#19 - Loveable Loser (Solo Episode)

Josh jumps on the stream to recap his trip to the East Coast, doing Cumia on Compound, visiting the Stand & Joey Roses, East Coast cleanliness (or lack there of), and why breaking a toilet seat isn’t always the rock bottom it should be.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So I just want to say,going into this episode, thank you to
those of you who tuned into thislive on Friday night or Saturday night.
I recorded this when I got backfrom my East Coast trip and wanted to
recap it a little bit, kindof talk about some of the fun stuff,
some of the not so fun stuff, and then fuck you to the

(00:22):
people who tuned in and didn't mentionme. Hey man, your microphone is
not working and your live stream ispulling audio off of your computer, so
it sounds like shit. And that'sone of the downfalls of here's a little
tech nerdery for you. I don'trun my podcast equipment the way a lot

(00:42):
of people do. A lot ofpeople run it into like an analog mixer.
They use analog mics, and thenthey run that into an audio interface.
I use what's called a digital audiointerface makeup, which is USB mics
that are aggregated together into an audiointerface. And sometimes what happens is if
your computer does updates or whatever,it doesn't toggle on your custom audio interface

(01:07):
option, and so now that allof your genitalia no longer will ever work
again. You now know why theaudio of this episode is shit. But
It was a fun episode. Itwas kind of off the cuff and just
you know, I wanted to dosomething that was a little bit of like,
here's how I'm feeling after this trip, And overall the feeling about the
trip was good. It was verygrateful for the time I got to spend
with friends and family and other comicsthat I really liked. And yeah,

(01:34):
so you know, the substance ofthis episode is still there and I hope
you enjoy it. I plug thesethroughout the show, but dates coming up.
You check me out in Los AngelesApril twelfth and thirteenth at the Luxe
Hotel in Westwood. I'll be doingan event for the American Freedom Alliance those
two nights with my good buddy AdamYenzer. Excited about those shows and then

(01:57):
you could see me. Three nightsare not three nights, two nights.
Three shows. Wilmington, Delaware Houseof Laughs spelled laffs House of Laughs dot
com. You can still get ticketsto those shows now and it should be
a good time. I spent alot of time in the Philly and Delaware
area growing up as a kid.My family's all still out there. A

(02:19):
bunch of my good buddies and stuff. We're still out there, so it
should be a fun few nights acomedy. If you're out in the area,
come say what's up, especially ifI haven't seen you in a long
time. Be cool to meet upwith some old friends and people I haven't
seen in like twenty years since highschool. Will be a lot of fun.
That's it. That's it. Oh, join locals. Go to locals

(02:39):
dot com. You go to JoshDowning dot locals dot com to join my
locals community over there. Locals isbasically like an algorithm free, uncensored Facebook,
and so you can jump on there. Support my work for five dollars
a month to get access to allof the content ad free when comes out.

(03:00):
And yeah, and then also Ijust added a new layer, by
the way, where if you contributeto locals or twenty dollars a month,
you get free guestless access to anylive show. So if you contribute to
Locals twenty dollars a month, youget free tickets to any show you'd like
to come to. Just shoot mea message on locals and I'll set you
up for now. Enjoy this soloepisode of the Darkest Hour. Hello darkness.

(03:29):
Smile friend, I've come to talkwith you again because a vision softly
creeping lift it seats while I wassleeping, and the vision that was planted

(03:50):
in my brain stealing rains. There'stwo ways to see things like in the
world. One is to try tofind a way to laugh at it,
and the other is to just livea miserable existence where you're unhappy about everything.
What the fuck is that you meanlyadopted the dark? I was wanting

(04:10):
it. Yeah, that seems reallydark. Now that was not dark?
You misunderstanding me, Bro, thisis gonna get dark for people. No,
God, please, no. Doyou think that anybody that does enjoy
dark comedy that it's indicative of adeeper evil? I'm in Nada, can't
do you understand? I'm in nadak. Um. I just wanted to take

(04:36):
tonight to come to you live anduh do a quick little podcast. I
was gonna do this, um,I was gonna do this back when I
was traveling on the East Coast.And you know, I don't know if
anybody else deals with this, butit's like when you go home to visit.

(04:58):
Does anyone else's family when they gohome to visit just not have the
Internet. I mean, like everyit astonishes me every time I go home.
My dad lives in Delaware, andevery time I go home, it
blows my mind that they still don'thave Internet. Like they use their phones
and their phones get better service,but yeah, they still they still have

(05:25):
satellite TV. Everything still comes throughthe Internet or just comes through their phones.
And you know, there's no there'sno Wi Fi, there's nothing.
So as much as I was goingto start, you know, cranking out
episodes recording on my phone, itjust didn't. It didn't seem right.
So I figured I'd wait till Igot home and say, what's up to

(05:45):
you guys right now? If youare a Locals member, and you'll see
on the stream right here, Ihave the Locals chat brought up. You
can jump in Locals and chat live. That's the only chat that I have
up in the moment, and thenof course you can chat live from the
I guess it's now Twitter Video usedto be Periscope, and it's still integrates

(06:06):
like periscope on stream Yard, soit doesn't look any different. But I
think it's just not branded as Periscopeon Twitter anymore. So you can see
it on there. A couple ofthings. One, if you are in
my Locals community, thank you forjoining and signing up. I appreciate it.
We just crossed the two hundred subscribermark, which is pretty fucking awesome,

(06:29):
So thank you guys for that.And yeah, I'm hoping to have
more stuff. There's some exciting thingscoming with Locals. It's kind of new,
you know, and they're working outthe kinks. Before I left town
last week, I had a callwith my ambassador what do you call it
here handler over at Locals and shewalked me through some things that are coming.

(06:54):
So there's a TV app coming,there's some live streaming coming, which
is pretty cool. So, youknow, Locals is gonna be pretty it's
pretty cool now, but it's gonnabe a lot more robust in the coming
months and I'm looking forward to doingmore and more stuff with you guys on
there. So if you're not amember of my Locals Josh Jenny dot locals
dot com, let me throw themight as well throw that up there for

(07:17):
you guys to see. God,I'm so from broadcasting. I'm so fucking
or rusty rusty at a lot ofthings these days here we go Josh Jenny
dot locals dot com. You canfind me live over there. We're dead.
If I die, it'll be overthere too, and you'll be able
to see it through the paywall.Um so yeah, check out Locals.

(07:40):
My length at the bottom. Ido my show The wake Up Call there,
which is available ad free and onvideo right after we record it,
and then you can get it aweek later, generally on everything where podcasts
are played, so you get onSpotify and all the other ones, etc.
Pretty cool stuff. Um, it'sbeen a crazy week, man,

(08:03):
How should we start this? Ibroke I broke a toilet seat a Gavin
McGinnis's house. I think that's animportant thing to discuss, and not in
the fact guy way that you wouldthink that I did. You would think,
oh, we know how you didit, you tubby motherfucker. But
after I went and did Kumia lastweek on Thursday, I went up to
visit Gavin and he was nice enoughto invite me to stay his place.

