William Keck, Writer/Producer/Journalist/Author

Today Alison interviews William Keck Writer/Producer/Journalist/Author 

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Alison arm Show. Yes, someof you may know me as the evil
meliolsen Ah, but tonight I amAlison Arkam, Thank Evans, and it's

(00:28):
the Alison Aringham Show. And herein the Allison Aringham Show, we talk
about things that make us feel good, the movies and the TV shows that
made us feel good, and thepeople who made them, and people who
are doing things now to make theworld a better and more interesting place.
Tonight we have an exception. Hemakes this guy now no serious, so

(00:51):
I go it's it. She says, he can't be right, seeing everyone
hates this man. What is shetalking about. Let's just take a look
here, shall we. Okay,Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis said, I
will find out where you live,and I will come burn your house down
and you'll have no place to live. Kelsey Grammar said, I invite this
young man to fry in hell,but that's probably a done deal already true.

(01:15):
Barrymore Tree, Barrymore, as weknow, a very spiritual and sweet
and gentle creature, said I'm goingto fucking kill you. Yes, that
is that is a quote. EvenEllen DeGeneres said, I don't like you
so much, which is pretty tamefor her because she could have Lindsay Wagner.
Now, Lindsay Wagner is one ofthat spiritually evolved kind of sweet as
people I know, and she saidfuck you. So this is how Matt,

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this cat has made people. TerryHatcher. Terry Hatchert's a lovely woman.
You will one day look up atyour reflection in your coffin and not
like what you see. Oh,people truly hate this man. I myself,
I hate it. Itn't do itis, But I think you'll love

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him to do. Yes, hehas a book out, because what do
you do after that? But Jesus, you got to write a book.
He indeed has written a book Whenyou Step upon a Star for me,
Confessions of a Tabloid bad Boy,and it is cringe worthy. Everything is
cringe worthy. But he has cometo lead his case and confess to everything.

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Karrothy Allison Hrkham Show, Ladies andgentlemen and wronged celebrities, William get
him? Well, that is away to make someone feel welcome. I
felt like you were about to sayladies and gentlemen Donald Trump, I mean

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like you hate him. We allhate him. People like my God,
who is she having ont of me. So I'm not so bad. There
are worse people out there. Ithink you'll agree. But yeah, no
denying. I made my nmies overthe years, for sure. Oh oh,

(03:06):
I don't know, uh barely.No, it's really really muffled.
Oh wait, is everybody back?Everybody's like back now I can hear you.

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That's so weird. Yes, itjust suddenly muted me. I don't
Yes, I don't know what itwas. Which is all the people who
hate you were like trying to pulla plug in the life time. That
must be it. That was youwork directly for the National Inquirer. You
actually did this. You were actuallya real live National Inquiry Reporter person.

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I hate to do this. Holdon one second. I think the problem
may be on my end. I'mhaving a weird I'm tripping my WiFi right
now as we speak. Looks good. Yeah, you're I'm gonna switch over.
If I lose you, I'll signright back. On technical difficulties,
people, we have to do thesethings sometimes. Okay, my WiFi is
cool. I'm just double check inmind go so it might be you don't

(04:15):
don't don't uh, weant go tofind out if the Tim or me here,
Tony. Do you know if it'sTim sign there? It looks good,
it sounds good, maybe it soundbetter. We will soon find out.
I think we're in good shape.Yeah, so that was fabulous.
Do you want to want to redothat? That? So we we we
got your opening in. We haveyou here, and we've talked about hating
you so much. Welcome, Welcome, William T. You're a real live

(04:45):
Inquirer person. Is this what didit? Is this what happened to you?
Yeah? You know what The Inquirerruined me. I was a nice
upstate New York boy who came herehoping to meet folks like you, all
my favorite TV stars, and yeah, the Inquirer just got into my blood.
It was like working for the mafia, Allison, I'm not kidding.
Wow, So you were a normalperson like you Stick, Well, I

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don't know, I mean what's normal. I don't think either of us probably
have ever been normal? Uh?You know you had parents and you went
to school. What did what wereyou studying to be? Well? You
know, I'll tell you that II had parents. I had I had
a mom. My dad passed whenI was I was young, very young,
five and you guys, the Inglesand the Olsens, and the Bradies

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and the Ewings and the Carrington's wereall my surrogate families. I wanted to
meet all of you. Michael Landoncertainly was a surrogate TV dad for me.
So it was actually, though,when when Robert Reid passed away,
that really sort of rocked my world. My my dad was was was closeted.
I for a long time was closeted. So seeing Robert Reid, dad

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of aide, on the People magazinecover, it just was I don't know,
I had a very strange effect onme. I got my ass of
la and sort of meeting you guysand want to meet as many of you
as possible. But yeah, theInquirer forced me to meet you at weddings
and funerals and in your hospital roomsand in the backyard peeking through the window

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just stealing your garbage and your trees. Oh my god, what is there
a worst thing you've ever done?I mean, as we've heard from everyone
from Drew Barrymore and everyone else,going fuck off die diahwo Oh my god,
Gen you think would you say whatwas the most like invasive, crazy,
insane thing you did that you couldthink of. Well, I'd say

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stealing garbage was pretty interesting. Wehear about that, so people really that
that's the thing. People go,oh, the inquirer is going to go
through your garbage? Is this athing they actually do? Have you really
really actually gone into people's garbage?I absolutely did. And what happens to
hear some rumors. Maybe you'll hearabout someone's drinking a lot or doing some

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drugs, or they're addicted to porn, and so you go into their trash
just try to find evidence. Idid that once with the great Kelsey Grammar
condemning you to hell for all eternity. That possibly may have been at the
start of that. The quote goeson, by the way, there's more
to it, and two PAGs onme, and he says, your mother

