May 22, 2025 • 27 mins
Dave Chappelle Netflix Special - The Closer - LBGTQ
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I need you guys to know something. I tell you
the truth, and don't get freaked out. This is gonna
be my last.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Special for a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's all good. It's all good. Listen, listen to me.
I did it in Detroit for that reason.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
That's right. You don't know why.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Because I talked so much shit about Detroit in the
first special, I figured I might as well do the
last special here.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Sorry about that, by the while.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
First of all, before I even start, I want to
say that I'm rich and famous. And the only reason
I say that is because the last seventeen months were
hell and I cannot imagine what everybody went through. But
I'm happy to see you, and I'm happy you're well,
and I hope everyone you love is okay. I don't
(01:11):
want you to worry about me. I'm vaccinated. I got
the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. I gotta admit that's probably
the most nigorish decision.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
I've made in a long time.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'll walk on the doctor, like, give me the third
best option. I'll have what the homeless people are having.
It so far, so good, And I know you probably
heard on the news. I did I did get coronavirus,
and it was it was something else like Okay. First
(01:52):
of all, when doctor told me I had coronavirus, I
got to tell you, I was surprised how it made
me feel. I felt dirty.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I felt gross because I hadn't walking around.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Texas just touching door knobs and shit hands, a moist
boy tipping niggas with cash. Here, take this to your family.
I must have killed thousands of people just trying to
get tonight's show together. So I hope you appreciate it,
because a lot of niggas time for me to get
(02:28):
this one off. I hadn't felt that dirty in a
long time. Last time I can remember feeling dirty like that. Man,
I must have been a little boy. I was being
molested by a preacher. Oh don't feel bad for me.
(02:50):
I liked it.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
I used to get a kick out of coming in
that fella's face. Well, he asked me to do it.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
They make a quarantine at the quarantine for ten days
at least. This is he gonna have to stay in
the room. I didn't go nowhere, and it started making
me nuts because I would just sit in the room
and watch videos all day. Now you know what I
was watching, and I hate to say this, but there
was a lot of videos, sadly of black people beating
(03:32):
up Asians for no reason. All these attacks were unprovoked.
I couldn't believe it. And I was sitting in the
room watching this shit. It was stressing me out.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
I was stressed already because the whole time, when you get.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Coronavirus, at least the first five days, you wait see
how sick you're gonna get, And it turns out, and
this is true, I didn't get.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Sick at all. Not a coll not a booker, not
a fever, nothing. Look at me.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
I am the magic Johnson of coronavirus. I just sat
in the crib and got strong all week. But I
was stressed because I kept watching these videos of my
beloved black people beating up my beloved Asian people and
being so cruel. And the whole time I watch those
(04:23):
videos is fucked up. But I couldn't help but feel like,
when I saw these brothers beating these Asians up, it's
probably what's happening inside of my body.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I didn't get sick.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I also saw a lot of videos of UFOs. I mean,
what the fuck has been going on with that?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Ship. These niggas are here. These UFOs keep.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Coming to Earth, and it made me think of when
I deal for a movie. Sounds dumb, but hear me out.
In my movie idea, we find out that these aliens
are originally from Earth, that they're from an ancient civilization
that achieved in a stellar travel and left the Earth
thousands of years ago. Some other planet they go to
(05:18):
and things go terrible for them in the other planet,
so they come back to Earth decide that they want
to claim the Earth for their very own. It's a
pretty good plotline, huh.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I call it space jews. Space jews.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
All right, it's gonna get worse than that hanging there.
It's gonna get way worse than that. Then I thought,
I'm an idea for a children's book. I actually wrote it.
It's coming out soon. The book is designed to help
parents teach their children about racism, which if your parent,
(06:06):
you know, is an impossible concept to teach to a child,
But I'm doing it. The book is about a big, strong,
beautiful black man with a benign, regular ass white name,
and he has a white speaking voice. So whenever this
motherfucker calls to get a reservation in a restaurant. Oh
(06:29):
he gets the reservation, that name and that voice.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Who could resist them?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Now, I shall tell you this black man is literally
an actual giant, and he's a strong dude. And when
he shows up to them restaurants, they see that big
giant black dude, they say, you can't come in here,
and they call the police. And in every installment of
the book, the police come and they always shoot him.
