Can serial cheaters really change?
In this episode, Nicola Beer explores the link between chronic infidelity, sex addiction, and emotional pain—and whether true healing is possible. You'll discover why repeated betrayal happens, how it impacts trust and emotional safety, and the real steps needed for lasting transformation.
🎁 Download free healing resources like the
Relationship Reconnect Toolkit ,
Affair Recovery Masterclass
Betrayed Breakthrough Workbook at www.nicolabeer.com/gift
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to the RelationshipRevival Podcast, your Go to show
for expert advice and guidanceon relationships, marriage, divorce
and dating.
I'm Nicola Beer and for over20 years I've helped thousands of
individuals and couplesworldwide transform their relationships
and create lasting changethrough one to one online sessions
and healing retreats in Asia.
(00:20):
Whether you're trying to saveyour marriage, figure out if you're
in the right relationship,find the courage to walk away from
something that no longerserves you, or break free from unhealthy
relationship patterns once andfor all.
You're in the right place.
This podcast is about sharingthe tips, tools and strategies that
have transformed countless lives.
You'll get practical adviceand insights that you can start using
(00:42):
right away to create the loveand happiness that you deserve.
And if you're looking for moresupport and valuable free resources
to heal, grow and strengthenyour relationships, then head over
to nicolabeer.com and click onthe Gift page to explore what's waiting
for you there.
Hi and welcome.
This is Nicola Beer.
In the past two episodes, weexplored how dopamine habits can
(01:03):
drive destructive behaviors,especially in our relationships.
We looked at how constantlychasing the next dopamine hit through
phones, fantasies, or flirtingcan change the brain's chemistry
and leave us feeling numb tothe simple joys of life.
We also explored how truthtelling, even when it's uncomfortable,
plays a powerful role inhealing from betrayal and and breaking
(01:23):
free from these addictive cycles.
Today, we're diving deeperinto something I get asked about
all the can serial cheatersreally change?
And just as importantly, issex addiction a real issue or simply
an excuse used to justify cheating?
In this episode, it isn't justabout understanding what drives repeated
infidelity.
(01:44):
It's about supporting you,whether you're the one who's been
betrayed and left reeling, oror you're the one struggling with
a pattern of cheating and wantto break free.
We'll look at the psychology,the addiction side, and what real
change actually looks like.
And if you're looking ahead,next week's episode will be about
loving a partner who'sstruggling with depression.
(02:05):
I'll be sharing how to supportthem without burning out or losing
yourself in the process.
So make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss it or any of the future
episodes designed to help youheal, reconnect, and thrive in your
relationships.
For now, let's talk aboutchronic infidelity, the kind that
doesn't stop after apologies.
The kind where betrayalbecomes a repeated pattern despite
(02:25):
promises to change, and how,more often than not, it's tied to
something deeper that mostpeople are too ashamed to talk about,
like sex addiction or acompulsive need for validation, attention
and admiration to feel worthyor alive.
Chronic infidelity is verydifferent from situational cheating.
Situational cheating usuallyhappens in a moment of vulnerability
(02:47):
during a time of stress,grief, alcohol use or deep emotional
disconnection.
It's a one time event thatshocks both people in the relationship
and doesn't align with theperson's usual values.
But chronic infidelity, that'sa pattern, a compulsion, a repeated
behaviour that doesn't stopeven after serious consequences.
(03:07):
These individuals often havemultiple affairs over the course
of their relationships or theymaintain secret parallel lives for
years.
They may cry, beg forforgiveness and make promises, but
somehow they always end upback in the same place.
And many of them aren't just cheating.
They're battling somethingdeeper, like sex addiction or a compulsive
(03:28):
need to feel alive and happyfrom getting validation and attention.
In my work with individualsstruggling with repeated infidelity,
I've seen certain themes comeup again and again.
They often reveal unresolvedtrauma, emotional wounds or compulsive
patterns rooted in shame, fearand disconnection.
Many serial cheaters describea need for the adrenaline rush, the
(03:50):
secrecy, the danger of gettingcaught, the novelty.
This can act as a powerfulescape from monotony, stress or inner
emptiness.
They're not just looking forpleasure, they're looking for a hit,
a distraction, a rush.
And this is where sexaddiction often begins.
Not with the sex itself, butwith a craving for intensity and
escape.
(04:11):
Others cheat to avoid closeness.
They panic when things get too vulnerable.
True intimacy feelsterrifying, so they sabotage it with
surface level affairs.
Keeping relationships shallowallows them to maintain control and
avoid being hurt.
But over time, it alsoprevents them from ever feeling truly
connected or safe.
Chronic cheaters often haveunresolved emotional wounds that
(04:34):
go all the way back to childhood.
These may include feelingneglected, abandoned or only receiving
love when they performed in acertain way.
Being good, being successful,being quiet, being helpful, or even
being the clown, the joker,the one that makes mum and dad laugh
or mum and dad happy.
In these environments, lovemay have felt conditional, unpredictable
(04:56):
or even unsafe.
So as adults, theysubconsciously seek ways to prove
that they're lovable and important.
For many, cheating becomes away to feel temporarily seen, wanted
and significant.
It's not just about thephysical act.
It's the emotional high ofsomeone choosing them, desiring them
and admiring them.
In that moment, they feel worthy.
(05:17):
They feel like they matter.
It gives them A false sense ofpower and value.
But the relief never lasts.
The emptiness always returns.
So they chase that feeling again.
Another affair, anotherconversation, another.
Another person to impress.
And what they're really doing,without even realizing it, is trying
to fill an internal void withthe external attention.
(05:40):
They keep reaching forsomething outside of themselves to
make them feel okay inside.
This is why one affair oftenleads to another and why so many
chronic cheaters feel out of control.
Because the problem isn'treally about the other person.
It's about the pain that theyhaven't yet healed.
And until they turn inward toface that hurt, no amount of attention
or admiration will ever feellike enough.
(06:02):
They need the next hit and thenext hit.
Many people that have come tome for support with this share with
me that they feel down, theyfeel depressed, they don't feel like
themselves when they don'thave any external validation and
attention.
When they've given up theiraffair, partners or cheating habits,
they actually experience lifeas dull, boring, and they feel flat.
(06:27):
And that's because of theinner work that is needed.
Some individuals withnarcissistic tendencies cheat because
they feel entitled to moremore attention, admiration or sexual
variety.
And that's different fromthose cheating because of that internal
void.
Although narcissists can alsohave low self esteem and an internal
(06:48):
void, narcissists often lackempathy and struggle to recognize
the emotional devastation thatthey cause.
For them, cheating is notabout escaping loneliness.
It's about maintaining afantasy self image or soothing a
fragile ego.
