The Elijah Winfrey Show

Elijah gets you caught up on his past week, & answers your emails about autism, social media, & more.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
You're listening to The Elijah Winfrey Show, a space for inspiration, impact,
and community connection. Each week, Elijah shares the latest on
his work in the community, answers listener questions, and reflects
on the week that was, from acts of kindness to
real conversations that matter. This is where purpose meets positivity.

(00:22):
Sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Here's your host,
Elijah Winfrey.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Hello folks, Happy Sunday to you. Welcome to the Elijah
Winfrey Show. I am indeed your host, Elijah Winfrey. We
have a terrific show set up for you today. My
producer and I my amazing producer and I we're in
the green room chatting about today's show and how important

(00:54):
it is to be honest and factual and ask actual
as you can and if you don't know, do the
homework to find the answer. We have a lot of
questions this week centered around autism and it's something near

(01:15):
and dear to my heart. I Anissa nephew who are on
the autism spectrum. I am also an advocate to to
many families in the community here in the Pacific Northwest,
and you know my goal is to give them a
positive voice, a factual voice and help them get the

(01:43):
services that they need for their for their kids and
their adults. So today we're going to answer some questions.
So we're gonna dispel some myths and misconceptions about autism.
I hear these quite a bit in my my my
line of work, and you know, these things can be

(02:04):
very disturbing and it and it can also begin to
put up barriers to acceptance, and you know, it creates
a stigma that we don't want in the autism community.
So I am excited about this today. Before we get

(02:26):
to your amazing questions, I want to get you caught
up on my past week. I don't know if I
said this last week on the show. Maybe I did,
maybe maybe I didn't. But as you all know, I
really struggle with sleep and I am doing my very
best to get the tools necessary to have a good

(02:54):
sleep at night. And you know, we're on we're on
the I track to doing that. I have my sepat
machine now and it's still gonna take some time to
get used to. I am feeling like it is. You know,

(03:16):
it is the first step in a positive direction. And
and you know I spent last week, which was really
hard on trying to get my body to really calm down.
My body was pretty inflame last week. I had some
chest issues, had some numbness that has since subsided. Uh.

(03:37):
And you know, I'm feeling I'm feeling okay, And you know,
I know it's a it's a continued building thing that
I'm gonna have to go through and I accept that. Uh.
And I want you all to know that I'm doing
the very best that I can do to stay on

(03:58):
top of it. You know, we're all are struggling with
something in our lives that isn't great, and you know,
I encourage you to get the help that you need
and do the best with that as you can. And
I am currently doing that. I am still able to

(04:19):
work out. You know, I try not to sit in
the discomfort, right, I recognize it. I try to feel
it as much as I can, but I don't try
to sit in it. So working out has been fine.
I am resting, so, you know, because I've you know,
lightened my workload, I have been able to rest in spurts,

(04:43):
which is really good. Like today, after the show, I'm
going to head home and do absolutely nothing besides wash
the clothes and vacuum the floor. Okay, I'm really gonna
take it ease today. You know, I feel like I

(05:03):
feel like things are going to get better, and as
long as I keep a positive in my state, I
know I'm going to get there. So things other than
that are going well. Family's doing really good. My wife
and I attended our sons first homecoming and I got

(05:24):
to tell you it was fun. You know, Lisa and
I were chaperones. We were we were the coach checkers
for the students at the high school that my son attends,
and it was great. You know, if I had done
that by myself, it would have been a disaster. And
luckily Lisa has a She put the bags. She had

(05:48):
a system. She had a system because I would like,
put these coats in these bags and I just put
them on the side in the corner, and She's like, no,
We're got to have a system. And thank goodness that
she had a system, and we were able to give
the bags back with no issues, no real issues last night.