(07:04):
But remember no, remember this guy as a giant. These
bullets don't kill them, they don't even hurt them. They
just break his heart. It's called Clifford the Big Black Nigger.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Anyone.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
This is my last special because I have an objective tonight.
I came here tonight because this body of work that
I've done on Netflix. I'm going to complete all the
questions you might have had about all these jokes I've
said in the last few years. I hope to answer tonight,
(07:55):
and I'd like to start by addressing the lbgt Q
community directly. And I want to remember that community to
know that I come the other night in peace, and
I hope to negotiate the release of The Baby, Sad
(08:25):
Sad Sad story. The Baby was the number one streaming
artist until about a couple of weeks ago he took
a nasty spill on stage and said said some wild
stuff about the lbgt Q community during a concert in Florida.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Uh. Now, you know, I go hard in the paint,
but even.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I saw that shit was like, God, damn the baby. Ooh,
he pushed the button, didn't he? He pushed the button
punched the LBGTQ community right in.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Aids can't do that.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I can't do that, But I do believe, and I'll
make this point later that the kid made a very
egregious mistake.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I will acknowledge that.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
But you know a lot of the LBGTQ community doesn't
know the baby's history. He's a wild guy. He once
shot a nigga and killed him in Walmart.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Oh, this is true. Google it. The baby shot and
killed a.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Nigga in Walmart in North Carolina. Nothing bad happened to
his career. D you see where I'm going with this.
In our country, you can shoot and kill a nigga,
but you better not hurt a gay person's feelings. And
(10:08):
this is precisely the disparity that I wish to discuss.
I have a question for the audience, and this is
a real question. I'm not joking around. Is it possible
that a gay person can be racist? Do you really
(10:35):
think so? Of course it's possible.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Look at Mike Pence.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Oh I'm guessing, but I bet you he's gay and
he's not pride break gay either. He's sad gay.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Feel bad for him.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
He looks like one of them gays that praised about it.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
D Jesus, please take these dirty feelings out of my heart.
Please Jesus, make these buttholes ugly to me. I don't
want to keep on tasting these dicks. What you guys
(11:29):
are confusing the emotions. You think I hate gay people,
and what you're really seeing is that I am jealous
of gay people.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Oh I'm jealous. I'm not the only black person that
feels this way.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
We blacks.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
We look at the gay community, we go God damn it.
Look how well that movement is going. Look how well
you are doing. And we've been trapped in this predicament
for hundreds of years.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
How the fuck are you making that kind of progress.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I can't help but feel like if slaves had baby
oil and booty shorts.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
We might have been free one hundred years sooner.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
If Martin Luther King was like, I want.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Everybody to get a bone and bloats, you get your
bodies good and shiny.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I don't hate gay people at all. I respect the
shit out of you, well, not all of it. I'm
not that fond of these newer gays. Too sensitive, too brittle.
Those aren't the gays I grew up with. I missed them,
old school gays, Nigga them, stonewall niggas them, the ones
that I respect. They didn't take shit from anybody. They
(13:04):
fought for their freedom. I respect that shit. I'm not
even gay, and I want to be like a stone
wall nigga them, old school gangster gays, them, glory hole
niggas them, the ones I like.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
These new gays don't even know what the glory hole is.
It's a hole in the wall the gay contractors built.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You want to know why they put that hole in
the wall, I'll tell you, And there's no nice way
to say it, because when they want to have some fun,
they will put their penises in that hole.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
And hope for the best. I respect that shit.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's a lot of courage on both sides of that
whole nigga.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
I'm not Eve been gay.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
And I want to try that glory whole out. What
if Martin Luther King had to integrate the glory whole.
Speaker 5 (14:16):
I don't care if it's black lips back there and
white lips back there.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
A mouth is a mouth, a warm, wet mouth.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm going all the way. I got in a fight,
almost got in the fight. It's complicated. I was in
a bar in Austin with my wife and and and uh.
