The Monkey Man of Delhi

In May 2001, a wave of terror swept through New Delhi as reports emerged of a mysterious 'Monkey Man'—a creature described as a hairy, four-foot-tall figure with glowing red eyes, metal claws, and superhuman agility. With over 350 sightings and dozens of injuries, panic gripped the city, leading to tragic accidents and vigilante justice. Was it a real monster, a case of mass hysteria, or something else entirely? Join us as we unravel the chilling tale of the Monkey Man and explore the truth behind this urban legend.


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to another super exciting edition of The cream
Spot aka the Brohio Podcast. Hello, Welcome in everybody. I'm
here with my best friend. I said, come over. He
said I'm coming, and I said, come faster, come harder.
He said, I'm coming as fast as I can. Daddy Boy,

(00:39):
did I come? He said, I'm coming. Now he's here.
I'm coming and we're going to record a podcast here.
We're here. I'm robbed. Okay, guys, we have a year
eight dangerously sneaking up on us and we have nothing planned,
nothing at all.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
I only think we've real even talked about it.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
This is a call for help. If you are in Texas,
specifically Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, Santone, and you have
a venue in mind that can host us for a
live show that's relatively cheap or even free. We're gonna
bring a lot of people that's gonna buy a lot
of booze and food. You got a place like that

(01:20):
or know somebody, Please get us in touch with that person,
cause all avenues have been dead so far. If you
set us up, we'll we get a free merch kit
for you and you get free tickets to the show.
With you and uh shit, I'll let you bring three people.
I'll get four free tickets for you, and otherwise those

(01:44):
tickets are gonna be going for about five hundred dollars
a piece. So that's a deal man. Practically, you're making money.
You're essentially printing money at that point. Yeah, endless money hack.
Now know what you're saying, Well, what if we just
want to set you up with a venue and then
we really don't want to come. That's fine too. You

(02:07):
don't know, you don't have to twist your arm. Got
some very good news. We got four new Patreon subscribers.
I do want to preface this by saying, whatever you do,
don't join Patreon through the Apple app, because now they've

(02:29):
got it to where we don't even really get we
don't get anything for it. If this was just your name,
your name goes on things so interesting. Yeah, they freeze
the money for like six months. What it's weird. Yeah,
I mean we don't make a huge nut off Patreon.
It kind of just helps with the overhead anyways. But uh,
my advice is go to the Patreon dot com on

(02:51):
your browser and join it from there. Then you don't
have to worry about going through the app here you go,
and just the way the world. That's just the way
the world's working right now, all backwards. Donna, Dona, oh, Dona,

(03:11):
thank you for your patron pledge. You remember there was
a commercial back in the day there was a dude
who got a tattoo. He wanted to say Donna, but
it said don and then they changed the name. I
don't think I do. Well, look we'll find it out
for this next we got Abigail. She's got her Sunday

(03:35):
red on right there in that picture, freshly deported.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yi, Abigail, Thanks Abigail, appreciate.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
You, Abigail. We love you, Abigail for sure. And I
was gonna make a reference about a snail nail trail.
Nail trail fail, Abigail, the snail trail. Hell yeah, but
I didn't know she liked that or not, So I'm
not doing it about old Joshi Anderson. Joshuay Anderson, Buddy.

(04:05):
It sounds like he sounds like the kind of guy
that would drink a monster and punch your friend Kyle.
He's fucking batter. He's a bad dude. YEA, who's Kyle
who's drywall punching Kyle nothing compared to Josh Anderson. Joshi
a good old healthy name right there. Yeah, pure American
muscle power, just horsepower, baby, Josh. We appreciate you, buddy,

(04:27):
thank you.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
And last but not least, some people like fall, some
people like spring, some people like winter. I like summer,
Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Summer. I feel like you're my favorite of the seasons.
I feel like there's only attractive women named summer. I
think I agree. You gotta be really, you gotta be
a different All women are beautiful, but you gotta be
kind of a different echelon there.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
And in the same instance, I feel like people that
were born during the summer are naturally more attractive too.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
That's very possible. Yeah, it's weird, and somebody needs experiment that.
I think they're stinky or naturally stinkier. It's hot, so
they come out hot. Yeah, we gotta. We got a
message from one of our things said, please don't call
women ugly anymore.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Pretty ugly, then we call fucking guys ugly too.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
Do you think ever that? I mean, there is everybody's ugly.
There is ugly guys, ugly women. There are some really
not so good looking species on this earth.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
There's we're fucking ugly. There's not one of them. There's
plenty of people that are ugly. If someone's ugly, I
want to say it.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
I especially feel passionate about calling someone ugly if they're
uglier than I am. Oh for sure. Yeah, man, fuck
fuck dad, shit man.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Nothing better than making a fund of stuff that people
can't control.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
Uh, not too commercial. Let's see. Oh my god, no
Jesus Christ, what was that. I don't like it, though,
that's not it.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
It looks like the closest thing to an alien I've
ever seen. I figure that ex elusive.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah to commercial? To two nineties visa card. Okay, okay, well,
we're gonna play it on the on the stream here.
Let me get a set up. I know you guys

(06:16):
remember this ship. I may once I see it. Yeah,
you will.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
Released.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
I want everyone to know who I love.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
How much is this again? Fifty?

Speaker 4 (06:35):
I guess forty one?

Speaker 5 (06:38):
Come on, I get it fixed on it.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
This is gone now. Next time, use the Visa check
card instead of Casher checks.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
You'll get you in out and on with life.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Damn man, did him dirty? I really feel like we
live through the absolute best of times. Growing up in
the nineties and the two thousands. I think so I
feel like it was peak peak everything, peak of human existence,
peaking your neighbor's room when they're changing. It was peak.
Just that's what it was. Everything was fucking cool, man,

(07:14):
TV was cool, fucking music was cool, cool, We were cool.
I flipped on The Simpsons last night for twenty seconds
and Homer Simpson was doing ozimpic, so there was already
Hell yeah, dude, oh man, what's going on. I wanted
to give a huge shout out to our friend Joe
de Witt. He sent us this article. This is from

(07:34):
the w h IO News.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Here in oh fucking two tit to.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Channel seven here in Dayton. Tourists and custody for trying
to access one of the world's most isolated tribes. He
brings Dike coke Hey, an American tourist, was in police
custody after allegedly trying to access a restricted territory of
North Sentinel the Island. These people man contacted cannibals. Yes,

(08:01):
they don't ever learn trying to meet one of the
most isolated tribes in the world. We will be doing
in an episode on the North Sentinel Island just over cool.
But yeah, the guy in question here, Miko Victor Reiche
Chief Polky gov Kov, had with him a coca nuts

(08:21):
and a can of diet coke. Officials in India said
the remote island is part of the countries and a
man islands. While arrested, yet he's not been charged.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Isn't the island that one of those roth childs went to?
I think it was a roth child.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Everyone goes here, try to talk to these North Sentinies.
They get killed. They kill them with spears to throw them.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
The fucking kill the fly people with fly drones and
sit over there and they're like start shooting them down
with arrows and.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
Should piss on them and stuff. The officials in the
US said they were aware of the situation and they're
monitoring it. It is forbidden for anyone to travel to
where the sentiny Centilanese people lived to protect the indigenous people,
to protect them from outside disease, and to protect their lifestyle.
It is unknown how many people are in the community,