(06:10):
But uh, our kiddo loved it. He had a great
time with his friends. You know, we had a great
time just laughing and listening to music. They had a
great playlist by the way, I will say, uh, it was.
It was fun too to be their form and to
be present. You know, I stressed that a lot and

(06:32):
in my life because you know, my dad wasn't present,
and you know, I want to be as present for
my son as as I possibly can. And that's no
knock to work my dad. You know, I don't want
anybody thinking that I'm knocking him, because I'm not. I'm
just you know, stay in facts, and and you know

(06:55):
I still love my dad. May he rest in peace.
So outside of that, everything's going good. And the weather
it is definitely fall outside. It is drizzling here as
I look outside the studio window. But better days are
ahead starting tomorrow, so look forward to that. All right,

(07:18):
Let's get into some of your amazing questions. Each week,
my amazing producer, Greg Nice, he goes into the email
bag and he pulls out some wonderful questions and sometimes
he gives me a heads up on what the topic
it's going to be because we kind of, you know,
play off of each other, and sometimes he doesn't. As

(07:38):
he went into the email bag this week, he let
me know that he pulled a lot of questions from
moms related to autism, and we have some other questions
sprinkled in as well, but you know, we felt the
need to really to talk about this subject and you know,

(08:01):
really dispel some of the things that we've seen and
we've heard. So I'm excited and let's get started with
the first question from Jasmine in Atlanta, Georgia. Jasmine rights Elijah.
One thing I hear often is that individuals with autism
have the same challenges or behaviors. How do we help

(08:25):
people understand that autism is a spectrum and not a
single story. That's a great question, Jasmine. Autism is a spectrum, right,
No two individuals experience it the same way. The spectrum

(08:46):
is broad. It's like it's it's why every person has,
you know, unique strengths, challenges and ways of connecting with
the world. You know, at my time of advocating with
with with kidtles, I've seen it firsthand. I've worked with
kids who are nonverbal that are on the spectrum. Uh,

(09:09):
And you know, it's all about connection. And I think
when we start to listen with a bit more empathy
instead of assuming, we start seeing people for who they
are and you know, not for what we've been told.
They should be a lot of times we try to

(09:32):
we we we say, well, you know, they should be
able to function like everybody else in the world. They can't.
They should move aside, right, and we and and for
a long time, you know, when I started educating myself
on autism, I had noticed, like we spent a lot
of time talking about autism during Autism Awareness Month in April.

(09:52):
Outside of that, you know, we don't really talk about
it unless there's a tragedy or or or something you
know bad as has happened. So I think we have
to continue to do a better job of listening with
empathy and not always assume. But it's definitely a spectrum,

(10:13):
and you know, no two individuals have it the same.
That's a great question, Jasmine, great question. Next question is
from Maria and San Diego. Maria writes, Elijah, there's a
myth that children with autism don't want to connect or
show emotion. What would you say to parents or educators

(10:36):
who still believe that. Listen? You know, as I advocate,
I do my very best to be honest with the

(11:01):
facts that I have, and listen, I think that myth
and that's what it is, couldn't be further from the truth.
Children with autism absolutely want connection. They absolutely do. They

(11:27):
just communicate differently. And again it goes back to listening
with empathy, and it's it's it's not about the lack
of emotion. It's really about the difference in expression, right

(11:49):
at least that's what I've seen, and I think when
we sometimes we need to slow down, way down, and
you need to meet them where they are. That's where
the authentic connection happens. When you slow down and meet

(12:10):
them where they are. It's deep. But they they want
to communicate, they want to feel a part of whatever
is happening in the room, in the moment, throughout the day.
They just do it differently, and we have to develop

(12:36):
and create more acceptance around that. You know, I see
it in some areas. In some areas I don't. Patience
is a big it's a big thing, and we have
to be we have to give ourselves the patience and
our understanding of what's happening in those moments. And if

(12:58):
we do that, you you'll see the connection. Right, But
we have to slow down first. Next question is from
Tanya in Seattle. Tanya rights Elijah. Some people think autism
is caused by bad parenting or vaccines, which we know

(13:19):
isn't true. How do you approach correcting misinformation without alienating
people or listen, Tanya, I, I think you know, some
people are rooted in these myths and misinformation, and you know,
all we can do is advocates, is you know, as

