originally aired 06.12.2023
Amy Mangueira helps people all over the world live burnout-free by bringing clarity, direction, and positive habits into their lives by filling the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. Amy has been recognized by the NYC Journal as a Top Life Coach to watch out for in 2022. She is a 4x entrepreneur with successful acquisitions under her belt, host of the self-care podcast "Life on MY Terms", keynote speaker, and creator of the BEYOND BURNOUT GROUP COACHING FRAMEWORK™. Amy is the author of The Path to Break Free from Burnout and also owns a custom jewelry company that creates fine jewelry for runners, Victory Co. https://www.amymangueira.com/
Dr. Mary J. Giuffra, a licensed marriage and family therapist of 40 years and author of the new book, 2 X 2 on the Ark: Five Secrets of a Great Relationship. Dr. Mary J. Guiffra has been counseling couples and families for over 40 years. As a teacher to hundreds of couple therapists in training. Dr. Guiffra developed Biological Couples Therapy and presented it at The U.S. Association for Body Psychotherapy and international conferences in the Netherlands and France. https://www.2x2ontheark.com/
Lid’ya C. Rivera is a proud vitiligo advocate, decorated Navy sailor, award-winning filmmaker, and confidence coach. She was diagnosed as an infant with vitiligo, causing her to face childhood bullying and low self-esteem, which later inspired her passion for storytelling and raising awareness about the skin disorder. Lid'ya's I Absolutely Positively Love My Spots is a lyrical celebration of self-esteem, perseverance, and loving the skin you're in. Inspiring all children to appreciate their spots. https://www.lidyacrivera.com/
Amy Mangueira helps people all over the world live burnout-free by bringing clarity, direction, and positive habits into their lives by filling the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. Amy has been recognized by the NYC Journal as a Top Life Coach to watch out for in 2022. She is a 4x entrepreneur with successful acquisitions under her belt, host of the self-care podcast "Life on MY Terms", keynote speaker, and creator of the BEYOND BURNOUT GROUP COACHING FRAMEWORK™. Amy is the author of The Path to Break Free from Burnout and also owns a custom jewelry company that creates fine jewelry for runners, Victory Co. https://www.amymangueira.com/
Dr. Mary J. Giuffra, a licensed marriage and family therapist of 40 years and author of the new book, 2 X 2 on the Ark: Five Secrets of a Great Relationship. Dr. Mary J. Guiffra has been counseling couples and families for over 40 years. As a teacher to hundreds of couple therapists in training. Dr. Guiffra developed Biological Couples Therapy and presented it at The U.S. Association for Body Psychotherapy and international conferences in the Netherlands and France. https://www.2x2ontheark.com/
Lid’ya C. Rivera is a proud vitiligo advocate, decorated Navy sailor, award-winning filmmaker, and confidence coach. She was diagnosed as an infant with vitiligo, causing her to face childhood bullying and low self-esteem, which later inspired her passion for storytelling and raising awareness about the skin disorder. Lid'ya's I Absolutely Positively Love My Spots is a lyrical celebration of self-esteem, perseverance, and loving the skin you're in. Inspiring all children to appreciate their spots. https://www.lidyacrivera.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Don't you always want to be thebest you can be. The Frankie Boyer
Show it's more than a lifestyle show. It's a show about living in today's
world. I think something is happening. Frankie enthusiastically brings an amazing, eclectic
mix to the airwaves. One ofthe reasons she's earned legions of loyal fans
is very simple. When you listento The Frankie Boyer Show, you just
(00:22):
never know what's going to happen.So listen for yourself. Here is Frankie
Boyer and welcome. It is sonice to have you with this right here
on Biztok Radio. And one ofthe things that I I know that I
hear from from so many people ishow burnt out they are, and yes,
(00:47):
it is become the topic for somany and I think Stephanie and I
were my producer. We were onwith a with a coordinator getting ready to
do an interview yesterday and the womanwas like, I can't wait for that
vacation and guess what I'm gonna do? Nothing? Nothing. And the truth
(01:08):
is is that we are really overwhelmedon a good day, let alone our
daily life, and so joining ustoday and she's known as the Burnout Coach.
Amy. Welcome. You help peopleall over the world live burnout free
(01:33):
by bringing clarity, direction, andpositive habits into their lives. And you
have a book out it's called ThePath to Break Free from Burnout. Yeah,
thanks for having me today. I'mexcited to be here. So let's
talk about this burnout and what aresome of the signs Amy, Yeah,
(01:59):
burnout is it's a real tricky one. And we hear the term burned out
so much, like you mentioned,it's almost overused. It's like a buzzword.
But when we're truly burnt out,and that means that we've had chronic
stress present in our lives and we'renot managing the chronic stress. That is
(02:19):
where we really hit burnout. Andwhen we are in burnout, we have
exhaustion, We tend to be extremelyisolated, We have escaped fantasies. This
is a big one where we're likefeeling stuck or we want to kind of
run away. We feel very desperate. Irritability is another one. And then
last, but most importantly, it'sthe health issues or the frequent illnesses that
(02:44):
are popping up. Do you takea really healthy person and now suddenly they're
getting all of these weird health issues. Could be autoimmune, could be inflammation,
headache, you name it. Thatis truly the sun. Those are
the signs of burnout where the chronicstress is present. You know, I'm
listening to you, and you putthis book in three parts, so Part
(03:08):
one helps helps readers understand which stageyou're burnout. They're in Part two moves
and Part two moves into how toheal from burnout through an interactive nine step
journey that you put together. AndPart three shows shows us how to stay
(03:29):
burnout free through resiliency and preserving energy, and those are so powerful, and
we'll get into all of that,really and truly, but I also just
want to mention that New York CityJournal voted you at recognized you as top
life coach to watch out for,and congratulations for that. Thank you.
(03:54):
When did you realize tell us yourown story? There has to be the
story behind the story? Amy?Yeah. A lot of times we write
books because we're trying to seek ourown help. So I subscribe to the
hustle culture like so many people dotoday, the place where go getters get
(04:15):
what they want if they just keepyou chase and busy up this ladder,
and we start to see these signscoming in, you know, over time,
because burnout is not something that happensovernight. We do hear folks say
I'm burned out, but those arecycles will go through. But really true
burnout comes over time. And soI was building this great email marketing agency,
(04:36):
and I was so excited, andI just knew that the short term
pain was going to be this longterm gain of year over year growth and
it was addictive energy. And sowhat I realized I was doing in hindsight
is I wasn't protecting my time,my energy, or putting myself first.
Clients were dictating the pace. Iwas working eighty five hour weeks and trying
(04:58):
to fill every single ounce of whitespace on my calendar with all the other
things motherhood, being a wife,trying to have a personal life. And
so this is what we find,this barrage of to do items. They
never end, and we have thismoment in our mind where we think,
once we get to the next milestone, all this is going to go away,
but truly it leads us deeper,deeper into burnout. I had a
(05:21):
bunch of health problems pop up outof nowhere that were labeled as autoimmune rashes.