It was during COVID and and uh. A woman came
to our table and she was massless and this bitch
came over with no mask.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
All h words, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Droplets is coming out of this bitch's face?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
We all covered our drinks. Oh bitter it now.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I looked over at the table that she came from,
and I picked game. The men at the table were
filming me. This happens when you're famous. People will come
over and try to rat your cage and get you
to say something stupid or dumb so that their buddies
can film it and they get a video of you
embarrassing yourself. And clearly I said, is what's happening? And
these dumb motherfuckers thought that it was my first rodeo.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Sadly it worked. I ran right over there and I'm
pointing right there.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Came out. I said, use a bitch ass nigga for
doing this, I mean, and the dude was shocked at
I said it, he said, and when he did like this,
I seen all his fingernails was painted. And I realized, like, uh, oh,
(16:11):
this fella's gay. Now you know how I talk. I
call everybody a bitch ass nigga.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
But that's not the right thing to do if they're gay,
you know what I mean. And now I was in trouble.
And not only that. The motherfucker was huge. She stood up.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
He was towering over me.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
He must have been six' five of a, big, white
corn Fed texas homosexualist nigga was ready to, fight and
he started barking on. Me BUT i stood my. GROUND
i wasn't.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Scared how COULD i be.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Scared motherfucker's shirt was tied up in a knot like.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
This fuck this. Guy let's, go, nigga let's. GO i
thought we were gonna come to. BLOWS i was.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
READY i was. Ready and then and, then right when
you think we would. Fight guess what he. Did he
picked up his phone and he called the. Police and,
this this Thing i'm describing is a major issue THAT
i have with that. Community gave people are minorities until
they need to be white. Again being very brutally, honest
(17:23):
so we can solve this. Problem i'm telling you right,
now a black gay person would have never done that to,
me because a black gay person knows when the police shows,
up they're not gonna care who called.
Speaker 6 (17:33):
Them they don't show, Up like which one of you
niggers Is. Clifford we'll All. Clifford this happens far too.
Often another, time about.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Six years, ago there was a lesbian woman that tried
to sell a story about me TO. Tmz thank, GOODNESS
tmz could see right through the sham of that. Story
this woman claimed THAT i beat her up in the
nightclub because she was a. Lesbian that is fucking, crazy.
BITCH i didn't even know you was a. Woman thank
(18:15):
GOD tmz didn't believe, that BECAUSE i did beat the
shit out of. It i'm not gonna.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Lie it was her.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
FAULT i had no.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
CHOICE i came in the, club minded my own, business
and a woman came up to.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Me she, goes oh my, God Damn.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Chappelle AND i was just being reciprocally, Nice, hey, miss
how are? You blah blah, blah but not talk nothing to,
It and all of a, sudden it's a lesbian fellow
stepped between. Us, hey, nigga that's my. GIRL i, Said, yo,
yo my, man back up like.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That she, SAID i ain't backing up all, Shit, nigga
that's my.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
GIRL i, said, bro you're gonna have to give me
three feet like. This she, says stop calling me a, man,
Motherfucker i'm a. WOMAN i, said, What and THEN i
look deep in a this nigga's. CHEEKBONES i, said oh my,
(19:15):
god you are a. Woman this was too much for
me to even wrap my mind. Around But i'll tell you.
WHAT i unbalded my fist, immediately AND i softened my
pasta so that she would know she's in no. DANGER
i even changed the tone of my. VOICE i, said, softly,
sweetly like a pimp might, say, Bitch i'm about to
(19:42):
slap the shit out of. EVENING i should have done. It,
OH i WISH i didn't say. That she dropped that footback.
Boot she was in a perfect soft, stands her shoulders
were angled, correctly her head moving was.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
GOOD i, said oh, no this bitch box for. Real
she threw a wild.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Hook at me AND i saw it coming from, yesterday
SO i slipped it like.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
This had no.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
CHOICE i had to go to. WORK i let that jab.
Go you should have seen me, Go. NIGGA i tenderized
them titties like chicken.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
CUTLINGS i whooped the toxic masculinity out of that. Bitch
(20:47):
that's WHY i don't go out no, more just trying to.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Chill i'm just trying to live a peaceful. Life that's
WHY i live In. Ohio you, KNOW i live in
a little town In. Ohio it must be like thirty
seven hundred, people small hippie. Town culturally it might feel
like like Ann, arbord are you you know WHAT i?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
MEAN a bunch of hippies and shit like.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
That and niggas always ask, me like, day why are
you living that hippie?
