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(00:01):
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loved at our best in the consciousmind and now ladies and gentlemen, It's
(02:00):
time for angel Quest with Karenoi OrnativerRadio dot com. Well, hello,
everyone, welcome to the angel QuestShow. I'm Paranoi, author of Your
Life After Their Death, with theEyes of Another Week, Monthlessness, and
the angel Quest Oracle Deck. Myguest today is Jessica according Hi jess Hikar.
(02:23):
Jessica is a registered dietitian, healthcoach and author with a passion for
helping people simplify their wellness routine andbuild sustainable healthy habits Through her writing,
consulting, public speaking, and counseling. She works with individuals, corporations,
and the media to help make dramafree, healthy living approachable and enjoyable.
(02:46):
She's the author of The Little Bookof Game Changers, Fifty Healthy Abbots for
Managing Stress and Anxiety, and herlatest amazing book, The Farewell Tour,
a Caregiver's Guide to Stress management,saying, nutrition, and better Sleep.
She's a frequent contributor to various mediaoutlets such as Forbes, Shape, and
(03:12):
more. You can find her onher website at www dot Jessicacording Nutrition dot
com. All Right, jess,thanks so much for being with us on
the show today. I'm so happyto be here, you know, the
Farewell Tour. It really is anamazing book. You have a serious subject
(03:32):
and it's so uplifting. You've includedinterviews with famous musicians in it and so
forth. So thank you so muchfor writing it. Thank you. I
wish that this book had in herround when I needed it, and that
was really what where it came from. Absolutely, so that was your inspiration.
(03:54):
So what happened? Tell me thestory behind writing this book. Yeah,
So when I was thirty one yearsold, my father was diagnosed with
advanced inoperable pancreatic cancer, which youknow, in terms of prognosis, it's
one of the ones you wouldn't wishit on your enemies, you know,
(04:14):
not the wishing you can't surround yourenemies. But I remember thinking, you
know, oh, I've been workingas a dietician for several years at that
point, and I was like,well, if my own loved would never
become seriously, oh, I'll knowwhat to do. I'll be able to
handle it. I had a lotto learn, you know, My family
and I dropped everything to take careof him, and I learned firsthand that
the caregiver experience, you know,can be very very challenging, and I
(04:40):
couldn't find any resources that really spoketo me everything. It's either too dry
or just not helpful, you know, especially when you're dealing with a really
serious condition where you know kind ofright out of the gate that it's terminal.
The focus is really different. It'snot like some conditions where you there
is a hope of survival, fullrecovery. And I just didn't find anything
(05:03):
out there that really was helpful.So why the title the Farewell Tour?
So my dad was a veteran ofthe music industry. You know, he
worked in for most of his career. He worked in on the promotion side,
a little bit of management, butprimarily promotions. And I'd tell a
little bit about his background in thebook to kind of add more detail about
(05:27):
that. But you know, healso had a sense of humor, such
a sense of humor. And youknow, I was at his house one
day and he was on the phonewith a friend. You know, he
was a you know, he's reachingthe freezer to get an ice cream bar.
He's like finishing up his call andhe hangs up. But I see
chick at himself, and he says, man, one thing, know,
you're dying, everybody wants a pieceof you, and so he started calling
(05:51):
it the Farewell Tour. It waskind of framework my family understood. You
know, musicians on the road,you know the hardship of touring, and
also too, you know, frombeing around that industry growing up, I
would see how challenging it was notjust for the artists, but for the
people supporting them, you know,whether that was like road crew people on
(06:13):
the business side. And I don'tknow me that the character experience is not
that just similar. You know,there's a lot of commonalities because you're constantly
on the goal. You know,you have to put on a good show
every freaking day and somehow keep ittogether, and it's a lot of wear
in care physically, emotionally. SoI that was where the title came from.
(06:35):
Initially, though the musician interviews cameabout a totally different way that was
not on the original plan. Sothat was a kind of it's saying,
your dad had something to do withthat happened in a dream. Tell me,
tell me what happened, Yell,Like, I had already signed the
book contract, I had started writing, and I woke up from this dream
(06:58):
where I had been at a partyand ran into one of my dad's artists
that he had worked with, andthat we sat down on the stupid at
this outside of this party s I'mtalking about my dad. I'm telling stories.
And I woke up and I saidto my husband and I was like,
oh man, I'm about to makethis project even more complicated, but
I think I need to talk tosome of these musicians that my dad worked
with all these years and people whoknew him, and somehow, you know,
(07:20):
talk more about the touring aspect ofthe fomalth short. So I pushed
it to my publisher. I wassaid to my agents, like, do
you think that's the Stu out there? She was like, no, I
think it's great totally the publisher creatingabsolutely because it makes it light. It's
just, you know, we'll talkabout that later about the different interviews that
you did. It just makes youwant to read more and it helps you
(07:41):
to get through this very difficult timeyou know people are going through, So
thank you for that. Were thereany unique challenges or benefits to being a
healthcare provider and helping care for yourdad? In some places there were some
of the advantages, you know,were that I could look at his labs
and understand what they meant, youknow, that could give me clues as
to like how we could change someof the foods he was eating. You
(08:05):
know, he was my dad wasa stubborn like Greek Italian man. He
was not going to change his diet, you know, especially at that point.
You know, it's in some casesit's different if you know that maybe
like style factors can change your diseaseoutcome. But for my dad, who
had been told the a terminal cancer, he wasn't asking me to make him,
you know, like vegan, likeyou know, like dishes up.
(08:28):
He was like he really heavy tosugar and ice cream. As you said
before, Oh yeah, well thereare times chemo is so tough. You
know. I had worked in alsfor a long time in the past life
actually the actual life, you know, but just previously in my career,
I worked in ALS care, andso my perspective, you know, when
it came to people with difficulties eatingand chemotherapy, that is a very common
(08:52):
side effect. So for me,it was kind of like if it'll go
down and stay down like cold there. Yeah, because you know what they
were times where I could see soclearly you know, something that would help
him feel better, and he didn't. You know, he just wasn't on
board for it. And also tookind of when you know all the things
that can go wrong along the journeywith conditions such as cancer, you know,
(09:15):
you it adds a little more worrysometimes because you know all the things
to worry about. So I didstruggle with that a bit and just doing
out of control that I couldn't fixhis problem for him. I hated that.
Oh no, And he had towant to, like if whether it
be food or whatever, he hasto he had to want to change.
Yeah, he did it his wayright, He did it right right.
(09:39):
In the nutrition section, you writethat one of the key factors for improving
our stress response is blood sugar management. And why is that so important?
Yeah, so our blood sugar isso tied into our energy, our moody,
even how our body is responding tostress on a cellular level. So
when I talk about blood sugar management, you know, to make it really
(10:01):
basic, you want to make sureyou're having a combination of carbohydrate, protein,
and fat spread out throughout the dayyour meals and snacks. If we
have just carbs by themselves. Youknow, our sugar or blood sugar as
we digest those food sends to goup pretty quickly and then down pretty quickly,
setting us up to you know,have energy crashes, mood swings,
have a harder time being emotionally resilientagainst stress. And then for people who
(10:26):
struggle with stress, eating and stressin us cravings. You know, when
your blood sugar is not controlled,you're more prone to having to deal with
those so protein, that fiber,they all stabilize blood sugar. So I
stress. Some examples in the bookof how to make it approachable to eat
balanced meals and snacks even if youare relying on things like take out and
(10:46):
fast food and convenience stores. Sothat way you're prioritizing that stable energy,
stable mood, blood sugar. It'skind of where everything attaches underneath, is
how I like to look at it. It's behind everything. So how somebody's
that taking care of another person andthey just don't have time to cook,
can give us some tips of whatthey could do to you know, diet
(11:09):
to help them to feel better.So, you know, I embrace healthy
shortcuts. You know, things likehard boiled eggs, that come already hard
boiled, frozen vegetables, leaning intosome of the plant based proteins you know,
like beans, peas, beans,frozen peas, things like nuts and
seeds, you know, can bereally convenient to work with if and if
(11:35):
someone really doesn't have time, youknow, like if they're looking for something
that can just cheat up. Youknow, there's so many healthy meal delivery
services now or frozen meals that areyou know, a little bit more on
the simple ingredients side, will say, also just staking stock and take out
options that you know are a littlemore balanced, healthier foods. I recommend
(11:58):
times keeping a list on your phoneof just things that you know work for
you. So if you're like,okay, well we're gonna we're gonna grab
Lunchprenera today, you kind of havean idea of what you like there that
supports your needs and your goals andhelps you feel well, that's just one
example. It's just it's so horrorit's so difficult for the caretake or they
just don't have the ones that Iknow, they don't have the time to
(12:20):
cook anything and they just go toMcDonald's, you know, do something simple,
you know, So we have totell them that they're important too.
Do you want to tell them somethingabout themselves, how they should take care
of themselves. This is what thewhole book is about. Yeah, well
that a number of people said tome, you know, because an addition
(12:41):
to interview musician, but I alsointerviewed a number of healthcare experts who whose
expertise is a little bit outside ofmy soope, because I, you know,
I can't be one stop shop,like I wanted to talk to people
who really have specific expertise in certainareas that I don't have as much training.
