Finding Peace with Food featuring Amanda Mittman

Air Date - 24 May 2024

The Emotional Journey of Eating: Finding Peace with Food, featuring Amanda Mittman MS, RDN, LDN, the founder of Happy Valley Nutrition

In an intriguing episode of The Autoimmune Hour, we had the pleasure of speaking with Amanda Mittman, the founder of Happy Valley Nutrition. Amanda’s philosophy is captivating: she shares, “Many of us have had our views warped by the healthcare industry, diet culture, the patriarchy, capitalism… and we’ve lost all sense of what our body should be.” Host Sharon Sayler and Amanda discuss intuitive eating, body positivity, and maintaining mental health while navigating food sensitivities and a challenging wellness journey.

Tune in for practical advice on developing a healthier relationship with food and your body, including:

• The Challenges of Food Sensitivities and Nutrition
• Navigating Food Allergies and Intolerances
• Addressing Emotional Health and Body Grief
• Exploring Coping Mechanisms and Self-Talk
• Navigating Body Changes and Self-Acceptance and more…

More About Our Guest:

Amanda Mittman, MS, RDN, LDN, the founder of Happy Valley Nutrition, empathizes, “I know I am not alone. I am not the only person who has suffered the effects of shame and personal deprivation at the expense of the parts of my life that are truly important and bring me joy.” She has committed her practice to helping people who have been through the wringer and are searching for an alternative way to live a fuller life without shame and self-abuse. Her company Happy Valley Nutrition brings compassionate, trauma-informed, weight-inclusive care to the Pioneer Valley (aka “Happy Valley”), Massachusetts, and beyond!

Learn more at https://www.happyvalleynutrition.com/.

* Your host is not a doctor nor a medical professional. Your host, guests, and all medical professionals appearing on the show share opinions only during our presentation. The information presented in this interview cannot substitute for the advice of your physician or other trained medical, healthcare, legal, or other professionals. Host(s) and guest(s) are not diagnosing specific conditions during the show. This show is not intended to diagnose, prevent, or treat autoimmune diseases or other conditions or illnesses. The information provided on UnderstandingAutoimmune.com, Life Interrupted Radio.com, and The Autoimmune Hour is for educational purposes only and opinion only. It is not a substitute for your own medical, legal, or other professional advice and care.

©2024 Sharon Sayler and UnderstandingAutoimmune.com

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Episode Transcript

(00:04):
One concept I like to talk aboutis grief when it comes to bodies.
Think that is a topic in thebody positivity world that people don't like to
talk about because body positivity tends tobe slightly toxic positivity like just love your
body. But if you have anautoimmeter disorder, and a lot of times,
most of the time people can't seeso an invisible diagnosis and sometimes even

(00:24):
worse right because nobody believes you andyou just feel so alone. To music
places, everybody places. We're startingin three two. Welcome to the Autoimmune
Hour, where we look at therise of autoimmune disorders. I've brought together
top experts that range from doctors,specialist, nutritionist, researchers, and even

(00:48):
those recovering from autoimmune to bring youthe latest, most up to date information
about autoimmunity and how to live yourlife uninterrupted. Thank you for joining us
here on the Autoimmune Hour with sharand Sale. Always seek sound, legal,
medical, and or professional advice regardingany problems, conditions, and any
of the recommendations you see here orread here on the Auto i Mune Hour.
Understanding autoimmune and Life Interrupted Radio.Join the Autoimmune Hours Courage Club.

(01:12):
Sign up now at Understanding autoimmune dotcom. Now back to your host,
Sharon Saylor. Welcome everyone to theAutoimmune Hour. I'm Sharon Saylor from Sharonsailor
dot com and as always, it'smy honor and pleasure to be with you

(01:32):
here on another brand new episode.And I'm so excited because we have a
return guest, Amanda Mittman, andshe's all about eating and eating disorders and
disordered eating and all of that,and I love her perspective on it because
one of the things that happened tome early on was I was told I
had a lot of food sensitivities,and sometimes when you're in the throes of

(01:56):
a flare or whatever, you cantake that to the extreme and be a
boy wading way too much food,which leads to nutrition problems. So we're
going to talk to Amanda about dealingwith that. Let me read her bile
for you. I'm gonna bring itup so I can read her bile Amandamittment.
She is the founder of Happy ValleyNutrition and she shared with me that
to Manny, I look great onthe outside. I was praised for losing

(02:19):
weight and being so disciplined. Familyand friends called me an inspiration. I
had changed careers to become a registereddietitian because telling people what to eat made
me feel so powerful. I foundthat just such a disarmingly honest way to
look at things and self reflection.But inside she was self destructing. Her
eating disorder was fueling her life,and she had disordered eating and orthorexia and

(02:44):
felt her life was consumed by adesperate search for perfection. And after that
she took control of her life andI am just bravo to that, and
she committed to learning more about nutritionand became a licensed READGIS dietitian as well
as the numerous other accolades here.I could go on and on, and

(03:06):
then she opened Happy Valley Nutrition towhere people who've been through the Ringer and
are searching for alternate ways of livinga fuller life without shame or self abuse,
especially around what we eat. Sowelcome, Amanda, thanks for being
on the show. Oh thanks forhaving me back. I'm so happy to
be here, and I'm thrilled becauseour first time was like I think the

(03:27):
title was something like is your healthyfood making you sick? And part of
my premise there was about the earlystages of my autoimmune My food restrictions came
down to about ten foods, andto your advice and great ideas, it
became you told me to trust myselfbasically, and I love that. So

(03:49):
I wanted to share with them allabout your ideas on what is intuitive eating
and how intuitive eating works, especiallywhen we're maybe total about food sensitivities or
other things that can be darn rightscary. And again, thank you for
having me. And I want tojust say, yeah, it can be
really downright scary, especially if perhapsthere are foods that you have eaten just

