December 27, 2024 • 31 mins
In this powerful episode, Nicola Beer explores how attachment styles in relationships shape the way we love, trust, and connect — and how healing attachment wounds can lead to lasting change. Learn the five essential truths that will help you shift from survival patterns to deeper intimacy, security, and self-awareness. Whether you’re anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure, you’ll walk away with clarity and tools for transformation.
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Download Nicola’s Self-Confidence Toolkit — a free mini-course with exercises to help you reconnect with yourself, understand your emotional needs, and rewire your attachment patterns from the inside out.
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📩 Also explore her free Relationship Reconnect Toolkit and Affair Recovery Pack while you’re there.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Friends.
Isn't it fascinating howrelationships bring us immense joy
but also profound heartache?
There are dance of emotionsyet how often do we truly, deeply,
consciously invest in therelationship we have with ourselves
and loved ones?
(00:25):
That investment, that time andthat energy is the most powerful
gift in you could ever bestowupon yourself and those you love.
As life didn't give us amanual on handling emotions and communication
challenges, we also weren'ttaught the art of building romantic
(00:45):
ties or how to deeply love andvalue ourselves.
But I'm here to share morelife affirming, relationship enhancing
wisdom with you all.
And now you can also find thistransformational content pouring
onto YouTube and Instagram.
Dive into the show notes toconnect with all the magic.
(01:08):
Here's for growth, love andendless learning.
Hi and welcome.
I'm Nicola Beer and today I'mgoing to be talking about attachment
styles 5 essential facts totransform and strengthen your relationships
Attachment is the invisibleforce shaping how we connect with
others.
It starts in infancy, rootedin our early experiences with caregivers
(01:32):
and forms a foundation for howwe navigate love, trust and emotional
connection throughout life.
This blueprint affects how weunderstand relationships, how we
express our needs and how werespond to others behaviours.
From the moment we're born,attachment plays a crucial role in
our survival.
It drives us to seek safety,nourishment and emotional support.
(01:54):
These interactions create alifelong internal model of relationships
influencing how we perceivelove, reliability and care.
Understanding attachmentstyles offers insight into our own
behaviour and emotions whilstalso providing the tools to build
stronger, healthier relationships.
By exploring these fiveessential facts, you'll gain clarity
(02:15):
about your attachment styleand learn how to use this knowledge
to foster deeper connectionsand and personal growth.
Before diving into the fiveessential facts, let's take a moment
to explore the science behindthe attachment styles and the different
attachment styles.
In future episodes I'll delvedeeper into each one as understanding
these styles can help youdevelop greater compassion for yourself
(02:37):
and those around you.
This awareness can alsoempower you to make meaningful changes
that improve yourrelationships and overall quality
of life.
Attachment theory is supportedby decades of psychological research.
It shows how our earlyexperiences with caregivers create
an internal model or mentalmap for relationships.
This attachment system governsour behaviours, emotions and expectations
(03:01):
in close relationship.
It explains why weinstinctively seek closeness and
safety from others and how wereact when those needs are unmet.
There are four main attachmentstones secure, anxious, avoidant
and disorganized.
Each one has unique traits,often rooted in childhood, that influence
how people relate to partnersin adulthood.
(03:23):
So I'll just briefly nowdescribe these four attachment styles.
Secure Attachment Secureattachment forms when caregivers
are consistently responsive,loving and dependable.
Children with this upbringingfeel safe and valued, learning to
trust others and rely on themfor support as adults.
Securely attached individualsapproach relationships with confidence
(03:46):
and emotional stability.
They are reliable, consistent,and open to intimacy, communicating
effectively and handlingconflicts with flexibility.
These traits allow them tobuild healthy, balanced relationships
that feel natural and fulfilling.
Then there's anxious attachment.
Anxious attachment developsfrom inconsistent caregiving where
(04:08):
a child's needs are metunpredictably, sometimes with love
and attention, other timeswith neglect or dismissal.
The inconsistency causes thechild to feel uncertain about whether
they can rely on thecaregiver, leading to a heightened
fear of abandonment.
As adults, individuals withanxious attachment often seek constant
reassurance, overanalyze theirpartner's actions, and fear rejection.
(04:33):
They may appear clingy oroverly preoccupied with their relationships,
struggling with emotionalhighs and lows, and often feeling
insecure when they're alone.
Then there's the avoidant attachment.
Avoidant attachment typicallyarises when caregivers are emotionally
unavailable or dismissive,causing the child to learn that vulnerability
(04:53):
won't be met with care.
These children adapt bybecoming self reliant and avoiding
emotional dependence on othersin adulthood.
Avoidantly attachedindividuals value independence and
often resist intimacy, givingmixed signals or avoiding deep emotional
conversations.
They may appear detached orstruggle to address conflicts, making
(05:16):
it difficult for them to buildtrusting relationships despite their
outward self sufficiency.
And then there's disorganized attachment.
Disorganized attachment stemsfrom a combination of fear and confusion.
Often in cases wherecaregivers are both the source of
comfort and fear, such as inan abusive or neglectful environment.
(05:38):
These children grow up withconflicting feelings about relationships,
wanting closeness but fearingat the same time that it's going
to go wrong or they're goingto be hurt.
As adults, they may experiencea push pull dynamic in relationships,
exhibiting high emotionalreactivity, mistrust, and difficulty
maintaining stability.
(05:59):
This attachment style is oftenassociated with unresolved trauma,
making relationships feeltumultuous and unpredictable.
I've been helping people breakfree from their attachment patterns
for years because this work isvery personal to me.
I used to have a disorganizedattachment style where I would swing
between feeling anxious andavoidant in relationships.
(06:20):
My behavior would be hot andcold and I'd have positive thoughts
and then negative thoughtsabout the person that I was dating.
I'd start by thinking that atthe beginning they were a great match.
They were truly into me.
I thought they were wonderful,but then I'd doubt and question everything.
Growing up, my mother wasabusive and aggressive at times,
(06:41):
but then loving.
One of the times that she wasmost loving was when I was sick.
And I remember going through aperiod where I was about 8 or 9,
where I was constantly senthome, being sick.
And I remember my mum writinga letter that I was to give to the
headmaster, saying, is thereany problems at school?
Because Nicola seems fine, butshe keeps coming home to be sick.
(07:06):
And I'm not sure I reallyprocessed it back then, but now I
can see that I just wanted mymum's love and care and attention.
And if you were ill, you gotreally special treatment.
You were allowed to sit in thelounge with her, you were given toast
and lemonade and you were justtreated so kindly.
