October 8, 2021 • 46 mins
How does one go from being a Catholic Nun to a sexually empowered Tantrika? In this episode of Sex Is Medicine, Devi speaks with Certified Sexologist and Certified Authentic Tantra Practitioner, Laurie McCraken about her extraordinary journey from Catholic Nun, to Body Sex Practitioner, to Tibetan 5 Element Tantric Healer.
This episode is a MUST for those starting their journey of sexual healing and wanting inspiration, direction, and hope
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See you next week!
With Love,
Devi and Alaina
This episode is a MUST for those starting their journey of sexual healing and wanting inspiration, direction, and hope
Thank you for listening to Sex Is Medicine! We appreciate YOU! :-)
Please make sure you LIKE + SUBSCRIBE to Sex Is Medicine REBOOT! And please leave us a comment... we love to hear your thoughts!
Do you have a question you want answered on air? We are delighted to answer!
Send your questions to Questions@holisticsexologyinstitute.com
Learn more about our work at HolisticSexologyInstitute.com
Find out more about our government-accredited Holistic Sexology Certification Program.
See you next week!
With Love,
Devi and Alaina
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Sex's Medicine, your number one resource for holistic
sex education. I'm Davey word Ericson, and I invite you
to join me every week for another enriching and powerful
conversation about the intersection of sexuality, spirituality, pleasure, and personal growth.
Each episode of Sex's Medicine is dedicated to awakening your
(00:23):
heart and mind to the true purpose and power of
human sexuality. Please join me on this journey of self
discovery as we explore the art of using pleasure as
medicine to awaken, heal, and empower every area of your life.
Sex's Medicine broadcasts every Thursday at seven pm Pacific on
(00:45):
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and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on Spotify, Stitcher, tune in, iTunes, iHeartRadio,
and YouTube. And now get ready for another episode of
Sex Is Medicine. Hey, everybody, welcome to sex Is Medicine.
I am your host, Davey warred Ericson, Here with you
(01:08):
yet again for another adventure online talking about sexuality, spirituality, pleasure,
and personal growth. Make sure you stay connected to us
Between these awesome and amazing episodes have Authentic Tundra on
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(01:28):
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you tune in and tap in and start reaping the
benefits of the glory of understanding sex is medicine. So
this evening I have as you can see for those
(01:51):
of you who are watching the video online, you can
see my friend and associating colleague Laurie McCracken joining me
here live in person because she's at my location with me,
and it's such a wonderful thing after COVID to be
able to connect with people live and in person. Though
we know COVID isn't over, it's still running rampant, but
(02:12):
for those of us who've been vaccinated and are able
to share time and space safely with each other, we
very much appreciate that. So Laurie is here with me
to talk about how she used sex as medicine to
transform her life from a nun into a practicing Tandrica.
Laurie is also one of our contramastery instructors and certification instructors,
(02:36):
And I was just talking with Christopher last night about
how just blessed and honored we are to have people
of your caliber as part of our team, and yeah,
it's just I mean, there aren't words to describe how
much I admire you, and how much I admire Karen
and Sequita and Brian and all of our team members,
(02:59):
because you guys are just phenomenal and it's a privilege
to be able to work with you. So here we
are wanting to share Laurie's wisdom of the world. And
because like it's such a fucking amazing story, Laurie, like
I am unique and that I went from monk to
to uh stripper to Monkmong to Tondraga, but you went
(03:19):
from none to Tondriga. You skipped the whole stripper part.
So maybe that's to come here. Maybe one of another
videos could be like stripping for Riends, but not one.
So so I wanted to share your incredible, remarkable story
(03:40):
with all of our audience because it has touch, moved
and inspired so many people. So, Lauren mccrackn, tell us
about you. So what do you call yourself now? I'm
uh five element healing practitioner. Woo woo woo. Yes, yeah,
And like you said, I am just so honored to
(04:03):
be here and to be able to have the connection
that I have with someone who helped me to transform
my life. I don't recognize myself from just a few
years ago, and anybody who has seen me in the
last five years won't recognize me either. But it's been
(04:23):
such an amazing journey and one of healing that I
never imagined was even possible. And so and until I
finished the program, I was so ashamed of my story. Wow,
And when I look back now, I can laugh and
be really grateful and see all the points that connected
(04:46):
me and brought me here. And so I think what
I want to just let all your listeners know is
that since I've been able to do this, I know
you can no matter what situation you're in. And I
know myself. I felt broken, I felt hopeless. I didn't
(05:08):
know that there even was a pleasure potential that I
could experience in my own life. I was filled with anxiety.
I was a nurse and a workaholic in that as
an oncology nurse, and I had been in religious community
for twenty years, so I had the vows of poverty, chatter,
(05:29):
and obedience for all that time. And I can look
back now and say, I'm so grateful that my body
loved me enough to shut me down. I got severely depressed,
and I realize now it was because my body was
trying to tell me, you can't just be spiritual, right,
(05:49):
And I didn't realize at the time that it was
because of sexual trauma from when I was five years
old that had create the conditions so that I didn't
feel safe in my own body or in relationship with
other people, particularly men, to be fulfilled as a human being.
(06:14):
And so I just from that point of being so
disconnected and disassociated from my body to where I am now,
and the joy, the delight to be in my own
body and appreciate that and appreciate the people that I
(06:34):
live with that I love and be able to connect
and meaningful ways was something that I never thought was possible.
And to experience that is like the greatest medicine. And
even though that happened for me later in life, it
(06:54):
doesn't matter like age doesn't matter for our sexuality, for
our healing whenever we start and wherever we're at, that's
such a gift. So I think the thing is that
I didn't realize until I got sick and couldn't function
(07:15):
that my body mattered. That I knew, I think, you
know a little bit after that that I had a
body image issue, But I had no idea that I
hated and was disgusted by my own genitals until I
started working and started to heal my connection with my sexuality.
(07:40):
And so I say that because I think sometimes you know,
there's layers and layers to us understanding and getting to
know ourselves and being able to hold compassion for those
parts of us that are in pain and that we
don't know how to connect with ourselves. And that was
the other thing that I so appreciated about this program
(08:03):
was the incredible support. We all need support to become
who we are and to become fulfilled human beings, and
so you don't have to go this intensely at this
other right. So I had quite a bit a time
(08:28):
of support from my therapist, who was a dear friend
and an anchor for me, and the first person that
I think I ever felt heard by an experienced compassion
from and I was in my forties at that point,
and I would always smile. I was a very happy
person on the outside, but because I didn't want anybody
(08:50):
to know or ask questions when on the inside I
felt like I was dying and I didn't know who
I was. My identity at that point was as a nurse.
That's what I knew how to do, That's what I
was good at, that's what I love doing. So I
dove into that and that was my life. But outside
(09:13):
of that, I didn't know who I was or what
my potential was to even be in relationship with people
outside of a work environment. And I didn't realize that
at the time, right because that was my life. But
now looking back and seeing how far I've come, and
(09:37):
the hope that I feel so strongly and passionately for
any of you that feel stuck in a way that
you don't know where to go or how to move forward,
is seeking. I was seeking at that point, look follow
(10:00):
your heart like it's out there. And I had no
idea that something like authentic timetra existed, And of course,
being a nun, I wouldn't have even looked at it.
But I was lucky enough when I got to energy
medicine school to be introduced to people that would say
(10:21):
things like, Laura, you have none written across your forehead,
like you are a virgin. And I was horrified, like
I didn't want that, and I didn't realize how shut
down I was. But luckily I was with people I
was on a journey to discover and get to know myself,
and other people that felt safe to be with, that
(10:45):
could support me. And so for example, and of course
we were dealing with the different Chokras, so sexuality and
all of this stuff started coming up that I had
never dealt with. So, just to give you an idea,
when I was fifty eight, is the first time I
had sex, sexual intercourse, sexual consensual sex and sensual sexual
(11:08):
intercourse with a with a man with a penis holder. Yes, yes, exactly.
And how that man ever got me to trust him
is still a mystery to me. But he was like
an angel for me at that time in my life.
And I was in school and the dean of the
school had said, Laurie, you know what, your sexuality is
(11:29):
this big, Your spirituality is this big, and that's not okay. Yeah,
the imbalance, Yeah, the imbalance is way too much. So
she wanted me to go out with a man and
with a woman so that I could get to know
what my sexual orientation was at some point in my life.