(04:13):
fine before and all of a suddenreacting, or you react to a few
foods and then you say, I'mgonna just cut this and this out,
or you haven't had any reactions tofood, but what you've read about in
groups is like cut out all sugaror all this or all these sort of
things, and so we just takethem all out. And so I see
that a lot. And what Ialso see is that sure, like a

(04:35):
lot of these are intolerances and allergies, and people feel better when they're not
eating them. But what I alsosee is that people are very afraid to
add foods back in, like youjust said, right, once we've taken
them out, there's safety in thatof Okay, I'm not eating something that
might harm me. But I've seenit so many times where it just becomes

(04:56):
way too restrictive. So, foran example, I have a client,
my favorite clients, I love her, but she had some health issues and
she went to a provider who saidput out everything basically, and she was
eating like six or seven foods aswell there, yes, and it was
so restrictive, and she did thisfor a good long while. I was

(05:16):
so impressed with her that she lastedthis long, because most people don't.
So she had this very restrictive diet. She lost a lot of weight,
of course, and then it juststarted becoming harder and harder to maintain this
very restrictive way of eating. Soshe would binge on sugar or eat all
the cookie easy, and that breedsso much shame. And so she came

(05:39):
to me like off the heels ofthis really restrictive place and feeling very out
of control with food. And soour work together has been, well,
what does work for you, whatdoesn't work for you, and how do
we find something that feels a littlemore balanced, inclusive, and joyful.
It doesn't feel so restrictive and punitive. Oh absolutely. And sometimes you get

(06:00):
multiple doctors telling you multiple things.I remember I went to one specialist and
they said no oxalates, so thatcut out things like spinach and kale.
And I go to another specialist andthey said no lectins, and so there
goes all the beans and so itgot crazy for me too. And part

(06:20):
of it was slightly intuitive. Partof it. I was feeling a little
bit better, the inflammation seemed less, so part of me. So maybe
this is working, But gosh,I cannot be getting all the nutrients I
need if I'm not eating the wholelist, like night shades, the lectins,
the oxylates, and I'm just like, holy moly. I think such

(06:44):
an important part is mental health inall of this, we as a community
and in general just trying to forgetthat our mental health is pretty much everything.
And so if you're on this reallyrestrictive diet and you're miserable, like
my client, right, she wasmiserable and her mental health and she was
like, all that, what ishealth? Then That's why I always ask
everybody what does health mean to you? And you could be eating a really

(07:08):
restrictive diet, but feel so miserableand unhappy about it and not be able
to go out and eat with friendsor go to a restaurant, or really
lose a big portion of your lifefrom it. Is that worth it?
Is it worth it? And maybeit is, or maybe there are things
that we can do to ease therestrictions a little bit so that you could
feel like you have a little bitmore little room in your diet. But

(07:28):
I argue sometimes I know that sometimesproviders will like, yeah, don't do
this, and then another one saysit's so now you have this whole you
have four different providers telling you theirown opinion, and then you're left with
six foods, and then your mentalhealth really suffers. And so I just
to ask my clients is this worthit? Does this feel like something you

(07:49):
can do in the long term?Does this feel like it's okay for right
now? How are we going towork on expanding this? Because there's no
way you could live on six foodsand be nutritions sound, and not only
be nutritionally sound. But I'm gladyou brought up the idea of mental health
because there's so much that happens aroundfood, going out on an evening with

(08:09):
friends and family members and holidays,and food is not just tied to nutrition.
Obviously that's important, But you bringup a good point because I knew
when I was limited down to thisthat tiny handful of foods going out to
dinner with friends was a nightmare.And then they were equally uncomfortable because I

(08:31):
wasn't eating anything, even though Isay, no, I'm happy I ate
at home. I'll just have tea. But it really destroyed everybody's momentary mental
health right then and there, becausethey're worried about me not eating and they're
uncomfortable eating in front of me,and I'm uncomfortable smelling all the foods that
I, quote unquote can't have,so both and I get that, And

(08:54):
of course there are going to betime for I have to do this.
It's a therapeutic diet. I needto cut these out. Maybe going out
to eat isn't the best thing forme right now. Maybe it's gonna have
friends over and do the cooking sothat I can feel safe in my home
with the foods that I'm eating,but still enjoy the company of others.
But I've been there too, interms of back in the day. I
used to do a lot of detoxes, but that was like my own eating

(09:16):
disorder quite honestly, driving that.I used to go to dinner, like
at a pasta Italian restaurant, peoplegetting big things of delicious things, and
I'd get like a plain chicken breastwith a side of broccoli, and that
felt I did it because I wantedto do but like that felt hard,
and I could see other people werelike, what's wrong with her? It
was? It is. It setsup a little bit of an awkward dynamic.
But if again, if you're someonethat needs to follow that, perhaps

(09:37):
that's not the avenue to go downin this moment to eat out. But
again, I think just continuing toask yourself, why am I restricting these
foods? Is there any am Irestricting any of these foods based on fear?
Like I'm afraid to am I restrictingany these foods because I'm afraid to
gain weight if I add them backin? And what would it be like

(10:00):
to add it a little more variety? Wow, there's so many questions floating
in my head and one of theI'll save that tangental one for after the
commercial break. But there's so manyquestions going in my head. I love
the idea of intuitive eating, andis there a way to know which one?
Maybe there is a food like glutensensitivity is a real thing. I'm

(10:24):
not saying the others aren't real things, guys. I'm just going from off
the top of my head. Arethere tests that people can take to find
out like, Okay, that iscausing you inflammation and that is one particular
item you should stay away from.I don't put stock into allergy testing.
Allergy testing at the allergists, yes, like skin crip testing where it's like

(10:46):
a true allergy. That's like theIgE test, right, that's like the
true allergy. I do not putany weight into the IgG testing because I've
seen it with clients. One.It tells you all these foods that you
need to cut out. Often it'sa reflection on foods that you've recently eaten.
It changes, and I just findagain, especially with the clients that
I work with who have some sortof history of disordered eating or an eating

(11:09):
disorder, it's just further fuels thatif they want to get those testing done,
that's like totally fine. It's notusually covered by insurance and even the
Academy of Allergies doesn't even does notstand behind those testing. But if you
want to do, that's totally fine. But I really feel like it's your
own lived experience of Okay, whenI eat tomatoes, I have acid reflux

(11:33):
later, Okay, maybe tomatoes orsomething to cut out right, or I
just noticed that, oh I'm alittle constipated after I eat gluten or after
I have dairy I have These arevery general. I had milk and then
I had diarrheas, Like, okay, maybe you're lactose intolerant. Like's explore
a little. So I do findthat you have to play around with it
and it's more like symptom based.Then perhaps those tests that you can get.

