February 28, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode of Positive Blatherings, Scott sits down with Stacey Steinmiller, founder of Radical Evolution, to explore the power of personal growth and self-awareness. Stacey shares her inspiring journey from running her own therapy practice to launching a thriving coaching business. Learn how embracing self-responsibility, managing reactions, and overcoming resistance can transform your business and personal life. If you’re looking to improve your mindset, achieve business success, or simply become a better version of yourself, this conversation is packed with valuable insights and practical advice.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
That's threepeat. No, I'm conform us. Oh, I promise to
be different. I promise to.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Be que.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I promise not threepeat things other people say.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Welcome back to positive blatherings say welcome back. And it's
been I don't know how many months since I've done
this show because I'm too busy helping other people with
their podcasts and can't be bothered to do my own.
But in the case that I do run across someone
who I think I really really want to talk to
on my podcast, then I make every effort to do so.
And today is no exception. Stacy Steinmiller is on the podcast,
(00:59):
and she is my she's my coach. Put me in coach,
you're I just want to say that that you have
you have. You have made a big difference in in
my day to day, in my business, in my personal life,
and and I didn't think it was possible. So thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I'm happy for you. That's all I want for my
clients is to make that positive impact. And I'm just
glad how fast and receptive you've been to the work.
And you know so, I can only take credit for
my side, and the results really only happen based off
my clients. So you're getting the results because you put
(01:40):
in the work.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Right right, Yeah, but you know, you gave me the work,
and I'm not usually good at this kind of stuff,
so I'm kind of I'm like, all right, so maybe
I'm I'm like kicking ass right now, but in a
month and you're gonna be like Scott with that way.
What's going on? You were doing so well? So anyway,
so what's what's the name of your of your coaching
(02:03):
business and how did you get started?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Okay, so the name of my coaching business is called
Radical Evolution, and I guess there's a story on how
that came to be. There's always a story, there's always
a story. Yeah, But it got started is a transition
from my therapy practice, which was called Authentic Self Counseling,
(02:26):
which I started in twenty fourteen, and then in late
twenty twenty one is when I officially got my DBA
for the coaching and then I slowly transitioned over and
then June twenty twenty two, I left my therapy practice
completely to focus completely on the coaching.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And you had your own therapy practice or were you
part of.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
A group my own? Yeah, it was it was just me.
So I was also used to the one man bands.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Yeah, so you didn't. You didn't have that, so I
guess we can go back to that. But you didn't
have that terrified jumping off point at least here, But
you did before when you started your therapy practice.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yes, yes, and so that was kind of big. So back,
it took me a while to fully transition from my
from like a nine to five or having other w
two jobs into full time into my therapy practice. And
I did that very slowly to make sure that I was,
you know, stable financially, and then once I was able
(03:29):
to make that jump, I made that jump. So this
time I wanted to give myself the experience of fully jumping.
I'm laughing because I'm remembering of how I felt then
and now I have more wisdom now of like I
(03:50):
can I should be able to get this where I want,
like six months. I've done this before. This is easy, pas.
I know how to build business, I know what to do.
I'm well established in Rochester especially, and you know, but
it was a different road than I expected. So yeah,
so now I feel like I've had both experiences, the
(04:12):
slow transition and the jumping and the deep end without
any floaties.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, it's funny. I had both kind of at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
It was like it's been a slow transit. When I
started Rockbox, I was still working full time in radio,
so I had and that was for two years until
the pandemic sort of forced my hand out of radio.
I wasn't there was no point in me being there
because of the pay cuts and all that kind of stuff.
So I was like, well, here's the here's the choice.
(04:43):
Do I do I just stick with this and see
what I can get out of it, or do I
jump full force into into rock Box and put that
time that I'm the first, you know, four or five
hours of the morning that I'm spending sitting there at
the radio station like this doing nothing. Or do I
put that energy into this business and try to grow it.
And that's what I decided to do. Thankfully, my wife
(05:06):
is has always sort of been the bread winner in
the family, so we were at a position to where
I could actually do that and not cause too much
of a ruckus. You know. I had, I had my
little things that I had to do to take care of,
and I was like, yeah, I can do that. I
can do that, you know, and we've been we were
open for two and a half years already, so we'd
(05:27):
already kind of established some things, and I took over
this business, which is how I was able to start it.
So there was more in there. But I know that
that feeling of like and especially when you go it's
not too deep and then you jump and you're like, whoa,
it's way deeper than I thought.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
It's deeper, it's colder, there's there. You're like, oh man,
it's not bared.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
What kind of what kind of a support structure did
you have for yourself when you were making these changes
or did you?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I mean, I I had coaches, you know, I had
my coaches. I think I think I was expecting some
magic from all that work, and I believe there is
a lot of magic in the work. And not that
the magic wasn't happening, because it really was, but taking
(06:24):
my entire salary without any backup away it was probably
not the best decision for me. So yeah, but I
had coaches and a lot of people believe in me,
and they have they did then they still do now.
So I have a I have a strong support network
(06:44):
just in general, with a lot of people that believe
in me, and that's I don't think I could do
it without that. And you know, my family has always
been I know, I'm really lucky. A lot of people
don't have supportive family and I do. And you know,
I think I've proven and I don't like to use
that word myself to a lot of people over the
(07:07):
years with building the therapy practice and making as successful
as it was. And then I also took over renting
out an office suite as well and made that successful
and that was a big jump too at the time.
So I think people that have known me for a
long time see that I always make things work. You know,
(07:28):
there isn't a failure in my book. I don't make
I don't let it happen.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Nice. If you could go back to is there a
singular moment in your upbringing, in your childhood, or whatever
part in your life where you decided that your goal
in life was to help people get better.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
That's a good question. I was really resistant to the work,
to be honest. I remember at one point saying like,
I don't want to be a social worker just was
really because of the money or well, yeah, like I
always wanted to be rich. I like, yeah, I wanted
to be in a powerful position, a wealthy position. And yeah,
(08:17):
so the going to school for social work, like there
was none of that. And even in your master's program
they literally tell you they're like, expect to be poor.
It's it's a lot a lot of you know, when
I went to Roberts Wesleyan for my masters. So there's
not a requirement for the faith for a master's program.
(08:37):
There there is for the undergrad but still it you know,
attracts mostly faith based and it's highly female. So it's
often usually more of the female that's kind of just
working just because they want to help. But yeah, they're
not the bread winner. They're not supporting the right, like
they're usually married to somebody who you know is doing
(09:00):
that role.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Yeah. Yeah, so that must have been an interesting dynamic
in your your studies.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It was interesting especially I remember the first day of
classes and the majority of the classes started out with
prayer and I was like, oh, whoa, I wasn't expecting that.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah, I went to Catholic high school, so I'm kind
of used to that. Well, I was used to that that.
That's an interesting kind of thing though I didn't even
think about that at at Wesleyan is that they started
out it is a religious college. Yeah, so that would
be that would be kind of a little bit of
culture shock for someone who's not used to that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Well, I mean, but I grew I was raised Catholic.
I went to church every Sunday, Okay, And actually my
first job was an organist at a church. So I'm
really weird.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Church lady, Holy c this is crazy.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
It really is crazy. So, I mean it was nice money.
It was like fifty bucks a Sunday, you know.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
And when you were in high school or.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah, I was in high school, so that was like
really good money. Yeah, and it was something that I
knew and I liked it. So yeah, so it's not
like unfamiliar. But I had been on my own spiritual
journey and so forth and things with religion, you know,
throughout that, so I knew I could feel comfortable. But
(10:28):
I also one funny story is I didn't realize I
did have to like sign off on I don't know,
like a moral code or something. I have a problem
of signing things without reading them. And one time we
were having to do this study, like a study you know,
it's like for a stats class, and I was like, Oh,
we should go to the bar and do it. And
(10:52):
one of my friends was like, we can't do that,
like it's against the rules. I was like, we're over
twenty one. I think we legally can drink. I don't
understand the problem. And she's like, no, we like signed
off this thing and I was like, oh shit, I don't.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Know where is it. Where's that dastardly piece of paper?
