What happens when a life-threatening cardiac arrest forces you to completely reimagine success? Dr. LaNysha Adams, 10-time award-winning author and TEDx speaker, shares her powerful journey from academic battles and entrepreneurial hustling to flatlining on her couch—and the profound transformation that followed. Discover why she says "you can be pivoted at any moment," the workplace power dynamics that nearly cost her a PhD, and how she went from chasing accolades to finding fulfillment in making green smoothies and teaching her kids to be self-sufficient. This conversation will challenge everything you think you know about empowerment, authority, and what it truly means to win at life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, hey, hey, good people. Ayana Angel here checking in
as your host of a Switch Priveletal Quip podcast, and
today we're gonna be speaking with doctor Leanisha Adams. But
before we get into doctor Lenisha Adams and our conversation
with her, just wanna make sure that you know you're
in the right place. The Switch Priveletal Quip podcast is
all about change. That's what we talk about, that's what
(00:25):
we work you through. And I hope that you are
coming to this space with an open mind, ready to
hear some things, learn some things, experience some things, and
be challenged in some ways. So, without further ado, let
me introduce you to doctor Lenisha Adams. Doctor Lydisha Adams
aka doctor Adams is a teedex speaker, ten time award
(00:47):
winning author, director of student Wellness at Santa Fe Community College,
and she also has an award winning coaching and consulting firm.
Her greatest accomplishment has been individually coaching nearly one hundred
graduate students to successfully complete their degrees. Doctor Adams, it
is a pleasure to be speaking with you and be
(01:07):
in your presence. Thank you for joining us on the
Switch Pivotal Quid podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Today. Thanks so much for having me. It's such an
honor to be here with you.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yay, Okay, So there's obviously a lot in your story
that we can get into. One of the first things
I think I want to just kind of get your
opinion on if you could go back and give your
pre cardiac arrest self. One piece of advice, could be
(01:36):
career advice, could be life advice.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
What would that be, man? What comes to mind off
the top is this idea of never outshining the master.
You know, it's one from forty eight Laws of Power
Robert Green. But this law is easy to forget about.
And I've been in situations where people who are in
(02:01):
positions of authority and they think they have so much power, right,
And I think if I could really integrate this understanding
a lot of times when I've had people in positions
of authority over me, it would just help save me
so much stress and grief dealing with them.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Okay, let's go into that a little bit, because I
think that is something that really does trip us up
in the workplace. It's not something that's widely talked about,
let's say, among your peers, among other mentors and different
things like that when you are trying to grow in
a professional environment. But talk to us a little bit
(02:45):
about maybe what was the catalyst to you having this
sort of like moment where you realize, oh, this is
a bigger deal and plays a larger role than I thought. Maybe.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I think it happened in small ways all throughout my twenties.
I mean when I was twenty one, I was in
New York in a master's program at Columbia. So I
was young. You know, I didn't know all these dynamics
and from being from California's being different from being from
New York. And I really came to a head for me.
(03:16):
Like eight years later, I was finishing my doctoral program
here in New Mexico at the University of New Mexico,
and one of the faculty members had been mentoring me,
of her own words and telling me like, you need to,
you know, do things in this manner, and I want
your research to be like this because I think you're
(03:36):
so great and all this stuff right, And one day
I said to her, you know, you have me do
all this stuff, the PhD, the dissertations just a glorified
turn paper, because that's what my dissertation chair was telling
me to kind of get the monkey off my back
and not be worried about perfection and like all these things.
(03:58):
I said that to her in passing. We got into
a big argument about it because she did not Agreeeh.
I argued her down. I argued her down. It was
on the phone, but I would argued her down to
my mistake because four months later, it turns out she
(04:18):
was the main faculty saying no, I don't think she
should pass. She can't pass the dissertation defense, she cannot pass,
go collect her two hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
And so that set me back a whole year. I
couldn't graduate for a whole year as a consequence of
trying to go toe to toe with this ego of
somebody who's in a position of authority. And so it
really helped me understand that right. I knew about the
law before because I read forty eight Laws of power,
the fiftieth law. If he wrote a book from fifty
(04:55):
cent that was like my favorite one. But I just
really I learned the hard way, and I don't think
I'll forget it because her ego, I think that person's
ego was bigger than her humanity. In that moment, right,
like she was trying to teach me a lesson that
she had learned. And there's something about that academic hazing
(05:16):
right in the academia, but you see it in other
context and so many other contexts in corporate. If you
to first and only in something, maybe there's another person
who's the first and only and they want to do
it to you. There's a lot to be said to
unpack there.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yeah. I think one of the key things too is
there's a lot that we don't know when we come
into these work environments, about these unspoken rules and ways
of behaving that will never know unless sometimes, yes, people
try and give us a heads up and tell us right,
But experience is the best teacher you get in those environments.
(05:54):
You get in those situations, and that's when you start
to have a lot of aha moments and a lot
of realizations about things that you just would not know otherwise.
So that was a tough lesson, but it was like
as you were explaining it, I was thinking, Oh, I
know where this is going. Because people, especially when they
look at younger people. So if you're younger and you're
(06:17):
listening to this, take heed it is great to be smart.
It is great to be informed, it is great to
be knowledgeable, but some people don't want you to flex
that on them. And when I use that word flex
for a reason, right, because there is a way to
show your knowledge and your expertise, but then there's also
(06:38):
another way.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
With your whole chest. I don't think you need to
do it with your whole chest to think you need
to just peace because.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You put you do it with your whole chest, and
then you find out what they say.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
You fi fi fo fio, we call it. Don't faffo,
don't faffo.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I love a little five five I love that. Okay,
that's a du with for me. So, first generation college grad,
mother of two, now ten time award winning offer. Before
you had this big life changing moment in having a
cardiac arrest, what did your career trajectory look like?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Did you yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Did you feel fulfilled?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
So I would say I was trying to chart the path, right.
So after this experience with the faculty member, I was like,
I can't play with these people, and I tried. You know,
I did post docs. I applied for jobs as a professor.
From the time I was thirteen. I wanted to be
a professor, you know, like at the university. And after
that experience, I was like, I don't think this is
(07:51):
gonna cut it, but I wasn't sure. I always had
one foot teaching, one foot doing this. And then I
had like five jobs, you know, like and always entrepreneurial,
and all of them. After I got the degree, I
worked for the state legislature. I got married, moved to DC,
got this fellowship in education doing policy work in the district,
and then work for like a state agency in the district.
(08:16):
And then I was discouraged and I said, you know,
I'm gonna go out on my own as a consultant.
The reason why I was discouraged was because I saw
a lot of the problems that were being solved in
the agency I worked for. Everything's outsourced to private entities,
and they were really big fans of small businesses. Women
(08:36):
own small businesses, Black women own, vet own, Native America,
like all the categories. And I was like, what is
this small business stuff? And I started researching. I said,
you know, I'm going to compete. I'm going to go
switch to the other side because I could still do
the work as a contractor and so full time entrepreneur
and that I did that for eight years and that
(08:56):
was amazing, you know, as a practice, and I learned
a lot. I got my first multimillion dollar contract, I
teamed with other small businesses. I just learned so much
from that practice. But that was my career trajectory up
until that life changing event.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
And it sounds like you felt good about this change
that you made moving into consultancy. It felt it sounds
like it was empowering in some ways.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It was amazing because I had Okay, so I did
a year before I had my kids, and I had
a lot of autonomy, which is why I wanted to
be a professor. Right. I went to do research, do
public speaking, right work with people, and I was like,
maybe I can create my own professorship, you know, in
my own practice. And so that's kind of what I did.
(09:45):
And then when I had my son, this was before
the pandemic. He was born in twenty my older son,
who was born in twenty eighteen. After three months, I
got an all pair. One of my friends needed to
leave the country and then they I inherited their all
pair and so signed up for this. But I would
go to meetings, you know, I had all these clients,
and I would go to meetings and I get a
conference room the pair and my son would be in there,
(10:08):
and then I never had to pump. Also, pumping wasn't
like as what it is now, so even doing that
would have been hard for me. But it was nice
that I could have him there and I could go
and feed him and then pop out of the meeting,
go feed him, clean up, and then go back into
the meeting or whatever I needed to do. And that
was really like freeing. Imagine if I had an employer,
(10:30):
I would have to request time or come up with
some kind of agreement with HR to be able to
exercise this right as a mom. I mean, I felt
so privileged to have the capacity right to do that
and still be generating revenue. And I, you know, I'm married,
and I my husband was super supportive in me taking
this huge risk because you know, I didn't have to
(10:52):
worry about my salary paying our mortgage because it until
I got to that point, I needed some space and
I never had that in my life. So it was
really great and it was empowering in like the best
of ways, to be kind of on my own. But
it was also burdensome as you you know, like running
your own business is it can be tricky getting employees.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Absolutely, How do you how did you go about sort
of building yourself up? And I'm saying building yourself up
because I feel like, whether we know it or not,
there's this process of building ourselves up to start doing
your own thing and to go out there and offer
yourself as a consultant. How did that start to take
shape for you? Did you consult other people? Were you
(11:37):
were you taking on mentors? Did you already have them?
Sort of how did you start to prepare yourself?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I never had the mentors because, like I told you
with that story, like this lady she was my quote
unquote mentor. I was like, I don't need no more
of that. I'm good on that. I don't want a mentor.
I'm okay, I'm okay. So I started looking for like
free resources, and I found the Small Business Association has
what's called a score program and you can get a mentor.
(12:05):
They're free though, and they are like advisors, and you
tell the coordinator exactly what you're working on. So I
went from you know, working, Uh, My career started as
a teacher and then I worked in education at all
the different levels, and so I was going into entrepreneurship
for the first time or so I thought, you know, babysitting,
(12:25):
selling lemonade on back in the day, that was all
my entrepreneurial days. But I didn't think of it until
I started becoming an entrepreneur. I was always on the grind.