While it's important tounderstand why chronic cheating happens,
it's equally important to namewhat it does to the person on the
(07:09):
receiving end.
Being repeatedly betrayed canfeel like an emotional whiplash.
Your nervous system doesn'tknow what's real anymore.
You may find yourselfconstantly questioning your memory,
your instincts, your worth.
You might become hypervigilant, checking phones, obsessing
over signs, experiencingtriggers even in moments of calm,
or feeling emotionally numb,disconnected or deeply unsafe.
(07:32):
This isn't being dramatic.
This is trauma.
Repeated betrayal erodes trustnot only in your partner, but in
yourself.
And when that's coupled withgaslighting or minimization, it didn't
mean anything.
You're overreacting.
You're too sensitive.
It's harmless.
It can lead to betrayaltrauma, which affects your mind,
body and ability to feelemotionally grounded.
(07:55):
Healing isn't just aboutwhether the cheetah changes.
It's also about you having thetools, space and support to process
what's happened and to rebuildyour inner safety.
Sex addiction can also be atthe Root of chronic cheating Sex
addiction is not aboutenjoying sex or having a high libido.
It's about using sexcompulsively to escape pain, regulate
(08:17):
emotions or cope with stress.
Just like someone might usealcohol, drugs or gambling, people
struggling with sex addictionoften find themselves trapped in
obsessive sexual thoughts or fantasies.
They may feel unable tocontrol their impulses, whether it's
watching pornography, engagingin affairs or seeking out one time
encounters.
(08:38):
This leads to a painful cycleof secrecy, shame and regret.
Over time, the behaviour tendsto escalate, becoming riskier and
more damaging.
Despite facing seriousconsequences like relationship breakdowns,
legal trouble, financialtrouble or even losing their job,
they often continue thebehaviour because the compulsion
feels too strong to stop.
(09:00):
Sex addiction doesn't alwayslook the way people expect it to.
It can also show up insiderelationships, not just outside of
them.
I've worked with many men whocouldn't fall asleep without sex
every night, or who pressuredtheir partners for intimacy more
than two times a day.
While some people might thinkof this as just a high sex drive,
it was actually something deeper.
(09:21):
These men were using sex likea coping mechanism, like others might
use food, alcohol or scrollingon their phones.
It was their way of calmingdown, avoiding their feelings or
proving themselves that theywere wanted.
They didn't just want sex,they needed it to feel okay.
One man admitted that hecouldn't go anywhere without mentally
undressing almost every womanhe walked past, instantly imagining
(09:43):
them naked before he evenregistered what was happening.
Another client told me how hemasturbated in the office bathrooms
up to three to six times aday, just to get through the stress
and anxiety of his work.
This act wasn't aboutpleasure, it was about coping.
Then there was a man whocheated, not only on his wife, but
on his affair partner as well.
He regularly visited massageparlors and tested how far he could
(10:06):
push the boundaries.
It wasn't about sex, it wasabout power.
He confessed that what reallydrove him wasn't the sex itself,
but the feeling of control andpower he got from seeing if he could
get different massagetherapists to cross boundaries with
him.
It became a kind of game, away to prove to himself that he was
desirable, persuasive and in charge.
(10:27):
And it wasn't just aboutwhether they said yes.
He wanted them to like him, bedrawn to him, and to feel something
for him that made him feelwanted, admired and important.
It was a way to escape what hefelt was a monotonous, boring life
and work stress.
It was a way to feed a part ofhim that constantly questioned his
own worth.
(10:48):
And I've heard similar storiesfrom women too.
People who join dating appsnot to find connection, but to prove
that they're still hot, stilldesirable, and still able to hook
someone.
They flirt, lead others on,sometimes sleep with them, and often
after.
They feel empty and loseinterest the moment they get that
validation that they were after.
It's not the act itself thatthey're craving, it's the chase.
(11:11):
While sex addiction might seemlike an obsession with sex itself,
it's usually not about thephysical act at all.
It's.
It's the vehicle used to feelseen, desired, powerful or in control.
It becomes a way to boost selfesteem, to feel an inner emptiness,
or to avoid feeling difficult emotions.
In that way, it's no differentfrom someone who turns to plastic
(11:31):
surgery or constantly tweakstheir appearance to feel worthy and
get attention.
Or someone who becomesobsessed with making money not for
financial security, but tofeel important, admired and respected.
It's not really about sex.
It's about the obsession, thefixation, the belief that if I get
this, I'll feel good or I needthis to feel alive, to feel like
(11:55):
myself.
All of these examples, whetherdriven by validation, power or escape,
have one thing in common.
They're fueled by the brain'sreward system.
And that's where dopaminecomes in.
I shared in the previousepisodes on dopamine addiction that
it's not often not the rewardthat brings the strongest chemical
high is the anticipation ofthe reward, the fantasy, the idea
(12:17):
that something exciting isjust around the corner.
That's what lights up thebrain's reward center.
That's what becomes addictive.
Sex addiction, like allbehavioral addictions, is complicated
and often misunderstood.
It's not just about physical desire.
It's about a compulsive needto escape escape boredom, stress,
shame, insecurity, emotionalpain, and sometimes even success.
(12:41):
And the ways it shows up canlook very different from person to
person.
For some, it means constantlypressurizing a partner for sex to
feel secure and needed and wanted.
For others, it's compulsive,sexting endlessly scrolling dating
apps or chasing strangersonline for attention.
And in more extreme cases, itleads to living a double life, juggling
(13:02):
secret affairs or hiddenbehaviours that their partner knows
nothing about.
In most of the cases I'veworked with, whether it's chronic
cheating sex addiction oranother form of compulsive behavior,
there's almost alwayssomething deeper beneath the surface.
A wound that was never healed,a pain that was never acknowledged
or spoken out loud.
Often it's an identity builtaround performance and external validation.
(13:25):
Trying to feel good enough bybeing admired, desired or achieving
more.
And that's something we haveto explore if true healing is going
to happen now.
You and your partner might belistening to this thinking, Nicola.
That doesn't resonate with meat all.
I had a happy childhood.
My parents were loving.
I never struggled to makefriends or attract romantic partners.
I don't relate to the idea ofhaving deep emotional wounds.
(13:49):
And if that's the case,honestly, that's wonderful.
Positive.
Early life experiences are a gift.
People with happy upbringingsand emotional support can still find
themselves stuck in the loopof addiction and unwanted behavioural
patterns.
I see it all the time.
Men and women who are bright,healthy, accomplished and emotionally
intelligent.
And yet they're caught inpatterns of compulsive behavior.
(14:11):
They can't seem to stop.
That's where what Dr.
Anna Lembeck describes as theplenty paradox comes in.
