July 15, 2025 • 57 mins
"Beginner's Love," chapters 2-3. It's starting to get a li'l weird and uncomfy in this 1983 YA classic by Norma Klein (what else did we expect?!). Joel might be a robot, Leda makes an unprecedented move, and Hope is ELEVEN. Molly and Jody perform dramatic readings and learn all about Salome, that lusty wench. Thank you Lisa W. for her Special Report on gulls! It's a (sometimes) Judy Blume book club. Join us every other week!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hi. I'm Jody and I'm Mollie and you're listening to
the Bloom Saloon.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It's a G. D Bloom Book Club. Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Everyone, we're reading a new book today. We started it
last week, so if you haven't listened to the last episode,
go back, because we did chapter one and this book
is called Beginner's Love by Norma Coolly. We're going to
do chapters two and three today. We've got a letter,
(00:43):
we've got maybe a special report.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Before we get into anything, though, I have to tell
you so I finally got my book. Oh good, it
took so long to arrive. I ordered it from from
Abe Books, and I ordered the hardcover addition because I
love a hardcover. It was something like fourteen dollars. I
(01:09):
got the extra for a hardcover. But then I got
this printed out like computer paper letter from the seller
with my book and it says this is a softcover book.
I apologize for the mistake. If you still want it,
please let me know. Otherwise, cancel the order through your
(01:31):
A Book's account. I'm like, wait, you're mailing this to
me with my order and you're telling me I can
cancel it, so I don't want it.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I'm so confused. So was it softer or was it hard?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's that's what she said it is. It's indeed a
soft cover book. Oh and I do want to refund.
I mean, yeah, you know, I feel like it was
a bait and switch and all. So. On the back
of the book is a price tag from the Happy
Historian and it is priced up four ninety nine.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Oh no, no, no, honey, you will be getting ten
dollars back.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
That's terrible, but this is a great addition. I kind
of don't tell the seller, but I kind of like
it better than the hardcover. It looks very like pulpy.
It's the illustration is very almost like adult romance, if
that makes fo Yeah, what does your cover look like?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I was just gonna say, send me a picture of yours,
because I on purpose wanted to get a small paperback
version because I like paperbacks. Okay, mine is like a
purple color and it has a red rectangle with the
name in it, and then on the cover it almost
has like an art style similar to like Sweet Valley High,
(02:55):
so like almost those like hyper realistic paintings, and it's
who I assume is Lyda on the bed and then
Joel is sitting on the floor looking up at her,
and Joel has like a popped collar because nineteen eighty three?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
What's the original price on your cover?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Okay? Oh, mine is two ninety five.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Mine's two twenty five. I win, you.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Do, but I also paid I think four dollars for
mine on thrift books. Well, hey, while we're talking about this,
what's the most Judy Bloom thing that happened to you
this week?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Oh? Very clearly, I have one. So I was unpacking
a bunch of boxes that we haven't unpacked yet since
the move, and I guess my bottle of Charlie now,
the waft of stale Charlie I just keep every time
(03:58):
I smell it, I'm like, did the scent like degrade like?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Or has Charlie always sound like this?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I just can't imagine it being popular. But I know
scent trends come and go, but that's not it.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And what book was Charlie associated with?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Again? Tiger Eyes? Oh right?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, have you ever smelled Charlie?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
No? But I went on the saga with you guys
when you were finding it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I was curious, but no, Yeah, maybe I'll send you there, No,
don't send me.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I don't want it.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, so years ago I have bought you know, the bottle,
and then I bought the little minni vials that I
could decant it into and send it to bloomheads. So
I could still do that. There's still some left. It's
not all gone.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
That's a threat.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
That is a threat. Yeah, it's better be nice. We're
all Charlie bamu aha. So what's the most Judy bloom
thing that happened to you, Mollie.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I just went out and I had a gro shopping
trip that was like all summer food, and it was
just my fridge is just full of summer food. I've
got red, white and blue popsicles. I got a Duke's mayo.
I've got potato chips, I've got grillos, pickles which are
so good, Oh my gosh. I've got nectarines. I've got
(05:33):
a watermelon. I've got the wakes. I'm so excited. I
bought chicken nuggets from the grocery store, like the Ralphs
brand chicken nuggets that they make in the deli. So good.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
What are you gonna do with the chicken nuggets? Are
you gonna grill them.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Well, they don't exist anymore because I've eaten. Yesterday I
had like a real kindergarten ass lunch of like chicken
nuggets and cut up carrots and fruit and stuff. So
I had that for lunch, and then I had it
for lunch again today I put it in a sandwich.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
So yeah, question is though, did they come in a boot,
a bow tie? No, a ball and a fuck? What's
the fourth bell?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
A bell? Yeah? Actually, I'm sorry I may have been
I was describing this wrong. It is like a chicken tender,
like a long piece of bread and chicken. So they
came in in one size fits all. Really, I think
my food philosophy is you have to have You can
shop for your best self, like you can buy all
the healthy stuff, but you need to at least have
(06:37):
one thing on hand for your worst self because you
have to be both versions of yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
And that's true. More you suppress one version, the harder
it comes out.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, so do your do your your lesser self a
favor and buy on some chicken nuggets. Okay, should we
(07:11):
get into Oh, we have a letter.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
This one is from longtime listener Lisa B. We have
so many Lisa Bloomheads.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Really that's like a very cool girl name.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
She says, Hi, Jody and Mollie. I'm a longtime Bloomhead,
but have taken a break the past two years, and
apparently I have missed a lot. I'm currently listening to
the Harriet the Spy episodes, but then I will be
fully in to hear you both take us back to
the wonderful world of Fudge. I just finished the one
Crazy Summer episodes. What a book. I just bought the
(07:45):
trilogy and I was so happy to hear Jody's special
report on seagulls. I have forgotten about that, but thank you.
Why you ask because I'm a seabird rescuer and legabilitator
who specializes gulls. I also do shearwaters, cormorants, herons, and pelicans,
(08:05):
but gulls are the best. They are my absolute favorite
to have in care because they have the best personalities.
My husband thinks I'm nuts because I can have ten
in care and can tell them apart by how much
of a bastard they are. I'm in Australia on the
South coast, so the two types of gulls I care
for are silver gulls and Pacific gulls. Silver gulls are
(08:29):
quite small, only forty to forty five centimeters in length,
but they are the most beautiful white with silver wings
and a bright red beak. As Jody mentioned, they do
the most adorable little tappy taps to confuse the worms,
so when they come up to investigate, they get eaten.
The babies are beautiful speckled balls of fluff, and the
(08:50):
speckles are so they are camouflaged in the grass the
parents lay eggs in Pacific gulls are Australia's largest gull
fifty eight to twenty six centimeters long. They are with
black wings and a very yellow beak ooh that sounds
like an inverse uncle feather test and they also white,
much harder than silver gulls. Ask me how I know,
(09:15):
and then she goes on to tell us you know
why the gulls come into their care, why they need rescuing,
and the number one reason is fishing injuries due to
their scavenger behavior in general adorable tomfoolery. They will grab
baited hooks, often swallow them, and the person fishing then
(09:36):
cuts the line to set them free. But this is
a disaster because you now have a bird with a
hook in its throat or stomach and often attached to
the length of a fishing line. Oh god. And also
the second reason is botulism and it's a bacterial infection.
They pick up and you scoop them right up because
(09:58):
they can't move, so they need supportive care syringe feeding
a fitch slurry that I absolutely have a separate blender
for slowly building them up to solids, hydrotherapy to get
their leg muscles working again, and then aviary time to
learn to fly again. Nothing is more exciting than the
first time they jump up to run away from you
(10:19):
after a week of paralysis. And then the third reason
is injury, so car strikes, animal tacks, human cruelty. Ugh,
it could be super upsetting, but they are worth every second,
she said. Thanks for bringing some attention to some of
the funniest and most misunderstood little birds. Ever, I have
attached some photos of my adorable patients. I name them
(10:42):
all after Australian politicians. Stand Out personalities have been Elbow, Dutton,
Glaw and Harold have a banana for me, Bloomhead Lisa,
and oh my god, these photos are great and there's
one tiny little speckled baby. I'll send you all these, Molly,
But Lisa, thank you for the work you do. This
(11:04):
is incredible.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, Lisa, I'm glad somebody wants to do that because
it ain't me because I don't like birds and I
don't like gulls specifically. So I'm really happy that somebody
is taking care of them because that's not would not
to be my favorite thing to do. We can't all
be heroes, no, we cannot. I specifically cannot. So thank
(11:29):
you for your service.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
That's our last letter that we've caught up on. Thank
you so much for all your letters, bloom Heads. If
you have if you want to write to us but
haven't yet, hit us up at bloom Saloon at gmail
dot com. Also in soprano harmonizing. All right, this one's
(11:54):
kind of a shortcast. But you know, interrupt me if
I'm forgetting anyone we have Joel. I don't think we
know their last name yet. Do we know Joel something?
Mom something? We don't have a first name or a
last name for mom or dad. They will learn a
little more about what they do and what their background
(12:15):
is in this coming chapter. It's all very interesting. We
have Lita. She's the blonde gal that they met at
the movie theater last week. She's the more outgoing one.
She has the pins never forget that says castraight rapist.
And she's sassy. We've got Danny, her friend. She's more
(12:39):
quiet and reserved. She's the one that Joel is assuming
he's gonna get with eventually.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah. The follow him offs like he's oh yeah, extra yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
And then Burger, that's Joel's best friend. He is a character.
He is very theatrical. He's an actor. He's not very sporty,
we learn, and he relies on his wit and charm
to get the ladies.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Now, is Burner a first name or a last name?
I cannot tell?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, oh my god, so I assumed last name. But
there's the part where Hope has her nickname for him. Yes, okay,
let's we'll get there. But it's a really good question. Yeah,
speaking of we have Hope, we have some very uncomfortable
moments regarding a Hope in your chapter. I read it
and I was like, thank god, Mole, he's doing this chapter.
(13:35):
This is weird. And then the last person I have
here is Alphonse Daude.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
He is Dad's restaurant critics pseudonym, and I have a
little bit of information about him coming up.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh cool, I just have a single thing, so that's perfect.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Oh I want to hear what your single thing is.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Uh. He's super anti semitic.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
So I thought I got that too. Yeah, yeah, okay,
so I think you're leaving off.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Did you talk about uh? I guess we don't meet them.
