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July 21, 2025 31 mins
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast
system announcing the commencement of the annual Purge, sanctioned by
the US government. Weapons of class four and lower have
been authorized for use during the purge. All other weapons
are restricted. Government officials of ranking ten have been granted
immunity from the purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing

(00:28):
at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will
be legal for twelve continuous hours. Police, fire and emergency
medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at seven
a m. When the Purge concludes. Blessed be our new
founding fathers, and America a nation reborn. May God be

(00:48):
with you all.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Oh, hello, Hi, Welcome to the premium episode of How
to Become a Terrible Person. Thank you for joining us today.
No free episode this week cuz fuck that shit. You know,
I had some shit talk I had some big time
shit talkers last week, big time shit talkers. It was

(01:30):
wild man. Ah, I don't know they were complaining about
the free episode. It's like, what are you doing? Who cares?
I'll tell you what I'm complaining about this week is
Taylor Swift. Tater Swift, if she's better known in most communities, tater.
So you know, obviously artists are doing everything they can

(01:53):
to make money these days, you know, because they're canceling
their tours due to mental health issues. Right, not really,
they're just not mating. Nobody's going to fucking concerts. Actually,
they take that back. Kaitlyn is going to a concert tonight.
She's going to see uh A Mumford, A lone Mumford,

(02:13):
Jesus H Mumford. I'm not sure what what kind of
music is Mumford and Sons like. Really, let's let's see now.
I know, I know a lot of Caitlyn's family actually
listen to this, and they are big Mumford and Sons fan.
I've just never really been exposed to it. So let's
take a listen. Now, this has This is from thirteen

(02:35):
years ago. It has eighty six million streams. So I'm
gonna pull this up. It's called Little Little Lion Man.
Who come on, come on, guitar's too loud, one, I'll say, right,
that's what it's gonna be. Okay, sounds cool, You'll never

(03:11):
be oh. I was pretty close. He's got a bass
drum in front of him. I think this is the
guy they're going to see this is this is Tater Mumford.
I don't know about going to a concert fixing. I'd

(03:31):
be kind of it'd be chill, it'd be a nice
relaxed concert, I suppose. Yeah, So I guess some people
are going to concerts, so I should I should go
back on what I said. But a lot of the
big artists have to cancel their tours, except fucking Romstein.
For some reason. They can still travel with like ninety
fours on my trucks and like seven jets. But here's

(03:54):
what I was getting to alluding to this whole time, is,
you know, all these all these artists now are making
me in different ways because no one's making money on
record sales, and really kind of know, no one ever
really did unless you released it privately. So Tater Swift
is doing this thing where she is releasing like special
edition copies of her of her album, like four or

(04:18):
five different different versions. And you know, I get that,
like the collector vinyl whatever you want on one hundred
and eighty gram whatever the fuck that means. Okay, cool,
let's spend fifty bucks on it. Great, But she's also
releasing multiple versions of her CD that have different like
glamour shots Taylor Swift, Glamor shots Tater Swift, and it's

(04:40):
just like, here's me in a sweater on my couch,
and then for additional twelve ninety nine you can get
another picture of me sitting next to my stairwell, and
then for an additional twelve ninety nine you can get
and then you can buy a special edition. Wouldn't Tater
Swift a picture frame to put all these different pictures
of me in? Who the fuck? Who is this? For one?

(05:02):
I don't know. I just I couldn't imagine. I like,
if if all the bands and all the groups I liked,
growing a headspec I never bought a special edition to anything,
like why would you? What are you gonna do?

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Not?