And well, I love how life supports us and just
(11:51):
people that it put in my path. And so I
ended up going to New York thought I had the
job that I had dreamed of with a mentor of mine,
and I met her hairdresser, who was so funny. He's
a hairdresser, a dance instructor, and a wrestling match instructor,
(12:12):
and he was someone though that was so comfortable in
his body. And he offered to give me dance lessons,
he offered to you know, get to know me better,
and he was my teacher. And I kept saying them,
this is sex, one oh one, and what was So
it was perfect for me because I couldn't have handled
(12:34):
anything more than that at that time. And so, I mean,
and it helped me. I had to be really honest
with him and say because I had no even though
I was a nurse, I had no experience with being
with a man, and yet I felt like a teenager.
Then right to have someone be interested in me and
(12:58):
willing to teach me. And so I was like on
cloud nine for nine months there, and I don't think
I slept. It sounds. So I'm going to put a
pauseure right there, because that is a whole lot. So
I want to circle back to a few things that
you mentioned. So number one for our listening audience, So
the first time that you had penetrative intercourse was when
you were fifty eight. So we do get some questions
(13:20):
sometimes from people who are you know, lifelong virgins or
you know, haven't had intercourse with another person in most
of their lives and they're now in their forties and
fifties and sixties, right, and so they feel so hopeless
sometimes are alone, or maybe it's just a personal choice.
You just really don't want to go there, maybe you're
asexual and you're not inclined. But for those people who
who do want to go there and haven't had the
(13:42):
opportunity and have more in that, I guess I just
want to, like, you know, pull that out to to
really to share and focus on that you know, you're
not alone and that you one of our authentic contra
you know, instructors. That was your you know, that was
your journey. It took you until you were fifty eight
to start having your sexual awakening. But once you said
(14:02):
yes to that and started moving towards that and moving
with that energy, it's I mean, you're now A'sndrika. I
also want to circle back to how this journey all began,
which was was you know, you initially deciding to become
a nun. And so you shared that you know, in
your childhood, you you had a incident of sexual abuse
(14:26):
or sexual misconduct when you were five, which is a
really critical age for that to occur. And it sounds
like the way you coped with that was to dissociate
from it entirely and just kind of and disassociate from
your body and disassociate from your genitals. Right, And again,
I wanted to pull that out because that is so
common in the society, and so for those of you
(14:47):
who are out there listening and are like, you know,
why have I never felt connected to my body or
my sexuality or why do I hate my body and
my sexuality? That's trauma, that the underlying the root cause.
That's self hatred and self denial, and aversion is a wound,
is a trauma, So just being mindful of that instead
(15:08):
of like judging and blaming and shaming ourselves, just acknowledging
that we have wounds and using that as an invitation
to explore maybe what those wounds we are were and
are and so those wounds, how driven we are in
our life by those wounds, Those wounds propelled you forward
in life to really accentuate the spiritual and disassociate from
(15:32):
the physical. And I'm also pointing this out because this
is our religious traditions, you guys. This is what almost
every major religion on the planet teaches. Buddhism in a
certain path teaches the Hinnean a path teaches a version
to the form Hinduism, you know, some forms of traditional
contras about bypassing the physical and only focusing on the
spiritual and energetic. And that is an actual documented trauma response.
(15:56):
When our needs for connection and trust and safety as
children are not, one of the coping mechanisms is to
disassociate into either the spiritual or intellectual realm, disconnect from
the body, and develop an aversion to the physical because
that's where we feel our pain is in the flesh, right,
So it's an avoidance technique to cope with this trauma.
(16:17):
But this led you to becoming a nun. So how
old were you when you became a nun. I was
right out of nursing school actually, so I was twenty
years old. Wow. Twenty years old? Wow wow wow wow. Yeah.
And so what was this? I mean, that's a unique
thing to be a nun. I was a monk, and
people are like, you were a monk and you were
(16:38):
a nun, right, So what was that? Like, why that
group and what was that group about specifically? Yeah, so
that was a group that was all based in unity,
building unity in the world. So it was either that
and it was a lay movement, but it was much
more strict than most, you know, Catholic orders, and it
(17:06):
was within the Catholic Church. I grew up Protestant and
became Catholic. But I became Catholic because to me, the
word Catholic universal and I really wanted to make a
difference in the world. I felt like there was so
much pain. I had experienced so much emotional pain myself,
and I wanted to support other people not to have
(17:29):
to experience that. And I I just like it was
that or the Peace Corps like kind of thing, right,
But because this was about building bridges between religions, between races,
all of those things that still have always been in
(17:50):
my heart, I thought this was something that would do it.
And we didn't wear religious habits. It was the way
we lived it. And for me, it's I need to
be able to have whatever I'm doing be a way
of life that I can live in every moment of
my day and that affects every aspect of my life.
(18:10):
So that's what brought me into it, But I didn't
realize how unbalanced it was, and that essentially now in hindsight,
is like a cult, you know. And so what's beautiful
to me about that is, though that that deep desire
for community, for helping make the world a better place
(18:35):
and benefiting other beings is exactly what I found in
the Institute of Authentic Tuntrip. Like when I heard Davy
speak and it was a podcast I was way back
in Massachusetts, and when I heard her say that every
orgasm is a glimpse of enlightenment, I'm like, I have
(18:55):
never heard that before, and it made so much sense
to me. I'm like, that's the missing peace, this is wisdom,
this is truth. Like, how do I get to know
more about that? And the other thing you said that
struck me so much is in order to be fulfilled
as human beings, we need to fully express as our
(19:18):
sexuality and when we do, there will be peace on earth.
And I'm like, oh my god, that makes total sense.
And somehow I knew, because I had such an aversion
to men in general and hatred. Actually at that point,
(19:39):
I when I heard you talk, I could feel that
you were someone who was living what you were speaking,
and that you had healed your own life through these
these beliefs, these techniques, these methods that you were sharing,
and so I knew I would feel safe with you,
(20:01):
and I felt so much hope that I would be
able to be healed and heal things that I felt
hopeless about and powerless about up until that point. And
so thank you for all of that. And what stood
out for me is, so we want to heal things.
What happens when we're healed? Wow? Well, I can only
(20:26):
say that now I have so much less anxiety. I
mean layers and layers, that's what I don't recognize. That
I am at home in my body. I feel good,
I can open up and allow pleasure to experience it.
And see. What I realized too along the way is
(20:49):
that because of that incident when I was five years old,
until I started unraveling and healing this and in its
own time, I didn't realize that there terror and pleasure
had been locked together. I was terrorizing that moment, but
I must have also experienced great pleasure. And so every
(21:10):
time as I was healing around my sexuality to ever orgasm,
I would heel incredible. I would feel incredible emotional pain
before I could ever get to the pleasure. And I
never understood that. But what was beautiful to me is
that the methods like the ocean breath, the way that
(21:32):
we breathe allowed my nervous system to feel safe enough
in my own body so I could relax, and I
would just start bawling my eyes out, knowing that I
was releasing whatever it was that was there that I
didn't need to know, but it was allowing the layers
of all that stuckness in my cels to be released
(21:53):
so that then I could experience more. I could feel
what it feels like to be safe. I could feel
what it feels it's like to experience pleasure without having
to go through pain. Wow, and that that is so
beautifully described. And so the image that I'm getting and
what's really you know, alive for me right now is that,
(22:14):
you know, our baseline as human beings is this bliss, joy, peace, awareness.
Like that's the thing I think that we don't really
understand that, Like the core of the human design is
love and peace and bliss. That's we're not wired for,
you know, pain and suffering and misery, which is why
it hurts. We're wired for love and pleasure and connection.
(22:36):
That's literally what our brains are designed to thrive with.
And so because the society that we live in is
so out of alignment with that, we have all this
accumulation of pain and shit and that's you know, inherited
and historical and all those all those things. It's it's intergenerational.
And so by the time we land here, you know,
(22:57):
in this little incarnation that we're in, we have all
the relation of all that shit in our DNA. But
then also we're coming up in this world that just
reflects all of that cloudiness back to us. So in
order to re establish that baseline of bliss, which never
goes away, that's inherent within us. But we have to excavate,
(23:18):
we have to like dig through the layers and the wounds.
We have to as you said, release and literally create
space in our physical body and our energy body, our
emotional body, all of that. We literally have to create space.