(08:26):
And I literally was there for dudeten minutes and we're staying up on the
third floor. And needless to say, this is like, you know,
that's a house made for normal sizedpeople. So you know, the stairwells
are tiny and narrow. Everything ismade of wood. And I'm five minutes

(08:52):
in and as I as I getdone going to the bathroom taking a leak
a number one, I go toset the toilet seat down. It's like
a wooden seat. It's got thelid and the seat bottom together, and
I just it slips through my fingertipsand it smacks the porcelain toilets, just
batta bau. And immediately I know, okay, first of all, sounded

(09:13):
like somebody fired a fucking gun onthe third floor. Was the loudest thing
ever. I think I woke upthe entire neighborhood, and I know right
away this thing is fucking compromised.So I look at it. It seems
fine. I go to bed.I wake up the next day and I
go to take a piss again,and this time the seat top is already
raised. I go to lift theseat up and it just cracks as soon

(09:37):
as I go to pick it upoff the thing, and I'm like,
motherfucker, of course this happens.I didn't even get to sit on it
and break it the way that afat person would, which would be fucking
fantastic. I broke it lifting it, and I told my girlfriend about this
and she goes, yeah, itsounds like the toilet seat got one look
at you and committed suicide, whichmakes sense. If you seen me coming

(10:01):
for you to take a shit,I'd probably snap myself in half two and
think, all right, if I'mgoing out, I might as well splinter
this big ginger bears asshole on theway. So Gavin comes upstairs that morning.
He's like, hey, guys,good, you need anything. Oh
yeah, I gotta run out andreplace your fucking toilet seat because I broke
it. And he just looked atme like, already, you've been here.

(10:24):
You've been here one day, andyou fucking are already being fat and
destroying everything. So, needless tosaying, I went to the nice little
hardware store in town there picked upa toilet seat. Fuck the lady behind
the counter. Two by the way, I walk up with a toilet seat,
like you know, and at thisstage, I'm thirty seven. I'll

(10:46):
be thirty eight in a few months. I've broken my share of toilet seats
over the days. And I walkin and I just go toilet seats.
I would think that the lady wouldlook at me and just go toilet seats
right this, I'll seven. SoI walk in, I grabbed the toilet
seat. I find the right one. I go to the front and I'm
holding it under my arm like afucking briefcase filled with drugs. I set

(11:07):
it on the counter and pay forit, and then the woman behind the
counter goes, sir, there's ahandle on the package that you can hold
this with. I was like,oh, good God forbid, I look
like a fucking asshole carrying this toiletseat out of the hardware store the wrong
way. Because you know, ifyou're going to carry a toilet seat out

(11:31):
of a hardware store at ten o'clockin the morning on a fucking Friday,
the last thing you want to dois look uncool. So I was just
like, yeah, I think Ithink I'll be embarrassed no matter how I
walk out. I don't think anybody'sgonna be like, hey, man,

(11:52):
way to hold that like a fuckingdildo. I think, at the end
of the day, if you're carryinga toilet seat out of a hardware store,
there's not a cool You can't lookcool. I would love to see
the guy who looks cool enough walkingout of a hardware store with a toilet
seat to where women on the streetjust start sucking this guy's dick, like,
oh my god, you see howhe held that toilet seat. What
a bad motherfucker. So you know, here it is. Here we go,

(12:20):
great start to the trip, thetrip started and time again was cool.
If you guys are members of Gavin'swebsite censored dot tv, we shot
some stuff over the fur over there. Gavin and Josh watch TV, and
Gavin and Josh watch commercials, Sogo over there and check that footage out
on censored dot TV. I'm notsure if it's up yet. I think

(12:41):
it went up this week. Igotta get over there and check it out
myself and see it what made itup so far? But I really had
fun out there, man, andlook forward to seeing me and Gavin do
some stuff together in the future.I'm excited about it, so it'll be
fun. You know, one ofthem. It's kind of cool when you
introduce I was traveling with my buddySean on the road this weekend, and

(13:05):
it's kind of cool when you introducefriends from like different worlds, Like you
know, obviously I have my friendsI grew up with. Sean is my
oldest buddy man. We grew uptogether since I was eleven years old,
and we splay street hockey together.You know, we used to We've been
staying over each other's houses and stuffsince we were eleven. He used to
come out and visit in La everyyear before we both got super busy,

(13:28):
and you know, he was heshot stuff with me when we did ginormous
food that never made it because itwas definitely not appropriate for television and it
was probably kind of boring, right, which just two fact guys eating and
being quiet. That's never that nevermakes for good television. So every every

(13:48):
cool thing that I've ever done inmy life, and every you know,
every high and every low, like, Sean's been there. Sean's either been
a guy that's been there to celebratethe highs with me or been there to
kind of help, you know,dust me off and pick me up in
the low points as well. Andso you know, throughout my life I've
had I've gotten introduced Sean to differentpeople you know, that I've come across

(14:11):
to work with in all different kindsof capacities. And I thought, well,
I wanted to go home and visitmy dad who's eighty, who just
turned eighty in January. And thenI got the opportunity to guest on Kumia,
and I thought, well, fuck, let me let me guess on
Kumia. Let me just fly out. I'll go out to New York.

(14:33):
I'll do Kumia in person and getto meet everybody, and then I'll hang
out with my buddies over the weekend. And if I can book some stand
up shows, that's great. SoI kind of looked as like cool,
Sean and I couldn't get together forthe first time in a few years.
We'll go travel, we'll do Kumia, we'll do what fact guys do,
which is eat all the good food. And that's what we did. And

(14:54):
yeah, it was a fun time. And Sean getting to meet Gavin was
kind of cool because you know,Sean only knew about Gavin through mainstream media,
and so I went, I wentto Sean and go listen. Man,
like, I've never met Gavin inperson. I've only you know,
we've done each other's podcast, We'vetalked over the phone and stuff. I've
been friends, so like, Idon't know the dude that well. And

(15:16):
uh, you know, and we'llgo hang out at his place and you
know, see how it goes.And Sean was like, cool, I'm
excited, you know, I'm excitedto see you know, who he is
and and you know, see howit holds up to the public perception and
what the media throws out there.And when we left, my buddy Sean

(15:37):
was like, dude, if ifthat dude is supposed to be the next
Hitler according to the mainstream media,then Hitler must have been a lovely gentleman,
because that's exactly how you know,our time up there went. I
mean, it was great, itwas fun, super welcoming, and uh,
it's nice to be around other reallyfunny, fucking people who just have

(15:58):
absolutely no guard rail up about what'sokay to joke about, you know.
I mean it's kind of weird.LA has become this place where even dudes
I came up with through comedy whoused to make the same kind of fucked
up in appropriate jokes that I didor do, would you know? Now
it's like if you make an offcolor joke or whatever, they look at

(16:19):
you crossed. They're just like,oh, really, dude, like you
you're you're making jokes about that,and it's just gross. It's a gross
fucking feeling to be around, tobe around people who call themselves comedians and
are just you know, like proclutching about bits or jokes. And you

(16:41):
know, when I first started doingstand up, like one of the most
fun parts about it was was like, you know, comics are so thick
skinned when it comes to like whatoffends them. I wouldn't say thick skinned
in terms of getting made fun ofthemselves, because most comedians are actually very
thin skinned when it comes to gettingtheir balls busted. But usually they're pretty
thick skinned about subject matter or things. You know, they're not really a