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must be very very proud of you. And she was actually the fact that
Kelsey Grammar was talking about me inhis book, she was overjoyed and thrilled.
But yeah, I stole his garbage. And this was midnight. I
brought it back to our office onSunset Boulevard and I opened it up,
went through it. There were afew things, nothing really incriminating. It
could have been dropped in by hisgardener. But what was in there,

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Allison, were maggots. Maggots,Yeah, started crawling all throughout the Inquirer
Bureau offices, which I felt wasjust very appropriate. I had to go
downstairs at midnight get the housekeeping's vacuumcleaner. So here I am vacuuming up
maggots. And they don't die thateasily. They're like alive in the vacuum

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back. Maggots are. Yeah,if you've ever cleaned it, anyone's ever
cleaned up maggots even once in yourlife, these things that it's bad.
Oh, it's bad. I justin my nightmares, I had visions of
them developing into flies with Kelsey Grammer'shead just flying around me and terrorizing me
for the rest of my life.So actually going to people's treuches. So

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it's it's true. It's true.It's now did you feel pangs of conscience
while you're doing it? Clearly you'reconfessing all in your fabulous book, But
did you while you were doing it, sometimes in the middle of the night,
while you were like lying under acar or something, go, what
the hell am I doing? Youknow? Absolutely, I mean it was
really traumatizing, and I was friendswith the other journalists, the younger ones.

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I was in my twenties at thetime, and we would just kind
of support each other. It waskind of like being on a team and
having an abusive coach who would askyou to do these things that you just
didn't want to do. But theother side of it was it was really
like working for the mafia, whereyou would do these things. They would
encourage you could do this kech,we believe in you, and when you
did, when you delivered, theygave you more money. There was a

(09:05):
whole system in place. When oneof your stories was on the cover,
you got a bonus. When itwas the main image, you got a
big bonus. So it was allwear positive reinforcement for this negative stuff.
Absolutely, But I got to tellyou, I worked in a lot of
places, a lot of Hollywood productionstudios. It was the nicest bunch of

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people for the most part. Uh. They all went to church on Sunday.
Sometimes they would run into celebrities atchurch and apologize. So I guess
there was a lot of cleansing ofthe soul needed there. The idea of
being a church having some of thecar and im really sorry about last week.
That would be mind blowing. Yeah, yeah, well I would.

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Why would I find in your garbage? By the way, if I were
to steal your garbage, what wouldbe in there? Well, I mean
the recycling bin, and Andrew proudto say it is probably more filled than
filled the garbage bin. We hada bear up here who tried to go
through my garbage because there was someleftover barbecue chicken, which I think was
very exciting. Unfortunately, there's alsokitty litter, so the bear was massively
disappointed. Well, you see,if a celebrity had just put a bear

(10:09):
in their bin, then that wouldhave taken care of me right on the
spot. There would be no moregarbage feeling. So that's you would you
nobod's getting my garbage up here becausethe bear's going to get there for they're
gonna get eaten by a bear uphere, so you know, good luck
with that. Yeah, you're garbagein my garbage? Yeah, because I
like, you know, come onreceipts. Who like shred receipts? Not
like an idiot? Yeah, ofcourse, Well, you know, I

(10:31):
wrestled the bear for the inquirer.By the way, you oddly, I
completely believe you. I'm sitting heregoing and he's not making that up because
photos of it in the inquiry inthe book, you know, besides sending
us out to Snoop for scoop onyou guys, they had us do these
weird kind of day in the lifethings. I spent a day as an

(10:52):
eighty year old man. They mademe up with asthetics to see if I
could get into a hip club,if I can get a discount at the
movie theater. But yeah, theyhad me wrestle an eight hundred pound bar
named Bogie. And the way Iput it in the book was the last
thing I added. We went throughlegal with the book, and I have
one chapter in there about a celebritywho beat me up, and they said

(11:13):
I was dropping too many clues,so I had to pull a lot out.
So I put in the photos ofme getting beaten by this bear instead
of instead of what I could sayabout the celebrity beating me up on the
front lawn of his home. Nowthat's something. Having written a book and
having gone through the normal things ofwell, now you're meeting with the editor

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and now you're going to do this, and we need rewrites. Then there
was the meeting with legal and everybody. If you write a book and you're
a good publisher, they're going toshow we got to talk to legal.
I was on the phone with legalfor three days. And that was just
my book. What in the nameof all that's holy was your conversation with
the legal department? Like with yourbook? That had to have been insane.
Well, I got to tell you, I made a scary but I

(11:54):
think brave and smart decision. Ishared these chapters with the people I was
writing about. Wow. One ofthe chapters I shared was with someone I
think you may have heard about,Melissa Gilberts. She's a chapter in there
for the book. Mike. Ilove her. I know your besties,

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but boy does she have an amazingsense of humor. I crashed her wedding.
I crashed her wedding back in theday. Yeah, I invited the
inquiry to all my weddings. Okay, there's only two, there's only two
people. But my first wedding thingwas is they were going to come and
at the time, and they said, I'm not that famous, famous enough,

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And I told my friends, Isaid, no, you call them
and invite them and they went whisI said, well, because otherwise you
wanted to come with the helicopters ordo you want to just have them go
and take us to don't buy youpresent? They might chip in for something,
and I was able to pick thephotographers who was marvelous with the lovely
Roger Carnbad who I'd known since Iwas twelve, and beautiful photos. So
he was going to come. Soit's like I was inviting him anyway,

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Okay, you know right, Soand then they they actually kicked in some
cash and help with the food andchampagne budgets like lovely, and then it
was a total exclusive. So theythen send security because they acquire didn't want
anyone else taking pictures, which meantany difficulty with people coming into the wedding.
Security ex boyfriend and he like,here's they were getting in because the

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Inquirer was taking care of security.It was the most blokers. I'm being
made safe by the Inquirer. Whatis happening? And they did a beautiful
layout and then I got a beautifulphoto album for all the photos. Now,
sadly, the wedding was lovely,the marriage was not as good as
great wedding marriage did the last.So I go, yeah, oh yeah
it is. You go to getdivorced and you know, reconcilable differences.

