December 11, 2025 • 53 mins
How should we react when a partner is unable to maintain an erection?
This episode of Sex Is Medicine answers listeners' questions about:
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With Love,
Devi and Alaina
This episode of Sex Is Medicine answers listeners' questions about:
- Navigating psychosomatic ED as a couple
- The impact of aging on sex and the best remedies for addressing vaginal dryness, thinning tissues, and low libido
- Are Throatgasms a thing?
- How to find your pelvic floor muscles
- The use of fantasy to recover from porn addiction
Thank you for listening to Sex Is Medicine! We appreciate YOU! :-)
Please make sure you LIKE + SUBSCRIBE to Sex Is Medicine REBOOT! And please leave us a comment... we love to hear your thoughts!
Do you have a question you want answered on air? We are delighted to answer!
Send your questions to Questions@holisticsexologyinstitute.com
Learn more about our work at HolisticSexologyInstitute.com
Find out more about our government-accredited Holistic Sexology Certification Program.
See you next week!
With Love,
Devi and Alaina
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Davy Ward Ericson and I'm Elena Salks, and you.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Are listening to Sex is Medicine, your number one resource
for holistic sex education. Elena and I are bringing you
over twenty seven years of combined expertise in the field
of holistic sexual wellness to help you integrate your body, mind, spirit,
and sex.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
New episodes drop every Thursday morning, so make sure to
like and subscribe on all your favorite listening platforms, and
make sure you follow Holistic Sexology Institute on Instagram, TikTok,
and YouTube for your daily dose on Sex is Medicine.
Now let's get started.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome back to Sex is Medicine, your favorite podcast for
sexual rebels and spiritual warriors. I am your host, Davey
word Ericson here with my lovely co host, Elena Salks Woo,
and we are honored and grateful and delighted to have
you here with us. Once again. I want to shout out,
(01:03):
like I do every episode, our gratitude and appreciation for
all of you who listen, and thank you so much
for your comments, your questions, and your feedback. It is
nourishing to both of our spirits so much. Truly, truly, truly,
so much so, so please keep it coming. We love
to hear from you. We love your questions, love your questions,
(01:25):
and today this episode is going to be all about
answering your questions, so please keep them coming. And this
is one of the last episodes for season one of
Sexist Medicine. There will be a season two, so don't despair.
There will be a season two launching in February of
twenty twenty six, so make sure that you are signed
up for our mailing list at Holistic Sexologyinstitute dot com
(01:46):
to make sure that you are in the know of
when season two is going to launch and that you
don't miss any of these juicy, juicy, enriching episodes. And
again this week we are going to be answering your
questions that you have sent us. And Okay, so here
we go without further ado, Atlanta, take.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
It okay, So our first question, my boyfriend and I
have been together for almost two years. We have been
sexual with each other, but have not actually had sex.
I'm assuming penetrative sex. He is fifty five, I am
fifty two, he said. In the last fourteen years since
his divorce, he's not been able to have vaginal intercourse
(02:28):
with anyone, he loses his direction as soon as he penetrates.
He is able to maintain an erection during play and blowjobs,
and does have orgasms. We just can't make love, he said.
His ex wife said something to him at the end
of their marriage, and he's been traumatized since and not
able to make love to a woman he wants to
(02:48):
heal and I would love to be able to make
love with him, but we're not sure where to start.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I mean, yeah, sister, I hear that. I hear that
that is the most like obvious case of psychological erectile
dysfunction that I have that we've heard of in a while.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, it is so for those of you listening. Erectile
dysfunction can have a number of different causes. So some
of those are our physical issues. These can be actual
medical issues like cardiovascular issues or some other kinds of
diseases can impact your ability to have in an erection.
But these can also be uh, you know, issues related
(03:30):
to trauma, numbness, you know, somatic pain that might be
living in the genitals preventing an erection, and it can
also be psychological pain. Right, So different factors like trauma, abuse,
neglect can all contribute to erectile dysfunction as well. So,
as Davey said, this is a very a clear picture
(03:53):
of someone who was able to have erections, had a
traumatic emotional experience, and now can not have erections any longer.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
And so something to always keep in mind about trauma
is there's emotional psychological impact of trauma. There's a somatic
impact of trauma, that energy, that unprocessed trauma response lives
in the body and the nervous system. And then there's
(04:24):
also an energy body impact of trauma. So we have
all of those things going on at the same time.
We have the energy body impact, we have the somatic impact,
and then we have the psychological and emotional impact. And
so hearing this story from you, a I want to say, like,
how beautiful it is that you are finding ways to
(04:47):
connect around this issue. It's it's beautiful and a testament
to your love and commitment to one another. Definitely, in
terms of the emotional psychological there's some processing to do there.
So it brings it makes me curious, like, is there
is he going through into counseling, Has there been any
like you know, therapy, talk, therapy, kind of thing going
(05:09):
on to talk through and process the emotions around his
divorce and around that you know, traumatic event, and then
the other thing that's coming to me. And this is
coming from my personal experience because one of my partners
had something very similar. One of my male partners had
something very similar where we were able to begin making love,
(05:30):
We were able to begin the penetration, but just a
few minutes into it, he would lose his erection because
of his past trauma. Right, So at the time we
didn't know like why. I was just like, why why
are you losing your erection two minutes in the tank? Yo? Like,
and you know, and I had all the like the
the women stuff like, oh he doesn't like my yoni
(05:51):
and oh, you know, like like I thought it was
about me. But I'm luckily this was like this was
like a decade ago, but I was I was a
tadtra educator at the time, so luckily I was not
overwhelmed with my own you know, insecurities, and I was
able to kind of like you know, go into teacher
mode for a minute and assess the situation and realize, Okay,
so this happens, this has been happening consistently and it
(06:14):
happens around this time, and my you know, we've been
kind of just fucking through it, right, we'd just been
kind of like pretending, you know, like okay, let's just
pretend and you know, whatever in this erection would eventually
come back. But we were bypassing the trauma. We were
bypassing his body's obvious indication that something was arising. And
so because of my training, I was able to encourage
(06:36):
us the next time it occurred to pause there, to pause, pause,
and then invited him to feel into his body and
see what is arising. Because initially, when this thing when
the when when a man loses his erection, the first
(06:57):
thing that usually happens for both of us as partners,
I'm like, oh my pussy's whack. I'm like my own
and he's like, oh shit, I'm not mad enough. Right,
So the first thing that arises is our own anxiety,
our own trauma, you know, our own wounding and trauma responses.
But if we can pause there and not try and
push them away and override them, but embrace them as
(07:18):
an invitation from our bodies to look deeper, we can
work together as a team to dissolve this block to
bliss and restore the full capacity for pleasure. And that's
exactly what we did. So we paused and I shared
with him, you know, I disclosed him like, hey, this
is what I think is going on. Let's work together
(07:38):
with this. Breathed into his body and just like focused
on where he felt tension in his body, breathed into
it and let the story of the body manifest. Let
your body, let his body tell it story. And there
was tears and there was crying, and there was talk,
and and we did this re repeatedly through several consecutive sessions.
(08:03):
So it wasn't like a one and done and maybe
it will be for you, pray it is. But this
was over several sessions. But we just simply took his
body's response as the invitation that it was to inquire
more deeply into what his needs were, the needs of
his heart, the needs of his spirit, the needs of
(08:24):
his body. Because the beautiful thing about men is your
wonderful Lingham can be an antenna, right, It's like it's
like an energy. It can give energy and it can
absorb energy, right, and it also lets you know, like
whoa things are going great or whoop, there's a hitch
in the gidi up, right, So y'all have a hitch
(08:44):
in the gidiup. And the best thing to do is
exactly what you've been doing, approaching it with kindness, approaching
it with compassion, approaching it with intention and attention. And
I would just invite you, you know, like as a strategy,
Like it sounds like if he's able to have blow jay,
he's able to achieve erection. It's just when he penetrates you,
(09:07):
his erection goes away. So let's get that penetration happening.
Let's get that penis in the vagina, because the vagina
is medicine. Your vagina is medicine. And so I would
invite you to penetrate and just hold there, like maybe,
you know, move a little bit, trust your bodies, move
a little bit. But when he goes completely flaccid, stay there,
look into each other's eyes, breathe together, put both of
(09:31):
your attention on your heart center, and feel the exchange
of love between your hearts. Girl, I guarantee you, I
guarantee you that whatever that block is, it's going to
begin to dissolve. I bet it already has started to dissolve,
but it will fulfill its dissolution phase with the loving
attention and presence that you give it together in partnership.
(09:56):
So that would be my coaching and advice. Let that penan,
get that penetry and just hang out there and then breathe, connect,
make eye contact signal to your ventral vagel pathway that
it's safe to be here, because that sounds like a
vagel block in that dorsal vagel pathway to lose the
erection like that. It sounds well, that's I'm guessing. I
(10:18):
can't assess exactly where it is, but based on my expertise,
it sounds like walking the vendor of the dorsal veagel pathway. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, stress and like a high sympathetic response causes D
two messence of the penis. So if you're really stressed,
you'll get flasted right away.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
So you're right, yeah, yep, beautiful, beautiful. So what you
want to do is activate or engage the ventral vagel pathway.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, google it AI.
Google will let you know all the stuff. So you
want to activate that ventral vagel pathway because that signals
to the body mind spirit that it's safe here. That's
like your autonomic nervous system saying hey, it's safe to play.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, and when that's beautiful, Davy. And also when you're
in those sessions, I really encourage you to set the
intentions for the sessions before you begin, that the goal
of the session is not for you to have this
like long sustained penetrative sex, but that the goal is
to just you know, play, get an erection. If you
(11:15):
have an erection, to try penetration, but then that that
that once you have that penetration, the goal is just
to be with your emotions, like Davy was talking about,
but kind of like frame that for him ahead of time,
I think is what's really important, so that he takes
the stress of having to be hard through the penetration
(11:36):
off the table, because that's not really what you're there for.
