August 18, 2025 • 13 mins
The Harmful Effect Of Bullying And Tips To Support Those Being Bullied And Those Doing The Bullying
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Starcare's a weekly program that delves into the
issues that impact you and your family. This program is
a public affairs feature of this radio station. Now here's
your host, Michael Leach.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
It used to be that bullies used to simply shake
down the other kids for lunch money. But these days
the bully business has gone online and it is booming.
Eighty one percent of teen surveyed finds cyber bullying funny.
It's not so funny, and it can lead to depression, anxiety,
and even suicide. Our guest today, Jackie Reen, believes that
bullying is not going to go away anytime soon. Parents
(00:36):
and educators need to be aware step up their efforts
to combat it. Jackie, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Thank you, Jackie.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
What is bullying?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Bullying is a harassment of any kind. It is when
another person overpowers or humiliates another person by either verbally
picking on somebody you know, using words, emotionally shunning or
cutting somebody away from the crowd, or taking physically taking
something in playing keep away with it. That's a huge
(01:05):
form of bullying in the elementary school, making anyone feel
like they're less than they are.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
How is the problem of bullying getting worse, well, we
have cyber bullying.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
There is a whole different aspect of bullying there used
to be on the school playgrounds that there is a
jocking for power in the peer groups, and it both
with girls and boys. This is not a regional, local,
national problem. This is an international problem dealing with bullying
because if it isn't stopped, this behavior permeates relationships of
(01:36):
all kinds, not only friendships, marriage, sibling relationships. It's very
important for a parent to recognize both the victim and
the bully at a very young age. If you watch
toddler's playgroup before they get into school, there is a
lot of bullying aspect where parents can intervene and you know,
show by example and stop the behavior as inappropriate. You
(01:58):
want your child to develop empathy, the golden rule, do
unto others as you would have done unto you. This
is probably the most effective parenting tool at a very
young age is developing empathy so that the child who
bullies understands that this is hurtful behavior. A lot of
times these kids are just not aware of They just
I'm just picking on them. I think it's funny. It's
(02:19):
not funny.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
It's hurtful behavior, and why do you think that it's
actually getting worse.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
When you have the cyber bullying and you post pictures
anonymously or what you think of anonymously and spread this
to hundreds of people, you're taking this person and you're
magnifying the problem and making this person with a spotlight
on this person as not good, not worthy, taking away
all those qualities that make a person confidence.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
You have an opinion about the types of environment that
may lead to the cultivation of a bully or a victim,
you say, share your thoughts with us about that.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
For one day, when you're dealing with children and you're
looming over them and you're telling them all the time
what to do instead of an interactionstead of trying to
foster the respect. It starts with parent and child. This respect,
and it's not that you allow the child any type
of behavior or any sort of physical toys or you
don't allow that, but you respect the child as a
(03:13):
person so that you're not as a parent bullying. There
are times when you have to be effective and be disclomentarians.
I understand that, but a lot of times this bullying
is reflection of the parents, So start at a very
young age to direct the child. The most important thing
that a parent can do for a victim of a
child that's being bullied is to instill confidence. You can
(03:35):
teach confidence because a parent spends a lot of time
with a child, but this child spends most his or
her life in school.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Okay, So are you saying, as it pertains to parenting,
that if a child sees that their role models are
overly strict and hot tempered or physically aggressive, that this
behavior can lead a child to think that this is
the way the proper.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Way to deal with frustration.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yes, and that that can have an impact on a
person becoming a bully or a person can be intimidated
to be more prone to being a victim of a bully.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. That it's an example
and a parent needs to examine his or her behavior
and see how the child reflects a parent. I mean,
what other example does a child have but the adults
around him or her.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So one of the first hurdles when it comes to
the issue of bullying is getting the victim to actually
talk about what's actually happening with them. Why is this
so difficult?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
It's hard to establish this open trust. We have a
lot of societal things going on here. We have this
taboo about tattling. Don't tattle, But tattling and asking for
help are two entirely different things. Is a child needs
to be able to trust adults and be able to
(04:51):
approach an adult, either a parent or at school and
say I'm being hurt either physically, emotionally verbally, and have
that parent or mentor educator respond. The schools that have
contracts with their students will physically have them signed papers
saying I will not be a bully, I will not
(05:11):
tolerate bullying another. These schools that enact anti bullying policies
have a fifty to seventy five percent reduction in violence
on campus, and that I think is a huge significant
factor for the schools to wake up because these kids
have access when they get older two guns. There's seventy
one percent of the kids says they have seen a
(05:32):
child or another peer with a gun on campus.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
How important is parental guidance when their children are having
bullying problems.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I think the parent is probably the primary person in
their child's life to help. For one thing, I would
like to go back to the parenting as in the
younger when a child is bullied at school, a lot
of time that child would come home and bully a
younger sibling. When you're in a situation, you're being bullied,
you're disempowered, so you come home, you want to empower.