And then I started to get extremelydepressed and isolated, and that was
kind of the big time where Iknew that something was wrong with me.
I knew I was burned out,but like you just don't ever reach for
help because you think it's going togo away. But finally, last July
(05:45):
was out for a run and Ihad a very powerful boom in my ear
and it turns out that I hadsudden hearing loss. My body actually attacks
itself. The nerve is severed andI no longer will hear out of my
left ear. After we did someyou know research with my blood, we
find out that my white blood cellcounts are through the roof and it's no
(06:05):
surprise to a doctor why my bodyattacked itself and that was just the product
of unmanaged stress. And so we'restarting to see stress being the epidemic of
today's day and age because we're illevolved to handle it in the amounts that
we do. And so that wasmy burnout story. That's why I decided
(06:25):
to create this guide so I canhelp other people not reach rock bottom when
when we get to that place,I mean, it's it's real scary,
it's real scary stuff, and thathearing loss is irreversible. Totally. Yeah,
it is. So when when wehear how stress hurts us, why
(06:53):
do we not get it? Whydo we not understand that that power of
that constant grinds that we put ourselveson as It's like a million dollar question,
And I think I get to seeso much more clarity coaching other people.
But the struth of the matter isis like stress is a part of
(07:14):
this culture. It's a part ofAmerican culture. We are busy casers.
We go after gold is go go, go, go, go goal,
and so we just think stress comesalong for the ride. And you know,
if we look at stress, there'sgood stress, there's bad stress.
But we are equipped to deal withstress in temporary bouts from our ancestors,
(07:35):
right like the lions there, Ineed to know that I'm in trouble,
I get the cortisol rush, allof the signs of fight or flight,
and then it goes away. Whatwe don't realize today is that the lifestyles
we're living in, what society continuesto make us feel that success is a
certain metric or you know, placewe need to be. We tend to
(07:59):
let the stress turned chronic, andso I think folks just think it's normal,
and that is the scary part,because they're not paying close enough attention
to it. You talk about thisa lot in the book. You have
stress management one oh one. Andyou know, there was a job that
(08:20):
I had many many, many manymany years ago when I was in publishing,
and the stress of getting that paperout, Oh my gosh, deadline
was just it was crazy. Andthe minute it was over, we had
to get ready for the next issue. It was like there wasn't even that
(08:41):
break. Yeah, yeah, Imean, this is this is life.
This is life. And I thinkit's beautiful you bring up that story because
when I coach with folks sometimes theyfeel like there's nothing else for them to
do, like they have to stayin publishing because this is all that they
(09:03):
know and so this is life.But the truth of the matter is is
we can always make a change andwe can use those skills to go a
different direction. And so in thebook, I like to talk about that
a lot that you might realize thatthis is just not the journey or on
anymore. And that's okay, Yeah, it's so true. It's so true.
(09:26):
We're talking today to the author ofThe Path to Break Free from Burnout,
Recharge, Reclaim Your Life and Amimada, what's the best website and how
can people find out more about youand the work that you're doing. Yes,
they can find out coaching, speaking, engagements, podcasts and book all
(09:50):
on my website Ammongaida dot com.M A N g U E I R
A. And we'll be back injust a moment with Amy. This is
a Frankie Boyer statue to do.Don't welcome back. It's Frankie Boyer with
(11:15):
Amy Mangada and her new book isout. It's called The Path to Break
Free from Burnout. And so yourburnout story that led you to write this
book. You lost your hearing harmonentlyin your left ear. Go back to
the five stages of burnout, please, yeah. Absolutely. Stage number one
(11:39):
is the honeymoon stage. It's thelet's go energy. It's that stage where
we are just thriving and living ourbest life, but we might be creating
those toxic habits right like we're allin. Stage two is the onset of
stress, and this is typically whenwe start to hear folks say I feel
burned out. It's a big indicatorto change is needed because stress is starting
(12:01):
to become present, not every day, but it's there, and we might
be doing things like over committing,not having boundaries, and so this is
a really important stage to be awareof because you might need something. Just
a vacation will do it, youjust to unplug for a week, But
this could also be an indicator thata bigger change is needed, So really
(12:22):
pay attention to when you might startfeeling like I'm tired or I'm feeling burned
out. If we don't pay attentionhere, we can tend to move to
stage three, which is the chronicstress stage, and this is where the
stress starts to be here to stay. It is chronic and it is starting
to become unmanaged. So we're justgoing through the day with more fight or
(12:43):
flight than we're on the down time, which is not good way to live.
If that keeps going, we moveinto the onset of burnout, which
is where you start to no longerfunction as you normally would. So we're
starting to see those signs exhaustion,isolation, and irritability. Lots of health
issues appear here and then burnouts syndromeis actually staged five, where it's actually
(13:07):
chronic and it's part of your everydaylife, and it is really serious health
consequences. At this time, itis also bled into the other facets of
your life. This is where youneed help and you need to make a
change. When people are listening tothis, I want you to talk a
little bit about how powerful routines arein self help self care routines as well.
(13:33):
Yes, well, I think themillion dollar question always is how can
I not be stressed all the time? And self care is directly related to
stress resiliency. So when we're feelingstress, we just are we're reacting in
this moment of sort of it's likean emotional takeover, like our brain feels
(13:56):
on fire. And when this continues, we start to abandon self care pillars
like nutrition, movement, and sleep, which are key to keeping our bodies
stress resilient and allowing us to bounceback and not react to everything. And
so it is so important that folkstake the time to set boundaries around sleep.
(14:20):
This is when I go to bedevery night. This is what my
sleepcare routine looks like. It mightbe putting boundaries on my app turning them
off at eight o'clock. It's soimportant to make sure that you're eating multiple
times per day so you can keepyour blood sugars that important move Yeah,
to move movement is critical, absolutely, and I think this is what happens
(14:43):
is that we get so one ofthe things that I learned early early on
in my in my publishing career whenI and I've been in media most of
my life, but in the earlydays, I got up extra early and
it was I'm not a morning personand it was hard to do. But
if I didn't work out and getthat workout done in the morning, whether
(15:09):
it was running or the stationary bikein the house on raining days, I
was absolutely not good. And Ialso did freeways, and you know that
was really important. And my tubsat night are sanctuary for me with the
essential oils and the salts and allof that, and those are habits.