And one thing that really came acar us was that, you know,
(13:01):
it's self care for caregivers. Youknow, it's not selfish. It's
one it's survival for the carey ofthat. But if you're also when you're
better taken care of in whatever wayit works for you, you know,
if you can be a better caregiver. And we often hear about the wellness
toolbox, right, like you knowthe tools in your toolbox, and I
(13:22):
something I talk a lot about inthe book is the idea of well,
maybe the toolbox is too clunky,it's too heavy, it's too much to
be dealing with when we're in thecaregiving role, and how about a backpack
from like a carry on bag,you know, where you have just the
essentials that you need and that helpyou get through, you know. So
one of the things I did askthe musicians about is what's in your bag?
(13:43):
Like what do you what do youcarry with you? Because we all
have our version of that physically,mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Those tools
exactly what a bad exercise? Dothey They don't have time, that's what
they tell me. But you're sayingit happortant exercise. That's the tricky and
always oh yeah, well, Iyou know, when I counsel my patients,
(14:07):
like like now you know, inmy work, it's we talk a
lot and a lot of them arecaregivers too, even though they've been through
their own stuff. And we haveso much research on the mental and physical
benefits exercise. And yet when you'retelling someone that they should exercise and yet
they're exhausted because they're burned down caregiving, Like, that's not going to be
helpful. We can't just tell peopleyou show this, But I always encourage
(14:30):
at any movement. It's that ithelps shift your energy gets the blood of
flowing, you get a little endorphanboost. So I you know, some
of the things I found that workfor people that I share in the book,
or breaking activity into smaller births,maybe ten minutes here, a fifteen
minutes. They're kind of mixing.You know, it does not have to
be an hour, because it's notto be an all enough in approach.
Oh that's good, yeah, yeah, very helpful things short walk, you
(14:52):
know, take stretch, it canall, it can all offer some benefit.
And what about sleep? They havea difficult time sleeping? Do you
have any tips for them about that? Yeah, this was the thing I
struggled with the most. I said, such a hard time a sleep.
That was why I thought it wasso important to put a whole section on
sleep in this book. You know, and I wish that I had known
(15:16):
then what I know now about sleep. Some of the basics based on research.
And you do want to have akeep your sleeping environment cool, dark
and quiet. If you're prone tonighttime anxiety, you know, clearing some
of the clutter can be very helpful. So I often recommend keeping a notebook
by your bed and doing a braindump at the end of the day.
(15:39):
Well, that's good. Yeah,or if you wake up the middle of
the night, because some people theyfall asleep easily, but then staying asleep
as the struggle. So I thinkhaving tools in place, you know,
if you write down what side yourmind, or if you have your last
thing books around you can read,or take a warm shower that also has
been shown to help set the signalfrom the brain to the body that is
time to calm down. So allthe things for sleep. How about you
(16:03):
said the thoughts go a mile aminute. I guess the journal is very
helpful helpful of that, right,you know they're thinking what could I do
better? You know? What shouldanything? That's what you did? What
did you do? So what Idid find a school of journaling? Yeah,
like I've been I've been a lot. I've been journaling since I knew
what, Like I learned how towrite when I was seven, and I
haven't stopped since. Like I've gottena jouble over school for writing when I
(16:26):
shouldn't been paying attention, you know. So journalist has always been something I
turned to you, But I didfind that useful. Um, I read
a lot, you know, Igot I got really into fiction as an
escape, you know, I foundthat very useful. UM. I did
not. I did not dip mytoes into things like sleeping pills. That's
(16:47):
never been something uncomfortable with UM.But one thing I wish I had known
them at that point was that alcoholcould be so disruptive to sleep. I
just I don't know. Just yeah, I've seen so many people sleeping through
when they reduced alcohol intake, andI personally have also experienced that. So
if I could go back in timeand tell my younger self something, it
(17:08):
would probably be that, you know, hey, alcohol does not help your
sleep at all. You know,it's good. I have essential loyal peace
and common and I just walking frommy nose and that I must it must
work because the next thing I know, I wake up the next morning.
That's very simple, you know.And how about relationships during that time?
(17:29):
How did you navigate your relationships?And how can people navigate their relationships both?
This was something I struggled with alot. That was why I knew
I wanted a whole section about thisbecause I could not find anything that spoke
to the young caregiver, you know, because I was thirty one thirty two
when my dad was gone through this. You know, all around me,
people were coupling up, getting marriedand having babies, and I was super
(17:52):
focused on my career. You know, I do talk about that in the
book. My younger sister got marriedduring all this. I would say,
young people, that would be thefirst thing they would ask. If I
said my sister was getting married,They're like, oh, she younger or
older, like it matters, butalways um. And you know, I
think something that I wish I hadknown, and that I did interview a
(18:14):
dating expert, a dating coach forthis section, because I'm not an expert
of life, I you know,she said. One of the things that
I thought was so valuable that sheshared was that for caregivers who do want
to be dating, UM that youknow, being clearer is really important.
You know, to be really clearwith yourself about what you want, be
(18:36):
clear with others about what you want. And that was really I thought that
that was really valuable, you know, being super honest with yourself about what
truly you know works for you,what you really are looking for. M
I share examples in the book ofhow I did that. I did not
do that. But beyond romantic relationships, you know, you want to be
(18:57):
acknowledging that your relationship ships are goingto change. You know, your experience
is so different, and I knowfor myself, I had a hard time
connecting with people who were not inthat caregiving experience, you know. And
I think it is a time whereyou notice that your relationships change and it
is really important to accept that changeand also if it helps to connect with
(19:19):
others in different ways, know,people who maybe do have something more in
common with you and different ways ofconnecting that might be different from what you
had time for before and you werein caregiving role. So I definitely want
to make sure that we provided somesupport in the book to address those concerns
because it's very human and not talkedabout enough. Absolutely, absolutely, you
(19:41):
know, we have to take ashort break, but we will take the
break now, We'll be right back. This is Handsome River Radio dot Com,
your local Rockland County station. Skiboardlive life outside. It's that time
of year again, best time toget in for your ski and snowboard seasonal
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rentals make this winter memorable for yourwhole family with outdoor fun on the slopes.
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line of name brand skier and snowboardingequipment. Get in early to beat the
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(21:33):
Right, we are back and we'retalking with yet the recording about her
book. But they arewell cure andit is an amazing book. I highly
recommend it for those who are takingcare of loved ones in their very difficult
at they were very difficult time.In your section on spirituality, talk about
when your father converted from Greek Orthodoxto Catholicism. Can you tell us about
(21:59):
that? Yeah, I wow.So when the parents got married, Um,
they had to you know, mymom was Catholic and they wanted to
get married, and my mother wantto get married at church, and so
they had to do like a classwith a priest. And my dad would
always tell a story that at theend of the worksheet they had to fill
out, Um, you know,there was alliance says my thoughts on Jesus
Christ are and there's a big blankspace you know, at the bottom,
(22:21):
and he just writes infrequent um,you know. And my dad is just
really good oh wow. Not areligious guy, you know. Um.
And he was brought up you know, like his upbringing, my grandfather on
that side of the family always saidthat religion is for those who need it,
you know, that was something heoften said. Um. And my
my mom, you know, moredeeply spiritual, but was raised Catholic.
(22:44):
That was the framework that I grewup around. And so my some of
my relatives. Um, you know, my my mom's sister's partners converted and
but my dad, he and mygrandfather did not get along my mom's mom,
you know, and he really hatedthem, and I thought I was
not Catholic. That was a bigtension in my family growing up and as
a kid, I don't kind oflike that my dad was being rebellious and
(23:07):
not converting. Um, you know, it's kind of like making making a
stand. I guess I don't know. He wasn't scared of my grandfather.
But about a few months after mygrandfather passed, because my grandfather, my
mom's my mom's dad did pass away. Um during my dad throughout my dad's
illness, and a few months later, my dad called mes like, you
know, I'm want to convert toCatholicism. I thought he was joking,
(23:32):
but he really he wanted. Hewanted us all to be the same religion
like he wanted for him. Whathe shared with us was that he wanted
to be able to in his words, you know, but he said he
wanted to um partake in like therituals you know, around around death,
and he wanted to be able tohave a funeral in the same place where
(23:53):
so many of our family occasions thathad also taken place, and that I
should I wish I had gone tothe ceremony, you know, like normally
they they it's a long drawn upprocess to convert, but I guess given
his situation and having married a Catholicfor thirty six thirty seven years, they
were like, okay, you know, you can come. And he called
(24:15):
me afterwards and he says, well, none OF's two religions, I'm not
practicing. Yeah, So that wasthat was my dad and religion. But
you know, spirituality, it wasjust something that I always was brought up
believing was important, whatever you calledit. And you know, he and
my mom they did find some comfortin in the ritual and just kind of
(24:40):
you know, talking about that stufftogether. And we did have a priest's
at bedside the day that he passedaway, so it was more it was
a source of comfort for him.But he joked about it, you know,
but I could tell when he announcedthat he was converting, that that
he had accepted that this, youknow, this was kind of the end
for him, which sounds so dramatic, but it almost was more a peaceful
(25:02):
thing. It was like Okay,he's ready to move towards making that transition.