(07:26):
My father was unavailable alot of the time, but when he was
there and when my mum wasworking, he gave us the most amazing
times, full of love interestin us, so much fun, playing music,
playing games, eating chipsand eggs and just.
It was just so chilled out and fun.
(07:48):
Unfortunately, though, heeventually left when I was 13.
So for me, trusting inintimate relationships was incredibly
hard because my mind becamehyper aware of everything, Hyper
aware of, who is this person?
Can I trust them?
I'd replay conversations overand over when I got back from a date
(08:08):
or time with my partner.
I'd be wondering, what didthey mean when they said that and
is that a bit risky becausethey've said this or they've done
that?
It was horrible.
But I will say that it wasn'ta choice.
It was how I learned tosurvive as a child.
As a child, I had to assess mymother's mood every time I entered
the house.
(08:29):
I had to decide if it was safeto be near her or if I should hide
in my room because I getshouted at or hit.
This strategy protected meback then, but in my adult relationships
it was a disaster.
I didn't choose thesepatterns, just as I didn't choose
adhd.
When my mother was shouting,threatening or hurting me, I escaped
the pain by retreating into mymind, distracting myself and daydreaming.
(08:53):
It helped me to cope.
It helped me to cope in thosemoments, but over time, it scattered
my focus and made it hard forme to stay present.
The good news is, though, thatthese patterns can change.
Once you understand thesurvival strategies you developed,
you can adapt them intohealthier ways of thinking and behaving
with compassion for yourselfand the experiences that you've been
(09:14):
through.
It's possible to refocus yourenergy and create new habits that
serve you better.
Today, I help people freethemselves from these patterns every
single week.
It's the most rewarding work I do.
We don't have to be prisonersof our past.
The past doesn't always haveto define our present.
My story is just one exampleof how early experiences shape our
(09:36):
attachment styles.
But why do these patterns formin the first place?
To understand that, we need tolook at the foundational needs of
children and how theyinfluence our emotional development.
At the core of what childrenneed most is a sense of connection
that feels safe and secure.
Togetherness isn't justimportant for survival.
It's the driving force behindhow humans thrive.
(09:57):
Decades of research show thathumans aren't just driven simply
to survive.
We're driven to stay connected.
And this bond, calledattachment, is especially crucial
when a child feels threatenedor unsafe.
The biggest threat a child canface is separation.
It creates trauma.
Even worse, when the source ofconnection itself, like a caregiver,
(10:18):
becomes a threat, it can thenbe devastating.
The goal is to provide a kindof togetherness that feels steady
and safe without the fear ofit being taken away.
It's not just about beingphysically present for a child, but
staying emotionally connectedin a way that nothing can break.
Nothing can break that togetherness.
Nothing's going to change thatconnection between you and a parent.
(10:42):
Another key need for childrenis the ability to process and feel
their emotions.
Feelings are not the same as emotions.
They're our way ofunderstanding what's happening inside.
Children need safe spaces toexperience and express these feelings.
This can happen in two ways.
Through nurturingrelationships or by having emotional
(11:03):
playgrounds where they canexplore their feelings freely.
The third critical need achild is rest.
Growth doesn't come fromconsistent effort.
It comes from moments of true rest.
This includes rest from thework of staying connected or seeking
attachment.
When children feel fully safeand secure in their relationships,
they can relax.
(11:23):
And that's when they grow the most.
So if they're not having thatrest, if they constantly feel they
need to keep on attaching tothe parent because they're worried
that it's not safe or it'sgoing to go away, then the child
isn't resting.
And finally, play.
Play is essential.
True play, especially those inemotional playgrounds, is where children
(11:44):
really blossom.
Play isn't just fun.
It's a form of active restthat fuels emotional and developmental
growth.
When children are deprived ofopportunities for free and creative
play, they can struggleemotionally and developmentally.
To sum up children'sfoundation needs.
They are 1 safe and securetogetherness 2 a chance to recover
(12:05):
and process their feelings ina supportive environment three rest
from constant effort forattachment and four plenty of opportunities
for meaningful play.
These needs identified byGordon Newsfield's work provide the
foundation for children togrow, thrive, and reach their potential.
(12:26):
I highly recommend you checkout Gordon Neufeld's work.
Fascinating, especially ifyou're parents.
So now let's explore the fiveessential facts that are important
for you to know aboutattachment styles.
Your attachment style is anadaptive strategy, not a dysfunction.
Your attachment style isn't aflaw or a sign of dysfunction.
(12:46):
As a child, you developstrategies to meet your needs based
on the environment andexpectations around you.
These strategies wereessential for survival and worked
well in adulthood.
However, as an adult inintimate relationships, some of these
behaviors might not serve youas effectively.
Understanding this can helpyou approach the attachment styles
with compassion for yourselfand others.
(13:08):
For example, if your parentsdidn't accept or couldn't handle
your emotions as a child, youmight have learned that in order
to survive, you need torepress your feelings and that emotional
expression isn't safe.
30, 40, 50 years ago, maybeeven before, it was common for parents
to say things like stop cryingor I'll give you something to cry
about or Children should beseen and not heard.
(13:31):
Such statements, especiallywhen repeated or matched with actions,
can be deeply damaging andlead children to grow up believing
that they need to hide theirtrue feelings and put on a Persona
that is accepted in adult relationships.
They may struggle to expressthemselves, fear emotional conversations,
and repress their authentic self.
So their attachment style ofavoiding confrontation and emotional
(13:53):
expression as an adult is acoping mechanism that was learned
early on and helped the child survive.
But as an adult inrelationships, it doesn't serve them
well.
A different example can bewhere a child grows up in a household
where the parents areextremely busy and preoccupied with
either work, otherresponsibilities, 10 taking care
of somebody else or somethingelse, or going through their own
(14:15):
life struggles.
Due to this, the caregiversmay have gone between being really
attentive and then emotionallyunavailable, leaving the child in
a state of uncertainty, unsurewhether their needs would be met
or not.
On some days, the child criesfor comfort were answered with love
and affection.
They cried and they got loadsof attention straight away, and then
(14:38):
on other days those same crieswere ignored or dismissed.
To adapt to thisunpredictability, the child learned
strategies to ensure that theyreceived attention when it was available.
This might have includedheightened emotional expressions,
clinging behavior, or evenacting out, acting out in whatever
way that child could to getsome attention.
(14:59):
These strategies were notflaws, but necessary tools for survival
in an environment where thechild couldn't rely on consistent
care.
As an adult, this individualmight carry these same strategies
into their intimate relationships.
They may feel anxious orinsecure when they perceive even
the slightest signs ofemotional distance from their partner.