What does it say exactly?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
I was like, oops, so well, but guess.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
It's the library for us. Meanwhile, you're sneaking in a
little uh little flask.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I mean, I never, you know, bring on called school.
But like, oh, I didn't know we signed off on
how we were supposed to spend our free time. So oops,
oh well.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
So but was there was there? So you said? You
don't you You weren't all like jazzed about social work
and stuff like that, but you still had a helping nature.
You must have had some sort of desire, Yeah, to
help people heal in some way.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, it's always some Ben. I was always like the
helper of friends. You know. Friends would always come to
me for support and advice and to listen. And so
I think I really had a natural, you know, inclination
towards that. And I also noticed over the years that
I think something that's different about me than other people
(12:19):
is people can tell me the worst, most shameful, embarrassing,
terrible things that they've done that has happened to them,
their thoughts, feelings, and it doesn't make me uncomfortable and
people and that it truly doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.
(12:40):
And people can feel that so they feel safe sharing.
Now that doesn't most of the time when people share
or they're about to share something, I say, it's more
uncomfortable for you than it is for me, and that's
often usually a block. Peceill be like, well, I don't
want to share because I don't want you to look
(13:02):
at me differently, or I don't want you to judge me,
and it's like, well, you're projecting. It's you looking at
you differently, it's you judging you, and it's not me.
But even with other therapists and so forth, I noticed,
you know, many don't have that comfort level, especially even
around like suicidality and things like that. So I think
(13:25):
that's something that made me stand out in the field.
But I think that just is natural to who I
am as a person.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
That's huge, That's really huge. I having gone through quite
a few therapists and the last, my last therapist was
the one that really fit for me and really made
a difference. There was other ones that, you know, weren't bad,
weren't great, you know that I always felt like there
was a little bit of judgment there. I always felt like,
(13:59):
you know, and this last therapist I had really felt
like it felt like a family member, like a mother,
you know, that that was there that you know, unburden
yourself my son without the religious connotations, but but you know,
but it was like, you know, and then she would
she would call me out on my BS, but at
(14:21):
the same time try to help me figure out why
that BS is there as opposed to what was happening
in the past. And that was so having that comfort
level is so important. I can I can understand why
that would be why you were doing well.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah yeah, And they say like, like finding a therapist
is like dating, you know, you kind of got to
find the right.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Thing, right.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
So, so it was really good about putting my personality
out on my website so that if people chose to
work with me, they already kind of knew what they
were getting. As far as that I am. I do
like to call people out on.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Their I imagine you like on your on your website
with a sword and a shield, being like, let's stab
that shit now.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Hard, right, we're going into battle. And actually, actually the
thing that fulfilled my therapy practice were two words on
my website. I know if I ever told you this,
they were shit happens. So you open up the website,
it was like this nice serene photo and like a
(15:28):
little quote from me, and then you scroll down and
then like and I don't know, like two hundred font
or something insane across the hole. It is just so
shit happened. And then people in that moment, and I
know this because people told me this. In that moment,
they're like, she's my girl, she gets me, she understands me.
And that's where that means, like the non judgmental stuff
(15:50):
of like being willing to to talk about the real,
raw feelings instead of this like fluffy you know, pretend.
It almost feels like this pretend world and you read
these things and you're like, I don't know what world
is girls living in, because it's definitely not my world, right,
but then they read my stuff They're like, oh, this
(16:12):
is real, this is real life here.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah. Yeah. The thing that I always found interesting was, uh,
when when you when I talked to therapists, so one
thing I always wanted to know was like, all right,
so who's your therapist? Who do you who do you
go to when you Because you're a human being, so
you're not You're not you know, made of stone or whatever.
You have a lot of the same problems that we
(16:36):
all go through, and and at some point you need
to talk to somebody. So is it common for therapists
to have therapists.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Or yes, it's common, it's recommended. It can look a
lot of different ways. I had I had a super supervisor.
They we call it supervision. So in order so the license,
I became an LCSWR, which that takes six to seven
(17:05):
years to get after you graduate. But I also hired
on my own a therapist that trained me in EMDR
and dissociation. But then I continued to pay for ongoing consultation.
So you do learn about the therapy and how to
(17:27):
implement it and how to work with your clients with it,
but you also learn it for yourself and back in
I think I was twenty nineteen. I went to they
do this art of EMDR. I only went to one,
but I went to one in Costa Rica and yeah,
and it's always early February.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
What is I've heard?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, it's I movement desensitization and reprocessing. So it's mainly
used to treat PTSD. And what it does is it
takes the emotional charge out of a traumatic memory. So
you know, if like you know, when you think of something,
it can be something even as mild of you, we
have an embarrassing memory and you cringe every time you
(18:10):
think about it. It can get rid of that to
remembering highly traumatic events that paralyze you, yeah, and send
you into flashbacks and so forth. So there was Yeah,
they called it our EMDR and Costa Rica in the
beginning of February, and actually I flew down on my birthday,
(18:32):
so that felt fun and we did it was like training,
but it was a lot of EMDR on each other
for the entire week, where you can kind of go
deeper into your own healing and your own work. So
that's always been encouraged. I had an MDR therapist as
well myself for many years and then then I started
(18:55):
dabbling more with coaching and the spiritual maybe WU side
of things. I had a lot of resistance with that
for a lot of my life. I used to make
fun of people. It's so funny. I always say anything
I've always said I would never do or never be,
(19:16):
like you've become because like what we resist, you know,
there's a reason why there's a resistance there. It's really interesting.
So then then I started gaining a lot of value
from that side of things.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
I used to be a kind of against the WU,
like you're not you know, but the WU is the
WU rules, it does. It's it's just it has to
be done right and it has to be done with
the right and like it's there. It's so hard to explain.
It's like it works as long as you're doing it
(19:59):
right and you're authentic about it. Yes, yeah, Like it's
the authenticity of it that that doesn't And that's kind
of I've touched on a lot of that stuff on
this podcast too, and it's like you can there's the
toxic positivity where it's like you've got to be positive
today or that's like no, I'm actually going to sit
take a breath, and I'm going to think about this
(20:20):
and I'm going to try to change my thoughts and
redirect where I'm going to be today.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Right, Yeah, yeah, a lot, it's a lot of both,
and I use that phrase a lot, and so, yes,
you do have to feel the feelings, acknowledge what's true,
which actually is coming up to pretend that you're not
angry when you are angry is an assault on yourself.
(20:48):
So it's important to acknowledge that. But then also knowing
that there's always a learning and opportunity, a golden nugget
in whatever you're experiencing simultaneously, so that as you move
through the anger or sadness or whatever's going on, you're
also kind of tuned to this frequency so that you
(21:09):
see that and then you can you know, move through
it in a positive way as well. So yeah, it's yeah,
they call it a toxic positivity. They call spiritual bypassing
as a thing in the community as well. So yeah,
there's negative ways you can do it, like with affirmations.
(21:29):
You can say affirmations so you're blue in the face,
but if you don't address the underlying doubts and fears
that are that come up alongside of it, You're not
going to get anywhere, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I Uh. One of the biggest things that I work
with on a daily basis is how I react to things,
especially negative things or surprising things or things that I'm
not happy with that whole like damn it, God, damn it,
Like come on, like I I'm trying, I'm really trying.
(22:07):
But she's like, you know, I love when you say that,
And that's you know that, that's that's something that runs
in my family. That's that's been probably for generations.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
My father learned it from his father. I learned it
from my father, and it just continues on. Thankfully. I
don't think my kids I've been trying hard to or
maybe they just don't listen to me. It's probably that.