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Town And i'd be embarrassed to tell them the.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Truth but you know WHY i live there Because Yellow,
Springs ohio as the most beautiful women in the. World
and a lot of people might disagree with, me but
you got to see them for. Yourself they're. Gorgeous but
it all depends on what you're, into you know WHAT i.
MEAN i like white bitches with dirty. Feet IF i
(21:41):
had a strip club and yellow, SPRINGS i would call
that shit strippies all naked hippies all the, time And
i'd only hide girls with long titties and long vagina
head that looks like they slept on. It And i'm
gonna keep a pile of dirt right next to the
STATE i come, like, bitch get your feet in that
(22:03):
dirt and get up there and get those people what
they came to.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
See chalk, up.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
BITCH a couple of years, AGO i was in on
How a shopping mall.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
An old white.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Lady it is true she was following me around the,
mall which sounds, paranoid But i'm sure she was following
me mean lady. Too you ever see a woman with
lines on her face that just tell you, like even
if she, smiled it looked like.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
It would her the muscles in her.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
FACE i knew she was following because she was at
places that had nothing to do with. Her i'd be
looking around, like what is this old bitch? Doing and
game stopping foot lock and all the PLACES i like to.
Go every TIME i see, her she just be looking at,
me on, me and EVENTUALLY i forgot about. Her so
then After i'm, SHOPPING i go all the way to
the back of the parking lot and park all the
(23:03):
way in the, back and as soon AS i open
my car, DOOR i hear a voice Go David, Chappelle
just like. THAT i didn't even have to. LOOK i
knew it was. Hurt AND i looked, back and sure,
enough there she was her. Face to be honest with,
you she probably wasn't even that. Old she's probably around my,
age but she was a white.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Woman this bitch looked terrible going all the. WAY i
kept my, COOL i was.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
NICE i said, hello, miss and she didn't say anything.
Back all she said.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
WAS i watch your.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
COMEDY i, said, Oh.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
And then she, says this is. True she, goes it
sounds to me like you pet.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
WOMEN i, said, well you know, what, miss it's, art
and you're free to interpret this art however you. Like
BUT i can tell, you as the maker of this,
art THAT i don't believe THAT i feel that.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Way and she, said WELL i, Think AND i, said.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Shut, up, bitch shut the fuck up FOR i kill
you and put you in the. Trunk ain't nobody around.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Here i'm just.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
KIDDING i didn't say THAT i felt that, way but
that's not WHAT i. SAID i was more clever than.
That you know WHAT i, said and this is exactly
WHAT i.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
SAID i, said. Miss before you finish that, statement let
me ask you a. Question where did you see? Me
did you buy a ticket to a? CONCERT i? DID
i doubt?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
That or or maybe you watch one of my specials On,
netflix or or DID i follow you to your car
and do my? Act she said WHAT i, said keep
it in a comment, section, bitches.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Real life, tatar and THEN i drove.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Off NOW i gotta tell, you and this is gonna
surprise some people, here but not. Everybody people say things
to me all the, time but what you don't know
is it does affect.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
ME i think about, it and that one bothered me a.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
LOT i was driving, home couldn't stop thinking about what
this woman said because she's not the first woman.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
That said that to.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Me it's, puzzling you know WHAT i, Mean, like what
COULD i possibly be saying that would make these bitches
THINK i hate? Women couldn't figure it, out.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
So you know WHAT i. DID i googled the diction definition.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Of a feminist just to make SURE i was talking
about the right. Thing and do you, know, sir what
the dictionary definition of a feminist.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
IS i didn't either listen to.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
This websters defines a feminist as a human, being not a,
woman a human being.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
That believes in equal rights for. WOMEN i was shocked.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
That that's what that, meant because by that, DEFINITION i
would consider myself a feminist AND i didn't even know
that at the.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Time all these, YEARS i thought it meant frumpy.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Dyke, well that's who's always talking to, me some.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Chicken. Overalls men are trying to rape. Us, ah not you,
bitch we. Please this is not
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I need you guys to know something. I tell you
the truth, and don't get freaked out. This is gonna
be my last.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Special for a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's all good. It's all good. Listen, listen to me.