(11:58):
And I know there are a lotof people, let's say, don't
have any sugar, don't have anyof this, don't have any of that.
But what I have seen, workingwith like hundreds and hundreds of people
is that that is not realistic forpeople to never have sugar, to never
have any of those things. Andwhat happens is people cut it out,
and they do it for a certainperiod of time and then they see some

(12:18):
chocolate or it's Mother's Day, orit's Valentine's Day and it's time, and
then they have some sugar and thefloodgates open and they can't stop eating it
and they binge, and then theythink they're addicted to sugar, and then
we start the cycle again. AndI know because I was in that cycle
for decades, and it's maddening talkingabout mentally. On this mental health path,

(12:39):
my mental health was awful. Iwas in a thin body, but
my mental health sucked, and Iwas being healthy quote unquote right healthy.
So I think you really need toagain think about, Okay, if I
cut this out, what is thatgoing to look like for me? How
am I gonna be able to addthat back in and not make these decorative
statements of I'm never going to havesugar again if you're not feeling any symptoms

(13:01):
from it. If that makes sense, Oh, it does make I just
don't see it playing out in reallife. It sounds great, I'm never
gonna have sugar again. It's inflamingall this stuff. I'm never gonna eat
it, But it's not realistic.That's so true. So many other things
come to play. So how doyou define intuitive eating? Let's get into

(13:24):
the nuts and bolts of intuitive eating. Now that I've invented my frustration around
food, it is frustrating. Ijust want to validate that, like food
is frustrating, and it's there's becausethere's so much emotion wrapped in it,
right, And there's experiences and cultureand tradition and every experience that we have

(13:45):
in life, whether it's a funeralor a wedding or a celebration or whatever
when we get together in lost food. So it's not like this new,
completely neutral thing that has no storyaround it. There's so much and also
food it can be our identity aswell and make my living off of talking
about food and bodies and things likethat. But intuitive eating I certainly did
not coin the term, and I'msure if you're on social media or read

(14:07):
things, you might have heard thatterm. That intuitive eating was created by
two registered dietitians from California. Theywrote the book in nineteen nineties. So
there's a book that on the fourthedition, I wonder if I have it
here, No, I have itsomewhere else. Is created in the nineteen
nineties. It is called intuitive eating. And the reason why they made this

(14:28):
book or this kind of way ofeating is because they would their weight loss
dietitians, as most dieticians would goto school, are taught to be,
and so they would be doing weightloss counseling with their clients. Clients would
go off do the thing, andthen what happen is the client eventually would
come back to them and say,I did everything you said, but it's
not working, or I'm gaining theweight, or I'm binging all those sorts

(14:52):
of things. So both of them, they worked in the same building,
saw that same pattern happening, andthey're like, if all these other peop
people are having these experiences and we'rethe common denominator, something's going on with
the way that we're talking about food. And so what they decided to do
is go away from this weight dietingparadigm and create intuitive eating, which is

(15:13):
a self care framework through body andfood. So really the whole purpose is
to start to heal your relationship withfood and your body. And if you
don't get to the end of thebook and you're like, I'm an intuitive
eater, right, it is alifelong process. It involves ten principles,
starting with ditching diet culture and thediet mentality, and I talk. There's

(15:37):
honoring hunger, understanding fullness, sothere's a hunger fullness scale, talks about
movement and body image, and thenthe last piece, which really goes with
what we're talking about. So afteryou do all of that work, the
last piece is gentle nutrition. Onlyafter someone has really found their way within

(15:58):
two to eating do we start talkingabout Okay, so if you had two
pieces of bread, one was wholewheat and one was white, maybe we
choose the whole wheat because there's morefiber and more nutrients in the whole wheat
over the white bread. But wecan't talk about that in the beginning because
most of us are so ingrained topick the whole wheat because it's healthier for

(16:18):
us. Right, And so again, intuitive eating really teaches us to eat
what feels good, what feels satisfying, and that does mean eating foods that
have previously been off limits. Yeah, that's just a little buzz about what
intuitive eating it. It's wonderful andit can be helpful for a lot of
people. I love the idea ofit. One question came up for me,

(16:40):
though, if you've been indoctrinated likeI was, for all of those
hears about you can only have thesecertain foods. There was a lot of
emotion that came up about fear.I guess would be a better word.
Okay, I like the concept,I like the idea. I think it
makes more sense. I could Iknew all the facts, and yet there

(17:03):
was still a sort of this fear. Oh my goodness, how well are
there certain markers? How would Iknow? How would they know? How
would I know? Okay, evenjust eating bread. Maybe we'll go back
to this idea that gluten because that'sa common thing people say gluten free.
Now are there things like I knowyou said, there are the certain symptoms

(17:25):
that we watch for. How fastdid those happen? Would one piece of
bread cause something? Or no?I mean, I think some symptoms can
be pretty immediate, and some symptomscan take days two days to settle in.
And so when we take remove foodsor we add foods back in,
we typically do it one at atime and we wait a few days.

