August 9, 2025 • 25 mins
TrulySignificant.com presents author Barry Garapedian riffing on 7 life lessons from Winning the Game of Life.
In a world obsessed with success and personal achievement, Barry offers a revolutionary perspective: true success isn't about you- it's about the value you create for others.
Barry will challenge your conventional wisdom, revealing that the path to fulfillment beyond self centered pursuits. Hear about doing things that are positive that do not require reciprocity.
Drawing from 4 decades as a top financial advisor and his role at MAG7 Consulting, Barry presents groundbreaking tactics toward significance.
Finally, learn about TOMS disease. Terrified of missing Shit. Seriously people, we know that's you.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/success-made-to-last-legends--4302039/support.
In a world obsessed with success and personal achievement, Barry offers a revolutionary perspective: true success isn't about you- it's about the value you create for others.
Barry will challenge your conventional wisdom, revealing that the path to fulfillment beyond self centered pursuits. Hear about doing things that are positive that do not require reciprocity.
Drawing from 4 decades as a top financial advisor and his role at MAG7 Consulting, Barry presents groundbreaking tactics toward significance.
Finally, learn about TOMS disease. Terrified of missing Shit. Seriously people, we know that's you.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/success-made-to-last-legends--4302039/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And welcome back to truly Significant dot com presents.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm Rick Tolkinny.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Our guest today is an author of Winning the Game
of Life The Seven Lessons You Never Learn in School.
I read it from cover to cover thoroughly enjoyed it.
Barry Garapedian is the visionary behind this. He's lived a good,
(00:35):
blessed life. He is a USC graduate. Fight on my
daughter graduating.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
From there, no kidding, all right.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
And so I love the spirit and the tempo and
pace and cadence coming out of your book.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Welcome to Truly Significant. I am so pleased to be here, Rick,
and I'm open to any thoughts, comments that you have,
and we can just take it from whatever direction you
want to take it.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Fantastic. I always do everything very through the lens of
true significance, and so let's start with this. What was
the spark, the truly significant moment that inspire you to
do this book.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I wanted to help a lot of folks. I went
through a divorce back in two thousand. My wife and
I sixteen years married, and we separated for three years, divorced,
and we got remarried to the same person again. What
I didn't know is in the book, it's the seven
(01:43):
lessons you never learned in school, Family, faith, friends, fitness, financial, fun, philanthropy.
Those seven are the pillars. Those are the lanes that
I was not driving in and they're now absolute foundational
pieces for other people to not make the same mistakes
(02:03):
that I made.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
That is so beautifully stated and the one that I
leap to first. The first time I read the book
was on philanthropy and service, because that's all we talk
about all the time, varied and it's like, why is it,
in your opinion, so difficult for people to leave service
(02:26):
sometimes as the very last chapter to pursue in their
own life, versus when they're young and energetic, why aren't
they serving others?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Well, we teach it early. It's called value creation being
creating value for others. So there's three ways to create value.
There's material value, there's spiritual value, and there's emotional value.
So yes, learning to it's counterintuitive when you're helping other people.
Everyone wants to grow, not everybody wants to go. Most
people want to grow, but it's counterintuitive to help other people.
(02:59):
So by helping other people, people creating value to help
them in any way possible and It starts with your attitude.
It starts with a can do attitude of empowering other
people and treating everyone like they're the most important person
in the room. So if I'm getting a coffee at
a talking to a barista, I will ask her name,
I'll find something to compliment her on that's organic, and
(03:20):
I will empower that situation. And basically, we know the
term ROI, which is return on investment in business on
the street. I use ro OI as return on impact
r O I return on impact. I want to impact
a situation where if I am naturally and organically, so
(03:41):
it's by creating value. It's not that difficult to do.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, and it just depends on when someone can actually
comprehend that whole philosophy of value added value. And I
would I also want you to comment on this. Why
do people always have to have at aids that comes
along with it? Why can't they just serve for the
sake of serving?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Yeah, Well, we also teach that you create value, or
we call lightning strikes without reciprocity. You're not doing to
get reciprocity or something bad. You do it because it
makes you feel good. It makes me feel good to
do something nice for someone. It just makes me feel good.
And there's studies and science behind it. For every negative episode,
(04:27):
you need three positives to offset a negative, and you
need to five to one raise your to thrive or grow.
If you want to grow, you need a lot of positives.
So let's start doing things that are positive that make
you feel good. So the first thing I'd have someone
do is create a gratitude list, twenty five things you
love to do. Write it out. I just think about it.
(04:47):
Actually have a list of write it out, and it's
a real simple exercise. But most people are more reactionary,
and they're just they're not on the edge of their
chair playing offense. That's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Let's get back to our listening audience right now, many
of which are young riders. What is a story that
you wanted to tell in the book but you didn't it?
