August 25, 2025 • 15 mins
Helping Kids Navigate Through Tragedies With Age-Appropriate And Healthy Ways
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Starcares, a weekly program that delves into the
issues that impact you and your family. This program is
a public affairs feature of this radio station. Now here's
your host, Michael Leach.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Bad news and tragedies are covered NonStop by news media
and often shocking and saddening our nation, and as adults,
we've seen it in one form or another flood, school, shooting,
plane crash, war, and unfortunately, so have our kids. How
can parents discuss tragedy with their sons and daughters in
ways that help them process their emotions positively and reduce
(00:37):
their uncertainty and fears. Let's talk about it. My guest
today is doctor Jony Debridou. She's a licensed clinical social
worker and licensed marriage and family therapist. Doctor Joni, thank
you for joining me and welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
You're so welcome. It's always great to be with you. Michael.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Thank you. In these days and times, we need the
wisdom of God and practical steps to help safeguard our
children's minds, their hearts and spirits in the wake of
all of this bad news that we're bombarded with. What
do you think might be the first step to take
as we begin to walk through some of the ways
that we can mitigate. What's the first step, Well.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
The first thing is to recognize that for very young children,
there's absolutely no reason for them to be exposed to
the news because they do not have the cognitive ability
to process what's going on, and it will just frighten
them as opposed to inform them as it will inform
the rest of us. So that's a really important message
(01:32):
to get across to families because very often parents will
do a good job of making sure that their children,
their young children are not in the room when disturbing
things come on. However, they may have older siblings that
have devices and begin to show them things that are
very scary to them. So we want to protect them
(01:53):
from information that's going to scare them and they're not
going to be able to process at a young age.
And then at for all of us, we need to
know that almost always, for any sort of tragic event,
the initial news that comes out is inaccurate. So very
often there will be numbers of casualties listed that turn
(02:16):
out to not be correct whatsoever. Usually the numbers are
much higher than they end up to be, or there
will be details, and those are the kinds of things
that make older children and also adults very anxious and
worried and afraid, and then we find out in the
end that we were fearful about something that didn't even happen.
(02:37):
So we want to wait and just take perhaps a
half an hour time during the day to catch up
on the news, and beyond that, turn all of that
media off and just catch up on the verified news
at a later time.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
So, really you're talking about minimizing our exposure to news.
For our older children, how do we speak to them
about that help control it? Because their devices are almost
like appendages to their fingertips, and they may not even
be looking for news, but it can pop up on
feeds on social media. What do we do about that?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Well, that goes along with something that we have talked
about many times before, which is our children need to
be limited on the amount of time that they're spending
on devices. For this reason and for so many more,
the devices are interfering with their ability to pay attention
and focus and so forth, but also exposing them to
(03:36):
more than they're able to process at one time. So
the rule of thumb is typically that kids should not
be on devices for more than two hours of non
academic time per day, which is probably not what most
kids are sticking to. So parents have to really work
hard to set those limitations and help their understand why
(04:01):
they're doing that. There's a lot of information out now
in terms of the way that the devices and exposure
to so much on those devices is affecting our children
and their brain development and also their emotional lives as well.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So if our children, especially the young children, have already
been exposed to something and we can see that it's
impacting them, where do we begin.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Well, we start by talking with them. You know it's
impacting them because they have talked to you, or they
are in tears, or they seem upset and you ask
them and they begin to tell you what's happening. So
always let them lead you in the discussion, meaning that
they can tell you what it is they are anxious about,
(04:46):
because you don't want to make assumptions and then potentially
unintentionally expose them to things that they don't already know.