(17:45):
So I wouldn't say, okay,take everything out, let's see what affects
you. We sometimes you could takethings out and then add them back in,
but I typically like to do one, one food at a time,
So let's remove gluten. Let's takeit out for about gluten you have to
do a little bit longer, butlet's take it out for or to six
weeks, see how you feel,and then let's add it back in.
What symptoms are you noticing. Soreally it's that removing an introduction. And

(18:07):
again it's not always You're not gonnaeat that piece of bread maybe and feel
awful. It might come, ifat all, later the day or maybe
a couple days later. So youcan't really do too many different foods at
the same time. Yeah, Andso that is knowing your body and knowing
what when your body is working well, right, being intuitive about how do

(18:32):
I feel when I feel like thingsare working and humming, and how do
I feel when things don't feel right? And I think that's important. And
that's hard for some people to dropdown from their head into your body,
right, a lot of that,And that's most of us are completely detached
from our bodies, and so itcan be helpful to work with someone for
them to walk you through. Okay, these are some of the things you
might experience, because again, itcan be very difficult for people to even

(18:56):
know if something is causing a reactionor not. That was my next question,
because Okay, if it's not immediate, okay, that's great, because
then it's not a serious like ananaphyletics type of thing. So let's say
seventy two hours later, I wakeup and I'm fatigued, I'm achy,
I'm this, and I'm thinking itmay have been that piece of bread or

(19:17):
what else have I eaten in thefollowing seventy two hours that the response is
more immediate. So I could seewhere someone guiding you through this would be
very important to be able to figureit out. And I'm remember the first
time I ate a reintroduced to foodand it did cause a response. The
next day I noticed more fatigue,I noticed more tiredness and everything, And

(19:41):
it was really interesting that when Iwas talking to my provider, I was
about, oh, that's a goodsign because now we know that your inflammation
has gone so low that when weintroduced that, it caused some inflammation.
But that's okay because you were awareof it. There was all these positive

(20:02):
things. Even though that day Ifelt crummy, I was encouraged that I
was aware of it and my bodywas telling me like, okay, maybe
not this one, Let's try somethingelse. Yeah, that's great. Your
body spoke and you were able tohear it. And sometimes we can't and
sometimes we don't know. That's thetruth of the matter is sometimes foods do

(20:22):
not cause a reaction. They mightnot be like not like we might not
know. We might not know.Is gluten the thing that's doing it.
I don't know, is dairy thething that's doing it, I don't know,
or the night shade's doing it?I can't tell. And so I
say, all right, so whatis this doing for you? Maybe we
need to add it back in togive you again a little bit more variety
they're not suffering with, just grilledchicken breasts and broccoli, to give you

(20:45):
a little bit more, and thenwe can always try and play again with
it later if someone is experiencing that. Are there certain common ideas about reintroducing
a food? Do you just introduceit once or do you introduce it over
a period of time? How doyou reintroduce a food? So I have
to be honest, this is nottypically what I do anymore, what I

(21:07):
specialize in anymore. I used todo more kind of allergy more. I
work now more with people in termsof psychology around nutrition in terms of like
body image, disordered eating and thatsort of stuff, but in terms of
I might not be the end allthe all expert on this, but typically
we just remove one thing at atime, we wait a week, it

(21:29):
depends, gluten is a little bitlonger, and then we introduce it back.
And if people are like I don'treally know if it did anything,
then you can always take it backout again and then reintroduce it again.
And it can be really helpful tokeep a food and symptom journal of Oh
I had gluten today, I editit back in and I'm going to be
really vigilant and a little bit ofhyper awareness around how I feel. Oh

(21:51):
I noticed that I was really tiredthe next day. Okay, good to
know. And maybe you pull itback out again, or maybe you keep
it in to see how you feelon it. So I don't really get
the sense that there is a rightand wrong way to do it, but
whatever you need to do to again, you have to take it out and
then add it back in to seethe effect if there is an effect,
and if there is no effect,then I say keep it in. If

(22:12):
you feel fine, you don't noticeany different. I'm all about keeping as
many foods in your diet as possible. Absolutely. I want to circle back
to this idea though, that alot of times people with autoimmune and for
a while I was saying it too, so it's a common term. And
like you feel like your body betrayedyou, which is a real emotional thing,

(22:33):
and learning to be kind to ourselvesis really sometimes difficult when you're feeling
different reactions to things, including feelingthe loss of eating or the loss of
being in your mind being able toeat whatever you want. So what tips
do you have for people who arelike still beating themselves up over maybe even

(22:53):
just the plain old diagnosis, Howdid I get here? Besides now my
eating is disordered on top of theother symptoms and the other diagnosis. Yeah,
oh, I just first of all, I want to offer like tons
of compassion, and that must bereally hard. And I also want to
if people have therapists or support thatthey can talk to, because one of

(23:14):
my first questions I always ask peoplewhen they have a new diagnosis is what
was it like for you to getthat diagnosis? For some people, it's
all thank God, I've been havingthese symptoms and now there's a name for
it, or well, my god, I'm so glad the blood tests showed
up, and sometimes there isn't aname for it, and I'm not feeling
well, but I know that I'mnot well, So I just want to
one offer compassion and to make surethat you have space to talk about what

(23:37):
it's like to have that diagnosis andto find support. One concept I like
to talk about is grief when itcomes to bodies. Body grief, and
I think that is a topic inthe body positivity world that people don't like
to talk about because body positivity tendsto be slightly toxic positivity, like just
love your body, right, Butif you have an autoimmune disorder and a

(24:00):
lot of times, most of thetime people can't see right, you're not
looking sick. Oh, absolutely invisiblediagnosis, invisible condition. That's sometimes even
worse, right, because nobody believesyou and you just feel so alone.
But I want to bring up thisconcept of grief, of grief around the
diagnosis, grief around perhaps you're ona medication and it's changed your body.
Perhaps you have to be on arestrictive therapeutic diet for whatever reason, and

