Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today we're going to be talking about interpersonal attraction. So
attraction is shaped by several things, one of them being proximity, similarity, reciprocity,
physical attractiveness, and evolutionary fitness cues are some of the
areas that we'll be looking at today in regards to attraction.
So let's see what psychology says about attraction.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
First.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'll also be talking about actually, before we get to that,
we'll be talking about attachment styles, relationship dynamics, relationship conflict,
and attachment history. So people don't connect a random relationships
form deep unravel based on layered patterns. Some are obvious
and some are not, and some are operating on the
(00:45):
unconscious level and some are biological. But now let's look
at the five different factors influencing attraction. So the first
one is proximity. The more we're exposed to someone, the
more likely attraction develops.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
A phenomenon called a mere exposure effect, which you've seen
in a lot of movies.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Right, somebody who's working with somebody grows fond of them.
Living near someone also increases the chances for contact, shared experiences,
and perceived similarity or familiarity. Clinically, that's going to help
explain why relationships form, and group therapy, residential treatments, or
(01:21):
institutional settings.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
As explains why people date people they work with. Number
two is similarity.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
We gravitate towards those who show our values, our interests,
our attitudes, backgrounds. This is why you don't see This
is why I think interracial marriages are about ten percent
out there, because most people still date within their backgrounds.
So shared world views is going to be a big
one here that reduce conflict.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
When they have.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Shared world views, they validate identity and enhance predictability opposites
attract is actually the exception and not the rule.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
We've seen some studies on this already and maybe novel at.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
First, but it doesn't seem to do well with long
term relationships. Number three is reciprocity. We like people who
like us. Perceived interests boost self esteem and increases openness,
especially potent in early stages of attraction or therapy. Number
four is physical Attractiveness universally valued to some degree, but
what's attractive is shaped by a culture and context we
(02:24):
call the halo effect.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Which is a bias.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
It's attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, kind, and competent.
Many studies have shown this. Studies are shown babies tend
to be more attracted to people who are attractive. So
what is attractive really well, some studies have shown that
it's actually symmetry in the face, symmetry in the body
that seems to be highly represented and universal when it
(02:51):
comes to attraction. Is symmetry, distance between the eyes, between
the eyes and the nose, distance between the nose and
the mouth, the shape.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Of the face.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
A lot of these factors can contribute to physical attractiveness.
In clinical work, appearance bias can unconsciously affect therapist expectations.
If the client is attractive, they can expect more out
of that client, believing they're more resilient, which sometimes can
have a positive effect and sometimes not vice versa as well.
Number five is evolutionary perspectives. From this lens attractions tied
(03:23):
to cues of reproductive fitness, symmetry, and health for instance,
and investment potential. Men prioritize youth and fertility cues in
a heterosexual relationship, while women may seek signs of stability
and resources, and this can explain sometimes or a lot
of times why women tend to date older men. Critically,
these tendencies are modulated by individual, cultural, and environmental factors,
(03:47):
and they're not deterministic. It's look over adult detachment styles.
This is rooted to a theory by Bowlby and expanded
by Insworth Strange situation studies. The first attachment styles secure,
comfortable with intimacy and autonomy, trust others, communicates needs and
recovers from conflict, and therapy generally engages well, forms strong alliances,
(04:09):
and uses treatment effectively. The anxious or preoccupied attachment style
craves closeness but fears abandonment, hypervigilanto signs of rejection, and
seeks reassurance in relationships. May appear needy, jealous, or emotionally
reactive in therapy, strong transfermence, fears therapist's disconnection or may
(04:30):
test boundaries.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
We'll see this with borderline personality disorders.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
They'll have this kind of craving closeness but fear of abandonment.
Dismissive or avoidant attachment style values independence and downplays intimacy.