You're there to see what arises when this when this
reaction comes up where he becomes flascted.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yep. The goal is connection. Yeah, that's the goal. And
how whatever that connection wants to look like hard penis,
soft penis, no penis, however that connection wants to happen. Yeah,
that's the goal is for you all to connect.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, and I would also if you if you aren't
communicating a lot when you're when you're experiencing pleasure together
or when you're having sex, I would also really focus
on like upping your communication during sexual experiences so you
start getting more comfortable with talking about your internal experiences
while you're having sex in a way that feels you know,
some people can, they can feel awkward for them, right,
(12:23):
So it's an important part of being able to move
through blocks is being able to communicate blocks. So you
have to establish that with your partner.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Too, exactly. And so when we say sex, we mean
any sexual activity, not just PIV. So that means while
you are lavishing your your partner's lingham and and worshiping
the coc K, have him talk to you about what
he likes. Have him express those words brit. Make Mike
sound moan and say yes, that feels so good. So
(12:53):
Mega invite him what I want to say here, have
the the create the spatial invitation, meaning creating safe space
for him to speak his pleasure into. And same same
for you. So I think that we don't communicate with
words enough about what feels good and what we like
and like you know, Chure in our partner on Go
(13:13):
Go Go. That feels good, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, and we definitely don't talk about what's coming up
for us.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
U must we learned too, Yeah, well, we're taught to.
It means that there's something wrong and we're taught to
bypass it because you know, the goal is orgasm. The
goal is epic orgasms. That's the goal. And when you
make epic orgasms your goal, then you want to push
away anything that doesn't seem to be leading you to
that path. Meanwhile, epic orgasms happen when you're not trying
for them. That happens when you're not looking for them
most often.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
So yeah, yeah, and I don't know about you, Davy,
this is probably true, but like the best sexual experiences
of my life have not been linear to orgasm, right,
Like they're like great sex hit a block, yep, have
to deal with.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
The block, great sex hit another block, have to deal
with it, cry, take a break, go back to it,
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, mister Toad's wild ride to know we're in particular,
that's yeah, and that's the beauty, like you know, again
coming from the from the perspective of Tentra, the goal
is connection and connection through this specific pleasure. And so
when we make connection the goal, it takes so much
pressure off because then you're just like down for whatever.
You know, it's like, oh, okay, so we're having orgasms
(14:21):
now we're oh okay, so we're crying now, Like it's
just it's a it's an adventure, weekly bedroom adventure.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
And if and if those if you try those things
that we've talked about and you're not getting anywhere with them,
then I'd really highly recommend you work with a coach
when it comes to especially a rectile dysfunction. Since there
is such a psychological component to it, it can be
really really helpful to have the support of a somatic
sexual healer. Our graduates are all very well trained when
(14:56):
it comes to protocols around a rectile dysfunction, So each
not to any of our people and getting some coaching
is also a really great idea. If this doesn't work for.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
You, yes, yeah, I can never never underestimate the power
of a good coach. Yeah for sexual excellence. All right,
So our next question is about the impact of aging
on out for pardon me, for women and people with
vaginas the impact of aging and vaginal dryness and thinning tissues.
(15:31):
And you know, is it true that for many people
with Yoni's the attitude, the frequency, technique, technique, lubrication, all
of these things that happen as we age, Like, is
it true that you know, holistic sexology TNTRA can help
with this, like basically, like what is your experience with
sex and aging? So I'm gonna tell you what my
(15:52):
experience is with sex and aging because I started this
little TNTRA journey when I was thirty three, and so
my body has been through some changes. I'm now fifty one.
I don't believe in agism, so I'm proud of my
age and I look good. So I'm aging naturally in
Costa Rica. That's what I'm doing. So so I'll tell
you a little bit about my journey and what I
(16:13):
found really helped is absolutely Yoni yoga, y'all, Yoni yoga,
jade egg which whichever program you're doing, we call it
Yoni yoga when you're using the crystal uh and doing
public floor exercises. Other people call it jade egg training
what whatever you want to call it, but it is
the practice of working specifically with natural stone in your
(16:39):
vagina and doing muscular contractions in your vagina, And I
want to explain a little bit about why not just
your vagina, but your public floor, right, But I want
to explain a little bit about why we we recommend
natural stone, because there are some experts out there who
I really respect who do not recommend natural stone, and
I think that that is that's misplaced, That caution is
(17:01):
misplaced because you can put glass in your vagina and
steal in your vagina. Why wouldn't you be able to
put a stone that has a hard that's as hard
as glass in your vagina. So the reason that we
recommend stone, and there's specific stones that we recommend, So
(17:21):
the ones that are that are actually come from the
Daoist tradition and that we've worked with personally and do
recommend are jade, So real jade, not fake jade, not jadeite,
not this jank dyed jade. You want to make sure
it's real jade, which is expensive, but you want to
make sure that you're working with real jade. Also rose
(17:42):
quartz and also black obsidian. These are the three stones
that I've worked with with really really profound beneficial healing results.
And why are they so beneficial and healing. It's because
the crystal works with your energy body. That's why glass
doesn't work with your energy body in the same way.
(18:03):
Steel and metal is not going to work with your
energy body in the same way. But crystal works with
your energy body. The frequency of crystal works with your
energy body and the very specific way, so that the
healing that is catalyzed is not just physical, it's also energetic.
And the wellness that you're cultivating through your pelvic floor practices,
(18:26):
your yoni yoga practices, the healing is also going to occur,
not just or sorry, the wellness that you're cultivating is
not going to only occur physically. It's also going to
occur on the energy body level as well. And if
we're talking about sex and aging, again, it's not just physical.
There's the energy body component as well. So when our
(18:47):
energy body is rich and robust and full, that translates
to our physical experience. It translates to our physical wellness.
So the more enriched and full and juicy and overflowing
with abundance your energy body is, again that's going to
(19:08):
impact and feed into your physical body, so that your
physical body is overflowing with wellness and juiciness and all
that stuff. So I have found that regular Yoni yoga practice.
Now for me, regular looks like three to four times
a week, not every day. I'm not an everyday girl.
But for me, regular practice is about three to four
days a week and it doesn't have to take long.
(19:28):
It's a very simple practice. Are you a therapist, coach
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(19:53):
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us at Holistic Sexologyinstitute dot com to learn more. All right,
(20:14):
and you can learn more about these Yoni yoga practices
and our tuntra healing programs for Yoni owners. And we
also have a whole retinue of graduates from our authentic
Tuntra certification program who are trained and certified to teach
you these methods. And one that comes to mind off
the top of my head is bolgite Ryat, who is
a Yoni yoga kind of sexperts bogite Ryat and she
(20:38):
is the Yoni Yoga queen. So there we go, Yoni yoga.
So yon yoga is one of the things. Then also,
I'm going to say to you that the thing, one
of the things that I've noticed the most significant transformation
from is regular self pleasure practice. Now, an article dropped
a little while back about how perimenopausal and menopausal women
(20:59):
found the most symptom relief from a regular self pleasure practice.
So they did a study that was funded by we Vibes.
So I do want to put that out there that
you know, the study was funded by a sex toy company.
It was a it was a good study. But it's
also interesting that that they found that the participants who
had the best results also used the device. Now I
(21:20):
take issue with that because vibrators do disturb your down
avoiding wins. They absolutely do, so you know, whatever, take
it with a grain of salt. But the results were
were undeniable that perimenopausal and menopausal women found the most
benefit in terms of symptom relief from a regular self
(21:41):
pleasure practice. And if I'm recalling correctly, the regular meant
two to three times a week. That was regular self
pleasure practice. So I read this article back October, I think,
and all through September. So I'm in fifty one. I've
navigated perimenopause fairly, you know, largely without incident. I didn't
have a hot flash until all of a sudden September
(22:01):
of twenty five. I'm like, what just happened? I was like,
I was laughing because I always thought people were like
I would judge people for other women when they would
talk about hot flashes, like Shay, like, you know, it's
not that bad. Sorry, sorrybody of my friends have complaining
to me about hot hot flashes. I was silently judging you.
I apologize for that because when I got my own
(22:23):
hot flashes, I was like, what the fuck has just
happened to my body? And it was awful because they're unpredictable.
You're just sitting there, everything's fine, and then all of
a sudden, you were so fucking hot, and there's like
sweat or everywhere, and I'm in the tropics. It was
not a good scene. You'll see some of our earlier
(22:44):
episodes in September for sex this minute and I'm covered
and sweat. So then I was already going October, and
I was like, well, bet, I'm gonna take it. If
you're telling me that this is that, this is the
study what they found. I'm like, A, I want to
test it for myself and B. You know, let's see, girl.
Let me tell you four to five sessions. I have
(23:06):
not had a hot flash since my fifth session. I'm
not kidding. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I'm
not lying. I have no reason to lie. I'm not
gonna make money from lying to you. Okay, I am
not lying to you. I have not had one hot
flash since my fifth session, and my regular practice is
twice a week. Guys, what that that made the difference?
(23:30):
Now here's the other thing that I'm noticing from my experience.
The more I'm masturbate, the more I what feedback. It
(23:50):
crims of your libido. I feel your sister, because you know,
when I first started doing this, you know, and this
is it's only it's been like two fucking months. Right,
I'm a masturbating theme now. But but I was didn't
have a regular practice and because you know, trauma in
life and whatever, and I was like fuck that. And
when coming to the practice, it's not like I was like, ooh,
(24:12):
I feel sexy all the time. I want to masturbate.
So I came to the practice with the intention of connecting.
Like we were saying earlier, I was like, well, I
may not be horny, but I do want to connect
and I do want to see if I can do
something about these hot fleshes. So let me just go
ahead and give it a try. So you don't have
to be inspired by anything other than your desire to
connect when you first come to the practice. Now two
(24:34):
months later like I gotta I'm watching movies and bet
and then I gotta turn off the time masturbate then
come back. I can't get through all show with that
one no pleasure myself. So that is a wonderful kind
of feedback loop with everyone to call it self fulfilling
prophecy is the more you masturbate, the more you're gonna
(24:55):
want to. So my advice is just get started, see
what happens, and those are my two recommended therapies in
terms of I mean, I'm sure there's more to this
in terms of aging, so I don't want to make
it as simple as this. You know, there's herbs and
lifestyle and all of that, But in terms of tontra
and sexuality, I will tell you that the two things
(25:16):
that have revolutionized my menopausal journey have been Yoni yoga,
which is gonna help with any public floor issues incontinents,
as well as juicy lubrication. Let me tell you my
yoni after doing regular Yoni yoga pre and post juicy dripping, wet,
(25:36):
fantastic experience. So you might not want who that may be, Tatmi.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
You know that's fine, show, Okay.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
So anyway, point is it makes a difference. Go ahead
and try it. Find some of our practitioners to work
with or come work with us directly in our tantra
healing programs and get you some get you some juicy,
get you some juice, get your.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
And I think it's probably important to note too that
your masturbation practice is likely not a very short like
rush to orgasm. Right, you're spending those two times a week,
you're spending nice, mindful longer lengths of time in your
masturbation really like savoring it and cultivating your pleasure, which
is an important part I think to this aspect, well,
(26:23):
it's huge obating.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah, that's huge. And you just reminded me that we
actually just dropped the program for exactly that. That's how
bad of a salesperson I am, y'all. We actually have
a program called The Sacred Art of Self Pleasure for
Women where I walk you through my post tentre I'm
calling a post contra because it's the evolution of my
contra practice. It's a mingling of my tuntra practice with
(26:46):
the wisdom of the jungle where I walk us through
this beautiful, enriching, resourced practice for cultivating holistic sexual wellness.