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It was all no fault. Butby golly, they did fune. They
did phone as they do. Theywant to find out all about They wanted
to know just in case there wassomething there, and I was like,
oh Jesus, I said, well, as fate would have it, it
was already planning the wedding to mycurrent husband, Bob, which is a
deadly husband. Thirty years. We'vejust crossed the thirty years gradu that one

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took, and so we're planning ourwedding and the divorce is just tasically it's
final here like what he's there andthey're like, so what's going on.
I'm like, oh my godh okay. So and my remember my father was
my manager and he was totally upon this. It's like, so,
how do you feel about a wedding? And it was do you want to
just drop the whole divorce thing,like that's not even happening if you come

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to the wedding. And they literallysaid, oh, honey, weddings sell
more, pay percent of our That'sthat's absolutely true. That true. Is
that true? That's and yes,it's all about weddings and babies. Those
are so good news, is infact actually bigger any inquire than the terrible
bad news we read? Yeah,did you speed up the wedding just so

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you could combat the divorce story?No, we were. We were doing
it anyways, like okay, when'sthe divorce final? Okay, let's get
BAEd. It was actually final,way in advance, but they hadn't sent
me the paperwork. And I literallywent downtown. I go why, and
they went, oh, I'm sosorry we didn't mail. Yes, we're
supposed to mail it like months ago. Well here's the thing, and they
stamped it and I literally flew theink drinds into which way to the marriage

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license office, so it looked tackierthan it was. And they came and
again they said, well we're notyou know, we're not paying for the
segue, they said, but wellby, But they absolutely chipped in.
They bought a lovely gift, theypaid for champagne. They sent people the
same thing. Roger gartenback showed upand they actually made a deal. So
I had a beautiful layout in Hellomagazine, Oh Law, and people at

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the Inquirer, and that is myhusband thought it was so funny that we
didn't even have a wedding album.We just have a binder with all the
magazines, and Bob says, wantto see my wedding album. Pulls out
the Inquirer or an Hello magazine ifyou like plot, and he's like,
no, really, that's the picture, so it can work out. But
that I was fascinated, And howquickly they were perfectly happy to make this

(16:00):
this weird deal. The exchanged Okay, yeah, we didn't really want to
know about that anyway, when's thewedding And they were like, no,
no, good news sells actually morethan bad news, weirdly, and we
will happily make a deal. AndI was surprised by that. But apparently
that's a thing. It is athing. It is a thing. I
remember, and the Inquirer is soamazed when any celebrity wants to work with

(16:21):
them, that you really can negotiatea good deal. I remember. Do
you remember Jonathan Silverman, that actorJohnstone Silverman. Yeah, he was on
the show called The Single Guy rightaround Friends, was on the air.
Really nice guy. Mememor. It'sa lot of the Neil Simon plays he
did on Broadway. Well, Idon't want to dig up his scandal,
but there was something involving his familythat he really really didn't want out there.

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So we made a deal and heinstead invited us over to his home
and we did this kind of crazystory about he and his girlfriend having this
problem because he was allergic to hercats. That was the story, and
Bye guy. The Inquirer lived upto their bargain. They never revealed the
other scandal. It never came out. So yeah, I mean, there
was a whole safe in Lantana,Florida. That's the home that was the

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and they had information on Bill Cosby, a whole file on him. So
anytime they needed Bill Cosby for aFather's Day story, they could call him
up and he would contribute because heknew else or else or else. We
would get nude photos in I rememberI had nude photos sent to me of
Don Johnson. We didn't do anythingwith him, but we saved them.

(17:33):
Not bad, it wasn't probably good. Didn't flattering. I think they would.
They were very flattering. I hada friend who I get him name,
He saw in certain celebrity at aclub clearly about leaving with these two
women, three women, two women, and things were definitely going on,
and he was like, oh mygod, oh my god. Got he's

(17:55):
very nice, and so we likecalled the enquired and said, I have
pictures. I have pictures, Andthey said, if you get a picture
of that guy with more than twowomen or less than two women, or
a guy, or anything other thantwo women, you know, feel free
to call us, because do youknow how many freaking pictures we got of
that guy with two women? Apparentlyit's a thing. And why he had
like no idea. He was soinnocent. He thought he'd found the most

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scandaloss thing. And they went,oh, you don't know him, do
you. Yeah, we do knowhim, and he's done way work more
scandalous things than what you've got picturesof, so you don't have to do
better than that. I never wouldhave guessed that of Dean Butler. He
always seemed like a very straight lace. Oh my god, can you imagine
you would have to go through histrash for years before you'd find it?
I mean, indeed, but walkon that one right, Oh my god,

(18:40):
Wheenie's Ivory soap. Absolutely an amazingguy. Is, well, you
know, I feel like I shouldjust quickly explain to people. And I'm
not even sure what you know whatthis is? You know what I mean,
it's you. But do you knowwhy you have this? Oh?
I do? I do. It'sone of my fabulous it's kind of the
uh oh, what's that one?The Stanley Kubrick stare basically, but it's

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it is indeed one of my bestNellie Olsen in the tank love shots.
Well, there's there's two of themhere. Let me show you the other
one. Oh, well, there'syour mama. Yes, yes, always
got to get so. We WhenI was a producer at Home and Family

(19:25):
on the Hallmark Channel, I produceda two hour reunion movie or two our
reunion special. You were making oneof your many appearances in France. I
always in France. So you andI snuck out to see me right before
because they were all going to gettogether in studio with you, and I'm
like, I ain't going to bethere, and you said, fight,
we'll go to see me. Andagain I was like, did you really

(19:48):
work this out? We got there, the gates weren't open. I don't
know if we were breaking in.You hadn't talked to the guy I was
going and we hate William Gig butwe got in. I don't know how
we climb defense what the hell?We finally got in, and we did
take all these hysterical shots and merunning down the hill stuff in see me,
And if I recalled, the wholegang was totally floored and surprised.