(13:41):
honestly and as best we can try to relate to
them that you know this, this isn't true. I think
it's I think a lot of it too. It's about
patience and education. Are you really educating yourself or are
you watching something? Are you watching someone on social media

(14:05):
you know, generate something that's totally false and you're running
with it because they got a million clicks. I often say,
you know when I'm when I'm out and I'm speaking
with families or other advocates, that you can't find ignorance

(14:26):
with anger. And you see a lot of that, not
just on social media but in the community as well.
Everybody thinks that they know, so, you know, I try
to approach it with empathy and truth. My goal is
to plant the seed, not win the debate, because the

(14:50):
debate will go on and on and on and on
until you start questioning yourself. So I'm not in it
to win a debate. I'm there to plant the seed
and I'm hoping that the seed grows, and if it's
watered with compassion, then in time they'll see it. You know,

(15:13):
I don't have that. I don't I don't feel the
need to be first if it's not going to be right,
and I'm not up for a debate with someone who
is solely, deeply rooted in miss and mis information. I
just don't have time for it. So that's how I
deal with it, Tanya. Next question is from Denise in Detroit.

(15:39):
Denise writes, Elijah, how can we move from awareness to
true acceptance and inclusion? That's a great question, Denise. I
think so here here's what I think. And again this
is just my opinion, but this is based on educating myself.

(16:01):
I think awareness has always been the introduction, you see,
inclusion is the action. So I think, to me, true
acceptance means creating opportunities. Are we creating these opportunities? Not

(16:22):
out of pity? Right? Not out of pity? At the
end of the day, it's about respect, not just recognition.
So are we are we? Are we creating these opportunities
out of acceptance. You know, have we done a good
job introducing the awareness of autism? And once we've done that,

(16:51):
then we pivot to inclusion, which is the action. Okay,
so what are we putting in place now to ensure
that these kids are getting an ample tunity to be
successful in the world. And you know, when I when I,

(17:11):
you know, the more I think about it, you know,
the more I think about the awareness part, uh pertaining
to it being the introduction, I think we have to
continue to work on that right as we continue to
introduce autism, which means we have to continue to talk
about it. We have to continue to to bring it

(17:32):
to the light and not talk about it when we
feel it's convenient. Sometimes it's it's it's it's more comfortable
to talk about it when there's discomfort in the room,
or in the community, or or in a situation. So Denise,
I I I think we're getting there. I just think

(17:54):
we have to continue to push the envelope forward and
I think we're working on that. Next question is from
Brianna in New York. Brianna writes, Elijah, what role can
schools and pair of educators play in breaking stereotypes and

(18:15):
helping neurotypical students better understand their peers with autism. Listen,
I think educators play a crucial role because they can
model the empathy, they can create the inclusive environments, and
they can teach the students how to celebrate the differences
rather than fear them. And again that's that's just my opinion.

(18:43):
You know, I think we all and I'm a pair
of educator, we all play a role. What am I
doing to make sure that those doors are open wide
for these kids and adults on the spectrum, whether you're
in elementary, middle, high school, or college. What role are

(19:04):
we playing? Are we modeling empathy? Are we creating inclusive environments?
And these are questions that you have to ask yourself, honestly,
what are you doing? Because it starts with you first?
What are you doing? Is it difficult? Absolutely? Absolutely? But

(19:31):
I think when you started, and starting in the classroom
is very important, right because when it starts there, it
spreads everywhere. You'd be surprised it spreads everywhere. So I
think we have to look at ourselves, me as a parent,

(19:52):
educator and an advocate, teachers, staff, whoever it may be.
We have to to look at our role and figure
out what we're doing and what we could do better. Right,
great question. Next question is from Lauren and Raleigh, North Carolina.

