Ep. 5 - Andrea Vecchio | When You Doubt Your Path In Life

Are you questioning where you’re supposed to be in life? Do you believe that you’re not living up to the check list you’ve placed upon yourself? Or what other’s want you to be doing? In this episode of The Bounce Back, Andrea Vecchio takes the mic solo to tell you the “magic formula” for acceptance of self and the map of your life.

Episode Transcript

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This is FCB Radio. We're realclock Lives. Visit us online at FCB
radio dot com. Mission we holdBack Why. I'm Andrea Echio. You're

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listening to the bounce Back the podcast. If we can change one person's life
for the better by sharing our story, then it's a story worth telling.
Life is a mixed bag and there'sso much of the good stuff all around
us, but it's the failure,pain and setbacks that can make us feel
stuck. The teachable moments come fromhow we bounce back from our struggles.

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You're about to listen to an incrediblestory and lessons learned from the bounce Back.
I'm doing something a little different today. I won't be interviewing anyone.
You've got me to yourself. Yep, me just me. After I started
the bounce Back podcast, I knewthat I would record some solo messaging.

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After the coronavirus pandemic hit, Imade a post on social media about a
chapter in my life when I feltlost, depressed, and completely shot of
my self worth. And I'll getinto all of that in this podcast so
that you know you're not alone.And I'm coming from a place of understanding
well the producer of this podcast,my friend Darvo said, your next podcast

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should be you talking to you.You have to share your story. So
I sit here alone at my kitchencounter, not on the counter, like
just next to it, with mythoughts and many signs from God and the
universe, because I believe in thatthat this is a message you need to

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hear if you're listening. This oneis for all of you, my friends
and listeners, who are wondering whatyour place and purpose is in the world
right now. You're not behind inlife just because you're not working, or
you're not where you think you shouldbe financially, just because you're not married
and all your friends are just becauseyou thought you'd have children and you don't,

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just because you thought you're supposed tohave it all figured out by this
age, and you're looking in themirror thinking what the heck happened to my
life? This one is for you. I believe in signs. I look
for them all the time, I'mopen to them. I see them,

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and once I put a practice ofspirituality and connectedness into my life. And
I don't mean that I did itfor a couple of weeks or here and
there, when I was inspired orfelt like it. I do it all
the time, and I did itfor many years after a period of brokenness
and life. So anyway, Iwoke up to a sign this morning that
prompted this podcast. It was atext message from my boyfriend who sends me

(03:08):
inspirational quotes throughout the day, andI love it. He knows I'm into
that, so we send like thesememes and inspirational quotes back and forth.
He probably does it more for me, which totally feeds my spirit and soul
and like just that piece of methat needs that kind of messaging and eats

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it all up. So anyway,this is the message that I got from
him today. It says, believe, you have to know that it's okay
if you don't know what you're feelingright now, if you don't know what
you want right now, you haveto know that it's okay to change your

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mind. The reason this is allokay, well, this is your life.
You don't need to seek validation fromanyone or anywhere else, no one
other than you. You are incontrol of your destiny. I of course
loved it, and I was like, I'm going to share this, which

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in my mind just thought I wasgoing to share it on Instagram, and
then one thing led to another andthe signs said, let's do a podcast
centered around that message. So herewe are. Let's kind of dissect it
a little to know that it's okayif you don't know what you're feeling,
to not know what you want rightnow. I know that that I know

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the feeling by the way I havefelt it many times, and even knowing
all that I know now, sometimesI feel it and I know that it's
a place of feeling like you're incompletelimbo and that you have a total loss
of control and direction. So let'skind of dig in to a little bit

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of what I've done and what Ithink will help and what you have to
do. And I know you're notgoing to like this, but trust me,
this is it. This is whatyou have to do. You have
to sit with that feeling and stopfighting against it. Yeah. Right,
I knew you weren't going to likeit. You want more than that,
right, Yes, you do.You have to sit with it, stop