Actually the story fell on the floor, the cutting the
cutting floor as it said, Yeah, what story is missing?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I would say an important stories when I was younger
is my dad was a professor, but his hobby was woodworking,
and we crafted and made things, and we made a boat.
We made a sabbot, a sailboat and I'll never forget
the work it went into me sanding and sanding and
(05:42):
sanding and sanding woods, sanding, sanding, the repetition involved in
getting it to make it happen. And I think that
was a metaphor in life of the reps. It takes
to get good at anything, whether it's golf, tennis, presentations,
studying for a quiz for a test. That early in
my life, standing that wood to get it just right
(06:06):
took patience and time. And so I think that is
a lesson or a story that probably is not shared
in the book if I don't, if I recall, but
I remember that very very well, that those kinds of
things you wonder about, consistency and discipline and structure. I'm
very process oriented. I love process. I don't focus on results.
(06:29):
I focus on process. So process is if you're doing
all these things, there is going to be a result
that's very positive, that's exactly right. So it starts the
evening before. So if I want to win the morning
in the morning, it starts what time I'm going to bed,
what was my meal? And my prep for the day
(06:50):
is my call sheet, play is organized for the next day.
I have my clothes, laid out. I don't have to
think too much in the morning. I know exactly what
I'm wearing. All my toiletries have laid out on my sink.
I know exactly a protocol that I that I listened
to music or I listen to a books on tape
in the morning. It's very structured in its process. When
(07:11):
the morning, when the day, very very important.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Thank you, Coach Barry. When we coach young writers, we
talk about writing from the heart. You wrote so clearly
and vividly. I saw myself back in my dad's shop.
I was the sander. I had the boogers of walnut
(07:35):
dust in my nose that I want you to tell
our young riders about. Why is it important to write
from your own biography?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
So when you open your heart, it's a force multiplier.
Being vulnerable that's powerful in almost any genre that you're into.
So opening your heart and being bulners and sharing things
that aren't so great and how you overcame them brings
people in. So I think listening to your heart, listening
to your intuition is a powerful thing and I do
(08:08):
it all the time. I think it's raising your frequency
to connect with people. And the game is to connect
with people, connect with your writers, your audience. So my
role is to connect with people and help them and
however I can. And that was Wall Street for thirty
nine years. I'm not doing that anymore. Now I'm working
(08:28):
with gen z folks, kids between thirteen and twenty eight.
It's a different market and they think completely differently than
you and I. I'm a baby boomer. I'm version six
point seven. I'm sixty seven years young. We never say
age on Wall Street. I'm version six point seven. Okay,
So the reality is, how do I change my frequency?
(08:54):
Is I'm like a hummingbird? Okay, Yeah, I'm high energy.
And more importantly, they really truly want to impact a
room or a situation organically, but I have to read
the room. So the market that I'm in with a
lot of young, young writers or young folks, is they
want freedom. You want freedom, you want flexibility, you want
(09:15):
to be remote. Here, do this? Do that? Hey, I
get it. I wasn't raised that way. We had a
bureaucratic job, went in Cot and Tie, not nine to
file is an entrepreneur, but still Cot and Tie, Wall Street.
Different ballgame. Now kids are completely they think differently, and
it's either lifestyle or lifestale. I tell them, you want
(09:36):
a lifestyle that you want, How are you going to
get it? How are you possibly going to get it?
The way you're thinking right now, it's not going to happen.
So we need a plan. We need a structure. And
schools don't teach extraordinary. They don't teach you how to
be great. That's either mentors, parents, coaches. But to be
(09:59):
really amazing, you have to find out what everybody else
is doing and don't do it. Do what the one
percenters are doing. And that's who I followed. When I
first got onto Wall Street in nineteen eighty two, I
found the top producers in the firm. I called them,
flew out, met with them. You don't need to talk
to me. I just want to shadow you. You find
the best people in the industry. What they're doing, watch them.
(10:22):
That is I call healthy struggles. I call this more
is cot than taught, Dan Sullivan's strategic coach love that
more's cought than tot.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
So I am a Ricky version six point nine.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
And I want to get back to when you reconnected
with your wife, would you be so kind to share
the moment of grace. That changed the trajectory of your relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, I can remember it very well. It came a
time when we had the forensic accountants all doing work
and they needed a lot of information from me on
all our financial Where everything is being in a Wall
Street firm, there are so many moving pieces hidden this,
there's this, there's this, there's there's a lot of stuff. Yep.
(11:15):
There was a moment of truth when I said, I'm
gonna find out where everything is and put it on
paper and show where everything and I then presented that
to her. It felt so amazing to authentically show where
every dime is and you earn half of it. And
then I asked her, you just tell me what you want.
