From Black Sheep to Blueprint: Overcoming imposter Syndrome as First Gen.

🎙 From Black Sheep to Blueprint: The Calling Was Never Meant to Be Comfortable Ever felt like you didn’t fit the mold? Not because you were lost, but because you were called? This Tuesday on Seek ELLAvation®, we’re diving deep into what it really takes to turn doubt, detours, and imposter syndrome into divine direction. You’ll hear how the black sheep moments, the ones that made you question everything, were actually shaping you to lead, build, and blaze a trail no one else could walk. With Sherie Randolph-Dunham, Transformational Speaker | Author, Founder of T.E.A.M. Luv LLC | A Champion for Healing, Self-Luv & Breakthroughs. This isn't about proving them wrong. It's about becoming who you were always meant to be. Tune in. Get inspired. Walk boldly.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
There was a time people counting out, but there mout me.
I'm walking soup down. I got to know to know
what that says. But what I believe that God's not bad.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
I don't need you to bother me.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
I know who I help.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
I'm created me and I reflect what my eyes there
to see. All the bigness eye posss and less persibility.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
You want to us see.

Speaker 5 (01:02):
Bad shine should I get me? There is no time really.

Speaker 4 (01:18):
Space for the outside doll and a beterine.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
No, that.

Speaker 5 (01:25):
Boy is the insults still itself paid deditions can say
all these simple my beads.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
Fine something not take your.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
Mind the play you'll buy your presa.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
On bowing this play hand leave of time all w
then that's nine neither.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Struly f.

Speaker 5 (01:56):
B.

Speaker 6 (02:02):
Welcome, Yes, yes, welcome, Welcome to another segment of Seek Elevation,
the Seek Elevation Experience with yours truly Attorney Alakeisha. I
am an attorney, but I am not your attorney. Possibly

(02:23):
I do have clients that listen, but those of you
who know we didn't do an engagement letter, I am
not your attorney. I am the attorney that gives you
the gems, the information, all the things that you need
to become better to elevate because this is where real issues,
real people, and real conversations take center stage. Change doesn't

(02:47):
happen with us being silenced people. We must speak, speak
when necessary, speak to whom is necessary. So right here
on seak elevation from sports and entertainment to business and community.
What we focus on is elevating, elevating the voices that

(03:08):
needs to be heard, like one of the voices I'm
going to have on today, I'm excited to have on today.
But we don't just talk here. We empower, we inspire,
and we challenge the status quo.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
We may not all.

Speaker 6 (03:24):
Agree on everything, but that is what change happened hearing
the differences, the diverse experiences and opinions.

Speaker 4 (03:34):
We have to learn to accept and respect that so
we can all grow in that. But today we're going
to talk about a lot here.

Speaker 6 (03:46):
Black Sheep to blueprint, overcoming and passive syndrome as a
first gen achiever is our guests. So there's a lot there.
Right Some of us experience may be one of the
three things two possibly, but three. You know, some of
us may have felt like we were the black sheep.
Some felt feel like or felt like we have to

(04:07):
deal with or overcommon Paster syndrome. And a lot of
us may have been first gen achievers, but our guests
today can speak to all three of those. So I'm
excited to have her on. So, yeah, this episode, it's

(04:28):
for the travel lazers, right, It's for those who are
right because we don't talk about the gritty stuff. A
lot of times we talk about just entrepreneurship or making
it in whatever area or industry that we're in. We
don't we talk about the little glamorous part of it,

(04:49):
the part that we love as creatives, as business owners,
as athletes. But what we don't talk about is that
we're all human those particular things we're bringing our humanness
into all of these different industries or whatever we do,
and so we have to We're gonna talk about elevating

(05:09):
and the holistic part of everything. We have to talk
about the humanists of it. So today, when we're talking
about it, I want you think about this episode being
for trailblazers, right, And if you are blazing a trail,
that's what you are. A trailblazer who either were once
or feel like they were. The Black Sheep are the

(05:30):
black sheep, the misunderstood ones, the outliers, if you will,
the dreamers who felt like they didn't quite fit in.
And that's okay, because please know that we were all
designed uniquely to not fit in.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
We were designed to stand out. But some of us
have taken some time to come to that realization.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
We didn't.

Speaker 6 (05:55):
A lot of us may not have known that growing
up and through many things, and even as we rise
as we are a lot of us coming into ourselves
are probably came into ourselves even as we rise, as
Maya Angela will say, still I rise. Imposter syndrome still

(06:16):
sneaks in for some individuals, especially if you're first to
make it.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
You're trying to figure it out.

Speaker 6 (06:24):
You probably don't know, don't have a blueprint, and you
probably feel that you're actually faking it when you're not
a lot of things happen and you're probably thinking, is
it Do.

Speaker 4 (06:35):
I really know what I'm doing? Am I doing it
the right way? You are absolutely doing it the right
way because it is the way that was curated for you.
You're not faking it.

Speaker 6 (06:46):
You have broken cycles, and when you've done that, you're
probably are facing the weight of expectations and there may
be cultural guilt that is a thing as well. Cultural
guilt is a thing. There's a lot of people that
come from different.

Speaker 4 (07:04):
Cultures that if they do exceed or they achieve.

Speaker 6 (07:07):
Certain things, they bring on guilt to themselves for achieving
or exceeding in those things, especially if they feel like
or if it's presented like, or they perceive people are
being left behind or they can't do everything for everyone.

(07:28):
I'm sure you have plenty of stories of that, especially
for a lot of people that are celebrities who make
a certain level, and there's a lot of people who
lost a lot because of the culture guilt. Right they
tell you the story of they try to take care
of the whole entire neighborhood because they felt whatever they achieved,
that was that was their onwnus, there was a responsibility

(07:49):
to do that. So you have this cultural guilt and
a lot of people move into uncharted territory.

Speaker 4 (07:57):
So we're going to unpack that today.

Speaker 6 (08:00):
We're going to hear our guest's journey story while she's
still navigating, you know, living in her legacy. We're going
to unpack that silent struggle of first generation greatness. We're
going to unpack from doubt to identity, because that's what
it's about. It's about figuring out who we are, creating

(08:23):
our own identity, and it may be a new identity.
That is what I believe is part of our journey
as we go is continuing to rediscover.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
What we are.

Speaker 6 (08:37):
We already know I believe whose we are, and I
already know why I am. But the what is rediscovering
that identity. So we go from looking for outside validation
to actually our living legacy, whatever that means to you.
And we're talking about what it really feels like to

(09:01):
just redefine all the limiting beliefs, all the things that
you took on that's not yours, that may be somebody else,
while still trying to believe in your own All right,
I'm going to get ready to introduce my guess, so
let me just check on.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
Her real quick.

Speaker 6 (09:25):
How are you all this evening? Say hello, hello, hello,
Let me know where you are listening from. Make sure

(09:46):
we got the right link as well. We got something
we have some on Facebook? Have a I have a
new Do you all like my new setup? I got
a new setup here, and what better time to roll

(10:08):
it out than today's segment. So our guest is here.
I'm gonna go ahead and introduce our amazing guests, Miss
Cherie Randolph Dunham. She's fectionately known as Auntie Ree. She's

(10:28):
a transformational speaker. She's an author and the founder of
Team love LLC, a champion for healing, self love and breakthroughs.
I met Cherie. We both were part of or are
part of Next Level Speakers Academy.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
There's a.

Speaker 6 (10:48):
Speaking group that's led by Jeremy Anderson E t Inkey
Johnson together and they have amazing coaches here in Atlanta.
A group here in Atlanta, amazing, amazing three individuals that
pulls people together and pull your best out. And I
met Shari there. She's based here in Atlanta. She's been

(11:12):
here for over twenty five years. She's a devoted wife
of thirty four years. So Miss Surrie aunt Ti re
understands commitment and sacrifice. When you hear people's story, there's
a lot there. There's a lot that you can unpack
when you want to understand their glory. There's a lot

(11:33):
that goes in their story. And she's been a devoted
wife for thirty four years, a proud mother of one
who is a US Army veteran, thank her, thank her
for her service. And a passionate grandmother whose grandson she
will let you know, will tell you has inspired her
to fully step in her purpose in twenty twenty, her

(11:56):
grand baby, that's her why we all have and we
have to define, recognize and define what those are. They're
a part of our assignment. They're a part of our
and I'm not even gonna say motivation. They're a part
of our transformation. She was raised in a large matriarchal family.

(12:18):
Those of us who understand and how it happened old
school understands this. My mother came from a large family,
a large amount of siblings. Her grandmother was the oldest
of seventeen children, her mother the oldest of ten children,
and Miss Auntirie Missterie the oldest of four siblings and

(12:40):
thirty seven grandchildren. Like that speaks volume, but we also
know when you come from these large, amazing, beautiful families,
there's a lot that can come with it as well,
a whole lot that can come with it as well,
that can cause all all types of trauma as we

(13:03):
would identify it as. But really they are problems that
are situated in a way that if we awaken and
become aware of them, to wake up something that's in us.
But Missie overcame her deep childhood trauma or have had
her awakening in those experiences from this large family, she

(13:30):
has overcame generational cycles and life altering adversities. This includes
people listen up because a lot of us say we
can't do it, can't happen.