I did it in Detroit for that reason.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
That's right. You don't know why.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Because I talked so much shit about Detroit in the
first special, I figured I might as well do the
last special here.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Sorry about that, by the while.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
First of all, before I even start, I want to
say that I'm rich and famous. And the only reason
I say that is because the last seventeen months were
hell and I cannot imagine what everybody went through. But
I'm happy to see you, and I'm happy you're well,
and I hope everyone you love is okay. I don't
(01:11):
want you to worry about me. I'm vaccinated. I got
the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. I gotta admit that's probably
the most nigorish decision.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
I've made in a long time.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'll walk on the doctor, like, give me the third
best option. I'll have what the homeless people are having.
It so far, so good, And I know you probably
heard on the news. I did I did get coronavirus,
and it was it was something else like Okay. First
(01:52):
of all, when doctor told me I had coronavirus, I
got to tell you, I was surprised how it made
me feel. I felt dirty.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I felt gross because I hadn't walking around.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Texas just touching door knobs and shit hands, a moist
boy tipping niggas with cash. Here, take this to your family.
I must have killed thousands of people just trying to
get tonight's show together. So I hope you appreciate it,
because a lot of niggas time for me to get
(02:28):
this one off. I hadn't felt that dirty in a
long time. Last time I can remember feeling dirty like that. Man,
I must have been a little boy. I was being
molested by a preacher. Oh don't feel bad for me.
(02:50):
I liked it.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
I used to get a kick out of coming in
that fella's face. Well, he asked me to do it.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
They make a quarantine at the quarantine for ten days
at least. This is he gonna have to stay in
the room. I didn't go nowhere, and it started making
me nuts because I would just sit in the room
and watch videos all day. Now you know what I
was watching, and I hate to say this, but there
was a lot of videos, sadly of black people beating
(03:32):
up Asians for no reason. All these attacks were unprovoked.
I couldn't believe it. And I was sitting in the
room watching this shit. It was stressing me out.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
I was stressed already because the whole time, when you get.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Coronavirus, at least the first five days, you wait see
how sick you're gonna get, And it turns out, and
this is true, I didn't get.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Sick at all. Not a coll not a booker, not
a fever, nothing. Look at me.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
I am the magic Johnson of coronavirus. I just sat
in the crib and got strong all week. But I
was stressed because I kept watching these videos of my
beloved black people beating up my beloved Asian people and
being so cruel. And the whole time I watch those
(04:23):
videos is fucked up. But I couldn't help but feel like,
when I saw these brothers beating these Asians up, it's
probably what's happening inside of my body.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I didn't get sick.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I also saw a lot of videos of UFOs. I mean,
what the fuck has been going on with that?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Ship. These niggas are here. These UFOs keep.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Coming to Earth, and it made me think of when
I deal for a movie. Sounds dumb, but hear me out.
In my movie idea, we find out that these aliens
are originally from Earth, that they're from an ancient civilization
that achieved in a stellar travel and left the Earth
thousands of years ago. Some other planet they go to
(05:18):
and things go terrible for them in the other planet,
so they come back to Earth decide that they want
to claim the Earth for their very own. It's a
pretty good plotline, huh.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I call it space jews. Space jews.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
All right, it's gonna get worse than that hanging there.
It's gonna get way worse than that. Then I thought,
I'm an idea for a children's book. I actually wrote it.
It's coming out soon. The book is designed to help
parents teach their children about racism, which if your parent,
(06:06):
you know, is an impossible concept to teach to a child,
But I'm doing it. The book is about a big, strong,
beautiful black man with a benign, regular ass white name,
and he has a white speaking voice. So whenever this
motherfucker calls to get a reservation in a restaurant. Oh
(06:29):
he gets the reservation, that name and that voice.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Who could resist them?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Now, I shall tell you this black man is literally
an actual giant, and he's a strong dude. And when
he shows up to them restaurants, they see that big
giant black dude, they say, you can't come in here,
and they call the police. And in every installment of
the book, the police come and they always shoot him.
