October 16, 2023 • 41 mins
Jays works as EMOTION CODE practitioner, a book by world a renowned chiropractor Dr. Bradley Nelson explaining how our bodies trap and hold onto trauma, and how we can teach ourselves through feeling to release it and become a vessel that transmutes it versus allowing the emotion to stay there.
Jay Chanthalangsy advocacy of self-healing came from his own experience, during a time when his oldest daughter was diagnosed with a chronic disease which caused her to go into hospitalization for a year. During that time, Jay felt helpless, with the looming worries of his daughter health coupled the high anxiety from his partner life started to feel overwhelming. They vacillated between home and the Ronald Mcdonald house which was equipped with a gym. Jay turned to fitness to help him cope.
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Jay Chanthalangsy advocacy of self-healing came from his own experience, during a time when his oldest daughter was diagnosed with a chronic disease which caused her to go into hospitalization for a year. During that time, Jay felt helpless, with the looming worries of his daughter health coupled the high anxiety from his partner life started to feel overwhelming. They vacillated between home and the Ronald Mcdonald house which was equipped with a gym. Jay turned to fitness to help him cope.
Take a listen now
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Episode Transcript
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(00:13):
Hey, hey, everybody, Welcometo the Couch of Therapy show. I'm
your host, honey, our Jordan, and today we have an amazing guest
which I am so excited to have. Please excuse my boys, everybody,
I lost it. It's trying tocome back. Bear with me as we
do this great show. You guysare going to love my next guest.
(00:34):
He is really an advocate for selfhealing and when you find out how he
got on this journey, it willinspire you as well. I cannot wait
to dig in. But I'm notgoing to chop up his name. Folks.
You know that I will chop uphis last name. So, with
no further ado, welcome my guest, jay Hello, Jayne, how are
(00:58):
you well? Awesome? Awesome?So can you tell our guests first of
all, how to pronounce your fullname where they can find you, you
know, if you're on Instagram,Facebook of that nature, and so they
can be able to really get incontact with you. I know now you're
(01:19):
living in I won't say so youyou you move with your family internationally,
right correct? Yes, we're livingin the Philippines right now. Oh that's
nice though. How do you likeit? Oh? We love it here.
We have a lot of history herebetween My wife and I got married
(01:40):
here twice, so she's Filipino aswell, so we okay, a lot
of memories here. First international tripwas here with her as well, so
a lot of good times. Sowe love, and that's what it's about.
It's about having your family and creatingthat space where you guys can just
(02:00):
thrive and grow. But love.Love is the ultimate thing. So tell
our guess your name, because Idon't want to chop you up. So
my name is Jay Chanda Lanxy.Just like how it's spelled, and a
lot of people get really taken backby how long it is. But once
(02:21):
you see the last name, youcould just pronounce it the way it's spelled.
And I think you know a lotof people when they see like alonger
last name, they think of likeintonations and you know they don't want to
pronounce it wrong. But chancel Lancywhen you look at it is Chance Lancy.
I mean, it is what itsaid. But I would have chopped
it up anyway. I would havethought it was something else. But Chance.
(02:45):
Okay, Well, thank you forthat pleasure. So let's dig in.
Let's dig in. What what gotyou you work as an emotion code
practitioner. What is so? Emotioncode is a type of energy healing technique
(03:07):
and modality was created by doctor BradleyNelson. He's been practicing it for over
I think well over thirty years.It was it was given to him divinely,
he says, you know, byGod. In his book. The
book called the Emotion Code, andit deals with releasing what we call trapped
(03:30):
emotions. And he classifies emotions asenergy. We're all made up of energy,
right, little light particles and beingseverywhere, like throughout our bodies.
If you through a microscope, youjust see you know, little atoms like
running around right or bouncing around.But he understood that, you know,
(03:53):
we like to internalize a lot ofemotions so that energy gets trapped within our
bodies, within our physical bodies.And this healing modality helps us identify those
trapped emotions so we can release itenergetically and create to create more balance and
(04:15):
harmony within our bodies. So that'swhat the emotion code is. I love
that, and I also think likewhen you can conquer that healing comes and
just more than just I think mentalhealing, emotional healing and even gets rid
of sickness and disease and things ofthat nature. Let's talk about well,
(04:41):
I want to I want to gointo what actually got you on this journey,
and that was when you were goingthrough something with your daughter. Can
you can you touch on that?Yeah, So two thousand and nine in
my previous relationship, you know her, and now we have our first child,
our daughter, my first daughter,and it was a very trying time
(05:08):
because two days after she was born, you know, her mother's intuition kicked
in and she knew that something waswrong. So we called a doctor in
and she was taken to the nicku uh and there happened to be a
(05:30):
nick you nurse in there which sawher, and she was the one that
you know, called the doctors totake more tests. And after the test
came back, we then realized andfound out that some of her numbers were
very high. And after further diagnoses, we found out that she was she
(05:56):
has a very rare genetic disorder calledMMA, not like the sport contact yet,
it's actually called medal melonic acidemia.It just means that her her body
cannot metabolize protein like normal people people. Yeah, so she's she has a
really strict diet. I mean shecan take a little bit of protein,
(06:19):
but not too much. But aswe all know, you know, protein
affects everything every part of your body, muscle growth, right, tissue regeneration,
all that stuff. So she hasshe she's on a very you know,
strict died and that first year ofher life was very, very difficult.
(06:39):
I don't think we saw her openher eyes up until like two weeks
later, you know, and shewas already she was already helicoptered from Berkeley,
California, to to to Stanford,Palato, where we stayed, uh
for about a year in the RonaldMcDonald house while she was in Nick You
(07:00):
Care. So it was a verytrying time, trying time exactly, and
that could put pressure on a marriage. Uh yeah, well we weren't married
at the time. We were justyou know, dating, we're in the
relationship, Okay, Yeah, itwas it was definitely trying as well,
because you know, like our onlyconcern was our daughter. So yeah,
(07:26):
every morning we'd get up, youknow, seven o'clock, we'd go to
the Nick you stay there all day, you know, as we listened to
doctors and nurses tell us you know, the updates on how she's doing,
and a lot of things happened inbetween that. In that first year,
you know, she things weren't workingcorrectly internally, she she had a liver
(07:50):
transplant at one years old. Youknow, like just a lot of stuff.
But just going through that ordeal was, like I said, really emotionally,
you know, taxing, and Icould still hear it. I could
still hear it. I can stillhear it. I can still hear it
as you speak. I don't thinkthat's anything any parent really forget. You
(08:13):
can get through it, but toforget about it because it's just a trying
time. And I love what RonaldMcDonald house does for family. Yes,
that are in those positions. Howis your daughter today? She is amazing,
She's thriving. I mean, ifyou look at her, you probably
wouldn't even tell that she went throughall of that in you know, her
(08:37):
early stages of life. So she'sin school, she's fourteen now. Yeah,
Yeah, I loved life. Sheloves school. She's like very creative
and silly and you know, sucha amazing person. So yeah, she's
she's doing fantastic. How did youdeal with the grief? I don't know
(09:00):
when that relationship with our mother ended. But then going into the Greek having
to really face the things you wentthrough with your father as he was also
and I send my condolence to that, losing your father to cancer shortly after.