Speaker 4 (13:42):
We say why me? We ask all the wrong questions.
But Aunt tie Ree.

Speaker 6 (13:50):
Overcame so many adversities including homelessness, addiction, depression, and I'm
gonna slow up near death experiences. There are no excuses,
there are no why means. The question is why not me?

(14:12):
All of it together forms your store and your assignment.
Just become deep in that. So despite it all, despite
it all, she became a first generation college graduate, and
she continues to build a living legacy rooted in faith, resilience,

(14:40):
and truth. I wanted to slow down right there because
I want you to really hear.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
How she is where she is.

Speaker 6 (14:53):
And we're talking about Shari today, Untie Ree today. But
this is a Mira that's reflecting so many other people
out there that also are walking living legacies with gifts
within them.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
But may not be pushing forward.

Speaker 6 (15:14):
Because they're so caught up in those things that are
supposed to be awakening them. But despite it all, if
you are rooted in your faith, resilience, in truth, you
can do it. And with over forty years of experience
as a nurse, an educator, an operations leader, and like

(15:34):
I just told you, an entrepreneur, she brings lived wisdom.
Is nothing like experiences that speaks to experiences. You can't
study this stuff. You can't take these classes and try
to learn what to say to people. That's not how
you get your credentials. It's the lived wisdom and radical

(15:58):
authenticity that you need and that she brings to every
stage she graces, and through her Auntie her A U
N t I E Framework, Auntie Ree, Misterie leads others
from brokenness to wholeness, one truth, one breakthrough, one life

(16:22):
at a time.

Speaker 4 (16:24):
So her mission is.

Speaker 6 (16:24):
Clear to help others heal, rise and love themselves forward.
So with no further ado, I'm going to bring miss
Auntie Reed to this stage to shine her light.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Hey, hello, how are you?

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Can you hear me? Okay? I hear you?

Speaker 4 (16:52):
Wonderfully good? You look good. Lights are good good vibes.
Only I see right there in the back.

Speaker 6 (17:01):
Everything is on points and of course that beautiful smile
and you're shine, you shining, you're blowing.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
I'm tellous of your hair.

Speaker 6 (17:11):
And you know what, everything was intentional today, got the
hair going on for today, got the background change, good vibes.

Speaker 4 (17:17):
It's that mood. It's that mood.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
That's right.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
Yeah, you had to wear her out. You're not actually
cut her all off?

Speaker 1 (17:29):
What's it?

Speaker 4 (17:30):
Two years ago?

Speaker 6 (17:31):
Cut her all off? And I decided to let her
come back. She was named the afro Tony. We don't
have that afrol tone anymore. She just just came back,
full of life, love it, Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 4 (17:42):
How are you doing today?

Speaker 2 (17:44):
I'm doing well. If that intro thank you, thank you?

Speaker 7 (17:47):
I was like, okay, where was she like twenty years
ago when I needed someone to explain me.

Speaker 6 (17:56):
Yes, that's what happens when when people really pay attention
and really go into allowing themselves to let the words
that want to be spoken about somebody be spoken. So
it's not just me just speaking it met you amazing individual,
studied you know your story. But I relinquish all that

(18:19):
and become a can do it for the words that
wants to be spoken about you, and so I enjoy
the words that come out too as I'm listening.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
So yes, absolutely, yes. Is it raining over there?

Speaker 2 (18:32):
Off and on, off and on. It's been raining. It's cold.
I was ready to make me a pot of chili.
I love it. I'm cold natured. So yeah, I was like, Oh,
I was like, it's too cold.

Speaker 6 (18:47):
I need some chili.

Speaker 4 (18:49):
I gotta taste your chilli. I have to taste your chili.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, love to cook.

Speaker 7 (18:54):
I'm a foodie too. That's one thing you maybe didn't
know about me yet, but you'll find out more.

Speaker 6 (18:58):
Oh fody the way to the soul stop it so
all right, So we're gonna get into it. You have
an amazing, amazing story like many of us have, and
I always love and I'm so grateful for this platform.
So it allows me to hear just the different the

(19:20):
different stories, to see the different paintings. The art of
the creator is just so amazing. And I'm so happy
and thrilled to share the stage with you today because
you share the stage, you go on stages and you
speak to people like you said, like I said earlier.
Transformational speaker I mean there's a difference. There's you know, motivation,

(19:43):
there's inspiration, and you can get some of that in both,
but there's there's something about that transformation. And a person
who literally have went through the trenches and has transform
and continued to transform can speak to transformational.

Speaker 4 (20:00):
So I want to go back a little bit. Let's
just talk about re Let's go back and look at
just this whole ideal of just the black sheep. Right,
what does that mean? You came from a very large family.
What does that mean for you? Like, what did that
mean being a black sheep? What that looked like? Is

(20:21):
it rebellion, ambition, being misunderstood?

Speaker 2 (20:24):
What is it?

Speaker 7 (20:25):
So for me, it was misunderstood, definitely. It was you
look rebellious to outsiders, but you're really not, and it's
just misunderstood. You know, goodie to sho, you want to
be better than everybody. You know, you're sneaky, you know,

(20:48):
all the negative things, all the negative things for just
wanting to be yourself. You know, at a young age,
I think maybe four or five, I noticed it. I
grew up in California, started in California with my paternal grandparents,
and so out there in California. You're talking about the seventies.
I was in southern California, North Hollywood, Burdbank, that area,

(21:13):
so it's diverse. So I'm getting along with everyone. I
have African American friends, Mexican friends, white friends, so I
don't really know color at this time. It's just whoever
treats me good, I treat them good. And then I
come back to Pennsylvania, where all of my family is,
and then that's where the name calling.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
That's when the confusion started. And I'm like, but what
did I do?

Speaker 7 (21:40):
You know, I didn't do anything, and I'm just being myself.
I'm just playing and I want to play with the boys.
I want to ride my bike, you know. So it
started at an early age and it was confusion. It
made me change because when I was younger, I was
always laughing and choking. And my grandpa worked at this

(22:03):
movie studios and he would take me to work with
him every day and everybody just loved me. I'd be
taping for commercials. I was taping for a Wonder Break commercial.
Just the center of attention, just the biggest, brightest personality.
And it didn't take long for it to know. I
go back to Pennsylvania with my grandparents. And you're too black,

(22:27):
you're blackie, You're you're too smart, you're sneaky, you want
to be better than everybody you talk to white. So
beginning in my childhood, that's how it looked for me.

Speaker 4 (22:40):
So let's go back.

Speaker 6 (22:40):
So when you get this, because you said California and Pennsylvania,
are you getting this from both in family? Outside family?
Because like you said, as kids you see people outside,
they're one way. Are you getting especially Let's let's be
very transparent. That's what elevation is about. Seak elevation stage.
We know colorism is an issue, right, we.

Speaker 4 (23:02):
Talk about and we raised cane about.

Speaker 6 (23:05):
Racism and stuff, but we know in our families too
and outside colorism is So when you experience in some
of this stuff that you're naming, is this defining the
black sheep in the family as well as outside of
the family.

Speaker 7 (23:18):
So inside the family first in California, like I said,
I didn't really experience racism. Okay, I didn't know the
name for it back then, but of course, as you know,
times change evolved.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Definitely colorism first, Okay, definitely colorism first.

Speaker 7 (23:37):
On my maternal side, most of my family are very
very fair complexion, mixed, fair, complexted. So for me, I'm
already brown skinned, but coming back from California after years,
I was like dark dark, yeah, And so I didn't
know what racism was before I knew what colorism was.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
I just didn't know a name for it. Wow.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
And that's deep right there, what you just said.

Speaker 6 (24:03):
Listen, I didn't even know what racism was before I
knew what colorism was. And even though, like you said,
I know a name for it, that's still the name
for something where a particular race may be oppressing you, right,
Because I think a lot of us use a lot
of words just to use them. Racism is totally different
than prejudice. Racism is something totally different and bigger. But

(24:25):
to the point you're making some of the stuff that
you're saying is a lot of colorism, especially coming from
the family. So what age was this, and how did
you internalize that? How did that affect you? You was
a happy, smiling, like you said, chirpy kid. How did
you internalize that and how did that start affecting your identity?

Speaker 4 (24:44):
At what age? And what happened?

Speaker 7 (24:46):
So it made me start doubting myself when I first
got back, it was a few years. I was still,
you know, participating in stuff in the school place.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Trying out for the number one person in the play
and all of that.

Speaker 7 (25:03):
And they would just continue, continue, and you know, my
grandma would give me all these little phrases to say,
like black their there, very sweeter the juice. You know,
they call me names, Well that's okay, you know, you
tell them this. Or I was really short. That would
be outside of the home, because most me and my

(25:24):
siblings are short. So but outside the house, like you know,
I was short, I get named cauling. And my grandma
would say, well, tell them good things come in small packages.
And so she would just give me little things. And
you know, when I look back, she never made me
fight negative. She would always give me good things to say.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
But then maybe about.