(17:03):
pearl clutchy type. But that's changedover the past few years where even like
so called comedians are starting to belike, I would never make jokes about
it. I mean, you see, like Sarah Silverman talking about this,
you never I would never make jokesabout that. I would never I would
never make gay jokes, their racialjokes or whatever. Long after these people
have made their millions and millions ofdollars, and you know, now they

(17:26):
want to close the door behind themand talk about what's in good taste and
what's not in good taste, andit's just it's so fucking annoying. It's
so annoying, and it's nice.It was nice to kind of like hang
out with, you know, mybuddy Sean with Gavin. We got to
hang out with Ryan for Today,Gavin's producer, who's a funny dude in

(17:48):
his own right, and it's justlike nice to be in this completely free
environment. It was like going backto the first year of comedy again,
where you know, like anything goes, where you can fucking make fun of
anything, you make any joke youwant, and you know there's no one
at the table who's going to belike, oh wow, like I don't
know about that. There's just nopro clutching at all. And it's a

(18:11):
pretty freeing environment as a comedian.Yeah, I agree, Thomas, it's
it's it's a completely freeing environment asa comedian to be that way, And
it's like, it's amazing how differentyour brain responds in those moments where you
know you're not like editing, you'renot editing yourself based off of the people
around you, were just trying tonot blow things up socially. You're able

(18:33):
to just kind of be yourself andbe completely unfettered as a comic. And
I kind of decided after that,after this past weekend, or is just
there's enough of these people out therethat I'm just not going to be around.
I'm just not going to spend timearound people that aren't like that because
it's so draining and it actually,I think makes you a shittier comedian.
Yeah, Thomas talking about Ryan's BillBurr. The Bill Burr is good.

(18:56):
I actually think his Trump is prettygood too. He's had a lot of
good impressions. Man impressions. There'slike, uh, you know, I
think in throughout my years there's maybelike one or two impressions I could do
and probably not very well. ButI'm always I'm always like enamored with people
that commit to learning how to doimpressions and doing impressions if you're looking for
funny impressionist. Not to divert toofar off the subject, but my buddy

(19:19):
in La Justin Rupple are upp lE. I'm gonna have him on the
podcast at some point soon. Wewere gonna we were gonna do an episode
like right after Wonder Woman dropped totalk about how how popular it is to
shoot on big budget movies now,but um, you know, the as
far as impressionists go, I thinkhe's one of the funniest ones. He

(19:40):
was on Dana Carvey's show First Impressions, and you could probably find that on
YouTube somewhere where, UM, let'ssee, Yeah, everybody's using this other
chat, so I'm just gonna closethis chat. We stop sharing that cool
if you go on If you goon YouTube, you'll probably find First Impressions
Dana Carvey and look for Justin Rupple. I don't think he won the show,

(20:03):
but he did pretty well on it. And the chick on SNL,
Chloe Fineman. I think she wason it two pretty funny shit, but
impression wise, like, that's neverbeen my back so I'm always impressed by
people that could do it. AndI think it's even funnier coming from Ryan
Rivera because he's Asian. It's justweird hearing different voices come out of Asian

(20:23):
people's mouths. I always tell thisstory there's an episode. Eventually he'll be
able to see it on locals whenthis episode gets uploaded. But we did
an episode of Ginormous Food in Mobile, Alabama, and there was a chick
named Vaughan. She had a littlerestaurant called Vonn's b Shrow and it was
like Asian Southern her soul food mashupfusion. I guess adorably I hate fusion,

(20:48):
but it actually really worked. Itwas really good. But the crazy
thing about Vaughan is that she's likefull Asian, but I think she was
adopted, so her voice is likeSouthern bells, so she's literally like Asian
lady, and then her voice islike, Hi, how y'all doing,
And it just doesn't even go together. And I think, like for the
first hour that day, I wasjust like dying every time she spoke.

(21:12):
It was impossible not to crack thefuck up all the time. So stay
tuned for that coming that'll be that'llbe like months away because I'm I'm uploading
those episodes in the order in whichthey aired, so we'll have a new
one this week coming up. Wehad a new one last week, and
it's the only place where you canwatch the old episodes of my show,

(21:33):
which have been slightly altered us tonot infringe upon copyright. So enjoy that.
But hanging out with Gavin and Ryanand Sean wasn't the only thing.
I mean it was walking into compoundand doing Kumia and getting to meet Anthony
and like sit in the chair nextto him and do the show with him.
Was amazing and surreal. And youknow, one of the things that

(21:57):
I always tell people, like,you know, throughout your career, you'll
have all these crazy ups and downs. And I'll talk about that a little
bit more in a bit, becauseI think some people still think that like
those of us who have chosen thislifestyle aren't accustomed to downs and don't know
how to deal with it. Soundslike we're talking about retarded people. I've

(22:18):
seen my share of downs is andI love them. You know. It
seems like sometimes people think that wedon't know how to take an ell,
and boy do I know how totake a fucking hell. But there are
moments in your career that aren't els, and sometimes you get so caught up
in you know, where you're at, or what you're doing or what you're

(22:38):
trying to do, that sometimes youforget about those things like I got to
do. You know, Tripoli hasbeen really really awesome in terms of like
helping me in my career and givingme show opportunities and stuff. And if
you guys don't know Sam, he'sgot one of the best podcasts out there
as far as conspiracy podcasts go,called Tinfoil Hat. Check that out.
I'll have Sam on this show again. It's some point, but he's probably

(23:02):
one of my best friends in comedythat's still in LA maybe the only one.
And you know, he had meon a couple of his shows,
Comedy Chaos in the main room atthe Comedy Store before everything shut down,
and the lineups were insane, likethe lineups would be. You know,
Chris d'lia canceled, Joe Rogan,Ron White, Brian Collen canceled, you

(23:29):
know, all these Whitney Cummings,Bill Burr or not Bill Burr. I
don't think I did a show withBill at the story yet. Who else
was on it? Burt Kreischer,Tom Sigura, you know, like all
these heavy hitters. And there wasone night where I did the show.
Ron White was one of the guestsand I was in the back like workshopping
a bit with Sam and Ron justkind of like stepped into the conversation and

(23:52):
started like giving notes, sort oflike saying, hey, if you thought
about putting that there or maybe ifyou move it around, you know,
it's just like such a little fanthat it wasn't until I was driving home
or I was just like, dude, fucking Ron White just gave me a
note on a bit And that mightseem like a very small, arbitrary thing,
but like if I were to goback to the knee, who was
like a fifteen year old kid,sixteen year old kid watching blue collar comedy

(24:15):
tour and most of that wasn't mycup of tea, but Ron was fucking
great, And I remember watching thatbe like, dude, this guy's this
guy's a murderer, and then tojust fast forward like twenty years later and
you're just talking comedy with that dude, Like it puts things in perspective.
Sometimes you got to pump the brakesa little bit and go, holy fucking

(24:36):
shit, like it is a miraclethat I'm even in this room doing this
show, having this opportunity, whetherit goes well or not. So sometimes
you gotta take stock of the positives, even if there isn't like some massive
reward at the end of it.Sometimes you just got to take stock of
the positives and go, wow,this is like this is something I could

(24:56):
not have fathomed, you know,twenty years ago before I I had ever
started down this journey of comedy.It's not something I could have fathomed ten
years ago, like when I wasthree years into comedy. So you know,
those things are cool, and doingKumia was one of those things where
like you know, when Anthony hasguests on, there's like he'll do an

(25:17):
hour of the show or a halfhour of the show solo, and then
he'll bring his guest on. AndI went and sat so that because it
was fucking loud in the green room. Anybody who watch live could tell Gino
just done in hot Water Bisconti,and they were fucking tying it on and
the green room area was loud asshit and it was so fucking noisy.