(24:25):
your body is changing or perhaps you'renot and you've gained weight like whatever,
that looks like. I want tobring in this concept because I don't think
we talk about it enough in ourculture. Right, Like, what happens
if like a family member, you'reworking and a family member dies, right,
you get two days off of work, and then you're expected to go
back and continue nothing ever happened.And that is not fair and that is
not how emotions work. So Ilike talking about this concept of grief because

(24:51):
and I also call it sitting inthe suck, right, So sitting in
the suck of man, I justgot this diagnosis and this feels really hard,
or oh my god, like thisfeels like a life style. That's
what am I going to do?If we don't also honor the fact that
there is sadness and sorrow and griefin here, we are missing a really
large part of it. And thisjourney, just like any sort of body

(25:12):
image story, is very up anddown. There are moments where like I
feel okay, right, I feelokay in this year and now body,
but there might be moments where,gosh, it feels really hard today.
I don't feel well, I feeltired, I feel sick, I don't
like the way my body is changing. That is all valid and true.
So I want to say, ifyou're someone who feels that or has those

(25:33):
moments, that is normal. Whichgot me to thinking about the time I
went to my roommatologist for a checkupand I was doing overall pretty good.
I was pretty pleased, except Iwas having trouble sleeping. And I said
to the room meatologist, what wasgoing on? And she said, and
I bless her heart, but ithit hard. There was a grief in

(25:53):
it. She says, sure,and that could be menopause, it may
not be your autoimmune. And allof a sudden I was like, okay,
great, now I'm dealing with twothings. Yeah, there was a
shock and grief in that idea.Yes, women your age. I knew

(26:14):
that. I knew it was allcoming, but someone brings it and sets
it right in front of you.You have to deal with it. Yeah,
it's really hard, and things likemight have two feet squarely fronted and
perimenopause right now, which is awild and wacky time for sure, and
you have no control over it.Really, your body is going to continue

(26:36):
to age, right and there isnothing we can do. And so there
is this lack of control that wehave, Like my body's shape is changing,
it is, my stomach is gettingthicker. It just it's the gym
feels harder, right, like itchanges. And what happens when things are
changing and there's nothing that we cando, right or like you're a menopause,
like nothing you can do about that, is we try and control all

(27:00):
other things disordered eating and eating disorderstends to spike during life's transitions, in
puberty, after having a child,things like that, Harry, menopause,
middle age women in middle age eatingdisorders, they spike. And I see
this all the time in my practice, because again, we have a changing
body. Society dictates that it shouldn'tchange. It's not supposed to change.

(27:22):
Judging by all the celebrities we seethat their bodies stay the same. So
your body, we're told it's notsupposed to change, and we're told if
it does change, it needs tolook a certain way. But don't but
not that way, right, youcan't let your belly get bigger. And
so then we have the supplements andthe companies and the foods and this and
that and yeah, because we feellike we can control that and we can't,

(27:44):
and then it gets us into trouble. And so I see again,
I see this really directed towards andit can be pretty challenging for people to
navigate. Oh yes, and I'mthinking that women in midlife are usually the
ones is totally that are getting diagnosedwith an autoimmune condition on top of it
all. Exactly right. Yeah,so we're there in your shoes where you

(28:10):
have your autoimmune maybe it's a newerdiagnosis, or you have your autoimmune and
you're also going through hormonal changes inaddition, which make you feel completely bonkers
on their own. And so thatis tough, that is life changing,
that is isolating, and there's griefin that. How does one do you
have any tips on grief? Arethere suggestions for dealing with it? The

(28:33):
phrase that I get tired of hearing, and I am sure it's hard to
dissociate if this then that. Butthe one phrase I get tired of hearing
is women your age, it's sofun. Just let me be. My
brain still thinks it's twenty one.Let it go. Yeah, And then
the listeners they didn't see my eyesrolling into the back of my head when
you said when you said that,so I think coping skills comes in handy

(28:59):
and looks like something different to everybody. And so when I say coping,
okay, so let's say you're havinga bad body day. Whatever that looks
like to you, Like for me, it might be like, I don't
like the way I look today,right, I just feel down about my
body. And so really, whenthat happens, because it's going to write,
the goal isn't to never have distressingbody thoughts, because it's always that's

(29:22):
always going to happen. You're alwaysgoing to have distressing body thoughts from time
to time. But really the goalis how do I care for myself when
that happens. The one thing Ido I'll back up the first question I
ask is what else is going onin my life right now? Because the
body is the perfect place to putall your problems. It's the perfect scapegoat
because for those of us who havereally hated our body for a long period

(29:45):
of time, it is much easierto place the hate on our body than
actually deal with perhaps what is actuallyhappening in our life. So, for
example, if I'm feeling really stressedout, we're out of control. I
don't have control over something in life. Then I I typically like to put
that on my body, and soI might ask myself, Okay, is
this what's really going on here?Is this with your body or is there

(30:07):
something else happening outside your body thatis feeling difficult? So that's the first
question I'll ask, And then thesecond thing is the coping, right,
And it's so interesting when I askpeople what do you do to cope?
People are like, I don't haveany coping skills. And if you're someone
who sees a therapist, it's awonderful thing to talk about with your therapist
about what are some different ways tocope. It doesn't necessarily mean taking a

(30:27):
bath and going for a walk,although that can be helpful. Maybe it's
saying no and putting it more boundariesand creating more space in your life.
Maybe it's like giving up some thingsthat aren't serving you. Maybe in that
moment you have some positive self talk. Maybe there's some coping that's based in
action, right, and so maybeI'm gonna go to the laundry and I

(30:48):
do something task oriented right just toget myself out of that kind of sucky
place. So I think it's importantto figure out what coping looks like to
you, what do you need?What am I feeling? And then what
do I need? I'm so gladyou said laundry. I'm not the only
one that finds a lot of laundry. I love it. I don't like

(31:11):
to fold it. I don't.And it's funny like I will load the
dishwater, but I hate taking thedishes out, and I will do the
laundry, but I'm not the biggestfolder. But it is relaxing and it's
task oriented, right, And sosometimes they'll say take a bubble bath or
meditate, but sometimes sitting in silenceand in action. I know that meditation
is action, but sitting still doesnot feel good to our nervous system.
And so for me, sometimes Ihave a little nervous energy, so I

(31:33):
need to go do something. Ineed to go complete a task, and
that kind of helps me cope.And it's and maybe I'm still having distressing
body thoughts, and maybe it's notas distressing. Maybe it's come down a
couple of notches so that I canthen go about my day. I also
think I'm moving about with the laundry. I'm moving about with the vacuuming.