Speaker 7 (25:49):
Maybe nine ten, I didn't see it at the time,
but I see that's where I started withdrawing. Wanting to
be in my room, wanting to just be away from everybody,
not wanting to be seen, because if I go to
school or if I do something, I'm gonna do it right,
but it's gonna be wrong to everybody else. I get
a hundred all my tests, it's gonna be wrong. I

(26:13):
want to be in track is gonna be wrong. Anything
that positive that I wanted to do was bad. And
so I was always a loving person, and so I
would weigh and be like, Okay, do I want to
excel and do good? Like this is my normth this

(26:33):
is what I do. I don't you know, I'm not
doing it to compete with anybody, or do I just
do good? But then don't tell nobody so I don't
get celebrated, because then I don't want everybody to be
mad at me.

Speaker 6 (26:48):
And that's what I was mentioned earlier about that guilt
and what I wanted to hear right here, because this
is early early childhood. You start withdrawing around nine ten.
These are those bricks that's already being laid, right, And
when we talk about entrepreneurship and we talk about you know,
forgeeny's paths, operating in our gifts in any industry, what.

Speaker 4 (27:09):
We forget about are all these brick layers.

Speaker 6 (27:11):
As a brick layer, these different bricks that were laid
that has to be undone that's affecting us and how
we actually operate and move and sharing our gifts. That's huge.
You said, nine and ten, I had to think to myself,
do I excel or should I hold back a little bit?

(27:33):
To be accepted?

Speaker 4 (27:34):
That carries over.

Speaker 6 (27:37):
Everything, Right, do I excel and this thing I'm doing?
Or do I hold back and this thing I'm doing?
And then it becomes second nature. We're not even thinking
about that. You've had that conversation mentally, right, But then
it becomes automatic because you train the mind to do
the thing that you you know told it to do.

Speaker 4 (27:54):
All right, So keep going.

Speaker 6 (27:55):
So nine and ten you start to withdraw, You start
to what did you start seeing at that age? And
let's kind of go up a little bit from high
school when you deciding to withdraw from things?

Speaker 4 (28:05):
Was that making life better for you? Or what were
you feeling?

Speaker 2 (28:12):
It was not? It didn't make it better for me.

Speaker 7 (28:15):
It made me struggle more within because I would do
what I felt like I needed to do to please everybody,
to keep the peace. But then when I'd be by myself,
you lay your head on that pillow, Then I'm beating
myself up, like you knew how to do this.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Why didn't you do it? Why did you hide? Why
are you afraid of what people say?

Speaker 3 (28:37):
So?

Speaker 7 (28:38):
What if they want to don't want to talk to you.
So it was just like a constant, like just mental struggle.
Like I wanted to do it, I had the courage
to do it, but then I chose people over what
I knew I could do and have the courage to do.

Speaker 6 (28:54):
If that makes sense, absolutely it does. So now let's
fast forward. All these things that people are trying to
tell you are a defect to you. That's what they
want you to realize for them, because they can't recognize
or you're just conditioned in the mindset they're conditioned in.
And let's not forget a lot of them have their experiences, right,

(29:17):
so everyone is feeling the residual of somebody else's experience.
But when was it that you started realize realizing that
your difference, whether it's skin tone, being smart, excelling, wasn't
a defect, but this was a part of your destiny.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
I can't really know what it was. I knew I
was different, but I didn't embrace it. So I'd have
to go back to like seven, let's go back.

Speaker 7 (29:48):
Okay, I was living with my grandparents still at the time,
and there was a big church up the street from
the house and back in the seventies, you slept with
the doors open, the windows open, and kids could walk
home from school and have lunch and go back and
just walk downtown, walk uptown.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
And so there was this big church I always wanted
to go in.

Speaker 7 (30:13):
Grandparents didn't take me to church, so I would just
go up there a couple of Sundays and I'd sit
down in the steps. They had stairs that went down
to the basement area, and I was too afraid to
go in, so I would sit on these steps and
I'd listen to the music, and then I'd go home.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
And I never understood, like why do I want to
go in that church? Like what is it about church?

Speaker 7 (30:36):
So it was like I always felt something in me,
but I didn't understand it. And I think that's probably
what kept me from not being rebellious and mean to
people when people were mean to me. It is because
I had that spirit inside of me all along, but

(30:57):
didn't really know.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
It wasn't nurtured.

Speaker 4 (31:01):
Okay, So you had that spirit inside of you, you
can't put your finger on it. And that's what a
lot of us.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Right.

Speaker 6 (31:08):
Someone had posed a question to me a while ago,
was like, what was it that made you do things differently, right,
because we hear all these stories and statistics. If you're
this or that, then this is supposed to be the outcome.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
And what was it that made you do things differently?
You can't really put your hand on it.

Speaker 6 (31:26):
I mean I can say, of course that the general
stuff that we can recognize, right, just being motivated by
my mom, who's a strong single mother. There was times
I became impregnated before I had a scholarship, and then
I became impregnated. I had a forfeit that scholarship, and
then I had to motivate myself that no, I'm not

(31:47):
going to be that statistic. So I know there's things,
but there's something inside of us that you can't quite
put your finger on, that's just in there that you're
trying to latch on to that light to do more,
be different and break through. So I hear what you're
saying when you say you can't really identify, but you
knew something was in there. Okay, So keep fast forwarding

(32:11):
going through these things.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
So fast forward to high school.

Speaker 7 (32:16):
Okay, I get accepted to four major universities and I
don't have any adult support.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
Of course, I'm a first gen.

Speaker 7 (32:28):
Wanting to go to college, graduated high school, and maybe
two weeks before I had my roommate picked out my dorm, everything,
two weeks before I froze and I didn't go.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
I wanted to be a pediatrician from the age of four,
so I knew what I was doing. I knew what
I went to do.

Speaker 7 (32:51):
I was track a track star, ran tracks since eighth grade.
And froze and didn't go.

Speaker 6 (33:00):
Didn't know what to do.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
I had a fear that if I start, how am
I going to finish.

Speaker 7 (33:06):
Who's going to help me, Who's going to give me money?
I don't have money to go. So I did get
a few scholarships and took them and went to the
community college and became a nurse. Wasn't what I wanted
to do, but I wanted to do something because again,

(33:26):
I always wanted to excel. I think when I finally
gave up a little bit is when I got pregnant
with my daughter. People still were not receiving me. People
were still I was still the black sheep. I gave
up on college, and then I have my daughter, and

(33:48):
now I'm struggling. It was unplanned struggling, and I'm now
I'm beating myself at per real this time, and I'm like, Okay,
if you would have went to college, maybe this wouldn't
have happened, or maybe that wouldn't happen. Maybe you wouldn't
have got pregnant, maybe you'd be a doctor, maybe you'd
have money. You know, these same people that didn't put

(34:09):
a gun to my head, but you know, as a
young child, had me afraid to excel, still aren't talking
to me. You still haven't done anything to them. They're
still doing the same thing, so they're not excelling. So
they don't want me to excel. Now I got this baby,
this life I'm responsible for. I'm struggling, and I think

(34:33):
that's when the lights started to come on a little
like okay, like these people are gonna.

Speaker 6 (34:38):
Take you out.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
Right right right.

Speaker 6 (34:48):
So there's a lot of commonality here. You mentioned a
lot of things, and I'm just like overwhelmed just.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
Even hearing it.

Speaker 6 (34:57):
But something I want to go back to, like you said,
and this is something I want us to hear. This
is why I like to have people's journey, because everything
is connected and we just think, oh, I don't know
how to do this, or I don't know how to
handle business, or it's bigger than that. There's these things
that we have to dismantle in order to continue to

(35:18):
be in our greatness. And the one thing that you
said earlier is you procrastinated. I didn't do it because
you was thinking all of the things that was not
going to work. We have fifty to fifteen anything something
that's going to go great or possibly things that don't
go the way that we expect them. But for some
reason we lean towards that fifty percent of things will

(35:40):
possibly go the way.

Speaker 4 (35:43):
That we don't think, and we hold on to that.
That is something that you said.

Speaker 6 (35:49):
You thought, and obviously that was a residual of just
your experience of different things.

Speaker 4 (35:53):
You started training yourself to hold back, as Priestca said,
holding back.

Speaker 6 (35:59):
Being at excellent. Right, you thought to yourself, maybe I
hold back. That training of home back being excellent now
gives our mind the excuses or the validation of why
we should not be excellent. And like you said, you
already were saying things will probably not work out. But
at one point, and this is us when you get

(36:21):
sick and tired of being sick and tied, and you
said they're not gonna take me out.

Speaker 4 (36:25):
We go through cycles of this. You said, I'm not
gonna let them take me out, and then what.

Speaker 7 (36:31):
I went back to the same thing. You know, family
was different back in the seventies. We were family. We
went to grandma's house, we went to great grandmom's house.
Cousin first cousins were brothers and sisters. Brothers and sisters
were first best friends.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
It was different.