But that that idea of trying to keep yourself in
the moment so that you're not so that your reactions
(22:41):
don't take over that that that's where Iah, That's where
I really have a struggle, and I'm trying, you know,
really hard to do that. What what would you what's
your like go to kind of thing to help people say,
you know, don't be so reactionary or whatever. You have
the same problem that I'm having.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, no, and that's a big one for me and
I still work on that. So yeah, so first you
kind of really have to be aware of it's usually
like a control so like for me, that might look
like everything's ruined, right, so it's like something right and
you're like, oh, like you're just so frustrated everything's So
(23:21):
it's like recognizing the catastrophizing that your mind's doing around
the situation and recognizing like, oh, what if everything wasn't ruined,
what if there is an opportunity here? What if this
is actually serving me? You know, like you can kind
of like up the level the more that that you go.
(23:44):
So it's really starting to look at, oh, this is
like my ego that's driving the ship right now. And
I'm also I'm in a state of control, so I'm
not in a state of trust. I'm not in a
place of love. I'm you know, disconnected from my deeper being.
(24:07):
And so it's like when you really start to it's
almost so for me, it really goes into changing like
your worldview, and then as that worldview changes, then you
can catch those things easier. Yeah, Unfortunately, my daughter has
picked up on those things and she gets really frustrated
(24:27):
and feels like everything's ruined and so forth, and having
that reflected back to me.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
Yeah, that's sobering. Yeah, that's sobering. I know. I joke like, yeah,
my kids have a lot of my bad habits. But
the there's a lot of people that roll their eyes over,
you know, at what you just said, like that whole thing.
And I don't know if I don't know if I
would have been you know, rude enough to roll my
(24:56):
eyes at what you just said, like at least in
your presence, but I know that there's that there's a
whole group of people that are like, that's just you
know whatever, yeah woo woo. I mean that's the word
that a lot of people use. That's just you know,
sentimental bullshit or whatever. And what do you tell those
(25:17):
people when you're confronted that, because I'm sure it happens.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah. Yeah, even with my clients or when I can
tell there's a resistance to something I said, I'll say,
will argue with me, like come back, you know, like
don't just kind of sit there either, like in silence,
being like, well I don't believe what she says, so
I'm not going to say anything or feel defeated about
(25:41):
it or whatever, because the movement happens from that dialogue
and looking at what those beliefs are. So yeah, it's
hard because the mind usually goes to evidence, Well, I
have evidence that one this happens, that happens, or or whatnot,
and it's like, well, it's because that's what you believe,
if you know, so what would it be like or
(26:03):
are you willing are you even willing to just think
there's that you're supported, that you're provided for, that things
are going to work out. So if you can come
into just being curious about a different way of thought
is one thing I would maybe challenge them to do
(26:26):
or one thing I did even in therapy, and it's
like not the same topic, but it's kind of challenging
someone of like, well, is what you're doing now working
for you?
Speaker 1 (26:41):
You know? Right?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Like usually they're upset or frustrated or things. Yeah, exactly,
how's that working out for you? Not? Well okay, well yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
That's yeah. It's funny because it's such a simple kind
of way to look at it. It's a simple thing.
So being all crazy and pissed off, right now, how's that?
How's that work for you? How's it doing? So, although
some people do kind of thrive in that in that headspace,
like they just they love to be in the chaos
and and the and the drama, and that's where they
(27:12):
live and you see them on Facebook all the time.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah. Yeah, So And that's interesting too because one thing that,
especially when I was building my therapy practice, I recognized
it and even to some extent with my coaching. So
there's a little bit of wisdom in the emotion here.
And that's why I say it's always this both and
so what would happen when I was building my therapy practice.
(27:39):
I'd get to these places where I just like break down.
I'm like, why aren't people scheduling? This is so hard?
And I'm never you know, like I would have like
my little pissy fit time for tantrum. That's usually the
words I use. And after I would have my little
time for tantrum, I'd get like a new client. Right.
(28:01):
So then I was and I noticed that pattern happen
a lot, and I'm like, why is my negative behavior
being positively reinforced? Like I saw this and I knew
what was happening. I'm why is this happening? So what
I think was happening was I was being honest with
(28:23):
my feelings and I was feeling them, and that can
clear out like a lot of stuck energy to bring
energy in and then the reason too, so then to
kind of figure out how do I clear my emotions.
But in like a less temper tantrumy way is really
(28:44):
just to serve yourself so that you're in a more positive,
happier mindset, so that you're not like freaking out. But
it is okay to kind of look at like, oh,
I'm feeling really disappointed right now. I feel like I'm
working really hard and I'm frustrated about my results. Right
It's just a more Cammon way to be honest about
how you're feeling.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
You know, something that you said earlier was the acknowledging,
acknowledging your feelings, acknowledging what you're going through at the time.
I think a lot of people, I mean, I know
I did skip that part. You're feeling it, you're in it.
You're bitching and moaning about things, and you're pissed off
and everything, and you never think of taking the step
(29:26):
and go, Okay, what's going on right now? Let's take
a step out, take a pause, take a breath, and
go all right, so this happened. What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
How?
Speaker 3 (29:36):
How did that really ruin my day? How? You know,
examine it and even just I think even just taking
that break to and examine it first of all, is
going to drop the emotion levels down because now you're redirecting, right, trying.
I'm starting to try to learn your your stuff. But
then then you can so do you have do you
(29:58):
have like a a list like steps like step like
and you're in a situation, here's what you should do one, two, three, four,
and do that?
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Yeah? I mean yeah you can obviously, yeah, take a
few deep breaths, you know, like there are not any
steps that nobody doesn't know. That's the thing is people
know what they need to be doing, they're just not
doing it. And I know that because that was also
me where I'm like, I don't want to take some
deep breaths, I don't want to calm down, right yeah right,
(30:28):
So that's where I would then say, look at that
resistance from even doing the steps because it's not rocket science.
I don't need to give you a formula. You have
your own formula, and it's really working with the resistance
of giving yourself permission that things can go well in
(30:52):
your life. And why am I so resistant to believing
that and trusting in that. There's some fear of loss there,
and that's where I would then kind of direct people
and being because once you really address that, you don't
need any steps. You know it, And it's just like
(31:13):
that reckon, but yeah, stop recognize Okay, I'm in some
sort of control pattern. So therefore my ego is running
the show and I'm kind of, like I said earlier,
I'm not in a place of trust. Like that's all
it always really comes down to, you know, I mean,
I mean those are big things.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
How many people do you know that can sit back
and go, oh, my ego is totally.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's it's well, that's so I okay, So this is
what I do. I constantly absorb it, and I go
in phases that information. I'll go on walks and just
listen to Alan Watts. I used to listen to Eckart
tootally before I went to bed, like almost every night.
You can go on YouTube and just listen to Joe
(32:01):
to spends the talk and your mind is going to
want to understand it. One, it's going to want to
argue with it too. Oh, I want to talk about this.
So the reason why we argue and we're resistant to
a lot of this information is because it brings us
face to face with the fact that we've given our
(32:23):
power away for so long and that things quote could
have been differently different, and that we had the power
to make it different. And that is really confronting to
see yourself as the source of your suffering. So at
the end of the day, if I were to give
(32:44):
like a blanket statement as to what our resistance really is,
it's that it's that taking responsibility peace because it feels
so much better to blame anything other than our Oh.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Yeah, yeah, And I think I'm pretty sure you've you've
played that take responsibility card on me a couple of times,
which the first couple of times I.