And now the meditation in the morning, Yeah, so critical to just not
(15:33):
jump out of bed and base thatfire every day. Yes, it's amazing
that you bring those up. Itcertainly is so important, and it also
brings up a bigger point of likeshowing up for yourself. When we saw
up for ourselves constantly. We startto be more courageous when we want to
say no when something doesn't fit andnot the most important part of showing up
(15:56):
for yourself absolutely absolutely, So Amy, as you were writing this book,
what would you know? You putit in As I mentioned you had the
three parts. I want to gothrough the part three for just a moment,
because you say how to stay burnoutfree through resiliency and revent and preserving
(16:22):
energy and talk about those things.So the resiliency comes with I do offer
a really nice checklist in the book, but the resiliency comes with just being
extremely self aware and dedicated to thelifestyle, habits and routines you're putting into
play, being really aware of thestress triggers in your life and taking care
of them before they become chronic.But the energy piece is critical because when
(16:48):
you finally come up for air,it takes you getting out of burnout start
to really analyze who is taking yourenergy and what is taking your energy.
So I talk a lot in thebook about energy vampires and it kind of
going through and assessing are there peoplein your lives that are actually taking more
energy from you and depleting your bodybattery and who are giving you the energy,
(17:10):
and so it talks about kind ofre establishing the energy in addition to
what you mentioned earlier about finding thatspiritual or mindful practice to rest and restore.
So they're key to stress resiliency.So important, isn't it. Yes,
(17:32):
so Amy, what's your routine liketoday? What's your day like today?
Yes, my days are mixed withsome efficient days that are a little
bit more back to back. Andthen I always have the days of the
week that I call effective days,which are about slowing down and resting and
restoring. And so I start myday with that fifteen minutes of meditation every
(17:56):
morning. I also moved my bodyfirst thing in the morning. I also
make sure that I've done the preparatorywork to make sure that I've got the
food ready to go in instances whereI am back to back, so I'm
not missing meals. I've got somedays, like I said, that are
very back to back with coaching halls, but I always make sure that there
are days of the week that arepreserved for me to do work on things
(18:21):
that matter me, to show upfor myself to do professional development. So
my days are very balanced now.And I'm trying to help my clients get
more balanced in their lives too.I love what you're doing and trying what
you're trying to share say to allof us today. It's so important,
such an important message. The bookis called The Path to Break Free from
(18:45):
Burnout, Recharge, reclaim your lifeand give us the best website it is
Amy Mungada dot com. That ism A n g u E I r
A Amy Mungada. Well, well, we thank you so much for this
great information and congratulations on the bookthe Burnouting ourself. Thank you. We'll
(19:08):
be back in just a moment.Stay tuned. Frankie Boyer, Welcome back,
(20:14):
Frankie Lawyer, Bistuck Radio and doctorMary Jeuphrase is our guest now.
Doctor Mary Jufra has a very wonderful, wonderful attitude about relationships. She's been
a licensed marriage and family therapist forforty years. And the new book is
(20:37):
two by two on the arc fiveSecrets of a Great Relationship and you combine,
Doctor combine neuroscience, psychology. Indecades of experience with thousands of couples,
tell us a little bit about aboutthe work that you do well.
(21:03):
I worked originally began as a liverand delivery nurse, and I was so
intrigued with what was going on withthe couples that I went back to school
when I became a family therapist anda couple of therapists and I get my
master as a doctorate, and Ijust really enjoy working with couples because it's
very interesting. They're a system.They're not two individuals. They kind of
when they're together, it's like aliving system. And like the liver and
(21:26):
the screen or all part of anorganism, well, they're a system and
what one does affects the other andvice versa. And it's really most musical
to watch the interaction. Sometimes it'scacaphronic, but it's it's lovely to watch
it. And the most important thingfor couples is to allow space for one
(21:47):
another and to also have space insideyourself. So if you have space inside
yourself, you know what's going oninside you when your partner does X,
Y or Z, and you're awarethat that's yours, and you know just
lash out or pull away. Andalso you're aware of what in the space
between you this is me and thisis him or this is her, and
(22:11):
the interaction between one and another.So and all of those are affected by
your past history, by your family, by the way you grew up.
For instance, if you were achild and and you go and ask your
mother for to try to get attention, and she was preoccupied. Well,
your partner may be just a littlepreoccupied. But you may overreact because it's
(22:37):
back right the little kid who oryou're ignoring me you're not, or a
parent or someone teacher got very angryquickly, And if the partner gets the
least bit angry, they get reactive, either shut down, clothes off,
get angry, or you know,in the best of all wars, you
know what just happened? What's goingon? We had this nice relationship and
(23:00):
then all of a sudden, youshift, or you pulled away, or
I felt something in my stomach.So it's sharing who you will are with
the other person and then blaming orcontrolling what is. And and one of
I was just going to ask youif you could just give us some chips
on what is the give us threemost important things that we can do in
(23:26):
our relationships. Okay, the mostimportant thing you can do is to be
present to yourself. If you're infifty million places. It's side if you're
fifty million places at once, butif you try to have an intimate conversation,
it's not going would happen, youknow. I'm trying for continuously intimate
conversations, you know, but it'sreally important to slow down, take a
(23:48):
breath, and just see your feeton the floor or your butt on the
chair or back against chair, andbe present to yourself to know what's going
on inside you, because how couldyou can with somebody else if you're not
home. So and then once that'sthe most important. And then you connect
with them and you see how theyrespond, and you respond to how they
(24:11):
are responding. You don't have todo this every minute. But what I'm
saying is it's important to be presentto yourselves and to the other person.
Some people are very present to theother person, but they're disconnected from themselves.
That's not good. Other people arevery much to themselves with detective from
the other person that they often gettogether by the way, you know,
(24:32):
like the narcisty, is money theroute to the breakups? In your opinion,
well, money is something that seemsto cause a lot of conflict,
but I don't think it's through moneyis really a control issue, you know
what I mean. And it's alsoall kinds of other things, being feeling
(24:52):
loved, and it just has somany different meanings. I think it's more
acceptive than the issue. That makessense. It's just another issue. I'm
in control. I have it andI'll goll it out, or you have
it and I don't have it.And it's very much about other issues,
not just the money. You saythat you give advice, and you say
(25:15):
we should never pursue a person whois distancing themselves from from us, right,
Because it's kind of like driving acar if your driving, if a
person is going in one direction andall you can do is pursue them.
If they're not coming towards you andthey feel you, they have no choice.
(25:36):
But if you back up, theyhave a choice to keep going away
or to turn around. What happens, Pursuers and distancers had to marry each
other. Pursuers they solve problems orissues are upset by moving towards people,
by doing things by moving now,distancers had to move more towards away from
people and towards things, towards work, towards alcohol, towards a way where
(25:59):
the pursuable us to connect emotionally andtalk about it and resolve it. And
they tend to connect with each otherbecause when it's works, it's nice.
You know, you balance each other. It's just that when we get really
stressed, the pursuer pursues more andthe distance or distance is more. So
you can see how that would leaveproblems lead to problems. I need you
the most, you're pulling away themost. Or I need somebody and you're
(26:22):
moving in on me and moving inon me so that I have to keep
running away. So that's why it'sreally important to be in touch with But
if you move towards somebody and yousee that pulling away, back up a
little bit. I haven't mean cutoff, I don't mean go away.