(25:37):
So I just excused myself went intothe studio so I could listen to Anthony
and watch him do his thing.And I got to tell you, man,
it was like, it's fucking unrealto watch somebody who is that level
of a professional broadcaster do their thing, like to be able to keep a
show moving, drive it forward,keep it entertaining, with nobody else in

(26:00):
the room to banter or to bounceoff of. It's it's a fucking thing
to marvel at. And I rememberjust sitting there being like, dude,
I do not know how this dudemaintains his train of thought barrels through it
makes it funny, you know,keeps the fucking booth engaged, keeps the
viewers engaged. You know, youcan tell the guy's been doing it for
twenty years. And then I gotinvited over to join the show. And

(26:22):
it probably took like ten or twentyminutes of the hour to like really settle
in and to feel comfortable, becauseyou don't want to interrupt, you don't
want to be too quiet, youknow, you got to kind of pick
your spots. But you know,I felt like we got on a roll
and had some really funny moments andsome funny things, and it was a
really great time. And I've alwayssaid this, like I've been able to

(26:42):
be second chair, third chair fora lot of really great podcasts. I
mean and listen regardless of the factthat I don't talk to Patrick Melton anymore
and we aren't friendly anymore. Iwould argue that the times that when when
nobody likes Onions was like in itsprime and which people will fucking debate,

(27:07):
Oh you think you were in theprime, but just as far as I'm
concerned, when it was the mostfun where those early years of twenty ten,
twenty eleven, and my favorite partof that was getting to be the
second chair, even the third chairsometimes where you can literally just pepper in
the one liners, pepper in thejokes, you know, help kind of
push the story along or even breakaway from it. That is my favorite

(27:27):
spot to be on a podcast.And for the longest time, I didn't
start my own podcast or broadcast becauseI didn't want to do you know,
I didn't want to do this part, the first chair part, pushing things
along, picking segments, sticking toa format, following you know, the

(27:48):
notes and stories and all the prepwork. I love being able to just
come in and pepper something with jokesand try to be funny off the cuff
and getting too Dukumia was like aflashback to that, and you know,
and then again it was like oneof those things. You're in it,
you're doing it, it's fun andyou know. And it wasn't until I
left that I was just like,holy shit, dude, like that is

(28:11):
that's fucking Opie and Anthony Anthony likethat is that dude is a legend in
broadcasting and you just got to sitacross from him and fucking talk shit about
the news. That's crazy, Andso I'm trying to get better at Yeah,
Thomas, third mike is the bestspot. It really is. It
really is because generally, if youhave a two mic situation, you have
you have the straight man, youhave the extremest funny man. And that's

(28:34):
what I always think was great aboutOpie and Anthony Back in the day.
Opie was obviously the straight man,which I think sometimes you had a problem
wearing that hat and that fucked theshow up a little bit, you know.
And then the wild man was Anthonywould take a subject and take the
most extreme point of view that youcould have about that thing. And then
third share, where Jimmy Norton waswas like the fucking sweet spot. And

(28:57):
I felt the same. It waskind of the same away with Artie back
in the Howard days. That waswhen Howard was the best, was when
you had Robin as the straight man. Howard is sort of the radical or
whatever, and then Ardi in thethird chair, Jeff Peppering in jokes and
taking things silly and crazy. Itwas. It was fucking great. I
mean it was the greatest. Thosemoments in radio history are some of the

(29:19):
greatest that I remember watching, youknow, as as not even before before
I was a stand up, evenjust as a fan of comedy, and
so many of those great things.I mean, Patrese was a great third
chair burr. I mean, thoseguys would come in and just fucking you
know, Pepper Giraldo was great onthat show. So you start to think
about all these dudes who you knowhave done that and have and that you're

(29:42):
now you get to be a partof this thing, even for a day,
is pretty fucking awesome. And Ihad a lot of fun, and
you know, I made a handfulof new fans from it, which is
cool. And you know, itwas good. It was a good It
was a good trip. You can'tshoot anywhere in New York, by the
way, I don't know if youknow this. If planning a trip to
New York, don't go because youcan't even break a toilet seat in New

(30:04):
York City. They're all closed.Even the restaurants are open, and you
go in and they're like shitter's closed. We don't because apparently the COVID does
not live in the restaurants with thedozens of people in line. It hides
out in the shitter so that ifyou go in there to piss, it
will jump through your genitalia into yourbody and murder your soul. So,

(30:27):
yeah, have fun going to NewYork and you know, but that I
have to shit now it's over.Where do we go? Well, have
fun walking seventeen blocks to a Barnesand Noble because that's the only place.
And by the way, I'm givingyou the four one one. If you
have to ship in Union Square,go to Barnes and Noble. They have

(30:48):
a shitter in there. We wentto Union Square so we could go buy
the stand and check out Joey Rosa'ssandwich shop. Joey de Rosa has a
sandwich place in the stand that operatesduring daytime or lunchtime where you can get
sandwiches, and I had one therewas fucking great. So if you're if
you do brave New York anytime nowduring the apocalypse, and you decide you

(31:11):
want a sandwich, go visit joeto Rosa spot. Joey Roses at the
Stand it was fucking good. Itwas really good man, and it was
cool because Do Rosa. When hewas out here, he did my podcast,
March of the Pigs, which Ihad around the time I had the
ginormous Food Show, and I rememberhim telling me, like, dude,
I've always wanted to open a sandwichplace, and I'm glad that he finally

(31:33):
did it. I'm glad that hefinally did it. And it's good.
It holds up, and it's notexpensive to food is so cheap on these
coasts. Just buying food out there, I was like, Jesus Christ,
this is how, this is whywe're all fucking broke, because an eight
dollars sandwich in New York is aseventy eight dollars sandwich in LA. I
mean that's an exaggeration, but it'sit's like thirteen ninety nine. Something that

(31:56):
is ten dollars in New York isfourteen or fifteen dollars in La. Absolutely
ridiculous, and uh yeah, we'regetting gouged. It's a fucking bloodbath.
I got to I got to hangout with Gino, first time i'd seen
him in a while. Gino's afucking trip. Gino was nice, enough
to come to a guest spot atour bust of a show in New Jersey.