And that process of creating space is using the methods
that you were describing, so the ocean breathing, the moving
(23:40):
towards the genitals and you know, buy it through a
pleasurable touch and orgasmic awareness and you know, all those
sexual healing methods. Moving towards the thing that we have
aversion to. And when we move towards it, we become
aware of the pain. Right, We become aware of like,
oh my god, look at all this shit. And the
mistake that occurs when we don't have idance and support
(24:01):
is we think that the shit is a stop sign, like,
oh well, if I was okay, I wouldn't have all
the shit. So therefore I need to like stop doing
this because it's making me aware of all this shit.
And when we don't have tools, that shit is overwhelming.
I remember back in the day when I was suicidal
and stuff, it was like there was no pathway through.
It was like I was the suffering and I were one.
We were one, one thing, and there was no pathway
(24:23):
through the suffering. All there was was suffering, right so
to have. So that's why supporting guidance is so necessary,
is to be that shining light at the end of
the tunnel of darkness, so to speak, holding the line
and saying I'm here, you know, so focus on me
and so that you get through. And when that anchor
is also anchored in pleasure based awareness, it's it's not
(24:46):
just I'm going to fuck through this tunnel of misery.
It's Oh, I'm going to relax and breathe. Oh I'm
going to orgasm. Oh I'm going to dance. Oh I'm
actually enjoying myself as I'm moving through this misery. So
the misery actually falls away even more effectively and easily
because we're not all constricted and contracted by the pain.
That's why pleasure is such effective medicine, is because it
(25:09):
allows us to swoon and the bliss, you know, mind nature, bliss,
void nature of pleasure, while everything that isn't in alignment
with that sloughs off and falls away. And that's such
a beautiful description that you gave of that of that
of that process and the importance of of of having
(25:30):
I call pleasure the loube. It's like lubricat right, like
you know, or like's you know, trying to get your
foot into a shoe that doesn't fade it. Put some
vacolina on that shape and slide it right in right.
That's the same thing in terms of healing trauma or
just healing in general, is having the pleasure be the
lubricant to facilitate the process with grace and ease. Yeah,
(25:53):
that's so beautiful. And and what you're saying, dB is
the thing is that most of us have heard these things,
but to experience it and to give ourselves permission, because
that's what I realized at a certain point, is that
my whole life, all my thoughts, my beliefs were like
wrapped in shame and the more. And so I don't
(26:14):
need to focus on that. It's focusing on the pleasure.
There's also pain, but that's only half of the equation
and half of our life. Why don't we also give
credit and try to move into and experience that because
it's that experience ourselves. Just like you know, if you
can read music, it's great that you can see a
(26:36):
beautiful song, but when you hear it, when you're in
front of it a concert, and just the vibrations of that,
it's a whole different thing. And giving ourselves permission and
the support it to know and the tools to know
how to feel safe enough in our own bodies. I
think it particularly is women and a lot of men too.
(26:58):
We are not conscious of that. And I know for
myself too that these methods between the meditation, like how
the whole program is so like it's just all wisdom,
is what's my experience? Because I needed the meditations first.
It's like tie trading knowing how to kind of loosen
(27:19):
the things that have been stuck and running my life
that I wasn't aware of. Now I become aware of them,
so I can make a choice. And I want to
pause there to explain a little bit about how the
meditations work, so because you brought that to mind. So
the meditations, just so you guys know, are energy body yoga,
and so what these the Tibetan fi the element meditations
do is they begin to clean and purify dense patterns
(27:43):
in your energy body. But also the function of meditation
is it rewires your brain, It rewires in neural pathways.
It literally grows, increases parts of the brain that are
responsible for like well being and cognitive function, and decreases
areas of the brain that are responsible for aggression. Right,
So it actually heals your brain, so that for you
(28:03):
listening audience, that is the benefit of Specifically, there's BET
and five element meditations. I don't know about other meditations.
I can't speak to those in terms of their efficacy
for rewiring. But that's one of the reasons why the
Vajurani yoga practices of the Five Elements are so effective
is because of that dual effect of working both on
(28:24):
the energy body to eradicate dense energy patterns, but also
to literally heal the brain matter and literally rewire the programming.
And that's why our reality changes, because we're literally rewiring
the software that programs the lens, that dictates the lens
that we view life through. That's literally being purified. Yeah,
(28:45):
yeah's so powerful. Yeah, And I think that's when I
first realized that, oh my gosh, I did not know
the self negative talk, the depth of it, and how
detrimental to my own physical wellbeing. That's what's violence. Violence,
The violence that we commit against ourselves in our own minds,
like no one can be as cruel as I can be,
(29:05):
right right, yeah, so that is so huge that you
became That's one of the thing first things you became
aware of, is that undercurrent of self abuse. Yes, yeah, wow,
that was huge. Wow. And now I realized what I
love to is that, like the four pillars of healing,
that we have the meditation. So if I'm feeling off
(29:28):
or out of balance, I just check in quickly and
can say have I meditated today? Have I moved today?
Am I connected with myself? Or have I connected with
someone else? And have I experienced pleasure in any way?
And that can be a cup of tea, right, It
doesn't have to be sexual pleasure. It's all areas of
our life. And for me, that check in in seconds
(29:50):
helps me to say, oh, no, okay, so I haven't
moved yet, all right. And I noticed when I do
these practices, I feel connected to myself, I feel whole,
I feel calm, I feel present. And I got to
tell you before I was like living in the future,
talk about you know, anxiety of the future and pleasure anxiety,
(30:15):
Like I didn't even know that existed. But when I
heard that and started learning these tools and practices, I'm like,
oh my gosh, they worked in a way that my
body couldn't deny and my mind couldn't either. Yeah. So
it just to feel at home and calm and present
(30:36):
for other people as well as myself, and that whatever
I'm doing, whether it's washing the dishes or having an orgasm,
I can dedicate that to the benefit of all beings.
I mean, that's huge to me. So I love I
love what you're saying in terms of, like what you
found through this particular modality is this union of your
(30:58):
spirituality and your physicality, right, and so just you know,
put you out there. This isn't meant to be an
infomercial for authentic country we were talking about because we
love it. This is that we love. But whatever your
pathway home is, like, we celebrate and support that. But
you do need a path in order to excel. But
but let's circle back to so you were none. You
were none for you know, two decades, it sounds like,
(31:20):
and then you have you had a breakdown, which it
sounds like, change the course of your life and set
you on the path to where you were today. So
if you're open to sharing, like what was that breakdown?
What was that break breakdown? And breaking point about? And
then and then uh, what what happens as the result
of that? Yeah, So I think it made me realize
(31:43):
how disconnected I was from my body. Wow. And so
I started on the journey of healing too and got
into therapy and luckily found an amazing person that supported
me to actually said like, I'm going to let you
borrow my ego until you find yours. And so Beniaka
(32:06):
is making an appearance. Yeah. And so once I started
working through that disconnect, it took which took me a
good number of years to get that far, and then
I was able. I didn't think i'd be able to
(32:26):
work again as a nurse. I didn't know if what
the future of my life would be. And so once
I got to a certain point that I realized that
I needed to not be part of that religious group
I needed to in order to heal. I needed to
be on my own and start my own life. And then,
(32:49):
after many years of that, got into the energy medicine.
I started working with emotions to do the emotion code myself,
to work with people I wanted to leave the medical
Western world and work on prevention, on healing, what the
inate ability of our bodies right, understanding that and moving
(33:13):
towards what uplifted me, what brought me joy, and what
was healing for me? And I really followed my heart
and so at a certain point I knew that my
sexuality was the next thing to deal with, and so
I started I went to High Workshops, which is the
Human Awareness Institute, which is all about intimaci's sexuality and love.
(33:35):
And what was important about that for me is that
I had never been in a place where I could
be vulnerable and was supported and deal with sexuality. And
that's when we were doing different exercises that memory started
coming up, awarenesses of why and what was happening, of
(33:57):
why I had such an aversion to anything sexual wool
around my own body or other people. And so I
would go from breakdown to breakthrough, from breakdown to break through.