(09:22):
I mean, it's like you werehit with one thing after another.
Yeah, exactly, Thank you foryour condolences, you know, two thousand
and n like when we got outof when we finally were discharged from Stanford
after that almost close to a year, you know, and my daughter was
(09:46):
already doing good, right, wewould just have to go to the hospital
every month to go check check hernumbers and blood tests and all that stuff.
And then as soon as we cameback and settle at home, I
get a call for my sister andshe's, of course, you know,
just crying and couldn't even tell mewhat was happening. And then she finally
(10:09):
said, you know, I foundout or you know, Dad told me
that he has liver cancer. Andit was one of the hardest moments of
my life. I immediately broke down, just you know, crying my eyes
out, and I didn't know whatto do, right because I just got
over this, you know, crazytime with my my daughter and then you
(10:33):
know, my my my parents.They were living in Hawaii at the time
and I was in California. Soafter getting off the call, you know,
told my my daughter's mother, Iwas like, I need to go
to I need to go back hometo Hawaii, you know, yeah,
to take care of my father.And it was one of the hardest decisions
(10:54):
because, like, you know,my daughter that just got out of the
you know, out of care,and then you know, having having to
go and be away from them togo take care of my father was like
a difficult decision and so but onethat needed to be made because you know,
that's your father. Yeah, andI get it. I lost my
(11:15):
mom to cancer, so I too. I totally understand your journey, trust
me. Yeah, but I do. But the fact that you did go
back was a blessing because you alsohave to have closure and sometimes yeah,
yeah, and I'm glad you broughtthat up because of closure for me at
that time. You know, myrelationship my father was very difficult as well.
(11:41):
Right, he was a source ofa lot of my childhood trauma,
and at that time, I reallydidn't understand why he behaved that way,
why he parented that way. Iwas still very unaware and unhealed myself.
So you know, I had alot of resentment within me. I had
(12:03):
a lot of anger, you know. Uh, And still even at that
time, even though I was verysad and very you know and grieving because
you know, I was about tolose him, right, I was still
feeling a lot of this like unresolvedissues. I get it, Yeah,
(12:26):
I get it. And I'm saying, like, you're in that state.
I know there's this guilt you feeltoo because your parent is passing away,
right, and that's your reality,but also you have the reality of all
the trauma that you endued from thisparent. So not only are you angry,
(12:50):
frustrated and sad, it's so hardto navigate and in that in that
time, I don't think it maynot it had have been easy to express
either what you were feeling. Uh, yourself are to come to terms of
how you're feeling. So when whenyou realize that that's the emotions you were
(13:13):
going through, how did you faceit? At that time? I didn't
want to face it and I reallydisassociated, you know, I was distracting
myself doing things half my life atthat time, was living in Hawaii,
(13:37):
and you know, it was itwas my second home. So I had
a lot of friends there, youknow. So I would be at the
hospital taking care of him, andthen like at night, I would just
go distract myself, you know,with my friends go out. I used
to I used to do bartender there, so I knew where all the bars
were, the clothes were, youknow, regulars and stuff. So I
(13:58):
was just like trying to you know, take numb yourself right, know myself,
and for a long time, I'vealready I have already been doing that
for such a long time, youknow, like I'm talking like right out
of high school. You know,I understand, I understand. Yeah,
I was one of those people whojust like severely rebelled and just you know,
(14:22):
lived the rock star life. Youknow. I was already you know,
bartending at a very young age,like in my early twenties and then
you know, just just destroying mybody right through substances. But at that
the day at least you live rightright right. So here's the thing I
don't. I hope you don't punishyourself for living. I hope you celebrate
(14:46):
yourself for awakening. Yeah, soI do believe that we have to go
through some things, right, andso your twenties are usually you figuring it
out. We don't know, youdon't and then and then the fact that
you woke up. I hope youcelebrate that within yourself, yes, and
(15:07):
I pray that you don't punish yourselffor living trying to figure it out,
because a lot of times we punishourselves for trying to figure it out when
our parents really didn't know. Allthey knew is to put food on the
table and to make sure we hada roof over our heads. So we're
(15:30):
trying to you know, the nextgeneration, we're just trying to love better
and parent better. But at thesame time we're still growing and learning.
So I hope that you celebrate whereyou are and that you see that you've
come a long way and that you'renot your past, but your path made
you the man that you are today. Most definitely, I just want to
(15:56):
pour that into you. Okay,Yeah, definitely I received that who hardly?
Yeah, So yeah, I meanI every time, you know,
my wife and I talk about itnow. So my wife, you know,
we have three kids. You're livingin the Philippines, and every day
(16:18):
we wake up. We're just like, Wow, we said we're going to
do this, you know, wesaid we're going to travel the world and
just you know, create these adventureswith our with our family, and you
did it. We are yeah here. I mean that's that's the key that
I hope you're what we what wemake a mistake in doing is not living
in the moment, right, youdid it? Yeah? You know how
(16:41):
many people say it and ten yearslater they're still talking about it, and
twenty years later they're still talking aboutit, and then we go to their
funerals, and then we're still talkingabout it. You guys did it.
H you did it? Yeah,we still have depend ourselves every day,
Like some day, let's still wakeup and I'm like, am I still
(17:03):
in a different country? Are westill here? Honey? You got out
of here and we're because America somenow. But you know it is that's
a whole other topic, you know, right, I think I think you
being there in the Philippines, andI don't want to speak for you.
Don't you see do you see thepressures of life just different, like something
(17:27):
lifted off of your shoulders. Butlike I said, and like you said,
and if we can have a wholeanother conversation about this, just just
to keep it short. Since weleft America, all I can say is
I've unsubscribed to all of the systemsthat created so much fear, anxiety,
(17:53):
you know, worry. I mean, once we left, like like you,
like you mentioned the feeling of youknow, feeling light, feeling,
you know, less worried about things, less anxious. I mean even here,
the people here, the culture here, it's way different. You know,
(18:15):
it's it's a third it's still consideredthe third you know, third world,
but you don't hear in America ismore like the third world. But
you know, right right, Yeah, So when we came here, the
vibe was was totally different, rightand we know, like I said,
(18:37):
a lot lighter, and the kidslove it, you know, and and
just the just the Filipino like peopleis also different. Like I don't have
to worry about like walking down whereI'm where I live, and you know,
if I'm smiling at someone, They'renot going to look at me like
I'm crazy. Trust me. Ijust think, yeah, I'm just saying
(19:02):
right, melanated skin over here underme. But I always hear great,
great stories when people leave here,and so that's one of my dreams for
one of my youngest kids. Hewants to travel. He speaks for languages
as it is, and you'll pickup the word wow. He's only nineteen
and that's most place he wants tovisit. And I told him, go
(19:25):
live your life. Go, yeah, go, because you'll be at peace.
It'll be totally different, trustee,you know, especially traveling. Yeah,
and traveling brings that. In traveling, I think lets you understand deeper
about the world, other cultures,right, how they different issues and topics,
(19:48):
and how they respond to different situationsas well, you know, and
family oriented. I see that you'revery family oriented, and I love that,
but that's part of your culture anyway. You're originally from Hawaii, correct?