You pick on the person the same way that you
(06:02):
get picked on. So it's a cycle that a very
easily broken cycle. Actually, if there's an awareness, and it's
primarily a parent, because the parent is dealing with these
children and can stop it and just teach the child.
Number one, you can say stop it. You can buy
your posture. A lot of children that are victims have
(06:24):
a definite slump shoulder looking down at the ground, a
shuffling walk that can change and that can be rehearsed.
And that's what I was meaning when I said it's
counterintuitive to say that you can teach confidence, but you
can act confidently, and therefore it become confident. And one
of the things that a parent can help a child,
and this is a lesson that I learned teaching children
(06:47):
with my own child, is to sit down and make
eye contact instead of looming over a child and being
the parent telling the child all the time.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
What type of advice then should not be given to
children as we're trying to help them violence?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Do not hit, walk away whenever possible. The first thing
that you on your list of to do if you
encounter a bully, walk away, diffuse the situation takes two
to fight, walk away if it's not possible, stand up,
stand your ground, but do not engage in violence. It
escalates to the point where somebody always gets hurt, and
(07:27):
generally it's the stronger person who hurts the weaker person.
We have a situation where the bully is generally stronger
by physical intimidation, and you don't You don't want to
encourage your child to hit. You want to your child
to have the confidence to defuse it. Walk away, use
your mouth, humor, Oh you know what is it this time?
(07:50):
Develop an attitude to come back where it's no, you're
not going to bully me. I've had it with you.
And you know a lot of times these bullies will
just back off because it's no fun if you don't
have a playmate.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
So what happens then if that kind of avoidance advice
does not really work. Once we've encouraged j O child
to do those things and they become unsuccessful.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
What then I would encourage my child to get some friends,
get your own groups, stay within a group that likes you,
you know, get one or two friends that will stay
with you. Once again you have numbers. Encourage your children
to develop talents. All kids have an area that they
excel in, and it can be anything in the arts,
(08:35):
use a talented artwork. Sports. Even a child said is
not good at sports at school can have outside sports
that he or she is good. And my daughter took Taekwanda,
which was extremely useful for her to develop her confidence.
You know, she never had to use force, but she
knew that she could protect herself. Totally different attitude. No
(08:58):
one messes with her because they just don't see the victim.
They don't see that neon sign that says victim.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Is that always how that happens?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Though, Because I actually can recall being bullied in school
and I was a child that had self confidence. I
really didn't walk around like a victim as we're talking
about now. Sometimes people are just picked randomly.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
You know, that's a very good word. A lot of
this is random violence or random selection. And if there again,
if the child has confidence currently you said you did,
you still get picked on, but you don't let it
affect you. You don't let it undermind your confidence or
undermine your your sense.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Of self blos Well, it is a Tabit difficult not
to let it affect you, especially if you're talking about
going to school every day and being the victim of
such a thing. Which leads me to my next question,
which is how do we help kids overcome self blame?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Let me emphasize it. I think the schools have a
responsibility here to address the problem in a in a
group situation where a teacher, a supervisor of some kind
can point out the behavior that's inappropriate and say this
is not right. I use role playing in groups workshop groups,
(10:14):
have the child be the victim and one child be
the bully, and then switch. And sometimes it's a little
lights going because they just don't recognize the behavior as
any as anything that it has an undermining effect. I
think the schools really need to hear what the what
these kids are going through, what happens on the buses.