And because it was the first time that I wasn't
the one holding space for those being vulnerable. Wow, you
finally you were finally able to be in a container
(34:18):
where the space was being held for you. Wow. That's
so huge. Yeah. Wow. And again this is in my
fifth late fifties. So, and then after that, at one
of those workshops, I met a man who was amazing,
and he as he was supporting me, was in tears himself, said,
you know, this is how I white knuckled through this,
(34:40):
and I'm happy to help you here. And it was
such it was a very safe space for me to
be in in a large group, and so I began
conversations and for a number of years just we would
talk for hours, and because he was a recovering Catholic
(35:02):
and had sexual stunted development too, and it was like
our inner children just loved each other and so we
were healing through our conversations. That was such medicine. And
then through him, he introduced me to Betty Dawson. Now
I'm sixty two, right, and I just could not believe
(35:23):
that this woman was teaching other women how to masturbate
and it was in circles being naked. It's like I
was horrified, and at the same time something intrigued me
when I saw this video of her doing this. And
once I got over the absolute shock and disgust, I'm like,
(35:43):
oh no, i feel like I'm being called to do
workshop with her. So I went to New York for
a weekend with her being naked with fifteen other women
from around the world, and I was so scared. I
broke out in a rash all over my body. I
looked like a leper, and I'm sure it was my
(36:04):
fears and vulnerabilities coming out from my bone marrow. And
that lasted a year and a half. But I went
anyway because I knew I would regret it as scared
as I. You had a rash for a year and
a half. Yes, Oh my god, Oh my god, that's
a huge, beautiful it was nothing like that had ever happened. Wow. Yeah,
(36:26):
And that weekend with those women and Betty Dotson, I
healed five decades worth of shame and guilt around my sexuality.
It was so amazing. And I think, as Betty says,
you know, because there was nothing hidden, we had nothing
to hide, and we're showing and naming our genitals, and
(36:51):
I mean, just the most absurd thing that I ever
could have imagined doing. And yet I was healed in
a profound way. And so I went back. I'm like, oh,
thank god, that's over with. I'm like, oh no, there's
a certification one coming up. But I felt called to
go to that. So I'm like, oh my God, but
(37:11):
I knew I had to follow my heart because there
was such profound healing there. I went became certified in
doing these body sex workshops, and before I left Massachusetts,
by nine to one year old mother wanted to come.
She asked if she could come and be part because
she didn't understand what on earth I was doing, why
I needed to heal my sexuality. But she, seeing the
(37:34):
books and hearing the conversations, was realizing she had a
lot that was not healed for her too. So I
had an opening and she came, and of course I'm
greeting the women naked at the door. We have our vibrators,
were naming our vovas, and she was right in there
(37:54):
with the rest of us, the whole thing, and we
had so much fun and we we healed like we
have a good We've always had a good relationship. But
there was some veil of something that I couldn't quite understand,
and it was really painful for me. After that day,
(38:15):
that weekend workshop, there is nothing hidden between us. She
saw me in my joy and understood the importance of
why this is important to heal. She opened up, and
as I was learning about the program here and hearing
and feeling called to move out to the West Coast
in order to do this in person, she met a
(38:38):
seventy six year old man and they could not move
in fast enough, and I could not move out fast.
So my concern about leaving my ninety one year old
mother and moving out west was like, how life took
care of everything. Let me know that this is my
path and this is what I was meant to be
doing and moving out because someone had told me, Laurie,
(39:01):
if you can move to the West Coast, you will
feel so different in your body and take a sabbatical
so that you can do the healing work you need
to do. And I knew I needed to do that
in person. For me, that was important. Well, I love
how life worked out by sending so your mom is
a sexual awakening. That's not. It's not just like all
(39:23):
life worked out because I got the right pair of shoes.
Life worked out because your mom had a sexual awakening
and then pulled in a man two decades younger than
she is and still to this day, your mom is
how old now? She just had her nine just had
her ninety fifth birthday, and she is still thrown down.
She is absolutely prioritizes her sexual enjoyment like that's number
(39:46):
one and maybe telling me, she's like telling the doctor,
can I still have sex? Like I'm not willing to
do anything that is going to interfair with my sex
life at ninety five? So hell yes, Like what a
testament to the healing power and the intergeneration feeling right,
Yeah yeah, yeah, So and to this day, like I
know my mother and I that relationship is so beautiful
(40:10):
and so complete conversations. I have the deepest conversations with her.
She wanted to be my practical client as I was
going through Yeah, I remember that she was first students
and for Mother's Day, I send her lube, you know,
I mean it's and so she's been such an inspiration
and a reminder that age does not matter. Yeah, no, no,
(40:33):
it's not that. It's not the it's not the cock
bloc that we're taught about, right, yeah, in fact, and
I love it because this is such an important piece of
the conversation in terms of sexuality, because so often the
conversation is a it's heateronormative though that's changing, It's very
white though that's changing. But also agism is a huge aspect, right,
(40:57):
it's only for the young and the sexy. You're up
to a certain point, and so to have conversation stated
for people to hear you say that, like, the first
time you ever had intercourse was at the age of
fifty eight, and you're now you're now sixty fivety seven,
you're six eight, you're sixty eight. I know, I mean
your forty five, I know. Okay, you guys the power.
(41:22):
This looks like she's forty five and she's sixty exactly.
I don't talk about shutting right, So you're sixty eight
and going strong and having your sexual blossoming, Lama Tash,
she's eighty five and is throwing down your mom is
ninety five. So like that's like, like our sex is
(41:42):
This to me speaks so much, so clearly to how
our sexuality is such an integral part to her humanity. Right,
no matter how old we are, it's still a part
of us, like babies masturbait in the womb, right, I mean,
so our sexual connection to our genitals is just an
inherent part of being human. Yeah, yes, Well, what an
amazing story. Laurie and the Kraken, the joy Ologist. I
(42:07):
wanted to have you on because it's such a phenomenal story.
It says, like I think, is as unique and intricate
and enriching as my own story. And so you are
a Tuntra Mastery instructor with the Institute, and you're also
a Certification instructor with the Institute. And you also do
work called Emotion Code, which works with the emotions and
energy body. So for people who want to get a
(42:29):
hold of you and work with you one on one,
how do they go about doing that? Well, you can
reach me at Louri at Lori at Authentic tunter dot
com or at the Institute. I'm on the page of
the teacher the faculty there, all right, So you can
find out more about you at Authentic Talker dot com.
Wonderful and one of our Tantra Mastery instructors if you
(42:50):
want to learn more about how to work with Louri
and all of her myriad of gifts and talents. You
won't find Laurie on social media so much because she
doesn't like it, I feel you, but you might see
her beautiful face here and there as we promote her
as one of our instructors at the Institute. So, Laurie,
for people who are just beginning their journey of sexual
(43:13):
healing and awakening, what are some words to the wise
that you might offer For people who are who are
just kind of like they're aware, you know, they at
that point in life, they're where they're aware that they
want more. They're listening to this podcast, so they're interested
in exploring what words of encouragement or wisdom can you
offer to help guide their path? Yeah. I think trust
that impulse because that's your potential speaking, that's your birthright,
(43:39):
and trust that following that is going to lead you
exactly to where you need to be. And if it's here,
that would be great. I would be so honored to
support you on that path. But just don't give up.
Keep going. You deserve that, you are worthy of that,
(44:03):
and you matter, and that desire matters, your pleasure matters,
and you're never too old. It's never too late, it's
never too late, Like, how much better to have this,
reclaim this before we leave these bodies, versus to leave
these bodies never having touched. Oh my gosh, absolutely yes, yeah, yeah,
(44:24):
all right, my friends, thank you so much, Thank you, Laurie.
What a beautiful conversation. Thank you all for joining us
this evening. It's such a gift and a pleasure. Do
you want to let you guys know that we're going
to be wrapping up for the winter this month of October.
These are going to be the last episodes of twenty
twenty one. We're taking November and December off to regenerate
and recoup, and we have some exciting stuff in store
for you in twenty twenty two. So make sure that
(44:46):
you go to our website, Authentic tuntra dot com and
sign up for all of our announcements so you are
in the know about all the fun stuff happening. And
stay connected with us between sessions at Authentic tuntra dot
com website, but also Authentic on Instagram and Facebook. And
make sure you check out our YouTube channel, Sex is
Medicine with Love at the Contra. Have a beautiful night.
(45:06):
Let us know your thoughts and feelings. You'll rey to
send us questions and feedback to the site and we
look forward to connecting with you again next week. Have
a beautiful night. You've been listening to Sex's Medicine with
Davey ward ericson your number one resource for holistic sex education.