And it does weave some of our entra into it,
of course, and with breath and movement and pleasure moodras
and just a juicy, delicious sacred self pleasure practice. So
(27:07):
at to your point, Elena, when I say practice, it's
very intentional. When I'm watching TV and I need to
shut it off, I look, I'm just I'm just going
for it, right, So that's the plant. Both you can
have it. Both you can have it all. But yeah,
where I noticed the most significant shift and my perimenopausal
journey was actually when I was using internal vaginal stimulation
(27:31):
along with the clitteral stimulation, so it was not just
clip focused and I wasn't just putting a vibrator on
my clit and having a genital sneeze. You're not. You
may get some effect from that. I can't say it
because I don't know because that's not what I'm doing.
Even when I'm doing a quickie, it's not with a vibrator,
So so you will. What I noticed is I got
the most transformative, like tangible, like it was like night
(27:53):
and day like I was like, oh, that was like
a forty five minute session with lots of internal vaginal massage.
The next day, I notice the difference, right, And it
makes sense with the internal vaginal massage because of the
reflexology points inside the vagina. So basically a vaginal penetration
is a reflexology treatment. Y'all you are you are massaging
(28:14):
your kidneys, your liver, your spleen, your lungs, and your heart.
Your massaging your major organs in your vagina, so doing
doing uh masturbation practice of pleasure practice, and including your
vagina in the party is part of what gives the transfer,
the full transformation of the full transformative results. Sorry my
(28:38):
mouth wasn't working. I would also be curious to see
what happens when you bring your anus to the party, right,
because you know, the anus is also plays a part
in all of this in terms of winds and energy,
body and hormones and portals and all that stuff. So
so we're gonna try that next and we'll report back
in season two probable experiment. So anyway, so sex and aging, yes,
(29:04):
it's a thing. So I can't advise you on you know,
supplements and herbs and whatever, because that's not my expertise.
But I can advise you that yoni yoga and regular
self pleasure with internal vaginal stimulation is your BFF, my friend,
that is your BFF.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Okay, next question, all right, this is a short one.
What are your thoughts on throatgasms?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I have many thoughts on throatgasms. Would you like to
start or would you like me to start?
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I'd like you to start because I want to think
about it a little more.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Okay, great, so throat gasms. So I think the question
probably is our throat gasm is a thing, and yes,
my friend, they are. Now I have not personally had
the pleasure of experiencing a throat gasm, maybe just because
I wasn't paying attention, but I know several of my
of our students and several colleagues have reported wonderful things.
And so when it comes to throatgasms, what what is
(29:57):
most often happening is you are giving fillatio. You are
worshiping the cock. You are paying homage, lavishing the linam,
paying homage whatever the king, whatever, whatever terminology you are
given head. That's what you're doing. Your given head to
a penis to a phallus, right, So some people, and
(30:19):
it doesn't have to just be you know, women, men
and women feel that stimulation at the back of the
throat or whatever part of the throat the lingam is hitting,
the vausura is hitting. Find that very pleasurable. And that
makes sense because we do have the vegus nerve that
passes through the throat right or in nervates the throat area.
(30:41):
So you're getting that vague stimulation similar to when our
cervix is being stimulated. That's the vegus nerve. The vegas
nerve is one of three nerves that innervate your cervix, right,
So that vegas nerve brings us some pleasure and enjoy y'all.
So when you are giving fillatio, you are basically massaging
your vegas nerve. That's one of the things you're doing.
(31:02):
And for some people that can give rise to orgasm. Also,
I would say on an energy body level, that experience
of pleasure, like that concentration of pleasure, your partner's pleasure
concentrating in your throat maybe part of what gives rise
to the orgasm there, the energetic charge of pleasure. I
know when I am have given you know, lingham loving
(31:24):
to a male partner, and the orgasm in my mouth, Like,
that's a lot of orgasm energy shooting in your brain.
So that I mean it's like I'm a little lightheaded
and whow a whole different reality at that point. So
so throat orgasms, Yeah, they're a thing. And I would
say if you would like to have throat orgasms and
(31:46):
you you know, get that, Sorry, my mouth is not
working today, if you would like, I'm getting ready for
a throat orgasm if you would like to have them.
My advice to you would be to relax. So when
you are giving fallatio, really relax your throat and really
(32:06):
attune to the sensation of what you are doing, and
receive the pleasure of your partner. Like really just relax
and open and receive, receive the lingam down your throat,
receive the pleasure from your partner, and just focus on
the sensation and the pleasurable sensation of it. And if
(32:29):
it doesn't feel good to you, girl, then do not
give you You're probably not gonna have an orgasm if
you don't enjoy it. Don't put that pressure on yourself
if you don't enjoy it and you're just kind of
fucking through it, you know, see if you can source
some pleasure in it. But if it's if giving had
is not a super enjoyable experience for you, chances are
you're not gonna have a throgasm. That just may not
be your thing.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, and we don't have to have every orgasm that
is possible in the entire world. It's okay to just
have the ones then that we really are drawn to.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
And no, just kidding, but yeah, exactly, good point. Don't
youself out about orgasm? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, And and the other thing that I was thinking
about in terms of, like it's the possibility of a
throgasm is also sort of like the psychological component of
it as well as like the responsive desire that comes
up with it. So I know a lot of folks
have responsive arousal, so the act of giving is something
(33:26):
that really turns them on. I know I'm like that,
like if I don't necessarily want to have sex, if
I'm if I get into a giving position, then I
become really responsive to it. So that in and of
itself can be a turn on as well as and
I think you alluded to this and what you were saying,
the psychological aspect of like the sexual act that you're doing,
and also the energy you're feeling and like the turnal
(33:48):
that you're feeling from how your partner is responding to
what you're doing can also elicit a lot of pleasure
and potentially orgasm.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Now I will say I have had I've had one
orgasms from from giving flatio like orgasms yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm like whoa yeah, and like with without even touching myself,
just like getting off on the my partner's orgasm, my
partner's pleasure. I've had my own orgasm. So I guess
I would kind.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Of be like.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
As a throgasm.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
I think it does. I would count it because it's
an orgasm that you're experiencing that is related to what
you're doing by giving head.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Okay, take it, I'll take it. I haven't had.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Okay, but I'm gonna I'm gonna say that it is related.
I'm gonna count it.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
All right, there we go. We get a check mark
for davy. It's a new kind of orgasm. I've had
throatgasms that I feel in my yoni from having cock
in my throat. Yes, I'll take it, right, Okay, So
is it my turn asked the question? Yes, okay, so
(34:58):
here we go. So we have a question about what's
the difference between squeezing the anus versus squeezing the pelvic
floor muscles? And where is the pelvic floor? How can
I make sure I'm engaging the right muscle? All right?
So teach us, Elena, teach us.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, So squeezing the anis so the anus and the
muscles around the anis not the anus itself, but the
muscles around it are one part of the pelvic floor.
So when you're squeezing the anis you're squeezing a part
of the pelvic floor, maybe not the whole part, but
the back end, the anterior part the pelvic floor is
this is an interconnected system of muscles that kind of
(35:36):
the way that it's described in medical text is that
they kind of intersect together like a hammock that sits
at the bottom of your body. So if you're a
yoni owner and you're kind of like sitting up straight
and your vulva is kind of flat against the chair,
then all of the muscles around your vulva and around
(35:56):
the anis that's your pelvic floor. So I know it
goes from either side. They're connected, I believe, to the
sits bones on either side, and then from the pelvic
bone in the front to the tailbone in the back,
I believe are the different anchor points for those different muscles,
(36:17):
and they are responsible for holding up our organs right
when we're standing up, and they're also responsible for reflexing
to the various processes that are happening inside of our body.
So one of them being you know, every time we breathe,
we inhale, we fill our lungs, and that pushes pressure
on our diaphragm in our body, and that pushes pressure
(36:40):
down on our pelvic floor. So the pelvic floor responds
and flexes outward to allow that breath process to happen
fully in our body. So it holds stuff in. It
creates those openings that allow us to pass. You know,
urine feces, have babies, squirt things like that, and that
(37:00):
also is responsive, allowing our body to function beautiful.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
And so for lingam owners, pardon me, people with penises
men similarly, I mean, the pelvaphore works the same in
you as it does in us. But a way to
understand which muscles you're engaging is by stopping and starting
your pee. So when you go urinate and you're standing
at the toilet, try squeezing, squeezing your muscles to hold
(37:30):
it back. So like you know, if you're out somewhere
and you've got a pee or you've got a pooh
and you can't just go on the street or in
your pants, you got to hold it in. Well, those
are the muscles you're using to hold it in. You're
using your public floor muscles. So if you want to
experiment a little way of training, I've trained men to
recognize and work with their public floor muscles. Is when
(37:50):
you're standing to pee, you know, you let you relax
and let the pea come out, and then you stop it.
And then you relax and you let the pea come out,
and then you stop it, and then you relax and
let the pea come out and then you stop. But
you do that like three to five times every time
you pee. It's a little public floor workout while you're urinating. Now,
you don't want to do it all the time because
you don't want to create issues, but you can do
it a few times, you know, a couple times a day,
(38:11):
a couple times every other day, whatever, just to kind
of acclimate yourself to what you got going on down there,
and then you can do more focused public floor exercises.
There's a variety you can do k goals. If you
want to learn the TNRIC version again, you can work
with us in our Contra Healing personal coaching programs where
we do teach both Yoni yoga for Yoni owners and
(38:32):
power wind exercises and public floor exercises for men and
people with penises. So they are muscles, Like it's just
insane to me. Like Western cultures like you don't need
to exercise your genitals, Yes, you do. They're surrounded by muscles,
you know. They muscles are an important part of achieving
and maintaining an erection. Muscles are an important factor in
(38:55):
our orgasms, our ability to have enriching, long, transformative orgasms.