(32:16):
You know, it's funny. Man, Like, I remember when I
left, I was like, m, I hope this isn't a real Jewish
neighborhood because it's Passover. I hadone of my friends in New York,
the lawyer Ron Coleman, is aJew, and I invited him to the
show and he goes, yeah,I can't do that. It's it's fucking
Friday, Shabas, Shabbat shabada Dad, it's Jewish vacation time where people don't

(32:45):
leave the house. And then hegoes, it's gonna be an extra bad
weekend because Jews aren't leaving the housefor the whole weekend. It's high holiday,
it's Passover as. I uh,I hope that doesn't fuck up the
show. And whether it was thedeciding factor or not, I'm sure I'm
sure it didn't help because even evenlike the not strict Jews were in that

(33:09):
night, like even the Jews whodon't stay home for Friday nights into Saturday
for Chabas, didn't do shit thatweekend, and so our show should have
been canceled. I mean, wesold almost no tickets. I think we
sold like five fucking pre sales,and and then I had a couple of
friends come, like obviously Sean waswith me by buddy Oscar. Shout out

(33:31):
to Oscar for coming over from thecity. But ultimately, like, yeah,
it was a bust of a show. We should have canceled it.
Fucking poor Natalie Cuomo decided to bailout. We had some trolls there who
decided to come and try to filmthe show, and that's happened the last
couple of times I've done shows likeListen. The funny thing is is these

(33:51):
dudes think they're cute, like theythink I spotted both of them before the
show even started, and they usuallyhave one of two speeds, right,
but he was there knows this.It's usually one guy. And this type
of dude is like a total pussycoward who has to drink himself retarded to
even have the balls to be there. And then that person usually sits up

(34:14):
front, whips their camera out,gets caught filming and gets booted immediately or
creates a problem and then gets bootedlater. And this time it took probably
like twenty minutes to get the dudeout of the room because we had a
waitress have a seizure at the exactsame fucking dog. I mean, when
you talk about bad shows, thisone's probably top three bad shows of all

(34:37):
time that I've done, and probablynot the last bad show I'll do.
Man, Like, I don't givea fuck about bad shows. I stayed
up there, I had fun.You know, I'm not gonna oh and
I said the second there's the secondtype of person who's very incognito, who
often sits in the back, hasa well rehearsed story like, oh,
I'm in the neighborhood, I liketo eat food, and I'm a regular.

(35:00):
They're here and I just figured i'dstop it. It's like, yeah,
dude, that dude's a spy too. I get it. I know
the store. Man. It's thesame at every show, there's one two
of them. Yeah, that's fine, you go will be at all your
shows. So yeah, if youget caught filming, you're gonna get booted
out of the fucking show. Justbecause I'm not trying to burn new shit.
I don't want shitty versions of newshit. I'm working on getting out

(35:22):
before it's done. That's every comedianby the way, and that's every club,
every club you go to. Youcan't film, you can't film,
you can't record, So it's justnot gonna fucking go well. But as
far as like bad shows go,dude, like they happen, they happen,
They're going to continue to happen.And I'm not like, I'm not
delusional to the point where I go, just put my name up and I'm

(35:45):
fucking sell out. Like there areprobably ten comedians, maybe twenty in the
country that can do that. Therest of us. You know, we
buy ads, we promote, Wetry to make sure that people that aren't
our fans get the opportunity to seewill be there and they can come out
and make some new fans and youget some friends out. But you know,
you gotta be pretty strategic with pickingspots, and this just kind of

(36:06):
worked out. You know. It'smy buddy Sam's spot with another dude named
Mike, and they've they've had greatshows there recently, so we thought,
yeah, fucking throw it on Friday, and it did not go well.
But that's fine, man, you'regonna I don't have a problem with losing.
By the way, I mentioned thisearlier, like if you don't take
ells, you're not fucking trying.Like I show me somebody who's undefeated in

(36:30):
life, and I'll show you afucking pussy and a coward. You're gonna
have You're gonna have ells if youtry to do anything fucking outside of the
realm of normal. So you betterget used to taking ells, you know.
Port Natalie was like, there's nobodyhere. I don't even want to
do time. I think she wentup for like three minutes, riffed with
this jerk off in the front,and then called it a night and headed

(36:51):
off stage. And it's like,yeah, man, like I get you
don't want to do it, butthis is part of it. Like even
even in nights where when I wasdoing like one night ors in first year
of comedy, would show up toa place and they'd be like four or
five fucking people in that place,and we want to get paid, so
we would have to do a twohour show for four fucking people. And
some of those nights were some ofthe best nights ever, and some of

(37:13):
those nights were some of the worstnights ever. So it's like it's part
of the gig, man, It'spart of doing this thing, and you're
you're gonna get bloody. You're gonnahave shows that suck, You're gonna have
nights where nobody shows up. Butyou just gotta keep doing it. You
gotta keep moving through. Man,I listen, I will fucking fail and
lose until I succeed at everything I'vedone. And by doing that, by

(37:37):
the way, I've taken a lotof ls, but I've also had ws
that ninety percent of people on thisfucking planet will never see because they don't
take risks and they don't try.So I have no qualms about a fire
and an air barrel on fucking show. It's gonna happen. And by the
way, and this time, comingout of COVID, you're gonna have to
go. You're gonna have to goplaces, and you got to clunk your

(37:58):
way through figuring out how it's gonnawork out now, and that's just gonna
be part of it. So youknow, the show goes on. Man,
I'm not afraid to fucking show upand do comedy for five people.
I still did. I still didmost of my time. I think it
did like forty minutes or something.Still got paid moved onto the next day,
and ate my fucking feelings. I'lltell you what. It was really

(38:19):
good about that place. And ifyou ever go to the Dojo of Comedy
in what is this Morris Plains,New Jersey, get those barbecue ribs,
dude, because that that a littlebox of ribs. He's made the whole
night better. I walked out ofthat place like, fuck, dude,
that sucks. And then I tookthese ribs back to the hotel and I
forgot all about that ship because theywere absolutely delicious. And the people there

(38:43):
are cool. Man, Like thedude Mike who runs it is a good
dude. The fucking staff there wasgreat. The other comics were really cool
and fun. You know. Soat the end of the day, man,
it's just this is the life.The life is not if you try
to get into comedy thinking that you'rejust gonna fucking automatically have success. Every
time you set foot out the door, you're gonna be in for a real

(39:04):
fucking world of hate. It ain'tgonna go that well. It's and you
know, dude, I remember talkingwith Russell Peters about this ship. Like
Russell Peters was selling out the Otwo Arena in the UK and would do
like improv shows here in Hollywood andself fifty tickets as fucking big as he
is internationally in Hollywood, nobody gavea shit he'd sell like forty fifty tickets.