It's a concept that explainshow, in today's world, the more access
we have to pleasurable thingslike food, sex, social media, shopping,
entertainment, the lesspleasure we actually feel.
We become overstimulated.
Our brain's reward systemadapts by reducing our sensitivity
(14:33):
to dopamine, the chemical thatmakes us feel good.
As a result, what once gave usa sense of joy or satisfaction now
feels dull or meaningless.
In other words, the more weindulge, the more numb we become.
So what do we do?
We chase more.
We seek more stimulation, moreintensity, more novelty.
More of everything just tofeel something.
(14:55):
And this leads to a cycle ofemotional depletion, burnout and
addiction.
Despite having plenty, we'releft feeling worse, not better.
And that's why I say addictionisn't always about trauma.
Sometimes it's about overstimulation.
Sometimes it's about chasingtoo many highs and ending up emotionally
flat.
I work with many people whocome to me feeling ashamed, confused
(15:17):
or broken, when in reality,they're caught in this very paradox.
They've grown up in lovinghomes, but the constant pursuit of
pleasure, success, attentionor validation has dulled their ability
to feel genuinely satisfied.
They've lost touch with thequieter, more sustainable forms of
joy.
Just like substance addiction,chronic cheating and sex addiction
(15:37):
require a structured recovery process.
The most effective healingI've seen comes from a multi layered
approach.
First, we work towardsabstinence, pausing the compulsive
behavior so the nervous systemcan start to reset.
Then we shift the mindset,letting go of the obsessive thought
patterns and beginning tochallenge the beliefs driving the
addiction.
For many, this includes trauma healing.
(15:59):
While not everyone initiallyrecognizes trauma in their story,
I'd say more than 80% of thepeople I support eventually discover
emotional pain or unmet needsthat were influencing their behavior
all along.
We also focus on buildingemotional resilience.
Learning how to handletriggers, discomfort and vulnerable
moments without turning todestructive habits.
(16:19):
And accountability is key.
Real transformation happenswhen people feel supported, but also
challenged to grow beyondtheir old patterns.
When someone is truly willingto get honest, do the deeper emotional
work and to face what they'vebeen avoiding.
Healing is not only possible,it's powerful.
And it doesn't just changetheir behavior, it changes how they
(16:40):
feel about themselves, theirrelationships and their place in
the world.
Now, if you or someone youlove is struggling with compulsive
cheating or sex addiction, Iwant you to know that there is a
path forward and it doesn'trely on willpower alone or surface
level fixes.
This kind of transformationI've witnessed and experienced myself
comes from deep lasting change.
(17:01):
With over 20 years ofexperience helping individuals worldwide
heal from addiction, trauma,emotional pain, I offer a comprehensive,
supportive and practicalapproach to recovery.
My method addresses theemotional, mental, physical and behavioral
layers of addiction, making itpossible to break free and experience
a life filled with peace, joyand real connection.
(17:22):
But beyond my professionalexperience, my passion for this work
is personal.
I know what it's like to feelstuck in self destructive cycles.
For years I wrestled with myown addictive patterns.
Overworking emotional eatingand using alcohol to numb myself
every night, numb my thoughtsand feel relaxed.
To quiet the pressure that Ifelt inside, the pressure that I
(17:44):
was putting on myself to be successful.
It was how I coped, how Irewarded myself, how I disconnected
from what I didn't want to feel.
Eventually I realized thatthese habits were keeping me from
myself.
They weren't soothing me, theywere silencing me.
Each morning I'd often wake upfeeling fed up, tired, and yet would
(18:05):
find myself engaging in thesame behavior again and again and
having the same obsessivethoughts because I just didn't know
any better.
But I did know that I needed change.
Therapy, at least in thebeginning, didn't help me.
In fact, it often led mefeeling more stuck and frustrated.
Sometimes I even felt worse,like I was just talking in circles
(18:26):
and being reminded ofeverything that I couldn't fix.
I didn't need someone noddingat me and asking what I thought.
I needed something deeper.
What actually helped me healwas emotional release work.
Somatic therapy tools to calmmy obsessive thoughts and someone
I could check in with someonewho really understood.
That's what allowed me toconnect with my body, shift the way
(18:47):
I thought and finally releasethe emotional pain that I'd been
carrying for years.
That's why I guide others witha method that goes beyond just talking,
because I've walked that path myself.
I help people release theemotional pain behind the addiction
using a combination of somatictherapy and subconscious belief work
and practical strategies.
We work on calming the nervoussystem, resetting the body through
(19:10):
supportive lifestyle shifts,and reprogramming the mind so that
old beliefs like I need thisto cope no longer run the show.
Along the way, I offer realworld tools to handle cravings, emotional
triggers and daily decisionsso you're not just avoiding the behavior,
but building a life where youno longer need it.
This can be done in one to onesessions online or for a more powerful
(19:31):
reset, I offer a privatehealing retreat in Asia where you
can immerse yourself in thefull process, including, if you choose,
guided plant medicine ceremonies.
These retreats offer a safe,sacred space to let go of the past
and reconnect with who youreally are.
Healing is possible, realchange is possible and you don't
have to go through it alone.
If this speaks to you, send mean email or WhatsApp message and
(19:54):
we can explore what the bestnext step might be for your healing
journey.
You can reach out to methrough my website, nicolabeer.com
and I'll also put the link inthe the show notes One thing I often
get asked is, isn't sexaddiction just a cop out?
Are they using it as an excuseto avoid responsibility or to gain
sympathy, or to manipulate me?
(20:14):
It's a fair question,especially if you've been on the
receiving end of betrayal.
You might have heard yourpartner say, I have a problem, I'm
a sex addict.
And part of you wonders, arethey being genuine or are they just
trying to get out of the consequences?
Sex addiction is a recognizedbehavioural addiction.
It involves the compulsivepursuit of sexual activity or stimulation
(20:35):
despite harmful consequences.
It's often rooted in emotionaloverwhelm, what we call dysregulated
emotions, where feelings likeanxiety, shame or loneliness become
so intense that the persondoesn't know how to manage them in
a healthy way.
Add that to past trauma andchanges in the brain's reward system
and sex addiction can start tomirror other addictions like gambling
(20:58):
or drug use.
But just like any diagnosis orlabel, it can be misused.
Some people do hide behind theterm sex addiction as a way to Avoid
accountability, whether it'sto gain sympathy, keep a partner
from leaving or delay facingthe full weight of their actions.
That's why it's so importantto look at what comes next.
Is the person actually gettinghelp or just saying the words?
(21:21):
Saying I'm a sex addict meansnothing if they're not seeking qualified
professional treatment, ifthey're still lying, gaslighting
or blaming, or if they'reunwilling to explore the possible
root causes of their behaviourand they expect you to do the emotional
labor while they continue thesame pattern.
