Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is a response to a listener that want to
further information about the attachment style. So today we're going
to be talking attachment styles and how they relate to
relationships and dating. So just to remind you, there's a
four different attachment styles, secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. A
securely attached person typically approaches dating with confidence, openness, and
(00:22):
healthy boundaries. So they're comfortable with closeness and communicating directly
and they trust that their needs will be met.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
There's an openness here.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
It doesn't mean they're perfect, but it means the majority
of the time they're going to be comfortable in trusting you,
communicating with you. Conflict doesn't scare them. It doesn't mean
the relationship ope is over. It doesn't mean there's problems
in the relationship. They see it as something to work through,
not a threat to the relationship. They also tend to
attract and maintain stable long term connections. Some individuals that
(00:52):
I have worked with in the past that came from
secure attachments that involved with themselves with people with disorganized attachments.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
For instance, a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Odd in the relationship, they felt that there was so
much tension and yet they wanted something from the relationship
that they liked originally and they couldn't keep it going.
Sometimes you can even look at them as almost being
injured in a way psychologically from the relationship. Sometimes they
took the blame on themselves, but secure again and all
(01:27):
they're comfortable with closeness, communicating, and trusting. In contrast, someone
with an anxious attachment may feel insecure and preoccupy whether
their partner's availability and affection. So when you look at
the world of dating, this can look like frequent texting,
needing constant reassurance, or fearing abandonment after small disagreements. They
often fall quickly idealize their partners and feel devastated by
(01:49):
perceived rejection. The avoidant attached style, they crave independence and
can feel suffocated by emotional closeness and dating. They may
send mixed signals, pursuing connection but then pulling away when
things get too intimate. They may avoid vulnerability, dismiss emotional needs,
and struggle with long term commitment. So when you have
a relationship built between an avoidant and anxious and look,
(02:11):
everybody has a little bit of each attachment, it's which
one dominates. So if you have somebody who's predominantly anxious,
predominantly avoidant. You're going to have this kind of a
feedback loop where one person wants to get closer, which
makes the other person feel uncomfortable. They want to pull away,
and then that makes an anxious person more uncomfortable because
they're pulling away, and so they want to get closer,
and you get it. They're chasing each other around and around.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
The last one is called the actually talk about the avoidant.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yes, so the avoidant may vulnerability, may avoid vulnerability, dismiss
emotional needs. There's and others in struggle with long term commitment.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Sometimes we've seen this.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
In the movies where they represent guys not wanting to
give up their single lifestyle. Could be that, or could
it just be an individual who's an avoidant, disorganized, fearful
avoidant Attachment combines both anxious and avoidant traits. These individuals
often desire connection but fear getting hurt, so they want
somebody to connect with, but then they're so afraid that
(03:10):
they'll be abandoned. It makes it very difficult for them
in dating. Their day and life can be marked by
intense push pull dynamics.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
As I just mentioned, being all.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
In one moment and then disappearing the next, and this
confuses another individual who's dating them because they really don't
know what's going on with this emotional instability, there's a
high level of mistrust and difficulty regulating closeness. This could
be commonly seen or what we call borderline personality disorder.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I mean we talk about that in an episode.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
If you ever date someone who might have been diagnosed
with borderline personality disorder or have similar traits and what
they can do in a relationship. And we also see
this in law enforcement too, sometimes when they're working with
certain cases certain individuals, you'll see.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
This dynamic and domestic violence.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Recognizing your own attachment style and out of your partner
can help explain dating patterns and improve relationship dynamics.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
You can take attachment surveys.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Online and kind of you can find a few free
ones and you can see what attachment style you are
in your partner and kind of get get an idea,
and if you're not dating anybody right now or not married,
you can still figure out what you are and see
if there's areas you can work on or what type.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Of individual you might like better.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
With this kind of awareness, you can move toward a
more secure and healthier romantic connection.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
That's it for now, folks,
This is a response to a listener that want to
further information about the attachment style. So today we're going
to be talking attachment styles and how they relate to
relationships and dating. So just to remind you, there's a
four different attachment styles, secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. A
securely attached person typically approaches dating with confidence, openness, and
(00:22):
healthy boundaries. So they're comfortable with closeness and communicating directly
and they trust that their needs will be met.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
There's an openness here.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
It doesn't mean they're perfect, but it means the majority
of the time they're going to be comfortable in trusting you,
communicating with you. Conflict doesn't scare them. It doesn't mean
the relationship ope is over. It doesn't mean there's problems
in the relationship. They see it as something to work through,
not a threat to the relationship. They also tend to
attract and maintain stable long term connections. Some individuals that
(00:52):
I have worked with in the past that came from
secure attachments that involved with themselves with people with disorganized attachments.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
For instance, a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Odd in the relationship, they felt that there was so
much tension and yet they wanted something from the relationship
that they liked originally and they couldn't keep it going.