Speaker 7 (36:53):
So even though I was thinking that in my head,
it was like, okay, but they're my family. Blood is
theer than water. You know, whatever secrets stay in the house.
You can't be mad at this person if they do
that or oh you know that's what happened to them.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
They're just repeating the cycle. And so I love family.
I was a family person.

Speaker 7 (37:21):
I believed in family, growing up like that and having that,
you know, but times change, things evolved, and so it
was hard.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
It was hard. I went right back.

Speaker 7 (37:35):
I went right back because to me, I waited, Okay,
do I just stay away or do I keep I'm
thinking in my head I'm doing something. So do I
just stay away and say okay, forget them, or now
I'm out here, I don't have any family, But now
you don't have cousins, you don't have siblings, you don't
have aunts, you don't you want to go to the

(37:55):
family cookout, you want to go to the Thanksgiving dinner.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
So I've just I didn't know how to handle the situation.

Speaker 7 (38:06):
Just you know, Okay, Well you'll get a job someday,
or you'll you know, maybe you'll get money one day.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
Do you want to choose.

Speaker 7 (38:13):
Living a good life, which I never saw anyone else do,
or be the family. I didn't have any example to
look at.

Speaker 6 (38:23):
Well what you just said, because you said I never
saw anyone else do. So I'm going to oppose this
question to you. Like you said, you went back with family,
and you named all the things right. I think a
lot of us in a chat, whether you're on YouTube, Facebook,
where you're at, you could chime in on this. Especially
it's not cultural specific, but I can't speak for other
cultures to speak for mine.

Speaker 4 (38:42):
A lot of things that you just named in there.

Speaker 6 (38:44):
Absolutely, you know our mindset is always you know, family first,
family everything, And one thing you said was you know,
secrets everything here, this is just how it is. So
was there a lot of going back or falling back
in line? Was that a lot of guilt that if

(39:06):
you possibly chose a different path than what your family
was expected, or what was expected of family or needed
was was there any guilt in there or was it
just strictly familiarity.

Speaker 7 (39:22):
So for me it was so when I went through
what I went through in my childhood, I think what
it made me do is always take up for the underdog.
So for me in school, because I was smart, I
was back then not to use stereotypes, but back then
I was a nerd. I was in all the smart classes.

(39:44):
I was in all the honor classes. So for me,
and then I was athletic, so I could fit in
with the athletes. I fit in with everybody. But because
of what I went through in my family, it kind of.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Made me intro.

Speaker 7 (40:02):
But then I was still there, so I was confused, Like,
on one hand, I'd be introverted, but on the other hand,
I'd still be wanting to be this bubbly person that
I was, so in order to deal with what I
was going through, it made me want to protect the
kids that wouldn't stand up for themselves.

Speaker 4 (40:20):
And this is in school, You're saying.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
In school.

Speaker 7 (40:23):
And so then as I got older and I had
my daughter. Then I had to start standing up for
my daughter. And that's when I put my foot down.
That's when I said, okay, I dealt with this because
I was twenty twenty one and I said, okay, I
dealt with this. From the age of four. I was like,

(40:43):
I'm breaking this cycle. Like they didn't want to break cycles.
They didn't want to go to high school. They didn't
want to go to college, they didn't want to do this,
they didn't want to do that.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
My daughter will not.

Speaker 7 (40:53):
Deal with people rejecting her because of her hair, and
this is family. I'm speaking up because of her hairs
not straight enough, she's too dark skinned, she's too smart,
she wants to excel in school.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
And so I put my foot down and I left.
I left Pennsylvania.

Speaker 7 (41:17):
Didn't know where I was going. Well, I knew where
I was going, but I didn't know anybody there. So
I had got me a good full time job, was
making decent money. Nursing didn't work out for me. That's
when I really started dealing with the racism a lot.
Was when I graduated nursing school. I graduated the second

(41:39):
in my class out of twenty one nurses. Three point
agpa on the themes list the whole two years.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Okay, yeah, And.

Speaker 7 (41:53):
So I'm at my internship and we get to pick
like three doctor offices we want to be in, and
so I picked my three and I got none of
the three, and they put me with this older white doctor.
Back that was back in eighty seven, eighty eight, eighty eight.

(42:18):
They still didn't want to receive us in doctor offices.
So it was he had older patients and he was
an internal medicine doctor. The patients did not want me
touching them. I could not be in the room without
anybody else. And so that's where it really kicked in
with the racism. And so I'm like, man, I did

(42:40):
all this hard work. I'm like, this is what I
wanted to do. You know, maybe I'll go and finish
to be a doctor.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
And then work. It was hard. It was the struggle.

Speaker 7 (42:52):
And again I was right back to the same thing,
no adults standing up for me, nineteen, trying to fight myself,
trying to figure out how, okay, how do I fight
these people? And then I would back. Then you either
saw the help when it signed on the window, or
you got the newspaper and you interviewed over the phone,

(43:16):
and you actually would get the job and then you
would go in with your credentials and start working.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Well, I would get the job over the.

Speaker 7 (43:23):
Phone and get there and they saw I was black,
and oh, we don't have the job anymore.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
So who am I going to tell? What am I
going to do? I got this baby? Yeah, just a mess,
just a mess.

Speaker 6 (43:41):
No.

Speaker 4 (43:41):
No, Well, listen, and I want us to, you know,
realize something.

Speaker 6 (43:45):
And mind you, when I point out something, it's because
I want us to be victors and to continue to heal.
As a Jamal Roberts song, oh my gosh, he'll he'll heal,
Like I point these things out, because in order for
us to heal and to move forward and to be victors,
we have to stand in truth. You just said, this

(44:05):
was the eighties. A lot of times we're talking about
and people are saying things.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
Was way back.

Speaker 4 (44:11):
We're not dealing with we never dealt with.

Speaker 6 (44:12):
No, these are very recent times of things that people
have dealt with and continue to deal with. And in
order for us to move forward and to be our
best and excellent in whatever we do, we have to
stand in truth.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
So I just wanted to point that out.

Speaker 6 (44:28):
You said, that was just eighty eight What was that
eighty eight eighty eight at your phone interviewing showing up
and was like, ugh, you sounded the par right, but
you don't look the par which was so many laws
you know, being violated.

Speaker 4 (44:45):
Then like you said, who knows, who knows? Who knows
to talk about that?

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Right?

Speaker 4 (44:50):
All these things you're just like, oh, I I showed up.

Speaker 6 (44:53):
Think of how many people possibly let go situations thinking
they had a situation. So now here you are in
your story, continue to build resilience, you go through that.
So how did you continue in your process of you
needed the job at this point?

Speaker 4 (45:07):
You have a kid, a child, right, your daughter?

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yes, well she was on the way.

Speaker 4 (45:11):
Oh she was on the way.

Speaker 6 (45:13):
Now she's even on the way. So what did that
continue to look like in your resiliency? Okay, so you
show up, you don't have no job?

Speaker 4 (45:19):
Now what?

Speaker 6 (45:19):
No one's supporting you? Or should I say didn't know how?
Not giving excuses to anyone? No, hear me out, my listeners,
my viewers. The one thing I learned in my maturity
to as a human being and learning my evolution, I

(45:40):
am where I am now, but I wasn't always that
and I'm not who I'm going to be. I put
that on to other humans because even to the points
you made about your family, all the things, some didn't
want to do this, or some didn't want to do that.
A lot of them probably didn't know to want to
do that, thinking as you broke free from that, but
a lot of them don't know how to support, and
sometime in our guilt because we don't know what to do,

(46:03):
may show up as I'm not here for you because
we don't know what to do. I'm just happy that
you were able to turn that over for your daughter. Okay,
give us some more. You you're about to have a child.
You walk into these jobs, you don't have it. Now
what how are you surviving?

Speaker 2 (46:19):
Just resilience. Don't really know how to explain, just working
little jobs here and there. So I gave. I did
give up on the nursing industry. I did well.

Speaker 7 (46:32):
I did move to California. So I went back to
California with a for a little bit with my grandma,
and I was like, Okay, let me try nursing out there.
And so I went out there. I tried it and
it was good, it was successful. Got out there maybe
two weeks found a job and it was going good.

(46:53):
The doctor loved me. It was in a medical clinic,
and so he had me work in the front office,
and it was in a clinic. They had other offices,
and so they got wind of me. He really loved me,
and they wanted to hire me to be like the
head nurse over the whole medical clinic. And didn't work

(47:17):
again racism this time, and so one of the older
ladies that was there, she had been there forever, and
she wanted the job, and so she just started sabotaging.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
And you know how it is, we don't stick together.

Speaker 7 (47:32):
And I didn't have anybody, you know, out there to
stick with me, and so just to get rid of
the confusion, they didn't give me the position.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
And so I ended up leaving. I was a runner.