(20:08):
You're right, You're right, itwas. It was wonderful. You were
hysterical. You gave a tour ofeach of the locations the blind school,
and you also put on your nillywig and you ran down the hill where
you had Laura had pushed you downthe hill. It was it was incredible.
But because you weren't there, wehad two hours to fill so we

(20:29):
blew up these pictures of you andof Harriet, of Catharine McGregor, and
we had an archery contest with thecast and they were aiming arrows at the
villains of Walneck Rove and they missed. There's no holes in your head,
so luckily I shocked that none ofthem had decent aim No. I mean,
Matt, Matt, Matthew, hewas pretty close a couple of times.

(20:52):
I think now, I actually,well, I'm not good at it.
But I did take archery at camp. I probably could have hit a
couple you could have. I wishyou been there. But man, your
video was a big hit with thefans. The video is great, Oh
my god. But yeah, you'vebeen doing all these fabulous TV cast reunions
and so people clearly have forgiven youand able to get together with a lot
of these people. You've done.How many of the different shows have you

(21:15):
done that well? At home andFamily? I think I did fifteen.
We did Little, did the Waltons, and we did my Gosh, we
turned the house into a spaceship forStar Trek the Next Generation and Dynasty and
Nuts Landing. We did a bunchof all my favorites, and yeah,
I mean it was a full circlemoment for them to experience me as a
producer, so many years after Ihad been on the other end of things,

(21:37):
snooping in their garbage and crashing theirweddings. A leopards, as Julie
Newmars so kindly contributed to my book, A leopard can change its spots.
Oh, I think that's the thing. Is is that the whole picture books
is that you have changed your weight, You are you are confessing and repentant.
And as you said, the mindset. What is this mindset? Because

(22:02):
we see this all the time.We got my God, Is there anything
they don't know? And I meanI've joked about the inquiry of my act
and that I said that, youknow, they do know everything beause they
had that fabulous article about Saddam Husseinbeing a fan of Little House in the
Prairie. And when I talked aboutmy act, is his lust for power,
his sexual perversion, his passion forLittle House in the Prairie. Thought
I was kidding. I said,no, that's literally the article and it's

(22:23):
true. They did not make itup. Because I later ran into someone
who would actually know, who workedwith various world leaders and knew about people
went oh, yeah, Saddam Husain, Yeah yeah, Little House in the
Prairie favorite show. I went,well, what, yes, so it's

(22:44):
you. I'm sure you were hisfavorite character and he modeled his whole life
off of you. And that's whySaddam Hussein ended up being the lovely man
that you want. I mean,Melissa did she called me, so it's
your fault. I'm like, don'tlook at me. Well, you know
what it once they said he hadhe wanted Michael Landa to be his father.
He had terrible psychological complexes and littleHouse was all about if only Michael

(23:06):
had been his dad, it wouldhave been okay. Same as me.
I didn't realize I had so muchin common with the other bad boy.
It's all over the world. Butthe Inquirer does know things. There's you
know, and now we talk aboutthat the Inquirer has been directly involved in
politics. I remember hearing that therewas a man who ran The Inquirer used

(23:26):
to work for the CIA. Thatthey indeed, their ability to know things
is much more than we think about. Like the average joe with a tabloid
they are They seriously do know thingsthat they shouldn't know. How does that
all work? Well, you know, I mean, it's no secret to
you. There's these Klingons, notthe Starks, Rickpling's right behind you,

(23:49):
the sacred fan who's is attached onthe celebrities because they want to be associated
with them. There are also peoplewho feel burned and ostracized and ignored and
want revenge. So there were manymany nannies and nurses and best girl friends,
funny boilers and fiance's I mean Imentioned Kelsey Grammar. I got stories

(24:11):
from his fiance at the time,who's contributed a page in my book.
And his brother was another source.Kelsey's own half brother was selling stories.
Yeah. Yeah, so you neverknow, you know who's selling you out.
And they paid well, they reallyreally did. Yeah yeah. So
if people felt they weren't getting paidenough by I don't know, Sandra Bullock,

(24:33):
lovely person, just pulled her nameout of a hat, then they
would find another way to supplement theirincome. It's it's kind of terrifying when
you put it that way. Butindeed, the fact that, as you
said, you and the others seeminglynice people to start with, raised and
decent homes by lovely mothers. Butyet the mindset was Joe to get this
terrible dirt and no, we loveit. It's a good thing you're doing.

(24:56):
Yes, we're going to reward youand pat you on the head for
the file. It's what is theirmindset? Because it is it? Is
it? America needs to know?Is it? People really need to know
these terrible things, and we mustbe the ones to find what what is
possessing them to do? This?Money was possessing them and the genesis of
the Acquirer. They started out literallyas a train wreck. They were a

(25:19):
magazine of paper that ran photos oftrain wrecks and car accidents, these gory
yes, yes, yes, Andthey got a photograph of mister Elvis Presley
in his casket that they put onthe front page and it sold six point
five million copies. Remember turning back, no turning back at that And that

(25:42):
was the day they went Eureka,we have found it that the celebrity sold.
And from that point on, Yeah, they would do the occasional human
interest story and they had this weirdblue dot that people were supposed to I
don't know, worship and they wouldget good luck, remember that blue dot.
I'm the the celebrity who actually hada subscription to the National. At

(26:07):
one point I read it religiously becausewell I had to keep up, Oh
my god, what's next? AndI read it. But I also noticed,
and this is something I always tellpeople, and people, you know,
want to know, what what whereis America at? What is America's
number one magazine TV Guide? Whatis America's number one newspaper The National Inquirer?
Yeah? Ye, but but butthey go new New that's truth.