Originally? Well, I was bornin Thailand and then we lived in
(20:10):
cal We lived in we planned itin California, and then we went to
Hawaii. So I lived in Hawaiifor like seventeen years and then went back
to California. I want to goto Thailand so bad I do. That's
gonna be where my bucket lit.But California, Yeah, I get it.
I'm proud of you, Jay.I just think you need to hear
(20:33):
that. I'm proud that you didthe work. Let's talk about how your
beautiful wife came into the picture duringyour healing process. Oh yeah. So
at that time, I had justmoved back from from Hawaii to California,
and I was trying to focus onjust you know, being a father being,
(20:56):
you know, focusing on my career. And before before coming back to
California, you know, her motherand I we we you know, called
it quits with our relationship. Sowe were just trying to co parent,
ye right, and then you know, I was working on my career and
I told myself, I'm not gonnaget into a relationship because I ain't.
(21:18):
Nobody got time for that right now, bro, I feel you. Yeah.
So then like I remember, youknow, we had a Christmas party
and then she walks in the dooras a plus one to my newly hired
coworker at that time, and shedefinitely caught my eye and I was like,
who is this. I don't seewe always be talking about we don't
(21:41):
want nobody. And then and thenGod be like, boy, please,
I love it. Oh my god, he laughed at him. Yeah,
So you know, we we hitit all pretty pretty quickly, and you
know, we started dating and youknow, like of course fall in love
(22:06):
and stuff like that, and thenshortly after after to marry me, you
know, or marry us, mydaughter and I. And I love that
you said that, Jay, becausethat's important. No, I really,
I really hope that men are listening. You are a package still and when
(22:29):
you said us, that just tellsme about your character. You know,
a lot of people will get inrelationships and forget about the US part when
they have children, and you werevery intentional about that. I also don't
think that you fell in love.I think that you knew. There's a
difference between when a man sees awoman, he usually knows his wife when
(22:49):
he sees her, and I thinkyou've seen her and you knew, and
so you know and love as youknow now right it's worked. Ain't no
falling than any day, and honey, it just is. It is not.
I mean, I love the fairytale, but it does take uh
intentional to be interested. And Ilove that you said to marry you,
(23:14):
guys, And so what qualities inher did you? Did? You see?
Of course her beauty, but beforeafter that, when you started to
day, what qualities in her.Did you see that? You knew that
she would be a good wife foryou, but a great bonus mom to
(23:36):
your daughter. She is so nurturingand loving and soft and empathetic. Her
spirit, her soul is just steady, you know, like when she smiles,
it just makes you feel so safeand comfortable. And that's what even
(24:02):
you know, my daughter, firststepdaughter felt, you know, she felt
very safe and was able to openup to her instantly. And she has
that type of effect. You know, she's very empathic, like I said,
and she can feel things and noticethings within you that you can't even
(24:25):
feel for yourself. And that wasone of the reasons why, you know,
our marriage was such a healing journeyfor the both of us, meaning
my wife and I. Right,yeah, I came. I came from
a background of being very emotionally unavailable, so I get it. Previous relationships
(24:48):
were very you know, difficult.I didn't know how to articulate my emotions
and talk about my feelings. Andyou know that was very well. I
don't think you felt safe too,yes, because what what what? What?
What I'm listening to you, listeningto what you're saying is the one
thing the key thing that I thatI heard is when you said she's soft,
(25:11):
Well, you created a space forher to be soft and feminine.
And when a woman can be inthat space to be feminine, that gives
a man for permission to let usguards now, and it gives him a
safe space. So I love thatyou. I just don't think that you
felt safe enough. Uh yeah,and and and it doesn't. This is
(25:34):
no shade to any relationships you're in, you were previously in. If I'd
been that person where someone wasn't safe, I did not to be sought.
So that was the key word thatthat I heard you say that she was
soft, And I just think womenforget to be that in a world that
(25:55):
sometimes makes us have to be kindof too strong and and dealing our masculine
side. It was her softness thatgot you, and it's needed, it's
needed. So I love that yousound very in love, very happy.
So I think you both are blessedand lucky. I think you've connected with
(26:17):
someone that's closer to God than you'veever seen. That is why she can
see and feel things that most arenot in tune with. And you guys
just make a great fit. Butthe fact that your daughter feels safe.
That is a blessing in itself.So I love that for you, guys.
(26:40):
I think that's amazing. And Iknow I'm off topic, but I
want people to see you definitely asthe human that you are, and as
humans, we are all flawed,right, there is no one that is
not. And so you going onthis journey now you're moved. You have
(27:00):
a new wife, you guys haveyou have two children with her? Correct?
Three? Three? So you havefour children total? Correct? Okay,
I got to keep up with you, bro. You know that basis
is made from love, see Isee? Okay, so you have four
(27:22):
beautiful children. Now, how hasyour new role impacted not only your life,
but the life of your community thatyou and your wife are embarking on
at this time? Oh wow.So being on this healing journey, you
(27:44):
know, personal healing journey has definitelyinspired us to you know, share our
stories, be more vulnerable, uh, teach our clients and students about,
you know, some of the thingsthat we've been through individually and as a
couple, and hopefully, you know, inspire them to begin their own healing
(28:07):
journeys. You know, I alwayssay, like healing is the hustle.
Right, we have a lot ofthings we work and heal from, and
once we do that, we startto cultivate more awareness on some of the
things that are impeding our progress oryou know, reaching our dreams or you
know, just really connecting with ourmost authentic self. And so if we're
(28:30):
not expressing that, then you know, there are things that we're limiting ourselves
from. And for us, youknow, coaching our clients and talking to
our students or whoever wants to listen, you know, it's it's very rewarding
when they start to have their ownrealizations, they start to have their own
(28:52):
enlightening experiences, they start to youknow, forgive themselves or you know,
take steps to create and cultivate thatself love to then start to heal.
Because you know, once you startto heal, the byparss that is you
know, through creating the ripple effect. And I always say to my clients
(29:15):
and students, like, healing isthe sacred journey. Once you do once
you do it for yourself, you'renot only impacting yourself first and foremost,
but you're also impacting you know,your ancestors, your parents, your children,
future generations. They're not going tosee you know, you repeat those
patterns. Come on, you knowthat that that created the trauma within you
(29:38):
in the first place, right,And that's what that was. That was
where my catalyst happened, was whenI started to see that I was repeating
the same parenting styles of behaviors thatI did with my with my first daughter.
And that's why that's why my wife, you know, my wife was
like the also the catalyst that toldme. It was like she said,
(30:00):
She's like, you can't do thatto your your daughter. You know you
can't. You can't just tell herto stop crying. You know, you
can't like be insensitive to her,right. And I didn't know anything.
I didn't know any better. Likelike you said, I wasn't safe enough
to like express my emotions and exactlyI was like coming down on her with
an iron fist and every time shewould like feel anything, right, because
(30:23):
I didn't know how to feel atthat time. And it scared you.
Yeah, of course it scared mebecause I didn't know how to you know,
react and it was just projecting outas anger most of the time.