Sometimes you can even look at them as almost being
injured in a way psychologically from the relationship. Sometimes they
took the blame on themselves, but secure again and all
(01:27):
they're comfortable with closeness, communicating, and trusting. In contrast, someone
with an anxious attachment may feel insecure and preoccupy whether
their partner's availability and affection. So when you look at
the world of dating, this can look like frequent texting,
needing constant reassurance, or fearing abandonment after small disagreements. They
often fall quickly idealize their partners and feel devastated by
(01:49):
perceived rejection. The avoidant attached style, they crave independence and
can feel suffocated by emotional closeness and dating. They may
send mixed signals, pursuing connection but then pulling away when
things get too intimate. They may avoid vulnerability, dismiss emotional needs,
and struggle with long term commitment. So when you have
a relationship built between an avoidant and anxious and look,
(02:11):
everybody has a little bit of each attachment, it's which
one dominates. So if you have somebody who's predominantly anxious,
predominantly avoidant. You're going to have this kind of a
feedback loop where one person wants to get closer, which
makes the other person feel uncomfortable. They want to pull away,
and then that makes an anxious person more uncomfortable because
they're pulling away, and so they want to get closer,
and you get it. They're chasing each other around and around.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
The last one is called the actually talk about the avoidant.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yes, so the avoidant may vulnerability, may avoid vulnerability, dismiss
emotional needs. There's and others in struggle with long term commitment.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Sometimes we've seen this.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
In the movies where they represent guys not wanting to
give up their single lifestyle. Could be that, or could
it just be an individual who's an avoidant, disorganized, fearful
avoidant Attachment combines both anxious and avoidant traits. These individuals
often desire connection but fear getting hurt, so they want
somebody to connect with, but then they're so afraid that
(03:10):
they'll be abandoned. It makes it very difficult for them
in dating. Their day and life can be marked by
intense push pull dynamics.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
As I just mentioned, being all.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
In one moment and then disappearing the next, and this
confuses another individual who's dating them because they really don't
know what's going on with this emotional instability, there's a
high level of mistrust and difficulty regulating closeness. This could
be commonly seen or what we call borderline personality disorder.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I mean we talk about that in an episode.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
If you ever date someone who might have been diagnosed
with borderline personality disorder or have similar traits and what
they can do in a relationship. And we also see
this in law enforcement too, sometimes when they're working with
certain cases certain individuals, you'll see.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
This dynamic and domestic violence.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Recognizing your own attachment style and out of your partner
can help explain dating patterns and improve relationship dynamics.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
You can take attachment surveys.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Online and kind of you can find a few free
ones and you can see what attachment style you are
in your partner and kind of get get an idea,
and if you're not dating anybody right now or not married,
you can still figure out what you are and see
if there's areas you can work on or what type.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Of individual you might like better.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
With this kind of awareness, you can move toward a
more secure and healthier romantic connection.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
That's it for now, folks,
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