We hear oblique reference to Lida's dad who owns the theater,
and Lida's mom, who's an actor, and then we also
hear a one off mention of mister Quinlan, who is
the only good teacher at the high school and he
teaches experimental math.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Oh good, call, good shout. Cannot forget mister quin please.
Chapter two. All right, Dad and Joel are at a
fancy restaurant and they are there ordering smoked filet. No,
a filet of smoked trout with horse radish sauce. Mollie,
this one is just for you, are to choke Vinagrete.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, I love it. I think this sounds delicious.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Do you think? Oh?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
So okay, because artichokes were in the Superfudge movie, but
they were talking in the book right, because at first
I was like, ooh, did Judy get artichokes from this book?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Too?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
But yeah, nah, I don't think so. But this does
this whole like interaction where they talk about Dad becoming
the restaurant critic reminds me of that part in UH
when Harry met Sally where they're talking about and they
say something like restaurants are to the eighties what theater
(15:35):
was to the seventies. It's like it kind of is,
I guess in that sense of like it's the hot
thing to be talking about, the cultured thing to be
talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Yeah, oh that's so interesting. So yeah, we're getting more
info about Joel's family little bit by bet so mom
runs a Soho art gallery and dad is a CPA
turned fancy restaurant critic. Ooh la la, And it's pretty interesting.
He started off by writing freelance for a small local
(16:08):
mag just because he was eating at those restaurants anyway,
might as well write about them, tell people what he thinks.
And then that magazine folded and he got offered a
full time critic gig at age forty seven, Wow and see,
and he goes incognito and writes under the name Alphonse Daudet,
(16:30):
and I did a quick google about Alphonse Daudet and
he was a popular French writer of the nineteenth century.
He wrote about everyday life in the south of France.
Like you said, Mollie, I did find one source. The
first source I looked at said that he was a
monarchist and an anti semit.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
So the Wikipedia article I read was like, yes, he
was an anti Semi, but he wasn't as anti Semitic
as his brother. It's like, oh cool, cool, I guess
weird flex But okay.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Well he did die of VD so yeah, So back
to dad. Joel kind of gets where Dad was at
with this big career change. He's like, you know, I've
been at school for fourteen years and I'm ready for
something different too. So they start talking about college and
(17:26):
basically Joel doesn't want to go at least not yet.
He wants to do a gap year. He wants to
go to Europe, you know, travel around, see the world,
do stuff. Maybe he'll join Burger's uncle who lives in
Paris and is in a rock band. Yeah, we'll go
stay with them, We'll go meet people through the rock band,
(17:49):
and you know, I can earn money playing guitar in
Paris with he can like panhandle or what, Like, what's
the vision?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, Well it's so funny because I can just tell
if I read this as a teenager, I would be
so on Joel's side, yeah, because you know, they have
this whole bit where Joel is saying like, oh, dad
doesn't understand me. He's not even talking about how cool
this would be. He's just on my ass about having
(18:19):
a plan. And I feel like if I had read
this as a teenager, I'd have been like, yeah, totally
butting this. As a grown up, I'm like, yeah, Bud,
what is your plan? Like his dad is is not
even saying no, don't go to France. He's like, Okay,
if you're gonna go to France, tell me concretely what
you're gonna do.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yeah, Like you know, he's basically offering him a study
a broad situation, you know, and like money isn't the issue.
It's like, uh, lack of a direction, I guess is
the issue. And Joel's like, I don't want to study abroad.
I just want to go.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
It's like, okay, Bud, get a job like I tell you.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And it doesn't sound like his French is even that
good no, or his guitar no.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Hell.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Joela is like, I just don't want to go to college.
I've been to school since I was three. I'm so
bored of it. It's like how you got bored of
your job and you started something new and nad goes. Yeah,
I was sick of that job. Everything is boring to
some extent. But if you become one of those people
who throws in the towel the second you're bored, you'll
never do a damn thing with your life. And I
(19:31):
was like I kind of agree with that, yeah, to
a certain extent. Like I don't think I am not
of the mind that you have to stay in a
job that makes you unhappy, or you have to stay
on a path that really doesn't work for you. But
I think you do a better service to yourself if
you give everything like a good try and see if
(19:52):
it works before you just decide you don't want to
do something. Yes, I think like boredom is good information
for you. It's not like the end of the sentence.
It's more of like, Okay, if I'm bored with this
for this specific reason, how can I fix that? What
can I do differently.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, that's a really good point because I think we
all know those people that can't deal with boredom or
they think that boredom is something to be avoided at
all costs. And it's the people that can't live in
one place for more than a couple of years or
can't hold any kind of job. They don't seem happy
in the long term. Like maybe like the excitement of
(20:30):
the newness is enough to tie them over for a bit,
but it doesn't. It's not sustainable. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
It reminds me of the other girl in Summer Sisters,
like not Vix but Kate, the other one, Caitlin. Like
that is a perfect example. I think of somebody who
could never deal with boredom and so they're always changing,
but it means they're never like settled or safe anywhere,
including their own heart and mind. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Oh we're so guys.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Yeah, I think actually, like we know what to do
and other people don't.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
So.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
That's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah, it's this whole like parents just don't understand, you know.
Their generation is so different. It's like talking to a
brick wall. And it is funny to think that Joel
now is Dad's age about their I mean, the young
kids are They basically think gen X and boomers are
(21:33):
the same thing. So so we fast forward to the
start of the school year and I'm like, yeah, I'm
so excited. I love a school year. I wanted to
get more about the first day, like all the details,
all the school supplies, but we kind of get a
little glossed over a bit about Joel taking calculus and
(21:54):
computer one and I'm dying to know what computer one is.
Probably Mavis Beacon mmmmm hmm, maybe like spreadsheets.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Oh that would have been helpful.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
This part killed me. So he's pomped because this year
their French teacher is actually from France, which is so
much better than their last French teacher who was from
Louisiana and spoke it with a Southern accent. And I
had a French teacher like that in Dallas. She had
a twang and yeah, she was funny. Her name was
(22:33):
missus Christenberry, Judy Christenberry, and she also wrote romance novels.
When I am, well, she's dead, but uh, she had
written I looked her up. She had written over one
hundred novels.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Oh that's the life I want a twangy French teacher
who writes novels on the side. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
The titles of these novels are all so crazy. Well,
first you just all you have to know is that
they're all variations on the word daddy, Texas, cowboy, and wedding.
It's like she used a keyword generator, you know, before
that even existed. I'm like, so, yeah, let's pull up
(23:20):
some titles for you. Oh my god, cowboy, cupid, cowboy, daddy, cowboy, groom, Daddy,
my daddy, and my daddy, the duke one hot daddy
to be no surprise, you're a daddy daddy unknown, the
(23:49):
last stubborn cowboy. Let's see what else? The Great Texas
Wedding Bargain, the uh ten million dollar Texas wedding.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Oh that's not the bargain.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
What saved by a Texas size wedding. Rachel's cowboy daddy
next door? And oh, we have a mommy. We have
a mommy mommy for a minute. So y'all look up Judy,
(24:24):
Chris and Berry. She also wrote under the name Judith Stafford.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Oh and those are the serious ones with no daddy.
Oh yeah, what a life.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I love that ah. Back to the school day, Joel
and Berger. They're they're talking as they wait for the
bus home, and it's decided that Burger is going to
call the blonde girl from the movies and he's going
to get the other one's number for Joel. But later
(24:57):
that night, Joel gets a call, and let's read this call.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Oh hi, Joel, Yeah, it's me Rida. We are the
ones who sat in front of you at the movie.
Oh yeah, right right. Well, the reason I'm calling is,
I wondered if you might want to go to a
play with me this Saturday, Salome. It's by Oscar Wilde.
(25:26):
See my father runs this theater in the village. You
might have heard of it, Square one, So I like,
have these free tickets. And I just thought, well, if
you weren't doing anything the four of us, do you
mean no? I just thought maybe a week ago, unless
you don't like plays or something, or if you're busy
(25:49):
or whatever. I'm sure I know. No. The thinging is,
I just thought maybe.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I wasn't the one.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I wasn't the one who got up on stage. That's Burger,
my friend. I know. That's how I got your number.
I called him. Oh listen, you don't have to go.
It's okay. You thought I was Danny right? You want
to go out with her? No, I just I'd like
to go. Great. Well, listen, could you meet me at
(26:25):
the theater maybe fifteen minutes before it starts. I've seen
it already, and that's really good.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
It is hilarious for him to be like, you know,
this is Joel right, yeah, and I'm like, oh God,
Burger's gonna.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Be mad, but he's super chill. Yeah, let's read the
Burger combo.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Okay, now I want to switch. I want to be Burger. Okay.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Looks like she likes you. I guess that's the way
it goes. Did you call her like you said?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
No, I was going to, but.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
She called me asking for your numbers? Huh so what's
the problem. No, it's not a problem exactly. I just
thought she liked you. You did never tell with girls.
She kept staring at you when we were at that
coffee shop. I guess I'm not her type or something.
Maybe I came on too strong. She wants me to
(27:21):
go to a play with her, but go, I'm going to.
But are you mad?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Listen? There are plenty more where she came from go
to it? Are you going to ask her friend out?
Maybe she was kind of quiet. Yeah, that's not always
a bad thing. I'll see.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
So listen, have fun Saturday.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Okay, I'll try.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Burger is secure, Burger secure in himself. Yeah, you win some,
you lose some. I love Burger until he does something bad,
but currently really love Burger.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Yah.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
So Joel's like, Wow, that's wild. This is not a
regular thing for him. He doesn't get many calls from girls.
And then we hear a little more about how Joel
describes himself. He's five nine, he's skinny, he has shaggy,
light brown hair, brown eyes, and then glasses he's worn
(28:21):
since fourth grade.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I wasn't picturing glasses. And on neither of our covers
does he have glasses?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
No, he does it maybe he takes them off to kiss.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Ooh.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
But does this mean he's worn the same pair of
glasses since fourth grade? Because that's how it sounds.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
So I think he means he's been a glasses wearer
since fourth grade. Okay, but that's very funny thinking of
tiny glasses on.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
The edge of his nose. It says glasses that I've
worn since fourth grade. So you're probably right, but I
hope you're not.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Hey, I was so wrong about the buffalo thing last time,
so maybe don't listen to me.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Another thing we need to know is that he feels
awkward around girls and is so confused because Lida is
really pretty and confident. But then he's kind of overthinking
it and he's like, maybe it's just all in act
with her or me.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I was so confused about this part because he before
he starts talking about that, he said, I'm surprised Lida
called me because she seemed so outgoing and self confident.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Is he saying that he's surprised. He's not that surprised
that she's calling a boy, he's surprised that she's calling
him specifically. Is that it?
