Ep. 79: "Breaking Taboos: Cultural Shifts in Mental Health Conversations" with Dr. Fumi & Wendy Alexander

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
She brings wealth and health to heraudience by tackling hot topics around substance use,
disorder, mental health and wellness.Per Mission, Vision and Goal are
to help you heal from your pasttrauma, inspire you to transform your body,
mind and soul so you can liveyour best life. Your board certified
psychiatric mental health doctor of Nurse,practitioner, Trauma Care Maestro and media analyst,

(00:24):
your Life Ambassador, best selling authorTEDx Talk speaker CEO of Pull of
the Festa Psychiatric Health in Arizona.Let's all welcome, Doctor Princess Filmy Hancock.
All right now, so thank youall for joining us. For those
who do not know me, myname is Goto Princess. For me Hancock,
people call me your Gruma vision readwifeor those known me as your compassionate

(00:47):
trauma Kaid Maestro. As profession,I'm a both certified psychiatric ward of Doctors
practice out here in Arizona. Sowelcome aboard this ship and with me is
my beautiful, beautiful beautiful beautiful guysare beautiful beautiful sister. Hi. My
name is Wendy Alexander and I aman award winning bestselling author and international speaker.

(01:10):
I am the number one Crouse cultureconsultant as well as an international business
strategist, and I'm so excited tobe here today. Thank you so much.
So we have a great show foryou today. For those of all
you are watching us on YouTube orperhaps you're listening on podcasts, you want
to stay tuned to this. Oneof the things we wanted to talk about

(01:33):
today is about taboo. Right.She was putting some questions out for us
and topics where we're going to talkabout that some other time, and she
came up with this topic from taboo, say that, from taboo to acceptance
cultural shifts in mental health conversations,and that really drew me. You know,
we wanted to talk about taboo.Let's stop about talking about table so

(01:56):
sis from looking at where you comefrom, right, you were born and
raised in North Carolina, right,and then from there to the uh our
countries? What I taboost? Whatdo you see along the line that I
taboos? Oh? I would say, no, I'm gonna start at home.
You know. And one of thethings, you know, and we

(02:17):
was always told is that, youknow, we didn't talk about therapy.
Therapy was in the home, youknow, you don't. You don't,
don't, don't talk about anything outsideof this house, you know. And
so for me, that's that's whatwe grew up with it. You know,
your grandma was your therapy, okay, and that's what it was gonna
be. And then as I,you know, grew older, of course
I discovered that you know, no, there is this thing is real therapists

(02:39):
right out there, and that weneed that. And then going traveling through
the Middle East, I would talkabout mental health, but I would never
hear anybody said the word mental health. Yeah, you know, and they
just would never ever talk about it. And it was one of the similar
lines of that, you know,our our elders, you know, we
take care of each other. Youknow, it's nothing wrong with the kids,

(03:00):
it's nothing wrong with the you know, the emotional things that are going
on and everything with special needs,you know, whatever it was. Then
I had diagnosis, it was alwaysjust special needs. They would just never
ever say the word mental health.And so, you know, as I

(03:20):
started to really research, and onceonce I started living in Dubai, I
realized that I was just like,no, it's it's not that they don't
understand or really, they just don'twant to admit, you know that things
are mental health and that there isyou know, other things that's going on,
and also you don't know what youdon't know, you know, And
so a lot of therapists admitted,you know that they really never dealt with

(03:44):
mental health because everybody usually talks aboutspecial needs. Yeah. I remember when
I lived in Saudi Arabia, andI think I told you that work where
I was walking into a classroom andthe body with two or three students boom,
don't yeah and drop and their eyesrolling like they were going through seizures.
And the times you'll be dealing withtwo or three your classroom and you'll

(04:06):
hear another dropping another classroom, andI did not understand it that I came
back home and I remember where weknew it was a mental health situation.
And then I went to one ofthe leaders there and they looked at me
like, what are you talking about? What? You know? What they
did not even on campus, Theydid not have anybody to even talk to

(04:29):
these kids. And what they weregoing through was conversion because the conversion was
as a result of their trouble athome. So when you look at the
other countries and you look at theNigeria that I come from. Even in
Nigeria, you know your secret isyour secret. Your mental health is the
family secret. That's right. Andthen straight I said, your mental health
forget that is the family secret.And so even if you want to seek

(04:55):
help, you can't because it isa family secret, and you just don't
take a fami. They stooping out. I remember several years ago I wrote
my fairy false book here Stepping Out, and the book was it said,
stepping out, fulfilling my destiny,underscore mine mine? So which is I
was going through? I was talkingabout my own therapeutic journey and how I

(05:15):
came out on the other side.Well, do you know that it's been
how many years now, at leasttwenty eight years, there are still people
in the family that still feel offendedby some parts one line here, two
lines there about what I wrote,and they seem to forget the title.

