The Brohio Confessional Part 2

Send us your DEEPEST, DARKEST CONFESSION!!

brohiopodcast.com/confessions

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:16):
These are my confession seemon and know and think them.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Confession. I think that you should let it burn. I
just won't do it.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Medley, we don't have we have theme music for the
Dark Dark Vault. We have theme music for uh, what's
that one? The Battle Battlefield of Love, which is actually
it's porn Hub's copyright free music is what it is, right,
and we have you know, our original episode, uh intro.

(00:49):
I think we need to make a an intro for confessions.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
You have to have one.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
I think like a Catholic organ with some just some
ohio ish stuff going on.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, like farts and stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Yeah, farts, whales like whales mating. Like I stayed up
till about two o'clock in the morning the other night
reading about blue whales.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Sweet man, that's pretty cool. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
They got big old dicks on them, nine ten twelve
feet long, but they are just gigant. They're a hundred
feet long. Some of them get goetna get up to
one hundred feet long. Welcome into the Brohio Confessional. This
is where you guys send us your anonymous confessions and
I'm talking to your deepest, darkest secrets that you wish

(01:36):
to share anonymously.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
That's if you want them to be anonymous. If you
don't give a shit, no shame fucking leave your name there.
That's cool.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
I don't think I use the names too. Sometimes I
use the names, but oftentimes I don't. But you can
send them. You can go to the Brohio podcast dot
com slash confessions. No it's not the Brohio podcast. Sorry, oh,
I can't believe I did that. Go to Brohio podcast

(02:03):
dot com, make sure dot com slash you think we
worked this shit out? Nah, Brohio podcast dot com slash confessions,
And there's anonymous link there that include your deepest, darkest, dumbest,
juiciest confessions below one anonymous spill it here? Is there

(02:25):
a name, reel or fake you'd like us to use?

Speaker 2 (02:27):
And that's it?

Speaker 1 (02:28):
And you hit submit and that goes directly to our
Gmail and we get it, and then it goes into
a spreadsheet and then we review them for the episode,
and the ones that make the cut make the cut.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
There you go.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Directional, speaking of making the cut. Feeling like a teenage
girl this evening, okay, like a cutter.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Okay, I'm sorry, I'm Gassie.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
I had flout to us at a Mexican restaurant yesterday,
and it's brought my life to a screeching holt. Okay,
just just as in in like the past four hours,
I'm starting to feel some normalcy in my life.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Your body shut down for a little bit, it did.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
Yeah, Hell a lot of close calls at work today.
Some people thought that I was having a stroke at
some point today. They thought, you know, what's wrong with him? Yeah,
but I did not succumb to my injuries.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's good.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
We got a little cafeteria there at work, nice little,
nice little spot. They do a rotating menu. They got
but they every day they got burgers, and they got
you know, they'll do a burger then like a meal
of the day, whether it's like chicken and noodles and
mashed potatoes or whatever it is. But today, in honor
of football season starting tonight, first game is tonight Eagles

(03:38):
versus Cowboys, they did tailgate food. So for five dollars,
you got two meatball sliders, like a little slider with
a meatball and Marion air and Swiss cheese on it
or marion ea whatever fucking provolone.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
You got four cheese sticks, and then you got like
a sleeve of crackers and some cream cheese art choked dip.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Oh yeah, dud, that's pretty sweet.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
And I cracked that styrofoam box open.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
I was like, n yeah, that's nice.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
I went to town baby, hell yeah, feeling all football
ready to go and uh before we get started to hear,
the offer stands if you're if you're tailgating or going
down to the Bengals game, let me know and you
can come to my tailgate. I'll cook for you. We'll
slam some beers, we'll shotgun of beer. Rob Dog's in

(04:27):
the go to game this year. He doesn't know it yet,
but he just he knows it.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
He knows what's going He wants to come smoke dope
in the parking a lot with us.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
He's going, yeah, he knows what, he knows what he's
gotta do.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I'm all for it. He's for it.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
Let's hop right into the content here. Four minutes and
forty five seconds. That's a new world record for us.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Remember you, if you you want something, you want to
get something off your chest. You just want to tell
the world, tell the tens of hundreds of thousands of
millions of Brohile listeners. This is your opportunity. You can
do it. You can you can do it, but you're
back into it. Rohio podcast dot com Slash Confessions. There's

(05:10):
some really good ones. Okay, there was a backlog. I'm sorry,
so there's a lot of them. We're not getting to.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
There was a backlog. Let me see here start.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
I caught my first husband cheating on me. He left
his phone in the kitchen and went outside to do
something he'd cheated before, and we tried to work it out.
Doesn't always work, it never works. But anyway, his phone
went off and I read a text from a girl.
At this point, even before the text, I already had
one foot out the door. Instead of blowing up on him,
I waited for him to go to sleep. I took

(05:41):
a permanent marker and drew all over the seats in
his new car. I blamed it on our then toddler.
He used to also like to wear women's underwear and
swimwear to jack off. He said it felt good on
his skin, which of course I always felt was weird.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Well, honey, put a.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
Name with it.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Put a name with this sweet Oh hell yeah, man.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
But I made I made sure I told all his
friends about I told all of his friends about it.
After the divorce, I got married a second time. Caught
that one cheating too. He would get online and hook
up with men and women, even pick up hookers.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
Sweet.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
I threw his PlayStation in the bath hub and I
blamed it then on their on the the our toddler daughter.
I guess you could say I threw both kids under
the bus. Now I'm happy to report I finally found
a husband number three, and he's a good, honest man
and good to me and my children.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
I guess the third time is in fact a charm.
Hell yeah, man, that's vindictiveate, don't want to piss that
bitch off. Don't fuck my PlayStation.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
Hey, don't be worried about what I'm dipping my dick in.
But don't be worried. Don't worry, don't be measured with
my my PlayStation.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
The fact that it was all blamed on the kids
is even better. I love it.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Oh yeah, he woke up to the middle of the night,
went in the driveway with a SHARPI and drew all
over your car.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Shit, that's funny.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Uh, these are I've attracted mostly these women my entire life.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
That's how it works. Those are the good ones. Though
I'm scared of my wife.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I just don't talk with her, and I just like,
I just don't do fucked up I just don't do
fucked up shit.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, I just you know, steer clear. Those ones do
that thing you like?

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, exactly. She's like, you want me to lick what?