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fighting it, because it's exactly whereyou're supposed to be right now. We
have to rest, we have totake time outs. Sometimes we choose to
do it on our own, andsometimes the universe forces us to do it.
I remember when I was working intelevision, and I loved many aspects

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of my work. It was definitelyexciting at times. I was traveling the
world, I was sitting out acrossfrom people like George Clooney and Reese Witherspoon.
But it was also a toxic environment. I had strangers criticizing my appearance
and bosses threatening the security of myjob. It was this rollercoaster of highs

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and lows and lots of stomach churningin between. Yes, of course I
had happy times, but I alsohad tremendous moments of anxiety, tears and
worry. I wasn't sleeping well andI was on edge. And here's the
truth. There were a few monthswhen I would go to bed with a

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combination of ambient and xanex just tosleep and call my nerves. It was
unhealthy for me. It was abad path for me, and I remember
a turning point when my mother saidto me, Andrea, you either need
to look for work somewhere else andleave that job, or they're going to
make the decision for you. Butsomething has to change. Ultimately, they

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made the decision for me, andI hated it. I was too much
of a chicken to do myself,and honestly, I'd become comfortable and complacent
in the dysfunction of my professional life, which spilled over into my personal life,
because trust me, it's all connected. I wore a mask, happy

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on the outside, emptiness on theinside. I was spiritually depleted. It
turns out that time out in lifewas exactly what I needed. The universe
knew what I needed, God knewwhat I needed. I did not know
what I needed. So it wasthe quiet time, the limbo, the

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uncertainty of my direction that helped mediscover what I needed. This is the
time when we hear the voice within. It's a whisper at first, a
whisper we often choose to ignore,especially with so much noise around us.

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But when we're forced to be quietand surround ourselves with some version of solitude,
that whisper becomes louder and slowly clearer. I remember listening to a podcast
where Oprah said, sometimes we dowhat we have to do in order to

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do what we want to do.So that's what I did, because it
was advice from Oprah, and sheknows everything right. Anyway, I took
a job that helped me pay mybills. It was not fun. It
was like anything but fun, glamorousor sexy. But it was what I

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had to do during my quiet period. It wasn't the kind of work that
pushed me to my full potential oreven fulfilled any aspect of my passion.
It was a job. It wasa paycheck. It was a means for
me to get up every day,shower and show up like a responsible person.

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It was a routine. It wasboring, it was unfulfilling. It
was easy, but it was importantbecause this is what happened during that time.
I was able to pay my bills, which made me feel independent.
I started saying to myself, mytalents are far greater than this work I'm

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doing, which made me begin torecognize and own my God given gifts.
The work afforded me a lot ofdowntime, which I used to write the
first draft of my first book thatI eventually went on to publish. This
work, which some would say wasbeneath me, and let's be real,

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I said it to myself, Well, it was a bridge to get me
from an I get of space whereI was feeling a lack of self worth
to a new space where I wasbeginning to become reacquainted with the tools it
takes to embrace your self worth.Our quiet time, our downtime. I

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don't know what I want right now. Time is a bridge to something greater
to come. For some of us, it's a longer bridge than others.
But it's not the size of yourbridge that matters. It's how sturdy you
build the bridge. I'm going tosay that again, it's how sturdy you

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build the bridge. When you're ina place of uncertainty, low self worth,
lack of direction, comparing yourself toothers, or you're just overall feeling
lost, you have to take apause and do the work to build a
sturdy bridge. Because I can tellyou this for certain and there's a phrase

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my father would say, you cantake this to the bank, which means
this is definite certainty. There isanother side that you will arrive at.
You will come out of the darknessand the loss. You will smile and
be happy again. You will findfulfillment. But only if you build a
sturdy bridge. You have to putin the work, and it starts by

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laying a strong foundation and building fromthere with all of the best tools.
Success leaves a trail of evidence,and I'm hoping in this post pandemic world
will start worshiping success gods like love, happiness, gratitude, kindness, human
connection, compassion, and joy,rather than the false gods of excess and