I mean just back up a littlebit. Breathe, stop asking questions and
lets them move. Just allow spacefor the other person to have a choice
(26:45):
to move in and move away.You just want your choice. As a
therapist, you're also a coach.You've been working with couples for a very
long time, very long time,doctor Mary, and your background in psychotherapy,
(27:08):
you bring this deep commitment. Howdo you get your clients and the
relationships of two people, how doyou get them to be become that one
that committed relationship? Okay, well, if somebody comes in, usually how
(27:30):
it works is one is maybe angryor upset or what other and the other
one is handling it differently. Everyoneis different. But what you really do
is the person who is pulling awayanything or says, oh no, it's
fine, you're not going to dealwith them first. Always deal with the
pursuer first. So the one who'sthe most upset, who's making the most
(27:51):
noise, who's the most concerned,you know, you deal with them.
Or for another person that were cryingand so one, you might want to
deal with them for first. Butthe noisy one, so to speak,
you deal with first. So ifa person is really angry, you will
like to ask you a question likethey command and one part or says something
and the other one gets reactive.You say, okay, Charlie, what
(28:14):
just happened when Jane said that somethinghappened to you? What happened inside you
with that minute? What went on? Well? Well, what did you
feel? Well? I thought attension to my check out, it was
like a bunch of the gut.I wanted to run away. Well,
those are all physical reactions that arenot about the present. It's about the
past that it's been retriggered, sayingokay, so let's track that. You
(28:36):
know, if the first is tome a stomach, and then it goes
to your belly and then your arms, and it comes into your arms,
and what do your arms want todo? My arm was making fists?
Well, what do they want todo? Well, I don't know be
able to they they want to punch. Okay, that's fine. Let's slow
down and very mindfully, just veryslowly and very mindfully almost meditate on making
a fist with your hand. Don'tjust do it and do it mindfully and
(29:02):
shy, interesting and okay, andwe'll make that movement put very slowly and
very bundfully. Okay, So theytake a deep breath of release. What
they wanted to do is they stopor But when you slow it down,
your body can process it slowly andthough no trump, the no upset,
no lashing out. So underneath angeris always vulnerability and hurt. And so
(29:27):
if you slow down, you getto what's underneath it rather than the lash
out. Because of all of us, you know, arcating it is traumatic
and lots of things are traumatic.Trauma is not. In the event.
Two people can have the same seewith the same event. One it's fine,
(29:48):
the other one is trauma. Ihad a client that she and her
grandson had a fender bender. Shejust got all triggered because she had been
in a serious order. Bill axwith grandson that night said to her,
this is the best day of mylife because it was so interesting. The
police, the fire, they okay, in the ambulance nobody was hurt.
But with her it brought back.Yes, yes, this is so fascinating,
(30:15):
as is your your new book,and give us more more ways that
we can find out about you,please and come back another time. The
new book is out two by twoon the Arc five Secrets of a Great
Relationship. Yes, two by twoin the Arc five Secrets of a Great
Relationship. You can get an Amazonyou can you know, reade the video
(30:38):
version of it. But you couldalso go on my website www. Dot
dotor marriage here for dot com orwww Dot two Career Family dot com my
next book or www. Two bytwo in the Arc five Secrets of a
Great Relationship. You could email memarried Jeff at gmail dot com. So
(31:03):
appreciate it, and we'll take aquick break and be right back. Franky
boy as Tucker and welcome back andthis creaky boyer. This such a great
(31:32):
segment. I am so excited towelcome to the program. An author,
an advocate, and someone who reallywants our individuality to be She wants us
to shout it out from the fromthe hilltops. As an author, as
(31:52):
a filmmaker, as a speaker,and more importantly, I want to say
thank you for your service as aknee baby veteran. She really enjoys telling
stories that encourage people to unapologetically lovethemselves and others just the way they are.
And you were born with a challenge, and you have a new children's
(32:20):
book out that's called I absolutely positivelylove my spots. And Levia Riviera,
welcome to the program. Thank youso much, Frank you for having me.
I'm excited to be here. Thankyou for that wonderful introduction as well.
(32:43):
All right, what were you bornwith? Tell us the condition?
Yeah, so, for those thathave never heard of this skin condition to
aligo, I was born with arisk in condition called the aligo and it's
basically where our pigment producing cells andour skin. They're known as Milano sites,
(33:06):
and they're either lost or damaged,and it basically leaves our skin with
these white spots. I like tocall them white patches on our skin.
Can you explain to us what itwas like for you as a child growing
up with these spots and what peoplebecause I wish people were kind and loving,
(33:31):
but they're not, so tell usa little bit about Yes, what
was it? Absolutely? Yeah,growing up with these visible differences having been
a ligo was very challenging. Itwas really hard, I'll be honest.
(33:52):
I faced the bullying, the namecalling, and the teasing from peers,
from strangers. It was very,very hard, and I think the hardest
part was internalizing my true feeling forso long, you know, just keeping
those true feelings about how I reallyfelt, you know, not being included,
(34:15):
feeling outcasted. It was really difficultas a kid, as a teenager,
always until my adulthood, because Ireally did deal with a lot of
most self esteem and I lacked confidence. So it was really really difficult,
truly. What was the what wasit that that kept you going? I
(34:38):
know that in the book such abeautiful story, it really is, But
the support of your mother and yourfather. Yea, so powerful. My
father, you know, were veryMy father was super supportive, really loved
the fact he loved my Villelino.He would, you know, kiss my
(35:00):
little Liego and dad really was somethingto really embrace, and it really did
help me when I became an adult. As a child, it was a
little hard despite the encouragement I receivedfrom my mom and dad, it was
steel difficult because the inner me wasnot happy. The inner me still lacked
(35:24):
the confidence, and I didn't havelove for myself. So I appreciate the
support that you know, they gaveme, but it was really inner work
I had to do for myself withembracing who I was and my differences and
yeah, and so the book waswritten for anyone that is feeling like they
(35:51):
don't fit in that maybe they werea little bit different, and aren't we
all though we're all different, Okay, the world is like it's like a
mixed salad. You know, youhave yo lettuce or tomatoes, your cucumbers
and all of that, but asalad is not a salad without those different
(36:12):
ingredients, right, and that's whatmakes the salad so good and delicious,
right, And so that's how Ilook at people like. We all have
our differences, right, whether it'sthe alago or any skin condition or disability,
whatever that is, and it's justsomething to truly embrace, embrace our
uniqueness and who we truly are,because if we were all the same,
(36:32):
the world would be so bland andboring. So the book was written to
any child that was born to standout, and that's truly every child,
because we are all different, weall have our own uniqueness and differences.
