Stop This Is Good Enough Thinking Now

Air Date - 19 April 2024

Have you ever noticed how much we tolerate without even realizing it? This week on The Autoimmune Hour, host Sharon Sayler explores with Bev Martin how identifying and overcoming tolerating behaviors or ‘this is good enough thinking’ can change our pursuit of health and wellness.

They explore the challenges of control, the impact of language on our experiences, and how adopting a mindset of curiosity and potential can lead to profound changes in health and life satisfaction. Some of the key points they emphasize are the significance of inner kindness, self-awareness, and the courage to step into your dream of a better state of wellness, and

• The power of not tolerating things along our wellness journey
• How tolerance and stress can keep you from true wellness
• The importance of advocating for yourself in healthcare
• Embracing your healing journey beyond just physical symptoms
• Navigating health challenges from your inner cheerleader
Plus much more…

More About Our Guest:

Bev Martin is a natural and trained intuitive, a certified Professional Coach (PCC) Member of ICF International Coaches, a Master Practitioner of NLP (MNLP) and NLP and Health (HNLP), a Certified Facilitator of Clean Language and Symbolic Modeling, Certified Hypnotherapist. Learn more about Bev and her fantastic work at https://www.bevmartin.com/.

* Your host is not a doctor nor a medical professional. Your host, guests, and all medical professionals appearing on the show share opinions only during our presentation. The information presented in this interview cannot substitute for the advice of your physician or other trained medical, healthcare, legal, or other professionals. Host(s) and guest(s) are not diagnosing specific conditions during the show. This show is not intended to diagnose, prevent, or treat autoimmune diseases or other conditions or illnesses. The information provided on UnderstandingAutoimmune.com, Life Interrupted Radio.com, and The Autoimmune Hour is for educational purposes only and opinion only. It is not a substitute for your own medical, legal, or other professional advice and care.

©2024 Sharon Sayler and UnderstandingAutoimmune.com

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Episode Transcript

(00:05):
How we know that we're tolerating isthat feeling of heaviness. It feels like
a kind of a dread. Itfeels like we're having to gird our loins.
I'm noticing it even as I thinkabout For me, it's tightness in
my jaw. And these are thingsthat we are often rewarded for in our
culture. Like she never gave upyet she persistent. Cue music, places

(00:32):
and everybody places. We're starting inthree two. Welcome to the Autoimmune Hour,
where we look at the rise ofautoimmune disorders. I've brought together top
experts that range from doctors, specialist, nutritionist, researchers, and even those
recovering from autoimmune to bring you thelatest, most up to date information about

(00:53):
autoimmunity and how to live your lifeuninterrupted. Thank you for joining us here
on the Autoimmune Hour with Sharon Sailor. Always seek sound, legal, medical,
and or professional advice regarding any problems, conditions, and any of the
recommendations you see here or read hereon the Auto i Mune Hour, Understanding
Autoimmune and Life Interrupted Radio. Jointhe auto Immune Hours Courage Club. Sign
up now at Understanding autoimmune dot com. Now back to your host Sharon Sailor.

(01:21):
Welcome everyone to The Autoimmune Hour.I'm Sharon Sailor from Sharonsailor dot com
and as always, it's my honorand pleasure to be with you here on
another brand new episode of The AutoimmuneHour. And you can find all the
other four hundred and seventy five plusepisodes. Were closing in on five hundred.
I'm really excited about that. Idid the math the other day and
it's towards the end of the year, but we're gonna get there anyway.

(01:42):
You can find all of the otherepisodes over at Understanding Autoimmune dot com.
And I've got a return guest becauseI had a question and I thought who
would know the answer? And Isaid, my dear friend Beab. So
I called Babbin beb Martin, andshe's here and you'll remember her. She's
been on the show several times andshe's always awesome. But I called her
because I thought, like I said, who would know the answer? And

(02:04):
my question was, I'm going togo ten gentle community. Okay, For
the past month, I've been doinghome construction, reconstruction, remodeling, whatever
you want to call it. Andmaybe you've done that and you can just
instantly WinCE right. You know thatit's not the easiest thing to do.
But what was fascinating to me wasI was noticing I was getting more and

(02:29):
more stressed about things. Things thatwouldn't normally bother me were starting to bother
me. And I was thinking aboutthat. And then recently it was completed,
and I felt absolutely this complete senseof relief. And then I realized,
I've been tolerating a lot of stuffduring this reconstruction, and that was

(02:49):
the word that came to me,and I thought, how much also in
our wellness journey do we tolerate stuff? So I want to get into it
with bad Martin. And I'm goingto give you a her bio because she's
awesome and she is I'm gonna readit because I want to make sure I
get right. She is a naturaltrained intuitive, a certified professional coach,
a member of ICF International Coaches,a Master Practitioner of NLP and NLP and

(03:15):
Health, and a certified facilitator ofCleaning the Language and Sabotic modeling. She's
also a certified hypnotherapist and she justdoes awesome work. You got to listen
to some of the other shows.The last one we had on we were
talking about dreams and getting out andabout and dreaming bigger, like how big

(03:36):
can our wellness be? So thatwas great, but I'm feeling like that's
where I got stuck in this toleratingalmost so much. So let me bring
her on and we're gonna chat justabout tolerating things and why we shouldn't be
doing that. I bet. Thanksfor being on the show, Sharon,
thanks for having me back. AndI'm chuckling when you say bring me on
to answer this, because I'm like, I think I'll explore it with you,

