August 2022 Birthday+family+Covid

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, sibs, this is little sister Chris. And it's been
a lot happening in the past few months. And I
always say that, but it really has been a very
fast twenty twenty two.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
I turned forty on August the fifth.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Forty y'all time has passed by so fast, and it's
been a great forty so far. Although I am in
recovery from COVID for the second time, and we can
all play this game by now and.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Say how many times have you had COVID.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
I actually tested positive a couple of Sundays ago and.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Was in denial that I even had COVID because I.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Had COVID the same time this time last year. And
I remember thinking to myself, right a few days after
my birthday back in twenty twenty one, I got really
sick with the delta, this time around a week or so,
week and a half after my birthday, No, two weeks

(01:00):
after my birthday, I started getting the sniffles and was
in denial that there was anything wrong besides science analogies.
And I proved to be wrong, and my mother was
in the house with me, and that really really scared me,
with her being here and exposed in her to COVID,
who she's never had COVID because Mom does not work

(01:21):
outside the house, so she picks and chooses where she
wants to go, and she is mainly in the house
or mainly just piboling around the house or in her garden.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
And you know, has had her.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Vaccination, has had her booster, and I've had my vaccinations
and booster and I end up getting it for the
second time a couple of weeks ago, and I am
now better. I sound better than I ever have. But y'all,
I don't know about y'all in this COVID, but I
am sleepy. I have deep sleep. I want to go

(01:58):
to sleep. I want to go to sleep on time,
and I mean I want.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
To be into bed before ten thirty.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
And the middle of the day, I get really tired,
really sleepy, and I have to take a nap. That
that's the part of COVID that I I could not
quite remember last time. And I'm trying to get back
in the gym tomorrow cause I haven't been to the
gym since the Friday before last, and I was in

(02:25):
the gym with COVID, not knowing it was COVID. I
just thought it was a science infection. So I went
on the Friday and I told my gym partner, hey,
you know, having a little science issue or whatever. And
then Saturday was at home and late Saturday night, TRY
started getting the chills, and I was like, let me

(02:47):
take my temperature. And I just so happened to buy
a thermometer because I don't know where my other thermometer went,
but I didn't want to be looking for it when
I needed it. So I went and bought another one
that day and took my temperature and I was a
ninety eight point nine, which is not too bad, but
for me, a ninety seven point two is normal, and

(03:09):
anything above a ninety seven point two, anything in the
ninety eight, anything in the ninety nine is definitely a
high fever for me. It's not a low grade because
I am solo ninety seven point two. And so my
mom stayed with me a couple more days than she
intended to, just to make sure that she was going
to be okay. And y'all, Mom never got the COVID,

(03:30):
Thank you God Father God.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
Mom never got the COVID for.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Me, and I really felt some type of way about
that too, because I had tested on a Friday, when
I knew she was coming. I tested on a Friday
and it was negative, so I thought not to test again.
But a good friend of mine was like, listen, I'm
about to go buy COVID tests, some more COVID tests.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Let's get you tested. Let's do that on Sunday.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
And Sunday, my COVID tests lit up like a Christmas tree.
I tested my mom on the window. She was still negative.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
I was still positive.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
I fixed my mother coffee every day that she was here.
Good insight was. I never used the same spoon. And
you know how when you use a spoon to kind
of taste somebody else's coffee, just to make sure you
make it right, I never used the same spoon. I
kept using different spoons for her my intuition, thinking I

(04:24):
didn't have COVID, but still knowing that I had some
type of infection.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
I felt like it was a science affection.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
When I found out I did have COVID, I still
fixed her coffee, but I had a mask on in
my house just to make sure there was no more exposure.
I also sprayed my house down on Friday, just in case.
Again intuition, even though I tested negative on Friday, sprayed
my house down with light sauce, sprayed the couch down.