(20:19):
Lauren writes, Elijah, I've heard people say that if a
child doesn't make eye contact, it means they're being disrespectful
or not listening. How can we change that perception again? I,
you know, I think when some are rooted in myths

(20:41):
like it is difficult to change their perception. I think
you do your best to talk to the people that
can hear you, and you change or save what you
can save or change. That's one of the biggest misunderstandings
for a lot of kids. In adults, some inspectrum and

(21:04):
but my former co hosts and I we would talk
about this quite a bit. And you know, eye contact
can feel overwhelming, it can be even painful, and I
think avoiding it isn't. I don't think it's disrespect I

(21:27):
think it's self regulation. Right. If you're forcing me to
do something, then the escalation, it's it's probably gonna happen
because I feel like you're you're you're forcing me to
do something that I'm not comfortable with. I hear you,
I'm doing my best to understand you. So I think

(21:50):
we have to stop judging behavior through a neurotypical lens
and just start asking what does this comfort look like
for this person? Why isn't this person looking at me?
But this person is responding to me? And every again,
every case is different. The spectrum is why some will

(22:13):
look at you in the eye, right, some will read
your lips. They're looking at your lips, Some are looking
at your ears or your nose. Right. We have to
remember that too. But that's that's one of the biggest misunderstandings.
And I've interacted with a lot of kids on the spectrum.

(22:37):
They won't look at me, they'll look down, they'll turn away,
but they're answering the question. And for me, you know,
I accept that. Right. It moves me one step closer
to connecting right on a deeper level with the individual.

(23:00):
That's a great question. Next question is from Priya in
San Francisco, California. Prior writes, Elijah, how can parents and
educators encourage communication without forcing eye contact or making a
child uncomfortable? Connection doesn't require eye contact, per se. I

(23:21):
don't think that. I think a lot of times it
can happen through shared activities in groups gentle conversation, right,
including them in in a group setting where you're talking
to everybody in the group and you're getting them to
respond to a specific question. Right, you're asking one person

(23:44):
and you go around to the next person, and you
you know, it works. It takes time, but it works.
And you know, I think when we respect the child's
comfort zone, you begin to build trust. And when you

(24:04):
build that trust, that's where the real communication begins because
they will open up a bit more to you. They
are willing to talk to you about maybe some discomfort
or something that they really like doing. All of this

(24:26):
takes time, patience, understanding, empathy, guidance, honesty. We all have it.
We just got to keep working to get to where
we want to go and helping these kids and these adults.

(24:54):
Next question is from Tasha and New Orleans. Tasha writes, Elijah,
do you think society these idea of what engagement looks
like needs to change to be more inclusive? Yes? I
think engagement isn't. It's not one size fits all. I

(25:18):
think sometimes a lot of us, not all of us,
but a lot of us have been taught, you know,
to measure things by smiles or nods or eye contact.
But you know it's more. It's more than that. I
think inclusion means and again to me, I think it

(25:42):
means expanding our definition of connection to include every form
of communication. All of us we react to things differently,

(26:04):
and it's no different for the autism community. No different.
Next question is from Aliyah in Houston, Texas. Aliah writes, Elijah,
you said we should use social media instead of letting

(26:27):
it use us. What does that mean for you personally
and professionally? This is a great question, Aliyah. Listen. I
think I say it a lot. To me, it's just
it's just it's simple. It just be intentional. We all

(26:50):
know social media is powerful. We all know that, and
if you're not careful, it will control you. It'll control
your time, your emotions, and your peace. We get on

(27:14):
and listen. I've been guilty of it too. We scroll
and we're looking at things, and we're seeing all these
images that look perfect. We know in the back of
our mind there's no such thing, but we get caught
up and seeing something that and we say, how did
that person look like that? Or how do they do that?
Or you know, this is amazing, but is it factual? Right?

(27:43):
I try to scroll with purpose. I use my social
media channels or positivity for peace, to inspire, to impact.
I can be silly from time to time, right, but
I don't go political and I don't talk religion on
my social media pages. I've always felt in my heart

(28:05):
and in my life and and and it's going to
stay that way that if we're going to talk about
those two things, I want to see you in person.
I want to have a private conversation so I can
feel what you're saying and you can feel what I'm saying.
I think when you when you use social media in
those instances, there's always something out of context. There's so

(28:30):
much misinformation, and now with AI running rampant like it's
the new thing or the new wave, you don't know
what to believe out there. So I try to use
my platforms for for for positivity. It helps me share
my thoughts with the world, hoping that I impact people.