(03:59):
because I sure know what it feelslike to tolerate, but I'd be
really curious to hear more from youof like what was going on with your
body when you were tolerating this construction? I found myself each time between there
were jackhammers involved, so then allof a sudden, my body went eh.
And then there were drills involved,and I had flashbacks to dentistry of

(04:20):
all things, but these like cumongouskinds of these were construction kinds of drills,
not dental. But the noise,it was fascinating to me, the
noise. So all of those sortsof things. I found myself just closing
in and tightening up and closing inand tightening up. And it went on
for almost a month, and thenwithin twenty four hours of it being over,

(04:43):
I found myself beginning to relax.And that's when I was like,
wow, I had been continually buildingand tolerating, building, more tolerating,
building, more tolerating than a negativeway. Yeah, And I noticed it
was lucky it didn't cause a flare, but I was noticing it was just
starting to affect my sleep, andit was starting to affect how I felt

(05:05):
to my pain level. And Ijust started thinking as it ended, and
I felt within twenty four hours Icould move and breathe and start to relax
again. Asked my question of whatare we tolerating in our wellness? And
I know one thing I told youa long time ago was I'd get to

(05:29):
these certain points of my wellness andI'm like, Okay, this is better
than that what I just came through. Maybe I'll just stay here. That's
not a good way to be,because then I never would be where I
am today. I'm so much betterway beyond whatever the doctor said was going
to happen. To me if Ihad listened to myself and said, this

(05:51):
isn't great, but it's better thanthat. Right, But I didn't allow
myself to dream. And I knowlast time we talked, we were talking
about dreams, but I didn't myselfto dream. Is okay, this is
okay here, But what's my CanI dream it? Just maybe even just
a little bit higher in the volume, it's almost Dare I dream? Dare

(06:13):
I hope? Because there's something inmany ways to celebrate that we can tolerate.
We think of the whole philosophy ofstoicism. It's based on this.
We can put up with anything.But I love your question is like,
are they're not contexts in which wereally should not? Like? Are we
so becoming so good at tolerating thatwe're perhaps not letting ourselves realize that there

(06:38):
is ease somewhere, like the wayyou described like when the sound of the
jackhamera is not there anymore? Ahwow wow. Yeah. So I think
of tolerating as I can bear it, And I wonder if having that during
this construction This is a great metaphorand a good example. Were there times

(07:00):
during this construction where you could neededto say to yourself, this is not
forever all the time, okay,especially as you with a jackhammer. You
can see parts disappearing when getting holdof and all of that. And yet
there was never a full relaxation,even in darkness when everyone had gone to

(07:23):
their home respective places away from here. I think it was just knowing that
it was going to start up againtomorrow. Yes, would never allow me
just to completely go, oh,that was then and this is now.
It wasn't hold that I knew theyweren't coming back. And that's the trouble
with the symptom or any kind ofautoimmune issue or anything that we're dealing with.

(07:45):
We don't know for sure sure thatit's over, and so there might
be a part of us that staysin that, like in that stoic place,
if I'd better deal with this.And yet what we're looking at with
our question is what if it couldbe better? Dare we ask ourselves that
here's what I'm thinking of, here'swhat it's reminding me of. And this

(08:09):
may or may not bear exactly,but we'll see if it's helpful. Because
with everyone who's dealing with or toleratinganything in a way, it's that stoicism
that says like I can bear it, and we've achieved some measure of even
just a kind of a relief knowingthat we can bear it. But we

(08:30):
might be getting so good at bearingit that we've forgotten to say, do
I need to could it be betterthan this? Even just a little bit
rights, maybe even a little fearof hoping, because like you said,
if it could just be a littlebit better, a little bit better,
a little bit more, we canarrive at a whole different place than we

(08:50):
thought we could when we were inbearing it mode. But it does take
a certain amount of courage to evendream that even a little bit better is
even possible. Right, I'm notin the fire or the frying pan,
but I'm better than it was.So I think it takes courage to imagine

(09:13):
what could be a little bit better, and then perhaps to even compare it.
There's a little risk for anyone witha chronic condition to compare where we
are now with completely where we werebefore. If where we were before is
completely well, there's a little risk, right, because there's some identity in

(09:33):
it. There's like that's who Iwas and this is where I am now.
Some of that is part of accepting. But if we compare our new
situation with a distant memory, we'regoing to be disappointed. But I think
your question invites us to consider,could we consider a new version of ourselves

(09:56):
that's still an improvement on where wefind ourselves? Could we be in the
new better, a little bit better, more, better, even better?
And my sense is when we areimagining that, when we're capable of in
imagining it, our body gets thatmemo too. Do you even know?
I think we have to be carefulthough this idea of accepting versus accepting,

(10:20):
And yes, sare I accept whereI am now? I accepted where I
was then. Yes, I wasn'tin denial about it. I knew there
was definitely a problem, and Istill know my certain things that I need
to be watchful and mindful of.To me, it's instead of just a
blanket accepting for me, it's accepting. And I love that because what you

(10:46):
even as you say that, whatI feel is like accepting and as a
verb, and it's still moving,Whereas if we go accepting period, we're
stuck in the same spot. Whereasaccepting and has some fluidity and we're moving
in a direction So this is whatit reminds me of working with someone fairly
recently, a young woman who hasbeen diagnosed with several three to four really