Speaker 2 (07:14):
Sure? Anyways, let me see your phone real quick. Here
you go. This next one's funny. All right. I don't
know if I should read that top part.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Yeah, it's fine. These are all it says like, this
is not a very identifying name.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
It's not. But I'm still good skipping anyway, just just
just to be, just to be, you know, Devil's advocate.
I really and this isn't me, this is somebody else,
just troll. Sure, Okay. I want to say that I
really enjoy smelling my own farts. It's like it's like
sleeping during the day. You know you're not supposed to
be doing it, but it feels so right, feels so right.

(07:54):
I would rather smell my own farts than somebody else's. Dude,
Is that is that bad? It's not bad, but I
think it's probably probably preferable, right, I don't want to
smell any fart, but yeah, it's gotta be my own
brew if I'm fucking cooking.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
It, right, Yeah, I love to smell my own farts.
And the most dangerous situations is for me, and I
had one of these this morning. I uh, you know,
I talked to my wife on the phone on my
way to work. We just you know, I got a long,
long drive and we chat it up. And the most
dangerous times for me is when I fart and it
hurts my butt and I can't smell it, okay, And

(08:29):
usually I feel like you can tell a lot of
your about your body when you fart, you.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Know what I mean. If it smells, If it smells
like you ate a fucking hogs asshole, then you needed
your diet needs to change a little bit, right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
And I told her, I said, babe, it's gonna be
a bad day.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
She said, why.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
It's like I farted to hurt my butt and I
can't smell it. It's like, uh, it's like a tornado
and it gets completely silent, and then you know, that's
when you're in really big trouble.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
You're in the eye of the tornado, I have a
fart the fuck. Everyone around me is like, oh, what
do they call when it's like the the the center

(09:16):
of like a bomb strike, what do they call that?
Ground zero zero?

Speaker 1 (09:20):
It's ground zero ground zero of the fart. Oh yes,
I had four or five of those days, and everyone
around me's just like, God damn. Someone was like Buddy's
like smolls, like the outlet's on fire, Like what the.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Fuck does that even mean? That's news?

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Man.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
I love walking through stores and like you'll walk down
an aisle or something and you can just tell somebody
fucking ship their pants in that aisle and I'm like, oh,
who farted loud? Just that person knows I'm onto you
and your games. But I love that. I hope that
happens to me tonight.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
Now.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
This one, it was one of the last ones I found,
but I really want to get this episode. I want
to get the juice is a flowing all right, so
you know what, I want to read this one. It's
one of my favorite ones that we found, and I
it sucks because some of these they're long, and I'm
just like, oh god damn it, and I'm like I
don't want to skip over him, and this one was

(10:20):
really long. I skipped over it and I came back.
I'm like, oh, just I'll read it. I'll read it.
And I read it and I was just like, oh
my god, this is great. This was circa twenty sixteen.
I was a divorced mid thirties woman, Hanah, who just
wanted to who wanted to fuck. Honestly, I did not
care young old male female. I was just trying it
all well. Up until this day, I had matched on

(10:44):
tender with a guy who I thought was decent enough
to fuck at least once. When he pulled up, I
noticed he was driving an old, beat up Crown VIC.
That's okay, no judgment here. He walked up to the
door and he was still decent looking, but did not
look like the picks okay people, Uh yeah, okay, people
do that online, Yes they do very much. So still

(11:05):
dt F down to fuck. He started talking, and holy
fucking shit, he sounded just like Porky the pigs.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Dead, that's all, folks. He stuttered every other word and
he was acting slow. I thought.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
I thought, oh, he's here, warm and has a dick.
Let's see what happens. I told him to follow me.
And let him in my bedroom. I turned to close
the door, and by the time I turned back around,
he had his pants down. I was not impressed, but
he was. Uh he was not full mast, he said
very quietly. I I why, why, why want to eat it?

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Well, boy, get at it? Hell, there you go out
a girl.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
He just tapped my clip with a tip of his
tongue about one and a half seconds apart, like a DA,
like a goddamn s O signal.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Like a fucking Chinese water torture me be able to
about thirty seconds later, I stopped him.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
This wasn't working, and I wasn't gonna take the time
to show a forty five year old man who claimed
he just got out of a relationship out to eat
pussy think his last relationship ended push she would have
turned around and he was just wearing his T shirt
and no plants underwear, just like porky pig. All right,
let's check out the cock. He could not get hard.

(12:30):
I was then informed it was probably due to all
the psych meds he was on. At this point, I
gave up and told him to leave. My pussy was
drier than death valley. Uh. As soon as he left,
I called up my best he and said, I'm.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
About eighty percent sure. I almost fucked a return. After
that day, I became more selective, I would hope. So
that's great, about eighty percent sure you did. You did

(13:03):
the man a favor.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
I want to go.

Speaker 2 (13:11):
I want to eat it. That's great, all all? Oh
got a boner? Oh fuck?

Speaker 1 (13:25):
Uh this is that's awful. And I love a person
with a good old fashioned stutter, not like the not
you know. I want one that's like, uh, you know,
the family grew up poor, the kid never went to therapy.
I like a good fucking stutter. Sure not not these
little fake stutters we got now. I like somebody that
can't say there ares and ship like, oh, well, well
well I will I will wait wait, I will well

(13:46):
what I want to what you want to wet willie?

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Would you way? We want to eat you pussy? A
good speech impediment. That's always fun, all the way back
to the top of your height. Yeah, I'm sitting here
the whole time you started reading that, I'm like, where
the fuck is he? I'm like scrolling through the vase
the way to the bottom. Last one. I love that one.

(14:10):
That's a great one. That's fucking that's a good one.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
Good confession. That's a great confession.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
It is. That's exactly what I want doing the Lord's work. Man,
I know your name, we don't know your You could
have made all that up, but I don't think you did.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
It sounds believable.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
I don't think you did. So that's all right. Next
one here. One time, when I was probably ten or twelve,
my grandma and my mom and I all went on
a camping trip, as we normally did in the summer.
One of the days, they decided that we were all
gonna take a nap around midday. Me being that young,
I didn't want to, so I decided to just play
my DS in the tent since I was allowed or

(14:45):
I wasn't allowed to wander off, which take me back
to the days where you could just sit there and
just fucking play your DS all the time. I just
leave me alone, fun ship, man, leave me alone. Right. Well,
sometime passed and eventually I was real bored and my
mom had fallen asleep. So what else would I do?
I decided to really quietly and sneakily bust a nut,

(15:07):
which I did, and very quietly cleaned up cleaned up
with some of my dirty clothes, and then went back
to playing DS. It was a really good trip as
far as I remember. You don't have to busting up,
of course, it was a good trip.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
Mom.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
That's Grandma's so fucking gross. A dude, I've never told
anyone this and never will until now. Yeah, I honestly
kind of forgot about it. I just wanted to add
keep up the amazing work. My two gay dads have
gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life.
Thank you for what you do. Hashtag a B and
d hell yea whole balls.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
No, Dick's give it up for the guy who fucking
cranked his fucking hog next to his grandma and his mom.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
That's pretty cool. Oh, Roger, I couldn't help, but godess
you weren't playing okay on you were talking on your balls.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
I was like twenty Uh, I was like twenty years
old hooking up with this girl. We were laying on
her sofa watching a movie when she took off her brawl. Yeah, bro,
she joked at the brawl wasn't comfortable, but I immediately
got hardly naturally, she felt my throbbing penis on her
butt sheets.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah, this might be Did I do this one?