For you men, your ability to control though your pelvic
floor muscles plays a role in your semen retention. For owners,
having developed pelvic floor muscles help with our orgasm, childbirth
and squirting, as well as our menstrual cycle and perimenopause
(39:17):
and menopausal stuff. So they're very important muscles that are
very had in Western society.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah, yeah, And like you said there, the pelpal floor
is involved in almost every sexual dysfunction that I can
think of, right, maybe with the exception of out of
control porn ears use or out of control sexual behavior,
but paginismus you know, painful penetration, anargosmia, premature ejaculation, archild's function,
(39:45):
anargasmia for linam owners as well low libido that are
all linked to the strength and tonicity of our pelvic
floor as well.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yep, so very important. And then for folks who may
have chronic tension in your public floor. The first thing
that I'm going to recommend is go get you a
public floor therapist if you can, you know, like get
some professional support. And the thing that I've learned from
my students, quite frankly in term who have had pelvic
(40:16):
floor issues is that generally there's not like a there's
not a weaving of pleasure in relationship to restoration of
the pelvic floor. And so work with your public floor specialists,
but also things like self pleasuring and then contracting and
releasing the public floor muscles has been very supportive for
healing the root cause of that chronic tension in the
(40:38):
public floor. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
Yeah, that's a huge aspect. And so just to wrap
it up, I guess the main question was how can
they make sure they're engaging the right muscles. You talked
about starting and stopping the flow of urine, which is
good for leoni owners and linam owners. I think it's
important to note too that like stopping and starting, the
flow of urine engages kind of almost the front of
(41:03):
the pelvic floor, while as squeezing the anus engages the back.
So once you have a sense of those two different feelings,
then you can focus on doing them both simultaneously so
that you get a full squeeze. And then Yoni owners
can also insert a clean finger into their vaginal canal
and they can practice, you know, squeezing around their finger
(41:26):
as well to locate to figure out how to feel,
how to flex their pelvic floor.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
And that's why using like a yony egg or something
is so great inside the vagina because you may not
feel it at first, but as you develop that vaginal
dexterity is I like to call it, you can then
start to feel more subtle sensations and grip. You actually
strengthen your grip from having something inside the vaginal canal. Yeah, okay,
(41:55):
all right, and next question.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
Dig it all right, Uh, I'm recovering from porn addiction,
so in not fantasizing, I'm already noticing how numb I am,
scarily numb. Because of that, it's really easy to get bored.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Mm hmm. Yeah. So I want to point out that
there's a difference between porn and fantasizing. Right, So, porn
is somebody feeding you what they believe is erotic. It's
their version of eroticism. It's it's it's it's a projection,
(42:37):
shall we say, And you, as a willing participant, are like, oh, okay,
I agree, that's sexy, and yes it's turning me on.
Your imagination is your version of what's sexy. Now. Of
course you can be fantasizing about things you see on porn.
Of course that's fine, but it's still your imagination. It's
inside you, and your imagination can be medicine, it can
(42:59):
be healing. So in relationship to recovering from porn addiction,
I want to invite you that your healing can still
be erotic. Right, whatever you got from from porn, that
stimulation you can cultivate inside your own mind, inside your
(43:19):
own awareness, and that isn't dissociating. That actually can be
used as a tool for connecting to your eroticism. Your
imagination is beautiful and fantasizing, like having erotic thoughts is
a real thing. Like the brain. As Elene always says,
that your brain is your biggest sexual organ, right, so
(43:42):
fantasizing about sex stuff is like then the body responds like,
that's kind of a miracle to me that you can
think about sexy stuff and you can get wet or
you can get hot just thinking about it, Like that's
really cool. Like nothing's happening. But I'm just thinking about
this and I'm getting and I'm having a physiological responsive
arousal from thinking of this. That that is beautiful. That
is the way God made you, and that is beautiful
(44:03):
and that is something to work with. And so I
want to applaud you from letting go of the visual porn,
like you know, let the Internet have keep that shit.
It's not meant for your well being. I trust me
when I tell you. I mean, I think porn can
be used skillfully, So I'm not judging porn as a thing,
but the porn industry is not here for your sexual
(44:27):
health and well being. I'm just not absolutely that's not
what their motivation is, right, So bearing that in mind,
so beautiful appause for you for stepping away from the
visual porn Internet porn and wanting to resource yourself. And
part of your resource is your imagination. So I'm going to,
you know, invite you if it feels appropriate, because you
(44:49):
know yourself better than I do. But allow in your
self pleasure practice as you're working with these methods, because
I know you're a student of the Institute, which is
how we got this question. So as you're working with
these methods. Allow yourself to be turned on by your imagination.
Think about things the fucking turn you on, that's yes,
and bring that turnin into your practice. That's the thing.
(45:13):
When you don't have the computer in front of you,
your attention is not going to the computer when it's
you and your imagination. It's all here inside of you.
It's an internal experience that you can integrate. You're weaving
your imagination and your eroticism, and you're fantasizing into your practice,
and you're using these methods, and you're noticing with your
(45:33):
breath and you're riding the waves of pleasure. This is
a beautiful thing. This is an integrative experience. It's an
integrative experience. So go on and get you some fantasy,
use that imagination, and allow your eros, your eroticism to
thrive in your own body and in your own imagination.
(45:56):
That is my advice to you. What you got to
say to that, Elena.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, I love that, Davy. That's beautiful. And what I
really like about it too, is it offers it offers
a solution to allow him to sort of feel some
sexual pleasure really quickly while he's also dealing with these
kind of frightening numb feelings that he's becoming aware of
right now. Because if he's a student, and if you
(46:22):
guys have been listening to us this whole time, you'll
know that when that numbness is a sign of a
block arising or you know, something that's going on in
with the tissue that needs to be released, and the
way to work with it is to bring our awareness
to that numbness. But that could be really challenging, especially
with numbness right like he's getting bored. It's hard to
(46:43):
know exactly what to do when you're sitting with that numbness.
It can be so frustrating, especially when it doesn't resolve
right away. Like I've dealt with some numbness in my
genitals as well, that if that's been really stubborn and persistent,
and it's so frustrating to kind of like continue to
use the methods that I know work, but to have
them take a long time to release, I can just
(47:04):
get really worked up about it. So it is really
nice to also have this to be able to fantasize,
to be able to kind of like engage that sexual
energy in you so that you can kind of like
it's a tool for helping you move that forward without,
like you said, associating from what you're doing. And I
like that when you're doing it, when you're sourcing it internally,
(47:26):
you can take breaks, like you can use it skillfully,
Like I can fantasize a little bit and get turned on,
and then I can bring my awareness back to my
numbness and breathe and feel into my tissue and like,
how does it feel now? And now I'm going to
masturbate a little bit, and maybe I'll fantasize a little
bit more, and then I'll stop and check back in
and see how that numbness feels. So it makes that
the process of releasing so much more pleasurable, I think.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
And so why you're describing what comes to mind is
the translating pleasure practice. So we're using the pleasure of
our erotic fantasy to feel, fuel the sexual activity, and
then apply that sexual energy to the numbness and the
cause of the numbness. So it's just translating pleasure. Instead
(48:10):
of body point to body point, it's mind to body
or energy to body, if that makes sense. But they
just got that translating pleasure thing, and now that we're
you know, talking about it, like, yeah, in terms of
using it to work through numbness, I'm realizing that, yes,
I've done that too, in terms of in terms of yeah,
like if I'm like whatever and not really getting turned
(48:32):
on or whatever, allowing myself to fantasize, like I've got
a couple like go to fantasies that really get me going, right,
allowing myself to fantasize, and then that brings some juice
literally juice to the experience, and then it can kind
of like it catalyzes it, so it kind of can
take off on its own, but you need some support
to get through that numbness. Otherwise, like you said, you're
(48:53):
gonna get bored, you're gonna get disinterested. And it doesn't
have to be fucking a slog y'all. Like, it does
not have to be a slow So use the supports
that you need, such as your imagination. Use your imagination
as a support for your practice. And in TNTRA, you know,
we're using our imagination. We're visualizing shapes and you know,
chanting sounds and visualizing things. So this is just another
(49:16):
way of using your imagination while you're while you're cultivating
your sexual energy. Yea, yay. All right, well that is
all that we have for you today, and uh, well
this is this is one of our last episodes again
for season one. So thank you so much for joining
(49:37):
us for the first Sexist Medicine reboot season. It has
been a joy and a delight and we cannot wait
to get back to you in season two. Season two,
we are going to have more guest interviews. I forgot
how much I like these until we started doing them again,
and I think y'all like them because y'all have been listening.
(49:58):
So we're gonna do a lot of guest interviews, and
then Elena and I are going to do a lot
of Q and A. And as you've noticed, we have
a band in our hot topic. Yes we did. We
left it by the wayside, mostly just because I fucking forget.
That's why I'm just like, oh God, what's to do
hot topic? So if we find one that we like,
we'll bring it into the conversation. But I'm kind of
(50:19):
too fluid to be like, Okay, this is our schedule,
and then I like throw our schedule out the window
because I completely fucking forget about it, and I'm just
going with what's happening in a moment. So that's the
way we ride here. That's the way we flow here.
So Season two will bring you lots of interviews and
lots of Q and A. So please keep those questions coming.
We love them, We love them, we love them. And
if you want to learn more about Holistic sexual Healing,
(50:40):
of course, go to our Holistic Sexology Institute dot com.
That is where we are hosting our tuntra for personal
healing and our Holistic Sexology certification. And as I have said,
we have two more weeks for our early registration, only
two two more weeks for early registration, save two thousand
dollars on your tuition. So if you want to go
get you a Holistic Sexology certificate in twenty twenty six,
(51:03):
make sure that you get in while you can, because
the tuition is going up by two thousand dollars, Like
why would you leave that on the table. All you
need to do is get your application in by the
thirty first. That's all you need to do. Application in
by the December thirty first, and we will get you
enrolled after the holidays and then you'll be up and running.
Classes start February twenty fifth, twenty twenty six, So Holistic
(51:24):
Sexology Institute dot com. Checkout our government accredited soon to
be a sect approved holistic Sexology certification program. Yay, all right, amigos,
Amigas muchas graassias, we wish you a blessed and loving
and supportive holiday season and we so look forward to
(51:44):
seeing you again in the new year. Make sure you
stay subscribed to US iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and make sure
that you are on our Instagram channel as well. Because
we dish out. We pay a lot of money, a
lot of for you every week, so we want you
to appreciate it and take advantage of it because a
(52:06):
lot of energy and intention goes into those posts. So
much love, many blessings, and we'll see you next year.
Happy New Year.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
I you've been listening to sex Is Medicine, your number
one resource for holistic sex education.