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, that's what I took it as, because like he's
so like.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Live Oh god, I hate Joel so much.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, and he wonders that maybe she thinks he's smarter
than he is because he was quiet when they met,
and he's like, oh no, oh, she's gonna find out
I'm not that smart. But his mom, I guess, has
given him advice over the years, saying that, uh, things
you worry about tend to never happen, and the things
(30:13):
that do happen, the really bad things, are the things
you would never think to worry about. So what's the point, Like,
that's true, kind of true, all right, But then if
you say that to a worrier, then then they're going
to start worrying about the things they're not worrying about, right,
But oh, I have to share this. Oh I'm a worrier.
(30:35):
I've been a worrier since early childhood. Yeah, and you know,
I'm sure like you, I was always told to not
worry and that doesn't do anything. You don't even know
what that means. You don't know how not to worry.
It's completely useless information. But I heard something recently. I
don't even know where I heard it or read it.
(30:55):
The phrase unnecessary analysis. I mean, for me, this is
like a magical phrase. Anytime I start kind of ruminating
or worried about something, I just think like, I'm giving
this unnecessary analysis, and somehow my brain just clicks off.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Ooh, I love that. I'm gonna steal that.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
You should try it, because it's different than just saying
don't worry. If you approach worrying and this is on.
This is an analysis which could be valid, but most
of the time it's unnecessary. Then yeah, it kind of
tweaks the equation a little.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Ooh, that's very good.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
I love that. Thank you, You're welcome. Tell me if
it works.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I'll try.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
So back to Joel, he's now lying in bed. He's
thinking of Lida because she said that, you know, she
was the body double in the Endless Love movie. And
he's jerking off and he's picturing Leda's face on the
body double. Okay, and she says, I hope I don't
(32:06):
think of sex a lot while I'm on the date
with her. She might be able to tell.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I love that, And yes, we can tell. Okay. Chapter
(32:37):
three and so remember how the last chapter closed with
jerk in it. This first chapter opens with just what
can only be described as a soliloquy on how hot
burgers eleven year old sister is. I want to die?
I wrote, I wrote in the Martians hate this.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I hate it so much.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Because it's you know what, if I had to read this,
you guys have to read it too. So I'm gonna
read this part just in case you're not read reading
along with us. But it says Berger's little sister, Hope,
and I'm adding, this, who is eleven, is really cute.
Don't start thinking I'm a pervert or anything. I was,
That's exactly what I was thinking. I realized she's only eleven.
(33:25):
Maybe that's why she's so cute. And when she's fourteen
or sixteen, fourteen or sixteen are the options? Fourteen jail,
when she's sorry for screaming in your ears, child, Oh no,
scream away. She'll be a real knockout. Like I'm sure
she's gonna be. She'll be all self conscious about her
(33:47):
looks right now. She doesn't even have much of a figure. Gosh,
she's eleven, a child, a child, And it goes on
to talk about her boobs and how she can do
the slits. And I feel like that part in the
office where bj Novak is talking to Stanley's daughter and
he goes that little girl as a child, I don't
(34:08):
want to see you sniffing around here. And that's how
I feel about Joel in this moment. Because Yike's pee bikes,
he goes on about how much he likes Burger's sister.
I hate it.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
I mean, speaking of unnecessary analysis that part seemed so
unnecessary to me, Like, let's focus on the teen sex.
I don't want to hear about eleven year old Norma.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
What are we doing here? Why? I hate this so much?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Maybe wants us to hate Joel.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Well, mission accomplished already three chapters in. I hate this
man so much. Yeah, I wonder if this is like
really heavy handed narrative of like, see, everybody likes someone
who's a different age than them. See, okay, I is
(35:00):
don't like it anyway. Here of Burger's dad trying to
bribe Joel to get Burger to play tennis. This is
Burger's father said that he'd pay me five dollars for
every tennis match. I could play with Burger at camp.
Oh god. But uh, Burger is wise to that, and
(35:21):
he doesn't want to do any tennis at camp. But
Hope is different. Hope does want to play tennis. She
has a permit, which I don't understand. I assume it's
like a like a permit to use a tennis court.
Maybe it's like is it a membership or uh I
was unclear.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, but she.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Wants to play tennis and she wants Joel to coach
her in tennis. Then there's this other part, which is like,
I think gross in context because I feel like it's
almost like Joel being jealous of Burger. But there's a
paragraph where he says, Hope really idolizes Burger and this
(36:07):
is great. He goes, it's not fair or anyway, it's
not logical. It's not based on his having such a
wonderful character or anything. I guess it's just because he's
her brother. It's like, yeah, oh God forbid this girl
have a normal relationship with her family.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
I don't think Joel's human.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, Joel's the robot. I hate him. Oh, here we go,
now we can talk about this. So he says that
Hope calls Burger Burger king and she even made him
a little crown. And so that makes me think that
Burger is his first name, which is wild, right because
this is name like Burger Smith. Like, what is going on?
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Because if her last name was Burger, it wouldn't be
like as funny of a joke like your brother making
you a Sanchez queen.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, that would work. That'd be weird.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Maybe it's Burger Berger.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I did date a man for a long time whose
birth name was Mitchell Mitchell because of because of many reasons.
But yeah, they exist.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Many reasons. Oh, let's talk offline about that one.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
No, I could talk about it really quick. It was
his parents got divorced before he was born, and so
the plan was always to have when when they when
they were still together, when his mom was pregnant. The
tradition in her family is you name the first kid,
you make their first name the mom's maiden name, and
(37:38):
so her maiden name was Mitchell, so they were always
gonna name him Mitchell. And then his parents got divorced
before he was born, so it's his mom instead of
changing the plan, like great, she.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Had a chance and she did not take it.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Well, no, she did. She took it two ways. So
who's Mitchell Mitchell for a while? So good, it exists.
It exists. Speaking of moms, Joel is saying, my mother
is basically on my side in most things, but when
it comes to big issues like this thing with taking
a year off before college, she tends to close ranks
(38:17):
with my father. He's like, she likes me, but she
doesn't like worship me.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Okay, but.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I'm gonna i'll read Joel, and I'll start with well
and can you read hope? Yeah, okay, Well, maybe the
thing is to find someone your own age and go
out and play with them a lot. That's the best
way to learn.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
So you don't want to play with me because I'm
too young.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
No, listen, I too want to play with you. I
just don't think i'd be a good coach. I can play,
but I don't do everything the right way.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
I think you do. I watched you once. What don't
you do the right way?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Well, like my serve, I don't toss it high in.
I make a lot of double faults.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Oh, and then there's something about her big beautiful blue eyes.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Gross. Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Who is this girl? You're going out with?
Speaker 3 (39:12):
What?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (39:13):
I thought you were going out with some girl, That's
what Burker said. He said she was really pretty.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Oh well it's tonight we're going to play. Her father
owns a theater. Is she what? And then it says
one bad habit I have is I don't listen?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Is she pretty?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Yeah? Pretty much?
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Do you think I'm gonna be popular with boys?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Definitely?
Speaker 1 (39:38):
They don't seem to like me now that much.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
Well, at your age, boys are sort of scared of girls.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
How come what are they scared of?
Speaker 2 (39:46):
I don't know, they just are.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
When did they stop being scared?
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I don't know. I guess by the time they get
married or something.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
That's a long time. I'm picturing her because she's right
around the same age as all the Margaret girls, So
I'm kind of featuring her as like Nancy Wheeler, Yes,
like a little more like precocious, like strut your stuff, like, yes,
having crushes on the seventeen year old twytally, So it's
(40:17):
very innocent for her, but for him to even.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Like totally my friend said this really eloquently one time.
She's like, it's natural for like young girls and young
people to have crushes on people who are older than them.
But that's perfectly natural. The responsibility of the older person
(40:41):
is to not act on that or not be weird
about that or not. Like, because you're older, you have
more agency and more control, and it's your responsibility in
that situation. So it's like, nothing Hope is doing is
wrong because she's young and she isn't known or or
if she does know, she knows what she knows like
(41:03):
sans context, like in a Nancy Wheeler, So do way
it's precocious. It's not like there's no such thing as
like a preteen sedoctress. That's something seen through the like
a nymphet is through the eye of like an older person.
So Joel sucks.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Hope's great, like the whole Lalita myth, you know.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
No, And actually, if you're interested in that, Jamie Loftus
did a whole podcast like minutely dissecting sort of the
cultural impact of Lolita. That is great. It's a really
good podcast, So thank you for the rack. Uh. We're
back with his cool ass parents who are going out
to dinner. There's this funny interlude where Joel is talking
(41:48):
out listening to Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton. He says,
my parents like me to keep my door closed when
I do because it's not the kind of music they like,
and they claim it's too loud. So I like that,
like edit to if it was music they liked, they
wouldn't mind, but because they don't like it, it's too loud.
I liked this sentence because it reminded me of my mom.
It says, my mother isn't rampantly nervous, but she has
(42:10):
a few panic buttons that it's just well to avoid
if you can, you know what I feel that Now
they get to the theater, and I love this description
of what Leita is wearing. She had a purple shirt
on with gold threads in it, sort of Indian looking
with purple jeans. Now do you think they mean Indian
(42:32):
like South Asian? Do they mean Native American?
Speaker 1 (42:35):
I was thinking India from India, South Asian Indian because,
like to me, purple fits with that aesthetic.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
I was thinking that too. I was thinking that too,
but it sounded like a cool outfit. I love this. Yeah, Okay,
So actually, let's take a brief aside to talk about
Salome the play, because that's the play that they're seeing.
I believe it's originally, uh, a French play, but Oscar
Wilde kind of adapted it to be his own version
(43:08):
in eighteen ninety six, I think is when he does it.