And we'll talk about afterlife too,because that's very important too. But
for now, how could you giveto us some tips for helping caregivers and
caregivers and navigate how to talk whatthey loved ones about death. How do
you do that? So I didreach out to an end of life dula
(25:25):
to help me with this section becauseit's something that I wish I had handled
it a little better. You know, I really find that I'm someone while
to talk about all the things,and my father was not that way.
He didn't really want to talk.And there was a side to me that
wishes I had asked more questions andyou know, engaged him a little bit
(25:47):
more. But at the same time, you know something I did speak to
a number of people about kind ofnavigating that asse at that end of life
care time, and I know youwere one of the people of careen that
I spoke with when we were talkingabout that, and what I found really
helpful and what I wanted to sharein the book was that it's really you
know, you take your cues fromthe person that you're caring for, and
(26:10):
you know, really how much youexplore that, you know, conversation is
really meant to be led by them. You know, you can let them
know that you are there to supportthem and that you love them, but
to let them lead. But alsothis is something that I observed in my
(26:30):
work as a clinical dietician with peoplewho were in that end of life stage
and something that you know, thisis also come up too if you have
an elderly parents, or you knowa loved one with ongoing needs. You
know, just to take that timeto get your affairs in order, or
you know, to help your yourthe person you're caring for just talk about
what they want. You know,my dad was very specific about his social
(26:52):
media or example, you know,he said to my mom, like shut
down like Facebook. I don't wantit to be like an effing memorial age,
she said. But he wanted hisSpotify account to remain actors so we
could listen to his playlists and otheryou know, and because that was the
way that we always connected. Ohmy goodness, So let's talk about this
musical side of your dad. Youinterviewed many musicians for this book as well.
(27:15):
One was Elvis Costello. Can youtell us a little bit what it
was like living with these people inyour life. You know, you knew
these famous we were talking before theshow started. You knew Billy, Joel
and so many you know what we'resaying. I mean, just I can't
even gohead if you could share withus. Yeah, well, you know,
(27:37):
growing up with the entertainment industry islike in the background. You know.
I think that's why I never wantedto become an entertainer, because you
know, it's a really tough job. And I think that the people who
find themselves in those roles, youknow, there's so much sacrifice involved.
You know, you're doing something you'reso passionate about, but what kind of
like do you get to lead?And some people are built for that compromise,
(28:00):
some people not so much. Um, you know, but I think
there's a degree of I think thepeople who find themselves in those roles like
they just can't help creating all thatwonderful music. You know, it's just
what they're here too. Um,but I will say, um, yeah,
I you know, Elvis was someonethat I grew up going to his
(28:21):
shows and listening to his music,and it really influenced me as someone who
is a writer. Um, youknow, I've always appreciated his ability to
tell stories and that he can writewith you know, sensitivity or with bite,
you know, like depending what whatthe occasion calls for. Someone else
I interviewed for this book is WillieNile, just an incredible American singer songwriter,
(28:41):
just who really you know, he'slike he says in the book,
he's like, I'm not a prodog, I'm a poet, you know.
He you know, and it's Ispoke with John Mellencamp, and my
father worked with for many years,and you know, John has his experience,
and I you know, I wouldwitness just the incredible talent energy at
(29:02):
least people would bring to their performancesand their press interviews, because it's not
just about being on stage, rightlike you're doing the press, you are
having to do a rehearsal somewhere inthere, you're writing and creating, and
then there's the physicality being on theroad. And I would just you know,
I saw the hard work that wentinto it, and uh, you
(29:22):
know, I I really it takesa certain personality to do that. But
I think if that work at thatdefinitely robbed off on me in a lot
of ways, then that that levelof dedication to the thing that you're passionate
about. But it also, youknow, it reinforced that that stuff is
a job. It's not all theglamorous stuff that I think a lot of
people really think that it is.And these people are real people. They're
(29:45):
not just you know, you thinkyou can't approach them. They're very nice,
most of them. I'm sure someof them are not. But that
does want to mention anything anyone,but very interesting. So you shared those
interviews throughout the book as well,Do you want to share any of the
interview you know what was included inthe interviews right now? So, I,
(30:07):
you know, I knew I wantedto for me strong, I'm figuring
out how to structure that was areally interesting challenge because I knew I wanted
to talk to them. I waslike, how are we going to make
this? Like, what's what's goingto work? So I kind of interspersed
the interviews throughout the book between sectionsthat, you know, things that loosely
related to what maybe the section previouslyor to common was about to kind of
(30:27):
keep that thread moving. But Iasked them about, you know, the
physical challenges of touring. I askedthem about the emotional challenges of touring.
I asked them about the things theylove about touring, um, you know,
so whether that be like ways thatthey kept themselves healthy on the road,
or things that I asked them aboutadvice they would be a very younger
(30:48):
self, or advice they would givenew artists about staying while on the road.
And I also awesome, you know, as I mentioned for like what's
in their bag of essentials, becauseI just that's something I'm always interested in.
So it was really great to hearthe different responses, you know,
and Lui, So I spoke primarilywith musicians, but also people who've been
on the promotional and roadmanaging side,someone who is also a producer and has
(31:14):
so much string experience, because Iwanted to also show what it's like for
the people who are supporting the artiststoo, who might not be the one
on stage because they're also taking it, you know, absolutely absolutely. You
also interviewed wellness experts, you interviewedme in it, and let's talk a
little bit about that. We talkedabout without adult signs. They after you
(31:37):
leave the physical body, and alot of the people who are listening to
the show right now they have peoplewho have crossed and I often talk about
without adult signe. Have you receivedany without adult signs for your Yeah,
well it's sight my as shifts inthe book, like, you know,
my thing has been feathers for thatstarted when I was in my late twenties
(32:00):
and it continues to be a thing. And I tell a funny story about,
you know, my mom and sistergot feathers right after my dad passed
and mine showed up in a differentway shortly after which but it was like
there was no mistaking it. Butanother funny one, like he comes to
me in dreams a lot. Youknow, that is something that does happen.
But a few months after he passedaway, I just I just wanted
(32:24):
to leave New York. I wasliving in a studio apartment on the Upper
West Side at that time. I'dbeen in that apartment for like seven or
eight years. I just felt likeI needed to just get out, get
a change of scenery. And soI was like, maybe I'll move to
California, but I need to practicedriving. So I took some driving lessons
in the city, which is interestingexperience, but I remember being um taking
(32:49):
my driving lesson and I'm driving upAmsterdam Avenue and I'm going like a little
too slowly, and I say tothe driving instructor, I'm like, oh,
well, you know, my dadwas that guy would go to seed
limit, you know, on theleft lane in the parkway, and right
away I got boxed in by threeCoca Cola trucks. And my father that
(33:09):
was like his beverage of choice.Dietitian in me is not proud of that,
but like it was like no mistake. I feel like my dad was
like, hey, like, don'tkind of giving me a hard time,
right, absolutely. So that's justone example. Sometimes it'll be a song
that comes on that we have someconnection to um. But he's got a
sense of humor. So when Isee a sign from my dad, it's
(33:30):
usually something either something very funny orsomething because his other side, I was
very tender and sentimental, So it'susually one of those two A lot of
I found out last night he hada riving sign in Pisces. So he
had a very emotional side, verycreative, so very typical my dad.
(33:51):
And what about the dreams? Canyou share one of the dreams you had
of him? So you know,I, oh, well, it's one
at the end of the book thatI'm not gonna share because I want people
that one. But you know,and so in the end one, so
shit is fun. In the acknowledgementsection of the book, you know,
I was trying to figure out howam I going to write this section?
(34:14):
Like for some reason, writing thebook was the easy part. But then
I have to write, you know, a few pages of acknowledgements, and
I'm like stuffed. Um. ButI went to bed and I had this
dream that I was on vacation doingyoga, which two things that shading more
of in real life, vacation yoga. But I was relaxed, you know,
it's calm, and all of asudden, I look up and there's
my dad wearing this like shirt withlike Hawaii and flowers on it, and
(34:37):
it says, um, do whatyou love, love what you live,
which is not really a thing hewould like usually say in real life,
but um, he said to me, you know, in the dream,
and he was just beaming. Hehad this like energy. Like the dreams
where my dad comes always feel different, you know, they're always very just
(34:57):
form happy energy. And he saidto me, he's like I needed to
wait so you know, you wereyou were calm and quiet and could actually
here and see me till I cameto visit you, and I want you
to remember that. And so thatwas one example. But sometimes it'll be
like I've had other dreams where I'm, you know, wearing my lap coat,
I'm rushing around doing work stuff,and then I get a phone call
(35:20):
from him because he likes to callme on the phone in my dreams,
and one he says, I'll justtell them to go f themselves. Oh,
that's exactly something any ways in thelife. So you know, it's
either sentimental or very funny. Yeah, So that's what I always tell.