(09:08):
as estimates range from dozens of people to hundreds. Officials
say the American tourist repeatedly blew a whistle off the
shore of the island for about an hour on March
twenty ninth to get the civilization's attention before going ashore.
He landed briefly for about five minutes, left the offerings
on the shore, collected sand samples, and recorded a video

(09:29):
before returning to his boat. Our view of his GoPro
camera footage showed his entry in landing into the restricted
North Sentinel Island. It does not appear he made contact
with anyone from the tribe. Police were alerted to his
presence by a fisherman on his way back through the
Bay of Bengal to South and a Man. Officials said

(09:52):
that the soft drink was not found on the island,
but a search is being conducted at a distance from
the island using boats and binoculars. He's the tourists had
visited the area two other times in recent months, once
in October twenty four well. He tried to use an
inflatable kayak but was stopped by hotel staff in oops

(10:13):
les attempt to use an inflatable inflatable watercraft for the
motor to navigate twenty two miles of open sea. Uh
It beggars believed that someone could be that reckless and idiotic.
One of The representatives said the person's actions not only
endangered his own life, they put the lives of the
North Centinalese Sentinales tribe at risk. They just dance out

(10:37):
there in their loin cloths, so they're fucking uncircumcised dicks
just flopping around. I would love to know, like what
a day in the life of Untilanese people are. They
just fight, fuck and go back to bed.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, I mean you gotta think they they've they had
to have found a way to be self sustaining, obviously,
And I just want to see what they what they do,
Like what do they drink?

Speaker 1 (11:01):
They eat fish, they drink water. I'm sure they so
they probably find a way found a way just to
fucking boil it. And yeah, I'm sure they've discovered fire
man not that far off base. I just want to
see their setup. Yeah, I'd like to see. I would
like to know. I just want to show them an
iPhone or whatever. Just like I think you're a witch,
I want to show them porn. I think I was

(11:24):
a brew, ha a brew. Bring him some fucking narkhand. Yeah, okay,
I'm gonna call on a second. Okay, they wanted me
to start water boiling water because they're she's so hungry
that as soon as she walks through the door, she
has to eat. No questions, I'm gonna say, if they're upstairs,

(11:46):
they don't. They can put water in a pot.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
And put it over.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
So I'm telling you, dude, oh ship completely fucking helpless.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
I don't know if you saw it.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
I don't know if it's real or not, but did
you see that fucking thing that uh uh Tiger King
said about his fiance or his husband. I'n't been on
I think the only place I follow him is on Facebook.
I don't really get on there.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
I don't know if it's accurate or not, but apparently
he said he said that he would let he offers
his husband to be deported if he can get pardoned
out of.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
Jaib from the Trump and a boy Do.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
I saw that and I was like, God, damn, that's hilarious.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
That's love, buddy. I hope that's for real. That's some
serious shit.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
I was thinking about that earlier and it just made
me laugh, like, ah, man, this is America.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's Have you seen the stock market the past couple
of days. Yeah, it's lost about three trillion dollars. Fucking crazy. Man. Luckily,
you and I are never going to retire, so we
don't have to worry about anything like that. No, I'm
too poor to invest money. I bought some crypto though,
I smoked it all, so hell yeah about all I got?

(12:59):
I mean, you got what you gotta do, You gotta
do who you gotta do to get where you're going. True,
that's what I'm saying. Yep, let's take a quick break
for a few of our crypto sponsors. I wish this
show was powered by crypto. Wouldn't that be cool? Man?
It'd be really cool. Yeah, people would think we were
so awesome. They'd say, wow them boys, I'll trade this

(13:23):
show for a bitcoin right now. I forgot. I got
in the car this morning to drive Sophie just that
was the one. Sophie was the one that just called
me yeah when I was driving her to school this morning,
and uh, we got in the car and I had
on AM radio. Shit, which is that's what I listened to.
That's fucking You're like bad Funstone over here. That's that's brutal,

(13:44):
isn't it. That's rough. I listened to seven hundred wl W.
That's why I listened to, but it was on. She
got in the cars, She's like, what are you listening to? Boy?
And I was like, what did you call me? She said,
I called you boy and I was like, uh why.
She's like, I don't know. I've been calling everybody boy recently.

(14:06):
I said I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't recommend it.
Not in the climate right now. It doesn't work. So
you gotta hit it hard. You gottah, what are you
listening to? Boy? I thought?

Speaker 2 (14:19):
She said it to boy, you gotta get real hank
Hill with it.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
I said, ah, you can't do that, ball. You ain't
do that kid. Oh man, dude.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
We went and saw the Minecraft.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Movie over the weekend. Was the was the theater lit?

Speaker 2 (14:36):
It was fucking nuts?

Speaker 1 (14:37):
Were they were? Oh?

Speaker 4 (14:40):
Well?

Speaker 1 (14:40):
The one white kids went to said they weren't partying.
Oh dude, it was nuts. You go on a Saturday
night or something Friday night? Were they throwing popcorn? Shit?

Speaker 2 (14:47):
They weren't throwing popcorn, but they were fucking standing up.
They were clapping, they were cheering, they were yelling the
lines out.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
It was.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
It was pretty fucking fun.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
How's the movie? It was great? Really?

Speaker 2 (14:56):
I loved that I've never even played Minecraft before, but
I loved it.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah, I want to see it. It was a lot
of fun. It was a lot of fun. One of
the kids keep on saying chicken Jockey or something like that.
Chicken jockey. Yeah, I got it. I do like Jack Black. Yeah,
it's just kind of like but he's kind of like
one of those. He's just been around for us the
entire time we've been. It was goofy. Man. It was fun.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
It was there's like the real world and there's a
Minecraft world, and every time they went to the Minecraft around,
I'm like, ah, this is fucking cool.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah, it's it's it's really good. It's fun. It's just
a fun movie. I'll probably goes. I wish I could have.
I wish I could have seen it on Saturday night. Yeah,
I would go see it again. And I want to
be with the crowd, because the last time I was
with a rockasy crowd was Avengers endgame when they all came.
I think we might have seen that together or something close.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Spider Man No Way Home was far from Home. I'm
sure when the second one was, I can't remember which
one it was.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Everyone in the theater was cheering and screaming. It was
so much fun.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
That's what I equated it too, was like it was
like an MCU movie. Like that's why I came out
of the theater.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
I was like, that's kind of like it. It felt
like an movie, kind of nice. I like it. All Right, Well,
we're going to deli. Not as much i'd love to
go to the deli. We don't have any good delis
around here.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
I don't want to eat anything from deli though I
love Indian food. But watching them, that's the one thing
I'll do to torture my wife is I'll sit there
now watch the street vendors make food.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
And I'm like, oh, look at this. Look at this.
Did you see the bugs crawing on it? And ship?