Oh, brother, we are thesame cloth, trust Yeah, what I
learned. Yeah, I mean,like I always tell people too, Like,
you know, I didn't learn aboutempathy and sensitivity until I came across
(30:47):
my wife, right, like whenI say, she taught me some of
the most valuable lessons of being morein my feminine and being able to feel
safe within myself and being able toexpress myself like she was that person.
Yeah. Now, you know,our three kids, they'll never experience,
(31:10):
you know, that side of meor that unhealed version of a parent that
I was right and even my other'sdaughter, you know, like, I'm
grateful that I, like you said, I was awakening to understand that because
now our relationship emotionally is very,very amazing. You know, she feels
(31:33):
safe to call me anytime when she'sfeeling anything, or when something's on her
mind or something's weighing on her heart. And as a father to a girl,
dad, yes, that's all Ican ask for. Listen, Listen,
Jay, That's what I'm so proudof you, because having a daughter
that can come to her father aboutanything emotional, it's a testament of your
(31:59):
girl. Yeah, and I hopeyou see that I do. And the
fact that you have broken the generationalI want to say some of its decisions
right, because a lot of thegenerational bad decisions that are after generation after
generation has made and some I say, our generational curses on the bloodline that
(32:27):
we have to break right. Andso the fact that you did the work,
I just want you to be ableto live in the moment and give
yourself grace, but also be veryproud of yourself. You did it.
(32:50):
You did it, not that thework doesn't continue, because it's easy to
slip back right. I've dealt withmore of my math feel in size,
in my feminine side for a verylong time, and with retrospective looking back.
It was needed when I was insurvival mode, but it wasn't needed
(33:13):
once I got married, and soI had to learn too. My sons
come to me with everything now,but I trust me, I had to
learn now. I may be I'mpretty sure I'm a lot older than may
I ask your ac if you don'tforty two, okay, I am about
fifteen years okay, I'm fifty one. I'm fifty one in loving it okay.
(33:37):
But I would have guessed that Iwould have would have thought like I
received. I received kind of Yes, I'm fifty one in love in it,
but you know, having now atwenty one year old and a nineteen
year old and had when they hadto when I had to switch in respect
(33:59):
to the respect seeing them as youngmen, and while my son had to
sit me down and tell me like, hey, I'm not this little boy
anymore. You gotta let me makemistakes. That's so hard for me to
break that stuff. But I'm gladI did. And so what I see
for you and what I see thatyou've done is the work. But the
work is the journey. It's thejourney, right, It's not the destination,
(34:22):
it's it's the fact that you're stilldoing it. And I'm so glad
you found a partner that you justgel together. Is so good congratulations because
that doesn't always happen for everyone,you know. Yeah, yeah, I
mean you you talked about it before, you know, like life, I
mean that life. But the marriageis definitely work. And I think I
(34:45):
think the thing that kept us togetherbecause there was a time where she was
gonna leave me. You know,our first three marriage was not you know,
rainbows and butterflies. I was stillvery unhealed. I was still very
I get it's defensive, you know, and I remember you know, I
gave her the siding treatment for likea week and she was about to bounce.
(35:07):
She's like and she called my sisterand she's like, if he doesn't
call me, I'm out. Andwe already we had we had our first
daughter at that time for her knewher living, Yeah she knew. But
then you know, things happened andthen we reconciled that. But then like
that's when we both understood that wehad to create a safe space for ourselves
(35:30):
individually and as you know, supportingthe other person while they go through their
own healing journeys. You know.So she had a lot of things that
she had to come to terms withand deal with, you know, with
her own traumas and stuff, andI also had to do that as well.
And I think when we sat downand kind of like talked it over
(35:53):
and we became more aware and westarted to implement you know, different tools
and things that we've learned and youknow, going to therapy, couples counseling
and stuff like that. Like youknow, we started to see like this
is what we need to create,this you know, healthy and uh safe
environment for both of us to thriveit, you know, and so we
(36:15):
can we still continue to do that, you know, like we all and
we always talk about it too,you know, every time she gets triggered
or you know, I feel triggered, Like our conversations don't lead to arguments,
and like you know all those othernegatives. No, that's the growth.
And then me, yeah, that'sthe growth. And what I see
is that you guys are just actuallythat's marriage, right, So but you
(36:37):
guys are intentional about Okay, Ilove you, You're worth it. I
want to fix this. That's whatI'm hearing and hearing that each person is
learning to allowed and that that wasmy biggest lesson. I've been married twenty
three years, okay, so oneof my lessons in my marriage was I'm
(36:59):
rushing someone to grow at my pace, right, and that's not right because
how I process is and how heprocessed. You know, as long as
there is movement, if that makessense, and there's not, we're not
stagnant. You have to allow eachother to grow. I'm an advocate on
couple's counseling. I think that isshould be that should be the first thing
(37:21):
everybody do in the first place,before you've even like get married, like
you should go, just go,you know, because the truth is we
all will bring in some type oftrauma, things that we have been through
in life. That's just what itis. Marriage is where you two and
if you two have noticed, youmarry each other. Yep, that's all.
(37:45):
And especially the stuff that ain't good, it's your way of becoming one.
It's just God's way of refining youguys to be to move as one.
And so you have to get healedfrom all all of that junk,
so you can do that. SoI'm excited to have this conversation with you.
(38:06):
I know it took a different termbecause I want people to really see
you, and I hope that's okaywith you. Of course, of course,
you know, my interview style isa little bit different. It is
called the Couch of Therapy. Though, as you can see, I love
the name, thank you so much. One of my guests gave me that
it wasn't even called that, butshe was like, I feel like I'm
(38:28):
telling you my whole business. I'mon a therapy show on the couch.
I was like, I'm let's takethat thing, thank you. So what
would you like before we conclude?What would you like people to know about
you. How can if they needyour services? Do you operate online as
well as in person? And ifso, please tell them how they can
(38:52):
get in contact with you and yourbeautiful wife of course. Yeah, so
you can definitely just go to mywebsite ww da W dot j chantlangxy dot
com. You find all the resourcesthere if you want to book a session.
Uh. I am a self careand healing coach. So my way
of you know, starting the healingjourney for anyone is through self care.
(39:15):
So I actually teach you know,people and students and clients about what real
self care is, right, puttingthat attention on yourself and speaking in that
journey. My wife also has hercoaching business. Uh it's emotions ally dot
com. Okay, she's an allyto all of your emotions because she's in
(39:37):
she's an EmPATH as well. Souh yeah, you can go there any
of those websites you can reach usthere. My handle for all social media
is at j chant langsy. Mywife she's not so much into social media,
so tell her. I understand it. My husband either, and if
(39:57):
I didn't have this show, Iwouldn't be either. I can't. Yeah,
so it gets you know too overwhelming, but I think, like you
said, like you always mentioned,being intentional about it is definitely makes it
a lot easier. So true,and you and I really have no choice
the business that we're in, wehave to do pretty exactly. That's where
(40:21):
the people are, right, Yeah, unfortunately, that's where they are.