You know, those who have cometo my classes and I talk about it
my books, they retained the samepersonality as they had when they were here
(35:42):
in the physical body. So ifthey were quiet when they were here,
they're still quiet. It's a littlebit more difficult to receive the signs.
If they were loud, they're loudnow. You know, if they were
funny, sarcastic, they retain thatsame characteristic and you wouldn't want it any
other way. That's when you knowwhat's really it's really we have to take
a quick break again and we willbe right back. Hudson River Radio dot
(36:07):
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(36:27):
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there have been over thirty thousand reportedcases of UFOs in the Hudson Valley.
(36:51):
What happens to people when they havevery close encounters and missing time. I'm
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(37:15):
your podcasts, subscribe to UFO Headquarterson Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart,
or wherever you get your podcasts,Pudson River Radio dot com. Okay,
we are back. We're talking withJessica Coording talking about her book The Farewell
Tour, excellent book, and we'retalking about without a doubt, signs from
(37:38):
our loved ones after they leave thephysical body. During the break, Jessica
and myself we were talking about whysome people don't receive signs or dreams.
And as for dreams, I cantell you if you're not sleeping deeply,
you won't have a dream, right, So you're going to ask. First
(37:58):
of all, you're going to askyour loved one to give you a dream
and to wake you up after thedream so that you remember it, or
else you will sleep the whole nightand you won't remember the dream. There's
two types of dreams from a deceasedloved one. One is a real visitation,
as the type that Jessica was talkingabout. She woke up and she
knew it was really her dad.And then there's the type that you dream
(38:20):
of your loved one and they're madat you. They're in a coffin and
so forth. That is not them, That is you. That's your subconscious
trying to understand, you know,trying to make a figure it all out.
So but you could tell the difference, right, Jessica, you knew
when your dad came it was reallyhim. Oh yeah, without a doubt.
Okay, So let's move on.So what did you include a playlist?
(38:46):
And what was the process of creatingthis? So music that's my family's
love language, you know, that'salways been a connector for us. You
know, there were times where likemaybe we were about something, but then
a song comes on and we allkind of like stop to listen. We
would go to shows together, youknow. That was such a part of
(39:07):
growing up for me. You know, even as I got older, like
my dad and I would go toshows together, like you know, and
my sister and I each had differentartists that we would go to him with.
You know. It was like andhe and my mother, you know,
they had their artists. And myfather was always making playlists for every
occasion, you know, and Ialso for myself, for every project I
(39:30):
do, I always have a playlist. I'm always always making playlists still,
and you know, I really Ialways wanted to include music as part of
a writing project that also involved helthI just didn't know how it would,
you know, what that would looklike. And when I knew I wanted
(39:50):
to be talking about his career andmusic, I thought to myself, you
know what if I made a playlistwhere I'm using songs that he and I
were each listening to during his Sparewelltour. You know, he was he
battled pancreatic cancer for fifteen months.So in my family, that's a lot
of playlists. And so I know, I was obviously because we have all
(40:10):
that, you know, that historyin terms of you know, still being
able to access you know, hisplaylists and me being able to access mine.
Um, I drew from what wewere listening to the time, and
I kind of thought about what chaptersit made the most sense to put different
songs in, but at the sametime it had to sound good. You
(40:31):
know. I my parents met.You know, my mom was a DJ,
like a program director at her collegeradio station. My dad was doing
promotions. He did a stint fora wild MTV as a program director.
I believed there so like we allhave that ear of like what you know,
like music, and my mom's verymusical too, so like it had
to sound good too. Like itwasn't just about having it for the book.
(40:53):
It also had to flow as astandalone playlist for me. I joked,
but I feel like I put itjust as much energy into that as
I did writing the book. Soit was Yeah, it was just drawing
from what we were listening to andputting it all together. So that was
a really emotional process for me.It's talking to my sister about it,
She's like, I can't even listento it. I was crying looking at
(41:15):
the songs that are on it,and I definitely cried a lot while making
the playlists. And can people retrievethis playlist somewhere so it's not Spotify.
I can send you a link toput in the show notes. You know,
you can also look up the FarewellTour playlist or Jessica according author.
Okay, it's you know, I'mnot things to get varied with the algorithms
(41:37):
and such, but it's the playlists. It's also written out in the book
in the back of the book.So somebody doesn't use Spotify, they could
recreate it on whatever platform that theychoose to use. Listen to music exactly
wonderful. Okay, So what doyou hope people will take away from this
(41:58):
book? So? I want Iwant caregivers to know that they're not alone,
that they're not you know, droppingthe ball and failing at this stuff
that everybody struggles and feels like they'renot doing good enough. You know.
I want them to feel seen,heard, understood, supported. That's really
a priority for me. But Ialso want them to feel that they are
(42:20):
given some tools that they can putinto Ashton right away to improve their experience
and help them feel better as ahumans and better as a cagiver as well.
I also hope that they find somethingto laugh about or smile about,
because that's something I think we doreally need in this caregiver world. Is
I think it's okay a lapp.It's actually really important and it's okay to
(42:42):
appreciate the good stuff along the way. Beautiful. So do you have any
closing words for our listeners? Andhow can people find you? Yeah?
So you know, you could findme on all the social media platforms.
I'm on Instagram as jess coorting aword saying with Twitter. I also have
a Facebook profile Jessica according Nutrition.I'm not as active on there, but
(43:07):
it does exist, and of courseyou can visit my website, Jessica according
nutrition dot com. I also runthe drama pre You Healthy Living podcast,
so that's also if you are interestedin more nutrition and wellness. I do
a lot of interviews on there,and Karen, you've been a guest,
and so I'm in terms of closingwords, you know, if you're struggling,
(43:28):
don't be ashamed to ask for help. It is so important to take
care of ourselves and it's not selfishto take care of ourselves. So if
you are feeling like you can't doit all, you don't have to.
Definitely, asking for help is actuallya sign of strength. So that's what
I want people to know. That'sbeautiful, and again, thank you for
(43:51):
writing this book. Again the booksthe title is The Farewell Tour, a
Caregiver's Guide to Stress Management, sayingNutrition, Better Sleep. We have Jessica
Cording in the studio with us today. I highly recommend this book. Thank
you so much for being on theshow today, you for having me,
and tune in again to the nextAngel Quest show next month on Saturday,
(44:15):
November fifth, at ten thirty am. Eastern Time here on Hudson River Radio.
Remember it's always the first Saturday ofevery month. Garnet Schulhauser, author
of Dancing with Angels in Heaven Tidingsof Hope from the Spirit Realm, is
going to be on the show,so it's going to be a great show.
Make sure to tune in then.For more information about me or my
(44:36):
books, you can go to mywebsite at www dot Kannowe dot com.
That's Karen Nawe dot com, orfollow me on my Facebook page at Karennoi
Author. You can find this andall other archived angel Quest shows by clicking
on the angel Quest Radio show linkon Hudson River Radio dot com. This
and all other angel Quest shows areoffered as Apple Podcast, Spotify, and
(45:00):
most of the podcast platforms out there, So make sure to tune in and
listen whenever you get a chance.Have an amazing weekend, and always remember
to focus on the love and comfortaround you. Stay warm, be safe,
and be well. Angel blessings toyou, Bye bye from our spirit.
(45:35):
We perceive we are one humanity,awakening, sanctity, awareness and unity.
We are here to dance and seeour connection with everything understanding who we
(46:04):
are through the ways of the heart. Let's choose love in our peace,
living one in harmony, with thegnoll at our core. We are the
ones with them waiting, or wecan do it with the truth, bring
(46:30):
new light unto all we do.We are loved at our best in the
weed conscious line. As we growconsciously, we claim sovereignty for our life.
(46:58):
Land Yancey, grounded in equality.Let's choose love, inner peace,
living one in harm and with anave at our core. We are the
ones will and waiting before we cando it with our true bring new light
(47:27):
into all we do. We arelove at our blast and the conscience wise
there's a child like no water withina soul. We come descuff, looking
out for one another, heart toheart, sisters and brothers. Let's choose
(48:22):
love in our peace, living oneand harm andy, with the love at
our call. We are the oneswe've been waiting before we can do with
our truth, bring new light intoall we do. We are love at
(48:45):
our best. Lois conscious knows welove at our best. God just venture
(49:10):
do we Godsherston We are all one. Whatever we do to ourselves or another
(49:30):
affects the whole, made the divinewithin you, guide you as to what
steps to take to be of serviceto our beautiful planet. Pay Peace Prevail
(49:51):
on Earth hunchon River Radio dot com
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Skibarn. The goods, the people, the passion. This is Hudson River
Radio dot com. We are hereto dance and sing our connection with everything,
(01:10):
understanding who we are through the waysof the heart. Let's choose love
in our peace, living one inharm and need, with the gnarled at
our core. We are the oneswith the waiting, or we can do
(01:36):
it with the truth and bring newlighting to all we do. We are
loved at our best in the consciousmind and now ladies and gentlemen, It's
(02:00):
time for angel Quest with Karenoi OrnativerRadio dot com. Well, hello,
everyone, welcome to the angel QuestShow. I'm Paranoi, author of Your
Life After Their Death, with theEyes of Another Week, Monthlessness, and
the angel Quest Oracle Deck. Myguest today is Jessica according Hi jess Hikar.