(28:54):
I share my work on there when I can, when
it's appropriate, hoping that it will inspire. I'm not looking
for clicks. I don't care about how many people are
following or not following, or I didn't get in it
for that. I love networking with other organizations. I can't
begin to tell you how many organizations that I've worked

(29:14):
with because of that networking on social media. I am
eternally grateful for that. So I try to scroll with
a purpose to inspire and educate, not just people who
follow me or who like the things that I do,
but for myself. And when you do it that way,

(29:39):
you're in control. That's using it. But when you when
it defines your worth, that's it using you. Right. If
you're on it and you're looking at things that you

(30:01):
know factually it's not true, it's being made up, But
you follow that or do they call it the algorithm? Like,
and they start feeding you this stuff that you know. Now,
this isn't the way you can get caught up. I've
seen it. I've seen the stories. Right, it could be

(30:23):
a very damaging place for a lot of people, not
just not just young kids, but adults as well. A
lot of people are chasing you. A lot of people
are chasing money, you know, people are chasing relationships. So
it's it's a give and take. But you have to

(30:47):
be able to control it and not let it control you.
And that's what I feel like I've done a good
job in doing that, and again you get caught up
from time to time looking at something and laughing or
or or something breaking your heart. But make sure you're
using it. Don't let the tool use you. That's a
great question, Kayler, great question. Next question is from Olivia

(31:12):
and Chicago, Olivia Rights, Elijah. Do you think social media
has helped or hurt the autism awareness movement? I think
it's both. I think it's helped it and I think
it's hurted. I think it's helped by giving families a
voice now to kind of talk about some things that
they're struggling with, But it also hurts when the misinformation

(31:36):
spreads faster than the facts. So you may have someone
who's really struggling with something pertaining to autism kind of share,
you know, parts of their journey and what's not working
and what they need help on, and they in turn
receive that misinformation and they think it's okay or they

(31:56):
think they should follow that, and they shouldn't because they
haven't really done their homework. So I think it works
both ways, and we all have to remember that we
have a responsibility to pause before sharing something because once
it's out there, it's out there. So we want to

(32:17):
make sure that what we're sharing helps not hurts. Social
media is it can be very very dangerous, very dangerous.
All right, let's take a couple more questions here. This
next question is from Chanelle and Baltimore. Chanelle rights, Elijah.

(32:49):
Can you break down? Sorry, put it back up on
the board. There you go, there it is. Okay. Chanelle
from Baltimore rites, Elijah. You often say people would rather
be right than be free. Can you break down what
that means? Okay, Okay, I've said this before. I think

(33:14):
being right, right, the need to be right, often comes
from ego. Right, it's it's it's the desire to prove
something at all costs. Being free comes from peace, right,

(33:36):
the ability to grow and listen. That's how I kind
of live my life. Right. I don't I don't mind debating,
but I'm not going to get to a point where
you know you're trying to You're going out of your
way to to be right when you don't have to right.

(33:58):
You're clinging to being right. I think when you cling
to that, you limit yourself. We limit ourselves when we
when we try to cling to being to be right
all the time. And I think For me, I've learned
that freedom's come if freedom comes from from having the

(34:18):
ability of letting go of my ego and choosing to
understand in those moments. We all want to be right
and what we say and what we do right. But
sometimes some people go out of the way right two
to be right, and you can see, you can see

(34:39):
the ego seating after them. When they do that, they
get frush, they get angry, whether they're debating about something,
and and and you both ultimately see that you're you're
you're sometimes you're saying the same thing. But you know,
someone wants to to to be right all the time,

(34:59):
and they want to prove to you that what they
say in those moments is the truth right. So a
lot of that's ego. So I don't I don't feel
the need to be right all the time. As a
matter of fact. You know, you know, I've been in
rooms where people start talking about things, and you know,