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power. What is a sure formulato begin building a strong foundation in your
quiet period? Interact with and listento people who are getting it right,
people who have positive energy, peoplewho have morals and values you want to
emulate, people who you can trulytrust, like the ones that you trust

(12:18):
in your soul and your gut,not the ones you hope you can trust,
or who you talk yourself into trusting. Because I've done it. We've
all done that. Be good toyour body, Nourish it, feed it
with good, healthy food, andif you're able to move your body,

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treat it the way you want itto treat you. Just because your gym
is closed down or you can't afforda membership is no excuse. Get outside.
Mother Nature's ground is our friend.She gives us everything we need to
heal from the inside out. Idon't need to preach to you about what
you should be putting into your body. No one likes a shoulder, right.

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You know it's good for you,you know what's bad for you.
And saying that the whiskey covers upthe pain is a false positive. That's
like putting a small band aid ona gaping wound. Eventually you'll bleed out,
and I would be wrong to notI would be wrong if I didn't

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include this important piece of building astrong foundation. I've got to talk about
practicing spirituality and faith because it's theframework. It's where your roots grow from,
it's where you stay grounded, it'swhere the guidance comes from. I
believe that if we could see withour eyes who is walking beside us every

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day, we would not live infear. Many of you who are listening
to this have a strong faith.Some of you dabble, and some of
you are like, yeah, notquite feeling that piece of life. Let
me tell you something. It's agame changer. Period. I've been all

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over the map with my strength offaith. Once I settled into it and
started having my conversations with God,and not just the ones where I was
asking Him for something, the oneswhere I gave gratitude, the ones where
I trusted the guidance I was receiving, the ones where I said, I
don't know what you're doing, butI guess you know what you're doing.

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That's when I started noticing the evenflow in my life, even when I
suffered loss, even when I wasfearful or uncertain, even when my own
practices and beliefs were challenged, I'vebeen building a strong foundation every day.
I'm still building. I will untilI take my last breath. This is

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your life. You don't need toseek validation from anyone or anything else.
Going back to that piece of thatpositive quote that I was reading this morning,
that part's not easy because we've beenwired as human beings to seek validation.

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Just the other day, I receiveda DM message from a woman on
Instagram. A DM message. It'sa DM right or direct message? Of
course here I am calling it aDM message anyway. Either way, that's
I don't know. That might belike the old person in me, not
that old yet, but I'm notdone with the Instagram verbiage anyway. I

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digress. So I got this messagefrom a woman, and I asked her
if I could share her question becauseI know that it's a question. So
many women think about. I wasone of those women, and she gave
me permission. This is what shewrote, Hey, Andrea, do you
ever feel pressure to live up tosociety's expectations, like you graduate from college

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at twenty two, married by twentyfive, kids shortly after, dream job
by thirty and so on. Doesit ever make you feel behind in life?
She continued, saying, this ishow I've been feeling lately, and
it's even more challenging when you seeyour friends getting married or having kids.
I'm always trying to better myself,but I still feel behind. Do I

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ever feel that way? Or didI ever feel that way? She asked,
Yes, yes, and yes Iabsolutely have felt that way. This
was a scene from my life atthirty six years old, after I just
lost my job in a very publicway. My parents called me. I
was living in my cool, trendyapartment, or at least that's the way

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I saw it. And because Ihad lost my job, my parents were
worried about me, and so theycalled just to check in, like,
Hey, how you doing. Iwas in tears. I was in fetal
position under the window cell and sobbingthrough my breaths. I said, I
have no job, I have nohusband, I have no children. I

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was sick at the time, soI was like, I might die.
I have nothing. I have nothing, That's what I said. I have
nothing. We've been programmed to believein a timeline, and this pressure is
especially true for women, as ourbodies have a clock assigned to them.