That's where they are, But Ilove that. I just want to thank
you so much, Jay for comingon my show, being open to the
conversation. I wish you continue healingon your journey. I wish you longevity
in your marriage, and I wishnothing but prosperity for you and your entire
(40:45):
family. May God be stole nothingbut blessings to you. Thank you for
doing the work, thank you forbeing that man that's vulnerable because we don't
get to see that often. Andthank you for changing for you. Wow,
And I thank you so much forthat, totally openly, wholeheartedly received
(41:07):
that. Thank you, absolutely,God bless you and everybody. Until next
time, This is your host,Honey, Mark Jordan can't wait to see
what's next. All right now,
Hey, hey, everybody, Welcometo the Couch of Therapy show. I'm
your host, honey, our Jordan, and today we have an amazing guest
which I am so excited to have. Please excuse my boys, everybody,
I lost it. It's trying tocome back. Bear with me as we
do this great show. You guysare going to love my next guest.
(00:34):
He is really an advocate for selfhealing and when you find out how he
got on this journey, it willinspire you as well. I cannot wait
to dig in. But I'm notgoing to chop up his name. Folks.
You know that I will chop uphis last name. So, with
no further ado, welcome my guest, jay Hello, Jayne, how are
(00:58):
you well? Awesome? Awesome?So can you tell our guests first of
all, how to pronounce your fullname where they can find you, you
know, if you're on Instagram,Facebook of that nature, and so they
can be able to really get incontact with you. I know now you're
(01:19):
living in I won't say so youyou you move with your family internationally,
right correct? Yes, we're livingin the Philippines right now. Oh that's
nice though. How do you likeit? Oh? We love it here.
We have a lot of history herebetween My wife and I got married
(01:40):
here twice, so she's Filipino aswell, so we okay, a lot
of memories here. First international tripwas here with her as well, so
a lot of good times. Sowe love, and that's what it's about.
It's about having your family and creatingthat space where you guys can just
(02:00):
thrive and grow. But love.Love is the ultimate thing. So tell
our guess your name, because Idon't want to chop you up. So
my name is Jay Chanda Lanxy.Just like how it's spelled, and a
lot of people get really taken backby how long it is. But once
(02:21):
you see the last name, youcould just pronounce it the way it's spelled.
And I think you know a lotof people when they see like alonger
last name, they think of likeintonations and you know they don't want to
pronounce it wrong. But chancel Lancywhen you look at it is Chance Lancy.
I mean, it is what itsaid. But I would have chopped
it up anyway. I would havethought it was something else. But Chance.
(02:45):
Okay, Well, thank you forthat pleasure. So let's dig in.
Let's dig in. What what gotyou you work as an emotion code
practitioner. What is so? Emotioncode is a type of energy healing technique
(03:07):
and modality was created by doctor BradleyNelson. He's been practicing it for over
I think well over thirty years.It was it was given to him divinely,
he says, you know, byGod. In his book. The
book called the Emotion Code, andit deals with releasing what we call trapped
(03:30):
emotions. And he classifies emotions asenergy. We're all made up of energy,
right, little light particles and beingseverywhere, like throughout our bodies.
If you through a microscope, youjust see you know, little atoms like
running around right or bouncing around.But he understood that, you know,
(03:53):
we like to internalize a lot ofemotions so that energy gets trapped within our
bodies, within our physical bodies.And this healing modality helps us identify those
trapped emotions so we can release itenergetically and create to create more balance and
(04:15):
harmony within our bodies. So that'swhat the emotion code is. I love
that, and I also think likewhen you can conquer that healing comes and
just more than just I think mentalhealing, emotional healing and even gets rid
of sickness and disease and things ofthat nature. Let's talk about well,
(04:41):
I want to I want to gointo what actually got you on this journey,
and that was when you were goingthrough something with your daughter. Can
you can you touch on that?Yeah, So two thousand and nine in
my previous relationship, you know her, and now we have our first child,
our daughter, my first daughter,and it was a very trying time
(05:08):
because two days after she was born, you know, her mother's intuition kicked
in and she knew that something waswrong. So we called a doctor in
and she was taken to the nicku uh and there happened to be a
(05:30):
nick you nurse in there which sawher, and she was the one that
you know, called the doctors totake more tests. And after the test
came back, we then realized andfound out that some of her numbers were
very high. And after further diagnoses, we found out that she was she
(05:56):
has a very rare genetic disorder calledMMA, not like the sport contact yet,
it's actually called medal melonic acidemia.It just means that her her body
cannot metabolize protein like normal people people. Yeah, so she's she has a
really strict diet. I mean shecan take a little bit of protein,
(06:19):
but not too much. But aswe all know, you know, protein
affects everything every part of your body, muscle growth, right, tissue regeneration,
all that stuff. So she hasshe she's on a very you know,
strict died and that first year ofher life was very, very difficult.
(06:39):
I don't think we saw her openher eyes up until like two weeks
later, you know, and shewas already she was already helicoptered from Berkeley,
California, to to to Stanford,Palato, where we stayed, uh
for about a year in the RonaldMcDonald house while she was in Nick You
(07:00):
Care. So it was a verytrying time, trying time exactly, and
that could put pressure on a marriage. Uh yeah, well we weren't married
at the time. We were justyou know, dating, we're in the
relationship, Okay, Yeah, itwas it was definitely trying as well,
because you know, like our onlyconcern was our daughter. So yeah,
(07:26):
every morning we'd get up, youknow, seven o'clock, we'd go to
the Nick you stay there all day, you know, as we listened to
doctors and nurses tell us you know, the updates on how she's doing,
and a lot of things happened inbetween that. In that first year,
you know, she things weren't workingcorrectly internally, she she had a liver
(07:50):
transplant at one years old. Youknow, like just a lot of stuff.
But just going through that ordeal was, like I said, really emotionally,
you know, taxing, and Icould still hear it. I could
still hear it. I can stillhear it. I can still hear it
as you speak. I don't thinkthat's anything any parent really forget. You
(08:13):
can get through it, but toforget about it because it's just a trying
time. And I love what RonaldMcDonald house does for family. Yes,
that are in those positions. Howis your daughter today? She is amazing,
She's thriving. I mean, ifyou look at her, you probably
wouldn't even tell that she went throughall of that in you know, her
(08:37):
early stages of life. So she'sin school, she's fourteen now. Yeah,
Yeah, I loved life. Sheloves school. She's like very creative
and silly and you know, sucha amazing person. So yeah, she's
she's doing fantastic. How did youdeal with the grief? I don't know
(09:00):
when that relationship with our mother ended. But then going into the Greek having
to really face the things you wentthrough with your father as he was also
and I send my condolence to that, losing your father to cancer shortly after.
(09:22):
I mean, it's like you werehit with one thing after another.
Yeah, exactly, Thank you foryour condolences, you know, two thousand
and n like when we got outof when we finally were discharged from Stanford
after that almost close to a year, you know, and my daughter was
(09:46):
already doing good, right, wewould just have to go to the hospital
every month to go check check hernumbers and blood tests and all that stuff.
