Monique ＂Find You A Big Baller, Shot Caller＂ The Search

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
But you know what I did do? I called some more.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I said, look here, sister, now I'm starting to date again,
and I need you know ho I'm supposed to fucking date,
you know, because I'm not having luck with the Popeyes manager.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
You know, we broke up. So how the fuck can
we do this?

Speaker 2 (00:13):
She said, bitch, you need you a big baller shot caller,
whatever the.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Fuck that means.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
I said, well, how do I get a big baller
shot caller? She said, Look, bitch, you're from Baltimore. That's
where the Ravens play. Take your ass down to the
field where they practice. Wear your best shit, but put
a helmet on cause you might get tackled in the process.
You're gonna suck around on the fifty yard line, so
you got to you know, you got to be prepared.
So sure enough, I take my ass down to the field,

(00:42):
got on my best ship, my little mini skirt shit cleave.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Did y'all standing there on the.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Fifty yard line waiting for a nigga to come talk
to me? And something I'm chaying, go read go read.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
This, go read this, go reefing switch, go read things,
go wreath things, gorings.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
And sure enough I get tackled, not on purpose, but
then they ran over my side. Now, I got tackled
by one of the star players, but I had to
flip them over let him know. Nigga, I'm nothing, no punk,
I'm sorry, but you fuck me up on my back
like that. So I rolled him over and he didn't
play it out last season because his back was fucked up.
I apologized to the team, but shit, I had to
let him know. I'm not the business to tackle damn
real hard like that. I don't know if you was

(01:20):
playing or not. You came real fast up at me. Now,
I got nervous when the nigga came, so.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
I flipped him over. So after he got up, I
helped him up, wiped him all. He said, how you doing,
my ni? I said, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. He said,
I've been really following your career.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm digging the Parkers show, talking about the Apollo, your
clothing line, your book, I'm in all that shit. But
why you fucking with the nigga at the Popeye? How
the fuck you know I'm fucking the nigga at the Popeye.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
That's some shit. You keep a secret. You don't let
nobody know. You fucking a nigga the Popeyees. You're on TV.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
So I'm like, well, how the fuck they know I'm
fucking the nigga at the popeye'es.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
He been following me.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
He's a nigga.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
No, what the fuck I here?

Speaker 2 (01:58):
I said, well, you know it's over with, you know,
trying to get with me a big baller shot collar.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
He said, well, I'm that nigga you need to be
with now.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
By now, my cool she's dingling, and I'm trying not
to look at him in his eye because my eyes
are saying, other, fuck that raven bird off your jersey. Nigger,
you don't know me. Hut hot, touchdown, nigger, touchdown.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Please please. I'm trying to keep my cool with him.
I'm trying to keep my cool.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
So he said, listen, I have to go out of
town tonight, but I'll be back Sunday. When I come
in town, I'm gonna pick you up seven o'clock in
the morning and I will deliver you back seven o'clock
the next morning.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
Now, I'm like, this motherfucker say he gonna deliver me.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Back like I'm a package, just so shit, we don't
want of them heavy package. Just so you gotta be
careful now to fuck your backup, so just know what
the fuck you're playing with.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
So sure enough, baby, he comes Sunday.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Now, this brother has a white Bentley with all white
seat leather seats inside. Now, when he pulls up at
my door and I open my door, there are white
rose petals from my front door to his car on
top of red carpet.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
So I'm like, this, motherfucker, we can fuck right here.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
We ain't got to go nowhere. I swear to God,
we ain't got to go nowhere. Nigga, it ain't even
about the money. Please please please let me go put
my helmet on so we can do some rough shit.
I like that rough shit. Bust me in my head,
make a bitch bleed or some shit like that. Let
me know you fucking me. That's kind of shit I'm into.
So after that, he takes me to this spa. We
go to the spa and ladies. This is how you

(03:25):
know a brother knows his shit. The masseuse undresses me.
He stands in a corner and watches. Never ever says
a fucking word, he just watches. Now, I'm a no
nervous cause Nigga, I used to seeing my protective pouch.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
No nervous and I'm trying to suck an answer. He
won't see. He said, Monique, let it go. That's what
makes you a woman.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Let it go. Okay, Nigga, you ain't said nothing. You
ain't said nothing. So now when I get up on
the table, it's a little narrow table, so I'm kind
of hanging over on the side and trying to put
a blanket up on me real fast. Nigga can't see
my powers hanging on the side, he said, Monique, let
it go. So baby, Now, I am like, fuck it.

(04:08):
This is my motherfucking man, this is the king, and
as the masseuse is massaging me, he never says a
fucking word. You're not Your face is in a little
hole in the chair. I'm like, Nigga, just comes standing
yourself upon me. Please, I make your game better. I
got a trick I can show you in this hole.
Here see a fat bitch. You know how to keep

(04:28):
a nigga skinny bits too scared to do that, Nigga,
come stand upon me. I will show you this trick
I got this. Brother never fucking moved. He stood there
after we got finished. He took me to the Jacuzie,
just let me.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Sit in the little tug.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
Just never fucking said nothing now but now, And this
is turning me the fuck on. I'm ready to do this.
After that, he drives me off, dresses me. We go
out to lunch, have a wonderful little time. He says, listen,
I'm gonna take you back home. I'm gonna pick you
back up in three hours to take you to dinner.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Now he knows a fat bitch is hard.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
We just have lunch. Three hours later, it's time a dinner.
He know how to work a bit. I'm excited about that.
You are the motherfuckers. Don't know what time it is,
but he knew three hours. I know you're gonna be
ready for some mother shit. I say, that's what I'm
talking about. What the fuck I'm doing?