So I got this score mentor and my first one
was like, how do you go from individual coaching and
consulting one on one by one and then go hit
the contracts like at the universities. So I was doing
(12:47):
dissertation coaching. And then she said, what if you call
up a school and look at their look at their
data and like, let's see and then they see they
need help and talk to the department chair. I said,
I'm just gonna call them. I did that. That was
my first ten thousand dollars contract.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
What okay, So take us back to that moment. What
did you do? You googled, you called, did you have
a script prepared? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I started looking at the school in the Midwest and
then I said, Okay, their data isn't looking good for
certain demographics. I'm going to call the department chair and
be like, did you know, like based on this data
through iPads is through like a national you know, research center,
through the Department of ED. I was like, you know,
every institution has to report this information. So are you
(13:32):
aware are you doing these analytics for your graduate students?
So I call up the department chair. I get her
on the phone. She's like, who are you? No, I
didn't know that. And then I said, well, you know,
I do a lot of dissertation coaching, and I find
that faculty they don't know what their rates are, and like,
you know, maybe you guys aren't worried about like how
(13:53):
much your students are actually graduating. They stop, but then
they don't finish. But I said, you know, this kind
of completion rate is really important for your accreditation, which
I also knew. And then once I started talking like that,
they said, oh, we have a creditation coming up. Oh
we need to fix this. Oh how do you so?
How you going to solve the problem? I said, Oh,
I got a group coaching program. It's all online, but
(14:13):
I could come there and you know, I could package
it for this and ten thousand dollars is like a
dripping a bucket for that school. I should have charged
fifty thousand, but I didn't know. I thought I could
get somebody to write me a check for ten thousand
by call them on a phone. I never did sales.
I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know
that's the name of the game. So yeah, so that
was is that amazing? I was like wow, you know,
(14:35):
and then you know, I didn't have the confidence actually,
but I did it anyway, and then I got some
nos like as I started getting better, and then I
told one of my friends. She was at the University
of Pennsylvania in the business school. She said, oh, well,
maybe you can offer us something and she's like, you know,
if it's less than this amount, we don't have to
go through the procurement process. And that means somebody can
(14:58):
just cut you a check. Once when you start learning,
well what are those stresholds and what is this and
what is that? You know, it really helped me become
more savvy, which was wild. Like it was like I
felt I fell on top of the world, but scrambling
because I was like, I don't know, I don't feel confident.
I don't feel this now. I'm like, dag, I was
so confident it's just I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
You get funny when you look back and you think
that you were so inexperienced and not confident. But then
sometimes I look back at for myself, I look back
at the person that I was and some of the
things that I was doing years ago, and I was like, no,
but you really were very confident, because today you probably
would hesitate to do some of those things, because knowledge
(15:38):
can be an intimidator in some situations.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Right, yea.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
The more you know, the more you're you have this
potential to overthink. I feel like there there is an
advantage that we should take with naiveness when we don't
yes things.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I agree one thousand percent. I was just I've been
like journaling about this idea of like uncertainty and how
we feel uncomfortable, you know, when we're feeling that. It's
all these emotions, but then underneath that it's like fertile
ground for creativity and agency in a way that like,
you don't even know what's gonna happen, So what's the risk.
(16:13):
If you knew that you were gonna fail, then you
could be like, oh, I don't know, but you don't know.
It could go either way, so you might as well
just jump in tent toes down and just go for it.
I was like, Wow, you know, uncertainty is kind of
freeing because it's just uncomfortable, but it passes once you
start moving. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I feel
very much strongly about that.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Yeah, you do know. You do know. You've been throwing
work through it and spent time with it thinking about it,
so you do know. And that's another thing. We we
don't give ourselves enough credit sometimes for the things that
we do know from our life experience and that we're
able to share with people. But you are definitely a
share We're gonna get to that. We're gonna get to
(16:55):
your book in a minute, but I want to. I
know people are probably thinking, Okay, she's just glat this
whole cardiac arrest thing, so we gotta dive back into
that a little bit and we don't have to spend
too much time on it. But I know that obviously
that is a pivotal point in your life, So talk
to us about what happened.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah. So I was at this pivotal moment January twenty
twenty two. I was finishing the book, but I had
all these edits. My acquisition's editor came back and said
this trash, like, you gotta change this. I wrote it
like a PhD, you know, like it was all technical.
I didn't have enough story. I needed to restructure and
(17:37):
it was a lot of work. And then I didn't
agree with some of the advice, and I didn't know
exactly also how I would move forward. So this one
day I need. I had two days to make this
decision about my next step. So I was really nervous
about it. And then I said, you know what. My
husband was like, We're gonna get some pizza. My young
(17:57):
my baby was in a crib because I had my
son Drew, so he was like a year and some
months and he was taking a nap. My three year
old was right there real quick.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
What was the decision that you had to make?
Speaker 2 (18:09):
That the decision. Yeah, the decision I had to make
was how was I going to restructure? Because I I
had three parts to a book and the editor felt
like it was too long and it was too it
was too messy. It's like you could sell, you could
write articles, you could do whatever with this third part.
Get rid of it. So I had to decide if
(18:31):
I was gonna cut it down or totally cut it out.
In the end, I ended up cutting it out the
third part of the book, but I had written it.
I had wrote it, you know, So I was really
like in a crisis. I don't know what you know,
when you do something for the first time, you just
be tripping and then now I'm like, what's the deal?
Like I I don't know, but at that moment, it
(18:51):
was like really coming for me. And then I sat
down on the couch to turn on some show, and
then my husband had left. I went to go get
the pizza, and then I sat down and then the
next thing I know, I wake up in the ICU
two weeks later, wo or six days later, I got
I was in the ICU for two weeks, but I
(19:12):
was in a coma for a week and then I
woke up and then had to learn how to walk
and do all this stuff to get out of the hospital.
And I don't know if you remember, but January twenty
twenty two was omicron all over the world, and that
variant of the virus was getting people, and it got
me even though I was vaccinated, and the virus attacked
(19:32):
my heart and I had COVID pneumonia and then it
shut everything down. So I had a sudden cardiac arrest.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute. So
omicron is what ultimately caused your cardiac arrest. Oh my,
So this is not something familial history, something you were
prepared for, had a heads up about. It just hit you.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yep, yep. The reason I love your podcast so much
is because it's like this pivoting piece. But you know,
we're really talking about threshhold moments. You know, like these
these moments when you're not fully in the past, but
you not in the new one, and you in this
weird transient third space some people call it, but it's
(20:18):
really a threshold moment. And I was in this threshold moment.
And I think it's important for you to remember. We're
all at threshold moments at different points in our life,
you know, we on the edge of what was and
what's next. And when I was in that hospital, conscious
and then learning about what happened to me, it was like, well,
what's next for me? I didn't I couldn't even think
(20:40):
about the book. I was like, how do I walk?
How do I get out of here? And then How
did I get in here? How did I survive? Because
one in ten people who have a sounden cardiac arrests
outside of the hospital survive. So how did I make it?
And it's because my husband came back. He was going
for less than ten minutes to get that pizza. He
came back. We put the pizza on the stove. He
(21:02):
walked past me in to the kitchen, put the pizza
on stow. If he was talking to me, I was
non responsive. My son was right by me, kind of
like rubbing my head and then he saw it was
like lights out. The man in CPR certified had never
performed it on a human being. Oh, puts me on
the ground, starts chess compression, calls nine one, starts chess
(21:22):
compressions and then within fifteen minutes, I mean he did
it for fifteen minutes. Then first responders came and then
they worked on me for I know from the nosy neighborhood.
They worked on me for thirty minutes and then when
they drove away, they drove away lights out. So how
do I know this? It's because the neighbor was watching
from the window and she told me to time point.
(21:43):
So I have like three different perspectives of what happened.
I was lights out. I don't know, I don't recall.
I have no idea what happened.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Wow, oh my god, gosh. It's so important to be
like trained in CPR and those especially when you have children,
because you know what I mean, it happened to be
you that he needed to use it on. But oh
my god. Okay, And people don't even realize how much
(22:11):
work and effort it takes to continue compressions for that
amount of time.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
To the beat of the rate of one hundred and
twenty seconds a minute is to the beat of ha
ha ha ha. Stay alive. Staying alive at that rate,
that's that's the tempo you have to keep in order
to like keep the heart pumping, you know, the blood
pumping through the body. And yeah, he was, he's CPR certified.
(22:39):
He'd be training everybody now, I mean, it's kind of
a crazy story. I'm also CPR certified. We pretty soon
we're going to start on our seven year old son.
Where you're like, you can learn, we need to teach
it to kids. I mean, it's such an important life skill.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Absolutely. I'm actually about to take a class and get
certified shortly very so.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
So wow, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah, this is like this journey that you went on,
complete twist, complete like monkey wrench and all of your plans.
So now you have to learn everything again. How long
was your recovery process if you have an idea of what,
because I know it was probably ongoing, but like, have
(23:23):
you put a timeframe to what that recovery process was?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Oh? Yeah, because I was like the only way I'm
getting through is journaling and trying to think about, you know,
how do I make sense of it? Because at first,
you know, my mechanism for survival was like just keep
going like boom boo boom. But when you're in the
bed and you can't get up and then they won't
let you do anything. I had a bedpan in the
hospital and I didn't know to tell them, yo, I
need to go to the bathroom, like get this away
(23:49):
from me, until a physical therapist said to me, you
know you should be getting up. You're gonna stay in
this hospital. I was like, oh no, I got to
get out. Well how are you gonna get out? The
doctors have to clear you, all, all of them, neurology, cardiology,
the primary care like, because you know, all the systems
went offline. Also, if you have a heart problem and
they don't know the cause, you have to wear this
(24:11):
device called the life vest until you get a defibrillator
or a pacemaker, which I have now, but that's a procedure.
That's the surgery, and I didn't want to get it.