(15:19):
For example, if their partnerdoesn't reply to a text right away
or seems distracted or tired,they might start to worry Did I do
something wrong?
Are they upset with me?
What if they don't care orlove me as much as I do?
What if they've gone off me?
In an effort to re establishconnection, they might seek constant
reassurance, overanalyzeinteractions or act in ways that
(15:42):
unintentionally createtension, such as becoming overly
clingy, needy or emotionally reactive.
These behaviours stem from afear of abandonment and a deep seated
need for security.
Rooted in their early experiences.
It's important to understandthat these behaviours were once adaptive.
They helped the individualsecure attention and care in a challenging
(16:04):
environment.
These patterns were survivalstrategies in childhood and they
served a vital purpose at that time.
However, in adultrelationships they might not be as
effective, often leading tostress, tension and misunderstandings.
Recognising that attachmentstyles are not personal flaw, but
an adaptive response to pastexperiences can be transformative.
(16:26):
This understanding allowsindividuals to approach their behaviors
with compassion and worktowards developing healthier strategies
for communication andemotional regulation.
With effort they can learn totrust their relationships and themselves,
fostering a sense of securitythat wasn't consistently available
in the past.
That brings me to fact twoAttachment styles are not permanent.
(16:49):
While attachment styles mayfeel ingrained, they're not fixed.
With awareness and intentionaleffort you can develop what's called
an earned secure attachment.
This means that you can learnhealthier ways to connect, communicate
and foster intimacy.
Growth and healing arepossible, especially when engaging
in supportive relationships ortherapeutic processes.
(17:11):
In the breakthrough process Itake individuals and couples through,
we focus on understanding theroot cause of their attachment style
and the behaviors they developto cope.
Revisiting the past to learnfrom it, not dwell in it helps people
to become free from theirpatterns as long as they explore
it with self, love and compassion.
We also focus on growingconfidence in the areas that are
(17:31):
unfamiliar to a person.
For example, helping someoneexpress their feelings or tell the
truth even though they mayexperience rejection.
For those who tend to beanxious, growing confidence in themselves
to trust others and getcomfortable being alone, as well
as how to release any negativethoughts so they don't Control their
behaviors and moods.
(17:52):
The third fact is attachmentstyles are influenced by relationships.
Your attachment style is not static.
It can shift depending on thedynamics of your relationships.
Different partners may bringout different aspects of your attachment
tendencies.
The interplay creates a dancewhere both parties attachment styles
influence each other.
(18:13):
Understanding this dynamic canhelp you navigate relationships with
greater awareness.
For example, someone with ananxious attachment style Might feel
secure in a relationship wheretheir partner is consistent, emotionally
available, and communicative.
However, if they date someonewho has an avoidant attachment style,
Their anxieties can intensify.
(18:33):
For example, the anxiouspartner may overanalyze delayed texts
or perceive that theirpartner's need for space is a rejection.
In response, they may seekconstant reassurance or become clingy
and needy, Trying to close theperceived emotional gap.
Sadly, I see people with ananxious attachment style fall for
narcissists like I used tobecause the love bombing can give
(18:56):
a false sense of security.
But then, after the narcissisthas got you in their grip, they can
then default to selfish andcontrolling behaviors that leave
you feeling triggered and evenbecoming needy and giving them more
love when really they don'tdeserve it.
You want to be giving yourlove and attention where it's reciprocal.
Of course, it doesn't have tobe exactly equally measured.
(19:19):
You want to be in arelationship where you really feel
safe, secure, loved, wanted,and protected.
Now, sometimes you can betriggered in a relationship not because
there's anything negativehappening or because your partner
is the opposite to you, butbecause you really love them.
You really see a future with them.
You're so excited about a lifetogether, and because of that, the
(19:44):
risks are higher.
For example, Sara, that Iworked with had major trust issues
with her partner.
She came to me because sheknew that she was acting irrational,
but couldn't help herself.
She felt threatened becauseshe caught him looking at other women
when they went out to shoppingmalls, restaurants, and tennis lessons,
and it was making her questiontheir recent engagement.
She had never loved someone asmuch as him and never been with someone
(20:07):
as friendly and as sociable as him.
So it was a major trigger for her.
She had had previousrelationships before but didn't feel
anxious or stressed.
But in this relationship, shewas constantly worried.
It brought up a lot of herchildhood trauma and fear of abandonment,
and therefore the same copingmechanisms she she had as a child
came up.
(20:27):
She would threaten to end therelationship, question his every
move, question his everyglance, and it was exhausting for
them both.
It also led to her partner,Adele, to become more avoidant Zara
and I worked together to calmher anxiety and panic to realize
that she isn't as vulnerableas she was back then when she was
a child.
As a child she was separatedfrom her mother and lived with her
(20:49):
father and grandparents.
We looked at how she survivedthen and how she could vary her responses
now that she was older.
Then I had sessions with Adeleto adapt his behaviour so that he
wasn't unintentionallytriggering her as his attachment
style was just naturally to beavoided, especially when he felt
pushed and trapped.
(21:09):
As a couple, we discussed howto handle incidents where Zara perceived
Adele was staring at otherwomen and ways to emotionally regulate
and self soothe.
On the other hand as well, aperson with an attachment style that
is avoidant might feelcomfortable with a partner who respects
their needs for independenceand communicates in a calm, non intrusive
(21:29):
way.
However, if paired withsomeone with an anxious attachment
style, the avoidant partnermay feel overwhelmed by their partner's
frequent requests forreassurance or closeness.
To protect their sense ofautonomy, they might withdraw further,
creating even more distance ina relationship.
They might be really triggeredif they're asked where they are,
(21:50):
where they're going and whatthey're doing.
So they answer less and theybecome more secretive just to protect
their own sense of identityand independence.
This dynamic often creates a cycle.
The anxious partner's pursuitof closeness can trigger the avoidant
partner's need for distance,which in turn increases the anxious
partner's insecurities.
(22:10):
So they ask for even morereassurance or start checking up
on their partner asking themmore questions, which leads to more
walls to be put up by the avoidant.
This push pull patternhighlights how attachment styles
influence each other and therelationship as a whole.
Understanding this interplaycan help both partners approach the
relationship with greaterawareness and empathy.
(22:30):
For instance, the anxiouspartner can work on self soothing
and expressing needs calmly,while the avoidant partner can practice
being more emotionally presentand open to intimacy, especially
when they can see theirpartner's anxious behaviour.
Recognizing and addressingthese patterns can transform the
relationship into a healthier,more balanced connection.