So usually they'll say things like I heard about this,
or I have a friend who know someone who died
in the flood in Texas or something like that, and
then you can allow them to process their feelings and
(05:08):
let them know that it's okay to talk about and
in fact, it's really healthy for them to be able
to process and talk about it. And then you have
a few more clues also as to what you might
need to do in terms of limitation. So, for instance,
if they did hear about the Texas flood and they
(05:30):
know someone who attended a camp who died as a
result of being in that flood or something, then you
know that anytime there is news related to that flood,
even if your child is old enough to hear the information,
you might want to protect him or her from hearing that. Ultimately,
(05:50):
the more details are not going to make him or
her feel any better. It's probably just going to add
to their concern.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
So can you give us some guidance on some age
appropriate strategies for looking at the event through your child's
eyes and the pausing and listening.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yes, for sure. Well, the first one is for the
younger children I'm talking about, you know, up to preschool,
in kindergarten and so forth, that are probably not quite
old enough to understand. So if they hear about things,
you can just talk in very general terms. We know
that there are things that happen that are really sad
(06:30):
and make us feel sad, and it's okay to feel
that way. Just talk in terms of themes, and I
would say as kids are maturing, you continue to talk
in terms of the themes rather than the details of
what has happened, until they are old enough and they
start asking you more specific questions, and maybe they're questions
(06:52):
broaden beyond the physical details, so maybe they get more
into the things like, so I believe in God, that
God is supposed to love us, so why would God
allow something like this to happen. That's when you can
have a very open conversation because you know that your
children are starting to mature past that concrete level of
(07:13):
understanding into the more abstract and in those cases, as
they age, you can have those conversations. But I would
say first listen to them and also ask questions, because
the questions you ask will kind of determine where they
are and how they're thinking, and it will help you
(07:34):
to know more how much you want to discuss with them. Now,
when they get older and they're in the older middle
school and high school ages, there's our opportunities to have
some really great conversations about life and the fact that
pain is a part of life, and that's part of
why we need to, you know, do various kinds of
(07:57):
plans to prevent things from hoppen happening, or if things
that are unpreventable or unexpected do happen, that we have
to have some skills of how to deal with those things.
So that's a good time to start talking about some
good coping skills as well.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
When might we know when intervention is necessary? Maybe some
professional mental health and emotional support is needed for our kids.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I would say if you see patterns in your kids,
and patterns meaning not just something that lasts for a
week or two. That's normal after a difficult event, but
you know, if you're getting into the month's range and
a child is appearing to be overly anxious or depressed,
or struggling in any other way, not able to eat,
(08:46):
not able to sleep, not able to focus, may be
afraid to go to school, those kinds of things, that's
when you want to seek some help and at the
very least have your child evaluated either by their doctor,
their physician, or by a licensed mental health professional.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Speak to someone who may be struggling a parent that
may be struggling with getting their children the help because
of the persistent stigma around mental health and self care
in general.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Well, one of the good things is that that stigma
has reduced significantly over the last decade because of the
number of famous people who have come forward to talk
about the fact that they have also struggled with mental
health issues, and so that has helped to reduce that.
But it's still there, and so one of the things
(09:36):
that I think can be helpful is first of all,
to let kids know that you're willing to go with
them and talk with a counselor so that they don't
feel like they're just walking into a situation all alone.
Some kids like that idea, some kids don't. And what
you can do also is you can use the services
(09:59):
of their public school or private school or even homeschooled
kids can sometimes use the services that are provided at
public schools. All schools are required to have school social workers, psychologists, counselors, etc.
And those folks are free of charge during the school year,
(10:20):
and they also know the culture that your child is
in and so forth, so they can be a wonderful
resource to start with. Sometimes kids are very fearful about
going to see someone outside of their own little culture
which includes their school, that they're very willing to go
and talk with a counselor at school or a teacher
(10:42):
or someone else. Or you can also talk with someone
that you know has a positive influence on your child
and ask him or her to maybe have a conversation.
Maybe it's a youth pastor or a senior pastor, or
maybe it's a coach or a teacher that you trust.
Very often kids will open up to other people before
(11:06):
they open up to parents, and that's a really interesting
phenomenon that I should mention that sometimes parents will be
very hurt because a child is opening up to other
people but not opening up to mom and dad. And
very often that's because kids if something specific has happened
(11:26):
to them, Let's say it's a really scary thing that
happened at school, like a school shooting or something like that.
If something happened to them, they begin to feel like
they're defective, and they're afraid if they talk to their
mom or dad that they're going to transfer that to them,
And so they may just feel more comfortable talking with
(11:47):
a teacher or someone else out of a sense of
protecting their family members.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
When we see our kids struggling or hurting in these ways,
we're Johnny on the spot, right. We want to protect
our kids, shield them, get the help that they need.