And then as soon as we cameback and settle at home, I
get a call for my sister andshe's, of course, you know,
just crying and couldn't even tell mewhat was happening. And then she finally
(10:09):
said, you know, I foundout or you know, Dad told me
that he has liver cancer. Andit was one of the hardest moments of
my life. I immediately broke down, just you know, crying my eyes
out, and I didn't know whatto do, right because I just got
over this, you know, crazytime with my my daughter and then you
(10:33):
know, my my my parents.They were living in Hawaii at the time
and I was in California. Soafter getting off the call, you know,
told my my daughter's mother, Iwas like, I need to go
to I need to go back hometo Hawaii, you know, yeah,
to take care of my father.And it was one of the hardest decisions
(10:54):
because, like, you know,my daughter that just got out of the
you know, out of care,and then you know, having having to
go and be away from them togo take care of my father was like
a difficult decision and so but onethat needed to be made because you know,
that's your father. Yeah, andI get it. I lost my
(11:15):
mom to cancer, so I too. I totally understand your journey, trust
me. Yeah, but I do. But the fact that you did go
back was a blessing because you alsohave to have closure and sometimes yeah,
yeah, and I'm glad you broughtthat up because of closure for me at
that time. You know, myrelationship my father was very difficult as well.
(11:41):
Right, he was a source ofa lot of my childhood trauma,
and at that time, I reallydidn't understand why he behaved that way,
why he parented that way. Iwas still very unaware and unhealed myself.
So you know, I had alot of resentment within me. I had
(12:03):
a lot of anger, you know. Uh, And still even at that
time, even though I was verysad and very you know and grieving because
you know, I was about tolose him, right, I was still
feeling a lot of this like unresolvedissues. I get it, Yeah,
(12:26):
I get it. And I'm saying, like, you're in that state.
I know there's this guilt you feeltoo because your parent is passing away,
right, and that's your reality,but also you have the reality of all
the trauma that you endued from thisparent. So not only are you angry,
(12:50):
frustrated and sad, it's so hardto navigate and in that in that
time, I don't think it maynot it had have been easy to express
either what you were feeling. Uh, yourself are to come to terms of
how you're feeling. So when whenyou realize that that's the emotions you were
(13:13):
going through, how did you faceit? At that time? I didn't
want to face it and I reallydisassociated, you know, I was distracting
myself doing things half my life atthat time, was living in Hawaii,
(13:37):
and you know, it was itwas my second home. So I had
a lot of friends there, youknow. So I would be at the
hospital taking care of him, andthen like at night, I would just
go distract myself, you know,with my friends go out. I used
to I used to do bartender there, so I knew where all the bars
were, the clothes were, youknow, regulars and stuff. So I
(13:58):
was just like trying to you know, take numb yourself right, know myself,
and for a long time, I'vealready I have already been doing that
for such a long time, youknow, like I'm talking like right out
of high school. You know,I understand, I understand. Yeah,
I was one of those people whojust like severely rebelled and just you know,
(14:22):
lived the rock star life. Youknow. I was already you know,
bartending at a very young age,like in my early twenties and then
you know, just just destroying mybody right through substances. But at that
the day at least you live rightright right. So here's the thing I
don't. I hope you don't punishyourself for living. I hope you celebrate
(14:46):
yourself for awakening. Yeah, soI do believe that we have to go
through some things, right, andso your twenties are usually you figuring it
out. We don't know, youdon't and then and then the fact that
you woke up. I hope youcelebrate that within yourself, yes, and
(15:07):
I pray that you don't punish yourselffor living trying to figure it out,
because a lot of times we punishourselves for trying to figure it out when
our parents really didn't know. Allthey knew is to put food on the
table and to make sure we hada roof over our heads. So we're
(15:30):
trying to you know, the nextgeneration, we're just trying to love better
and parent better. But at thesame time we're still growing and learning.
So I hope that you celebrate whereyou are and that you see that you've
come a long way and that you'renot your past, but your path made
you the man that you are today. Most definitely, I just want to
(15:56):
pour that into you. Okay,Yeah, definitely I received that who hardly?
Yeah, So yeah, I meanI every time, you know,
my wife and I talk about itnow. So my wife, you know,
we have three kids. You're livingin the Philippines, and every day
(16:18):
we wake up. We're just like, Wow, we said we're going to
do this, you know, wesaid we're going to travel the world and
just you know, create these adventureswith our with our family, and you
did it. We are yeah here. I mean that's that's the key that
I hope you're what we what wemake a mistake in doing is not living
in the moment, right, youdid it? Yeah? You know how
(16:41):
many people say it and ten yearslater they're still talking about it, and
twenty years later they're still talking aboutit, and then we go to their
funerals, and then we're still talkingabout it. You guys did it.
H you did it? Yeah,we still have depend ourselves every day,
Like some day, let's still wakeup and I'm like, am I still
(17:03):
in a different country? Are westill here? Honey? You got out
of here and we're because America somenow. But you know it is that's
a whole other topic, you know, right, I think I think you
being there in the Philippines, andI don't want to speak for you.
Don't you see do you see thepressures of life just different, like something
(17:27):
lifted off of your shoulders. Butlike I said, and like you said,
and if we can have a wholeanother conversation about this, just just
to keep it short. Since weleft America, all I can say is
I've unsubscribed to all of the systemsthat created so much fear, anxiety,
(17:53):
you know, worry. I mean, once we left, like like you,
like you mentioned the feeling of youknow, feeling light, feeling,
you know, less worried about things, less anxious. I mean even here,
the people here, the culture here, it's way different. You know,
(18:15):
it's it's a third it's still consideredthe third you know, third world,
but you don't hear in America ismore like the third world. But
you know, right right, Yeah, So when we came here, the
vibe was was totally different, rightand we know, like I said,
(18:37):
a lot lighter, and the kidslove it, you know, and and
just the just the Filipino like peopleis also different. Like I don't have
to worry about like walking down whereI'm where I live, and you know,
if I'm smiling at someone, They'renot going to look at me like
I'm crazy. Trust me. Ijust think, yeah, I'm just saying
(19:02):
right, melanated skin over here underme. But I always hear great,
great stories when people leave here,and so that's one of my dreams for
one of my youngest kids. Hewants to travel. He speaks for languages
as it is, and you'll pickup the word wow. He's only nineteen
and that's most place he wants tovisit. And I told him, go
(19:25):
live your life. Go, yeah, go, because you'll be at peace.
It'll be totally different, trustee,you know, especially traveling. Yeah,
and traveling brings that. In traveling, I think lets you understand deeper
about the world, other cultures,right, how they different issues and topics,
(19:48):
and how they respond to different situationsas well, you know, and
family oriented. I see that you'revery family oriented, and I love that,
but that's part of your culture anyway. You're originally from Hawaii, correct?
Originally? Well, I was bornin Thailand and then we lived in
(20:10):
cal We lived in we planned itin California, and then we went to
Hawaii. So I lived in Hawaiifor like seventeen years and then went back
to California. I want to goto Thailand so bad I do. That's
gonna be where my bucket lit.But California, Yeah, I get it.