(11:11):
really daunting things that she's dealing with. And I noticed in her conversation that
she had as she talked about it. She talked about being well and sick,
like two squares each with a labelthat I was well and now I
am sick. And this has gotthat feeling of like accepting, period,

(11:37):
this is it done deal. Whereasas you add the end, it's got
like, oh what else could bepossible. It's not accepting, but it
is being open to levels or degreeof more comfort, more ease, more
improvement, more joy. Honestly,if we go for the big stuff here,

(11:58):
my sense is it would require usto be courageous enough to wonder what's
beyond that, and and then evencurious about for each person that's different,
but for each person to set themselvesan intention like if I could have more
ease, or if I could havemore full in the blank. So we'll

(12:20):
notice it's also on a range,like a little like a light switch,
going brighter, brighter, brighter,maybe sometimes back a little dinner, But
it's got that and movement in itthat you've identified. It's like a little
bit more, a little bit less, a little bit more, but at
least there's movement and we're participating,and it's going towards what we want.

(12:41):
Even if it is slight, subtle, incremental, there's movement happening. And
it's not like book I sat inthe middle of the road and I've accepted
my lot. We're participating in theprocess. So I think daring to dream
there can be a certain comfort levelwith the devil. We know. Oh
absolutely, it is really easy toget stuck, especially in the early days

(13:05):
when I was believing the statistics.I want to put that out as a
side asterisk that we can come backto. But one thing, I won't
say that they were gaslighting me.Now, I wouldn't say that they were
being quote unquote honest with me.Make sure to be honest with you,
and then we would rattle off allthese scary statistics. They're scientists. The

(13:28):
doctors are scientists, right, Iget it. That's the way they communicate.
They want to be They want youto be practical, they want you
to be They don't want you todisappoint it. Whatever it is. But
I never found that helpful because therewas never that, and there is a
Bell curve, and you could bein part of that one hundred percent.
That's ray gold star part of theBell curve. Instead, they don't tell

(13:48):
you about there are successes over there. They just say, with this diagnosis,
and they give you all these scarythings. Luckily for me, my
family will tell you I'm a polarityresponder, which means for you the community.
If you don't know what that means, it's it's people who go,
I'll show you. I love thatabout you. Yeah, you know that

(14:09):
about me. It's a useful thing. My mother would beg to differ raising
a child that says I'll show you. It's not a good thing. But
I'm glad they never My parents neverlike taught me out of it, because
one of the things when I heardthose statistics almost a decade ago, was
yeah, okay, thanks, butno, that's not gonna bess. And

(14:31):
I really took it as and I'llshow you. Yes, it's almost like,
oh, thanks for that information,but here's what's true for you.
And holding true to that instead ofbelieving it, because it can be tough
if you're going to your roomatologists andthey say, and then you go to
your on colleges and they say,and then you go to primary care who's

(14:52):
read the two reports and goes,my goodness, they're all ganging up and
saying it's all negative. Yes,wow. I just had that today.
I had a zoom call with anobgyn and I just had some very basic
questions, and by the end ofthe twenty minutes, I was like,
Okay, thank you for that,as if everything is a fact and this

(15:13):
leads to this side effect and theseare the horrible, terrible things that it's
like, whoa. It was adoomsday conversation, and I just had to
keep putting in the front of thisof the doctor's sentences in my opinion,
and I could step myself back alittle bit and go, thank you,
open to your opinion, but itdoesn't mean it's a fact for me.
I think that's the thing for meI always have to be mindful of because

(15:35):
I was raised with the idea ofwhite coat authority. Yes, by that
if the white coat doctor's coat.I don't know if they really would wear
white coats anymore, but in mygeneration they did. It was sort of
like whatever they said was real.Yes, I have learned in this journey
of healing from autoimmune and my wellnessstate. Now I can always get better.
But I'm really thrilled where I amnow is it's opinion. It doesn't

(15:58):
mean that it's real and the otherfascinating things, Especially now research is happening
so fast. I really don't expectmy healthcare professionals to keep up on my
specific issues with all the latest research. And they don't deal with just people
with my issues, They deal witha spectrum of people. Yes, so

(16:19):
I need to come in as preparedas possible too, saying this research sounds
fascinating to me, and you guysplease have to say this. Be very
careful where you find your research from. Make sure that they're reputable research sites.
There are plenty on the web,but there's also plenty of silly stuff,
So don't fall in the rabbit holeof the silly stuff. You guys

(16:41):
go when you're taking your own researchor taking your research to medical professionals,
make sure that it's really peer reviewedand real research. Anyway, that was
my asterisk for that. Oh,good time to our show, But it
sounds like you're really advocating for advocating, advocate for yourself, get your own
information. It doesn't mean you haveto have an argument with the doctor,

(17:02):
but you can. It becomes adiscussion. This is what I know.
Thank you for what you know.But my sense is what we're really warning
against is a diagnosis becoming a prognosis. Like here it is, this is
it. And to have Sharon's whatI would call divine rebel to go like,
nope, I'm going to show you. Can I get a label I

(17:27):
want to label on my coat divinerebel. It's almost like the divine rebel
remembers who she really is. Andno one can know more about who you
came to be than you because that'syour one job. So I think it's
a continuing job, though I don'twant people to think like I was born