But we too are bombarded as parents and caretakers with
the same kind of information and we can be exposed
to it. So even if we're trying to limit our
exposure when you go to work, sometimes when you go
(12:11):
to church, if you're just out in the neighborhood people talking,
we're just overexposed as well, so that we need to
make sure that we're taking care of our own mental
and overall well being. Share more about that with a
parent who's just like, you know, got that martyr spirit.
You're there, You're going to protect your kid and it
doesn't matter what you're going through, you just want the
kids to be good.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
That is such a great question, Michael, because I think
that's something that people forget and then often parents end
up completely overwhelmed because they were so focused on their kids,
they don't realize that they're feeling very anxious and depressed themselves.
And it's especially important when a community has gone through
(12:53):
a difficult event, because yes, the parents are caretakers, but
they have also been affected, so they need to be
paying attention to eating well and getting hydrated and getting
plenty of sleeping. Because you can't help your children if
you feel depleted.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
So what are some tips that you might have for
some activities that you might suggest for us to decompress
and distress.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Routine and structure is incredibly important because when anything tragic happens,
it's chaotic by nature. I used to work as a
member of the Red Cross Disaster Mental Health Team and
I can't tell you how many times I have been
at events and someone has said, this is so chaotic,
it's a disaster. Well, it is because unexpected events and
(13:40):
tragedies they do tend to be very chaotic. So getting
kids back to whatever their routine and structure has been
is extremely important. It not only helps them, but it
will help parents as well to have something important to
focus on other than just this awful thing that has happened.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
We learn more about what we've discussed today.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Focus on the Family has a lot of information at
Focus on Thefamily dot com slash Tragedy. Focus on Thefamily
dot com slash Tragedy. You'll find articles, books that have
been written on the topic and some of our daily
broadcasts that have addressed these issues. Also, for all parents,
(14:22):
if they have specific questions about things going on with
their children, whether it's involving some sort of a tragic
event or anything, they can call eight five five seven
seven one four three five seven eight five five seven
seven one four three five seven and request a callback
(14:43):
from a licensed counselor. And a licensed counselor. We'll call
back within forty eight hours.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Doctor Joni Debrido, thank you so much for sharing with
us today.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
You're so welcome, thanks for the opportunity.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
To share, and thank you for listening. Won't you join
me again. I'm your host, Michael Leech, and I am
praying for you and praying that the rest of your
day is wonderful.
Welcome to Starcares, a weekly program that delves into the
issues that impact you and your family. This program is
a public affairs feature of this radio station. Now here's
your host, Michael Leach.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Bad news and tragedies are covered NonStop by news media
and often shocking and saddening our nation, and as adults,
we've seen it in one form or another flood, school, shooting,
plane crash, war, and unfortunately, so have our kids. How
can parents discuss tragedy with their sons and daughters in
ways that help them process their emotions positively and reduce
(00:37):
their uncertainty and fears. Let's talk about it. My guest
today is doctor Jony Debridou. She's a licensed clinical social
worker and licensed marriage and family therapist. Doctor Joni, thank
you for joining me and welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
You're so welcome. It's always great to be with you. Michael.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Thank you. In these days and times, we need the
wisdom of God and practical steps to help safeguard our
children's minds, their hearts and spirits in the wake of
all of this bad news that we're bombarded with. What
do you think might be the first step to take
as we begin to walk through some of the ways
that we can mitigate. What's the first step, Well.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
The first thing is to recognize that for very young children,
there's absolutely no reason for them to be exposed to
the news because they do not have the cognitive ability
to process what's going on, and it will just frighten
them as opposed to inform them as it will inform
the rest of us. So that's a really important message
(01:32):
to get across to families because very often parents will
do a good job of making sure that their children,
their young children are not in the room when disturbing
things come on. However, they may have older siblings that
have devices and begin to show them things that are
very scary to them. So we want to protect them
(01:53):
from information that's going to scare them and they're not
going to be able to process at a young age.
And then at for all of us, we need to
know that almost always, for any sort of tragic event,
the initial news that comes out is inaccurate. So very
often there will be numbers of casualties listed that turn
(02:16):
out to not be correct whatsoever. Usually the numbers are
much higher than they end up to be, or there
will be details, and those are the kinds of things
that make older children and also adults very anxious and
worried and afraid, and then we find out in the
end that we were fearful about something that didn't even happen.