(22:51):
So fact four is thatattachment styles are shaped by many
factors, not just parenting.
While parenting plays a majorrole in shaping attachment, other
factors can contribute as well.
The first is temperament.
Some babies are naturally moreadaptable or sensitive.
Most people know by the timethey reach adulthood if they're more
(23:12):
sensitive to things than theirfriends or their partner.
It's important to recognizethat there is in fact a gene for
sensitivity.
If you're a sensitive personThen you're more likely to feel your
emotions.
And that vulnerability canlead to feeling things more or putting
up barriers and becomingdefensive to avoid being hurt.
The good thing about beingsensitive is that you can also be
(23:35):
more positively influenced tooand adapt and learn new ways to respond.
Then there's family dynamics,parental stress, satisfaction in
relationships and mentalhealth issues can all influence attachment.
There's social support, so astrong social support network or
lack thereof can affect thechild's sense of safety and stability.
(23:56):
Then there's environmentalfactors, so financial strain, exposure
to caregiving outside thehome, being bullied or left out at
school, and other externalstresses for a child can also affect
their attachment styles.
And I hope throughout all ofthis it's really clear that I'm not
in the business or interest inmaking parents bad or wrong.
(24:19):
Everyone's doing the best thatthey can with the emotional resources
and capabilities that theyhave at that time.
I have a great relationshipwith both my parents now, and that's
because I've done all thehealing and all the work that I've
done because my mum was justso stressed having five children,
four of us only two yearsapart, not having much money, my
(24:42):
dad being in and out of work.
She had a lot of mental health struggles.
She has been diagnosed only 15years ago with bipolar.
And she just didn't have anyway to cope.
And my dad would say to her togo to the doctors, but she was so
scared of going to the doctorsback then because she believed that
(25:04):
we'd be all be taken away fromher and that she'd be exposed as
a bad parent and she couldn'tface losing us.
So, you know, it's soimportant to, yes, look at, okay,
why am I the way that I am in relationships?
And where does this come from?
It's not to do it in a waywhere you're going to fall out with
(25:25):
your parents or you're goingto feel angry for a long period of
time.
You might go through someperiods of anger, but it's just recognizing
it.
And some people are too scaredto recognize it.
There's such a denial becausethey feel like if they acknowledge
their childhood then they willbe disrespecting their parents or
they're not being kind totheir parents.
(25:46):
Whereas really it's justlooking at, wow, why am I the way
that I am?
Where does this come from?
And once I look at it, then Ihave the power to change it.
And the last thing I want toshare about this is fact five Attachment
styles are survival patterns,attachment behaviors Are rooted in
our innate need for safety,connection, and emotional regulation.
(26:08):
When these needs aren't metconsistently or safely, they shape
how we approach our relationships.
Our early experiences teach uswhat to expect from people, from
others, Influencing ourability to trust, depend, and connect.
Overcoming deeply ingrainedpatterns Tied to trauma and attachment
Is challenging Because theseresponses Are hardwired Into both
(26:30):
our psychology and neurology.
When the brain encounterstriggers that resemble past experiences,
it instinctively reenacts theadaptations that once ensured survival.
This is more than a conscious choice.
It's an automatic responseEmbedded in the limbic system, the
emotional center of the brain.
These patterns, rooted insurvival, Are difficult to release
(26:51):
because the subconscious mindclings to what once kept us safe,
Even if it no longer serves usin the present.
The challenge is not justunderstanding these patterns, but
but untangling their grip onour life.
Trauma often makes usprisoners of the past, Limiting our
ability to fully engage in thepresent moment.
Effective therapy, therefore,needs to bring people into the present
(27:12):
moment.
So that a person can actuallyobserve what is happening when they
are triggered.
And look at alternative waysto respond.
Therefore expanding theirfreedom to choose how they respond.
So they can meet each momentwith flexibility, awareness, and
choice.
So recognizing these patternswere once essential for survival.
(27:33):
Can help us to approach themwith compassion rather than judgment.
We know that we have healedwhen we can observe our experiences
as they unfold.
Without being constrained bypredetermined reactions from the
past.
This is how I help peoplebreak free from the cycle of these
natural defense mechanisms.
It's so important to havecompassion for yourself, Realize
(27:57):
why and how these patternscame about, and also to have empathy
and compassion for your partner.
And then be able to have thetools to pause, Reflect when you're
triggered, when you're hurt,and realize, okay, this is coming
from this.
What am I believing to be true here?
What am I feeling?
Where am I feeling that in my body?
(28:18):
Is this really about this situation?
Or is this actually an oldpattern coming up?
And then looking at how elsecould I understand the situation?
How else can I respond?
Rather than the defaultpattern, it's about empowering you
to have multiple ways torespond and to be really kind and
(28:38):
loving to yourself when youare really triggered emotionally.
Or when you do feel likescreaming or messaging or ending
a relationship or whatever itis, whatever your pattern is, or
completely withdrawing, goingfor the silent treatment, avoiding
them.
These are all patterns thathelped you to survive.
So with support, intention,and perseverance, we can move beyond
(29:02):
the automatic cycles of thepast and step into a life where we're
fully present, empowered andfree to respond authentically to
to what life brings our way.
I'm going to create moreepisodes on attachment Style moving
forward, so if you haven'talready done so, you might want to
get my Self Confidence Toolkit.
This can help you understandyour relationship patterns better
(29:24):
because it looks at yourselfand also has some inner child exercises
in there as well.
It can help you grow yourconfidence in making changes that
are going to enhance youroverall quality of life.
So you can find the link inthe show notes and you can Also go
to nicolabeer.com gift and youwill find it there as attachment
styles are so important inimproving our relationships.
(29:47):
Having deeper connectionrooted in trust and safety.
I hope that you found thispodcast helpful and insightful.
If you did enjoy it, I'd be sograteful for a rating or review.
And don't forget to subscribeto the show because I'm going to
be creating more on this theseattachment styles because it's so
fascinating of why we do whatwe do and how to change that and
(30:09):
enhance our connection with others.
Because life is about connection.
Life is about connection withourselves, connection with others
and the beautiful nature,animals and world around us.
So from my heart to yours,wishing you an amazing week ahead.
Take great care of yourselfand each other.
(30:36):
Dear listeners, today Icelebrate you.
You are among the few whoactively nurture their love journey.
It's an act of courage, an actof self love and if today's episode
resonated with you, be abeacon for others.
Subscribe, rate and review.
Let's spread this love andwisdom far and wide, craving more
(30:59):
and more.
Discover the freeresources@nicolabeer.com you can
also find the links to helpfulgifts in the show notes.