(04:52):
She never went upstairs but one time with me on
Saturday morning, I believe or Sunday mo and I told her, hey,
when I going to church, I have a low grade fever,
and she was like, okay, So she came upstairs with me,
and I wasn't up there long because again I went downstairs.

(05:13):
I think she was with me upstairs for maybe by
ten fifteen minutes, and then it was coffee time, so
I went back back downstairs. So I'm just grateful, long
story short short, grateful to be in recovery of COVID,
to be COVID free, no longer contagious, and that my
mom is fine and doing well. She cleaned my house
while while I was trying to work and recover. I

(05:36):
continued to work from home. That's something I could not
have done while I had the delta in twenty twenty one.
But my mom was a busy bee. She ran circles
around me, cleaned my patio outside.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
And threw away a whole lot of stuff. She did.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
I bought some things, some storage bins and things like that.
She cleaned up my shoe closet, my my coat closet.
Thank you, Mom, vacuum dusted all this stuff, rearranged some stuff.
And I appreciate her for all the love and cooking
and stuff that she did while she was here. And
again am glad that she is healthy, y'all. Just to

(06:15):
let you guys know. On my fortieth birthday, which was
August fifth, I woke up that morning from a dream
and I had a dream that my brother was attempting
to annoy me. And how he was doing it was
I was asleep in my dream. I was asleep and
laying in the bed, and I felt somebody moving my pillow,

(06:38):
just trying to tug at my pillow and take my
pillow off from under my head. And I felt the
tug in and it woke me up in my sleep,
woke me up. And when I woke up in my sleep,
I noticed that it was my brother tugging my pillow
away from me to wake me up.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
And he was successful. He jerked the pillow away from me.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
I woke up and I looked at him and there
was absolutely no words whatsoever, and he took my hand
even though I was annoyed with him, which is typical.
He took my hand and he kissed my hand, and y'all,
I woke up, and I thought to myself, forty is

(07:19):
going to be a blast if I can ever remember.
I cannot remember any dream that I've ever had before
my birthday when my brother kissed my hand, and let
me tell you. August fifth, I partied. August the fourth,
I partied August the sixth. I had a surprise. August

(07:42):
the sixth was the day I will always remember. And
what happened was my best friend was here from West Tennessee.
My Cissy, my other best friend sister was with me,
and we had been together since Thursday.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Friday. Y'all hear my air fire.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
And they told me that they had something planned for
me on Saturday. And what they told me was I
was going to be taking pictures. And they told me,
like a month before my birthday that they wanted me
to find something yellow to wear. And I was like, okay, cool.
They were like, you know, yellow like in Jamaican colors.
And I was like, okay, fine, wherever we're going, we're

(08:30):
gonna be taking pictures and I need to be in yellow.
So I actually bought three yellow dresses from Amazon. Tried
them all three on sometime in July and almost took
one of them back, and I'm glad I did not
really glad that I did not.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
So on the.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
Day of August six, I'm being told that I needed
to get dressed and be ready by five ish. My
I did see from Westerndes c kept telling me she
didn't know any real details because the coordinator was my sister,
who is here with me in Nashville. So she took

(09:12):
the out of no approach, and my sister was like
tired and quiet all day long on that Saturday, and
I didn't know what they had. I again was thinking,
we're gonna take pictures. I'm gonna get dressed, I have
my hair done, I'm getting I'm gonna do my own makeup,
and I'm gonna take pictures in my yellow.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
And long story shore.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
They blindfolded me in the car and we are headed
somewhere to God knows where get out, and I'm still blindfolded,
and I have greased up my feet and I'm in
these heels. I don't normally wear heels like this, but hey,
if we're taking pictures and I'm sliding in these heels,
I'm blindfolded.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
I'm scared.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
I'm being led by both of my best friends, my
sissy and my sister to some area.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
I hear water, but I don't say I don't see anything.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
I mean, because I can't see anything, but I don't
say anything to them that I hear water. So I'm
just assuming that I'm at a boat dock and we're
gonna take pictures.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
On a boat dock. Go up some steps.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
They take the blindfold off of me and scream at
me surprised. It was my fortieth birthday surprise party, and
from what I found out, had been in the works
for six.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Months, starting with my mother.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
My mother orchestrated a whole team of people to celebrate
my fortieth birthday with me, and I screamed, like I
screamed a few times, like because initially when they took