Speaker 2 (05:15):
You're gonna keep it in your package and think that
it's worth something later on down the road. But here's
the problem is if she sells four million, five million
of these to four or five million dumb people, then uh,
basically they're gonna be the market saturated. So in five years,

(05:35):
this thing that you think is gonna be worth a
couple hundred bucks is gonna be you know, probably probably
you're gonna end up if you trade it in you're
gonna have to owe them money because they have so
many copies of it, or they just won't take it,
or you know, it's who knows, there's gonna be it's
just gonna be oversaturated, so it's not gonna be worth anything.
But this is the biggest Is it a stick in

(05:58):
my crawl? Is that? What it would be about? This
whole thing is you know, we're we're not doing great economically, economically, economically, yeah,
that's right, We're not doing great. You know a lot
of people, a lot of people say the middle class
is disappearing. You know a lot of people are saying that.

(06:21):
Not me because I don't know, I don't technically know
what that means, and I don't know if that really
applies here. But I just people have less money now.
I feel like and the people that like Taylor Swift,
excuse me, Taylor Swift's music aren't going to be you know,
call me. I don't think there's a lot of millionaire, millionaire,

(06:42):
billionaire type people who are like, oh, I got to
get this Taylor Swift special edition thing. You know, I
need four copies of Taylor Swift's new album on vinyl
to get all the colors. No, the reason they're millionaires
and they're billionaires is one, they did a pretty good
job saving their money, and two they spent their money
on better things than fucking Taylor Swift limited edition albums.

(07:05):
You know, here's a sweatshirt with my face on it.
Get it into all the colors. I don't know what's
happening there. Let's listen to more Mumford and Sons. Mumford,
Mumford and Sons. Uh, give me best song Mumford and

(07:25):
Sons here. Yeah, this is another Mumford and Son song.
Let's take a listen to this. Oh all right, this
is this is better? Yeah, this is so this is
I guess this is early Mumford and Sons. It's like

(07:48):
early nineties. I'm sixty Oh my shitty, Okay, I got
I go see this. It's a really good song and
I am too sixty four? Wowokan Jeppan Well, I mean shit,
if I would have known, if I knew that's what
Mumfords sounded like, I probably would have gone tonight. Hi, everyone,

(08:13):
grant here. I hate to break into the podcast and
interrupt with a sponsor because I know this is a
premium podcast, but I wanted to take a few minutes
and talk to you about something that's important to me.
And you're you're probably asking yourself, Grant, you've never done
this before, what could be that important to you? Well,
I just wanted to tell you that over at Taylorswift

(08:33):
dot com they have the Moonstone Blue edition of her
new album Midnights, and you can you can get a
copy of the album and you can get an official
vinyl wooden frame to go along with that. And the
start at the price now is we're looking at forty
five dollars for the frame and forty dollars for the vinyl,

(08:56):
And I mean, this just sounds like a hell of
a deal. You know. I know times are tough and
gas prices are over five dollars for most few people,
but hey, fucking give Taylor Swift more of your money.
That seems like a good idea, That seems like a
reasonable thing to do. Unrelatable billionaire selling you a fucking
wooden frame to put pictures of her in. She's an

(09:19):
insane person and she must be stopped. Head on over
to Taylorswift dot com and get your Moonstone Blue edition
of her new album Midnights. And you know there are
other collector's additions to this album. There's different colors, there's
different shit, but it's not different music. It's the same

(09:40):
fucking twelve songs that you're gonna get on all of them. Anyway,
that's my time. Thank you so much for sitting through
this ad, and head on over to Taylorswift dot com
to buy some you know, a fucking stupid clock and
a bunch of her albums. I hate the world. I

(10:03):
hate Taylor Swift dot com. Jeffrey Epstein's flight log literally
an open tab because I was gonna look up. Here's
what I was gonna do. I was gonna look up
if David Blaine was on the Jeffrey Epstein flight, like
the Lolita Express or whatever, because I have this weird

(10:27):
there's this weird thing that I've noticed David Blaine. Uh, yeah,
I don't know a lot of people. A lot of
people were on that plane. Yeah, David Blaine looks like
there's a Bloomberg article. I'm gonna open up. If you
flew the Lolita Express. The Feds want a word flew