(05:38):
I was the one that was steppingout and feeling by destiny. It was
my story. But because we comefrom a culture select culture that says your
trauma is our family is secret,then whatever it is that I wrote,
it was like, okay, you'rebringing the family secret even it was me

(06:00):
stepping out and fulfilling my destiny.True. So this is to me,
this is what taboo is, thingsthat are us, things that you don't
They don't want you to share theirtable, but interest really enough, it's
tied to mental health. Where youlook at American and with everything that's going
on all over the world, actuallywith the pandemic, those who come from

(06:24):
silent cultures are suffering even more becausethere are certain things that happened to them.
Even some of them are looking atCOVID as if it's something that's our
families exact. So true, Iwant you to share with us because I
know you have a great experience livingin the other countries and also traveling to

(06:47):
India and other parts of the world. And what will does taboo play in
their mental health? Oh gosh,it's a lot. Even when I was
in the God Living, I wasworking with a group that was starting off
space Space who was really taken offnow and it was about mental health awareness,

(07:09):
remember, and so they're doing wellnow. But something that we discovered
was that if someone wanted to orfelt like they were going to commit suicide,
I was like in your X batright or anybody there, what number
would you call? And the onlynumber was for Indians. Wow, that's
it. That's interesting, isn't it. That's the like almost like they're the

(07:31):
only ones who are committing suicide.That's you know, we know that's not
true. Yeah, but it was. That's what when I said, and
I searched for months and that's theonly number that was there. And so
we you know, worked hard towardsor trying to change that as well.
But you know, if you thinkabout that, just one they took.
They took one culture out of allthe cultures that you know, in religions

(07:54):
and backgrounds that are there in Dubaiand said, it's just Indians and that's
all who needs, you know,this hotline. And so when we discovered
that, yes, it was ahigh rate of them committee suicide there,
but where they they only ones know? And then when I bothered the question
because as Westerners especially, we outweighmost of the local stuff, right,

(08:16):
so I said, well, whattype of mental health services are here?
Because when you live in a differentcountry, you do go through different culture
shocks and changes and trying to adjustto religion, trying to address from you
know, being away from home.A lot of people see it as oh,
you live in this this different country, but they don't realize that there's
stuff that you go through. Andso who would you actually go to to

(08:37):
talk to, you know, ifyou were having that and there was no
connection, I couldn't find it.And so that's when Safe Space really decided
to move forward and do like differentevents, you know, within the community
and stuff like that. And nowit's more like, oh, wait a
minute, we have other things thatare going on. And from that,
you know, I thought about,I said, well, where in every

(09:00):
child abuse, whoa, that's it. That's a good one, you know,
And then when I looked around,there was nothing. Wow, you
know. And so in twenty twentyis when they really started doing their child
abuse where you recorded they had asystem going the first time ever. It
just started. And so you know, like it was more like in their

(09:20):
culture, when kids are you know, misbehaved and you know, beat it's
that's the culture, right, youknow, if this if you see somebody
getting hit, that's the culture.It's okay. And so but what was
happening is that the level you knowof of beatings and you know, marks
and kids were coming to school wasjust like not wait a minute, you
know, for Americans were just like, no, that's if you draw the

(09:43):
line at some places, right,And so for them, they had never
even thought about child abuse. Wow. Wow, So from your experience,
do you see a culture shift?Oh? Absolutely? How so especially like
it's tremendous, Like now I seeyou know, you can see people talking

(10:05):
about mental health. You know,I didn't even go back to us as
fearless visionaries coming in Dubai. Yeah. Yes, you know, when we
came into Dubai, like when thefirst thing I said to you or whether
I say you don't make sure youdon't share too much in your story,
be very careful because certain things werenot said there. And then when we
had our event, we were thefirst platform you know to break that taboo