Speaker 3 (16:24):
No?

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
She turns around and touches my dick and starts stroking it.
I take off my boxers and she gets on top
of me, but she still had her panties on, and
she starts to grind on my dick.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
I'm my dick. And after a few.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
Minutes, she takes them off and slid my peepee inside
there you go. Hell yeah, bro, that's how the intimidators
call a peepee. That's a tiny, tiny ween her brother, remove.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
Your panties so I can stick in my peepee. You
want to see my peepee? Suck my peepee, my peepe.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
We do the deed, and after a record three minutes,
I moon, I'm about to bust. So she jumps off
and I come all over the sofa. I look at
my penis to see the mess I made on her sofa.
But that's when I see the tip of my penis
looks all deformed. Oh no, I guess when she was
grinding on my penis with her pennies, she must have
tore up my foreskin. Well, you're a nasty fucker for
having foreskin.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
And begin wait, what was she wearing fucking like fucking
gaterskin painties.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
I got my fanciest gaiter skin painties on for you.
I quickly put on my boxers and take off, take
off home before he tries to go for round two.
I didn't go to the doctor. Uh. I didn't go
the doctor out of embarrassment and didn't tell anyone. But
it healed after him one and a half weeks. It
was so painful to pee and morning woods were extruciating.
But I'm twenty eight now with my foreskin still intact,

(17:48):
ready to tear it up again for Rob's krusty and
dry ass fucking and it says ja ja jah jah,
just kidding, but yeah, that was crazy.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
That fucking sandpaper under aarro get you man, good lord,
that would that would hurt so bad.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Them fucking gator skin. Victoria's secrets, baby, oh ship man,
that just means she had a muff on her dude
with real lizard scales. Yes, it's moisture wicking, got aff her. God,
a muff that's the worst or whatever. I like it
when this is okay. When my child was born, I

(18:23):
didn't feel connected to them. I felt like I was
paired up with a partner in science class.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Me too, brother. So I feel like I do want
to say I don't like my kids either. Man, there's
and I don't know if this is obviously I don't
know if this is a male or a female or
between Cindy dolls and in between whatever. I do know

(18:54):
that they do say that with guys. That's like a
real thing, like they're it's it's something that's known and
it may it may be for women as well. Sure
I didn't get that feeling with any of my kids.
I didn't. I didn't, Yeah, I didn't. I didn't. Like, Yeah,
it wasn't anything like that, but I thought it was

(19:14):
really fucking cool.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
I think a lot of guys are kind of self
absorbed and just self interested.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
Not really, there's just like a I don't know well,
and to be perfectly honest, when babies are first born,
baby suck like they're they're easy to deal with, but
I mean like until until they get to where they're
developing their personalities and stuff, like when they can really
do more shit than it's the burden than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
when they're like like a partner in science six months old.

(19:40):
You know what I mean? From six months on and
they kind of develop. You can kind of see a
little bit of a person. It's just kind of like
it is kind of like a science project at first.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
You know that those first few weeks though, you're like,
I would like to give this motherfucker back, right, how
do I give? Why did I do for the first one?
That the second two we're just kind of like it
was like riding a bike. You kind of know, you
know and expect, right, But the first one, I think, Rob,
you're the same way. We had our kids kind of young.
I think we were twenty one one. Yeah, I had

(20:10):
no business having a kid. I had no idea what
I was doing. And there's nobody to come save you
or come rescue you. But you just figured out. That's
the coolest part is humans just figured out and uh yeah,
now you can raise a baby with chat, GPT or whatever.
It's like rock whatever, whatever you want. But yeah, I
don't And to the person that said this, I don't.

(20:32):
I don't fault you for that. Don't feel bad about
it as long as long as you still don't feel
that way. Yeah, I bought I got Pepper the day
after Ace died, and I hated Pepper for three weeks
and now she's my favorite thing ever.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
She's not Ace, She's not Ice.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Uh. This is from Dumbass for twenty This is a
birth name. I just finished a twenty year affair with
a married man.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Damn.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
We met when I was twenty and in university. He's
helped me through the highs and lows of life and
knows my innermost secrets apart from the fact that my
kid is his. Oh shit, he doesn't know that. I've
always managed to keep that a secret from him. Now
said kid is growing up and it is pretty obvious
that he is the father. Hence why I broke up

(21:20):
the affair. I actually miss him.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Well, it's kind of sadd that's really sad. That's heavy,
it is, you know, I feel really bad for this person.
But I mean it sucks. That's a shitty situation, you know.
But what do you do?

Speaker 1 (21:35):
You just come clean and just kind of where do
you just let it go at this point?

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Fade away? Yeah, I mean it seems like it's done
and over with. I mean, ugh, that's a messy.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
It sounds like they're coping with marijuana from the judging
by the name of their of their alias that they
use there.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Which, hey, I mean, what would you do, well, what
would you so.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
Say that you had a fling before you met your wife,
you know, or you know, when we first met our spouses.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
It's not like.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
It's not like the day you start. The day you
meet your spouse, you're like, Okay, this is right, this
is it for the rest of my life. I know,
like when me and my wife were kind of testing
the waters, I was I had been talking to not
a lot of women, but there were girls that I
had talked to. But you know, once we got serious,
it was That's the way it's been for almost twenty

(22:36):
years with us. But what if you had a baby
and you didn't know it till you know, you found
out a few years later after you guys are getting
real serious and you know it would harm your family
for your wife to know that you had a baby
that was not necessarily a hers. Yeah, you think you

(22:56):
would keep that secret or you think you just roll that,
just roll that bad boy.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
To say something, But you're I I still, I would still,
even though it would hurt her, I wouldn't want to
not be a part of that child's life. And the
same you know what I mean, and I feel like
if you can't really do that, if you don't say something.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Well, now it's a good time for me to tell
you that I think you have a baby that I
should tell you about. And just knowing, you know, knowing
you guys for so long, your wife would one million percent.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Make you be a part of that.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Absolutely, she'd rub your fucking nose in it.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, she'd be like, you go over there and you
play fucking catch with that little dumb ass.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
You see, go see the ugly little motherfucker. Go see
that bastard. And when you're done, you come home and me,
I feel like you have you have to, right, I mean,
don't even think about making his mom laugh. But I
mean in this in this case, it seems like he

