Talkward w/ guest Justin Avery Smith

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
It's time for Talk Word, CringeworthyTails, and now your host, Weekly
Humorous editor in Chief Marty dune Dix. Hi, everybody, welcome to Talk
Word. I'm Marty dune Nicks,editor in chief of Weekly Humorous magazine,
and it's just Talkword of Fuming,a podcast where professionally funny people come there
awkward and cringeworthy stories. I hopeeveryone's having a wonderful summer. I've been

(00:22):
roasting away here in Parkslope, Brooklyn, and I think maybe my guest today
has been roasting also on the EastCoast. It's hilarious comedy writer Justin Avery
Smith. Hello, how are youdoing? Thank you for I'll go on
Talkword. No, I'm very gladto be here. I'm doing good.
How about yourself? I am good. It's been a nice summer. I've

(00:42):
been getting some stuff done. Ifeel like it's kind of a lack of
days ago, Like I feel likeI haven't been doing stuff as diligently as
maybe. I keep a schedule whenit's like older and grosser out, when
it's really nice out or too hotout, I don't work is hard.
I think. I guess it's justlike maybe maybe I never got out of

(01:04):
that summer vacation mode as a kid, like I'm a man child. I
think that is safe to say inthe schedule of I'm gonna stop working in
June and then I'll go back towork at the beginning of September. I
feel like that has never not beenthe case with me. Yeah, and
I do. Yeah, No,I mean, I think that's kind of

(01:26):
since you know, millions of usgrew up in that system, we're all
just kind of like indoctrinated. Iguess you could say we're conditioned in some
way or another to think like that. I mean, I actually, yeah,
I've always found summers to be aweirdly like transformative time for me.
You know, it's almost kind oflike the it almost the only like comparison
to what's out of my head isthe way, like my mob would describe

(01:48):
the way soap opera episodes play out, where it's like the last episode,
the first half of the episode islike resolving the storylines from the last episode,
and then and then the second happis like setting up the storylines for
the new episode. That's kind ofwhat it feels like for you. Were
like the first half of any yearis just kind of like reaching what I
sewed from the end of that year, and that it's very true. Yeah,

(02:09):
I think myself as a TV asa TV nut that I am,
and I think they're a pop culturalTV person too, like our entire like
the way we think about time,like linear time is dictated by the way
that a TV season goes. Andit's like, at least in the old

(02:30):
days, TV seasons would be Fallschedule new shows and then like twenty two
episodes of network television and that wouldend end of May, May Sweeps,
Big Finale, and then y'all gotit took a breather from our big time
shows. June, July and August. We kind of got time off.

(02:51):
We didn't have to pay attention towhat was going on in television. We
could go look at the clouds andhave big ideas and then come back in
September and be raring to go.So I guess that's kind of like I
don't try to do that during thesummer, but it just happens, like
you can't you can't not decide,like June, July, August become one
month of just like this metamorphosis,fun happy, I'm gonna go do stuff

(03:15):
time, and then you get backinto this which is interesting because now I
talk to like my nieces and nephewsare in school, and you know,
they keep staying in school later inJune and then they go back earlier in
August. And the kids these days, there's summer is like a month and
a half of like freedom ish,but then they're all they're eduing these scheduled

(03:37):
camps the entire time. So it'snot really that sort of freedom that I
used to have shut where I wouldjust wander around and just play on my
bike. You grew up in Massachusetts, Yes, I'm still there like right
now. Like I remember, likeat least when I was in like in
high school, it was always likethe teen summer theater camps. I say
camps. It's not like we've likelived in cabins and like sled did in

(04:00):
bunks or something. We literally justlike went with theater like for like it
was a normal like thing. Imean, there was one that was kind
of like an eight hour where it'slike the first four hours like theater class
two. Yeah, it would belike a day camp. Yeah, yeah,
exactly. So it was kind oflike that. I mean, I
don't remember like before that, I'mpretty sure it was just kind of like,
oh, you go on vacation oryou go on like you know,

(04:21):
we would go on trips and sometimesyou don't when you can get the week
off in like Christmas or New Yearlike that whole one, or you would
maybe go on a trip or likespring break. I mean I never did
like the break. I mean Iwas not Yeah well I was either raised
in um to stop that kind ofperson anyway, but yeah, but summer

(04:43):
has always been that kind of almostweird like for one of them a better
term like fuck around and find out. Yeah, yeah, like I loved.
I think maybe the thing that's differentnow that that I enjoyed as a
kid is it was just like thistime of po ability where like anything could
happen, you know, and Ididn't really have plans. I wasn't big

(05:08):
on plans and things like that.And then as time went on, I
feel like parents became much more involvedwith their children's day to day lives when
they were young, a lot ofhelicopter parenting and that kind of stuff,
So the kids were very scheduled allthe time for you know, the planned
fun. But when I was kindof like, you know, a bit

(05:29):
of a latchkey kid. I thinka lot of kids in the eighties and
nineties were. It was a lot, I don't know, much more disconnected.
We would just bike around and wewould come home when the street lights
came on, and that was sortof like what the summer was, which
is a magical time of just likeplaying and talking with your friends and having
deep physicological, physiological, philosoloical philosophicalI knew I would get there philosophical discussions

(05:54):
about life, but you're like,you know, in fifth grade and you're
having these deep discussions. So itwas fun. I got. I used
to love it. Um, Iwant to I rushed through your introduction because
I was so eager to talk toyou, but I wanted to back up
and say, um, you're ayou're based in in Massachusetts. You're right
for the whole week post. You'reright for McSweeney, slack jaw, robot

(06:15):
butt points in case weekly Humoristic GreaterPastures. Yeah, a lot of comedy
writing. You've been dealing there.Just a very smith Thank you. I
mean, you know it. Youknow it, and you're a young you're
a young guy. How old areyou. I'm I'm gonna be twenty eight
in September twenty eight. I thoughtyou were like, you look like you're
nineteen. Just yeah, No,no, I look thirty five. No

(06:41):
no, uh, actually I kidyou not. I was at a convention
this past weekend. While I waswaiting, it was a you know,
like a terrificon and it was thatmobigan something like, oh and I want
to talk all I want to talkall about the comic con things that you
do and the fandom and the popculture stuff we're gonna talk all about.
So tell me about what happened.Okay. Yeah, So while I was
in line with uh, you know, I was relying to get an autographed

(07:04):
like with Rebecca Romaine and uh,nice Rebecca Romaine, Yeah exactly, which
I know. I also think I'mprobably like the one of the few weirds
I think on one like I livelike in the one household in America that
is most familiar, or like thosewere mostly from her work on Star Treks
Change New World, which is airingnew episodes in the summer right now,

(07:27):
which not until we had this discussiondid I realize, Oh, it's so
weird that I'm watching a show haveweekly at this premiere, like in June
and July and now August. Iliterally watched one earlier this morning before we
popped on here. It was amusical episode and I freaking loved it.
Big them smell like based about thediamond if I I'm gonna restarted like the
super play the moment, But that'sbeside the point. But I was in

(07:48):
line with a like I was justtalking like a nice couple. It was
like an older couple. And onepoint, I think it was like the
father was twent to me. It'slike, oh yeah, and your and
I wasn't gonna tell because I wantedto hear us. Gassy went eight.
Yeah, it's like twenty sidling.Go ahead, that's good. Hold on
to that. You know, whateveryou're doing, keep doing it the skinner
scenes. I'm now at the agewhere, like on Instagram, getting very

(08:11):
targeted ads for all the things thatare you know, when you become old,
everyone wants to be young. Sothe current thing I'm seeing a ton
of is the facial yoga. Wellyou have to push on your face every
day like this, and you golike this, and you go like and
it's like is like a routine oflike like, literally, this is what
you do, like you like you? Oh my god, you just this

(08:33):
you mean the thing people will usuallydo whenever they're frustrated. Yeah, like
yeah, just pull try to pullyour skin off of your face. And
that is the exercise you have todo to look young and youthful. You
have to like pinch your face fatand push it backwards and stuff like that.
And uh, I get that alot. Like they must really think
I need it, I know,have they seem pol for guys? I

(08:56):
don't know, because that's like alsowhat makes me think of is when you
like starts to take then it alljust starts. Yep, it just starts
falling off. Ah. I wasnever Are you a horror movie person?
Justin I mean, it's weird.I'm not. It's definitely not my first
go to job. I can't.It's weird. I can almost like appreciate
it from like a distant so likebecause I really never a horror I was
always so terrified of the horror movies. I would watch them and then be

(09:20):
so terrified, like a poulter Geistor like to really you'd go to the
old video rental places like the Arrowsof the Blockbuster videos, and as a
kid, I would go in andI would I would love going to the
section and looking at the at thetape cover because it was terrifying. They'd
be like, oh my god,this is so scary, and then I
would never watch it because it wastoo old for me. But as I've
gotten older, I'm a kind ofa big comedy person, So I always
like comedy movies. But some ofthe horror comedy that has come out in

(09:43):
the past like ten years, veryvery funny stuff, Like it's horror,
but it's like Slasher Gore that itbits like funny. So it's like so
in it's like so over the topcore that it's not scary. It's more
like funny and terrible. Yeah,it's like Sam Good. Yeah, it's
like was Evil Dead? Like exactlyhonestly, Like, I actually haven't seen
Angels, but I've seen like clipsof them. I think one of my