(11:35):
I'm gonna write it down what you want. You tell
me what you want, and I'm gonna find a way
to give it what you want. That was the moment
of truth when I was truthful, and it felt really, really,
really good to be one hundred percent where every penny
was and I knew I wanted that for her and
make sure the kids were okay, everybody's together. That was
(11:57):
a moment of truth to answer that's what happened. I
remember a crystal Clare.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And I know that everyone's situation out there is different,
but I encourage you.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
To listen to Barry's story.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Maybe you can have a gut shot moment like that
too and come back together.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Or maybe not, but at least be inspired by that.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Barry, We're going to take a quick commercial break. Tell
us about where people can buy your great book and
or get in touch with you about other things going
on within your enterprise.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Sure should I tell you right now? Yes? The book
is on Amazon and you can reach me at barryat
Magsevenconsultants dot com and I'll be happy to share some
thoughts with you if you have any questions.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Beautiful, We'll be right back with Barry after this quick message.
And I think it's from Marcus Aurelius. Stand by.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
This is Marcus Aurelius reappearing to proclaim that truly significant
conversations with big hearted people is a rare piece of literature.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
This book reminds me.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Of one of my more stirring quotes, waste no more
time arguing what a good man should be be one.
If you're stepping into your next life chapter of your
career and questioning what lies beyond success. This book is
for you. Dive into forty soul stirring stories from luminaries
(13:37):
like doctor Jane Goodall, ed Asner, and Emily Chang.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Stories that urge you to pursue purpose, serve others, and
build a legacy that outlasts you.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Authored by Rick Tolkini, Truly Significant will challenge your view
of success and ignite a life of impact. Order now
at TinyURL dot com, backslash truly Significant and begin living intentionally.
Maybe your epitaph will read she gave outrageously extended grace
(14:16):
unceasingly and lived to help others.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
So that death found her empty.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Visit truly significant dot com and celebrate the most truly
significant people in your life with the Truly Significant community.
How bold of you to make your next chapter matter
and be truly significant.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And we're back with Barry Gara p pedion I hope
I'm pronouncing that right. It's almost as wonderful as Tolkini
winning the Game of Life. Seven Lessons You Never learned
in school. Back half of the show, We're gonna dive
deeper into the topic of significant in this noisy world
(15:02):
of ours Berry. What does being truly significant mean to you?
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I would say that it's all about filtering out the noise.
There's a lot of noise. So I typically tell a
lot of my clients not to be watching the news.
Maybe two or three minutes. It's all you need. You
need to know what's going on. But it's extremely negative.
And it really is about connecting with people. And I
(15:29):
think being in a people business, we want to be
playing offense and helping them. However we want to help them.
So my game is really not about fomo, not about
the fear of missing out. I turned fomo into joymo.
Jomo's a joy of missing out. I love doing things
(15:49):
that a lot of people aren't doing. Tom's disease. You
know what Tom's disease is, Rick tell me terrified of
missing shit. There's a lot of people that live in
this fear of missing out or where I'm not doing that,
or why I'm not good enough or whatever, and it's
not where you want to. So I like to get
(16:10):
into third vault conversations with people. And you think of
a bank. You go into a bank, the first fault
is did the Dodgers win? What is it hot today?
First fall? Second vault conversation is usually about their story,
tell me a little bit something about yourself. Where I
want to be with someone is their third fault. I
want to get into vulnerability. I want to get into
(16:30):
opening the hood up and really figuring out a problem
I can solve or help them. They're suffering somehow, What
can I do to help them? However it might be?
That is the game for me, And that means it's
a deeper, more connected of being more interested and curious
about someone, of how I can add value. That is
(16:52):
the game. I've been doing it my whole life, and
it's unbelievably rewarding. It has to be you are.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
The reason why you're on the show is not about
your book. It's because we think you have taken this
quantum leap from success zone to significance. And what's so
interesting about you is you've also leaped over a couple
of generations to talk to the next generation.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
How did you? How did you do that?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
And what did you miss out with all those other
gen X y z's out there in that in between
the audience that listens and loves you.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
And your own generation. So this started decades ago. I
on Wall Street actually did family governance for families, specifically
writing a family constitution for a family. Okay, I don't
got to know all the kids. I love working with
young minds. I love helping them with interviewing skills or
(17:57):
people's things, whatever it is EQ emotional intelligence things. So
I've been doing this a long time. When I retired
from Wall Street, I said, you know what do I
really want to do? What I want to make a
dent in the universe helping young minds. So I decided
to really focus just on the young minds, specifically with
helping them get to where they need to be and
(18:17):
designing strategies that they're not learning in school. That's what
I'm doing. So it came from me doing this for
many years, but I was doing it in the in
the in the family governance theme of Wall Street and
money and affluent families. Now it's just just the kids.