Do also join our Relationshipand Wellness Facebook group.
It's a haven where we uplift,support and journey together towards
richer, deeper love stories.
(31:20):
Remember, you have the powerto craft the love story you deserve.
Thank you for being with metoday and until next time.
Keep shining and loving withall your heart.
Friends.
Isn't it fascinating howrelationships bring us immense joy
but also profound heartache?
There are dance of emotionsyet how often do we truly, deeply,
consciously invest in therelationship we have with ourselves
and loved ones?
(00:25):
That investment, that time andthat energy is the most powerful
gift in you could ever bestowupon yourself and those you love.
As life didn't give us amanual on handling emotions and communication
challenges, we also weren'ttaught the art of building romantic
(00:45):
ties or how to deeply love andvalue ourselves.
But I'm here to share morelife affirming, relationship enhancing
wisdom with you all.
And now you can also find thistransformational content pouring
onto YouTube and Instagram.
Dive into the show notes toconnect with all the magic.
(01:08):
Here's for growth, love andendless learning.
Hi and welcome.
I'm Nicola Beer and today I'mgoing to be talking about attachment
styles 5 essential facts totransform and strengthen your relationships
Attachment is the invisibleforce shaping how we connect with
others.
It starts in infancy, rootedin our early experiences with caregivers
(01:32):
and forms a foundation for howwe navigate love, trust and emotional
connection throughout life.
This blueprint affects how weunderstand relationships, how we
express our needs and how werespond to others behaviours.
From the moment we're born,attachment plays a crucial role in
our survival.
It drives us to seek safety,nourishment and emotional support.
(01:54):
These interactions create alifelong internal model of relationships
influencing how we perceivelove, reliability and care.
Understanding attachmentstyles offers insight into our own
behaviour and emotions whilstalso providing the tools to build
stronger, healthier relationships.
By exploring these fiveessential facts, you'll gain clarity
(02:15):
about your attachment styleand learn how to use this knowledge
to foster deeper connectionsand and personal growth.
Before diving into the fiveessential facts, let's take a moment
to explore the science behindthe attachment styles and the different
attachment styles.
In future episodes I'll delvedeeper into each one as understanding
these styles can help youdevelop greater compassion for yourself
(02:37):
and those around you.
This awareness can alsoempower you to make meaningful changes
that improve yourrelationships and overall quality
of life.
Attachment theory is supportedby decades of psychological research.
It shows how our earlyexperiences with caregivers create
an internal model or mentalmap for relationships.
This attachment system governsour behaviours, emotions and expectations
(03:01):
in close relationship.
It explains why weinstinctively seek closeness and
safety from others and how wereact when those needs are unmet.
There are four main attachmentstones secure, anxious, avoidant
and disorganized.
Each one has unique traits,often rooted in childhood, that influence
how people relate to partnersin adulthood.
(03:23):
So I'll just briefly nowdescribe these four attachment styles.
Secure Attachment Secureattachment forms when caregivers
are consistently responsive,loving and dependable.
Children with this upbringingfeel safe and valued, learning to
trust others and rely on themfor support as adults.
Securely attached individualsapproach relationships with confidence
(03:46):
and emotional stability.
They are reliable, consistent,and open to intimacy, communicating
effectively and handlingconflicts with flexibility.
These traits allow them tobuild healthy, balanced relationships
that feel natural and fulfilling.
Then there's anxious attachment.
Anxious attachment developsfrom inconsistent caregiving where
(04:08):
a child's needs are metunpredictably, sometimes with love
and attention, other timeswith neglect or dismissal.
The inconsistency causes thechild to feel uncertain about whether
they can rely on thecaregiver, leading to a heightened
fear of abandonment.
As adults, individuals withanxious attachment often seek constant
reassurance, overanalyze theirpartner's actions, and fear rejection.
(04:33):
They may appear clingy oroverly preoccupied with their relationships,
struggling with emotionalhighs and lows, and often feeling
insecure when they're alone.
Then there's the avoidant attachment.
Avoidant attachment typicallyarises when caregivers are emotionally
unavailable or dismissive,causing the child to learn that vulnerability
(04:53):
won't be met with care.
These children adapt bybecoming self reliant and avoiding
emotional dependence on othersin adulthood.
Avoidantly attachedindividuals value independence and
often resist intimacy, givingmixed signals or avoiding deep emotional
conversations.
They may appear detached orstruggle to address conflicts, making
(05:16):
it difficult for them to buildtrusting relationships despite their
outward self sufficiency.
And then there's disorganized attachment.
Disorganized attachment stemsfrom a combination of fear and confusion.
Often in cases wherecaregivers are both the source of
comfort and fear, such as inan abusive or neglectful environment.
(05:38):
These children grow up withconflicting feelings about relationships,
wanting closeness but fearingat the same time that it's going
to go wrong or they're goingto be hurt.
As adults, they may experiencea push pull dynamic in relationships,
exhibiting high emotionalreactivity, mistrust, and difficulty
maintaining stability.
(05:59):
This attachment style is oftenassociated with unresolved trauma,
making relationships feeltumultuous and unpredictable.
I've been helping people breakfree from their attachment patterns
for years because this work isvery personal to me.
I used to have a disorganizedattachment style where I would swing
between feeling anxious andavoidant in relationships.
(06:20):
My behavior would be hot andcold and I'd have positive thoughts
and then negative thoughtsabout the person that I was dating.
I'd start by thinking that atthe beginning they were a great match.
They were truly into me.
I thought they were wonderful,but then I'd doubt and question everything.
Growing up, my mother wasabusive and aggressive at times,
(06:41):
but then loving.
One of the times that she wasmost loving was when I was sick.
And I remember going through aperiod where I was about 8 or 9,
where I was constantly senthome, being sick.
And I remember my mum writinga letter that I was to give to the
headmaster, saying, is thereany problems at school?
Because Nicola seems fine, butshe keeps coming home to be sick.
(07:06):
And I'm not sure I reallyprocessed it back then, but now I
can see that I just wanted mymum's love and care and attention.
And if you were ill, you gotreally special treatment.
You were allowed to sit in thelounge with her, you were given toast
and lemonade and you were justtreated so kindly.
(07:26):
My father was unavailable alot of the time, but when he was
there and when my mum wasworking, he gave us the most amazing
times, full of love interestin us, so much fun, playing music,
playing games, eating chipsand eggs and just.
It was just so chilled out and fun.
(07:48):
Unfortunately, though, heeventually left when I was 13.