Speaker 4 (33:07):
Was like, yeah, exactly, But now that now, after I've
seen the results of that mindset, is too all right,
let's think this out.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
And and even my wife has noticed it, like I'm
I'm I'll be like, yeah, you know what, I didn't
I didn't express that properly. I didn't I didn't communicate
that well enough to you. I apologize.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Yeah, that's huge, you.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Know, and now it's like everything what Wow, it didn't
blow up. We just we stopped. We stopped right now
we're moving on. Were't eating dinner and everything's fine, right.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, And that's that feels magical to me, and like
those are just a few little words and they can
completely transform your life. And it's because you shifted your
energy and you weren't in the I need to prove
my point. I need to make sure that this person
understands I need to stay convicted and whatever thing's going
(34:02):
on for me. But yeah, it's taking the ego to
the side and moving through with that, and that's really
hard to do. But that's why I do encourage that
coming back of like, yeah, give me your resistance, Like
let's work with us, let's find out because otherwise we're
not going to see those results.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
What would you say, and I don't know if you
can't even answer this question, but what would you say
that that I'll say, our society, the society in this
country that and it's what is the most important thing
that we need as as human beings in this society
(34:45):
to be better? Yeah, I mean it's I know, it's
a big question.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
It is a big question. But so part of why
I do this work in the way that I do
it is I truly believe the best thing that we
can do for others is to work on ourselves. So
you just gave the perfect example, but by you doing
the work like you said, your wife noticed and she
(35:12):
had a better day because of the work that you did, right,
And that's what I call like the ripple effect, is
that if we all work on ourselves, not only will
we be positively impacted, but we will positively impact every
human being that we interact with that is in our field,
(35:33):
that can feel our energy. And that's so I think
that's why I go about it this way, is just
really become more self aware and also live your dreams.
And that's why I talk about that a lot too,
(35:53):
and because we deserve it, and so if we actually
put in it, take responsibility for our lives, put in
the effort and energy to build what we want, we're
going to be happier people. And I think if we
all do that, we'll be happy, and then we can
(36:14):
give from a better place. A lot of people will
give from a place that is self destructive, that doesn't
honor their needs and is over sacrificing. And I think
that's a problem as well, because then it also just
perpetuates this I need to be saved or other people
(36:39):
need to be saved, and so it takes that self
responsibility out of the equation, and I think that's a
real persistent problem.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
So, yeah, be responsible for yourself.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah yeah, yeah, it's like that's it. But yes, that's
really hard. It's almost like growing up.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Yeah, we got to grow up. Yeah, it's but it's true.
But it's you don't think of it like that, you know,
you think of that grow up you when someone says, oh,
grow up, what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Right?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Right?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
That means what take responsibility for your actions?
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Right? Yeah? Your life? Like how does it look? Are
you getting what you want? If not? Take responsibility for
it and make it different.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
Don't blame, don't blame, right Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
And so it's this maturation and I think that's been
a lot of the work that I've been working on
over the past few years, and with one of the
coaches I was working on, was really this like maturation
into where I'm at now, because yeah, how am I
going to hold space for other people? How am I
going to support them in their dreams. If I'm not
(37:50):
at that level, I'm not going to be able to. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
Yeah, And what you know, they say you can't truly
love other people until you love yourself, which I think
there's there's something to be said about that. It's really
true because as I working with you, became more understanding.
And this is the same one with my last therapy
sessions that I had. As I came to understand myself
(38:17):
more and understood why I was acting the way I
was and why I was doing certain things, I could
give myself a break. I could be like, all right, well,
so you're not a dipshit. You know, you're not a
bad person. You your brain is reacting this way because
of this, and now if you can recognize that, then
(38:39):
you can maybe stop it from reacting that way, go
a different way and become a better person, which is
in turn going to, like you said, affect all of
the people that you deal with on a daily basis.
You know, it's the scrooge thing, right.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Right, Yes, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Now go and get me a fat and goose.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
Yeah it's yeah, that's funny. Because I took my daughter
to see I love a Christmas Carol. But but yeah,
and it's that softening and that's really vulnerable. And I
think that's also right why we resist the work because
we have to get really soft and squishy and vulnerable
and it's gross and achy that But maybe that's just
(39:22):
my experience.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
That No, I think you pretty much just described about
ninety five percent of the population.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Yeah, I think so. So, yeah, it's but that's always
my biggest compliment back to the like when my client
spouses say things like you got to keep working at
Sneazy because right, they have benefited so much from the
(39:48):
work that I always that always tickles tickles me.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
Yeah. Yeah, so what's uh, how, what's what's up for you? Like,
is there anything exciting coming up for you that you
want to let people know about her?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
I've always got exciting things, I know. So the next
I don't want to say program that I'm running is
Radical Self Love. So I decided to do that for
February Valentines. Yeah, all that stuff. So we're going to
(40:25):
start it's a two week program starting on my birthday
February third, and going to end on Valentine's Day. So
that is going to be about that softening opening receptivity,
coming into yourself, working with those vulnerable parts of self
that allow love in and allow us to give love
(40:49):
from from a more truer and deeper place instead of
like that fixing, control, manipulative place that people often don't
want to admit that they're functioning from. So that that's
that's coming up, and I'm excited about that. So if
(41:10):
anybody's I don't know, this might not go out.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Well, I don't know. I think I'm going to try
to get this out as soon as possible, So we'll see.
I'll let you know if this doesn't, if this post
way after this is happening, and I'll just cut this
whole shit out, But I don't plan on that I will.
I will have to say to to the three or
four people that are listening and watching, if you've ever
(41:38):
considered getting a coach, a business coach, a personal coach
to help you to be a better person, a better entrepreneur,
a better employee, a better manager, whatever it is, a
better person, better human being, talk to Stacy. Check out
our website. What's the what's the website?
Speaker 2 (41:58):
It's a radical life coach.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Radical life coach, and it is radical. It is one
hundred percent. I can attest it's radical because I'm telling
you I am. I was a naysayer. I was like,
and the reason why I chose Stacy is because I'm
just because of a mutual connection with Todd Youngman. And
you came in here and we talked about a podcast
or whatever, and I was like, she's pretty cool. And
then I started seeing your posts, started seeing your posts
(42:22):
about your coaching and everything like that. And I've been
doing this podcast for quite a few years and have
talked to I'M Team people who talked about getting coaches
and having these coaching mentors and things, and I was
like at a point where I'm like, what can I
do to invest in myself to help things get better?
And it just sort of all clicked together and I'm like,
(42:43):
this is what I need to do. And I even
tried to back out of it because I remember I
had I had bad things happen, just just like the
day after I signed up and we had our first
our first talk, everything went went south. I lot like
people walked away and I was like, what this is
going to happen? I can't afford it anymore. And then
I stopped myself and I said, no, you're not gonna
(43:05):
You're not going to let that fear run away. You
know you're not gonna run away with that fear.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
So yeah, I was impressed, to be honest, right from
the get go when you did that, actually started things
started coming undone before you even paid. And yeah, I
so I was really impressed that you did that. And
I guess my question for you, are you glad that
(43:29):
you took that risk? Did you make your money back?
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Oh? I think so, I think so. I think geez,
it's it's so much more valuable than than the income
than an invoice. You know. It's it's changing, It's changing
how I view things and how I react. It's a
slow process. I'm not going to I'm not like perfect
count and I never will be. And you know, even
(43:53):
today I had some some things that I was like,
I probably could have handled that a little bit better.
But I think you've at the very bottom line is
you've helped me with my self awareness to be aware
of when those things are happening and when I'm acting
a certain way, and to try to to jump in
and stop it and change it and make it better.
(44:14):
And I think that's just like you said, like everybody
needs that. That's just time to grow up. It's time
to grow up fits. So so do yourself a favor.
Hit up hit up Stacy on our website and join
our join our group if you want to join our group.
It's great. I'm in a group with mostly women and
uh and it's just a it's a it's a welcoming environment.
(44:38):
You have cheerleaders that are there to help you and
and cheer on even your smallest wins, like I type
my shoes today, like yeah, you know, and it sounds silly,
but God, do we need that. We need that that,
we need cheerleaders so much. And some people that just
don't have a cheerleader at all. Some people have tons
(45:00):
of cheerleaders and good for you, but there's some people
that don't have a cheerleader at all. And you know,
if you've got to pay for a cheerleader, it's not
the I mean, I'm minimizing it crazy, but but if
that's how you have to start to see that, to
see the value in that cheer it becomes it just becomes.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Yeah, it builds on itself. It builds on itself exponential.
And there's a quote and I wish to remember who
it was from. I was trying to look for this
months ago and I could not find it. But it's
something like you pay me for my education, my time.
