May 22, 2025 • 29 mins
Comedians Mark Bailey and Mike Miller talk funny by reviewing and explaining common reference terms we use in the podcast, including April Cash, callback techniques, bicycle stops, Niagara falls, duckman, goodfellas references, car searches, dropped vegetables, Barbizon hotel, etc. Brought to you by Nagoyaradio.com, Nagoyacomedy.com, and stand up comic Mark Bailey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's Talk Funny, a podcast by Mark Bailey and other
comics from all over. We ended up in Japan because
we wanted to hear about unique Japanese culture over and
over and over again. The Talk Funny podcast from Nagoya
Radio dot Com and Nigoia Comedy.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Here's Mark Bailey, Mon.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Bailey here with Mike Miller. It's good to be back
on Talk Funny. And we thought we we've got some
comments and some people who listen in the States as well,
including my former roommates, and they said, you know, you'll
talk some inside baseball kind of things, like you'll mention
Niagara Falls, we know what you're talking about, and April Cash.
(00:37):
So we're gonna go through this. It's episode three oh
eight and in the future, like Mike calls that, we
call it the callback episode for new listeners. So if
you're listening what you don't have time to listen to
three hundred eight episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
That's right. What's on you?
Speaker 3 (00:51):
What are you employed? You have a life, you have
a family or something. So we're gonna try to go
through as many as I could remember. If you hear
something in the future and you don't get it, try
three eight episode three zero eight.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Should we start with a what do you think?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Okay? And I don't know how I remember that number
because I'm in three oh six. That's right, right? So
what A? What about a A?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
It will start with A alphabetically April Cash, the legitive
April Cash.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
April Cash comes up a lot. This is called callback,
and in comedy, basically, towards the end, you bring back
something that you earlier referenced, and the more you do it,
it's considered witty. Right, it's considered funny. So I see
what you did there? And so that's what callback is.
So see what I did there? Because I just went
back to call? All right? So April Cash. We worked
(01:40):
for an establishment and the guy, I guess I was
in seeing, but I had no control over the comedy group.
We inherited it. I inherited it from a bar owner.
What happened to that bar mate? Ah?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it kind of went out of well, it was
sold and went out of business.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Kind of it shall remained nameless.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Like the theater company not related Baltimore.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah. So we were paid every month and the way
it would work is we would do our show and
everybody was just packing their stuff up and sometimes we
forget to get paid for the night. So I went
back to get paid for all of us so I
could divv it up. This happened to be in April,
and the guy said, well, we had your cash here,
but now it's gone, like okay, so how's that my problem? Yeah, yeah,
(02:25):
it's your I don't have a key. Somebody took it, okay,
And and can you can you pay me? F you
pay me, that's another So I'll get back there because
so that's another one that's a good fellow's references. We
have a lot with Hey, my store burned down. Well,
if you're with the mom, it's like, you pay me, Well,
we had a bad month. Few pay me. So they
(02:45):
pro cash. It happened in April, and the joke is
we never got the money. And there's a Johnny cash
and there's a June cash, but there's no such thing
as April cash. So that's the joke. That's it. So
we'll bring back, you know, we'll say April cash.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It was really dumb. Just to give a little context
to the April cash. It was really dumb because it
wasn't a lot of money at all, Like it was
a small amount of money. It was peanut, but the
person who owed it to us was incredibly like stubborn
that he would not It wasn't his fault, he was
not going to give us the money.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
So yeah, and it's been a sore point between a
couple of members of ours and the former owner, and
it's like it's just bad business. So I just took
the whole crew and I took it over. And my
selling point is I pay you. When I get paid,
you get what I you know, you know when I'm
gett paid, and that's what you get. And we do
it at the night. On the end, Tokyo is listening
(03:37):
on the end. That's another one. See were Nigoya's We're
we're the only ones that pay. We don't pay a lot,
so we don't make a lot, but we're the only
city that pays. That guy, I won't name him, but
he's got an ironic name. Yes anyway, so in yeah, yeah,
so they don't pay, Tokyo doesn't pay. People are dying
(03:58):
for stage time and we're able to pay. So that's
it for cash. B bicycle stops. Michael joke a lot
about how I love to talk to cops when I'm
in the middle of riding around on my bicycle, and
that comes from a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It's actually how you learn to speak Japanese, right.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, you save a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And am I under arrest?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I learned I learned ho shaku that worked for bail.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Tobam bengushi suspect.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
I learned all those words on the street, not living
as a gang member, but just being stopped for a bicycle,
you know, because that's obviously the biggest crime in Japan.
It's the most important thing.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It is.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
There's no corruption, there's no murders. People don't go missing,
bar hosses don't go missing for no just.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
There's no crime in this neighborhood we're in. The apart
from bicycles, is did you lock the door? You have
a great joke about that. I don't know if you're
willing to turn it on air. Which one the bicycle joke?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Driving that's that's my joke is foreigners. Everybody thinks that
Farner Cops tell me all the time, foreigners to the
number one steal bicycles in Japan, and I said, that's
statistically impossible. Nine of the population is Japanese well, we
will say, like in Colombia, most of the bicycle teams
are Colombian. In Thailand, most of them are Thai. In Japan,
(05:14):
most of them are Japanese. In La most of them
are Japanese. No, see how it feels. So yeah, my
joke is, if you're driving in your car in your
Japanese and you see a fargner on a bicycle in
front of you, why shouldn't you hit that foreigner? It's
probably your bicycle. So I've been stopped. I was stopped,
(05:34):
like multiple, multiple times in about a twelve day, eight day,
eight to twelve day period, two different months out of
the year. And we've covered on a prior episode. I
couldn't understand what was going on. So it's like the
twelve days of Christmas. First time I got stopped, I said,
this is kind of weird. The eighth time I got stopped,
I wanted to kill a cop. You know, it's like
you're getting angry and anger. I got stopped two times
(05:55):
in one day, and I'm like what yeah, and they're like,
why are you so angry? And he just stop me.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
They wouldn't even stamp your point card. No, that was
the most annoying thing.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I didn't stop you. Yeah, exactly, I didn't stop you.
There's two thousand Ichi police here. You know, am I
gonna get stopped two thousand times? So finally to the
end of the story is my wife was really tired
of hearing about it, and I was about to snap,
and so we went down the police station. They told this,
it's training months, so we do single out. He didn't
(06:24):
say it that way, but I get to gist that
they single out foreigners for practice, because that's the worst
nightmare for a Japanese guy who you know it US University,
which that's another one that's not the real name of it.
And I teach a lot of guys that they'd hate
English and they want to be cops, like well seeing
about five years by the way, my box are registered,
(06:46):
so and they hate English, so it's training for them.
And I told them, you know, I have a dispatch company.
There's a lot of people they work for free doing
plays and stuff that are actors. They'd love to be
in your videos. We would do it, and you need
to pay us for our time. But right now you're
stopping me, and you're making me late for my real job.