(10:05):
favorite exchanges ever in like movie histories, like that one at the end of
like the twenty thirteen one, whenthere it's like that demon girl who looks
like the girl with the ringing boats, like and then and then she just
rose up the chainsaw and goes thismotherfucker. Yeah, yeah, great,
they have great they have great taglineslike it's really silly, it's weird,
crazy, you know. Effects Ienjoy it very much. Also, something

(10:28):
that I've gotten into and I knowthat you're into, so I do want
to talk about it, is Um, I have a ton of This is
my midlife crisis corner. I thinkyou can see in the back here.
So it's all of my junk,you know. Yeah, you know,
I got my proton pack for somereason, and um, this was a
great So many nerds are our ghostheads and they're they're really into the Ghostbusters

(10:50):
for all their different cons. Butthen also, um, I've got what
else do I have here? Oh? I see Oh I see Marvin the
Marsh and I had that. Ohthe hoverboard, Oh my god, I
have my hoverboard. But also,but this is why I thought of you,
Oh Indiana. So I'm like,this is my Indiana Jones stuff you're

(11:11):
doing. I got my Fedora withmy it's pretty pretty high crown. So
I've noticed you're cut. You're abit of a cost player. Yeah,
I mean I got playing. Yeah, I mean yeah, I do it
both for Yeah, I do itfor myself and also like, yeah,
fun. And also because I don'tknow, I have people online seem to
like it, so I, youknow, you get the people what they
want. That's what you do inshow business. It is fun, though,

(11:33):
So what characters do you like?Have you always liked to dress up
as movie fun fun characters? AndI know that it's it's I feel like
cost playing has become a really hugething in the past, maybe for ten
ten years, much more. WhenI listen in on middle school, I
remember I would be at home ona weekend and I would spend the entire
afternoon putting together the perfect Indiana Jonescostume and just walking around the house alone,

(11:56):
looking in the mirror and being likeand then but then I would never
go out. I would never wearit out. I would just be like
looking and then be like, Okay, I'm gonna put everything away and never
talk about this again. Or Iwould do that with you know, others.
So I actually got I bought thisjacket. It's not like an Indian
I don't know, you bought apretty authentic Indiana Jones jacket. Because as
I was looking up things, thethis is this jacket gets very hot?
Um? Yeah, no, Imean yeah, but that's one thing I

(12:20):
always more where it's like, Okay, he's like in the middle of like
the Brazilian jungle, like like there'sno way, like, uh, We'll
could these sweating bullets in that jacket. Yeah, like sweating Joe. But
also if you watch the movies,like the jacket comes off pretty quick,
at least in Temple of Doom,it gets pretty ripped up. But when
you're doing because when you start actuallydoing looking at the costs playing stuff and

(12:41):
you start going down the rabbit holeof authentic prop Have you done that?
Like you're a huge Star Trek fan, you're an Indiana Jones fan. What
what are your fandom things that you'reinto? Like what do you collect and
when did it start and why whydid you get into it? Yeah?
I mean, honestly, any thinkthat makes me feel like I'm either living
in the world, either as thecharacter or as the person or something like

(13:03):
where I hold it, I feellike I am them where I am like
in that world or something like that. It's kind of more, but like
it's not like a white gravitate towardsjust X y Z thing. It's usually
just like you know, like Isaid, just go on you know,
you go on touch or something.Yeah like that. It's a very like,
I guess you could say ables likea consumerist Marie Condo, like because

(13:24):
you can goal it where it's justlike, yeah, what brings joy?
Exactly what sparks joy? Like it'slike and it's like such interesting little things
and and when you start looking uplike oh, I want to I want
an Indiana Jones fedor, it's likeit's not just a fedora. There are
so many things that make it anIndiana Jones fedora that you have to look
up. And then you go downthis rabbit hole of like the history of

(13:46):
this hat and who made it,and it was like Herbert Johnson hatters in
England made this hat, and theylike it has to be like this high
of a crown and it has tobe this kind of a point. All
this stuff and all these places makethese hats and they're very expensive. God
yeah, definitely, I mean Iwill not I'm I definitely try to like

(14:07):
tow the line with budgeting where it'sjust kind of like, I mean,
I'm not gonna like, oh it'sfour hundred dollars, like even if I
that have the hats are four hundreddollars maybe more. Yeah, exactly,
even if I am just lucky enoughto happen to have four or to but
to my bank acount, I'm stilllike I am not going to zero or
close to zero over a half.Yeah. Yeah, that you can wear

(14:28):
like to like two things a year, Yeah exactly, Like I got want
to be something that it's at leastclose in for us to like normal close.
So that way, because that fancything for me where like it has
to be somewhat of like a ohmaybe I could you know, cheat,
so I get throw a better Germanbe like, oh, I can wear
this in the in the on thestreet, and people will just and it's

(14:50):
almost kind of like a oh,remind them of this or like if you
know, you know where, Butit's like in my mind, I know
what it is, So that's enoughfor me. Yeah, and you're there.
The leather jacket, it's also veryspecific because I spent forever looking for
a leather jacket that was a normalleather jacket that actually had the same straight
cut. So where did you getyour leather jacket? Because there's a lot
of places to find a leather jacketthat's an Indiana Jones's leather. I looked

(15:11):
out with that one because it wasa Christmas game. Nice because if you
try to get the authentic, it'slike WestEd leather and it's like, but
I mean they're not crazy. They'relike at two hundred bucks for like but
I mean, like a last otherjacket's gonna go about that anyway. So
but they have all these specifics andyou can get them distressed. You can
get them like pre like you know, wrecked, so that they looked like

(15:33):
they were in the jungle and stuff. It's very I mean, you really
can go down such a rabbit hole. They When I was growing up,
we didn't have the amount of placesto look for things. So the Internet
was like invented when I was incollege. So I didn't have the you
know, the time to waste toconstantly be looking at all these things all
the places. And now it's justlike NonStop things to do and buy and

(15:56):
crap that you start you go onat sea and you start just wasting money
on eds. It's like so addictiveto this, like oh, I want
this one sticker or I want thisone thing that this guy is making,
and it adds up, you know, Yeah, definitely. Actually, I
got the shirt I'm wearing right nowon search of until it's a Harry Potter
one with like the elk pink forlike that night Etsy. Right Like,

(16:18):
if you can buy anything there,people are making it. I got a
couple of things for this silly protonpack I got and they're like three D
printed parts, which I was totallyblown away with the fact that you can
do these things with three D printers. Now you know, you get something,
And I said, I spent allweekend sanding this one thing so would
look smooth and perfect, and itlooks amazing. I can't believe it.
So now I'm like, I wantto buy a three D printer and I

(16:41):
want to print weird shit and makeit myself. But you know, it's
just going to keep piling up herein this tile office of mine. Just
I'm ce edding. I had tostop at some point. So what are
the kind of hobbies? So you'reyou're you're a comedy writer, you're writing,
you want to write books, youwrite scripts. I saw you have
some scripts, so you know,other than you want to I mean,
it seems like a fun niche towrite in is fantasy and sci Fi.

(17:04):
Oh, I mean, yeah,definitely. I mean I think simply because
of that, you know, likelike detachment or that sort of thing that
classic of like you can take likereally big heavy issues but then literally like
you just put it in a galaxyfar far away or like you know,
once upon a time or and thenit's suddenly it's kind of like, oh,
you know, our Blizzard brains justgo, oh well, it's completely

(17:25):
different than it's nothing like us.But then I kind of gives you like
that more like detachments or like objectivity. And that's what even the original Star
Trek was so good at doing,was was commenting on current events and social
issues in a sci fi environment,using actual aliens and actual other galaxies,

(17:49):
and making decisions that were actually commentson race relations and inequality and all these
things. And it was doing itin the sixties in an incredibly modern progressive
way, you know, really amazing. It was like amazing storytelling, wonderful

(18:10):
characters, but it was very alsovery progressive in its messaging, right,
yeah, even like way back then. And he had a huge fan base
obviously Star Treks God here, it'shuge, and it was able to do
things so early. Yeah. Oh, also very interesting. The reason why
Star Trek made it on the airLucille Ball, Yeah, which I think

(18:32):
is amazing. Right, Like DesiluProductions was the company that took a chance
on this show by Gene Roddenberry hadhad taken it all of these places and
he had struck it out everywhere nobodywanted this show, and then Lucio Ball
was like, I'll take that show, and she produced it. Amazing.
Yeah, I've seen people at conventionswearing like Desilu Productions T shirts before I

(18:53):
could do it. I honestly believeher name should be just as anonymous with
it as Gene Roddenberry. Yeah,which even then, I think if you
look into Jean Ronbert, he's actuallykind of been of a like he's a
bit editistical, like he likes tohave his name on things. So I
think even his like association or inhis involvement is greatly overblown. He's like
he just loves gets a immense pleasure. I would just seeing you know,

(19:17):
created by Jeff Barry or whatever,and so many spinoffs like Star Trek has
to be able to hold on tothis world in such a good way,
like you know, crew after crewafter crew in this world of Star Trek
can exist, like you don't haveto have you know, two main characters
carry the franchise. It's just theworld. You know, Like Star Wars