(31:55):
No I know it's not the gym, but I'm some step. I always
say one hundred, it's movement.Is movement that counts, that absolutely counts,
and maybe going to the gym ormove for me. Like when I
was going through a period of timewhere I was anxious, like every day
and waking up anxious, it wasawful. I walked a lot, not
to burn calories or whatever, butI just couldn't sit still, and so

(32:17):
I just would like anytime I hada break, i'd go outside. I
think also being outside was helpful,hearing the birds, being around nature,
some fresh air. I just walkedand locked and that's just what I did,
and I don't do it like thatmuch anymore. But in that moment,
when I asked my body, whatdo you need, it would always
answer, we just need to movesomewhere. We just need to go outside.

(32:38):
Mine is if I getting to thatreally stressed out state, really stressed
out state my body, I don'teven have to ask. I just know,
take it to the beach and you'llfeel better. I wish we had
a beachure. Yeah, yeah,oh it's amazing. I wish I was
looking at the window. We definitelydo not have any water around here.
But that's so good to know.And I think asking yourself, if you

(33:00):
don't know, what are the thingsthat really help you? Oh, I
know for an instant, I knowthe things that help make a list or
keep a list, because again,you're going to have sometimes where you want
to be still and quiet. Youmight have some time where you just need
to associate on your phone or watchsome binge, some Netflix, and then
you might have some time where youfeel you want to be more connected to
outside or nature or call a friendor whatever. So that's all part of

(33:22):
being intuitive, right, knowing whatyour body needs, what you need to
do to soothe yourself in that moment. Although there's a part that is outside
the intuitive part, because my familymembers know that about me too, and
they sometimes there before I'm noticing it. They'll say, you need to take
yourself from a beat to the beach. You need a beach today. Which

(33:44):
is that helpful for you? Isthat helpful? Or sometimes kind it insulting?
They say it from love. Thisis not grumbling or like you're too
cranky go to the beach now.This is like you really need You've been
busy and you need to slow down, take yourself to the beach. Yeah
so I yeah, I can understandhow sometimes people say, don't tell me

(34:05):
what to do, but that Iknow with my family members, this is
absolutely just noticing it. They knowyou'll notice it. They know me well.
Yeah, they know you so well, they know you well. And
also you are allowed to set aboundary of your information. Isn't helpful right
now? No, thank you.I'm gonna I'm gonna take some time to
figure out what does work for me. Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about

(34:25):
boundaries a little bit. It ishard sometimes to know. I can tell
some family members tell that I amcoping too well shall we say that,
and they'll want to encourage me totime still, slow down or things like
that. It's a little hard tobalance that idea of that. Sometimes I

(34:50):
want to push through. I wantto get this project done, whatever it
is, because I know I'll havemore time if I'm on the other side
of it to absolutely unwind that ifI unwind, I really won't be unwhining
because my brain will still be figuringit out. So yeah, I love
a good boundary. They're so hardto We should be learning how to set

(35:12):
boundaries, like in elementary school becausethese are things that like I learned how
to do, and I'm a workin progress with boundaries as as like an
eternal people pleaser. It is hardto set boundaries and I'm really trying,
but especially around bodies, because peoplejust love to say some stuff about your
body sometimes right, oh I noticedthat you lost some weight, or oh

(35:35):
did you gain some weight. Peoplefeel like our bodies are able to be
commented upond and they are absolutely not. You do not deserve to have your
body commented on if that is notsomething that you want. Most of the
people I work with do not wantanybody noticing or talking about their bodies.
And so I think being able tosay to someone like this is what I
used to say. Well, mygrandmother she passed away at almost one hundred

(35:58):
and three, and every time sheused to like, I used to come
in and she'd be like, yourarm's got so fat, okay, and
she's the one hundred, she's fine, she loves me whatever. But I
would say, I'm not talking aboutmy body. I just would shut it
down. And she never got thehint because every time I saw her,
she would talk about my arms.But I'm like, I'm not talking about
this right. And so even justsaying I'm not having this conversation or I

(36:19):
don't talk about my body, andeven if you've never said that before,
and you're like, oh, hey, I want to set this new boundary.
You are always allowed to do that. Another thing is just change the
topic. Oh hey, yeah,like someone says, oh wow, it
looks like it gained a little weight. Yeah, look, it's so nice
outside, right, or tell mewhat's going on with you? Right,
changing the topic and even saying mybody is like the least interesting thing about

(36:44):
me, and I'm just not talking. I don't talk about other people's bodies.
And so I think again, ifyou're someone who's experiencing body changes because
of her autoimmune condition or anything likethat, and you're like and you're feeling
vulnerable and scared to see other peopleor have people comment, just having the
line in the back of your head, what are you going to say to

(37:04):
someone, Yep, I'm fine,I'm taking care of myself, thank you
for your concern. Changing the topic. But it's absolutely it's really hard to
do. And the other thing isyou're probably gonna have to keep enforcing the
boundary. He said it once,But then you have to keep reinforcing it,
and that can feel painful to haveto keep doing so much labor to
reinforce a boundary and hopefully people getit in the long run. Or you're

(37:28):
also allowed to perhaps like if UncleJoe always says something about your weight or
makes the comment, don't go toanywhere where Uncle Joe is if you can
help it. Like you're allowed tosay no to things, if that feels
like it's not going to be agood place for you to be. I've
run into people who say though it'ssaying no was more painful. How do

(37:49):
we get through that part of thepeople polazer As? You mentioned the pain
of putting up with the comment versusthe internal struggle I have with myself and
saying no. I could see thatcould be quiet. I'm still figuring that
out myself. I'm coming from Iam a recovering people pleaser, right,
That's why I said setting boundaries canbe really nerve wracking and scary for me.