Speaker 2 (52:20):
Make sure you like and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on
all your listening platforms, and follow us on Instagram, YouTube,
and TikTok where you can get your daily dose of
Sex's Medicine videos and episode recaps. Also, make sure you
register for your weekly dose of sexes Medicine at Holistic
Sexologyinstitute dot com and send us your questions please at
(52:42):
questions at Holistic Sexology Institute dot com. Thank you so
much for listening too. Sex is medicine.
Hi, I'm Davy Ward Ericson and I'm Elena Salks, and you.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Are listening to Sex is Medicine, your number one resource
for holistic sex education. Elena and I are bringing you
over twenty seven years of combined expertise in the field
of holistic sexual wellness to help you integrate your body, mind, spirit,
and sex.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
New episodes drop every Thursday morning, so make sure to
like and subscribe on all your favorite listening platforms, and
make sure you follow Holistic Sexology Institute on Instagram, TikTok,
and YouTube for your daily dose on Sex is Medicine.
Now let's get started.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome back to Sex is Medicine, your favorite podcast for
sexual rebels and spiritual warriors. I am your host, Davey
word Ericson here with my lovely co host, Elena Salks Woo,
and we are honored and grateful and delighted to have
you here with us. Once again. I want to shout out,
(01:03):
like I do every episode, our gratitude and appreciation for
all of you who listen, and thank you so much
for your comments, your questions, and your feedback. It is
nourishing to both of our spirits so much. Truly, truly, truly,
so much so, so please keep it coming. We love
to hear from you. We love your questions, love your questions,
(01:25):
and today this episode is going to be all about
answering your questions, so please keep them coming. And this
is one of the last episodes for season one of
Sexist Medicine. There will be a season two, so don't despair.
There will be a season two launching in February of
twenty twenty six, so make sure that you are signed
up for our mailing list at Holistic Sexologyinstitute dot com
(01:46):
to make sure that you are in the know of
when season two is going to launch and that you
don't miss any of these juicy, juicy, enriching episodes. And
again this week we are going to be answering your
questions that you have sent us. And Okay, so here
we go without further ado, Atlanta, take.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
It okay, So our first question, my boyfriend and I
have been together for almost two years. We have been
sexual with each other, but have not actually had sex.
I'm assuming penetrative sex. He is fifty five, I am
fifty two, he said. In the last fourteen years since
his divorce, he's not been able to have vaginal intercourse
(02:28):
with anyone, he loses his direction as soon as he penetrates.
He is able to maintain an erection during play and blowjobs,
and does have orgasms. We just can't make love, he said.
His ex wife said something to him at the end
of their marriage, and he's been traumatized since and not
able to make love to a woman he wants to
(02:48):
heal and I would love to be able to make
love with him, but we're not sure where to start.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I mean, yeah, sister, I hear that. I hear that
that is the most like obvious case of psychological erectile
dysfunction that I have that we've heard of in a while.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, it is so for those of you listening. Erectile
dysfunction can have a number of different causes. So some
of those are our physical issues. These can be actual
medical issues like cardiovascular issues or some other kinds of
diseases can impact your ability to have in an erection.
But these can also be uh, you know, issues related
(03:30):
to trauma, numbness, you know, somatic pain that might be
living in the genitals preventing an erection, and it can
also be psychological pain. Right, So different factors like trauma, abuse,
neglect can all contribute to erectile dysfunction as well. So,
as Davey said, this is a very a clear picture
(03:53):
of someone who was able to have erections, had a
traumatic emotional experience, and now can not have erections any longer.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
And so something to always keep in mind about trauma
is there's emotional psychological impact of trauma. There's a somatic
impact of trauma, that energy, that unprocessed trauma response lives
in the body and the nervous system. And then there's
(04:24):
also an energy body impact of trauma. So we have
all of those things going on at the same time.
We have the energy body impact, we have the somatic impact,
and then we have the psychological and emotional impact. And
so hearing this story from you, a I want to say, like,
how beautiful it is that you are finding ways to
(04:47):
connect around this issue. It's it's beautiful and a testament
to your love and commitment to one another. Definitely, in
terms of the emotional psychological there's some processing to do there.
So it brings it makes me curious, like, is there
is he going through into counseling, Has there been any
like you know, therapy, talk, therapy, kind of thing going
(05:09):
on to talk through and process the emotions around his
divorce and around that you know, traumatic event, and then
the other thing that's coming to me. And this is
coming from my personal experience because one of my partners
had something very similar. One of my male partners had
something very similar where we were able to begin making love,
(05:30):
We were able to begin the penetration, but just a
few minutes into it, he would lose his erection because
of his past trauma. Right, So at the time we
didn't know like why. I was just like, why why
are you losing your erection two minutes in the tank? Yo? Like,
and you know, and I had all the like the
the women stuff like, oh he doesn't like my yoni
(05:51):
and oh, you know, like like I thought it was
about me. But I'm luckily this was like this was
like a decade ago, but I was I was a
tadtra educator at the time, so luckily I was not
overwhelmed with my own you know, insecurities, and I was
able to kind of like you know, go into teacher
mode for a minute and assess the situation and realize, Okay,
so this happens, this has been happening consistently and it
(06:14):
happens around this time, and my you know, we've been
kind of just fucking through it, right, we'd just been
kind of like pretending, you know, like okay, let's just
pretend and you know, whatever in this erection would eventually
come back. But we were bypassing the trauma. We were
bypassing his body's obvious indication that something was arising. And
so because of my training, I was able to encourage
(06:36):
us the next time it occurred to pause there, to pause, pause,
and then invited him to feel into his body and
see what is arising. Because initially, when this thing when
the when when a man loses his erection, the first
(06:57):
thing that usually happens for both of us as partners,
I'm like, oh my pussy's whack. I'm like my own
and he's like, oh shit, I'm not mad enough. Right,
So the first thing that arises is our own anxiety,
our own trauma, you know, our own wounding and trauma responses.
But if we can pause there and not try and
push them away and override them, but embrace them as
(07:18):
an invitation from our bodies to look deeper, we can
work together as a team to dissolve this block to
bliss and restore the full capacity for pleasure. And that's
exactly what we did. So we paused and I shared
with him, you know, I disclosed him like, hey, this
is what I think is going on. Let's work together
(07:38):
with this. Breathed into his body and just like focused
on where he felt tension in his body, breathed into
it and let the story of the body manifest. Let
your body, let his body tell it story. And there
was tears and there was crying, and there was talk,
and and we did this re repeatedly through several consecutive sessions.
(08:03):
So it wasn't like a one and done and maybe
it will be for you, pray it is. But this
was over several sessions. But we just simply took his
body's response as the invitation that it was to inquire
more deeply into what his needs were, the needs of
his heart, the needs of his spirit, the needs of
(08:24):
his body. Because the beautiful thing about men is your
wonderful Lingham can be an antenna, right, It's like it's
like an energy. It can give energy and it can
absorb energy, right, and it also lets you know, like
whoa things are going great or whoop, there's a hitch
in the gidi up, right, So y'all have a hitch
(08:44):
in the gidiup. And the best thing to do is
exactly what you've been doing, approaching it with kindness, approaching
it with compassion, approaching it with intention and attention. And
I would just invite you, you know, like as a strategy,
Like it sounds like if he's able to have blow jay,
he's able to achieve erection. It's just when he penetrates you,
(09:07):
his erection goes away. So let's get that penetration happening.
Let's get that penis in the vagina, because the vagina
is medicine. Your vagina is medicine. And so I would
invite you to penetrate and just hold there, like maybe,
you know, move a little bit, trust your bodies, move
a little bit. But when he goes completely flaccid, stay there,
look into each other's eyes, breathe together, put both of
(09:31):
your attention on your heart center, and feel the exchange
of love between your hearts. Girl, I guarantee you, I
guarantee you that whatever that block is, it's going to
begin to dissolve. I bet it already has started to dissolve,
but it will fulfill its dissolution phase with the loving
attention and presence that you give it together in partnership.
(09:56):
So that would be my coaching and advice. Let that penan,
get that penetry and just hang out there and then breathe, connect,
make eye contact signal to your ventral vagel pathway that
it's safe to be here, because that sounds like a
vagel block in that dorsal vagel pathway to lose the
erection like that. It sounds well, that's I'm guessing. I
(10:18):
can't assess exactly where it is, but based on my expertise,
it sounds like walking the vendor of the dorsal veagel pathway. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, stress and like a high sympathetic response causes D
two messence of the penis. So if you're really stressed,
you'll get flasted right away.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
So you're right, yeah, yep, beautiful, beautiful. So what you
want to do is activate or engage the ventral vagel pathway.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, google it AI.
Google will let you know all the stuff. So you
want to activate that ventral vagel pathway because that signals
to the body mind spirit that it's safe here. That's
like your autonomic nervous system saying hey, it's safe to play.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, and when that's beautiful, Davy. And also when you're
in those sessions, I really encourage you to set the
intentions for the sessions before you begin, that the goal
of the session is not for you to have this
like long sustained penetrative sex, but that the goal is
to just you know, play, get an erection. If you
(11:15):
have an erection, to try penetration, but then that that
that once you have that penetration, the goal is just
to be with your emotions, like Davy was talking about,
but kind of like frame that for him ahead of time,
I think is what's really important, so that he takes
the stress of having to be hard through the penetration
(11:36):
off the table, because that's not really what you're there for.
You're there to see what arises when this when this
reaction comes up where he becomes flascted.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yep. The goal is connection. Yeah, that's the goal. And
how whatever that connection wants to look like hard penis,
soft penis, no penis, however that connection wants to happen. Yeah,
that's the goal is for you all to connect.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, and I would also if you if you aren't
communicating a lot when you're when you're experiencing pleasure together
or when you're having sex, I would also really focus
on like upping your communication during sexual experiences so you
start getting more comfortable with talking about your internal experiences
while you're having sex in a way that feels you know,
some people can, they can feel awkward for them, right,
(12:23):
So it's an important part of being able to move
through blocks is being able to communicate blocks. So you
have to establish that with your partner.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Too, exactly. And so when we say sex, we mean
any sexual activity, not just PIV. So that means while
you are lavishing your your partner's lingham and and worshiping
the coc K, have him talk to you about what
he likes. Have him express those words brit. Make Mike
sound moan and say yes, that feels so good. So
(12:53):
Mega invite him what I want to say here, have
the the create the spatial invitation, meaning creating safe space
for him to speak his pleasure into. And same same
for you. So I think that we don't communicate with
words enough about what feels good and what we like
and like you know, Chure in our partner on Go
(13:13):
Go Go. That feels good, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, and we definitely don't talk about what's coming up
for us.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
U must we learned too, Yeah, well, we're taught to.