(10:36):
This goes right down to the level of the janitors,
the cafeteria workers, the supervisors on the playgrounds. Teachers of course,
can you know, be very effective in the in the classroom.
But rather than ignoring the problem or or putting it
down as normal, this is not normal for a child
to live in fear or feel unprotected in Our schools
(10:59):
are where our children are going to be, and we
need to as parents, we need to stay involved with
our children. If you find out your child being bullied,
keep a record of it, Go to the teacher. If
the teacher isn't going to resolve it, go to the principal.
It's the principalisms and then resolve it. Call the superintendent
of the school. Bulldog it. Just so this problem becomes
(11:22):
out in the open instead.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Of ignored, Jackie, how should a parent handle their child
if their child is the actual bully.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Once again, if a parent intervened and sees this behavior,
you know this is inappropriate behavior. Does this make you
feel good if you're bullied? You know, parent, try to
turn it around. Try to make this child feel as
if it's happening to him or her to develop this empathy.
(11:52):
The worst thing a parent can do, of course, is
to strike a child as a punishment, because this just
perpetuates the cycle of bully and violence and just teaches
the child that if I cannot reach you, I will
hit you. And that needs to stop too, because that's
the only thing is the child really gets a message
when you reach out and hit a child before you
(12:14):
know this idea of reasoning and coming to terms with
it and understanding it.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Okay, Where can we go to find more? What resources
are available to us regarding this issue?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
There are just tons of websites that I've gone to,
and I would like to name a few of them
that I think are excellent. Stop bullying dot up. Stop
bullying dot up as a website for both children and adults.
Kids health dot org, kids health dot org. These are
(12:47):
excellent websites for parents and children to go to to
get information and to get reinforcement. What I'm saying, how
to develop confidence. You know that not only the change posture,
but the physical aspect of changing your posture and learning
to say no, go away, stop you can't do that.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Good Jackie Reen, thank you so much for joining us today.
Thank you very much, and thank you for listening. Won't
you join me again?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I'm your host, Michael Leach, and I am praying that
the rest of your day is wonderful.
Welcome to Starcare's a weekly program that delves into the
issues that impact you and your family. This program is
a public affairs feature of this radio station. Now here's
your host, Michael Leach.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
It used to be that bullies used to simply shake
down the other kids for lunch money. But these days
the bully business has gone online and it is booming.
Eighty one percent of teen surveyed finds cyber bullying funny.
It's not so funny, and it can lead to depression, anxiety,
and even suicide. Our guest today, Jackie Reen, believes that
bullying is not going to go away anytime soon. Parents
(00:36):
and educators need to be aware step up their efforts
to combat it. Jackie, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Thank you, Jackie.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
What is bullying?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Bullying is a harassment of any kind. It is when
another person overpowers or humiliates another person by either verbally
picking on somebody you know, using words, emotionally shunning or
cutting somebody away from the crowd, or taking physically taking
something in playing keep away with it. That's a huge
(01:05):
form of bullying in the elementary school, making anyone feel
like they're less than they are.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
How is the problem of bullying getting worse, well, we
have cyber bullying.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
There is a whole different aspect of bullying there used
to be on the school playgrounds that there is a
jocking for power in the peer groups, and it both
with girls and boys. This is not a regional, local,
national problem. This is an international problem dealing with bullying
because if it isn't stopped, this behavior permeates relationships of
(01:36):
all kinds, not only friendships, marriage, sibling relationships. It's very
important for a parent to recognize both the victim and
the bully at a very young age. If you watch
toddler's playgroup before they get into school, there is a
lot of bullying aspect where parents can intervene and you know,
show by example and stop the behavior as inappropriate. You
(01:58):
want your child to develop empathy, the golden rule, do
unto others as you would have done unto you. This
is probably the most effective parenting tool at a very
young age is developing empathy so that the child who
bullies understands that this is hurtful behavior. A lot of
times these kids are just not aware of They just
I'm just picking on them. I think it's funny. It's
(02:19):
not funny.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
It's hurtful behavior, and why do you think that it's
actually getting worse.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
When you have the cyber bullying and you post pictures
anonymously or what you think of anonymously and spread this
to hundreds of people, you're taking this person and you're
magnifying the problem and making this person with a spotlight
on this person as not good, not worthy, taking away
all those qualities that make a person confidence.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
You have an opinion about the types of environment that
may lead to the cultivation of a bully or a victim,
you say, share your thoughts with us about that.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
For one day, when you're dealing with children and you're
looming over them and you're telling them all the time
what to do instead of an interactionstead of trying to
foster the respect. It starts with parent and child. This respect,
and it's not that you allow the child any type
of behavior or any sort of physical toys or you
don't allow that, but you respect the child as a
(03:13):
person so that you're not as a parent bullying. There
are times when you have to be effective and be disclomentarians.