Speaker 2 (16:25):
They scoop up a big, fat, fucking ladle of diarrhea
and throw the bowl with That's all. This one this
guy was using. He had a big ass, he had
a big ass walk and he poured a monster in it.
He poured a mustard energy drink in it and started
frying eggs in the monster.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah. I saw that one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
And then he uses like code red two and ship
and I'm like, no, fucking way. Everything that they cook,
it looks like it's colored like fucking either cat throw
up or dog shit.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
It looks like fucking vomit.

Speaker 6 (16:53):
It's either like like hog wash, it's watery brown or
it's very light green.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
It's like, why you fuck with Indian food at all?
Do I love Indian food? Due me too, but God
trust that street. Although the other day I went to
an Indian restaurant and they said, uh, we got how
hot do you want it? I said, how like? What's
my scale? They said one through six? I said give
me a twelve and they said, oh what? And Northern

(17:20):
Indians don't like spice that much. Southern Indians are the
motherfuckers with like a scowl stuck in the new brow.
Those dudes will eat fire, they don't care, like rocks
and fire the right. But the northern ones like no,
they like flavor. They like you know, butter. Everything's butter
and yogurt based. But I were twelve and I was
he it like I couldn't breathe. I was fucking dying

(17:41):
and then h I said, can I get one of
those things? And I can't get with the milkshakes. They said,
that's not a milkshake that's a lossy or a lassie
or some shit like the dog. Yeah, And I said,
whatever it is, just get it to me, and they
got it for me. It was just like it was
like a warm yogurt drink. Oh, it was like a
warm It's like a fucking granimal. Those animals that fuck

(18:07):
not when they're Yeah, a little bit. That was so yucky.
I get that old chicken tiki massala. That stuff is
good stuff.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
You can't you can't go wrong with masala, man, can't.

Speaker 4 (18:19):
Dude.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
I love Indian food. It's so good. And you get
your little garlic non on the side. None, no no, no,
no no no no no no yeah, not them fucking
street vendors. But I'm no, not them using their motherfucking
toe knuckles to break bread and ship.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
There's the one guy I always see who's just fucking
sitting in like a doorway and he's like Indian style
and he's like just sitting down, just fucking scooping ship
left and right.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
There's piles of poop behind him and stuff.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
There's just four fucking homeless Indian guys sitting behind him
and they're just slipping the ship together. They work incredibly fast.
I'll give them that much.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
I will say, we get at my work, we get
a lot of uh colleagues from India, Germany, all over
the world. Really, and uh those Indian fellas once they
come here and taste our fucking donuts, yeah, start packing
on the LB's still.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
Dude, our food's so fat. Nick, I know it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
And the words of my father, it looks like someone
stuck in arrose up their ass. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
They just fucking eat herbs and shit like we're over here,
like everything is homogenized, and.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Oh boy, it'll get you. Boy. The monkey Man pan,
the monkey Man panic. We should we should turn that
into a song. Monkey Man Panic.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, this is definitely something off of fucking Hay Arnold.
I know for sure this is. He has a squeaky
gass voice and he's.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
Like monkey Man.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
I fucking swear I swear it.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
Uh shit, let's see.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
Look it up, man, I'm prove me right, prove.

Speaker 1 (19:56):
Me right, hey Arnold, monkey Man, I fucking knew it.

Speaker 7 (20:03):
Need Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
He says he's in a ton of different episodes like
as like a background character.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Crazy you oft go hang out with that monkey Man guy.
That's how crazy. You are rubs. He worous interesting.

Speaker 4 (20:21):
I don't think leave me alive, can.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Dude?

Speaker 2 (20:32):
The fact that I remember such an off character, like
he's not even there's not even a whole episode about him,
I don't think that's pretty good though. You remember that
my childhood ruled, dude? Yeah, well tell you well as.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Far as the TV's TV went, imagine a sweltering night
in New Delhi made two thousand and one, around thirteen
to fourteen million people in two thousand and one. We're
living in We're living in Delhi, well, kind of a
rapidly growing metropolis with out a neighborhoods, many of which
had multi story, tightly packed housing structures. The air was

(21:07):
thick that night, over one hundred and ten degrees fahrenheit,
and the power was out again. They were having rolling
blackouts in Delhi, leaving millions and millions of hot, sweaty, stinky,
restless Indians.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
They are any fucking stink.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
Hey, I'm not gonna say anything statistically. Typically, Statistically, they
don't smell like us. Statistically, they don't smell like brood
or old spice.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
You see the shit they eat off the streets, Like
we talked.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
About they can't help but smell that way. Cannot help it.
You're eating fucking mudcakes. Those are fucking butterfart shit butterfart
castle role. I know that's what they're eating. I would
love to go to India though, for real. Don't show
you some pictures that they're wiring on the streets.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
They wouldn't want to stay for too long.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
But just like dip my foot in. Yeah, woh, that's warm.
You just get a knuckle out there and then warm
money maybe come back. Uh, yeah, it was one hundred
and ten degrees. They were dealing with rolling blackouts, which
is leaving millions of people hot, sweaty, restless. Rolling brownouts
they call them out there. India itself has a rich

(22:25):
tapestry of folk tales involving shape shifting beings, vengeful spirits,
or semi mythical creatures.

Speaker 7 (22:33):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
You've heard talk about the Degen before. There's certain Hindu
deity monkeys that they believe in over there. These cultural
elements they can kind of make a community, put them
on edge, kind of put them on their toes, whether
they need to be or not. They involve strange supernatural attackers.

(22:56):
But on this night, people were sprawled on rooftops trying
to catch a breeze, when out of the darkness came
a scream, then another. Then the people started to believe
that there was in fact something out there in the
sweltering heat and the darkness of the deli night. Something

(23:17):
hairy crawled. I'm sorry, something hairy clawed very quickly across
the rooftops. And it's not a monkey, and it's not
quite a man, but a nightmarish stitching together of the
both of those together, just a half. We call him
the monkey Man, half monkey, half man. And that's how

(23:40):
we get to The Monkey Man Panic, a real life
horror show that gripped this portion of India's capital and
turned it into a cauldron of fear, blood, and absurdity.
I know how our typical true crime stories go. There's
typically inbred people, or someone kills a baby. That's not

(24:03):
how this story goes. Okay, no one kills a baby,
good good, No babies are harmed, but there are dead
bodies in this story. Okay, so some of you out
there are saying, oh, here goes Nick and Rob again
covering something that doesn't have any truth behind it. Well,
this monkey Man's got bodies, dead fucking bodies, and we're

(24:26):
gonna tell you how all that unfolded here. No one
got caught, and no one even knows really what the
fuck ac could actually happen? Was it a psycho and
a costume? Was it a mass hallucination government experiment going rogue?
Over a few weeks, this monkey man racked up over

(24:47):
three hundred and fifty sightings, sixty injuries, in at least two,
maybe three deaths. To appreciate who you ask, it's a
It's a story of chaos, desperation, and the perfect example
of a city completely losing its goddamn mine, which is
perfect for us, perfect for the br Io podcast. Hocky Man,

(25:10):
Monky Man. Hey, you know Rob and I talked and
we started this little service there puts out these little
clips on our social media. Oh yeah, tunes in with
our YouTube and cuts up. I guess we should say
desirable content short form, which is the new fad. Everyone

(25:33):
wants with short form content. So you guys think they'll suck,
tell us still gonna do them. You think we're gay,
let us know you're gay. Fucking emails inboxes, ready for that,
you're gay.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
It's just all gonna say, hell, yeah, you think we're gay,
send us an email. Bro Podcast email dot com.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
If you think we're gay, send us an email. I'll
tell you what. Send us an email detailing why you
think we're gay, and the two or three best submissions
we'll read them live on the air. Next week.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
Here comes more erotica.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
That are Yet you think we're gay, and you have
a pretty good idea of how our first homosexual encounter went.
Detail that and we'll read that on the on the
with each other or just in general, bucket, use your
imagination with the monkey man. So that first kicked off
in May thirteenth, two thousand and one in East Delhi.