Right and that's actually unfair because you're not doing it
(07:08):
to the Japanese, right, So that's what happened. It's training months.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
People who think this is not we're just making this
stuff up because there's always like a Wia boos or whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
You never happened to me.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
It never happened to me when I was in Tokyo
for three days. Yeah, you know, like.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
I've been here a year.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, I've been here a year. It never happened to me.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
The thin key thing to remember is there was a
Japanese prosecutor who admitted after he I think no, he
was a cop. He was an X cop. There was
a Japanese X cop and he retired and he said
that in their training they were told that there are
two types of people in Japan who have no rights,
foreigners and yakuza. Yeah, so this is not like something
that we're just making up here. It's there's people on
(07:44):
inside have admitted to this.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
We can't explain every word, so please google yakuza. A
word is a unit of language. We can't explain every word.
That would say.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Listen to Jake Addlstein, I think it was on his
blog he wrote about it.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Actually, yeah, so unless it's changed, the training month are
generally June and October. That's what happened to me.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
So please don't come in June in October.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Yeah right, and it's not April because they're sitting through
classes in April. The new trainees by June, they kind
of know how to do their beat, so they'll they'll
stop you say, is this your bicycle? Is that your suit?
You know? Is that your patch?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Then they have the lesson about how to deal with
timmy yeah at three am.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah, yeah they have, and so a lot of times
she's try to be polite. And I haven't been stopped
since so that I can recall because I didn't accept
the Dalai Mama's bicycle. Dalai Mama is a nice lady,
I know, and she gave me a bicycle. That's another
backstory that we.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Did, fictionalized. Fictionalized.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
She gave me a bicycle that I couldn't register because
it's in a different city. It's a real pain in
the neck.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
In Japan, every bicycle is registered. I think it's the
same in most countries, though. Every bicycle is registered has
a number, and if you're on someone else's bike and
they stop you and it's not registered to you, you
can get into trouble.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
It's kind of like a car. In the US, when
you register, you have your registration in a certain state.
If you move states, you need proof of that registration
from your former state and then they can transfer. But
it's a lot harder in Japan. I don't think I've
mentioned it before. I don't think I've mentioned it, but
a little bureaucronic here. Yes have you noticed? Yeah, all right,
haven't done that one. So that's that's bicycle see sper
(09:18):
bicycle dropping the vegetables. We've referenced to that. That came
from a family mart incident where a store owner wanted
to call the cops on me because I dropped the vegetables,
and then I offered to pay for him, but he
didn't like my nonkego kego is Google kego? Come on?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
We can't nowplain everything. To clarify, the vegetables were in
a plastic container, so nothing was spoiled.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
They were in a plastic container. There was they were
hovering on the on the edge and when I went
to take one another one fell. And it's in plastic
with like a rubber band around it. Scotch tape and
it popped all over the place. So I put everything
back together and I took it to the register and
I said, I'll pay for this. I dropped this accidentally,
but I'll pay for this if you'd like. But he
didn't like the way I said it. I know, I said,
(09:58):
Hajata Josi, I don't know. Ha say it was my fault,
and he said and he did. He wanted Cago and
I said, I think I'm the customer, so I think
you used kego with customers. I'm the customer. And he
threatened to call the cops on me.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Cago is polite Japanese for those who don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And he goes, well, we'll call the you won't even
call the police, And they said, aren't they busy with
other things or like stopping bicycles?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
And you know, the cops want nothing else than to
come down to the kombinie to talk to you. Although
if they said, by the way, it's a foreigner, I'm
sure they'd be there in like two seconds.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
But if they make the trip, they need some paperwork
to show for it.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, it's a real pain for them.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
So they're gonna make something out of it, so he said,
I call the cops. He goes, by the way, we
have cameras, so I saw that you dropped it and
it took you a while, and I said, well, thanks
for helping out. By the way, do you know what
part of the criminal code that is? By the way, Yeah,
thanks for helping out. So that's dropping vegetables. We're gonna
move on. I guess Niagara Falls. So Abbert Costello had
a great bit. Their most famous one is who's on first? Google? These? Okay?
(11:03):
And then Niagara Falls is very funny when I recommend it.
It's a video you can get on YouTube. At Costello.
It's a Costello. He's the he's the wiry, he's like
Joe Pesci right, and he's funny like Joe pesci is
because he gets excited and animated. So he's in jail
for some reason, some minor thing, and there's a homeless
guy in there with him, a cellmate. And you'll have
(11:25):
to watch the video, but basically the punchline is he
talks about where are the places you've been? You're from
New York, where you would places? Well, you know, we
went to Brooklyne, We went to New York City, and
we went to Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls. This happens to
be where the homeless guy lost the love of his life,
and it's a store point. So the joke of it
is when we say Niagara falls, so don't get me started,
(11:46):
We're going down a rabbit hole. So what happens when
you say Niagara Falls to this homeless guy? Slowly? I
turned step by step, and he does this whole choreography
and then he ends up beating up whoever said Niagara Fall.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Interesting, I thought that was from vaudeville, even before Abbott
and Costello.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
It might be a cover. Yeah, they did a lot
of that. Who's on First is actually I think it's
a cover too. Oh okay, but it was never on TV.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
So Vaudeville, for those who are not who don't know,
is a place in It's in New York, right, or
what state is Connecticut?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Well it's cat Do you say cat's skills? But vaudeville
is just the genre, m all right, the cat skills.
He ends up getting. Whoever says that Costello accidentally said
niagr Falls a couple of times gets beaten up because
the guy gets animated. I lost the level of my life.
I punched him and I punched him, and I kicked
him and I punched him. You already said punched three times?
Why I punched him a lot? It's very New York humor.
(12:37):
So then Abbott, his partner, comes to rescue him. He said,
I paid your baill. The homeless guy goes, what happened
to you? And he goes, you beat me up? And
why did I beat you up? And he goes because
I said, are You're not gonna make me say it?
Make you say what? Friend? I would never hurt anybody. No,
I'm not gonna say. You want me what do I
want you to say? No, I'm not gonna say it.
(12:57):
You want me to say Niagra Falls, and I'm not
going to slow. So it's basically a very It's just
so tedious that it's ridiculous. Yeah, that's why it's funny.
And so Abbott comes to rescue Costello, and Costello goes,
by the way, remember the place that we just played
a show at last weekend? And he goes which place?
(13:19):
And he goes, don't say the name of the place anyway.
He goes, oh, you mean Niagara Falls.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It reminds me of there was a Blackadder episode about Macbeth,
and it's the actress for whatever reason, don't want to
call it Macbeth because apparently it's bad luck to say Macbeth,
so they call it the Scottish play Let's Saydemar. Yeah, exactly,
very similar, And so the main character black Adder keeps saying, oh,
you mean Macbeth, and you don't have to do this
kind of jinx thing.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
To like get out of there, like Beetlejuice too.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah, I mean it's a recurring comedy bit.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
So the Niagara Falls. I think it's a takeoff on
George and Gracie Burns when they had a radio show.
The big punch on with her was the closet because
she never cleaned the closet up and was just full
of crap and she was a hoarder, I said, dr
she was a hoarder recipes.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But George would never come out of the closet either, right,
So no, no, he was not.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Their big punch line was they'd have some drama and
then at the end he'd go, by the way, have
you seen my watch? She goes, yeah, I was picking
things up around the coffee table. I think I put
it in the closet and the punch lign is don't
open the closet, and they had the sound effects and
she goes, no, no, no, no. I know you think
it's gonna be bad if I opened the closet, but
it'll be okay this time because I cleaned it up
last time, and you open it.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Up and it's oh, right, right, right, right.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
So you know what's gonna happen. It's the anticipation, right.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
So it's a recurring joke basically, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And you know what's gonna happen, and happens a lot okay.