(19:37):
has been good at that, butthey keep on having to kind of come
back to the same like six peopleto make it work. But with Star
Trek, you don't really need youdon't need James T. Kirk for Next
Generation to be popular, you knowwhat I mean? Yeah, and um,
you know, even like the BelowDeck show is very popul Like all
these shows can can live in thisworld, even in a animated environment,

(20:00):
and they still work, you know, yeah, definitely. That's why I
feel like if the you know,there was Star Check Prodigy, which I'm
hoping that God gets saved after Paramounttried to wipe it from existence, and
that's the show I wish I hadlike growing up because it was you know,
also like aired is airing whatever onNickelodeon, and it's like, you

(20:21):
know, when I was growing up, it was honestly like I think it
was Enterprise and that was like howmany second how many second graders in two
thousand, you know, three?Do you think? Whying to dissect the
latest episode of enterprise and like orlike would get punished by like going to
bed without being able to watch itor something like that, like very niche
like childhood memories for me. Haveyou tried writing any spec scripts? I

(20:44):
know you wrote a Harry Potter bookbased in that world. Have you tried
to do any writing in the StarTrek environment, like reimagining a new crew
or a new anything start you know, Yeah, it's definitely like it's it's
something I've like dabbled and I haven'tlike done anything. Like one of the
things in the first convention every Iwent to, which was in Long Island
back in May, I met likea whole bunch of Trek authors who um

(21:08):
did a bunch of different uh youknow, either tie in books or novelizations
of episodes or you know somebody whodid like this one, dude, I
love it if anybody Rob Rob Perlmanwho did like a bunch of kids books,
Like there was like fun with KirkinSpot, which was like Fun with
Dick and Jay, but Kirkin Spot, which I thought was just really cool.

(21:30):
But um, and it turns upthere's a Trek or Explorer magazine which
has a bunch of kids like Idon't know why. It's like kids,
a bunch of kinds of short storiesthat you know sometimes that they pitch and
they get uh published. I actuallypitched one like a few months a month
or two back. I haven't heardback, but all, oh, that's
great. So there's a magazine forStar Trek people that publishes like fan fiction

(21:55):
I think so or like you know, these are people who, like I
said, have also done like novelistslike done other or Trek, so they
have like a track record, soto speak. I mean, I know
way back when Left when the originalseries was in jeopardy, that was like
one the thing that helped salvage itwas like fan magazines or other literary journals.
I have even publishing what what's calledlike flash fiction, which uh,

(22:15):
from my understanding is also a lotof it was like Kirk and Spot,
you know, romance slash fiction,but that was in part what helped.
Yeah, I mean, it's mostthings that's weirdly like it's non cannon,
but I think it's called bannon whenit's never officially canonized, but the fans
agree it's cannon, which is basicallythat Kirk and Spot are like. Depending

(22:37):
on how you look at either justmore than friends, maybe even lovers.
But that's like a whole on thethat's quite Yeah, that's that's an alternative.
This could mean a whole new thingum if they were having a secret
relationship. Oh definitely. I mean, who knows where those fingers are going?
Oh oh god, oh oh,I hope oh, which I owe
up to know liked some of everythinglearned is that this is actually um a

(23:00):
a Jewish thing as a Jewish symbol. I did not know that. Yeah,
apparently, like Glara, Niemoy gotthe idea because he was went to
temple as a kid, and apparentlythere's a I'm not Jewish so I never
grew but apparently there's a ceremony.It's meant to be like heard but not
seeing. But kids are rebellious andcurious, so he like looked up in
the minister or the rally. However, was like doing this, which I
guess apparently is a is a Hebrewletter, but he was making a hand

(23:22):
and he was like, and itdoes fit because you'll I always thought this
meant like B from Vulcan. I'mnot sure if that's true or not,
but and then I would think itmeant V for Vulcan, but it could
have had another meaning that they tookit from. You know, you never
know. I like the idea ofFanning instead of Cannon though. I think
that's very interesting because those online boards. Do you visit the online fandom dot

(23:47):
com type boards that talk about allthe different characters, and they people get
really into the weeds on this stuff. Yeah, I mean, I definitely,
like will regularly check like redded threadsof either Harry Potter or Star Trek
or or other type things. Andsometimes people will either ask questions, whether
it's like what if or what doyou think? Or trying or just trying
to clarify something, and sometimes theyoffer very interesting answers or very interesting takes

(24:12):
or yeah, but it's definitely orand sometimes you will just say, oh,
this is my head cannon, whichI think is somebody where it's like
it's it's something that's cannon in myhead. That share like one for me
personally is that the fat lady whoguards Griffendor Tower and Hall Courts is either
Gardre Griffendor's mother or sister Golda Gryffindor, and she helped she knew how godpelpuff

(24:40):
and they and that's how they bothbecame friends and also bonded over like food
and that sort of thing. Becauseand so I think it's just kind of
like who's who better to guard mytower than my own mother or my own
sister. It's like honor her memory, which I don't know, like I
mean, I mean it's already beencannis that they used to like shit in
the hallways and vanish it. Soanything's possible. Okay, anything's possible.

(25:02):
Interesting, interesting with the cannon.And now they're doing are they doing more
Harry Potter stuff? Now wasn't shewritting something new or someone was writing something
new? Yeah? Well, firstthere was the fantastic Yeah, and then
there was I mean, before thestrike more buter descrivery. Pitch was announced
a like reboot which was going tobe a TV show that retold all seven

(25:23):
books, which uh has been andthey have a ten yeah, and they
have a ten year plan and whichwas met with like cautious optimism and like
this is bullshit. That's been thediaspora of the reaction, which I mean,
I think it's like like it's completelyredundant to me, because yeah,
it is redundant. I feel likeif you're a fan saying I don't want

(25:45):
to see the same thing redone.I want to see you making new stories
using yeah, using the world.I like, you know, I think
people are always so their executives arealways so like, let's just reboot this.
It's like no, no, no, no not because if you know,
if fans like something, they likeit, just make a new thing
that they that they also will like. You don't have to you don't have
to ruin the story for us.You just have to keep making that story

(26:08):
telling you with new characters, butmake it authentic to the original source material.
People are so strange with how theytry to like destroy things. Yeah,
you see it all the time withlike Star Wars. I feel like
that that's going through that weird thingright now where I'm gonna be honest,
like in my I think I'm notsure if it's fanning, but it's my
head. Cannon that episode nine,the Cannon Episode nine is actually a rejected

(26:33):
script writ by Jurassic Worlds Colin Trevorauand Derek Connolly, who they did like
a completely different one to Aussie.I think is like it's like the definitive
conclusion, which I think The PDFof the script is online that I've encouraged
every want to check it out becauseit you know, deals with like it
caires the Mantle from Last Jedi andbut also like resolves a lot of those
things without just being like oh no, never one and Palpatine's back and uh

(26:56):
Ray was a Palpatine and uh,you know, Joey's Julie. I don't
know why he didn't tend to allthat. I think I need to rewatch
that movie. I watched that moviein the theater and it just kind of
ended on that. I feel likeI don't remember how it ended. Yeah,
But that's the other thing where it'skind of like it. I mean
maybe if you know, if jjBromas had been like on all three movies,

(27:17):
it would have. But it feelslike they're trying to cram you know,
two movies worth of story and contentbecause it's just like bam bam,
bam, bam bam, which Iactually prefer from like an audience standpoint,
I like when things are just likeone, two three, But also the
story of Poplin have to be teeth. Yeah, yeah, I like it
when they shoot obviously, when theyshoot um sequels and even the third epic

(27:41):
when they when they shot them insuccession, because now they seem to be
much more efficient at doing that.And like with Indiana Jones, there's like
twenty years in between each movie,which totally sucks, you know, and
they could have kept doing They couldhave made them every other year if they
really wanted to, and they didn't. But then you started figuring, you
started learning why they didn't, andyou started like reading all of the failed

(28:02):
scripts that they actually had that didn'tgo forward because they were terrible and people
didn't like them. So it's likethey sort of tried, and then they
didn't try really that hard. Ifeel like they made it a trilogy and
they was like, we'll just leaveit, and then they were like,
you know what, we want tomake more money, so we're gonna make
a sure. Yeah. Yeah.And because I read all those books,
there's actually a ton of paperback booksthat were written by this guy named Rob

(28:25):
McGregor, and there's a whole seriesof Indiana Jones books that I read as
like a teenager that are great,Like they're great. They were like him
a little. Maybe it's like thefour Temple of Doom. He is like
a young professor. It's not youngIndienda Jones chronicles, but it's like he's
like still he's like starting his adventuresand stuff, and he's getting in all

(28:45):
kinds of trouble and stuff. Andthose were actually good books that they could
have turned into movies, but Idon't know, I don't know why,
but they didn't. A lot ofthem had to do with like druids and
Stonehenge and all kinds of interesting things. Interesting. Yeah, oh yeah,
Like there's been like quite too interestingvideo game takes as well. I saw.
I thought there was a Lucas Artswho did like a lot of point

(29:07):
play they did in India Jones onethat actually found on line and played,
which I thought was like really itfelt even though there wasn't like you know,
car chases or anything like, theystill felt like an Indiana Jones movie
to me. With just the becauseI think it's the Nazis and he's trying
to like bind Atlantis and which Ithink it's all very Indiana clearly, just
I'm not sure who worked out,but they just caught it. Yeah,

(29:27):
And that's I think, UM likewith it, least with like the Ghostbusters
world that didn't get their Ghostbusters threeFor a long long time. They actually
made a movie called Ghostbusters or avideo game called Ghostbusters Spirit Unleashed, and
it actually has all of the castmembers are in it doing the voices and
there's sort of a plot and youplay the game and everyone came back to

(29:48):
do the voices. And this waslike two thousand and ten, two thousand
and eleven or something. I don'thave any video game console to play any
of these games on. I'm workingon that. I found mysel Tega Master
System, but it doesn't play anyof the games, justin Avery Smith.
It doesn't do anything. I don'teven have the controllers for it. I'm
trying to figure out how to getthat to work. Do you play video
games? Oh oh yeah, no, definitely. Like I mean, one

(30:10):
of the first characters I ever costedplayed was Laura Crops. Now I noticed
that, and I haven't seen anyet. I haven't seen the new Indiana
Jones yet because I was supposed togo on Tuesday and my plans fell through.
But um, you commented that itwas a remake of tumb Raider.
Yeah, now, why do youfeel that there's a Okay, so there's
a lot of similar plot points,and since you haven't seen it, I'll
try to keep it as vague andlike it. I'll specific as possible.