True recovery is uncomfortable.
(21:41):
It requires radical honesty,deep humility, facing shame without
collapsing into it and givingup secrecy, denial and control.
So, yes, some peopleabsolutely misuse the term as a way
to dodge their weight of their choices.
But for others, admitting thatthey have a sex addiction is the
most courageous andhumiliating thing they've ever done.
(22:03):
It's not a way to escape pain,it's a surrender to it.
That's why it's so importantnot to just listen to the label someone
gives themselves, but to watch.
What do they do with it?
Saying I'm a sex addictdoesn't mean anything at all if there's
no meaningful action behind it.
Are they truly seeking helpfrom a qualified professional?
Are they being transparentabout their behaviour?
(22:24):
Are they doing the hard,uncomfortable work of unpacking their
past and taking full ownershipof the harm that they've caused?
Real recovery doesn't looklike excuses, it looks like humility.
It looks like beingconsistent, uncomfortable and committed
for the long haul.
It.
It looks like showing patiencefor your pain, not rushing you to
get over it.
And it includes making spacefor your healing, not just their
(22:46):
own.
So if you're in a relationshipwith someone who has cheated more
than once, you're probablywalking a very difficult line between
hope and heartbreak.
One minute they'reapologizing, the next minute you're
catching them in a lie.
It's confusing, disorientatingand exhausting.
And it may feel impossible toknow what to trust.
And that's why boundaries areso important.
(23:08):
Not as a punishment, but as protection.
Boundaries are how youcommunicate what is and what isn't
acceptable for your emotional safety.
And they help you stopbleeding energy into a relationship
that isn't respecting your needs.
Here are a few boundaries youmight consider if you're with someone
who's cheated multiple times.
First, insist on transparency.
(23:28):
This could mean asking them togive up secrecy, be open about past
behaviours, or share access toaccounts if needed to rebuild trust.
You may also want to createspace to Pause the relationship dynamic,
whether that's sleepingseparately, reducing emotional physical
intimacy, or taking some timeapart to reflect.
Make therapy a non negotiable.
(23:49):
Real change doesn't happenwithout committed professional support.
Clearly state your emotionallimits, letting them know gaslighting,
blame shifting or emotionalmanipulation will not be tolerated.
And finally, set a timelinefor progress.
You don't have to wait indefinitely.
Give yourself permission toexpect real, measurable effort so
(24:09):
you can make decisions from aplace of clarity and self respect.
And most importantly, lookafter yourself.
When you've been betrayedthrough repeated cheating, your nervous
system often shifts intosurvival mode, a state where your
body and brain are constantlyon high alert.
It's the same instinctivereaction we experience during danger
or trauma.
You might feel anxious, high,hypervigilant, numb or unable to
(24:31):
relax.
You may overthink and questioneverything, or feel stuck in a cycle
of emotional ups and downs.
This isn't you being toosensitive, it's your nervous system
trying to protect you fromfurther pain.
In survival mode, your body isprioritizing safety over calm, scanning
for signs that you might behurt again.
And that's why betrayalaffects more than just your mind.
(24:53):
It impacts your sleep,digestion, focus and ability to feel
grounded or connected.
Part of healing is gentlyhelping your nervous system feel
safe again through rest,emotional support, self care, and
being around people who makeyou feel secure.
So focus on calming your body,reconnecting with your sense of truth,
and surrounding yourself withpeople who make you feel safe, heard
(25:16):
and grounded.
This might look likejournaling, breath work, meditation
therapy, time in nature,limiting technology, time or contact
with people that drain your energy.
You don't have to make anyfinal decisions today, but you do
deserve space to feel again,to think clearly, and to come back
(25:36):
to you.
If you're putting a lot ofpressure on yourself to make decisions.
If you're struggling to getclarity, if you're feeling overwhelmed
with the emotionalrollercoaster that being cheated
on can bring, then you mightwant to check out my Betrayed Breakthrough
workbook.
It includes short meditationsto boost your self worth, calm your
nervous system, and reflectiveexercises to help you explore your
(25:58):
relationship and find clarityabout your next steps.
You can find the link in theshow notes and if you're the one
who has been unfaithful andyou're listening to this, please
know that you're not beyond help.
But change doesn't come fromself pity or avoidance.
It starts with facing thetruth, getting the right kind of
support, and committing tohealing not just for your partner,
(26:19):
but for your own peace of mindand future.
So can serial cheaters change?
So can serial cheaters change.
Yes, I've helped countless menand women do exactly that.
But it only happens whenthey're truly ready to go deep.
Real change isn't about sayingthe right things.
It's about understanding whythe cheating happened in the first
place.
(26:39):
It means confronting the partsof themselves they've hidden away,
the parts that feel ashamed,out of control, or overwhelmed by
emotion.
It means reshaping theirentire relationship with intimacy,
honesty, and self worth.
And that kind of changedoesn't happen overnight.
It takes radical honesty, ittakes consistency, and it takes doing
the inner work that no oneelse can do for them.
(27:00):
But it's possible.
And if you're holding on tohope, just make sure that you're
holding onto yourself too.
In the next episode, I'll betalking about something just as important.
Loving a Depressed Partner ifsomeone you love is struggling with
depression, anxiety,addictions, or burnout and you're
doing your best to be therefor them, this episode is for you.
(27:21):
I'll be sharing how to supportthem without sacrificing your own
mental and emotional health.
How to help without burningout or losing yourself in the process.
So if that speaks to you oryou know someone who needs to hear
it, make sure you subscribe tothe show so that you don't miss it.
And if today's episode hashelped you in any way, I'd be so
grateful if you would leave arating or review.
(27:42):
It helps others find thisplace and it also helps me know what
kind of episodes that you're enjoying.
What topics are you finding valuable.
So if you could leave anycomments that would be so, so appreciated.
Until next time, take greatcare of yourself.
And remember, healing isalways possible.
We all have an inner healer in us.
(28:03):
We just need sometimes to giveit the right direction.
Visit nicolabeer.com gift forfree valuable resources designed
to support you Whether you'relooking to revive your relationship,
break free from unhealthypatterns, rebuild your confidence,
or heal after a breakup,everything you need to create the
(28:23):
love life that you deserve isthere waiting for you.
I truly appreciate you being here.
If there's a topic you wouldlike me to cover on this podcast,
or if you're interested inworking with me one to one online
or attending a healing retreatin Asia, I'd love to hear from you.
My contact details are on mywebsite@nicolabeer.com and if you
have a burning question orjust need some guidance, come and
(28:45):
join our warm and welcomingFacebook community.