(07:04):
But remember no, remember this guy as a giant. These
bullets don't kill them, they don't even hurt them. They
just break his heart. It's called Clifford the Big Black Nigger.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Anyone.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
This is my last special because I have an objective tonight.
I came here tonight because this body of work that
I've done on Netflix. I'm going to complete all the
questions you might have had about all these jokes I've
said in the last few years. I hope to answer tonight,
(07:55):
and I'd like to start by addressing the lbgt Q
community directly. And I want to remember that community to
know that I come the other night in peace, and
I hope to negotiate the release of The Baby, Sad
(08:25):
Sad Sad story. The Baby was the number one streaming
artist until about a couple of weeks ago he took
a nasty spill on stage and said said some wild
stuff about the lbgt Q community during a concert in Florida.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Uh. Now, you know, I go hard in the paint,
but even.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I saw that shit was like, God, damn the baby. Ooh,
he pushed the button, didn't he? He pushed the button
punched the LBGTQ community right in.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Aids can't do that.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I can't do that, But I do believe, and I'll
make this point later that the kid made a very
egregious mistake.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I will acknowledge that.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
But you know a lot of the LBGTQ community doesn't
know the baby's history. He's a wild guy. He once
shot a nigga and killed him in Walmart.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Oh, this is true. Google it. The baby shot and
killed a.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Nigga in Walmart in North Carolina. Nothing bad happened to
his career. D you see where I'm going with this.
In our country, you can shoot and kill a nigga,
but you better not hurt a gay person's feelings. And
(10:08):
this is precisely the disparity that I wish to discuss.
I have a question for the audience, and this is
a real question. I'm not joking around. Is it possible
that a gay person can be racist? Do you really
(10:35):
think so? Of course it's possible.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Look at Mike Pence.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Oh I'm guessing, but I bet you he's gay and
he's not pride break gay either. He's sad gay.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Feel bad for him.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
He looks like one of them gays that praised about it.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
D Jesus, please take these dirty feelings out of my heart.
Please Jesus, make these buttholes ugly to me. I don't
want to keep on tasting these dicks. What you guys
(11:29):
are confusing the emotions. You think I hate gay people,
and what you're really seeing is that I am jealous
of gay people.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Oh I'm jealous. I'm not the only black person that
feels this way.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
We blacks.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
We look at the gay community, we go God damn it.
Look how well that movement is going. Look how well
you are doing. And we've been trapped in this predicament
for hundreds of years.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
How the fuck are you making that kind of progress.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I can't help but feel like if slaves had baby
oil and booty shorts.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
We might have been free one hundred years sooner.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
If Martin Luther King was like, I want.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Everybody to get a bone and bloats, you get your
bodies good and shiny.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I don't hate gay people at all. I respect the
shit out of you, well, not all of it. I'm
not that fond of these newer gays. Too sensitive, too brittle.
Those aren't the gays I grew up with. I missed them,
old school gays, Nigga them, stonewall niggas them, the ones
that I respect. They didn't take shit from anybody. They
(13:04):
fought for their freedom. I respect that shit. I'm not
even gay, and I want to be like a stone
wall nigga them, old school gangster gays, them, glory hole
niggas them, the ones I like.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
These new gays don't even know what the glory hole is.
It's a hole in the wall the gay contractors built.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You want to know why they put that hole in
the wall, I'll tell you, And there's no nice way
to say it, because when they want to have some fun,
they will put their penises in that hole.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
And hope for the best. I respect that shit.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's a lot of courage on both sides of that
whole nigga.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
I'm not Eve been gay.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
And I want to try that glory whole out. What
if Martin Luther King had to integrate the glory whole.
Speaker 5 (14:16):
I don't care if it's black lips back there and
white lips back there.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
A mouth is a mouth, a warm, wet mouth.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm going all the way. I got in a fight,
almost got in the fight. It's complicated. I was in
a bar in Austin with my wife and and and uh.