In comedy, Barbarazon Hotel with Sammy Gravano will reference that.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Sometimes maybe you should get them to buy your audiobook
or you're it's gonna be a physical book because you're
gonna talk about that in your.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Book, right, yeah, it's gonna be a kindle, and then
it's gonna be an audiobook. So you can google who
Sammy Gravano is. You can google the Barbizon Hotel. It's
not there anymore, and there's an incident that happened there
and I live through it, and that's what we're referencing. Yeah,
good idea, my agent.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Here, mm hmm do you my best?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Okay, we make fun of police stops a lot, the
drug stops in the US, because we watch a lot
of police videos and one of them is talk about
a domesticated wolf all the time. It's like, what we're
gonna do is take a domesticated wolf, let him walk
around your car, and if he acts weird, define weird.
If he asks weird in any way, if.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
He stands up, if he sneezes, if he sits down,
if he doesn't do anything, if he doesn't bark, if
he doesn't move.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
If he sneezes, if he doesn't sneeze, if he looks
at me, If he doesn't look at me, you're going
to jail.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
So ask any defense lawyer about those dogs, and they'll
probably got a few stories.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Oh yeah. And my punchline to that is we always
talk about the domesticated wolf. My punchline is, well, dogs,
you think the dog is communicating the police officer thinks
a dog is communicating to him. Dogs cannot communicate with humans,
can't effing talk. The dog can't go like if I
was a police dog, right, and and Mike's the policeman,
(15:58):
and I look at Mike, I can't say as a
human would. Sorry, I accidentally alerted my bad No, that
guy's going to jails. Say what?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Whoa what woa that guy's.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Going to jail. I can't.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I can get back in the mystery machine.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Sorry. I know the alert was to sit down, but
I'm tired. I'm seventeen.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You get a fascist dog that just wants to lock everybody.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Up, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Oh, oh, are you another black guy?
Speaker 3 (16:29):
By the way, I like to sit down when when
black guys are driving. When I see a black motorist,
I just want to sit down. I just want to
raise my left paw.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, racist dogs, this is a problem.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Oh, we do Colombo, which is one more things? Are
just one more thing. That's from the excellent Peter Falk
TV series, hilarious. I recommend it from the seventies. That's
also kind of a comic stick, right, he was always
doing a comic stick kind of thing. He talked to you,
is like, so you're I'm sure you missed your wife
and blah blah blah, and what's your fun this memory
(17:00):
of your deceased wife because he suspects the husband, right,
I don't know why you would suspect. The husband. Never,
they're never, no, never.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
They may joke about it, but they never do it.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
But if they don't find anybody else, the husband goes
to jail because he's number one suspect.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
So any guy's always rich. Yeah, and then Columbo's this
kind of schlubby, kind of middle class, lower middle class.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah, right, And in real life, Peter Falk only had
one eye, so he kind of would do that what
Larry David took from him. Larry David does that little
stare where you look in the eyes, but Peter Falk
did that naturally anyway. So he'll talk to the suspect
and say, so, I know you miss your wife. I'm
really sorry. I'm trying to do his accent. I'm really sorry, sir.
He's also a member of the tribe Peter Falk, really
(17:40):
sorry to bother you on your day of grievance, and
starting sound like Gilbert Godfrey, but he kind of sounds
like that.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
They actually sound more like a Krusty the k which
is GILBERL Godfrey. Yeah it was.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
It was based on Gibber Godfrey.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Oh right, right right.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
So he'll ask the suspect, but he doesn't tell me,
you the suspect. I have some of the people I'm
gonna interview, But what was your findest memory of your
your late great wife. Well, you know the last time
I saw her. We're having dinner on a Tuesday at Leblanx,
which is a famous French restaurant. I said, right, sir,
what did you order? Well, we had chicken blue, we
(18:13):
had some fondue kind of dessert, and we had some duck.
It was very good, and we had claimed the portage
for soup. It was very good, and we'll thank you
three time, sir. And the guy's like, you know, the
suspects are always going like God, enough for the questions.
You got any more questions? The guy shows up again
and you can see more questions. Geez. So when you
(18:35):
finished the interview, he's like, oh, I got through that one.
He's thinking, right, Peter Fogg goes to the door. Columbo
gets to the door, turns around and it's one more thing,
one more thing. I'm really sorry you mentioned. Are you
sure you were there on a Tuesday? Yeah, it was
a Tuesday, That's what I said. That's my story. It's
(18:56):
weird because my wife and I went there once on
a Tuesday, and there always closed on Tuesdays. You sure
you were there on a Tuesday. He goes, well, it
might have been a different day. And he goes, well
you were mistaken about that. Maybe you were mistaken about
some other things. It's okay if I come back aga
in to my own Oh.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
God, yeah, I blew it. Yeah. Well, the whole stick
of the show is that, like I said, Colombo is
kind of this hard working, kind of you know, working
class detective who's pretends to be stupid. That's the whole thing.
He pretends to be dumb, and these people that he's
investigating are always these rich like movie stars or business people,
and they think, oh, this guy's just a schmuck. He's
(19:31):
just really stupid. I can just disregard him. And then
at the end of the every episode he gets them right.
So it's like the little guy triumphs over the big guy.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
And he always catches you on a phrase, it catches
suspect or something, right, it'll be something like, that's what
both of my wives that went missing. We never found
out what happened to them. And he goes and we'll
get to the door one more things, sir. When I
first met you you said she was your first wife.
Uh huh, so you were marry before that. I guess
he just forgot that. Tell me, yeah, it's probably nothing. Yeah,
(20:00):
probably nothing. What happened to your first wife?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Well we never.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Okay, you know, kind of strange that you mentioned that
because I was looking around if you have been to Colorado, sir,
I was just looking around, and you know, I'm just
I like reading, and I accidentally found there was a
report with your name on it about your first missing wife.
I was waiting for you to tell me that this
was your second wife. I guess you just forgot. I
(20:28):
guess you just forgot. Would you turn around for me?
So you're either arrest. So that's it. So when we say,
just warmer thing, warman thing, sir. All right, One more
I think is you can google Goodfellas. Used to watch
a movie good Fellas, use a lot of quotes from there.
It's like Mike, I got your April cash. Okay, call back,
I got your April cash. It's right down that corridor. Yeah,
(20:49):
so that's from Goodfellas. I'm not going to spoil them.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And then also the helicopters. Maybe when we talk about
the helicopter I don't know if we've done on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Well, I had an episode with helicopters with helicopters were
all over my apartment building above. They were very loud.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
There's two three ones. Yeah, apparently there was a fire
in the in the area. Sometimes the fire department go
up there with their helicopter.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
So the thing with it's right down there, it's right
down there on the right, right down there on the right.
That's a line Robert de Niro says to Lorraine Broco.
There are two actors in the movie Good Fellas. It's
about the stroy of Henry Hill. Who's the guy I
knew and I interviewed him in radio and he would
make these fun jingles for me in radio. That's another
one I've never mentioned. I was in radio. Never No,
I don't like to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Talk about it.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
He would make fun, Yeah, a great sense of humor.