(39:29):
And now, granted this was probablylike ten years ago or so,
I mean it might be a differentstory now. But you know, you
hear those stories about guys that arethey're famous, but they have a niche.
And if you go somewhere that isnot your niche, or somewhere that's
not a big city, or somewherewhere you don't have a lot of fans
or things like that, you know, all those things are variables. And
then you go on a holiday weekend. You just got to decide that this

(39:52):
is for you and you're gonna barrelthrough it no matter how good it is
or how bad it is. Onthe flip side of that, you can't
get too full of yourself when you'reup either, Like you can't just think
like, oh, I'm fucking it'sthe high time now, like people know
this. When I had a TVshow that was getting a million viewers,
an episode was renewed after two episodesfor a full season up order, and

(40:16):
I was in interviews and morning talkshows and stuff. When that happened,
I was still driving uber on myoff weeks because I knew, like this
could fucking come crashing down at anyminute. I'm gonna save what money I
can and I'm just gonna keep fuckingmoving forward. Like you can't get that

(40:36):
excited about the good stuff and youcan't get that bummed about the bad stuff.
Man. So that's what it is. Dude. If you want to
show up to my shows to rootagainst me, what a fucking horribly sad,
pathetic waste of your time. Becausewhether the shows are good or not,
I'm gonna have fun. And ifyou're there not to have fun,
you're gonna be the only fucking onebecause I'll figure out how to have a

(40:58):
good time. That's my thing.Um let's see. Yeah, I wanted
to talk about it. Yeah,it's like and and listen, liking people
who are just winning all the timeof things is easy, you know.
I remember when that's happened in thatin the MMA world, when um Ronda
Rousey lost her first fight and peoplewere like, oh, she doesn't know

(41:22):
how to fucking lose, and they'reprobably right about that. And then I
remember how Connor McGregor lost his firstfight, and even though you know,
he did a lot of shit talkingto NDS beforehand and uh, you know,
talking smack and and just trashing Nate, he got choked out and he
won like a fighter. He lostlike a fucking man. He took it

(41:43):
on the chin, took the land was just like listen, he was
the better man. He got thebest of me. I want to run
it back, Let's fight again.And I became a bigger fan of Connor
McGregor for how he loses than howhe wins, because he has a way
of of losing and learning. Andyou know, you'll hear that in fighting
all the time, where people goit's not win or lose, it's win
or learn, And you got tojust take what you can from the losses

(42:06):
and learn. And I try todo that every time. Like you know,
when that show was over, Iwent into the office to talk with
Mike and go, all right,how do we make sure that we avoid
this the next time? So whatcould we have done differently? What can
I do differently? You know,I'd use the targeted ads this way.
Is there something different we should bedoing? Is there somebody that has you

(42:27):
know, regular success in this roomthat normally doesn't. And we were even
talking about Reverend Bob Levy who hada show that Saturday, and Mike was
like, yeah, dude, Bobusually brings thirty to fifty here automatically,
and it's a sell out, andwe've got five on the books for tomorrow.
So they end up canceling that showtoo. So it could have just
been the weekend. It could havebeen a number of things. But I
always try to own my part ofit and just go, hey, man,

(42:50):
you know, maybe maybe these kindof gigs that are on the fringes
like that it just doesn't work orit doesn't make sense for me to do
it, you know. I gotto think about that stuff. But as
far as like getting the opportunity andat not being a home run, that's
but part of the deal, man, It's gonna happen. I've done shows
in my own fucking backyard. Idid when I did Minneapolis in spring of

(43:12):
nineteen after I lost that last corporatejob, I went out there and did
a whole weekend of shows and itwas Memorial Day weekend, and even with
all the friends and family I hadthere, there was like fifty people and
every and every show because it wasa holiday weekend, first weekend of good
weather, and I had friends thatI texted. I was like, dude,
I'm headlining the whole week and comeout. And they're like, yeah,

(43:34):
man, we got we got thefucking jet skis out this weekend.
We ain't going inside to watch.They were like, fucking George Carlin could
come back from the dead and beat that comedy club and we're gonna be
on the lake, so enjoy yourchuckles. Fat fuck. I mean,
it's just that's what it is,man, That's what it is. Why
are you somebody asked, why areyou so hated? I think it's because

(43:57):
of this. It's because I youknow, I have no fucking qualms about
who I am as a person,and I don't give a shit about the
scorecard. Man. I love.It's like those fighters that are like ten
and ten or ten and twelve,and some of the greatest fighters in the
world had those fucking rough records.Man, Chris Leeban, crippler. Chris
Leeban was a guy like that,fucking up and down and up and down.

(44:21):
Nick Diaz is that way, NayDiaz is that way those guys,
you know, they just fucking loveto fight, And for me, I
just love comedy. So you know, I'll take the els, I'll take
the dubbs, I'll take them all. I just love getting to get out
there and do that and meeting peopleand hanging out with cool people. And
I'm never gonna fucking give up.Like obviously, if that were an option
at this point, it would havematerialized. Like obviously, if I could

(44:45):
just quit and go back to regularlife, I would have done that,
or I'd be doing that, right, That's not on the table anymore.
I am in this weird place ofinfamy where I am well known enough to
wear as a quick Google search canput a good or bad taste in your
mouth about me. And I'm notwell known enough to just put my name

(45:06):
on a Marquis sell out and maketons and tons of money. So it's
going to be a battle in agrind at this point in my career,
and I'm prepared for it, man, I'm prepared for it. I mean,
and you know, if you're notwilling to sacrifice this shit, it's
not for you. It's not foryou. And even when you have else,
just remember there's always coal fired pizzaright afterwards. And I want to

(45:29):
tell you, guys, if youdon't know about coal fired pizza, you
are missing the fuck out, missingout, dude. There's this chain on
the East Coast. Let me seeif I can find their website. There's
a chain on the East Coast calledAnthony's Coal Fired Pizza. I gotta tell

(45:50):
you. I know people think thatcoal is an archaic form of fuel,
but when it comes to pizza,it should be the only form of fuel
because that shit is fucking amazing.Here we go, Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza.
Fucking unbelievable. If you are onthe East Coast, you need to

(46:13):
go to this place right away.This looks like a fucking sponsored ad.
It's not. This place is amazing, So I ate here. I did
a corporate gig in twenty eighteen aroundChristmas time, where I was doing a
thing for Castle Windows. I don'tknow if you guys, I don't know
if anybody on the East Coast knowsCastle Window Company. My friend Jason worked

(46:37):
for them, and they thought it'dbe a good idea to hire me for
the Christmas party, which which wasfun and that wasn't necessarily a bad idea,
but it sort of sparked a bitof a problem for the HR department
because apparently I inspired the son ofthe owner of the company, who's also
like the acting president, to justgo up and start roasting people, which

(47:00):
which I can do as a hiredcomedian who doesn't have to go back to
the office on Monday, but thepresident president shouldn't have done that, so
he just went it. Dude kindof reminded me of like a Kyle Mooney
character from SNL where he was likethis white rapper and so he was like
delivering roast jokes in like a rapcadence and just like but dropping ship.

(47:21):
That was way too personal and notappropriate for a company function. So that
was like an interesting day. Andthen anyway, we were going back to
the hotel from this event and Jasonwas driving. We got caught in a
blizzard in Jersey and we just pulledinto a parking lot and there was one
of these Anthony's coal fired pizzas there, and I was like, let's just
go in and have a giant fuckinglunch and wait for this snow to blow

(47:42):
over. So we go into Yeah, these wings right here, you see
these oh the coal fired wings.They put a little, a little fucking
caramelized onions on them. Jesus Christ, these are fucking amazing. So we
went in and we housed like anorder of wings and a giant pizza and
a whole fucking salad for two people, and it was amazing. And then
when Sean and I left Morris playingSaturday morning, I was like, yo,

(48:04):
let's find one of these on theway home and let's hit that ship.
And so we did and it's great. And by the way, these
tomatoes is exactly how they sliced tomatoesfor the salad. Stop doing that.
Pizza places. The Family Guy dida bit about this like five years ago,
how pizza places just refuse to prepvegetables for salads and they just cut
a tomato into quarters and throw bigass chunks in the salad. It's such

(48:29):
a fucking commonplace that TV shows aredoing bits about it. Stop doing that.
I literally was in there, likeslicing might to me. I was
like, cool, I get todo sus chef work now for my salad,
you know. And people go,oh, yeah, you look like
you eat salad. I get it. But listen, salad is purely tactical

(48:50):
on my part. I have toeat salads so that I can fire out
poops because if I don't, I'llget real backed up, especially when I
fly. Specially when I fly,I got like post nasal drips bother me.
So yeah, coal fire definitely greaterthan would fire a brick of and
miss me with that shit. Everyone'swhat about brick of it? Yeah?