And also the book was really topromote that kindness and allow children to embrace
(36:54):
the individual differences, and most importantly, to bring bullying to an end,
some thing I experienced as a childand children today still experienced unfortunately. So
this was just like my gift tothe world to be able to do all
of that, you know. SoI'm pretty excited for every reader to read
this book. I absolutely positively loveMy Spots is the book. What did
(37:21):
your own children think of the book? I'm just curious because I know you
have you have three girls and aboy. I do, Yes, I
do, and they are so excitedbecause for so long they saw their mommy
cover up her face. I coveredmy alligo for many needy years, and
(37:43):
so now for them to see likethe true me and all of me,
it's super exciting for them and tonow see a book not only a book
that has a character that looks likeme, like their mom, but also
a book that does spread joy andinspire people and children to truly love who
(38:05):
they are. They're pretty excited aboutit. I'm excited. I absolutely positively
love My Spots Really is a selfloved letter to all children that were born
to stand out and to basically allowthem to embrace their uniqueness and be bold,
be courageous and just be themselves.Pretty pretty amazing and inspirational book.
(38:29):
Oh, it certainly is. It'sso beautifully done as well, and I
thank you so much. I reallythink this is such an important book.
And thank you so much for beingwith us today, Lydia Rivera. And
what's the best website? Yes,so thank you so much, Frankie again
(38:50):
for having me the best website togo and purchase this book. If there
were to go onto HarperCollins dot com, you can just type it and I
absolutely positively Love My Spots to getyour copy, and you can also stay
connected with me on my website.At Lydia l I d y A c
rivera dot com and that's how youcan connect with me and also get a
(39:15):
copy of this beautiful book in yourlibrary. Wonderful. Thank you so much,
and thank all of you. Thishas been another edition of the Frankie
Boyer Show for Biz Talk Radio.Thanks for listening. Make it a great
day everybody, and as always,smile what'some much
Don't you always want to be thebest you can be. The Frankie Boyer
Show it's more than a lifestyle show. It's a show about living in today's
world. I think something is happening. Frankie enthusiastically brings an amazing, eclectic
mix to the airwaves. One ofthe reasons she's earned legions of loyal fans
is very simple. When you listento The Frankie Boyer Show, you just
(00:22):
never know what's going to happen.So listen for yourself. Here is Frankie
Boyer and welcome. It is sonice to have you with this right here
on Biztok Radio. And one ofthe things that I I know that I
hear from from so many people ishow burnt out they are, and yes,
(00:47):
it is become the topic for somany and I think Stephanie and I
were my producer. We were onwith a with a coordinator getting ready to
do an interview yesterday and the womanwas like, I can't wait for that
vacation and guess what I'm gonna do? Nothing? Nothing. And the truth
(01:08):
is is that we are really overwhelmedon a good day, let alone our
daily life, and so joining ustoday and she's known as the Burnout Coach.
Amy. Welcome. You help peopleall over the world live burnout free
(01:33):
by bringing clarity, direction, andpositive habits into their lives. And you
have a book out it's called ThePath to Break Free from Burnout. Yeah,
thanks for having me today. I'mexcited to be here. So let's
talk about this burnout and what aresome of the signs Amy, Yeah,
(01:59):
burnout is it's a real tricky one. And we hear the term burned out
so much, like you mentioned,it's almost overused. It's like a buzzword.
But when we're truly burnt out,and that means that we've had chronic
stress present in our lives and we'renot managing the chronic stress. That is
(02:19):
where we really hit burnout. Andwhen we are in burnout, we have
exhaustion, We tend to be extremelyisolated, We have escaped fantasies. This
is a big one where we're likefeeling stuck or we want to kind of
run away. We feel very desperate. Irritability is another one. And then
last, but most importantly, it'sthe health issues or the frequent illnesses that
(02:44):
are popping up. Do you takea really healthy person and now suddenly they're
getting all of these weird health issues. Could be autoimmune, could be inflammation,
headache, you name it. Thatis truly the sun. Those are
the signs of burnout where the chronicstress is present. You know, I'm
listening to you, and you putthis book in three parts, so Part
(03:08):
one helps helps readers understand which stageyou're burnout. They're in Part two moves
and Part two moves into how toheal from burnout through an interactive nine step
journey that you put together. AndPart three shows shows us how to stay
(03:29):
burnout free through resiliency and preserving energy, and those are so powerful, and
we'll get into all of that,really and truly, but I also just
want to mention that New York CityJournal voted you at recognized you as top
life coach to watch out for,and congratulations for that. Thank you.
(03:54):
When did you realize tell us yourown story? There has to be the
story behind the story? Amy?Yeah. A lot of times we write
books because we're trying to seek ourown help. So I subscribe to the
hustle culture like so many people dotoday, the place where go getters get
(04:15):
what they want if they just keepyou chase and busy up this ladder,
and we start to see these signscoming in, you know, over time,
because burnout is not something that happensovernight. We do hear folks say
I'm burned out, but those arecycles will go through. But really true
burnout comes over time. And soI was building this great email marketing agency,
(04:36):
and I was so excited, andI just knew that the short term
pain was going to be this longterm gain of year over year growth and
it was addictive energy. And sowhat I realized I was doing in hindsight
is I wasn't protecting my time,my energy, or putting myself first.
Clients were dictating the pace. Iwas working eighty five hour weeks and trying
(04:58):
to fill every single ounce of whitespace on my calendar with all the other
things motherhood, being a wife,trying to have a personal life. And
so this is what we find,this barrage of to do items. They
never end, and we have thismoment in our mind where we think,
once we get to the next milestone, all this is going to go away,
but truly it leads us deeper,deeper into burnout. I had a
(05:21):
bunch of health problems pop up outof nowhere that were labeled as autoimmune rashes.
And then I started to get extremelydepressed and isolated, and that was
kind of the big time where Iknew that something was wrong with me.
I knew I was burned out,but like you just don't ever reach for
help because you think it's going togo away. But finally, last July
(05:45):
was out for a run and Ihad a very powerful boom in my ear
and it turns out that I hadsudden hearing loss. My body actually attacks
itself. The nerve is severed andI no longer will hear out of my
left ear. After we did someyou know research with my blood, we
find out that my white blood cellcounts are through the roof and it's no
(06:05):
surprise to a doctor why my bodyattacked itself and that was just the product
of unmanaged stress. And so we'restarting to see stress being the epidemic of
today's day and age because we're illevolved to handle it in the amounts that
we do. And so that wasmy burnout story. That's why I decided
(06:25):
to create this guide so I canhelp other people not reach rock bottom when
when we get to that place,I mean, it's it's real scary,
it's real scary stuff, and thathearing loss is irreversible. Totally. Yeah,
it is. So when when wehear how stress hurts us, why
(06:53):
do we not get it? Whydo we not understand that that power of
that constant grinds that we put ourselveson as It's like a million dollar question,
And I think I get to seeso much more clarity coaching other people.
But the struth of the matter isis like stress is a part of
(07:14):
this culture. It's a part ofAmerican culture. We are busy casers.
We go after gold is go go, go, go, go goal,
and so we just think stress comesalong for the ride. And you know,
if we look at stress, there'sgood stress, there's bad stress.
