atio Gabriel of Dome, Shaun Sutherland, Mexaginger, Scoop,
Chad mag Adam Warren, Inkle, The Prince, Sam Cone, Bigay,

(01:25:07):
do Crimes, el e Odare and Blip blop.

Speaker 2 (01:25:10):
And if you would like to hear this episode uncut
and unedited it and I will you and enjoy our
spontaneous side projects, go to patreon dot com slash therapy
and thank you for supporting mental health. Well that's all
the time we got for this week's session.

Speaker 1 (01:25:21):
We'd like to thank the nameless studio that supports us
and hosts US. And we'd like to thank all of
you contributed to our show today.

Speaker 4 (01:25:28):
We do appreciate it because remember bullets, pod therapy isn't
something you should see've helped yourself?

Speaker 1 (01:25:34):
Shall the episode with the world taguson socials when you do.
It's at pop therapy guys on Instagram, threads and Twitter
at slash pot therapy it Facebook, and don't forget, it's
all the extra goodies Patreon dot com, slash therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:25:45):
I want head edges in my mouth? Do you want
to submit a question of the show. You can ask
anonymously pod therapy dot next, email us pod therapy guys
at gmail dot com, or click the link in the
episode description to be taken to our anonymous Google form.

Speaker 3 (01:25:58):
I'm Nick Tangeman, Whitney, I'm Jim.

Speaker 2 (01:26:00):
Thanks and we'll see for your apartments next week. She
has a hot supple nineteen year old? Why why are
you using Knick's voice though? See how people are my voice? Man,
This AI is getting out of control. Goodbye, everybody,

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