You know, we all know Oscar Wilde, super funny, good writer,
and he starts writing this play. And this play is
a one ax play about this thing that happens in
the Bible, and basically what it is is John the
(43:31):
Baptist who later becomes I think Saint John the Baptist
is imprisoned because he made nasty comments about the wife
of the King Herod, and so he's in prison. And
one day Salome, who Herod's stepdaughter, sees Saint John the
Baptist in prison and thinks he's hot and like goes
(43:53):
in to try and like seduce him, and Saint John
the Baptist is like, Icky, no, no, thank you. You're
the daughter of the guy who's kidnapping me. And Salmon's like,
but I'm so pretty. He's like, no, thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Please, wait, don't tell me she's eleven.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
No, she's eleven. No, I think she's an adult question mark,
it's the Bible. Who knows anyway. So Salome is pissed
to be rejected, and later Harod, her stepfather, is like,
you know, be fun. I think you should dance after
(44:30):
dinner for us all and she's like, sick. But if
I do this, you have to give me any kind
of little treat I want. And he's like, great, I
love little treats. Get the dancing relative, and so she
does what is depicted as the Dance of the Seven Veils,
which can be sort of interpreted a couple of different ways,
but it is kind of like strip tease adjacent in
(44:53):
the play. Such a fun thing to do for family. Anyway,
she does she he nails the dance. She does it
really well, and then she her stepdaughter. Her stepfather's like, cool,
what little treat would you want? Thinking it's gonna be
like a bowl of DIBs or something, and she says, great.
What I actually want is I want the head of
(45:13):
John the Baptist on a silver platter. And he's like, whoa, okay,
well we put some snickers in the freezer. Do you
want that instead? She goes absolutely not. You said, well
I could have whatever I want. I want his head
on the plate, and he's like okay, and so he does.
And there's lots of art depicting this moment. But Salome,
(45:37):
famous horn dog, is like hell yeah, finally and with
his like dead head, she starts like doing kissing practice
on it. Hickey, I don't love that, eh. Anyway, Harrod
is like ew, that was gross. You should die and
then he kills Salome. So spoiler alert for Salamary.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Oh man, she should have gone for the snickers.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
Come on, always go for the snickers. But what is
interesting about this story and what kind of gets talked
about in the Salame story a lot of times is
that Salome is kind of an allegorical figure for like
female lust, and female lust is something that you know,
were you to take, like the Bible's word for it
(46:24):
is something that like you shouldn't have anyway. And so
Salome is like a cautionary tale of what happens when
you allow female lush lust to flourish. And so I
think that's kind of interesting that Lyda is the person
inviting him on the date and then uh sort of
(46:47):
you know, taking him to this racy play and something
you can think about too is like from John the
Baptist's perspective, Uh, this is a horror story. It's a
story about how a woman's luss can literally kill you.
So I think if we're looking at this from Joel's perspective,
like her being so aggressive quote unquote towards him is
(47:12):
kind of like fitting in with this, Like John the
Baptist figure of He's.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Like, oh me, oh so yeah, is she gonna do
her own dance of the Seven Veils first?
Speaker 2 (47:21):
I don't know, we'll see. Also sidebar, there's a really
good poem I read on Tumblr a billion years ago.
Then I'll post from this. But it's by a poet
called Clementine von Raddix that's R. A. D. C S.
And she wrote this poem called Kim Kardashian Redo and
(47:44):
it's it juxtaposes like Kim Kardashian's Rise to Fame with
Salame's Dance of the Seven Veils, and it's a really
good poem. So wow, like single handedly changed the way
I feel about the Kardashians in one Tumblr post. So
I'll post that it's good.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Wow, good content, Mollie, thank you anytime.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
I love theater. I love I love this shit. Anyway.
So they go see the play and Joela is like
not paying attention. But at intermission they go and get
orange drinks, which I thought was very funny, so specific.
So they're in the lobby drinking their Fanta and Leida
(48:26):
drops the lore that her mom is in the show
and that's kind of cool because he didn't know mom's
can act. Oh look, this is a part written by
Judith Christenberry because Lida says Daddy doesn't do that often,
as in, he doesn't put her mom in the show
often because he owns the theater. Because it seems like nepotism,
(48:48):
you know, and Mommy doesn't like him to either because
she can get parts on her own. Though it's harder
now that she's in her fifties. I mean their dress
aren't many good parts for women that age, and like
she doesn't want to play grandmothers. So true. I think
adult daddy and Mommy is hard to hear.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
This is a hallmark of Norma's writing. Is it all
dads are daddy's.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
I guess it's a judaism too.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Yeah, it is. Daddy was very prominent in domestic arrangements.
I don't believe mom was mommy though. That's a new one.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
Yeah, that's one that doesn't seem to stick around as much.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Someone like cool and with it and confident and like independent.
Is Lita wearing castraight rapist pins doesn't Mommy doesn't like
fit in that. Uh.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
I wonder if it's like an East Coast thing though,
because it does seem kind of very like posh and
people like yuppie to be like, oh, mommy and daddy
kind if I squit, I can kind of see where
they're getting it from.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
I want to do some research on mommy, Daddy, mom Ma, mother, mother.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Yeah, and I I don't want to cast the stone
too hard because I.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Mean, sometimes I do call my mom mummy, but it
mummy's mummy's cuter than mommy mummy.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
Yeah, and mummy sounds sophisticated. I like that.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
Her her parents thing is that they don't want her
to be an actor, even though her mom is currently
an actor, and is like, I wouldn't change a thing,
soh And I think what's interesting about this book is
it has a lot of adults who are like pivoting
later in life to find their passion projects. So it
is kind of interesting that with those backgrounds, all these
(50:45):
adults are still like, you should still like stay on
the path a little bit. Yeah, it's it's fair. I
just think it's an interesting way to look at things.
And I wonder if this was kind of like I
wonder if their parents were the first generation of adults
that could feel like they were allowed to do that,
allowed to try something different, because think about like Judy
(51:08):
is an example of somebody who did that. I know,
Beverly Cleary has protagonists parents who are pivoting like that.
We have, you know, mister Hatcher taking time off of
advertising to write a book. So I think it's going
around in that generation is that it's the first time
(51:29):
that those grown ups were allowed to try something.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
New, right, And I wonder if that correlates with the
phrase midlife crisis. I feel like you didn't hear people
in the forties talking about midlife crisises as much as
you did in the eighties.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
That could just be me not knowing things about the forties.
Speaker 2 (51:49):
But I don't know anything about the forties.
Speaker 1 (51:51):
Yeah, like I want to research that too.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
Ooh, I love that. That'd be a fun special report. Okay, yeah, yeah, Okay,
let's read one last section.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Did you wish it was Danny that had called you up?
Tell me truthfully, no, would you have called me up
if I hadn't called you?
Speaker 2 (52:13):
Sure? I wasn't planning too, but we got a lot
of homework in school. I got to oh in the school,
I was planning too, But we had a lot of
homework in this school I go to. I didn't have
your number.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
I gave it to you.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
Well, I thought you were giving it to Berger.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
He's not my type. He seems a little crazy. I mean,
I'm sorry to say that. If he's a good friend
of yours.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
He's not actually crazy, He's more he does impulsive things sometimes.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
Yeah, well I do too sometimes, So you don't mind
that I called you. Some guys have hang ups about
wanting to take the initiative or whatever, but you didn't
seem like that so much.
Speaker 2 (53:00):
I think Burger liked your friend. We could go out
together sometimes. Maybe.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
The thing with Danny is that she's sort of shy.
She isn't with me at all, but with boys she
tends to be. And also, well, this is a weird
problem to have, but she has these very large breasts,
and sometimes boys just go after her for that. Really
gross boys. She might have this operation to have them
(53:27):
made smaller when she's older. I guess she could give
some to me.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
You seem fine to me, And then he's like, oh,
I'm not. I guess this is like to him, this
is a perfect example of like letting them know you're
thinking about sex. Yeah, he says, it was such a
dumb thing to say, as though I've been noticing her
figure right from the start. I had been, but I
was afraid she might classify me with those boys she
(53:53):
doesn't like.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
I'm not like other boys. I love your jol voice.
Speaker 2 (53:59):
Yeah, it had to evolve because I think I was
doing it too cool And I'm like this, son, Yeah,
when you were dating, did you ever call a boy
first or text the boy first?
Speaker 1 (54:11):
I'm sure I did, but I do not. I mean,
it's been so long, you know, Tyler and I met
in two thousand and five, so I did. So it's
been a while, but I'm sure I did. I didn't
have a problem with that me neither. I feel like
now almost more expected that the girl will make the
first move because I think men area they want to,
(54:32):
they don't.
Speaker 2 (54:33):
I do think that's a major shift in like dating culture,
in like a post me too dating culture is I
think men are so scared to be forward or to
like read the situation wrong, that oftentimes they're just kind
of like inactive and inattentive, and so they wait girls
(55:00):
to do the first movement. And I don't I don't
mind that per se. I just think that, like there
is a level of critical thinking that's like, oh, there's
a difference between asking a woman if she's interested or
showing that you're interested. There's a difference between that and
like assaulting a woman or like harassing a woman, and
(55:22):
I think a lot of men. An attitude I'm frustrated
with as a single person now is like the attitude
that's like, oh, I don't want to say anything or
do anything because what if I like trip and fall
and all of a sudden, I'm googling you. Well, yeah,
just use critical thinking and listen and take social cues. Weirdo.
Speaker 1 (55:43):
Yeah, I can understand the fear of being paralyzing, but
also trust yourself to know what's right and what's wrong
or unless you're a psychopath.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
Yeah that's true. Yeah, I think too, Like something that
happens is like you needs men need to learn how
to gracefully accept rejection and how to like welcome rejection
because it's not there's a it's not that like if
you are nice and considerate and thoughtful, you'll never get rejected.
(56:15):
But like, I think we have to build in men
a toughness for like, Okay, I think you should absolutely
shoot your shot. I think you should absolutely ask a
woman out. Ask absolutely tell a woman you're interested in.
But the second she says no, don't take that as
like a koy thing or like a mean thing or anything.
Just be like, okay, cool, that's information here. I am
(56:37):
back to where I was.
Speaker 1 (56:39):
Maybe we need more burgers in this, yes, like bring back.
Speaker 2 (56:45):
Burger, bring back Burger.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
But we'll delete this if he ends up being a
fucking creep.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
You never can tell if burger ends up being bad.
I never said any of this. M m wow.