It means that there's something wrong and we're taught to
bypass it because you know, the goal is orgasm. The
goal is epic orgasms. That's the goal. And when you
make epic orgasms your goal, then you want to push
away anything that doesn't seem to be leading you to
that path. Meanwhile, epic orgasms happen when you're not trying
for them. That happens when you're not looking for them
most often.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
So yeah, yeah, and I don't know about you, Davy,
this is probably true, but like the best sexual experiences
of my life have not been linear to orgasm, right,
Like they're like great sex hit a block, yep, have
to deal with.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
The block, great sex hit another block, have to deal
with it, cry, take a break, go back to it,
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, mister Toad's wild ride to know we're in particular,
that's yeah, and that's the beauty, like you know, again
coming from the from the perspective of Tentra, the goal
is connection and connection through this specific pleasure. And so
when we make connection the goal, it takes so much
pressure off because then you're just like down for whatever.
You know, it's like, oh, okay, so we're having orgasms
(14:21):
now we're oh okay, so we're crying now, Like it's
just it's a it's an adventure, weekly bedroom adventure.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
And if and if those if you try those things
that we've talked about and you're not getting anywhere with them,
then I'd really highly recommend you work with a coach
when it comes to especially a rectile dysfunction. Since there
is such a psychological component to it, it can be
really really helpful to have the support of a somatic
sexual healer. Our graduates are all very well trained when
(14:56):
it comes to protocols around a rectile dysfunction, So each
not to any of our people and getting some coaching
is also a really great idea. If this doesn't work for.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
You, yes, yeah, I can never never underestimate the power
of a good coach. Yeah for sexual excellence. All right,
So our next question is about the impact of aging
on out for pardon me, for women and people with
vaginas the impact of aging and vaginal dryness and thinning tissues.
(15:31):
And you know, is it true that for many people
with Yoni's the attitude, the frequency, technique, technique, lubrication, all
of these things that happen as we age, Like, is
it true that you know, holistic sexology TNTRA can help
with this, like basically, like what is your experience with
sex and aging? So I'm gonna tell you what my
(15:52):
experience is with sex and aging because I started this
little TNTRA journey when I was thirty three, and so
my body has been through some changes. I'm now fifty one.
I don't believe in agism, so I'm proud of my
age and I look good. So I'm aging naturally in
Costa Rica. That's what I'm doing. So so I'll tell
you a little bit about my journey and what I
(16:13):
found really helped is absolutely Yoni yoga, y'all, Yoni yoga,
jade egg which whichever program you're doing, we call it
Yoni yoga when you're using the crystal uh and doing
public floor exercises. Other people call it jade egg training
what whatever you want to call it, but it is
the practice of working specifically with natural stone in your
(16:39):
vagina and doing muscular contractions in your vagina, And I
want to explain a little bit about why not just
your vagina, but your public floor, right, But I want
to explain a little bit about why we we recommend
natural stone, because there are some experts out there who
I really respect who do not recommend natural stone, and
I think that that is that's misplaced, That caution is
(17:01):
misplaced because you can put glass in your vagina and
steal in your vagina. Why wouldn't you be able to
put a stone that has a hard that's as hard
as glass in your vagina. So the reason that we
recommend stone, and there's specific stones that we recommend, So
(17:21):
the ones that are that are actually come from the
Daoist tradition and that we've worked with personally and do
recommend are jade, So real jade, not fake jade, not jadeite,
not this jank dyed jade. You want to make sure
it's real jade, which is expensive, but you want to
make sure that you're working with real jade. Also rose
(17:42):
quartz and also black obsidian. These are the three stones
that I've worked with with really really profound beneficial healing results.
And why are they so beneficial and healing. It's because
the crystal works with your energy body. That's why glass
doesn't work with your energy body in the same way.
(18:03):
Steel and metal is not going to work with your
energy body in the same way. But crystal works with
your energy body. The frequency of crystal works with your
energy body and the very specific way, so that the
healing that is catalyzed is not just physical, it's also energetic.
And the wellness that you're cultivating through your pelvic floor practices,
(18:26):
your yoni yoga practices, the healing is also going to occur,
not just or sorry, the wellness that you're cultivating is
not going to only occur physically. It's also going to
occur on the energy body level as well. And if
we're talking about sex and aging, again, it's not just physical.
There's the energy body component as well. So when our
(18:47):
energy body is rich and robust and full, that translates
to our physical experience. It translates to our physical wellness.
So the more enriched and full and juicy and overflowing
with abundance your energy body is, again that's going to
(19:08):
impact and feed into your physical body, so that your
physical body is overflowing with wellness and juiciness and all
that stuff. So I have found that regular Yoni yoga practice.
Now for me, regular looks like three to four times
a week, not every day. I'm not an everyday girl.
But for me, regular practice is about three to four
days a week and it doesn't have to take long.
(19:28):
It's a very simple practice. Are you a therapist, coach
or sex educator looking for somatically based sexual healing methods
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(19:53):
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Registration is open now until December thirty first say two
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us at Holistic Sexologyinstitute dot com to learn more. All right,
(20:14):
and you can learn more about these Yoni yoga practices
and our tuntra healing programs for Yoni owners. And we
also have a whole retinue of graduates from our authentic
Tuntra certification program who are trained and certified to teach
you these methods. And one that comes to mind off
the top of my head is bolgite Ryat, who is
a Yoni yoga kind of sexperts bogite Ryat and she
(20:38):
is the Yoni Yoga queen. So there we go, Yoni yoga.
So yon yoga is one of the things. Then also,
I'm going to say to you that the thing, one
of the things that I've noticed the most significant transformation
from is regular self pleasure practice. Now, an article dropped
a little while back about how perimenopausal and menopausal women
(20:59):
found the most symptom relief from a regular self pleasure practice.
So they did a study that was funded by we Vibes.
So I do want to put that out there that
you know, the study was funded by a sex toy company.
It was a it was a good study. But it's
also interesting that that they found that the participants who
had the best results also used the device. Now I
(21:20):
take issue with that because vibrators do disturb your down
avoiding wins. They absolutely do, so you know, whatever, take
it with a grain of salt. But the results were
were undeniable that perimenopausal and menopausal women found the most
benefit in terms of symptom relief from a regular self
(21:41):
pleasure practice. And if I'm recalling correctly, the regular meant
two to three times a week. That was regular self
pleasure practice. So I read this article back October, I think,
and all through September. So I'm in fifty one. I've
navigated perimenopause fairly, you know, largely without incident. I didn't
have a hot flash until all of a sudden September
(22:01):
of twenty five. I'm like, what just happened? I was like,
I was laughing because I always thought people were like
I would judge people for other women when they would
talk about hot flashes, like Shay, like, you know, it's
not that bad. Sorry, sorrybody of my friends have complaining
to me about hot hot flashes. I was silently judging you.
I apologize for that because when I got my own
(22:23):
hot flashes, I was like, what the fuck has just
happened to my body? And it was awful because they're unpredictable.
You're just sitting there, everything's fine, and then all of
a sudden, you were so fucking hot, and there's like
sweat or everywhere, and I'm in the tropics. It was
not a good scene. You'll see some of our earlier
(22:44):
episodes in September for sex this minute and I'm covered
and sweat. So then I was already going October, and
I was like, well, bet, I'm gonna take it. If
you're telling me that this is that, this is the
study what they found. I'm like, A, I want to
test it for myself and B. You know, let's see, girl.
Let me tell you four to five sessions. I have
(23:06):
not had a hot flash since my fifth session. I'm
not kidding. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I'm
not lying. I have no reason to lie. I'm not
gonna make money from lying to you. Okay, I am
not lying to you. I have not had one hot
flash since my fifth session, and my regular practice is
twice a week. Guys, what that that made the difference?
(23:30):
Now here's the other thing that I'm noticing from my experience.
The more I'm masturbate, the more I what feedback. It
(23:50):
crims of your libido. I feel your sister, because you know,
when I first started doing this, you know, and this
is it's only it's been like two fucking months. Right,
I'm a masturbating theme now. But but I was didn't
have a regular practice and because you know, trauma in
life and whatever, and I was like fuck that. And
when coming to the practice, it's not like I was like, ooh,
(24:12):
I feel sexy all the time. I want to masturbate.
So I came to the practice with the intention of connecting.
Like we were saying earlier, I was like, well, I
may not be horny, but I do want to connect
and I do want to see if I can do
something about these hot fleshes. So let me just go
ahead and give it a try. So you don't have
to be inspired by anything other than your desire to
connect when you first come to the practice. Now two
(24:34):
months later like I gotta I'm watching movies and bet
and then I gotta turn off the time masturbate then
come back. I can't get through all show with that
one no pleasure myself. So that is a wonderful kind
of feedback loop with everyone to call it self fulfilling
prophecy is the more you masturbate, the more you're gonna
(24:55):
want to. So my advice is just get started, see
what happens, and those are my two recommended therapies in
terms of I mean, I'm sure there's more to this
in terms of aging, so I don't want to make
it as simple as this. You know, there's herbs and
lifestyle and all of that, But in terms of tontra
and sexuality, I will tell you that the two things
(25:16):
that have revolutionized my menopausal journey have been Yoni yoga,
which is gonna help with any public floor issues incontinents,
as well as juicy lubrication. Let me tell you my
yoni after doing regular Yoni yoga pre and post juicy dripping, wet,
(25:36):
fantastic experience. So you might not want who that may be, Tatmi.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
You know that's fine, show, Okay.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
So anyway, point is it makes a difference. Go ahead
and try it. Find some of our practitioners to work
with or come work with us directly in our tantra
healing programs and get you some get you some juicy,
get you some juice, get your.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
And I think it's probably important to note too that
your masturbation practice is likely not a very short like
rush to orgasm. Right, you're spending those two times a week,
you're spending nice, mindful longer lengths of time in your
masturbation really like savoring it and cultivating your pleasure, which
is an important part I think to this aspect, well,
(26:23):
it's huge obating.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah, that's huge. And you just reminded me that we
actually just dropped the program for exactly that. That's how
bad of a salesperson I am, y'all. We actually have
a program called The Sacred Art of Self Pleasure for
Women where I walk you through my post tentre I'm
calling a post contra because it's the evolution of my
contra practice. It's a mingling of my tuntra practice with
(26:46):
the wisdom of the jungle where I walk us through
this beautiful, enriching, resourced practice for cultivating holistic sexual wellness.