(23:57):
either doesn't know or he doesn't know. He's got tries
to act like he doesn't know, right, I mean, well,
I think I just this one.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
Yeah that's okay. No it's not okay, but it's it happens,
so it's okay. So it's done and over with and
doing doing your best. Yeah, maybe you could try, I
don't know, like just disappearing on the kid, just like
leaving one day and not telling the kid where you're at.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Just be gone.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
And just be like, look, leave a note, be like, look,
I'm going to vacation. You got to go live with
your dad. I never told you about.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
That would be weird. That'd be a really good movie,
wouldn't it. That sounds like it's a plot for a movie.
Hell yeah, this is what meet is a wonder wombat.
So when my friend was pregnant, her baby daddy and
her broke up and they were on the rocks. All right,
I'm sorry, And we were on the rocks and we
hooked up while she was still pregnant. Okay, that's nerdy work.

(24:58):
That's not a great friend. No, it's not a great friend. No,
it's not a great But it's also not a great
baby daddy either.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Oh yeah, he's a gumbag man. But I hate like,
you know, back in the day when we were growing up,
some of your friends, would you know, your friends would
be dating somebody and then they would they would get
cheated on, and then your friend would get mad at
the person, like I'm gonna whip his fucking ass right right,

(25:27):
why are you gonna do that? She's the one that
fucked him. Yeah, would you beat both of them up.
If that's the thing, like, I never understood that either
you got to serve up wonder her and him. If
that's if you're that's your ideology there.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
Pal, because then what like what do you do say? Say?
If like aship, Yeah, I'm in a relationship and my
girl cheats on me with you and I go to
kick your ass and you beat the fuck out of me,
then not only did you get your cheated on, but
then you got your ass foot by the guys.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
You got your cheeks clapped in and your girlfriend got
her cheeks clapped by the same guy.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Fucking to for one. What if? What if?

Speaker 1 (26:02):
What if you're like your girl cheating on you and
then you're like, I'm a whip is fucking ass and
you find him in a parking lot and you like
run up with a crowbar and you swing and you miss,
and then he punches you and he knocks you out
and you come back too, and he's fucking you in
the at like he's just fucking the ship out of you.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
Total power. He fucked you, fucking old lady. Dude, I'm
gonna fuck you like I did you a woman, don't
you go up here the crow bar.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
You're a boy.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
Try to get me in the Windy's parking lot.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
Boy, I'm gonna go almost steal your dirt bike, homme taker,
ho'ma cut your truck nuts off, boy.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Ah ship, this one's from. My name is not Chris.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Hmmm suspicious.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
I once snuck up on a sleeping hobo and pissed
all over him.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
He was semi awake when I started. I started at
his feet and worked my way towards his face. He
probably got a about one point five or two seconds
of fresh piss on his face before he got up
and started chasing me. I ran to my friends waiting
and get away. Truck, jumped in the bed and shot
double middle fingers and left.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
He hit it with a double barrel. And I was
maybe twenty years old. That's the end of it. I
was maybe twenty years old. Justified it. I was young
and dub fucking.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
That guy's all strung the fuck out on dregs. He's
having a dream. He's taking a shower.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
God, this shower has been cleaned, and so much stings
like piss. You know, he's fucking running with two middle
fingers in his face.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
Uncircumcised, fucking panty burned dick looking at him in the face.
I mentioned four of these, like the same person, the
same night. This is just a This is just a
biopic of somebody. This is all the same person. That'd
be great, wouldn't it feel like this is something that
fucking Jesse would send in. If you've ever pissed on
a homeless person, send us an email. Brohyo pi a

(28:00):
gmail dot com. Oh fuck, hey, also, we got a
live show coming up. Yeah, we do, got a few
tickets left. Go to brohio podcast dot com slash tickets.
Bring me live in Dallas at the sin the Celestiel.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Celestiel Brewery distillery or whatever something Celestiel.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
They're gonna drink alien beer with aliens, with aliens, illegal aliens.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
Hell yeah, ordered aliens, plenty of them there. This is
a long one. Let me see here. Umm oh, this
is a really really good one, like a plus nice
all right. I was a summer camp counselor at a
city YMC a one year after my freshman year of college.
Great opening line for a fucking story. A camp counselor.

(28:50):
That's cool as fuck. That's really cool. As fuck, and
they were in college. Tells me that everything they were
about to hear was amongst age appropriate individuals. Yeah. Yeah,
the camp was for elementary school age too. Soon after,
about the second week, I noticed one of the girl

(29:12):
interns for the y had been flirting with me more
and more. After several close encounters with her, I decided
it was time to make my move. As we were
both alone in the back getting lunch prepared for the kids,
I came up behind her and smacked her ass like
I have been doing. But as soon as I did that,
she reached around and grabbed me by my dick. It

(29:34):
started to give me a hand job. God, kids, po.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Lunch, count me out. I don't like hand jobs.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Yeah, I'm not a fan.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Get the fuck out of the way. Let me do
it myself.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Do it, yeah, get get the job started, and then
let go. After that, That's where I cut it off.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
The game I like to play with my wife is
I like to hide in the house and make her
like catch me drinking off? Oh you dirty boy, hiding
hiding out of the bed again. You're hiding out of
the kitchen sink. Get out from under there.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
I prefer my hand jobs with someone's mouth. Yeah, right
there in the kitchen, prepping lunch, getting a handy. Hell yeah, dude.
As she continued, she pulled down her shorts and thinking
we were gonna go to the distance, but just as
she pulled them down, another counselor entered the kitchen. Quickly

(30:28):
we stopped, and she told me to just wait until tomorrow. Dude.
When you're that young, hereing somebody and you started something
like that and you hear somebody say wait until tomorrow,
my balls have been aching. Dog, that gives you a
reason to live. Yeah, I'm waking up.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
Fuck, I don't even need no arm I'm waking up
at three, dude.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah. Fast forward to the next day. I was setting
up the gym for the kids and was making trips
back and forth to the gym closet. After one of
my trips into the closet, there she was the intern.
She slammed the door shut, locked it and said, we're
fucking right now. Oh yeah, I was.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
I was so scared, but also so in the moment
that this was happening. I know we had about ten
minutes to do whatever we were doing, so I wasted
no time and started a fingerbanger and eat her out.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
I had one of her legs on my shoulder and
the other was push it up against the gym closet door,
just in case someone tried to push it open. I
bet it fucking stunk in there too. Jim Matt's an
old buss ymcach you a showered in three weeks fucking ringworms.
But it was like fucking turtle trail in there. Right
before I was about to stick it in, I hear