I'm not working with anything with money. Yes, we talk
(18:38):
about financial literacy with the kids, but specifically it's about
really really making a dent in the universe with the
young minds and the kids and giving them the opportunity
to take the shot. Because you missed one hundred percent
of the shots, you don't take that's right, and you
know having I mean, I really believe it's building the
I believe, but many of these kids just don't have
the self esteem or the confidence. So how do you
(19:01):
build self esteem? You need accomplishments, you need victories, wins
to feel good about. I believe in myself and that
is probably two thirds of something we will talk about
with a young woman or a young guy who, for
whatever reason, during COVID, Hey, COVID happened, it happened. A
(19:21):
lot of these kids were locked in an apartment or
a condo or a house and they were not utilizing
their tools, their skills. They're on zoom calls most of
the day. Think about it, and a lot of these
kids don't play sports, So what do you do. They're
locked in a house two or three years and it's fear,
fear on TV. Can't go out, can't do this, can't
(19:43):
think about it. I don't know what I would be
like to be a kid. I never had to go
through anything like that. So that's what we're dealing with
right now. Everyone handles it differently, but not everyone is
gifted to be into sports or Division I sports or tennis,
golfs all that kind of Not everybody does that. So
then we get into books. I've a narrative. That's the
(20:04):
books you read, the people you meet. The books you read,
the people you meet everyone who works with me. We're
reading twenty five books a year, two a month. Yes,
we're using audible, absolutely absolutely game changing. Of the books
that are incredible reads. These young minds have never even
thought about reading some basic, fundamental building block books like
(20:30):
Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's
a basic read. It was done in nineteen thirty seven's
or Think and Grow Rich with Napoleon Hill. I mean,
these are basics and a lot of these kids have
not read. That is what Having an imagery and visualization
of where you want to be. I mean it starts
(20:50):
with a vision where you want to be. What kind
of life do you want to have? Well, you're not
going to do it by doing that. So if you're
drinking and smoking and doing all those knotty things, I
will tell you it's hard enough doing it clean, and
you want to throw in all that stuff. You just
minimize the chances of you being wildly successful.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
It's your choice, that's right, Hi, Barry. I've got a
couple more questions to ask you one is, what are
we doing at USC to teach this?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Not enough? Not enough. They need an overhaul of what's
going on in the schools, Thank you much, Me too.
Not enough. I mean right now, at Pepperdine University where
my kids went today, it's ninety three thousand dollars a
year to go to school there, including room and board.
(21:42):
Ninety three thousand per year, four years, four hundred grand.
That's what it is right now. When my kids were
going there, it was sixty grand a year. When I
was going to USC, I believe it was ten grand,
tenor you know, it was still a lot of money.
But we can see the inflation of schools. And now
(22:02):
the question is is it the right path for everyone? No,
it's not. Some kids should go into a trade school.
Some kids should learn a trade. I mean, let's face it,
non cyclical plumbers. I think of all the work that's
done in our house, plumbers, electricians. There is a big
market for that and that's not going away, and AI
is not going to be able to do that. That's correct,
(22:24):
That's correct. It's not for everyone. For the right person,
it is they want the status and they want that, yes,
but they're not doing it enough. Schools don't teach extraordinary okay,
And the mindset should be a kid should be relentlessly useful.
That's a mindset, relentlessly useful, very powerful narrative. Wherever that
(22:47):
kid goes, find ways to be useful. Someone comes to
our home and we're doing an event, they should come
into the kitchen. What can I do to help? Well, say,
there's nothing, it's all taken care of. No, they're going
to go out and take the trash out. I'm talking
about that kind of mindset. You're hired that kid comes
to our house and does that. We don't have to
tell them. They're doing things picking things up? Wow, not
(23:11):
done that often. That's the kind of relentlessly useful mindset
I'm looking at.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I want to end the show that on that because
I was going to ask you to do a Barry rant,
but I can't think of a better challenge to our
listening audience as parents and grandparents, to have your offspring
think and be that way about value creation.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
What are you doing you? What are you adding? Stop
this victimhood scarcity mindset these kids have or poor me?
Or why does this always happen to me? I can
never find a parking spot. Why am I so fat?
Stop it? It doesn't serve you. You can be bitter or better.
Bitter or better, choose you want to be better. That's
(24:01):
your choice. You want to be better. Okay, now we're talking.