Late great Henry Hill. He would make jingles for radio
for me and say, when you listen to Bailey in
the morning, it's one hit after another. Yeah, I remember,
coming from a hitman.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
You put that on the Yeah, you put that on
the one of our episodes.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
So there's some lines like that like just right down
there on the right, which means you're about to get whacked.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Another one where it's like, hey, so I'm gonna I'm
gonna get made all right, We'll see it and it's like, okay,
we walk in, it's like, oh no, this is where
a certain guy gets killed.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
We can't hold a lot of Goodfellow's references to references
involved getting whacked.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
It would appear and then we'll say something like and
then I heard Leila playing and it's like, that's not
a good sign with Sammy Gravano because Leila is the
part where a lot of bodies show up in the movie.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I want my money. I want my money, I want
my aple cash. I want to talk. I want to
talk to Uh, let's call him MO. I want to
talk to Mo. And then Henry Hill is protecting this
guy because he knows if he talks to Robert de
Niro he's going to get whacked. Yeah, and he's like, Henry,
you can't stop me, and he goes, you know what, fine,
go ahead talk to basically Robert de Niro's character, and uh,
(22:38):
he might have gotten whacked after that.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Yeah, And then get your shine box.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
That's another one. Go home and get your shine box.
They had a fight in a bar and Joe Peshy's
the short guy. It's got into poling complex. You don't
know anybody like that. I know, I don't. I certainly don't.
And he'll take something the wrong way. And the guy's like,
you know when I went to prison, you were shining
shoes and you're not shining shoes anymore. He goes, yeah,
I'm a big guy. Now I'm not. I don't use anymore.
It's kind of disrespect. The guy goes so sorry, drinks
(23:03):
are on me. Then there was like no drinks in
the house. Said let me buy this guy a drink.
He's like, no, everything all forgetting. I'm sorry. Bet She's
like I'm sorry too. And then the guy drinks. It
was Billy bats who really did get killed Billy Batts.
Drink's a shot and he goes, now go home. He
gets your fing shinebox. M effort. So that's we might
(23:24):
talk about that. It's anything else. Yeah, sure, So there
might be some lines from Goodfellows that we've forgotten to
h that we referenced, but I think that's it. Then
we joke about the room number. Sometimes we're not gonna
give out sweet number. But we had a guy a
long time ago. He came when I was doing a
Gooya radio dot com and he pushed my let's say,
(23:45):
mine is room three, and he pushed my room number,
pushed my sweet number. I answered the interphone and I
let him in, and he goes, let me ask you
a question. Okay, Colombo, call back. Let me ask you
a question. I pushed room six on the intercom, but
(24:06):
you are in room three. I said, well, you had
the press room three or otherwise I wouldn't have hurt you.
He said, well, no, I'm positive I pushed room six.
I'm like, why would you do that?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Because you're a gas lighter.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Maybe he's the guy who would go to a great
a breakfast restaurant place that we like, yeah, called early Birds. Say.
Everybody's like, I love this place. I love food's great,
service is great. Yeah. Well when I was there, the
service was s. And I think it's because I'm from
this certain country in Central America. And look, what do
you mean, how did they treat you like? S? What
(24:41):
do you think treated me like? Ask me? Means I
don't know? Did they flush you down the toilet. Did
they put you in a dota? You know? And he
took things personally and he's like, they discriminate against me
because of my what country I'm from? And I said, maybe,
don't go around tell everybody what country you're from. Yeah,
say you're from New York. Nobody will know the difference.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Hey, for everyone in Rapongi there are from New York.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
There's Hispanics in New York. Did you know that?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
And he lived in New York too.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
It's like, you know, just don't I said, I don't
walk around going, hey, I'm a Jew, I'm a Jew.
I'm a Jew.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I'm a Jew.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
And then I get rude to people and they're like,
f and Jew, what do you got against the Jews? Well,
you told everybody you're It's like it's like in this
you probably remember, but in the eighties you'd have these
militant gay guys and back then it was don't ask,
don't tell kind of thing. And they walk around going,
it's because I'm gay that you won't hurt me. No,
we can't serve your alcohol in this dry state after
(25:36):
midnight stirt right, He said, no, it's because I'm gay.
It's like, I didn't even know you're gay, but now
I don't like gay people because all I think about
is you. You don't want to represent an entire community, you know,
if you're ill behaved.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
And this person in question is you know, I think
he's mellowed out. I've heard he's mellowed out, but he's
kind of known for his anger issues, so he just
likes to be angry sometimes. I think some.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
People aren't happy by some people. I me and my
wife aren't happy unless they're miserable.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Yeah, there's like Eastern Europeans, a lot of Eastern Europeans
love that misery. Not to judge, not to judge, not
to be judgmental. And but I've the's a kind of
strain of that, it seems in Eastern European culture.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, there's a it's kind of a little bit of
a mental disorder. It's basically they call them emotional vampires.
In this book I read, they'll they'll talk about telling
you their life story. Really hate my boss, I really
hate my boss. Hey, yeah, I get it. You told
me last time you know what he did he did? Yeah,
you told me that. You know he also did this.
He also told me that yeah, and I really hate
the guy all right. You know it's not good for ulcers,
(26:36):
so get off it.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Or people like who disclosed, they over disclose, you know,
like that guy I killed. You know, I was thinking
about him today and I really think I shouldn't have
killed him. Thank you didn't want to know.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
How's your beers? It tastes good? Yeah? I like the beer,
you know, because I'm an alcoholic. I know you told
me tell me that three hundred times. We might reference
this sometimes. The movie Memento. Have you seen that. You've
seen it?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yeah, I've seen man.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Great movie because it's deja vu, the whole movie deja vu.
And there's a guy who has a memory problem and
everybody he meets he tells him that, and they're like,
you already told me that. Yeah, you already told me
that you have a memory problem. And there's a really
funny I can't remember his name now. He plays the
cop and he's a comedian. Actually got an Italian name,
not Belzer. No, he plays a cop in Memento. I
(27:22):
think he was also in the Sopranos. We also referenced
Sopranos sometimes. So anyway, so the guy's a cop and
he goes, listen, forget the guy's name. Listen, listen Ben,
and he goes, how do you know my name? I've
known you for like two years? He goes, did I
ever tell you about my memory problems? He goes about
a thousand times, so memetto. Sometimes when you're in Japan,
(27:42):
it feels like when you're working with foreigners, with the coworkers,
and they'll tell you the same story, like the duck. Oh,
that's one, the duck story. You have to we were
he gifted that recently. I've taken a couple months ago.
We regifted that, so it's recent if you'll go back
a couple of months. But anyway, guy who didn't known
ducks and then went around to and everybody that he
basically kidnapped ducks on a farm he doesn't own.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
And he give it away all the punchlines here.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
He'd walk around tell everybody, my duck died, People like
your dog died, No, my duck dive as you do
as you do. This getting pretty long. So anyway, when
we say duck man, that's who that is. And he
went to the cops up in the mountains in.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Gifu where no one can hear you scream.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
And they don't like foreigners that much anyway, and he's
the only foreigner they know, and he goes there every day.
I complain it about so he took his duck. So
we say, like, you know, you're duck out of luck. Yeah,
you're up duck Creek without a paddle. They duck you.
They stop looking for ducks. So basically, it's just funny
because duck is a funny word. So I think we
referenced that. I think we've done most of the callbacks.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Right, I think that's about all of them. So remember
episode three of zero eight. Tell your friends if they
haven't listened to many of the podcasts
Speaker 3 (28:52):
And to test if you've been listening at all during
this episode, don't drop the vegetables or the soap, all right,
Mark Bailey, make Miller talk funny.