Speaker 1 (56:58):
Okay, well, thank you so much much bloom heads for
joining us. Don't forget to write us letters bloom Saloon
at gmail dot com, follow us on social media, and yeah,
we'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 2 (57:10):
Bye bye
Hi. I'm Jody and I'm Mollie and you're listening to
the Bloom Saloon.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It's a G. D Bloom Book Club. Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Everyone, we're reading a new book today. We started it
last week, so if you haven't listened to the last episode,
go back, because we did chapter one and this book
is called Beginner's Love by Norma Coolly. We're going to
do chapters two and three today. We've got a letter,
(00:43):
we've got maybe a special report.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Before we get into anything, though, I have to tell
you so I finally got my book. Oh good, it
took so long to arrive. I ordered it from from
Abe Books, and I ordered the hardcover addition because I
love a hardcover. It was something like fourteen dollars. I
(01:09):
got the extra for a hardcover. But then I got
this printed out like computer paper letter from the seller
with my book and it says this is a softcover book.
I apologize for the mistake. If you still want it,
please let me know. Otherwise, cancel the order through your
(01:31):
A Book's account. I'm like, wait, you're mailing this to
me with my order and you're telling me I can
cancel it, so I don't want it.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I'm so confused. So was it softer or was it hard?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's that's what she said it is. It's indeed a
soft cover book. Oh and I do want to refund.
I mean, yeah, you know, I feel like it was
a bait and switch and all. So. On the back
of the book is a price tag from the Happy
Historian and it is priced up four ninety nine.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Oh no, no, no, honey, you will be getting ten
dollars back.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
That's terrible, but this is a great addition. I kind
of don't tell the seller, but I kind of like
it better than the hardcover. It looks very like pulpy.
It's the illustration is very almost like adult romance, if
that makes fo Yeah, what does your cover look like?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I was just gonna say, send me a picture of yours,
because I on purpose wanted to get a small paperback
version because I like paperbacks. Okay, mine is like a
purple color and it has a red rectangle with the
name in it, and then on the cover it almost
has like an art style similar to like Sweet Valley High,
(02:55):
so like almost those like hyper realistic paintings, and it's
who I assume is Lyda on the bed and then
Joel is sitting on the floor looking up at her,
and Joel has like a popped collar because nineteen eighty three?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
What's the original price on your cover?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Okay? Oh, mine is two ninety five.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Mine's two twenty five. I win, you.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Do, but I also paid I think four dollars for
mine on thrift books. Well, hey, while we're talking about this,
what's the most Judy Bloom thing that happened to you
this week?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Oh? Very clearly, I have one. So I was unpacking
a bunch of boxes that we haven't unpacked yet since
the move, and I guess my bottle of Charlie now,
the waft of stale Charlie I just keep every time
(03:58):
I smell it, I'm like, did the scent like degrade like?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Or has Charlie always sound like this?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I just can't imagine it being popular. But I know
scent trends come and go, but that's not it.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And what book was Charlie associated with?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Again? Tiger Eyes? Oh right?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, have you ever smelled Charlie?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
No? But I went on the saga with you guys
when you were finding it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I was curious, but no, Yeah, maybe I'll send you there, No,
don't send me.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I don't want it.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, so years ago I have bought you know, the bottle,
and then I bought the little minni vials that I
could decant it into and send it to bloomheads. So
I could still do that. There's still some left. It's
not all gone.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
That's a threat.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
That is a threat. Yeah, it's better be nice. We're
all Charlie bamu aha. So what's the most Judy bloom
thing that happened to you, Mollie.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I just went out and I had a gro shopping
trip that was like all summer food, and it was
just my fridge is just full of summer food. I've
got red, white and blue popsicles. I got a Duke's mayo.
I've got potato chips, I've got grillos, pickles which are
so good, Oh my gosh. I've got nectarines. I've got
(05:33):
a watermelon. I've got the wakes. I'm so excited. I
bought chicken nuggets from the grocery store, like the Ralphs
brand chicken nuggets that they make in the deli. So good.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
What are you gonna do with the chicken nuggets? Are
you gonna grill them.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Well, they don't exist anymore because I've eaten. Yesterday I
had like a real kindergarten ass lunch of like chicken
nuggets and cut up carrots and fruit and stuff. So
I had that for lunch, and then I had it
for lunch again today I put it in a sandwich.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
So yeah, question is though, did they come in a boot,
a bow tie? No, a ball and a fuck? What's
the fourth bell?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
A bell? Yeah? Actually, I'm sorry I may have been
I was describing this wrong. It is like a chicken tender,
like a long piece of bread and chicken. So they
came in in one size fits all. Really, I think
my food philosophy is you have to have You can
shop for your best self, like you can buy all
the healthy stuff, but you need to at least have
(06:37):
one thing on hand for your worst self because you
have to be both versions of yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
And that's true. More you suppress one version, the harder
it comes out.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, so do your do your your lesser self a
favor and buy on some chicken nuggets. Okay, should we
(07:11):
get into Oh, we have a letter.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
This one is from longtime listener Lisa B. We have
so many Lisa Bloomheads.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Really that's like a very cool girl name.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
She says, Hi, Jody and Mollie. I'm a longtime Bloomhead,
but have taken a break the past two years, and
apparently I have missed a lot. I'm currently listening to
the Harriet the Spy episodes, but then I will be
fully in to hear you both take us back to
the wonderful world of Fudge. I just finished the one
Crazy Summer episodes. What a book. I just bought the
(07:45):
trilogy and I was so happy to hear Jody's special
report on seagulls. I have forgotten about that, but thank you.
Why you ask because I'm a seabird rescuer and legabilitator
who specializes gulls. I also do shearwaters, cormorants, herons, and pelicans,
(08:05):
but gulls are the best. They are my absolute favorite
to have in care because they have the best personalities.
My husband thinks I'm nuts because I can have ten
in care and can tell them apart by how much
of a bastard they are. I'm in Australia on the
South coast, so the two types of gulls I care
for are silver gulls and Pacific gulls. Silver gulls are
(08:29):
quite small, only forty to forty five centimeters in length,
but they are the most beautiful white with silver wings
and a bright red beak. As Jody mentioned, they do
the most adorable little tappy taps to confuse the worms,
so when they come up to investigate, they get eaten.
The babies are beautiful speckled balls of fluff, and the
(08:50):
speckles are so they are camouflaged in the grass the
parents lay eggs in Pacific gulls are Australia's largest gull
fifty eight to twenty six centimeters long. They are with
black wings and a very yellow beak ooh that sounds
like an inverse uncle feather test and they also white,
much harder than silver gulls. Ask me how I know,
(09:15):
and then she goes on to tell us you know
why the gulls come into their care, why they need rescuing,
and the number one reason is fishing injuries due to
their scavenger behavior in general adorable tomfoolery. They will grab
baited hooks, often swallow them, and the person fishing then
(09:36):
cuts the line to set them free. But this is
a disaster because you now have a bird with a
hook in its throat or stomach and often attached to
the length of a fishing line. Oh god. And also
the second reason is botulism and it's a bacterial infection.
They pick up and you scoop them right up because
(09:58):
they can't move, so they need supportive care syringe feeding
a fitch slurry that I absolutely have a separate blender
for slowly building them up to solids, hydrotherapy to get
their leg muscles working again, and then aviary time to
learn to fly again. Nothing is more exciting than the
first time they jump up to run away from you
(10:19):
after a week of paralysis. And then the third reason
is injury, so car strikes, animal tacks, human cruelty. Ugh,
it could be super upsetting, but they are worth every second,
she said. Thanks for bringing some attention to some of
the funniest and most misunderstood little birds. Ever, I have
attached some photos of my adorable patients. I name them
(10:42):
all after Australian politicians. Stand Out personalities have been Elbow, Dutton,
Glaw and Harold have a banana for me, Bloomhead Lisa,
and oh my god, these photos are great and there's
one tiny little speckled baby. I'll send you all these, Molly,
But Lisa, thank you for the work you do. This
(11:04):
is incredible.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, Lisa, I'm glad somebody wants to do that because
it ain't me because I don't like birds and I
don't like gulls specifically. So I'm really happy that somebody
is taking care of them because that's not would not
to be my favorite thing to do. We can't all
be heroes, no, we cannot. I specifically cannot. So thank
(11:29):
you for your service.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
That's our last letter that we've caught up on. Thank
you so much for all your letters, bloom Heads. If
you have if you want to write to us but
haven't yet, hit us up at bloom Saloon at gmail
dot com. Also in soprano harmonizing. All right, this one's
(11:54):
kind of a shortcast. But you know, interrupt me if
I'm forgetting anyone we have Joel. I don't think we
know their last name yet. Do we know Joel something?
Mom something? We don't have a first name or a
last name for mom or dad. They will learn a
little more about what they do and what their background
(12:15):
is in this coming chapter. It's all very interesting. We
have Lita. She's the blonde gal that they met at
the movie theater last week. She's the more outgoing one.
She has the pins never forget that says castraight rapist.
And she's sassy. We've got Danny, her friend. She's more
(12:39):
quiet and reserved. She's the one that Joel is assuming
he's gonna get with eventually.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah. The follow him offs like he's oh yeah, extra yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
And then Burger, that's Joel's best friend. He is a character.
He is very theatrical. He's an actor. He's not very sporty,
we learn, and he relies on his wit and charm
to get the ladies.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Now, is Burner a first name or a last name?
I cannot tell?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah, oh my god, so I assumed last name. But
there's the part where Hope has her nickname for him. Yes, okay,
let's we'll get there. But it's a really good question. Yeah,
speaking of we have Hope, we have some very uncomfortable
moments regarding a Hope in your chapter. I read it
and I was like, thank god, Mole, he's doing this chapter.
(13:35):
This is weird. And then the last person I have
here is Alphonse Daude.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
He is Dad's restaurant critics pseudonym, and I have a
little bit of information about him coming up.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh cool, I just have a single thing, so that's perfect.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Oh I want to hear what your single thing is.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Uh. He's super anti semitic.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
So I thought I got that too. Yeah, yeah, okay,
so I think you're leaving off.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Did you talk about uh? I guess we don't meet them.
We hear oblique reference to Lida's dad who owns the theater,
and Lida's mom, who's an actor, and then we also
hear a one off mention of mister Quinlan, who is
the only good teacher at the high school and he
teaches experimental math.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Oh good, call, good shout. Cannot forget mister quin please.