(38:15):
But what I noticed is like whenI started setting little boundaries like start
small or hey, i'm not goingto talk about that, when nobody got
mad at me, and nobody blewup at me, and nobody was like,
you are an awful person. Iwas like, oh man, okay,
nothing really happened, And the onlything that happened is I feel really
proud. Then I stuck to somethingthat I honored myself, and so I

(38:36):
realized that, like, setting aboundary is something that is helpful not only
to me, but to the otherperson because I am helping the other I'm
teaching the other person how to actaround me, right, And so I'm
not nasty when I set boundaries ornope, I can't see you tomorrow.
It's I can't see you tomorrow.I have time in a couple of weeks,
right, like gently setting boundaries.And I've never had anybody ever get

(38:59):
mad at me for setting a boundaryif I'm kind about it and clear about
it. Yeah, this brings meto that that's part of the stories we
tell ourselves. This is fascinating.So the stories we tell ourselves around food,
the stories we tell ourselves around boundaries, one hundred percent. You're so
right because and this is the typeof conversation I have my clients. Right,

(39:22):
That's why people call nutrition therapy becausewe're not just talking about fruits and
vegetables and all that sort of stuff. Boundaries often come into my conversation because
I think, especially if we're peoplewho have dieted for a long time,
we're very boundaried because we're like,we can only eat this, not that
right, this is healthy, thisis unhealthy, and they're too rigions.
So in that case we need toexpand the boundaries a little bit about what

(39:44):
we're you know, what we're eating. But in other ways we need to
set up boundaries to preserve our space, especially again if we have a changing
body in our bodies getting larger andwe feel uncomfortable, or we're around family
members or people. It's just agood skill. And again, if you
someone who works with a therapist,I always love for my clients to work
with a mental health provider. Thisagain is something really important to talk about.

(40:07):
And also the question is like whyis it so hard for me to
set a boundary for me? Itwas always like they're gonna hate me,
they're gonna get mad at me,and nobody's gonna like me, and everyone's
gonna leave. And that hasn't happenedyet, So that's fascinating. I've been
summarized everyone here. I blew pastthe quick commercial break we need to take

(40:27):
a quick commercial break. When wecome back, we're going to talk to
Mandatamittman more about I thought we weretalking about nutrition, but it actually seems
so intertwined with our whole life.So we'll be back to get more of
life skills and nutrition. Won't beright back. The autow Immune Hour will
return after these messages from our sponsors. It's great sponsors like these that keep

(40:49):
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(41:15):
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(41:37):
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(42:00):
I could be you could be mejust one hour, if we could find
a way to get inside each otheris mine. Welcome mile in my shoes,
Welcome in my shoes. Well beforeyou have abused, criticize and accused,

(42:27):
welcome out and shoes. Welcome back, everyone to the autoimune hour.
I'm here with Amanda Mittman, andshe's the founder of Happy Valley Nutrition and
her clinic is a totally different wayto view nutrition, and that's what I
love about it. Today we're talkingabout intuitive eating and all sorts of other
things because I realized during our conversationsAmanda has been on before our conversations that

(42:54):
eating is so intertwined with everything,how we view the world, how we
socialize. Everything like that, Amanda, we've been talking about amazing things like
boundaries and food sensitivities and dealing withall those sorts of things. One of
the things, though, how dowe come to terms with our own bodies.

(43:14):
I love the idea of boundaries.We're telling Uncle Joe back off,
dude, and a point she was. Amanda was much polite, or wasn't
she? I had to I'm usuallyI'm someone who cusses and swears a lot.
So I read that in for youassurance. I can understand boundaries are
about myself, yes, and theother person, But what if my internal

(43:34):
dialogue is still saying, oh,uncle Joe is right, my midsection's gotten
pretty big, or Aunt Bertha,she's right. When my book came out
fourteen years ago, I think now, I got the weirdest email from someone.
I had one of those pictures takenwhere they superimpose your book and your
arms are up on the book andyou got your chin on your hands.
And so this woman wrote me anemail said You've got the girthiest arms.

(43:58):
And at the time I didn't havegirth the arms. I didn't even know
what girth the arms are someone Ididn't even know. But for a while
it really made me self conscious ofmy arms. So how do we respect
ourselves and what kinds of I lovethe idea of setting boundaries outside, but

(44:21):
maybe sometimes when I get those storiesin my head, they start playing out
themselves. Absolutely, that's wild bythe way that is the weirdest comment and
like the most interesting choice of adjectives, that is wild had nothing to do
with the book. My book wouldhave nothing to do or non girthy or

(44:42):
uniry arms. Yeah, but whatyou said is these comments stay with us
because it feels so vulnerable to benoticed. And also it's very vulnerable to
put yourself out there, right,just like showing up in life can feel
vulnerable. And so how do wewhen we have these thoughts, right,
like, how do we get getout from them? Because sometimes it feels
like we're spiraling, right, itfeels okay, I have girthy Yeah,

(45:06):
yes, I guess arms are thetheme here, right, Like I was,
My arms are fat, my armsare grothy, whatever that meant,
whatever that means. Oh my gosh, I've let I haven't been to the
gym very much. I've let myselfgo. I'm worth. I'm going very
pulling the thread here, and thisis what I do in session with people
a little more slowly. Okay,So what is going to pull the thread
on the girthy part? Now?It is fourteen yeah, later, and