(10:28):
and stuff. You know that womendon't have trauma, there's no trauma there
and talk about that. And fromthat event and many more, now you
hear more about mental health child abuse. I mean, it's like so many
especially different events going on now inDubai based around mental health. But not
only that the government is now involvedin that. And you didn't see that

(10:52):
before. All When I look atlike you here, you know, some
of the movies that I've watching out, I'm really it's just like shocked because
they show therapists. Actually family iscoming to therapy, which is not something
that's it's really kind of like wombedup two in Nigeria. But now because

(11:13):
of we have other people coming intoNigeria too, there are therapists, which
is so I mean it was justlike wow, therapist, right, So
that is a cultural shift now wherechildren who are abused their concern. There's
still a lot of work that needsto be done where that is concerned,

(11:33):
because you still have people. Youhave some communities like that are in the
world world where the day the kidwas born, or even in pregnancy,
they've already bethrown the kid in thechild, the child has been bethrown to
somebody another family, even in pregnancy, so that when that child is burned,

(11:54):
their role, the family's role isto take care of that child.
To the child is like nine ortwelve when Chinang goes to the family that
exactly, So how do you differentiatethat from a kid that's sexually molested because
the husband might actually be an alderpersons exactly and takes in the twelve year

(12:18):
old and takes you of Thecteria willthe deteria is old enough, but the
eight difference is there. So wheredo you draw the line in you know,
when you go to African countries,where then do you draw the line
between child abills versus their culture thatyou you're brought it into their tradition.

(12:41):
So those are the things. Thoseare the kind of lines that that still
exists in Africa as a whole.And for me, I'll talk about more
of Nigeria where you do have themin the rural rural you have in Northern
region and all kinds of places inNigeria where those kind of traditions still exist.

(13:01):
And so when you come in saying, oh, therapy, they're like,
what therapist? I mean, thisis your budget into our tradition.
So you still have that. Butat the end of the day, though
we have if you go to manyof those capital states, you'll have the
therapists those who actually way to schoolfor it, which is really shocking to

(13:22):
me, and I mean a welcomeit because there's so much going on in
Nigeria when address concerned. So I'vebeen said that, but let me say
it's real quick. You know,you just made me think of something.
This is the same thing in theMiddle East. Oh, now I think
about it. You know, whenyou when the therapists are coming in,
it's like, that's their culture.You know, even when we're to Oh

(13:43):
my gosh, when when you startedtalking about you know, because I was
in the school's helping the American schoolsand get their accreditation, but then I
also helped them with the special needs, showing the the special needs. It's
also mental health. But when wehad child abuse in the schools, Oh
my goodness, and trying to telltheness like, this is our culture and
you're telling me that it's not,you know, and then we will we
want them to see if they're atherapist, but this is our culture.

(14:03):
You know that. That's a battle, you know, and it was hard
because you're because you want to respectthe culture. You know, I have
one hundred percent, you know,believe in that. But where do you
draw the lot? How do youbridge the two together? But it took
a whole a whole lot of trust, yeah, you know, and building
a relationship versus coming in saying dothis, do this, do that,

(14:24):
and then building that trust and relationshipis what really helped us cross that line,
but other than that, it wasa struggle. So it's the same
thing. And I was just listen. I was like, wow, it's
the same thing, just like Lugaria. So from what I'm hearing from you
is that it is possible to reachthe God is just very difficult because of
certain situations around it. Which isone of these culture. Another one is

(14:48):
religion to this or yeah you know, so that it's like, okay,
we will trusting now religion, youdon't need to do anything for somebody who
ask it, so effective sort orschizophrenia in Nigeria, you know, you
have the religion that says, oh, you know, a spiritual is a
spiritual thing. So I mean somepeople believe that okay, maybe that that

(15:11):
person did something bad and this isthe reward, or the passon's family did
something and that's the reward. Orsomebody did something and three of them and
that said, and then we findthem taken to forests to just go and
leave them instead of taking taking careof you know. So those are the
kinds of things that we see.How can we how can we as as

(15:35):
we wrap up, how can weas professionals, as we that are living
in developed countries. Can we helpthe emerging emerging countries like India that you've
been to, you know, likeAfrica, like the Arab worlds? How
can we what is it that wecan bring to the table that can help

(15:58):
them have peace and understand that thisis also a true for that a true
to to destroy their tragic showing oranything, but a true to actually help
them. How can we bring thatin as a post culture consulting? How
do you think we can bring thatin? So I can I can use
my experience now with South Africa,Oh, going in now, you know