It took ten months because I was so afraid. You know,
I was like, what if I don't wake up? You know,
because they got to put that in your heart. They
put a device to help modulate my heart. Yeah, exactly,
(24:32):
and then like every eight to ten years, I got
to get the battery replaced in malfunction. Girl, I wasn't
hooked to the bluetooth two months ago. I had to
go in there. It's crazy. It's like this is I mean,
it's kind of a lot. So I when it happened,
you know, I was like, Okay, I got to do
all the therapies, physical therapy, they came to my house,
(24:53):
and then I did cardiac rehab, which if somebody has
a cardiac episode, the rehab is really important. So that
I took about ten months. Do you know, I'm like
a miracle because I have straight up brain damage like medically,
so there's nothing wrong neurologically and then physically. Now the
main thing I have is this heart condition called dilated
(25:16):
cardio myopathy, which just means my heart is damaged and
it doesn't pump blood through the body like it should.
But that's because the virus attacked my heart and then
I had damage and being brought back to this realm
of consciousness. So I have to take medicine. You know.
I have to keep a low sodium diet. I don't
work out. I can't lift weights like I used to,
but I can walk, I can do all this stuff.
(25:38):
I can chase the kids. If I'll be running out
of breath, but I still be doing my thing. You know,
I still be trying to move. I still be dancing.
I'll listening to you know, I was listening to set
music this morning. I be out of breath, but I
still do it. Though I still do it.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
You get your movement.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, I'm not what I used to be, but I
mean it just happened to me sooner than everybody else.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Right, you're but you're a miracle at the same time,
Like that is an amazing journey that you've been through
and I'm sure it changed so much of your life
and what's important to you and how you're looking at things.
Talk to me about that.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Okay, so the book decision, my husband not only saves
my life, but he pushes everything. I had two virtual assistants.
He pushes everything with the book. And then I was
still within that calendar year I published the book. The
book came out in September twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Initially you find out you amazing. What was the book
called and what was the book about?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Yeah, the book is called Me Power, And I started
writing it as a way to really question this idea.
Like I started talking about people in positions of authority
think they have so much power over to another human being.
What kind of power you got over me? That's the
question I was answering, where does this idea come from?
And like is it in our language? Right? Because I
(27:01):
studied apply linguistics, is it embedded in the language? And
then long story short, yes, it is English. Empower the
verb the transitive verb. It means so you're waiting around
for someone to grant you the authority or right to
do something. And so if it's from the inside, who
am I waiting for? Where and when and how, and
(27:21):
so the first part of the book is really unpacking
this idea and the misconceptions about power that we have
and a lot of people have because they're in positions
of authority and they think that they have power over
another human being. And I'm debunking that because I was
really upset about that idea. The second part of the book, now,
after all the edits and after all the fights with
the editor, is about and it was good that those fights.
(27:44):
That's how I want to channel book awards because it
really resonates with readers, and that's really what they were
trying to get me to understand and how to do.
But if you're an academic, you know you don't write
for your reader. Typically you write for the research and idea.
So anyway, in the book, second part is about what
how am I redefining empowerment? And then like if I'm
saying me, power is knowledge of self and principled action
(28:08):
in these five key ways. What does that look like?
What are some examples? What does the research say? So
I do that in story form, and then at the
end of each chapter of the five principles, I have
like questions that you can ask yourself to really help
you activate more me power from within. And I really
am trying to get people to change the way to
think about this idea, because if you're sitting around waiting
(28:30):
for somebody to come and help you try to get
your power, it's not a good look. I mean, you're
gonna be waiting forever.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah. Absolutely, Oh you are speaking my language. I actually
a few months ago, I've been having a lot going on,
but a few months ago I put together a top
that I want to start doing about. It's a similar
idea in just that a lot of times we are
waiting for someone else to tell us it's okay and
to give us the permission. That's why we go and
(28:59):
seek council all these people. And it ties right back
into what you're saying. It's just like we're looking for
this authority. We're taught this ultimate authority is supposed to
give you approval and then you can do this, this
and that. But sometimes you have to give yourself that
authority and you have to say yes to yourself and
just block out all the other bs because people don't
(29:20):
know what's best for you. You know what's best for you.
And then if you try the thing, You do the thing,
and it doesn't work, you have now learned. You have
that firsthand experience like we were talking about at the
top of the conversation, and now you can take that
and run with it and use it in different ways
versus just I feel like it's also we're intimidated and
we're so fearful of everything, and that's how we were
(29:42):
conditioned and taught to be. There's a rare person that
just breaks out of the mold and it's like, actually,
I'm not afraid. Actually I'm gonna try the thing. Actually
I don't care who says what. But so many of
us need to be taught. And we think that we
don't need to be taught, but we really need to
be taught and reconditioned that the only authority we need
to be worried about is ourselves. As long as you're
(30:04):
not killing somebody, wanting somebody hurting someone, give yourself the
permission to say yes to do the things you give
yourself because like we could be waiting forever, and depending
on who you're surrounded around, you may never get that
permission that you're looking for if you are around the
(30:25):
wrong people or people who just are selfish or whatever
their reasons might be. You will never get that permission.
How many times have you been in conversations with people
and you're passing this new idea that you have by them,
and they're giving you all the reasons it won't work right,
telling you everything, but you feel convicted about it. Now
you walk away from that conversation questioning your whole existence
(30:47):
and you're.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Like, I don't even know if I should try. I
don't know what. And that's why you have to be
very careful about who the guides you choose. I talk
about this as a principle. Choose your guides right. You
could be a mentor, it could be a coach, it
could be even free help. All help is not good help.
I mean people may not see where you're coming from
or where you're trying to get to. You want people
(31:08):
who are going to amplify not your uncertainty you're in insecurity,
but what the potentials are for you. It's so crucial
and the thing of you know what we're talking about
uncertainty and like all these things, when you're pivoting and
when you're having these threshold moments, the thing that reduces
that feeling is connection and action, right, So you have
(31:31):
to you have to be connected. And none of this
is done alone. I mean, I think I kind of
imply it in all of the story that I've shared,
in all the things I've talked about, But at every
single point of this journey, it's like a whole army
of people, my village, my family, my family, my friends
who are my family and my community holding it down.
(31:55):
And then the medical professionals I've had to consult and
work with and hold it down. When I was in
That's why I had sixteen nurses that, like I connected
with all of them because they were the ones keeping
me alive when I was in a coma and then
helping me, you know, the ones helping me get out
when I woke up. And I think about that, like, wow,
you know, I didn't know what was next. But whenever
(32:17):
I could connect with those people, the right people that
I choose to connect with, then I felt like just
a sense of peace, even though I did feel nervous
and still uncertain. But you have to keep moving forward.
You have to put one foot in front of the next,
even when you have those feelings. I mean, I'm such
(32:37):
a big believer in that because what are we gonna
do just sit there? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, And so I heard you say somewhere that you
have to put the emphasis on starting with you and
starting with the me element of things before the we
element of things. How did that sort of come to you?
And what does that mean to you?
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I think I really learned the less and like self care,
everyone talks about rest is revolutionary all these things, but
you know, we make concessions all the time on our
rest and to accomplish or go after, especially if you
the first and only as something in your family or
in your work or whatever, right, and then we've been
conditioned to like produce, produced, produce. So it was really
(33:20):
when I was sitting in that hospital bit I would
read you know, the book, and I read it as
a reader now because I'm down and out, I'm in,
I can't do nothing. I felt so disempowered. I mean
I really did, and I was like reading it, and
as I was reading the book, I was like, you know,
it's great to have this idea of wanting to tap
into community in a big way, like I want to
(33:42):
be with common people for a unity blah blah blah.
But if you sick and if you can't get out
of the bed, what you have to contend with you first?
And they really it really was like nail in the
coffin for me on that point, because I was like, Wow,
(34:04):
I really have to figure this out. How am I
going to get out of here? And it's not like
you could just jump up and go, you have to
I had to get cleared. So it was it was
like a processing emotionally, So talk.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
To us about the work that you're doing now in
this present moment.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
So I pivoted in a huge way instead of being
a full time entrepreneur. When we moved here, I couldn't
work on the East Coast time, and my husband also
works on East Coast time. Who's going to take our
kids to school? It's a two hour time difference. So
I found a position at the community college as a
director of student wellness, And what bitter job right then?
(34:44):
To think about how am I going to embody wellness
and like build it in the infrastructure kind of way
out of college and provide non academic support for people
who really need it, people who are trying to change
their life. You know, like when you go to the
community college, we have people who are as young as
fourteen to eighty years old, right, and come in for
(35:07):
various reasons, and each person is trying to do something
to improve their life. So it's really beautiful. I get
the run this center and like think about healthy produce
for our food pantry, because the food pantry is under
the wellness center, and like you know, most food pantries
is just shelf stapled products, so rice, beans, canned goods, whatever. Well,
(35:29):
we have a partnership with a greenhouse on site. So
last year we got five hundred pounds of produce leafy greens, basil,
and tomatoes. So what better than to pair it out
with some of that pasta we got and you know,
some green chilis and other things, which is popular in
New Mexico. But this year we got a grant to
(35:50):
do this food recovery, so we're getting you know, the
food that sells at the farmers market. After that market,
the farmers they can't move their produce and they might
have a lot, right, So we're gonna buy it and
then of high quality and then have it delivered and
then we'll redistribute it for free to the community.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
It's the same food at the farmer's market, but getting
it over here. This could be like a really beautiful model.
So I really love, you know, the work I'm doing now,
and then you know, I do that full time and
I have a team of eight folks, and then we
have like ten student workers. And then I'm building me
power like these concepts into my practice of how I
(36:33):
run my shop. And then I speak on the side,
you know, if I'll do a gig, if someone invites
me to do a keynote, or I'll do a workshop locally.
And it's been really beautiful having that mix. So that way,
I'm working at work while the kids are at school,
and then I can go home, you know, make dinner,
hang out with them, and if I need to do
something at night, I have the freedom to do it out.