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Well, and some people I'm notgoing to say where some people would that
was their newspaper, that Yes Timesor New York Times, their Washington Post.
That's what I saw in the NationalChoir. And I know it's true,
and I'm not going to be convincedthat it's not true. That's right.
I remember thought tightly. When Iwas working the show, I was
reading variety of the Reporter, DailyTimes and the National Inquirer because I knew,

(26:53):
damn well, that's where like youneed to know what's it next?
And I would do stuff. Idid a lot of like, hey,
I'm doing a bikini shoot for athing for come on over. You mentioned
doing the Daylight things. I didstuff with the Inquirer. Where do you
want to come? They did athing or it was like an adventure thing.
Somebody went skydiving, several peoples.Somebody flew Angelian flew a plane.

(27:17):
They had a flag jet. Theyhad all these weird things with celebrities.
Yes, and they'd gotten it.I did hang gliding another time. A
guy from a hang gliding magazine said, want to learn to hang glide and
we'll shoot the pictures. Are sure, there's fabulous so we did that.
So they said the only we onlyhave a couple left. Do you want
to be Vegas show girl for aday? Oh god yes, I was

(27:42):
like, nineteen, I want tobe Vegas show girl for a day.
And we went down there was theflamango and these lovely way as. They
said, we are dancers, notshowgirl. Show groups were down the hall.
This is dance. You're getting adancer costume, don't you forget him?
Yes, ma'am. And the thingin the fishing and the thing and
the headdress which weighs like thirty fortypounds. I had new respect for these

(28:04):
women because the tail feathers were liketwenty thirty pounds in the head dress was
like thirty forty pounds and you haveto hold your head just so oh yeah,
extremely painful. And the shoes andthe thing, and we got in
position. They said, she can'traise her legs, she'll never be able
to write. Yeah, yeah,yah, And I was like, you
dared me, and so I didit. I was able to do it.
I was very impressed. But Igot I always show girl for a

(28:26):
day in Vegas, And wow,what they have to put up with in
the costume and the work, butit was amazing. I got a whole
week in Vegas. That's recurse.So I used to do all these WHA
could do things with them, whichis maybe why I've been spared so many
Maybe you played ball, you playedball with them? Well, Vegas,
that is the place I spent somuch time in Vegas. When I was

(28:47):
with the Inquirer, they say,you know, what happens in Vegas stays
in Vegas except when the inquirers there. So I was sent there for Clinias
was wedding, following his bride andher bridemaids as they got drunk in order
to hippers. One of my bigKelsey Grammar stories. Again, Poor Kelsey.
I was sent to Vegas to findout if his fiance had been working

(29:10):
as a hooker. So we hadreceived these these photos of handy from an
escort service. So yes, Ihired a hooker to my room to find
out if that agency, in factwere not just dancing in rooms, that
they were doing more than dancing.So my buddy shows up and goes,
honey, I got like, realgigs, what are we doing here?

(29:33):
Yeah? Well, I mean Ipaid her though she didn't have to do
anything more, although she got alllittle break for the evening a little time.
I mean, I was in mytwenties, so even though I decided
to do with guys at the time, it was on the Inquirer's dime,
and she was there and kind ofgoing, did I come all the way
down here for nothing? So,you know, fair enough, she was

(29:55):
a win win, I guess somethinglike that, and then I was able
to get out of there in timeto cat Sigfrid and Roy at the end
of the Tiger Act. So,I mean, are sometimes celebrities and it
sounds like it's really yeah, Soit's mentioned I was gonna say, are
celebrities sometimes they're their own worst enemy, because I know, I know there's
a lot of people like me whodid goofy fun things that played ball and

(30:18):
said, okay, now, pleasedon't hurt me if something goes wrong,
cut me some slack gi me.You know. Well, the other thing
I've joked about now with social media, I said, back in the day,
they put the Inquirer to bed onThursday night, So if you did
something terrible Friday or Saturday, youhave days for your publicist and manager to
get on the phone and go wemake it please, man, please,

(30:40):
and get your butt out of thesling right now. You fall on that
pavement and there's the cell phone andyou are TMZ. Now, oh it's
it's immediate. One of the womenwho contributed a little nice blurbrom in front
of the book was Cynthia Tweeze LaurenLauren Cynthia Tweez who played Julie McClay on
The Love Boat, Oh my Godadore her the sweetest in the world,

(31:02):
and she talked about the terror thatshe would have on Tuesdays, which back
in the day, that was theday the new issues came out, and
she's like, this is something good. And this was not the case on
Little House, but on Love Boatshe said the producers leaked stories about them
to keep them in control and saidgain interest in the show. I mean,
I can't imagine how horrible that musthave been, but yeah, I

(31:23):
know it's We got one scene Quirredid a thing. They were convinced we're
all fighting with each other, whichwas really weird, and they picked like
and it was like all the wrongpeople. It's like, well maybe that
one and that one, but waitthese weight No, I didn't fight with
it they got all the wrong people. But it was like me and Melissa
Gilbert and Melissa su Anderson and Michaelall on the cover and they picked the
four worst possible like pictures you know, right that they could get of everybody

(31:45):
and said it. All four ofus were fighting with each other. We
were all like, what the hell? But I walked into the supermarket with
a bunch of my friends and thereit was. And they were, oh,
they weren't hysterics. They were onthe floor. I'm not waiting at
it. So they thought it wasa hoot. And we're all like,
god, well we you know,we did again, same kind of thing.