You can listen to and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on Spotify, Stitcher,
(45:27):
tune In, iTunes, iHeartRadio, and YouTube. Just search Sex's Medicine
with Davy Ward. Stay connected with me and my guests
on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at authentic Contrap and learn
how you can use contra as medicine to heal, awaken,
and empower every area of your life at authentic tontra
dot com. Make sure to tune in to Sex's Medicine
(45:50):
every Thursday at seven pm Pacific. Uncontact Talk Radio Network
and join our watch party every Thursday evening on Facebook
at authentic Tontra. We look forward to you joining us
next week for another episode of Sex Is Medicine with
Davey Bourne.
Welcome to Sex's Medicine, your number one resource for holistic
sex education. I'm Davey word Ericson, and I invite you
to join me every week for another enriching and powerful
conversation about the intersection of sexuality, spirituality, pleasure, and personal growth.
Each episode of Sex's Medicine is dedicated to awakening your
(00:23):
heart and mind to the true purpose and power of
human sexuality. Please join me on this journey of self
discovery as we explore the art of using pleasure as
medicine to awaken, heal, and empower every area of your life.
Sex's Medicine broadcasts every Thursday at seven pm Pacific on
(00:45):
Contact Talk Radio Networking. You can listen to the replay
and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on Spotify, Stitcher, tune in, iTunes, iHeartRadio,
and YouTube. And now get ready for another episode of
Sex Is Medicine. Hey, everybody, welcome to sex Is Medicine.
I am your host, Davey warred Ericson, Here with you
(01:08):
yet again for another adventure online talking about sexuality, spirituality, pleasure,
and personal growth. Make sure you stay connected to us
Between these awesome and amazing episodes have Authentic Tundra on
Instagram and Facebook, and make sure you sign up for
our multitude of free offerings at our website authentic tontra
(01:28):
dot com. We've got ebooks, we've got videos, we've got
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stuff that we've been curating for you for the past
eight years. There's so much content, so make sure that
you tune in and tap in and start reaping the
benefits of the glory of understanding sex is medicine. So
this evening I have as you can see for those
(01:51):
of you who are watching the video online, you can
see my friend and associating colleague Laurie McCracken joining me
here live in person because she's at my location with me,
and it's such a wonderful thing after COVID to be
able to connect with people live and in person. Though
we know COVID isn't over, it's still running rampant, but
(02:12):
for those of us who've been vaccinated and are able
to share time and space safely with each other, we
very much appreciate that. So Laurie is here with me
to talk about how she used sex as medicine to
transform her life from a nun into a practicing Tandrica.
Laurie is also one of our contramastery instructors and certification instructors,
(02:36):
And I was just talking with Christopher last night about
how just blessed and honored we are to have people
of your caliber as part of our team, and yeah,
it's just I mean, there aren't words to describe how
much I admire you, and how much I admire Karen
and Sequita and Brian and all of our team members,
(02:59):
because you guys are just phenomenal and it's a privilege
to be able to work with you. So here we
are wanting to share Laurie's wisdom of the world. And
because like it's such a fucking amazing story, Laurie, like
I am unique and that I went from monk to
to uh stripper to Monkmong to Tondraga, but you went
(03:19):
from none to Tondriga. You skipped the whole stripper part.
So maybe that's to come here. Maybe one of another
videos could be like stripping for Riends, but not one.
So so I wanted to share your incredible, remarkable story
(03:40):
with all of our audience because it has touch, moved
and inspired so many people. So, Lauren mccrackn, tell us
about you. So what do you call yourself now? I'm
uh five element healing practitioner. Woo woo woo. Yes, yeah,
And like you said, I am just so honored to
(04:03):
be here and to be able to have the connection
that I have with someone who helped me to transform
my life. I don't recognize myself from just a few
years ago, and anybody who has seen me in the
last five years won't recognize me either. But it's been
(04:23):
such an amazing journey and one of healing that I
never imagined was even possible. And so and until I
finished the program, I was so ashamed of my story. Wow,
And when I look back now, I can laugh and
be really grateful and see all the points that connected
(04:46):
me and brought me here. And so I think what
I want to just let all your listeners know is
that since I've been able to do this, I know
you can no matter what situation you're in. And I
know myself. I felt broken, I felt hopeless. I didn't
(05:08):
know that there even was a pleasure potential that I
could experience in my own life. I was filled with anxiety.
I was a nurse and a workaholic in that as
an oncology nurse, and I had been in religious community
for twenty years, so I had the vows of poverty, chatter,
(05:29):
and obedience for all that time. And I can look
back now and say, I'm so grateful that my body
loved me enough to shut me down. I got severely depressed,
and I realize now it was because my body was
trying to tell me, you can't just be spiritual, right,
(05:49):
And I didn't realize at the time that it was
because of sexual trauma from when I was five years
old that had create the conditions so that I didn't
feel safe in my own body or in relationship with
other people, particularly men, to be fulfilled as a human being.
(06:14):
And so I just from that point of being so
disconnected and disassociated from my body to where I am now,
and the joy, the delight to be in my own
body and appreciate that and appreciate the people that I
(06:34):
live with that I love and be able to connect
and meaningful ways was something that I never thought was possible.
And to experience that is like the greatest medicine. And
even though that happened for me later in life, it
(06:54):
doesn't matter like age doesn't matter for our sexuality, for
our healing whenever we start and wherever we're at, that's
such a gift. So I think the thing is that
I didn't realize until I got sick and couldn't function
(07:15):
that my body mattered. That I knew, I think, you
know a little bit after that that I had a
body image issue, But I had no idea that I
hated and was disgusted by my own genitals until I
started working and started to heal my connection with my sexuality.
(07:40):
And so I say that because I think sometimes you know,
there's layers and layers to us understanding and getting to
know ourselves and being able to hold compassion for those
parts of us that are in pain and that we
don't know how to connect with ourselves. And that was
the other thing that I so appreciated about this program
(08:03):
was the incredible support. We all need support to become
who we are and to become fulfilled human beings, and
so you don't have to go this intensely at this
other right. So I had quite a bit a time
(08:28):
of support from my therapist, who was a dear friend
and an anchor for me, and the first person that
I think I ever felt heard by an experienced compassion
from and I was in my forties at that point,
and I would always smile. I was a very happy
person on the outside, but because I didn't want anybody
(08:50):
to know or ask questions when on the inside I
felt like I was dying and I didn't know who
I was. My identity at that point was as a nurse.
That's what I knew how to do, That's what I
was good at, that's what I love doing. So I
dove into that and that was my life. But outside
(09:13):
of that, I didn't know who I was or what
my potential was to even be in relationship with people
outside of a work environment. And I didn't realize that
at the time, right because that was my life. But
now looking back and seeing how far I've come, and
(09:37):
the hope that I feel so strongly and passionately for
any of you that feel stuck in a way that
you don't know where to go or how to move forward,
is seeking. I was seeking at that point, look follow
(10:00):
your heart like it's out there. And I had no
idea that something like authentic timetra existed, And of course,
being a nun, I wouldn't have even looked at it.
But I was lucky enough when I got to energy
medicine school to be introduced to people that would say
(10:21):
things like, Laura, you have none written across your forehead,
like you are a virgin. And I was horrified, like
I didn't want that, and I didn't realize how shut
down I was. But luckily I was with people I
was on a journey to discover and get to know myself,
and other people that felt safe to be with, that
(10:45):
could support me. And so for example, and of course
we were dealing with the different Chokras, so sexuality and
all of this stuff started coming up that I had
never dealt with. So, just to give you an idea,
when I was fifty eight, is the first time I
had sex, sexual intercourse, sexual consensual sex and sensual sexual
(11:08):
intercourse with a with a man with a penis holder. Yes, yes, exactly.
And how that man ever got me to trust him
is still a mystery to me. But he was like
an angel for me at that time in my life.
And I was in school and the dean of the
school had said, Laurie, you know what, your sexuality is
(11:29):
this big, Your spirituality is this big, and that's not okay. Yeah,
the imbalance, Yeah, the imbalance is way too much. So
she wanted me to go out with a man and
with a woman so that I could get to know
what my sexual orientation was at some point in my life.
And well, I love how life supports us and just
(11:51):
people that it put in my path. And so I
ended up going to New York thought I had the
job that I had dreamed of with a mentor of mine,
and I met her hairdresser, who was so funny. He's
a hairdresser, a dance instructor, and a wrestling match instructor,
(12:12):
and he was someone though that was so comfortable in
his body. And he offered to give me dance lessons,
he offered to you know, get to know me better,
and he was my teacher. And I kept saying them,
this is sex, one oh one, and what was So
it was perfect for me because I couldn't have handled
(12:34):
anything more than that at that time. And so, I mean,
and it helped me. I had to be really honest
with him and say because I had no even though
I was a nurse, I had no experience with being
with a man, and yet I felt like a teenager.