(10:49):
on Typo, all right, so I feel like I should
attribute this since it's an article Bloomberg. And also, if
you're not into Jeffrey Epstein stuff, what are you doing? Huh?
It's fascinating and I like it is. It's a very
it's very wild. Anyway, after Jeffrey Epstein's latest arrest on

(11:15):
sex trafficking charges, some famous people maybe squirming. His notorious
Little Black book and private jet manifest contained a long
list a long list of bold face names, including Les Wesner,
former President Bill Clinton. US prosecutors on Monday encouraged anyone
with information about Epstein's conduct to come forward, not just

(11:39):
potential victims, to the socialized celebrities and politicians who attended
lavish parties at Epstein's home in Manhattan or Palm Beach
in the early two thousands are hitched rides on his
private jet named the Lolita Express. Now, do you think
the people that flew let me get a drink? Sorry
to the righting of the microphone. Do you think the

(12:00):
people who flew with Epstein do you think they were
told what the name of the plane was, And if so,
why would you get on the plane, Like if you're
Bill Clinton, I mean, hold on not Bill Clinton. If
you're Chris Tucker, let's say Chris Tucker of Rush Hour fame.

(12:24):
He's the one that's like, never touch a black man.
That guy. I can't get that high in my voice anymore. Hey,
you never heard me. I guess I could, but it
seems weird. So if you're Chris Tucker and your your boy,
your friend, your new acquaintance that you just met at
a party, Jeffrey Epstein comes up to you and says, hey, listen, Chris,

(12:47):
I want to take you. Take you on a trip.
I'm going to a couple of friends of mine are
going scuba diving this weekend down in I don't I
don't know where it is where his little Saint James,
I don't know where that is. Caribbean. Maybe somewhere Antigua. Cocomo.

(13:07):
Oh yeah, let's hear that. But let's hear that wall
we're talking about, Jeffrey Epstein. Let's set the mood right, Cocamo.
So you are, oh perfect, this is perfect music for this.
So you're Chris, You're jeff Epstein comes up to you,
You're Chris Talker and he says, hey, listen, brother, we're
going scuba dive man, we're going We're going on the beach,

(13:32):
and you're like, Jeff, where are we going? Off the floor? Decky. Yes,
there's a place called Cocamo and that's where we want
to go. Get it, get away from it all. So

(13:56):
you and Jeff, Jeff are having my ties and he's
telling you about his private jet and you're like, you know,
should I go? And then he's like, well, yeah, hey
go it's called the Low Leda Express. And then at
that point you have a choice to make. As Chris Tucker,
you have to say, you know what, I'm gonna dip
out of this one. I mean if he tell if
he told people what it was called, I mean, if
anybody knew that that was the name of his plane,

(14:18):
they'd be like, fuck this shit. I would say, we'll get.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
There fast and then we'll take it. So that's where
we wanta.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
Go, way down in cuckle fuck out. I don't know, no.
But the reason I even looked this up today to
begin with is because I want to see if David
Blaine was on the flight logs, Because you know, if
David Blaine heard that the name of the plane was
the Low Leading Express, he'd be like get out of here.
And he'd probably get out of here, that's how he

(14:53):
say it. He wouldn't head on down to Cokemo with
Jeffrey Epstein. You know, oh it again.

Speaker 3 (15:03):
I want to take it, mama, come on on, branded
Mamago want to take go down and go go. You'll
get that fast and then will take his songs.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
You want.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
Way down and go, go go sax. I mean, we
gotta hear the sax. So fuck it everybody, So yeah,

(15:49):
I mean, what is it about? So Jeffrey Epstein, I know,
liked magic. He was friends with David Blaine, he was
I think he was friends with David Copperfield. I feel
like a lot of those elite weird pedo type weirdos
are super into magic. I mean, you know what.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
I think.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
I know why because a lot of those like elite
high level billionaire types who are drinking adrenochrome and consuming
uh I'm never mind, but I feel like a lot
of those folks are into you know, living forever. And