(49:10):
Fuck that. Listen, I'm tellingyou right now. If if coal is
this good, check out my newchain of pizza places called Auschwitz Pie.
It's fucking delicious. Here's another funthing from my trip that I wanted to
bring up. You haven't notice.I started noticing on this trip staying with

(49:36):
other people that when you are guestingat other people's houses, you notice shit
at their houses, then maybe sometimesyou don't even notice at yours. Like
I've got we've got one area ofthe house that gets messy, which is
right back right over my shoulder.Here this ottoman this is like a catch
off for everything. So you see, we've got like powerade jugs, we've

(49:58):
got different stu off here, andthe keys there's like a tray here for
keys and different ship like that.And then right now you have somebody walking
in the apartment, and you know, so this is like our one spot
that we struggle to keep clean.And then when you go to other people's
houses, you realize that they havethings that they also struggle to keep clean.

(50:24):
And I noticed there's this weird thingabout people on the East Coast.
There's two things that they just don'tever do. They never dust over door
jams or over medicine cabinets or anythingup high. And then they also don't
change light bulbs anywhere. Like Ican't tell you how many places I stayed,

(50:52):
and I want to just for therecord, I want to point this
out. This's not Gavin's house,Gavin's house with spotless, but everyone else's
house that I stayed at this weekenddust up high and unchanged light bulbs like
literally that Like so basically they puta light bulb in when they read to
your kitchen, or they put alight bulb and when they read your bathroom
in a new medicine cabin that's gotthe vanity lights the bulbs, and then

(51:13):
when those motherfuckers go out, theyjust leave them forever. I just was
like, no, wonder, there'san entire TV network of like home renovation.
All you gotta do is going witha swift er and some fucking light
bulbs, and you look like agoddamn in tier design whizz. It's like,
yo, just up here with it. They make an extendable one with

(51:34):
the feathers that you just fucking going. It's not hard. And then you
wonder why all these people have likeasthma fucking COPD problems. I'll tell you
what, ninety percent of the peoplewho died of COVID in New York probably
just need to pop in some lightbulbs and dust something and they would have
been fine. Ridiculous fucking dust thatshit. Man. I visited my dad's

(51:58):
house. He's got he's got aityin the bathroom that has like fake plants
on it. And if fake plantslook like you were really in the jungle
because they have not been dusted sincetheir installation and they're just hanging over the
thing with dust. And I waslike, drive me to wah Wah and
I will buy a dust there.I'm sure they have them. If not,
I'll just get you know, ashorty HOGI and a half and half

(52:22):
iced tea and some tastycakes or whatever, and I will figure it out,
but they probably have also have aduster, and you can just go in
and just make that look brand newagain. You know. They're like,
we don't get we don't put realplants in there, because then we'd have
to fucking water them. And ifI'm if it's up to me and I'm
only one water and then they'll die. Well, you somehow let fake plants
die because those aren't being tended toeither. I had fun Aside from that,

(52:47):
though, I have fun visiting mydad. He's a hoot. Man.
The thing I love about him beingeighty is that he just gives less
and less of a fuck every singletime I see him. He just you
know, it's like when I wasa kid growing up, he would say
things behind closed doors that would staybehind closed doors, and now that he's

(53:07):
eighty, he just takes that shitout to the diner and it's like,
yeah, yeah, black lives matter. Let me fucking tell you something about
that. And you're like, whoadude, breakfast hasn't come yet. Take
it down and can you wait untilthe food dropped off? Then then you
can go into the tirade. Andthen the funny thing is is like he

(53:29):
lives in a town where there's alot of other old people. And then
when you get like two, three, four of these olds together, dick
gets shit, gets crazy. They'lljust start yelling shit across the restaurant at
each other. Yeah, Biden,motherfucker. And you're just like, what
you guys are talking about presidential candidateslike they're sports teams, you know there,

(53:52):
yell Tom Brady, fuck you youlike Trump? I don't like Trump?
You like? It's like that's literallyhow happening from one side of the
diner to the next sign of thediner. And then and then you just
hear like you mick, motherfucker.Oh, shut the fuck up with your
black ass. It's the most entertainingshit I've ever seen in my life.

(54:15):
I remember growing up in this littlebit and spending time down there. After
I moved from Philly, I spenta little time in this town called Smyrna,
Delaware. I spent like the firstfreshman year of high school and a
couple of years of middle school there. So about three years I went to
school there, and then I waslike, I hate this. Either want
to go back to Philly or movedto Minnesota with my mom and I moved
to Minnesota with my mom's sophomore year. I remember hating this town and now

(54:38):
I go back and I love it. It doesn't have internet, it's off
the grid. These people are noton social media. The concept of being
canceled just doesn't exist to them,and it's anything goes. I mean,
this place is like Thunderdome for freespeech. I mean it's like you can

(54:58):
go down there and say whatever crazyshit you want and no one's gonna fight
you. They're just gonna yell they'recrazy shit across the restaurant after you,
and they're gonna go, yeah,I disagree, and let's this is the
forum for that. It's almost likeif Facebook were a restaurant. That's the
Smyrna Diner. So if you're everdriving through, like maybe you're going to
Ocean City and you try to goto the beach for the weekend, or

(55:21):
maybe you want to come to myshows in Wilmington at the end of the
month in Delaware, you could justkeep going down to Smyrna Dier Diner.
Dire it's pretty dire too. Youjust keep going down to Smyrna Diner and
see what it would be like ifFacebook was a restaurant. It's fun,
man, it's fun. And there'sso much land down there. You start

(55:45):
looking around here, you go everybodyhere is poor, but they have like
seven anchors. How about you justsell some of this land and buy something
else, like an apartment, andnot have to worry about all this land.
It's a weird Land is a weirdthing to like love and to want

(56:05):
to own, because unless you're farmingon it or you're developing on it,
I don't really see the point.But there is this sort of weird thing,
this weird biological thing that people haveabout land, about like pride and
owning. Just land. What doyou do with it? Nothing? There's
like old broken down cars in it, and like a big mound where we

(56:27):
buried some horses twenty five years ago. We had horses. We didn't feed
it, we didn't dust them forvery long, and then they just died.
And then we just dug a holein the because we have land,
so we were like fuck taking themto the horse cemetery. We just dug
holes in the land and just laidthe horses in that and then just through

(56:49):
the dirt. We didn't even godeep with the dirt. We put the
dirt on top and we just madelike a horse landfill, because what the
fuck else are we going to dowith his land? So, you know,
it's just it's weird. Like Igo to my dad's house. They
have a house built on the land. But back behind there used to be.
When I was a kid, therewas this giant horse thing because my
stepmom's mother raised horses, and Iassume back in the day they were all