Let's design a plan and let's have fun. The journey
is actually a lot of fun when you want to
get better. That's right.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I love you, Barry, and I've only known you for
twenty five minutes. Your book is winning the game of life,
the seven lessons you never learned in school.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Thank you for being on.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Got to have you back on because I didn't get
to ask you the eighteen other questions.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Oh well, it's been my pleasure, Rick, and congratulations on
the success you're having with your show and all the
things that you're doing as well.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Only if it matters and people actually start on the
path of significance. Otherwise I don't care.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I really want people to go out.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
And serve others. So mission accomplished with you. You're very inspiring.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Thanks again. Tell us one more time where we can
purchase the book? Sure, Amazon, go to Amazon Books. They're there.
In addition to you can reach me at mag Barry
at Mag seven consultants dot com. Very good, Thank you Barry.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
As usual, folks, we always wish you success, but on
your way to true significance. Have a great week.
And welcome back to truly Significant dot com presents.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm Rick Tolkinny.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Our guest today is an author of Winning the Game
of Life The Seven Lessons You Never Learn in School.
I read it from cover to cover thoroughly enjoyed it.
Barry Garapedian is the visionary behind this. He's lived a good,
(00:35):
blessed life. He is a USC graduate. Fight on my
daughter graduating.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
From there, no kidding, all right.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
And so I love the spirit and the tempo and
pace and cadence coming out of your book.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Welcome to Truly Significant. I am so pleased to be here, Rick,
and I'm open to any thoughts, comments that you have,
and we can just take it from whatever direction you
want to take it.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Fantastic. I always do everything very through the lens of
true significance, and so let's start with this. What was
the spark, the truly significant moment that inspire you to
do this book.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I wanted to help a lot of folks. I went
through a divorce back in two thousand. My wife and
I sixteen years married, and we separated for three years, divorced,
and we got remarried to the same person again. What
I didn't know is in the book, it's the seven
(01:43):
lessons you never learned in school, Family, faith, friends, fitness, financial, fun, philanthropy.
Those seven are the pillars. Those are the lanes that
I was not driving in and they're now absolute foundational
pieces for other people to not make the same mistakes
(02:03):
that I made.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
That is so beautifully stated and the one that I
leap to first. The first time I read the book
was on philanthropy and service, because that's all we talk
about all the time, varied and it's like, why is it,
in your opinion, so difficult for people to leave service
(02:26):
sometimes as the very last chapter to pursue in their
own life, versus when they're young and energetic, why aren't
they serving others?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Well, we teach it early. It's called value creation being
creating value for others. So there's three ways to create value.
There's material value, there's spiritual value, and there's emotional value.
So yes, learning to it's counterintuitive when you're helping other people.
Everyone wants to grow, not everybody wants to go. Most
people want to grow, but it's counterintuitive to help other people.
(02:59):
So by helping other people, people creating value to help
them in any way possible and It starts with your attitude.
It starts with a can do attitude of empowering other
people and treating everyone like they're the most important person
in the room. So if I'm getting a coffee at
a talking to a barista, I will ask her name,
I'll find something to compliment her on that's organic, and
(03:20):
I will empower that situation. And basically, we know the
term ROI, which is return on investment in business on
the street. I use ro OI as return on impact
r O I return on impact. I want to impact
a situation where if I am naturally and organically, so
(03:41):
it's by creating value. It's not that difficult to do.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, and it just depends on when someone can actually
comprehend that whole philosophy of value added value. And I
would I also want you to comment on this. Why
do people always have to have at aids that comes
along with it? Why can't they just serve for the
sake of serving?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Yeah, Well, we also teach that you create value, or
we call lightning strikes without reciprocity. You're not doing to
get reciprocity or something bad. You do it because it
makes you feel good. It makes me feel good to
do something nice for someone. It just makes me feel good.
And there's studies and science behind it. For every negative episode,
(04:27):
you need three positives to offset a negative, and you
need to five to one raise your to thrive or grow.
If you want to grow, you need a lot of positives.
So let's start doing things that are positive that make
you feel good. So the first thing I'd have someone
do is create a gratitude list, twenty five things you
love to do. Write it out. I just think about it.
(04:47):
Actually have a list of write it out, and it's
a real simple exercise. But most people are more reactionary,
and they're just they're not on the edge of their
chair playing offense. That's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Let's get back to our listening audience right now, many
of which are young riders. What is a story that
you wanted to tell in the book but you didn't it?
Actually the story fell on the floor, the cutting the
cutting floor as it said, Yeah, what story is missing?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I would say an important stories when I was younger
is my dad was a professor, but his hobby was woodworking,
and we crafted and made things, and we made a boat.
We made a sabbot, a sailboat and I'll never forget
the work it went into me sanding and sanding and
(05:42):
sanding and sanding woods, sanding, sanding, the repetition involved in
getting it to make it happen. And I think that
was a metaphor in life of the reps. It takes
to get good at anything, whether it's golf, tennis, presentations,
studying for a quiz for a test. That early in
my life, standing that wood to get it just right
(06:06):
took patience and time. And so I think that is
a lesson or a story that probably is not shared
in the book if I don't, if I recall, but
I remember that very very well, that those kinds of
things you wonder about, consistency and discipline and structure. I'm
very process oriented. I love process. I don't focus on results.