(02:37):
So we want to wait and just take perhaps a
half an hour time during the day to catch up
on the news, and beyond that, turn all of that
media off and just catch up on the verified news
at a later time.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
So, really you're talking about minimizing our exposure to news.
For our older children, how do we speak to them
about that help control it? Because their devices are almost
like appendages to their fingertips, and they may not even
be looking for news, but it can pop up on
feeds on social media. What do we do about that?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Well, that goes along with something that we have talked
about many times before, which is our children need to
be limited on the amount of time that they're spending
on devices. For this reason and for so many more,
the devices are interfering with their ability to pay attention
and focus and so forth, but also exposing them to
(03:36):
more than they're able to process at one time. So
the rule of thumb is typically that kids should not
be on devices for more than two hours of non
academic time per day, which is probably not what most
kids are sticking to. So parents have to really work
hard to set those limitations and help their understand why
(04:01):
they're doing that. There's a lot of information out now
in terms of the way that the devices and exposure
to so much on those devices is affecting our children
and their brain development and also their emotional lives as well.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
So if our children, especially the young children, have already
been exposed to something and we can see that it's
impacting them, where do we begin.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Well, we start by talking with them. You know it's
impacting them because they have talked to you, or they
are in tears, or they seem upset and you ask
them and they begin to tell you what's happening. So
always let them lead you in the discussion, meaning that
they can tell you what it is they are anxious about,
(04:46):
because you don't want to make assumptions and then potentially
unintentionally expose them to things that they don't already know.
So usually they'll say things like I heard about this,
or I have a friend who know someone who died
in the flood in Texas or something like that, and
then you can allow them to process their feelings and
(05:08):
let them know that it's okay to talk about and
in fact, it's really healthy for them to be able
to process and talk about it. And then you have
a few more clues also as to what you might
need to do in terms of limitation. So, for instance,
if they did hear about the Texas flood and they
(05:30):
know someone who attended a camp who died as a
result of being in that flood or something, then you
know that anytime there is news related to that flood,
even if your child is old enough to hear the information,
you might want to protect him or her from hearing that. Ultimately,
(05:50):
the more details are not going to make him or
her feel any better. It's probably just going to add
to their concern.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
So can you give us some guidance on some age
appropriate strategies for looking at the event through your child's
eyes and the pausing and listening.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yes, for sure. Well, the first one is for the
younger children I'm talking about, you know, up to preschool,
in kindergarten and so forth, that are probably not quite
old enough to understand. So if they hear about things,
you can just talk in very general terms. We know
that there are things that happen that are really sad
(06:30):
and make us feel sad, and it's okay to feel
that way. Just talk in terms of themes, and I
would say as kids are maturing, you continue to talk
in terms of the themes rather than the details of
what has happened, until they are old enough and they
start asking you more specific questions, and maybe they're questions
(06:52):
broaden beyond the physical details, so maybe they get more
into the things like, so I believe in God, that
God is supposed to love us, so why would God
allow something like this to happen. That's when you can
have a very open conversation because you know that your
children are starting to mature past that concrete level of
(07:13):
understanding into the more abstract and in those cases, as
they age, you can have those conversations. But I would
say first listen to them and also ask questions, because
the questions you ask will kind of determine where they
are and how they're thinking, and it will help you
(07:34):
to know more how much you want to discuss with them. Now,
when they get older and they're in the older middle
school and high school ages, there's our opportunities to have
some really great conversations about life and the fact that
pain is a part of life, and that's part of
why we need to, you know, do various kinds of
(07:57):
plans to prevent things from hoppen happening, or if things
that are unpreventable or unexpected do happen, that we have
to have some skills of how to deal with those things.
So that's a good time to start talking about some
good coping skills as well.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
When might we know when intervention is necessary? Maybe some
professional mental health and emotional support is needed for our kids.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I would say if you see patterns in your kids,
and patterns meaning not just something that lasts for a
week or two. That's normal after a difficult event, but
you know, if you're getting into the month's range and
a child is appearing to be overly anxious or depressed,
or struggling in any other way, not able to eat,
(08:46):
not able to sleep, not able to focus, may be
afraid to go to school, those kinds of things, that's
when you want to seek some help and at the
very least have your child evaluated either by their doctor,
their physician, or by a licensed mental health professional.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Speak to someone who may be struggling a parent that
may be struggling with getting their children the help because
of the persistent stigma around mental health and self care
in general.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Well, one of the good things is that that stigma
has reduced significantly over the last decade because of the
number of famous people who have come forward to talk
about the fact that they have also struggled with mental
health issues, and so that has helped to reduce that.