(02:23):
Jessica is a registered dietitian, healthcoach and author with a passion for
helping people simplify their wellness routine andbuild sustainable healthy habits Through her writing,
consulting, public speaking, and counseling. She works with individuals, corporations,
and the media to help make dramafree, healthy living approachable and enjoyable.
(02:46):
She's the author of The Little Bookof Game Changers, Fifty Healthy Abbots for
Managing Stress and Anxiety, and herlatest amazing book, The Farewell Tour,
a Caregiver's Guide to Stress management,saying, nutrition, and better Sleep.
She's a frequent contributor to various mediaoutlets such as Forbes, Shape, and
(03:12):
more. You can find her onher website at www dot Jessicacording Nutrition dot
com. All Right, jess,thanks so much for being with us on
the show today. I'm so happyto be here, you know, the
Farewell Tour. It really is anamazing book. You have a serious subject
(03:32):
and it's so uplifting. You've includedinterviews with famous musicians in it and so
forth. So thank you so muchfor writing it. Thank you. I
wish that this book had in herround when I needed it, and that
was really what where it came from. Absolutely, so that was your inspiration.
(03:54):
So what happened? Tell me thestory behind writing this book. Yeah,
So when I was thirty one yearsold, my father was diagnosed with
advanced inoperable pancreatic cancer, which youknow, in terms of prognosis, it's
one of the ones you wouldn't wishit on your enemies, you know,
(04:14):
not the wishing you can't surround yourenemies. But I remember thinking, you
know, oh, I've been workingas a dietician for several years at that
point, and I was like,well, if my own loved would never
become seriously, oh, I'll knowwhat to do. I'll be able to
handle it. I had a lotto learn, you know, My family
and I dropped everything to take careof him, and I learned firsthand that
the caregiver experience, you know,can be very very challenging, and I
(04:40):
couldn't find any resources that really spoketo me everything. It's either too dry
or just not helpful, you know, especially when you're dealing with a really
serious condition where you know kind ofright out of the gate that it's terminal.
The focus is really different. It'snot like some conditions where you there
is a hope of survival, fullrecovery. And I just didn't find anything
(05:03):
out there that really was helpful.So why the title the Farewell Tour?
So my dad was a veteran ofthe music industry. You know, he
worked in for most of his career. He worked in on the promotion side,
a little bit of management, butprimarily promotions. And I'd tell a
little bit about his background in thebook to kind of add more detail about
(05:27):
that. But you know, healso had a sense of humor, such
a sense of humor. And youknow, I was at his house one
day and he was on the phonewith a friend. You know, he
was a you know, he's reachingthe freezer to get an ice cream bar.
He's like finishing up his call andhe hangs up. But I see
chick at himself, and he says, man, one thing, know,
you're dying, everybody wants a pieceof you, and so he started calling
(05:51):
it the Farewell Tour. It waskind of framework my family understood. You
know, musicians on the road,you know the hardship of touring, and
also too, you know, frombeing around that industry growing up, I
would see how challenging it was notjust for the artists, but for the
people supporting them, you know,whether that was like road crew people on
(06:13):
the business side. And I don'tknow me that the character experience is not
that just similar. You know,there's a lot of commonalities because you're constantly
on the goal. You know,you have to put on a good show
every freaking day and somehow keep ittogether, and it's a lot of wear
in care physically, emotionally. SoI that was where the title came from.
(06:35):
Initially, though the musician interviews cameabout a totally different way that was
not on the original plan. Sothat was a kind of it's saying,
your dad had something to do withthat happened in a dream. Tell me,
tell me what happened, Yell,Like, I had already signed the
book contract, I had started writing, and I woke up from this dream
(06:58):
where I had been at a partyand ran into one of my dad's artists
that he had worked with, andthat we sat down on the stupid at
this outside of this party s I'mtalking about my dad. I'm telling stories.
And I woke up and I saidto my husband and I was like,
oh man, I'm about to makethis project even more complicated, but
I think I need to talk tosome of these musicians that my dad worked
with all these years and people whoknew him, and somehow, you know,
(07:20):
talk more about the touring aspect ofthe fomalth short. So I pushed
it to my publisher. I wassaid to my agents, like, do
you think that's the Stu out there? She was like, no, I
think it's great totally the publisher creatingabsolutely because it makes it light. It's
just, you know, we'll talkabout that later about the different interviews that
you did. It just makes youwant to read more and it helps you
(07:41):
to get through this very difficult timeyou know people are going through, So
thank you for that. Were thereany unique challenges or benefits to being a
healthcare provider and helping care for yourdad? In some places there were some
of the advantages, you know,were that I could look at his labs
and understand what they meant, youknow, that could give me clues as
to like how we could change someof the foods he was eating. You
(08:05):
know, he was my dad wasa stubborn like Greek Italian man. He
was not going to change his diet, you know, especially at that point.
You know, it's in some casesit's different if you know that maybe
like style factors can change your diseaseoutcome. But for my dad, who
had been told the a terminal cancer, he wasn't asking me to make him,
you know, like vegan, likeyou know, like dishes up.
(08:28):
He was like he really heavy tosugar and ice cream. As you said
before, Oh yeah, well thereare times chemo is so tough. You
know. I had worked in alsfor a long time in the past life
actually the actual life, you know, but just previously in my career,
I worked in ALS care, andso my perspective, you know, when
it came to people with difficulties eatingand chemotherapy, that is a very common
(08:52):
side effect. So for me,it was kind of like if it'll go
down and stay down like cold there. Yeah, because you know what they
were times where I could see soclearly you know, something that would help
him feel better, and he didn't. You know, he just wasn't on
board for it. And also tookind of when you know all the things
that can go wrong along the journeywith conditions such as cancer, you know,
(09:15):
you it adds a little more worrysometimes because you know all the things
to worry about. So I didstruggle with that a bit and just doing
out of control that I couldn't fixhis problem for him. I hated that.
Oh no, And he had towant to, like if whether it
be food or whatever, he hasto he had to want to change.
Yeah, he did it his wayright, He did it right right.
(09:39):
In the nutrition section, you writethat one of the key factors for improving
our stress response is blood sugar management. And why is that so important?
Yeah, so our blood sugar isso tied into our energy, our moody,
even how our body is responding tostress on a cellular level. So
when I talk about blood sugar management, you know, to make it really
(10:01):
basic, you want to make sureyou're having a combination of carbohydrate, protein,
and fat spread out throughout the dayyour meals and snacks. If we
have just carbs by themselves. Youknow, our sugar or blood sugar as
we digest those food sends to goup pretty quickly and then down pretty quickly,
setting us up to you know,have energy crashes, mood swings,
have a harder time being emotionally resilientagainst stress. And then for people who
(10:26):
struggle with stress, eating and stressin us cravings. You know, when
your blood sugar is not controlled,you're more prone to having to deal with
those so protein, that fiber,they all stabilize blood sugar. So I
stress. Some examples in the bookof how to make it approachable to eat
balanced meals and snacks even if youare relying on things like take out and
(10:46):
fast food and convenience stores. Sothat way you're prioritizing that stable energy,
stable mood, blood sugar. It'skind of where everything attaches underneath, is
how I like to look at it. It's behind everything. So how somebody's
that taking care of another person andthey just don't have time to cook,
can give us some tips of whatthey could do to you know, diet
(11:09):
to help them to feel better.So, you know, I embrace healthy
shortcuts. You know, things likehard boiled eggs, that come already hard
boiled, frozen vegetables, leaning intosome of the plant based proteins you know,
like beans, peas, beans,frozen peas, things like nuts and
seeds, you know, can bereally convenient to work with if and if
(11:35):
someone really doesn't have time, youknow, like if they're looking for something
that can just cheat up. Youknow, there's so many healthy meal delivery
services now or frozen meals that areyou know, a little bit more on
the simple ingredients side, will say, also just staking stock and take out
options that you know are a littlemore balanced, healthier foods. I recommend
(11:58):
times keeping a list on your phoneof just things that you know work for
you. So if you're like,okay, well we're gonna we're gonna grab
Lunchprenera today, you kind of havean idea of what you like there that
supports your needs and your goals andhelps you feel well, that's just one
example. It's just it's so horrorit's so difficult for the caretake or they
just don't have the ones that Iknow, they don't have the time to
(12:20):
cook anything and they just go toMcDonald's, you know, do something simple,
you know, So we have totell them that they're important too.