Oh yeah, energy, the love is for free.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
Ah yeah, that's a perfect way to end this positive blatherings.
Thank you so much for coming in and sharing your
your wisdom with us, and I'm looking forward to actually
you have a possession in a couple hours. Yes, I
(46:05):
bel
That's threepeat. No, I'm conform us. Oh, I promise to
be different. I promise to.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Be que.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I promise not threepeat things other people say.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Welcome back to positive blatherings say welcome back. And it's
been I don't know how many months since I've done
this show because I'm too busy helping other people with
their podcasts and can't be bothered to do my own.
But in the case that I do run across someone
who I think I really really want to talk to
on my podcast, then I make every effort to do so.
And today is no exception. Stacy Steinmiller is on the podcast,
(00:59):
and she is my she's my coach. Put me in coach,
you're I just want to say that that you have
you have. You have made a big difference in in
my day to day, in my business, in my personal life,
and and I didn't think it was possible. So thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I'm happy for you. That's all I want for my
clients is to make that positive impact. And I'm just
glad how fast and receptive you've been to the work.
And you know so, I can only take credit for
my side, and the results really only happen based off
my clients. So you're getting the results because you put
(01:40):
in the work.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Right right, Yeah, but you know, you gave me the work,
and I'm not usually good at this kind of stuff,
so I'm kind of I'm like, all right, so maybe
I'm I'm like kicking ass right now, but in a
month and you're gonna be like Scott with that way.
What's going on? You were doing so well? So anyway,
so what's what's the name of your of your coaching
(02:03):
business and how did you get started?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Okay, so the name of my coaching business is called
Radical Evolution, and I guess there's a story on how
that came to be. There's always a story, there's always
a story. Yeah, But it got started is a transition
from my therapy practice, which was called Authentic Self Counseling,
(02:26):
which I started in twenty fourteen, and then in late
twenty twenty one is when I officially got my DBA
for the coaching and then I slowly transitioned over and
then June twenty twenty two, I left my therapy practice
completely to focus completely on the coaching.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And you had your own therapy practice or were you
part of.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
A group my own? Yeah, it was it was just me.
So I was also used to the one man bands.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Yeah, so you didn't. You didn't have that, so I
guess we can go back to that. But you didn't
have that terrified jumping off point at least here, But
you did before when you started your therapy practice.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yes, yes, and so that was kind of big. So back,
it took me a while to fully transition from my
from like a nine to five or having other w
two jobs into full time into my therapy practice. And
I did that very slowly to make sure that I was,
you know, stable financially, and then once I was able
(03:29):
to make that jump, I made that jump. So this
time I wanted to give myself the experience of fully jumping.
I'm laughing because I'm remembering of how I felt then
and now I have more wisdom now of like I
(03:50):
can I should be able to get this where I want,
like six months. I've done this before. This is easy, pas.
I know how to build business, I know what to do.
I'm well established in Rochester especially, and you know, but
it was a different road than I expected. So yeah,
so now I feel like I've had both experiences, the
(04:12):
slow transition and the jumping and the deep end without
any floaties.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, it's funny. I had both kind of at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
It was like it's been a slow transit. When I
started Rockbox, I was still working full time in radio,
so I had and that was for two years until
the pandemic sort of forced my hand out of radio.
I wasn't there was no point in me being there
because of the pay cuts and all that kind of stuff.
So I was like, well, here's the here's the choice.
(04:43):
Do I do I just stick with this and see
what I can get out of it, or do I
jump full force into into rock Box and put that
time that I'm the first, you know, four or five
hours of the morning that I'm spending sitting there at
the radio station like this doing nothing. Or do I
put that energy into this business and try to grow it.
And that's what I decided to do. Thankfully, my wife
(05:06):
is has always sort of been the bread winner in
the family, so we were at a position to where
I could actually do that and not cause too much
of a ruckus. You know. I had, I had my
little things that I had to do to take care of,
and I was like, yeah, I can do that. I
can do that, you know, and we've been we were
open for two and a half years already, so we'd
(05:27):
already kind of established some things, and I took over
this business, which is how I was able to start it.
So there was more in there. But I know that
that feeling of like and especially when you go it's
not too deep and then you jump and you're like, whoa,
it's way deeper than I thought.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
It's deeper, it's colder, there's there. You're like, oh man,
it's not bared.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
What kind of what kind of a support structure did
you have for yourself when you were making these changes
or did you?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I mean, I I had coaches, you know, I had
my coaches. I think I think I was expecting some
magic from all that work, and I believe there is
a lot of magic in the work. And not that
the magic wasn't happening, because it really was, but taking
(06:24):
my entire salary without any backup away it was probably
not the best decision for me. So yeah, but I
had coaches and a lot of people believe in me,
and they have they did then they still do now.
So I have a I have a strong support network
(06:44):
just in general, with a lot of people that believe
in me, and that's I don't think I could do
it without that. And you know, my family has always
been I know, I'm really lucky. A lot of people
don't have supportive family and I do. And you know,
I think I've proven and I don't like to use
that word myself to a lot of people over the
(07:07):
years with building the therapy practice and making as successful
as it was. And then I also took over renting
out an office suite as well and made that successful
and that was a big jump too at the time.
So I think people that have known me for a
long time see that I always make things work. You know,
(07:28):
there isn't a failure in my book. I don't make
I don't let it happen.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Nice. If you could go back to is there a
singular moment in your upbringing, in your childhood, or whatever
part in your life where you decided that your goal
in life was to help people get better.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
That's a good question. I was really resistant to the work,
to be honest. I remember at one point saying like,
I don't want to be a social worker just was
really because of the money or well, yeah, like I
always wanted to be rich. I like, yeah, I wanted
to be in a powerful position, a wealthy position. And yeah,
(08:17):
so the going to school for social work, like there
was none of that. And even in your master's program
they literally tell you they're like, expect to be poor.
It's it's a lot a lot of you know, when
I went to Roberts Wesleyan for my masters. So there's
not a requirement for the faith for a master's program.
(08:37):
There there is for the undergrad but still it you know,
attracts mostly faith based and it's highly female. So it's
often usually more of the female that's kind of just
working just because they want to help. But yeah, they're
not the bread winner. They're not supporting the right, like
they're usually married to somebody who you know is doing
(09:00):
that role.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Yeah. Yeah, so that must have been an interesting dynamic
in your your studies.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It was interesting especially I remember the first day of
classes and the majority of the classes started out with
prayer and I was like, oh, whoa, I wasn't expecting that.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah, I went to Catholic high school, so I'm kind
of used to that. Well, I was used to that that.
That's an interesting kind of thing though I didn't even
think about that at at Wesleyan is that they started
out it is a religious college. Yeah, so that would
be that would be kind of a little bit of
culture shock for someone who's not used to that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Well, I mean, but I grew I was raised Catholic.
I went to church every Sunday, Okay, And actually my
first job was an organist at a church. So I'm
really weird.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Church lady, Holy c this is crazy.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
It really is crazy. So, I mean it was nice money.
It was like fifty bucks a Sunday, you know.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
And when you were in high school or.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah, I was in high school, so that was like
really good money. Yeah, and it was something that I
knew and I liked it. So yeah, so it's not
like unfamiliar. But I had been on my own spiritual
journey and so forth and things with religion, you know,
throughout that, so I knew I could feel comfortable. But
(10:28):
I also one funny story is I didn't realize I
did have to like sign off on I don't know,
like a moral code or something. I have a problem
of signing things without reading them. And one time we
were having to do this study, like a study you know,
it's like for a stats class, and I was like, Oh,
we should go to the bar and do it. And
(10:52):
one of my friends was like, we can't do that,
like it's against the rules. I was like, we're over
twenty one. I think we legally can drink. I don't
understand the problem. And she's like, no, we like signed
off this thing and I was like, oh shit, I don't.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Know where is it. Where's that dastardly piece of paper?
What does it say exactly?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
I was like, oops, so well, but guess.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
It's the library for us. Meanwhile, you're sneaking in a
little uh little flask.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I mean, I never, you know, bring on called school.