(31:36):
small footsteps running into the gym. It must have started raining.
She told me that would have been nice to know.
She looked at me and said, stick it in me now.
I was so scared. What if the kids came in here,
what if the other counselors came looking for me or us?
Something about that made me want to full send it,
So disclosure.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
I've never been scared when somebody has said just just
cramming in there, like I'm like, yeah, man, oh shit.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Something about that all made me just want to full
send it. So we went at it. It was probably
the scariest, most sexiest time I've ever had it. While
having sex, everything seemed almost lucid you for it. As
the time got closer to finishing, I heard the other
counselors and they were coming, and so was I. As
they got closer and closer, the intern told me to

(32:27):
just come in her so there wouldn't be a mess.
I told her it's way too risky, being we just
met two weeks ago. But she pulled me close and
squeezed me tight, and I lost it. She said, nope,
he ain't going nowhere. A little more coming in my bottle.
But just as this happened, the closet door handle started
to jiggle. Oh no, She released me and my load

(32:49):
went onto the ground. We scrambled to figure out.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
Our next move. Imagine like fucking slipping in a pile
ofges and falling in I mean stepping on a banana peel.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Scary alone, but which is always a oh dude, oh man.
They will surely smell the sex in the air in
this small closet we going to use to clean it up.
She reaches for a box of those netted jerseys with
the holes in them, called pennies. She grabbed the red
jersey and cleaned it up herself, and then threw it

(33:21):
to me. Where are we gonna hide? Thankfully there was
a small cabinet in there that we both fit into,
and just to nick the time we were out of sight,
the gym closet door opens. The other counselors come in
to grab it, you guess it, the net and colored jersey.
As they were walking out, one of them reached down
to pick up the red jersey. It was the one

(33:41):
we had just used to clean up. They picked it
up and place it back in the box and carry
it off with them and close the door. In my head,
I'm thinking, I hope a kid doesn't get that one.
Fucking little Susie's running around with her cumb all over
your back. Because we waited for breaking the action to

(34:04):
seek out of the closet, we continue to fool around.
After about twenty minutes, the kids get called for lunch.
Clickly quickly we exit and go on our way, drawing
no attention to ourselves. We would do the sex acts
daily for another three weeks, every day. A great summer,
for sure.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
That's a core memory, right man. You don't ever forget something. Yeah,
that's great, that's that's a good time you're having. You're
having trouble sleeping one night and you like wake up
and then the red jerseys outside your window.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
Like you're contented of me. Now you must take me.
Oh shit, I'm your pet. Oh damn it.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
If you've ever come to the little kid's soccer jersey,
I will be notifying the FBI.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Do not send an email. That's wild. I live for
this ship, dude. This is the best good times. That's
a good fucking story. It's literally incredible story, good fucking story.
I'm just glad that guy get laid like that. Man. Man,
that's awesome. Every day for a fucking couple weeks. Fucking intern.

(35:20):
Hell yeah, clean up jiz with kids toys. Thanks.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
One's from Big Dick Daddy from Cincinnati. When me and
my brother were little, we used to rub our wieners together.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
Oh my god, Oh fuck, I didn't sign up for this.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Swear to god, that sounds like somebody from Ohio. I'm
gonna start from the beginning. I'm gonna read this word
for word for Vaden House written When me and my
brother were little, we used to rub or wieners together.
You swear to god. I was maybe six and he
was five. The good old days in the nineties when
you can rub dick with your brother. Nowadays you can't

(36:03):
rub dick with your brother. He got on me and
pulled down my pants. He took his wienie and rubbed
it on my Wii.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
Looking back now it's.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Some gay and says, shit, I'm forty and he's thirty nine.
He's never missed it to me or brought it up.
I wonder if he forgets.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
What's funny is it? This little brother? He's like, he
fucking goes up to It's like, pull out your weenie.
You know what time it is. He's like, no, no, please,
So fucking gay. It's literally gay.

Speaker 1 (36:59):
If there's more of an age gap. This is guaranteed
by my brother, guarantee it man.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Oh fuck, wonder if he forgets turn over. I don't
want to do it on your anymore. I want to
do it on your where you poop out of. I
want to do it on your hoole.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Oh shit, this all Dad to us, to mom, fucking them, sweating,
getting hot under the collar.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
Oh my goodness. Oh and listen like I think they're
just embarrassed. I'm certainly not embarrassed. Oh shit. About six
years ago, I was at a buddy's cabin for a
weekend trip, just the boys, booze weed, and terrible decisions.
These are the brothers from the story before. One night

(37:53):
we all rubbed our wieners together. One night, Oh god,
it's even better what they're doing. One night we're all hammered,
and I sneak off with this girl I met earlier
at the lake. We end up naked in the hot
tub behind the cabin while everyone else.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Inside it's blasting kid rock and grilling deer meat like
cavemang nig.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Oh shit, things get heated. She's riding me. I'm thinking,
hell yeah, this is one for the books. I feel it,
a rumble in my gut, like something dark, something ancient,
was waking up inside of me. I try to power through,
but suddenly she stops and goes, did you fart? And

(38:38):
I go no, why? Then she just screams, jumps out
of the hot tub like she saw a shark. Water
slashes everywhere.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
I look down there it is floating, not a fart,
not a bubble, a full blown solid.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
Somehow took a dog. Remember the last time I had
a full blown solid bro.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
Good thing.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
It wasn't liquid. I somehow took a dump midsex and
hot tub. Not diarrhea, not an accident, like a single,
perfectly formed demon nugget just left my body like a
soul of its own. She ran side screaming, hey, shitting
the hot top. Oops. Oh fuck.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
They couldn't hear yell. That sounded kid rock playing on
the fucking Iowa stereo.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
Though. Oh shit, that's some good Oh boy, Oh my.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
God, who dude, My stomach still hurts from the fucking
brothers rubbing their wingis together. Oh man, you can tell
there's some deep rude trauma in that one, Like, yeah,
that's it, that's rough.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Yeh.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
There comes a lot early twenties male. I don't know
if it's I'm just young or I'm addicted to sex.
But I half jacked off every day after work for
the past ten years, and also sex with my wife
three to five days a week, and yet I still
get off work and jack off, even if I'm sure
I'll get sex later. I don't think I'm addicted to
porn because I don't really have to. I don't really
have the need to use it all the time, but

