March 13, 2025 • 8 mins
Comedians Mark Bailey and Mike Miller talk funny about the nerdiest instrument in school bands to play, the saxophone trap, Mark's school band stories courtesy of Mr. Buda, how to be first string clarinet without being in the first string, and remembering Steve Allen and Frank Zappa. Brought to you by Nagoyaradio.com, Nagoyacomedy.com, and stand up comic Mark Bailey.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
It's Top Funny, a podcast by Mark Bailey and other comics.
I'm all over. We came to Japan to suggest how
to end the virus and get our lives back? Did
you try jiggling the handle? The Talk Funny podcast from
Nagoya Radio, Dot Comedy, Nagoia Comedy. Here's Mark Bailey.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Mark Bailey, Mike Miller on Talk Funny. Mike were you
ever in the school band in high school?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I was kind of in the school band. Did one performance,
I think with a clarinet in junior high school.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I also played clarinet. I hated it.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I wasn't a huge fan of clarinet either. Everyone wanted
the saxophone, but it was like I was further down
the list, so that you got the clarinet.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
It's like the mob. It's like a yeah, you get
your saxophonies right down there, right down there, right right.
And mister Buddha, I've talked about him before my No Offense.
He was a bald guy with a bold game, Italian guy.
And he's said, what instrument do you want to play?
And I said drums. He said we already have enough drums.
(01:04):
I said, okay, saxophone and he goes, you could play saxophone.
You could play saxophone. You could, I mean, will I can?
I we could, you could, but first you need to
learn clarinet, because they nobody wanted to do clarinet. Nobody
wanted to do it. Yeah, girls did it. If you
were a guy and he did it, you were a nerd,
that's what.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
And that's not sexty instrument. Saxophone was, especially in the eighties, right,
Saxophone was everywhere. Yeah, David Sanborn and uh, Kenny G
and all them, Kenny G's uh not what was he saxophone? Yeah,
it's alto alto saxophone.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So mister Bodley said, I'm going with my parents and
he goes, so anyway for clarinet practice, and they said, yeah,
it was saxophone, saxophone. He goes, yeah, for saxophone practice.
We actually don't have a saxophone yet, we don't have
one at all, and we have some people ahead of
you and the clarinet first string And I said, what
what what string of mind? And he goes, if we
(02:01):
had a fourth string and before we don't, sew you're
third and third strings at third strings? Oh, he goes, yeah,
you learn clarinet, and if you could. I mean, when
you get the saxophone, then it's the same as clarinet.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
It.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I'm like, but I would like to practice on a saxophone. No,
you practice on a clarinet. Say no, you practice Mike,
you practice bass. You practice bass on a guitar, and
then we get when we get to a bass, you
just play bass. But I've never played bass before, and
so I played clarinet for like six years.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Oh wow, I hated it. Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And I was the only guy. Yeah, and all the
trumpet guys are making fun of me and stuff. It's like, oh,
you know how to blow and a read blow on this,
you know? And I've worked my way up. I would copy.
I couldn't read music well because my eyes were bad. Yeah.
I would listen to the first string cute girl, which
she played, and so in third string, I just played
(03:00):
what she played. So mister Butter comes back, He goes,
you play first string part. Maybe I should be in
first dring, Maybe I should be next to her. I
said no, but you're supposed to play a third string.
It's down here. Look. Yeah, but that's what that's why
I see. He goes, you can't read this. He said,
but that's what I see. But you played first string.
(03:21):
I said, I was. I He goes, it was exactly
first string.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
It was perfect.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Well, I said, why am I not first string? He goes,
what are you doing? You're interrupting me all the time.
He said, I want to be doing drums. I told you,
And he goes, could you just be nice and do
third string clarinet? And I said, I want to sit
next to Jenny. She's a first string I know, but
you're in third string. I know that's what I'm asking for.
(03:48):
I'll promise I'll be nice. Put me next to Jenny.
And he goes, if you're in first dring, you can't
play a third string. I said, I'll just copy what
she does and then i'll be first string. Nobody can
do that. And I said, can you bring Jenny. Jenny
play the first eight bars? I did it perfectly because
(04:12):
I do it by ear and he goes, that's impossible.
You're not first string. How can you play that? It's impossible?
And he said, I don't even like clarinet. Can you imagine?
I go to how good I could be on drums?
And he goes, okay, will you stop disrupting. I said,
I'm not disrupting. I'm doing what I do. And then
you stop and you come back and you talk to me.
(04:33):
Anybody's laughing. He goes, oh, you think you're funny, and
I said, I guess I am now, and he goes,
what do you want to be cooperative? And I said,
put me in the first string row next to Jenny,
and if Jenny tells me to stop, i'll stop. I'll
do what Jenny says, but I'll copy Jenny and you
know I can do it. And he goes, okay, we'll try.
So we did it when the first string and he goes,
(04:56):
you're in the first row, but you're not first string.
I can live with that. I said, I never asked
to play clarinet.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I think I think it's it must be tough to
be a band director though, for like in school, because
every student has this idea they want to play a
sexy instrument like saxophone or the guitar or the drums,
and I don't think there are that many people that
want to play the clarinet or the flute or you know,
the violin or all these things. So they kind of
got this job of trying to sell it to you.