(32:05):
Melissa called me, is like,oh my god, what are we
doing? She says, I'm callingmy publicist, my learn I said,
what do you want to do?And she goes, okay, She calls
me back, goes, I gotit worked out. You want to go
out? You want to go out, she says, get a friend,
And we went at what was atthe Cattle Barren Club. We went out
to a nightclub and called a bunchof people to come and get pictures of
us hanging out having a fabulous timedrinking and dancing and help clearly no fight,
so so so smart. That's that'sthe way to handle it. You

(32:29):
absolutely you've got it right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So balkers are
celebrities sometimes their own words standing methough, Are they our celebrities being incautious
doing things that are creating drama?Are they screwing themselves in some of these
situations? Well for sure. Imean there are people like when we saw
in the in the early two thousands, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, and

(32:53):
they were stepping out of limousines withoutunderwear, so I mean fair game.
They wanted to be captured, strippeddown to nothing, So in that case,
anything's fair. There are certain celebritieswho tried to live a private life.
They live in Idaho. I meanHarrison Ford. You didn't hear about
him forever because he lived away fromit all. He didn't go to events

(33:14):
and premieres. He would come inand do his movie, promote it and
then hide away again. So hedidn't he wasn't part of that game and
he was left alone. But yeah, I mean there are also there are
other celebrities who wanted to be inthe inquirer. I mean rose Ane Barr
and if they weren't in the Inquirer, they would do something to get back

(33:35):
in it that week. They justgot such a kick out of it.
I did a lot of stories withremember Jajah Gabor's husband, Prince Freddy Frederick
God who never stopped with that geese. He was a source, as well
as Jaja's daughter, late daughter Francesca. They were sources. But my god,
there was a Freddie. Frederick wouldcall me and Jajah couldn't stand this

(33:55):
because she was incredibly embarrassed. ButFreddy called me and said, I I've
lost my membership at Bally's Fitness Centerbecause I was in the jacuzzie and ladies
there said they could see my manhoodthrough my white speedo. And so I
mean, I'm like, this istoo good not to not to do something
with this. So I said,would you be willing to prove that your

(34:21):
speedo is in fact see through?So I took him to the pool at
the Beverly Hilton and we did itbefore dry photo, and then we had
him go in the water and doa wet photo and we left it up
to the readers to see if theycould see enough of what would warrant a
complaint. Another time he called mebecause he had what is yeah, yeah,

(34:47):
yeah, we talked about the PrinceAlbert n Can. I mean,
you know, we got fun withall of those puns. So, I
mean he and then he got hitby a car once and he was at
the hospital and he said, William, hurry up if you want to get
the exclusive before Jaja comes to pickme up. So I went there and

(35:08):
I said, well, where's Jaja. Oh she left because she's doing an
interview with Entertainment tonight. I said, I thought I was getting the exclusive.
He said, we've given We've givenEntertainment Tonight the video exclusive and you
have the print exclusive. And thenI had to drive him home because he
had no ride, and he reenactedme hitting him. He reenacted the hit

(35:30):
and run on the way home.So I mean, some people are game
for anything. And I love thosecelebrities. They made my life very,
very fun. Wow, So thereare people in now, why why would
you say, why the book?Now? Why the change? Now that
you said, okay, I've gotto I've got to come claim maybe some
of this stuff I did wasn't sonice. What happened? Well, first

(35:52):
of all, I mean, justas you are not Nelly Olsen, a
role that you played forty years ago. I am not that than I played
that tabloid reporter from thirty years ago. I gave myself three years and I
said, then I'm out. Thisis it's going to be an adventure,
a wild adventure for three years,but I don't want to become a lifer.
It was actually a photograph of RaquelWelch that they put on the cover,

(36:13):
looking just so despondent. And thenthey had a photo ofphon her glamorous
days and it said the poor,sad, lonely life. And I said,
no, that that's me. Igo through depression. I wouldn't want
that exposed. So I made theprocess of resigning and I had a start
from scratch, and yes, Iwent on to USA Today and TV Guide.
And I'm wanting to ask you,Allison, because you joked about hating

(36:38):
me, but I've always believed youactually, really, sincerely did not like
me, even though you've always beenso lovely to me. And I've tried
to figure out what it was Idid. Oh, you kissed me up
a couple of times, Well,no, the big ones, it's you
didn't do anything horrible. I willgive you that you've never picked my crash
and thank god. But because ofthe inquire mindset, there were times where

(37:00):
you said things where I went,what the And it was that very sort
of crash like to the point vulgarishinquirer thinking. Now, I grew up
in Hollywood, and I've also beento Washington, D C. And Nolvity,
New York and Sacramento. So peoplein politics of it, that's how
they took. But I was,you know, that's the thing when my

(37:21):
book came out, and you,yeah, absolutely, you got us that
huge article, but you were definitelygoing for any of the negative sponsor trashy
things that could be exploited to makethat article sell. And we're absolutely going,
well, you know, and itwas almost like does he have a
cigar when he's saying this stuff?Jesus cute frog dude. It was like,

(37:43):
I don't think you by it,but it was like seriously, seriously,
And then I think you hit onmy cousin. But everybody does that.
I your countin relationship. I wentto see him in Vancouver when I
was at my lowest. He's he'san amazing guy. He came Muppets Night
at the Hollywood Bowl together. Heturned a candle ope into a Kermit the

(38:04):
Frog. He's a genius. Pleasegive him my best I loved him.
We met. We met in Hawaiion one of my assignments. But yes,
first of all, your book isgenius. I mean, if my
book is order as humorous, entertainingas yours, then it's a winner.
Confessions of a Prairie Bitch is genius. Now, as I recall, I
was a TV guide, I believeyour book came out right at the same
time as Melissa su Anderson's book.Yes, and there was definitely a competition

(38:30):
going on. Yes, oh youand others went, oh, well,
let's let's exploit this covered. Let'smake it like it's really a battle royal
here, and it got nutty.So sure, yes, I don't know
that I totally that way. Isaw these two great books that I want
to cover, let's cover them together. But you know, knowing that I