(26:34):
You know, think cramped, poor neighborhoods where people sleep shoulder
to shoulder on rooftops because it's too fucking hot to
sleep inside. That sounds miserable, it really does. Yeah, on
top on my list of fears, and just like uncomfort,
sleeping hot is number one. Okay, I can't do it, man,

(26:55):
I'd rather fuck a venus fly trap and sleep hot, dude,
for sure. Absolutely, God. Yeah, it's uh, that's rough.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
That's almost That's probably one of my worst nightmares is Yeah,
it's fucking rough.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Uh that night in question, fifteen folks had stumbled into
local hospitals that that same night with not heat exhaustion, exhaustion,
not heat rashes, not dehydration. But these people, fifteen of
them stumbled in the hospital with scratches, bites, and bruises.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Now, Bro, this place is a shithole.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
Fucking looking at pictures of it, I know that's why
this is the street vendors. Yeah, Bro, this is this
is rough.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, there's a there's some beautiful sights, but like that
is like my worst night.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
It's another it's another fucking ship. There's too many people.
There's a shithole. There's too many people. There's way too
many fucking people. Holy ship. There's a it looks like
a call of duty map.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, fucking does.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Gu I think there's when you see like, look at
that right there, that right there, that's terrifying. It is terrifying.
There's this really fun website that I use called That's
a burp Sorry almost vomited geoguesser dot com. It's oh yeah, yeah,
spelled g e O g u e s s r
dot com and it just drops you off at random

(28:20):
places in the world. And you got try and guess
on the map where you're at. And every time it
drops me off in India, I scream, I shriek like
a fucking cat, and its foot ran over. What is
even going on there? This place? It's like a Where's
Waldo book code? Eating trash. That's an Indian woman next
next to some clean dishes. No way, this place is

(28:44):
wild freaking way. Oh shit, all right, So, like I said,
they kicked off on May thirteenth, two thousand and one.
There were people fifteen people actually, that went to the
hospital er that night for various scratches, bites, and bruises,
and they told hospital officials that it was a creature

(29:04):
about four feet tall, covered in black fur, with glowing
red eyes and metal claws, metal clau like goddamn Bianco
or where beyond were from Street Fighter Blanca whatever whatever
it was. Oh my god, it's wolverine. Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (29:39):
Oh no, everybody off the roof.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
Uh he had metal claws. Some swore that it wore
a helmet, and others. There were attack reports that it
had buttons on his chest, like a hairy transformer. Fucking buttons.

(30:11):
You had hairy buttons? Oh that's great. If you have
any interest in pressing my hairy button, send me an email.
Not Robert, just me Brohio podcast at gmail dot com.
According to one witness, the creature was gorilla like with
a very big back. Hey, that's a that's kind of

(30:35):
like an insult.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
Big bag, big back, big bag, big bag. Yeah, my
back is loaded up.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
With snacks and different foods squeezing.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
My big back has no room. Big bag, big back,
big bag, big back, big bag, bag bag bag bag,
big back, big back, big bellshit, big bag, big back.
Mike just eat a big mac. Mike just own dork
bask big back, big back, big bag, big bag.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
That's how my kids insalt one another. They call each
other big back. Another describe the attacker as having gleaming
bulbs on his otherwise dark black body bulbs. Bulbs.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Okay, yeah, buddy, make sure if you have glick, gleaming balls, he's.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Got a big old set of Harry bulbs on him.
In a different variant, the monkey man was described as
being about four feet tall, covered in black hair, with
glowing red eyes, a metal helmet, metal claws, and three
buttons on his chest. According to some others, the monkey
man even had the ability to turn in a cat,
to turn into a cat after attacking fucking Harry Potter

(31:54):
shit with their dog. One fucking guy even claimed it
rock roller skates.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
Dude, this is the coolest fucking crypto ever.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
It was a monkey with a helmet with metal buttons,
with metal buttons on roller blades.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
That's fucking cool.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
How did he get the way? He was roller blading?

Speaker 7 (32:15):
You roller bladed down the roof and then he butched
one of his three buttons and he turned into a
cat and you run away. He was roller blading. He
was the roller skates. No about the roller skates and duli.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
My fucking favorite videos ever ever is that the one
fucking video has an Indian guy in it and it's
like it's like the side by side. It's where it's
like the girls like what are you doing? And he's like,
I am taking a ship. She's like, who were you

(32:58):
there with?

Speaker 1 (33:00):
I'm with nobody.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
I'm taking the shits.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
She's like, are you sure that's what you're doing right now? Yes?
It smells really really bad. I want to die.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
We'll circle back to that play it. It's so good.
But the next night, it got even worse. Okay, so
we got a fucking rollerblading helmeted monkey.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
That's cool as fuck.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
He's hanging ten on roofs and shit.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
You know, you know he doesn't have any shoes on
because he's Indian.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yeah, for real, he's cooking. He's got them wheels the
bottom of his fucking dogs. The next night, a pregnant
woman heard her neighbors yelling the monkey Man's here, so
she ran. She bolted, She tripped down the stairs in
the dark and died. Oh god, she was pregnant, so

(33:56):
obviously her and the baby died. So when you see,
I see it only killed two people, will killed three?
Actually double kill, double kill. That's death number one, not
direct kill, but the panic's first body count. Okay. By
May fifteenth, reports are flooding in, scratches on backs, bites
on arms in a city buzzing with whispers. Police logged

(34:19):
three hundred and ninety seven calls over two weeks from
people swearing they'd seen or fought.