(10:58):
off the blindfold, I saw my mother pouncing and laughing,
and then I was like, what's going on? And I
hear them say surprised, but it just doesn't dawn on me,
like I actually know all these people in this room.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
And then I couldn't see.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Because I then had this blindfold on for at least
thirty minutes and my contacts are a little blurry. But
look over to my right and I see my baby
cousin from Alabama. And I had just text her maybe
a month before then I had a dream that I
was kissing her little baby hand and it was just

(11:35):
the most adorable. Not knowing that I was going to
see her sometime soon, had no clue.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
I saw her. She was the first person.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
Outside of my mother that I really recognized, and I
screamed and hugged her, and then it was so much
of me screaming because I was like, I haven't seen
a lot of these people in this room since pre
pandemic or longer ten years. A lot of people got
on the road, a lot of people took flights to

(12:04):
come on my mom's side. Cousins were there, my stepsisters
were there, My bonus mom was there, my dad was there, twin,
my uncle was there, my auntie was there, my other
step auntie was there. It just my bonus family. And
then and then some people I went to college with,
or to grad school with, people I go to church with.

(12:27):
Love love was all in the room. I had a
DJ DJ that I grew up with all these people
who had known my brother as well, and grew up
with me, have known me before I was even a thought,
know my parents, and to have my parents in the
same room.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
Together, y'all.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
That was the biggest issue, Like the biggest I don't
want to say. When I say issue, that does not
mean a negative thing. That was the biggest thing I've
ever had in my heart to hold on to, because
when I saw my mom, I automatically thought, where it's
my daddy. My daddy was somewhere in the back, and

(13:11):
when I saw him, I screamed.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Did you to Daddy? And then to see his twin there.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
His twin had just had COVID a few weeks before,
and then his wife had COVID a few weeks before.
Then to see them was amazing. Everybody had on like
Jamaican colors, Jamaican shirts that they had ordered. I found
out ordered somebody had a Jamaican beanie hat or our
Pan African colors were yellow, black, green, and.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Some reds in there.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
I had on a Pan African that I earrings that
I picked up in the hairstore for a dollar ninety
nine a couple of days before. And then, not knowing,
I just thought I was going to be taking pictures.
But the theme was Jamaica, and my mom really knows
me and knows that I really enjoyed Jamaican culture. Mom

(14:09):
and I have sat in my house and looked at
all of YouTube of ROTI Mark Wayne on YouTube and
when they're doing these food tours Jamaican Food Boss, his
Food Tours, we have sat and watched nearly every episode
of them. Because my mom really wants to go to Jamaica.

(14:31):
I think I've talked it up so much because I
took my stelf to Jamaica. If y'all can remember that,
I took myself to Jamaica right before the pandemic and
Thanksgiving of twenty nineteen, and that was my first trip
overseas by myself and I had the most relaxing, enjoyable time.
I love the culture, I love the food, I love
the accents. I just love Jamaica and I want.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
To go back.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
And now my mom has gotten her passport and that's
where she wants to go to. So the theme was
a Jamaican theme. And to add to that, August the
sixth was the sixtieth celebration Independence Day for Jamaica, sixtieth
so and landed on the sixth, the day of.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
My birthday party in the day.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Of Independence Day, and we were all celebrating as if
we were part of the Independence Day. So it was
so good to see my play sister in law. I cried,
I screamed. I didn't eat anything. I got some of

(15:37):
the cake after the event. I didn't get any of
the food. After the event. I got bunches and bunches
of cards and gifts and money, and y'all. I was
just so full from seeing all the people, the DJ,
the drinks, my parents, my minister came out, my long