(36:55):
I don't feel pressed. Most times, I don't feel pressed. Yeah,
it's amazing. It's such a different life than the one
I had.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this for you. It
just it sounds like you're really operating in a space
that feels good for you. And that's what's so important
for us is that it feels good. So if we're
thinking about our listeners and people who are dropping in
on this conversation. What advice would you give to them
(37:24):
sitting in the seat that you're in right now, if
they're trying to navigate transition, they're in that in between spot,
but they are just trying to find something to hang
on to to keep going or figure out what their
next step is. What advice would you give to them
or what would you share with them?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I'd say, you know, identify that what I'm calling threshold
moment right you in the middle of the thing. Identify it,
and instead of Russian past it or pushing through as
we're so opt to do, pause yourself before life pauses you. You
(38:04):
don't want you don't want to be like me and
have everything on pause and you can't do nothing. You
want to be in control of it. So if you
pause on your own terms, you can name it, you
can sit with it. It might feel uncomfortable, but I
think the question I would have folks answer is like,
(38:25):
what's one strength I can bring to this new season
that I'm about to go into. Maybe I'm not there yet,
but I'm gonna get there, And it's really us using
the strengths that we have that is going to carry
us there eventually, and that I call embracing the barrier,
you know, so when you pause, you can look at
that barrier, that thing in your way. It could be
(38:48):
a feeling, it could be a person, it could be
an experience, like you know, a medical thing, a physical experience.
But look how beautiful on the other side. Anyway, in
the moment, you don't think it's beautiful, But on the
other side, it's so beautiful because that barrier became a
stepping stone, and it was important because it helped you
(39:08):
get across this. It formed a bridge for the next thing,
right whereas we're sitting in the in between and the stresshold.
So I would say that, and I was moved to
share that. But I feel like there's so much to
be said about the pause, hitting a pause button and
just sitting with the things, the feelings, the uncertainty, the nervousness,
(39:31):
all of it. Just be with it.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
My therapist would always tell me to like observe it,
like it's in the room with you, right She'd be like,
and you don't have to own it, but you can
name it. You can name the thing, like fear is
in the room with me right now, Like you can
say that and acknowledge it and not have to own it.
So and we don't take enough time to pause, right.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Go go go oh yeah, go go go oh. You
got stuff to do. You got to accomplish this. We
don't got time to waste. You can you can rest
when you did well, I died, it came back and
I could tell you it ain't. I want to be
on this side right.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Now and wherever you can to be on this side
right now, not burning yourself out, running your exact Yeah, exactly, absolutely.
So what does success mean or look like for you? Now?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Yeah? Success is more like before it was like Okay,
I gotta do this, do that, and you look at
my life like oh I get a book now, I
gotta get the Wars now, I got to do the
ten X now I gotta do I mean, it's so funny,
like I have such a natural it's not natural, it's
just my what they psychologically call ego fixation. But it's
(40:46):
just like my way, you know, like how I've been
conditioned and how people have seen I've gotten so many
accolades from being like that. And also society and capitalism
is supportive of that. Yes, so right, but so now
success for me looks like this. This morning, I made
this green smoothie. Where is it? I was hiding it
(41:09):
over here and I'm almost done. I'm almost I made it.
I made it. It has a I you know. And
I chopped up all the things, the carrots, the different
colored carrots, spinach. What else is it? Having an apple?
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Apple?
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Apple? I had a banana like part of a banana ginger,
and I put some turmeric and cinnamon and an emergency
packet because I was like, you ain't gonna get me.
I don't want to get got. So I put that
in there and then like to me that success, Like
I started my day. I had the coffee, right, I
(41:46):
had water, I took my medicine, and then I made that.
And that's like love. Because I stood there and chopped
all those vegetables. I did them in bulk so I
could freeze some and then do it, you know, every
day this week. But me drinking that, drinking this is
like is success for me. Right, The process of doing
it is success. The fact that I could get up
(42:07):
out of the bed and have the money to buy
the thing and then to be able to physically do it,
that is success for me. And so I won today,
I could do nothing else and I feel like I won.
Success also looks like now I have dependence. You know,
like it looks like, how do I help my children
feel confident as young people? They're five and seven, their boys,
(42:30):
and how do I help them feel confident? And like
one I was trying to teach some structure, like oh,
you got to lay your clothes out the night before
because that's what I learned. That's what I have to
do every night. And they had to iron my clothes
and everything. These kids look Jakie was wrinkled up. But
you know, it's like put your clothes out. So my
youngest son doesn't want to do it. He's like, I'm
gonna put my clothes on the night before, so instead
(42:54):
of pajamas, He's like, I don't want pajamas, I'm gonna
put my But I saw this on TikTok. This mom
was trying to get her kid to do it, and
the kid was fighting her, and I was like, was
he watching TikTok?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
I was like, where did he get this idea?
Speaker 2 (43:07):
I'm like, so he's wearing his clothes so instead of
putting them out, he's wearing the clothes to bed so
he wakes up in the morning. He came in my
room this morning six o'clock talking about, look, I'm dressed.
I'm dressed already. My brother has to get dressed. I
was like, Wow, okay, that's what you're about. Great, it's
(43:27):
very efficient. I'm not mad at him. I'm not mad
at him. I'm like, you're gonna win in life. You're
gonna win in life. You're looking for the.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
He's thinking like an adult who has to catch her
early morning flight. I've definitely done that before. He like,
you know what, I have three hours sleep, I might
have well just put this sweatsuit on and sleep with
this swet and so I could just get.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Up and go.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
He's got the right mindset already, and.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
So like success also translates to them, and also like,
how do I help them be what I would want?
Day self sufficient people by the time they on eighteen,
you know, because that's the programming. But you know, we
could push it to twenty if they're gonna go to call.
You know, I don't know what these people are gonna do,
but I really I really don't. But I really want
(44:14):
that for them, you know, I really want them to
be able one day to walk their own butt. Well,
you know, like they five and seven, right, I still
remember changing the diapers, so it's very hard, you know.
I mean this like funny, like we're trying to get
you to be you can make your own sandwich one
day and without making a mess everywhere, and you could
do this, And I see them they feel so much
(44:36):
more confident. But you know why, it's because they exercising
and they're exemplifying the power within. They're like, I could
do this. See look what I could do. And I
want them to do that to the best of their ability,
the best of them, right, whatever that means for them
over time.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
And you're giving them the space to do it too.
So that's beautiful because somebody else, an old school parent,
would have been like, you are not getting into bed
with them, dang clothes on, Like, no, not having it.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
You have to wear pajamas.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yeah, let me let you try out a thing. I
don't know how comfortable this is going to be from
night tonight, depending on what you decide to wear the
next day, but hey, let's just let you try out
a thing. You're giving them that space. So I love
that your version of success feels so good. It feels
so practical, it feels so relatable. So much of our
(45:25):
conditioning is tied to the big achievements, but you've already
accomplished a lot of those big achievements, so now it's
not about that for you. And I love that.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's beautiful that you said that, because, well,
one of my staff, they are a couple of them,
actually three of them. They're still in school and they've
had they've lived like a full life, but then they
decide they want to go back to school and get
their degrees. And I did it on the front end,
you know what I'm saying. So I have a different
(45:56):
lens now at this point. But when you're on the
and I know some of the listeners might be on
that ascent, like trying to go after the thing, because
that's so important in our culture and in capitalism no
matter where you are in the world, actually for you
to showcase what you can do by accomplishing whatever. But
(46:16):
I would say, even if you're in that mode, try
to focus it on something that's significant and meaningful to you,
not just do it because oh I'm gonna be this
because it pays well, or I'm gonna do this because
I was told I have to or do it because
it's really meaningful to you. And I think it's more
it goes beyond the thing itself and also beyond the
(46:39):
role itself that you're going to occupy. And even before
I got to this place where I'm at not trying
to focus on the ascent, I really I really did
that in practice, Like I wanted to study apply linguistics
because I have such a deep love of language. What
little black girl, you know, at thirteen is like I
want to be a linguist because we're no linguist. I mean,
(47:03):
they were all old and white, like you know, and
so then you know, over time, I'm like, okay, well
I don't see myself over here. What am I gonna do?
And I think it's so beautiful that, you know. I
really was just focused on the things that I really love,
the things that light me up. Because when I have
to write a paper, when I have to do something
that requires me to sacrifice sleep, I want to be
(47:27):
doing it and enjoying it also. Yeah, and so I
really I would really say, like for people in different phases,
I think that's really important tap into what's most meaningful
for you, because that's what's gonna sustain you over time,
because at any moment we can all pivot. Yeah, and
at any moment we can be pivoted. I will say
that also.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
Afterwards.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
You don't want that. You don't want that, but sometimes
we can't do anything to prevent it, and we still
yet and yet, and still we have to have the mindset.
I think that of the things that you're teaching, especially
in this platform, like we can still keep moving forward.
And as long as we are whole in our body
(48:14):
and in our minds about our bodies, right, how are
we doing that? And even when it's all janky, even
when I couldn't walk, you know, like, well, I was
still trying to be crickety put together. And even though
I can't, you know, do what I used to do,
I still be trying to do stuff. Yeah, And so
we have to keep moving forward. I mean we have to.
(48:35):
We must implore us all to do it.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Absolutely. I hear you saying, keep moving forward, find the
strength within and connect what you're doing to something deeper,
more of a purpose, so that that can continue to
be your guiding like in your day to day right,
not even just in the work that you're doing in
your day to day so important. These are things that
(49:01):
some of the things that we've talked about are things
that are taught and like you said, societal expectations, but
some of the things are things that we are constantly
on the journey to teach ourselves. And I'm glad that
just we're just in a space and we have the
privilege to be able to have the time to think
about these things, to pause, as you mentioned, and to
be able to reframe things for ourselves and teach ourselves.
(49:25):
So I just love this conversation. I obviously feel like
I could talk to you forever and we could just
keep going and go.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Today same, but I know you have work to do.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
People to impart your wisdom on. So I thank you
so much, doctor Adams for spending time with us today.
And if anybody wants to connect with you, get your book,
let them know how they can take the next steps
to be in your orbit.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
Yeah, so find me on social I'm at ed linguist
ed l I n g U I T I'm a
big fan of LinkedIn. And then for your listen, I'm
gonna give you a link for free audiobooks so people
can download it and check it out if they're really interested.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you so much. I know they're
gonna be interested after everything we chatted about, and just
your warm and welcoming and amazing spirit, like just keeping
you and keep shining because we appreciate you. Oh, this
is great.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
Thank you so much. Oh gys, of course, I.