Chapter two. All right, Dad and Joel are at a
fancy restaurant and they are there ordering smoked filet. No,
a filet of smoked trout with horse radish sauce. Mollie,
this one is just for you, are to choke Vinagrete.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, I love it. I think this sounds delicious.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Do you think? Oh?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
So okay, because artichokes were in the Superfudge movie, but
they were talking in the book right, because at first
I was like, ooh, did Judy get artichokes from this book?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Too?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
But yeah, nah, I don't think so. But this does
this whole like interaction where they talk about Dad becoming
the restaurant critic reminds me of that part in UH
when Harry met Sally where they're talking about and they
say something like restaurants are to the eighties what theater
(15:35):
was to the seventies. It's like it kind of is,
I guess in that sense of like it's the hot
thing to be talking about, the cultured thing to be
talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Yeah, oh that's so interesting. So yeah, we're getting more
info about Joel's family little bit by bet so mom
runs a Soho art gallery and dad is a CPA
turned fancy restaurant critic. Ooh la la, And it's pretty interesting.
He started off by writing freelance for a small local
(16:08):
mag just because he was eating at those restaurants anyway,
might as well write about them, tell people what he thinks.
And then that magazine folded and he got offered a
full time critic gig at age forty seven, Wow and see,
and he goes incognito and writes under the name Alphonse Daudet,
(16:30):
and I did a quick google about Alphonse Daudet and
he was a popular French writer of the nineteenth century.
He wrote about everyday life in the south of France.
Like you said, Mollie, I did find one source. The
first source I looked at said that he was a
monarchist and an anti semit.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
So the Wikipedia article I read was like, yes, he
was an anti Semi, but he wasn't as anti Semitic
as his brother. It's like, oh cool, cool, I guess
weird flex But okay.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Well he did die of VD so yeah, So back
to dad. Joel kind of gets where Dad was at
with this big career change. He's like, you know, I've
been at school for fourteen years and I'm ready for
something different too. So they start talking about college and
(17:26):
basically Joel doesn't want to go at least not yet.
He wants to do a gap year. He wants to
go to Europe, you know, travel around, see the world,
do stuff. Maybe he'll join Burger's uncle who lives in
Paris and is in a rock band. Yeah, we'll go
stay with them, We'll go meet people through the rock band,
(17:49):
and you know, I can earn money playing guitar in
Paris with he can like panhandle or what, Like, what's
the vision?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, Well it's so funny because I can just tell
if I read this as a teenager, I would be
so on Joel's side, yeah, because you know, they have
this whole bit where Joel is saying like, oh, dad
doesn't understand me. He's not even talking about how cool
this would be. He's just on my ass about having
(18:19):
a plan. And I feel like if I had read
this as a teenager, I'd have been like, yeah, totally
butting this. As a grown up, I'm like, yeah, Bud,
what is your plan? Like his dad is is not
even saying no, don't go to France. He's like, Okay,
if you're gonna go to France, tell me concretely what
you're gonna do.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yeah, Like you know, he's basically offering him a study
a broad situation, you know, and like money isn't the issue.
It's like, uh, lack of a direction, I guess is
the issue. And Joel's like, I don't want to study abroad.
I just want to go.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
It's like, okay, Bud, get a job like I tell you.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And it doesn't sound like his French is even that
good no, or his guitar no.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Hell.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Joela is like, I just don't want to go to college.
I've been to school since I was three. I'm so
bored of it. It's like how you got bored of
your job and you started something new and nad goes. Yeah,
I was sick of that job. Everything is boring to
some extent. But if you become one of those people
who throws in the towel the second you're bored, you'll
never do a damn thing with your life. And I
(19:31):
was like I kind of agree with that, yeah, to
a certain extent. Like I don't think I am not
of the mind that you have to stay in a
job that makes you unhappy, or you have to stay
on a path that really doesn't work for you. But
I think you do a better service to yourself if
you give everything like a good try and see if
(19:52):
it works before you just decide you don't want to
do something. Yes, I think like boredom is good information
for you. It's not like the end of the sentence.
It's more of like, Okay, if I'm bored with this
for this specific reason, how can I fix that? What
can I do differently.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, that's a really good point because I think we
all know those people that can't deal with boredom or
they think that boredom is something to be avoided at
all costs. And it's the people that can't live in
one place for more than a couple of years or
can't hold any kind of job. They don't seem happy
in the long term. Like maybe like the excitement of
(20:30):
the newness is enough to tie them over for a bit,
but it doesn't. It's not sustainable. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
It reminds me of the other girl in Summer Sisters,
like not Vix but Kate, the other one, Caitlin. Like
that is a perfect example. I think of somebody who
could never deal with boredom and so they're always changing,
but it means they're never like settled or safe anywhere,
including their own heart and mind. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Oh we're so guys.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Yeah, I think actually, like we know what to do
and other people don't.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
So.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
That's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah, it's this whole like parents just don't understand, you know.
Their generation is so different. It's like talking to a
brick wall. And it is funny to think that Joel
now is Dad's age about their I mean, the young
kids are They basically think gen X and boomers are
(21:33):
the same thing. So so we fast forward to the
start of the school year and I'm like, yeah, I'm
so excited. I love a school year. I wanted to
get more about the first day, like all the details,
all the school supplies, but we kind of get a
little glossed over a bit about Joel taking calculus and
(21:54):
computer one and I'm dying to know what computer one is.
Probably Mavis Beacon mmmmm hmm, maybe like spreadsheets.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Oh that would have been helpful.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
This part killed me. So he's pomped because this year
their French teacher is actually from France, which is so
much better than their last French teacher who was from
Louisiana and spoke it with a Southern accent. And I
had a French teacher like that in Dallas. She had
a twang and yeah, she was funny. Her name was
(22:33):
missus Christenberry, Judy Christenberry, and she also wrote romance novels.
When I am, well, she's dead, but uh, she had
written I looked her up. She had written over one
hundred novels.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Oh that's the life I want a twangy French teacher
who writes novels on the side. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
The titles of these novels are all so crazy. Well,
first you just all you have to know is that
they're all variations on the word daddy, Texas, cowboy, and wedding.
It's like she used a keyword generator, you know, before
that even existed. I'm like, so, yeah, let's pull up
(23:20):
some titles for you. Oh my god, cowboy, cupid, cowboy, daddy, cowboy, groom, Daddy,
my daddy, and my daddy, the duke one hot daddy
to be no surprise, you're a daddy daddy unknown, the
(23:49):
last stubborn cowboy. Let's see what else? The Great Texas
Wedding Bargain, the uh ten million dollar Texas wedding.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Oh that's not the bargain.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
What saved by a Texas size wedding. Rachel's cowboy daddy
next door? And oh, we have a mommy. We have
a mommy mommy for a minute. So y'all look up Judy,
(24:24):
Chris and Berry. She also wrote under the name Judith Stafford.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Oh and those are the serious ones with no daddy.
Oh yeah, what a life.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I love that ah. Back to the school day, Joel
and Berger. They're they're talking as they wait for the
bus home, and it's decided that Burger is going to
call the blonde girl from the movies and he's going
to get the other one's number for Joel. But later
(24:57):
that night, Joel gets a call, and let's read this call.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Oh hi, Joel, Yeah, it's me Rida. We are the
ones who sat in front of you at the movie.
Oh yeah, right right. Well, the reason I'm calling is,
I wondered if you might want to go to a
play with me this Saturday, Salome. It's by Oscar Wilde.
(25:26):
See my father runs this theater in the village. You
might have heard of it, Square one, So I like,
have these free tickets. And I just thought, well, if
you weren't doing anything the four of us, do you
mean no? I just thought maybe a week ago, unless
you don't like plays or something, or if you're busy
(25:49):
or whatever. I'm sure I know. No. The thinging is,
I just thought maybe.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I wasn't the one.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I wasn't the one who got up on stage. That's Burger,
my friend. I know. That's how I got your number.
I called him. Oh listen, you don't have to go.
It's okay. You thought I was Danny right? You want
to go out with her? No, I just I'd like
to go. Great. Well, listen, could you meet me at
(26:25):
the theater maybe fifteen minutes before it starts. I've seen
it already, and that's really good.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
It is hilarious for him to be like, you know,
this is Joel right, yeah, and I'm like, oh God,
Burger's gonna.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Be mad, but he's super chill. Yeah, let's read the
Burger combo.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Okay, now I want to switch. I want to be Burger. Okay.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Looks like she likes you. I guess that's the way
it goes. Did you call her like you said?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
No, I was going to, but.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
She called me asking for your numbers? Huh so what's
the problem. No, it's not a problem exactly. I just
thought she liked you. You did never tell with girls.
She kept staring at you when we were at that
coffee shop. I guess I'm not her type or something.
Maybe I came on too strong. She wants me to
(27:21):
go to a play with her, but go, I'm going to.
But are you mad?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Listen? There are plenty more where she came from go
to it? Are you going to ask her friend out?
Maybe she was kind of quiet. Yeah, that's not always
a bad thing. I'll see.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
So listen, have fun Saturday.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Okay, I'll try.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Burger is secure, Burger secure in himself. Yeah, you win some,
you lose some. I love Burger until he does something bad,
but currently really love Burger.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Yah.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
So Joel's like, Wow, that's wild. This is not a
regular thing for him. He doesn't get many calls from girls.
And then we hear a little more about how Joel
describes himself. He's five nine, he's skinny, he has shaggy,
light brown hair, brown eyes, and then glasses he's worn
(28:21):
since fourth grade.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I wasn't picturing glasses. And on neither of our covers
does he have glasses?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
No, he does it maybe he takes them off to kiss.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Ooh.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
But does this mean he's worn the same pair of
glasses since fourth grade? Because that's how it sounds.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
So I think he means he's been a glasses wearer
since fourth grade. Okay, but that's very funny thinking of
tiny glasses on.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
The edge of his nose. It says glasses that I've
worn since fourth grade. So you're probably right, but I
hope you're not.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Hey, I was so wrong about the buffalo thing last time,
so maybe don't listen to me.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Another thing we need to know is that he feels
awkward around girls and is so confused because Lida is
really pretty and confident. But then he's kind of overthinking
it and he's like, maybe it's just all in act
with her or me.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I was so confused about this part because he before
he starts talking about that, he said, I'm surprised Lida
called me because she seemed so outgoing and self confident.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Is he saying that he's surprised. He's not that surprised
that she's calling a boy, he's surprised that she's calling
him specifically. Is that it?