Speaker 7 (47:46):
I ran a lot when I got frustrated and I
felt all alone, like I didn't have any help, Like
I knew I wanted to fight, but I didn't know
how to fight. I say, we didn't have computer back then,
we didn't have social media. That you didn't have a
lot of resources. And if you didn't have for me,

(48:08):
I felt if you didn't have adults, like how do
you fight adults, Because now at this time twenty one,
maybe going.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
On twenty two.

Speaker 7 (48:19):
And so ended up going back to Pennsylvania. But when
I went back, I had a plan to just leave
and find somewhere to go and just get away from
it all and just see if I could make it
on my own. So I ended up getting I ended
up getting. Well, let me back up. When I went back,

(48:40):
that was in ninety one, was a quota. The Department
of Labor had sprint hiring African Americans and they had
to hire six of us, and I was one of
the six. And I got this job. It was a
really good job again and just a lot of black sheep,

(49:02):
you know, making good money. I had my college degree.
Now I'm making good money. And so now the hates
turned up even more. And as I'm trying to do
is survive and take care of my daughter. And so
I ended up starting to look on the job board
and pick the place. My husband and I we were together,

(49:24):
we weren't married at the time, so we're just he's
a high school, he's high school. I'm an associate degree.
No reural careers, can't get into nursing. And so I
tell him if you're gone, then you better come on,
because I'm gone. Me and Amber we're going to I'm
going to Virginia and I'm gonna figure this thing out.

(49:46):
Like I'm tired of figuring it out. I'm tired of
all the chaos. I could do bad by myself. We
don't need no family.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
Us three. Let's go, and that's what we did.

Speaker 4 (49:57):
That's good.

Speaker 6 (49:58):
And I don't know if in your journey when you
weren't meeting your financial needs, if you had any type
of financial assistance.

Speaker 4 (50:05):
But if anybody knows back then well I did.

Speaker 6 (50:09):
When I you know, all the things, I was trying
to get it wherever I can get it to make
it happen. I was blessed to be able to use
my legs to give me those scholarships to get into
college and do.

Speaker 4 (50:19):
All the things. But I did, I reached out for assistance.

Speaker 6 (50:23):
And it made me just think about what you just said,
just being with your husband at that time, if you
were even reaching out to get assistance from the government
to help you better.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
Not made too much.

Speaker 7 (50:36):
They said I made too much, and they would go
by your growth. And I might be twenty.

Speaker 6 (50:43):
Dollars old about to say because the make too much
is extremely low poverty. Poverty, yeah, and that's property, and
they'll say you make it too much. It was like,
if I make a dime less, what I mean.

Speaker 4 (50:59):
For me? Because and I did.

Speaker 6 (51:02):
I remember meeting an amazing social worker, and I remember
the story she will always tell me, I see something
great in you. I'm gonna do this for I'm gonna
do something for you because I want you to just
be able to focus on college. But the point I
was making was when I was getting assistance, especially when
it was, you know, in New York.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
That's why I started that.

Speaker 6 (51:22):
I went to the South, which was a whole other experience,
getting that to help me, you know, do the things
I need to do. The one thing you couldn't mention
is that you knew your child father, because I just
it made me think about that when you said you
was with your child's father. It was that dynamic that
was broken up. If you get any type of assistance,
you better.

Speaker 4 (51:42):
Not know your child's father. And if you do know
your child's father, you better.

Speaker 6 (51:44):
Be giving them are giving us their name right so
we can tag them in a system and drain everything.

Speaker 4 (51:52):
So it was just a very challenging way to maneuver.

Speaker 6 (51:55):
But it's good to hear that even in your poverty level,
you was able to be with your daughter, be with
your boyfriend at the time and not have to worry
about that and figure out how to navigate that together. Okay,
so now you fast forward, you say you are here
now with your boyfriend at the time, that husband, your child.

(52:18):
So keep going, bring me along.

Speaker 4 (52:20):
How does that look?

Speaker 2 (52:22):
So just working, working and struggling.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
Working is struggling.

Speaker 7 (52:27):
No, there was more inside of me knowing I wanted
to do more, but I can't go back to school
because we need money to take care of the baby,
and just day by day just struggling, lost cars and
just struggling.

Speaker 6 (52:46):
I was just about to ask you that when did
the homeless homelessness come in place? But before we get there,
I wanted to go back because you said you kept
getting these things like the you know turned down when
you showed up in person, this other person said, abatage whatever.
Then you got an opportunity because of this token situation.

(53:08):
Are those a lot of things that started building up
imposter syndrome in you? Like you went from you knew
you were excellent, you knew you were these things and
you were suppressing it. But now you're experiencing these things
and you have dealt with imposter syndrome. So were these
was it these things like why I don't get opportunity
unless it's part of a system where they have to,

(53:30):
you know, meet a quota, Like where does a posta
syndrome started speaking in for you?

Speaker 7 (53:36):
So for me it started for me, I feel like
it started in my childhood and then outside of the
home it impacted it, yes, because for me and the family,
the impostor syndrome was don't excel because you're going to
be hated, and the outside world in workforce it was

(53:59):
don't sell because you're black and you're not going to
get anything anyway. And so for me it was like
double and I feel like going through all that stuff,
like like you said, with the nursing, with the being
a quota, everything I did wasn't good enough, but like

(54:21):
I would excel, like I would do my best. I
always got promotions. So in my forty years of working,
I never got fired, always got promoted, but I couldn't
make it into upper management. But it didn't stop me
from trying. It didn't stop me from trying to excel

(54:41):
it just there would be that cap. Okay, yes she's smart, Okay, yes,
yes she knows the job. Okay, yes she has good work.
She comes to work every day, but she's not the
face that we want to see for our company. And
I would work at like I worked at SPRINGT, I
worked at you know, like a lot of different major corporations.

Speaker 6 (55:04):
But I couldn't go But so far Mmm, so how
did this now bring me to? How how did this homelessness?
Like at which stage and place did this start to tell?

Speaker 2 (55:18):
The homelessness? The very first time was when we went
to California. The first time, uh my, we went out there.

Speaker 7 (55:28):
We stayed for like two weeks. Like I said, I
got a job right away, so it was like maybe
two between two weeks two a month. And my husband,
well my boyfriend at the time, he was having a
hard time finding work and my grandmother didn't want him
to stay stay there, and he put him out.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
My husband was looking for work.

Speaker 7 (55:51):
We were young, you know, he didn't have any college education,
so he just had to you know, find work. And
it was like he didn't give him no time at all,
put him out, and so I had to go with
him because worth like three thousand miles from home. He
don't have any money, and me and my baby, my

(56:13):
daughter at the time, she probably was maybe five months oh,
and so I left with him and we went to
a hotel.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
I don't really remember all the details.

Speaker 7 (56:28):
But we were probably in the hotel i'd say maybe
for like a week or two until I could get
a paycheck and get an apartment. Okay, that was our
first time, and so it's just been like numerous the times.
Like I said, I was always a runner, so things

(56:51):
weren't going right, and then I want to run back
to So once we were in Georgia, we moved here
once for like a year, and then things weren't going good.
So then I went back and we didn't have anywhere
to go, so we stayed with my mother for a
little bit.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
Other times it was just.

Speaker 7 (57:15):
Not financially struggling, just not being able to afford a place,
going to a hotel, staying in a hotel for a
little bit until we could get another paycheck. So it's
basically living paycheck to paycheck.

Speaker 6 (57:27):
Right, which a lot of people still are. Is that
it still still not new? No, no, yeah, most could
just do it. We just do it, we just do
a little bit better. So it's building resilience though, like
because you're saying you're running, but you're running back to
what you think is a comfort zone. But still when
you get to a situation, it's not that comfortable, right,
You still have to find this resiliency in you. So

(57:50):
I want to fast forward all the way through all
the stuff that you've been going through from childhood to
your adulthood, having a child, realizing that it's not just me,
you know, I have to figure this out for us.
When did you start building that resiliency and what did
that start looking like? When you started seeing that that

(58:11):
change and that you know, I don't want to use
the word consistency, but semi breakthrough to say, I'm on
this path right now where you're tapping into on TV
read that assignment for you.

Speaker 4 (58:24):
How did that start looking like for you? When did
you recognize that?

Speaker 2 (58:28):
So probably back in two thousand.

Speaker 7 (58:36):
Four, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired,
and I decided that I needed to start because I
knew God.

Speaker 2 (58:45):
I believed in God. Like I said, we weren't born
and raised in the church. My daughter was maybe like
eleven at the time, and I was like, Okay, I'm
sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sick
and tired of struggling, Like I want her to see more.
I want better for her.

Speaker 7 (59:02):
And so I started going to church because I always
said if I sent my children into church, I would
go with them. A lot of times my parents would
send us and they wouldn't go with us. We'd have
like neighborhood churches come through and take us. So I
think that's when I went to church. I started really

(59:24):
getting into the Bible, started getting more in touch with
my prayer life, and I think that's where the shift
first started, not the Auntie red but just.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
Just shift, that first shift.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
What was that?

Speaker 4 (59:39):
Explain that? Like what do you mean? Like what did
do you feel the shifting? Did you see something?