(15:58):
time minister came out, the the men and woman that
married my parents in nineteen seventy eight, that knows my family.
They came out for a few minutes. They are up
and age, so they you know, we were very cautious
about COVID and things like that, and nobody that I

(16:19):
know of was exposed to COVID on August to sixth,
So I'm so excited that everybody made it home safely
and we were able to love on each other, able
to dance and eat and drink and be merry, and
it was just something that I have pictures galore, have
some video.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
It was just.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Unbelievable that my mom pulled this off. My mom, my dad,
I've never met this many people to keep her secret.
I've never thought in my life. And normally my spider
senses are a little bit more sharper than that. But y'all,
I started a new job in May, so I'm trying

(17:03):
to navigate my new job. I'm also in transition with
my private practice, y'all. It's a lot of work doing
a private practice, and I am trying to do some
other new adventures and look into investments and so much
life and relationships and part It's been some party and

(17:26):
I just would ask questions about certain things to my
best friends and they would take a downward approach or
they would be like Chris, to shut up sometimes, just
shut up and let me handle it.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
Let me handle it.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
So I would shut it down because I was trying
to plan a block party. I was trying to go
to a hotel for my birthday. And if y'all know me,
I can strike out go somewhere by myself or my birthday.
But they kept me grounded, they kept the story lies going.
And I'm telling you, it's so many people that kept

(18:00):
a secret. I've never met this many people again to
keep a secret, and I love and I adore every
single one of the people that kept a secret, even
the people that did not get to show up. I
appreciate them for even thinking enough about me or being
in my life to be asked to go. I just

(18:21):
really do appreciate the work, the effort, the gifts, the
love again, my parents being there, all of my parents,
my bones, mom, my bones, sisters and family, and having
a representation of my tittle cousins, having my cousins from Alabama.

(18:41):
And I looked around the room and I was thinking,
I do really know enough people to fill a room
like I didn't realize that. But the venue was amazing.
It's owned by some church members of mine, and it's beautiful.
They catered the Even my uncle joke with me and said,

(19:01):
this is kind of.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Like a wedding. I was like, it did feel like that,
The attention did feel like that.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
And I talked about my brother when I thanked everybody
for coming, and I had some other play brothers and
sisters in there that I think for coming and it
was really nice to see them. I'm just really truly blessed,
and I never saw this coming. I never saw it coming,
so I can't even fake like I saw it coming

(19:30):
because I didn't.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
I know. I was having.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
Dreams and people were acting funny. On the day of
my birthday, my mom was extremely quiet, and I could
not figure out why.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
I said I was going to dress.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Their energy on Sunday because my sister was in town,
and I said, I don't have time for it. I
also worked from home on my birthday, and I figured, Okay,
they know I'm working and they know my sissy is
coming in town, so maybe that's what it is. I'll
dress it later, and this is why they were quiet.

(20:04):
Kudos to my mother and my pops, the man. I
love him dearly. We've been through so much, y'all. As
mom and daughter, we've been through a lot. Mom and
Pop have been through a lot, and myself and my
dad have been through transitions through life. And I can

(20:29):
really look back and say the journey was rough. And
I know I'm talking to a lot of people out
there that your relationship with your parents have changed since
the death of your sibling, and.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
Mine did too. Mine really did. There was.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
There was a disconnect for a very long time, and
I don't think it was very intense. It was not intended.
I can look back and say that it was not intended,
but it felt very hurtful and intentional. And then to
be forty and not feel that anymore, it's like.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
Ummm, it's like.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
Filling a void that was busted wide open April the tenth,
nineteen ninety seven.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
Now, if you know.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
That you can drop a glass and if you try
to repair that glass, it's never going to be the same.
And that's just how life is. After you lose your sibling,
you are never the same. And honestly, because I love

(22:04):
my brother, I would not wanna be the same because
it shaped me for who I am today. And again
having to go through this journey and knowing that we
can survive, we are surviving SI siblings, and to move

(22:25):
from move from being a victim of a situation to
a survivor of a situation, it's a whole different mindset, y'all.
And if you're if you're there and a victim's mindset
that why did this happen to me?