Speaker 5 (34:25):
The monkey man. Nin what did you emergency? He tried
to steal my rupees? I was fighting the monkey mannulla bloods.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Rupees? Is that hell? The use get zelda rupees. It
is just gushers and what we call them gushers here
filled with curry. Most of the victims, they were young guys,
twenties and thirties, from the poorest parts of town, Folks
who couldn't escape the heat or the fear. So what

(35:05):
what did it look like? We talked about that briefly,
but the classic monkey man was four feet tall Blackford
with those freaky red eyes and claws sometimes steel claws involved.
I know. It's like, guys, it's a couple of days
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(36:53):
in all states. But then you've got witnesses saying it
was eight feet tall, muscular, leaping between buildings like a
juiced up spider man. That's hot. Others said the monkey
had a wolffish snout and a black belt that made
it fly, or a chest like had a chest like

(37:14):
Iron Man, uh like the arc reactor. Yeah. One dude
in two thousand and two claimed it stole his cell phone.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
That's the thing you'll never hear, the fucking chupacabra, the
fucking bigfoot stealing someone's cell phone. You're the fucking one
of the poorest cities in the fucking world. He's just
trying to make a living. Dog see the monkey man.
Give me your motherfucker cell phone, bitch.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Even the cryptids are hard up. Dog. Give me your
motherfucking iPhone, bitchating bitch, Banina p lass bitch. He said
the monkey man grabbed it mid attack like a fury

(38:05):
mugger with a tech fetish. And this wasn't just a
physical thing. It was also believed to be a bit
of a shape shifter that was born from the from
the from the terror, because you recall that not only
were they getting attacked by a monkey, but this goddamn
thing was change changing into a cat as it as

(38:27):
it ran away right, the heat, the intense the intense heat,
the darkness, the blackouts, It all brewed a perfect storm.
People hurt, a rustle, felt a scratch, and their brains
filled in the blanks with whatever nightmare fit. Some linked
it to Punaman, the Hindu monkey god, a warrior with

(38:51):
a tail and an army of simions. Was this possibly
his pissed off avatar coming to, you know, save India
from its dirty ways. Other thought it was a robot,
a terrorist in disguise, or even a Pakistani spy, which

(39:11):
was India's arch nemesis, stirring the pot. There was no evidence,
I guess, no concrete evidence, just just paranoia running wild.
By May eighteenth, the panic was a fool on play.
A four foot tall Hindu Sadhu, a wandering holy man,

(39:34):
got the fucking shit beat out of him by a
mob who mistook him for the monkey man. Oh man.
So he's just a wandering essentially a holy man, just
like a like a monk type. He's just walking around.
They beat his ass for being little, beat his ass
for being four feet tall.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Here we pay to see people fight that are that tall.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
You gotta drink some milk. You gottahet your your weight up. Man.
The same night that the that the that the Holy
Man was beat all his ship, a van driver took
a savage thrashing as well, broken bones and all because
some vigilantes pegged him as the Monkey Man.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Thought, Dude, I never want to be pegged. I've thought
long and hard about it, and I think I think
it's just not for me.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Man. That's my go to insult and X when fighting
with people. Like just like I'm like, oh, yeah, that's
why your wife pegs you.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
You can't really say much about after that. Yeah, it's
it's a losing battle.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
There's nothing you can do there. Yeah. So yeah, these attacks,
these weren't attacks by the creature. They were the city
turning on itself essentially. So the Holy Man getting beat up,
that was by a group of that was a flash mob.
The guy in the van because all of a sudden
people thought that the Monkey Man can drive. They saw

(40:59):
some Harry dude driving.

Speaker 6 (41:04):
India.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
Yeah, you know, like I said, those dudes from South
India kind of got that monkey like scal to him.
That's true. Honestly, they got that fur, that fur owning.
One guy fleeing from what he thought was the monkey
man slipped off of a building and cracked his skull
and killed himself. Oh god. Another leaped into a blind

(41:25):
panic and didn't make it either. So right now we've
got a guy, two people running from the monkey man
from rooftops something up there. Yeah, and they've fallen from
the rooftops and cracked their done pieces and died. Then
you got a pregnant woman, same deal. So you you
almost say monkey man's got four bodies. He's got four bodies.

(41:46):
Man hospitals, they saw dozens, dozens and dozens of people.
Ninety five percent of people coming to the hospital. They
had scratches, uh, abrasions, and even some with deep cuts.
Doctors later said most of these looked accidental, like people

(42:07):
clawing themselves in their sleep or scraping against rusty roofs.
But you try to tell that to a city that's
convinced that a monster, a monkey man was on the loose.
The injuries were real. The cause, though, was a bit ghostly,
if I do say so myself. So anytime you get

(42:29):
a flash mob like this, you start to think of
you're to give vigilanties, cops people the people kind of
police in the area themselves, looking for the monkey man,
thinking they can just solve all the deli's problems. Yeah,
I'll solve a deli's problem. Give me fucking three bagels,

(42:54):
Give me a fucking shabbata, give me give me some
of them fonans me uh reuben on rye with extra dressing.
That's what I'll do.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
Driver said, did this happen to north Ridge?

Speaker 1 (43:11):
You would think they did find a dead body in
north Ridge the other day, just like over by the
ball fields. Where was your dad? He had nothing to
do with it. He I think I sold that. Yeah.

(43:34):
I just want to die a bush wherever I do go,
just like a pussy. I just wanna go fucking dine
a bush. Yeah. That's the thing that cats do, though,
when they know they're gonna die, they'll just go hide
and die and then you never find them. Isn't that wild?
That's sad, dude, It is sad. You know, like a dog.
You can be there and it's yeah, dog moments. Dogs

(43:54):
want to be like with their with their person. Cats
cats just don't give a fuck man that does. I
think cats don't like us, No, they just tolerate us. Yeah, yeah,
we got three cats in this house. And that's too many. Yeah,
that's way too many cats. You've all said, man, you
used to have more dogs than cats, and now you're
on the asci end. I want another dog really bad. Yeah,

(44:17):
tell you what dogs I don't want. Well, I want
good do. I don't want to offend anybody, But I'm
not gonna get a pit bull because they kill everybody.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
So so I Staffy's. I fucking love Staffi's. I think
they're beautiful. They're beautiful, they got big, old, fucking happy mouths.
I love Staffi's, but I don't.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
It's the same thing. I don't think i'd ever really
get one. I don't have a problem with them. I
don't think i'd ever get one. Yeah, A lot of people,
you know, I'm not gonna take a stance, But a
lot of people say pit bulls are a product of
their environment. I agree. I think a lot of that.
But then I think sometimes I think sometimes just good
dogs snap. Sure, I think that happens too, and it's

(44:57):
a toxic mix of both. But you haven't met a
lot of really sweet pit bulls, Oh for sure.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
I've definitely seen that more, you know, nicer ones than
I have seen mean ones.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
But I've never seen a Border Collie rip a man's
limbs off on the side of the street.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
I mean they say like fucking Dalmatians are like the
most dangerous dog down.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
I always heard they're not good dogs.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
I think they're fucking stupid.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
That's whether they're like they're they're I don't want a dog,
they're you know, like a dalmation isn't a thing.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
I've heard that about doodles.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
What have you heard about doodles? Any any doodle is like.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Any like video that I've seen that's like, what's the
one animal you don't want to or like the one
type of dog you don't.