Speaker 6 (59:43):
Did you.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
What is the shift for you?

Speaker 6 (59:46):
Like what if you can even put it in words,
what was that shift? Was it something turned on in
your head?

Speaker 2 (59:53):
In my head? Just knowing, Okay, I know there is
a God. I know you know there's a higher power.

Speaker 7 (01:00:00):
I've tried this stuff for a year after year after
year after year after year, and I ain't get it
right yet, Like there has to be a better way.
God has to be up there for something, you know,
and just wanting to get more spiritual knowledge. And so

(01:00:20):
that's where the shift started for me.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
And what did you what do you feel you started
seeing that.

Speaker 6 (01:00:29):
You can now use it to speak to people now
like how did it impact your life then to be
a presence?

Speaker 7 (01:00:38):
Now?

Speaker 4 (01:00:38):
That first shift?

Speaker 7 (01:00:40):
So that first shift, like I said, I just went
all in, was taking Bible classes, praying, just getting more
in touch with my spiritual and.

Speaker 4 (01:00:51):
Did you start seeing things like kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
Intervention?

Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
Just like there we go, that's what I cat.

Speaker 6 (01:01:00):
So you started seeing this divine invention you started seeing
At one point Sharia, I was doing everything and it
just did not seem to work. But then I started
finding this groundedness and this spiritual walk because I just
let it go and I'm sick of tar.

Speaker 4 (01:01:16):
I couldn't do it.

Speaker 6 (01:01:16):
And you started seeing these divine interventions that it had
to be more than you. It had to be bigger
than you for you to now move forward and make
it through the things that you were making it through,
or opportunities landing the way they landed.

Speaker 4 (01:01:28):
Is that correctly?

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (01:01:30):
Absolutely, And I just.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
Went all in and my daughter.

Speaker 7 (01:01:34):
She loved church. We were getting involved in church and
prayer life and just things turning up, and then just
learning how to start looking at money different, you know.
I started getting my credit together, I started saving, I
started knowing, and this time I was probably twenty eight,

(01:02:01):
maybe still on my mid twenties, still still young, and
started saving and just wanted more, you know, And by
this time I'm really beat down. So it's just like
in my head, I'm just doing this for my daughter,
like I could care less about me, like I've done
been through enough, like I don't care. But this child

(01:02:22):
did not ask to be brought here, and I got
to do what I need to do, and so just save,
learned how to save, save money, got my credit together,
bought my first house, and ended up finding out that
I had a calling to be with children. So I

(01:02:42):
was working in the nursery at church, and all the
ladies were like, that's your gift, Like, that's your gift.
Your gift is babies, Like you had that nurturing spirit,
they love you, blah blah blah. And so I went
online and got me a diploma degree early childhood education
and did that for the next fast forward for the

(01:03:06):
next fourteen fifteen years and was really accomplished at it,
ended up getting some other certifications and just started seeing
that shift from there.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
After that kind of fell.

Speaker 4 (01:03:25):
Back with family, but you kind of fell go back.

Speaker 7 (01:03:33):
So in Georgia, when I would want to see them,
I always had to travel home. If I would ask
them to come visit me, they'd be like, you decided
to move way down there, that's your problem, and they
wouldn't want to come visit. So again, just to me
felt like just pushing myself on family, because it was

(01:03:56):
like if I didn't go to visit them, then it
was like they wouldn't care to see me or not.
And they were like, you moved down there, you moved away,
that's on you. Why'd you move way down there? And
so then I started going back into that depression and

(01:04:16):
just wanting to be with family, feeling like I was
missing something, not you know, being a part of family,
or just being tolerated because we were family, like they
always raised us like okay, you have to accept family.
Like blood is thicker than water, so if you want
to see us, you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
Come see us.

Speaker 4 (01:04:37):
And that's funny, you said, a blood is sticking in water.
But it's to your detriment.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
Right.

Speaker 6 (01:04:40):
The blood is blood is blood is sticking than water.
But uh, family is everything. But if you don't come
see me, then oh well we're not gonna see you.
And that's a trauma we deal with too, right, and
that when we think about our family dynamic, it has
a lot to do with our relationships with people in
business and stuff too. We don't realize we tied that

(01:05:02):
stuff in. When we think about how we had to move,
how we you know, was forced to accept certain relationships.
A lot of that has to do with how we
move into relationships outside of us. Either we were close,
we allow people to talk down to us. We accept anything,
you know, we feel like certain titles because remember family

(01:05:23):
is a title, right, We feel like certain titles and
industries or workplaces means I accept these things no matter what,
and I'm the one who will make the concession. All
these things has a lot to do with our mental
state and how we move in general. Our mind doesn't
really know the parts and separate all of it. It

(01:05:45):
just creates an entire experience. So when you start unlearning
a lot of this, what did you have to start
unlearning the most?

Speaker 4 (01:05:56):
If you can identify.

Speaker 6 (01:05:57):
Start unlearning the most in order for you to walk
in your self worth and to fully stand in your
power and something that you can share with people when
you are on the stages.

Speaker 4 (01:06:08):
What did you have to unlearn the most?

Speaker 7 (01:06:10):
Yes, what I had to unlearn the most was that
I don't need other people to validate me, and it's
okay to not be okay. And also what's really really
important that I want young people to know is you
have to just embrace who you are. It starts with truth.

(01:06:31):
A lot of times we know who we are, we
know what we feel on the inside, we know what
our gifts are. But a lot of times again we
let families suppress that in us. We let people outside
the family suppress that in us. And you have to
set boundaries. It doesn't matter who it is.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
And so that's what I had to learn.

Speaker 7 (01:06:53):
That was the hardest thing for me was learning how
to set the boundaries, but not only set them and
force them. Can't give a pass to a mom. You
can't give a pass to dad. You can't give a
past the brother or sister. You know, there's a way
to set the children. Love from a distance. You can

(01:07:14):
right get love from a distance, and so that's what
I had to unlearn, was just standing up for myself,
knowing that, Okay, these boundaries aren't because I'm mad at you.
These boundaries are because I need to protect my peace,
I need to protect my health. You know, stress will
take you out of here. And there was one point

(01:07:37):
in my life where I had I was struggling so
much medically I had and it was all due to stress. Well,
I have high blood pressure, which is hereditary. I had
that since I was nineteen, but there was a period back,
and not too long ago. This was back in twenty seventeen.

(01:07:58):
I was struggling with high blood pressure, obesity, sleep apnea, insomnia,
I had an ovary tumor on my one of my ovaries.
I had a tumor on one of my breasts. This
was all at the same time.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
What else did I have going through pre menopause. That's
a whole nother talk.

Speaker 7 (01:08:27):
And so I was going through all of that, and
all of it was just because I was struggling with
who I really was, wanting to set these up boundaries
but afraid of what the outcome would be. But knowing that, okay,
you're like for in your more mid forties. Now you

(01:08:47):
got to do this now, like you don't have much
time to do this. And so that was the hardest
part because, like I said, if I didn't go visit family,
they weren't gonna come see me. And so when I
started setting these boundaries, I was like, Okay, well I
can't go see them because then they're not going to
take my boundary serious. So I had to unlearn that

(01:09:12):
just don't go to be tolerated because you're going to
be starting all over.

Speaker 3 (01:09:15):
You know.

Speaker 7 (01:09:15):
My daughter was fusting at me, my husband was fusting
at me. Like, you let them people do whatever they
want to do to you, let them walk over you,
let them talk to you any kind of way.

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
You cry, you lose sleep.

Speaker 7 (01:09:27):
You can't make people live the way you want them
to live because you know what, you think it's the
right way to live, you know, especially when it comes
to like abuse and addictions and things like that. I
just was always that person that wanted to see the
best for everybody, even if I'm not doing good, I
want to see somebody do good. And I think that's

(01:09:49):
where that imposter syndrome played a part too, because I
didn't care sometimes if I wasn't doing good?

Speaker 2 (01:09:57):
But can I see somebody do good? I just want
to see somebody do good?

Speaker 4 (01:10:03):
And that b words a big one, boundaries.

Speaker 6 (01:10:08):
But you see how you even said when you decided,
and even though you knew in your heart of hearts
that it was time for those boundaries, you had a
question said, Okay, what would happen when I do this?
That's that same ten year old who said what will
happened when I show up excellent? Rather put what is
a result of me showing up in my excellence? Now
you're in your forties, what is the result of me,

(01:10:29):
you know, laying down these boundaries, which is excellence? So
what I want is to hear, and I'm sure you
share this on the stage, is well, we're trying to
undo a lot of things right now. We look so
surface level. We listen to all the books, audio books,
read all the books, here, all the talks, but we

(01:10:51):
have to go all the way back to see how
is everything tied to the now? And that's the first
thing I heard when you said you realize in your
forties about boundaries. The first thing you thought about what's
going to be the result of this was the same
ten year old what's going to be the result if
I show up doing the thing that I'm supposed to do.