Speaker 2 (22:43):
This is completely normal.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
And i'm'a tell you this right now, cause I was
there so many times. Because you don't stop losing it
just never It always felt like I don't I did
not stop losing.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
Losing my brother.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
And then filling a detachment with my parents and then
having to be a teenager fourteen years old in school
and losing friendships.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
That was hard.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
And I am talking to my therapist tomorrow about the
feelings of abandonment and addressing those moving forward, because once
you think you have healed certain things, certain things kind
of really it's ugly head when you move into relationships
and maybe the relationship is going well, or maybe the

(23:36):
relationship is not going well, but just being able to
address those things and recognize those things.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
So going through high school.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
Going through college and then these jobs, and then you know,
my parents divorcing and then dealing with their divorce and
then then moving on with different partners, that was the hardest.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
Thing for me, to have parents move on with.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
Different partners, because I felt as though as a child,
I lost my brother, I lost my parents' relationship and
they can go ahead and move on to new partners,
but I can't go ahead and move on to new siblings,
and I can't go ahead and move on.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
To new parents.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Like they can go ahead and replace whatever they can replace,
but I can't replace nothing I lost. So that was
my mindset for the longest time, just a lost loss, loss,
And even when I quit my job of four years,
I grieved this job. And my therapist had to walk

(24:49):
with me through this process of quitting my job, and
she asked me, Crystal, instead of thinking of it in
a way that you're losing something, I'm pretty sure that
you're going to be gaining something. And I never thought

(25:13):
about it in a way. And I'm paraphrasing what she said.
I never thought about leaving the job. I knew I
was going to get paid significantly more.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
I knew that.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
But what I was losing, I felt like was the
relationships I had gathered in the four years I had
been there. I had gathered security. I bought my first
house with this job. It was like a brotherhood at
this job. If y'all did not know, I used to
work for the police department. I was a therapist with
the police department. So it's a brotherhood or it feels
like a family of people once you start working with them.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
So whenever you go out.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
You see the police, you're like, oh, I know that person,
or I know that person, or you know they always.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
Trying to make sure they will look out for you.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Had an incident in my neighborhood, a couple of incidents
in my neighborhood where my colleagues had to come out
and you know, use my bathroom, come here and use
my bathroom, or ask me some questions about certain neighbors.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
So it it is.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
It had been over a period of four years, like
not only a part of a job where I got paid,
but it was like my life, like it was my family.
So I had to part from it in order to
move forward, in order to progress in my field, to

(26:30):
no longer do direct care, but to do consultant work.
And that's just a natural progression. It's a step up
from what I was doing. And it took me a
while for me to put in my letter of resignation,
like I really grieved this job, and so I had
to process this with my therapist.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
And it really.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Was because I know what loss is. I know this feeling.
Did not see these people anymore. But now that I
am away from where I was working, y'all, I feel
so free. For I never thought I was gonna feel
like this. I never thought I was gonna feel this free,

(27:15):
Like the world is opened up, like there's no boxes,
no limits. I can go out in Nashville and I
see people that I used to work with and be
fine with it. I used to be worried about, you know,
not doing this and not doing that cause I work
for the police and y you know, being censored and
all this. I used to worry about all that stuff.