(17:48):
this way. Parts of my personalityare you've known me a long time,
Yeah, parts of my personality personalityare. But it's also a continuing thirst
for and yes, the next verb, the next noun, whatever it is,
the next action, whatever it is. Not only help my health,

(18:11):
but I've discovered so much that I'veshared not only on the show but with
people I meet that I find itwonderful that we can continue to grow the
community to understand that it's not justthe physical body in our getting well.
Between you and other professionals. WhenI was at my sickest point, there

(18:32):
were times that people didn't think Iwas going to survive. And yet as
I started to learn and accept otherthings besides, maybe this isn't just a
physical illness, Maybe there's more toit. And I realizing that some past
life trauma's played into it, andhow do I release those and let those
morph into wellness and well being lessons, lessons, positive lessons, not holding

(18:56):
them as negative grudges or lessons.All of that kind of thing to me
play in healing from things that arelong term and chronic. You're describing like
a healing journey as opposed to justmaking a symptom go away, And so
much of the healing journey is selfawareness, self discovery. In traditional African

(19:18):
shamanism, the way that a personis called to shamanism is they get really
sick. That's how you know,oh, here's the healer. So they
couldn't possibly help other people heal untilthey've been through the experience, and it's
stan like there's no little footnote thatsays, don't worry, you're just sick
because you're becoming a healer. Theydon't know that until they've gone through the

(19:41):
journey. Ha ha. So itdoes. It gets our attention. It
has us as completely different questions ofourselves and of life. Who am I?
Why am I here? What amI capable of? What support might
I need? This all changes whenwe face something like this. So there
is so much much to gain froma healing journey like this that we don't

(20:03):
want to think that is just like, oh, that's the that's the consolation
prize. It actually could be thething That's been a very hard concept for
me to understand, BEV, becauseI want to back up a decade.
I certainly wouldn't wouldn't have chosen thisoff the Bengo card. He No,
nobody would heck no, yeah exactly. I'm amazed. And so often I

(20:32):
remember too, when I went throughsome difficult things in chapters one and two
of my life and going to getglasses and they say, and I must
have commented, I probably they askedanything going on in your life? And
I was like A, B andC. And they're like hah, and
the doctor then said, let's notdecided prescription because your vision is very it

(20:56):
changes and they said you have anastigmatism. And I was like, what's
an astigmatism? They said, adistorted view. Oh, so, as
a lover of metaphor and symbol,it's like, oh, what's a distorted
view? And could my view becomeundistorted? And then will it change my
prescription? And apparently yes, Soit's it is and it's moving, it's

(21:19):
fluid. We don't just you know, stop there. Oh that's so fascinating.
I'm thinking about how many distorted viewsand the thing that came into my
mind was the drilling that was goingon. And if you've ever done construction,
the drilling through concrete just sounds.And like I said, it flashed

(21:42):
a distorted view. All I couldthink was about dental work. I'd had
who that was. That whole noisewas going on, the thing to do
with my teeth but my face andmouth. God saw that day. It
was I'm sure I was holding everythingclinched, but absolutely it was weird.
I had a totally distorted view ofwhat the workers were doing outside when you

(22:07):
were so sick, and you hadlots of doctors telling you. Here's the
deal sharing What do you think itwas in you? In addition to your
willingness to be a rebel? Butwhat was it in you that helped you
to not just accept, Okay,this is my life? How did you
do that? Great question? Whatcomes to mind is outside things actually,

(22:33):
to be honest, my kids,yes, a granddaughter at the time.
Now I have more grandkids, mygranddaughter at the time. Yeah, it
was really outside things that I wasn'tdone yet. How's that? I think
that's it. You just gave methe goose bumps. Yeah, yeah,
I wasn't done yet. And thenalso frustration when I think about starting the

(22:57):
show because I was still quite whenI started the show, so I was
still finding out a lot I didn'tat the time. I wanted, but
I didn't know this level of wellwellness of being after a diagnosis like that
was possible. That's that was athat was a progression. Guys, that
wasn't But I was wanting it tobe incremental. If I could just be

(23:18):
this much better. Yeah, butit sounds like you had a Christian mark
that said it could I or howmuch better could I be? Like you
were, you were still open toconsider at some level, because if you
had just accepted it, I suspectthat you could still be there. Oh
yes, easily, absolutely, Yeah, And I just speaking about my own

(23:44):
condition. I know there are otherconditions that other things happen with people,
but still challenging ourselves even if it'snot physically a transformation that could happen.
There are all sorts of ways tochallenge ourselves, to understand and from our
capacity to educate ourselves or to advocatefor ourselves. And it may not be
that true physical healing, but there'sso much healing that happened on multiple layers

(24:10):
for myself, whether it's getting throughpast traumas, letting go of things,
just relaxing into things, not beingsuch a perfectionist. Not that I'm against
perfectionism. I still have little glimmersof that in my personality, but yeah,
it was it was allowing and understandingthat healing isn't just on the physical

(24:30):
level. Huge. There's something elsethat comes to mind too, which is
the paradox, Because I do thinkthat when we are operating in a human
body and we live in a worldthat one of the things about the English
language is that it's so time basedto make sense of anything. We need
to know was it yesterday, isit now? Will it be tomorrow?