(06:29):
I focus on process. So process is if you're doing
all these things, there is going to be a result
that's very positive, that's exactly right. So it starts the
evening before. So if I want to win the morning
in the morning, it starts what time I'm going to bed,
what was my meal? And my prep for the day
(06:50):
is my call sheet, play is organized for the next day.
I have my clothes, laid out. I don't have to
think too much in the morning. I know exactly what
I'm wearing. All my toiletries have laid out on my sink.
I know exactly a protocol that I that I listened
to music or I listen to a books on tape
in the morning. It's very structured in its process. When
(07:11):
the morning, when the day, very very important.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Thank you, Coach Barry. When we coach young writers, we
talk about writing from the heart. You wrote so clearly
and vividly. I saw myself back in my dad's shop.
I was the sander. I had the boogers of walnut
(07:35):
dust in my nose that I want you to tell
our young riders about. Why is it important to write
from your own biography?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
So when you open your heart, it's a force multiplier.
Being vulnerable that's powerful in almost any genre that you're into.
So opening your heart and being bulners and sharing things
that aren't so great and how you overcame them brings
people in. So I think listening to your heart, listening
to your intuition is a powerful thing and I do
(08:08):
it all the time. I think it's raising your frequency
to connect with people. And the game is to connect
with people, connect with your writers, your audience. So my
role is to connect with people and help them and
however I can. And that was Wall Street for thirty
nine years. I'm not doing that anymore. Now I'm working
(08:28):
with gen z folks, kids between thirteen and twenty eight.
It's a different market and they think completely differently than
you and I. I'm a baby boomer. I'm version six
point seven. I'm sixty seven years young. We never say
age on Wall Street. I'm version six point seven. Okay,
So the reality is, how do I change my frequency?
(08:54):
Is I'm like a hummingbird? Okay, Yeah, I'm high energy.
And more importantly, they really truly want to impact a
room or a situation organically, but I have to read
the room. So the market that I'm in with a
lot of young, young writers or young folks, is they
want freedom. You want freedom, you want flexibility, you want
(09:15):
to be remote. Here, do this? Do that? Hey, I
get it. I wasn't raised that way. We had a
bureaucratic job, went in Cot and Tie, not nine to
file is an entrepreneur, but still Cot and Tie, Wall Street.
Different ballgame. Now kids are completely they think differently, and
it's either lifestyle or lifestale. I tell them, you want
(09:36):
a lifestyle that you want, How are you going to
get it? How are you possibly going to get it?
The way you're thinking right now, it's not going to happen.
So we need a plan. We need a structure. And
schools don't teach extraordinary. They don't teach you how to
be great. That's either mentors, parents, coaches. But to be
(09:59):
really amazing, you have to find out what everybody else
is doing and don't do it. Do what the one
percenters are doing. And that's who I followed. When I
first got onto Wall Street in nineteen eighty two, I
found the top producers in the firm. I called them,
flew out, met with them. You don't need to talk
to me. I just want to shadow you. You find
the best people in the industry. What they're doing, watch them.
(10:22):
That is I call healthy struggles. I call this more
is cot than taught, Dan Sullivan's strategic coach love that
more's cought than tot.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
So I am a Ricky version six point nine.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
And I want to get back to when you reconnected
with your wife, would you be so kind to share
the moment of grace. That changed the trajectory of your relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, I can remember it very well. It came a
time when we had the forensic accountants all doing work
and they needed a lot of information from me on
all our financial Where everything is being in a Wall
Street firm, there are so many moving pieces hidden this,
there's this, there's this, there's there's a lot of stuff. Yep.
(11:15):
There was a moment of truth when I said, I'm
gonna find out where everything is and put it on
paper and show where everything and I then presented that
to her. It felt so amazing to authentically show where
every dime is and you earn half of it. And
then I asked her, you just tell me what you want.
(11:35):
I'm gonna write it down what you want. You tell
me what you want, and I'm gonna find a way
to give it what you want. That was the moment
of truth when I was truthful, and it felt really, really,
really good to be one hundred percent where every penny
was and I knew I wanted that for her and
make sure the kids were okay, everybody's together. That was
(11:57):
a moment of truth to answer that's what happened. I
remember a crystal Clare.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And I know that everyone's situation out there is different,
but I encourage you.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
To listen to Barry's story.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Maybe you can have a gut shot moment like that
too and come back together.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Or maybe not, but at least be inspired by that.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Barry, We're going to take a quick commercial break. Tell
us about where people can buy your great book and
or get in touch with you about other things going
on within your enterprise.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Sure should I tell you right now? Yes? The book
is on Amazon and you can reach me at barryat
Magsevenconsultants dot com and I'll be happy to share some
thoughts with you if you have any questions.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Beautiful, We'll be right back with Barry after this quick message.