But we are equipped to deal withstress in temporary bouts from our ancestors,
(07:35):
right like the lions there, Ineed to know that I'm in trouble,
I get the cortisol rush, allof the signs of fight or flight,
and then it goes away. Whatwe don't realize today is that the lifestyles
we're living in, what society continuesto make us feel that success is a
certain metric or you know, placewe need to be. We tend to
(07:59):
let the stress turned chronic, andso I think folks just think it's normal,
and that is the scary part,because they're not paying close enough attention
to it. You talk about thisa lot in the book. You have
stress management one oh one. Andyou know, there was a job that
(08:20):
I had many many, many manymany years ago when I was in publishing,
and the stress of getting that paperout, Oh my gosh, deadline
was just it was crazy. Andthe minute it was over, we had
to get ready for the next issue. It was like there wasn't even that
(08:41):
break. Yeah, yeah, Imean, this is this is life.
This is life. And I thinkit's beautiful you bring up that story because
when I coach with folks sometimes theyfeel like there's nothing else for them to
do, like they have to stayin publishing because this is all that they
(09:03):
know and so this is life.But the truth of the matter is is
we can always make a change andwe can use those skills to go a
different direction. And so in thebook, I like to talk about that
a lot that you might realize thatthis is just not the journey or on
anymore. And that's okay, Yeah, it's so true. It's so true.
(09:26):
We're talking today to the author ofThe Path to Break Free from Burnout,
Recharge, Reclaim Your Life and Amimada, what's the best website and how
can people find out more about youand the work that you're doing. Yes,
they can find out coaching, speaking, engagements, podcasts and book all
(09:50):
on my website Ammongaida dot com.M A N g U E I R
A. And we'll be back injust a moment with Amy. This is
a Frankie Boyer statue to do.Don't welcome back. It's Frankie Boyer with
(11:15):
Amy Mangada and her new book isout. It's called The Path to Break
Free from Burnout. And so yourburnout story that led you to write this
book. You lost your hearing harmonentlyin your left ear. Go back to
the five stages of burnout, please, yeah. Absolutely. Stage number one
(11:39):
is the honeymoon stage. It's thelet's go energy. It's that stage where
we are just thriving and living ourbest life, but we might be creating
those toxic habits right like we're allin. Stage two is the onset of
stress, and this is typically whenwe start to hear folks say I feel
burned out. It's a big indicatorto change is needed because stress is starting
(12:01):
to become present, not every day, but it's there, and we might
be doing things like over committing,not having boundaries, and so this is
a really important stage to be awareof because you might need something. Just
a vacation will do it, youjust to unplug for a week, But
this could also be an indicator thata bigger change is needed, So really
(12:22):
pay attention to when you might startfeeling like I'm tired or I'm feeling burned
out. If we don't pay attentionhere, we can tend to move to
stage three, which is the chronicstress stage, and this is where the
stress starts to be here to stay. It is chronic and it is starting
to become unmanaged. So we're justgoing through the day with more fight or
(12:43):
flight than we're on the down time, which is not good way to live.
If that keeps going, we moveinto the onset of burnout, which
is where you start to no longerfunction as you normally would. So we're
starting to see those signs exhaustion,isolation, and irritability. Lots of health
issues appear here and then burnouts syndromeis actually staged five, where it's actually
(13:07):
chronic and it's part of your everydaylife, and it is really serious health
consequences. At this time, itis also bled into the other facets of
your life. This is where youneed help and you need to make a
change. When people are listening tothis, I want you to talk a
little bit about how powerful routines arein self help self care routines as well.
(13:33):
Yes, well, I think themillion dollar question always is how can
I not be stressed all the time? And self care is directly related to
stress resiliency. So when we're feelingstress, we just are we're reacting in
this moment of sort of it's likean emotional takeover, like our brain feels
(13:56):
on fire. And when this continues, we start to abandon self care pillars
like nutrition, movement, and sleep, which are key to keeping our bodies
stress resilient and allowing us to bounceback and not react to everything. And
so it is so important that folkstake the time to set boundaries around sleep.
(14:20):
This is when I go to bedevery night. This is what my
sleepcare routine looks like. It mightbe putting boundaries on my app turning them
off at eight o'clock. It's soimportant to make sure that you're eating multiple
times per day so you can keepyour blood sugars that important move Yeah,
to move movement is critical, absolutely, and I think this is what happens
(14:43):
is that we get so one ofthe things that I learned early early on
in my in my publishing career whenI and I've been in media most of
my life, but in the earlydays, I got up extra early and
it was I'm not a morning personand it was hard to do. But
if I didn't work out and getthat workout done in the morning, whether
(15:09):
it was running or the stationary bikein the house on raining days, I
was absolutely not good. And Ialso did freeways, and you know that
was really important. And my tubsat night are sanctuary for me with the
essential oils and the salts and allof that, and those are habits.
And now the meditation in the morning, Yeah, so critical to just not
(15:33):
jump out of bed and base thatfire every day. Yes, it's amazing
that you bring those up. Itcertainly is so important, and it also
brings up a bigger point of likeshowing up for yourself. When we saw
up for ourselves constantly. We startto be more courageous when we want to
say no when something doesn't fit andnot the most important part of showing up
(15:56):
for yourself absolutely absolutely, So Amy, as you were writing this book,
what would you know? You putit in As I mentioned you had the
three parts. I want to gothrough the part three for just a moment,
because you say how to stay burnoutfree through resiliency and revent and preserving
(16:22):
energy and talk about those things.So the resiliency comes with I do offer
a really nice checklist in the book, but the resiliency comes with just being
extremely self aware and dedicated to thelifestyle, habits and routines you're putting into
play, being really aware of thestress triggers in your life and taking care
of them before they become chronic.But the energy piece is critical because when
(16:48):
you finally come up for air,it takes you getting out of burnout start
to really analyze who is taking yourenergy and what is taking your energy.
So I talk a lot in thebook about energy vampires and it kind of
going through and assessing are there peoplein your lives that are actually taking more
energy from you and depleting your bodybattery and who are giving you the energy,
(17:10):
and so it talks about kind ofre establishing the energy in addition to
what you mentioned earlier about finding thatspiritual or mindful practice to rest and restore.
So they're key to stress resiliency.So important, isn't it. Yes,
(17:32):
so Amy, what's your routine liketoday? What's your day like today?