And it does weave some of our entra into it,
of course, and with breath and movement and pleasure moodras
and just a juicy, delicious sacred self pleasure practice. So
(27:07):
at to your point, Elena, when I say practice, it's
very intentional. When I'm watching TV and I need to
shut it off, I look, I'm just I'm just going
for it, right, So that's the plant. Both you can
have it. Both you can have it all. But yeah,
where I noticed the most significant shift and my perimenopausal
journey was actually when I was using internal vaginal stimulation
(27:31):
along with the clitteral stimulation, so it was not just
clip focused and I wasn't just putting a vibrator on
my clit and having a genital sneeze. You're not. You
may get some effect from that. I can't say it
because I don't know because that's not what I'm doing.
Even when I'm doing a quickie, it's not with a vibrator,
So so you will. What I noticed is I got
the most transformative, like tangible, like it was like night
(27:53):
and day like I was like, oh, that was like
a forty five minute session with lots of internal vaginal massage.
The next day, I notice the difference, right, And it
makes sense with the internal vaginal massage because of the
reflexology points inside the vagina. So basically a vaginal penetration
is a reflexology treatment. Y'all you are you are massaging
(28:14):
your kidneys, your liver, your spleen, your lungs, and your heart.
Your massaging your major organs in your vagina, so doing
doing uh masturbation practice of pleasure practice, and including your
vagina in the party is part of what gives the transfer,
the full transformation of the full transformative results. Sorry my
(28:38):
mouth wasn't working. I would also be curious to see
what happens when you bring your anus to the party, right,
because you know, the anus is also plays a part
in all of this in terms of winds and energy,
body and hormones and portals and all that stuff. So
so we're gonna try that next and we'll report back
in season two probable experiment. So anyway, so sex and aging, yes,
(29:04):
it's a thing. So I can't advise you on you know,
supplements and herbs and whatever, because that's not my expertise.
But I can advise you that yoni yoga and regular
self pleasure with internal vaginal stimulation is your BFF, my friend,
that is your BFF.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Okay, next question, all right, this is a short one.
What are your thoughts on throatgasms?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I have many thoughts on throatgasms. Would you like to
start or would you like me to start?
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I'd like you to start because I want to think
about it a little more.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Okay, great, so throat gasms. So I think the question
probably is our throat gasm is a thing, and yes,
my friend, they are. Now I have not personally had
the pleasure of experiencing a throat gasm, maybe just because
I wasn't paying attention, but I know several of my
of our students and several colleagues have reported wonderful things.
And so when it comes to throatgasms, what what is
(29:57):
most often happening is you are giving fillatio. You are
worshiping the cock. You are paying homage, lavishing the linam,
paying homage whatever the king, whatever, whatever terminology you are
given head. That's what you're doing. Your given head to
a penis to a phallus, right, So some people, and
(30:19):
it doesn't have to just be you know, women, men
and women feel that stimulation at the back of the
throat or whatever part of the throat the lingam is hitting,
the vausura is hitting. Find that very pleasurable. And that
makes sense because we do have the vegus nerve that
passes through the throat right or in nervates the throat area.
(30:41):
So you're getting that vague stimulation similar to when our
cervix is being stimulated. That's the vegus nerve. The vegas
nerve is one of three nerves that innervate your cervix, right,
So that vegas nerve brings us some pleasure and enjoy y'all.
So when you are giving fillatio, you are basically massaging
your vegas nerve. That's one of the things you're doing.
(31:02):
And for some people that can give rise to orgasm. Also,
I would say on an energy body level, that experience
of pleasure, like that concentration of pleasure, your partner's pleasure
concentrating in your throat maybe part of what gives rise
to the orgasm there, the energetic charge of pleasure. I
know when I am have given you know, lingham loving
(31:24):
to a male partner, and the orgasm in my mouth, Like,
that's a lot of orgasm energy shooting in your brain.
So that I mean it's like I'm a little lightheaded
and whow a whole different reality at that point. So
so throat orgasms, Yeah, they're a thing. And I would
say if you would like to have throat orgasms and
(31:46):
you you know, get that, Sorry, my mouth is not
working today, if you would like, I'm getting ready for
a throat orgasm if you would like to have them.
My advice to you would be to relax. So when
you are giving fallatio, really relax your throat and really
(32:06):
attune to the sensation of what you are doing, and
receive the pleasure of your partner. Like really just relax
and open and receive, receive the lingam down your throat,
receive the pleasure from your partner, and just focus on
the sensation and the pleasurable sensation of it. And if
(32:29):
it doesn't feel good to you, girl, then do not
give you You're probably not gonna have an orgasm if
you don't enjoy it. Don't put that pressure on yourself
if you don't enjoy it and you're just kind of
fucking through it, you know, see if you can source
some pleasure in it. But if it's if giving had
is not a super enjoyable experience for you, chances are
you're not gonna have a throgasm. That just may not
be your thing.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, and we don't have to have every orgasm that
is possible in the entire world. It's okay to just
have the ones then that we really are drawn to.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
And no, just kidding, but yeah, exactly, good point. Don't
youself out about orgasm? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, And and the other thing that I was thinking
about in terms of, like it's the possibility of a
throgasm is also sort of like the psychological component of
it as well as like the responsive desire that comes
up with it. So I know a lot of folks
have responsive arousal, so the act of giving is something
(33:26):
that really turns them on. I know I'm like that,
like if I don't necessarily want to have sex, if
I'm if I get into a giving position, then I
become really responsive to it. So that in and of
itself can be a turn on as well as and
I think you alluded to this and what you were saying,
the psychological aspect of like the sexual act that you're doing,
and also the energy you're feeling and like the turnal
(33:48):
that you're feeling from how your partner is responding to
what you're doing can also elicit a lot of pleasure
and potentially orgasm.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Now I will say I have had I've had one
orgasms from from giving flatio like orgasms yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm like whoa yeah, and like with without even touching myself,
just like getting off on the my partner's orgasm, my
partner's pleasure. I've had my own orgasm. So I guess
I would kind.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Of be like.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
As a throgasm.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
I think it does. I would count it because it's
an orgasm that you're experiencing that is related to what
you're doing by giving head.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Okay, take it, I'll take it. I haven't had.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Okay, but I'm gonna I'm gonna say that it is related.
I'm gonna count it.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
All right, there we go. We get a check mark
for davy. It's a new kind of orgasm. I've had
throatgasms that I feel in my yoni from having cock
in my throat. Yes, I'll take it, right, Okay, So
is it my turn asked the question? Yes, okay, so
(34:58):
here we go. So we have a question about what's
the difference between squeezing the anus versus squeezing the pelvic
floor muscles? And where is the pelvic floor? How can
I make sure I'm engaging the right muscle? All right?
So teach us, Elena, teach us.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, So squeezing the anis so the anus and the
muscles around the anis not the anus itself, but the
muscles around it are one part of the pelvic floor.
So when you're squeezing the anis you're squeezing a part
of the pelvic floor, maybe not the whole part, but
the back end, the anterior part the pelvic floor is
this is an interconnected system of muscles that kind of
(35:36):
the way that it's described in medical text is that
they kind of intersect together like a hammock that sits
at the bottom of your body. So if you're a
yoni owner and you're kind of like sitting up straight
and your vulva is kind of flat against the chair,
then all of the muscles around your vulva and around
(35:56):
the anis that's your pelvic floor. So I know it
goes from either side. They're connected, I believe, to the
sits bones on either side, and then from the pelvic
bone in the front to the tailbone in the back,
I believe are the different anchor points for those different muscles,
(36:17):
and they are responsible for holding up our organs right
when we're standing up, and they're also responsible for reflexing
to the various processes that are happening inside of our body.
So one of them being you know, every time we breathe,
we inhale, we fill our lungs, and that pushes pressure
on our diaphragm in our body, and that pushes pressure
(36:40):
down on our pelvic floor. So the pelvic floor responds
and flexes outward to allow that breath process to happen
fully in our body. So it holds stuff in. It
creates those openings that allow us to pass. You know,
urine feces, have babies, squirt things like that, and that
(37:00):
also is responsive, allowing our body to function beautiful.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
And so for lingam owners, pardon me, people with penises
men similarly, I mean, the pelvaphore works the same in
you as it does in us. But a way to
understand which muscles you're engaging is by stopping and starting
your pee. So when you go urinate and you're standing
at the toilet, try squeezing, squeezing your muscles to hold
(37:30):
it back. So like you know, if you're out somewhere
and you've got a pee or you've got a pooh
and you can't just go on the street or in
your pants, you got to hold it in. Well, those
are the muscles you're using to hold it in. You're
using your public floor muscles. So if you want to
experiment a little way of training, I've trained men to
recognize and work with their public floor muscles. Is when
(37:50):
you're standing to pee, you know, you let you relax
and let the pea come out, and then you stop it.
And then you relax and you let the pea come out,
and then you stop it, and then you relax and
let the pea come out and then you stop. But
you do that like three to five times every time
you pee. It's a little public floor workout while you're urinating. Now,
you don't want to do it all the time because
you don't want to create issues, but you can do
it a few times, you know, a couple times a day,
(38:11):
a couple times every other day, whatever, just to kind
of acclimate yourself to what you got going on down there,
and then you can do more focused public floor exercises.
There's a variety you can do k goals. If you
want to learn the TNRIC version again, you can work
with us in our Contra Healing personal coaching programs where
we do teach both Yoni yoga for Yoni owners and
(38:32):
power wind exercises and public floor exercises for men and
people with penises. So they are muscles, Like it's just
insane to me. Like Western cultures like you don't need
to exercise your genitals, Yes, you do. They're surrounded by muscles,
you know. They muscles are an important part of achieving
and maintaining an erection. Muscles are an important factor in
(38:55):
our orgasms, our ability to have enriching, long, transformative orgasms.