It's Talk Funny, a podcast by Mark Bailey and other
comics from all over. We ended up in Japan because
we wanted to hear about unique Japanese culture over and
over and over again. The Talk Funny podcast from Nagoya
Radio dot Com and Nigoia Comedy.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Here's Mark Bailey, Mon.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Bailey here with Mike Miller. It's good to be back
on Talk Funny. And we thought we we've got some
comments and some people who listen in the States as well,
including my former roommates, and they said, you know, you'll
talk some inside baseball kind of things, like you'll mention
Niagara Falls, we know what you're talking about, and April Cash.
(00:37):
So we're gonna go through this. It's episode three oh
eight and in the future, like Mike calls that, we
call it the callback episode for new listeners. So if
you're listening what you don't have time to listen to
three hundred eight episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
That's right. What's on you?
Speaker 3 (00:51):
What are you employed? You have a life, you have
a family or something. So we're gonna try to go
through as many as I could remember. If you hear
something in the future and you don't get it, try
three eight episode three zero eight.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Should we start with a what do you think?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Okay? And I don't know how I remember that number
because I'm in three oh six. That's right, right? So
what A? What about a A?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
It will start with A alphabetically April Cash, the legitive
April Cash.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
April Cash comes up a lot. This is called callback,
and in comedy, basically, towards the end, you bring back
something that you earlier referenced, and the more you do it,
it's considered witty. Right, it's considered funny. So I see
what you did there? And so that's what callback is.
So see what I did there? Because I just went
back to call? All right? So April Cash. We worked
(01:40):
for an establishment and the guy, I guess I was
in seeing, but I had no control over the comedy group.
We inherited it. I inherited it from a bar owner.
What happened to that bar mate? Ah?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it kind of went out of well, it was
sold and went out of business.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Kind of it shall remained nameless.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Like the theater company not related Baltimore.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah. So we were paid every month and the way
it would work is we would do our show and
everybody was just packing their stuff up and sometimes we
forget to get paid for the night. So I went
back to get paid for all of us so I
could divv it up. This happened to be in April,
and the guy said, well, we had your cash here,
but now it's gone, like okay, so how's that my problem? Yeah, yeah,
(02:25):
it's your I don't have a key. Somebody took it, okay,
And and can you can you pay me? F you
pay me, that's another So I'll get back there because
so that's another one that's a good fellow's references. We
have a lot with Hey, my store burned down. Well,
if you're with the mom, it's like, you pay me, Well,
we had a bad month. Few pay me. So they
(02:45):
pro cash. It happened in April, and the joke is
we never got the money. And there's a Johnny cash
and there's a June cash, but there's no such thing
as April cash. So that's the joke. That's it. So
we'll bring back, you know, we'll say April cash.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It was really dumb. Just to give a little context
to the April cash. It was really dumb because it
wasn't a lot of money at all, Like it was
a small amount of money. It was peanut, but the
person who owed it to us was incredibly like stubborn
that he would not It wasn't his fault, he was
not going to give us the money.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
So yeah, and it's been a sore point between a
couple of members of ours and the former owner, and
it's like it's just bad business. So I just took
the whole crew and I took it over. And my
selling point is I pay you. When I get paid,
you get what I you know, you know when I'm
gett paid, and that's what you get. And we do
it at the night. On the end, Tokyo is listening
(03:37):
on the end. That's another one. See were Nigoya's We're
we're the only ones that pay. We don't pay a lot,
so we don't make a lot, but we're the only
city that pays. That guy, I won't name him, but
he's got an ironic name. Yes anyway, so in yeah, yeah,
so they don't pay, Tokyo doesn't pay. People are dying
(03:58):
for stage time and we're able to pay. So that's
it for cash. B bicycle stops. Michael joke a lot
about how I love to talk to cops when I'm
in the middle of riding around on my bicycle, and
that comes from a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It's actually how you learn to speak Japanese, right.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, you save a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And am I under arrest?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I learned I learned ho shaku that worked for bail.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Tobam bengushi suspect.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
I learned all those words on the street, not living
as a gang member, but just being stopped for a bicycle,
you know, because that's obviously the biggest crime in Japan.
It's the most important thing.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It is.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
There's no corruption, there's no murders. People don't go missing,
bar hosses don't go missing for no just.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
There's no crime in this neighborhood we're in. The apart
from bicycles, is did you lock the door? You have
a great joke about that. I don't know if you're
willing to turn it on air. Which one the bicycle joke?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Driving that's that's my joke is foreigners. Everybody thinks that
Farner Cops tell me all the time, foreigners to the
number one steal bicycles in Japan, and I said, that's
statistically impossible. Nine of the population is Japanese well, we
will say, like in Colombia, most of the bicycle teams
are Colombian. In Thailand, most of them are Thai. In Japan,
(05:14):
most of them are Japanese. In La most of them
are Japanese. No, see how it feels. So yeah, my
joke is, if you're driving in your car in your
Japanese and you see a fargner on a bicycle in
front of you, why shouldn't you hit that foreigner? It's
probably your bicycle. So I've been stopped. I was stopped,
(05:34):
like multiple, multiple times in about a twelve day, eight day,
eight to twelve day period, two different months out of
the year. And we've covered on a prior episode. I
couldn't understand what was going on. So it's like the
twelve days of Christmas. First time I got stopped, I said,
this is kind of weird. The eighth time I got stopped,
I wanted to kill a cop. You know, it's like
you're getting angry and anger. I got stopped two times
(05:55):
in one day, and I'm like what yeah, and they're like,
why are you so angry? And he just stop me.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
They wouldn't even stamp your point card. No, that was
the most annoying thing.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I didn't stop you. Yeah, exactly, I didn't stop you.
There's two thousand Ichi police here. You know, am I
gonna get stopped two thousand times? So finally to the
end of the story is my wife was really tired
of hearing about it, and I was about to snap,
and so we went down the police station. They told this,
it's training months, so we do single out. He didn't
(06:24):
say it that way, but I get to gist that
they single out foreigners for practice, because that's the worst
nightmare for a Japanese guy who you know it US University,
which that's another one that's not the real name of it.
And I teach a lot of guys that they'd hate
English and they want to be cops, like well seeing
about five years by the way, my box are registered,
(06:46):
so and they hate English, so it's training for them.
And I told them, you know, I have a dispatch company.
There's a lot of people they work for free doing
plays and stuff that are actors. They'd love to be
in your videos. We would do it, and you need
to pay us for our time. But right now you're
stopping me, and you're making me late for my real job.
Right and that's actually unfair because you're not doing it
(07:08):
to the Japanese, right, So that's what happened. It's training months.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
People who think this is not we're just making this
stuff up because there's always like a Wia boos or whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
You never happened to me.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
It never happened to me when I was in Tokyo
for three days. Yeah, you know, like.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
I've been here a year.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, I've been here a year. It never happened to me.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
The thin key thing to remember is there was a
Japanese prosecutor who admitted after he I think no, he
was a cop. He was an X cop. There was
a Japanese X cop and he retired and he said
that in their training they were told that there are
two types of people in Japan who have no rights,
foreigners and yakuza. Yeah, so this is not like something
that we're just making up here. It's there's people on
(07:44):
inside have admitted to this.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
We can't explain every word, so please google yakuza. A
word is a unit of language. We can't explain every word.