It's a safe, supportive spacewhere members share valuable insights
and I also answer youranonymous relationship questions.
To join us, simply visitnicolabeer.com or and all the links
I've shared today will be inthe show.
Notes from my heart to yours.
Take care and I look forwardto connecting with you again soon.
Welcome to the RelationshipRevival Podcast, your Go to show
for expert advice and guidanceon relationships, marriage, divorce
and dating.
I'm Nicola Beer and for over20 years I've helped thousands of
individuals and couplesworldwide transform their relationships
and create lasting changethrough one to one online sessions
and healing retreats in Asia.
(00:20):
Whether you're trying to saveyour marriage, figure out if you're
in the right relationship,find the courage to walk away from
something that no longerserves you, or break free from unhealthy
relationship patterns once andfor all.
You're in the right place.
This podcast is about sharingthe tips, tools and strategies that
have transformed countless lives.
You'll get practical adviceand insights that you can start using
(00:42):
right away to create the loveand happiness that you deserve.
And if you're looking for moresupport and valuable free resources
to heal, grow and strengthenyour relationships, then head over
to nicolabeer.com and click onthe Gift page to explore what's waiting
for you there.
Hi and welcome.
This is Nicola Beer.
In the past two episodes, weexplored how dopamine habits can
(01:03):
drive destructive behaviors,especially in our relationships.
We looked at how constantlychasing the next dopamine hit through
phones, fantasies, or flirtingcan change the brain's chemistry
and leave us feeling numb tothe simple joys of life.
We also explored how truthtelling, even when it's uncomfortable,
plays a powerful role inhealing from betrayal and and breaking
(01:23):
free from these addictive cycles.
Today, we're diving deeperinto something I get asked about
all the can serial cheatersreally change?
And just as importantly, issex addiction a real issue or simply
an excuse used to justify cheating?
In this episode, it isn't justabout understanding what drives repeated
infidelity.
(01:44):
It's about supporting you,whether you're the one who's been
betrayed and left reeling, oror you're the one struggling with
a pattern of cheating and wantto break free.
We'll look at the psychology,the addiction side, and what real
change actually looks like.
And if you're looking ahead,next week's episode will be about
loving a partner who'sstruggling with depression.
(02:05):
I'll be sharing how to supportthem without burning out or losing
yourself in the process.
So make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss it or any of the future
episodes designed to help youheal, reconnect, and thrive in your
relationships.
For now, let's talk aboutchronic infidelity, the kind that
doesn't stop after apologies.
The kind where betrayalbecomes a repeated pattern despite
(02:25):
promises to change, and how,more often than not, it's tied to
something deeper that mostpeople are too ashamed to talk about,
like sex addiction or acompulsive need for validation, attention
and admiration to feel worthyor alive.
Chronic infidelity is verydifferent from situational cheating.
Situational cheating usuallyhappens in a moment of vulnerability
(02:47):
during a time of stress,grief, alcohol use or deep emotional
disconnection.
It's a one time event thatshocks both people in the relationship
and doesn't align with theperson's usual values.
But chronic infidelity, that'sa pattern, a compulsion, a repeated
behaviour that doesn't stopeven after serious consequences.
(03:07):
These individuals often havemultiple affairs over the course
of their relationships or theymaintain secret parallel lives for
years.
They may cry, beg forforgiveness and make promises, but
somehow they always end upback in the same place.
And many of them aren't just cheating.
They're battling somethingdeeper, like sex addiction or a compulsive
(03:28):
need to feel alive and happyfrom getting validation and attention.
In my work with individualsstruggling with repeated infidelity,
I've seen certain themes comeup again and again.
They often reveal unresolvedtrauma, emotional wounds or compulsive
patterns rooted in shame, fearand disconnection.
Many serial cheaters describea need for the adrenaline rush, the
(03:50):
secrecy, the danger of gettingcaught, the novelty.
This can act as a powerfulescape from monotony, stress or inner
emptiness.
They're not just looking forpleasure, they're looking for a hit,
a distraction, a rush.
And this is where sexaddiction often begins.
Not with the sex itself, butwith a craving for intensity and
escape.
(04:11):
Others cheat to avoid closeness.
They panic when things get too vulnerable.
True intimacy feelsterrifying, so they sabotage it with
surface level affairs.
Keeping relationships shallowallows them to maintain control and
avoid being hurt.
But over time, it alsoprevents them from ever feeling truly
connected or safe.
Chronic cheaters often haveunresolved emotional wounds that
(04:34):
go all the way back to childhood.
These may include feelingneglected, abandoned or only receiving
love when they performed in acertain way.
Being good, being successful,being quiet, being helpful, or even
being the clown, the joker,the one that makes mum and dad laugh
or mum and dad happy.
In these environments, lovemay have felt conditional, unpredictable
(04:56):
or even unsafe.
So as adults, theysubconsciously seek ways to prove
that they're lovable and important.
For many, cheating becomes away to feel temporarily seen, wanted
and significant.
It's not just about thephysical act.
It's the emotional high ofsomeone choosing them, desiring them
and admiring them.
In that moment, they feel worthy.
(05:17):
They feel like they matter.
It gives them A false sense ofpower and value.
But the relief never lasts.
The emptiness always returns.
So they chase that feeling again.
Another affair, anotherconversation, another.
Another person to impress.
And what they're really doing,without even realizing it, is trying
to fill an internal void withthe external attention.
(05:40):
They keep reaching forsomething outside of themselves to
make them feel okay inside.
This is why one affair oftenleads to another and why so many
chronic cheaters feel out of control.
Because the problem isn'treally about the other person.
It's about the pain that theyhaven't yet healed.
And until they turn inward toface that hurt, no amount of attention
or admiration will ever feellike enough.
(06:02):
They need the next hit and thenext hit.
Many people that have come tome for support with this share with
me that they feel down, theyfeel depressed, they don't feel like
themselves when they don'thave any external validation and
attention.
When they've given up theiraffair, partners or cheating habits,
they actually experience lifeas dull, boring, and they feel flat.
(06:27):
And that's because of theinner work that is needed.
Some individuals withnarcissistic tendencies cheat because
they feel entitled to moremore attention, admiration or sexual
variety.
And that's different fromthose cheating because of that internal
void.
Although narcissists can alsohave low self esteem and an internal
(06:48):
void, narcissists often lackempathy and struggle to recognize
the emotional devastation thatthey cause.
For them, cheating is notabout escaping loneliness.
It's about maintaining afantasy self image or soothing a
fragile ego.
While it's important tounderstand why chronic cheating happens,
it's equally important to namewhat it does to the person on the
(07:09):
receiving end.
Being repeatedly betrayed canfeel like an emotional whiplash.
Your nervous system doesn'tknow what's real anymore.