It was during COVID and and uh. A woman came
to our table and she was massless and this bitch
came over with no mask.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
All h words, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Droplets is coming out of this bitch's face?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
We all covered our drinks. Oh bitter it now.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I looked over at the table that she came from,
and I picked game. The men at the table were
filming me. This happens when you're famous. People will come
over and try to rat your cage and get you
to say something stupid or dumb so that their buddies
can film it and they get a video of you
embarrassing yourself. And clearly I said, is what's happening? And
these dumb motherfuckers thought that it was my first rodeo.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Sadly it worked. I ran right over there and I'm
pointing right there.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Came out. I said, use a bitch ass nigga for
doing this, I mean, and the dude was shocked at
I said it, he said, and when he did like this,
I seen all his fingernails was painted. And I realized, like, uh, oh,
(16:11):
this fella's gay. Now you know how I talk. I
call everybody a bitch ass nigga.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
But that's not the right thing to do if they're gay,
you know what I mean. And now I was in trouble.
And not only that. The motherfucker was huge. She stood up.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
He was towering over me.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
He must have been six' five of a, big, white
corn Fed texas homosexualist nigga was ready to, fight and
he started barking on. Me BUT i stood my. GROUND
i wasn't.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Scared how COULD i be.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Scared motherfucker's shirt was tied up in a knot like.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
This fuck this. Guy let's, go, nigga let's. GO i
thought we were gonna come to. BLOWS i was.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
READY i was. Ready and then and, then right when
you think we would. Fight guess what he. Did he
picked up his phone and he called the. Police and,
this this Thing i'm describing is a major issue THAT
i have with that. Community gave people are minorities until
they need to be white. Again being very brutally, honest
(17:23):
so we can solve this. Problem i'm telling you right,
now a black gay person would have never done that to,
me because a black gay person knows when the police shows,
up they're not gonna care who called.
Speaker 6 (17:33):
Them they don't show, Up like which one of you
niggers Is. Clifford we'll All. Clifford this happens far too.
Often another, time about.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Six years, ago there was a lesbian woman that tried
to sell a story about me TO. Tmz thank, GOODNESS
tmz could see right through the sham of that. Story
this woman claimed THAT i beat her up in the
nightclub because she was a. Lesbian that is fucking, crazy.
BITCH i didn't even know you was a. Woman thank
(18:15):
GOD tmz didn't believe, that BECAUSE i did beat the
shit out of. It i'm not gonna.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Lie it was her.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
FAULT i had no.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
CHOICE i came in the, club minded my own, business
and a woman came up to.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Me she, goes oh my, God Damn.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Chappelle AND i was just being reciprocally, Nice, hey, miss
how are? You blah blah, blah but not talk nothing to,
It and all of a, sudden it's a lesbian fellow
stepped between. Us, hey, nigga that's my. GIRL i, Said, yo,
yo my, man back up like.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That she, SAID i ain't backing up all, Shit, nigga
that's my.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
GIRL i, said, bro you're gonna have to give me
three feet like. This she, says stop calling me a, man,
Motherfucker i'm a. WOMAN i, said, What and THEN i
look deep in a this nigga's. CHEEKBONES i, said oh my,
(19:15):
god you are a. Woman this was too much for
me to even wrap my mind. Around But i'll tell you.
WHAT i unbalded my fist, immediately AND i softened my
pasta so that she would know she's in no. DANGER
i even changed the tone of my. VOICE i, said, softly,
sweetly like a pimp might, say, Bitch i'm about to
(19:42):
slap the shit out of. EVENING i should have done. It,
OH i WISH i didn't say. That she dropped that footback.
Boot she was in a perfect soft, stands her shoulders
were angled, correctly her head moving was.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
GOOD i, said oh, no this bitch box for. Real
she threw a wild.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Hook at me AND i saw it coming from, yesterday
SO i slipped it like.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
This had no.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
CHOICE i had to go to. WORK i let that jab.
Go you should have seen me, Go. NIGGA i tenderized
them titties like chicken.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
CUTLINGS i whooped the toxic masculinity out of that. Bitch
(20:47):
that's WHY i don't go out no, more just trying to.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Chill i'm just trying to live a peaceful. Life that's
WHY i live In. Ohio you, KNOW i live in
a little town In. Ohio it must be like thirty
seven hundred, people small hippie. Town culturally it might feel
like like Ann, arbord are you you know WHAT i?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
MEAN a bunch of hippies and shit like.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
That and niggas always ask, me like, day why are
you living that hippie?