Then right to have someone be interested in me and
(12:58):
willing to teach me. And so I was like on
cloud nine for nine months there, and I don't think
I slept. It sounds. So I'm going to put a
pauseure right there, because that is a whole lot. So
I want to circle back to a few things that
you mentioned. So number one for our listening audience, So
the first time that you had penetrative intercourse was when
you were fifty eight. So we do get some questions
(13:20):
sometimes from people who are you know, lifelong virgins or
you know, haven't had intercourse with another person in most
of their lives and they're now in their forties and
fifties and sixties, right, and so they feel so hopeless
sometimes are alone, or maybe it's just a personal choice.
You just really don't want to go there, maybe you're
asexual and you're not inclined. But for those people who
who do want to go there and haven't had the
(13:42):
opportunity and have more in that, I guess I just
want to, like, you know, pull that out to to
really to share and focus on that you know, you're
not alone and that you one of our authentic contra
you know, instructors. That was your you know, that was
your journey. It took you until you were fifty eight
to start having your sexual awakening. But once you said
(14:02):
yes to that and started moving towards that and moving
with that energy, it's I mean, you're now A'sndrika. I
also want to circle back to how this journey all began,
which was was you know, you initially deciding to become
a nun. And so you shared that you know, in
your childhood, you you had a incident of sexual abuse
(14:26):
or sexual misconduct when you were five, which is a
really critical age for that to occur. And it sounds
like the way you coped with that was to dissociate
from it entirely and just kind of and disassociate from
your body and disassociate from your genitals. Right, And again,
I wanted to pull that out because that is so
common in the society, and so for those of you
(14:47):
who are out there listening and are like, you know,
why have I never felt connected to my body or
my sexuality or why do I hate my body and
my sexuality? That's trauma, that the underlying the root cause.
That's self hatred and self denial, and aversion is a wound,
is a trauma, So just being mindful of that instead
(15:08):
of like judging and blaming and shaming ourselves, just acknowledging
that we have wounds and using that as an invitation
to explore maybe what those wounds we are were and
are and so those wounds, how driven we are in
our life by those wounds, Those wounds propelled you forward
in life to really accentuate the spiritual and disassociate from
(15:32):
the physical. And I'm also pointing this out because this
is our religious traditions, you guys. This is what almost
every major religion on the planet teaches. Buddhism in a
certain path teaches the Hinnean a path teaches a version
to the form Hinduism, you know, some forms of traditional
contras about bypassing the physical and only focusing on the
spiritual and energetic. And that is an actual documented trauma response.
(15:56):
When our needs for connection and trust and safety as
children are not, one of the coping mechanisms is to
disassociate into either the spiritual or intellectual realm, disconnect from
the body, and develop an aversion to the physical because
that's where we feel our pain is in the flesh, right,
So it's an avoidance technique to cope with this trauma.
(16:17):
But this led you to becoming a nun. So how
old were you when you became a nun. I was
right out of nursing school actually, so I was twenty
years old. Wow. Twenty years old? Wow wow wow wow. Yeah.
And so what was this? I mean, that's a unique
thing to be a nun. I was a monk, and
people are like, you were a monk and you were
(16:38):
a nun, right, So what was that? Like, why that
group and what was that group about specifically? Yeah, so
that was a group that was all based in unity,
building unity in the world. So it was either that
and it was a lay movement, but it was much
more strict than most, you know, Catholic orders, and it
(17:06):
was within the Catholic Church. I grew up Protestant and
became Catholic. But I became Catholic because to me, the
word Catholic universal and I really wanted to make a
difference in the world. I felt like there was so
much pain. I had experienced so much emotional pain myself,
and I wanted to support other people not to have
(17:29):
to experience that. And I I just like it was
that or the Peace Corps like kind of thing, right,
But because this was about building bridges between religions, between races,
all of those things that still have always been in
(17:50):
my heart, I thought this was something that would do it.
And we didn't wear religious habits. It was the way
we lived it. And for me, it's I need to
be able to have whatever I'm doing be a way
of life that I can live in every moment of
my day and that affects every aspect of my life.
(18:10):
So that's what brought me into it, But I didn't
realize how unbalanced it was, and that essentially now in hindsight,
is like a cult, you know. And so what's beautiful
to me about that is, though that that deep desire
for community, for helping make the world a better place
(18:35):
and benefiting other beings is exactly what I found in
the Institute of Authentic Tuntrip. Like when I heard Davy
speak and it was a podcast I was way back
in Massachusetts, and when I heard her say that every
orgasm is a glimpse of enlightenment, I'm like, I have
(18:55):
never heard that before, and it made so much sense
to me. I'm like, that's the missing peace, this is wisdom,
this is truth. Like, how do I get to know
more about that? And the other thing you said that
struck me so much is in order to be fulfilled
as human beings, we need to fully express as our
(19:18):
sexuality and when we do, there will be peace on earth.
And I'm like, oh my god, that makes total sense.
And somehow I knew, because I had such an aversion
to men in general and hatred. Actually at that point,
(19:39):
I when I heard you talk, I could feel that
you were someone who was living what you were speaking,
and that you had healed your own life through these
these beliefs, these techniques, these methods that you were sharing,
and so I knew I would feel safe with you,
(20:01):
and I felt so much hope that I would be
able to be healed and heal things that I felt
hopeless about and powerless about up until that point. And
so thank you for all of that. And what stood
out for me is, so we want to heal things.
What happens when we're healed? Wow? Well, I can only
(20:26):
say that now I have so much less anxiety. I
mean layers and layers, that's what I don't recognize. That
I am at home in my body. I feel good,
I can open up and allow pleasure to experience it.
And see. What I realized too along the way is
(20:49):
that because of that incident when I was five years old,
until I started unraveling and healing this and in its
own time, I didn't realize that there terror and pleasure
had been locked together. I was terrorizing that moment, but
I must have also experienced great pleasure. And so every
(21:10):
time as I was healing around my sexuality to ever orgasm,
I would heel incredible. I would feel incredible emotional pain
before I could ever get to the pleasure. And I
never understood that. But what was beautiful to me is
that the methods like the ocean breath, the way that
(21:32):
we breathe allowed my nervous system to feel safe enough
in my own body so I could relax, and I
would just start bawling my eyes out, knowing that I
was releasing whatever it was that was there that I
didn't need to know, but it was allowing the layers
of all that stuckness in my cels to be released
(21:53):
so that then I could experience more. I could feel
what it feels like to be safe. I could feel
what it feels it's like to experience pleasure without having
to go through pain. Wow, and that that is so
beautifully described. And so the image that I'm getting and
what's really you know, alive for me right now is that,
(22:14):
you know, our baseline as human beings is this bliss, joy, peace, awareness.
Like that's the thing I think that we don't really
understand that, Like the core of the human design is
love and peace and bliss. That's we're not wired for,
you know, pain and suffering and misery, which is why
it hurts. We're wired for love and pleasure and connection.
(22:36):
That's literally what our brains are designed to thrive with.
And so because the society that we live in is
so out of alignment with that, we have all this
accumulation of pain and shit and that's you know, inherited
and historical and all those all those things. It's it's intergenerational.
And so by the time we land here, you know,
(22:57):
in this little incarnation that we're in, we have all
the relation of all that shit in our DNA. But
then also we're coming up in this world that just
reflects all of that cloudiness back to us. So in
order to re establish that baseline of bliss, which never
goes away, that's inherent within us. But we have to excavate,
(23:18):
we have to like dig through the layers and the wounds.
We have to as you said, release and literally create
space in our physical body and our energy body, our
emotional body, all of that. We literally have to create space.
And that process of creating space is using the methods
that you were describing, so the ocean breathing, the moving
(23:40):
towards the genitals and you know, buy it through a
pleasurable touch and orgasmic awareness and you know, all those
sexual healing methods. Moving towards the thing that we have
aversion to. And when we move towards it, we become
aware of the pain. Right, We become aware of like,
oh my god, look at all this shit. And the
mistake that occurs when we don't have idance and support
(24:01):
is we think that the shit is a stop sign, like,
oh well, if I was okay, I wouldn't have all
the shit. So therefore I need to like stop doing
this because it's making me aware of all this shit.