Speaker 1 (50:28):
Hope you guys have enjoyed all of this goodness that
doctor Adams was able to share with us today. And
as always, keep doing your thing, keep shining, and be
well
Hey, hey, hey, good people. Ayana Angel here checking in
as your host of a Switch Priveletal Quip podcast, and
today we're gonna be speaking with doctor Leanisha Adams. But
before we get into doctor Lenisha Adams and our conversation
with her, just wanna make sure that you know you're
in the right place. The Switch Priveletal Quip podcast is
all about change. That's what we talk about, that's what
(00:25):
we work you through. And I hope that you are
coming to this space with an open mind, ready to
hear some things, learn some things, experience some things, and
be challenged in some ways. So, without further ado, let
me introduce you to doctor Lenisha Adams. Doctor Lydisha Adams
aka doctor Adams is a teedex speaker, ten time award
(00:47):
winning author, director of student Wellness at Santa Fe Community College,
and she also has an award winning coaching and consulting firm.
Her greatest accomplishment has been individually coaching nearly one hundred
graduate students to successfully complete their degrees. Doctor Adams, it
is a pleasure to be speaking with you and be
(01:07):
in your presence. Thank you for joining us on the
Switch Pivotal Quid podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Today. Thanks so much for having me. It's such an
honor to be here with you.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yay, Okay, So there's obviously a lot in your story
that we can get into. One of the first things
I think I want to just kind of get your
opinion on if you could go back and give your
pre cardiac arrest self. One piece of advice, could be
(01:36):
career advice, could be life advice.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
What would that be, man? What comes to mind off
the top is this idea of never outshining the master.
You know, it's one from forty eight Laws of Power
Robert Green. But this law is easy to forget about.
And I've been in situations where people who are in
(02:01):
positions of authority and they think they have so much power, right,
And I think if I could really integrate this understanding
a lot of times when I've had people in positions
of authority over me, it would just help save me
so much stress and grief dealing with them.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Okay, let's go into that a little bit, because I
think that is something that really does trip us up
in the workplace. It's not something that's widely talked about,
let's say, among your peers, among other mentors and different
things like that when you are trying to grow in
a professional environment. But talk to us a little bit
(02:45):
about maybe what was the catalyst to you having this
sort of like moment where you realize, oh, this is
a bigger deal and plays a larger role than I thought. Maybe.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I think it happened in small ways all throughout my twenties.
I mean when I was twenty one, I was in
New York in a master's program at Columbia. So I
was young. You know, I didn't know all these dynamics
and from being from California's being different from being from
New York. And I really came to a head for me.
(03:16):
Like eight years later, I was finishing my doctoral program
here in New Mexico at the University of New Mexico,
and one of the faculty members had been mentoring me,
of her own words and telling me like, you need to,
you know, do things in this manner, and I want
your research to be like this because I think you're
(03:36):
so great and all this stuff right, And one day
I said to her, you know, you have me do
all this stuff, the PhD, the dissertations just a glorified
turn paper, because that's what my dissertation chair was telling
me to kind of get the monkey off my back
and not be worried about perfection and like all these things.
(03:58):
I said that to her in passing. We got into
a big argument about it because she did not Agreeeh.
I argued her down. I argued her down. It was
on the phone, but I would argued her down to
my mistake because four months later, it turns out she
(04:18):
was the main faculty saying no, I don't think she
should pass. She can't pass the dissertation defense, she cannot pass,
go collect her two hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
And so that set me back a whole year. I
couldn't graduate for a whole year as a consequence of
trying to go toe to toe with this ego of
somebody who's in a position of authority. And so it
really helped me understand that right. I knew about the
law before because I read forty eight Laws of power,
the fiftieth law. If he wrote a book from fifty
(04:55):
cent that was like my favorite one. But I just
really I learned the hard way, and I don't think
I'll forget it because her ego, I think that person's
ego was bigger than her humanity. In that moment, right,
like she was trying to teach me a lesson that
she had learned. And there's something about that academic hazing
(05:16):
right in the academia, but you see it in other
context and so many other contexts in corporate. If you
to first and only in something, maybe there's another person
who's the first and only and they want to do
it to you. There's a lot to be said to
unpack there.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yeah. I think one of the key things too is
there's a lot that we don't know when we come
into these work environments, about these unspoken rules and ways
of behaving that will never know unless sometimes, yes, people
try and give us a heads up and tell us right,
But experience is the best teacher you get in those environments.
(05:54):
You get in those situations, and that's when you start
to have a lot of aha moments and a lot
of realizations about things that you just would not know otherwise.
So that was a tough lesson, but it was like
as you were explaining it, I was thinking, Oh, I
know where this is going. Because people, especially when they
look at younger people. So if you're younger and you're
(06:17):
listening to this, take heed it is great to be smart.
It is great to be informed, it is great to
be knowledgeable, but some people don't want you to flex
that on them. And when I use that word flex
for a reason, right, because there is a way to
show your knowledge and your expertise, but then there's also
(06:38):
another way.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
With your whole chest. I don't think you need to
do it with your whole chest to think you need
to just peace because.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You put you do it with your whole chest, and
then you find out what they say.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
You fi fi fo fio, we call it. Don't faffo,
don't faffo.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I love a little five five I love that. Okay,
that's a du with for me. So, first generation college grad,
mother of two, now ten time award winning offer. Before
you had this big life changing moment in having a
cardiac arrest, what did your career trajectory look like?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Did you yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Did you feel fulfilled?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
So I would say I was trying to chart the path, right.
So after this experience with the faculty member, I was like,
I can't play with these people, and I tried. You know,
I did post docs. I applied for jobs as a professor.
From the time I was thirteen. I wanted to be
a professor, you know, like at the university. And after
that experience, I was like, I don't think this is
(07:51):
gonna cut it, but I wasn't sure. I always had
one foot teaching, one foot doing this. And then I
had like five jobs, you know, like and always entrepreneurial,
and all of them. After I got the degree, I
worked for the state legislature. I got married, moved to DC,
got this fellowship in education doing policy work in the district,
and then work for like a state agency in the district.
(08:16):
And then I was discouraged and I said, you know,
I'm gonna go out on my own as a consultant.
The reason why I was discouraged was because I saw
a lot of the problems that were being solved in
the agency I worked for. Everything's outsourced to private entities,
and they were really big fans of small businesses. Women
(08:36):
own small businesses, Black women own, vet own, Native America,
like all the categories. And I was like, what is
this small business stuff? And I started researching. I said,
you know, I'm going to compete. I'm going to go
switch to the other side because I could still do
the work as a contractor and so full time entrepreneur
and that I did that for eight years and that
(08:56):
was amazing, you know, as a practice, and I learned
a lot. I got my first multimillion dollar contract, I
teamed with other small businesses. I just learned so much
from that practice. But that was my career trajectory up
until that life changing event.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
And it sounds like you felt good about this change
that you made moving into consultancy. It felt it sounds
like it was empowering in some ways.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It was amazing because I had Okay, so I did
a year before I had my kids, and I had
a lot of autonomy, which is why I wanted to
be a professor. Right. I went to do research, do
public speaking, right work with people, and I was like,
maybe I can create my own professorship, you know, in
my own practice. And so that's kind of what I did.
(09:45):
And then when I had my son, this was before
the pandemic. He was born in twenty my older son,
who was born in twenty eighteen. After three months, I
got an all pair. One of my friends needed to
leave the country and then they I inherited their all
pair and so signed up for this. But I would
go to meetings, you know, I had all these clients,
and I would go to meetings and I get a
conference room the pair and my son would be in there,
(10:08):
and then I never had to pump. Also, pumping wasn't
like as what it is now, so even doing that
would have been hard for me. But it was nice
that I could have him there and I could go
and feed him and then pop out of the meeting,
go feed him, clean up, and then go back into
the meeting or whatever I needed to do. And that
was really like freeing. Imagine if I had an employer,
(10:30):
I would have to request time or come up with
some kind of agreement with HR to be able to
exercise this right as a mom. I mean, I felt
so privileged to have the capacity right to do that
and still be generating revenue. And I, you know, I'm married,
and I my husband was super supportive in me taking
this huge risk because you know, I didn't have to
(10:52):
worry about my salary paying our mortgage because it until
I got to that point, I needed some space and
I never had that in my life. So it was
really great and it was empowering in like the best
of ways, to be kind of on my own. But
it was also burdensome as you you know, like running
your own business is it can be tricky getting employees.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Absolutely, How do you how did you go about sort
of building yourself up? And I'm saying building yourself up
because I feel like, whether we know it or not,
there's this process of building ourselves up to start doing
your own thing and to go out there and offer
yourself as a consultant. How did that start to take
shape for you? Did you consult other people? Were you
(11:37):
were you taking on mentors? Did you already have them?
Sort of how did you start to prepare yourself?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I never had the mentors because, like I told you
with that story, like this lady she was my quote
unquote mentor. I was like, I don't need no more
of that. I'm good on that. I don't want a mentor.
I'm okay, I'm okay. So I started looking for like
free resources, and I found the Small Business Association has
what's called a score program and you can get a mentor.
(12:05):
They're free though, and they are like advisors, and you
tell the coordinator exactly what you're working on. So I
went from you know, working, Uh, My career started as
a teacher and then I worked in education at all
the different levels, and so I was going into entrepreneurship
for the first time or so I thought, you know, babysitting,
(12:25):
selling lemonade on back in the day, that was all
my entrepreneurial days. But I didn't think of it until
I started becoming an entrepreneur. I was always on the grind.
So I got this score mentor and my first one
was like, how do you go from individual coaching and
consulting one on one by one and then go hit
the contracts like at the universities. So I was doing
(12:47):
dissertation coaching. And then she said, what if you call
up a school and look at their look at their
data and like, let's see and then they see they
need help and talk to the department chair. I said,
I'm just gonna call them. I did that. That was
my first ten thousand dollars contract.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
What okay, So take us back to that moment. What
did you do? You googled, you called, did you have
a script prepared? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I started looking at the school in the Midwest and
then I said, Okay, their data isn't looking good for
certain demographics. I'm going to call the department chair and
be like, did you know, like based on this data
through iPads is through like a national you know, research center,
through the Department of ED. I was like, you know,
every institution has to report this information. So are you
(13:32):
aware are you doing these analytics for your graduate students?