Yes, my days are mixed withsome efficient days that are a little
bit more back to back. Andthen I always have the days of the
week that I call effective days,which are about slowing down and resting and
restoring. And so I start myday with that fifteen minutes of meditation every
(17:56):
morning. I also moved my bodyfirst thing in the morning. I also
make sure that I've done the preparatorywork to make sure that I've got the
food ready to go in instances whereI am back to back, so I'm
not missing meals. I've got somedays, like I said, that are
very back to back with coaching halls, but I always make sure that there
are days of the week that arepreserved for me to do work on things
(18:21):
that matter me, to show upfor myself to do professional development. So
my days are very balanced now.And I'm trying to help my clients get
more balanced in their lives too.I love what you're doing and trying what
you're trying to share say to allof us today. It's so important,
such an important message. The bookis called The Path to Break Free from
(18:45):
Burnout, Recharge, reclaim your lifeand give us the best website it is
Amy Mungada dot com. That ism A n g u E I r
A Amy Mungada. Well, well, we thank you so much for this
great information and congratulations on the bookthe Burnouting ourself. Thank you. We'll
(19:08):
be back in just a moment.Stay tuned. Frankie Boyer, Welcome back,
(20:14):
Frankie Lawyer, Bistuck Radio and doctorMary Jeuphrase is our guest now.
Doctor Mary Jufra has a very wonderful, wonderful attitude about relationships. She's been
a licensed marriage and family therapist forforty years. And the new book is
(20:37):
two by two on the arc fiveSecrets of a Great Relationship and you combine,
Doctor combine neuroscience, psychology. Indecades of experience with thousands of couples,
tell us a little bit about aboutthe work that you do well.
(21:03):
I worked originally began as a liverand delivery nurse, and I was so
intrigued with what was going on withthe couples that I went back to school
when I became a family therapist anda couple of therapists and I get my
master as a doctorate, and Ijust really enjoy working with couples because it's
very interesting. They're a system.They're not two individuals. They kind of
when they're together, it's like aliving system. And like the liver and
(21:26):
the screen or all part of anorganism, well, they're a system and
what one does affects the other andvice versa. And it's really most musical
to watch the interaction. Sometimes it'scacaphronic, but it's it's lovely to watch
it. And the most important thingfor couples is to allow space for one
(21:47):
another and to also have space insideyourself. So if you have space inside
yourself, you know what's going oninside you when your partner does X,
Y or Z, and you're awarethat that's yours, and you know just
lash out or pull away. Andalso you're aware of what in the space
between you this is me and thisis him or this is her, and
(22:11):
the interaction between one and another.So and all of those are affected by
your past history, by your family, by the way you grew up.
For instance, if you were achild and and you go and ask your
mother for to try to get attention, and she was preoccupied. Well,
your partner may be just a littlepreoccupied. But you may overreact because it's
(22:37):
back right the little kid who oryou're ignoring me you're not, or a
parent or someone teacher got very angryquickly, And if the partner gets the
least bit angry, they get reactive, either shut down, clothes off,
get angry, or you know,in the best of all wars, you
know what just happened? What's goingon? We had this nice relationship and
(23:00):
then all of a sudden, youshift, or you pulled away, or
I felt something in my stomach.So it's sharing who you will are with
the other person and then blaming orcontrolling what is. And and one of
I was just going to ask youif you could just give us some chips
on what is the give us threemost important things that we can do in
(23:26):
our relationships. Okay, the mostimportant thing you can do is to be
present to yourself. If you're infifty million places. It's side if you're
fifty million places at once, butif you try to have an intimate conversation,
it's not going would happen, youknow. I'm trying for continuously intimate
conversations, you know, but it'sreally important to slow down, take a
(23:48):
breath, and just see your feeton the floor or your butt on the
chair or back against chair, andbe present to yourself to know what's going
on inside you, because how couldyou can with somebody else if you're not
home. So and then once that'sthe most important. And then you connect
with them and you see how theyrespond, and you respond to how they
(24:11):
are responding. You don't have todo this every minute. But what I'm
saying is it's important to be presentto yourselves and to the other person.
Some people are very present to theother person, but they're disconnected from themselves.
That's not good. Other people arevery much to themselves with detective from
the other person that they often gettogether by the way, you know,
(24:32):
like the narcisty, is money theroute to the breakups? In your opinion,
well, money is something that seemsto cause a lot of conflict,
but I don't think it's through moneyis really a control issue, you know
what I mean. And it's alsoall kinds of other things, being feeling
(24:52):
loved, and it just has somany different meanings. I think it's more
acceptive than the issue. That makessense. It's just another issue. I'm
in control. I have it andI'll goll it out, or you have
it and I don't have it.And it's very much about other issues,
not just the money. You saythat you give advice, and you say
(25:15):
we should never pursue a person whois distancing themselves from from us, right,
Because it's kind of like driving acar if your driving, if a
person is going in one direction andall you can do is pursue them.
If they're not coming towards you andthey feel you, they have no choice.
(25:36):
But if you back up, theyhave a choice to keep going away
or to turn around. What happens, Pursuers and distancers had to marry each
other. Pursuers they solve problems orissues are upset by moving towards people,
by doing things by moving now,distancers had to move more towards away from
people and towards things, towards work, towards alcohol, towards a way where
(25:59):
the pursuable us to connect emotionally andtalk about it and resolve it. And
they tend to connect with each otherbecause when it's works, it's nice.
You know, you balance each other. It's just that when we get really
stressed, the pursuer pursues more andthe distance or distance is more. So
you can see how that would leaveproblems lead to problems. I need you
the most, you're pulling away themost. Or I need somebody and you're
(26:22):
moving in on me and moving inon me so that I have to keep
running away. So that's why it'sreally important to be in touch with But
if you move towards somebody and yousee that pulling away, back up a
little bit. I haven't mean cutoff, I don't mean go away.
I mean just back up a littlebit. Breathe, stop asking questions and
lets them move. Just allow spacefor the other person to have a choice
(26:45):
to move in and move away.You just want your choice. As a
therapist, you're also a coach.You've been working with couples for a very
long time, very long time,doctor Mary, and your background in psychotherapy,
(27:08):
you bring this deep commitment. Howdo you get your clients and the
relationships of two people, how doyou get them to be become that one
that committed relationship? Okay, well, if somebody comes in, usually how
(27:30):
it works is one is maybe angryor upset or what other and the other
one is handling it differently. Everyoneis different. But what you really do
is the person who is pulling awayanything or says, oh no, it's
fine, you're not going to dealwith them first. Always deal with the
pursuer first. So the one who'sthe most upset, who's making the most
(27:51):
noise, who's the most concerned,you know, you deal with them.
Or for another person that were cryingand so one, you might want to
deal with them for first. Butthe noisy one, so to speak,
you deal with first. So ifa person is really angry, you will
like to ask you a question likethey command and one part or says something
and the other one gets reactive.You say, okay, Charlie, what
(28:14):
just happened when Jane said that somethinghappened to you? What happened inside you
with that minute? What went on? Well? Well, what did you
feel? Well? I thought attension to my check out, it was
like a bunch of the gut.I wanted to run away. Well,
those are all physical reactions that arenot about the present. It's about the
past that it's been retriggered, sayingokay, so let's track that. You
(28:36):
know, if the first is tome a stomach, and then it goes
to your belly and then your arms, and it comes into your arms,
and what do your arms want todo? My arm was making fists?