(40:12):
I just gotta come. I often wonder if I need help,
but this doesn't really negatively affect my life too much,
Like if I'm having a busy day. I don't make
it a priority. I just do it whenever i'm home chilling.
My wife doesn't know I do this as much as
I do. But it's not like I'm hiding it from
her or going to cheat on her.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
That's true. I don't see a problem with it.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
I think if given the all of everything else that
it could be if your wife knew that you were
chronically masturbating and most of the time not to porn,
and you're still fucking her, she'd probably be turned on
by it.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Dude, I don't see. Yeah, I don't see what the
issue would be.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
That's why, Like we play that game right hide, Like
I go, jerk off, hide and jerk off.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah, make her find me. It turns her on. Yeah,
I go, yeah, I think you're fucking I think there.
You're right too. You're right, You're right where you need
to be. Brother, fucking getting that demon out of you
and fucking sometimes you just got a cub you just yeah,
let it go.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
I was watching golf the other day and I got
a chumped up and it's like I gotta go watch
Rory hit one, and you're like, goddamn, I gotta fuck
crank mog.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
I gotta go burp the fucking knuckle biscuits. Yeah, let me.
This is from Jay. Hell yeah, it's your turn. Now
you can read.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
This is a really fucking long one, I think. Yeah,
oh yeah, this is a really good one. Go ahead, Okay,
I'll do this. This is a long one, so stay
with me, folks.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
This is from Jay.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Let me start off by saying that I'm not particularly
proud of this, but it happened when I was in
my early twenties. I had an acquaintance named Kevin Earl,
not giving his not giving his last name.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
He's dead now. Anyways.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
I knew Kevin from high school, where we were on
the football, track and field teams together. We weren't close,
and I considered him more of a buddy than a friend. Anyway,
we used to go out to Kevin's house and drink
and smoke weed. Sometimes there would be eight to ten
people there, but usually it was just his wife, Kelly,
him and me. So every single time Kevin would smoke,

(42:20):
he would have his wife make a gallon pitcher of
kool aid and he'd basically.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Chug the entire thing. Oh yeah, well, that's cool.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
Yeah, Kelly was always really flirty with me when Kevin
wasn't around. She was really cute and kind of out
of his league. She only married him because his late
father made a bunch of money with some oil wells
in eastern Kentucky and left Kevin three million dollars. Kelly
and I were sitting on the couch one night while
Kevin was in the shower. We weren't We were just

(42:51):
talking and flirting.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
When she kissed me.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
We made out for a few minutes when we noticed
that the shower wasn't running anymore. Within ten seconds of
realizing the shower was off, Kevin came around the corner.
Luckily he didn't catch us. We talked later on how
we could get together and take things a little further.
She said that Kevin always kept an eye on her
and it would be practically impossible to get away with
This is her way of saying that she did not

(43:14):
want to fuck you. Luckily, Kelly wasn't outside the box.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
Thinker.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Okay, maybe she'd bring you back in here. She asked
me if I ever noticed how Kevin always drank kool
aid after he got baked out of his fucking mind.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
I do want to say that consistently getting high and
drinking kool Aid is kind of fucking cool. That's kind
of fucking cool. I expect the hustle for sure. That's
kind of cool. And I told her that I, in fact.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Did notice that he liked to get baked out of
his mind drink kool aid.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
See.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
She suggested that we put something in this kool aid
to buy us some time. I thought this idea was amazing.
I bought a bottle of sleeping pills the next time
I was at the store. A couple of days later,
I was back at their house when Kevin went to
go pin. I took the bottle out of my pocket
and handed them to her. She read the bottle and
got an evil smirk.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
On her face.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
She got up, went the kitchen, dumped it or so
of the pills on the kitchen counter, and hit the
bottle in one of the cabinets. She grabbed a spoon
from the drawer and crushed them up and slid them
off the counter and into the big plastic pitcher. Then
she added the kool aid, sugar and water and mixed
it all up and stuck it in the fridge. A
couple of hours went by and we were all watching
a movie and smoking when Kevin said, hey, kil grab

(44:27):
me the kool aid. We just kind of glanced at
each other with nervousness and then excitement. She brought him
his pitcher and a big plastic cup, which he filled
fool and immediately drank it all. He refilled the cup
and drink until the pitcher was empty.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Holy shit.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
After thirty minutes or so, he was sound asleep on
the couch. Kelly shook him and tried to wake him up,
but he was out cold. She then turned to me,
kissed me, and straddled me while I was sitting three
feet away from her unconscious husband. That night, we only
made out, but this went on for nine months. At
least two nights a week, we would drug him and

(45:06):
have sex on the couch, sometimes sitting right beside Kevin.
I would bend her over the coffee table and we
would both be facing her husband.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
God, that's cold blood. Should have on top of him.
I should have used his wiener.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
She seemed to enjoy things a little more than we
were in Yeah, she seemed to enjoy things a little
more when we were in front of him. Looking back,
she was an amazing woman, a fucking horrible wife, but
nothing was off limits and she was fun to be around.
A couple of years later, I learned that Kevin was
completely broken that Kelly had taken or spent all of
his money. They ended up getting a divorce after Kevin
had learned that she had fucked seven of his friends.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Make that eat me? You remember Aid? She fucked a
kool Aid guy too.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
Those all happened after she and I had our thing,
and she never found and he never found out about
me either way. That's one of my stories. I love
listening to you guys and look forward to the Dallas Show.
Hell yeah, okay, well you get the idea yourself. I
will be drinking no kool Aid Dallas Live Show.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
You don't come up and say you're the kool Aid guy,
then anyone that fucks my wife has to keep her. So, dude,
someone that come up to us and be like, I'm
the kol Aid guy, We're gonna be like, Okay, what
the fuck does that mean?