(01:11:14):
So that divine intervention you had and correct me if
I'm incorrect. What I'm hearing too is that that was
the first shift. But when you had this divine intervention,
you started making these changes and standing ten toes down
on things, right, because we can't just you just decide
I'm just going to unlearn something. It's something that was
nudging you to unlearn something, to learn about money, to

(01:11:37):
do these things.

Speaker 4 (01:11:38):
Was that a part of this knowingness that was beyond
your knowingness of why you're just moving that way?

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
It was?

Speaker 7 (01:11:48):
It was just the Holy Spirit becoming a prayer warrior
and just having that fasting and just having that one
on one relationship with God. My faith just unmovable. That's
where it started. That's what helped me. And then just
trying to be obedient to the spirit, because we always say, oh, something.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
Told me, No, then some tell you God told you.
This Holy Spirit told you.

Speaker 7 (01:12:18):
And so twenty twenty one is when I kept feeling
that nudge and I kept hearing to get professional help
that it's okay to not be okay, and you know
a lot of times people well if you believe in God,
then why you got to go to therapy? And it's
so taboo in our community. And so I decided to go.

(01:12:40):
I never went before, but I'm like, okay, I dodnet,
tried everything else, and now I hear God telling.

Speaker 2 (01:12:48):
Me to do this, and so this is what I'm
going to do. And so I did. And it took
a minute.

Speaker 7 (01:12:55):
And I just love speaking about mental health too because
I want people to know. So if you're thinking about
trying it, just try, like it's not taboo. Like it
may take you a few times, because it took me.
I don't know, maybe for a therapists to find the
right match. But I didn't quit. And I think that's

(01:13:19):
the one thing about me is the biggest is my resilience.
No matter what I've been through in my life. No
matter what what I go through, I get knocked down,
I'm getting back up. I can't stay down down. I
have to get back up. So doing therapy, and once
I started it, I just had my mind made up okay,

(01:13:40):
like this is it. And I was in three three years,
like working it like it was a full time job, like.

Speaker 2 (01:13:50):
It was paying me and so that was my second shift.
And so that's where I am right now. And so
I'm like the poster child for mental health.

Speaker 7 (01:14:03):
That's why I decided to be a public speaker, not
because I want to run up on stages, because I'm
still introverted. But I want to see unity in our people.
I want to see love in our people. I want
to see community in our people. I want to see
us just come together more. I may not be here

(01:14:24):
to see it, but if I can do for one person,
that's good for me, Like I know, I'll hear God say,
you know, job well done, my good and faithful servant,
Like this is one of the things that I is
on my boocket list.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
For lack of a better way to explain it.

Speaker 7 (01:14:46):
You know, I'm in the process of getting ready to
publish my third book. And when I wrote the first book,
it was God. It was all God orchestrated. I heard
him say, write this book was about how I discovered
my purpose when I first got into the early childhood.

Speaker 2 (01:15:05):
And I told God, I said, because my relationship.

Speaker 7 (01:15:09):
I'm like, he's sitting right here in this chair next
to me, and I'm like, God, if I write this book,
I hear you telling me to write this book. If
I write this book, I'm selling one book and then
I'm done. Because I always was introverted and wanted to
be behind the scenes and didn't really care to be
out in the forefront. That might have came from the

(01:15:31):
imposter syndrome and the things that I went through. But
and so I ended up selling two hundred of that book.
Didn't really promote it like that, made it to three
different countries. It's on Amazon, and I'm not trying to
do a sales commercial.

Speaker 4 (01:15:52):
No, but this is not, first of all, said the
name of the book. Don't even yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:16:00):
Excitement.

Speaker 7 (01:16:00):
I talk about the young people because that's why I
go by Auntie Reid, because before I leave this earth,
Auntie Reid is going to save some nieces and nephews.

Speaker 6 (01:16:09):
Absolutely, no, you and you speak what you have out
there that came through you, And don't worry about if
someone think is to sell or not. Whatever supposed to
land on someone's supposed to land on somewhere never cuts
that off.

Speaker 4 (01:16:22):
But first of all, what is the name of the book.

Speaker 2 (01:16:24):
The Journey to Discovering and Living on Purpose.

Speaker 6 (01:16:27):
The Journey to Discovery and Living on Purpose, and that's
available on Amazon.

Speaker 2 (01:16:31):
That's available on Amazon.

Speaker 6 (01:16:33):
Okay, yes, no, the reason why you are led to
do those things is because it's supposed to get out
to who was supposed to get out to, who was
called to that thing.

Speaker 4 (01:16:44):
And like I said, change doesn't happen in silence.

Speaker 6 (01:16:46):
So you speak on those things that's supposed to happen,
and we don't discount them. And the most high is
not just beside us, within us, all around us and everywhere.

Speaker 4 (01:16:59):
So yeah, you moved to do that. I can't wait
to know what the you know.

Speaker 7 (01:17:02):
The next second book, The second book came out last April. Okay,
that one came out of my mental health journey. I
would say that was my true healing. I'm still being
healed because we all go through stuff.

Speaker 6 (01:17:17):
As long as we're living, we're gonna go through a
healing journey. It doesn't start, we stopped, it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Just continues to shift.

Speaker 7 (01:17:23):
And so that second book came out of that, and
that one is like part of my baby for mental
health awareness, and that one is called Healing Mother Wounds.
A journey of self, journey of self love and transformation.

Speaker 4 (01:17:43):
I love that and that's important. A journey of self.

Speaker 6 (01:17:46):
Love and transpasformation because like you said, I know you're
here to help, assist or guide, you know, the people
in love, unity and community, but you're also here to
assist individuals. We first have to find the love, unity,
and community within within ourselves. We have, you know, the physical,

(01:18:07):
the mental, the spiritual, the emotional.

Speaker 4 (01:18:11):
That is a community.

Speaker 6 (01:18:12):
We have different parts of ourselves and all of ourselves
may not even be aligned and moved in different ways.

Speaker 4 (01:18:18):
We're not in unity this community that we have, and
some of ourselves love ourselves and hate ourselves.

Speaker 6 (01:18:25):
So we start that love community, unity within us, and
transformational stories like yours brings that. So it's not just
about changing one person in the world. It's changing that
one person in their world. What is it to be
of the world, gain everything outside and not this world? Right,

(01:18:45):
So that's where that's where it starts at. And that's
one thing that you know compelled me to you. I'm
very intentional about the people I bring on a stage
because I am, you know, in my evolution, very line,
very intuitive and willing and receptive. And this is one

(01:19:06):
thing I know your story and there's even so much
more to it, I feel it, So continue to definitely
Grace the stages extrovert, introvert. We had a conversation about
this one of the other shows. We're all a little
bit of both, some just have predominant of the other.
But when you move on that stage, that's not just

(01:19:27):
they call you Auntie re. That's free read the conduit
to vessel. What's coming out of you, believe me is
all extra.

Speaker 4 (01:19:38):
Vert for everyone.

Speaker 6 (01:19:39):
So, but what advice would you give or do you
give individuals who do feel, you know, like outcast, whether
it's in their family or in the community. Like, what
are some advice you can give from your mental health journey?
What are some things that you you have to get
personal about what you talked about can you give in

(01:20:01):
general that you pulled from there?

Speaker 2 (01:20:04):
So let me share my framework that leave them.

Speaker 7 (01:20:09):
So it's Auntie, it's the A. So I write it
out A period you, period and period T, period I,
period E. Period it's Auntie and the A is acknowledged.
Acknowledge your feelings, uncover your truth, nurture your spirit, trust
the process, inspire and empower And that's basically what I did,

(01:20:34):
and so I turned it into a framework. I'm in
the process of creating a workshop now so that I
can teach that, and so I would just leave people
with like I said, you just have to know it's
okay to not be okay and talk talk to someone.

Speaker 2 (01:20:55):
Journal we have to start somewhere. We have to start
some where.

Speaker 7 (01:21:00):
I decided that I was going to do, and of
course it might come more, but for my mental health,
I decided my birthdays in April, and so I finished
my last therapy session April twenty twenty four, and so
my birthday was coming this year, and I said, I'm
going to do a mental health check in every year
if nothing's going on. Because I do my body annual physical, so.

Speaker 4 (01:21:25):
Why can't I do myne absolutely mental check in?

Speaker 7 (01:21:28):
And so I made an appointment and I told my therapist,
I said, I'm doing an annual check in, and she said,
it's funny you said that. And I was telling her
what my thoughts were, and she said, it's funny you
said that, she said, because I was just talking to
a doctor about that, and they said that they should
make guidelines with the health insurance companies where we get

(01:21:52):
a dental exam every year, we get a vision exam
every year, we get a body exam every year. But
there's no reckor mandation for a mental exam every year.
And she was like, that's really good. She was like,
I'm so proud of you. I was like, yeah, I said,
I got to keep this thing in order because it's
good right.

Speaker 6 (01:22:11):
Now, so you know, but no, I love that because,
like you said, you're dismantling things that are taboo and
the most high however you go by God, yes, you allah,
whatever it is is through all of us, right.

