KEEPING EXES AROUND WHEN IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP IS IT A GOOD IDEA

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the Psychology of Romance podcast, where doctor Carlos discusses the latest research
and inside on relationships. Now here'syour host, Doctor Carlos. A new

(00:32):
study came out on backburners. Whatare those? Backburners? Are the relationships
we keep in contact with for thepossibility of a future relationship, especially xes.
Keeping your exes on the back burnercan lead to negative feelings all around,
even if you don't actually jump backinto bed with them. This is
what the latest study found. Afterpulling three hundred and ninety seven adults and

(00:55):
committed long term relationships, they foundthat sixty two percent we're keeping another person
back burner. This is despite eightyfive percent being married and ninety three percent
being exclusive. That's right, sohopefully it doesn't scare you. This is
only a sample size and it wasjust pulled. However, doing so had

(01:18):
to bad feelings about both the otherperson and themselves, especially when the flirt
is supposedly an exclusive relationship. Keepingyour exes again, as we mentioned,
is not a good idea to keepa back burner. According to the team,
some two thirds of participants reported keepingin touch with their exes. A
separate study found that fifty four percentof women have engaged in sex with an

(01:41):
ex compared to just forty four percentof the men. Now, that doesn't
mean they were doing it having thesex with their ex while during a relationship.
Of those who had sex with theirex partners, the line share though,
said they did it because being withan old flame was comforting. However,
fourteen percent of those surveyed admitted thatthey had sex with the ex in

(02:02):
the hope of reconcile reconciliation, whichisn't very much. The study was conducted
by interpersonal communication expert John Bannis.Having ex partner back burners cascades into increased
communication, increased sexual activity, andbad feelings for the admirer. Doctor Bannis
continues saying those in committee relationships mightwish to exercise greater caution before forming a

(02:23):
back burner relationship with an ex partner. And their study research or surveyed over
three hundred and ninety seven as Imentioned, with an average length of seven
years in romantic relationships, and theteam found the majority of subjects sixty two
percent admitted to keeping someone in theback burner, and of those keeping someone
or multiple people in the back pocket, per se Havel said that they were

(02:43):
stringing along one or more exes.As we see society reopening, there appears
to be a surge in the newuse of dating apps during what has been
dubbed the Summer of Love. Makesit even more important to study new trends
and connecting for friendship and romance andunderstanding what's going on. But how do

(03:07):
you stave this off? Well,relationship enhancement is one way to do it.
In other words, how do youstave off people having an affair?
One way is to enhance the relationshipyou're in right now, such as doing
things like taking your partner on adate, making an extra effort with their

(03:30):
appearance, having more sex with them. Number two is proactive avoidance, which
means keeping distance from temptation. Numberthree is derogation of the temptation. The
third and file tactic which involves feelingof guilt and thinking about the tempting person
and a negative light. All thesethings can save you and your relationship and
keep you from ruining what could bea very good relationship. That's it for now,