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, that's what I took it as, because like he's
so like.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Live Oh god, I hate Joel so much.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, and he wonders that maybe she thinks he's smarter
than he is because he was quiet when they met,
and he's like, oh no, oh, she's gonna find out
I'm not that smart. But his mom, I guess, has
given him advice over the years, saying that, uh, things
you worry about tend to never happen, and the things
(30:13):
that do happen, the really bad things, are the things
you would never think to worry about. So what's the point, Like,
that's true, kind of true, all right, But then if
you say that to a worrier, then then they're going
to start worrying about the things they're not worrying about, right,
But oh, I have to share this. Oh I'm a worrier.
(30:35):
I've been a worrier since early childhood. Yeah, and you know,
I'm sure like you, I was always told to not
worry and that doesn't do anything. You don't even know
what that means. You don't know how not to worry.
It's completely useless information. But I heard something recently. I
don't even know where I heard it or read it.
(30:55):
The phrase unnecessary analysis. I mean, for me, this is
like a magical phrase. Anytime I start kind of ruminating
or worried about something, I just think like, I'm giving
this unnecessary analysis, and somehow my brain just clicks off.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Ooh, I love that. I'm gonna steal that.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
You should try it, because it's different than just saying
don't worry. If you approach worrying and this is on.
This is an analysis which could be valid, but most
of the time it's unnecessary. Then yeah, it kind of
tweaks the equation a little.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Ooh, that's very good.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
I love that. Thank you, You're welcome. Tell me if
it works.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I'll try.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
So back to Joel, he's now lying in bed. He's
thinking of Lida because she said that, you know, she
was the body double in the Endless Love movie. And
he's jerking off and he's picturing Leda's face on the
body double. Okay, and she says, I hope I don't
(32:06):
think of sex a lot while I'm on the date
with her. She might be able to tell.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I love that, And yes, we can tell. Okay. Chapter
(32:37):
three and so remember how the last chapter closed with
jerk in it. This first chapter opens with just what
can only be described as a soliloquy on how hot
burgers eleven year old sister is. I want to die?
I wrote, I wrote in the Martians hate this.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I hate it so much.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Because it's you know what, if I had to read this,
you guys have to read it too. So I'm gonna
read this part just in case you're not read reading
along with us. But it says Berger's little sister, Hope,
and I'm adding, this, who is eleven, is really cute.
Don't start thinking I'm a pervert or anything. I was,
That's exactly what I was thinking. I realized she's only eleven.
(33:25):
Maybe that's why she's so cute. And when she's fourteen
or sixteen, fourteen or sixteen are the options? Fourteen jail,
when she's sorry for screaming in your ears, child, Oh no,
scream away. She'll be a real knockout. Like I'm sure
she's gonna be. She'll be all self conscious about her
(33:47):
looks right now. She doesn't even have much of a figure. Gosh,
she's eleven, a child, a child, And it goes on
to talk about her boobs and how she can do
the slits. And I feel like that part in the
office where bj Novak is talking to Stanley's daughter and
he goes that little girl as a child, I don't
(34:08):
want to see you sniffing around here. And that's how
I feel about Joel in this moment. Because Yike's pee bikes,
he goes on about how much he likes Burger's sister.
I hate it.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
I mean, speaking of unnecessary analysis that part seemed so
unnecessary to me, Like, let's focus on the teen sex.
I don't want to hear about eleven year old Norma.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
What are we doing here? Why? I hate this so much?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Maybe wants us to hate Joel.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Well, mission accomplished already three chapters in. I hate this
man so much. Yeah, I wonder if this is like
really heavy handed narrative of like, see, everybody likes someone
who's a different age than them. See, okay, I is
(35:00):
don't like it anyway. Here of Burger's dad trying to
bribe Joel to get Burger to play tennis. This is
Burger's father said that he'd pay me five dollars for
every tennis match. I could play with Burger at camp.
Oh god. But uh, Burger is wise to that, and
(35:21):
he doesn't want to do any tennis at camp. But
Hope is different. Hope does want to play tennis. She
has a permit, which I don't understand. I assume it's
like a like a permit to use a tennis court.
Maybe it's like is it a membership or uh I
was unclear.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, but she.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Wants to play tennis and she wants Joel to coach
her in tennis. Then there's this other part, which is like,
I think gross in context because I feel like it's
almost like Joel being jealous of Burger. But there's a
paragraph where he says, Hope really idolizes Burger and this
(36:07):
is great. He goes, it's not fair or anyway, it's
not logical. It's not based on his having such a
wonderful character or anything. I guess it's just because he's
her brother. It's like, yeah, oh God forbid this girl
have a normal relationship with her family.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
I don't think Joel's human.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, Joel's the robot. I hate him. Oh, here we go,
now we can talk about this. So he says that
Hope calls Burger Burger king and she even made him
a little crown. And so that makes me think that
Burger is his first name, which is wild, right because
this is name like Burger Smith. Like, what is going on?
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Because if her last name was Burger, it wouldn't be
like as funny of a joke like your brother making
you a Sanchez queen.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, that would work. That'd be weird.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Maybe it's Burger Berger.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I did date a man for a long time whose
birth name was Mitchell Mitchell because of because of many reasons.
But yeah, they exist.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Many reasons. Oh, let's talk offline about that one.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
No, I could talk about it really quick. It was
his parents got divorced before he was born, and so
the plan was always to have when when they when
they were still together, when his mom was pregnant. The
tradition in her family is you name the first kid,
you make their first name the mom's maiden name, and
(37:38):
so her maiden name was Mitchell, so they were always
gonna name him Mitchell. And then his parents got divorced
before he was born, so it's his mom instead of
changing the plan, like great, she.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Had a chance and she did not take it.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Well, no, she did. She took it two ways. So
who's Mitchell Mitchell for a while? So good, it exists.
It exists. Speaking of moms, Joel is saying, my mother
is basically on my side in most things, but when
it comes to big issues like this thing with taking
a year off before college, she tends to close ranks
(38:17):
with my father. He's like, she likes me, but she
doesn't like worship me.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Okay, but.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I'm gonna i'll read Joel, and I'll start with well
and can you read hope? Yeah, okay, Well, maybe the
thing is to find someone your own age and go
out and play with them a lot. That's the best
way to learn.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
So you don't want to play with me because I'm
too young.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
No, listen, I too want to play with you. I
just don't think i'd be a good coach. I can play,
but I don't do everything the right way.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
I think you do. I watched you once. What don't
you do the right way?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Well, like my serve, I don't toss it high in.
I make a lot of double faults.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Oh, and then there's something about her big beautiful blue eyes.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Gross. Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Who is this girl? You're going out with?
Speaker 3 (39:12):
What?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (39:13):
I thought you were going out with some girl, That's
what Burker said. He said she was really pretty.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Oh well it's tonight we're going to play. Her father
owns a theater. Is she what? And then it says
one bad habit I have is I don't listen?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Is she pretty?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Yeah? Pretty much?
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Do you think I'm gonna be popular with boys?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Definitely?
Speaker 1 (39:38):
They don't seem to like me now that much.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
Well, at your age, boys are sort of scared of girls.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
How come what are they scared of?
Speaker 2 (39:46):
I don't know, they just are.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
When did they stop being scared?
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I don't know. I guess by the time they get
married or something.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
That's a long time. I'm picturing her because she's right
around the same age as all the Margaret girls, So
I'm kind of featuring her as like Nancy Wheeler, Yes,
like a little more like precocious, like strut your stuff, like, yes,
having crushes on the seventeen year old twytally, So it's
(40:17):
very innocent for her, but for him to even.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Like totally my friend said this really eloquently one time.
She's like, it's natural for like young girls and young
people to have crushes on people who are older than them.
But that's perfectly natural. The responsibility of the older person
(40:41):
is to not act on that or not be weird
about that or not. Like, because you're older, you have
more agency and more control, and it's your responsibility in
that situation. So it's like, nothing Hope is doing is
wrong because she's young and she isn't known or or
if she does know, she knows what she knows like
(41:03):
sans context, like in a Nancy Wheeler, So do way
it's precocious. It's not like there's no such thing as
like a preteen sedoctress. That's something seen through the like
a nymphet is through the eye of like an older person.
So Joel sucks.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Hope's great, like the whole Lalita myth, you know.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
No, And actually, if you're interested in that, Jamie Loftus
did a whole podcast like minutely dissecting sort of the
cultural impact of Lolita. That is great. It's a really
good podcast, So thank you for the rack. Uh. We're
back with his cool ass parents who are going out
to dinner. There's this funny interlude where Joel is talking
(41:48):
out listening to Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton. He says,
my parents like me to keep my door closed when
I do because it's not the kind of music they like,
and they claim it's too loud. So I like that,
like edit to if it was music they liked, they
wouldn't mind, but because they don't like it, it's too loud.
I liked this sentence because it reminded me of my mom.
It says, my mother isn't rampantly nervous, but she has
(42:10):
a few panic buttons that it's just well to avoid
if you can, you know what I feel that Now
they get to the theater, and I love this description
of what Leita is wearing. She had a purple shirt
on with gold threads in it, sort of Indian looking
with purple jeans. Now do you think they mean Indian
(42:32):
like South Asian? Do they mean Native American?
Speaker 1 (42:35):
I was thinking India from India, South Asian Indian because,
like to me, purple fits with that aesthetic.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
I was thinking that too. I was thinking that too,
but it sounded like a cool outfit. I love this. Yeah, Okay,
So actually, let's take a brief aside to talk about
Salome the play, because that's the play that they're seeing.
I believe it's originally, uh, a French play, but Oscar
Wilde kind of adapted it to be his own version
(43:08):
in eighteen ninety six, I think is when he does it.