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Town And i'd be embarrassed to tell them the.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Truth but you know WHY i live there Because Yellow,
Springs ohio as the most beautiful women in the. World
and a lot of people might disagree with, me but
you got to see them for. Yourself they're. Gorgeous but
it all depends on what you're, into you know WHAT i.
MEAN i like white bitches with dirty. Feet IF i
(21:41):
had a strip club and yellow, SPRINGS i would call
that shit strippies all naked hippies all the, time And
i'd only hide girls with long titties and long vagina
head that looks like they slept on. It And i'm
gonna keep a pile of dirt right next to the
STATE i come, like, bitch get your feet in that
(22:03):
dirt and get up there and get those people what
they came to.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
See chalk, up.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
BITCH a couple of years, AGO i was in on
How a shopping mall.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
An old white.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Lady it is true she was following me around the,
mall which sounds, paranoid But i'm sure she was following
me mean lady. Too you ever see a woman with
lines on her face that just tell you, like even
if she, smiled it looked like.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
It would her the muscles in her.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
FACE i knew she was following because she was at
places that had nothing to do with. Her i'd be
looking around, like what is this old bitch? Doing and
game stopping foot lock and all the PLACES i like to.
Go every TIME i see, her she just be looking at,
me on, me and EVENTUALLY i forgot about. Her so
then After i'm, SHOPPING i go all the way to
the back of the parking lot and park all the
(23:03):
way in the, back and as soon AS i open
my car, DOOR i hear a voice Go David, Chappelle
just like. THAT i didn't even have to. LOOK i
knew it was. Hurt AND i looked, back and sure,
enough there she was her. Face to be honest with,
you she probably wasn't even that. Old she's probably around my,
age but she was a white.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Woman this bitch looked terrible going all the. WAY i
kept my, COOL i was.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
NICE i said, hello, miss and she didn't say anything.
Back all she said.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
WAS i watch your.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
COMEDY i, said, Oh.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
And then she, says this is. True she, goes it
sounds to me like you pet.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
WOMEN i, said, well you know, what, miss it's, art
and you're free to interpret this art however you. Like
BUT i can tell, you as the maker of this,
art THAT i don't believe THAT i feel that.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Way and she, said WELL i, Think AND i, said.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Shut, up, bitch shut the fuck up FOR i kill
you and put you in the. Trunk ain't nobody around.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Here i'm just.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
KIDDING i didn't say THAT i felt that, way but
that's not WHAT i. SAID i was more clever than.
That you know WHAT i, said and this is exactly
WHAT i.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
SAID i, said. Miss before you finish that, statement let
me ask you a. Question where did you see? Me
did you buy a ticket to a? CONCERT i? DID
i doubt?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
That or or maybe you watch one of my specials On,
netflix or or DID i follow you to your car
and do my? Act she said WHAT i, said keep
it in a comment, section, bitches.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Real life, tatar and THEN i drove.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Off NOW i gotta tell, you and this is gonna
surprise some people, here but not. Everybody people say things
to me all the, time but what you don't know
is it does affect.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
ME i think about, it and that one bothered me a.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
LOT i was driving, home couldn't stop thinking about what
this woman said because she's not the first woman.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
That said that to.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Me it's, puzzling you know WHAT i, Mean, like what
COULD i possibly be saying that would make these bitches
THINK i hate? Women couldn't figure it, out.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
So you know WHAT i. DID i googled the diction definition.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Of a feminist just to make SURE i was talking
about the right. Thing and do you, know, sir what
the dictionary definition of a feminist.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
IS i didn't either listen to.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
This websters defines a feminist as a human, being not a,
woman a human being.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
That believes in equal rights for. WOMEN i was shocked.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
That that's what that, meant because by that, DEFINITION i
would consider myself a feminist AND i didn't even know
that at the.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Time all these, YEARS i thought it meant frumpy.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Dyke, well that's who's always talking to, me some.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Chicken. Overalls men are trying to rape. Us, ah not you,
bitch we. Please this is not
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