Do you want to tell them somethingabout themselves, how they should take care
of themselves. This is what thewhole book is about. Yeah, well
that a number of people said tome, you know, because an addition
(12:41):
to interview musician, but I alsointerviewed a number of healthcare experts who whose
expertise is a little bit outside ofmy soope, because I, you know,
I can't be one stop shop,like I wanted to talk to people
who really have specific expertise in certainareas that I don't have as much training.
And one thing that really came acar us was that, you know,
(13:01):
it's self care for caregivers. Youknow, it's not selfish. It's
one it's survival for the carey ofthat. But if you're also when you're
better taken care of in whatever wayit works for you, you know,
if you can be a better caregiver. And we often hear about the wellness
toolbox, right, like you knowthe tools in your toolbox, and I
(13:22):
something I talk a lot about inthe book is the idea of well,
maybe the toolbox is too clunky,it's too heavy, it's too much to
be dealing with when we're in thecaregiving role, and how about a backpack
from like a carry on bag,you know, where you have just the
essentials that you need and that helpyou get through, you know. So
one of the things I did askthe musicians about is what's in your bag?
(13:43):
Like what do you what do youcarry with you? Because we all
have our version of that physically,mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Those tools
exactly what a bad exercise? Dothey They don't have time, that's what
they tell me. But you're sayingit happortant exercise. That's the tricky and
always oh yeah, well, Iyou know, when I counsel my patients,
(14:07):
like like now you know, inmy work, it's we talk a
lot and a lot of them arecaregivers too, even though they've been through
their own stuff. And we haveso much research on the mental and physical
benefits exercise. And yet when you'retelling someone that they should exercise and yet
they're exhausted because they're burned down caregiving, Like, that's not going to be
helpful. We can't just tell peopleyou show this, But I always encourage
(14:30):
at any movement. It's that ithelps shift your energy gets the blood of
flowing, you get a little endorphanboost. So I you know, some
of the things I found that workfor people that I share in the book,
or breaking activity into smaller births,maybe ten minutes here, a fifteen
minutes. They're kind of mixing.You know, it does not have to
be an hour, because it's notto be an all enough in approach.
Oh that's good, yeah, yeah, very helpful things short walk, you
(14:52):
know, take stretch, it canall, it can all offer some benefit.
And what about sleep? They havea difficult time sleeping? Do you
have any tips for them about that? Yeah, this was the thing I
struggled with the most. I said, such a hard time a sleep.
That was why I thought it wasso important to put a whole section on
sleep in this book. You know, and I wish that I had known
(15:16):
then what I know now about sleep. Some of the basics based on research.
And you do want to have akeep your sleeping environment cool, dark
and quiet. If you're prone tonighttime anxiety, you know, clearing some
of the clutter can be very helpful. So I often recommend keeping a notebook
by your bed and doing a braindump at the end of the day.
(15:39):
Well, that's good. Yeah,or if you wake up the middle of
the night, because some people theyfall asleep easily, but then staying asleep
as the struggle. So I thinkhaving tools in place, you know,
if you write down what side yourmind, or if you have your last
thing books around you can read,or take a warm shower that also has
been shown to help set the signalfrom the brain to the body that is
time to calm down. So allthe things for sleep. How about you
(16:03):
said the thoughts go a mile aminute. I guess the journal is very
helpful helpful of that, right,you know they're thinking what could I do
better? You know? What shouldanything? That's what you did? What
did you do? So what Idid find a school of journaling? Yeah,
like I've been I've been a lot. I've been journaling since I knew
what, Like I learned how towrite when I was seven, and I
haven't stopped since. Like I've gottena jouble over school for writing when I
(16:26):
shouldn't been paying attention, you know. So journalist has always been something I
turned to you, But I didfind that useful. Um, I read
a lot, you know, Igot I got really into fiction as an
escape, you know, I foundthat very useful. UM. I did
not. I did not dip mytoes into things like sleeping pills. That's
(16:47):
never been something uncomfortable with UM.But one thing I wish I had known
them at that point was that alcoholcould be so disruptive to sleep. I
just I don't know. Just yeah, I've seen so many people sleeping through
when they reduced alcohol intake, andI personally have also experienced that. So
if I could go back in timeand tell my younger self something, it
(17:08):
would probably be that, you know, hey, alcohol does not help your
sleep at all. You know,it's good. I have essential loyal peace
and common and I just walking frommy nose and that I must it must
work because the next thing I know, I wake up the next morning.
That's very simple, you know.And how about relationships during that time?
(17:29):
How did you navigate your relationships?And how can people navigate their relationships both?
This was something I struggled with alot. That was why I knew
I wanted a whole section about thisbecause I could not find anything that spoke
to the young caregiver, you know, because I was thirty one thirty two
when my dad was gone through this. You know, all around me,
people were coupling up, getting marriedand having babies, and I was super
(17:52):
focused on my career. You know, I do talk about that in the
book. My younger sister got marriedduring all this. I would say,
young people, that would be thefirst thing they would ask. If I
said my sister was getting married,They're like, oh, she younger or
older, like it matters, butalways um. And you know, I
think something that I wish I hadknown, and that I did interview a
(18:14):
dating expert, a dating coach forthis section, because I'm not an expert
of life, I you know,she said. One of the things that
I thought was so valuable that sheshared was that for caregivers who do want
to be dating, UM that youknow, being clearer is really important.
You know, to be really clearwith yourself about what you want, be
(18:36):
clear with others about what you want. And that was really I thought that
that was really valuable, you know, being super honest with yourself about what
truly you know works for you,what you really are looking for. M
I share examples in the book ofhow I did that. I did not
do that. But beyond romantic relationships, you know, you want to be
(18:57):
acknowledging that your relationship ships are goingto change. You know, your experience
is so different, and I knowfor myself, I had a hard time
connecting with people who were not inthat caregiving experience, you know. And
I think it is a time whereyou notice that your relationships change and it
is really important to accept that changeand also if it helps to connect with
(19:19):
others in different ways, know,people who maybe do have something more in
common with you and different ways ofconnecting that might be different from what you
had time for before and you werein caregiving role. So I definitely want
to make sure that we provided somesupport in the book to address those concerns
because it's very human and not talkedabout enough. Absolutely, absolutely, you
(19:41):
know, we have to take ashort break, but we will take the
break now, We'll be right back. This is Handsome River Radio dot Com,
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(21:33):
Right, we are back and we'retalking with yet the recording about her
book. But they arewell cure andit is an amazing book. I highly
recommend it for those who are takingcare of loved ones in their very difficult
at they were very difficult time.In your section on spirituality, talk about
when your father converted from Greek Orthodoxto Catholicism. Can you tell us about
(21:59):
that? Yeah, I wow.So when the parents got married, Um,
they had to you know, mymom was Catholic and they wanted to
get married, and my mother wantto get married at church, and so
they had to do like a classwith a priest. And my dad would
always tell a story that at theend of the worksheet they had to fill
out, Um, you know,there was alliance says my thoughts on Jesus
Christ are and there's a big blankspace you know, at the bottom,
(22:21):
and he just writes infrequent um,you know. And my dad is just
really good oh wow. Not areligious guy, you know. Um.
And he was brought up you know, like his upbringing, my grandfather on
that side of the family always saidthat religion is for those who need it,
you know, that was something heoften said. Um. And my
my mom, you know, moredeeply spiritual, but was raised Catholic.
(22:44):
That was the framework that I grewup around. And so my some of
my relatives. Um, you know, my my mom's sister's partners converted and
but my dad, he and mygrandfather did not get along my mom's mom,
you know, and he really hatedthem, and I thought I was
not Catholic. That was a bigtension in my family growing up and as
a kid, I don't kind oflike that my dad was being rebellious and
(23:07):
not converting. Um, you know, it's kind of like making making a
stand. I guess I don't know. He wasn't scared of my grandfather.
But about a few months after mygrandfather passed, because my grandfather, my
mom's my mom's dad did pass away. Um during my dad throughout my dad's
illness, and a few months later, my dad called mes like, you
know, I'm want to convert toCatholicism. I thought he was joking,
(23:32):
but he really he wanted. Hewanted us all to be the same religion
like he wanted for him. Whathe shared with us was that he wanted
to be able to in his words, you know, but he said he
wanted to um partake in like therituals you know, around around death,
and he wanted to be able tohave a funeral in the same place where
(23:53):
so many of our family occasions thathad also taken place, and that I
should I wish I had gone tothe ceremony, you know, like normally
they they it's a long drawn upprocess to convert, but I guess given
his situation and having married a Catholicfor thirty six thirty seven years, they
were like, okay, you know, you can come. And he called
(24:15):
me afterwards and he says, well, none OF's two religions, I'm not
practicing. Yeah, So that wasthat was my dad and religion. But
you know, spirituality, it wasjust something that I always was brought up
believing was important, whatever you calledit. And you know, he and
my mom they did find some comfortin in the ritual and just kind of
(24:40):
you know, talking about that stufftogether. And we did have a priest's
at bedside the day that he passedaway, so it was more it was
a source of comfort for him.But he joked about it, you know,
but I could tell when he announcedthat he was converting, that that
he had accepted that this, youknow, this was kind of the end
for him, which sounds so dramatic, but it almost was more a peaceful
(25:02):
thing. It was like Okay,he's ready to move towards making that transition.