But like, oh, I didn't know we signed off on
how we were supposed to spend our free time. So oops,
oh well.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
So but was there was there? So you said? You
don't you You weren't all like jazzed about social work
and stuff like that, but you still had a helping nature.
You must have had some sort of desire, Yeah, to
help people heal in some way.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, it's always some Ben. I was always like the
helper of friends. You know. Friends would always come to
me for support and advice and to listen. And so
I think I really had a natural, you know, inclination
towards that. And I also noticed over the years that
I think something that's different about me than other people
(12:19):
is people can tell me the worst, most shameful, embarrassing,
terrible things that they've done that has happened to them,
their thoughts, feelings, and it doesn't make me uncomfortable and
people and that it truly doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.
(12:40):
And people can feel that so they feel safe sharing.
Now that doesn't most of the time when people share
or they're about to share something, I say, it's more
uncomfortable for you than it is for me, and that's
often usually a block. Peceill be like, well, I don't
want to share because I don't want you to look
(13:02):
at me differently, or I don't want you to judge me,
and it's like, well, you're projecting. It's you looking at
you differently, it's you judging you, and it's not me.
But even with other therapists and so forth, I noticed,
you know, many don't have that comfort level, especially even
around like suicidality and things like that. So I think
(13:25):
that's something that made me stand out in the field.
But I think that just is natural to who I
am as a person.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
That's huge, That's really huge. I having gone through quite
a few therapists and the last, my last therapist was
the one that really fit for me and really made
a difference. There was other ones that, you know, weren't bad,
weren't great, you know that I always felt like there
was a little bit of judgment there. I always felt like,
(13:59):
you know, and this last therapist I had really felt
like it felt like a family member, like a mother,
you know, that that was there that you know, unburden
yourself my son without the religious connotations, but but you know,
but it was like, you know, and then she would
she would call me out on my BS, but at
(14:21):
the same time try to help me figure out why
that BS is there as opposed to what was happening
in the past. And that was so having that comfort
level is so important. I can I can understand why
that would be why you were doing well.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah yeah, And they say like, like finding a therapist
is like dating, you know, you kind of got to
find the right.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Thing, right.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
So, so it was really good about putting my personality
out on my website so that if people chose to
work with me, they already kind of knew what they
were getting. As far as that I am. I do
like to call people out on.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Their I imagine you like on your on your website
with a sword and a shield, being like, let's stab
that shit now.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Hard, right, we're going into battle. And actually, actually the
thing that fulfilled my therapy practice were two words on
my website. I know if I ever told you this,
they were shit happens. So you open up the website,
it was like this nice serene photo and like a
(15:28):
little quote from me, and then you scroll down and
then like and I don't know, like two hundred font
or something insane across the hole. It is just so
shit happened. And then people in that moment, and I
know this because people told me this. In that moment,
they're like, she's my girl, she gets me, she understands me.
And that's where that means, like the non judgmental stuff
(15:50):
of like being willing to to talk about the real,
raw feelings instead of this like fluffy you know, pretend.
It almost feels like this pretend world and you read
these things and you're like, I don't know what world
is girls living in, because it's definitely not my world, right,
but then they read my stuff They're like, oh, this
(16:12):
is real, this is real life here.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah. Yeah. The thing that I always found interesting was, uh,
when when you when I talked to therapists, so one
thing I always wanted to know was like, all right,
so who's your therapist? Who do you who do you
go to when you Because you're a human being, so
you're not You're not you know, made of stone or whatever.
You have a lot of the same problems that we
(16:36):
all go through, and and at some point you need
to talk to somebody. So is it common for therapists
to have therapists.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Or yes, it's common, it's recommended. It can look a
lot of different ways. I had I had a super supervisor.
They we call it supervision. So in order so the license,
I became an LCSWR, which that takes six to seven
(17:05):
years to get after you graduate. But I also hired
on my own a therapist that trained me in EMDR
and dissociation. But then I continued to pay for ongoing consultation.
So you do learn about the therapy and how to
(17:27):
implement it and how to work with your clients with it,
but you also learn it for yourself and back in
I think I was twenty nineteen. I went to they
do this art of EMDR. I only went to one,
but I went to one in Costa Rica and yeah,
and it's always early February.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
What is I've heard?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, it's I movement desensitization and reprocessing. So it's mainly
used to treat PTSD. And what it does is it
takes the emotional charge out of a traumatic memory. So
you know, if like you know, when you think of something,
it can be something even as mild of you, we
have an embarrassing memory and you cringe every time you
(18:10):
think about it. It can get rid of that to
remembering highly traumatic events that paralyze you, yeah, and send
you into flashbacks and so forth. So there was Yeah,
they called it our EMDR and Costa Rica in the
beginning of February, and actually I flew down on my birthday,
(18:32):
so that felt fun and we did it was like training,
but it was a lot of EMDR on each other
for the entire week, where you can kind of go
deeper into your own healing and your own work. So
that's always been encouraged. I had an MDR therapist as
well myself for many years and then then I started
(18:55):
dabbling more with coaching and the spiritual maybe WU side
of things. I had a lot of resistance with that
for a lot of my life. I used to make
fun of people. It's so funny. I always say anything
I've always said I would never do or never be,
(19:16):
like you've become because like what we resist, you know,
there's a reason why there's a resistance there. It's really interesting.
So then then I started gaining a lot of value
from that side of things.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
I used to be a kind of against the WU,
like you're not you know, but the WU is the
WU rules, it does. It's it's just it has to
be done right and it has to be done with
the right and like it's there. It's so hard to explain.
It's like it works as long as you're doing it
(19:59):
right and you're authentic about it. Yes, yeah, Like it's
the authenticity of it that that doesn't And that's kind
of I've touched on a lot of that stuff on
this podcast too, and it's like you can there's the
toxic positivity where it's like you've got to be positive
today or that's like no, I'm actually going to sit
take a breath, and I'm going to think about this
(20:20):
and I'm going to try to change my thoughts and
redirect where I'm going to be today.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Right, Yeah, yeah, a lot, it's a lot of both,
and I use that phrase a lot, and so, yes,
you do have to feel the feelings, acknowledge what's true,
which actually is coming up to pretend that you're not
angry when you are angry is an assault on yourself.
(20:48):
So it's important to acknowledge that. But then also knowing
that there's always a learning and opportunity, a golden nugget
in whatever you're experiencing simultaneously, so that as you move
through the anger or sadness or whatever's going on, you're
also kind of tuned to this frequency so that you
(21:09):
see that and then you can you know, move through
it in a positive way as well. So yeah, it's yeah,
they call it a toxic positivity. They call spiritual bypassing
as a thing in the community as well. So yeah,
there's negative ways you can do it, like with affirmations.
(21:29):
You can say affirmations so you're blue in the face,
but if you don't address the underlying doubts and fears
that are that come up alongside of it, You're not
going to get anywhere, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I Uh. One of the biggest things that I work
with on a daily basis is how I react to things,
especially negative things or surprising things or things that I'm
not happy with that whole like damn it, God, damn it,
Like come on, like I I'm trying, I'm really trying.
(22:07):
But she's like, you know, I love when you say that,
And that's you know that, that's that's something that runs
in my family. That's that's been probably for generations.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
My father learned it from his father. I learned it
from my father, and it just continues on. Thankfully. I
don't think my kids I've been trying hard to or
maybe they just don't listen to me. It's probably that.
But that that idea of trying to keep yourself in
the moment so that you're not so that your reactions
(22:41):
don't take over that that that's where Iah, That's where
I really have a struggle, and I'm trying, you know,
really hard to do that. What what would you what's
your like go to kind of thing to help people say,
you know, don't be so reactionary or whatever. You have
the same problem that I'm having.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, no, and that's a big one for me and
I still work on that. So yeah, so first you
kind of really have to be aware of it's usually
like a control so like for me, that might look
like everything's ruined, right, so it's like something right and
you're like, oh, like you're just so frustrated everything's So
(23:21):
it's like recognizing the catastrophizing that your mind's doing around
the situation and recognizing like, oh, what if everything wasn't ruined,
what if there is an opportunity here? What if this
is actually serving me? You know, like you can kind
of like up the level the more that that you go.