That would say.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Listen to Jake Addlstein, I think it was on his
blog he wrote about it.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Actually, yeah, so unless it's changed, the training month are
generally June and October. That's what happened to me.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
So please don't come in June in October.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Yeah right, and it's not April because they're sitting through
classes in April. The new trainees by June, they kind
of know how to do their beat, so they'll they'll
stop you say, is this your bicycle? Is that your suit?
You know? Is that your patch?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Then they have the lesson about how to deal with
timmy yeah at three am.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah, yeah they have, and so a lot of times
she's try to be polite. And I haven't been stopped
since so that I can recall because I didn't accept
the Dalai Mama's bicycle. Dalai Mama is a nice lady,
I know, and she gave me a bicycle. That's another
backstory that we.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Did, fictionalized. Fictionalized.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
She gave me a bicycle that I couldn't register because
it's in a different city. It's a real pain in
the neck.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
In Japan, every bicycle is registered. I think it's the
same in most countries, though. Every bicycle is registered has
a number, and if you're on someone else's bike and
they stop you and it's not registered to you, you
can get into trouble.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
It's kind of like a car. In the US, when
you register, you have your registration in a certain state.
If you move states, you need proof of that registration
from your former state and then they can transfer. But
it's a lot harder in Japan. I don't think I've
mentioned it before. I don't think I've mentioned it, but
a little bureaucronic here. Yes have you noticed? Yeah, all right,
haven't done that one. So that's that's bicycle see sper
(09:18):
bicycle dropping the vegetables. We've referenced to that. That came
from a family mart incident where a store owner wanted
to call the cops on me because I dropped the vegetables,
and then I offered to pay for him, but he
didn't like my nonkego kego is Google kego? Come on?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
We can't nowplain everything. To clarify, the vegetables were in
a plastic container, so nothing was spoiled.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
They were in a plastic container. There was they were
hovering on the on the edge and when I went
to take one another one fell. And it's in plastic
with like a rubber band around it. Scotch tape and
it popped all over the place. So I put everything
back together and I took it to the register and
I said, I'll pay for this. I dropped this accidentally,
but I'll pay for this if you'd like. But he
didn't like the way I said it. I know, I said,
(09:58):
Hajata Josi, I don't know. Ha say it was my fault,
and he said and he did. He wanted Cago and
I said, I think I'm the customer, so I think
you used kego with customers. I'm the customer. And he
threatened to call the cops on me.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Cago is polite Japanese for those who don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And he goes, well, we'll call the you won't even
call the police, And they said, aren't they busy with
other things or like stopping bicycles?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
And you know, the cops want nothing else than to
come down to the kombinie to talk to you. Although
if they said, by the way, it's a foreigner, I'm
sure they'd be there in like two seconds.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
But if they make the trip, they need some paperwork
to show for it.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, it's a real pain for them.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
So they're gonna make something out of it, so he said,
I call the cops. He goes, by the way, we
have cameras, so I saw that you dropped it and
it took you a while, and I said, well, thanks
for helping out. By the way, do you know what
part of the criminal code that is? By the way, Yeah,
thanks for helping out. So that's dropping vegetables. We're gonna
move on. I guess Niagara Falls. So Abbert Costello had
a great bit. Their most famous one is who's on first? Google? These? Okay?
(11:03):
And then Niagara Falls is very funny when I recommend it.
It's a video you can get on YouTube. At Costello.
It's a Costello. He's the he's the wiry, he's like
Joe Pesci right, and he's funny like Joe pesci is
because he gets excited and animated. So he's in jail
for some reason, some minor thing, and there's a homeless
guy in there with him, a cellmate. And you'll have
(11:25):
to watch the video, but basically the punchline is he
talks about where are the places you've been? You're from
New York, where you would places? Well, you know, we
went to Brooklyne, We went to New York City, and
we went to Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls. This happens to
be where the homeless guy lost the love of his life,
and it's a store point. So the joke of it
is when we say Niagara falls, so don't get me started,
(11:46):
We're going down a rabbit hole. So what happens when
you say Niagara Falls to this homeless guy? Slowly? I
turned step by step, and he does this whole choreography
and then he ends up beating up whoever said Niagara Fall.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Interesting, I thought that was from vaudeville, even before Abbott
and Costello.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
It might be a cover. Yeah, they did a lot
of that. Who's on First is actually I think it's
a cover too. Oh okay, but it was never on TV.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
So Vaudeville, for those who are not who don't know,
is a place in It's in New York, right, or
what state is Connecticut?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Well it's cat Do you say cat's skills? But vaudeville
is just the genre, m all right, the cat skills.
He ends up getting. Whoever says that Costello accidentally said
niagr Falls a couple of times gets beaten up because
the guy gets animated. I lost the level of my life.
I punched him and I punched him, and I kicked
him and I punched him. You already said punched three times?
Why I punched him a lot? It's very New York humor.
(12:37):
So then Abbott, his partner, comes to rescue him. He said,
I paid your baill. The homeless guy goes, what happened
to you? And he goes, you beat me up? And
why did I beat you up? And he goes because
I said, are You're not gonna make me say it?
Make you say what? Friend? I would never hurt anybody. No,
I'm not gonna say. You want me what do I
want you to say? No, I'm not gonna say it.
(12:57):
You want me to say Niagra Falls, and I'm not
going to slow. So it's basically a very It's just
so tedious that it's ridiculous. Yeah, that's why it's funny.
And so Abbott comes to rescue Costello, and Costello goes,
by the way, remember the place that we just played
a show at last weekend? And he goes which place?
(13:19):
And he goes, don't say the name of the place anyway.
He goes, oh, you mean Niagara Falls.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It reminds me of there was a Blackadder episode about Macbeth,
and it's the actress for whatever reason, don't want to
call it Macbeth because apparently it's bad luck to say Macbeth,
so they call it the Scottish play Let's Saydemar. Yeah, exactly,
very similar, And so the main character black Adder keeps saying, oh,
you mean Macbeth, and you don't have to do this
kind of jinx thing.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
To like get out of there, like Beetlejuice too.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah, I mean it's a recurring comedy bit.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
So the Niagara Falls. I think it's a takeoff on
George and Gracie Burns when they had a radio show.
The big punch on with her was the closet because
she never cleaned the closet up and was just full
of crap and she was a hoarder, I said, dr
she was a hoarder recipes.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But George would never come out of the closet either, right,
So no, no, he was not.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Their big punch line was they'd have some drama and
then at the end he'd go, by the way, have
you seen my watch? She goes, yeah, I was picking
things up around the coffee table. I think I put
it in the closet and the punch lign is don't
open the closet, and they had the sound effects and
she goes, no, no, no, no. I know you think
it's gonna be bad if I opened the closet, but
it'll be okay this time because I cleaned it up
last time, and you open it.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Up and it's oh, right, right, right, right.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
So you know what's gonna happen. It's the anticipation, right.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
So it's a recurring joke basically, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And you know what's gonna happen, and happens a lot okay.