I'm proud of you, Jay.I just think you need to hear
(20:33):
that. I'm proud that you didthe work. Let's talk about how your
beautiful wife came into the picture duringyour healing process. Oh yeah. So
at that time, I had justmoved back from from Hawaii to California,
and I was trying to focus onjust you know, being a father being,
(20:56):
you know, focusing on my career. And before before coming back to
California, you know, her motherand I we we you know, called
it quits with our relationship. Sowe were just trying to co parent,
ye right, and then you know, I was working on my career and
I told myself, I'm not gonnaget into a relationship because I ain't.
(21:18):
Nobody got time for that right now, bro, I feel you. Yeah.
So then like I remember, youknow, we had a Christmas party
and then she walks in the dooras a plus one to my newly hired
coworker at that time, and shedefinitely caught my eye and I was like,
who is this. I don't seewe always be talking about we don't
(21:41):
want nobody. And then and thenGod be like, boy, please,
I love it. Oh my god, he laughed at him. Yeah,
So you know, we we hitit all pretty pretty quickly, and you
know, we started dating and youknow, like of course fall in love
(22:06):
and stuff like that, and thenshortly after after to marry me, you
know, or marry us, mydaughter and I. And I love that
you said that, Jay, becausethat's important. No, I really,
I really hope that men are listening. You are a package still and when
(22:29):
you said us, that just tellsme about your character. You know,
a lot of people will get inrelationships and forget about the US part when
they have children, and you werevery intentional about that. I also don't
think that you fell in love.I think that you knew. There's a
difference between when a man sees awoman, he usually knows his wife when
(22:49):
he sees her, and I thinkyou've seen her and you knew, and
so you know and love as youknow now right it's worked. Ain't no
falling than any day, and honey, it just is. It is not.
I mean, I love the fairytale, but it does take uh
intentional to be interested. And Ilove that you said to marry you,
(23:14):
guys, And so what qualities inher did you? Did? You see?
Of course her beauty, but beforeafter that, when you started to
day, what qualities in her.Did you see that? You knew that
she would be a good wife foryou, but a great bonus mom to
(23:36):
your daughter. She is so nurturingand loving and soft and empathetic. Her
spirit, her soul is just steady, you know, like when she smiles,
it just makes you feel so safeand comfortable. And that's what even
(24:02):
you know, my daughter, firststepdaughter felt, you know, she felt
very safe and was able to openup to her instantly. And she has
that type of effect. You know, she's very empathic, like I said,
and she can feel things and noticethings within you that you can't even
(24:25):
feel for yourself. And that wasone of the reasons why, you know,
our marriage was such a healing journeyfor the both of us, meaning
my wife and I. Right,yeah, I came. I came from
a background of being very emotionally unavailable, so I get it. Previous relationships
(24:48):
were very you know, difficult.I didn't know how to articulate my emotions
and talk about my feelings. Andyou know that was very well. I
don't think you felt safe too,yes, because what what what? What?
What I'm listening to you, listeningto what you're saying is the one
thing the key thing that I thatI heard is when you said she's soft,
(25:11):
Well, you created a space forher to be soft and feminine.
And when a woman can be inthat space to be feminine, that gives
a man for permission to let usguards now, and it gives him a
safe space. So I love thatyou. I just don't think that you
felt safe enough. Uh yeah,and and and it doesn't. This is
(25:34):
no shade to any relationships you're in, you were previously in. If I'd
been that person where someone wasn't safe, I did not to be sought.
So that was the key word thatthat I heard you say that she was
soft, And I just think womenforget to be that in a world that
(25:55):
sometimes makes us have to be kindof too strong and and dealing our masculine
side. It was her softness thatgot you, and it's needed, it's
needed. So I love that yousound very in love, very happy.
So I think you both are blessedand lucky. I think you've connected with
(26:17):
someone that's closer to God than you'veever seen. That is why she can
see and feel things that most arenot in tune with. And you guys
just make a great fit. Butthe fact that your daughter feels safe.
That is a blessing in itself.So I love that for you, guys.
(26:40):
I think that's amazing. And Iknow I'm off topic, but I
want people to see you definitely asthe human that you are, and as
humans, we are all flawed,right, there is no one that is
not. And so you going onthis journey now you're moved. You have
(27:00):
a new wife, you guys haveyou have two children with her? Correct?
Three? Three? So you havefour children total? Correct? Okay,
I got to keep up with you, bro. You know that basis
is made from love, see Isee? Okay, so you have four
(27:22):
beautiful children. Now, how hasyour new role impacted not only your life,
but the life of your community thatyou and your wife are embarking on
at this time? Oh wow.So being on this healing journey, you
(27:44):
know, personal healing journey has definitelyinspired us to you know, share our
stories, be more vulnerable, uh, teach our clients and students about,
you know, some of the thingsthat we've been through individually and as a
couple, and hopefully, you know, inspire them to begin their own healing
(28:07):
journeys. You know, I alwayssay, like healing is the hustle.
Right, we have a lot ofthings we work and heal from, and
once we do that, we startto cultivate more awareness on some of the
things that are impeding our progress oryou know, reaching our dreams or you
know, just really connecting with ourmost authentic self. And so if we're
(28:30):
not expressing that, then you know, there are things that we're limiting ourselves
from. And for us, youknow, coaching our clients and talking to
our students or whoever wants to listen, you know, it's it's very rewarding
when they start to have their ownrealizations, they start to have their own
(28:52):
enlightening experiences, they start to youknow, forgive themselves or you know,
take steps to create and cultivate thatself love to then start to heal.
Because you know, once you startto heal, the byparss that is you
know, through creating the ripple effect. And I always say to my clients
(29:15):
and students, like, healing isthe sacred journey. Once you do once
you do it for yourself, you'renot only impacting yourself first and foremost,
but you're also impacting you know,your ancestors, your parents, your children,
future generations. They're not going tosee you know, you repeat those
patterns. Come on, you knowthat that that created the trauma within you
(29:38):
in the first place, right,And that's what that was. That was
where my catalyst happened, was whenI started to see that I was repeating
the same parenting styles of behaviors thatI did with my with my first daughter.
And that's why that's why my wife, you know, my wife was
like the also the catalyst that toldme. It was like she said,
(30:00):
She's like, you can't do thatto your your daughter. You know you
can't. You can't just tell herto stop crying. You know, you
can't like be insensitive to her,right. And I didn't know anything.
I didn't know any better. Likelike you said, I wasn't safe enough
to like express my emotions and exactlyI was like coming down on her with
an iron fist and every time shewould like feel anything, right, because
(30:23):
I didn't know how to feel atthat time. And it scared you.
Yeah, of course it scared mebecause I didn't know how to you know,
react and it was just projecting outas anger most of the time.
Oh, brother, we are thesame cloth, trust Yeah, what I
learned. Yeah, I mean,like I always tell people too, Like,
you know, I didn't learn aboutempathy and sensitivity until I came across
(30:47):
my wife, right, like whenI say, she taught me some of
the most valuable lessons of being morein my feminine and being able to feel
safe within myself and being able toexpress myself like she was that person.