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Three hours? So I get home. I'm waiting for him.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
He calls me and says, listen, I'm gonna take you
to the finest French restaurant in the state of Maryland.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
So I'm thinking French.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Okay, I hope all this shit ain't in French because
I can't speak the shit. I don't want this nigga
think I'm ignorant. I don't have no culture because I
don't know learn this shit. So when he picked me
up this time, he has red roses from a front
door to the car. We get to the restaurant and
it's all in French. I say, okay, God, when we
get in here, let the menu be an American because

(05:43):
I can't.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
I can't read the shit. We we fool fully.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Gougo says, why this fou I'm trying to say, shit,
that's gonna let him know.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
You know, I got no culture with my shit. So
when we get in there, sure enough the shit is
in French. So I gotta call some more. I gotta
say what the fuck I said? Bitch, you said French?
She say, let that nigga order for you. Don't let
him know you don't know your shit. So I hung up.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
I said, h my king, order for your queen. He said,
say no more. He snapped twice and the waiter came.
All I heard was our orange at the end of
the French shit that he said. Now, I got nervous
with the our of orange because I know I don't
eat that kind of shit. It don't sit right with me.

(06:26):
I know it, don't.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
I know it, don't. And I'm sitting there, I'm getting
little nervous.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
I'm like, okay, okay, okay, bitch, o kay, bitch, don't
let him see you sweat.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Just stay gone with your shit, say gone with your shit.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
So when it came, I figured, you know what, I'm
gonna eat two bites and say I'm full, because we
had nose three.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
I was earlier. I know how to play my shit.
When it came, I said, what is this, my king?
He said, that is the duck our orange. I said, okay,
that looks good.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
So as I started cutting it, he took my fork
at knife and said, please allow me, and he cut
it and fitting me every piece of that fucking duck
a lorne, and he switched it around in the gravey
because you know, fat bit just like little sauce on
his shit, So he swished it all around in the gravy. So, baby,
after I sat there and ate all of that duck,

(07:16):
I lord, I start getting nervous because it wasn't shutting right.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
And mister hold when I say it to myself, oh
I got a shit. I got a shot, and said,
you know how you got a ship. Rep as you
get that shit and look look like you saying ha
ha ha. Baby.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
I'm sitting there and I'm panicking because every fucking body
is gone out the restaurant, and I know if I
shit in the restaurant, I'm a fucking up for everybody
in there, and this niggas gonna think I'm nasty. So
I'm sitting there trying to hold his shit in. I'm
trying to hold the shit in. I said, okay, if
I just walk with it, if I just walk with it,
it'll suck back up, turning to a fog. Let me
just walk with the shit. I'm gonna walk with the ship.
I'm gonna walk with the ship. Then I start playing

(08:04):
groundhog Day. Come I'll come in.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
I said, oh.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
Shit, please please please please just let me fine, Just
let me fine, Please let me fine.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Baby. That fuck would not come out to save my
fucking life.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
So I said, okay, okay, bitch, don't pan it, don't
bet it, don't penny.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
Now he got white leather seas.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
So I'm like, please, please don't let me sit in
this car. God, please, this my husband. Please don't let
me shit in this nigga car. So when I sat down.
I said, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna
just put my window down.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
And turn my ass like that to the side of
the window. Let the shit go out the window. He
won't even know how to fucked up the ride home. Well.
As soon as I press the button and start raining,
I said, ain't this up, bitch, And let me tell
you something, black man. When we have to ship, we
have no fucking conversation for your ass, cause we're scared

(08:54):
if we talk, a little piece of poop gonna come
the fuck out byself. You having a good time yat
nigga drive life hamp and that smither icker please, Oh,
this's just quacking.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
That duck is quacking like bitch. We can race, set
it off, do something. So I'm sitting there and say okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay this rumma, do this, rumma, do this rummad Calm down,
calm down, con come down.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Come down. I said, okay, shoot us a song come
on the radio. Just tell him say turn it out,
turn it out, and when you turn it up, you
just go.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
And release yourself. Act like the music. Some motherfucking funky.
It just stuck up the car so we sitting there, baby,
and they just talking. I'm like, just please play a
fucking song. Please. Then they play JAYZ and that's my song.
It's that hardcore raption. Jack. What's the motherfucking nfe Jack? Baby?

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Before that third jigger could come out, that duck got
the quacking in my stomach.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
I just turned my face.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
To the side of my window because I knew I
was a great fuck up my friendship. As soon as
that shit caught him right around here, I knew it
was gonna be overwhere. He kept talking about some bullshit,
I said, Jesu, baby, and I watched his ass react.

(10:48):
He was trying to be cool with it till he
got the simmering on his ass.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck? What the fuck is line?
Would you you dank it? Betch? What the fuck is
rona two? Ship my stomach? Gram nigga ship? Oh, I
feel better. Let's get some ice cream. Nigga shit that
nigga ain't never call me no more? Fuck right little

(11:18):
shit and landa my neighbors mo nigga. God, bless y'all, baby,
thank you so much for