Speaker 1 (01:22:28):
And so.

Speaker 6 (01:22:30):
In order for those vines, those those branches to work
from the grape vine in the different avenues, you have
to go and sit there.

Speaker 4 (01:22:40):
Therapist is there too as well.

Speaker 6 (01:22:42):
And like to the point, like you brought up something
important though, find the right fit for you because you
don't know what may be working through different people.

Speaker 4 (01:22:49):
Find the right one for you.

Speaker 6 (01:22:50):
And also, I'm gonna ask you this kind of be
prepared because I've seen this before. Sometimes we didn't do
enough of the prep work for that. And you can
sit somewhere and actually open up a portal of more
grief and trauma and not really know how to deal

(01:23:12):
with that. What did you do or did you need
to do anything before? I know you was going through
different therapists before you landed on the one you chose.
But was there anything that you need to do before
you open up those floodgates and didn't really know what
to do with that?

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
Oh yeah, definitely consult with God.

Speaker 4 (01:23:31):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:23:32):
I don't do nothing without consulting with you.

Speaker 4 (01:23:35):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:23:35):
It could be the smallest things.

Speaker 7 (01:23:37):
And because I've experienced so much with my clarity, I
fast on a regular basis. I do corporate fast with
the church sometimes, but I do my own fast.

Speaker 2 (01:23:51):
I do my own prayer. I don't. I don't let
a lot of people pray for me. I have a
circle of prayer warriors. Yes, now I pray. I mean
if somebody want me to pray for them, I pray
for them.

Speaker 4 (01:24:05):
But you're speaking it.

Speaker 6 (01:24:12):
We have to very careful that, like I said, we
can do it. Let's not get up here and pretend.
Like I said on Seek Elevation stage, we challenge the
status call and we're very transparent. It's truth in its life.
Let's not pretend we can be can do it for
one thing or another. So be careful of you know

(01:24:33):
who you give permission to. I do not believe anything
can just happen to you but you give permission first.
And a lot of times we give you permission to
things that we don't even know what we're giving permission to.

Speaker 4 (01:24:43):
So that's why.

Speaker 6 (01:24:45):
Yeah, so we have to be very aligned to pay
attention to that. That's why I said even in the
therapist thing. Whoever you do, whatever you're doing, be in
alignment first. Do the prep work first. Then you follow
your inside. It will never fail you because it's in you,
is definitely and you.

Speaker 4 (01:25:01):
I can't wait. So what's the third book? So you
mentioned two and you said it's a third one coming out?

Speaker 2 (01:25:05):
Yeah, so you so you all will be the first
to know, because I haven't call it miss out. So
the third book in his Voices.

Speaker 7 (01:25:19):
In my Head, God in my Heart, A journey of identity,
faith and freedom. Beautiful and as this one is the
New York Times bestseller. This one, this one is the
one dead nieces and nephews, they gonna be knocking down

(01:25:41):
the door.

Speaker 2 (01:25:41):
They gonna be Auntie, can you can you help us? Auntie?

Speaker 7 (01:25:46):
Like I'm so, I'm so excited in my whole introverted
state of being.

Speaker 4 (01:25:54):
I love it. And guess what now you spoke it
like you said, you share to us.

Speaker 6 (01:25:58):
You spoke it, you're accountable on it, and it's going
to you spoke life into it words speaking. That's why
I love being a transformational speaker. That's why I love
having my platform. Out of all the things that I do,
I love things like this because the words, the words
are life.

Speaker 4 (01:26:16):
In the beginning was the word, the words. That's where
everything was created from the words words.

Speaker 6 (01:26:22):
And so you just spoke life into that. Not just
a best selling New York but you are going to
save lives. You're going to heal people. You're going to
speak to souls, You're going to inspire people. You're going
to waken people up for them to continue to walk
in their journey. You're going to connect with people for
them to see it ain't just me. It's not an

(01:26:43):
isolated situation. And this is why it's important for us
to share. Yes, I bring people on here to tell
us the how to's, write how to do this, how
to do that, but it's important to hear journeys.

Speaker 4 (01:26:53):
It's really important to hear journeys. This is what's moved
in me because all the.

Speaker 6 (01:26:59):
How two's and abcds, there's a disconnect. You can't even
hear all that if you feel like I'm not good
enough or am I even worthy enough to do this?

Speaker 4 (01:27:10):
Am I there? You need to hear people journey. You
know that we all have a story.

Speaker 6 (01:27:16):
You're worthy enough, and you're using your story in order
to find a rediscover not fine because it's not lost,
rediscover that worthiness that's already in us.

Speaker 2 (01:27:25):
I have it.

Speaker 4 (01:27:26):
So that's why I brought you on to thank you
so much. I appreciate it sharing your journey. I look
forward to the third book. We'll definitely go look for
those first two books.

Speaker 6 (01:27:37):
Will give books as gifts when I find things we
want to give people that's going to help us be
our best version of ourselves. I look forward to the
stages you want anyone that's listening, if you want to
hear someone actually speak to I don't care if it's
in the boardroom, the classroom, the whatever room, to inspire

(01:27:58):
and to uplift from a lived experience. Also, you say
you do workshops, so not just about transformational speaking, but
you do these workshops with the framework.

Speaker 4 (01:28:06):
Correct, right, I'm getting it together now, but I am
right now on.

Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
One on one coaching.

Speaker 4 (01:28:11):
There you go, so one on one coaching.

Speaker 2 (01:28:13):
I'm doing that now but the workshop is in the making,
is coming.

Speaker 6 (01:28:17):
All right, So connect because we as entrepreneurs, as athletes,
as community leaders, whatever it is, as human beings, we
need to connect with those individuals that have lived experiences.
And it will absolutely go deeper, for sure, right than
any type of stage interview.

Speaker 4 (01:28:38):
So make sure.

Speaker 7 (01:28:39):
And I wanted to say too quick because it was
you said it. So it was my confirmation because anybody
that stayed on the call, I did want to gift them,
but I didn't know if you would be okay with
me gifting.

Speaker 4 (01:28:54):
First of all, you are, first of all, use one
word gift.

Speaker 2 (01:29:00):
You're my sister.

Speaker 7 (01:29:00):
Because I was gonna say at the end of the call,
if they go to my website and fill out my
contact form that they can have a T shirt or my.

Speaker 4 (01:29:11):
Second share your website. What is the website.

Speaker 7 (01:29:14):
It's coach with Auntie www dot coach with Anti red
dot com, all right, and I have a contactform on there,
and if they fail out that form, I want to
give them a T shirt or a book, whatever they choose.

Speaker 4 (01:29:30):
Absolutely, and of course I will never have a problem
with that.

Speaker 6 (01:29:33):
That is the purpose of my platform for those who
are listening is again not to just speak at you,
to you, but to speak with you and to grow together.

Speaker 4 (01:29:47):
We have to start doing the things that are actionable
in order for us to move.

Speaker 6 (01:29:52):
If you just want to hear people talk, there's plenty
of other platforms. You can hear them talk. That's fine.

Speaker 4 (01:29:57):
When you want to have.

Speaker 6 (01:29:59):
Action and real con that is what this Seek Elevation
platform is called to do. I want real connection, Like,
what are the tangibles? What are the actions? Faith without
works is dead, So what are the connections? Don't just
get the stuff? Connect with Red? Where can they connect
with you? Connect with each other? You have to build
community with like minded people in order for us to excel,

(01:30:22):
to elevate.

Speaker 4 (01:30:23):
Where can they reach you?

Speaker 7 (01:30:24):
Yes, so it's real easy. So my Instagram, my YouTube
and my TikTok or I am Auntie Red and then
my Facebook is re Randolph Dunham. And then my website
again is www dot coach with Anti red dot com.

Speaker 6 (01:30:48):
There you go, link with each other. I don't believe
in just the you follow me. No, we connect, build
a community because that's energy. All of us are releasing energy.
And the more that you start shifting to a pot
full of energy of the direction that you are called
to go. The quicker and most potent way of getting

(01:31:13):
there is doing that. So all right, So if you
ever question your path because either no one in your
family has walked it, anybody that's around you, just remember this.
Please remember this. You're not lost, You're leading, and I'm

(01:31:34):
speaking from experience and everybody, And let us not convict
or condemn anyone that we thought didn't did do Everyone
was learning something from experience at their time in our newness.
Let us be grateful for where we're at. Say prayers
for everybody else that didn't know better. And you're not

(01:31:58):
the black sheep, You're the blueprint, You're the story.

Speaker 4 (01:32:03):
It's proof. You are proof.

Speaker 6 (01:32:06):
I should say that legacy starts where tradition ends. So
with that said, that is a wrap for another segment
of Seek Elevation. Thank you so much for tuning in
and engaging and Adam, you definitely added value to this
powerful conversation. Go back and re listen to hear the

(01:32:27):
books that Auntie we have and also the ways to
connect with each other.

Speaker 4 (01:32:34):
And until next time, peace and progress. Thank you, thank you,
thank you,