So I call up the department chair. I get her
on the phone. She's like, who are you? No, I
didn't know that. And then I said, well, you know,
I do a lot of dissertation coaching, and I find
that faculty they don't know what their rates are, and like,
you know, maybe you guys aren't worried about like how
(13:53):
much your students are actually graduating. They stop, but then
they don't finish. But I said, you know, this kind
of completion rate is really important for your accreditation, which
I also knew. And then once I started talking like that,
they said, oh, we have a creditation coming up. Oh
we need to fix this. Oh how do you so?
How you going to solve the problem? I said, Oh,
I got a group coaching program. It's all online, but
(14:13):
I could come there and you know, I could package
it for this and ten thousand dollars is like a
dripping a bucket for that school. I should have charged
fifty thousand, but I didn't know. I thought I could
get somebody to write me a check for ten thousand
by call them on a phone. I never did sales.
I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know
that's the name of the game. So yeah, so that
was is that amazing? I was like wow, you know,
(14:35):
and then you know, I didn't have the confidence actually,
but I did it anyway, and then I got some
nos like as I started getting better, and then I
told one of my friends. She was at the University
of Pennsylvania in the business school. She said, oh, well,
maybe you can offer us something and she's like, you know,
if it's less than this amount, we don't have to
go through the procurement process. And that means somebody can
(14:58):
just cut you a check. Once when you start learning,
well what are those stresholds and what is this and
what is that? You know, it really helped me become
more savvy, which was wild. Like it was like I
felt I fell on top of the world, but scrambling
because I was like, I don't know, I don't feel confident.
I don't feel this now. I'm like, dag, I was
so confident it's just I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
You get funny when you look back and you think
that you were so inexperienced and not confident. But then
sometimes I look back at for myself, I look back
at the person that I was and some of the
things that I was doing years ago, and I was like, no,
but you really were very confident, because today you probably
would hesitate to do some of those things, because knowledge
(15:38):
can be an intimidator in some situations.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Right, yea.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
The more you know, the more you're you have this
potential to overthink. I feel like there there is an
advantage that we should take with naiveness when we don't
yes things.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I agree one thousand percent. I was just I've been
like journaling about this idea of like uncertainty and how
we feel uncomfortable, you know, when we're feeling that. It's
all these emotions, but then underneath that it's like fertile
ground for creativity and agency in a way that like,
you don't even know what's gonna happen, So what's the risk.
(16:13):
If you knew that you were gonna fail, then you
could be like, oh, I don't know, but you don't know.
It could go either way, so you might as well
just jump in tent toes down and just go for it.
I was like, Wow, you know, uncertainty is kind of
freeing because it's just uncomfortable, but it passes once you
start moving. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I feel
very much strongly about that.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Yeah, you do know. You do know. You've been throwing
work through it and spent time with it thinking about it,
so you do know. And that's another thing. We we
don't give ourselves enough credit sometimes for the things that
we do know from our life experience and that we're
able to share with people. But you are definitely a
share We're gonna get to that. We're gonna get to
(16:55):
your book in a minute, but I want to. I
know people are probably thinking, Okay, she's just glat this
whole cardiac arrest thing, so we gotta dive back into
that a little bit and we don't have to spend
too much time on it. But I know that obviously
that is a pivotal point in your life, So talk
to us about what happened.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah. So I was at this pivotal moment January twenty
twenty two. I was finishing the book, but I had
all these edits. My acquisition's editor came back and said
this trash, like, you gotta change this. I wrote it
like a PhD, you know, like it was all technical.
I didn't have enough story. I needed to restructure and
(17:37):
it was a lot of work. And then I didn't
agree with some of the advice, and I didn't know
exactly also how I would move forward. So this one
day I need. I had two days to make this
decision about my next step. So I was really nervous
about it. And then I said, you know what. My
husband was like, We're gonna get some pizza. My young
(17:57):
my baby was in a crib because I had my
son Drew, so he was like a year and some
months and he was taking a nap. My three year
old was right there real quick.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
What was the decision that you had to make?
Speaker 2 (18:09):
That the decision. Yeah, the decision I had to make
was how was I going to restructure? Because I I
had three parts to a book and the editor felt
like it was too long and it was too it
was too messy. It's like you could sell, you could
write articles, you could do whatever with this third part.
Get rid of it. So I had to decide if
(18:31):
I was gonna cut it down or totally cut it out.
In the end, I ended up cutting it out the
third part of the book, but I had written it.
I had wrote it, you know, So I was really
like in a crisis. I don't know what you know,
when you do something for the first time, you just
be tripping and then now I'm like, what's the deal?
Like I I don't know, but at that moment, it
(18:51):
was like really coming for me. And then I sat
down on the couch to turn on some show, and
then my husband had left. I went to go get
the pizza, and then I sat down and then the
next thing I know, I wake up in the ICU
two weeks later, wo or six days later, I got
I was in the ICU for two weeks, but I
(19:12):
was in a coma for a week and then I
woke up and then had to learn how to walk
and do all this stuff to get out of the hospital.
And I don't know if you remember, but January twenty
twenty two was omicron all over the world, and that
variant of the virus was getting people, and it got
me even though I was vaccinated, and the virus attacked
(19:32):
my heart and I had COVID pneumonia and then it
shut everything down. So I had a sudden cardiac arrest.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute. So
omicron is what ultimately caused your cardiac arrest. Oh my,
So this is not something familial history, something you were
prepared for, had a heads up about. It just hit you.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yep, yep. The reason I love your podcast so much
is because it's like this pivoting piece. But you know,
we're really talking about threshhold moments. You know, like these
these moments when you're not fully in the past, but
you not in the new one, and you in this
weird transient third space some people call it, but it's
(20:18):
really a threshold moment. And I was in this threshold moment.
And I think it's important for you to remember. We're
all at threshold moments at different points in our life,
you know, we on the edge of what was and
what's next. And when I was in that hospital, conscious
and then learning about what happened to me, it was like, well,
what's next for me? I didn't I couldn't even think
(20:40):
about the book. I was like, how do I walk?
How do I get out of here? And then How
did I get in here? How did I survive? Because
one in ten people who have a sounden cardiac arrests
outside of the hospital survive. So how did I make it?
And it's because my husband came back. He was going
for less than ten minutes to get that pizza. He
came back. We put the pizza on the stove. He
(21:02):
walked past me in to the kitchen, put the pizza
on stow. If he was talking to me, I was
non responsive. My son was right by me, kind of
like rubbing my head and then he saw it was
like lights out. The man in CPR certified had never
performed it on a human being. Oh, puts me on
the ground, starts chess compression, calls nine one, starts chess
(21:22):
compressions and then within fifteen minutes, I mean he did
it for fifteen minutes. Then first responders came and then
they worked on me for I know from the nosy neighborhood.
They worked on me for thirty minutes and then when
they drove away, they drove away lights out. So how
do I know this? It's because the neighbor was watching
from the window and she told me to time point.
(21:43):
So I have like three different perspectives of what happened.
I was lights out. I don't know, I don't recall.
I have no idea what happened.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Wow, oh my god, gosh. It's so important to be
like trained in CPR and those especially when you have children,
because you know what I mean, it happened to be
you that he needed to use it on. But oh
my god. Okay, And people don't even realize how much
(22:11):
work and effort it takes to continue compressions for that
amount of time.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
To the beat of the rate of one hundred and
twenty seconds a minute is to the beat of ha
ha ha ha. Stay alive. Staying alive at that rate,
that's that's the tempo you have to keep in order
to like keep the heart pumping, you know, the blood
pumping through the body. And yeah, he was, he's CPR certified.
(22:39):
He'd be training everybody now, I mean, it's kind of
a crazy story. I'm also CPR certified. We pretty soon
we're going to start on our seven year old son.
Where you're like, you can learn, we need to teach
it to kids. I mean, it's such an important life skill.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Absolutely. I'm actually about to take a class and get
certified shortly very so.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
So wow, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah, this is like this journey that you went on,
complete twist, complete like monkey wrench and all of your plans.
So now you have to learn everything again. How long
was your recovery process if you have an idea of what,
because I know it was probably ongoing, but like, have
(23:23):
you put a timeframe to what that recovery process was?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Oh? Yeah, because I was like the only way I'm
getting through is journaling and trying to think about, you know,
how do I make sense of it? Because at first,
you know, my mechanism for survival was like just keep
going like boom boo boom. But when you're in the
bed and you can't get up and then they won't
let you do anything. I had a bedpan in the
hospital and I didn't know to tell them, yo, I
need to go to the bathroom, like get this away
(23:49):
from me, until a physical therapist said to me, you
know you should be getting up. You're gonna stay in
this hospital. I was like, oh no, I got to
get out. Well how are you gonna get out? The
doctors have to clear you, all, all of them, neurology, cardiology,
the primary care like, because you know, all the systems
went offline. Also, if you have a heart problem and
they don't know the cause, you have to wear this
(24:11):
device called the life vest until you get a defibrillator
or a pacemaker, which I have now, but that's a procedure.
That's the surgery, and I didn't want to get it.
It took ten months because I was so afraid. You know,
I was like, what if I don't wake up? You know,
because they got to put that in your heart. They
put a device to help modulate my heart. Yeah, exactly,
(24:32):
and then like every eight to ten years, I got
to get the battery replaced in malfunction. Girl, I wasn't
hooked to the bluetooth two months ago. I had to
go in there. It's crazy. It's like this is I mean,
it's kind of a lot. So I when it happened,
you know, I was like, Okay, I got to do
all the therapies, physical therapy, they came to my house,
(24:53):
and then I did cardiac rehab, which if somebody has
a cardiac episode, the rehab is really important. So that
I took about ten months. Do you know, I'm like
a miracle because I have straight up brain damage like medically,
so there's nothing wrong neurologically and then physically. Now the
main thing I have is this heart condition called dilated
(25:16):
cardio myopathy, which just means my heart is damaged and
it doesn't pump blood through the body like it should.