Speaker 1 (46:23):
I'm definitely gonna know what that means now, I'll remember
that out.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
That's great. All right, here we go. This is another
fucking camping story. Grandma Hell yeah. My grandma would take
us camping every summer at this great campground. They had
clean bathrooms and even had showers. The water pressure wasn't great,
but it was better than nothing. Are very weird stories over.
We had a camper and we were only allowed to

(46:47):
pee in there, and we had to walk to the
bathroom to do shits. There was a lake that we
swam in all day and we would shower before going
back to camp. Just to let you guys know, I
was young, not young enough to need a parent, but
under ten. Okay, I'm taking a shower and I get
this random urge to shit, like I need to go now,
and I'm debating on if I should run to the

(47:09):
bathroom and risk losing my shower with the most pressure
there's you know what there those are like.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
At the campground that I used to go to, there
was one shower that had the fucking most pressure.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
So I made up my mind. I was shitting in
the shower. I shit right on top of the drain,
thinking the water would wash it down, but didn't realize
how solid of a shit that I shit. Old chunky
fucker dude. My first stomp. My first thought was the
old fucking waffle. Stomp stomp it down the drain. The
shit literally curled between my toes and immediately I said

(47:45):
fuck that and took my stuff and went to a
different shower. I's so gross. IM still so embarrassed to
this day. I forever feel bad for the poor employee
you had to clean that.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Dude, that was a campground. That turd might still be
laying there, honestly, yeah, it might be a white dog turd.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Oh, dude, a squish.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
Oh. I thought the water would wash it away, but
it didn't.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
Fuck.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
At a high school bonfire party, we may have overindulged.
A few people went to the house to go to bed.
Some of us stayed outside when the rest of us
went in. We decided to go in for the night.
I decided to scare one of my friends who went
in earlier. Long story short. As I'm looking through the
crack door, I see him fingering a dog.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
My, oh my god, oh shit, god, he.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Didn't let me finish. Dude, I've seen him figuring Dog
the bounty hunter.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
Even better, fingering a dog. Oh fuck, mind you.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
None of us brought a dog, and the person whose
house we were staying at did not have a dog.
The fingering part was not true, but my friend did
somehow acquire young coyote and brought it into the bed
with him while he was black out drunk. Apparently, I
guess he wasn't fingering the dog. I'm gonna take this
next one because it's one of my favorites too, Okay,
hell ya. In two thousand and two, my girlfriend of

(49:16):
eight years shit her pants on accident while I was
in court for jury duty.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
She was in the car the parking lot. I still
make fun of her for it this day.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
I shit my pants on Christmas Day twenty twenty three,
and she still doesn't know because I don't want her
to make fun of me back.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
That's love, brother. You will ever be able to hold
that over if she knows your honor. I have to leave.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
My girlfriend's in the parking lot and she's ship inside
my car and the windows are rolled up.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
Oops. I'll let you have these next too. S. I'm
forced to listen to you, dumb fox, because my boyfriend
likes you. Sorry. Yeah, your boyfriend's cool as fuck.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Yeah, he's cool, and you care enough about us that
you went to our website and you submitted a confession
I like it, send.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Us a picture of his balls. This one's the iPod
cooter bandit Hold on a second, uh yuh no, I'll
wait till the end. I remember, I remember, okay. When
I was maybe ten or eleven, I stole my classmates
iPod and hit it in my cooter. I was a
known thief at school, so the teacher searched my bag

(50:35):
and my pockets. They never found it, but told my
parents to keep an eye out for it because they
suspected that I stole it. My mom searched me for
it when I got home and didn't find it. I
listened to music on it for maybe an hour, and
then threw it away because there was too much heat
at home.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
By my bad Sierra or however you spell your name,
stole somebody's fucking iPad and stuck.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
In her iPod iPod? You can't. You can fit an
iPad in your cooter when you're then a twitter that's
a glitter be a ten or eleven and having a
whole iPad in your couter.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
What a horror?

Speaker 2 (51:08):
Be able to fit an entire iPod in her puss.
It feels an iPod mini. I mean, those things are
pretty small I could put that in my pussy. I
get my ass right now, What were you gonna say?
What do you say you're gonna remember? Wouldn't we do
the last one?

Speaker 1 (51:23):
There's okay, somebody sent a I'll elaborate when I okay,
I just have to step out for a second. Gotch,
that's right out there?

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
A few years back, I was hanging out with a girl.
I had to take a shit and pretended I wanted
a shower so she wouldn't know. I started the shower,
did the dirty deed, then realized she had.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
No toilet paper.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Oh no, there was a small claws in the bathroom,
so I assumed her toilet paper was probably in there.
When I noticed there was none, I took two clean
wash cloths, I wiped my ass, and I threw them
back in the closet towards the back.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
Oh no, she had two small.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
Children, so I figured she'd blame them when she when
she eventually found the shitty uh closs in the well.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
You're pretending you were gonna take a shower, Just hop
in the fucking shower and wash your ass out. Man,
It's that simple, for real, It's it's that simple. Or
just be like open the door, be like, I shit,
you have toilet paper. Hey, I know we just met,
but I do poop.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Yeah, I we've My wife and I have been together
since the beginning of time, and she still runs all
of the water in the bathroom when she goes to
the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
That's funny. She does not want to.

Speaker 4 (52:34):
She does not fuck around. My mom and dad used to.
We had one shower growing up. My mom would go
in there and take a hot fucking ass shower, and
my dad would go in there and ship while she
was showering.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
I've done that once before. It was because I had
no other fucking choice. Is he that or fucking shit
on the carpet? I didn't want to clean it up,
So I'm like, I'm sorry, man, I got a ship.
I wish there was a story about you, like shitting
in the living room, man, just like the sick dog.
She's like, you're gonna shit in here one shot. I'm like, yes,
I fucking am like a beagle with worms. Your mom's
falling down on the floor of the bathroom downstairs. I

(53:08):
can't use that one. So, oh this has happened at
the house you're in now?

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (53:12):
Yeah, this was like a week ago. It's like cold
months ago. Was she in the shower Beverly? Yeah, she was.
I was like, I got a ship the bathroom downstairs occupying.
He started telling the story like it was, you know,
fucking thirteen years ago. Oh, it was like maybe two

(53:32):
to four months ago. It was very recent. You say, hey,
show me them titties while she's in the shower.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
Imagine the power move. Just hold up the shower, Kurt
wam shitting Joe, Daddy, them titties spin around. I ain't done,
but I won't look at you.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
Was it smelling here? Dude?

Speaker 1 (53:56):
Poop takes on an entire life of it's in a
hot shower.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Dude was rough. The window was open and the door
was open, so that wasn't too bad. But Daddy, touch
your toes.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
Oh shit, this one's fun. This one time I was
jerking off.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
One time I was jerking off and when I came
some went back into my boxers, and when I pulled
them up and went directly into my asshole, You're gonna
impregnate yourself, buddy? How that happens? All right?