And we'll talk about afterlife too,because that's very important too. But
for now, how could you giveto us some tips for helping caregivers and
caregivers and navigate how to talk whatthey loved ones about death. How do
you do that? So I didreach out to an end of life dula
(25:25):
to help me with this section becauseit's something that I wish I had handled
it a little better. You know, I really find that I'm someone while
to talk about all the things,and my father was not that way.
He didn't really want to talk.And there was a side to me that
wishes I had asked more questions andyou know, engaged him a little bit
(25:47):
more. But at the same time, you know something I did speak to
a number of people about kind ofnavigating that asse at that end of life
care time, and I know youwere one of the people of careen that
I spoke with when we were talkingabout that, and what I found really
helpful and what I wanted to sharein the book was that it's really you
know, you take your cues fromthe person that you're caring for, and
(26:10):
you know, really how much youexplore that, you know, conversation is
really meant to be led by them. You know, you can let them
know that you are there to supportthem and that you love them, but
to let them lead. But alsothis is something that I observed in my
(26:30):
work as a clinical dietician with peoplewho were in that end of life stage
and something that you know, thisis also come up too if you have
an elderly parents, or you knowa loved one with ongoing needs. You
know, just to take that timeto get your affairs in order, or
you know, to help your yourthe person you're caring for just talk about
what they want. You know,my dad was very specific about his social
(26:52):
media or example, you know,he said to my mom, like shut
down like Facebook. I don't wantit to be like an effing memorial age,
she said. But he wanted hisSpotify account to remain actors so we
could listen to his playlists and otheryou know, and because that was the
way that we always connected. Ohmy goodness, So let's talk about this
musical side of your dad. Youinterviewed many musicians for this book as well.
(27:15):
One was Elvis Costello. Can youtell us a little bit what it
was like living with these people inyour life. You know, you knew
these famous we were talking before theshow started. You knew Billy, Joel
and so many you know what we'resaying. I mean, just I can't
even gohead if you could share withus. Yeah, well, you know,
(27:37):
growing up with the entertainment industry islike in the background. You know.
I think that's why I never wantedto become an entertainer, because you
know, it's a really tough job. And I think that the people who
find themselves in those roles, youknow, there's so much sacrifice involved.
You know, you're doing something you'reso passionate about, but what kind of
like do you get to lead?And some people are built for that compromise,
(28:00):
some people not so much. Um, you know, but I think
there's a degree of I think thepeople who find themselves in those roles like
they just can't help creating all thatwonderful music. You know, it's just
what they're here too. Um,but I will say, um, yeah,
I you know, Elvis was someonethat I grew up going to his
(28:21):
shows and listening to his music,and it really influenced me as someone who
is a writer. Um, youknow, I've always appreciated his ability to
tell stories and that he can writewith you know, sensitivity or with bite,
you know, like depending what whatthe occasion calls for. Someone else
I interviewed for this book is WillieNile, just an incredible American singer songwriter,
(28:41):
just who really you know, he'slike he says in the book,
he's like, I'm not a prodog, I'm a poet, you know.
He you know, and it's Ispoke with John Mellencamp, and my
father worked with for many years,and you know, John has his experience,
and I you know, I wouldwitness just the incredible talent energy at
(29:02):
least people would bring to their performancesand their press interviews, because it's not
just about being on stage, rightlike you're doing the press, you are
having to do a rehearsal somewhere inthere, you're writing and creating, and
then there's the physicality being on theroad. And I would just you know,
I saw the hard work that wentinto it, and uh, you
(29:22):
know, I I really it takesa certain personality to do that. But
I think if that work at thatdefinitely robbed off on me in a lot
of ways, then that that levelof dedication to the thing that you're passionate
about. But it also, youknow, it reinforced that that stuff is
a job. It's not all theglamorous stuff that I think a lot of
people really think that it is.And these people are real people. They're
(29:45):
not just you know, you thinkyou can't approach them. They're very nice,
most of them. I'm sure someof them are not. But that
does want to mention anything anyone,but very interesting. So you shared those
interviews throughout the book as well,Do you want to share any of the
interview you know what was included inthe interviews right now? So, I,
(30:07):
you know, I knew I wantedto for me strong, I'm figuring
out how to structure that was areally interesting challenge because I knew I wanted
to talk to them. I waslike, how are we going to make
this? Like, what's what's goingto work? So I kind of interspersed
the interviews throughout the book between sectionsthat, you know, things that loosely
related to what maybe the section previouslyor to common was about to kind of
(30:27):
keep that thread moving. But Iasked them about, you know, the
physical challenges of touring. I askedthem about the emotional challenges of touring.
I asked them about the things theylove about touring, um, you know,
so whether that be like ways thatthey kept themselves healthy on the road,
or things that I asked them aboutadvice they would be a very younger
(30:48):
self, or advice they would givenew artists about staying while on the road.
And I also awesome, you know, as I mentioned for like what's
in their bag of essentials, becauseI just that's something I'm always interested in.
So it was really great to hearthe different responses, you know,
and Lui, So I spoke primarilywith musicians, but also people who've been
on the promotional and roadmanaging side,someone who is also a producer and has
(31:14):
so much string experience, because Iwanted to also show what it's like for
the people who are supporting the artiststoo, who might not be the one
on stage because they're also taking it, you know, absolutely absolutely. You
also interviewed wellness experts, you interviewedme in it, and let's talk a
little bit about that. We talkedabout without adult signs. They after you
(31:37):
leave the physical body, and alot of the people who are listening to
the show right now they have peoplewho have crossed and I often talk about
without adult signe. Have you receivedany without adult signs for your Yeah,
well it's sight my as shifts inthe book, like, you know,
my thing has been feathers for thatstarted when I was in my late twenties
(32:00):
and it continues to be a thing. And I tell a funny story about,
you know, my mom and sistergot feathers right after my dad passed
and mine showed up in a differentway shortly after which but it was like
there was no mistaking it. Butanother funny one, like he comes to
me in dreams a lot. Youknow, that is something that does happen.
But a few months after he passedaway, I just I just wanted
(32:24):
to leave New York. I wasliving in a studio apartment on the Upper
West Side at that time. I'dbeen in that apartment for like seven or
eight years. I just felt likeI needed to just get out, get
a change of scenery. And soI was like, maybe I'll move to
California, but I need to practicedriving. So I took some driving lessons
in the city, which is interestingexperience, but I remember being um taking
(32:49):
my driving lesson and I'm driving upAmsterdam Avenue and I'm going like a little
too slowly, and I say tothe driving instructor, I'm like, oh,
well, you know, my dadwas that guy would go to seed
limit, you know, on theleft lane in the parkway, and right
away I got boxed in by threeCoca Cola trucks. And my father that
(33:09):
was like his beverage of choice.Dietitian in me is not proud of that,
but like it was like no mistake. I feel like my dad was
like, hey, like, don'tkind of giving me a hard time,
right, absolutely. So that's justone example. Sometimes it'll be a song
that comes on that we have someconnection to um. But he's got a
sense of humor. So when Isee a sign from my dad, it's
(33:30):
usually something either something very funny orsomething because his other side, I was
very tender and sentimental, So it'susually one of those two A lot of
I found out last night he hada riving sign in Pisces. So he
had a very emotional side, verycreative, so very typical my dad.
(33:51):
And what about the dreams? Canyou share one of the dreams you had
of him? So you know,I, oh, well, it's one
at the end of the book thatI'm not gonna share because I want people
that one. But you know,and so in the end one, so
shit is fun. In the acknowledgementsection of the book, you know,
I was trying to figure out howam I going to write this section?
(34:14):
Like for some reason, writing thebook was the easy part. But then
I have to write, you know, a few pages of acknowledgements, and
I'm like stuffed. Um. ButI went to bed and I had this
dream that I was on vacation doingyoga, which two things that shading more
of in real life, vacation yoga. But I was relaxed, you know,
it's calm, and all of asudden, I look up and there's
my dad wearing this like shirt withlike Hawaii and flowers on it, and
(34:37):
it says, um, do whatyou love, love what you live,
which is not really a thing hewould like usually say in real life,
but um, he said to me, you know, in the dream,
and he was just beaming. Hehad this like energy. Like the dreams
where my dad comes always feel different, you know, they're always very just
(34:57):
form happy energy. And he saidto me, he's like I needed to
wait so you know, you wereyou were calm and quiet and could actually
here and see me till I cameto visit you, and I want you
to remember that. And so thatwas one example. But sometimes it'll be
like I've had other dreams where I'm, you know, wearing my lap coat,
I'm rushing around doing work stuff,and then I get a phone call
(35:20):
from him because he likes to callme on the phone in my dreams,
and one he says, I'll justtell them to go f themselves. Oh,
that's exactly something any ways in thelife. So you know, it's
either sentimental or very funny. Yeah, So that's what I always tell.