You may find yourselfconstantly questioning your memory,
your instincts, your worth.
You might become hypervigilant, checking phones, obsessing
over signs, experiencingtriggers even in moments of calm,
or feeling emotionally numb,disconnected or deeply unsafe.
(07:32):
This isn't being dramatic.
This is trauma.
Repeated betrayal erodes trustnot only in your partner, but in
yourself.
And when that's coupled withgaslighting or minimization, it didn't
mean anything.
You're overreacting.
You're too sensitive.
It's harmless.
It can lead to betrayaltrauma, which affects your mind,
body and ability to feelemotionally grounded.
(07:55):
Healing isn't just aboutwhether the cheetah changes.
It's also about you having thetools, space and support to process
what's happened and to rebuildyour inner safety.
Sex addiction can also be atthe Root of chronic cheating Sex
addiction is not aboutenjoying sex or having a high libido.
It's about using sexcompulsively to escape pain, regulate
(08:17):
emotions or cope with stress.
Just like someone might usealcohol, drugs or gambling, people
struggling with sex addictionoften find themselves trapped in
obsessive sexual thoughts or fantasies.
They may feel unable tocontrol their impulses, whether it's
watching pornography, engagingin affairs or seeking out one time
encounters.
(08:38):
This leads to a painful cycleof secrecy, shame and regret.
Over time, the behaviour tendsto escalate, becoming riskier and
more damaging.
Despite facing seriousconsequences like relationship breakdowns,
legal trouble, financialtrouble or even losing their job,
they often continue thebehaviour because the compulsion
feels too strong to stop.
(09:00):
Sex addiction doesn't alwayslook the way people expect it to.
It can also show up insiderelationships, not just outside of
them.
I've worked with many men whocouldn't fall asleep without sex
every night, or who pressuredtheir partners for intimacy more
than two times a day.
While some people might thinkof this as just a high sex drive,
it was actually something deeper.
(09:21):
These men were using sex likea coping mechanism, like others might
use food, alcohol or scrollingon their phones.
It was their way of calmingdown, avoiding their feelings or
proving themselves that theywere wanted.
They didn't just want sex,they needed it to feel okay.
One man admitted that hecouldn't go anywhere without mentally
undressing almost every womanhe walked past, instantly imagining
(09:43):
them naked before he evenregistered what was happening.
Another client told me how hemasturbated in the office bathrooms
up to three to six times aday, just to get through the stress
and anxiety of his work.
This act wasn't aboutpleasure, it was about coping.
Then there was a man whocheated, not only on his wife, but
on his affair partner as well.
He regularly visited massageparlors and tested how far he could
(10:06):
push the boundaries.
It wasn't about sex, it wasabout power.
He confessed that what reallydrove him wasn't the sex itself,
but the feeling of control andpower he got from seeing if he could
get different massagetherapists to cross boundaries with
him.
It became a kind of game, away to prove to himself that he was
desirable, persuasive and in charge.
(10:27):
And it wasn't just aboutwhether they said yes.
He wanted them to like him, bedrawn to him, and to feel something
for him that made him feelwanted, admired and important.
It was a way to escape what hefelt was a monotonous, boring life
and work stress.
It was a way to feed a part ofhim that constantly questioned his
own worth.
(10:48):
And I've heard similar storiesfrom women too.
People who join dating appsnot to find connection, but to prove
that they're still hot, stilldesirable, and still able to hook
someone.
They flirt, lead others on,sometimes sleep with them, and often
after.
They feel empty and loseinterest the moment they get that
validation that they were after.
It's not the act itself thatthey're craving, it's the chase.
(11:11):
While sex addiction might seemlike an obsession with sex itself,
it's usually not about thephysical act at all.
It's.
It's the vehicle used to feelseen, desired, powerful or in control.
It becomes a way to boost selfesteem, to feel an inner emptiness,
or to avoid feeling difficult emotions.
In that way, it's no differentfrom someone who turns to plastic
(11:31):
surgery or constantly tweakstheir appearance to feel worthy and
get attention.
Or someone who becomesobsessed with making money not for
financial security, but tofeel important, admired and respected.
It's not really about sex.
It's about the obsession, thefixation, the belief that if I get
this, I'll feel good or I needthis to feel alive, to feel like
(11:55):
myself.
All of these examples, whetherdriven by validation, power or escape,
have one thing in common.
They're fueled by the brain'sreward system.
And that's where dopaminecomes in.
I shared in the previousepisodes on dopamine addiction that
it's not often not the rewardthat brings the strongest chemical
high is the anticipation ofthe reward, the fantasy, the idea
(12:17):
that something exciting isjust around the corner.
That's what lights up thebrain's reward center.
That's what becomes addictive.
Sex addiction, like allbehavioral addictions, is complicated
and often misunderstood.
It's not just about physical desire.
It's about a compulsive needto escape escape boredom, stress,
shame, insecurity, emotionalpain, and sometimes even success.
(12:41):
And the ways it shows up canlook very different from person to
person.
For some, it means constantlypressurizing a partner for sex to
feel secure and needed and wanted.
For others, it's compulsive,sexting endlessly scrolling dating
apps or chasing strangersonline for attention.
And in more extreme cases, itleads to living a double life, juggling
(13:02):
secret affairs or hiddenbehaviours that their partner knows
nothing about.
In most of the cases I'veworked with, whether it's chronic
cheating sex addiction oranother form of compulsive behavior,
there's almost alwayssomething deeper beneath the surface.
A wound that was never healed,a pain that was never acknowledged
or spoken out loud.
Often it's an identity builtaround performance and external validation.
(13:25):
Trying to feel good enough bybeing admired, desired or achieving
more.
And that's something we haveto explore if true healing is going
to happen now.
You and your partner might belistening to this thinking, Nicola.
That doesn't resonate with meat all.
I had a happy childhood.
My parents were loving.
I never struggled to makefriends or attract romantic partners.
I don't relate to the idea ofhaving deep emotional wounds.
(13:49):
And if that's the case,honestly, that's wonderful.
Positive.
Early life experiences are a gift.
People with happy upbringingsand emotional support can still find
themselves stuck in the loopof addiction and unwanted behavioural
patterns.
I see it all the time.
Men and women who are bright,healthy, accomplished and emotionally
intelligent.
And yet they're caught inpatterns of compulsive behavior.
(14:11):
They can't seem to stop.
That's where what Dr.
Anna Lembeck describes as theplenty paradox comes in.
It's a concept that explainshow, in today's world, the more access
we have to pleasurable thingslike food, sex, social media, shopping,
entertainment, the lesspleasure we actually feel.
We become overstimulated.