You know, we all know Oscar Wilde, super funny, good writer,
and he starts writing this play. And this play is
a one ax play about this thing that happens in
the Bible, and basically what it is is John the
(43:31):
Baptist who later becomes I think Saint John the Baptist
is imprisoned because he made nasty comments about the wife
of the King Herod, and so he's in prison. And
one day Salome, who Herod's stepdaughter, sees Saint John the
Baptist in prison and thinks he's hot and like goes
(43:53):
in to try and like seduce him, and Saint John
the Baptist is like, Icky, no, no, thank you. You're
the daughter of the guy who's kidnapping me. And Salmon's like,
but I'm so pretty. He's like, no, thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Please, wait, don't tell me she's eleven.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
No, she's eleven. No, I think she's an adult question mark,
it's the Bible. Who knows anyway. So Salome is pissed
to be rejected, and later Harod, her stepfather, is like,
you know, be fun. I think you should dance after
(44:30):
dinner for us all and she's like, sick. But if
I do this, you have to give me any kind
of little treat I want. And he's like, great, I
love little treats. Get the dancing relative, and so she
does what is depicted as the Dance of the Seven Veils,
which can be sort of interpreted a couple of different ways,
but it is kind of like strip tease adjacent in
(44:53):
the play. Such a fun thing to do for family. Anyway,
she does she he nails the dance. She does it
really well, and then she her stepdaughter. Her stepfather's like, cool,
what little treat would you want? Thinking it's gonna be
like a bowl of DIBs or something, and she says, great.
What I actually want is I want the head of
(45:13):
John the Baptist on a silver platter. And he's like, whoa, okay,
well we put some snickers in the freezer. Do you
want that instead? She goes absolutely not. You said, well
I could have whatever I want. I want his head
on the plate, and he's like okay, and so he does.
And there's lots of art depicting this moment. But Salome,
(45:37):
famous horn dog, is like hell yeah, finally and with
his like dead head, she starts like doing kissing practice
on it. Hickey, I don't love that, eh. Anyway, Harrod
is like ew, that was gross. You should die and
then he kills Salome. So spoiler alert for Salamary.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Oh man, she should have gone for the snickers.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
Come on, always go for the snickers. But what is
interesting about this story and what kind of gets talked
about in the Salame story a lot of times is
that Salome is kind of an allegorical figure for like
female lust, and female lust is something that you know,
were you to take, like the Bible's word for it
(46:24):
is something that like you shouldn't have anyway. And so
Salome is like a cautionary tale of what happens when
you allow female lush lust to flourish. And so I
think that's kind of interesting that Lyda is the person
inviting him on the date and then uh sort of
(46:47):
you know, taking him to this racy play and something
you can think about too is like from John the
Baptist's perspective, Uh, this is a horror story. It's a
story about how a woman's luss can literally kill you.
So I think if we're looking at this from Joel's perspective,
like her being so aggressive quote unquote towards him is
(47:12):
kind of like fitting in with this, Like John the
Baptist figure of He's.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Like, oh me, oh so yeah, is she gonna do
her own dance of the Seven Veils first?
Speaker 2 (47:21):
I don't know, we'll see. Also sidebar, there's a really
good poem I read on Tumblr a billion years ago.
Then I'll post from this. But it's by a poet
called Clementine von Raddix that's R. A. D. C S.
And she wrote this poem called Kim Kardashian Redo and
(47:44):
it's it juxtaposes like Kim Kardashian's Rise to Fame with
Salame's Dance of the Seven Veils, and it's a really
good poem. So wow, like single handedly changed the way
I feel about the Kardashians in one Tumblr post. So
I'll post that it's good.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Wow, good content, Mollie, thank you anytime.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
I love theater. I love I love this shit. Anyway.
So they go see the play and Joela is like
not paying attention. But at intermission they go and get
orange drinks, which I thought was very funny, so specific.
So they're in the lobby drinking their Fanta and Leida
(48:26):
drops the lore that her mom is in the show
and that's kind of cool because he didn't know mom's
can act. Oh look, this is a part written by
Judith Christenberry because Lida says Daddy doesn't do that often,
as in, he doesn't put her mom in the show
often because he owns the theater. Because it seems like nepotism,
(48:48):
you know, and Mommy doesn't like him to either because
she can get parts on her own. Though it's harder
now that she's in her fifties. I mean their dress
aren't many good parts for women that age, and like
she doesn't want to play grandmothers. So true. I think
adult daddy and Mommy is hard to hear.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
This is a hallmark of Norma's writing. Is it all
dads are daddy's.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
I guess it's a judaism too.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Yeah, it is. Daddy was very prominent in domestic arrangements.
I don't believe mom was mommy though. That's a new one.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
Yeah, that's one that doesn't seem to stick around as much.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Someone like cool and with it and confident and like independent.
Is Lita wearing castraight rapist pins doesn't Mommy doesn't like
fit in that. Uh.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
I wonder if it's like an East Coast thing though,
because it does seem kind of very like posh and
people like yuppie to be like, oh, mommy and daddy
kind if I squit, I can kind of see where
they're getting it from.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
I want to do some research on mommy, Daddy, mom Ma, mother, mother.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Yeah, and I I don't want to cast the stone
too hard because I.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Mean, sometimes I do call my mom mummy, but it
mummy's mummy's cuter than mommy mummy.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
Yeah, and mummy sounds sophisticated. I like that.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
Her her parents thing is that they don't want her
to be an actor, even though her mom is currently
an actor, and is like, I wouldn't change a thing,
soh And I think what's interesting about this book is
it has a lot of adults who are like pivoting
later in life to find their passion projects. So it
is kind of interesting that with those backgrounds, all these
(50:45):
adults are still like, you should still like stay on
the path a little bit. Yeah, it's it's fair. I
just think it's an interesting way to look at things.
And I wonder if this was kind of like I
wonder if their parents were the first generation of adults
that could feel like they were allowed to do that,
allowed to try something different, because think about like Judy
(51:08):
is an example of somebody who did that. I know,
Beverly Cleary has protagonists parents who are pivoting like that.
We have, you know, mister Hatcher taking time off of
advertising to write a book. So I think it's going
around in that generation is that it's the first time
(51:29):
that those grown ups were allowed to try something.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
New, right, And I wonder if that correlates with the
phrase midlife crisis. I feel like you didn't hear people
in the forties talking about midlife crisises as much as
you did in the eighties.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
That could just be me not knowing things about the forties.
Speaker 2 (51:49):
But I don't know anything about the forties.
Speaker 1 (51:51):
Yeah, like I want to research that too.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
Ooh, I love that. That'd be a fun special report. Okay, yeah, yeah, Okay,
let's read one last section.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Did you wish it was Danny that had called you up?
Tell me truthfully, no, would you have called me up
if I hadn't called you?
Speaker 2 (52:13):
Sure? I wasn't planning too, but we got a lot
of homework in school. I got to oh in the school,
I was planning too, But we had a lot of
homework in this school I go to. I didn't have
your number.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
I gave it to you.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
Well, I thought you were giving it to Berger.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
He's not my type. He seems a little crazy. I mean,
I'm sorry to say that. If he's a good friend
of yours.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
He's not actually crazy, He's more he does impulsive things sometimes.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
Yeah, well I do too sometimes, So you don't mind
that I called you. Some guys have hang ups about
wanting to take the initiative or whatever, but you didn't
seem like that so much.
Speaker 2 (53:00):
I think Burger liked your friend. We could go out
together sometimes. Maybe.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
The thing with Danny is that she's sort of shy.
She isn't with me at all, but with boys she
tends to be. And also, well, this is a weird
problem to have, but she has these very large breasts,
and sometimes boys just go after her for that. Really
gross boys. She might have this operation to have them
(53:27):
made smaller when she's older. I guess she could give
some to me.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
You seem fine to me, And then he's like, oh,
I'm not. I guess this is like to him, this
is a perfect example of like letting them know you're
thinking about sex. Yeah, he says, it was such a
dumb thing to say, as though I've been noticing her
figure right from the start. I had been, but I
was afraid she might classify me with those boys she
(53:53):
doesn't like.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
I'm not like other boys. I love your jol voice.
Speaker 2 (53:59):
Yeah, it had to evolve because I think I was
doing it too cool And I'm like this, son, Yeah,
when you were dating, did you ever call a boy
first or text the boy first?
Speaker 1 (54:11):
I'm sure I did, but I do not. I mean,
it's been so long, you know, Tyler and I met
in two thousand and five, so I did. So it's
been a while, but I'm sure I did. I didn't
have a problem with that me neither. I feel like
now almost more expected that the girl will make the
first move because I think men area they want to,
(54:32):
they don't.
Speaker 2 (54:33):
I do think that's a major shift in like dating culture,
in like a post me too dating culture is I
think men are so scared to be forward or to
like read the situation wrong, that oftentimes they're just kind
of like inactive and inattentive, and so they wait girls
(55:00):
to do the first movement. And I don't I don't
mind that per se. I just think that, like there
is a level of critical thinking that's like, oh, there's
a difference between asking a woman if she's interested or
showing that you're interested. There's a difference between that and
like assaulting a woman or like harassing a woman, and
(55:22):
I think a lot of men. An attitude I'm frustrated
with as a single person now is like the attitude
that's like, oh, I don't want to say anything or
do anything because what if I like trip and fall
and all of a sudden, I'm googling you. Well, yeah,
just use critical thinking and listen and take social cues. Weirdo.
Speaker 1 (55:43):
Yeah, I can understand the fear of being paralyzing, but
also trust yourself to know what's right and what's wrong
or unless you're a psychopath.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
Yeah that's true. Yeah, I think too, Like something that
happens is like you needs men need to learn how
to gracefully accept rejection and how to like welcome rejection
because it's not there's a it's not that like if
you are nice and considerate and thoughtful, you'll never get rejected.
(56:15):
But like, I think we have to build in men
a toughness for like, Okay, I think you should absolutely
shoot your shot. I think you should absolutely ask a
woman out. Ask absolutely tell a woman you're interested in.
But the second she says no, don't take that as
like a koy thing or like a mean thing or anything.
Just be like, okay, cool, that's information here. I am
(56:37):
back to where I was.
Speaker 1 (56:39):
Maybe we need more burgers in this, yes, like bring back.
Speaker 2 (56:45):
Burger, bring back Burger.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
But we'll delete this if he ends up being a
fucking creep.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
You never can tell if burger ends up being bad.
I never said any of this. M m wow.
Speaker 1 (56:58):
Okay, well, thank you so much much bloom heads for
joining us. Don't forget to write us letters bloom Saloon
at gmail dot com, follow us on social media, and yeah,
we'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 2 (57:10):
Bye bye
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