(23:44):
So it's really starting to look at, oh, this is
like my ego that's driving the ship right now. And
I'm also I'm in a state of control, so I'm
not in a state of trust. I'm not in a
place of love. I'm you know, disconnected from my deeper being.
(24:07):
And so it's like when you really start to it's
almost so for me, it really goes into changing like
your worldview, and then as that worldview changes, then you
can catch those things easier. Yeah, Unfortunately, my daughter has
picked up on those things and she gets really frustrated
(24:27):
and feels like everything's ruined and so forth, and having
that reflected back to me.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
Yeah, that's sobering. Yeah, that's sobering. I know. I joke like, yeah,
my kids have a lot of my bad habits. But
the there's a lot of people that roll their eyes over,
you know, at what you just said, like that whole thing.
And I don't know if I don't know if I
would have been you know, rude enough to roll my
(24:56):
eyes at what you just said, like at least in
your presence, but I know that there's that there's a
whole group of people that are like, that's just you
know whatever, yeah woo woo. I mean that's the word
that a lot of people use. That's just you know,
sentimental bullshit or whatever. And what do you tell those
(25:17):
people when you're confronted that, because I'm sure it happens.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah. Yeah, even with my clients or when I can
tell there's a resistance to something I said, I'll say,
will argue with me, like come back, you know, like
don't just kind of sit there either, like in silence,
being like, well I don't believe what she says, so
I'm not going to say anything or feel defeated about
(25:41):
it or whatever, because the movement happens from that dialogue
and looking at what those beliefs are. So yeah, it's
hard because the mind usually goes to evidence, Well, I
have evidence that one this happens, that happens, or or whatnot,
and it's like, well, it's because that's what you believe,
if you know, so what would it be like or
(26:03):
are you willing are you even willing to just think
there's that you're supported, that you're provided for, that things
are going to work out. So if you can come
into just being curious about a different way of thought
is one thing I would maybe challenge them to do
(26:26):
or one thing I did even in therapy, and it's
like not the same topic, but it's kind of challenging
someone of like, well, is what you're doing now working
for you?
Speaker 1 (26:41):
You know? Right?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Like usually they're upset or frustrated or things. Yeah, exactly,
how's that working out for you? Not? Well okay, well yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
That's yeah. It's funny because it's such a simple kind
of way to look at it. It's a simple thing.
So being all crazy and pissed off, right now, how's that?
How's that work for you? How's it doing? So, although
some people do kind of thrive in that in that headspace,
like they just they love to be in the chaos
and and the and the drama, and that's where they
(27:12):
live and you see them on Facebook all the time.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah. Yeah, So And that's interesting too because one thing that,
especially when I was building my therapy practice, I recognized
it and even to some extent with my coaching. So
there's a little bit of wisdom in the emotion here.
And that's why I say it's always this both and
so what would happen when I was building my therapy practice.
(27:39):
I'd get to these places where I just like break down.
I'm like, why aren't people scheduling? This is so hard?
And I'm never you know, like I would have like
my little pissy fit time for tantrum. That's usually the
words I use. And after I would have my little
time for tantrum, I'd get like a new client. Right.
(28:01):
So then I was and I noticed that pattern happen
a lot, and I'm like, why is my negative behavior
being positively reinforced? Like I saw this and I knew
what was happening. I'm why is this happening? So what
I think was happening was I was being honest with
(28:23):
my feelings and I was feeling them, and that can
clear out like a lot of stuck energy to bring
energy in and then the reason too, so then to
kind of figure out how do I clear my emotions.
But in like a less temper tantrumy way is really
(28:44):
just to serve yourself so that you're in a more positive,
happier mindset, so that you're not like freaking out. But
it is okay to kind of look at like, oh,
I'm feeling really disappointed right now. I feel like I'm
working really hard and I'm frustrated about my results. Right
It's just a more Cammon way to be honest about
how you're feeling.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
You know, something that you said earlier was the acknowledging,
acknowledging your feelings, acknowledging what you're going through at the time.
I think a lot of people, I mean, I know
I did skip that part. You're feeling it, you're in it.
You're bitching and moaning about things, and you're pissed off
and everything, and you never think of taking the step
(29:26):
and go, Okay, what's going on right now? Let's take
a step out, take a pause, take a breath, and
go all right, so this happened. What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
How?
Speaker 3 (29:36):
How did that really ruin my day? How? You know,
examine it and even just I think even just taking
that break to and examine it first of all, is
going to drop the emotion levels down because now you're redirecting, right, trying.
I'm starting to try to learn your your stuff. But
then then you can so do you have do you
(29:58):
have like a a list like steps like step like
and you're in a situation, here's what you should do one, two, three, four,
and do that?
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Yeah? I mean yeah you can obviously, yeah, take a
few deep breaths, you know, like there are not any
steps that nobody doesn't know. That's the thing is people
know what they need to be doing, they're just not
doing it. And I know that because that was also
me where I'm like, I don't want to take some
deep breaths, I don't want to calm down, right yeah right,
(30:28):
So that's where I would then say, look at that
resistance from even doing the steps because it's not rocket science.
I don't need to give you a formula. You have
your own formula, and it's really working with the resistance
of giving yourself permission that things can go well in
(30:52):
your life. And why am I so resistant to believing
that and trusting in that. There's some fear of loss there,
and that's where I would then kind of direct people
and being because once you really address that, you don't
need any steps. You know it, And it's just like
(31:13):
that reckon, but yeah, stop recognize Okay, I'm in some
sort of control pattern. So therefore my ego is running
the show and I'm kind of, like I said earlier,
I'm not in a place of trust. Like that's all
it always really comes down to, you know, I mean,
I mean those are big things.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
How many people do you know that can sit back
and go, oh, my ego is totally.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's it's well, that's so I okay, So this is
what I do. I constantly absorb it, and I go
in phases that information. I'll go on walks and just
listen to Alan Watts. I used to listen to Eckart
tootally before I went to bed, like almost every night.
You can go on YouTube and just listen to Joe
(32:01):
to spends the talk and your mind is going to
want to understand it. One, it's going to want to
argue with it too. Oh, I want to talk about this.
So the reason why we argue and we're resistant to
a lot of this information is because it brings us
face to face with the fact that we've given our
(32:23):
power away for so long and that things quote could
have been differently different, and that we had the power
to make it different. And that is really confronting to
see yourself as the source of your suffering. So at
the end of the day, if I were to give
(32:44):
like a blanket statement as to what our resistance really is,
it's that it's that taking responsibility peace because it feels
so much better to blame anything other than our Oh.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Yeah, yeah, And I think I'm pretty sure you've you've
played that take responsibility card on me a couple of times,
which the first couple of times I.
Speaker 4 (33:07):
Was like, yeah, exactly, But now that now, after I've
seen the results of that mindset, is too all right,
let's think this out.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
And and even my wife has noticed it, like I'm
I'm I'll be like, yeah, you know what, I didn't
I didn't express that properly. I didn't I didn't communicate
that well enough to you. I apologize.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Yeah, that's huge, you.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Know, and now it's like everything what Wow, it didn't
blow up. We just we stopped. We stopped right now
we're moving on. Were't eating dinner and everything's fine, right.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, And that's that feels magical to me, and like
those are just a few little words and they can
completely transform your life. And it's because you shifted your
energy and you weren't in the I need to prove
my point. I need to make sure that this person
understands I need to stay convicted and whatever thing's going
(34:02):
on for me. But yeah, it's taking the ego to
the side and moving through with that, and that's really
hard to do. But that's why I do encourage that
coming back of like, yeah, give me your resistance, Like
let's work with us, let's find out because otherwise we're
not going to see those results.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
What would you say, and I don't know if you
can't even answer this question, but what would you say
that that I'll say, our society, the society in this
country that and it's what is the most important thing
that we need as as human beings in this society
(34:45):
to be better? Yeah, I mean it's I know, it's
a big question.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
It is a big question. But so part of why
I do this work in the way that I do
it is I truly believe the best thing that we
can do for others is to work on ourselves. So
you just gave the perfect example, but by you doing
the work like you said, your wife noticed and she
(35:12):
had a better day because of the work that you did, right,
And that's what I call like the ripple effect, is
that if we all work on ourselves, not only will
we be positively impacted, but we will positively impact every
human being that we interact with that is in our field,
(35:33):
that can feel our energy. And that's so I think
that's why I go about it this way, is just
really become more self aware and also live your dreams.