(16:32):
if you tell, like a kind of a dumb rich
person that they could live forever if they worship the
devil or believe in like black magic, I would think
a lot of dumb rich people would be like, okay,
and I think that's true because there are like Bohemian
Grove and shit like that. That's that's just a bunch
of dumb rich or not dumb. But they believe in magic, right,

(16:55):
I don't think there's some maybe there is. I'm friends
with witches. I don't only warlocks. I got a couple
witch friends. I guess they believe you can harness the
Earth's energy to do things. But I don't know if
I believe in that. So yeah, but what is it about?
I guess I guess the reason the elite like that

(17:16):
that group of people, like the Jeffrey Epstein's. I'm trying
to think there was another example of a big time
guy who loved magic. Shit. I can't think there was
like another Jeffrey Epstein type, and there's not many Jeffrey Epstein.
I feel like Jimmy Saville fucking probably loved magic. B
any Way, what I guess it has to do with

(17:36):
they they have to believe in all this shit that
they're into, which is basically believing in magic anyway, So
they're probably just into it because they're like, magic is real.
Michael Jackson, that's who it is, That's who it is.
Michael Jackson said, David Blaine, do your magic. Magic is real?
David Blaine, do you guys remember that? That might not

(17:56):
have happened Jackson, David Blaine your magic. I believe in
your magic. Let's see. I feel like I feel like
he said, Oh, are you fucking kidding me? Man, Michael Jackson.
I'm gonna find this Michael Jackson, because I've been saying
it all week, David Blaine magic. I feel like it

(18:22):
was in a speech. He was like, David Blaine, keep
doing your magic. Magic is real. Fuck man, I may
have made that up. What is happening? Uh, Michael Jackson,
thanks David Blaine. I don't know, man, Maybe I'm creat

(18:46):
Oh yeah, here it is here, It is here. It
is the sixteenth ninul American Music Award and now the
American Music Award of Achievement. The inscription Murphy because this
album Bad is the first have it to generate five
number one singles? Oh no, this can be it. They

(19:08):
gave Michael Jackson a Lifetime Achievement Award in nineteen eighty nine,
but he hadn't even written his best song yet. I
don't know. I don't know where I was going with
that whole section. But I watched this movie called Girl
in the Shed on Hulu, as it were, and it's

(19:29):
an interesting movie. I think some people might be very
into it. But it's a lifetime movie, so they gloss
over some shit, right they It's about a kidnapping, literal kidnapping,
not like an adult napping, not like I was this afternoon,
an adult napping. Just kidding. A human trafficking is a

(19:51):
serious problem, guys. I don't mean to make light of it,
but yeah, I guess that's the theme of the episode
this week. Caitlyn's calling here. I'm missed out. Let's call
Kaitlin back. Hey, Hello, Hi, what are you doing.

Speaker 4 (20:08):
I just left.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
I'm recording. I'm recording the podcast. Oh oh, Hill, what's
on the way home? You're I was just saying you
were going to a Jesus h Mom for concert tonight
and you're you're gonna have what what do you want
to have for dinner? Yeah? That'd be cool. That sounds
great to me, babe. All Right, I gotta finish recording

(20:31):
this episode, so I can't. I can't stay on the phone.
It's bad. I talked about Taylor Swift, and then I
jumped right to pedophiles. So I mean it's pretty good.
I mean the elite. Do you think do you think
Taylor Swift's in good? I think it's a big part

(20:54):
of it. It's inner music, it's the Easter eggs inner
music point to.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
Her being all the Swifties are going to come after you.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
No, there's no Swift.

Speaker 4 (21:06):
Her fans are very volatile.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
I fucking kill me Swift and fans come after me,
come at me.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
But yeah, they're crazy volatile.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Non, they're crazy, non grown up. I just want to
wear sweaters. I just want to wear sweaters.