And I think it's from Marcus Aurelius. Stand by.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
This is Marcus Aurelius reappearing to proclaim that truly significant
conversations with big hearted people is a rare piece of literature.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
This book reminds me.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Of one of my more stirring quotes, waste no more
time arguing what a good man should be be one.
If you're stepping into your next life chapter of your
career and questioning what lies beyond success. This book is
for you. Dive into forty soul stirring stories from luminaries
(13:37):
like doctor Jane Goodall, ed Asner, and Emily Chang.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Stories that urge you to pursue purpose, serve others, and
build a legacy that outlasts you.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Authored by Rick Tolkini, Truly Significant will challenge your view
of success and ignite a life of impact. Order now
at TinyURL dot com, backslash truly Significant and begin living intentionally.
Maybe your epitaph will read she gave outrageously extended grace
(14:16):
unceasingly and lived to help others.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
So that death found her empty.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Visit truly significant dot com and celebrate the most truly
significant people in your life with the Truly Significant community.
How bold of you to make your next chapter matter
and be truly significant.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And we're back with Barry Gara p pedion I hope
I'm pronouncing that right. It's almost as wonderful as Tolkini
winning the Game of Life. Seven Lessons You Never learned
in school. Back half of the show, We're gonna dive
deeper into the topic of significant in this noisy world
(15:02):
of ours Berry. What does being truly significant mean to you?
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I would say that it's all about filtering out the noise.
There's a lot of noise. So I typically tell a
lot of my clients not to be watching the news.
Maybe two or three minutes. It's all you need. You
need to know what's going on. But it's extremely negative.
And it really is about connecting with people. And I
(15:29):
think being in a people business, we want to be
playing offense and helping them. However we want to help them.
So my game is really not about fomo, not about
the fear of missing out. I turned fomo into joymo.
Jomo's a joy of missing out. I love doing things
(15:49):
that a lot of people aren't doing. Tom's disease. You
know what Tom's disease is, Rick tell me terrified of
missing shit. There's a lot of people that live in
this fear of missing out or where I'm not doing that,
or why I'm not good enough or whatever, and it's
not where you want to. So I like to get
(16:10):
into third vault conversations with people. And you think of
a bank. You go into a bank, the first fault
is did the Dodgers win? What is it hot today?
First fall? Second vault conversation is usually about their story,
tell me a little bit something about yourself. Where I
want to be with someone is their third fault. I
want to get into vulnerability. I want to get into
(16:30):
opening the hood up and really figuring out a problem
I can solve or help them. They're suffering somehow, What
can I do to help them? However it might be?
That is the game for me, And that means it's
a deeper, more connected of being more interested and curious
about someone, of how I can add value. That is
(16:52):
the game. I've been doing it my whole life, and
it's unbelievably rewarding. It has to be you are.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
The reason why you're on the show is not about
your book. It's because we think you have taken this
quantum leap from success zone to significance. And what's so
interesting about you is you've also leaped over a couple
of generations to talk to the next generation.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
How did you? How did you do that?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
And what did you miss out with all those other
gen X y z's out there in that in between
the audience that listens and loves you.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
And your own generation. So this started decades ago. I
on Wall Street actually did family governance for families, specifically
writing a family constitution for a family. Okay, I don't
got to know all the kids. I love working with
young minds. I love helping them with interviewing skills or
(17:57):
people's things, whatever it is EQ emotional intelligence things. So
I've been doing this a long time. When I retired
from Wall Street, I said, you know what do I
really want to do? What I want to make a
dent in the universe helping young minds. So I decided
to really focus just on the young minds, specifically with
helping them get to where they need to be and
(18:17):
designing strategies that they're not learning in school. That's what
I'm doing. So it came from me doing this for
many years, but I was doing it in the in
the in the family governance theme of Wall Street and
money and affluent families. Now it's just just the kids.