But he should have sold it, he said. She just said, Hey,
(05:25):
you ever heard of Benny Goodman. Oh yeah, Benny Goodman.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
He's a funny guy. He's never played, always.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Plays, always plays clarinet.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Okay, because Benny Goodman played clarinet and that's his idol.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Well, Benny Goodman was a genius.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Benny Goodman was also comedian. It's very funny as mentor.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Oh wow, yeah, I did not know that.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Benny Goodman. My favorite joke. He gets mugged in an alley.
The guy goes your money or your life and he
goes I'm thinking, I'm thinking and thinking and thinking. That's
very what do you? Allen ask? Yeah, but he did
it first, Yeah, so what do you and copied him
same way that Dave Letterman copied. Dave Letterman admitted he said,
if you liked this show, you would probably like the
(06:08):
Steve Allen Show. When he did Tonight's showcase, he did, oh.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Did you think that? Now that you say that, it
kind of makes sense to me because Steve Allen had
that kind of kind of what would you say? He
kind of had that kind of light touch, that kind
of making fun of the whole idea of the show
kind of thing, like he was very meta, kind of
that way.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
He had Frank Zappa on and I didn't like what.
I didn't like his interview, but he had Frank Zapp on.
He was doing Letterman esque stuff and Frank Zapple was said,
he said, I don't think you know you always did
g D E E D G E D G E
d G E D A E d A. He goes,
I would like to do e A A A E
E E D and they ste just said, if you
(06:50):
ever know a musician, maybe you can ask them that,
because that's interesting. But I don't know any musicians do that.
And Frank Zapper said, well that's my point. And he said.
Steve Allen said, so you could sider yourself a musician.
He said, well, my fans do, yeah, And so Steve
Allen was in the audience, he was doing interviews. Its
(07:10):
Liddy had a huge hairdo, just like be fifty two
is you know be Hive kind of hairdo. This is
remember this is fifty nine sixty one pre Letterman. He goes,
I like your hair and then she goes, yeah, my
husband likes it. And he goes what's your nickname for
your husband? She said Honeybeat and he goes, that explains
that the beehive Beehype. He was the first dude.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
I don't think Steve Allen really liked rock music. Didn't
you do parodies of it constantly?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Like he really did not.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
He really did not like rock music or probably love
jazz music.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
He had that Dave We're back. He looked like him,
said Dave brooked back, take five and he had him
on and he said, you know, the last few shows,
we had Elvis and we had the Beatles, so it
just couldn't have some musicians.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Yeah, that sounds like that sounds like Steve Allen where
yeah he was super super that. He was like super square.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Mark Bailey mc coller Talk One
It's Top Funny, a podcast by Mark Bailey and other comics.
I'm all over. We came to Japan to suggest how
to end the virus and get our lives back? Did
you try jiggling the handle? The Talk Funny podcast from
Nagoya Radio, Dot Comedy, Nagoia Comedy. Here's Mark Bailey.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Mark Bailey, Mike Miller on Talk Funny. Mike were you
ever in the school band in high school?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I was kind of in the school band. Did one performance,
I think with a clarinet in junior high school.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I also played clarinet. I hated it.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I wasn't a huge fan of clarinet either. Everyone wanted
the saxophone, but it was like I was further down
the list, so that you got the clarinet.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
It's like the mob. It's like a yeah, you get
your saxophonies right down there, right down there, right right.
And mister Buddha, I've talked about him before my No Offense.
He was a bald guy with a bold game, Italian guy.
And he's said, what instrument do you want to play?
And I said drums. He said we already have enough drums.
(01:04):
I said, okay, saxophone and he goes, you could play saxophone.
You could play saxophone. You could, I mean, will I can?
I we could, you could, but first you need to
learn clarinet, because they nobody wanted to do clarinet. Nobody
wanted to do it. Yeah, girls did it. If you
were a guy and he did it, you were a nerd,
that's what.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
And that's not sexty instrument. Saxophone was, especially in the eighties, right,
Saxophone was everywhere. Yeah, David Sanborn and uh, Kenny G
and all them, Kenny G's uh not what was he saxophone? Yeah,
it's alto alto saxophone.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So mister Bodley said, I'm going with my parents and
he goes, so anyway for clarinet practice, and they said, yeah,
it was saxophone, saxophone. He goes, yeah, for saxophone practice.
We actually don't have a saxophone yet, we don't have
one at all, and we have some people ahead of
you and the clarinet first string And I said, what
what what string of mind? And he goes, if we
(02:01):
had a fourth string and before we don't, sew you're
third and third strings at third strings? Oh, he goes, yeah,
you learn clarinet, and if you could. I mean, when
you get the saxophone, then it's the same as clarinet.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
It.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I'm like, but I would like to practice on a saxophone. No,
you practice on a clarinet. Say no, you practice Mike,
you practice bass. You practice bass on a guitar, and
then we get when we get to a bass, you
just play bass. But I've never played bass before, and
so I played clarinet for like six years.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Oh wow, I hated it. Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And I was the only guy. Yeah, and all the
trumpet guys are making fun of me and stuff. It's like, oh,
you know how to blow and a read blow on this,
you know? And I've worked my way up. I would copy.