But it's still there, and so one of the things
(09:36):
that I think can be helpful is first of all,
to let kids know that you're willing to go with
them and talk with a counselor so that they don't
feel like they're just walking into a situation all alone.
Some kids like that idea, some kids don't. And what
you can do also is you can use the services
(09:59):
of their public school or private school or even homeschooled
kids can sometimes use the services that are provided at
public schools. All schools are required to have school social workers, psychologists, counselors, etc.
And those folks are free of charge during the school year,
(10:20):
and they also know the culture that your child is
in and so forth, so they can be a wonderful
resource to start with. Sometimes kids are very fearful about
going to see someone outside of their own little culture
which includes their school, that they're very willing to go
and talk with a counselor at school or a teacher
(10:42):
or someone else. Or you can also talk with someone
that you know has a positive influence on your child
and ask him or her to maybe have a conversation.
Maybe it's a youth pastor or a senior pastor, or
maybe it's a coach or a teacher that you trust.
Very often kids will open up to other people before
(11:06):
they open up to parents, and that's a really interesting
phenomenon that I should mention that sometimes parents will be
very hurt because a child is opening up to other
people but not opening up to mom and dad. And
very often that's because kids if something specific has happened
(11:26):
to them, Let's say it's a really scary thing that
happened at school, like a school shooting or something like that.
If something happened to them, they begin to feel like
they're defective, and they're afraid if they talk to their
mom or dad that they're going to transfer that to them,
And so they may just feel more comfortable talking with
(11:47):
a teacher or someone else out of a sense of
protecting their family members.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
When we see our kids struggling or hurting in these ways,
we're Johnny on the spot, right. We want to protect
our kids, shield them, get the help that they need.
But we too are bombarded as parents and caretakers with
the same kind of information and we can be exposed
to it. So even if we're trying to limit our
exposure when you go to work, sometimes when you go
(12:11):
to church, if you're just out in the neighborhood people talking,
we're just overexposed as well, so that we need to
make sure that we're taking care of our own mental
and overall well being. Share more about that with a
parent who's just like, you know, got that martyr spirit.
You're there, You're going to protect your kid and it
doesn't matter what you're going through, you just want the
kids to be good.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
That is such a great question, Michael, because I think
that's something that people forget and then often parents end
up completely overwhelmed because they were so focused on their kids,
they don't realize that they're feeling very anxious and depressed themselves.
And it's especially important when a community has gone through
(12:53):
a difficult event, because yes, the parents are caretakers, but
they have also been affected, so they need to be
paying attention to eating well and getting hydrated and getting
plenty of sleeping. Because you can't help your children if
you feel depleted.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
So what are some tips that you might have for
some activities that you might suggest for us to decompress
and distress.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Routine and structure is incredibly important because when anything tragic happens,
it's chaotic by nature. I used to work as a
member of the Red Cross Disaster Mental Health Team and
I can't tell you how many times I have been
at events and someone has said, this is so chaotic,
it's a disaster. Well, it is because unexpected events and
(13:40):
tragedies they do tend to be very chaotic. So getting
kids back to whatever their routine and structure has been
is extremely important. It not only helps them, but it
will help parents as well to have something important to
focus on other than just this awful thing that has happened.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
We learn more about what we've discussed today.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Focus on the Family has a lot of information at
Focus on Thefamily dot com slash Tragedy. Focus on Thefamily
dot com slash Tragedy. You'll find articles, books that have
been written on the topic and some of our daily
broadcasts that have addressed these issues. Also, for all parents,
(14:22):
if they have specific questions about things going on with
their children, whether it's involving some sort of a tragic
event or anything, they can call eight five five seven
seven one four three five seven eight five five seven
seven one four three five seven and request a callback
(14:43):
from a licensed counselor. And a licensed counselor. We'll call
back within forty eight hours.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Doctor Joni Debrido, thank you so much for sharing with
us today.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
You're so welcome, thanks for the opportunity.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
To share, and thank you for listening. Won't you join
me again. I'm your host, Michael Leech, and I am
praying for you and praying that the rest of your
day is wonderful.
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