(35:23):
I don't roll my eyes or shake my head. I
just say to myself, you know, just let them go,
let them talk. You know, they want to show you that,
you know, if they're above you in this department or
on this topic, and they want to display it in
a way that sometimes can come off disrespectfully. But you

(35:45):
just you let them go. If you think you know
more than me, I just I fall back and let
you talk. I do you know, I'm at a point
in my life where I'm I'm I'm over, not that
I ever was, but I'm over, you know, trying to
prove you wrong. I just feel like, you know, I've

(36:06):
educated myself on things. I feel like I am knowledgeable
in a lot of areas. But I'm not going to
sit around and go back and forth with anyone with
the need of being right to a point where you know,
it's more about ego than it is about the actual

(36:27):
fact that I'm trying to stay. So I won't do it.
I won't, Okay. Last question comes from Heather in Portland, Oregon.
Heather rights, Elijah, how do you practice being free in
your life, in your work, relationships, or self reflection? Heather,
it starts with honesty for me, and you know I've

(36:49):
said this on on on a lot of shows that
I've done and in the community as well. I make
peace with myself every day, I really do. I stand
in front of that mirror, whether it's a good day
or bad day, whether I'm hurting or I'm not hurting.
I make peace with my flaws. You know, I know

(37:11):
the person looking back at me, you know, and you
know I choose. I've always chosen growth over defense. And
you know, I think freedom for me is about it's

(37:33):
really about accepting responsibility for my life and doing my
best to leave with grace and humility. That's what I
try to do, you know, That's what freedom means to me.

(37:55):
As I try to grow and evolve, I don't get
it right every day. I don't think I'm supposed to
get it right every day. Right, That's why you grow,
That's why you evolve. You're supposed to make the mistakes
you have to, you know. And chasing all my dreams,
my mom told me once, you know, you know, I'm
talking about all these dreams and what I want to

(38:17):
be and who I want to be and where I
want to go and all this stuff. And you know,
I haven't really done anything yet, you know, to to
accomplish those things. But she said to me one day,
you know, I hear you, but remember to get something
you never had, you have to do something you never did.

(38:39):
And there's going to be ups and there's going to
be downs, and if you don't feel big, you're not
even trying. So that's the way I live my life.
But I have those self talks all the time. I
know one day I'm going to get caught in the

(38:59):
hallway or in the public store talking to myself. I
don't care. I don't care. I know who I am,
and you know, I try to be as free as
the world will allow me to do the things that

(39:19):
I do, to feel the way I feel, to say
the things that I say, and I'm always aware, so
you know, in my relationships, in my life and my work,
I try to be as free as I can and

(39:40):
as honest as I can, and I always leave with love, grace,
and humility. All right, folks, we have come to the
end of the show, and as we wrap up the

(40:00):
show today, I want to thank all the incredible women
who sent in questions from around the country. I really
appreciate that like your your curiosity and care, and it's
how real change begins. I hope that I answered your

(40:22):
questions for you in an honest and genuine way. I
did my very best to do that, and again I'm
still learning on this journey and with autism. I am.
I don't think you you get to I don't think
you get to a point where you are you know

(40:44):
it all with anything. So thank you for trusting me
to answer these questions that you sent in. And I
hope that you also remember that as we talk about autism,
you know and we separate the myths from the truth. Remember,

(41:08):
truth doesn't shop. Truth stands steady whether we're talking about autism,
social media, or our own reflection. Right, the goal is
always the same. It's to grow in the understanding, compassion,

(41:30):
and in the self awareness. If we do that, we
will build something incredible for kids and adults on respect
her and for ourselves. So think about that as you
head into the new week or the upcoming week. Do

(41:53):
me a favor, check in on your family and friends,
put a spile on someone's face, and remember it doesn't
take a lot of energy to do that at all.
Thank you for listening to The Elijah Winfrey Show. Please
be sure to download this show wherever you download your

(42:15):
favorite podcast. Til next week. Take care of God, bless
me by my