So for me, trusting inintimate relationships was incredibly
hard because my mind becamehyper aware of everything, Hyper
aware of, who is this person?
Can I trust them?
I'd replay conversations overand over when I got back from a date
(08:08):
or time with my partner.
I'd be wondering, what didthey mean when they said that and
is that a bit risky becausethey've said this or they've done
that?
It was horrible.
But I will say that it wasn'ta choice.
It was how I learned tosurvive as a child.
As a child, I had to assess mymother's mood every time I entered
the house.
(08:29):
I had to decide if it was safeto be near her or if I should hide
in my room because I getshouted at or hit.
This strategy protected meback then, but in my adult relationships
it was a disaster.
I didn't choose thesepatterns, just as I didn't choose
adhd.
When my mother was shouting,threatening or hurting me, I escaped
the pain by retreating into mymind, distracting myself and daydreaming.
(08:53):
It helped me to cope.
It helped me to cope in thosemoments, but over time, it scattered
my focus and made it hard forme to stay present.
The good news is, though, thatthese patterns can change.
Once you understand thesurvival strategies you developed,
you can adapt them intohealthier ways of thinking and behaving
with compassion for yourselfand the experiences that you've been
(09:14):
through.
It's possible to refocus yourenergy and create new habits that
serve you better.
Today, I help people freethemselves from these patterns every
single week.
It's the most rewarding work I do.
We don't have to be prisonersof our past.
The past doesn't always haveto define our present.
My story is just one exampleof how early experiences shape our
(09:36):
attachment styles.
But why do these patterns formin the first place?
To understand that, we need tolook at the foundational needs of
children and how theyinfluence our emotional development.
At the core of what childrenneed most is a sense of connection
that feels safe and secure.
Togetherness isn't justimportant for survival.
It's the driving force behindhow humans thrive.
(09:57):
Decades of research show thathumans aren't just driven simply
to survive.
We're driven to stay connected.
And this bond, calledattachment, is especially crucial
when a child feels threatenedor unsafe.
The biggest threat a child canface is separation.
It creates trauma.
Even worse, when the source ofconnection itself, like a caregiver,
(10:18):
becomes a threat, it can thenbe devastating.
The goal is to provide a kindof togetherness that feels steady
and safe without the fear ofit being taken away.
It's not just about beingphysically present for a child, but
staying emotionally connectedin a way that nothing can break.
Nothing can break that togetherness.
Nothing's going to change thatconnection between you and a parent.
(10:42):
Another key need for childrenis the ability to process and feel
their emotions.
Feelings are not the same as emotions.
They're our way ofunderstanding what's happening inside.
Children need safe spaces toexperience and express these feelings.
This can happen in two ways.
Through nurturingrelationships or by having emotional
(11:03):
playgrounds where they canexplore their feelings freely.
The third critical need achild is rest.
Growth doesn't come fromconsistent effort.
It comes from moments of true rest.
This includes rest from thework of staying connected or seeking
attachment.
When children feel fully safeand secure in their relationships,
they can relax.
(11:23):
And that's when they grow the most.
So if they're not having thatrest, if they constantly feel they
need to keep on attaching tothe parent because they're worried
that it's not safe or it'sgoing to go away, then the child
isn't resting.
And finally, play.
Play is essential.
True play, especially those inemotional playgrounds, is where children
(11:44):
really blossom.
Play isn't just fun.
It's a form of active restthat fuels emotional and developmental
growth.
When children are deprived ofopportunities for free and creative
play, they can struggleemotionally and developmentally.
To sum up children'sfoundation needs.
They are 1 safe and securetogetherness 2 a chance to recover
(12:05):
and process their feelings ina supportive environment three rest
from constant effort forattachment and four plenty of opportunities
for meaningful play.
These needs identified byGordon Newsfield's work provide the
foundation for children togrow, thrive, and reach their potential.
(12:26):
I highly recommend you checkout Gordon Neufeld's work.
Fascinating, especially ifyou're parents.
So now let's explore the fiveessential facts that are important
for you to know aboutattachment styles.
Your attachment style is anadaptive strategy, not a dysfunction.
Your attachment style isn't aflaw or a sign of dysfunction.
(12:46):
As a child, you developstrategies to meet your needs based
on the environment andexpectations around you.
These strategies wereessential for survival and worked
well in adulthood.
However, as an adult inintimate relationships, some of these
behaviors might not serve youas effectively.
Understanding this can helpyou approach the attachment styles
with compassion for yourselfand others.
(13:08):
For example, if your parentsdidn't accept or couldn't handle
your emotions as a child, youmight have learned that in order
to survive, you need torepress your feelings and that emotional
expression isn't safe.
30, 40, 50 years ago, maybeeven before, it was common for parents
to say things like stop cryingor I'll give you something to cry
about or Children should beseen and not heard.
(13:31):
Such statements, especiallywhen repeated or matched with actions,
can be deeply damaging andlead children to grow up believing
that they need to hide theirtrue feelings and put on a Persona
that is accepted in adult relationships.
They may struggle to expressthemselves, fear emotional conversations,
and repress their authentic self.
So their attachment style ofavoiding confrontation and emotional
(13:53):
expression as an adult is acoping mechanism that was learned
early on and helped the child survive.
But as an adult inrelationships, it doesn't serve them
well.
A different example can bewhere a child grows up in a household
where the parents areextremely busy and preoccupied with
either work, otherresponsibilities, 10 taking care
of somebody else or somethingelse, or going through their own
(14:15):
life struggles.
Due to this, the caregiversmay have gone between being really
attentive and then emotionallyunavailable, leaving the child in
a state of uncertainty, unsurewhether their needs would be met
or not.
On some days, the child criesfor comfort were answered with love
and affection.
They cried and they got loadsof attention straight away, and then
(14:38):
on other days those same crieswere ignored or dismissed.
To adapt to thisunpredictability, the child learned
strategies to ensure that theyreceived attention when it was available.
This might have includedheightened emotional expressions,
clinging behavior, or evenacting out, acting out in whatever
way that child could to getsome attention.
(14:59):
These strategies were notflaws, but necessary tools for survival
in an environment where thechild couldn't rely on consistent
care.
As an adult, this individualmight carry these same strategies
into their intimate relationships.
They may feel anxious orinsecure when they perceive even
the slightest signs ofemotional distance from their partner.
(15:19):
For example, if their partnerdoesn't reply to a text right away
or seems distracted or tired,they might start to worry Did I do
something wrong?
Are they upset with me?
What if they don't care orlove me as much as I do?
What if they've gone off me?