I'm not working with anything with money. Yes, we talk
(18:38):
about financial literacy with the kids, but specifically it's about
really really making a dent in the universe with the
young minds and the kids and giving them the opportunity
to take the shot. Because you missed one hundred percent
of the shots, you don't take that's right, and you
know having I mean, I really believe it's building the
I believe, but many of these kids just don't have
the self esteem or the confidence. So how do you
(19:01):
build self esteem? You need accomplishments, you need victories, wins
to feel good about. I believe in myself and that
is probably two thirds of something we will talk about
with a young woman or a young guy who, for
whatever reason, during COVID, Hey, COVID happened, it happened. A
(19:21):
lot of these kids were locked in an apartment or
a condo or a house and they were not utilizing
their tools, their skills. They're on zoom calls most of
the day. Think about it, and a lot of these
kids don't play sports, So what do you do. They're
locked in a house two or three years and it's fear,
fear on TV. Can't go out, can't do this, can't
(19:43):
think about it. I don't know what I would be
like to be a kid. I never had to go
through anything like that. So that's what we're dealing with
right now. Everyone handles it differently, but not everyone is
gifted to be into sports or Division I sports or tennis,
golfs all that kind of Not everybody does that. So
then we get into books. I've a narrative. That's the
(20:04):
books you read, the people you meet. The books you read,
the people you meet everyone who works with me. We're
reading twenty five books a year, two a month. Yes,
we're using audible, absolutely absolutely game changing. Of the books
that are incredible reads. These young minds have never even
thought about reading some basic, fundamental building block books like
(20:30):
Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's
a basic read. It was done in nineteen thirty seven's
or Think and Grow Rich with Napoleon Hill. I mean,
these are basics and a lot of these kids have
not read. That is what Having an imagery and visualization
of where you want to be. I mean it starts
(20:50):
with a vision where you want to be. What kind
of life do you want to have? Well, you're not
going to do it by doing that. So if you're
drinking and smoking and doing all those knotty things, I
will tell you it's hard enough doing it clean, and
you want to throw in all that stuff. You just
minimize the chances of you being wildly successful.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
It's your choice, that's right, Hi, Barry. I've got a
couple more questions to ask you one is, what are
we doing at USC to teach this?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Not enough? Not enough. They need an overhaul of what's
going on in the schools, Thank you much, Me too.
Not enough. I mean right now, at Pepperdine University where
my kids went today, it's ninety three thousand dollars a
year to go to school there, including room and board.
(21:42):
Ninety three thousand per year, four years, four hundred grand.
That's what it is right now. When my kids were
going there, it was sixty grand a year. When I
was going to USC, I believe it was ten grand,
tenor you know, it was still a lot of money.
But we can see the inflation of schools. And now
(22:02):
the question is is it the right path for everyone? No,
it's not. Some kids should go into a trade school.
Some kids should learn a trade. I mean, let's face it,
non cyclical plumbers. I think of all the work that's
done in our house, plumbers, electricians. There is a big
market for that and that's not going away, and AI
is not going to be able to do that. That's correct,
(22:24):
That's correct. It's not for everyone. For the right person,
it is they want the status and they want that, yes,
but they're not doing it enough. Schools don't teach extraordinary okay,
And the mindset should be a kid should be relentlessly useful.
That's a mindset, relentlessly useful, very powerful narrative. Wherever that
(22:47):
kid goes, find ways to be useful. Someone comes to
our home and we're doing an event, they should come
into the kitchen. What can I do to help? Well, say,
there's nothing, it's all taken care of. No, they're going
to go out and take the trash out. I'm talking
about that kind of mindset. You're hired that kid comes
to our house and does that. We don't have to
tell them. They're doing things picking things up? Wow, not
(23:11):
done that often. That's the kind of relentlessly useful mindset
I'm looking at.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I want to end the show that on that because
I was going to ask you to do a Barry rant,
but I can't think of a better challenge to our
listening audience as parents and grandparents, to have your offspring
think and be that way about value creation.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
What are you doing you? What are you adding? Stop
this victimhood scarcity mindset these kids have or poor me?
Or why does this always happen to me? I can
never find a parking spot. Why am I so fat?
Stop it? It doesn't serve you. You can be bitter or better.
Bitter or better, choose you want to be better. That's
(24:01):
your choice. You want to be better. Okay, now we're talking.
Let's design a plan and let's have fun. The journey
is actually a lot of fun when you want to
get better. That's right.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I love you, Barry, and I've only known you for
twenty five minutes. Your book is winning the game of life,
the seven lessons you never learned in school.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Thank you for being on.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Got to have you back on because I didn't get
to ask you the eighteen other questions.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Oh well, it's been my pleasure, Rick, and congratulations on
the success you're having with your show and all the
things that you're doing as well.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Only if it matters and people actually start on the
path of significance. Otherwise I don't care.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I really want people to go out.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
And serve others. So mission accomplished with you. You're very inspiring.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Thanks again. Tell us one more time where we can
purchase the book? Sure, Amazon, go to Amazon Books. They're there.
In addition to you can reach me at mag Barry
at Mag seven consultants dot com. Very good, Thank you Barry.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
As usual, folks, we always wish you success, but on
your way to true significance. Have a great week.
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