Speaker 7 (45:40):
Want to own.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
It's either like like snubnosed dogs like pugs or like
uh or doodles is what they always say. French bulldogs even, yeah,
French bulldogs. Even the guy that essentially invented the doodle
breed said that it was a fucking mistake and he
wish you would have never done it.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
See, I I like them, Well, I'm a I really
want a doodle. Yeah, but I feel like poodles really
smart dogs. Sure, Golden Retriever is just like the nature's
sweetheart and you're crossing the two. What can go wrong?
It's kind of like.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
They got human eyes, which is really fucking weird. Yeah,
that kind of weirds me out.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
But yeah, some of them look like a fucking mechanic. Yeah,
a dog, and it looks like a mechanic just got done.
We're going to sixteen hour shift. Yeah, I don't mind them,
but that's just what I've heard. I mean, I want
to fucking Bernie's Mountain dog.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
That's like, my man, it used to be a great day,
and there used to be my dog that I wanted.
Now it's a Bernie Mountain dog. I just gotta figure
out way to deal with all the hair.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, they're beautiful.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
I fucking love them. Me and my son want one,
really bad babies, yeap. My wife wants a fucking wier dog,
and I want to Bernie's Mountain dog. We we want
the complete opposite dog. That's why we haven't gotten one.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
No, so New Delhi's response was pure madness. Vigilanti groups
roamed with sticks, swords and hockey sticks. I don't know
what the fuck hockey is there, and with whistles around
their necks to signal the beast's approach. Make way, for

(47:16):
Prince Aly. That's from India, right, I think so? Aladn't
he looks Indian? He has to be. That's the monkey
man up? Who Jasmine was hot as fuck?

Speaker 7 (47:25):
Dude?

Speaker 1 (47:27):
You I know them fucking britches stunk thought?

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Has your hate? Has your family wouldn't seen snow White? No, dude,
I fucking heard. It's a hot fucking diaper full of
Indian food.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Dog shit. Yes, well it's I think it's because the
leading actress kind of tanked the whole thing. But he's
portrayed herself in a not so positive light. Well maybe
she has maybe she does not have ill intent, but
from all intents and purposes, I saw on X everyone
said she had a hairy back, and I don't that's
ok to have a harry.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
That's got mine shaved. Last night everyone I was like,
oh she got to harry back.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
That racist? I don't know.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
But what is she even though snow White was supposed
to be white as snow?

Speaker 1 (48:11):
But she's a human. He's just a human. She's got
a harry back. I mean, but I want everyone to
know that it's okay to have a harry back. I do. Yeah,
you're in, You're in good company. I've loved some women
with sideburns before you know what, we've been there. Some
of the hottest ones have sideburns. Yeah, some of the
ones you fuck it just burns. And some guys you

(48:33):
make out with have beards. That's true, it doesn't matter. Yeah,
I'm gonna get a golden doodle. I don't care what
people think. I'm sick of trying to have to my.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Wife has a golden doodle. Can't confirm, dumbass, that's okay.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
You know I can't all be smart, man. Nah, you
win some, you lose them. Let's see. Politicians promised twenty
four to seven power to stop the blackouts, and the
police tripled their patrols, firing flares overfields to flush out what.

(49:14):
They don't really know what they're trying to flush out.
But nonetheless, anytime you get the opportunity to shoot a flair,
you're having a really good day. That's true. They even
putting an eleven bounty on the monkey Man's head, dead
or alive. It's not a lot for or not. Dude.
You know how much fucking foot meat you can eat

(49:36):
for eleven hundred dollars in India, feet, loaf, feet, loaf
toe bread yeah, toe knuckle Massala. Sketches went out based
on witnesses accounts a helmeted, clawed freak with a blank stare.
No one caught it. No one caught this thing, not

(49:57):
none even in This is the official police sketch here
that I've got further down the research here, let's uh,
we'll put this up on the YouTube stream stream on
over here. There he is YouTube. He looks like fucking
l Roy from the Jetson's or that was not a

(50:20):
little marsh or he was on the Flintstones, wouldn't Heah,
there he is the media. Well, I'm sorry that the
police sketch here. One it just looks like a monkey.
Uh well, i'd say a chimpanzee and a gee like
a karate gee with some and then the other one

(50:42):
looks like a fucking chimpanzee dressed up as Evil Knievel
for Halloween. On one side, it says the police say
the creature is four foot six, where it's only a
dark coat of hair. The other side, it says ey
wouldness to say it's five foot six, whereas black and
sport it's a helmet with shining red eyes.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Fucking dumb dude, that's the whole fucking foot difference.

Speaker 1 (51:09):
I know. Well, the helmet makes you smaller, so it
makes sense the helmet makes them tall tall shit. And
the media did not help out. Outlets like The Times
of India ran headlines like dig says shoot a monkey
man as panic spreads, so like the Inspector General is

(51:30):
just like, yeah, fucking shoot this thing if you see it.
And and then you're like, we don't any guns. We
done any guns mane. But uh, every wild story got
ink though, no matter how insane, red lights, blue sparks
a monkey like machine. It was touted as in the

(51:51):
local newspapers it was a complete feeding frenzy and the
city was the carcass. Rational voices like the India Rationalist Association,
well they got drowned out their their main guy there,
Sanal at Amruka said it was all gullibility in a
fear juiced up by a TV show about a hunaman's

(52:12):
superhuman feats. No one cared. Reason does not sell when
a monster is on the prowl. The monkey man legend
is known by several names, each reflecting different interpretations of
the creature. One common name is just Face scratcher comes

(52:33):
from comes from reports of victims being scratched by the creature.
Another name black Monkey God highlights its alleged appearance. In Hindi.
It is often referred to as Kyla Bondar, which directly
translates to black monkey. Sounds like fucking cowabunga to meat
dog sounds like cowa motherfucking dunga. Black monkey. That's funky monkey,

(53:01):
fuck monkey, donkey, my mom, dow away, my best porn,
no mag I love the Beastie Boys. Man fucking great dude.
I don't know why I like him so much, but
I do so good now you'll yeah. Experts they later
called it mass hysteria, a collective freak out where fear

(53:24):
becomes contagious. Doctor Nimish Dasayi, who led a study for
the Institute of Human Behavior, interviewed fifty five victims, and
he did discover a dead bit of a pattern. Okay,
most were port uneducated and stuck in East Delhi slums,
just like you and I. Yep. Two thirds of the

(53:44):
attacks happened between midnight and six am, during blackouts, when
people were their most vulnerable on rooftops. Okay, the injuries, well,
they were mostly self inflicted or accidental nails falls, panic drive,
and chaos. Does See even noted one case where a
real monkey might have started it and the rest just

(54:07):
snowballed from there. Okay, so they might have had a
real fucking monkey. Just yeah, they may have been clanking
around a monkey. Does theologist Robert Bartholomew, Well, he got
pegged too. He pegged it to the environment. Fourteen million
people scorching, one hundred and ten plus degree day evenings,

(54:29):
no power, and monkeys already roaming the city. Man, that'll
do it. So you get one big fucking fat one,
You get a fat four footer and that's that could
be enough. Man at uh as sprinkling a little bit
of illiteracy and superstition because these people were illiterate. I

(54:53):
don't know that, but that's what the research said. They
couldn't read. They're just stupid. I mean, may we all
have those they're acoustic And yeah, he's sprinkling some of
literacy and superstition. Uhman's a big deal in India. And
you've got a recipe for a boogeyman. And that picture
right there, that's for you, Rob Dog. That is the

(55:16):
Hoonaman it's the typical kind of a nice tit monkey
with a headdress waving yeah worship there in India.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
You can't tell if it's a man or a woman,
but I still.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
Love it anyways. I want to make love to it either.
It's got a good old girthy tit on it. Speaking
of people to jerk off to anime, I have been
reviewing our email submissions and we've got a lot of
people recommending Titan Fall or some shit or titans Yeah.
For for my that's the one I was.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Going to recommend to you because I've seen I've seen
like little clips of like the battle scenes and they're
fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
I think that's the one I'm gonna try.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Yeah, Yeah, that's that's the one I was going to suggest.
I've never watched it, but I've been wanting to watch
it forever.