Speaker 4 (21:26):
To wear my cardigan.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
I want to buy as many copies of this album
as possible so I can have every picture of Taylor
Swift go on the internet and fucking just download them
and print them out, and.

Speaker 4 (21:35):
I can make her Clock kind of album, you know, Kate,
because you're not a real fan unless you have the Clock.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
I wanted to say something, but it's way too inappropriate,
even for the premium episode. So okay, Kate, I love
you too, bye babe. Okay, So that was Caitlin, my girlfriend.
She's getting Taco Bell apparently, but girl in the Shed.
It's on Hulu. It's about a fourteen year old girl
that gets kidnapped, and the movie is good, I think.

(22:09):
I mean, it's a Lifetime movie. But one of my
favorite movies of all time is a Lifetime movie, Dirty
Little Secret, The Jody Area Story. If you haven't seen it,
check it out. It's fucking wild. It's wild. It's just
literally the Lifetime is good at depicting crazy, I think.
And so anyway, The Girl in the Shed is about

(22:30):
this guy who kidnaps this fourteen year old girl and
then ends up she ends up figuring out that if
she's nice this guy, because he's got a fucking piece
of shit that she can you know, get out of what,
get out of the bed or the shipping container whatever
she's in, and he ends up letting her kind of
get free realm of the house. So all this stuff

(22:52):
happen is happening. There's all these conversations going on, and
a one you realize, oh the shit, this is Corey
Matthews from Boy Meant's World Ben Savage. And the thing
that I didn't appreciate is they put all this attention on,
you know, the deal that they kind of made you know,
do this, do this, do this, and they they just

(23:15):
they I don't know if they if I was in
the bathroom or I missed it, but this guy was
a rapist. They they never never showed that in the movie.
I don't think they. They made him seem like this
kind of likable guy who you the audience were like, yeah,
he's wrong, but it's you know, he's fucked up. And

(23:37):
I don't know if they did that because if you
saw him do like, you know, do the raping, if
it would make his character less likable, which I think
is dumb because what actually happened is he did a
lot of awful things to her that they just left out,
and it's like, why would you do that? One Lifetime
movies are they're supposed to be that, They're supposed to

(24:01):
be crazy, They're always crazy, but this, for some reason
was like washed down and really, I don't know, it
wasn't It wasn't what I expected because I had known
the story. I had heard the story from a while ago,
and yeah, he was nice to her, but also he
did some really really awful things. And I would recommend

(24:23):
everyone watch it, and then I would also recommend nobody
fucking hitchhike anymore. If you're if you're hitch hiking, what
are you doing? Like the last thing I would have
done as a teenager as a kid was get in
the car with a stranger to get somewhere faster. I
never needed to ride that badly, and I couldn't imagine

(24:44):
being like, hey, you know what this great idea I
did pick up. I picked up a bunch of people
in my pickup truck one time going to a fish concert.
That's probably the closest I've gotten to picking up an
actual hitchhiker. It was like a group of like six
seven people and I drove pick up truck and we
were on our way to Noblesville Deer Creek in Indie

(25:05):
near Indianapolis and Indiana. I think it's it's called Noblesville, Yeah, yeah,
and there's a whole bunch of hippies. I was like,
get in, and so I took them up to the
gate and you know, I parked and they were like
sea lady things. A lot ran into them. We partied
a little bit when we got inside. It was very nice,
but you know, they they also should have been mindful that, yeah,

(25:28):
this guy could be going to the concert. But also
I could have just gone off road and I could
have taken them all to a storage container where I
chained all of them up and experimented on them for
for for months, maybe years, and just playing you know,
fish music while I tortured them to recondition them not

(25:48):
to like fish. I'm just cutting a hippie like toe off,
driving thumbtacks into another hippies fingernails underneath the nail bed. Yeah,

(26:09):
would be pretty fun, But I don't know if I
really want to put this episode out. Yeah, I feel
like I've gone crazy. What's the why do you now
that we're getting in this seriou shit? Why do banks
charge you like twenty five dollars a month to maintain
whatever it is? I guess there's debit fees, there's all
kinds of shit like that. But what why they have