Yeah. Now, you know,our three kids, they'll never experience,
(31:10):
you know, that side of meor that unhealed version of a parent that
I was right and even my other'sdaughter, you know, like, I'm
grateful that I, like you said, I was awakening to understand that because
now our relationship emotionally is very,very amazing. You know, she feels
(31:33):
safe to call me anytime when she'sfeeling anything, or when something's on her
mind or something's weighing on her heart. And as a father to a girl,
dad, yes, that's all Ican ask for. Listen, Listen,
Jay, That's what I'm so proudof you, because having a daughter
that can come to her father aboutanything emotional, it's a testament of your
(31:59):
girl. Yeah, and I hopeyou see that I do. And the
fact that you have broken the generationalI want to say some of its decisions
right, because a lot of thegenerational bad decisions that are after generation after
generation has made and some I say, our generational curses on the bloodline that
(32:27):
we have to break right. Andso the fact that you did the work,
I just want you to be ableto live in the moment and give
yourself grace, but also be veryproud of yourself. You did it.
(32:50):
You did it, not that thework doesn't continue, because it's easy to
slip back right. I've dealt withmore of my math feel in size,
in my feminine side for a verylong time, and with retrospective looking back.
It was needed when I was insurvival mode, but it wasn't needed
(33:13):
once I got married, and soI had to learn too. My sons
come to me with everything now,but I trust me, I had to
learn now. I may be I'mpretty sure I'm a lot older than may
I ask your ac if you don'tforty two, okay, I am about
fifteen years okay, I'm fifty one. I'm fifty one in loving it okay.
(33:37):
But I would have guessed that Iwould have would have thought like I
received. I received kind of Yes, I'm fifty one in love in it,
but you know, having now atwenty one year old and a nineteen
year old and had when they hadto when I had to switch in respect
(33:59):
to the respect seeing them as youngmen, and while my son had to
sit me down and tell me like, hey, I'm not this little boy
anymore. You gotta let me makemistakes. That's so hard for me to
break that stuff. But I'm gladI did. And so what I see
for you and what I see thatyou've done is the work. But the
work is the journey. It's thejourney, right, It's not the destination,
(34:22):
it's it's the fact that you're stilldoing it. And I'm so glad
you found a partner that you justgel together. Is so good congratulations because
that doesn't always happen for everyone,you know. Yeah, yeah, I
mean you you talked about it before, you know, like life, I
mean that life. But the marriageis definitely work. And I think I
(34:45):
think the thing that kept us togetherbecause there was a time where she was
gonna leave me. You know,our first three marriage was not you know,
rainbows and butterflies. I was stillvery unhealed. I was still very
I get it's defensive, you know, and I remember you know, I
gave her the siding treatment for likea week and she was about to bounce.
(35:07):
She's like and she called my sisterand she's like, if he doesn't
call me, I'm out. Andwe already we had we had our first
daughter at that time for her knewher living, Yeah she knew. But
then you know, things happened andthen we reconciled that. But then like
that's when we both understood that wehad to create a safe space for ourselves
(35:30):
individually and as you know, supportingthe other person while they go through their
own healing journeys. You know.So she had a lot of things that
she had to come to terms withand deal with, you know, with
her own traumas and stuff, andI also had to do that as well.
And I think when we sat downand kind of like talked it over
(35:53):
and we became more aware and westarted to implement you know, different tools
and things that we've learned and youknow, going to therapy, couples counseling
and stuff like that. Like youknow, we started to see like this
is what we need to create,this you know, healthy and uh safe
environment for both of us to thriveit, you know, and so we
(36:15):
can we still continue to do that, you know, like we all and
we always talk about it too,you know, every time she gets triggered
or you know, I feel triggered, Like our conversations don't lead to arguments,
and like you know all those othernegatives. No, that's the growth.
And then me, yeah, that'sthe growth. And what I see
is that you guys are just actuallythat's marriage, right, So but you
(36:37):
guys are intentional about Okay, Ilove you, You're worth it. I
want to fix this. That's whatI'm hearing and hearing that each person is
learning to allowed and that that wasmy biggest lesson. I've been married twenty
three years, okay, so oneof my lessons in my marriage was I'm
(36:59):
rushing someone to grow at my pace, right, and that's not right because
how I process is and how heprocessed. You know, as long as
there is movement, if that makessense, and there's not, we're not
stagnant. You have to allow eachother to grow. I'm an advocate on
couple's counseling. I think that isshould be that should be the first thing
(37:21):
everybody do in the first place,before you've even like get married, like
you should go, just go,you know, because the truth is we
all will bring in some type oftrauma, things that we have been through
in life. That's just what itis. Marriage is where you two and
if you two have noticed, youmarry each other. Yep, that's all.
(37:45):
And especially the stuff that ain't good, it's your way of becoming one.
It's just God's way of refining youguys to be to move as one.
And so you have to get healedfrom all all of that junk,
so you can do that. SoI'm excited to have this conversation with you.
(38:06):
I know it took a different termbecause I want people to really see
you, and I hope that's okaywith you. Of course, of course,
you know, my interview style isa little bit different. It is
called the Couch of Therapy. Though, as you can see, I love
the name, thank you so much. One of my guests gave me that
it wasn't even called that, butshe was like, I feel like I'm
(38:28):
telling you my whole business. I'mon a therapy show on the couch.
I was like, I'm let's takethat thing, thank you. So what
would you like before we conclude?What would you like people to know about
you. How can if they needyour services? Do you operate online as
well as in person? And ifso, please tell them how they can
(38:52):
get in contact with you and yourbeautiful wife of course. Yeah, so
you can definitely just go to mywebsite ww da W dot j chantlangxy dot
com. You find all the resourcesthere if you want to book a session.
Uh. I am a self careand healing coach. So my way
of you know, starting the healingjourney for anyone is through self care.
(39:15):
So I actually teach you know,people and students and clients about what real
self care is, right, puttingthat attention on yourself and speaking in that
journey. My wife also has hercoaching business. Uh it's emotions ally dot
com. Okay, she's an allyto all of your emotions because she's in
(39:37):
she's an EmPATH as well. Souh yeah, you can go there any
of those websites you can reach usthere. My handle for all social media
is at j chant langsy. Mywife she's not so much into social media,
so tell her. I understand it. My husband either, and if
(39:57):
I didn't have this show, Iwouldn't be either. I can't. Yeah,
so it gets you know too overwhelming, but I think, like you
said, like you always mentioned,being intentional about it is definitely makes it
a lot easier. So true,and you and I really have no choice
the business that we're in, wehave to do pretty exactly. That's where
(40:21):
the people are, right, Yeah, unfortunately, that's where they are.
That's where they are, But Ilove that. I just want to thank
you so much, Jay for comingon my show, being open to the
conversation. I wish you continue healingon your journey. I wish you longevity
in your marriage, and I wishnothing but prosperity for you and your entire
(40:45):
family. May God be stole nothingbut blessings to you. Thank you for
doing the work, thank you forbeing that man that's vulnerable because we don't
get to see that often. Andthank you for changing for you. Wow,
And I thank you so much forthat, totally openly, wholeheartedly received
(41:07):
that. Thank you, absolutely,God bless you and everybody. Until next
time, This is your host,Honey, Mark Jordan can't wait to see
what's next. All right now,
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