(57:14):
kinds of big, real horses backthere. And then when I lived there
as a kid, there was justone miniature horse. And then one summer
when I came back to visit,that fucking thing was gone and the pen
was taken down and it was likea giant horse grave that's like still there.
It's just a mound of horse dustand dirt, and people just parked

(57:34):
their cars in front of it likeit's a fucking parking block. And you
know, this is the problem whenpeople have too much land. And then
you hear black people be like,I want we want land in the form
of reparations. We want reparations land. Like you don't want land, get
a fucking Bentley, don't get land. What are you gonna do with it.
You're gonna you're gonna plant some shitbecause you guys didn't like that the

(57:58):
first time. So oh, Idon't imagine there'd being a whole lot of
farming on that land. You know, just take just take the cash out
option. If the reparations come aroundand they're like land or money, take
the fucking money. Don't take theland. You're not gonna do anything with
land. The people that have landcan't do anything with it. Stupid.

(58:23):
Speaking of stupid and land and Delaware, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for
joining in this brief night. Alot of comments. I've only had time
to read through a little bit ofthem. Some people calling me fat.
Some people ask what happened at thedojo we addressed at. Let's see what
else? Yeah, oh yeah,Easton, Let's eat some piat pizza Easton.

(58:47):
We'll get there again at some point. We ate pizza after a show
not too long ago. Most ofmy ment my good memories with people.
Any talks of you being Kumi asnew co host, Yeah, fat chance
of that. I'm sure there areway more qualified, better people that can
do that job other than me.It would be I would be honored to
do something like that down the pipe, but I just don't think. No,

(59:08):
I don't think that's on the table, nor should it be. I
actually would like to see Chrissy getthat job. Chrissy Mayor, I think
she'd be great at it. Ithink she I think she's super fucking funny,
and I don't know. I thinkit would add an interesting different dynamic
to that show. I think Chrissywould be a good fit for that.

(59:30):
But I don't know, man,I don't know. But I'll definitely go
back as a guest. I hada blast, and I'll do it again
sometime. Anytime they invite me,I'll be more than happy to go on
or skype b in or whatever.And I look forward to going on in
hot Water again and spend time tothose guys, well Gino on this show,
because I'm sure Gino has got somereal dark shit inspiring his comedy.

(59:52):
I can't wait to crack that walnutopen and see what the fuck is inside,
So we'll definitely get that going atsome point here in the near future.
A couple shows coming up before Iget out of here, I want
to plug these for you guys.I'm doing shows with the American Freedom Alliance
April twelfth and thirteenth here in LosAngeles. You can get tickets on my

(01:00:13):
locals page. You get tickets onmy website April twelfth and thirteenth. It's
a very small event. It's notreally private, but it's posted by the
American Freedom Alliance, which is aconservative pack. And I'm doing those shows
with my good buddy Adam Yenzer,who's a really funny conservative comedian. He
has He's been on The wake UpCall and he has a really funny show

(01:00:36):
on YouTube called The Canceled News,and I'm excited to do shows with him
after this long height. I'll tellyou another thing about Friday was, you
know, no excuses. I wasrusty as shit. I hadn't been on
stage in a year. I waslike having a hard time with my cognitive
function. I couldn't fucking remember setupsand bits. I had spent so much
time working on these three new bitsthat I wanted to do that I was

(01:00:59):
just like where I didn't even thinkabout where I'm going to put them in.
Then the show ran like I didn'thave time before the show because everybody
ran short on their sets. Sobefore I knew what I was on stage,
and I was like, fuck,what am I gonna do? And
then you know, people recording,and I was like, all right,
well, I don't want to emptythese new bits out. I did one
of them, I think, whichis which was fun and it worked.
Gino said it's ready, So Itrust him. Gino knows what he's talking

(01:01:21):
about, especially when it comes toHitler Jones. So yeah, American Freedom
Alliance Los Angeles April twelfth and thirteenth, and then Wilmington, Delaware. I'll
be actually out there for like tendays at the end of the month,
spending time with family and doing alittle R and R visiting and but yeah,
it's kind of weird. This isalmost like if I would have stayed

(01:01:43):
in that high school in Delaware,this would actually be our twentieth This summer
would be our twentieth high school reunionclass of two thousand and one. So
if you went to school with mein Delaware and you want to come out
and get together with some of ourold classmates and stuff, come out.
And if I would have stayed inPhiladelphia Ridley High School class of two thousand

(01:02:04):
and one, this would also bethat twentieth anniversary. So if you went
to school with me there, youshould come out to those shows. Wilmington,
Delaware House of Laughs April twenty ninth, there's a seven pm show,
and then April thirtieth, seven pmand ten pm. You can get tickets
at House of Laughs laffs dot comand come on out have fun. It's

(01:02:27):
going to be a blast, bea fun fucking time doing comedy. And
Yeah, and if you're in LAand you're probably gonna want to be a
conservative person if you come out tothe AFA shows, because it's going to
be it's pretty much like a conservativepolitical conference with a little bit of hahas
at the end of it. Iimagine I will be frowned upon for being

(01:02:47):
too liberal in this environment, whichis probably not hard to do. You
could just say something crazy like sometimesblack people are innocent, and they'll be
like, what I'm kidding. Thisis one thing I don't like about conservatives,
by the way, as this ideathat they can never shit on their
own side. You know, there'sthis weird sort of allegiance to party that

(01:03:08):
even exists on the right, especiallyexists on the right where they're just like,
yeah, we're on this side allthe way, even when that ship
doesn't make sense either. So youknow, people go, oh, why
do you go yourself a libertarian?You're not really libertarian. It's like,
well, I'm for personal freedom,personal responsibility. Libertarians the closest thing to
that. So that's what I gowith as far as labels go. But

(01:03:32):
I don't know. I sp sprinkleon a little bit of everything. You
know, anybody who's fucking smart shoulddo the same thing, should You should
borrow the best from everywhere and thenyou'll come up with the best ideas.
So thank you guys for tuning in. Check out the live shows April twelve,
thirteenth in La twenty ninth and thirtiethin Wilmington. I'm working on some
stuff for Austin, Texas, workingon some stuff for Louisiana, the Carolinas,

(01:03:58):
Georgia. So be a pretty busysummer. I'm trying to get some
stuff put together. Maybe they meand tira Vera will hit some hit the
road and do some shows together,who knows. Thanks for tuning in,
guys, have a great week,and if you haven't subscribed to my locals
addresses here and use promo code Dennyfor your first month free. Thanks again,
guys, have a good one.Yeah. Come oh, hand over

(01:04:31):
hand, closing my right too scaredto look down, I clin hand over
hand, blooting distance between I andI and the road. I can do
the time I usually far. Idon't know, nothing can't be let time

(01:05:05):
usually fall. Who you should asksomebody? Because I've got nothing to lose.
Tonight I misplaced my life to nightshe started my friends who were tonight?
I don't say the right things Ithought blood the right way. That's

(01:05:27):
just not mean. I listen tomy music too loud and watch too much damp me