They avoid vulnerability and emotionally distant in conflict. They intellectualize
a lot in therapy and minimize distress and resist emotional exploration,
(04:56):
and finally, it's fearful, avoidant or disorganized which desires clo
but fear is getting hurt. Push pull dynamic may disassociate
it shut down emotionally, often rooted in trauma or inconsistent
care caregiving. It's a challenging alliance when it comes to therapy,
and the ambivalents about attachment to the therapist is also present.
(05:16):
Theories of relationship dynamics, we can look at social exchange theory,
relationships or cost benefit analysis. So person stays when there's
perceived rewards that outweigh the costs. They leave, though when
the costs outweigh the rewards. So our client may remain
in a high conflict marriage due to financial security and
or children. Equity theory is satisfaction is highest when input
(05:40):
the output ratios of balance. Both partners feel fee feel
fairly treated in balance as breed resentment or guilt, and
applies to emotional labor or household responsibilities. Number three is
investment model by russ Bolt. Commitment is driven by satisfaction
the reward level an investment, time, effort.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Shared history.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
This could also fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy
quality of alternatives.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Real or perceived.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
That explains why people stay in dissatisfying relationships because of
some costs so the time you've committed to it, or
scarcity lack of better options out there. We've talked about
scarcity in the previous podcast. Interdependence theory partners affect each
other's outcomes focuses on mutual influence not just individual gain.
More relevant to long term relational maintenance. Number five. As
(06:32):
stages of relationship development initiation, experimentation, intensifying, integration, and then bonding.
Then you have a potential decline with this differentiation, circumscribing, stagnation, avoidance,
and intermination. So these are the stages of a relationship
develop and write. The initiation, the experiment intensifies, the integrate
(06:54):
and your bond, and then the potential difficult declines. When
you differentiate, things are starting to get growing apart circumscribing, stagnant, avoidant,
and then termination. One of the key things to focus
on clinically is rekindling intimacy and stagnation or supporting MENI making.
In dissolution, we move on to some of the challenges
(07:17):
and we see relationships, We see conflict patterns, communication issues,
and power dynamics conflict patterns. You can think of a
demand and withdrawal, so one pursues the other retreats. We
see these with two opposite attachment styles. You have criticism,
defensive loops when it comes by gotman with your roads,
intimacy the poor horsemen by got men right. Escalation often
(07:42):
masks unspoken attachment needs, fear of abandonment, desire for validation.
Another one is communication issues.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
This is the big one.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Poor conflict resolution skills, indirect expression of needs or emotional flooding.
Big words like use of you always or you never
are big problems in communication styles. Also ambiguous terms things
like I want the house clean. That has to be
specific because that can mean two different things to the
(08:12):
same to the couple.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
So the husband or the wife can look at have.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Different meanings, but what they think the house means when
the person says the house should be clean, I want
the house clean.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That could have a different.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Definition for the husband compared to the wife or vice versa, so.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
It's really important to get specific.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Sarcasm or emotional cutoffs are also poor communication styles. Lastly,
as power dynamics can be used on gender roles, economic control,
cultural expectations. There's a lot of power there, so this
is something to be important for the therapist to pay
attention to.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Some of the things you can do.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Clinically, a couple's therapy approaches is emotional focus therapy rooted
in an attachment theory focused on underlying emotional needs gotman
which targets specific conflict behaviors and builds with love maps,
admirin and shared meaning behavior of couples therapy using skills training, communication, enhancement,
relationship distress patterns often reflect unresolved in attachment wounds and
(09:11):
rigid interaction styles, so here the clinician can use interaction loops,
not just surface complaints attachment In the therapeutic relationship, clients
unconsciously re enact patterns testing distancing over dependency, and therapists
can model secure attachment consistent.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Of tuned the non judgmental.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
This is where the therapist, when they're interacting with the comples,
they can teach them how to respond and how to
listen to what the other person is saying. Cultural scripts
shape relationship roles, communication styles, and expressions of affection or commitment.