Speaker 1 (54:34):
I did not read this one, but I kind of
perused through it, and I was like, man, this is intense.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
We gotta we gotta use it. It's a little long winded,
but I do want to say that this is the
last one. Okay, right, okay, all right.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
My best friend, and I mean my best friend, the
person that I am closest to out of anyone in
the entire world before or after, was a mercenary, like
an action real mercenary, part of a group of people
who were hired guns. Literally, none of the stories I
could tell you about her are believable, and there's no
way a person like me should have ever crossed paths

(55:12):
with a person like her, let alone become best friends.
But I absolutely loved her to death, and she loved me.
Not quite in the romantic way you're thinking, but sometimes.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
A little bit. Okay, so they had eaten, they going
down on one another, for sure.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
I have never ever in my life met someone as
smart as she was. Professors, not old people, not religious
leaders or sages. Nobody, and I mean nobody holds a
candle to her.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
This is intense.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Yeah, she could feed you a single sentence perfectly designed
for your mind to unravel over the course of a month,
which would inevitably lead you to uncovering some deep spiritual truth,
meaning or understanding.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
About the world us man.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
When it came to having fun and playing a game together,
it didn't matter what it was, It didn't matter how
long yourself had played it. She would be better than you.
Games she'd never heard of before. She would win. She
would be better than you. Truthfully, I have never been
so in love with anyone in my entire life, and
I never will be again. I'm pretty sure she's dead now,

(56:17):
and that's okay. I hope she's found peace. And answer
your questions, questions, Yes, she killed people. She even described
one of the times to me she hated it. She
never wanted that life she was forced into. It sounds
like something out of a low budget movie, right, Well
it isn't. And now I live the rest of my
life with my greatest, greatest story to tell that no
one will ever believe. I want to know how JFK

(56:38):
was actually shot. There was an element inside the dashboard
of the car and mechanism with a gun to perfectly
target him. Everything else is smoking mirrors, And that's not
even scratching the surface of what fucked up shit I
was forced to learn or know about during the course
of our friendship. Also, technology exists that lets you suck
the carbon out of the air and create a small
tool with it on the fly. I guess similar to

(56:59):
start track replicator in a way. She never used one,
but new people who had. If this confession gets me killed,
that's okay. Maybe I'll end up where she is now.
Wherever you are, my wild flower. I will always, always,
always love you. Thank you for being in my life.
And I'm glad we were able to walk, uh, to
walk each other home. I love you in this life

(57:20):
and whatever comes next, I love you.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
That's beautiful. It is that seems like a like a
love you only find once in a lifetime. Yeah that
Firehouse song pal fine love of a lifetime. Shit, Yeah,
that's a that's a really really good one to end

(57:42):
on them.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
That's interesting. Yeah, JFK getting his fucking I mean it.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
It is definitely, I mean it serves to the you know,
the physics of it, back into the left, back into
the left, meaning something from in front of him. Wow.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
So yeah, interesting that checks out. I think that, Uh, yeah,
you're right, because his brain's and fucking ship and all.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
Out the back of his head. Yeah, which means the
bullet came from the front of his head. Yeah, which
is why the Grassy Knoll theory exists, because we're gonna
go there and oh you fuck yeah you are.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
I want you to shoot me in the road. I
want to I want to stand on the ax. I
want you to shoot me, and I want you to
see where my brains go. I want to go to
the book Depository too.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
I know I'm trying to.

Speaker 1 (58:31):
I'm trying to squeeze in. There's a there's a museum there.
You can you can go in the room where he
shot from and stuff. And I think we are going
to try And that's the one thing that I want
to do, and so.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
I told that's what I told her. I was like,
I have to go to Daily Plaza. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
I wish we could spend longer than I know you
guys are staying a little longer.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
But I wish that we're leaving Thursday, and then we're
leaving to get there Thursday, and then we're coming back
Tuesday morning. Okay, Yeah, that'd be good. You guys get
a time in yeah good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:03):
I think we are not going to drive through Memphis
to stay.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
I don't blame you. We're not staying. We're just driving
straight through. I don't want to get my gizzard cut. Yeah,
I wouldn't neither. Hang on a second, yep, if you
could hold the show down, I got them in.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
Yeah we're good. Yep, you're good. Whatever went along, whatever
visual aid went along with this. Okay, okay, I just
read it to you. Okay, so we got We're doing
the Brohio podcast Paul Wall, where people send us pictures

(59:36):
of their animals and we put the animals up on
the wall behind us. As you can see, there's lots
of pictures of people's animals behind us, all kinds.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
Of sweet babies.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
We do gotta kind of do some shuffling here because
the light shines so bright that you can't see a
lot of the ones underneath the the Brohio logo.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
But yeah, you really can looking at it now.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
It's all right, It says the back of this picture says,
I walked into my house and saw my husband Nick
watching you guys while sharing all of his glory with you.
So I had to snap a picture and send it
to you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
And this is a it's his fucking it looks like
a it's a frog ass seen a frogs ass ayah,
I put it up on YouTube there for a second.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
So that's a picture of a guy from the back,
and he's got a big screen TV in front of him.
The pictures taken from behind him, and he is watching
us completely naked. And this man has a he has
a hank hill ass if I've ever seen one. And
in the like next to his naked body is a

(01:00:47):
cat tree and a fan and it looks like a
pretty deep DVD collection a frog.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
But that is a frog butt, dude. I love it,
Oh dude.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
So what the worst part of this is is I
was shuffling through all the pictures, yeah, and I'm like, okay,
I gotta set this one the side. This is not
an animal, I mean. And I left it on the
dining room table upstairs and the kids found it, and
my wife's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Like, I have a lot of patience of this stuff.
Please don't leave stuff like this laying around. We gotta
put it on the wall. It's gotta go on the wall.
Fucking kids, all this nasty guys. But it's not even
a real butt, dude. That's that is such an unbut

(01:01:40):
that's an unbutton. That's a nun. I've seen pussies with
bigger cracks.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
His fucking love flaps are juicier than his buddy small
as waist is.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
He's put together like he's a little.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
He's put together wrong, Like he looks strong, but he
looks like he's put together incorrectly. Like they fucking ran
out of Lego when they're putting his ass together. Oh
ran out of Plato.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Gotta give a big old chest and no butt. I
love that. Dude. Just watch us naked. That's fucking sweet.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
And like, looking at this look tells me if he's
watched his arms, he's watched us like this, he's got
his he's got his arms folded a way up here
around his tits.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
He's just he's got a power stance too. He's like, yeah,
that power stance. I don't know what episode this was.

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
This was an old one. This is when we were
in the other the cat All right, So that's the
Brohio Confessional. You guys can send him your confessions to
Brohio podcast dot com slash confessions and we'll have him
on the next episode. But in the meantime, that's two
episodes this week, like we promised. I hope you do

(01:02:51):
the same thing.

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
Next week. We also have the guy that killed somebody
that's ready to do his interview.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
Hell love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in.
I hope you had a good time because we laughed
our ass. My gizzard hurts, love it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
Thank you guys. Keep your good stories coming. You're good confessions.
Love you guys. I want to see your task Dick.