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How often are we reminded that theclock is still ticking. I remember going
to the grocery store to buy turkeyat the deli counter, and the woman
behind the counter, after inquiring aboutmy next job venture because I had very
publicly lost my job and it wasstill unknown to me what my next job

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was going to be, she saidto me, when are you going to
get married? Shouldn't you be marriedwith kids by now? And I'm thinking
I just wanted a quarter pound aturkey, But then I also thought,
yes, yes I should, accordingto society, according to how the rest

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of my family has done it,according to what all my friends are doing,
according to what all my non friendsare doing, and according to what
I want to be doing. Iwanted all of that. TikTok, TikTok.
The pressure was everywhere, everywhere inmy head, and as a result,

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I dated people I wouldn't have goneon second dates with. I stayed
in bad relationships because I thought,well, they have some good qualities.
Or maybe this is as good asit's going to get for me, or
maybe I should lower my expectations,or maybe I set the bar too high,

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or maybe not every guy is goingto be as great as my dad
or my grandpa. Maybe it's becausethey were from a different generation. Right,
you've heard that one before. Ohthat was a different generation. Here
is the worst one. While I'malmost forty. Maybe they'll be able to
at least give me a baby.There was a time when I was willing

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to be in an unhealthy, toxicrelationship just for a chance at procreating TikTok.
I kept hearing that clock acceptance andpeace with my own life. That's
what settled me. That's what savedme from bad choices that weren't in line

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with my spirit and soul. Thisis something that I can't magically make you
believe in. It's something I cantalk about, it's something I can share.
It's a blueprint for what worked forme. And if you're feeling like
the woman who sent me that message, only you can relieve and release yourself

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from that pressure, and that,my friends, takes time and belief that
you are exactly where you're supposed tobe in life right now. My primary
example of a relationship is incredible.As I'm recording this, my parents have
been married for forty six years andthey are best friends. My father adores

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my mother, and my mother alwayssays, your dad is my best friend.
I've had countless friends tell me thatmy parents are their favorite couple,
and they've truly become the gold standardas an example of love, partnership,
marriage, and family for me.Yes, of course, they've had their
moments of annoyance, rolling of theeyes, and I'm pretty sure my dad

(21:27):
gets into trouble daily for leaving crumbsall over the floor and kitchen countertops.
Now listen, I'd also be atotal Pollyanna if I thought that they didn't
go through life challenges and bumps inthe relationship road. Yet still, they've
been my example of what a strongmarriage looks like. After years of being

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single or having relationships that didn't workout. I was talking to my brother
who's married with four kids. Iwas talking to him about out my desire
to have a solid relationship and kidsof my own. I remember telling him
that our mom and dad set thebar high, and that maybe that was

(22:11):
a part of my struggle, thatmaybe I expected too much, or expected
to have a relationship that was justlike our parents. My brother said something
important. He said, mom andDad have an awesome relationship, and it
works great for them. Figure outwhat works great for you. It doesn't

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have to look just like mom anddad. We often want what we don't
have. I've talked to girlfriends whoare married with heavy responsibilities of young children
who romanticize about my independence to pickup and go whenever I want where I

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on the flip side, always thought, but you're so lucky to have brought
children into this world who love youand need you and draw you art and
homemade cards on Mother's Day. AsI got older, meaning inching toward forty
and then crossing over it, Inever liked the idea of being told that

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my body couldn't do something that itwas built to do, that it couldn't
have children. It happened early forme. My body started going through changes.
My period was irregular, then itwould go away four months at a
time. I'd have night sweats thatturned into day sweats, even when it

(23:42):
was thirty degrees outside. Ironically,my body was always like clockwork, and
then suddenly it wasn't. I washaving hot flashes, and the worry sent
it. I thought, Oh,crap, no man, no, kids,
no boyno. And here's what Ithought. This is what I thought

(24:06):
to myself. I should have frozenmy eggs, but that was expensive and
I didn't have the money at thetime. And then I thought, why
did I waste so many years withthat one jackass? Those were valuable years
when I could have given someone elsea shot, someone who could have been
my future husband and father of mychildren. And I thought, why didn't