(45:28):
women in my aide starting to getthe loose skin on the arms and it's
like, exactly, it's not fair, and there's the grief, right,
that's not fair that like my armsare changing and my skin is changing in
this way, and this is justwhat happens. Right, That really sucks.
It feels really hard to exist inthis body today. In this moment,
you don't know your body anymore.Yeah, you don't know your body

(45:52):
immune diagnosis, and then you gothrough life's normal changes and you're like,
okay, I was coming to termswith knowing my body and dealing with the
autoimmune condition, but now it's changingin other ways that have nothing to do
with that. It's just you don'tknow your body anymore. It's where am
I with this? Yes? Absolutely, And so we've talked about just previously

(46:15):
here of how do we drop downand get to know our body? Right,
Like, you're in a relationship withyour body, and relationships take work
and relationships change, right, Likethe type of relationship if you have a
loved one or a spouse or evena friend. Right, that beginning stage
is like super fun and exciting,and then the longer you stay you're like,
okay, this is okay, thisis different, right, this is

(46:37):
a new stage. It's the samething with our body. And so whether
it's an autoimmune diagnosis, whether it'sthe fact that you're going your midlife and
your body is changing, it seemsevery day, right, and it can
feel really hard and painful and challengingand distressing, but it's a new opportunity
for us to say, Okay,what does a relationship with my hair and
now body actually look like? Whatwould a relationship with my body with an

(46:59):
auto immune condition look like? Whatdoes it need to look like? What
do I need to do to takecare of it? And just knowing that
actually takes work, Just like weput in work to relationships. We go
to couples therapy, right, weshower each other with gifts and frank conversations
anything that needs to happen with yourbody because we are in a relationship with
it. There are going to bedays in your relationship that really suck,

(47:21):
and there are going to be daysin a relationship that feel absolutely wonderful.
And most of it is everywhere inbetween. And I think just when you're
having those kind of distressing moments ofjust being like, okay, this is
this will pass, It's okay,the other question is like, what meaning
am I making out of this?Okay, So if this is swirling around
in my head, you have girthyarms, you have girthy arms, What
meaning am I making out of it? For you? There was sad because

(47:44):
I'm in menopause now like then thatfelt really hard? Or my body is
changing? Okay, what is that? What else? Like we follow the
automatic thought down a little bit andthen we ask ourselves is it true?
Do I really believe it? DoI really believe that my body is not
worthy? Or I'm going to dialalone? Does this align with my values?

(48:04):
Quite often it doesn't, And thenwe say okay, so like how do
we change that? And so sometimesit can be a helpful statement to say
I am feeling and you make itup like what you make it up?
That feels good for you, ButI it feels really hard to be in
my body right now, and Iknow that one day I'm going to feel

(48:28):
better. Or it feels really distressingto be to live in my body.
It feels really uninhabitable right It feelsnot safe to be in my body,
and I stand in hope that oneday it will feel better. And so
having that both and statement, ohyeah, I'm gonna acknowledge that like,
things feel really bad right now,and again not this toxic positivity. But

(48:51):
and I have hope or and I'mstill a worthy human being and I'm just
as worthy after my diagnosis then Iwas before my diagnosis, holding that both
and can be helpful. I lovethat. I learned that in improv class
years ago that one of the fourcomponents of improv is yes, yes,

(49:13):
yes, and I love it.So I'm feeling bad my body, yes,
and what are we going to doabout it? Maybe there's nothing to
do. Maybe it's okay, youhave permission to feel like crap in your
body, but maybe there's Yes,I feel like crap my body, and
maybe tomorrow won't be so bad.Or maybe I can take a rest or
go for a walk or go tothe beach and I'll feel better. Right.

(49:35):
So Yeah, I love and yeah, I love the hand too.
It's so funny that you bring thatup. I don't believe I've ever used
that with myself, but I'm thinkingabout In my communications coaching world, I
use yes and all the time tohelp people reframe whatever's going on with them
or with their team or with thesituation. Yes, and oh my gosh,

(49:58):
so we can use that on ourit's the absolutely yeah, we definitely
can because sometimes we don't have anybodyelse to have a conversation with, and
so you could even journal it outand write it down right, yes,
and write something down when I knowan improv of like and yes and right.
They keep going with it, andthat could be something that you keep
exploring, and I call it likepulling the thread a little bit and seeing

(50:21):
where we can get to. Absolutelyno, we're just about it out of
time. I want people to know. How can they find out more about
you and Happy Valley Nutrition. Youcan go to our website which is Happy
Valley Nutrition dot com and there's alsolike a contact me through the website that
goes directly to me. Our Instagramis Happy Valley Nutrition. I love talking

(50:45):
to people answering questions and we're basedout of Massachusetts, but we see people
everywhere. We're an insurance based practice. Most people don't know that you could
use your insurance to see a dieticianif they're enrolled in in the insurance companies.
So I always think if you wantto explore the body story a little
bit, or like just get everythingthat we talked about like out just again

(51:05):
working with a mental health counselor oras or dietitian and understands more of a
psychology piece around food can be helpful. I like to said, explore the
body story. That's a fascinating onewhere the chapters just keep right on unfolding,
don't they? They sure do.Sometimes I wish I could like move
forward a couple pages or move backwardsto a couple chapters, But we are

(51:28):
where we are, and that's allthat we can do. So absolutely,
absolutely, thank you so much forjoining us and sharing us this new insights
about way to eating and to loveour body, regardless of our diagnosis or
regardless of what's going on with it, to be able to stay in the
moment and really enjoy our life.So thank you so much that Amanda Mintment
from Happy Valley Nutrition. Everyone havea great week, whatever your adventures,

(51:53):
and join me next week for abrand new episode. Enjoy