Well, what do they want todo? Well, I don't know be
able to they they want to punch. Okay, that's fine. Let's slow
down and very mindfully, just veryslowly and very mindfully almost meditate on making
a fist with your hand. Don'tjust do it and do it mindfully and
(29:02):
shy, interesting and okay, andwe'll make that movement put very slowly and
very bundfully. Okay, So theytake a deep breath of release. What
they wanted to do is they stopor But when you slow it down,
your body can process it slowly andthough no trump, the no upset,
no lashing out. So underneath angeris always vulnerability and hurt. And so
(29:27):
if you slow down, you getto what's underneath it rather than the lash
out. Because of all of us, you know, arcating it is traumatic
and lots of things are traumatic.Trauma is not. In the event.
Two people can have the same seewith the same event. One it's fine,
(29:48):
the other one is trauma. Ihad a client that she and her
grandson had a fender bender. Shejust got all triggered because she had been
in a serious order. Bill axwith grandson that night said to her,
this is the best day of mylife because it was so interesting. The
police, the fire, they okay, in the ambulance nobody was hurt.
But with her it brought back.Yes, yes, this is so fascinating,
(30:15):
as is your your new book,and give us more more ways that
we can find out about you,please and come back another time. The
new book is out two by twoon the Arc five Secrets of a Great
Relationship. Yes, two by twoin the Arc five Secrets of a Great
Relationship. You can get an Amazonyou can you know, reade the video
(30:38):
version of it. But you couldalso go on my website www. Dot
dotor marriage here for dot com orwww Dot two Career Family dot com my
next book or www. Two bytwo in the Arc five Secrets of a
Great Relationship. You could email memarried Jeff at gmail dot com. So
(31:03):
appreciate it, and we'll take aquick break and be right back. Franky
boy as Tucker and welcome back andthis creaky boyer. This such a great
(31:32):
segment. I am so excited towelcome to the program. An author,
an advocate, and someone who reallywants our individuality to be She wants us
to shout it out from the fromthe hilltops. As an author, as
(31:52):
a filmmaker, as a speaker,and more importantly, I want to say
thank you for your service as aknee baby veteran. She really enjoys telling
stories that encourage people to unapologetically lovethemselves and others just the way they are.
And you were born with a challenge, and you have a new children's
(32:20):
book out that's called I absolutely positivelylove my spots. And Levia Riviera,
welcome to the program. Thank youso much, Frank you for having me.
I'm excited to be here. Thankyou for that wonderful introduction as well.
(32:43):
All right, what were you bornwith? Tell us the condition?
Yeah, so, for those thathave never heard of this skin condition to
aligo, I was born with arisk in condition called the aligo and it's
basically where our pigment producing cells andour skin. They're known as Milano sites,
(33:06):
and they're either lost or damaged,and it basically leaves our skin with
these white spots. I like tocall them white patches on our skin.
Can you explain to us what itwas like for you as a child growing
up with these spots and what peoplebecause I wish people were kind and loving,
(33:31):
but they're not, so tell usa little bit about Yes, what
was it? Absolutely? Yeah,growing up with these visible differences having been
a ligo was very challenging. Itwas really hard, I'll be honest.
(33:52):
I faced the bullying, the namecalling, and the teasing from peers,
from strangers. It was very,very hard, and I think the hardest
part was internalizing my true feeling forso long, you know, just keeping
those true feelings about how I reallyfelt, you know, not being included,
(34:15):
feeling outcasted. It was really difficultas a kid, as a teenager,
always until my adulthood, because Ireally did deal with a lot of
most self esteem and I lacked confidence. So it was really really difficult,
truly. What was the what wasit that that kept you going? I
(34:38):
know that in the book such abeautiful story, it really is, But
the support of your mother and yourfather. Yea, so powerful. My
father, you know, were veryMy father was super supportive, really loved
the fact he loved my Villelino.He would, you know, kiss my
(35:00):
little Liego and dad really was somethingto really embrace, and it really did
help me when I became an adult. As a child, it was a
little hard despite the encouragement I receivedfrom my mom and dad, it was
steel difficult because the inner me wasnot happy. The inner me still lacked
(35:24):
the confidence, and I didn't havelove for myself. So I appreciate the
support that you know, they gaveme, but it was really inner work
I had to do for myself withembracing who I was and my differences and
yeah, and so the book waswritten for anyone that is feeling like they
(35:51):
don't fit in that maybe they werea little bit different, and aren't we
all though we're all different, Okay, the world is like it's like a
mixed salad. You know, youhave yo lettuce or tomatoes, your cucumbers
and all of that, but asalad is not a salad without those different
(36:12):
ingredients, right, and that's whatmakes the salad so good and delicious,
right, And so that's how Ilook at people like. We all have
our differences, right, whether it'sthe alago or any skin condition or disability,
whatever that is, and it's justsomething to truly embrace, embrace our
uniqueness and who we truly are,because if we were all the same,
(36:32):
the world would be so bland andboring. So the book was written to
any child that was born to standout, and that's truly every child,
because we are all different, weall have our own uniqueness and differences.
And also the book was really topromote that kindness and allow children to embrace
(36:54):
the individual differences, and most importantly, to bring bullying to an end,
some thing I experienced as a childand children today still experienced unfortunately. So
this was just like my gift tothe world to be able to do all
of that, you know. SoI'm pretty excited for every reader to read
this book. I absolutely positively loveMy Spots is the book. What did
(37:21):
your own children think of the book? I'm just curious because I know you
have you have three girls and aboy. I do, Yes, I
do, and they are so excitedbecause for so long they saw their mommy
cover up her face. I coveredmy alligo for many needy years, and
(37:43):
so now for them to see likethe true me and all of me,
it's super exciting for them and tonow see a book not only a book
that has a character that looks likeme, like their mom, but also
a book that does spread joy andinspire people and children to truly love who
(38:05):
they are. They're pretty excited aboutit. I'm excited. I absolutely positively
love My Spots Really is a selfloved letter to all children that were born
to stand out and to basically allowthem to embrace their uniqueness and be bold,
be courageous and just be themselves.Pretty pretty amazing and inspirational book.
(38:29):
Oh, it certainly is. It'sso beautifully done as well, and I
thank you so much. I reallythink this is such an important book.
And thank you so much for beingwith us today, Lydia Rivera. And
what's the best website? Yes,so thank you so much, Frankie again
(38:50):
for having me the best website togo and purchase this book. If there
were to go onto HarperCollins dot com, you can just type it and I
absolutely positively Love My Spots to getyour copy, and you can also stay
connected with me on my website.At Lydia l I d y A c
rivera dot com and that's how youcan connect with me and also get a
(39:15):
copy of this beautiful book in yourlibrary. Wonderful. Thank you so much,
and thank all of you. Thishas been another edition of the Frankie
Boyer Show for Biz Talk Radio.Thanks for listening. Make it a great
day everybody, and as always,smile what'some much
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