But that's because the virus attacked my heart and then
I had damage and being brought back to this realm
of consciousness. So I have to take medicine. You know.
I have to keep a low sodium diet. I don't
work out. I can't lift weights like I used to,
but I can walk, I can do all this stuff.
(25:38):
I can chase the kids. If I'll be running out
of breath, but I still be doing my thing. You know,
I still be trying to move. I still be dancing.
I'll listening to you know, I was listening to set
music this morning. I be out of breath, but I
still do it. Though I still do it.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
You get your movement.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, I'm not what I used to be, but I
mean it just happened to me sooner than everybody else.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Right, you're but you're a miracle at the same time,
Like that is an amazing journey that you've been through
and I'm sure it changed so much of your life
and what's important to you and how you're looking at things.
Talk to me about that.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Okay, so the book decision, my husband not only saves
my life, but he pushes everything. I had two virtual assistants.
He pushes everything with the book. And then I was
still within that calendar year I published the book. The
book came out in September twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Initially you find out you amazing. What was the book
called and what was the book about?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Yeah, the book is called Me Power, And I started
writing it as a way to really question this idea.
Like I started talking about people in positions of authority
think they have so much power over to another human being.
What kind of power you got over me? That's the
question I was answering, where does this idea come from?
And like is it in our language? Right? Because I
(27:01):
studied apply linguistics, is it embedded in the language? And
then long story short, yes, it is English. Empower the
verb the transitive verb. It means so you're waiting around
for someone to grant you the authority or right to
do something. And so if it's from the inside, who
am I waiting for? Where and when and how, and
(27:21):
so the first part of the book is really unpacking
this idea and the misconceptions about power that we have
and a lot of people have because they're in positions
of authority and they think that they have power over
another human being. And I'm debunking that because I was
really upset about that idea. The second part of the book, now,
after all the edits and after all the fights with
the editor, is about and it was good that those fights.
(27:44):
That's how I want to channel book awards because it
really resonates with readers, and that's really what they were
trying to get me to understand and how to do.
But if you're an academic, you know you don't write
for your reader. Typically you write for the research and idea.
So anyway, in the book, second part is about what
how am I redefining empowerment? And then like if I'm
saying me, power is knowledge of self and principled action
(28:08):
in these five key ways. What does that look like?
What are some examples? What does the research say? So
I do that in story form, and then at the
end of each chapter of the five principles, I have
like questions that you can ask yourself to really help
you activate more me power from within. And I really
am trying to get people to change the way to
think about this idea, because if you're sitting around waiting
(28:30):
for somebody to come and help you try to get
your power, it's not a good look. I mean, you're
gonna be waiting forever.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah. Absolutely, Oh you are speaking my language. I actually
a few months ago, I've been having a lot going on,
but a few months ago I put together a top
that I want to start doing about. It's a similar
idea in just that a lot of times we are
waiting for someone else to tell us it's okay and
to give us the permission. That's why we go and
(28:59):
seek council all these people. And it ties right back
into what you're saying. It's just like we're looking for
this authority. We're taught this ultimate authority is supposed to
give you approval and then you can do this, this
and that. But sometimes you have to give yourself that
authority and you have to say yes to yourself and
just block out all the other bs because people don't
(29:20):
know what's best for you. You know what's best for you.
And then if you try the thing, You do the thing,
and it doesn't work, you have now learned. You have
that firsthand experience like we were talking about at the
top of the conversation, and now you can take that
and run with it and use it in different ways
versus just I feel like it's also we're intimidated and
we're so fearful of everything, and that's how we were
(29:42):
conditioned and taught to be. There's a rare person that
just breaks out of the mold and it's like, actually,
I'm not afraid. Actually I'm gonna try the thing. Actually
I don't care who says what. But so many of
us need to be taught. And we think that we
don't need to be taught, but we really need to
be taught and reconditioned that the only authority we need
to be worried about is ourselves. As long as you're
(30:04):
not killing somebody, wanting somebody hurting someone, give yourself the
permission to say yes to do the things you give
yourself because like we could be waiting forever, and depending
on who you're surrounded around, you may never get that
permission that you're looking for if you are around the
(30:25):
wrong people or people who just are selfish or whatever
their reasons might be. You will never get that permission.
How many times have you been in conversations with people
and you're passing this new idea that you have by them,
and they're giving you all the reasons it won't work right,
telling you everything, but you feel convicted about it. Now
you walk away from that conversation questioning your whole existence
(30:47):
and you're.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Like, I don't even know if I should try. I
don't know what. And that's why you have to be
very careful about who the guides you choose. I talk
about this as a principle. Choose your guides right. You
could be a mentor, it could be a coach, it
could be even free help. All help is not good help.
I mean people may not see where you're coming from
or where you're trying to get to. You want people
(31:08):
who are going to amplify not your uncertainty you're in insecurity,
but what the potentials are for you. It's so crucial
and the thing of you know what we're talking about
uncertainty and like all these things, when you're pivoting and
when you're having these threshold moments, the thing that reduces
that feeling is connection and action, right, So you have
(31:31):
to you have to be connected. And none of this
is done alone. I mean, I think I kind of
imply it in all of the story that I've shared,
in all the things I've talked about, But at every
single point of this journey, it's like a whole army
of people, my village, my family, my family, my friends
who are my family and my community holding it down.
(31:55):
And then the medical professionals I've had to consult and
work with and hold it down. When I was in
That's why I had sixteen nurses that, like I connected
with all of them because they were the ones keeping
me alive when I was in a coma and then
helping me, you know, the ones helping me get out
when I woke up. And I think about that, like, wow,
you know, I didn't know what was next. But whenever
(32:17):
I could connect with those people, the right people that
I choose to connect with, then I felt like just
a sense of peace, even though I did feel nervous
and still uncertain. But you have to keep moving forward.
You have to put one foot in front of the next,
even when you have those feelings. I mean, I'm such
(32:37):
a big believer in that because what are we gonna
do just sit there? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yeah, And so I heard you say somewhere that you
have to put the emphasis on starting with you and
starting with the me element of things before the we
element of things. How did that sort of come to you?
And what does that mean to you?
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I think I really learned the less and like self care,
everyone talks about rest is revolutionary all these things, but
you know, we make concessions all the time on our
rest and to accomplish or go after, especially if you
the first and only as something in your family or
in your work or whatever, right, and then we've been
conditioned to like produce, produced, produce. So it was really
(33:20):
when I was sitting in that hospital bit I would
read you know, the book, and I read it as
a reader now because I'm down and out, I'm in,
I can't do nothing. I felt so disempowered. I mean
I really did, and I was like reading it, and
as I was reading the book, I was like, you know,
it's great to have this idea of wanting to tap
into community in a big way, like I want to
(33:42):
be with common people for a unity blah blah blah.
But if you sick and if you can't get out
of the bed, what you have to contend with you first?
And they really it really was like nail in the
coffin for me on that point, because I was like, Wow,
(34:04):
I really have to figure this out. How am I
going to get out of here? And it's not like
you could just jump up and go, you have to
I had to get cleared. So it was it was
like a processing emotionally, So talk.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
To us about the work that you're doing now in
this present moment.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
So I pivoted in a huge way instead of being
a full time entrepreneur. When we moved here, I couldn't
work on the East Coast time, and my husband also
works on East Coast time. Who's going to take our
kids to school? It's a two hour time difference. So
I found a position at the community college as a
director of student wellness, And what bitter job right then?
(34:44):
To think about how am I going to embody wellness
and like build it in the infrastructure kind of way
out of college and provide non academic support for people
who really need it, people who are trying to change
their life. You know, like when you go to the
community college, we have people who are as young as
fourteen to eighty years old, right, and come in for
(35:07):
various reasons, and each person is trying to do something
to improve their life. So it's really beautiful. I get
the run this center and like think about healthy produce
for our food pantry, because the food pantry is under
the wellness center, and like you know, most food pantries
is just shelf stapled products, so rice, beans, canned goods, whatever. Well,
(35:29):
we have a partnership with a greenhouse on site. So
last year we got five hundred pounds of produce leafy greens, basil,
and tomatoes. So what better than to pair it out
with some of that pasta we got and you know,
some green chilis and other things, which is popular in
New Mexico. But this year we got a grant to
(35:50):
do this food recovery, so we're getting you know, the
food that sells at the farmers market. After that market,
the farmers they can't move their produce and they might
have a lot, right, So we're gonna buy it and
then of high quality and then have it delivered and
then we'll redistribute it for free to the community.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
It's the same food at the farmer's market, but getting
it over here. This could be like a really beautiful model.
So I really love, you know, the work I'm doing now,
and then you know, I do that full time and
I have a team of eight folks, and then we
have like ten student workers. And then I'm building me
power like these concepts into my practice of how I
(36:33):
run my shop. And then I speak on the side,
you know, if I'll do a gig, if someone invites
me to do a keynote, or I'll do a workshop locally.
And it's been really beautiful having that mix. So that way,
I'm working at work while the kids are at school,
and then I can go home, you know, make dinner,
hang out with them, and if I need to do
something at night, I have the freedom to do it out.