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I date that one really nice guywho liked me. I see what a
good family man he's become. WhyWhy Why should should should? Girl?
Those are exhausting, wasteful, anduseless thoughts if you have them, and
I can't be the only one whoused to have them, So it's all

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right, Like you can admit it, at least just to yourself as you're
listening to this, and hold yourhand up and go, yep, that's
me right, But why like,why are they so exhausting and and useless?
Because you're exactly where you're supposed tobe right now. The map of

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your life has many experiences, turns, and storylines along the way. Trust
in the map of your life.Once I began trusting in the map of
my life, I started celebrating allthat I've contributed to those around me.
I really was able to give myselfa big hug to say, like,

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you're contributing these gifts, are helpingpeople. And then I took the focus
off of the things that weren't apart of my story. I didn't just
talk about self love, a healthysoul, and faith. I lived it
because there is a time when wejust talk about it. My sister used

(25:55):
to say to me, She's like, you know, in the beginning,
everything you said it sounded good likeyou. You talked all of the good
words, but you didn't really believethem. I had to talk them,
I had to put them into practice. And then putting them into practice and
seeing the results of them, that'swhen I started to believe them. You
have to live it, you haveto practice it, and there are times

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when you start to feel shaky.Because I felt shaky, and when that
happened, I went back to thebeliefs of my foundation and dug in deeper.
Today, I'm not focused on whatI don't have. I'm grateful every
day for what I do have,and that honest practice continues to bring blessings

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into my life every day, everyday. This is not bs, whereas
my sister would say, a bunchof bunk. It is real again.
It's like it's not a magic formula. It's not or maybe it is,
maybe it is. Yeah, Iactually I think it is gratitude, acceptance,

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love of self, faith, andbelieve that you are on the right
path of your destiny even in thequiet times. Put that on repeat.
Put it on repeat. Gratitude,acceptance, love of self, faith,
and knowing that you are exactly whereyou're supposed to be, doing exactly what

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you're supposed to be doing right now. That doesn't include all the things that
you think you were supposed to havebeen doing, or that you haven't accomplished,
or that you didn't check some thingsoff the list. Where you are
right now. Factor in the gratitude, the acceptance, self love, faith.

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That's the gold standard, that's thesecret, that's the magic formula.
You're not behind in life, You'rejust not You're exactly where you're supposed to
be now. That doesn't mean sitaround on your couch day after day and
do nothing. That doesn't mean closeyour eyes, blow out a candle,
make a wish and hope that it'sjust going to appear without putting the work

(28:15):
in. But here's a formula thatholds true every time. Put out negative
and you'll get negative in return.Put out positive and you'll attract positive in
return. So if you keep thinkingabout all the things that you don't have,
the why why why I don't don'thung up on the past of things

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that have hurt you, blaming othersfor where you are, girl and guys
just like get ready to be onthe hamster wheel. But if you take
a breath, and you take apause, and you put out positive and
you start listing all the things thatyou're grateful for, because you can come

(29:03):
up with a list even if thingsaren't going your way right now, there's
a list. Focus on that.That's the formula. Put out positive,
you'll attract positive in return. Thisis important. This part's really important though.
When you do that, you mustmake it authentic. You must live

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it, breathe it, be it. You will stumble, you will fall
you will have what you deem asa setback. Go back to the formula.
It will put you back on trackand back on the right track.
When you're running the race, stayin your lane. Don't look around trying

(29:53):
to see where everyone else is at. It's wasted energy and a wasted movement.
Trust your feet, trust your legs, trust your vision, trust your
movement, trust the universe, trustGod. And when you need to take
a break, rest because you knowthat you need to. We all need

(30:19):
to rest, We all need tobe quiet with ourselves. That's when the
healing happens. It prepares us forwhat lies ahead. Thank you for listening
to this episode of The bounce Back. It would mean so much to me
if you would subscribe to my podcastand rate it on iTunes, five stars

(30:41):
would be amazing. You can findit on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Search
The bounce Back and click subscribe.The FCB Radium Network first class broadcasting worldwide,