(30:34):
But there are a lot of hisHarrison word wearing hot pants. Uh maybe
uh you know, I mean theyalso watched job to see it to find
out. But he could pull itoff. He could pull it. Yeah,
I mean I will say it doesn'topen with him fighting a robot,
but like the Angelina Joein movie does. But yeah, but it's very similar
where it's like you've got like,uh, both this isn't but you know

(30:56):
both Daniel Craig's character in that movieV which also it's very weird to watch
you know, a pre James vonDaniel Craig try an American accent because it
sounds almost like Midwestern or Canadian attimes. Yeah, but it's no,
it's no uh oh go on Blakeon his name of Ben la Black,
the Knives Out guy. Yeah,yeah, Ben won Black. It's not

(31:19):
that but anyway, Uh, buthe's like in it for the money,
and that's kind of what Bhoebe WallerBridges character is as well. Like they're
both like in it for the moneyand in both one the like mcguffin in
question, they're jo trying to findlike two halves of it, and both
what Guffin's revolve around like giving you, like making like a god, giving
you like the power of space andtime and that sort of thing, and

(31:40):
both characters are trying to like reconcilewith loved ones that they've lost, uh,
you know, and I swear toGod. There there was like a
moment where I thought one of themwas going to say line that Angeli and
Jolie says in that movie where shesays, They're like, Okay, I
need you to get the piece soI can steal it from you. Night
to We're like swear God one Iwould know even know which one, but

(32:01):
they were like this close to sayingit, which reminded me of the end.
They talked about planetary alignments, whichin the d angel and Jolie Timory
movie, like there's you know thisthing called the Triangle of Light that's powered
from the Illuminati, that's powered bylike apparently the panel land it's perfectly aligning,
which happens every five thousand years,which A doesn't have ever with five

(32:22):
thousand years, but he doesn't happenat all because the planets aren't a straight
line, so that bullshit. Butat least they kind of they do a
better job in this movie of kindof like you know, I think India
said something where it's like Archimedes realizedbecause Archimedie is the one who made the
dial and they realized that the plantsweren't perfectly aligned or something like that,
which I'm not sure if it wasthe intention of the writers took do that,

(32:43):
but I mean, also yeah,I mean, but I think the
others are just some of the onethat kind of leaked out, like at
the It's interesting how as we ageand consume media, we watch things that
we were like I think I've seenthis before. You know, It's like
we keep telling the same stories overand over again, Like someone maybe pitches
something or write the script to rewretch the script, or someone comes in

(33:05):
to punch up the script, andthey keep on adding stuff that maybe they're
influenced by, maybe they don't consciouslymean to do it, but we're like
putting the same jokes or comments intothings, like I'll watch stuff like I
was watching something for a new showon Peacock and the guy says that he's
he's describing himself as devilishly handsome,and I'm like, that's just the line
from Ferris Peelers to stay off right. Like she's describing him in the restaurant.

(33:29):
He's like, can you describe himplease? And he's like, oh,
about five ten, white leather jacket, devilishly handsome, and he's like,
oh, go on. And thenit was in the mood. I
was just like, that's just theFerrispeelers to stay offline. But maybe it's
I mean, maybe it's not.Maybe maybe John Hughes took it from somewhere
else to say, you know,like, where did that Where did the
term devilishly handsom? Come from?Who originated this idea? Because the logger

(33:51):
we consume media, we realize thateverything is just derivative of something else that
was made another earlier time too.I don't know, I don't know.
It's hard to be original. Ifeel like, and let's loop this back
to comedy writing. How do youcome up with original ideas in your comedy
writing and in what's your process forcomedy writing? I mean, honestly,

(34:13):
it's just kind of my own experiencesand observations, like not trying to look
too externally at anything. I generallylike most of my evergreen like human pieces
are usually just me taking something that'shappened. Most of my pieces are ever
green anyway. I tried. Therewas a phase where, like I tried
for like a few weeks or amonth to like some mid timely pitches to

(34:35):
make me. They all got rejectedfor various reasons. And but so I've
had more success than the evergreen part. And yeah, you know, timely
stuff is so hard for two reasons. It's hard to get to get it
in front of the right person quickenough, and then also it's not great
for the publication because it it isout of style so quickly. You know,

(35:00):
like it's it's funny for like twodays, because our media cycle has
just gotten faster and faster and faster, so it's like, oh, this
is really funny for like the nexthour and a half, and then something
new is going to happen and everyone'sattention is going to be gone. So
I like, personally for weekly humorists, I love evergreen humor. I love
evergreen stuff, absurdist stuff, randomstuff that's just like funny, but it's

(35:22):
not necessarily political or news related.It can just funny, and it can
stand on its own and it canbe funny in a year, it could
be funny in three years. Ican you know, print it in the
magazine and someone could read it andit'd be like, oh, this is
hilarious, you know, like orit can go into a collection and be
like, oh, this is hilarious, you know. And that's also you
know, just to get back toabsurdist stuff, we lost Paul Rubens,

(35:45):
who was an amazing comedy god andjust absolute genius with Pee Wee Herman,
and he was such an influential characterin so many people's comedic upbringing because his
character in his world that he createda Pee Wee Herman's playoffs is just,
uh, it's just completely absurd,right. It was just like this silly,
crazy, insane world that he madewhere uh it was it was evergreen,

(36:08):
like his stuff is so uh itcan live forever in in media and
people can always revisit and watch itand it always makes sense because it is
living in its own little, youknow, vacuum of like the world that
he's created and the kind of humorthat is just its own world, which
is also like Steve Martin, Ifeel like does that a lot? Who
were your comedy influences that kind ofmade you the comedy writer that you are.

(36:31):
Well, jeez, like this isuh kind of inst because I probably
didn't site so like college that Iwas like, Okay, I'll try this
comedy thing out. But uh,you know, I say, growing up,
you know, mel Brooks is obvious, like I mean, Spaceballs was
obviously like I've learned a lot ofnew words, and that I was a

(36:52):
kid, all right, like Kee, I've learned a lot of new words.
You went over my helmet. Yeahlike that. I mean like I
remember, like I've seen that moviessince off like six and I didn't know
obviously know what he met Brand's momentwhen he said like helmet im helmet.
Yeah. And even when I wasat that convention this past week and someone

(37:13):
was selling us spaceballs the cutting boardof course baseball as the cutting board,
Yeah, base balls, the somethingsomething, the color book, the flame
thrower, like yeah, they werelike yeah, but they wouldn't security wouldn't
let us say we couldn't get pastthat, but said that was one when
I bought you, maybe not forlike a style standpoint, but just kind

(37:34):
of almost like as a. Ijust kind of resonate with both professions personally
Bill Hayter because of like I know, like we were both we both you
know, grew up with sports memorabiliain our bedrooms despite the fact we're not
we don't like sports at all.Uh huh. But like as a kid,
you know, my bedroom looked likeJimmy fallonton fever pitch. If you
ever saw that, that was notmy choice. Uh you know, we

(37:55):
both are not fond of dressing up. I ever, once he was on
like Kimball or something like that,he said like, oh, yeah,
I'm gonna student. This is likebeing sunburnt. That's pretty much like what
it is. Someone says, oh, you're looking fancy and staffy. I'm
just like, don't patronize me,and uh and so that. But also,
you know, I know if hewanted to be a filmmaker, I
was a film buff like growing up, and you know something just find himself

(38:15):
doing this h improv thing and somethinghe's not snl. It's like, oh,
uh so I relate to that.I obviously I love Barry. Uh
yeah, Barry was Barry is sucha good show, and you know it
just wrapped up and man, thatshow was a roller coaster of just extreme,
right, it's an extreme show.It was really funny, but it's

(38:38):
so violent, but such good charactersand such amazing stories and it was just
like really a lot, you know. It was lucky, It was deep.
It had a lot of depth.Those characters had a lot going on.
And it was such a big swingfor him creatively to do this show
because it was so much you know, it was there was so much going

(39:00):
on. And I love um Hank, Oh, I love is it?
Is it West Hollywood Hank? HollywoodHank? Oh? Yeah, I think
that's what did he called himself?I think West Hollywood. I feel Hollywood
Hank. But he is great,like just everything about Hank is such a
fun character in his clothes and everythingabout his attitude and he's like this you

(39:22):
know mobster and he falls in lovewith the other you know, drugs smuggling.
I can't remember where he was from, like but Bolivia or something or
the other family that he was andhe was very Romeo and Juliet for the
two different family. It was sogood. He was such a he was
such a good character. But hewas also such a good gay character.