Speaker 1 (55:59):
Yeah, So I think I'm gonna try that out, and
then I'll report back on whether I've masturbateded a innimy.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
Okay, Okay, if you do, you have to take back
everything you've ever said.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
No, okay, not doing that, Robert, You're just going to
be a part of this. I'm not undoing a decade
of hard work. Okay, sure by late May the sightings
they had kind of tapered off. I'm sorry I skipped
a part here. The attacks, I'm sorry. The people claiming
to have been attacked, they weren't random. The poorest got

(56:30):
hit hardest, while the rich stayed cool behind ac and
locked doors. And there were no monkey man sightings reported
amongst the people with air conditioning and sleeping hot. I'll
make you do some weird shit, man. Yeah, yeah, I
can't imagine. That's miserable.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
I think I've seen Jesus once or twice whenever I
had to sleep in a place that wasn't in my
room with an air conditioner.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
I like my windows to be like frosty whenever I
wake up. Dude, you're fucking telling me. I woke up
yesterday and my whole house was sixty two. Wow. It
was beautiful. It was a thing of fucking magic. We
got this new fan. No minds you. It was about
one hundred dollars. But I was torn between that and
I was looking at some Dyson's. Those are like three
point fifty. I was like, I can't do that, So

(57:17):
I said on a fan called a Vornado tornado with
a v Yeah, and it like creates like an air
cyclone where it just blows wind all over the entire room. Okay, buddy,
this thing. I want to replace my fucking ceiling light
with a good fan. You know, this is just one
you set on the table. Oh even better. Yeah, and
it you put it on the top setting and it

(57:38):
just creates a goddamn wind tunnel unlike anything you've ever felt.
Oh man, the Vornado is like one hundred dollars the
best buy.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
Have you seen those fucking h fans that are built
specifically to go underneath your cover in your blanket.

Speaker 1 (57:51):
They like it.

Speaker 2 (57:52):
It's real thin and it like lips over the top.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
Of your bed. No rest for your ball, dude, Yeah,
you're that's the shit that I want. Ball would be
like a storm, like a screen door and a tornado.
Bud love it. This slap blowny slap in your leg
all night. Love it.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
That sounds like fucking Heaven to me, said, anytime we
go anywhere, it's the first thing I do when we
get to the hotel rooms. I fucking dropped that thermostatic.
I ain't paying for shit.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
We stayed in a hotel at Disney and I walked in.
I turned it down to sixty three. Oh yeah, perfect.
And then the middle of night, everyone's like the blankets
are for man chattered and shit, like feels real nice
and you're done it. It is good sleeping weather. I
remember the trip when I saw my dad's balls. Oh yeah,

(58:42):
we've all got like stories about us seeing our dad's
balls and shit. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm really glad my
kids don't have any fucking stories about me like that.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Like I remember one of the very first, one of
the very first times that uh my now wife then
girlfriend was staying over at my house.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
I remember that my brother. My brother was like he
was probably ten eleven.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
He was like, he went upstairs.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
He was like, Beverly, Beverly, come here, and he called
her upstairs. He was like she's like what. He's like,
you gotta you gotta look at this.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
You gotta look at this, like something was fucking wrong.
Like she came up to him and he was outside
the bathroom when she dressed on my parent trim, and
he pointed in the room and she looked in there,
and I think she's just all my whole my dad's
entire naked ass and then he fucking of course starts cackling, laughing.
She had no idea what to expect. She thought something

(59:35):
was wrong. She just see the fucking manass.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
Yeah, dude, ain't nothing juicier than a fucking old white supremacist.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Butt, fucking mechanic ass fucking Daler and heart.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
But did he have a daily Did you have a
Dailer and Hurt? But I don't fucking know, man. He
was no, he like Jeff Gordon, right, No, my mom
liked Jeff Gordon. He like Dale and Hurt. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Jeff Gordon was a dream boat for sure. His wife
was fucking banging out that much. Was I just remember
whenever we would go to these NASCAR parties, and I

(01:00:09):
kind of like Jeff Gordon because he was, you know,
he was the young the new guy, you know what
I mean, And he just kept winning and winning and winning.
And then I would go to these NASCAR parties with
my parents because they had friends that would we would
get together for like Daytona five hundred parties and stuff. Yeah,
and you'd walk in there like, who you cheering?

Speaker 7 (01:00:26):
Born?

Speaker 6 (01:00:26):
I'd be like Jeff Gordon. They were like, you're fucking
gay fucking quirred. We're gonna drag your ass truck. We're
gonna till your dumb ass.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
It's so funny.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Man Like, I feel like, I don't know if it's
just me, but like, I feel like that our parents
are like the last generation that really gave a fuck
about NASCAR.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
Do people still give a fuck about it? I didn't
think so, No way. I mean they're as small.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
I'm sure there's people that do, but like not like
the fucking Dale are and hurt Jeff Gordon days.

Speaker 6 (01:00:57):
You know what I mean, I'll tell you where it
don't nail from National Landom and nice core track.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
I like. I like Cincinnati Bengals. I like dude.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
So I found out something really fucking cool. You know
that program? That program that he use on my firestick. Yeah,
So I was slipping through the other day because when
someoneted to watch the Reds games, I was trying to
find it for him. M hm, they have a fucking
minor league baseball section and we were watching the Dragons games. Yeah,
I was like, how fucking cool is that?

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
I this is I don't know if I've said this before,
but I use an IPTV service called Fame and if
you guys what cable television, I would definitely look into
fame IPTV setting that up and yeah, you get every
single fucking channel in the world. Yeah. Ever, we can

(01:01:50):
watch Indian locals and you can see the Monkey Man
killing people on the roofs.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
I think I just never thought of like minor league
baseball being like televisable.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
If they got the Reds first round draft pick Chase Brown,
Chase Burns or something, I don't know. He's an absolute
freakish pitcher. If you guys do try and make it
down there and try line up with when he's pitching. Okay,

(01:02:23):
really really good time to go down and watch him.
You're all fucking Reds doubt today. Man. I know, I
told you I was asleep in my work outfit when
you got here, and I went to the bathroom to
piss and all this stuff was hanging on the back
of the door from where we're at the opening day
and I was like, I just put it back on.
Hell yeah. Man. By late May, the sightings they'd kind
of tapered off. No climax, no capture, no one got

(01:02:47):
to fuck the Monkey Man, just a slow fade. But
it was not over because In February of two thousand
and two, can Pour reported a monkey like machine with
and blue lights once again July twenty of two thousand
and two, back in Delhi, someone saw it again, same

(01:03:08):
old monster, and it got it. He got his phone
stolen too at this time. Oops, stole his fucking cell phone.
Damn man. Then it vanished for good. Perhaps not. The
two thousand and nine Bollywood flick Deli six turned the
monkey Man or Klibondar into metaphor for inner evil. But