And that's why I talk about that a lot too,
(35:53):
and because we deserve it, and so if we actually
put in it, take responsibility for our lives, put in
the effort and energy to build what we want, we're
going to be happier people. And I think if we
all do that, we'll be happy, and then we can
(36:14):
give from a better place. A lot of people will
give from a place that is self destructive, that doesn't
honor their needs and is over sacrificing. And I think
that's a problem as well, because then it also just
perpetuates this I need to be saved or other people
(36:39):
need to be saved, and so it takes that self
responsibility out of the equation, and I think that's a
real persistent problem.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
So, yeah, be responsible for yourself.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah yeah, yeah, it's like that's it. But yes, that's
really hard. It's almost like growing up.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Yeah, we got to grow up. Yeah, it's but it's true.
But it's you don't think of it like that, you know,
you think of that grow up you when someone says, oh,
grow up, what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Right?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Right?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
That means what take responsibility for your actions?
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Right? Yeah? Your life? Like how does it look? Are
you getting what you want? If not? Take responsibility for
it and make it different.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
Don't blame, don't blame, right Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
And so it's this maturation and I think that's been
a lot of the work that I've been working on
over the past few years, and with one of the
coaches I was working on, was really this like maturation
into where I'm at now, because yeah, how am I
going to hold space for other people? How am I
going to support them in their dreams. If I'm not
(37:50):
at that level, I'm not going to be able to. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
Yeah, And what you know, they say you can't truly
love other people until you love yourself, which I think
there's there's something to be said about that. It's really
true because as I working with you, became more understanding.
And this is the same one with my last therapy
sessions that I had. As I came to understand myself
(38:17):
more and understood why I was acting the way I
was and why I was doing certain things, I could
give myself a break. I could be like, all right, well,
so you're not a dipshit. You know, you're not a
bad person. You your brain is reacting this way because
of this, and now if you can recognize that, then
(38:39):
you can maybe stop it from reacting that way, go
a different way and become a better person, which is
in turn going to, like you said, affect all of
the people that you deal with on a daily basis.
You know, it's the scrooge thing, right.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Right, Yes, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Now go and get me a fat and goose.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
Yeah it's yeah, that's funny. Because I took my daughter
to see I love a Christmas Carol. But but yeah,
and it's that softening and that's really vulnerable. And I
think that's also right why we resist the work because
we have to get really soft and squishy and vulnerable
and it's gross and achy that But maybe that's just
(39:22):
my experience.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
That No, I think you pretty much just described about
ninety five percent of the population.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Yeah, I think so. So, yeah, it's but that's always
my biggest compliment back to the like when my client
spouses say things like you got to keep working at
Sneazy because right, they have benefited so much from the
(39:48):
work that I always that always tickles tickles me.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
Yeah. Yeah, so what's uh, how, what's what's up for you? Like,
is there anything exciting coming up for you that you
want to let people know about her?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
I've always got exciting things, I know. So the next
I don't want to say program that I'm running is
Radical Self Love. So I decided to do that for
February Valentines. Yeah, all that stuff. So we're going to
(40:25):
start it's a two week program starting on my birthday
February third, and going to end on Valentine's Day. So
that is going to be about that softening opening receptivity,
coming into yourself, working with those vulnerable parts of self
that allow love in and allow us to give love
(40:49):
from from a more truer and deeper place instead of
like that fixing, control, manipulative place that people often don't
want to admit that they're functioning from. So that that's
that's coming up, and I'm excited about that. So if
(41:10):
anybody's I don't know, this might not go out.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Well, I don't know. I think I'm going to try
to get this out as soon as possible, So we'll see.
I'll let you know if this doesn't, if this post
way after this is happening, and I'll just cut this
whole shit out, But I don't plan on that I will.
I will have to say to to the three or
four people that are listening and watching, if you've ever
(41:38):
considered getting a coach, a business coach, a personal coach
to help you to be a better person, a better entrepreneur,
a better employee, a better manager, whatever it is, a
better person, better human being, talk to Stacy. Check out
our website. What's the what's the website?
Speaker 2 (41:58):
It's a radical life coach.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Radical life coach, and it is radical. It is one
hundred percent. I can attest it's radical because I'm telling
you I am. I was a naysayer. I was like,
and the reason why I chose Stacy is because I'm
just because of a mutual connection with Todd Youngman. And
you came in here and we talked about a podcast
or whatever, and I was like, she's pretty cool. And
then I started seeing your posts, started seeing your posts
(42:22):
about your coaching and everything like that. And I've been
doing this podcast for quite a few years and have
talked to I'M Team people who talked about getting coaches
and having these coaching mentors and things, and I was
like at a point where I'm like, what can I
do to invest in myself to help things get better?
And it just sort of all clicked together and I'm like,
(42:43):
this is what I need to do. And I even
tried to back out of it because I remember I
had I had bad things happen, just just like the
day after I signed up and we had our first
our first talk, everything went went south. I lot like
people walked away and I was like, what this is
going to happen? I can't afford it anymore. And then
I stopped myself and I said, no, you're not gonna
(43:05):
You're not going to let that fear run away. You
know you're not gonna run away with that fear.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
So yeah, I was impressed, to be honest, right from
the get go when you did that, actually started things
started coming undone before you even paid. And yeah, I
so I was really impressed that you did that. And
I guess my question for you, are you glad that
(43:29):
you took that risk? Did you make your money back?
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Oh? I think so, I think so. I think geez,
it's it's so much more valuable than than the income
than an invoice. You know. It's it's changing, It's changing
how I view things and how I react. It's a
slow process. I'm not going to I'm not like perfect
count and I never will be. And you know, even
(43:53):
today I had some some things that I was like,
I probably could have handled that a little bit better.
But I think you've at the very bottom line is
you've helped me with my self awareness to be aware
of when those things are happening and when I'm acting
a certain way, and to try to to jump in
and stop it and change it and make it better.
(44:14):
And I think that's just like you said, like everybody
needs that. That's just time to grow up. It's time
to grow up fits. So so do yourself a favor.
Hit up hit up Stacy on our website and join
our join our group if you want to join our group.
It's great. I'm in a group with mostly women and
uh and it's just a it's a it's a welcoming environment.
(44:38):
You have cheerleaders that are there to help you and
and cheer on even your smallest wins, like I type
my shoes today, like yeah, you know, and it sounds silly,
but God, do we need that. We need that that,
we need cheerleaders so much. And some people that just
don't have a cheerleader at all. Some people have tons
(45:00):
of cheerleaders and good for you, but there's some people
that don't have a cheerleader at all. And you know,
if you've got to pay for a cheerleader, it's not
the I mean, I'm minimizing it crazy, but but if
that's how you have to start to see that, to
see the value in that cheer it becomes it just becomes.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Yeah, it builds on itself. It builds on itself exponential.
And there's a quote and I wish to remember who
it was from. I was trying to look for this
months ago and I could not find it. But it's
something like you pay me for my education, my time.
Oh yeah, energy, the love is for free.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
Ah yeah, that's a perfect way to end this positive blatherings.
Thank you so much for coming in and sharing your
your wisdom with us, and I'm looking forward to actually
you have a possession in a couple hours. Yes, I
(46:05):
bel
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The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.