I couldn't read music well because my eyes were bad. Yeah.
I would listen to the first string cute girl, which
she played, and so in third string, I just played
(03:00):
what she played. So mister Butter comes back, He goes,
you play first string part. Maybe I should be in
first dring, Maybe I should be next to her. I
said no, but you're supposed to play a third string.
It's down here. Look. Yeah, but that's what that's why
I see. He goes, you can't read this. He said,
but that's what I see. But you played first string.
(03:21):
I said, I was. I He goes, it was exactly
first string.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
It was perfect.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Well, I said, why am I not first string? He goes,
what are you doing? You're interrupting me all the time.
He said, I want to be doing drums. I told you,
And he goes, could you just be nice and do
third string clarinet? And I said, I want to sit
next to Jenny. She's a first string I know, but
you're in third string. I know that's what I'm asking for.
(03:48):
I'll promise I'll be nice. Put me next to Jenny.
And he goes, if you're in first dring, you can't
play a third string. I said, I'll just copy what
she does and then i'll be first string. Nobody can
do that. And I said, can you bring Jenny. Jenny
play the first eight bars? I did it perfectly because
(04:12):
I do it by ear and he goes, that's impossible.
You're not first string. How can you play that? It's impossible?
And he said, I don't even like clarinet. Can you imagine?
I go to how good I could be on drums?
And he goes, okay, will you stop disrupting. I said,
I'm not disrupting. I'm doing what I do. And then
you stop and you come back and you talk to me.
(04:33):
Anybody's laughing. He goes, oh, you think you're funny, and
I said, I guess I am now, and he goes,
what do you want to be cooperative? And I said,
put me in the first string row next to Jenny,
and if Jenny tells me to stop, i'll stop. I'll
do what Jenny says, but I'll copy Jenny and you
know I can do it. And he goes, okay, we'll try.
So we did it when the first string and he goes,
(04:56):
you're in the first row, but you're not first string.
I can live with that. I said, I never asked
to play clarinet.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I think I think it's it must be tough to
be a band director though, for like in school, because
every student has this idea they want to play a
sexy instrument like saxophone or the guitar or the drums,
and I don't think there are that many people that
want to play the clarinet or the flute or you know,
the violin or all these things. So they kind of
got this job of trying to sell it to you.
But he should have sold it, he said. She just said, Hey,
(05:25):
you ever heard of Benny Goodman. Oh yeah, Benny Goodman.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
He's a funny guy. He's never played, always.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Plays, always plays clarinet.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Okay, because Benny Goodman played clarinet and that's his idol.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Well, Benny Goodman was a genius.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Benny Goodman was also comedian. It's very funny as mentor.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Oh wow, yeah, I did not know that.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Benny Goodman. My favorite joke. He gets mugged in an alley.
The guy goes your money or your life and he
goes I'm thinking, I'm thinking and thinking and thinking. That's
very what do you? Allen ask? Yeah, but he did
it first, Yeah, so what do you and copied him
same way that Dave Letterman copied. Dave Letterman admitted he said,
if you liked this show, you would probably like the
(06:08):
Steve Allen Show. When he did Tonight's showcase, he did, oh.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Did you think that? Now that you say that, it
kind of makes sense to me because Steve Allen had
that kind of kind of what would you say? He
kind of had that kind of light touch, that kind
of making fun of the whole idea of the show
kind of thing, like he was very meta, kind of
that way.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
He had Frank Zappa on and I didn't like what.
I didn't like his interview, but he had Frank Zapp on.
He was doing Letterman esque stuff and Frank Zapple was said,
he said, I don't think you know you always did
g D E E D G E D G E
d G E D A E d A. He goes,
I would like to do e A A A E
E E D and they ste just said, if you
(06:50):
ever know a musician, maybe you can ask them that,
because that's interesting. But I don't know any musicians do that.
And Frank Zapper said, well that's my point. And he said.
Steve Allen said, so you could sider yourself a musician.
He said, well, my fans do, yeah, And so Steve
Allen was in the audience, he was doing interviews. Its
(07:10):
Liddy had a huge hairdo, just like be fifty two
is you know be Hive kind of hairdo. This is
remember this is fifty nine sixty one pre Letterman. He goes,
I like your hair and then she goes, yeah, my
husband likes it. And he goes what's your nickname for
your husband? She said Honeybeat and he goes, that explains
that the beehive Beehype. He was the first dude.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
I don't think Steve Allen really liked rock music. Didn't
you do parodies of it constantly?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Like he really did not.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
He really did not like rock music or probably love
jazz music.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
He had that Dave We're back. He looked like him,
said Dave brooked back, take five and he had him
on and he said, you know, the last few shows,
we had Elvis and we had the Beatles, so it
just couldn't have some musicians.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Yeah, that sounds like that sounds like Steve Allen where
yeah he was super super that. He was like super square.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Mark Bailey mc coller Talk One
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