(38:52):
did pull out things from your bookthat sort of would relate to things in
her book, and I'm sure Iprobably did for read some kind of a
rivalry. So even though I putthe inquirer as I say in the book,
it took a long time for theinquire to quit me. So I
apologize because you deserved the best coverageas possible for that amazing, amazing book,

(39:13):
and it was understandable and at thetime I was like what Then I
went, well, of course,of course, this is how they're going
to do it. Now. Thecrazy part is, as you've first seen
on via the internet. I wasjust in Monte Carlo with a bunch of
her per gang, including yes,yes, Melissa Anderson herself, and you
said, we're like arm in armon the red carpet, in color coordinated
outfits like word chillin' chill ball lookedso beautiful. I mean, we got

(39:38):
the phone and said, okay todaywe're doing blue. Now it's green.
We came into the lobby, noidea, and when you all got the
memo, what that what? Andthen the next time it's like, oh,
we're all doing green. How didyou know to do that? I
was like, connect, Matt,how do you even own a green suit?
How did you? But we colorcoordinated psychically the whole weekend. It
was fabulous. And yes, yes, the you know, Melissa Soue and

(40:00):
I are now like, weirdly jummy, go figure. I don't know that
because you're not the same people thatyou were back then, you do grow
and evolved in your priority shit,you know, I mean hello, hello.
Yeah. One of the stories Ifocus a lot on is the Desperate
Housewives, who, by the endof the run of that show, it

(40:21):
was they were like cats. Imean, it was really the three of
them against Terry Hatcher for a varietyof reasons you can read about in the
book. But I spoke to Marsha, and Marsh's like, why were we
doing that? I mean, itdoesn't seem like a big deal anymore.
There's things that we just got soupset over. With maturity, you become
a mother, you become a wife, you become an advocate like you are,
and you see what really does matterand what doesn't. So, you

(40:43):
know, seems so there, see, okay, so all feuds have been
settled. Everyone is shaking hands.Thank God, this is great. What
what advice do you have because youcame out, as you said, a
young person wanting to meet all thesecelebrities you loved, And what advice you
have for a young person saying Iwant to go to Hollywood to be an
actor, be a journalist. Butwhat would you tell them well. I

(41:06):
mean, first of all, Iguess if someone wants to come and meet
these stars like I did, myfirst advice would be to go to Westwood
Memorial Park because they're all there.I always take people. You can get
a selfie with Merilyn Monroe, youcan get an edging, an autograph from
Natalie Wood. It's there, Pranwith celebrities, Dean Martin, you have
big celebrity. I mean, ForestLawn is good. That's for a lot

(41:29):
of people. And it's weird becausethe Westwood and Morris it's about this big
is behind a movie theater in anoffice building, and I'm always like,
oh, I don't want to beburied there. It seems it seems strange
and behind the movie theater. Butthen if you go further up to west
to let you get Michael land andeverybody out there who has the most beautiful,
beautiful window as private as it shouldbe, but you can see some

(41:51):
beautiful memorabilia that the family has approved. It's a very appropriate place for mister
Landon. Are you a cemetery person? Are you what is as as they
call them on certain websites, thedeath eggs. Are you a cemetery fan.
Do you like to go to likefamas cemetary file? Call me a
death hag. I am obsessed withcemeteries and I write about I think the

(42:12):
reason this happened is because my daddied when I was five. I wasn't
allowed to go to the funeral orthe wake, which was probably a good
idea. I understand my family's reasoning, but in my mind, was he
really dead? On the soap operas, people come back to life, and
I was obsessed with thinking maybe oneday I'll go there with a shovel and
him up and have a look andsee if he's there. It's very weird,

(42:32):
but I forget it. I mean, Melissa Gilbert talked about she did
not She was not allowed to goto her father's funeral, and years later
it was a huge problem for herand they thought, oh, we'll shelter
the child, and then as anadult she's like, why why was I
being kept from Yes, yes,back in the day they would not let
kids go to the funeral. No, psychologically it's not a good idea.
It made death really spooky to me. I spoke with a woman from Ireland

(42:55):
the other day and she said theexact opposite they make the children part of
the problem, since the morning processa tribute and it doesn't become as scary
and weird and ghoulish. So yeah, I every place I go. I
just got back from Austria, I'malways looking for the hottest cemeteries. I
love going to the cemeteries in Italybecause you know, they have all their
faces out there, so I'm alwayslooking for a fotchered eyes. You know,

(43:17):
I'm did you go visit? Youhaven't been to see my friend Jess.
The next time you're in Venice,you go out to the Big Island,
the big island there in the canal, and the send Michelle there and
there's a big cemetery and you gointo behind the wall where they have all
the cremated people in the wall withthe pink And my friend Jess Peterson,
who you may have met. Imean, he was my manager with my

(43:37):
father back in the day, andwhen he died, he wanted his ashes
taken to Venice, and I managedto do this, and I need to
make like a documentary about it.It was insane getting somebody's ashes to Venice
and we got them in this vaultand then they said, what do you
want on it. We usually dopictures. It's Italy, and I went,
oh my god. So I foundthe most gorgeous pictures of him taken
when he was like twenty two.I've had that to put up with,

(44:01):
just so nobody knows. I didn'tput dates, so nobody knows that,
yeah, he was sixty five whenhe died. Nobody knows. They just
see this beautiful guy so smart becausefirst of all, I've been to that
island cemetery. It's my favorite.Really know that world. It is incredible,
Mirano Burano. I can never figureout which is the glass Island,
which is the dead people Island.There's a ceramics side, all the sorts