Our brain's reward systemadapts by reducing our sensitivity
(14:33):
to dopamine, the chemical thatmakes us feel good.
As a result, what once gave usa sense of joy or satisfaction now
feels dull or meaningless.
In other words, the more weindulge, the more numb we become.
So what do we do?
We chase more.
We seek more stimulation, moreintensity, more novelty.
More of everything just tofeel something.
(14:55):
And this leads to a cycle ofemotional depletion, burnout and
addiction.
Despite having plenty, we'releft feeling worse, not better.
And that's why I say addictionisn't always about trauma.
Sometimes it's about overstimulation.
Sometimes it's about chasingtoo many highs and ending up emotionally
flat.
I work with many people whocome to me feeling ashamed, confused
(15:17):
or broken, when in reality,they're caught in this very paradox.
They've grown up in lovinghomes, but the constant pursuit of
pleasure, success, attentionor validation has dulled their ability
to feel genuinely satisfied.
They've lost touch with thequieter, more sustainable forms of
joy.
Just like substance addiction,chronic cheating and sex addiction
(15:37):
require a structured recovery process.
The most effective healingI've seen comes from a multi layered
approach.
First, we work towardsabstinence, pausing the compulsive
behavior so the nervous systemcan start to reset.
Then we shift the mindset,letting go of the obsessive thought
patterns and beginning tochallenge the beliefs driving the
addiction.
For many, this includes trauma healing.
(15:59):
While not everyone initiallyrecognizes trauma in their story,
I'd say more than 80% of thepeople I support eventually discover
emotional pain or unmet needsthat were influencing their behavior
all along.
We also focus on buildingemotional resilience.
Learning how to handletriggers, discomfort and vulnerable
moments without turning todestructive habits.
(16:19):
And accountability is key.
Real transformation happenswhen people feel supported, but also
challenged to grow beyondtheir old patterns.
When someone is truly willingto get honest, do the deeper emotional
work and to face what they'vebeen avoiding.
Healing is not only possible,it's powerful.
And it doesn't just changetheir behavior, it changes how they
(16:40):
feel about themselves, theirrelationships and their place in
the world.
Now, if you or someone youlove is struggling with compulsive
cheating or sex addiction, Iwant you to know that there is a
path forward and it doesn'trely on willpower alone or surface
level fixes.
This kind of transformationI've witnessed and experienced myself
comes from deep lasting change.
(17:01):
With over 20 years ofexperience helping individuals worldwide
heal from addiction, trauma,emotional pain, I offer a comprehensive,
supportive and practicalapproach to recovery.
My method addresses theemotional, mental, physical and behavioral
layers of addiction, making itpossible to break free and experience
a life filled with peace, joyand real connection.
(17:22):
But beyond my professionalexperience, my passion for this work
is personal.
I know what it's like to feelstuck in self destructive cycles.
For years I wrestled with myown addictive patterns.
Overworking emotional eatingand using alcohol to numb myself
every night, numb my thoughtsand feel relaxed.
To quiet the pressure that Ifelt inside, the pressure that I
(17:44):
was putting on myself to be successful.
It was how I coped, how Irewarded myself, how I disconnected
from what I didn't want to feel.
Eventually I realized thatthese habits were keeping me from
myself.
They weren't soothing me, theywere silencing me.
Each morning I'd often wake upfeeling fed up, tired, and yet would
(18:05):
find myself engaging in thesame behavior again and again and
having the same obsessivethoughts because I just didn't know
any better.
But I did know that I needed change.
Therapy, at least in thebeginning, didn't help me.
In fact, it often led mefeeling more stuck and frustrated.
Sometimes I even felt worse,like I was just talking in circles
(18:26):
and being reminded ofeverything that I couldn't fix.
I didn't need someone noddingat me and asking what I thought.
I needed something deeper.
What actually helped me healwas emotional release work.
Somatic therapy tools to calmmy obsessive thoughts and someone
I could check in with someonewho really understood.
That's what allowed me toconnect with my body, shift the way
(18:47):
I thought and finally releasethe emotional pain that I'd been
carrying for years.
That's why I guide others witha method that goes beyond just talking,
because I've walked that path myself.
I help people release theemotional pain behind the addiction
using a combination of somatictherapy and subconscious belief work
and practical strategies.
We work on calming the nervoussystem, resetting the body through
(19:10):
supportive lifestyle shifts,and reprogramming the mind so that
old beliefs like I need thisto cope no longer run the show.
Along the way, I offer realworld tools to handle cravings, emotional
triggers and daily decisionsso you're not just avoiding the behavior,
but building a life where youno longer need it.
This can be done in one to onesessions online or for a more powerful
(19:31):
reset, I offer a privatehealing retreat in Asia where you
can immerse yourself in thefull process, including, if you choose,
guided plant medicine ceremonies.
These retreats offer a safe,sacred space to let go of the past
and reconnect with who youreally are.
Healing is possible, realchange is possible and you don't
have to go through it alone.
If this speaks to you, send mean email or WhatsApp message and
(19:54):
we can explore what the bestnext step might be for your healing
journey.
You can reach out to methrough my website, nicolabeer.com
and I'll also put the link inthe the show notes One thing I often
get asked is, isn't sexaddiction just a cop out?
Are they using it as an excuseto avoid responsibility or to gain
sympathy, or to manipulate me?
(20:14):
It's a fair question,especially if you've been on the
receiving end of betrayal.
You might have heard yourpartner say, I have a problem, I'm
a sex addict.
And part of you wonders, arethey being genuine or are they just
trying to get out of the consequences?
Sex addiction is a recognizedbehavioural addiction.
It involves the compulsivepursuit of sexual activity or stimulation
(20:35):
despite harmful consequences.
It's often rooted in emotionaloverwhelm, what we call dysregulated
emotions, where feelings likeanxiety, shame or loneliness become
so intense that the persondoesn't know how to manage them in
a healthy way.
Add that to past trauma andchanges in the brain's reward system
and sex addiction can start tomirror other addictions like gambling
(20:58):
or drug use.
But just like any diagnosis orlabel, it can be misused.
Some people do hide behind theterm sex addiction as a way to Avoid
accountability, whether it'sto gain sympathy, keep a partner
from leaving or delay facingthe full weight of their actions.
That's why it's so importantto look at what comes next.
Is the person actually gettinghelp or just saying the words?
(21:21):
Saying I'm a sex addict meansnothing if they're not seeking qualified
professional treatment, ifthey're still lying, gaslighting
or blaming, or if they'reunwilling to explore the possible
root causes of their behaviourand they expect you to do the emotional
labor while they continue thesame pattern.
True recovery is uncomfortable.
(21:41):
It requires radical honesty,deep humility, facing shame without
collapsing into it and givingup secrecy, denial and control.