(24:52):
We can't orient unless we know,like where things are in time. So
one of the things that we knowI naturally do as human beings is we
put things on a timeline and wesay when this and this and this,
then dada, when I've healed,and then when I've got my energy back

(25:12):
and when I feel more like myself, then I will love my life.
Right reasonable plan to make. ButI wonder if there's a bit of tolerating
in that that says I've got tohave all these things happen before I can
have more of what I really want. What if we said, in this

(25:33):
day, right now, if Ihad just a little more on my little
sliding scale, just a little morefill in the blank, a little more
ease, a little more peace,a little more lightness, a little more
fun, and can I have itnow? I wonder about just if that
is an antidote to tolerating that saysI'm not going to wait for all the

(25:53):
things to fall into place. I'vedecided I want a little more of this
now. Because of the way ourbrains work so wonderfully, as soon as
we can see the thing we wantmore of, we already start to resonate
with it, and then we createit. I wonder if that's a place
to go that might be activating onthe and right now it's like move that

(26:15):
little dimmer switch and choose what wouldI like just a little bit more of,
and have it in the moment whenI find fascinating and brings to mind
all the learnings that I've had onunderstanding on our unconscious mind doesn't understand time
exactly. That's what how about now? So our human self says, I've

(26:37):
got to get my degree and dothis and do that and then whatever.
But we're in present time, ourbodies in present time, and my brain
doesn't really know what my chronological ageis. Certainly doesn't act in my chronological
age. I think that far it'sfascinating to me. Understanding that time is

(27:00):
a construct and if I had ifand when I get this, then that
will happen is a self defeating purpose. It is to act as if as
if in the moment it's a statechange. Look at the studies that deep
Ac Troper did about time. Ithink was it him somebody who put people
in like it went back in timeto whenever they were incredibly well. It

(27:23):
might have been like say the sixties. The music was from that time,
the magazines on the table were fromthat time. It was almost like putting
someone in a little time capsule ofa certain time, and it reflected in
their cellular health. It's like theirbody went, oh, yes, I
remember, I remember this, andso if we can taylor make the moment,

(27:45):
it's all about be present now,but we can choose if this moment
could be a little bit more thisway that I choose, it's almost like
it's instant. As soon as wesaid I'd like to have more ease if
you listen to it guided visualization andit encourages us to breathe more deeply.
All we did was breathe deeply.And we've already begin I've begun to change

(28:08):
our stay. Your state changed whenyou woke up and there was not a
drill digging in the in your driveway, It's like huh oh, absolutely,
I noticed a radical quick shift whenI realized that they were not It was
complete, and that noise would notbe there peace anymore. Peace. Yeah,

(28:33):
it was like oh ah, butacknowledging it too, I think I
congratulated myself for getting through it,because there were times where I could just
feel myself tightening with the noise,and so there was a little celebration,
internal celebration. When they were done, it's like, Okay, we're through
that. It's over. Don't haveto do that for again. So good,

(28:56):
absolutely, and so good. Thisis a great conversation. We've blown
past our commercial break. We're goingto take a quick commercial break. When
we come back, we'll talk somemore with Bov Martin about all things fascinating
about health and wellness and what arewe tolerating. So we'll be right back.
The Autawa I Mune Hour will returnafter these messages from our sponsors.

(29:17):
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(30:03):
host, an Own Times magazine columnist, and a syndicated podcaster, all in
one shot. By live streaming yourshow on Home Times TV and broadcasting it
across the extensive Home Times radio andTV networks, you become more than a
host. You become an ambassador anda force for positive change. Own Times

(30:25):
open yourself to the possibilities. IfI could be you could be me,
but just one hour, if wecould find a way to get inside each
other's mine. Welcome all in myshoes. Welcome all in my shoes.

(30:52):
Well before you abused, criticize,and accues, Welcome all in my shoes.
Welcome back everyone to the Auto MuneHour. I'm Sharon Saylor, and
I'm here with Beb Martin. She'sa natural and trained intuitive, a certified
coach, a member of ICF InternationalCoaching, a Master Practitioner, an NLP.

(31:14):
I could go on and on,but you've heard already. She's amazing.
She really is able to help clarifymy thinking, and I hope our
community is thinking. We get beautifulcomments about when Bev's on the show about
just being able to expand. AndI love your use of the word I
wonder. It's really wonderful to me, and I think about it also.

(31:37):
Our dear friend Sarah Payton uses Iwonder a lot, and I love the
word because it allows for the possibility. And even if I have sometimes beyond
the medical authority who were telling mestatistics and things. And this was not
done out of malice. This wasdone out of love. Family members,

(31:59):
Take it easy, do that,don't overdo all that kind of comments.
When I knew I was okay,I wanted to try it. Yeah,
maybe it was a little bit ofa stretch. You got a stretch to
get to the end, right,But I totally know it was done out
of love from the family members becausethey didn't want to see me back there.