For you men, your ability to control though your pelvic
floor muscles plays a role in your semen retention. For owners,
having developed pelvic floor muscles help with our orgasm, childbirth
and squirting, as well as our menstrual cycle and perimenopause
(39:17):
and menopausal stuff. So they're very important muscles that are
very had in Western society.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah, yeah, And like you said there, the pelpal floor
is involved in almost every sexual dysfunction that I can
think of, right, maybe with the exception of out of
control porn ears use or out of control sexual behavior,
but paginismus you know, painful penetration, anargosmia, premature ejaculation, archild's function,
(39:45):
anargasmia for linam owners as well low libido that are
all linked to the strength and tonicity of our pelvic
floor as well.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yep, so very important. And then for folks who may
have chronic tension in your public floor. The first thing
that I'm going to recommend is go get you a
public floor therapist if you can, you know, like get
some professional support. And the thing that I've learned from
my students, quite frankly in term who have had pelvic
(40:16):
floor issues is that generally there's not like a there's
not a weaving of pleasure in relationship to restoration of
the pelvic floor. And so work with your public floor specialists,
but also things like self pleasuring and then contracting and
releasing the public floor muscles has been very supportive for
healing the root cause of that chronic tension in the
(40:38):
public floor. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
Yeah, that's a huge aspect. And so just to wrap
it up, I guess the main question was how can
they make sure they're engaging the right muscles. You talked
about starting and stopping the flow of urine, which is
good for leoni owners and linam owners. I think it's
important to note too that like stopping and starting, the
flow of urine engages kind of almost the front of
(41:03):
the pelvic floor, while as squeezing the anus engages the back.
So once you have a sense of those two different feelings,
then you can focus on doing them both simultaneously so
that you get a full squeeze. And then Yoni owners
can also insert a clean finger into their vaginal canal
and they can practice, you know, squeezing around their finger
(41:26):
as well to locate to figure out how to feel,
how to flex their pelvic floor.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
And that's why using like a yony egg or something
is so great inside the vagina because you may not
feel it at first, but as you develop that vaginal
dexterity is I like to call it, you can then
start to feel more subtle sensations and grip. You actually
strengthen your grip from having something inside the vaginal canal. Yeah, okay,
(41:55):
all right, and next question.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
Dig it all right, Uh, I'm recovering from porn addiction,
so in not fantasizing, I'm already noticing how numb I am,
scarily numb. Because of that, it's really easy to get bored.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Mm hmm. Yeah. So I want to point out that
there's a difference between porn and fantasizing. Right, So, porn
is somebody feeding you what they believe is erotic. It's
their version of eroticism. It's it's it's it's a projection,
(42:37):
shall we say, And you, as a willing participant, are like, oh, okay,
I agree, that's sexy, and yes it's turning me on.
Your imagination is your version of what's sexy. Now. Of
course you can be fantasizing about things you see on porn.
Of course that's fine, but it's still your imagination. It's
inside you, and your imagination can be medicine, it can
(42:59):
be healing. So in relationship to recovering from porn addiction,
I want to invite you that your healing can still
be erotic. Right, whatever you got from from porn, that
stimulation you can cultivate inside your own mind, inside your
(43:19):
own awareness, and that isn't dissociating. That actually can be
used as a tool for connecting to your eroticism. Your
imagination is beautiful and fantasizing, like having erotic thoughts is
a real thing. Like the brain. As Elene always says,
that your brain is your biggest sexual organ, right, so
(43:42):
fantasizing about sex stuff is like then the body responds like,
that's kind of a miracle to me that you can
think about sexy stuff and you can get wet or
you can get hot just thinking about it, Like that's
really cool. Like nothing's happening. But I'm just thinking about
this and I'm getting and I'm having a physiological responsive
arousal from thinking of this. That that is beautiful. That
is the way God made you, and that is beautiful
(44:03):
and that is something to work with. And so I
want to applaud you from letting go of the visual porn,
like you know, let the Internet have keep that shit.
It's not meant for your well being. I trust me
when I tell you. I mean, I think porn can
be used skillfully, So I'm not judging porn as a thing,
but the porn industry is not here for your sexual
(44:27):
health and well being. I'm just not absolutely that's not
what their motivation is, right, So bearing that in mind,
so beautiful appause for you for stepping away from the
visual porn Internet porn and wanting to resource yourself. And
part of your resource is your imagination. So I'm going to,
you know, invite you if it feels appropriate, because you
(44:49):
know yourself better than I do. But allow in your
self pleasure practice as you're working with these methods, because
I know you're a student of the Institute, which is
how we got this question. So as you're working with
these methods. Allow yourself to be turned on by your imagination.
Think about things the fucking turn you on, that's yes,
and bring that turnin into your practice. That's the thing.
(45:13):
When you don't have the computer in front of you,
your attention is not going to the computer when it's
you and your imagination. It's all here inside of you.
It's an internal experience that you can integrate. You're weaving
your imagination and your eroticism, and you're fantasizing into your practice,
and you're using these methods, and you're noticing with your
(45:33):
breath and you're riding the waves of pleasure. This is
a beautiful thing. This is an integrative experience. It's an
integrative experience. So go on and get you some fantasy,
use that imagination, and allow your eros, your eroticism to
thrive in your own body and in your own imagination.
(45:56):
That is my advice to you. What you got to
say to that, Elena.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, I love that, Davy. That's beautiful. And what I
really like about it too, is it offers it offers
a solution to allow him to sort of feel some
sexual pleasure really quickly while he's also dealing with these
kind of frightening numb feelings that he's becoming aware of
right now. Because if he's a student, and if you
(46:22):
guys have been listening to us this whole time, you'll
know that when that numbness is a sign of a
block arising or you know, something that's going on in
with the tissue that needs to be released, and the
way to work with it is to bring our awareness
to that numbness. But that could be really challenging, especially
with numbness right like he's getting bored. It's hard to
(46:43):
know exactly what to do when you're sitting with that numbness.
It can be so frustrating, especially when it doesn't resolve
right away. Like I've dealt with some numbness in my
genitals as well, that if that's been really stubborn and persistent,
and it's so frustrating to kind of like continue to
use the methods that I know work, but to have
them take a long time to release, I can just
(47:04):
get really worked up about it. So it is really
nice to also have this to be able to fantasize,
to be able to kind of like engage that sexual
energy in you so that you can kind of like
it's a tool for helping you move that forward without,
like you said, associating from what you're doing. And I
like that when you're doing it, when you're sourcing it internally,
(47:26):
you can take breaks, like you can use it skillfully,
Like I can fantasize a little bit and get turned on,
and then I can bring my awareness back to my
numbness and breathe and feel into my tissue and like,
how does it feel now? And now I'm going to
masturbate a little bit, and maybe I'll fantasize a little
bit more, and then I'll stop and check back in
and see how that numbness feels. So it makes that
the process of releasing so much more pleasurable, I think.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
And so why you're describing what comes to mind is
the translating pleasure practice. So we're using the pleasure of
our erotic fantasy to feel, fuel the sexual activity, and
then apply that sexual energy to the numbness and the
cause of the numbness. So it's just translating pleasure. Instead
(48:10):
of body point to body point, it's mind to body
or energy to body, if that makes sense. But they
just got that translating pleasure thing, and now that we're
you know, talking about it, like, yeah, in terms of
using it to work through numbness, I'm realizing that, yes,
I've done that too, in terms of in terms of yeah,
like if I'm like whatever and not really getting turned
(48:32):
on or whatever, allowing myself to fantasize, like I've got
a couple like go to fantasies that really get me going, right,
allowing myself to fantasize, and then that brings some juice
literally juice to the experience, and then it can kind
of like it catalyzes it, so it kind of can
take off on its own, but you need some support
to get through that numbness. Otherwise, like you said, you're
(48:53):
gonna get bored, you're gonna get disinterested. And it doesn't
have to be fucking a slog y'all. Like, it does
not have to be a slow So use the supports
that you need, such as your imagination. Use your imagination
as a support for your practice. And in TNTRA, you know,
we're using our imagination. We're visualizing shapes and you know,
chanting sounds and visualizing things. So this is just another
(49:16):
way of using your imagination while you're while you're cultivating
your sexual energy. Yea, yay. All right, well that is
all that we have for you today, and uh, well
this is this is one of our last episodes again
for season one. So thank you so much for joining
(49:37):
us for the first Sexist Medicine reboot season. It has
been a joy and a delight and we cannot wait
to get back to you in season two. Season two,
we are going to have more guest interviews. I forgot
how much I like these until we started doing them again,
and I think y'all like them because y'all have been listening.
(49:58):
So we're gonna do a lot of guest interviews, and
then Elena and I are going to do a lot
of Q and A. And as you've noticed, we have
a band in our hot topic. Yes we did. We
left it by the wayside, mostly just because I fucking forget.
That's why I'm just like, oh God, what's to do
hot topic? So if we find one that we like,
we'll bring it into the conversation. But I'm kind of
(50:19):
too fluid to be like, Okay, this is our schedule,
and then I like throw our schedule out the window
because I completely fucking forget about it, and I'm just
going with what's happening in a moment. So that's the
way we ride here. That's the way we flow here.
So Season two will bring you lots of interviews and
lots of Q and A. So please keep those questions coming.
We love them, We love them, we love them. And
if you want to learn more about Holistic sexual Healing,
(50:40):
of course, go to our Holistic Sexology Institute dot com.
That is where we are hosting our tuntra for personal
healing and our Holistic Sexology certification. And as I have said,
we have two more weeks for our early registration, only
two two more weeks for early registration, save two thousand
dollars on your tuition. So if you want to go
get you a Holistic Sexology certificate in twenty twenty six,
(51:03):
make sure that you get in while you can, because
the tuition is going up by two thousand dollars, Like
why would you leave that on the table. All you
need to do is get your application in by the
thirty first. That's all you need to do. Application in
by the December thirty first, and we will get you
enrolled after the holidays and then you'll be up and running.
Classes start February twenty fifth, twenty twenty six, So Holistic
(51:24):
Sexology Institute dot com. Checkout our government accredited soon to
be a sect approved holistic Sexology certification program. Yay, all right, amigos,
Amigas muchas graassias, we wish you a blessed and loving
and supportive holiday season and we so look forward to
(51:44):
seeing you again in the new year. Make sure you
stay subscribed to US iTunes, Spotify, YouTube, and make sure
that you are on our Instagram channel as well. Because
we dish out. We pay a lot of money, a
lot of for you every week, so we want you
to appreciate it and take advantage of it because a
(52:06):
lot of energy and intention goes into those posts. So
much love, many blessings, and we'll see you next year.
Happy New Year.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
I you've been listening to sex Is Medicine, your number
one resource for holistic sex education.
Speaker 2 (52:20):
Make sure you like and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on
all your listening platforms, and follow us on Instagram, YouTube,
and TikTok where you can get your daily dose of
Sex's Medicine videos and episode recaps. Also, make sure you
register for your weekly dose of sexes Medicine at Holistic
Sexologyinstitute dot com and send us your questions please at
(52:42):
questions at Holistic Sexology Institute dot com. Thank you so
much for listening too. Sex is medicine.
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