(39:43):
But they didn't make it about Itwas a really subtle thing when you can
be you know. I like itwhen they were able to build up characters
and their sexuality. Is it likea a p Yeah, it's not like
a token thing, right, It'snot token. Isn't where it's like,
oh, we're gonna make this isthe gay character. It was just like,
he's a character who happens to begay, and this is part of

(40:04):
the storyline. But it's not donein a way that it's it's like trying
to make it. You know,oh, we're checking a box, which
is a lot like how Ship's Creekkind of did it too, Like you
know that the Sun was gay,but it wasn't like the primary focus of
the of the whole thing. Itwas just a story and it was done
into a normal love story way thatI think that that show really resonated with

(40:27):
people because he was so honest andcreative, and you know what I mean.
I really like the way that moreand more characters in storytelling. He's
making all the characters kind of equalin their representation. It's not just like
we're gonna have one gay character andthat's gonna be a thing. It's more
like they're able to have really goodcharacters and some happen to be gay and
some happen to not be gay,and it's not like a thing to make

(40:50):
it, you know, I don'tknow. I feel like that's something that's
that's happening more and more in apositive way. Yeah, I mean,
I know it can be very likeI mean, if you can be like
self deprecating or make a tongue cheeklike that makes you think of like you
know, on thirty Rock there wastwo Fur, which obviously because she was
both black and gay, so that'swhy he was called too fur and or
like there was that joke on partsof Wreck about like Tom like not being

(41:14):
from around here. He was actuallyhe was born South Carolina, not Indiana
like that his wife, but hishis white wife was the immigrant because she
was Canadian, right, I believe, like you know, like so it
can be done like but like said, as long as you don't make it
just like a makes it. It'stheir whole trait where it's like at least
like in live accent, because Imean it's been you know, more heavily

(41:35):
sucroutized raising but like the Simpsons were, I guess you can go almost on
the Simpsons, every single character iskind of like it's a stereotype because they're
cartoons, you know, like they'retwo dimensional characters. So, you know
the Simpsons, I get for thembeing this one's this one, this one's
this one, this one's this one. They have less depth because they are

(41:58):
cartoons. Yeah, which all,I'll let them all allow her to.
Oh something else I wanted to mention, is, um you like sci fi?
I show that I think is reallya great sci fi show. And
it got it got more and moreof a sci fi and less of a
comedy. But it's really excellent.Is The Orville? Yeah, I've heard
a lot of great I actually Ihaven't her like you all really like The

(42:22):
Orville. It is on Hulu andit is a couple of seasons, and
then for the for the third orfourth third season, it became more um
like mini movies. They did likesix mini movies, and it's like good
adventure, very good sci fi.I really enjoyed the characters, but it

(42:42):
is funny, so it's like acomedy in the world of sci fi without
being two over the top. Thoughthe first season is much more of a
comedy than it is a sci fiand then they changed it for the second
seed, they actually got more,They got more of a sci fi show
with a comedy angle, like theykind of made it less harsh. Yeah,
yeah, that's the crazy I think, probably even more than he intended.

(43:02):
South McFarland was very much mirroring hislove of trek because we will tell
you until, like me recently,the first one or two seasons of a
new trek show were always kind oflike the first pancake, you had to
just like throw them out and yeah, like then it's like I used to
wait till season two or three portgets And I don't think that's I don't
think that's ever the intention of eventhe people buying the truck, but it
just seems to be how it worksout with these things. Yeah, that's

(43:24):
how it. And that's how itis with a lot of TV shows that
um like Seinefeld really wasn't good foruntil like the third season, and you
know, it didn't really catch onand get fined gets rhythm. Same with
Cheers didn't really catch on toil likethe thirds maybe the late second season.
But shows today on television are notgiven that time to get good. You

(43:45):
know, they're like they get twoat three episodes, they're like, no,
kill it, now pull it,and then you never see that show
again. Not that it was ait was a good idea, they just
didn't find the audience fast enough inthis world of like a million channels.
Very difficult to hold an audience inthis world, No, definitely. I
mean also you have you have executiveyou know, being counters making like snap

(44:06):
decisions, just being like you know, they don't like them because I mean
I remember, like the big jokewhen Netflix announced they were going to be
opening up BS Restaurant was that likeall the food, like your your order
is going to be taken away beforeyou're done with it. Basically because they
always like cancel shows in their primeunless you're like Stranger Things or Oranges a
New Black. Unless you're like oneof those, you're pretty much like it's

(44:28):
a dice role to have your showon Netflix. Feet always has been like
I'm yeah, it's sick of it. It seems like they they'll take a
whole bunch of money, they'll geta bunch of shows, a bunch of
people will like those shows, andthen they'll arbitrarial just be like no,
we're not. We're not doing we'renot renewing any of these shows. We
have new shows. And you're like, but I really like this show.
I'm now invested in these characters.I just spent seven hours of my day

(44:51):
watching all of this programming. Ifind it very insulting when I get my
I give them my time. Iwatched their stories, and then they're they're
just like anywere, We're just gonnakill this entire show and it's over now.
Sorry, you're like, but therewas no conclusion. Um, you
had a funny, embarrassing story thatyou you mentioned about a famous star trek
person. Yeah, yeah, whenI was in line for a yeah,

(45:15):
break the terrific on and this isoddly oh god, oh god, I'm
having flashbacks. But um, lookat this handsome devil you know exactly.
Uh that's why I like, Ikid you, not before I even like
was in line, Like, Iactually went on Friday as well to do
like quote unquote reconnaissance because I wantedto just see what the layout was and

(45:36):
what would be like so I wouldn'tbe completely like Bombard and over one line
went there on Saturday. So Iwent on, who are we Who are
we looking after those of of thosefolks at home only listening to this,
not seeing the video, just listeningto the podcast. Who did I threw
up on the screen? Jonathan Franka'sCommander Riker, very handsome actor, beautiful
beard. Yeah, look at thoseeyes though, I mean this guy,

(45:58):
this bedroom eyes piercing baby blue eyesare just oh and uh yeah, I
mean everyone like I think it's evenuh yeah, popularies, the popular excuse
me, popular rise the phrase growthe beard, which is almost like the
inverse of Jump the Shark, whichis like shows are allowed to grow the
beard anymore? Like now, yeah, you know, imagine a world where

(46:21):
you know a show is canceled beforeyou know, one of the baby face
characters is allowed to grow a beard. So he had a clean shaven face
for how many seasons before you gotjust the first season? Okay, so
he had a clean shaven face,and then second season he comes in with
his full beard. It's almost likea new character. Like it's very it's

(46:42):
very weird, like especially if you'relike me who not only watched the episodes
out of order, but by default, because there's more episodes with bearded Riker
than the Rimer. That saw alot of them with bearded Riker and then
seeing like Seed in one episodes,it was like, oh god, you
know, it's like it was likesome It's like he was dubbing for this
weird man that I'd never see before. Okay, heard his voice, but

(47:06):
it doesn't look like it. Butthat's beside the point. And even when
I would just see him at astable, I literally kid you not just
went like, whoa, so youmet you met Commander Riker? Yeah,
at a con event? Yeah,and and what did you tell Commander Riker
when you met? It's like,first I said, great job directing those

(47:30):
old sciences. She was like thecrossover with stranger worlds and lower decks.
But I think he was too busysigning to hear me. It was a
very like I actually, full disclosure, had had like a zoom, like
a three minute zoom with him,like at the high of the pandemic.
But I would have been very surprisedif you remember this, you know,
weirdo he talked to for three minutesin like the biggest shit show of the

(47:52):
century. How did you talk toCommander Riker on zoom? Uh? It
was like a virtual con Eventkay?You know, like I said, this
was like high the pandemic everything.He's uh, you know, virtual and
I just saw, you know,oh they're offering this, and I thought,
okay, this is great, andI did it. And we had
a very fun like back and forthand see those are those things that we

(48:12):
were like asking each other questions.But it felt very one sided this time,
which I don't know, I mean, to be fair, is probably
like traveling. And it was alreadylike the afternoon, and he wasn't like
saying much and like I don't blamehim for it, Like I mean,
I don't know what he was goingon. Because at first I got a
picture with him, and then Iwent around and wait in line. I
had n't signed the picture, andso I say a first, okay,

(48:34):
I loved what you did, andhe didn't really say anything. And oh
I told him also that sometimes there'sa scene in Generations where one story short
wark falls into some water because recordsaccidentally said computer removed the plank instead or
tracked bank. And he just feltZara, we sometimes say that in our
house sometimes when someone still apologized toexactly like that. And then I just

(48:58):
yeah, I was like Sarah,and uh, I didn't know like how
to Yeah, this is my firsttime, and I said, fuck it,
you only live once. I thought, I think it's literally what I
what the hell? And I saidthat seeing him on TV was the first
time I ever said to myself,am I queer? And he swent really
and he perked right up on thatone. Yeah, I know what.