Identity based stressed can amplify conflict or effect attachment security,
and then finally, therapies must integrate intersectionality. So the next
(09:55):
time we come back, we'll talk about cultural identity development
and a culture Ancient Act
Today we're going to be talking about interpersonal attraction. So
attraction is shaped by several things, one of them being proximity, similarity, reciprocity,
physical attractiveness, and evolutionary fitness cues are some of the
areas that we'll be looking at today in regards to attraction.
So let's see what psychology says about attraction.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
First.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'll also be talking about actually, before we get to that,
we'll be talking about attachment styles, relationship dynamics, relationship conflict,
and attachment history. So people don't connect a random relationships
form deep unravel based on layered patterns. Some are obvious
and some are not, and some are operating on the
(00:45):
unconscious level and some are biological. But now let's look
at the five different factors influencing attraction. So the first
one is proximity. The more we're exposed to someone, the
more likely attraction develops.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
A phenomenon called a mere exposure effect, which you've seen
in a lot of movies.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Right, somebody who's working with somebody grows fond of them.
Living near someone also increases the chances for contact, shared experiences,
and perceived similarity or familiarity. Clinically, that's going to help
explain why relationships form, and group therapy, residential treatments, or
(01:21):
institutional settings.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
As explains why people date people they work with. Number
two is similarity.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
We gravitate towards those who show our values, our interests,
our attitudes, backgrounds. This is why you don't see This
is why I think interracial marriages are about ten percent
out there, because most people still date within their backgrounds.
So shared world views is going to be a big
one here that reduce conflict.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
When they have.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Shared world views, they validate identity and enhance predictability opposites
attract is actually the exception and not the rule.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
We've seen some studies on this already and maybe novel at.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
First, but it doesn't seem to do well with long
term relationships. Number three is reciprocity. We like people who
like us. Perceived interests boost self esteem and increases openness,
especially potent in early stages of attraction or therapy. Number
four is physical Attractiveness universally valued to some degree, but
what's attractive is shaped by a culture and context we
(02:24):
call the halo effect.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Which is a bias.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
It's attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, kind, and competent.
Many studies have shown this. Studies are shown babies tend
to be more attracted to people who are attractive. So
what is attractive really well, some studies have shown that
it's actually symmetry in the face, symmetry in the body
that seems to be highly represented and universal when it
(02:51):
comes to attraction. Is symmetry, distance between the eyes, between
the eyes and the nose, distance between the nose and
the mouth, the shape.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Of the face.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
A lot of these factors can contribute to physical attractiveness.
In clinical work, appearance bias can unconsciously affect therapist expectations.
If the client is attractive, they can expect more out
of that client, believing they're more resilient, which sometimes can
have a positive effect and sometimes not vice versa as well.
Number five is evolutionary perspectives. From this lens attractions tied
(03:23):
to cues of reproductive fitness, symmetry, and health for instance,
and investment potential. Men prioritize youth and fertility cues in
a heterosexual relationship, while women may seek signs of stability
and resources, and this can explain sometimes or a lot
of times why women tend to date older men. Critically,
these tendencies are modulated by individual, cultural, and environmental factors,
(03:47):
and they're not deterministic. It's look over adult detachment styles.
This is rooted to a theory by Bowlby and expanded
by Insworth Strange situation studies. The first attachment styles secure,
comfortable with intimacy and autonomy, trust others, communicates needs and
recovers from conflict, and therapy generally engages well, forms strong alliances,
(04:09):
and uses treatment effectively. The anxious or preoccupied attachment style
craves closeness but fears abandonment, hypervigilanto signs of rejection, and
seeks reassurance in relationships. May appear needy, jealous, or emotionally
reactive in therapy, strong transfermence, fears therapist's disconnection or may
(04:30):
test boundaries.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
We'll see this with borderline personality disorders.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
They'll have this kind of craving closeness but fear of abandonment.
Dismissive or avoidant attachment style values independence and downplays intimacy.