(32:21):
But then again, it wasn't allthat helpful. I'd rather have a
cheerleader. I know they're my safetynet. I love them. I'm so
blessed to have that safety net betweenfamily and friends. I get that part,
but also give them all pom pomsand have them be my cheo.
Yes, it sounds like throughout yourhealing journey and it's always ongoing. It

(32:44):
sounds like you always remembered you.In other words, you know the part
of you that has since a childsaid show me and other aspects of yourself.
Because one of the trickiest things withan immune disorder is that our sense
of self gets confused. The immunesystem, in order to function well,
needs to remember who we are.So it says, oh, yeah,

(33:05):
this is me, and that littlevirus or whatever the heck it is flying
through the air that is not me. So a sense of this is me,
that is not me, the clearerthat is the better. And I
think of like so often in medicalsituations, if we surrender our autonomy or
accidentally go like, oh, I'min a new day, so I need

(33:25):
to be a new person for thisnew situation. I'd be like, no,
no, no, remain who youare, maybe even more. Ask
for more, not less. Don'tmake yourself smaller, make yourself bigger,
whatever it takes for you to bringyourself to the moment. Because I think
whenever we leave ourselves out of themoment, and even if well meaning people

(33:49):
are putting their impression on it,then what we've got is something that a
committee constructed, even no matter howwell meaning they might be, like Frankenstein
constructed something, but it's not theessence of our own uniqueness and identity must
be there. And I think ifthe word invalid, if you see had
written, it looks like invalid.So you're right. So it's like,

(34:14):
how can we remain valid for ourselvesand trust what is valid for ourselves and
take any meaning scientific statistics or whatever, say oh, thank you for that,
But we need to be the finalperson to go what part of that,
oh, yeah, that actually isuseful and I can use it,
or what other part that's statistic abouta whole lot of other people who I

(34:35):
don't know? Does that automatically meanit pertains to me, I'm going to
the jury will be out on that. That's going to be a question mark,
not a fact. I think that'sthe thing to remember that at least
I've noticed in my healing journey thatas much I have amazing medical teams,
I've been blessed. And yet whatI love about my current medical team is

(34:58):
oftentimes I say, I don't know, let's find out. I love that.
But I've also had medical people whowere not that open. But I
knew that I was not them,and I think that's the importance is for
me, as you do go througha long term healing journey, the importance

(35:21):
is maintaining your sense of identity andtrue to yourself. Yes, that's really
been important to me to know whatI want. I ran into a medical
professional not too long ago who hadmy medical records read through them and all
of that, and then I knowthis was very sincere, but I wanted
to slap them. Sorry sorry,sorry, community, but it went through

(35:44):
my head. I did. Idid not. I kept that in the
inside story. But what happened wasthere like, Wow, this is giving
you kudos for getting through this,and it was all this pumping up like
congratulations and brabo kind of thing.But there was a lack of sincerity about

(36:04):
it, or a lack of belief. I mean, I felt like it
was trying to come from the rightplace, yes, but none of that.
It was almost like I got thefeeling like, so are you telling
me I'm done? I can stophere because I always feel I can get
even healthier from here. Absolutely,even if I didn't have a label,

(36:25):
I think even if this hadn't happened, and I'm here at this age then
and here now, I'd still sayI could probably get healthier from here.
See that's such a useful belief foryou. It's based on what you know
is true, what you know ispossible, what you hope is possible.
Like you, it's so forward moving. You're reminding me as you talk about
the feedback from a doctor that becauseit isn't that power position. And if

(36:50):
somebody does say like, oh goodjob, it's a little parental. And
there are times when we might needthat sense of like I'm proud of you,
but it's more like we're proud ofourselves for the steps we take.
But recently I gave our dentist feedbackabout how excellent their language patterns are.
I'm so super super attentive to language, and I'm careful on how people's language

(37:14):
affects me. So it was great. I broke a tooth. That part
was not great. I broke atooth on a can, on a piece
of candy, and all I couldthink of was dollar science, because it's
expensive to go and get a crownand all that. But I have to
say that as painful and difficult asgetting a crown usually is and expensive you

(37:34):
go and see the first person andthey assess the situation, and he was
like, oh okay, oh allright. The first message that he gave
me was like, if you hadto break it, you broke it.
That is flexible. So I cameout of there, I know, instead
of because I expected the face likeoh boy, none of that. It
was like, oh that's fixable.I got you, and that felt great.

(37:57):
Go in to actually get the workdone and they're like, oh yeah,
oh this is great. Oh wecan do this. I got you.
So the whole message was sorry thatthat happened. We got you,
no problem. It couldn't have beeneasier, and that was consistent in the
whole dental practice. So I wentout of my way to thank them for
that and just let them know.The affected had on me reminds me of

(38:21):
my cheerleader comments. It wasn't exactlythe news you wanted, but it was
a cheerleader yes exactly. It's like, we got you, no you know,
yeah, so that's amazing. That'samazing. So you're doing good now,
right? Yes, thank you?All that fantastic, and do not
eat sticky toffee anymore. There arecertain things I hate. The term women

(38:44):
your age, people, your age. The older I get the more I
hear that, But there is alittle bit of truth to that. I've
had to make adaptations as we go. Yes, peanut britle is not my
friend. But no, no,nothing about the peanut brittle industry. Okay,
I love panah, but you're right, we have to be more mindful

(39:05):
of how and when we eat it. So anyway, now we were talking
about tolerating things, and I justwant to circle back to that, and
we have about thirteen or fourteen minutesleft. I want to talk a little
bit more about tolerating things. Doyou have any thoughts on how we would
know that we're tolerating because sometimes Ifind, I say, stuck in places