(26:33):
all the money? Yeah, you know, don't they make interest
on having I don't really understand how banks or how
money works, but doesn't having a lot of it? Or
if if you believe money's real, wouldn't having a lot
of it be like beneficial for you the bank? Like

(26:54):
do you really need to take twenty five dollars on
everybody's account under a certain Yeah, but I guess if
you have over a certain amount of your banking out,
they don't take it out. But I don't have anywhere
near that amount, so they they charge it, But I
don't understand what the charge is for, Like they're the bank.
You call me crazy. I mean it's maintenance. But how

(27:15):
much maintenance is being done on my account? Like zero?
I haven't talked. I haven't spoke to anyone at a
bank in five years I still lived in Scottsdale, So yeah,
what's the what? What maintenance? What am I paying for there? Oh? Also,

(27:35):
what's why do church pastors need to be cool? Why?
What is that about? I get like so in white church,
I don't I'm not used to that. In Indiana, there's
not a whole lot of cool pastors. There's not a

(27:56):
whole lot of uh hot, hot sex symbol, super hip,
trendy pastors walking around. That's just not a thing that
exists where I'm from. And now I live in Arizona
and it's just a bunch of fucking guys who are
otherwise total dorks, total nerds. But they found the word

(28:21):
of the Lord brother and now they wear designer clothes
and give speeches every Sunday, speeches, sermons. I just don't.
I thought like a pastor was supposed to be like
man of the people. Maybe that is man of the people. Shit,
maybe man of the people is having a fucking two

(28:43):
thousand dollars pair of Gucci shoes on. Maybe Oh I
got two things playing at once. I don't need that.
That's too much. But yeah, I just don't. And also,
how is it? Why is that an acceptable thing? I thought?
Oh again, along with being man of the people, pastors
were kind of, you know, servants to the people of

(29:05):
the church. And when you're driving a fucking McLaren or
some Range Rover Land Rover, whichever one is the nice one.
I think it's Range rant Land, it's rand Rover, I
believe now, But how is that acceptable? Like I mean,

(29:27):
but also I guess like people like Warren Jeff's did
that shit too, but their wealth was in underage you know, children, brides,
I guess, but I'm assuming and like didn't a bunch
of I watched the documentary about that Hillsong guy. He
seems like a pretty big douche bag. He's a guy
that always had a shirt off with Justin Bieber. He

(29:48):
was probably sixty nine things Justin Bieber after the after
church and Justin was like, your sermon's so good, litt
and he's like, Justin, you need to work on your amounts. Well,
maybe we'll cancel this to her, but also cool blency,
I guess went shirt dude. Yep, that just happened. I

(30:13):
don't really know where to go from here. Oh yeah,
hey check this out, so I gott I won't be
too specific here, but this sent me down a spiral
that almost caused this episode not to come out. Someone
nominated me to organize a Halloween party, and I don't

(30:36):
think that's the type of thing you should get nominated
to do. I have zero interest in one going to
this party, even if I were to throw it. And
I also don't I don't think that's the way party
planning committees are put together. You know, well, you should
take volunteers from people A who have experienced planning parties

(30:57):
and B one two planned parties. Fuck that. So yeah,
part of me is like, I'm gonna play in the
fucking worst party ever. I'm just gonna have actual footage
of executions being played in the background, just it's all
Middle Eastern uh decapitation videos of journalists. Everybody enjoy the

(31:25):
party and enjoy this little video made. This is like
Alas sawing through some guy's head. I bet they wouldn't
ask me to do it again after that. What else
could I There's a lot of things I could do,
just actual dead bodies just littered the floor. These decorations

(31:45):
are so good, like, yeah, they're pretty sick. I found them.
I found these behind the Spirit Halloween
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Crime Junkie

Crime Junkie

Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

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