They avoid vulnerability and emotionally distant in conflict. They intellectualize
a lot in therapy and minimize distress and resist emotional exploration,
(04:56):
and finally, it's fearful, avoidant or disorganized which desires clo
but fear is getting hurt. Push pull dynamic may disassociate
it shut down emotionally, often rooted in trauma or inconsistent
care caregiving. It's a challenging alliance when it comes to therapy,
and the ambivalents about attachment to the therapist is also present.
(05:16):
Theories of relationship dynamics, we can look at social exchange theory,
relationships or cost benefit analysis. So person stays when there's
perceived rewards that outweigh the costs. They leave, though when
the costs outweigh the rewards. So our client may remain
in a high conflict marriage due to financial security and
or children. Equity theory is satisfaction is highest when input
(05:40):
the output ratios of balance. Both partners feel fee feel
fairly treated in balance as breed resentment or guilt, and
applies to emotional labor or household responsibilities. Number three is
investment model by russ Bolt. Commitment is driven by satisfaction
the reward level an investment, time, effort.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Shared history.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
This could also fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy
quality of alternatives.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Real or perceived.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
That explains why people stay in dissatisfying relationships because of
some costs so the time you've committed to it, or
scarcity lack of better options out there. We've talked about
scarcity in the previous podcast. Interdependence theory partners affect each
other's outcomes focuses on mutual influence not just individual gain.
More relevant to long term relational maintenance. Number five. As
(06:32):
stages of relationship development initiation, experimentation, intensifying, integration, and then bonding.
Then you have a potential decline with this differentiation, circumscribing, stagnation, avoidance,
and intermination. So these are the stages of a relationship
develop and write. The initiation, the experiment intensifies, the integrate
(06:54):
and your bond, and then the potential difficult declines. When
you differentiate, things are starting to get growing apart circumscribing, stagnant, avoidant,
and then termination. One of the key things to focus
on clinically is rekindling intimacy and stagnation or supporting MENI making.
In dissolution, we move on to some of the challenges
(07:17):
and we see relationships, We see conflict patterns, communication issues,
and power dynamics conflict patterns. You can think of a
demand and withdrawal, so one pursues the other retreats. We
see these with two opposite attachment styles. You have criticism,
defensive loops when it comes by gotman with your roads,
intimacy the poor horsemen by got men right. Escalation often
(07:42):
masks unspoken attachment needs, fear of abandonment, desire for validation.
Another one is communication issues.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
This is the big one.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Poor conflict resolution skills, indirect expression of needs or emotional flooding.
Big words like use of you always or you never
are big problems in communication styles. Also ambiguous terms things
like I want the house clean. That has to be
specific because that can mean two different things to the
(08:12):
same to the couple.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
So the husband or the wife can look at have.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Different meanings, but what they think the house means when
the person says the house should be clean, I want
the house clean.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That could have a different.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Definition for the husband compared to the wife or vice versa, so.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
It's really important to get specific.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Sarcasm or emotional cutoffs are also poor communication styles. Lastly,
as power dynamics can be used on gender roles, economic control,
cultural expectations. There's a lot of power there, so this
is something to be important for the therapist to pay
attention to.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Some of the things you can do.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Clinically, a couple's therapy approaches is emotional focus therapy rooted
in an attachment theory focused on underlying emotional needs gotman
which targets specific conflict behaviors and builds with love maps,
admirin and shared meaning behavior of couples therapy using skills training, communication, enhancement,
relationship distress patterns often reflect unresolved in attachment wounds and
(09:11):
rigid interaction styles, so here the clinician can use interaction loops,
not just surface complaints attachment In the therapeutic relationship, clients
unconsciously re enact patterns testing distancing over dependency, and therapists
can model secure attachment consistent.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Of tuned the non judgmental.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
This is where the therapist, when they're interacting with the comples,
they can teach them how to respond and how to
listen to what the other person is saying. Cultural scripts
shape relationship roles, communication styles, and expressions of affection or commitment.
Identity based stressed can amplify conflict or effect attachment security,
and then finally, therapies must integrate intersectionality. So the next
(09:55):
time we come back, we'll talk about cultural identity development
and a culture Ancient Act
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