(49:19):
That's the other thing where like Idon't know what I would the hell I
was it almost yeah cut to mealmost like it's like that scene back and
blazing saddle after the lady goes upyours to him and then he's like,
would you expect make yourself phone Sonny, marry my daughter? You know?
But like I don't know because thevigne he said, like I was worried
he might have interpret it, eventhough everyone, uh know, as I

(49:42):
could tell, he's like literally likethe nicest guy, like the chills,
Like he's up there with like HenryWinkler, Hugh Jackman and like being like
the most approachable, calm chill.But for some reason, like I guess
maybe because I had gone there andbecause I wasn't gonna say it, but
that was talking in line with someother fans and they're like, don't you
should say it, because I didn'twant to sound too orny on may like
as as if I might say,oh, yeah, so if you could

(50:02):
just please take me here, takeme now, even though your wife's at
the adjoining table, that'd be great. But yeah, even though I mean,
but so I just got embarrassed.I said, oh it was fun.
Uh because he also he appeared ina Star Trek video game that were
released earlier, I was like,oh it was fun to like, I
was like yeah, and I justlike walked away and I was just like,
oh god, I'm black black balledR. And I I'm like he's

(50:22):
gonna I'm like, I'm both like, you spoke your truth justin, and
I think that's important. Yeah.No, definitely. I mean like I
didn't know, like I'm not good. That's a good talkward story that you
know that had an impact. Yeah, definitely, because it felt like I
don't know, like I almost thought, oh, should I go back tomorrow
and apologize, But I'm like no, it's one of those things like try

(50:43):
to help and it only made theworst. Yeah, I know. It's
that it makes like I have tocome back and tell you again that I'm
not crazy. I'm I'm gonna campout all night so I can tell you
that I'm not crazy. Yeah,exactly, like I came, I came
back, I bought a ticket,I just fall all the all the reason
I'm here is yeah, hindsight,you know, saying that I'm even more
glad that I didn't go back becausealso I was. It was I was

(51:04):
driving to up like the furthest partof me in Rhode Island, Yeah,
yo, Connecticut start a first partin Connecticut. Well it was like an
hour or ninety minutes both ways,yeah, or like you so like two
or three hours. So I wasalready like, Okay, I've done this
two days in a row. Idon't want to do this a third time.
So more and more reasons we're pilingup why I shouldn't do this,
And I mean I was just like, I'm so glad it's probably forgot about

(51:29):
it. I almost kind of equatedto you know what, when you're at
a restaurant the server says, enjoyyour mail, then you say you two,
and then yeah, just like it'sall you can think about for the
rest of the day. It's like, why the did I say that?
And you probably yeah, and youprobably like the server is in like the
kitchen laughing like oh hey, youwon't be what this idiot did. They
go home, it's all they're thinkingabout. They're like getting dressed for bed

(51:50):
the next morning, and they're likeI can't believe they say in my mind
like, oh, he's probably goingback to his room and he's like,
oh hey, honey, yeah,you won't believe what this one't dude,
even though he literally it seemed literallythousands, if not millions. I think
you're right, But then I thinkyou're right about the waiter not waiters not
telling his friends about what this idiotcustomer said. But I will say that

(52:12):
I beg Commander Riker mentioned to hiswife a fan came up to me and
said that I awoke in his sexuality. I think that that might be something
he might be like. You knowwhat I did. I had an impact
on someone in a very positive way. Okay, I see that's good,
because I mean I remember I wastexting. I pretty much texted other fellow

(52:34):
trekis. I texted brands who knewwent to conventions. I texted the buying
mob. It was just like adimple wait. But I just did like,
please tell me I'm not this wasnot a stupid thing. I'm so
embarrassingly tell me I'm not gonna belike and literally all of them were like
he either like I'm sure he wasflattered, he probably liked, enjoyed.
You know, he's probably greatfully hesaid that, or like, you know,
trust me, you're fine. Youknow I've met him, He's cool
and like, and so I'm like, okay, well, all of these

(52:57):
people can't be wrong. Yeah,right, Like I I think it was
fine and interesting And if I ifI were in your shoes, what I
would have done, and if Iwas meeting somebody the person I would have
told that to Helen Slater the originalsuper Girl. Yeah, I mean,
I think that's the thing. There'smillions of people who've been in film and
TV like like the first like thefirst time that you look at someone and

(53:19):
and and you have a I haveI have moved into the adolescent to the
I've matured enough to have a sexualthought type person like that. That's that
there's there's someone for everybody. Everybodyhas a moment where they look at somebody
and they look at them differently,where there's a feeling in them that makes
them feel different at some point,right, Yeah, I guess that's puberty

(53:42):
or maturity or whatever it is.And I don't know what age it was
for me, but I remember lookingat Helen Slater on TV and being like,
and I would say, I reallylike her. She seems nice.
I remember telling that Helen, sheseems like nice. She's a nice,
nice, nice person. I reallylike the Hell. And now it's like
everybody I've ever gone out with,it's like it's usually like they look like
Hell's laid oh oh god. Yeah, And I definitely have come to find

(54:09):
like do you find yourself looking forpeople that look like Commander Riker or maybe
just like old beard y person witha beard. Definitely, I mean beard
is like it doesn't have to bemaybe as full as his, but like
maybe Bible clad. I mean,I'm I'm open to I'm mostly I'm open
to anything, just generally. Imean, I'm not even it doesn't have
to be just Riker. It canbe you know, it can be like

(54:31):
that, be a picard. Itcould be a picard. Yeah, I
know it could be like that.I mean, this is one thing in
hindsight, maybe I'm glad I didn'task because also you know, like like
I said, there wasn't that backand forth. It felt very one sided.
And so but uh, like whathe thinks about fans, Like again
going back to this conversation earlier thatI think it's fanning or maybe I'm not
sure if ever it's ever been candice, but that Riker is pan sexual because

(54:52):
he fell like in love with anon binary alien ever, which I mean
like that won't be fine by meas well. And yeah, but again
like this was you know, thisis a fan convention, not a you
know conference on you know, genderand sexual relationships or something, so it
would have been very like exactly.But you know, it's also very interesting

(55:14):
because Star trek Um has has veryfor a long time had uh different species
love interests, you know, likedifferent alien cultures and you know people who've
got you know, crazy you know, weird tentacles and skin and whatever.
But like they're still kind of hot, like they in sci fi. They
kind of can make anything kind ofbe kind of hot, like you could

(55:36):
have you know, you could haveyou know, eight arms and be like
have like the face like an octopus. But they can kind of make it,
you know, cut the right waythey're just like, yeah, I
could see it, you know,yes, yeah, maybe I guess again.
But another thing where, for somereason, Star Trek has always had
this weird like undertone of like it'sit's like just like low enough that you

(55:57):
can kind of like overlook it.But this horney on main energy. Yeah,
I think it's because they usually castlike conventionally good looking people to wear
these. Yeah, there's high uniform. It's like it's never anybody frompy Like,
no one's ever frumpy in that uniform. It's always and those are tight,
you know, tight uniforms, andum, if you look at like
the real military or the real SpaceForce for that matter, it's like these

(56:21):
uniforms are not as tight, they'renot as sexy, they're not as form
fitting. Um, people don't lookquite as good in them. I feel
like sci fi would be a lotless popular if you know, regular people
were were we're we' running around youknow, like you'll hardly see I mean,
no, Picard is bald. Youdon't really see as many bald people.
But he was the lead character,very strong character, and he was

(56:42):
bald, so I don't know,you know, I mean, also to
be fair, Patrick Stewart. Ithink it's one of those few people who
actually can like pull it off wherehe actually looks better without Yeah he looks
grape. He looks grape bald.Yeah, exactly. Like it's not even
like always handsome for a bald man. It's like literally just like he looks
like this is the best version ofhis like looking at least in my So

(57:07):
to wrap up, tell me aboutwhat you have coming out. Do you
have any articles pending at the bigpublications? Are you still submitting? How
often do you submit? Like what'syour schedule for banging out content and sending
it out to all the editors andstuff. Yeah, I mean I've really
made it almost like a monthly orbi monthly point of trying to get something

(57:28):
the New Yorker to like crack thecode on that because I, like,
you know, early dandamic. Itook like all the humor writing courses from
Second City. My main tacher wasPreston. I love brook Preston. She's
wonderful, very nice, yes,and very funny. Yeah, she's great.
So she's been with me from therefrom the beginning. And you know,
at first I didn't want to likejump into the New Yorker like right

(57:51):
away, because I didn't want tolike get out. It's like a really
big deal and I don't want towaste their time or mine by just being
like, hey, I have noidea what I'm doing, but please publish
this. But anyway, so Idid that, and I've got like eighth
brand. I've got like three differentone from work che on at the same
time. And it's just kind ofmatter of which one like feeling that day
and which one do I like getnotes on from like my friends and acquaintances

(58:13):
the fastest, and so it's justkind of and the chart around because you
know, sometimes it's like three days, sometimes it's seven, you know,
or honestly like great where it's dude, like that girl from the Ring,
at least she tells you when toexpect it. Yeah, like that,
don't call us, We'll call you. Yeah, definitely. Like it's so
and it could be so random theway that things commit, at least for

(58:35):
weekly humorous like people can send inlike I'll get a ton of things,
some things I'll mark as like ayes, and then I'll forget. I'll
forget to follow up. So it'slike people I tell people to follow up
with me, and I'm like,you are not bothering me, follow up
with me. It's okay, Likeyou're not bugging me. I get so
many emails, you cannot bug me, you know, like it's fine,