And when we don't have tools, that shit is overwhelming.
I remember back in the day when I was suicidal
and stuff, it was like there was no pathway through.
It was like I was the suffering and I were one.
We were one, one thing, and there was no pathway
(24:23):
through the suffering. All there was was suffering, right so
to have. So that's why supporting guidance is so necessary,
is to be that shining light at the end of
the tunnel of darkness, so to speak, holding the line
and saying I'm here, you know, so focus on me
and so that you get through. And when that anchor
is also anchored in pleasure based awareness, it's it's not
(24:46):
just I'm going to fuck through this tunnel of misery.
It's Oh, I'm going to relax and breathe. Oh I'm
going to orgasm. Oh I'm going to dance. Oh I'm
actually enjoying myself as I'm moving through this misery. So
the misery actually falls away even more effectively and easily
because we're not all constricted and contracted by the pain.
That's why pleasure is such effective medicine, is because it
(25:09):
allows us to swoon and the bliss, you know, mind nature, bliss,
void nature of pleasure, while everything that isn't in alignment
with that sloughs off and falls away. And that's such
a beautiful description that you gave of that of that
of that process and the importance of of of having
(25:30):
I call pleasure the loube. It's like lubricat right, like
you know, or like's you know, trying to get your
foot into a shoe that doesn't fade it. Put some
vacolina on that shape and slide it right in right.
That's the same thing in terms of healing trauma or
just healing in general, is having the pleasure be the
lubricant to facilitate the process with grace and ease. Yeah,
(25:53):
that's so beautiful. And and what you're saying, dB is
the thing is that most of us have heard these things,
but to experience it and to give ourselves permission, because
that's what I realized at a certain point, is that
my whole life, all my thoughts, my beliefs were like
wrapped in shame and the more. And so I don't
(26:14):
need to focus on that. It's focusing on the pleasure.
There's also pain, but that's only half of the equation
and half of our life. Why don't we also give
credit and try to move into and experience that because
it's that experience ourselves. Just like you know, if you
can read music, it's great that you can see a
(26:36):
beautiful song, but when you hear it, when you're in
front of it a concert, and just the vibrations of that,
it's a whole different thing. And giving ourselves permission and
the support it to know and the tools to know
how to feel safe enough in our own bodies. I
think it particularly is women and a lot of men too.
(26:58):
We are not conscious of that. And I know for
myself too that these methods between the meditation, like how
the whole program is so like it's just all wisdom,
is what's my experience? Because I needed the meditations first.
It's like tie trading knowing how to kind of loosen
(27:19):
the things that have been stuck and running my life
that I wasn't aware of. Now I become aware of them,
so I can make a choice. And I want to
pause there to explain a little bit about how the
meditations work, so because you brought that to mind. So
the meditations, just so you guys know, are energy body yoga,
and so what these the Tibetan fi the element meditations
do is they begin to clean and purify dense patterns
(27:43):
in your energy body. But also the function of meditation
is it rewires your brain, It rewires in neural pathways.
It literally grows, increases parts of the brain that are
responsible for like well being and cognitive function, and decreases
areas of the brain that are responsible for aggression. Right,
So it actually heals your brain, so that for you
(28:03):
listening audience, that is the benefit of Specifically, there's BET
and five element meditations. I don't know about other meditations.
I can't speak to those in terms of their efficacy
for rewiring. But that's one of the reasons why the
Vajurani yoga practices of the Five Elements are so effective
is because of that dual effect of working both on
(28:24):
the energy body to eradicate dense energy patterns, but also
to literally heal the brain matter and literally rewire the programming.
And that's why our reality changes, because we're literally rewiring
the software that programs the lens, that dictates the lens
that we view life through. That's literally being purified. Yeah,
(28:45):
yeah's so powerful. Yeah, And I think that's when I
first realized that, oh my gosh, I did not know
the self negative talk, the depth of it, and how
detrimental to my own physical wellbeing. That's what's violence. Violence,
The violence that we commit against ourselves in our own minds,
like no one can be as cruel as I can be,
(29:05):
right right, yeah, so that is so huge that you
became That's one of the thing first things you became
aware of, is that undercurrent of self abuse. Yes, yeah, wow,
that was huge. Wow. And now I realized what I
love to is that, like the four pillars of healing,
that we have the meditation. So if I'm feeling off
(29:28):
or out of balance, I just check in quickly and
can say have I meditated today? Have I moved today?
Am I connected with myself? Or have I connected with
someone else? And have I experienced pleasure in any way?
And that can be a cup of tea, right, It
doesn't have to be sexual pleasure. It's all areas of
our life. And for me, that check in in seconds
(29:50):
helps me to say, oh, no, okay, so I haven't
moved yet, all right. And I noticed when I do
these practices, I feel connected to myself, I feel whole,
I feel calm, I feel present. And I got to
tell you before I was like living in the future,
talk about you know, anxiety of the future and pleasure anxiety,
(30:15):
Like I didn't even know that existed. But when I
heard that and started learning these tools and practices, I'm like,
oh my gosh, they worked in a way that my
body couldn't deny and my mind couldn't either. Yeah. So
it just to feel at home and calm and present
(30:36):
for other people as well as myself, and that whatever
I'm doing, whether it's washing the dishes or having an orgasm,
I can dedicate that to the benefit of all beings.
I mean, that's huge to me. So I love I
love what you're saying in terms of, like what you
found through this particular modality is this union of your
(30:58):
spirituality and your physicality, right, and so just you know,
put you out there. This isn't meant to be an
infomercial for authentic country we were talking about because we
love it. This is that we love. But whatever your
pathway home is, like, we celebrate and support that. But
you do need a path in order to excel. But
but let's circle back to so you were none. You
were none for you know, two decades, it sounds like,
(31:20):
and then you have you had a breakdown, which it
sounds like, change the course of your life and set
you on the path to where you were today. So
if you're open to sharing, like what was that breakdown?
What was that break breakdown? And breaking point about? And
then and then uh, what what happens as the result
of that? Yeah, So I think it made me realize
(31:43):
how disconnected I was from my body. Wow. And so
I started on the journey of healing too and got
into therapy and luckily found an amazing person that supported
me to actually said like, I'm going to let you
borrow my ego until you find yours. And so Beniaka
(32:06):
is making an appearance. Yeah. And so once I started
working through that disconnect, it took which took me a
good number of years to get that far, and then
I was able. I didn't think i'd be able to
(32:26):
work again as a nurse. I didn't know if what
the future of my life would be. And so once
I got to a certain point that I realized that
I needed to not be part of that religious group
I needed to in order to heal. I needed to
be on my own and start my own life. And then,
(32:49):
after many years of that, got into the energy medicine.
I started working with emotions to do the emotion code myself,
to work with people I wanted to leave the medical
Western world and work on prevention, on healing, what the
inate ability of our bodies right, understanding that and moving
(33:13):
towards what uplifted me, what brought me joy, and what
was healing for me? And I really followed my heart
and so at a certain point I knew that my
sexuality was the next thing to deal with, and so
I started I went to High Workshops, which is the
Human Awareness Institute, which is all about intimaci's sexuality and love.
(33:35):
And what was important about that for me is that
I had never been in a place where I could
be vulnerable and was supported and deal with sexuality. And
that's when we were doing different exercises that memory started
coming up, awarenesses of why and what was happening, of
(33:57):
why I had such an aversion to anything sexual wool
around my own body or other people. And so I
would go from breakdown to breakthrough, from breakdown to break through.
And because it was the first time that I wasn't
the one holding space for those being vulnerable. Wow, you
finally you were finally able to be in a container
(34:18):
where the space was being held for you. Wow. That's
so huge. Yeah. Wow. And again this is in my
fifth late fifties. So, and then after that, at one
of those workshops, I met a man who was amazing,
and he as he was supporting me, was in tears himself, said,
you know, this is how I white knuckled through this,
(34:40):
and I'm happy to help you here. And it was
such it was a very safe space for me to
be in in a large group, and so I began
conversations and for a number of years just we would
talk for hours, and because he was a recovering Catholic
(35:02):
and had sexual stunted development too, and it was like
our inner children just loved each other and so we
were healing through our conversations. That was such medicine. And
then through him, he introduced me to Betty Dawson. Now
I'm sixty two, right, and I just could not believe
(35:23):
that this woman was teaching other women how to masturbate
and it was in circles being naked. It's like I
was horrified, and at the same time something intrigued me
when I saw this video of her doing this. And
once I got over the absolute shock and disgust, I'm like,
(35:43):
oh no, i feel like I'm being called to do
workshop with her. So I went to New York for
a weekend with her being naked with fifteen other women
from around the world, and I was so scared. I
broke out in a rash all over my body. I
looked like a leper, and I'm sure it was my
(36:04):
fears and vulnerabilities coming out from my bone marrow. And
that lasted a year and a half. But I went
anyway because I knew I would regret it as scared
as I. You had a rash for a year and
a half. Yes, Oh my god, Oh my god, that's
a huge, beautiful it was nothing like that had ever happened. Wow. Yeah,
(36:26):
And that weekend with those women and Betty Dotson, I
healed five decades worth of shame and guilt around my sexuality.