I understand that, but a lot of times this bullying
is reflection of the parents, So start at a very
young age to direct the child. The most important thing
that a parent can do for a victim of a
child that's being bullied is to instill confidence. You can
(03:35):
teach confidence because a parent spends a lot of time
with a child, but this child spends most his or
her life in school.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Okay, So are you saying, as it pertains to parenting,
that if a child sees that their role models are
overly strict and hot tempered or physically aggressive, that this
behavior can lead a child to think that this is
the way the proper.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Way to deal with frustration.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yes, and that that can have an impact on a
person becoming a bully or a person can be intimidated
to be more prone to being a victim of a bully.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. That it's an example
and a parent needs to examine his or her behavior
and see how the child reflects a parent. I mean,
what other example does a child have but the adults
around him or her.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So one of the first hurdles when it comes to
the issue of bullying is getting the victim to actually
talk about what's actually happening with them. Why is this
so difficult?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
It's hard to establish this open trust. We have a
lot of societal things going on here. We have this
taboo about tattling. Don't tattle, But tattling and asking for
help are two entirely different things. Is a child needs
to be able to trust adults and be able to
(04:51):
approach an adult, either a parent or at school and
say I'm being hurt either physically, emotionally verbally, and have
that parent or mentor educator respond. The schools that have
contracts with their students will physically have them signed papers
saying I will not be a bully, I will not
(05:11):
tolerate bullying another. These schools that enact anti bullying policies
have a fifty to seventy five percent reduction in violence
on campus, and that I think is a huge significant
factor for the schools to wake up because these kids
have access when they get older two guns. There's seventy
one percent of the kids says they have seen a
(05:32):
child or another peer with a gun on campus.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
How important is parental guidance when their children are having
bullying problems.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I think the parent is probably the primary person in
their child's life to help. For one thing, I would
like to go back to the parenting as in the
younger when a child is bullied at school, a lot
of time that child would come home and bully a
younger sibling. When you're in a situation, you're being bullied,
you're disempowered, so you come home, you want to empower.
You pick on the person the same way that you
(06:02):
get picked on. So it's a cycle that a very
easily broken cycle. Actually, if there's an awareness, and it's
primarily a parent, because the parent is dealing with these
children and can stop it and just teach the child.
Number one, you can say stop it. You can buy
your posture. A lot of children that are victims have
(06:24):
a definite slump shoulder looking down at the ground, a
shuffling walk that can change and that can be rehearsed.
And that's what I was meaning when I said it's
counterintuitive to say that you can teach confidence, but you
can act confidently, and therefore it become confident. And one
of the things that a parent can help a child,
and this is a lesson that I learned teaching children
(06:47):
with my own child, is to sit down and make
eye contact instead of looming over a child and being
the parent telling the child all the time.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
What type of advice then should not be given to
children as we're trying to help them violence?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Do not hit, walk away whenever possible. The first thing
that you on your list of to do if you
encounter a bully, walk away, diffuse the situation takes two
to fight, walk away if it's not possible, stand up,
stand your ground, but do not engage in violence. It
escalates to the point where somebody always gets hurt, and
(07:27):
generally it's the stronger person who hurts the weaker person.
We have a situation where the bully is generally stronger
by physical intimidation, and you don't You don't want to
encourage your child to hit. You want to your child
to have the confidence to defuse it. Walk away, use
your mouth, humor, Oh you know what is it this time?