(58:59):
Like I'm going to be not buggedtoday by somebody, So just jump on.
And the people that follow up,it's good because I am then reminded
of how funny their piece is andI can make sure I mark it for,
you know, in the acceptance folder, and I can schedule and figure
out where it's going to go.Or if I missed it and it was
timely and I fucked up, likethat's totally on me, Like it's not

(59:20):
their fault, but that definitely happenstoo. And what you're really good at
is you're good at being tenacious,you know, like you are. You're
like, I want to be acomedy writer. I want to get published.
I'm going to keep on banging downpeople's doors until people publish me,
and then I will do more andI will do more. And I feel
like you've really grown as a writersince you started. You know, you

(59:42):
gotten your stuff in all kinds ofplaces. You've been published everywhere and getting
in mcswainey's is honestly harder than gettingin the New Yorker. I think,
oh really, because I remember,and I feel like that happened to me,
like in legit, I got myacceptance. Yeah, they're just making
a joke. They're just making ajoke with you. Yeah. So I
got the email. I was justlike, remember what. And also Monks

(01:00:06):
is like just kidding, Yeah,exactly. It was weird because also because
I submitted it. I didn't submitthe piece that which was about like a
Broadway theater teacher in high school,and I didn't submit to Mike twe Met
Sirs because I didn't think it wouldbe a fit, and which again shows
what I know. But because Ididn't think it was maybe it's fighting or
a scathing, it's some like oris quirky, it's some mixed me most

(01:00:29):
me two meats piece is usually Ohthat's why I actually I call it the
bedsheet principle, which long story.Sure, there's episode MythBusters. They're trying
to get past emotion sensor and onepoint they try a bedsheet literally just holding
up a bedsheet, and they think, oh, this isn't gonna work.
It's so stupid. It's so goofylooking and it works. And it was
even though it was on the listof let's just get it over with and
fail it, it still ended uplike that. That's always Also, when

(01:00:51):
I have submit headlines or to otherthings, it's kind of like, oh,
so please submit three to five.It's like, okay, I the
first two are the ones I reallywant, and then like the next two
are like just to fill it,and then the filler ones are the ones
that they're like, yeah, dothat. It's like, what them?
Yeah, exactly, you have noidea where it's gonna come, and it's
it's the one that you care lessabout and kind of thoughtlessly added it at

(01:01:12):
the end, and then that's theidea that's that's like, that's the one
that's the winner, and you're like, damn it, what about the other
one? They're like, now foundsucks? So I guess it, but
I've already written the other ones inmy head. Yeah, you want me
to like start from scre oh go, okay, here we go, buff
Can you want me to like getyou want to publish me? Okay?
But the bigger question now, justinis tell me about this bedsheet so you

(01:01:34):
can you can beat a motion detectorby holding a bedsheet in front of it.
Okay, okay, so bear inmind this is probably like fifteen twenty
years at this point. But yeah, I were trying to like they're chesting
different like methods of like evading oflike you know, breaching security like in
high school. And one of theone there's a motion sensor and oh my
first of all, the one thatthey've seemed to put more effort in and
try was Carrie, I want tocall it a stel suit. At the

(01:01:57):
same time when you played it onit was like yellow shake carpets, so
you'll look like big bird. Yeah, but that didn't work because I thought,
oh, the shad will absorb theyeah, exactly. So we have
so we're talking about a beam oflight like a red No, not typical.
It's like a sonic wave or somethinglike that that like it goes that
and then like it bounces back end. If the bounce gets like disrupted,

(01:02:19):
then it knows that that something's thereshouldn't be in the alarm both off,
right, Yeah, And so theyjust took a normal bed she you know,
literally carry was just holding it overher head and they're just walking and
they're all looking at and it's likethe alarm is not going off. What
the hell? And they tried itlike two or three times to make sure
it wasn't just a fluke. Youknow. She dropped the sheet in the
middle while she was holding it inthe Melball hall and she was like and
the alarm wind off. So it'slike, nope, freaking way. So

(01:02:43):
like just something you could get itbed bath and beyond or any like.
Was it just a basic white sheetor did the with it a black sheet?
Was a dark colored or like,yeah, it was a white sheet,
you know. It was like anylike the one you probably have on
your bed like right now, couldlike and they weren't didn't make a stell
suit and just held it like likeit's so simple, so stupid, so
goofy, And yet that's fascinating.I like that. That's very interesting.

(01:03:04):
That's a good thing to know.Next time I robbed the bank, I
gotta bring the bed sheet with meon the heist mask, no getaway car,
just the best you're good and apellow case to put all of the
diamonds in. Yeah, well,I mean, like you know with the
beshie, like after you already havethe money. Just play it in the
bed sheet and turn around, becausethat way they won't see you. They
won't they still won't see your face. And so it's kind of like an

(01:03:25):
all in one multi tool. Itis a multi problem me too. We've
getten so much trouble. Just okay. Also, thank you so much for
for playing our ridiculous hashtag games onthe now x app. He used to
be called Twitter, you must I'mstill calling it Twitter. It's still gonna
be called Twitter forever. But you'dalways gives a weekly humors plays at eleven

(01:03:50):
am one Fridays. We just playa dumb joke game and people from all
over the world play this dumb gameand they come up with very funny jokes.
But you pop up. You evenyear, even three years ago,
We're so you would be playing thegame and Justin Avery Smith would pop up
with some of the best jokes allthe time. And I appreciate you playing

(01:04:10):
the silly games with us. Anduh, it's great to talk to you
today, Justin Averres, it wasgreat to talk to you as well.
Like we're definitely a three person,full name person. I like saying your
entire name. Thank you very much. Yeah, because I mean for the
longest time since I was like growingup like from until like college, and
like for some reason, just sayingJustin Smith didn't like it. Just eight
didn't sit right with me and bewhen I THI wanted to be an actor.

(01:04:32):
Turns out there was already a JustinSmith who like went by that name.
So I was like, Okay,I need to set myself apart.
And I was just like, andI don't want to go through like the
stage name or something like that whereit's like the k SO where it's like,
okay, so do I have tobe like my stage jame person or
you know, like Marilyn Monroe versusNorma Jean or something like that. I
want to be Like I still wantedto be so right to just okay,

(01:04:53):
he was my full name and enda story fulling funt Well, it was
great to talk to you. Everybody. It's on Twitter and all of the
Instagram. The thing is it atJustin Avery Smith. Yeah, It's it's
weird. Like on Twitter. Ireally, I know it's important to have
like accessibility in streaming and streamline yourplatform, but for some reason, Twitter
like you know Justin Avery Smith wastoo many. I mean that's why one

(01:05:16):
two things Musk hasn't fixed, andso that's why I had to be at
just a Very Smith. And Idid the same thing for TikTok, but
on Justin Avery Smith on on Instagramand Justin Avery Smith on bread. So
I guess on all the like metastuff, it's just a Navery Smith,
all the nun meta stuff, justa Very Smith. So are you are
you a TikTok celebrity yet Justin AverySmith? Uh, I don't believe.

(01:05:42):
So. I mean I have likefive thousand followers or something like that,
but that's not like yeah, butthat's not enough to get like to like
ask for tips or I would sayyou are a micro influencer at five very
like micro, I mean like youneed a microscope for the microsco maybe a
hyper hyper micro. Yeah, Imean, like what's smaller than an Adam.

(01:06:04):
I'm like micro to split the influenceradam on that. We'll come up
with the term for that, andthat'll be a whole new sub super niche
Yeah, of TikTok influencing micro hypermicro below. It is weird because you'll
see these people like either people willbring them up, or they'll like say,

(01:06:25):
oh they have like a million ballsor a view exactly, and they're
not. You know, I haveno idea where these people are, what
they're doing, or if they're ifthis is a job. It's interesting.
It's interesting because it's at some pointeverybody can't be famous because famous people need
an audience. So if there's noaudience, how can anybody be famous?
You know, Oh, it's somesort of I guess like maybe ends up

(01:06:48):
being like some sort of is there, like an influencer or social pain level.
It's the only thing I can thinkof to quit you too, But
like Communism were social with some whereeveryone's just kind of on a even celebrity.
It's just some sort of a it'slike a multi level marketing scam for
fame, right, So you're justlike I take a Ponzi thing where everybody's

(01:07:11):
sort of feeding some sort of afame monster, and do I mean like
yeah, I'll say like, ohyou can, and like they might then
they'll say it's not a Pyramids gum. But it's just like oh, the
like, oh you can you wantto be part of my life for part
of my business. Just sell thisto someone else which if I am like
you'd think we know by now ifsomeone asks you to sell you something to

(01:07:32):
someone else who then sells it likethat, just don't do that. Just
stop it this, don't do it. Yeah, just don't do it.
Yeah, like I think they didthe map. Apparently they after thirteen cycle,
so that you've exceeded the Earth's population, assuming everyone wants to buy,
which you're sally exactly. But itbrings up a good topic. Justin Avery
Smith, I have a great system. I'd like to sell you one.