(16:22):
what I'm working on now. Andthe first thing I'm always gonna say us
understanding the culture, because you can'tmeet somebody where they don't have you to
understand where they are, you know, and so first understand the culture.
But I always say building genuine relationshipsand really coming from you know, showing
empathy, you know, and ittakes time, you know, you you
know, for us, we cansay okay, you need go to therapy,

(16:44):
and you go, you schedule yourappointment from you know, at telling
somebody in South Africa, Nigeria orIndia or somewhere that you need to go
to therapy might take a month ortwo. You know, it takes that.
Okay, yeah, it takes time, and you know you have to
be able to have that patience,you know, to be able to do
that. But once you understand howthe culture, understanding the culture, but

(17:06):
having the empathy and showing that yougenerally care and have that relationship, then
you can add whatever it is theythey will receive it more. You know,
That's been my experience, and that'sjust like what I'm going through now
in South Africa. You know,they don't have a lot of therapists there.
You know, the culture definitely takesa toll. And here I am
coming in this American and so whatI said I would do is they one

(17:27):
day they did ask. So theysaid, we do want some help,
but they also want people to respectus in our community. And so with
that, you know, my visionis to have you know, people like
yourself and other therapists and you know, doctors and teachers and you know entrepreneurs,

(17:48):
you know, to come in mentalhealth physicians to come in to the
community to give them the tools thatthey need. But before you do that,
I will teach you the culture youknow, and understanding that. But
we have to be willing to goand give back to the communists outside of
the US. Now, one ofthe things that I wanted to talk about

(18:11):
before we wrap up again. Iknow I've said that, well this is
the second time you all, butwe're really going to wrap up. So,
finances is a big factory right inAmerica. You have grants, you
have nonprofit organizations that are running things. You are for profit. You are
psychiatric mansized practice like myself, thatare running their own clinics. However,

(18:36):
in brudging countries they don't have manyof them often do not have the budget
to be able to do what needsto be done. And they are in
fact some countries that yes they mighthave the money, but they don't know
they have they know how to evendo it, or they don't even care
in us to want to do so. In countries like that, how do

(18:59):
we how do we help you thatfinances be taught off the whole. Teach
them business m how teach them entrepreneurshipthe same skills that we have. We
all usually have some type of skill, you know, And that's one thing
that we always say in the Westernworld. You have something that you can
sell, you know that you couldprofit off of and you know, teaching

(19:22):
and other skills. Most of themalready. You know, they're very smart,
you know, they really do.They just don't have the foundational tools
or the access to different things thatwe do. But being able to develop
programs that give them the skills thatthey need for their businesses. But also
you know a lot of them makedifferent things like baskets and things like that.
When we export them back into ouryou know, we can buy the
wholesale and then export them back hereand sell them for them. And what

(19:45):
I mean by that, it's notyou know sometimes people say, well,
yeah, I'm gonna take your stufback and then I'm I'm not gonna pay
you now, and I'm step backto the US and then if I sell
it, well, they still gota lot, right, So not that
way I'm saying that when you werethere on the soil wherever you are,
is that you you buy from themwholesale. Now you fed their family,

(20:06):
right, and now you change theirmental health before you leave, and then
you go back and you sell.Because business is risk anyway. So then
therefore, if you go back andyou sell that product when you're in the
US, you may or you maynot that's your risk. But at the
same time, was that really yourpurpose? Because your purpose to serve or
really to get that money? Well, everybody, thank you so much for

(20:26):
joining us. I hope that wehave been able to enlighten you with this
topic. If you want more ofthis topic, please please place join us
on Share the Failed with Doctor forMe Psyche DNP Until next time, America,
Please how can they find you andinspiring that decisions on Instagram, inspiring
decisions on all other platforms they inspiredand motivated be of sentimental value. Understand

(20:52):
that you, my friend, youare the hero in your life story.
Do not allow anybody to write yourstory until next time, by friend,
bye bye. Thank you for listeningto Tear the Veil with Doctor Fumy.
We hope you have enjoyed being apart of today's show and that we have
helped you in shining. For furtherinformation, you can visit us at Doctor
Fumy, Psyched ANDP dot com andp O B Psychiatry dot com.

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Ep. 79: "Breaking Taboos: Cultural Shifts in Mental Health Conversations" with Dr. Fumi & Wendy Alexander

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