(39:28):
a little bit longer than I shouldand there's not anything to do with my
help. I had to make aphone call and it was a phone call
I was dreading. I really wasdreading, and honesty, gosh, it
went on a month and I keptsaying, you know what, the longer
it goes on, the harder it'sgonna do. So yesterday I sat down
and I made that phone call.It was interesting. It was right after

(39:51):
the release of the Relief of theworkers leaving. Yes, all of a
sudden, I felt the strength againor something. I don't know what it
was, but it was that release. And I said to myself, I
feel this released after those workers leaving. How relieved will I feel if I
just make that phone call? Yes? But I made the phone call.
Wasn't as awful as I thought.Oddly enough, they agreed with me on

(40:14):
the first kind of opening paragraph,and I was just like, wow,
I have been waiting a month tomake this phone call, and it turned
out very satisfactory to all parties.After the phone call, and I've been
thinking to myself, how many timesdo I make these stories bigger than they
are? Including the house stories?Am I making them bigger than they are?

(40:37):
Yeah? I think how we knowthat we're tolerating is that feeling of
heaviness. It feels like a kindof a dread. It feels like we're
having to like gird alellins, I'mnoticing it even as I think about.
For me, it's tightness in myjaw. And these are things that we
are often rewarded for in our culture, like she never gave up, yet

(41:00):
she persistent. But we're considering arethere times when this level of persistence is
not good for our health. Ithink that the body lets us know.
And then I love the way youasked yourself questions like, hey, this
felt this way? Could I havethis feeling of relief in another area?
So you reflected with yourself. Youtalk to yourself as you were your own

(41:23):
best cheerleaders, and it's a possibility. Thought, huh, this is possible
in this department, is possible inthis one. And my sense is your
body showing you or giving you therelief and the release and the reward of
Ah, that feels so good.It is like, wow, if that
feels so good, could there bemore where that's coming from? So I

(41:45):
love how you did some self reflectionand you asked yourself that kind of question,
like is this possible? Let's giveit a whirl. And I wonder
if there's a math equation. Ihave to laugh when I talk about math,
because I that's it. That's allI know about math is the word.
But I wonder if there's some kindof equation that says, is holding

(42:07):
on to this more expensive for mein the long run than the perceived stress
of having the freaking phone call andletting it go? Like we're weighing up
the balance, and it seemed likewhen you actually had the phone call and
realized the reward it gave you thatif you had known now, what if

(42:32):
you'd known then what you know now, you might have shortened that timeline.
Oh not might I would have?Yes, my life definitely would have.
And I think to myself doubt.It's like, why did I wait so
long? It's fascinating to me,and that brings me back to this idea
of tolerating. Yes, is thisplace where I'm at right now, whether

(42:57):
sometimes it's level of pain or somethinglike that. I want to always ask
myself these days, I don't wantto tolerate. I want to learn to
ask myself fairly soon in the process. Am I tolerating something? And if
I am, what is it?And what can be done about it?
And it's almost like like that easybutton. Remember I don't even know if

(43:20):
that store still exists, but itwas like that was easy. They had
the easy button and a red thing. Yeah, I remember, I think,
But yeah, that question I couldthis be easier? Or what if
this was easy? Like something thatwe're like, I'm going to say,
as you as you wondered why ittook you so long to have that phone
call, was like because you weredreading it and it didn't seem like it

(43:40):
would be fun, And yet assoon as you did it, like the
result was the reward. It waslike, Oh, So, one way
I advocate with intuitive work is becauseour body doesn't know what time it is,
the body is in the moment forthe most part. You can do
a dress rehearsal. You can go, how will I feel when I've had

(44:04):
that conversation and it went just theway I wanted it to go. Your
body will give you a hint ofthat relief. It'll be like, oh,
that would be great, because yourimagination can do that. So in
a way you can have a littlepreview of that is going to feel great.
Let me use some of that tohelp me to have the phone call

(44:24):
and get there a little bit sooner. But because that the sense of having
a difficult conversation, I'd had todo this recently too, and I prorastinated
and I dragged my heels and itwas similar to yours. When I phoned
the person that I had to havethe difficult conversation with, she beat me
to the punch and said I've beenthinking, how about this. It's like,

(44:45):
oh my gosh, I didn't haveto do the whole thing, and
I felt like I lost twenty poundswith the ease as a result. Imagination
could assist us there. It's like, let's imagine I've had the call and
it feels better, Okay, good. Can I use some of that little
energy boost to actually do the thing. I'm thinking that would be fun.

(45:08):
I loved it with your body languagethat you can use a dial turning of
the knob type of idea, andI'm next time. I yeah, we
all have pain, but I'm justthinking, what if I dialed would that
I'm going to play. I'm notgoing to say what or if or what
I'm going to I'm going to playwith a volume dial. I think that

(45:30):
would be really fascinating to say whetherit's pain or tolerating yes, or whatever
feelings it is, or physical,mental, emotional, whatever feelings it is.
I think I'm going to try,and I am not going to try.
I'm going to install a volume knobswitch. I love the dimmer switch

(45:51):
metaphor too. That was great.Well, let's saw both of them,
because who knows one might work betterthan it's like turning the lights up now,
turning the sound up. Yeah,probably we're dating ourselves there too,
because remember that's how you would findthe radio station back in the day.
I think now it's a button oror a slide on your screen, right,