You know, those who have cometo my classes and I talk about it
my books, they retained the samepersonality as they had when they were here
(35:42):
in the physical body. So ifthey were quiet when they were here,
they're still quiet. It's a littlebit more difficult to receive the signs.
If they were loud, they're loudnow. You know, if they were
funny, sarcastic, they retain thatsame characteristic and you wouldn't want it any
other way. That's when you knowwhat's really it's really we have to take
a quick break again and we willbe right back. Hudson River Radio dot
(36:07):
com. Jennifer Lorenzo here. Didyou know you can now subscribe to all
of Hudson River Radio's podcasts, includingLet's Talk History. You can hear our
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(36:27):
info at Hutson Riverradio dot com andwe'll get you started. That's Info at
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Spotify, iHeart, or wherever youget your podcasts. Did you know that
there have been over thirty thousand reportedcases of UFOs in the Hudson Valley.
(36:51):
What happens to people when they havevery close encounters and missing time. I'm
Linda Zimmermann, I'm Michael Warden.Join us for UFO Headquarters. We'll dig
into some of the most intense andunnerving UFO sightings that happened right here in
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subscribe to the podcast in our appor on Apple podcasts or wherever you get
(37:15):
your podcasts, subscribe to UFO Headquarterson Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart,
or wherever you get your podcasts,Pudson River Radio dot com. Okay,
we are back. We're talking withJessica Coording talking about her book The Farewell
Tour, excellent book, and we'retalking about without a doubt, signs from
(37:38):
our loved ones after they leave thephysical body. During the break, Jessica
and myself we were talking about whysome people don't receive signs or dreams.
And as for dreams, I cantell you if you're not sleeping deeply,
you won't have a dream, right, So you're going to ask. First
(37:58):
of all, you're going to askyour loved one to give you a dream
and to wake you up after thedream so that you remember it, or
else you will sleep the whole nightand you won't remember the dream. There's
two types of dreams from a deceasedloved one. One is a real visitation,
as the type that Jessica was talkingabout. She woke up and she
knew it was really her dad.And then there's the type that you dream
(38:20):
of your loved one and they're madat you. They're in a coffin and
so forth. That is not them, That is you. That's your subconscious
trying to understand, you know,trying to make a figure it all out.
So but you could tell the difference, right, Jessica, you knew
when your dad came it was reallyhim. Oh yeah, without a doubt.
Okay, So let's move on.So what did you include a playlist?
(38:46):
And what was the process of creatingthis? So music that's my family's
love language, you know, that'salways been a connector for us. You
know, there were times where likemaybe we were about something, but then
a song comes on and we allkind of like stop to listen. We
would go to shows together, youknow. That was such a part of
(39:07):
growing up for me. You know, even as I got older, like
my dad and I would go toshows together, like you know, and
my sister and I each had differentartists that we would go to him with.
You know. It was like andhe and my mother, you know,
they had their artists. And myfather was always making playlists for every
occasion, you know, and Ialso for myself, for every project I
(39:30):
do, I always have a playlist. I'm always always making playlists still,
and you know, I really Ialways wanted to include music as part of
a writing project that also involved helthI just didn't know how it would,
you know, what that would looklike. And when I knew I wanted
(39:50):
to be talking about his career andmusic, I thought to myself, you
know what if I made a playlistwhere I'm using songs that he and I
were each listening to during his Sparewelltour. You know, he was he
battled pancreatic cancer for fifteen months.So in my family, that's a lot
of playlists. And so I know, I was obviously because we have all
(40:10):
that, you know, that historyin terms of you know, still being
able to access you know, hisplaylists and me being able to access mine.
Um, I drew from what wewere listening to the time, and
I kind of thought about what chaptersit made the most sense to put different
songs in, but at the sametime it had to sound good. You
(40:31):
know. I my parents met.You know, my mom was a DJ,
like a program director at her collegeradio station. My dad was doing
promotions. He did a stint fora wild MTV as a program director.
I believed there so like we allhave that ear of like what you know,
like music, and my mom's verymusical too, so like it had
to sound good too. Like itwasn't just about having it for the book.
(40:53):
It also had to flow as astandalone playlist for me. I joked,
but I feel like I put itjust as much energy into that as
I did writing the book. Soit was Yeah, it was just drawing
from what we were listening to andputting it all together. So that was
a really emotional process for me.It's talking to my sister about it,
She's like, I can't even listento it. I was crying looking at
(41:15):
the songs that are on it,and I definitely cried a lot while making
the playlists. And can people retrievethis playlist somewhere so it's not Spotify.
I can send you a link toput in the show notes. You know,
you can also look up the FarewellTour playlist or Jessica according author.
Okay, it's you know, I'mnot things to get varied with the algorithms
(41:37):
and such, but it's the playlists. It's also written out in the book
in the back of the book.So somebody doesn't use Spotify, they could
recreate it on whatever platform that theychoose to use. Listen to music exactly
wonderful. Okay, So what doyou hope people will take away from this
(41:58):
book? So? I want Iwant caregivers to know that they're not alone,
that they're not you know, droppingthe ball and failing at this stuff
that everybody struggles and feels like they'renot doing good enough. You know.
I want them to feel seen,heard, understood, supported. That's really
a priority for me. But Ialso want them to feel that they are
(42:20):
given some tools that they can putinto Ashton right away to improve their experience
and help them feel better as ahumans and better as a cagiver as well.
I also hope that they find somethingto laugh about or smile about,
because that's something I think we doreally need in this caregiver world. Is
I think it's okay a lapp.It's actually really important and it's okay to
(42:42):
appreciate the good stuff along the way. Beautiful. So do you have any
closing words for our listeners? Andhow can people find you? Yeah?
So you know, you could findme on all the social media platforms.
I'm on Instagram as jess coorting aword saying with Twitter. I also have
a Facebook profile Jessica according Nutrition.I'm not as active on there, but
(43:07):
it does exist, and of courseyou can visit my website, Jessica according
nutrition dot com. I also runthe drama pre You Healthy Living podcast,
so that's also if you are interestedin more nutrition and wellness. I do
a lot of interviews on there,and Karen, you've been a guest,
and so I'm in terms of closingwords, you know, if you're struggling,
(43:28):
don't be ashamed to ask for help. It is so important to take
care of ourselves and it's not selfishto take care of ourselves. So if
you are feeling like you can't doit all, you don't have to.
Definitely, asking for help is actuallya sign of strength. So that's what
I want people to know. That'sbeautiful, and again, thank you for
(43:51):
writing this book. Again the booksthe title is The Farewell Tour, a
Caregiver's Guide to Stress Management, sayingNutrition, Better Sleep. We have Jessica
Cording in the studio with us today. I highly recommend this book. Thank
you so much for being on theshow today, you for having me,
and tune in again to the nextAngel Quest show next month on Saturday,
(44:15):
November fifth, at ten thirty am. Eastern Time here on Hudson River Radio.
Remember it's always the first Saturday ofevery month. Garnet Schulhauser, author
of Dancing with Angels in Heaven Tidingsof Hope from the Spirit Realm, is
going to be on the show,so it's going to be a great show.
Make sure to tune in then.For more information about me or my
(44:36):
books, you can go to mywebsite at www dot Kannowe dot com.
That's Karen Nawe dot com, orfollow me on my Facebook page at Karennoi
Author. You can find this andall other archived angel Quest shows by clicking
on the angel Quest Radio show linkon Hudson River Radio dot com. This
and all other angel Quest shows areoffered as Apple Podcast, Spotify, and
(45:00):
most of the podcast platforms out there, So make sure to tune in and
listen whenever you get a chance.Have an amazing weekend, and always remember
to focus on the love and comfortaround you. Stay warm, be safe,
and be well. Angel blessings toyou, Bye bye from our spirit.
(45:35):
We perceive we are one humanity,awakening, sanctity, awareness and unity.
We are here to dance and seeour connection with everything understanding who we
(46:04):
are through the ways of the heart. Let's choose love in our peace,
living one in harmony, with thegnoll at our core. We are the
ones with them waiting, or wecan do it with the truth, bring
(46:30):
new light unto all we do.We are loved at our best in the
weed conscious line. As we growconsciously, we claim sovereignty for our life.
(46:58):
Land Yancey, grounded in equality.Let's choose love, inner peace,
living one in harm and with anave at our core. We are the
ones will and waiting before we cando it with our true bring new light
(47:27):
into all we do. We arelove at our blast and the conscience wise
there's a child like no water withina soul. We come descuff, looking
out for one another, heart toheart, sisters and brothers. Let's choose
(48:22):
love in our peace, living oneand harm andy, with the love at
our call. We are the oneswe've been waiting before we can do with
our truth, bring new light intoall we do. We are love at
(48:45):
our best. Lois conscious knows welove at our best. God just venture
(49:10):
do we Godsherston We are all one. Whatever we do to ourselves or another
(49:30):
affects the whole, made the divinewithin you, guide you as to what
steps to take to be of serviceto our beautiful planet. Pay Peace Prevail
(49:51):
on Earth hunchon River Radio dot com
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