(36:55):
I don't feel pressed. Most times, I don't feel pressed. Yeah,
it's amazing. It's such a different life than the one
I had.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this for you. It
just it sounds like you're really operating in a space
that feels good for you. And that's what's so important
for us is that it feels good. So if we're
thinking about our listeners and people who are dropping in
on this conversation. What advice would you give to them
(37:24):
sitting in the seat that you're in right now, if
they're trying to navigate transition, they're in that in between spot,
but they are just trying to find something to hang
on to to keep going or figure out what their
next step is. What advice would you give to them
or what would you share with them?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I'd say, you know, identify that what I'm calling threshold
moment right you in the middle of the thing. Identify it,
and instead of Russian past it or pushing through as
we're so opt to do, pause yourself before life pauses you. You
(38:04):
don't want you don't want to be like me and
have everything on pause and you can't do nothing. You
want to be in control of it. So if you
pause on your own terms, you can name it, you
can sit with it. It might feel uncomfortable, but I
think the question I would have folks answer is like,
(38:25):
what's one strength I can bring to this new season
that I'm about to go into. Maybe I'm not there yet,
but I'm gonna get there, And it's really us using
the strengths that we have that is going to carry
us there eventually, and that I call embracing the barrier,
you know, so when you pause, you can look at
that barrier, that thing in your way. It could be
(38:48):
a feeling, it could be a person, it could be
an experience, like you know, a medical thing, a physical experience.
But look how beautiful on the other side. Anyway, in
the moment, you don't think it's beautiful, But on the
other side, it's so beautiful because that barrier became a
stepping stone, and it was important because it helped you
(39:08):
get across this. It formed a bridge for the next thing,
right whereas we're sitting in the in between and the stresshold.
So I would say that, and I was moved to
share that. But I feel like there's so much to
be said about the pause, hitting a pause button and
just sitting with the things, the feelings, the uncertainty, the nervousness,
(39:31):
all of it. Just be with it.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
My therapist would always tell me to like observe it,
like it's in the room with you, right She'd be like,
and you don't have to own it, but you can
name it. You can name the thing, like fear is
in the room with me right now, Like you can
say that and acknowledge it and not have to own it.
So and we don't take enough time to pause, right.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Go go go oh yeah, go go go oh. You
got stuff to do. You got to accomplish this. We
don't got time to waste. You can you can rest
when you did well, I died, it came back and
I could tell you it ain't. I want to be
on this side right.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Now and wherever you can to be on this side
right now, not burning yourself out, running your exact Yeah, exactly, absolutely.
So what does success mean or look like for you? Now?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Yeah? Success is more like before it was like Okay,
I gotta do this, do that, and you look at
my life like oh I get a book now, I
gotta get the Wars now, I got to do the
ten X now I gotta do I mean, it's so funny,
like I have such a natural it's not natural, it's
just my what they psychologically call ego fixation. But it's
(40:46):
just like my way, you know, like how I've been
conditioned and how people have seen I've gotten so many
accolades from being like that. And also society and capitalism
is supportive of that. Yes, so right, but so now
success for me looks like this. This morning, I made
this green smoothie. Where is it? I was hiding it
(41:09):
over here and I'm almost done. I'm almost I made it.
I made it. It has a I you know. And
I chopped up all the things, the carrots, the different
colored carrots, spinach. What else is it? Having an apple?
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Apple?
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Apple? I had a banana like part of a banana ginger,
and I put some turmeric and cinnamon and an emergency
packet because I was like, you ain't gonna get me.
I don't want to get got. So I put that
in there and then like to me that success, Like
I started my day. I had the coffee, right, I
(41:46):
had water, I took my medicine, and then I made that.
And that's like love. Because I stood there and chopped
all those vegetables. I did them in bulk so I
could freeze some and then do it, you know, every
day this week. But me drinking that, drinking this is
like is success for me. Right, The process of doing
it is success. The fact that I could get up
(42:07):
out of the bed and have the money to buy
the thing and then to be able to physically do it,
that is success for me. And so I won today,
I could do nothing else and I feel like I won.
Success also looks like now I have dependence. You know,
like it looks like, how do I help my children
feel confident as young people? They're five and seven, their boys,
(42:30):
and how do I help them feel confident? And like
one I was trying to teach some structure, like oh,
you got to lay your clothes out the night before
because that's what I learned. That's what I have to
do every night. And they had to iron my clothes
and everything. These kids look Jakie was wrinkled up. But
you know, it's like put your clothes out. So my
youngest son doesn't want to do it. He's like, I'm
gonna put my clothes on the night before, so instead
(42:54):
of pajamas, He's like, I don't want pajamas, I'm gonna
put my But I saw this on TikTok. This mom
was trying to get her kid to do it, and
the kid was fighting her, and I was like, was
he watching TikTok?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
I was like, where did he get this idea?
Speaker 2 (43:07):
I'm like, so he's wearing his clothes so instead of
putting them out, he's wearing the clothes to bed so
he wakes up in the morning. He came in my
room this morning six o'clock talking about, look, I'm dressed.
I'm dressed already. My brother has to get dressed. I
was like, Wow, okay, that's what you're about. Great, it's
(43:27):
very efficient. I'm not mad at him. I'm not mad
at him. I'm like, you're gonna win in life. You're
gonna win in life. You're looking for the.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
He's thinking like an adult who has to catch her
early morning flight. I've definitely done that before. He like,
you know what, I have three hours sleep, I might
have well just put this sweatsuit on and sleep with
this swet and so I could just get.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Up and go.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
He's got the right mindset already, and.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
So like success also translates to them, and also like,
how do I help them be what I would want?
Day self sufficient people by the time they on eighteen,
you know, because that's the programming. But you know, we
could push it to twenty if they're gonna go to call.
You know, I don't know what these people are gonna do,
but I really I really don't. But I really want
(44:14):
that for them, you know, I really want them to
be able one day to walk their own butt. Well,
you know, like they five and seven, right, I still
remember changing the diapers, so it's very hard, you know.
I mean this like funny, like we're trying to get
you to be you can make your own sandwich one
day and without making a mess everywhere, and you could
do this, And I see them they feel so much
(44:36):
more confident. But you know why, it's because they exercising
and they're exemplifying the power within. They're like, I could
do this. See look what I could do. And I
want them to do that to the best of their ability,
the best of them, right, whatever that means for them
over time.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
And you're giving them the space to do it too.
So that's beautiful because somebody else, an old school parent,
would have been like, you are not getting into bed
with them, dang clothes on, Like, no, not having it.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
You have to wear pajamas.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yeah, let me let you try out a thing. I
don't know how comfortable this is going to be from
night tonight, depending on what you decide to wear the
next day, but hey, let's just let you try out
a thing. You're giving them that space. So I love
that your version of success feels so good. It feels
so practical, it feels so relatable. So much of our
(45:25):
conditioning is tied to the big achievements, but you've already
accomplished a lot of those big achievements, so now it's
not about that for you. And I love that.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's beautiful that you said that, because, well,
one of my staff, they are a couple of them,
actually three of them. They're still in school and they've
had they've lived like a full life, but then they
decide they want to go back to school and get
their degrees. And I did it on the front end,
you know what I'm saying. So I have a different
(45:56):
lens now at this point. But when you're on the
and I know some of the listeners might be on
that ascent, like trying to go after the thing, because
that's so important in our culture and in capitalism no
matter where you are in the world, actually for you
to showcase what you can do by accomplishing whatever. But
(46:16):
I would say, even if you're in that mode, try
to focus it on something that's significant and meaningful to you,
not just do it because oh I'm gonna be this
because it pays well, or I'm gonna do this because
I was told I have to or do it because
it's really meaningful to you. And I think it's more
it goes beyond the thing itself and also beyond the
(46:39):
role itself that you're going to occupy. And even before
I got to this place where I'm at not trying
to focus on the ascent, I really I really did
that in practice, Like I wanted to study apply linguistics
because I have such a deep love of language. What
little black girl, you know, at thirteen is like I
want to be a linguist because we're no linguist. I mean,
(47:03):
they were all old and white, like you know, and
so then you know, over time, I'm like, okay, well
I don't see myself over here. What am I gonna do?
And I think it's so beautiful that, you know. I
really was just focused on the things that I really love,
the things that light me up. Because when I have
to write a paper, when I have to do something
that requires me to sacrifice sleep, I want to be
(47:27):
doing it and enjoying it also. Yeah, and so I
really I would really say, like for people in different phases,
I think that's really important tap into what's most meaningful
for you, because that's what's gonna sustain you over time,
because at any moment we can all pivot. Yeah, and
at any moment we can be pivoted. I will say
that also.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
Afterwards.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
You don't want that. You don't want that, but sometimes
we can't do anything to prevent it, and we still
yet and yet, and still we have to have the mindset.
I think that of the things that you're teaching, especially
in this platform, like we can still keep moving forward.
And as long as we are whole in our body
(48:14):
and in our minds about our bodies, right, how are
we doing that? And even when it's all janky, even
when I couldn't walk, you know, like, well, I was
still trying to be crickety put together. And even though
I can't, you know, do what I used to do,
I still be trying to do stuff. Yeah, And so
we have to keep moving forward. I mean we have to.
(48:35):
We must implore us all to do it.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Absolutely. I hear you saying, keep moving forward, find the
strength within and connect what you're doing to something deeper,
more of a purpose, so that that can continue to
be your guiding like in your day to day right,
not even just in the work that you're doing in
your day to day so important. These are things that
(49:01):
some of the things that we've talked about are things
that are taught and like you said, societal expectations, but
some of the things are things that we are constantly
on the journey to teach ourselves. And I'm glad that
just we're just in a space and we have the
privilege to be able to have the time to think
about these things, to pause, as you mentioned, and to
be able to reframe things for ourselves and teach ourselves.
(49:25):
So I just love this conversation. I obviously feel like
I could talk to you forever and we could just
keep going and go.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Today same, but I know you have work to do.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
People to impart your wisdom on. So I thank you
so much, doctor Adams for spending time with us today.
And if anybody wants to connect with you, get your book,
let them know how they can take the next steps
to be in your orbit.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
Yeah, so find me on social I'm at ed linguist
ed l I n g U I T I'm a
big fan of LinkedIn. And then for your listen, I'm
gonna give you a link for free audiobooks so people
can download it and check it out if they're really interested.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you so much. I know they're
gonna be interested after everything we chatted about, and just
your warm and welcoming and amazing spirit, like just keeping
you and keep shining because we appreciate you. Oh, this
is great.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
Thank you so much. Oh gys, of course, I.
Speaker 1 (50:28):
Hope you guys have enjoyed all of this goodness that
doctor Adams was able to share with us today. And
as always, keep doing your thing, keep shining, and be
well
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