(27:36):
I no longer worry about that stuff anymore. So what
you gain versus what you lose. I'm trying to catch
you guys all up the speed and you know that.
I also changed churches this year too, and that was
another transition that I've gone through. I started going to

(27:57):
a different church in April of the ski. I started
going back in person. It's a church that's closer to
my house. Leaving a church that I grew up and
was born in was huge, a church that my dad
still goes to. And not seeing my dad every Sunday
at church.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
And I also.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Felt like I stopped doing grief recovery with the church
as well. I used to do grief recovery groups with
the church every Sunday for an hour and a half,
two hours every Sunday, and I felt like it was
after a while after.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Doing this for a long time.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
After a while, I felt like my time was up
with it, and I had to tell my dad, who
was a co facilitator of the grief group.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
I had to tell him that I'm no longer doing it.
I gave them enough notice. I gave them some notice
in February that I wasn't gonna do it anymore. And
then I decided in May, after I quit my job
and was going on vacation, that I wasn't gonna do anymore.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Now my dad has tried me, He has tried to
get me to go and fill in for people and
all this other stuff, and I will not do it.
When I said I quit, I quit. I've been doing
it for six years, no, seven years, seven years, doing
that for seven years and then consistently on Zoom for

(29:33):
two years, and just really feel like my time is up.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
I felt depleted.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
I felt like I couldn't move because you go to
church on Sunday and then turn around and do a
whole zoom, you know, with a group of people, and then.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
By the time you get off Zoom, like the whole
Sunday is gone, your whole week and it's gone.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
And I felt like I needed to do some other
things to take care of myself, and it's that is okay.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Hopefully you can resonate with saying no to people. Saying
no is powerful. And I have been sitting.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
I have not been working in a church as much
as I used to pre pandemic. I've been sitting really
and being able to listen to the sermons and being
able to go to Sunday School without having to think about, Oh,
I need to do this, I need to do that,
I need to be on zoom, I need to eat

(30:41):
all of that. And again, the world just opened up
to all these different possibilities, making room for whatever God
has for me.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
I am making room.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
So I'm doing a lot of other things too, And
I can't reveal everything of what I've been working on,
but I want to make some investments in the future
and trying to be very smart because we are where

(31:17):
we are in in our times. Stop marketing ain't doing
the greatest. Real estate they say it's slowing down, but
here in Nashville real estate's is still booming. But trying
to really enhance my field but not burn myself out

(31:41):
and then make a return on investment. And so that's
where I am right now in my mindset, and.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
This is just to update you all.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
Of what's been happening since I last posted in June.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Now, I do have.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
The episode that I posted with Eerla on YouTube, and
I posted that last month.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
In July, I will be getting with.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Miss Felicia to do an episode with her. She is
a surviving sibling as well, so I will get with
her in the future so that I can have some
fresh new episodes. My mother texts me today and she
told me to not forget about my dreams and to

(32:30):
keep pushing and all of that jazz, and I knew
what she meant. I had not put out an episode
in a minute, especially on YouTube. I've been tired, and
I've been very busy just trying to transition with all
the transitions that I've had. So now since we are
coming into the fall season, I may be more indoors

(32:52):
because I really have been kicking it. I'm just gonna
let y'all know, and it's been feeling really good to
be here because I'm never was here When I tell
you that grief has its weight, and I need to
tell you all about this dream because you know I'm
a dreamer.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
If you are a follower, you know I'm a dreamer.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
But last early last week, I believe, and it's before
I had COVID. I it may have been before I
had COVID. I cannot remember, but I remember having a
woman in my sleep sitting on me and I it
wasn't the part of the dream where she was just

(33:35):
I saw her or felt her sitting on me. I
was It's almost like the scene of a movie, and
I was at the scene where she was already sitting
on me, and I felt the pressure and the weight
of her on my arm and on my adumen like
she was sitting on the side of me. I felt
the pressure in my body, I felt everything.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
And then she got up.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
In my sleep, she got up, and I immediately felt
relief from the weight being off of me. You ever
had anybody sitting on you that you know? Once I
gond a, it's a relief. And that was the weight

(34:20):
of grief for so long. I had the weight at fourteen,
I had the weight in my twenties. I had a
lot of it in my thirties, and now I am forty.
And not to say that things are just perfect, because