In comedy, Barbarazon Hotel with Sammy Gravano will reference that.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Sometimes maybe you should get them to buy your audiobook
or you're it's gonna be a physical book because you're
gonna talk about that in your.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Book, right, yeah, it's gonna be a kindle, and then
it's gonna be an audiobook. So you can google who
Sammy Gravano is. You can google the Barbizon Hotel. It's
not there anymore, and there's an incident that happened there
and I live through it, and that's what we're referencing. Yeah,
good idea, my agent.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Here, mm hmm do you my best?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Okay, we make fun of police stops a lot, the
drug stops in the US, because we watch a lot
of police videos and one of them is talk about
a domesticated wolf all the time. It's like, what we're
gonna do is take a domesticated wolf, let him walk
around your car, and if he acts weird, define weird.
If he asks weird in any way, if.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
He stands up, if he sneezes, if he sits down,
if he doesn't do anything, if he doesn't bark, if
he doesn't move.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
If he sneezes, if he doesn't sneeze, if he looks
at me, If he doesn't look at me, you're going
to jail.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
So ask any defense lawyer about those dogs, and they'll
probably got a few stories.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Oh yeah. And my punchline to that is we always
talk about the domesticated wolf. My punchline is, well, dogs,
you think the dog is communicating the police officer thinks
a dog is communicating to him. Dogs cannot communicate with humans,
can't effing talk. The dog can't go like if I
was a police dog, right, and and Mike's the policeman,
(15:58):
and I look at Mike, I can't say as a
human would. Sorry, I accidentally alerted my bad No, that
guy's going to jails. Say what?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Whoa what woa that guy's.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Going to jail. I can't.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I can get back in the mystery machine.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Sorry. I know the alert was to sit down, but
I'm tired. I'm seventeen.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You get a fascist dog that just wants to lock everybody.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Up, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Oh, oh, are you another black guy?
Speaker 3 (16:29):
By the way, I like to sit down when when
black guys are driving. When I see a black motorist,
I just want to sit down. I just want to
raise my left paw.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, racist dogs, this is a problem.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Oh, we do Colombo, which is one more things? Are
just one more thing. That's from the excellent Peter Falk
TV series, hilarious. I recommend it from the seventies. That's
also kind of a comic stick, right, he was always
doing a comic stick kind of thing. He talked to you,
is like, so you're I'm sure you missed your wife
and blah blah blah, and what's your fun this memory
(17:00):
of your deceased wife because he suspects the husband, right,
I don't know why you would suspect. The husband. Never,
they're never, no, never.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
They may joke about it, but they never do it.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
But if they don't find anybody else, the husband goes
to jail because he's number one suspect.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
So any guy's always rich. Yeah, and then Columbo's this
kind of schlubby, kind of middle class, lower middle class.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah, right, And in real life, Peter Falk only had
one eye, so he kind of would do that what
Larry David took from him. Larry David does that little
stare where you look in the eyes, but Peter Falk
did that naturally anyway. So he'll talk to the suspect
and say, so, I know you miss your wife. I'm
really sorry. I'm trying to do his accent. I'm really sorry, sir.
He's also a member of the tribe Peter Falk, really
(17:40):
sorry to bother you on your day of grievance, and
starting sound like Gilbert Godfrey, but he kind of sounds
like that.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
They actually sound more like a Krusty the k which
is GILBERL Godfrey. Yeah it was.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
It was based on Gibber Godfrey.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Oh right, right right.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
So he'll ask the suspect, but he doesn't tell me,
you the suspect. I have some of the people I'm
gonna interview, But what was your findest memory of your
your late great wife. Well, you know the last time
I saw her. We're having dinner on a Tuesday at Leblanx,
which is a famous French restaurant. I said, right, sir,
what did you order? Well, we had chicken blue, we
(18:13):
had some fondue kind of dessert, and we had some duck.
It was very good, and we had claimed the portage
for soup. It was very good, and we'll thank you
three time, sir. And the guy's like, you know, the
suspects are always going like God, enough for the questions.
You got any more questions? The guy shows up again
and you can see more questions. Geez. So when you
(18:35):
finished the interview, he's like, oh, I got through that one.
He's thinking, right, Peter Fogg goes to the door. Columbo
gets to the door, turns around and it's one more thing,
one more thing. I'm really sorry you mentioned. Are you
sure you were there on a Tuesday? Yeah, it was
a Tuesday, That's what I said. That's my story. It's
(18:56):
weird because my wife and I went there once on
a Tuesday, and there always closed on Tuesdays. You sure
you were there on a Tuesday. He goes, well, it
might have been a different day. And he goes, well
you were mistaken about that. Maybe you were mistaken about
some other things. It's okay if I come back aga
in to my own Oh.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
God, yeah, I blew it. Yeah. Well, the whole stick
of the show is that, like I said, Colombo is
kind of this hard working, kind of you know, working
class detective who's pretends to be stupid. That's the whole thing.
He pretends to be dumb, and these people that he's
investigating are always these rich like movie stars or business people,
and they think, oh, this guy's just a schmuck. He's
(19:31):
just really stupid. I can just disregard him. And then
at the end of the every episode he gets them right.
So it's like the little guy triumphs over the big guy.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
And he always catches you on a phrase, it catches
suspect or something, right, it'll be something like, that's what
both of my wives that went missing. We never found
out what happened to them. And he goes and we'll
get to the door one more things, sir. When I
first met you you said she was your first wife.
Uh huh, so you were marry before that. I guess
he just forgot that. Tell me, yeah, it's probably nothing. Yeah,
(20:00):
probably nothing. What happened to your first wife?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Well we never.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Okay, you know, kind of strange that you mentioned that
because I was looking around if you have been to Colorado, sir,
I was just looking around, and you know, I'm just
I like reading, and I accidentally found there was a
report with your name on it about your first missing wife.
I was waiting for you to tell me that this
was your second wife. I guess you just forgot. I
(20:28):
guess you just forgot. Would you turn around for me?
So you're either arrest. So that's it. So when we say,
just warmer thing, warman thing, sir. All right, One more
I think is you can google Goodfellas. Used to watch
a movie good Fellas, use a lot of quotes from there.
It's like Mike, I got your April cash. Okay, call back,
I got your April cash. It's right down that corridor. Yeah,
(20:49):
so that's from Goodfellas. I'm not going to spoil them.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And then also the helicopters. Maybe when we talk about
the helicopter I don't know if we've done on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Well, I had an episode with helicopters with helicopters were
all over my apartment building above. They were very loud.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
There's two three ones. Yeah, apparently there was a fire
in the in the area. Sometimes the fire department go
up there with their helicopter.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
So the thing with it's right down there, it's right
down there on the right, right down there on the right.
That's a line Robert de Niro says to Lorraine Broco.
There are two actors in the movie Good Fellas. It's
about the stroy of Henry Hill. Who's the guy I
knew and I interviewed him in radio and he would
make these fun jingles for me in radio. That's another
one I've never mentioned. I was in radio. Never No,
I don't like to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Talk about it.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
He would make fun, Yeah, a great sense of humor.