In an effort to re establishconnection, they might seek constant
reassurance, overanalyzeinteractions or act in ways that
(15:42):
unintentionally createtension, such as becoming overly
clingy, needy or emotionally reactive.
These behaviours stem from afear of abandonment and a deep seated
need for security.
Rooted in their early experiences.
It's important to understandthat these behaviours were once adaptive.
They helped the individualsecure attention and care in a challenging
(16:04):
environment.
These patterns were survivalstrategies in childhood and they
served a vital purpose at that time.
However, in adultrelationships they might not be as
effective, often leading tostress, tension and misunderstandings.
Recognising that attachmentstyles are not personal flaw, but
an adaptive response to pastexperiences can be transformative.
(16:26):
This understanding allowsindividuals to approach their behaviors
with compassion and worktowards developing healthier strategies
for communication andemotional regulation.
With effort they can learn totrust their relationships and themselves,
fostering a sense of securitythat wasn't consistently available
in the past.
That brings me to fact twoAttachment styles are not permanent.
(16:49):
While attachment styles mayfeel ingrained, they're not fixed.
With awareness and intentionaleffort you can develop what's called
an earned secure attachment.
This means that you can learnhealthier ways to connect, communicate
and foster intimacy.
Growth and healing arepossible, especially when engaging
in supportive relationships ortherapeutic processes.
(17:11):
In the breakthrough process Itake individuals and couples through,
we focus on understanding theroot cause of their attachment style
and the behaviors they developto cope.
Revisiting the past to learnfrom it, not dwell in it helps people
to become free from theirpatterns as long as they explore
it with self, love and compassion.
We also focus on growingconfidence in the areas that are
(17:31):
unfamiliar to a person.
For example, helping someoneexpress their feelings or tell the
truth even though they mayexperience rejection.
For those who tend to beanxious, growing confidence in themselves
to trust others and getcomfortable being alone, as well
as how to release any negativethoughts so they don't Control their
behaviors and moods.
(17:52):
The third fact is attachmentstyles are influenced by relationships.
Your attachment style is not static.
It can shift depending on thedynamics of your relationships.
Different partners may bringout different aspects of your attachment
tendencies.
The interplay creates a dancewhere both parties attachment styles
influence each other.
(18:13):
Understanding this dynamic canhelp you navigate relationships with
greater awareness.
For example, someone with ananxious attachment style Might feel
secure in a relationship wheretheir partner is consistent, emotionally
available, and communicative.
However, if they date someonewho has an avoidant attachment style,
Their anxieties can intensify.
(18:33):
For example, the anxiouspartner may overanalyze delayed texts
or perceive that theirpartner's need for space is a rejection.
In response, they may seekconstant reassurance or become clingy
and needy, Trying to close theperceived emotional gap.
Sadly, I see people with ananxious attachment style fall for
narcissists like I used tobecause the love bombing can give
(18:56):
a false sense of security.
But then, after the narcissisthas got you in their grip, they can
then default to selfish andcontrolling behaviors that leave
you feeling triggered and evenbecoming needy and giving them more
love when really they don'tdeserve it.
You want to be giving yourlove and attention where it's reciprocal.
Of course, it doesn't have tobe exactly equally measured.
(19:19):
You want to be in arelationship where you really feel
safe, secure, loved, wanted,and protected.
Now, sometimes you can betriggered in a relationship not because
there's anything negativehappening or because your partner
is the opposite to you, butbecause you really love them.
You really see a future with them.
You're so excited about a lifetogether, and because of that, the
(19:44):
risks are higher.
For example, Sara, that Iworked with had major trust issues
with her partner.
She came to me because sheknew that she was acting irrational,
but couldn't help herself.
She felt threatened becauseshe caught him looking at other women
when they went out to shoppingmalls, restaurants, and tennis lessons,
and it was making her questiontheir recent engagement.
She had never loved someone asmuch as him and never been with someone
(20:07):
as friendly and as sociable as him.
So it was a major trigger for her.
She had had previousrelationships before but didn't feel
anxious or stressed.
But in this relationship, shewas constantly worried.
It brought up a lot of herchildhood trauma and fear of abandonment,
and therefore the same copingmechanisms she she had as a child
came up.
(20:27):
She would threaten to end therelationship, question his every
move, question his everyglance, and it was exhausting for
them both.
It also led to her partner,Adele, to become more avoidant Zara
and I worked together to calmher anxiety and panic to realize
that she isn't as vulnerableas she was back then when she was
a child.
As a child she was separatedfrom her mother and lived with her
(20:49):
father and grandparents.
We looked at how she survivedthen and how she could vary her responses
now that she was older.
Then I had sessions with Adeleto adapt his behaviour so that he
wasn't unintentionallytriggering her as his attachment
style was just naturally to beavoided, especially when he felt
pushed and trapped.
(21:09):
As a couple, we discussed howto handle incidents where Zara perceived
Adele was staring at otherwomen and ways to emotionally regulate
and self soothe.
On the other hand as well, aperson with an attachment style that
is avoidant might feelcomfortable with a partner who respects
their needs for independenceand communicates in a calm, non intrusive
(21:29):
way.
However, if paired withsomeone with an anxious attachment
style, the avoidant partnermay feel overwhelmed by their partner's
frequent requests forreassurance or closeness.
To protect their sense ofautonomy, they might withdraw further,
creating even more distance ina relationship.
They might be really triggeredif they're asked where they are,
(21:50):
where they're going and whatthey're doing.
So they answer less and theybecome more secretive just to protect
their own sense of identityand independence.
This dynamic often creates a cycle.
The anxious partner's pursuitof closeness can trigger the avoidant
partner's need for distance,which in turn increases the anxious
partner's insecurities.
(22:10):
So they ask for even morereassurance or start checking up
on their partner asking themmore questions, which leads to more
walls to be put up by the avoidant.
This push pull patternhighlights how attachment styles
influence each other and therelationship as a whole.
Understanding this interplaycan help both partners approach the
relationship with greaterawareness and empathy.
(22:30):
For instance, the anxiouspartner can work on self soothing
and expressing needs calmly,while the avoidant partner can practice
being more emotionally presentand open to intimacy, especially
when they can see theirpartner's anxious behaviour.
Recognizing and addressingthese patterns can transform the
relationship into a healthier,more balanced connection.
(22:51):
So fact four is thatattachment styles are shaped by many
factors, not just parenting.
While parenting plays a majorrole in shaping attachment, other
factors can contribute as well.
The first is temperament.
Some babies are naturally moreadaptable or sensitive.
Most people know by the timethey reach adulthood if they're more
(23:12):
sensitive to things than theirfriends or their partner.