So, yes, some peopleabsolutely misuse the term as a way
to dodge their weight of their choices.
But for others, admitting thatthey have a sex addiction is the
most courageous andhumiliating thing they've ever done.
(22:03):
It's not a way to escape pain,it's a surrender to it.
That's why it's so importantnot to just listen to the label someone
gives themselves, but to watch.
What do they do with it?
Saying I'm a sex addictdoesn't mean anything at all if there's
no meaningful action behind it.
Are they truly seeking helpfrom a qualified professional?
Are they being transparentabout their behaviour?
(22:24):
Are they doing the hard,uncomfortable work of unpacking their
past and taking full ownershipof the harm that they've caused?
Real recovery doesn't looklike excuses, it looks like humility.
It looks like beingconsistent, uncomfortable and committed
for the long haul.
It.
It looks like showing patiencefor your pain, not rushing you to
get over it.
And it includes making spacefor your healing, not just their
(22:46):
own.
So if you're in a relationshipwith someone who has cheated more
than once, you're probablywalking a very difficult line between
hope and heartbreak.
One minute they'reapologizing, the next minute you're
catching them in a lie.
It's confusing, disorientatingand exhausting.
And it may feel impossible toknow what to trust.
And that's why boundaries areso important.
(23:08):
Not as a punishment, but as protection.
Boundaries are how youcommunicate what is and what isn't
acceptable for your emotional safety.
And they help you stopbleeding energy into a relationship
that isn't respecting your needs.
Here are a few boundaries youmight consider if you're with someone
who's cheated multiple times.
First, insist on transparency.
(23:28):
This could mean asking them togive up secrecy, be open about past
behaviours, or share access toaccounts if needed to rebuild trust.
You may also want to createspace to Pause the relationship dynamic,
whether that's sleepingseparately, reducing emotional physical
intimacy, or taking some timeapart to reflect.
Make therapy a non negotiable.
(23:49):
Real change doesn't happenwithout committed professional support.
Clearly state your emotionallimits, letting them know gaslighting,
blame shifting or emotionalmanipulation will not be tolerated.
And finally, set a timelinefor progress.
You don't have to wait indefinitely.
Give yourself permission toexpect real, measurable effort so
(24:09):
you can make decisions from aplace of clarity and self respect.
And most importantly, lookafter yourself.
When you've been betrayedthrough repeated cheating, your nervous
system often shifts intosurvival mode, a state where your
body and brain are constantlyon high alert.
It's the same instinctivereaction we experience during danger
or trauma.
You might feel anxious, high,hypervigilant, numb or unable to
(24:31):
relax.
You may overthink and questioneverything, or feel stuck in a cycle
of emotional ups and downs.
This isn't you being toosensitive, it's your nervous system
trying to protect you fromfurther pain.
In survival mode, your body isprioritizing safety over calm, scanning
for signs that you might behurt again.
And that's why betrayalaffects more than just your mind.
(24:53):
It impacts your sleep,digestion, focus and ability to feel
grounded or connected.
Part of healing is gentlyhelping your nervous system feel
safe again through rest,emotional support, self care, and
being around people who makeyou feel secure.
So focus on calming your body,reconnecting with your sense of truth,
and surrounding yourself withpeople who make you feel safe, heard
(25:16):
and grounded.
This might look likejournaling, breath work, meditation
therapy, time in nature,limiting technology, time or contact
with people that drain your energy.
You don't have to make anyfinal decisions today, but you do
deserve space to feel again,to think clearly, and to come back
(25:36):
to you.
If you're putting a lot ofpressure on yourself to make decisions.
If you're struggling to getclarity, if you're feeling overwhelmed
with the emotionalrollercoaster that being cheated
on can bring, then you mightwant to check out my Betrayed Breakthrough
workbook.
It includes short meditationsto boost your self worth, calm your
nervous system, and reflectiveexercises to help you explore your
(25:58):
relationship and find clarityabout your next steps.
You can find the link in theshow notes and if you're the one
who has been unfaithful andyou're listening to this, please
know that you're not beyond help.
But change doesn't come fromself pity or avoidance.
It starts with facing thetruth, getting the right kind of
support, and committing tohealing not just for your partner,
(26:19):
but for your own peace of mindand future.
So can serial cheaters change?
So can serial cheaters change.
Yes, I've helped countless menand women do exactly that.
But it only happens whenthey're truly ready to go deep.
Real change isn't about sayingthe right things.
It's about understanding whythe cheating happened in the first
place.
(26:39):
It means confronting the partsof themselves they've hidden away,
the parts that feel ashamed,out of control, or overwhelmed by
emotion.
It means reshaping theirentire relationship with intimacy,
honesty, and self worth.
And that kind of changedoesn't happen overnight.
It takes radical honesty, ittakes consistency, and it takes doing
the inner work that no oneelse can do for them.
(27:00):
But it's possible.
And if you're holding on tohope, just make sure that you're
holding onto yourself too.
In the next episode, I'll betalking about something just as important.
Loving a Depressed Partner ifsomeone you love is struggling with
depression, anxiety,addictions, or burnout and you're
doing your best to be therefor them, this episode is for you.
(27:21):
I'll be sharing how to supportthem without sacrificing your own
mental and emotional health.
How to help without burningout or losing yourself in the process.
So if that speaks to you oryou know someone who needs to hear
it, make sure you subscribe tothe show so that you don't miss it.
And if today's episode hashelped you in any way, I'd be so
grateful if you would leave arating or review.
(27:42):
It helps others find thisplace and it also helps me know what
kind of episodes that you're enjoying.
What topics are you finding valuable.
So if you could leave anycomments that would be so, so appreciated.
Until next time, take greatcare of yourself.
And remember, healing isalways possible.
We all have an inner healer in us.
(28:03):
We just need sometimes to giveit the right direction.
Visit nicolabeer.com gift forfree valuable resources designed
to support you Whether you'relooking to revive your relationship,
break free from unhealthypatterns, rebuild your confidence,
or heal after a breakup,everything you need to create the
(28:23):
love life that you deserve isthere waiting for you.
I truly appreciate you being here.
If there's a topic you wouldlike me to cover on this podcast,
or if you're interested inworking with me one to one online
or attending a healing retreatin Asia, I'd love to hear from you.
My contact details are on mywebsite@nicolabeer.com and if you
have a burning question orjust need some guidance, come and
(28:45):
join our warm and welcomingFacebook community.
It's a safe, supportive spacewhere members share valuable insights
and I also answer youranonymous relationship questions.
To join us, simply visitnicolabeer.com or and all the links
I've shared today will be inthe show.
Notes from my heart to yours.
Take care and I look forwardto connecting with you again soon.
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