(34:41):
there's some other things that I'm contending with in my.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
Family, but I don't feel as much pressure. Like the
pressure just got off of me.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
And call it peace, call it whatever you may call it,
but the pressure was off of me.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
And it's to the point.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Where I can be able to go out and do
some things with no worries or anxiety or depression or
negative thoughts. It's like I'm just going out there experience life,
enjoy life. I took my dad flying for a Father's
Day back in June. We learned how to fly with

(35:26):
an instructor. I took my mother to the beach in May.
I am down to a size fourteen and I'm buying
clothes fourteen from a twenty four to twenty six back
a few years ago.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
There's so much things.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
I feel like there's less limitation and less worry. Even
in my job. I have a balance this year. My
word is balance. I work from home, and some people
can't do work from home, but I work from home,
and as soon as four thirty is over, I close
that laptop and.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
I don't even look at it anymore.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
My phone, I put it somewhere else for work, and
I don't even look at it. It's not even a
thought after four thirty is not a thought. It's almost
like I don't even work or I don't even.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
Have a job.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
That's how my cutoff game is when it comes to
my balance, because it's for so long I was trying
to people please because I was so worried about loss
and abandonment that I would just not have a balance.

(36:46):
And Lord's will in those days. Not being unbalanced is over,
at least it has been for the past, I'd say
since May. I'm excited. I hope you guys are doing
well out there and stay in COVID free if you

(37:07):
have had COVID.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
My heart goes out to you. I'm feeling the pain again,
the fatigue, the sweats I still have, although I'm pretty
much over it, but yo, it's gonna take me a
minute to get back to my.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
I'm thinking about y'all so much, even those ones I
have not heard from in a while. On the Facebook page.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
If you are on Facebook, find me on Facebook at
Sibling Lost the podcast. Find me on that page or
LPC Chris page.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Find me and please send me a message to let
me know who you are. Because there's times where I
have deleted people because I think that we don't have
any mutual friends in common, and I think that you
are spam or something like that.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
And you know, people can get weird on Facebook.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
If you want to be a guest on the show,
my email address is get Naked Therapists at gmail dot com.
Although I have retired gett nackad Therapists, I see another transition, but.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Again it is in the.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
In the notes of this podcast, gettingneckad Therapists at gmail
dot com. Let me know, Jenny, if you're out there,
my sibling, I.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Want to get with you. It's been a few months.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Thank you so much for those who have slid into
my dms to let me know how they're doing.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Earla don and Judy Libson.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Get Judie Libson's book Celebration of Sisters, which is a
really good book. She lost two of her sisters.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
And she has been just a darling to.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Meet and to talk to and to to message back
and forth on email and through Facebook Messenger.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
It's this community that we were lost in alone in
this journey for the longest time. And you don't have
to be You don't have to be lost and alone
in this journey at all.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
If you are a surviving sibling, our number one companions,
and you know in life, you know, our historians.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Were our siblings.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
And I still talk about my brother as if he
was still here. And I enjoy when other people text
me or call me or email me and say, hey,
did I ever tell you that story when your brother
got to fighting in Sunday School?

Speaker 2 (39:51):
Oh gosh?

Speaker 1 (39:52):
Those stories always make me laugh, and they are usually
stories I've never heard before. And here we are in
twenty twenty two and I'm still hearing stories about my
brother that I never knew. He led a very fast
life for eighteen year old. Yes, So I love you guys.
I hope you're doing well again. Reach out to me,

(40:14):
let me know how you're doing, and if you want
to be a guest on the show.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
I plan on in the fall being a.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Little bit more consistent with y'all y'all and doing monthly,
going back to my monthly.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Episodes.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
But I never wanted to be the person to just
be on here talking just in general, just be talking
with no direction. So I never wanted to do that.
But thank you guys for taking your time out. I
love you guys, big hug, and take care of you.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Bye.