(07:50):
Develop an attitude to come back where it's no, you're
not going to bully me. I've had it with you.
And you know a lot of times these bullies will
just back off because it's no fun if you don't
have a playmate.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
So what happens then if that kind of avoidance advice
does not really work. Once we've encouraged j O child
to do those things and they become unsuccessful.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
What then I would encourage my child to get some friends,
get your own groups, stay within a group that likes you,
you know, get one or two friends that will stay
with you. Once again you have numbers. Encourage your children
to develop talents. All kids have an area that they
excel in, and it can be anything in the arts,
(08:35):
use a talented artwork. Sports. Even a child said is
not good at sports at school can have outside sports
that he or she is good. And my daughter took Taekwanda,
which was extremely useful for her to develop her confidence.
You know, she never had to use force, but she
knew that she could protect herself. Totally different attitude. No
(08:58):
one messes with her because they just don't see the victim.
They don't see that neon sign that says victim.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Is that always how that happens?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Though, Because I actually can recall being bullied in school
and I was a child that had self confidence. I
really didn't walk around like a victim as we're talking
about now. Sometimes people are just picked randomly.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
You know, that's a very good word. A lot of
this is random violence or random selection. And if there again,
if the child has confidence currently you said you did,
you still get picked on, but you don't let it
affect you. You don't let it undermind your confidence or
undermine your your sense.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Of self blos Well, it is a Tabit difficult not
to let it affect you, especially if you're talking about
going to school every day and being the victim of
such a thing. Which leads me to my next question,
which is how do we help kids overcome self blame?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Let me emphasize it. I think the schools have a
responsibility here to address the problem in a in a
group situation where a teacher, a supervisor of some kind
can point out the behavior that's inappropriate and say this
is not right. I use role playing in groups workshop groups,
(10:14):
have the child be the victim and one child be
the bully, and then switch. And sometimes it's a little
lights going because they just don't recognize the behavior as
any as anything that it has an undermining effect. I
think the schools really need to hear what the what
these kids are going through, what happens on the buses.
(10:36):
This goes right down to the level of the janitors,
the cafeteria workers, the supervisors on the playgrounds. Teachers of course,
can you know, be very effective in the in the classroom.
But rather than ignoring the problem or or putting it
down as normal, this is not normal for a child
to live in fear or feel unprotected in Our schools
(10:59):
are where our children are going to be, and we
need to as parents, we need to stay involved with
our children. If you find out your child being bullied,
keep a record of it, Go to the teacher. If
the teacher isn't going to resolve it, go to the principal.
It's the principalisms and then resolve it. Call the superintendent
of the school. Bulldog it. Just so this problem becomes
(11:22):
out in the open instead.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Of ignored, Jackie, how should a parent handle their child
if their child is the actual bully.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Once again, if a parent intervened and sees this behavior,
you know this is inappropriate behavior. Does this make you
feel good if you're bullied? You know, parent, try to
turn it around. Try to make this child feel as
if it's happening to him or her to develop this empathy.
(11:52):
The worst thing a parent can do, of course, is
to strike a child as a punishment, because this just
perpetuates the cycle of bully and violence and just teaches
the child that if I cannot reach you, I will
hit you. And that needs to stop too, because that's
the only thing is the child really gets a message
when you reach out and hit a child before you
(12:14):
know this idea of reasoning and coming to terms with
it and understanding it.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Okay, Where can we go to find more? What resources
are available to us regarding this issue?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
There are just tons of websites that I've gone to,
and I would like to name a few of them
that I think are excellent. Stop bullying dot up. Stop
bullying dot up as a website for both children and adults.
Kids health dot org, kids health dot org. These are
(12:47):
excellent websites for parents and children to go to to
get information and to get reinforcement. What I'm saying, how
to develop confidence. You know that not only the change posture,
but the physical aspect of changing your posture and learning
to say no, go away, stop you can't do that.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Good Jackie Reen, thank you so much for joining us today.
Thank you very much, and thank you for listening. Won't
you join me again?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I'm your host, Michael Leach, and I am praying that
the rest of your day is wonderful.
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