(01:03:32):
it's rooted in those sweaty, bloody nights on top of
those roofs. And what we have left is a snapshot
of a city detached from reality. Over three hundred and
fifty sightings, sixty injuries, a handful of deaths, and absolutely
no answers. So was it a guy in a costume
laughing his ass off? I don't know who does. Perhaps

(01:03:57):
a pack of feral monkeys juiced up by urban lad
there just Deli clawing itself apart under stress, which I
do believe that's probably the most likely scenario. There are
several scientific explanations for the monkey Man of Deli phenomenon.
One possible explanation is that the creature was a misidentified animal,

(01:04:19):
such as a large monkey or a baboon, that escaped
from a zoo or was living in the city's outskirts. However,
this explanation does not account for the creature's of a
llegibility to scale walls, roller skate, the steel cell phones,
uh sharp metal appendages, which suggests a level of agility

(01:04:44):
beyond that of a typical primate. I'll tell you what
scares me, or fucking baboons. Dudeos are mean on a
scale from one to not to be fucked with. Baboons
are up there. Dude, don't mess with a babboon. They
got teeth, rip your face off, inside out asses. Well,

(01:05:04):
fuck your kids. I know the fuck I don't know.
I don't know. It's never happened to me, but I
can tell like a babbooto, fuck your kids. Give them the opportunity.
They have that look about them and they got red
bare butt sheets. What's that thing we said we're gonna
look up earlier and I sent it to you? What
was it? I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
It was the fucking video Indian man are trying to
take us shots and you got measure you type in there?

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
It is Hey, Sorry, this might be a dumb question,
but where are you right now?

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
I'm in the toilet taking a shirt. I had Mexican
food for breakfast. Really, yes, it was that Mexican place.

Speaker 1 (01:05:55):
What book are you reading then?

Speaker 5 (01:05:56):
Book?

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:05:58):
I'm taking a shirt. It stinks, are you sure? Yes?
I can smell it. I wish I was dead right now.

Speaker 1 (01:06:09):
You know you shouldn't say those things so casually, considering
that I'm at your place right now and you aren't
reading The Great gats.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
Pye, I'm taking Gotchard.

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
Are you with her right now?

Speaker 3 (01:06:27):
Goodbye?

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
Sam?

Speaker 3 (01:06:32):
What a dumb bitch?

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
My favorites?

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
I am taking a ship. I am taking a ship.
I wish I was dead right now? The Great Gatsby?
You ever read that? No? No, I don't think I'm
gonna what's book i'm taking? No, that's classic, man, I

(01:06:59):
can smell it. They want to die. If you're taking
a shit, send us an email. Brohiopodcastdatgmail dot com. A
lot of people do write tell us to take a shit.
We occasionally get emails to say I'm tired, because one
time we asked everyone, Hey, if you're tired, send us
an email and just say I'm tired. And we still
get emails all the time people just say I'm tired,
good man, I feel that. I know it feels like

(01:07:20):
to be tired all the way down to my bones.
I feel it. The other night, the other day, Saturday, Saturday,
I lay down for a nap at twelve thirty. My
wife came in the room at five thirty and said, look, dude,
you either wake up or just stop being a deadbeat.
Do twelve thirty is prime naptime. I said, I slept
for five fucking hours. Yeah, my life's over. I felt

(01:07:42):
like when I felt like.

Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
My life was over, the entire waste of a day,
but it was well deserved.

Speaker 1 (01:07:47):
Gone. Yeah. And then she said, you're not gonna be
able to sleep tonight. I said, bet me a five
dollars bill that I'll hot dog you. I'll i'll pipe
you down and I'll fall asleep.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
Yeah, it don't matter, man, I'm always falling back to sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:08:00):
That's what I did, shared love. She spit in my
mouth because I told her I want to be one
to try that gagged, so I didn't realize I don't
want to do it anymore. Too late, though, and I
grabbed him spit in their mouth, buddy, using like a spittoon.

(01:08:27):
Oh my god, my, uh my, buddy. At work, he
kind of listens to the podcast kind of not whatever sometimes,
but he said I was. He's like, I was listening
to you guys other night. You guys were talking about
post nut clarity. Oh dude, yeah, real, it's a thing. Yeah,
it's yeah, man, I mean it's it's real. He's like,

(01:08:49):
can I tell you something and promise not to talk
about it on your show? And I said absolutely, had
my fingers crossed, and here we are. Yeah. He's like
the other day, I was really fucking rocked up and
I got on Amazon. I bought one of those uh like,
what do you call it? A mechanical flashlight? Oh hell,
he has sucks and rolls and blows. Yeah, dude, He's like.

(01:09:11):
I was all fucking choved up and I bought one
of those, and then I bought it. I jerked off, damn,
And then I looked back on Amazon. I canceled the order.
That's awesome, dude.

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
I feel like.

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
Any any big purchase, I mean, fifty dollars isn't really
a big purchase, but any purchase you make, if you
should come before you make it. If you're a.

Speaker 2 (01:09:39):
Dude, yeah, if you if you think you want something,
jerk often, if you still want it afterwards, immediately afterwards,
then you know you you deserve it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
I got on Amazon and canceled the order. I don't
want that nasty fucking thing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:53):
Now, that's great, that's awesome. That's wholesome.

Speaker 1 (01:09:56):
Sorry, man, wholesome there. Hopefully he doesn't.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
No, that's that's fucking cool. I understand that. You know,
I've I've done some weird ship. Yeah, out of desperate
and that afterwards, I'm like, well it was I danking,
God with me. Put me in a fucking asylum.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
I gotta throw that mannaise away, all right, guys. Well
that concludes our episode on the Deli the Monkey Man Man.
Once again, I'm crying. I'm crying out for a venue
in Texas, my god. We want to come see our
Texas friends. There's so many, there's tens of thousands of

(01:10:37):
them we want to come see in Texas. But it
is such a fucking there are so many places there.

Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
It's a big fucking statement and I can't.

Speaker 1 (01:10:47):
Even research it myself. Like a nice venue the American Legion.
They're like, yeah, it's five thousand dollars. No, we're not
doing that. Yeah, that's wrong. We'd be losing money at
that point. So help us out, Help us out. We'll
get you in there. But in the meantime, we say

(01:11:08):
thank you to the Monkey Man for giving us the
opportunity to tell his story. Appreciate it man. I hope
he's refined his rollerblading skills. And to the pregnant lady
that fell off the roof and died running from Monkey Man,
we send our heartfelt condolences to you and your family
and your dead baby. All r happy little raj.

Speaker 5 (01:11:32):
Up.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
We love you so much. Thank you for tuning into
this episode of the Brohio Podcast. I would love nothing
more than to do a battlefield of love very soon. Sure,
what day? What days do you have for you this week? Wednesday,
Friday and on Wednesday Wednesday? Work? Gotta get people sending

(01:12:01):
their stories. Sending your love questions and love stories you
can get to brohio podcast dot com, slash love submitted anonymously,
or just send it in an email Brohio Podcast at
gmail dot com. Use a subject line Battlefield of Love.
There you go. Tom's Lensky says, check with American Legion
or VFW holes. Yeah, they're really expensive, Tom in Texas.

Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
That is the way you can fucking get it for
a pack of Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:12:30):
All right, guys, Love you guys. I want to see
your