Late great Henry Hill. He would make jingles for radio
for me and say, when you listen to Bailey in
the morning, it's one hit after another. Yeah, I remember,
coming from a hitman.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
You put that on the Yeah, you put that on
the one of our episodes.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
So there's some lines like that like just right down
there on the right, which means you're about to get whacked.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Another one where it's like, hey, so I'm gonna I'm
gonna get made all right, We'll see it and it's like, okay,
we walk in, it's like, oh no, this is where
a certain guy gets killed.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
We can't hold a lot of Goodfellow's references to references
involved getting whacked.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
It would appear and then we'll say something like and
then I heard Leila playing and it's like, that's not
a good sign with Sammy Gravano because Leila is the
part where a lot of bodies show up in the movie.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I want my money. I want my money, I want
my aple cash. I want to talk. I want to
talk to Uh, let's call him MO. I want to
talk to Mo. And then Henry Hill is protecting this
guy because he knows if he talks to Robert de
Niro he's going to get whacked. Yeah, and he's like, Henry,
you can't stop me, and he goes, you know what, fine,
go ahead talk to basically Robert de Niro's character, and uh,
(22:38):
he might have gotten whacked after that.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Yeah, And then get your shine box.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
That's another one. Go home and get your shine box.
They had a fight in a bar and Joe Peshy's
the short guy. It's got into poling complex. You don't
know anybody like that. I know, I don't. I certainly don't.
And he'll take something the wrong way. And the guy's like,
you know when I went to prison, you were shining
shoes and you're not shining shoes anymore. He goes, yeah,
I'm a big guy. Now I'm not. I don't use anymore.
It's kind of disrespect. The guy goes so sorry, drinks
(23:03):
are on me. Then there was like no drinks in
the house. Said let me buy this guy a drink.
He's like, no, everything all forgetting. I'm sorry. Bet She's
like I'm sorry too. And then the guy drinks. It
was Billy bats who really did get killed Billy Batts.
Drink's a shot and he goes, now go home. He
gets your fing shinebox. M effort. So that's we might
(23:24):
talk about that. It's anything else. Yeah, sure, So there
might be some lines from Goodfellows that we've forgotten to
h that we referenced, but I think that's it. Then
we joke about the room number. Sometimes we're not gonna
give out sweet number. But we had a guy a
long time ago. He came when I was doing a
Gooya radio dot com and he pushed my let's say,
(23:45):
mine is room three, and he pushed my room number,
pushed my sweet number. I answered the interphone and I
let him in, and he goes, let me ask you
a question. Okay, Colombo, call back. Let me ask you
a question. I pushed room six on the intercom, but
(24:06):
you are in room three. I said, well, you had
the press room three or otherwise I wouldn't have hurt you.
He said, well, no, I'm positive I pushed room six.
I'm like, why would you do that?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Because you're a gas lighter.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Maybe he's the guy who would go to a great
a breakfast restaurant place that we like, yeah, called early Birds. Say.
Everybody's like, I love this place. I love food's great,
service is great. Yeah. Well when I was there, the
service was s. And I think it's because I'm from
this certain country in Central America. And look, what do
you mean, how did they treat you like? S? What
(24:41):
do you think treated me like? Ask me? Means I
don't know? Did they flush you down the toilet. Did
they put you in a dota? You know? And he
took things personally and he's like, they discriminate against me
because of my what country I'm from? And I said, maybe,
don't go around tell everybody what country you're from. Yeah,
say you're from New York. Nobody will know the difference.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Hey, for everyone in Rapongi there are from New York.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
There's Hispanics in New York. Did you know that?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
And he lived in New York too.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
It's like, you know, just don't I said, I don't
walk around going, hey, I'm a Jew, I'm a Jew.
I'm a Jew.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I'm a Jew.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
And then I get rude to people and they're like,
f and Jew, what do you got against the Jews? Well,
you told everybody you're It's like it's like in this
you probably remember, but in the eighties you'd have these
militant gay guys and back then it was don't ask,
don't tell kind of thing. And they walk around going,
it's because I'm gay that you won't hurt me. No,
we can't serve your alcohol in this dry state after
(25:36):
midnight stirt right, He said, no, it's because I'm gay.
It's like, I didn't even know you're gay, but now
I don't like gay people because all I think about
is you. You don't want to represent an entire community, you know,
if you're ill behaved.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
And this person in question is you know, I think
he's mellowed out. I've heard he's mellowed out, but he's
kind of known for his anger issues, so he just
likes to be angry sometimes. I think some.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
People aren't happy by some people. I me and my
wife aren't happy unless they're miserable.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Yeah, there's like Eastern Europeans, a lot of Eastern Europeans
love that misery. Not to judge, not to judge, not
to be judgmental. And but I've the's a kind of
strain of that, it seems in Eastern European culture.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, there's a it's kind of a little bit of
a mental disorder. It's basically they call them emotional vampires.
In this book I read, they'll they'll talk about telling
you their life story. Really hate my boss, I really
hate my boss. Hey, yeah, I get it. You told
me last time you know what he did he did? Yeah,
you told me that. You know he also did this.
He also told me that yeah, and I really hate
the guy all right. You know it's not good for ulcers,
(26:36):
so get off it.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Or people like who disclosed, they over disclose, you know,
like that guy I killed. You know, I was thinking
about him today and I really think I shouldn't have
killed him. Thank you didn't want to know.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
How's your beers? It tastes good? Yeah? I like the beer,
you know, because I'm an alcoholic. I know you told
me tell me that three hundred times. We might reference
this sometimes. The movie Memento. Have you seen that. You've
seen it?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yeah, I've seen man.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Great movie because it's deja vu, the whole movie deja vu.
And there's a guy who has a memory problem and
everybody he meets he tells him that, and they're like,
you already told me that. Yeah, you already told me
that you have a memory problem. And there's a really
funny I can't remember his name now. He plays the
cop and he's a comedian. Actually got an Italian name,
not Belzer. No, he plays a cop in Memento. I
(27:22):
think he was also in the Sopranos. We also referenced
Sopranos sometimes. So anyway, so the guy's a cop and
he goes, listen, forget the guy's name. Listen, listen Ben,
and he goes, how do you know my name? I've
known you for like two years? He goes, did I
ever tell you about my memory problems? He goes about
a thousand times, so memetto. Sometimes when you're in Japan,
(27:42):
it feels like when you're working with foreigners, with the coworkers,
and they'll tell you the same story, like the duck. Oh,
that's one, the duck story. You have to we were
he gifted that recently. I've taken a couple months ago.
We regifted that, so it's recent if you'll go back
a couple of months. But anyway, guy who didn't known
ducks and then went around to and everybody that he
basically kidnapped ducks on a farm he doesn't own.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
And he give it away all the punchlines here.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
He'd walk around tell everybody, my duck died, People like
your dog died, No, my duck dive as you do
as you do. This getting pretty long. So anyway, when
we say duck man, that's who that is. And he
went to the cops up in the mountains in.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Gifu where no one can hear you scream.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
And they don't like foreigners that much anyway, and he's
the only foreigner they know, and he goes there every day.
I complain it about so he took his duck. So
we say, like, you know, you're duck out of luck. Yeah,
you're up duck Creek without a paddle. They duck you.
They stop looking for ducks. So basically, it's just funny
because duck is a funny word. So I think we
referenced that. I think we've done most of the callbacks.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Right, I think that's about all of them. So remember
episode three of zero eight. Tell your friends if they
haven't listened to many of the podcasts
Speaker 3 (28:52):
And to test if you've been listening at all during
this episode, don't drop the vegetables or the soap, all right,
Mark Bailey, make Miller talk funny.
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