(46:14):
that's done differently or Hayes theory.Even through childbirth and labor, I
was lucky enough to get to useacupuncture for childbirth, even in the hospital,
because my husband is the practitioner,and he hooked me up with a
machine that I could turn the knobto increase or decrease the amount of pain
relief that the acupuncture, the electroacupuncture was providing. And the feeling of

(46:37):
control in a circumstance in which therewas not much other feeling of control that
really helped in the sense that Icould turn the knob. So I love
that you're installing that knob because yourimagination can use it just as well,
and it says, what can Icontrol this? Can I make it a
little bit more, a little bitless? What fun now this? In

(47:00):
our last five minutes, I wantto talk about this idea of control.
I think we've hit on something abouttolerating things. What is within my control,
and I want to say it allis, yes, whether it's your
perception that's to change, whatever,I think it all is. So what
are your thoughts on helping someone feelor accept more control. I think having

(47:24):
a metaphor like a switch can reallyhelp because we are used to controlling things
that control the lights. I cancontrol the temperature. So even just the
notion okay, I am more incontrol than I think. This is not
completely happening to me. I amnot entirely a victim of a thing.
Even though let's be really kind toourselves, there are certainly times in the

(47:46):
healing journey where we can feel thatway. And absolutely there were times,
especially early on, things were happeningthat we're control and they're happening to us,
and so we want to there isa call for inner kindness. It's
like, oh, when things arehappening to us, we absolutely be ever

(48:07):
so gentle, ever so kind,and still ask for more, not less.
But even just the notion of okay, what can I control? I
think there's some wonderful quotes about peopleeven going through dire historical things, that
said I cannot control what's happening tome, but I can control my attitude.
It's like, ah, so there'salways some element of it that I

(48:29):
think the divine rebel would also say, I might not be in charge of
that, but I'm in charge ofthis. And so having that switch that
says, could I have it justa little bit more ease or a little
more lightness or a little more warmthor what would assist and that sense of
I'm the boss of me and Ican get at least that. I think

(48:52):
that's empowering. So funny you sayI'm the boss of me. My father
says that was one of my favoritethings stifle, and I haven't said it
out loud in years, but whenI heard you say it ranks so true
with me. It was just gaveme chills, as if it brought me

(49:13):
home. I love that. AndI do think your little hands are going
to be on your hips. Ohyes, absolutely, absolutely hands on hips.
And so this is awesome. Iwant to give us time for some
final thoughts. Your wisdom is alwaysso wonderful and inspiring. What are some
final thoughts about today's topic or actuallyanything that your mind that you'd like to

(49:36):
share. I would say that callfor inner kindness is always necessary, just
that gentleness with ourselves and then selfreflection, you know, always having a
conversation with ourselves. I'm always advocatingthat we stay really in touch with ourselves
and who we are. And thena level of lightness that when things are

(49:58):
heavy, we need not be Andthat can sometimes sem counterintuitive, that can
be one of those things that wesay, when this and this and this
and this is all sorted out,I will be light. And from my
own perspective, from a spiritual perspective, I go start with being light because
then all of this is that wehave to deal with we come at it
in a different way. So lightness, kindness, and question mark and instead

(50:24):
of period, I love it wherethey can find you give us your website
and any other information about the kindsof things you do share with your audience,
and you're sure. So our websiteis Bevmartin dot com. And mostly
I'm doing readings and coaching. Readingsis a spiritual perspective in which we're really

(50:45):
listening in this curious way to apart of ourselves that is unlimited and marvelous
and wonderful, and we help thatpart to inform our day to day.
And so readings and then often coachingis typically when we're navigating something and you
could do with someone in your cornerto be both the cheerleader. I like

(51:08):
to think of it as having amirror and a flashlight to help each person
to see what's so good, trueand beautiful about how you're navigating, and
then our little flashlight to see like, oh, did we miss a resource
or helpful something, Let's be sureto find that. And so both of
those kinds of work is fun andplayful. And then later this year,

(51:29):
I'll be offering my intuition class calledIntuition on Purpose, and there'll be more
about that on the website in thenext few months. Thank you so much,
BAB, and I just want topop in on I had a flashback
to one of our sessions that wehad, and I want to share it
with the audience because maybe we aremaybe the little prelude to maybe our next

(51:49):
show, because I'm thinking when yousaid that we had a marvelous this was
several years ago. I can't evenremember how long ago. It was definitely
what I call beasts before COVID.But anyway, but I was thinking about
this wonderful time Bev and I weretalking and She helped me uncover this place
where I had gotten stuck for alittle bit of this place of may I

(52:14):
instead of I am, and that, guys, was just a revelation of
taking back some ownership of myself.That was one of those turning points,
and Beb was part of that inhelping me uncover that part of like,
oh my gosh, I've been workingfrom this place. It wasn't who I

(52:35):
am, working from this place ofmay I instead of stepping into I am
and I found that really helpful too. So if you're in one of those
places where you're like, it's overat Bevmartin dot com. You can find
out all about her and also scheduleand appointment with her over there. And
thank you so much, Bed forsharing your Sharon right, I see you,

(52:58):
and thank you so much. Absolutely, everyone, have a great week,
whatever your adventures. Join me nextweek for another brand new episode.
Enjoy the information provided on The autoImmune Hour, Understanding Autoimmune and Life Interrupted
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(53:19):
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