(44:22):
of violence. But yes, thatcemetry is great. But you will also
find you will. It's very interestingto see what photos people have chosen their
loved ones, because there'll be somesort of like, you know, hairy
guy with his chains and no shirton, and I'm like, did they
not like Grandpa? Why did theychoose? Surely there had to be a
better photo taken than a shirtless photo? Okay, Sun David? Or did

(44:43):
crazy Grandpa give that picture of thegrammar? I want this? Yes,
yes, it's wild. But yes, I am obsessed. And a lot
of my stories took place in cemetery. I see us having like a lunch
date and going out to Forest Lawnor to Hollywood forever, and and and
I can introduce you to some ofmy friends who like, yes, I

(45:04):
have favorite grapes. I did notknow we had this weirdness in common.
Of course we do. I'm surewe have more in common than that.
And I tell you, I mean, I'm just I'm thrilled with in your
show, but just to finally healbecause I've loved you, and I'm like,
what, I've done something, Andyou're too much of a of a
of a lady to confront me withthat. You've sort of you've held it
in. But I but I knew, and I'm just so grateful that we

(45:28):
did get to hash it out andkind of get to the truth of the
matter. Totally crazy. So now, I mean, you mentioned the pandemic
caused you to reflect. Is thatpart of when you went this is the
time, this is the time toget it all out into a book.
Well, I am a hoarder aswell, so I have kept everything.
I kept every reporter notebook, Ikept every clipping of every article I ever

(45:51):
wrote. I kept every tape recordedinterview, so shot me Joan Collins.
I have our interview on tape,word for word. So I went through
the pandemic. I sat in mygarage and I just got to get rid
of some of this stuff. SoI threw some stuff away, and then
I kept some stuff, and thenlike, this is the juicy stuff that's
the making of a book. Sowow, most interviews I've done have been

(46:15):
absolutely lovely. But people don't wantto hear those stories. I don't think
that would be a very interesting book. People want to hear about what went
wrong. So those the stories Ichose to tell. The stories where I'm
on the run, you know.I mean I mentioned we talked about cemeteries.
I was in a tree spine onDean Martin's cemetery his funeral. I

(46:35):
was up there and I heard RosemaryClooney saying, when the moon hits your
eye like a big pizza pie.That's a more. We rented a tree
for five hundred dollars the tree,Oh my god. And having those he
said, it's true. I mean, even when I wrote my book as
like an instant up, I gono pick this embarrassing story that your publicist
as, God, don't tell thatone and start there and like work here

(46:57):
with these are the personal stories.Do you have advice for people who are
looking back at their life now andgoing, hey, maybe I screwed up.
Maybe I've been doing something that wasn'treally me. I gotta get it
all out. What advice would youhave to people like you looked back and
gone, that was not me.I don't know what the hell I was
doing. I got to confess.Well, the key is don't look back
because you can't change it. Youcan learn from your mistakes. And each

(47:22):
chapter ends with a lesson learned thatI've learned that I think people will hopefully
be able to apply to their livesabout how I evolved and came out of
the closet. Because that was theother thing, Allison that we haven't talked
about, is that I was swoopingin all your private lives and I was
living to lie myself as a closetedgay man. Really, yes, yes,
I know you're shocked, and I'mgay. I thought you were straight.

(47:44):
I congratulations if you Hey so,I mean, how hypocritical that was
that? Right? You came toa point where I wanted to just clean
up my life. I wanted tobe honest with who I was, and
that meant being with my career aswell. So I think you knew.
Did you know a reporter named NeilHitchins at the Inquirer. Oh God,

(48:06):
yes, Jesus, yes, hewrote everything I have to I have to
acknowledge him. You've done so muchwork on behalf of HIV and AIDS.
Neil was a good friend, acolleague at the Inquirer, who taught me
a lot of the ways to bea good reporter. And he passed away
of age. I think of himoften, But he had a book about
age too. He wrote a lotabout age. He did so wonderful one

(48:27):
I did. I honor him inthe book and yeah, we we we
recalled to do a lot of snoopingon that issue back at the time.
So back to your question, though, don't look back, learn from the
mistakes you've made, envision who theperson is you want to be, who
you can be, and I thinkmost especially, align yourself with the kind
of people that you really admire.If you surround yourself with gossipy inquirer mind

(48:51):
reading, untrustworthy liars, then thenhow can you not be that as well?
Choose choose your role models, chooseyour friends wisely, and that will
rub off on you fantastic. Wherecan we get the book the usual places
well, July eleventh publication date andBarnesondoble dot com and it'll be available on

(49:12):
Amazon and all forms if you likeKindle, Apple books. Yes, you
have lots of choices to read.When you step upon a star. And
then are you doing any book signing? Aren't you doing that? I saw
your banner when I was at Jan'sbook signing at the Grove the other night.
I saw you a banner. Iam well, your very good friend
Harlan has been handling my publicity andhe handled Dean's publicity. I'm so honored

(49:35):
to have him. He connected ustoday. I'm sure he said, just
give this guy a chance, please, he's not as bad as Thank you,
Harlan. Yes, we have anevent at the Grove on Tuesday.
I'm not sure this is going toair, but Tuesday, July ninth,
This coming Tuesday, I would lovefor you to be there. Mark steinis
who moderated host Entertainment tonight. Heis going to do a panel, and

(49:57):
I think Chris Knight and the BradyBunch is going to be there and some
other so it would it would befun to have you be part of this
and we can ask you about yourhorror stories with the tabloids as well.
I might all right, thank youso much for coming on my show.
I guess I got Yeah, Iforgive you, Yes, you should give
me. Where are you here?I'm going to give you a big kiss

(50:23):
right now. Thank you, Alisand groom friend all is forgive and we'll
go hit a cemetery sometime and hangout. We'll do a picnic. Yeah,
Josh, thank you very much forcoming on my show, and thank

(50:46):
you everyone for watching. This isthe Alison ingram Show and I'm Alison Aringram azz