It's important to recognizethat there is in fact a gene for
sensitivity.
If you're a sensitive personThen you're more likely to feel your
emotions.
And that vulnerability canlead to feeling things more or putting
up barriers and becomingdefensive to avoid being hurt.
The good thing about beingsensitive is that you can also be
(23:35):
more positively influenced tooand adapt and learn new ways to respond.
Then there's family dynamics,parental stress, satisfaction in
relationships and mentalhealth issues can all influence attachment.
There's social support, so astrong social support network or
lack thereof can affect thechild's sense of safety and stability.
(23:56):
Then there's environmentalfactors, so financial strain, exposure
to caregiving outside thehome, being bullied or left out at
school, and other externalstresses for a child can also affect
their attachment styles.
And I hope throughout all ofthis it's really clear that I'm not
in the business or interest inmaking parents bad or wrong.
(24:19):
Everyone's doing the best thatthey can with the emotional resources
and capabilities that theyhave at that time.
I have a great relationshipwith both my parents now, and that's
because I've done all thehealing and all the work that I've
done because my mum was justso stressed having five children,
four of us only two yearsapart, not having much money, my
(24:42):
dad being in and out of work.
She had a lot of mental health struggles.
She has been diagnosed only 15years ago with bipolar.
And she just didn't have anyway to cope.
And my dad would say to her togo to the doctors, but she was so
scared of going to the doctorsback then because she believed that
(25:04):
we'd be all be taken away fromher and that she'd be exposed as
a bad parent and she couldn'tface losing us.
So, you know, it's soimportant to, yes, look at, okay,
why am I the way that I am in relationships?
And where does this come from?
It's not to do it in a waywhere you're going to fall out with
(25:25):
your parents or you're goingto feel angry for a long period of
time.
You might go through someperiods of anger, but it's just recognizing
it.
And some people are too scaredto recognize it.
There's such a denial becausethey feel like if they acknowledge
their childhood then they willbe disrespecting their parents or
they're not being kind totheir parents.
(25:46):
Whereas really it's justlooking at, wow, why am I the way
that I am?
Where does this come from?
And once I look at it, then Ihave the power to change it.
And the last thing I want toshare about this is fact five Attachment
styles are survival patterns,attachment behaviors Are rooted in
our innate need for safety,connection, and emotional regulation.
(26:08):
When these needs aren't metconsistently or safely, they shape
how we approach our relationships.
Our early experiences teach uswhat to expect from people, from
others, Influencing ourability to trust, depend, and connect.
Overcoming deeply ingrainedpatterns Tied to trauma and attachment
Is challenging Because theseresponses Are hardwired Into both
(26:30):
our psychology and neurology.
When the brain encounterstriggers that resemble past experiences,
it instinctively reenacts theadaptations that once ensured survival.
This is more than a conscious choice.
It's an automatic responseEmbedded in the limbic system, the
emotional center of the brain.
These patterns, rooted insurvival, Are difficult to release
(26:51):
because the subconscious mindclings to what once kept us safe,
Even if it no longer serves usin the present.
The challenge is not justunderstanding these patterns, but
but untangling their grip onour life.
Trauma often makes usprisoners of the past, Limiting our
ability to fully engage in thepresent moment.
Effective therapy, therefore,needs to bring people into the present
(27:12):
moment.
So that a person can actuallyobserve what is happening when they
are triggered.
And look at alternative waysto respond.
Therefore expanding theirfreedom to choose how they respond.
So they can meet each momentwith flexibility, awareness, and
choice.
So recognizing these patternswere once essential for survival.
(27:33):
Can help us to approach themwith compassion rather than judgment.
We know that we have healedwhen we can observe our experiences
as they unfold.
Without being constrained bypredetermined reactions from the
past.
This is how I help peoplebreak free from the cycle of these
natural defense mechanisms.
It's so important to havecompassion for yourself, Realize
(27:57):
why and how these patternscame about, and also to have empathy
and compassion for your partner.
And then be able to have thetools to pause, Reflect when you're
triggered, when you're hurt,and realize, okay, this is coming
from this.
What am I believing to be true here?
What am I feeling?
Where am I feeling that in my body?
(28:18):
Is this really about this situation?
Or is this actually an oldpattern coming up?
And then looking at how elsecould I understand the situation?
How else can I respond?
Rather than the defaultpattern, it's about empowering you
to have multiple ways torespond and to be really kind and
(28:38):
loving to yourself when youare really triggered emotionally.
Or when you do feel likescreaming or messaging or ending
a relationship or whatever itis, whatever your pattern is, or
completely withdrawing, goingfor the silent treatment, avoiding
them.
These are all patterns thathelped you to survive.
So with support, intention,and perseverance, we can move beyond
(29:02):
the automatic cycles of thepast and step into a life where we're
fully present, empowered andfree to respond authentically to
to what life brings our way.
I'm going to create moreepisodes on attachment Style moving
forward, so if you haven'talready done so, you might want to
get my Self Confidence Toolkit.
This can help you understandyour relationship patterns better
(29:24):
because it looks at yourselfand also has some inner child exercises
in there as well.
It can help you grow yourconfidence in making changes that
are going to enhance youroverall quality of life.
So you can find the link inthe show notes and you can Also go
to nicolabeer.com gift and youwill find it there as attachment
styles are so important inimproving our relationships.
(29:47):
Having deeper connectionrooted in trust and safety.
I hope that you found thispodcast helpful and insightful.
If you did enjoy it, I'd be sograteful for a rating or review.
And don't forget to subscribeto the show because I'm going to
be creating more on this theseattachment styles because it's so
fascinating of why we do whatwe do and how to change that and
(30:09):
enhance our connection with others.
Because life is about connection.
Life is about connection withourselves, connection with others
and the beautiful nature,animals and world around us.
So from my heart to yours,wishing you an amazing week ahead.
Take great care of yourselfand each other.
(30:36):
Dear listeners, today Icelebrate you.
You are among the few whoactively nurture their love journey.
It's an act of courage, an actof self love and if today's episode
resonated with you, be abeacon for others.
Subscribe, rate and review.
Let's spread this love andwisdom far and wide, craving more
(30:59):
and more.
Discover the freeresources@nicolabeer.com you can
also find the links to helpfulgifts in the show notes.
Do also join our Relationshipand Wellness Facebook group.
It's a haven where we uplift,support and journey together towards
richer, deeper love stories.
(31:20):
Remember, you have the powerto craft the love story you deserve.
Thank you for being with metoday and until next time.
Keep shining and loving withall your heart.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com