(01:07:54):
You only have to buy in um, you know, fourteen crates of Weekly
Humorous U T shirts and then yousell your friends the T shirts and then
they sell their friends the T shirts. It's gonna be great. Oh well,
so I get to be like partof like the Weekly Humorous business,
Like, oh my, this islike soap. Ohkay, thank you,
no problem, no problem. I'mhappy to do it. All you have

(01:08:15):
to do is you pay us tothat you can sell it to other people.
It's gonna be great. We're allgonna we're all gonna be so rich
and uh we're gonna be micro macroinfluencers in the comedy space. I'm just
kidding. Just like, oh mytime, time was gonna I was gonna
go to the bank. I wasgonna get a loan. When's your next
is big con uh? Probably?Honestly, like there's one I'm probably shounna

(01:08:39):
go through this weekend that's in Boston. It's called like the Finnex Phone.
It's got like Henry Winkler and WilliamShatner and that's awesome. Yeah, I
was like, oh, maybe I'llgo. Like honestly, like half the
fun I've come to learn, it'sjust like the things you don't expect to
happen. That like going my firstday when I was there in uh road
and a, Connecticut on Friday,I end up talking by Harry Potter once
with Princess Leia off the player andI was like, up like Harry Potter

(01:09:03):
at all? Or do you justdress up like star trek uh No?
I mean actually note as much asI used to, although I did definitely
go through a base when I waslike a like still like in my teens
and the movies are still coming outwhere it was like what there were mobile
clothes they were wearing. I wasjust like, I want to wire that.
I want to wear something like that. So I can feel like but
also like in like my own way, so like you know, but but

(01:09:25):
you always see harrying like a tracksa track Jack windbreaker with the like a
T shirt. I'd be like,okay, that that's my aesthetic now.
And I wore glasses at the time, so I was just like, I'm
I'm there. I mean, justsomeone you know, slice a lightning bowl
on my forehead and like, let'ssteal this. Yeah, at some point
in Kingland, can this be nota costume but just like my normal clothes?
You know, there's like a weirdspot where you can turn something into

(01:09:47):
something. Though as much as we'dprobably all want to make a catch on
and I've been trying for years becauseFedora does not want to come back,
yeah, I actually want not.When yeah, when I was like a
teen, I also considered like wearingup the door and not even like an
Indiana Jones one, but like thatFrank Sinatra Guid's adult type for door around.

(01:10:08):
But hey, we weren't in school, and b I was shows you
what my state of mind was.It was as a team. I was
afraid it would be seen as tooedgy or rebel with this start school hark,
yeah, to be wearing like,oh God, that's troubled meting up
the door, yep. And Ialways try to try to get the hat
to get to catch on. WhenI was in elementary school, I would
wear a hat because I saw amovie when I was a kid in the

(01:10:30):
character wore a hat and he waslike the cool hero. So I wore
a hat and I thought it wascool and I had to put my hat.
They couldn't wear a hat in school, but I had to put it
in my little like cubby and I'dput my hat in my cubby during class.
But at recess I'd wear my hat. Yeah, and I that was
like elementary school. I was thisguy. I was the guy that wore
a hat. And it's never AndI always wanted to be like a fashion

(01:10:50):
thing that you can do normally.And I'll now and then I'll like casually
wear a hat, but it's likeit never worked. No. I mean,
I like I wanted to so much. I I so like behind me
on this, I have like astack of hats like really nice you know,
you know, rabbit felt or whateverfedor and like I never I never
have an occasion to wear these hats. And I want one, so like,

(01:11:12):
I don't know what time period Iwish I lived in. I think
maybe the thirties is a good timeperiod. You know, that would have
been a fun time around. Itake that five thirties to fifties, I
feel like is when you really sella lot. Which also, like for
some reason, all those like heroes, like in all those like action adventure
cereals and inspired Indiana Jones, thoseall the characters wore padoras as well.

(01:11:36):
Like you see Charlton Hesln's character inSecret of the Incas, it's basically like
the huncas. Yeah, yeah,it's like exactly from Indiana Jones, Humphrey
Bogarden, Treasure Sierra Madre or oranybody or how uctually Humphrey Bogarden, like
all his movies could whether it becausefedor it was either just usually with like

(01:11:57):
a pinstriped suit or trench cooked eddyon the movie and the character or a
white do you know, yeah,people, I mean, clothes used to
be so much better back then,you know, like I don't we've become
so lazy with like what we wearout, Like they used to get so
dressed up to just like leave thehouse to go to the store, you'd
be wearing like a three piece woolsuit and that was it, and like

(01:12:18):
a bowler hat and like and itwas so much more fun. And they
had so many layers back then,you know, it was like you had
you had a shirt with a bigcollar, and then you had your tie
that you tied, and then youhad a vest that you had to butt
of it. Then you had acut that you had like it was so
many things that protected you. Andnow it's like I'll wear like like a
shirt and like stretchy khakis, youknow, like eight way stretched khaki that

(01:12:41):
are basically sweatpants that look like khakipant. Yeah, basically highly comfortable.
Yeah, I know, I figurethat's nothing we've come to learn a it's
more comfortable, it's easier to manageand be y'all. Uh. They also
didn't have to deal with you know, global warning if much in like there,
so they could afford to do withit more with like the layers and
what not. That's why I thinkI would just add looking like James Dean

(01:13:02):
all the time, where he wasjust like the jeans and the white T
shirt like that would be me prettymuch all the time, like I would
be like forty in that time periodof people, I would still be compared
to James Dean, which also wouldbe weird. But you know what,
I no, he didn't. Iknow, I know, poor jameson what
a repel willout a cause, well, this was delightful, just to Davery

(01:13:23):
Smith. You gotta come next timeyou're in New York. We gotta go.
We gotta go get a coffee andsee a show. I know that
we were trying to do that beforethe pandemic and because you come down to
New York every now and then.Yeah, I try to get I try
to get there, you know,whever I can. It's honestly like yo,
where you and all my other friendsare. So it's almost like my
second hold away from Oh I'm reallywanting to all still pick it alongside all

(01:13:44):
of ga Prattens, but I,you know, cannot like carve like I
mean, I was almost kind ofupset when UPS didn't go on strike because
I was like, I just needlike a week, that's all I needed
a week. And it was like, oh, no, you're actually getting
a pay rise, damn it,We're getting everything we wanted. Yeah,
I was like you like, it'sone of the few times where I was

(01:14:06):
like teamsters all the same way,you know, being founders, where I
was just like exactly, well,yeah, but but we're very glad.
We're very glad that ye just gottheir dual. It's amazing. No,
they're like, oh, they're gonnastrike now they can't strike. Give them
what they want, Like, yeah, and I hope that the how quickly
they came to a decision shows thestudios like, no, not you you

(01:14:31):
if you're making a ton of money, and people are like, they're gonna
you should pay them, you know, Like it's like the you know,
the the Amazons and the up upsis they were all making so much money
on the backs of the teamsters andthe delivery and all that stuff, and
they acknowledged it and they got therace, and it's like, now I
need the studios to acknowledge it becauseyou know, with the streaming, they're

(01:14:54):
just not making the money. Soit's like that the content is very worth
it, and uh, we likewe like watching our shows. You like
watching your shows. I like watchingmy shows. I need my stories exactly,
you know, I mean, butthey are going to back to the
table. I think we're said thereports for it, it's like they did
invite the Yeah, so they're goingback on Friday, So hopefully on Friday
something will happen because I need myshows. People need the shows. No,

(01:15:15):
like yeah, I mean we're yellfilm and TV people like yell.
We we want to have our brethrenget there. I mean yeah, because
it's great. I mean, youknow so many people want that dream job.
It's like, yeah, I can'teven remember now, so we trudging.
It must be like I got mydream job. Oh I'm not even
making more money than I wasn't deadat job. Yeah, exactly, exactly
need that from if we need allneeded, Yes we do. All right,

(01:15:39):
Well, it's great to chat withyou. Everyone. Go follow Justin
Avery Smith on the different platforms andfollow his TikTok and read his stuff.
Um, what's the next thing that'sbeing published for you out in the out
in the ether? There? Oh? Um, the next thing that's being
ubedo? I honestly I don't knowwhere. It's like I can't live in
say this because I don't want tochance it. But knock on wood.

(01:16:00):
I've been doing a trial Onion forthe for the Onion trial who that's exciting.
Good for you congratulating, and I'mwist, yeah exactly, and I
won't say anything. I won't sayanymore than I did get something in and
you're suppos submit like yeah, yeah, I won't say well, that's awesome.
Well, I'm sure that when it'sout you'll tell us on the Instagram.

(01:16:20):
Yeah, he'd be like fights theytake me on. Believe me,
I'm gonna be shining at the Rioof Tops. All right, you don't
even need to watch up with socialif you'll just hear me from the one
hundred and twenty miles. Well,very good, Well finger us cross for
that. I look forward to seeingyour stuff in the onion. That's very
exciting. Thanks for talking today.I really enjoy a duck in. Just
yeah, I've had a lot offun. I'm glad I did this.
Thank you all right, thanks forlistening. Hey, please subscribe on the

(01:16:44):
on the on the socials it's atTowkward podcast, and please subscribe The Weekly
Humorous at Weekly Humorous. Thanks somuch for listening, and we'll see you
next time. Thanks for listening toa talk word. Please subscribe, follow
us and visit Weekly Humorist dot com.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce

24/7 News: The Latest

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Talkward w/ guest Justin Avery Smith

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce

24/7 News: The Latest

All Episodes

Talkward w/ guest Justin Avery Smith

Stuff You Should Know