It was so amazing. And I think, as Betty says,
you know, because there was nothing hidden, we had nothing
to hide, and we're showing and naming our genitals, and
(36:51):
I mean, just the most absurd thing that I ever
could have imagined doing. And yet I was healed in
a profound way. And so I went back. I'm like, oh,
thank god, that's over with. I'm like, oh no, there's
a certification one coming up. But I felt called to
go to that. So I'm like, oh my God, but
(37:11):
I knew I had to follow my heart because there
was such profound healing there. I went became certified in
doing these body sex workshops, and before I left Massachusetts,
by nine to one year old mother wanted to come.
She asked if she could come and be part because
she didn't understand what on earth I was doing, why
I needed to heal my sexuality. But she, seeing the
(37:34):
books and hearing the conversations, was realizing she had a
lot that was not healed for her too. So I
had an opening and she came, and of course I'm
greeting the women naked at the door. We have our vibrators,
were naming our vovas, and she was right in there
(37:54):
with the rest of us, the whole thing, and we
had so much fun and we we healed like we
have a good We've always had a good relationship. But
there was some veil of something that I couldn't quite understand,
and it was really painful for me. After that day,
(38:15):
that weekend workshop, there is nothing hidden between us. She
saw me in my joy and understood the importance of
why this is important to heal. She opened up, and
as I was learning about the program here and hearing
and feeling called to move out to the West Coast
in order to do this in person, she met a
(38:38):
seventy six year old man and they could not move
in fast enough, and I could not move out fast.
So my concern about leaving my ninety one year old
mother and moving out west was like, how life took
care of everything. Let me know that this is my
path and this is what I was meant to be
doing and moving out because someone had told me, Laurie,
(39:01):
if you can move to the West Coast, you will
feel so different in your body and take a sabbatical
so that you can do the healing work you need
to do. And I knew I needed to do that
in person. For me, that was important. Well, I love
how life worked out by sending so your mom is
a sexual awakening. That's not. It's not just like all
(39:23):
life worked out because I got the right pair of shoes.
Life worked out because your mom had a sexual awakening
and then pulled in a man two decades younger than
she is and still to this day, your mom is
how old now? She just had her nine just had
her ninety fifth birthday, and she is still thrown down.
She is absolutely prioritizes her sexual enjoyment like that's number
(39:46):
one and maybe telling me, she's like telling the doctor,
can I still have sex? Like I'm not willing to
do anything that is going to interfair with my sex
life at ninety five? So hell yes, Like what a
testament to the healing power and the intergeneration feeling right,
Yeah yeah, yeah, So and to this day, like I
know my mother and I that relationship is so beautiful
(40:10):
and so complete conversations. I have the deepest conversations with her.
She wanted to be my practical client as I was
going through Yeah, I remember that she was first students
and for Mother's Day, I send her lube, you know,
I mean it's and so she's been such an inspiration
and a reminder that age does not matter. Yeah, no, no,
(40:33):
it's not that. It's not the it's not the cock
bloc that we're taught about, right, yeah, in fact, and
I love it because this is such an important piece of
the conversation in terms of sexuality, because so often the
conversation is a it's heateronormative though that's changing, It's very
white though that's changing. But also agism is a huge aspect, right,
(40:57):
it's only for the young and the sexy. You're up
to a certain point, and so to have conversation stated
for people to hear you say that, like, the first
time you ever had intercourse was at the age of
fifty eight, and you're now you're now sixty fivety seven,
you're six eight, you're sixty eight. I know, I mean
your forty five, I know. Okay, you guys the power.
(41:22):
This looks like she's forty five and she's sixty exactly.
I don't talk about shutting right, So you're sixty eight
and going strong and having your sexual blossoming, Lama Tash,
she's eighty five and is throwing down your mom is
ninety five. So like that's like, like our sex is
(41:42):
This to me speaks so much, so clearly to how
our sexuality is such an integral part to her humanity. Right,
no matter how old we are, it's still a part
of us, like babies masturbait in the womb, right, I mean,
so our sexual connection to our genitals is just an
inherent part of being human. Yeah, yes, Well, what an
amazing story. Laurie and the Kraken, the joy Ologist. I
(42:07):
wanted to have you on because it's such a phenomenal story.
It says, like I think, is as unique and intricate
and enriching as my own story. And so you are
a Tuntra Mastery instructor with the Institute, and you're also
a Certification instructor with the Institute. And you also do
work called Emotion Code, which works with the emotions and
energy body. So for people who want to get a
(42:29):
hold of you and work with you one on one,
how do they go about doing that? Well, you can
reach me at Louri at Lori at Authentic tunter dot
com or at the Institute. I'm on the page of
the teacher the faculty there, all right, So you can
find out more about you at Authentic Talker dot com.
Wonderful and one of our Tantra Mastery instructors if you
(42:50):
want to learn more about how to work with Louri
and all of her myriad of gifts and talents. You
won't find Laurie on social media so much because she
doesn't like it, I feel you, but you might see
her beautiful face here and there as we promote her
as one of our instructors at the Institute. So, Laurie,
for people who are just beginning their journey of sexual
(43:13):
healing and awakening, what are some words to the wise
that you might offer For people who are who are
just kind of like they're aware, you know, they at
that point in life, they're where they're aware that they
want more. They're listening to this podcast, so they're interested
in exploring what words of encouragement or wisdom can you
offer to help guide their path? Yeah. I think trust
that impulse because that's your potential speaking, that's your birthright,
(43:39):
and trust that following that is going to lead you
exactly to where you need to be. And if it's here,
that would be great. I would be so honored to
support you on that path. But just don't give up.
Keep going. You deserve that, you are worthy of that,
(44:03):
and you matter, and that desire matters, your pleasure matters,
and you're never too old. It's never too late, it's
never too late, Like, how much better to have this,
reclaim this before we leave these bodies, versus to leave
these bodies never having touched. Oh my gosh, absolutely yes, yeah, yeah,
(44:24):
all right, my friends, thank you so much, Thank you, Laurie.
What a beautiful conversation. Thank you all for joining us
this evening. It's such a gift and a pleasure. Do
you want to let you guys know that we're going
to be wrapping up for the winter this month of October.
These are going to be the last episodes of twenty
twenty one. We're taking November and December off to regenerate
and recoup, and we have some exciting stuff in store
for you in twenty twenty two. So make sure that
(44:46):
you go to our website, Authentic tuntra dot com and
sign up for all of our announcements so you are
in the know about all the fun stuff happening. And
stay connected with us between sessions at Authentic tuntra dot
com website, but also Authentic on Instagram and Facebook. And
make sure you check out our YouTube channel, Sex is
Medicine with Love at the Contra. Have a beautiful night.
(45:06):
Let us know your thoughts and feelings. You'll rey to
send us questions and feedback to the site and we
look forward to connecting with you again next week. Have
a beautiful night. You've been listening to Sex's Medicine with
Davey ward ericson your number one resource for holistic sex education.
You can listen to and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on Spotify, Stitcher,
(45:27):
tune In, iTunes, iHeartRadio, and YouTube. Just search Sex's Medicine
with Davy Ward. Stay connected with me and my guests
on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at authentic Contrap and learn
how you can use contra as medicine to heal, awaken,
and empower every area of your life at authentic tontra
dot com. Make sure to tune in to Sex's Medicine
(45:50):
every Thursday at seven pm Pacific. Uncontact Talk Radio Network
and join our watch party every Thursday evening on Facebook
at authentic Tontra. We look forward to you joining us
next week for another episode of Sex Is Medicine with
Davey Bourne.
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